Dear Chelsea - Terrible Roommates: featuring Chelsea's Ex-Roommate Colleen Siragusa

Episode Date: February 10, 2022

Chelsea’s former roommate Colleen Siragusa brings hard-won life advice about surviving a roommate as toxic as Chelsea was in her 20s, spills the tea on their rough-and-tumble, hair-pulling fights, and explains what brought about their tearful reunion a few years ago.  Then: A mom-of-two can’t get her own mother to stop dropping by unexpectedly. A surrogate worries she may have to settle for a guy who’s not quite right. And a 25-year-old virgin wonders how and when she should… lose it. *Executive Producer Nick StumpfProduced by Catherine LawEdited & Engineered by Brandon Dickert*****The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together, our mission on the Really Know Really podcast is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why the bathroom door doesn't go all the way to the floor, what's in the museum of failure, and does your dog truly love you? We have the answer. Go to reallyknowreally.com

and register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. The Really Know Really podcast. Follow us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Oh, hello, everybody. Hi. Hi, Catherine. Hi. How are you, Chelsea?

Well, we're going to get started right away today with our very special guest because she has a lot to say. She has a lot on her mind. This has been a very, very long time in the making. She has had a long time to reflect on our relationship. This is a non-traditional guest. I'm going to introduce her with the intro that she gave me, which is she is a wife, a mother of two, and a survivor of living with Chelsea Handler.

Her name is Colleen Saragusa, and she was my roommate in Brentwood on Barrington, 605 South Barrington. Whoa, yep. Yep. For I don't know how many years do we live together? We live together for three. Okay, three years we lived together, I was in my early mid-20s. I was 23. 23 to 26. So you're a little younger than I was. So I must have been, well, maybe I was like 19 to 21. In my book, I wrote that you were a 28-year-old virgin. Was that a lie? Let's just jump right in. Okay. So say hi to Colleen Siragusa. Hi, Colleen. Hi, Colleen. Oh my God. Colleen and I were texting the other day. I said, you know, it would be funny. You should come on my podcast and you can tell all the horror stories about what it was like to live with me. And she's like, I would love nothing more. I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm finally ready. I've had 20 years to digest what it was

like to be attached to you for three years. And she's just coming out of the fog. And wait. So but back up to the most recent time I ran into you, which was like four or five years ago. Four years ago. OK, four years ago, I was in Brentwood at the top of Brentwood. Yeah, you were at Starbucks and I was walking my little girl. She was, what, two at the time I was walking.

And we haven't seen each other. Mind you, I'll get into the story because I'm sure everyone wants to know the story of Chelsea and how I survived living with her because it wasn't an easy feat. I needed tons of therapy after that. But anyway, we hadn't seen each other in 17 years. I harbored a lot of bad feelings towards her. I'm also known as dumb-dumb. Dumb-dumb in my book, My Horizontal Life. Yes, My Horizontal Life. I wrote a book and I talked about someone. I named her dumb-dumb and that was named after Colleen.

I can laugh about it now. I can. I can. I was upset for so many years and I actually asked a mutual friend of ours and I went to her in tears and I said am I dumb dumb I need to know and she said yes and I was just like wow wow I I was so mad I was so mad and it's taken a lot of time and and I'm a different person now and anyway fast forward to a few years ago I ran into her at Starbucks and I walked past her and I'm like, oh, there's Chelsea.

Do I stop? Do I stop and say anything? And I'm like, no, don't. So I walked past her. And then on the way back, I was like, you know what? I'm going to stop. And I stopped and I said hi. And she stood up and she hugged me.

And she had tears in her eyes. Sorry, I'm emotional all the time, all the time. It's very welcome here. And this was why it was so hard to live together, because she's always emotional, and I have no emotion. I do now, though. And she made me cry all the time, all the time. I was the butt of every joke, yes.

So anyway, she hugged me and she said can you sit down for a second I said sure so we sat down and and um I said am I dumb dumb and she said yes you are are you pissed and I was like I've been pissed for a really long time but um you know I'm over it I'm over it now and um she said I was a real bitch to you wasn't I and I said yes you were and she said I'm sorry and that was the first time I was like wow I think Chelsea has changed I I think Chelsea has gotten a lot of therapy and I really felt that she was sorry for the hell that she put me through for those three years because it was it was man I want to meet Joe Coy I want to shake his hand because the man I can put

up with her bullshit deserves a freaking medal let me just say first of all he's adorable. He's funny. The two of you together are on fire. And I am so happy for you because you have found what is most important in this world. Yeah. And it is. I mean, I'm married. I have a family. It's totally changed who I am and made me see what's important in life. And yeah, we have lots of stories to share.

When we got together, so we waited tables together at a couple of places. At Judy's Dally on Montana. One establishment that I was fired from when we found out he was basically stealing from us. Remember, we were getting paid under the table. And then on top of that, I called and I reported him. So then he had to legally pay us. But he would pay us and make us reimburse him for the payment that he would give us because he thought we were making too much money at a restaurant. The worst part is, is that he ended up thinking we were stealing from him. So he put cameras up all around the restaurant and he was videotaping us.

And I just remember Chelsea one day, just she was so pissed that the cameras were up and she just went. Flipping the bird to the camera. And she just left. That was it. So we ended up moving because I ended up leaving too.

And I found a place in the Palisades, Pacific Palisades. Not a place to live. We lived in Brentwood still. But she found a job in the Pacific Palisades and then Palisades. Not a place to live. We lived in Brentwood still. Oh, yeah, we lived in Brentwood. But she found a job in the Pacific Palisades, and then you brought me to that job. Which, by the way, I lived in Brentwood for 25 years in that apartment.

My husband had to drag me out because I love that apartment so much. The same apartment that she and I, Colleen and I, lived in when we were in our early 20s. I didn't realize you were 23 through 26, so I must have been, yeah, 20 to 23, because we were super young. Super young. And I was younger than you. Okay. So anyway,

so then we got a job in the Palisades. We worked at that together. So when we ran into each other four years ago, I was like, what are you doing here? And she's like, I still live in the apartment that we lived in. I go, what? If I hadn't met my husband, I would be there till I die. Because I loved that apartment so much. I mean, it was like Melrose Place to me. It was awesome. And she's like, my daughter lives in your room. I'm like, shut the fuck up.

She's like, yes, my daughter lives in her room, in your room. And my husband and I still live in that apartment. I could not wrap my head around that. I'm like, I cannot believe you're still there. Oh my goodness. I know. It was awesome. I'm glad that you moved out though, because that was, you know, that is very you to stick with something for 20 years. Well, that's the thing. I do. I get very comfortable. And I mean, I waited tables at the same place in the Palisades for 15 years. I mean, I loved it. I mean, it was a great job i mean i was a struggling actress but i that's what i did for my living i i waited tables but it was more than just

that it was i met so many people there that just made my life so happy and it was it was awesome she on the other hand is the worst waitress of all time of all time and i got her the job there and so she started working there but she would I mean her and I would be the only waitresses there and she would go up to people this is I'm gonna tell a story a true story someone ordered something they called her over they were they had a problem with it they didn't like and she goes too fucking bad you ordered it eat it and walked away and I was like oh my god So I'm the one that had to go. And you know, I'm so sorry. And I was like the best waitress of all time. Like she was in a

fucking great mood. Every customer wanted to sit in her section. Everyone who come in and would see her, they'd be like, Oh my God, Colleen's here. I'd be like, great. You fucking take everybody. They all fucking love you. That's not true. I'm like, I'll just run the food out. But I have to tell you, and I was trying to find it because it was so funny. Terry, the owner, actually gave me a letter that was given to her by a customer. And I'm telling you, it was like three pages long about the service that she got from Chelsea. And it was like three pages long about the service that she got from Chelsea and it was

it was awful and Terry was like look I know that you you sometimes and I wasn't even in contact with you at this time but she was like I think that you probably would like to hold on to this and it got lost in the shuffle some it's somewhere I'll find it but it is unbelievable the service that you gave how terrible it is how you should never be allowed to set foot in this restaurant. And I was like, wow. I mean, you were just bad. Yeah, I had no interest in waiting tables. It was simply a means to an end until I could support myself in other ways. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, as soon as she got her first development deal, she was like, done I'm done I will never wait tables again yeah as soon as I got my like first like the smallest thing like I got a guest star role on the practice and I I just thought like because I didn't know anything about how

much money you'd make I was like oh I'll just retire like this is it like I'm now gonna be a successful person and then I realized oh it's like ten thousand dollars you know for the year and I'm like oh well wait a second I10,000, you know, for the year. And I'm like, oh, well, wait a second. I'm going to need to supplement this with some other stuff. But in the beginning, you're like, oh, I got a job. I could quit everything. But anyway, so, okay, so we moved in together. And Colleen, who I describe in my, I was very much fast and loose.

I was out and about meeting men, hooking up left and right. And Colleen was putting on her pajamas at 8 o'clock. Well, first she puts on her bad Bath & Body Works lotion for an hour and a half. She's the one who taught me to lubricate. I've never seen anyone lubricate as much as this girl. She has never had an ounce of dry skin. Well, maybe after a baby, but not before. She would put on Bath & Body Works lotion.

She would go, Plumeria was one of her favorite scents. How did you remember that? Because I remember all the scents. Because I still fucking use Bath & Body Works. You do? Because of me? The shower gel because of you. Look at you. I use the pear one because they come out with new flavors all the time.

Right. You know, so some of them are superior to the previous ones. Plumeria, I remember that. Yes. And she would just, and she had these long French manicured nails and she would sit on the couch and she loved her shows. She just wanted to, she just wanted to like come home and snuggle, you know, with herself basically.

I mean, she wanted to meet a guy because you had crushes on various people. But I didn't go out. I was like a hermit. I loved being home. I'm a homebody. And I just. You loved the apartment. I loved it. And she loved activities. Like she And I just loved the apartment. I loved it.

And she loved activities like she liked to get her nails done. She liked to go to work. Like she was very bouncy about all the things that she had going on, you know. But all of those things were interests that I never had. You know, I wasn't lubing up at night with lotion. I remember the smells that stayed with me forever. But I would always be like, don't you want to go out? Like, let's go meet people.

And she'd be like, she just didn't want to. right? Yeah. That's just not your personality. I just didn't want to go out. I mean, I didn't want to go. I didn't want to leave the apartment. We go to CPK to get our... I still go to CPK. My daughter's favorite restaurant is CPK. We go every Sunday night to CPK. We do. And what do you order? Do you still order the same thing? No, no. I mean, I'm on a strict, we'll get into that. But I mean, I'm really strict with my diet. So I order a, it's a vegetable plate with shrimp and with grilled vegetables. Oh, yeah, that is. Yeah, yeah.

It's really, but yeah, CPK is one of my favorites. And then tanning. You'd go tanning. I did. I don't do that anymore because, you know. Right, right. Yeah, well. I don't do that anymore.

I've got to be careful. But I love the sun. So we have a beautiful pool and I would be out there while she was parading in men into the apartment. I'd be like, hi. And she's like, there's my roommate, you know. And I call her a virgin all the time because she was one at a later age than I was one. And I just couldn't understand.

I'm still a virgin I just couldn't understand. I'm still a virgin. I couldn't understand how she didn't want to get some penetration. I was like, Colleen, let's go. Let's get the show on the road. She kept trying to get me to go out and everything. But I just, you know, I just, I was very naive. I was a very young 23-year-old, very young and naive. And I was the butt of a lot of jokes.

And it did wear on me. But, you know, I young and naive. And I was the butt of a lot of jokes and it did wear on me. But, you know, I got through it. But yeah, Chelsea and I, I mean, we do remember when we went shopping for our couches together? Remind me. OK, so Chelsea and I decided that we would go shopping and each get our own couch because we love to watch shows together. Sure. We'd watch Friends. Yeah. Yeah. So we got our own couch and she had no money. I mean, she would she would ask her sisters for money. She would call and be like, I'm put money in my account. I'm completely broke. And I was like, well, we need sofas. So I got a credit card. I opened a credit card. And every month on the refrigerator, I had how much she owed me and she would pay me pay me back. But we would fight constantly.

We would get into drag out, pull hair, pinch. I like to pinch on the floor in our apartment, rolling around, pulling hair. I mean, what kind of stuff are you fighting about? Like what? Like what? She would divide the bill. She would like give me. Well, it wasn't just that bill because there was other bills.

Right. She would divide the bills like if we split anything. And she would divide it down exactly to a T. So it would be like so-and-so and like 28 cents. And I'd be like, oh, my God, Colleen, can you just round it to a certain number? But anyway, go on with your version of the story. All right. Well, we would just fight about anything, about everything.

Probably because she was making fun of me and I would get upset and I'd start to cry. Yeah, she was sensitive and I was insensitive. And then when I start to cry, oh, you're going to cry like the was super sensitive. And then when I start to cry, she would do that to me. And it would, it would really like, so Chelsea is super handy. I mean, she decided that in her bedroom, she needed a desk for, you know, we had those computers with the big monitors and everything. And so she was like, desktops first came out. Yeah. So she was like, I'm going to Ikea and I'm going to get myself a desk and I'm going to put it together. And she did. And she came back with this desk. Then she was like, it's going to be done tonight. And like a week later, she was still on the floor putting like a mission. I mean, she, it was funny. It was

funny because yeah, it took forever for her to put that together. Do you remember that? No, I do remember my desk because I remember that was the first email account that I ever got was when we were living there. It's still my email address. It's my original email address. It's causing me a lot of problems, quite frankly, because AOL is a shit show and the server never works. So I have some other email addresses, but that's my primary email address. But we lived

in this, right, in this kind of like Melrose Place-y type place. So we would hang out a lot. Like we'd go to lunch or we'd go to dinner. We worked together. So we were basically like, you know, operating as sisters because we were fighting all the time, but also together all the time. Right. Like we would fight and then be like, let's go to the movies. And then, but wait, something I would like to do is I'd like to read those Chicken Soup for the Soul books. And Chelsea would be on her couch and I would be on mine. And I would read her chapters of the book. And we would just, I mean, it was like a really nice bonding time.

But I remember, do you remember we had dinner with Terry and a lot of people from the restaurant one night? And I mentioned that I was reading chicken soup for the soul to you one night. And the one said, the one lady said, it's so nice that to do that as a, as a couple, like she totally thought we were a couple and Chelsea's face was like, no, no, we're not together. We're not over there. Yeah, yeah. But it was so funny. But yeah, I mean, we would do stuff like that together. That sounds so wholesome, honestly.

We would do lots of fun stuff together. I was like, you know, the demon and she was the wholesome one. I was the demon child, like, ah! Crazy. And then she had a crush on a guy that would come to the restaurant and we were all about it. Like, we just wanted this to happen for her, right?

We wanted this to come to fruition because she had, it was years that you had a crush on him. The soap opera star? Yeah. Okay. I hope he never, ever listens to this. But we're not going to mention his name. But he would come in and I had the biggest crush on him. And I met lots of celebrities.

I became friends with lots of celebrities by them coming in just by seeing them every day. And he would come in and talk to me. And I was like, I would come home every day and tell Chelsea stories about this is what he said today. And it was just like, I mean, it was so exciting. I really, really. Yeah, I loved him. I did. I was like, wow. So anyway, I got the opportunity to go to a function that was a really high-end function. And I was like, I'm going to ask him to go with me. And I did. I knew where he lived. He lived in the Palisades. So I went to his house and I knocked on his door. And he answered the door in his briefs. He was in his yeah oh yeah and he was beautiful he's he is he's beautiful and he got behind the door and i'm like he's like colleen what are you what are

you doing here and i'm like oh i just have a question to ask you i'm going to this function and i would like you to come with me and he just looked at me and he started laughing and he said, Oh no, I can't go with you. I said, why not? And he said, because I have a function that I have to go to tonight. And I said, well, maybe it's the same function. And then you can take me. And he just was like, I'm sorry. I think you should go. And by this point, I just looked at him and I was like tears and tears running down my face. And I was like, Oh, I'm sorry, I think you should go. And by this point, I just looked at him and I was like, tears and tears running down my face. And I was like, Oh, I'm going I'm going. And I got in the car and I drove home and I balled the whole way home. And when I get home, she's just like, what is wrong with you? Because I'm just like, I'm a mess. And I told her what happened. And she's like,

you're nuts. You've got the biggest balls of anyone that I've ever met. I can't believe that you actually went to his house and did that. And I was like, yeah, yeah, I did. But I've seen him since. Oh, you did? What happened after that? What did you see in the dead after that? Oh, man, he was on. Okay.

And I wasn't there to see him. I knew someone that worked there, and I went to see the show tapings a few times there. So when I found out he was on, I was like, oh, my gosh. So I told the person. And they said, oh, let me tell him. And so he was like, yeah, yeah, send her back. Send her to my trailer.

So I got to see him. And he introduced me to his wife and his lovely children. And, I mean, he's an awesome person. And, you know, that was just me hoping that, you know, I fucking don't you do you regret doing that? No, exactly. That is what every listener should know. I don't regret it all. I've done a lot of crazy shit in my life. Crazy shit that I and you know what, it's brought me to where I am right now. And I have no I mean, I, I don't think you know this, but I was in love with this guy for

years and years and years I was friends with him for years and years and years and we spent the day together I hope he's not listening but anyway I loved him and we spent the day together and I never told him how I felt and he was leaving he dropped me off we spent the day and down Barrington Avenue I decided I had that because I feel like my life sometimes is like a romantic comedy. And I saw him leaving and I started running down Barrington Avenue calling his name. And he stopped in the middle of the road. And I went up and I was like, I love you. I love you. It didn't go well. It didn't, you know. No. Again, it didn't go well. Yeah. Again. I think I remember that. It was supposed to be a romantic comedy moment.

I know. I've had a lot of those moments where I think it's going to go one way and it just doesn't. It goes bad. So, you know. But I don't regret it at all. Because now I've met my husband and he's wonderful. Yeah. Did you have to take any of those sorts of risks with your husband?

You have to take risks. Yeah. We met online dating. Yeah. We met on eHarmony. We're like an eHarmony success story. Yeah. There's a lot of eHarmony success stories.

Yeah. So. Well, great. Before we get to all the fun stuff, we'll take a quick break. Okay. Sounds good. We'll be right back. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. We'll take a quick break. Okay, the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you,

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It's called Really No Really, and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. But yeah, getting back to Chelsea and I, we have to talk about something else. We have to talk about our vacation that we decided to take. Oh my God, to Ensenada? To Ensenada. Oh, I wrote about this in my horizontal life. And this is where, yes, the cruise ship.

Yeah. We took a three-day cruise from Long Beach. Long Beach, yeah. To Ensenada for the New Year holiday. Yeah, we were like, let's spend New Year's together. We had no money, so we were, you know. A carnival cruise, everybody. Was it?

Yes, it was a carnival cruise. It was a disaster. I recommend never going to Ensenada. Or going on a carnival. I would like to recommend never going on a carnival cruise. It doesn't matter who the company is. I had visions of us walking on board and seeing like Captain Steubing and, you know, the dock from the love boat. Like I thought the whole that's what cruises were based on my television experience.

Yeah, I have a picture of Chelsea on the cruise. So let me just let me just get this real quick, because this would summarize right here. This would summarize Chelsea. Do I just where do I show it? This would summarize you on our This is me giving the finger to her. Bundled up in blankets. Oh my goodness. That was pretty

much where we stayed. You're going to have to send that to me so we can use it for the podcast. That's how cold we were because we thought, oh, we're going to go to Mexico. It's going to be beautiful. Oh, my God. I feel like this. All right.

In this picture, we are. And I'm going to tell the story. Send me these for the podcast. This right here is us wearing our bracelets so we don't get sick. You know, the motion sickness bracelets, which, you know, they don't work. But anyway, so there's me and Chelsea. There I am as a brunette. Oh, my goodness. You guys are so cute's me and Chelsea. There I am as a brunette. Oh, my goodness.

You guys are so cute. You're babies. But this cruise, we were freezing the entire time. We get on there and there were these, first of all, do you remember running through the decks? Like we were like running, like we were in the Titanic or something, like running away from people that were chasing us. Do you remember? What? Okay, when we first got on there, I think there was a guy and you were like,

run, run! And so we're running to try and find our room. You don't remember that? Were you stowaways? No, I don't remember that part. Well, we get on, first of all, the room is the size of like a bathroom. Yeah, I thought it was going to be like a romantic love suite,

you know, where we'd have some big master and she and I would just switch off when we hooked up with guys. Meanwhile, we check in and it's literally the size. It's like a 12 foot by 12 foot room cubbyhole. You had to climb over one of the single beds to get to the fucking bathroom. Oh my God. The bathroom wasn't accessible for anyone.

No. You couldn't take a shower. I mean, you were like this washing because you couldn't move your arms. It was awful. And then we had a porthole. This is a really fun story. So if you've ever been on a cruise, you know that dinner time you sit with the same people every single night and we're all excited to go to dinner. Let's eat. It's all you can eat buffet. We get there. We sit down. So who we sit down with is a family of Mormons and they were lovely. They were, you know, it was a really nice family. But this one over here, she just offended them left and right, left and right. I mean, it was so bad. I was so embarrassed. I was so embarrassed because every other word is F this. They're just like, I mean, it was like a husband and wife and they're like five kids or something. And it was so, so bad. So we finished dinner and the next night I'm getting ready for dinner and I'm like, are you ready to go? And she's like, yeah, she's like, yeah, I'm not,

I'm not going have fun. And I'm like, what? You have to come to dinner. And she's like, no, you fucking go have a good time. And she didn't leave the cabin the rest of the two days that we were there. Once I got a full understanding of the company we were keeping, I was like, I'll just be inside the cabin. So I was so upset. I had to go and have dinner with the family who, you know, by association, I was the devil. So I had to sit at this table with them and they hated me. And it was just awful. Oh, it was.

I can't believe she made me go by myself. And she just she thought it was funny. I was like, I just can't commingle with those people again. And then when we got to Ensenada, I was like, hey, because there was like, oh, they're going to be gambling on the ship. I was like, OK, great. That's something that'll keep me busy for at least an hour. But you couldn't gamble until you cross the Mexican border. So I was like, you had to wait like 12 hours to start the gambling. And I was like, wait, what? And then on the way back, same thing. As soon as you got into

I don't even remember gambling. American waters. Yeah, we gambled together. We did. Yeah. Did we win? No, I mean, we had no money. It was like $20. And you know, I think I blew that and lost it right away. But I was like, trying to convince Colleen. I was like, listen,, we had no money. It was like $20. And, you know, I think I blew that and lost it right away. But I was like trying to convince Colleen. I was like, listen, when we get to Ensenada, we have to jump ship and we have to get a car to take us back to L.A. And she's like, Chelsea, we could get assaulted. At least we'd have a good New Year's. Like, who cares what happens on the way back home?

But I'm not taking this fucking boat back. And I was just trying to convince her. Do you remember that? I don't remember that. Trying to convince her to this fucking boat back. And I was just trying to convince her. Do you remember that? I don't remember that. Trying to convince her to get off the boat. And I never. I follow the rules. Yeah.

I follow the rules. All the time, I follow the rules. She's like, what do you mean? We'll pay someone. I'm like, we'll find somebody to get us back to L.A. and we will pay them. And she's like, with what money? I'm like, who cares?

We'll figure that out later. Yeah, no, that was just, it was a nightmare. Oh, my goodness. So you're saying Colleen kept you alive by not letting you, like, find a random driver. You're welcome. Possibly, yes. Yeah, thank you. Yeah, she had a good hand in keeping me alive.

At least I wasn't such a bitch that I just left her on the boat because that would have been a step above. Oh, yeah. That would have been a class A bitch move. But I think we were just so mad. I honestly don't think we talked the whole way home. I think that we were like pissed. I was just like, ugh. I mean, we would get so aggravated with each other.

We were. We were like sisters. And it was like we wouldn't talk to each other. We'd be like, fuck you. And then 10 minutes later, she'd be like, you want to go to CPK? And I'd be like, okay. Let's do it. let's do it. Let's do it.

That's funny. That boat was also so depressing because it was cold. I don't know. I had this idea that once we got to Mexico, everything was warm. It was freezing. You have to get there first. And it was freezing. So there was no bathing suit action.

There was no Lido deck activities. Nobody was outside. There was a pool and it was completely action. There was no Lido deck activities. Nobody was outside. There was a pool and it was completely covered. Like it was closed off. We're like, what? Jeez, what are you supposed to do? We thought we were going to be hanging out in our bathing suits. Right, right.

It's like nothing we did tracked. It's like we almost had no idea what happens on cruises. Like we thought it was going to be. Well, I think we just took a bad one. I think there are really good cruises. Yeah, I'm sure there are. But in general general I would like to stay away from them I know you know it's just not that's not my scene it's funny what you remember from that trip and what I remember from that trip like different memories that the other person doesn't remember at all

it makes you wonder like am I making all this shit up you know like when I talk to my sisters they're always like you're so full of shit. Your memories, they're not real. I'm like, and then somebody will corroborate it. You know, my family, they'll be like, actually, that wasn't that was true. And my sisters will be like, oh, great. Don't give her any more, you know, gas because she already thinks she fucking remembers everything. And I know I don't. Joe's always like, you have a six month memory.

He's like, and even then it's pretty shifty. Oh, well, he's adorable. I want to meet him. I know. I want to tell him to come andifty. Oh, well, he's adorable. I want to meet him. I know. I want to tell him to come and say hi if he's in the neighborhood. I also want to know, do you remember your car, your first car that you bought at 605? No. Which one was that? She had a black Echo, a Toyota Echo. And she was so proud of herself. And she would go, look at me. I'm so cute. Oh my gosh. She loved that car. Oh, that car was buzzing around.

Because that was the first brand new car that I'd ever driven because my father was a used car dealer. So every car I'd ever had up until that point was used. And I remember when I got rid of the Toyota Echo, I went to go turn it in and I got it in this place in the marina. It says I got a whale of a deal. It said on the license plate. I remember that yep and then i when i turned that car in and i got my next car i remember they caught they were opening up my glove compartment and they found an egg mcmuffin glove compartment from like two years before and they were so hard i was like oh my god this is exactly

what my parents like this is exactly how i had turned into my parents because they would drive around their disgusting cars with fucking McDonald's old McDonald's coffees and egg McMuffins in every compartment you could find and then it happened to me I was like oh this is a full circle moment yep yep that was her she was so proud of that car yeah yeah and then I gave it to no I didn't give it to someone oh I got Che. When Chewy and I got together, I was like, this is the car you need, this Toyota Echo. No, I got him a different one. But he had his own little Toyota Echo, a red one, because that was a perfect size car for him. That Toyota Echo was amazing because you didn't even have to put it in reverse.

You could just pick it up and turn it around. That was my joke in stand-up when I had that car. I would talk about it all the time. That's hilarious. Yeah, what kind of car did you drive? You had a... Okay, well, I came here. I think it was my Camaro.

Was it my red Camaro? Yes, yes, yes. Okay, so my Camaro... I wanted to say it was a New Jersey. By the way, we're both from Jersey. And I had my car, my 1971 or something Camaro. My dad shipped it out. And yeah, it was the greatest. I loved my Camaro. But dad shipped it out. And yeah, it was the greatest.

I loved my Camaro. But yeah, it blew up on me. My dad, whenever he came to visit, he would do the oil changes. He would do my car in the parking lot of the apartment. That's another thing. She's always been super close with her family, right? Super close.

We actually have some questions that are exactly about that. So I'm interested to hear. Oh, great. Oh, yeah. We have to take callers, by about that. So I'm interested to hear. Oh, great. Oh, yeah. We have to take callers, by the way. People have to call in and get advice. Because I'm the one to give advice. Well, who am I to give advice?

This is perfect. They just need it from anybody. It doesn't really matter who. All right. But yeah, well, that's something I would talk to my parents every single day. So I would tell them everything that happened throughout the day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that would drive me insane.

And it would drive her nuts. I'd be like, what are you doing? Like, she'd be on the phone with her dad and she'd be like, and then whoever the crush was, let's say his name was Luke, she'll be like, and then Luke came in

and then Luke said this to me. And I'm like, that's your father? And then she'd be on the phone. It was so funny. And I would be so annoyed. I'd be like, you need to get some friends. Like, you cannot be on the phone telling your parents all this.

And she's like, I love my family. I tell them everything. I tell my mother everything and I tell my father everything. And that was not the relationship I had with my parents. You know, I wasn't telling them anything. I'm still really close. I mean, they're here visiting me for two months. And now Colleen has her own child and she has, well, she has two children because she's a stepmother and you actually gave birth I did I did how was that not fun not it's it's terrible it was I mean I people say it's the most beautiful it's not it's beautiful when you're holding your baby at the end yeah but I ended up having an emergency c-section oh wow it was traumatic and really scary and an epidural is a lifesaver and anyone who doesn't do it I don't know what the fuck's wrong with you because it is like I mean it really helps you a lot yeah a lot I would

like to get an epidural just just because yeah it sounds good yeah so yeah so yeah I gave birth and yeah and then I um I gained tons of weight like I, you know, ballooned like, I don't even know. I've lost 45 pounds in six months. Wow. And what diet? What are you doing? Okay. So, well, first of all, let me just say that I went to my doctor and my doctor said, you have high cholesterol. I was on medication for everything, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, and the beginnings of a fatty liver. And I was like, okay, I have to do something. I have to take control of my body here. So I started on this diet where I eat super clean.

I eat veggies. I eat protein. I cut out carbs. There's no bread. There's no pasta. There's no alcohol whatsoever. So you probably couldn't do this diet. But yeah, I just eat really clean, and I exercise five times a week. I run

and I do intervals like I walk and then I run and I on an incline. So I think it's really important to get your heart rate up. And then I walk like every point tenth of a mile. I stop like I'll either walk or run. And I do that for four miles. So it keeps my heart rate at an even keel. And yeah, I just started losing weight and I started making really small goals for myself and every month I'd lose 10 pounds. So not any specific diet just common sense like right? Common sense but I also do these meals I don't know if you've heard of it it's called factor and my husband and I he's lost like 30 pounds too we do these factor meals so we get them delivered and we eat them for dinner and they are delicious. They are, it's like a gourmet meal. I hate to cook anyway. So I'm like,

I put it in the microwave for two and a half minutes. I put it on a plate. It looks like a gourmet meal. There you go. Done. It's portion control. It's delicious. I got my parents on it while they're here. We're doing the factor meals. So I tell everybody, cause I've been getting like people commenting and on Instagram and stuff and I send them the factor thing. I'm like, it's worked. So it's a combination of everything. I do the factor meals and I work out and I'm just really, you know, diligent about what I put in my body. And you had said when we were on the phone, like, you know, getting to know what your interests were and stuff about you. You had said that like you are finding that you're actually able to carve out time for yourself because you're

like, this is my time. I go to the gym. And so it seems like you're feeling really great. And as a mom and all moms know, you have no free time. You have none. I mean, for the past five years, I don't do anything else for myself. It is for her all the time. And you start to get really depressed. We moved to Orange County from L.A. last year, and there's a Dairy Queen across the street, which is not ideal. Danger. Because I'm like, just go to Dairy Queen. And I wanted to try all the restaurants and stuff, and I put on the pounds.

But, yeah, I don't have any time for myself. And then she started school, which is the best thing in the world. School is awesome. So she started school. which is the best thing in the world. School's awesome. So she started school. So she goes for four hours a day. And those four hours are my time. And I go right to the gym. I drop her off and I go right to the gym. So it's not even like a question of what I'm going to do today. It's off to the gym. And I feel the best that I have ever felt. And I have time for myself. And the most important thing is no more fatty liver, no more cholesterol, no more high blood pressure. Everything's under control. And I feel great. So I love that. Yeah. That's such a motivator for so many people who are feeling

like that. Yeah. Once you have kids, I don't even understand how people can function. I don't even get it. It must be so it's talk about all consuming. It's the hardest thing that I've ever had to do. I love this child so much, but it is the hardest. Okay. I've OCD. My husband's a perfectionist. She doesn't have much of a chance here. She's a, she's going to be a disaster. She's already got OCD issues where all of her toys have to be perfectly stacked up. But she's the sweetest thing ever. But, yeah, the tantrums and everything, it's not fun.

How do you handle tantrums? I just lock myself in my bedroom. No, no, no, no, no. I'm getting better at it. Usually I'm like, what's wrong? And now I have to calm myself down and try to see it from her perspective because kids, they're upset for some reason. You have to try and understand where they're coming from instead of just getting upset. So my husband, he's really good at handling that. He's helping me see that. I've gotten a lot calmer over the years. I've

let things go. I'm very wound up and tight and very structured. And so I have, as a mom, let go. Because you have to let go. Because. Right. It's too bad you didn't have that skill set when you were living with me. Because that was your first experience with a toddler. It was.

It was. Okay. So we're going to take callers. Yes. People are going to call in or write in. Catherine, do you want to get the ball rolling or should we take a quick break first? Let's take a quick break first and then we'll come back with callers. Awesome.

Yay. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really No Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor. We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal?

The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you and the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer. And you never know who's going to drop by.

Mr. Bryan Cranston is with us today. How are you, too? Hello, the answer. And you never know who's going to drop by. Mr. Brian Cranston is with us today. How are you, too? Hello, my friend. Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really No Really, sir. Bless you all. Hello, Newman. And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening? Really No Really.

Yeah, really. No really. Go to reallynoreally.com and register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. It's called Really No Really, and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Okay, well, let's see how we do this as a couple, as the odd couple. Okay. All right, well, our first caller today is Emma. She says, help, I'm a 25-year-old virgin. Dear Chelsea, I'm just going to cut right to it.

I'm a 25-year-old virgin and I hate it. I shouldn't really use the word hate because I don't hate the fact that I still am, but I'm embarrassed and I can't help it. It's not that I want to wait or that I'm waiting for the right person and all that shit. I just haven't had the moment of, okay, right now is fine, but would stop something from going further. Every man I've had somewhat of a relationship with has been respectful and kind about it, but I hate bringing it up and I hate that I feel like I have to bring it up. I also hate looking around me and seeing all of my friends talking comfortably about their sex lives when mine is non-existent. So I'm seeking any advice

that you can possibly give me because I can't help but feel alone in this. Sincerely, Emma. Hi, Emma. Hi, Emma. Hi, how are you? Hi, Emma. This is my roommate from many, many moons ago in LA. Her name's Colleen. Hi, nice to meet you. And she's our guest today. Nice to meet you too. Yeah. Hi. Hi. It's so nice to meet you guys. Well, it's so nice and refreshing to meet a virgin. I don't meet a lot of virgins.

I don't either. Yeah. Do you know other virgins your age? Not within like my circle, no. Oh, well, that's too bad. I am the only one, yeah. Well, that makes it even more. That makes it stand out more. Colleen, why don't you talk about your experience?

Because one of us had sex at a very young age, and one of us was a little bit more responsible. Yeah. Yes, yeah, responsible. Well, Emma, first of all, there's nothing to be embarrassed about at all. I lost my virginity at 29. In my head, like I was telling Chelsea, I feel like my life should be like a romantic comedy. And that's what I was waiting for. The perfect love. And we were going to ride off into the sunset together. And I felt the same way as you. I was embarrassed. I was like, I'm just going to have sex with anybody because this is so, you know, you just are like, why am I not meeting someone? What's going on? I actually wish I would have waited longer

because the person that I did have sex with, it was a mistake. And it was a mistake. And it was a horrible experience. It was awful. And God, it was terrible. It wasn't a good experience. I would have waited. So right, my advice to you is, don't be embarrassed. Don't settle. You're going to meet someone who loves that you are a virgin. You're going to meet someone who appreciates you and who adores you and don't ever apologize for it. Just be who you are. That's the most important thing. And if you're not feeling it, don't do it. Yeah. You should embrace the uniqueness that is you and your virginity and all the other unique things about you and focus on those things. That's something that's coolly uncommon. You know what I mean? It's uncommonly cool, I should say. Anyway, you

phrase it. It covers it. That's cool. You have something that not a lot of people have going on right now. Yeah, that's true. It's definitely uncommon. When I tell men when I'm in a relationship and it's starting to get a little risque, you should say, I've never had, like I said, I've never had a bad experience telling them. They're always very nice and they're surprised for sure. But it is uncomfortable kind of to bring up because I can't help but have that little guy in the back of my head being like, this is so embarrassing. No, I know. I know. I feel you. I was in the same boat. I actually didn't even tell the guy that I had sex with that I was really,

I didn't even tell him. I was just like, yeah. Oh, was it because you were so eager to have sex? Or was it you were so into the guy? Like, well, I honestly think I was 29. I hadn't really met anyone that I really, really, really liked. And we were dating. So it was going there. But I didn't want to tell him because I was embarrassed. I was the same way as you feel. I was embarrassed. I was just like, oh, he's going to run away if he finds out I'm 29 say anything. And after the fact, I told him and he was just like, what? But I regret that whole situation because I would have just waited to find someone that appreciated me. And so my advice to you would be to just hang in there. You are going to meet someone. You're going to meet someone that adores you and is going to be like, wow, you waited for me. And that's going to be so special. Yeah, that is special. Yeah, I think I've read too many books in my lifetime. So I have this whole preconception of like,

it's a magical moment. Like I just read, I'm in graduate school and I just read Forever by Judy Blume. And it's literally about a teenage girl having sex for the first time. And I was like, this is too fitting. This is maybe a little past two, but also like too fitting. I love Judy Blume. I read all of Judy Blume's books. Those are the best fucking things around. So Emma, what are you waiting for? Are

you waiting to be in love and be in a relationship like a really serious relationship? Is that what you're waiting for? I think kind of yes and no. I don't I'm not like into hookup culture. I live in Boston. I'm 25. So like dating out here is hard enough as it is, especially in Boston. But I've definitely like gotten away from that whole, I'm going to wait for the one and I'm going to wait for someone that I really like, you know, if I'm currently dating someone and it's going well for a couple of months or weeks or whatever, and I have a moment where I'm like, I feel comfortable enough right now and they know, so let's give it a shot. That's kind of my mindset right now. And it took me a while to get in that mindset because the embarrassment just

never went away. Yeah. And I think it is something that's lovely. Of course, it's not like what it looks like in movies or, you know, sounds like in books, but my advice would be lose it with the person that you can kind of laugh about things with. Yeah. Like you're laughing in the middle of it. You're cracking jokes. And like sometimes it's really romantic and sometimes it's not. Sometimes you're just like fooling around. So, I mean, it might be helpful to be with somebody who like you can kind of joke around, laugh about it. And also like you don't necessarily have to say it's your first time. I think that's fine. Yeah. Yeah, that's so true. I've definitely been in relationships and with men that I do feel comfortable enough, like, not only telling them, but being like, yeah, let's try. But as it continues, it's like, okay, no, I was wrong. Like, I'm not ready with that. Maybe Colleen, you can speak to it. But I think like if you're going to if you've waited this long, right, which isn't like a ridiculous amount of time.

It's a it's a logical amount of time. Like you've waited this long and you're not going to jump to like why not have that experience be on the table with the person that you're going to have it with so that they can be even more careful and like caring. And, you know, about the situation, Because if you have been, you know, saving yourself for the right person, you know, it doesn't have to mean it's your husband, but the right person, someone who cares for you deeply. Right. That's all you really need is somebody who really cares about you. Right. Why not have that experience together so that they know going in, you know, that it is your first time because it can be a more delicate situation. Yeah, that's true. That's true. I completely, I do agree with that. I think that, you know, that it is your first time because it can be a more delicate situation. Yeah, that's true. That's true. I completely I do agree with that. I think that, you know,

he should know and you should feel totally comfortable with him. And it gives him the opportunity to make you feel even more comfortable and even safer. Right. And if it goes the other way, then it's not meant to be with. No, exactly. And I think me as a person, I would feel so guilty if like I didn't tell them and then it would just be like in the back of my head and then be like, I'm such a fucking horrible person. Well, then you have your answer about whether you should tell them. That's true. So that's why I've always, that's why I've like always told people. Cause I have a feeling I would just feel like so guilty. And I know I'm not like obligated to tell like my partner,

but at the same time, it's like, I wish I could just like not and not have those feelings of like anxiety and guilt over it and just let it happen. Yeah. I think it's special. Like it's special. Embrace the fact that it's special. Nothing embarrassing. Right. Yeah. Embarrassing is losing your virginity when you're, you know, a teenager to someone that you don't even, whose name you don't remember. That's the point of that. No, mine was Mitch. I remember who I lost my virginity to. But you say like, all my friends are talking really easily about this. I remember there was a time when a bunch of us friends were talking and one of the gals was like, how did everybody lose their virginity? And when it got to her, it was like, well, it almost happened this one time and then it didn't. And, you know, and she handled it well. But at the same time, like she's now at a place in her life where like she's having the first great love of her life.

And it's just like all this anxiety she had around it, all of these worries, they're gone in like the blink of an eye. And she's having so much fun. And it's just, you know, when it happens, it happens. Yeah. I also feel like the pandemic didn't really help me at all. I moved to Boston in fall of 2019. So I only had a window of like a couple months to go out there and date and like meet new people. And then it was like, Oh, just kidding. You're stuck inside. You're alone. Well, just hang in there. You'll meet somebody who is perfect for you and and will make you feel special. And it won't matter that you're a virgin. Yeah, that's very true.

Thank you. Thanks for calling, Emma. You're adorable. Oh, thank you so much. You're an adorable virgin. Thank you so much. I, that was a great compliment. I'm going to add that to my like LinkedIn profile. Oh yeah, yeah, totally.

Virgin. All right. Thanks, Emma. Let us know how it goes. I will keep you posted. Okay, sounds good. Nice to meet you. Bye. Nice to meet you too, Emma. Bye. Thank you. She reminds me of me when I mean, totally like what a better question to have a caller call in with. She's sweet. Good producing, Catherine. Oh, well, thank you. I mean, this next one is pretty on the nose for you as well, Colleen. So our next caller is Ashley. She is 31 and a stay-at-home mom.

She says, Dear Chelsea, my mom and I have always been very close. However, I love my independence and personal space, and she's about as codependent as they come. We talk every day on the phone, text back and forth numerous times a day, and she shows up at my house unannounced all the time. She has no boundaries and relies on my kids and I for her fulfillment in life. Sadly, my brother and only sibling passed away four years ago, which puts an even bigger burden and responsibility on me to be there for her emotionally since her partner is not at all. I know how much the daily calls and texts mean to her, but I can't help but feel super annoyed when I have to check in with her and tell her every detail of my life. So my question is, am I being a bitch for wanting and needing my own space when I know how much she needs me? Any help on how to navigate this relationship would be so helpful.

I want to be there for her, but being married with three kids is a very busy life, and I can't help but feel that she just adds to the stress. With love, Ashley. Oh, hi, Ashley. Hi, Ashley. Hi. Hi. Hi.

This is my friend Colleen. She's our guest today. Hi, Colleen. Hey, Chelsea. Hi. Hi. Hi. This is my friend Colleen. She's our guest today. Hi, Colleen. Hey, Chelsea. Hey. So tell us what's going on. So your mom is around a lot. Yeah, she is.

We live only a few miles away from each other. And like I said in the letter, my brother passed away and I don't have any other siblings. So I try to be patient with her and let her over whenever she wants to come and always stay in touch. But sometimes it's just annoying being there for her all the time. Yeah, that's a tough one because I can understand. Yeah. But I mean, she I mean, how can you create boundaries now, I guess, is the question, right? When there haven't been any before,

how long have you guys lived this close to each other? Oh, we've always lived really, we've always been super tight. Growing up, she was a single mom. My parents got divorced when I was a baby. So we were always, her, my brother and I were always really super tight knit and she was always like the cool, fun mom. I mean, as you know, when you lose someone in your family, what it's like to just see your parents crumble in a sense. It was different for you, I know, because you were a child at the time, but it really does just change a person. And she is very sensitive and I try to not hurt her feelings and be there for her. But

sometimes it's just like, I have a lot of my own shit going on and it takes a lot out of me to take on her stress and depression, you know? Yeah. Yeah. This is such a tricky area because your mom sounds like she's, you know, she's grieving too. You know, she lost her son, even though it's four years ago, you know, that doesn't ever go away for a parent. Yeah. And you're her only family and your children are her only family. So it's like, you want to be sensitive and empathetic to, to the fact that she, that

you're the only ties she has. Yeah. And that's why it's like, my door is always open for her. And she does totally take advantage of that. But it's like, I just, I like my own personal space. And I told Catherine before, like, I moved out when I was 18. Haven't been back since. We don't have the type of relationship where I've ever like relied on her for anything

or depended on her to provide anything for me and my family. I've always just been a very independent person. And I let her in as much as I can knowing how much it means to her. But it really does just sometimes just suck the life out of me knowing how much it takes to be there for her. Well, is there any other sort of configuration you can work out with her? Like, is there an allotted time you can give her with each of the kids alone or maybe all of them together? So it's less on you and more on like, you know, like what about dropping one of your children off to her for like two hours a week

and they each get their one-on-one time with grandma. So that doesn't necessarily involve you or her being at your house. Like if you frame it to her, like, mom, this is for the kids. They get really jealous when you spend, you know, you can make up whatever you want when you're with them all together. They all want one-on-one time. You know, I think this might be a great idea for both of you. You guys, you get each kid for two hours a week at your house and you do your thing with them alone. Or she could take them all out without you. You know, like, do you trust her to do that? Or is she able-bodied and everything?

Yeah. Oh, yeah. She is an absolutely phenomenal grandma. She's very super close with my kids. Like, they do probably go over her house a couple times a week, which is great, but it's more so the thing that like gets under my skin is like when she pops over all the time unannounced, she never feels like she needs to call and say like, Hey, I'm around the neighborhood. You mind if I pop over? Is now a good time? It's just the sense of like, she's entitled to

come over whenever she wants. Or like if she comes over and I'm not there, she'll call me and be like, Hey, where are you at? It's like, I don't owe you an explanation of where I'm at. Those are more so the things that really get under my skin. It's instead of like, not being there for her. I'm always there to talk and all that. But it's just like the sense of me owing her all these explanations about my personal life when I just, it's like, I'm an adult. I'm 31 years old. I shouldn't be needed to check in with you every single day. It's almost like when she calls, how I told you earlier, when she says, just doing my

daily check-in, it's like, that's not necessary. And whenever she's like, hey, what are you doing? It's always the same thing. Nothing new, nothing new. Because I just talked to you yesterday. And it's like, if we went more than a few days without talking to each other, then I would have more to fill her in on and vice versa. But it's like, she already knows every aspect of my life that it's like, I just have to go with it just because I know that's maybe what she needs now in the moment. It's just, it's off to someone.

They try not to let it annoy me. Yeah, I agree with Chelsea that there is a conversation that has to happen. And putting some parameters, like whatever that signal is in place might be really helpful. So maybe it's like, hey, mom, like the kids are back in school now. Schedules have changed and we really need to kind of know what to expect each day. So you know what, if the light is on on the front porch, like feel free to come on in. If it's not, we might just need some family time or have a busy school work night that night or, you know, whatever stage your kids are in, put it on something else. Things are changing because of X, Y, Z, the world's kind of getting back to normal. And so we need to have like a little bit of family time. That's just our nuclear family. Not nuclear. Not nuclear. I'm usually

so good about that. Yes. My parents actually, they have a place in Phoenix where they live half the year. And then they just sold my childhood home this last year. And so they've spent a few weeks living in what we call the suite at my sister's house. They've got their own, you know, bedroom with a bathroom and all that nice stuff. But when they are fun with the kids popping in, I have teenage niece and nephew on that side, they'll leave the door open. And when the door is open, the kids can come in, talk about their day. But when they close the door, the kids know like grandma and grandpa are not ready to chat or they're having coffee together or they're doing whatever. And so it's sort of their signal. But yeah, maybe there's some sort of a signal, I guess. And

maybe it's also like we're going to do this and have the light on sometimes and have the light off sometimes. But we're also going to do game night every Sunday. So it's that sort of like creating a compromise before you even need to. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. I like that. How old are your children? Ten, six and one. Oh, OK. Well, then you could totally pin it on them anyway, you know. Right. Right. Right.

She is such a help when she takes them. Yeah. Right. So, I mean, take advantage of the fact that she wants to take them and maybe lean in on that because that's a moment for you to be away. You'll get some alone time. Yeah. Maybe lean into that. And she's not going to, you know, setting up boundaries sounds like, oh, it's going to be a conversation. It's going to hurt feelings. And it always does.

But eventually, after the initial wear and tear of a conversation like that, it invokes respect in the relationship and both sides, you know, because people start to understand, oh, it's not just a free for all. I can't just show up because, you know, if my best friend said to me, you can't stop. I need you to call before you start coming over. I'd be like, wait, what? I thought we had an understanding. Like I would, my feelings would be hurt. Oh, sorry. My feelings would be hurt. My back is all fucked up. So I can't sit still. I'm just like, I don't want you to think I'm masturbating during this call. I know it's a sexy subject. But feelings are hurt, but like people do respect boundaries. So you just want to draw them lightly,

put it out there in a certain way. Like I want you to be around the family. I love you to pieces. I'm noticing I'm needing a little bit more alone time. And so the nicest way you can say that and figure out the ways to get that alone time while maybe sometimes you're also providing her with time with the children, you know, sounds like a good compromise. And then, and you know, what Catherine said, I mean, Colleen, you haven't chipped in yet or chimed in yet. Do you have anything you want to add to this? I agree a lot with what Catherine said. I think that you need to carve out time. I like the idea of actually having the conversation with your mom and just say, maybe you even say, you know, this day and this day, we're busy with this. How about you come over, like she said, on Sunday for

family game night, or you just make it certain days. I mean, I'm, I'm super close with my family and I talk to them every single day. And there are, yeah, there are days I have nothing to say. And I tell them, I got nothing for you today. But you know what? It's about hearing their voice and connecting with them because they need it as much as you do. And you're so lucky to have your mom be here. And one day she won't be and so for me i'm getting

emotional and i'm sorry but um it's okay my she's been crying the whole episode so don't worry about it my parents are here for two months visiting me and it's such a blessing and i try to see them every single day for some time and they know they have boundaries and they're like you guys have your family time we'll see you tomorrow we're gonna we're gonna do our own thing today and I really appreciate that because it does it takes the pressure off of me they know you know so if your mom's not really getting the hint you know have a conversation with her just tell her how much you love her and you love seeing her, but you need some time. I mean, I'm a mom too, and it's hard and you need some alone time. Yeah. I mean, even if it's just you and your kids, you need just you and your kids sometimes just to, so I get it. So just be gentle

with her. She sounds like a lovely woman. She is. And I do love her so much. I felt so guilty, even writing the submission. I felt like I was like going behind her back and betraying her even just talking about her like this, because she is an amazing woman. And we always have been so tight. And like, I know she's not here forever. And she loves to remind me of that too. She'll say, you'll miss me one day. I'm like, I know, I know. But it's like you said, I think it's a good idea to just come at her in like a loving way and a calm way instead of kind of a, you're annoying me, give me my next way.

Yeah, exactly. Because if you don't address it, it might come out that way. You know, it's good to look beforehand. And it has in the past where I have tried to address it and I have kind of like snapped a little bit and she will like, it does hurt her feelings. And I can think of just real quick, one time in particular,

off the top of my head, I had just had a baby and my son was like five days old and she just kept showing up. And I'm like, mom, you've been here six times in the last five days. Like I'm trying to figure out how to breastfeed. Our sleep schedules are completely all over the place. Like, please just call before you come. And she just started crying. It's like, okay, okay. And left. So it's like, oh God, that conversation didn't go the way I'd hoped. Like, I just made her cry and she left. Yeah, that sucks. And another way to also go at it is to just blame yourself. I'm feeling slightly overwhelmed lately. I'm feeling irritable lately.

I'm feeling like I need some more space. So if you can help me through this time by giving me a little bit of extra space and a little bit of a more alone time, I'd be so appreciative. You know, if you come at it like it's your issue. That is a really good point. That's really good. Angled off. Come at the conversation. I like that. Because it is me. come at it like it's your issue that is a really good point that's really good angled off come come at the conversation i like that because it is me yeah yeah yeah it is i mean listen everyone annoys the fucking shit out of me so you don't have to tell me twice about your mother coming

over too often i don't have i get it i get it but yeah thank you i thought you would that's why i wrote it and i'm like you you get it from all angles. You've experienced loss. And you also seem like the type of person that does like your own personal space. So I really appreciate your advice. Well, good luck, Ashley. Let us know how it goes. Thanks. I will. And I absolutely love your book. Life Will Be the Death of Me. It's helped me out so much. Thank you so much for everything you put out into the world. It really does help. Oh,

thanks, Ashley. I appreciate that. Welcome. You're welcome. Thank you. Take care. You too.

Bye. Bye. All of our callers are always so cool. Yeah, they're cool. They're cute. They're, I love it.

So nice. Normal. They're not fucking weirdos. You know what I mean? Well, a couple times, but usually those are men. Yeah. We try to avoid those. We are going to take a quick break so you can hear an ad, and then we'll be right back.

I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really No Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor. We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you

and the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer. And you never know who's going to drop by. Mr. Bryan Cranston is with us today. How are you, too? Hello, my friend. Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park.

Wayne Knight, welcome to Really, No Really, sir. Bless you all. Hello, Newman. And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening? Really, No Really. Yeah, Really. No really. Go to reallynoreally.com and register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. It's called Really? No, Really? And you can find it on the iHeartRadio app on Apple podcasts or wherever you get your So our next question comes from Caitlin.

Caitlin says, I didn't hear you say that. Engaging with her and entertaining her lame excuses is out of the question because I know it's all bullshit and I won't pretend otherwise. I want to wrap up these shenanigans without opening the conversation up for an argument. How would you handle the nieces and nephews that you've been saddled with if they tried to pull this shit? A five milligram gummy with a margarita definitely helps, but I appreciate any additional advice you can provide. Cheers, Caitlin. I think anytime she says anything like that, I didn't hear you. I don't remember you telling me that. Then something, there's a punishment that goes along with that because she wasn't paying attention or she's conveniently forgetting. So there has to be a repercussion for anytime she says that, right? Like whether it's screen time, it's eight years old. So there has to be a repercussion for any time she says that, right? Like whether it's

screen time, it's eight years old. So I don't know if she's got a phone yet or what, but yeah, nip that in the bud right now. How old is your stepdaughter? She's 11. And have you ever had to deal with this kind of thing? Yeah. Yeah. It is hard. It is hard because, yeah, she'll say things and I know that she's not telling the truth or it drives you nuts because you're like, no, you're I know you're not telling the truth. I know. I know. You know, but there has to be repercussions for everything. There has to be. I mean, there was one time she was forgetting her jacket at school. She'd forget a lot of things, but this is just an example, but forgetting her jacket at school every day, every day. And we'd lose jackets. They'd be gone. And I'm like, we can't keep buying you jackets. And it was just like, okay, well, you know what? The next time you forget it, you're going to give me your phone for the day. And doesn't forget her jacket anymore. That was easy. You know, I mean, there has to be repercussions for things. Yeah. So it's either if she has a phone that needs to be taken away with

her anytime she forgets something or she doesn't hear something, then you can take away her phone. If she doesn't have a phone, make it screen time. I'm sure she loves the most. Whatever you take away, it's got to be a little bit hurtful it's got to hurt a little bit yeah yeah take it away take a couple hours away at night or take it away all together i mean i'm all about that but you know parents are so scared of their children not on screen time anymore i mean people are like i can't take it away completely what will they do i'm like well i don't know what the fuck we did which was not be on our screens but yeah you have you have to instill like, I mean, she's doing that because she can get away with it. So stop letting her get away with it. Yeah. Problem solved. Yeah. as a surrogate. Well before that, I was married in a loveless, sexless marriage of 10 years.

And in between the marriage and the surrogacy, I was in a five-year relationship with a struggling musician. Before I met the musician, I had never really enjoyed sex. When we came together, I was in my late 30s and had the first of many, many, many orgasms with that guy. I really feel like he saved me, and I feel like he was my true first love. As much as he says he wanted me and the kids to be his family, he never really blended well when we were all four together. I've always struggled with low self-esteem, but I feel like I've overcome that to a large degree simply by getting older. But now, after having had three vaginal births and tearing pretty much the whole caslapus in this last delivery and completely wrecking my breasts with nursing and pumping, think rocks and socks, do I go back to the guy who I know isn't right but loves me and accepts my body?

We have unreal sexual chemistry. Or do I roll the dice and maybe go online for dating? I've never done that, by the way. I definitely want a partner, not casual random sex. Thanks, Darla. I thought you said she's had her third child with a surrogate. She was a surrogate. Oh, she was the surrogate for someone else.

Yes. So she has two of her own children. Okay. Not three. Okay, so she's asking if she should go back to the guy that she has great sex with. Yes. Right?

But who doesn't really gel with her family. Gel with the family. Or whether she should go online and find... She should go and find someone else. She's got to find someone that accepts her family, I think. Well, yeah, A. And yeah, you have to find somebody who's perfect all the way around. Who's got all the qualities that you're looking for, not one of them.

Sexual chemistry is only one component of a relationship. Don't settle. We've been talking about this nonstop. Do not settle for anything less than what you deserve. And you decide what you deserve. And if you think that that's all you deserve is a good sexual chemistry partner, then that's all you're going to get. But I would say to set your standards a little bit higher and desire someone that's going to come in,

accept your family for what it is and how many people there are, and be able to contribute in a meaningful way. Maybe they'll even have some family of their own that they're bringing to the table. And don't settle until you find exactly what you're looking for. Also, the language that she uses around her body, like that to me is like thing number one to deal with. Like obviously this other guy thinks you're crazy hot. Someone else will think you're crazy hot. But I think you got to fix some of the stuff that's going on inside and what happens when you look at yourself in the mirror. Because I mean, saying like, oh, my breasts are rocks and socks like it just hurts my heart for her like yeah do some looking in the mirror and talking to yourself about how

beautiful you are even if it feels cringy and fake and bullshit at the beginning do it it will change the way you see yourself like get giggly and excited when you look at yourself. Even if it feels like lying to yourself, be like, oh my God, I look amazing today. There is something that it does in your psyche that when you do start dating again, people are going to be so attracted to that, that like positive radiant energy you have because you're psyched about yourself. Absolutely. And they'll be psyched about you too. Confidence is everything too. Have confidence in yourself and know who you are. And yeah, don't settle.

Don't go back. Look forward. Look for someone new. Also, yeah, sorry, I skipped over that. Katherine, thank you for bringing that up though. It does feel like the timing isn't necessarily right for you to be like that, to be your sole mode of operation is finding a man. Maybe you should spend a little bit more time with yourself and your girls. Like you've been

through a lot. You just had another baby for somebody else. Like that's a lot. So I think you should take a time out and like reinvest yourself in yourself and your girls and your family, or sorry, I don't know if you have boys or girls, but in your family and, and yeah, find the value in yourself and do a little inside work before you start to look for, you know, another external factor to bring into your family dynamic. Yeah, that's really good. Well, fill us in, let us know how it goes, Starla. Keep us posted. Yeah. Let us know. Let us know how it goes, Starla. Keep us posted. Yeah. Let us know. Let us know what develops and what doesn't develop.

Yes. Well, let's take a quick break and we'll be back with Colleen and Chelsea. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really No Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor. We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you

and the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer. And you never know who's going to drop by. Mr. Bryan Cranston is with us today. How are you, too? Hello, my friend. Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park.

Wayne Knight, welcome to Really No Really, sir. Bless you all. Hello, Newman. And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening? Really No Really. Yeah, really. No really. Go to reallynoreally.com and register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. It's called Really? No, Really? And you can find it on the iHeartRadio app on Apple podcasts or wherever you get your

podcasts. Okay, we're back from our break. Colleen and I were going to have a snack but she's not eating anything bad so we didn't have one and now we're here we're just having water yeah it's so great how many meals do you have a day three or do you allow yourself okay this is I'm going to tell people what I eat because a lot of people have been contacting me on Instagram and stuff asking what I eat. I'm just going to tell you what I eat. For breakfast, I have two hard-boiled eggs. That's it. For lunch, I have chicken salad.

I make chicken salad with a little mayo. And I eat keto bread. So I make like a little keto sandwich. That's lunch. And then I eat a keto bar from Costco. It's like a little chocolate keto bar and I have that in between. And then for dinner, I have the factor meal or I go to CPK and get my special salad that I get at CPK. But yeah, I don't eat out all that often. My husband and I are both on this diet,

so we're, you know, but yeah, that's pretty much what I eat. And so, yeah, I don't cheat. If I cheat, it's a keto dessert. So, Colleen. Yes. We also love when our guests ask for a piece of advice from Chelsea. So is there anything you'd like to ask Chelsea about? Well, I'm going to ask Chelsea a question about health because I really admire. Now, she has been Bruno. You've got a trainer

I don't have that but your body's amazing oh my god thank you your pictures in your bikinis I'm like okay my goal I've never worn a bikini ever ever so my goal is to look good in a bikini it doesn't have to be

perfect but I got the pooch still I had a baby I have It doesn't have to be perfect, but I got the pooch still. I had a baby. I have the belly. I want to know how I can tone my stomach, what exercises I can do at home to just give me – I hate sit-ups. I hate them, so please don't tell me sit-ups.

But something – I don't know what to do to tone the stomach muscles to make me – I don't have any definition yet. So, okay. I will tell you what I, what my experience has been. I, with your diet that you're eating, I don't know how long you go without eating food. Is it like three to four hours or is it five to six? Like, what is it? Uh, I don't know.

I'm like two hours. I'll eat, I'll eat a bar or something. So I would say to try this. Okay. Every, so when I get my leanest, like if I have a photo shoot a bar or something. Okay. So I would say to try this. Okay. Every, so when I get my leanest, like if I have a photo shoot, this is what I do. I eat and then I set my alarm and in between three, you have to wait three to four hours and then I eat again. It could be something small. It could be a full meal, whatever. But every three to four hours to feed your body

is how you get the remaining last five pounds off. Really? And you don't have to do sit-ups because as soon as your ribs, like as soon as I start doing that, my fat just starts, because you need the fat to burn the fat, right? Right. So you can't deprive yourself of fat. So what you're doing, your plan is working, but I would just say time it. Don't eat every two hours.

Okay. Eat every three to four hours, wherever you hours okay eat every three to four hours assume wherever you're hungry between those three to four hours okay and see if that makes a difference because that's a way to kickstart your metabolism okay yeah and that's what I do before I have to get ready for anything okay because there's like that last you know yeah five pounds and it's and I have I've had a baby but whatever but I mean it's I'm not bikini ready yet. So I would like to, you know, put on my bikini too and feel good in it. Just feel good. And even if you're not hungry with the three to four hours, I know you will because you eat pretty consistently, right? Like if you need to split it

up, like the more you can do that throughout the day, the more meals you can have, the better. Like five small meals is better than four small meals. Okay. Because it just keeps burning your fat. Okay. And it gets in there to those areas that are hard to lose. Right. So, yeah, I'm doing it right now. And, I mean, I can already tell I've lost body fat. Really?

Yeah. And I've been doing it. You'll see a difference in four or five days. Okay. But I wanted to hear what happens with that, with the diet thing, too. Oh, yeah. Well, you'll see a post in my bikini. And I'll tag you.

Yeah, exactly. Fitness for life, Chelsea Hammer. Well, do you want to plug any socials or anything, Colleen? That's fine. Colleen, what am I? I don't even know. I'm really bad. She tried to get the handle dumb dumb. She, when I first saw her, she's like, I'm not on Instagram or anything. And she's like, I'm going to get the handle dumb dumb on Instagram. Colleen underscore Syragusa. There you go. There you go.

You can follow me there or ask me any questions and I'll get back to you. Thank you so much for joining us. This is awesome. Thank you. This was so much fun. That was so much fun. I'm so glad you came. Thank you, Colleen. Thank you, Catherine. Now, where's Joe Coy? Because I need to meet him.

He's here. Hi. How are you? Oh, my goodness. I said I need to shake the hand of the man who can survive. Okay, stand-up dates. I have Winnipeg coming up March 10th and March 11th. There are still tickets to the second show, which I believe the second show was added on the 10th.

Yes. We have two shows coming up in Toronto, March 12th. You can get tickets to the late show still for that. And then I'm going to Ottawa. And then I pick back up in Cedar Rapids, Des Moines, and Omaha, April 14th, 15th, 16th. And then every weekend and through July. So pick your tickets up, go buy them at ChelseaHandler.com, and you'll see me on my People's Choice Award-winning comedy tour. The best tour of 2021, and even though it's 2022, I consider it to be the best

tour of 2022 as well. Thank you. Also for tickets to Vancouver and Calgary I really apologize for all the changing of dates but now the Grammys have been rescheduled for the day that I was going to reschedule my Vancouver dates and I don't get nominated for Grammys very often people so I have to go to those. So we are rescheduling again the Vancouver and Calgary dates. They are most likely to be rescheduled in August, but you can always check my website. We will update or Instagram or Twitter. We update it all the time. And as soon as we have those dates locked in, you will hear about it.

So my apologies. And any tickets you have will be honored for those new rescheduled dates. And if you'd like to get advice from Chelsea and one of her guests, please write in to DearChelseaProject at gmail.com. Like... Why the bathroom door doesn't go all the way to the floor. What's in the museum of failure? And does your dog truly love you? We have the answer. Go to reallynoreally.com and register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. The Really No Really Podcast.

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