Dear Chelsea - The Fancy Crocs with Luenell

Episode Date: April 25, 2024

The hilarious Luenell joins Chelsea in-studio today to talk about lighting joints at an A-List dinner party, why it’s a family affair to play the Apollo, and the flesh-eating diseases that surely must live in airports. Then: A snooping husband finds something he doesn’t like when he looks through his wife’s phone.  A stay-at-home-mom has never had an orgasm with her husband.  And a girlfriend wants to sleep with her boyfriend… AND their roommate.   *  Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail] * Executive Producer Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert * * * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Do you want a shortcut to the best version of you? Here it is. Feed the good wolf. I'm Eric Zimmer, host of The One You Feed. Every week, I talk to brilliant minds and brave souls about the art of small, powerful choices. Our listeners say it all. This is a lifeline.

Transformational. The best antidote to a bad mood I've ever heard. Join the pack and start feeding your best self. Listen to The One You Feed on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, y'all. I'm Dr. Joy Harden-Bradford, host of Therapy for Black Girls. This January, join me for our third annual January Jumpstart series. Starting January 1st, we'll have inspiring conversations to give you a hand in kick-starting

your personal growth. If you've been holding back or playing small, this is your all-access pass to step fully into the possibilities of the new year. Listen to Therapy for Black Girls starting on January 1st on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help.

That's right. I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch your pesky credit card debt once and for all, make real progress on other crucial financial goals that you've got, and just feel more in control of your money in general. You know it. For money advice without the judgment and jargon, listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, Katherine. Hi, Chelsea.

It's an exciting day. What's today, Tuesday? Today is Tuesday. Today is Tuesday. We're recording for our podcast that airs on Thursday. I just got back from Vegas. I did a big promotional shoot. I have a big announcement coming at some point. And I had a really fun day. I took Doug to Vegas yesterday. You know how I feel about Vegas. He loves to fly private. He only flies privately because I don't think he's going to get along well on a commercial airline, which means that's going to be prohibitive to his travel schedule. I'm already trying to think about Mallorca. I'm going to Mallorca for the month of June.

And I'm like, how can I bring Doug? And then I thought, because I can actually bring him. I brought Chunk once. But it's too hot for him. He's very furry. He's got a lot of layers. And I thought I could shave him. But that's.

Oh, I don't know that I'd shave. I follow the girl with the dogs on YouTube. And she is like a dog groomer. And she says for some dogs it'll ruin their undercoat it makes them kind of like patchy it's not good for them so I would talk to your groomer because he's so silky smooth. Maybe that's what happened with Bernice their personalities it was because of their undercoat I shaved them too quickly. Yeah I just wanted to get down to business and see what was underneath their fur you know what I mean because really what I'm after

is that body. And they can be like spotty too, chows. Like we had a chow that spotted purple and pink. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I don't think Doug is going to go to Mallorca. I just think it's too hot for him. Yeah. Well, I have a quick follow up from a caller. People, as we know, wrote in to Sarah,

whose boyfriend couldn't get it up and had lots of opinions last week. So Sarah responded. She said, thanks so much for following up. I loved listening to the suggestions from the Dear Chelsea community. His medication was definitely a big factor. That combined with his already shaky self-confidence was a recipe for disaster. But I'm happy to report that after a trip to the doctor, our sex life has really turned around.

Amazing. In fact, I can hardly keep him off me now. Thanks for the advice, Sarah. So what did they do? Do we know? They went to the doctor, got it figured out. I think they might have switched his medications, but it was exactly what you called last week. Okay, great.

Great. Yeah. I love it. I love it. Everyone now, everyone's now they're getting happy penetration. Very thrilled that Sarah is getting laid. So. I know.

It's good for the soul to have penetration. Truly. I'm going to get some later tonight. Oh, that getting laid. I know. It's good for the soul to have penetration. Truly. I'm going to get some later tonight. Oh, that's exciting. I know. Okay, so we have a special guest on today. She actually is in Vegas all the time, and she flew in special to record this podcast today.

She is a comedian. She is ridiculous, and her nails are longer than Flo Jo's. Is that a reference people know anymore? Flo Jo, yeah. Yeah, I remember. That's when the first nails came on the scene was Flo Jo. Remember?

Yeah. Anyway, her nails are as long as Flo Jo's, and she's not running anywhere. Please welcome Lunel. Oh, my God. This is so exciting. This woman is ridiculous, and she makes me laugh so hard, not only because of her outfits and her nails that I don't even know how she wipes with them, but her stand-up is so fucking

funny. She is so fucking funny and if you're in New York, you can see her at the Apollo Theater. She's going to be performing tomorrow night at the Apollo Theater, April 26th, and she's also going to be at the Netflix's Joke Festival in May in LA, and she has her first ever special, which was on

Netflix, was called Chappelle's Home Team, Linnell's Town Business. What do you have to say for yourself, Chiquita Banana? Hey, I'm booked and busy and blessed. I know. Yeah, your career, your comedy career. Well, I keep trying to hook up with you, but you live in Vegas? I live in Vegas and here. I just, a year ago this month, purchased my first home. It's my first time. You know, everybody doesn't get it when everybody else does. You know, you get it when you're supposed to. So I've been at my residency in Vegas for four years, living out of the Flamingo Hotel in the Link. But I came upon an opportunity and it has totally upgraded my life. I love living in Las Vegas.

I just recently got awarded the key to the strip by the city council people or whatever. And I got a proclamation. Wow. That March 11th is Lunel Day in Las Vegas. And I work for the great Jimmy Kimmel, you know, at Jimmy Kimmel's Comedy Club Sunday and Monday nights at 930. So I'm very booked. Like you were saying that you went on a date.

I'm like, damn, how do you do it? Because I don't really date. I want to, but it's, you know, our schedules change like with a phone call, you know, and you can make a plan with a guy. Then all of a sudden, listen, I can't do it. I'm going to Europe tomorrow. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Our shit is like that. So it's hard for me. Lucky you. I know. I know. Well, sometimes I go through phases where I don't have sex or I don't date people for months because it is kind of hard, especially as a woman. You know, I mean, we kind of talk about this and it's a little bit of a beating a dead horse because it's hard as being a woman who has her shit together. Men don't think that you need them.

That is what a guy said. Okay, first of all, we don't need you. Right. We desire you. So that's actually a good thing. It's not a need. It is a desire. Right.

I don't need you for nothing, but I do desire you. But also, sex is also not a need. It's a desire. That's right. Just to clear it because I've heard people say sex is a need. I'm like sex is also not a need. It's a desire. That's right. Just to clear it. Because I've heard people say sex is a need. I'm like, no, no. Yeah, that's the excuse that men make.

You'll survive without it. That's the excuse that men make to go fuck around. I need it. You don't give me enough. When we first got married, it was hot. And now I don't do it. Because one of my favorite shows on TV is Cheaters. I could watch that shit all day and all night.

Cheaters and fucking catfish. I'm down. I'm like, are you serious? I could watch that shit all day. When night. Cheaters and fucking catfish. I'm down. I'm like, are you serious? I could watch that shit all day. When was the last time you did have a relationship? Have you ever had a serious relationship? I've been married. Oh, okay.

So I guess that would be considered a serious relationship? Yes. Well, not all marriages are. Well, I mean, we didn't stay married, but. How long? Well, we were legally married for like maybe 20 years. But we were separated for like 18 of those years. And it was just a whole mess.

But I still love him. He's very ill right now. Oh, okay. And so I still love him. But we're divorced. And I go see him and stuff like that. But we had a, it was a whole trip. Okay.

And you don't have kids though, right? I have one daughter. She's 28. Oh, what's her name? Her name is Danelle. See, I had have kids, though, right? I have one daughter. She's 28. Oh. What's her name? Her name is Danelle. See, I had to get a tattoo. Rhymes with Lanelle.

Well, yeah. And her father's name is Dana. So Dana and Lanelle, Danelle. Oh, okay. Not Danielle. I don't like Danielle. Every Danielle I know is a bitch. But this Danelle, that's it.

And I had to have it tattooed on my arm because I was so fucking frazzled about having a baby. I didn't even know if I could remember her birthday. So I got it tattooed on my arm. Yeah, yeah. You don't have a great memory. No, I don't. And my daughter will attest to that. Do you think it has anything to do with all the pot smoking?

Because I smoke a lot of pot, too. Well, I can remember my material and I remember the plane to get on. That's the most important shit. Do you remember you go on stage stoned, right? Most of the time. Well, you know, the last time I got stoned with you, yeah, that's good. I usually have a drink. I don't usually get stoned, but this weekend I tried getting stoned before I went on stage.

How'd you like that? I loved it. I love drugs. I love alcohol. I love all of it. The last time I saw you was at Chappelle's birthday party in New York City, and you had a joint there, which I had to find you because I needed your joint. I needed a joint.

And I was like, where's Linnell? No, listen. Chelsea was coming down the hall. Me and my daughter. Oh, yeah, duh. Right. Me and my daughter were about to go out and smoke a joint. Chelsea says, where are you going?

I said, well, I'm going to go outside and smoke a joint. She said, you don't have to go outside. Now, we've got a fancy, you know, Angela Bassett was there, Gayle King was there, Spike Lee was there. All these fancy schmancy people. Candlelight dressed up. Chelsea's like, you don't have to go outside.

I'm like, white privilege, white privilege. She's like, you don't have to go outside. I'm like, yes, I do. She says, no, you don't. I said, well, you like the motherfucking end. So, she did, and we sat light the motherfucking end. So she did. And we sat in the middle of the fucking fancy dinner party, smoking the joint blow and smoking everybody's face. Yeah.

And then everyone else started lighting up joints, too. So it worked out perfectly. And then I passed out some edibles, too. Oh, yeah. I love joints. Sometimes I have, like, I went to my cousin's wedding over the summer, and I had, like, a whole sheet of microdose LSD. And I just handed them out. But I just said, oh, this is a mint to the people that I knew wouldn't take drugs.

And I know that's roofying, but it was such a microdose that I knew it was going to help everyone have a great time. And my Jewish side of the family is like very conservative and they're not drug users. So I just said, these are mints. And then everyone had a blast. And I told my, my cousin's mother after the fact, I was like, did you have an amazing time? She's like, that was the best night of my life. And she still doesn't know why. She thinks it's because her son got married, but I'm like, no, I know why. No, it's the very

elites here in LA that do the micro-dose LSD shit, and this other shit that you take when you're with the Indians up in the... Ayahuasca. That shit. I just smoke weed.

I smoke weed, drink tequila. So what do you... You smoke your first joint as soon as you wake up? No, I don't wake and bake like that because I can't smoke on an empty stomach. Oh. It makes me crazy, like crazy. I have to have like, you know, some toast and maybe some juice. Really?

Yes, before I can smoke. I can't smoke on an empty stomach. It makes me insane. More high than usual? No, more hungry than usual. Oh, well done. I got to eat something first and then I can smoke. Plus, I think that people that wake and bake, I'm like, so you don't want to be sober at all?

Like maybe till noon to see what it's like. Take care of your business or anything like that. But then also I get sleepy, but that's why I smoke sativas and not indica. Indica puts me down. And you don't smoke cigarettes? No, I detest any tobacco. Oh, good. Good for you. Cigarettes,

cigars, all that bullshit. Pipes, all that. I don't like tobacco. I don't want to kiss you. I don't want to kiss you. I don't want to smell you. I don't want you to leave that smell on my couch. Nothing. You can't come in my house if you smoke cigarettes. Cigarettes are pretty disgusting.

And that includes family members of mine. Yeah, I mean, cigarettes are pretty gross. I had a group of friends that came to my house in Mallorca last summer, and they don't really smoke, but they were smoking on this vacation. So, of course, I just do whatever anyone else is doing. If I have a group that exercises, I exercise. If I have a group that wants to smoke cigarettes, I also smoke cigarettes. But after a week with them, I was like, get the fuck out of my house.

I am turning into—my skin was gray by the time they left my house. Lips dry. Yeah, and then the smell, the smell. A smoker who has a non-smoker mate, that's some kind of love that I can't understand. Because I can't, you can't be my mate. We can't get together if you smoke cigarettes. I think the same thing all the time.

How does someone who doesn't smoke be with somebody who does? Can I ask about your sex life with comics? Because you hang out with a lot of comics. You were doing the Chappelle's camp, right? The comedy camp for a while. Have you ever hooked up with any comics? Because you hang out with a lot of comics. You were doing the Chappelle's camp, right? The comedy camp for a while. Have you ever hooked up with any comics? I haven't fucked a comic since like the 80s. No, let me see. The last comic

I had sex with was in 95. That's why I had a baby in 96. So he was a comic? Yeah, my daughter's father's a comic. That's why we're a baby in 96. So he was a comic? Yeah, my daughter's father's a comic. That's why we're making it a family trip when I go do the Apollo. Because years ago, my baby daddy performed at the Apollo back when I think Sinbad was hosting it or something.

And that was, you know, 40 years ago or whatever. So we're all together. My daughter, he and I, he have not been in the Apollo since then. Probably thought he would never go back in there because we live on the West Coast. And my daughter can now say that both her parents have performed at the Apollo. Oh, wow. And that's a lot of pressure for her to fucking perform at the Apollo. She's fine.

She's a dancer. She dances, like, you know, for award shows and stuff. That's a lot of pressure for her to fucking perform at the Apollo. She's fine. She's a dancer. She dances like, you know, for award shows and stuff. She danced with Lizzo at the Grammys. Oh, nice. She danced with Coil of Ray and been on tour to like Amsterdam and shit like that. You know what I saw someone try to wear this weekend? Or no, someone showed me a picture or something because they knew how sick it would make me. They're selling Crocs but in heels now.

High-heeled Crocs. Okay, hold the train. Did you say yes like you're getting a pair, Catherine? No. Yes, I've seen them and I'm horrified. That would be your rock bottom. That would be it. Okay, can I speak on Crocs for a minute? Yeah. Don't look down. I'm wearing something. Oh my God.

You know what? I didn't even get to your feet because your body is so bodacious that I had to focus on that. But let me explain. First of all, no, don't. I'm going to show the people. I'm going to show you. Is this going to be on YouTube and stuff? I don't know.

I don't know what this is. Eventually, yes, it probably will be. Okay, so I'm going to show the people the Crocs, and I'm going to get your reaction about the Crocs. First of all, let me go on record by saying I hate Crocs. I think they make your feet look like Minnie Mouse feet. You know Minnie Mouse, the feet? Yes. Yes. I think they make your feet look like Minnie Mouse's feet. You know Minnie Mouse? The feet? Yes.

Yes. I think they're for nurses. I actually don't remember Minnie Mouse's feet. They're round. They're big like this. Like a mouse. Oh. And Mickey's feet are big like that too.

Fuck those two mice. Anyway, I'm so sick of those two. I fuck mice in general. But I don't like them. And then I had double knee replacement surgery during the corona. And a girl reached out to me. I did a lot during the corona. Wait, double knee surgery?

Yeah, I had one. And I had another one four months later. Oh. It changed my life. I wouldn't be here. For the best. I would have committed suicide if I didn't get my knee surgery. Oh.

It was that bad. Oh, okay. Arthritis. Bone on bone. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's all better. So during the Rona, when I had my surgeries, this girl reached out to me on Instagram. And she's like, Lunella, I make Crocs.

Do you like these? I was like, oh, my God. Those would be the only kind of Crocs I would wear. She sent me two pair. I bought seven more. So these are the Crocs I'm wearing today. I'm more interested in what your foot that you just took out of it. My feet are amazing as well.

Because that looks like a real Chicken McNugget deluxe. They're blinged out. They are cute. I know. I mean, that's as cute as it's going to get for Crocs. It is. This is it. And I've got like seven pair in there.

I was like, Gucci ones. Is it Gucci? Yeah. Are they Gucci? Yeah, yeah. Okay, got it. Oh, yeah, that's cute. No, those are cute.

I mean, if you're going to wear a cross. Only like this. And they're good for the airport. You can slide in and out. And, you know, if your feet slip. By the way, you shouldn't be taking your shoes off on planes. Do you know that? I wear socks, honey.

Okay, you fucking better because that is disgusting and unsanitary. I don't like it. I wear socks. First of all, I'm not going through the security thing barefoot behind. What happened to the flesh-eating disease? Isn't that still out there? What if you stand behind somebody like that and now your feet are falling out? One of my friends, we were going through the airport a couple days ago,

and she laughed at me when I put on socks with my sandals before going through the thing. And then when she got up there, she's like, oh, no, now I'm barefoot. I was like, who's laughing now? Uh, yeah. No shit, Sherlock. I'm not walking behind barefoot randos. My friend Kelly in Africa, she, she has like, she doesn't like her feet to touch anything public, like any public facing situation. So we were in Africa and we're taking these like little, going to these tiny little airports and bopping around. And they were like, okay. She basically worked it out with our safari guy that she had a medical emergency. So she wasn't allowed to take her shoes off because of her phobia of touching any dirt.

So she was allowed to wear her shoes through all the like, you know, scanners and stuff. Very lucky. And I was like, what condition would that be? That you're not, that you can't take them off. Because that ain't going to fly in Dubai, honey. You can't have your feet out. You're going to have to take the motherfucking shoes off, period. Yeah, I don't, yeah, I just don't like walking behind people like that.

No, I was on a plane yesterday and the woman, there was a six-month-old baby in its own seat next to me by itself. And the mother was in the row in front of her. What? Wait a minute, what? The baby is like six months old. It's strapped into the seat. I got there. Yes.

And I was like, I'm sorry, am I supposed to take care of this baby? Like whose baby is this? And then the woman, she was sitting in front of me and I said, excuse me, is this your baby? And she's like, oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I go, are you allowed to just put the baby in a seat? And she goes, yeah, I bought him his own ticket or I bought her her own ticket. And I was like, don't you want to sit with a seat? And she goes, yeah, I bought him his own ticket, or I bought her her own ticket. And I was like, don't you want to sit with your baby? And she goes, actually, I prefer to sit here.

And I'm like, so fucking would I, cut. You think I want to fucking sit next to your six-month-old? Ain't no way, ain't no way. Six-month-old baby? How long was the flight? What did you fly for us? It was two hours. It was from San Francisco to, or no, San Francisco back to LA.

It was an hour. And it was on an airline, a real airline commercial. I don't give a shit. Nobody sitting next to my baby. They could be doing anything to my fucking baby. I don't want the baby anywhere near me. I understand that too. I mean, who cares? It's just like

I've never seen such a thing. If the baby was in the middle. It wasn't in a seat or anything. It wasn't in a baby seat. It wasn't in a car seat. It was just sitting there like it was an adult. And the airline allowed that. I guess. I guess. Well, did the baby order a cocktail?

Shit, grown ass. No, I had two cocktails, though, at noon. I was like, fuck, I'll take a vodka soda. And then I was like, I don't even drink vodka anymore. Yeah, I could get one for the baby. So, you've never had sex with comics since the last time you had sex with comics. Ninety-six. Ninety-five.

I only had sex with a couple comics early in my career because it's just not hot. You know, comic on comic sex. And then if it goes wrong, then the guy is probably going to do some material about you. And now you got beef like the Crips and the Bloods. Yeah. Because if a motherfucker says something about me on stage, I would tear that ass up. But it has not happened. Well, thank God for that.

Thank God for small miracles. Now, you spend most of your time in Vegas working at this Jimmy Kimmel Comedy Club. And I know you have your residency there, right? So you've had a lot of success later in life, in your professional life. So tell me how that's impacted you. Well, you know, when you're younger, you want what you want and you want it right now, you know? And when you don't get it like that, but you do still get it, but you get it later, I feel like you appreciate it more and you won't fuck it up as easy.

You know, I did all my fuck-ups before I even left the Bay Area, before I came to L.A. Like, I did all the coke and everything like that in Oakland. When I got to L.A., I was already all coked out, so I didn't do it anymore. And then, you know, now that I'm older, of course, I would never, because these kids got some shit fentanyl or something like that. Thank God. Anyone who needed a deterrent from cocaine has one, because you can't do it anymore. You play Russian roulette with that shit now.

So I also feel that if I had got a house earlier, who knows if I'd have been able to sustain it. My money is pretty stable now and that's good. Everything that I've got, Barry Smith always says it gets greater later. And you don't want to hear that shit when you're young. But you're still figuring shit out for, like, years. You know, like, everybody doesn't, you know, get a YouTube channel, make a million dollars, buy their mom a house like a lot of these kids do. But we came up to there was no cell phones.

There was no social media. The only best promotion you could get, especially about a female comic, is that bitch is funny go see her that was your that was your your promotion so I feel like we appreciate it more we do what it takes to stay out of this shit we mind our own business we don't get caught up in the bullshit we don't social media bank what you, you do. I don't. And, you know, stuff like that. So yeah, it impacted my life in a great way. I'm all good now. Yeah, yeah. It's nice to be earning a good living doing what you love to do.

Oh, for sure. Like that eats all day, for sure. And it feels so, it's so helpful for your self-assuredness and your confidence and the way you go through life when you feel financially secure, when you feel settled, you have a house, you have a job security. Yeah, I have seven brothers and sisters, and believe you me, nothing means more to them than you not asking them for money. Nothing means more. That's when you have made it. Don't ask me for no money and actually help out when you can. So I enjoy that.

And also I feel like being a comic we don't have to rely on a band, background singers, glam squad. Maybe you do. I don't because I do my own shit. You don't have to wait wait on nobody

it's just us well you're also monetizing your own personality yeah we're making money off of being ourselves like what a gift that is we just get to be ourselves and make a living doing that not everybody can do that well not everybody's interesting no i will not we will not not anybody's interesting or not everybody's interested in monetizing their own personality. Right. I'm like, what's the least amount of work I could do? Be myself. Exactly.

I'd rather just be myself and get paid for that. Absolutely. Absolutely. How do you work that out? Okay. We're going to take a quick break. We're going to bake, actually. We're going to take a little break and bake and we'll be right back.

Need advice from Chelsea about a coworker situation? Write in to DearChelseaPodcast at gmail.com. Hey, y'all. I'm Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, host of Therapy for Black Girls, and I'm thrilled to invite you to our January Jumpstart Series for the third year running. All January, I'll be joined by inspiring guests who will help you kickstart your personal growth with actionable ideas and real conversations. We're talking about topics like building community and creating an inner and outer glow. I always tell people that when you buy a handbag, it doesn't cover a childhood scar. You know, when you buy a jacket, it doesn't reaffirm what you love about the hair you were told not to love. So when I think about beauty, it's so emotional because it starts to go back into the archives of who we were,

how we want to see ourselves and who we know ourselves to be and who we can be. So a little bit of past, present and future all in one idea, soothing something from the past. And it doesn't have to be always an insecurity. It can be something that you love. All to help you start 2025 feeling empowered and ready. Listen to Therapy for Black Girls starting on January 1st on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year.

It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel. Ooh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How to Money. We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year, offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially. Yeah. Whether you find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt, or you've got a sky high credit card balance

because you went a little overboard with the holiday spending, or maybe you're looking to optimize your retirement accounts so you can retire early, well, How to Money will help you to change your relationship with money so you can stress less and grow your net worth. That's right. How to Money comes out three times a week, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays for money advice without the judgment and jargon. Listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Inside you, two wolves are locked in battle. One thrives on fear and anger and doubt. The other, courage, wisdom, and love. Every decision, every moment feeds one of them.

Which wolf are you feeding? I'm Eric Zimmer, host of The One You Feed. I've been there, homeless, addicted, and lost. I know the power of small choices to turn your life around. On this podcast, I sit down with thinkers, leaders, and survivors to uncover what it takes to feed the good wolf. This podcast saved me. It's like having a guide for the hardest parts of life.

The wolves are hungry. What will you feed them? Listen to The One You Feed on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really No Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like

why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor. We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you. And the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer.

And you never know who's going to drop by. Mr. Bryan Cranston is with us today. How are you two? Hello, my friend. Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really, No Really, sir. Bless you all. Hello, Newman.

And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening? Really, No Really. Yeah, really. No Really. Go to reallynoreally.com. And register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason

Bobblehead. It's called Really, No Really, and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back with Lunell. Do you prefer Lunell or Lunell? Either. Because Billy, my driver, who knew you when I said I was interviewing you today, he said, oh, and I said, Linnell, she's a comic.

And he goes, Lu now? And I was like, yeah, you know her? And he goes, yeah, I know her from years ago. He said he used to drive you around. Yeah, there's a lot of boys that said he used to drive me around. Well, he said you tried to. He said you tried to. They probably did.

Yeah, okay. Well, okay. So you know what goes on here. We're going to take callers. We give them advice. Oh, that's great. Okay, people call in and they want advice, and that's what we're here for. That's my favorite shit.

Let's go. Yeah, me too. I fucking love it. Me too. Our first question comes from Annie. Annie says, I'm living with my boyfriend and our mutual best friend. We've all been friends for over a decade, traveled and lived together, and are currently living together, just the three of us.

I've always thought this friend of ours was attractive, and maybe even that I'm possibly going downhill. Go ahead. And maybe even that I'm possibly in love with him, but I've held those feelings in the whole time, so we can all just be good friends, and I don't ruin it for everyone. Well, this roommate and I often trade back rubs. He was a massage therapist, and we've been doing this for years, always 100% platonic, although honestly, I've always fantasized about it not being platonic. When my boyfriend and I hit a rocky patch and he took some space, I told our friend about it, and we ended up going all the way that night. And a few times after that. When my boyfriend got back, we stopped and haven't

had much physical interaction since then. My problem is I love them both. My boyfriend is just an epic person. My roommate, on the other hand, I've never been more attracted to anyone in my life and I cannot stop thinking about it. I believe I'm in love with him. It was a crush the whole time, but recently I'm thinking about him as a life partner. I don't know what the heck to do. I love living with them both. We're great friends, have fun, and in some sort of twisted way, I'm getting the best of both worlds. Yeah. I'm curious if you think I should move out and leave my wonderful life and look elsewhere. Tell them both I like them or what. Please help, Chelsea. I know you'll set me straight. Annie. You go first.

Oh, my God. What a fucking mess. You can't fuck your roommate while your boyfriend lives there. That is so disrespectful that you did that. Boys do it all the time. Yeah, they do. It is, but it's still disrespectful. I mean, it doesn't justify it because boys do it.

I don't want to be a boy. Listen, she didn't say how old she is. She's like 20s. She's in her 20s. Okay, I say fuck them both. Okay, great advice. Yeah, keep fucking. Wait until it blows up.

Yeah. Wait until it blows up because it's going to blow up. Well, it's going to blow up and your boyfriend is not going to forgive you for fucking your roommate. No, so if you're somebody else, she's in her fucking 20s. I think you break up with your boyfriend right away and maybe pursue it with the roommate. When did you become such a prude? I'm fucking, because I have morals, okay? When?

I have standards and morals. Who is this? Can I see Chelsea? Yeah, yeah, I'm right here. I don't just say, fuck everyone. Yeah, you got to have some sort of boundary. Not there. Not in the apartment.

Don't even listen to what the fuck she's saying right now. Okay, okay, why am I here? Why am I here? Okay, go ahead, go ahead. Okay, I say this because, number one, her boyfriend's a fucking great guy. Yeah, epic, she said. He's an epic guy.

You don't want to get rid of him. Number two, the other guy, you're just hot in the pants for. He may not be as great a guy as the boyfriend, okay? You motherfuckers knew when you moved in together that some shit like this might happen. In the back of somebody's mind, somebody's bullshit was going to happen. Her fucking mind. And the masseuse, too. Yeah.

He guiltyuse too. Be guilty too. So I say continue on with what you're doing. Be very cautious. Be prepared for it to blow up because it will. Don't be all crying, all brokenhearted because you fucking did it. Take the L. Move on. Don't move until you have to.

First of all, that is the only piece of your advice that I agree with, is when it fucking blows up, don't start crying and acting like, I didn't know this happened. It happened because you couldn't keep your fucking pants on, and you had to keep fucking your roommate. Who can keep their pants on in their 20s? Come on, Chelsea. I know, but it's not cool. If you have a great boyfriend and you fuck your roommate that you've been fantasizing about, she should release that boyfriend, and she should

release herself into the wilderness so she can go sow her oats. So she can be miserable for the rest of her life. Right now, she's just making people miserable. Nobody's miserable. She did say nobody's complaining. Because what he don't know won't hurt him, and the other motherfucker, he's a dog because he's fucking his boy's

girl. Would you be in a relationship, would you ever be in a situation where you lived with two roommates and you were fucking both of them and one thought they were your boyfriend? I've never lived with two roommates that I was fucking anybody. But I have fucked a father and son before. Now how about that? How about

them apples? Well that is something. How about them apples Chelsea? Yeah, tell us more about that. I would like to know about a father-son. I've never, yeah. Okay, you want to know how it happened? Yeah. Years ago when I lived in Oakland, California, when I was hot in the ass and in my 20s, I fell in love with this bass player guy that was in this band. So I used to hang out. I was a studio rat check hang out the studio sleep in the studio listen to them practice and all that kind of stuff fine then we got older and went about our little separate ways many years later this guy gets at me because I used to do a show like this in Oakland on the Sobe television network local cable station and when people could call in and stuff like this this guy called me and he was talking to me he wanted to get at me he came to the station we hooked up and so we were laying in bed talking one day and he said yeah my dad blah blah blah his name and I said blah blah

blah he said yeah blah blah blah I said blah blah blah blah blah and he said yeah I said oh my god I said that's your father he said yeah I said oh oh, my God. I said, that's your father? He said, yeah. I said, oh, my God, you'll never guess what happened. And I told him. And what did he think? Well, you know, the typical male shit, who's better in bed. Actually, he was. Daddy was all right.

But, you know, we were doing a lot of drugs back then. So the impotency. Cocaine ain't never made nobody dick hard like they think. It makes it soft. It's very hard to get a hard dick on cocaine. Cocaine and a variety of other drugs as well, quite frankly. Everyone needs to just carry Viagra

with them. After you turn fucking 40, men need to carry Viagra. No, just date younger men. Fuck some Viagra. I don't want to date a 30-year-old. I like my men. Well, I don't want to date a 60-year-old because I'm not putting ice pack on your gout foot. Whatever the fuck's Viagra. I don't want to date a 30-year-old. Well, I don't want to date a 60-year-old because I'm not putting ice pack on your gout foot. Whatever the fuck's wrong with you. That's very specific. No.

Who's our next caller, Catherine? Okay. So our next caller is Josie. She is a stay-at-home mom. She says, Dear Chelsea, I'd love your opinion and advice on a topic I've been struggling with for 20 years. Orgasms. The first time I had sex, I was 17, and I'm 37 now, and I have never once had an orgasm with a man. Uh-oh.

I was married. Wait a minute. With a man. With a man, yeah. Or. Good point. I was married from 22 to 25. I cheated on him and divorced him, and that marriage was filled with exciting sex.

Still, the only way I was able to orgasm was from porn and or a vibrator by myself. My ex knew this was the case and was fine with it. We just continued about our merry way and still had sex about five times per week. I've been married to my current husband for almost 11 years and have not had an orgasm with him once. I'm ashamed to admit that I've been faking it the whole time. It doesn't bother me that much since I'm still able to get off maybe once a week by myself. I've never had a huge sex drive regardless of this issue. I don't want to tell my husband I've been faking it for a decade.

We have sex around one to three times a week, and I love that he loves fucking me. It really makes me happy to have sex with him, but I can't shake this feeling that I'm lying to him about this. What do you think? Thank you and love you, Josie. Josie, your show. Her name is Josie, to go with Chelsea and Linnell.

Because you know I'm going to disagree with what you say. I know, I know. Hi, Josie. Hi, you all. Hi. Nice to see you. Hi, this is our special guest, Linnell. She's from...

Where is she from? Around the way. Out of space. Around the way. She dropped by. She came in from Vegas. Hot, off the tarmac. Hot off the tarmac.

Yep. Oh, man. I feel like I should be wearing sunglasses right now, too. Well, you're not anonymous even if you had them on because there you are right on the camera. Yes. Linnell, did you want to go first on this? Sure, I don't care.

Why don't you take it? Okay, first of all, you and 98% of women in marriages are faking orgasms, first of all. Okay? Okay. Because some people will sacrifice an orgasm for a really good man. Now, this guy must be a really good guy. Maybe he's a good provider and he loves you. He still loves fucking you and stuff like that. And you faking it, you know, just what's the

problem? Let him go to work, bust out the vibrator, rub one out and keep going about your day. I don't see, you know, it would be lovely for you to have an orgasm with the man that you, I think you love him still. Do you love him? Oh, absolutely. He's a fantastic man. Okay, well, you know, that's what vibrators are for. So you're able to have an orgasm by yourself, which means you're able to have an orgasm. And with porn.

And with porn, right. I like to fantasize about porn a lot when I'm having an orgasm. I think about a couple of scenes in some porn movies I've seen. That really gets my juices flowing. So I can relate to what you're saying. I won't mention what those movies are because they're too embarrassing, the plot lines. Is it gay porn? No, no. Well, lesbian porn. I do like lesbian porn.

I've watched gay male porn. I don't like it. I'm not opposed to gay porn either. I like gay porn. Because those motherfuckers know how to suck a dick, I tell you. I pick up a few pointers watching some of these boys. But whose dick are you sucking? No one's, you're saying no one's dick is getting sucked by you. I'm not sucking no dick right now.

So why are you taking dick sucking classes right now? I don't need a class. Well, yes, I do. My dick sucking is trash. Josie. Because my heart ain't in it. Josie, have you ever had your husband give you an orgasm with the vibrator while you're fooling around with him? Uh-oh.

She just came. She passed out. She just came. She might be using it. No, I've never talked to her. She's probably using it while she's talking to him. I'm going to switch you around. Okay, wait.

There she is. She's back. So you've never had him give you an orgasm with the vibrator while you guys are fooling around? No, but that's a great idea. And he gave me one for Valentine's Day last year. Perfect. So bring that into the bedroom and show him. He doesn't know exactly what to do. You have to show him what to do. I'll agree with that, Chelsea. Oh, thank you. You have to show, point your finger and tell him higher, lower, there. But Chelsea, are you aggressive like that or do you be sweet? Are you sweet in bed?

Yeah, I'm not like, hey, hire. I had to ask. But I want to help them. I'm not going to fake an orgasm at this age. I've done exactly what you did for 20 years. First of all, it takes concentration to have an orgasm. You have to concentrate. I'm not sure what exactly, but I know you need to concentrate.

On something. On your fucking clitoris is what you need to concentrate on. But you know you can have one. So there's really nothing wrong. You just have to show your husband and don't admit that you've been lying about orgasms. That information isn't helpful. You don't need to know that. But just start getting a little bit.

I bet you he's going to be great at it once you show him the way. And then you're going to have even better sex with your husband. You already have a really healthy sex life. Three times a week is great. Yeah, you're fucking blessed. What the fuck are you? She hasn't had sex since the 80s. That's a lot.

Yeah, I'll agree with Chelsea. Maybe have him, since he bought it for you, maybe have him use it on you. Okay, okay, I like this. Buzz your way into happiness. Buzz your way. And also, don't fake it anymore. Get him involved in helping you orgasm.

And I would wager that if he bought you the vibrator, he wants to use it with you. Yeah. You know, so you could be like, hey, guess what I thought would be hot. Let's try this. And then if he's still not getting it from you, like describing like higher, lower, let's do it this way, you can be like, you know what would be hot? Why don't you watch me? Watch me. Yeah.

Ooh, I like that. Okay, okay, I like that. And also try some different combinations with the vibrator. Like have him fingering you, have him do whatever, like turn, you know, not just the clitoris stimulation, but some girls need a bunch of things to happen at the same time. Some girls like to have a finger in their asshole when they're having an orgasm. Not this girl. Yeah, i know what you like you can't put your finger in

anyone's asshole with those fucking nails i would never no i'm not a doctor yeah i am a doctor and i am a doctor and i don't do that yes you do no that's really helpful i just yeah it's just been on my heart for years and years and years get it off heart and put it in your panties and let's go. Yes, ma'am. Okay. I like that. Yeah, you're going to be fine. Just be more communicative.

That's a really good idea to get the vibrators out that he bought me for around that time. It's a really great idea. I love that idea. It's going to be fun. Okay, write back and let us know how it went. Yes. I sure will. You know, I'll check back in. Thank you, Catherine. Thank you, Brad. Okay, write back and let us know how it went. Yes. I sure will. You know, I'll check back in.

Thank you, Catherine. Thank you, Brad. Bye, Stacey. And Lunel. The fuck? Lunel is feeling marginalized. Happy humping, right? Yeah, happy humping.

Go have an orgasm right now. Will do. Okay. Yeah, stay on the phone. Bye. How frequently do you masturbate? I don't anymore. Not much.

Only when I come to L.A. because that's where my vibrator is. Oh, really? Do you keep it in a storage facility here? No, I keep it by the bed in my house in L.A. But I got my housekeeper that is for my neck. I had this face thing, like, for your under eyes, like this, like, vibrator contraption that you, like, smooths out your under eyes when they're puffy.

And I had it in a hotel room. You dropped it in your lap. In London. I stayed in there for a month, and every morning, every time I come back to the hotel, they would have it right next to my bed. Like, on a piece of, like, one of those little, it was a really fancy hotel, and they had on one next to my bed, like on a piece of like one of those little, it was a really fancy hotel.

And they had on one of those, like, yes, yes. Like on these special towels that they had in the bathroom that are like face towels and they would like wrap it nicely. I'm like, I can't believe they think that they're wrapping my vibrator up each day and placing it next to my bed. Talk about turndown service. I'm saying. Inside you, two wolves are locked in battle.

One thrives on fear and anger and doubt. The other, courage, wisdom, and love. Every decision, every moment feeds one of them. Which wolf are you feeding? I'm Eric Zimmer, host of The One You Feed. I've been there, homeless, addicted, and lost. I know the power of small choices to turn your life around. On this podcast, I sit down with thinkers, leaders, and survivors to uncover what it takes to feed the good wolf. This podcast saved me. It's like having a guide for the hardest parts of life.

The wolves are hungry. What will you feed them? Listen to The One You Feed on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel. Ooh, and I am Matt.

And we're the hosts of How To Money. We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year, offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially. Yeah, whether you find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt, or you've got a sky-high credit card balance because you went a little overboard with the holiday spending,

or maybe you're looking to optimize your retirement accounts so you can retire early, well, How to Money will help you to change your relationship with money so you can stress less and grow your net worth. That's right. How to Money comes out three times a week, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays for money advice without the judgment and jargon. Listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey y'all, I'm Dr. Joy Harden Bradford,

host of Therapy for Black Girls. And I'm thrilled to invite you to our January Jumpstart Series for the third year running. All January, I'll be joined by inspiring guests who will help you kickstart your personal growth with actionable ideas and real conversations. We're talking about topics like building community and creating an inner and outer glow. I always tell people that when you buy a handbag, it doesn't cover a childhood scar. You know, when you buy a jacket, it doesn't reaffirm what you love about the hair you were told not to love.

So when I think about beauty, it's so emotional because it starts to go back into the archives of who we were, how we want to see ourselves, and who we know ourselves to be and who we can be. So a little bit of past, present, and future, all in one idea, soothing something from the past. And it doesn't have to be always an insecurity. It can be something that you love.

All to help you start 2025 feeling empowered and ready. Listen to Therapy for Black Girls starting on January 1st on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really Know Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like

why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor. We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you and the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts his stuntman reveals the answer and you never know who's going to drop by mr brian cranson is with us how are you hello my friend wayne knight about jurassic park wayne knight welcome to really no really sir bless you all hello newman and you

never know when howie mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening? Really, no really. Yeah, really. No really. Go to reallynoreally.com. And register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead.

It's called Really, No Really, and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Okay, next. Our next question comes from Dave. This is just an email. Or maybe it's Dave Chappelle. He says, I'm 35 male. I've been married for 13 years to my best friend, who is a gorgeous blonde. Her workplace is 95% male, which was never a problem until recently.

She brought up to me that a friend of mine who works there tried to make a pass at her. I was appreciative of the honesty. Fast forward a couple of months, and he started to avoid me and doesn't talk to me anymore. Then I find out she's deleting text messages from him and a couple other male coworkers. I asked her about it, and she said it was nothing, just some light joking that she thought I wouldn't understand or I would read into the wrong way. I just asked her for her honesty and to not delete the messages no matter what they were. She's still doing it. How do I express to her that she's breaking the trust between us? After all, if the messages are harmless, why do

they need to be deleted? I appreciate your advice, Dave. Yeah, but why are you reading her phone? I know. I know. It's like, I don't know. I had a boyfriend who ran through my phone and I just go looking for some shit. You're going to find. Yeah, exactly. It's like, but I mean, deleting the messages is also like a sign that you're, but he wouldn't know if they were being deleted. If the guy is your friend of the man. Yeah. I think they're friends outside of the work. Okay. And now the guy is avoiding him friend of the man? Yeah, I think they're friends outside of work Okay, and now the guy is avoiding him and shit So he's acting shady

She's doing the right thing by deleting the messages Because number one, we don't know what the fuck she wrote back She might be leading this motherfucker on That's the point though So she's covering her own ass And then also, the friend, you need to go head on and be glad that he's not fucking with you no more. He clearly wants to fuck your broad. And you don't need to be fucking with him no way.

That she can't leave her job just because somebody thinks she's hot at work. And at some point he might need to pull him to the side and say something. But I say keep deleting that shit. And you stay off her fucking phone. I don't know. Somebody's deleting messages. I find that. But you don't know they're deleted if you don't go to say something. But I say keep deleting that shit and you stay off her fucking phone. I don't know. Somebody's deleting messages. I find that. I mean, yes.

But you don't know they're deleted if you don't go fucking around. I know, but that's not the point. She's still, the guy's acting strange, so why is the guy from work acting strange? Because he knows

that he can't look him in the eye no more because he wants his bra on. Yeah, but so then that's what the guy's trying to find out. So if that's the truth that she's flirting with that guy, don't you think her husband does have a right to know that she's flirting with some co-worker?

Listen, we all flirt, don't we? That's the thing. Like flirting is not cheating. And like if you are in a work environment that's 95 percent man, like it does kind of get you a little farther if you're like that cute flirty girl at work, you and that might carry over to text messages i don't know about this subject matter i really just don't i don't go through people i will never go through someone's phone again i used to do that i had a relationship once where i was paranoid and i looked through his phone and of course i found stuff no no i never looked through 50 cents phone i never did we weren't together for long enough for him to get up to any other business. Although maybe he did.

Maybe he was fucking the whole world. I don't know. We only dated for two months. I'd hit it right now. I would hit your ex. You would? She just showed me a picture of her with 50 Cent. Where did you see him?

In Vegas? Well, you know, is that really important where we were? Aren't y'all broke up? Can I see your phone? I want to see your phone. You want to go through my phone? You would have sex with 50 Cent? You would have...

I'm so fucking... Really? Why? Because you find him hot? Well, yeah, because I think he is really sweet and really kind. He is a sweetheart.

And I mean, no, I really probably wouldn't because I know, you know, Vivica as well. And so, you know, I don't want to... What's their story, Vivica and 50? Well, no, I just don't want to. What's their story, Vivica and 50?

Well, no, I just don't want to. I'm not that bitch that will fuck your ex-boyfriend. I'm not her. But if he were not involved with you, if he were not involved with her, and if he wanted me, me? I would say, listen, I would first of all tell you to go fuck 50 Cent.

I would be happy for you. So you don't have to worry about that aspect of things. I don't consider anyone to be a real boyfriend if you haven't dated them for more than six months. That's because you're white, Chelsea. In the black world, you don't do that shit. Vivica would never fucking forgive me if I went and fucked 50 Cent when she has clearly declared on television that that was the love of her life. Oh, she has? I didn't realize that.

Love of her life. I can pull it up. So I don't, you know, and they was for a hot minute. They was a hot ass fucking couple. How long did they date? Not long. Maybe six months, something like that. But a lot can happen in six months.

You can be in love, love, love, love in six months. So I wouldn't do that for that aspect. But if he was any, you know, if he wasn't involved with people I knew, if he wanted me, Luenell, yes, I would fuck 50 Cent. Uh-huh. What about Bill Cosby? I have a picture of me and Bill. Oh, really? Is it in his hotel room?

No, but I was asleep on his shoulder. I don't know if he gave me anything. You fell asleep on his shoulder? Uh-huh. I think I've seen you fall asleep publicly, though, before, like twice. No, you have not. Liar. But I do, and I posted that picture.

Look at your face. The look on your face. You know. I have a picture. I put that picture on my Instagram once of me and Cosby, and I had my head on his shoulder like this. And underneath the picture, I wrote, Bill, I'm feeling sleepy. I think I need to go.

Oh, dear. And it was very popular post. But I don't fuck old men, first of all. Have you ever? What's the oldest man you've ever had sex with? Like maybe in the... Maybe early 70s, but a very... That's fucking old, bitch.

But that was a very fit motherfucker. How fit was he, and who was it? Fit enough to have a hard dick that would work in me. That fit, you know? But I'm not fucking nobody with gout, goddammit. I've never had sex with a 70-year-old. Actually, wait a second. And you would fuck this 70-year-old?

I had sex with a 60-year-old. Well, a couple of 60-year-olds. Okay, that adds up to 120-year-olds. Well, wait a second. And you would fuck this 70 year old? I've had sex with a 60 year old, well, a couple of 60 year olds. Okay, that adds up to a 120 year old. Well, no. It doesn't. It doesn't. And that was a long time ago. Well, this was a long time ago. But I don't, you know, I don't do the

old guy thing. What about anal? Do you do anal? Abso-motherfucking-ly not. Yeah, black women do not like to talk about anal. No, I'll talk about it and let you know I don't fuck around. First of all, ouch, how about that? How about it? Second of all, everybody asshole don't

look like the picture, you know what I mean? Well, where is the picture of the asshole that you saw first? In the dictionary. Assholes are all sorts of different colors. Some are pink, some are purple. Some have hemorrhoids, some don't. Some are big and open, some are tight like a lip. Some are hairy.

My asshole is impenetrable. It's a virgin. Okay, well, things come out of it. And that's the way God wanted it. But if things can come out, they can go in. If God wanted a dick in your ass, he would have made your booty whole moist. A hole is when something can go in or out of it. No, but a vagina has moisture-making qualities.

Right. A booty hole do not. That's diarrhea. Now, I'll say what I said. But you know what you can do is take some of the moisture from the Pikachu and put it in. Just because you like it in the ass, Chelsea, don't mean that everybody can have it. So should we tell Dave that he should drop it with his girlfriend? Or do we think, like...

Who's Dave? Oh! Dave is the one who got us here. Oh, shit. You take that one, girl. I'm out. I know, this is like... I don't know what to say to Dave because it's just... Obviously, something's up. I would just go straight to the men and find out what to say to Dave because it's just, obviously something's up.

I would just go straight to the man and find out what's going on. Be like, man to man. Are you fucking with me? That's probably what he should just do. But no one's going to tell the truth. That's the problem. Nobody's going to tell the truth. And she's been flirting back.

Let's keep it a buck. Like what guy's going to be like, yeah, I'm fucking your wife. Like, unless he's in love with her. I don't know. If you watch Cheaters, bitch, then tell them to their face. Yeah, I fucked her. I'm't know. If you watch Cheaters, bitch, they'll tell him to their face. Yeah, I fucked her. I'm sorry that we can't help you more, but it sounds to me, I would say instinctually something is up

in your marriage. She's up to something. And I would also say stop checking her phone and try to find out another way. That's a little bit less sneaky. I agree. That's too juvenile school. Checking the phone at a certain age, we have to You go looking for some shit, you're going to find it. I'm going to look through your phone, and I know what I'm going to find.

You look through my motherfucker's phone. I know what I'm going to find on that. I got the receipts. Yeah, exactly. I got million-dollar shit in my phone. Well, our next question comes from Sophia. Sophia says— Vergara?

Of course. Sophia Vergara says, Dear Chelsea, My wife and I are starting to look into our options for sperm donors. She's always wanted to be a mom and be pregnant, and after deconstructing that idea and defining the reasons behind it, we decided that we wanted to start a family together. So when it comes to pregnancy for a lesbian couple, you can have anonymous donors, gay friends, or as we've been talking about recently, a brother's sperm. We figured that

if the baby is going to be half hers and half someone else's, why not be someone we know? But the intricacies of asking a friend are many, so in our discussions, we brought up our brothers. Mine doesn't really look much like me, and I don't particularly look a lot like my family, but there's still something to be said about seeing that you belong and also knowing where you came from. We're toying with the idea of asking my brother what he thinks about all this, and I have no idea how to tackle this. We're not extremely close, and we've had our moments of not talking to each other in the past, but we get along well currently.

What should I do? Sophia. Oh, that's the wife's brother, not the... No, it's the two... First of all, it's a pair of lesbians. Did you figure that out yet? Yes, bitch. I heard what you said. It's a nice idea. A lot of people do this. But I mean, a lot of people who are in families and are a brother or sister are not interested in doing this for their brother or sister. So that's something to just contemplate and know going in that it's not a sure thing when you do connect with him and ask him.

But I would just get it out there and be like, you know, we're thinking about it and just be open. Like, is that something you would be interested in doing? Or is that like, would you even consider something like that? Make it a casual offering or suggestion. It's not an offering really like a suggestion so that you're just gauging the temperature. Cause he might be like,

no fucking way. Or he might be like, Oh, that's weird. Like, that's interesting. Let me think about it. Cause do they have children?

Does he have children with his wife i just say get your paperwork in order because he sounds like an asshole they have had times where they didn't fuck with each other you know what i mean and you don't want this to get weird down the line so even if it is your brother even if he says okay get your fucking paperwork in order about what his rights are gonna be and what his rights ain't going to be. Or you're going to do it now or do it later. Do it now or go to court later. Yeah, well, you definitely have to get your paperwork in order

if you're having someone's, you know, taking someone's sperm or eggs or embryos, anything like that. But also, can you help draw up the contracts for that? I got a guy. Okay. Yeah, I mean, I don't know how I feel about it. Like, if somebody asked me for my eggs, I mean, obviously they're not. Girl, don't know why I want them

all dried up and powdered eggs you got, girl. Monies and shit. That shit has sailed. So, look, moving on, I think you answered this question. Somebody tried to give you a baby yesterday, Chelsea. Uh-huh, you think you Yeah, already. I've had

babies like there's some sort of magnetic pull, like all these kids are around me all the time and I don't want them. I have 17 nieces and nephews. I'm the only sibling with just one child. And I tell you, kids, the worse you talk to them, the more they like it. You know, because they feel like you care. I got this celebrity friend and she just had a baby with a surrogate. They got the baby. The baby's at home. And I was giving them black mothering advice.

Because, like, a lot of white families, they're like, shh, the baby's asleep. We can't talk. Don't wake up the baby. And black families will have the baby, a newborn, on your chest while we're playing fucking cards, dominoes, at the party or anything like that. Because the baby heard your voice the whole time it was in you. So they tend to sleep better with the noise than they do in the quiet. You know, it was never quiet when it was in you. So I was just telling them, don't get everybody trained.

Don't get your baby trained to sleep in the quiet. Get your baby trained to sleep with noise around it because life is noisy and you're not going to always be in a quiet place and this motherfucker needs to know

how to go to sleep. No, I agree with that. I don't like when people are like, oh, and they have to put blackout shades in the baby's room and it's like, why does a baby need blackout shades? He just fucking got here.

Like, he's got to figure out what's happening. Listen, I've been to jail before. I know how to sleep with a floodlight on me. They don't turn out the lights in jail. I slept in jail one night, and it was so awful. I've never felt worse because of that fucking light in your face. Well, the handcuffs weren't comfortable either. You slept in handcuffs?

They didn't unhandcuff you once you were in the cell? Yeah, of course they unhandcuffed me. What'd you get arrested for? Embezzlement. A money grab. A light embezzlement. Coming at you live from dear Chelsea. How many days did you spend in jail?

Months. Oh, really? I missed my child's first Halloween and first Thanksgiving because I was in jail. Oh, so this is like 28 years ago. Yeah. I haven't gone to jail no more. In a long time. If you go spend four months in jail with a new baby, you probably would get your shit together quickly.

Is that what happened? You got your shit together after that jail stint? Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah, jail looks like it fucking blows. It does. From the minute you see the light behind you on the highway or from the minute the cops entered the establishment

that you're in, it's downhill from there. All of it. The confrontation, the handcuff behind your back. You know, if we don't walk around with our arms behind our back so your shoulders hurt, that's where old. The space in the back of the police car is not plush. It's not roomy. Well, I mean, no one's saying that it's going to be fun.

No, I'm letting you know it ain't fun. You had one day, and that was miserable. Don't go to jail, people, because it's not like on TV. I was so scared. I just found the biggest woman I could find right away, and I was like, protect me. I'm like, I have money. I will pay you when I get out, and you need to be my best friend.

And she was like, fine. And I'm like, I won't be here for long, I promise, but I need you to sleep next to me. I did have a big Samoan Sally named Baby. She was like 23 years old. She had five kids. And she said, Miss Gambo, Miss Gambo, let's go exercise. I said, I don't feel like exercising, baby, okay?

Miss Gambo, don't make me pick you up. Oh, fuck, okay. Let's go fucking exercise and shit. The fuck, baby. I love Samoans. I love their bodies. I do, too. I love that body type.

Oh. I like themoans. I love their bodies. I do too. I love that body type. Oh. I like them because they're not, they're strong. Well, the ones I like. They're strong, but they sort of have a little dad bod. You know, they're not all muscular, all roided the fuck out. Just regular, big, strong ass men

with hair. I like that. I love boys with hair. Okay, we're going to take a break and we'll be right back. Inside you, two wolves are locked in battle. One thrives on fear and anger and doubt. The other, courage, wisdom, and love. Every decision, every moment feeds one of them. Which wolf are you feeding?

I'm Eric Zimmer, host of The One You Feed. I've been there, homeless, addicted, and lost. I know the power of small choices to turn your life around. On this podcast, I sit down with thinkers, leaders, and survivors to uncover what it takes to feed the good wolf. This podcast saved me. It's like having a guide for the hardest parts of life. The wolves are hungry.

What will you feed them? Listen to The One You Feed on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey y'all, I'm Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, host of Therapy for Black Girls, and I'm thrilled to invite you to our January Jumpstart series for the third year running. All January, I'll be joined by inspiring guests who will help you kickstart your personal growth with actionable ideas and real conversations. We're talking about topics like building community and creating an inner and outer glow. I always tell people that when you buy a handbag, it doesn't cover a childhood scar.

You know, when you buy a jacket, it doesn't reaffirm what you love about the hair you were told not to love. So when I think about beauty, it's so emotional because it starts to go back into the archives of who we were, how we want to see ourselves and who we know ourselves to be and who we can be. It's a little bit of past, present and future all in one idea, soothing something from the past. And it doesn't have to be always an insecurity. It can be something that you love. All to help you start 2025 feeling empowered and ready. Listen to Therapy for Black Girls starting on January 1st on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel. Oh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money. We want to be with you every step of the way

in your financial journey this year, offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially. Yeah, whether you find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt, or you've got a sky-high credit card balance because you went a little overboard with the holiday spending, or maybe you're looking to optimize your retirement accounts so you can retire early. Well, How to Money will help you to change your relationship with money so you can stress less and grow your net worth. That's right.

How to Money comes out three times a week, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays for money advice without the judgment and jargon. Listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really Know Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like

why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor. We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you and the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom

Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer. And you never know who's going to drop by. Mr. Bryan Cranston is with us today. How are you two? Hello, my friend. Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really, No Really, sir. Bless you all. Hello, Newman.

And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening? Really, No Really. Yeah, really. No really. Go to reallynoreally.com. And register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason

Bobblehead. It's called Really, No Really, and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back. Well, this has been quite the hour with Linnell. Oh, is it over? Yeah, it is. That's an hour. I mean, I really appreciate you flying in from your Vegas residency to be here with me today. Only, is it over? Yeah, it is. That's an hour. I mean, I really appreciate you flying in

from your Vegas residency to be here with me today. Only for you, literally. I couldn't wait. I mean, I can only do like 12-hour spurts in Vegas because I'm out of control. Yeah, I go hard.

I go hard, and then I have to get the fuck out of there. It's that Azul. Do you fuck with that Azul? Oh, God damn it. What is Azul? That Azul tequila

in the blue and white. Oh, no, no, no, no. I don't fuck with tequila. I'm not a tequila girl. That make you take your clothes off. We'll do that together. We'll save that for togetherness. Yo, where's the camera for that one?

Okay, so if you love Lunel, just please go and follow her on Instagram. Watch her special on Netflix. You can go and buy tickets to the Apollo tomorrow night, which you will not disappoint. Goodbye. Thank you, Linnell. Okay, guys. For stand-up, we added a second show in Sydney

and we added a second show in Prior Lake, Minnesota, which is now going to be May 24th. We added the Santa Barbara Bowl, which is so fun. I performed there last year. That's August 17th, the Santa Barbara Bowl.

We ended a second show at Santa Rosa on August 2nd. And we added two dates in Hawaii, guys. I'm coming to Hawaii on July 19th to Kahului. I'm going to be at Kahului. And then I'm coming on July 20th to Honolulu. And oh, I just added another date on August 1st, Auburn, Washington. So and all my Australia and New Zealand dates are up and I will be announcing a European tour shortly. And May 3rd, which is my mother's birthday,

Norman, Oklahoma. So Oklahomians, Oklahomans, Oglohomes, come. Bye. If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email at dearchelseapodcast at gmail.com and be sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert, executive producer, Catherine Law.

And be sure to check out our merch at ChelseaHandler.com. Hey, y'all. I'm Dr. Joy Harden-Bradford, host of Therapy for Black Girls. This January, join me for our third annual January Jumpstart series. Starting January 1st, we'll have inspiring conversations to give you a hand in kickstarting your personal growth. If you've been holding back or playing small, this is your all access pass to step fully into the possibilities of the new year. Listen to Therapy for Black Girls starting on January 1st on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Do you want a shortcut to the best version of you? Here it is.

Feed the good wolf. I'm Eric Zimmer, host of The One You Feed. Every week, I talk to brilliant minds and brave souls about the art of small, powerful choices. Our listeners say it all. This is a lifeline. Transformational. The best antidote to a bad mood I've ever heard.

Join the pack and start feeding your best self. Listen to The One You Feed on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right. I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch your pesky credit card debt once and for all, make real progress on other crucial financial goals that you've got, and just feel more in

control of your money in general. You know it. For money advice without the judgment and jargon, listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.