Dear Chelsea - Think You’ll Be Happy with Nicole Avant

Episode Date: February 1, 2024

Producer, writer and former US Ambassador Nicole Avant joins Chelsea to talk about the night her mother was killed in a violent tragedy - and what gifts can come from grief.  Then: A brother struggles to find purpose after moving to a small town to care for his late sister’s kids.  A co-worker wants to find lovingkindness after a promotion goes to someone else. And a daughter finds it too painful to create after her mother’s passing - but is there joy to be found in the things her mom loved? * Think You’ll Be Happy by Nicole Avant * Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail] * Executive Producer Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert * * * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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podcast is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why the bathroom door doesn't go all the way to the floor what's in the museum of failure and does your dog truly love you we have the answer go to really no really.com and register to win 500 a guest spot on our podcast or a limited edition sign Jason bobblehead. The really no really podcast. Follow us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, Catherine. Hi, Chelsea. I am in parenting mode.

I have so many things. I have so many children. I have the two Bobsy twins, Jesse and Katie, my two 16 year old twins that I am the father to. And I now with Doug, we have a family of six again. Kelly and I have four children. Doug is making Bernice play, which is so cute. I was going to say, how is she adjusting? She's not interested in Doug.

She's not interested in much, but he needs to exercise. He needs to expend his energy because he is a fucking lunatic. But he's not driving me crazy. I love it because he's potty trained. The only really thing I can't deal with is not being housebroken because I can't clean up urine effectively. I just get new carpets. And that is expensive after a while. It's very expensive.

But he doesn't come in the bed because Bernice and I sleep together. And he knows that that's not his. And she'll go in on him if he tries to get in the bed. Yeah, she's the boss. And we were at the dog park the other day and there was a huge dog and dog is running like dog runs and plays. And then he ran on the dock and the lake is frozen, but not completely frozen because it's been a pretty lame winter. So I was like, oh, my God. And I'm running to get him because if he falls in the lake, like it's over and I start running and running and all of a sudden, you know, he comes back to

me finally. He's not great at listening, but I don't ever think any of my dogs will become great at listening. And Bernice had run after me after him. And I turned around and she I haven't seen her run in years. And she was running towards me. I mean, I ran to save you. Honestly, my heart just bursts open every time I look at her little face. She is the sweetest. And she's good. And so, oh, so then there was this big dog and Doug is running back and forth. And then the dog just kind of pounced on Bernice. And she looked at him with like the biggest fuck you eyes I'd ever seen.

She was like, get the fuck away from me, asshole. And I was like, that is my daughter yeah that is my daughter I raised her to be that have that attitude and I love it to see it we love her just the way she is for having that attitude she's so cute I mean she is transitioning into the next part of her life which is heaven well the next part of her afterlife but it's okay because I'm just we're so bonded now. Now she puts her paws on my bed when she wants me to pick her up because she can't jump. So she puts her paws on my bed frame. And I mean, every time she does it, I'm like, Oh God, come

here. She's so sweet. And I had no idea. I was missing out on all this love with her because Bert stole me from her. Yeah. With his full body. You know, some dogs are just bossy like that. Like we are little Lottie. She, anytime I go to give Mimsy, our older dog, some love, she like busts in front of her. She's very bossy. Yeah, yeah. Doug

is doing that too, but I just tell Doug to fuck off. That Bernice is my number one. Bert is the past, Bernice is the present, and Doug is the future. Oh, how lovely. That's what Jessie said yesterday. Yeah. Because I was like, yeah.

And I was like, very eloquently put. Sort of. Okay, so today we have a very exciting guest. She's a very old friend of mine, and she wrote a new book. Her book is called Think You'll Be Happy, Moving Through Grief with Grit, Grace, and Gratitude. Her next project is 6888, The True Story of a Black All-Female Battalion in World War II, starring Kerry Washington, coming to Netflix this year. So welcome to the podcast, Nicole Avant.

Thank you. I'm happy to be here. Very happy to have you because you wrote a very beautiful book, among other things that you've accomplished in your life, which are many. Recently, you published a beautiful book called Think You'll Be Happy, which is about grief and specifically your own grief related to your mother dying very unexpectedly in recent years. So I want to talk to you about, A, how did you, and maybe we can turn this into a book, which I thought was a great idea. So we picked the themes that my parents kind of lived by, which were grit, and grace, and gratitude. Those were like the through line themes. And then my mom tragically

dies, and she's killed. And I said i said immediately to your point how the fuck am i going to write a book how am i going to put this book out on grit grace and gratitude it doesn't feel right and i don't feel like writing by the way i don't feel like finishing but my father came to live with me after your mother was killed after my mother was killed my father came to live with me and he knew i was writing a book and he kept saying, where's the book? And I said, dad, one thing at a time here, mom was just killed. And he said, but you have to write about Jackie. You can't stop writing. You can't let this man take away your life, my life. And I said, okay, but you know, he's of that generation. And it wasn't like immediately, but he was saying, I think it

would help heal you. And I think it's going to help heal your heart. Because he saw that I was just shattered. We were all shattered. And so I kept writing. And then her last text to me, the last words happened to be, think you'll be happy. And I thought, you know, of course she left me with think you'll be happy. Of course she did.

So that's how it came to be. And it was very cathartic and hard, but it definitely helped me heal to the point where I could sit and talk to you for sure. Like, I don't know if I didn't put the book out, if I could talk about it the way I'm talking about it. Yeah. I think you look at grief, you, first of all, you don't expect things like this to happen in your life. And for our listeners who are not yet familiar with the book, Nicole's mother was murdered in her own house by a burglar. It was a burglary. And presumably she surprised him. Yeah. And she was 81 years old. Is that right?

81. Yeah. And I think the opening of the book, I think, really resonated with me because in the face of grief and in the face of terror and all of the nightmare things that can happen and you with your entire life to face the reality of what needed to be done instead of freezing or ineptitude paralysis. And I love when you talk about getting up, feeding the dogs, making sure they got their food and letting them out and then going to the hospital. Right. You know, it's interesting. I love that you love that part, because a lot of people are like, how could you even think of feeding the dogs, but they're seriously looking at me. And I think when you're in a state of shock, it's still to your point, you know, my mom always had the saying of, you can't make believe it didn't happen.

Whatever it was, she would always say, you can't make believe that it didn't happen. You have to face the reality. And again, at that moment, they didn't tell me if she was shot in the hand, if it was like she felt, no one told me there was a burglary. No one told me anything. Get to the hospital. Your mom's in surgery. So that's why I was able to, okay, what would mom do? I'm looking at these two helpless animals, not even knowing when I'm ever going to come home or what's going on. I ran downstairs, fed them and I left. And I, I was in that mode of whatever is happening. I need to trust somehow that I'm going to get through this and I'm going to be okay. Like I needed to decide to be able to overcome whatever was going to face me. I'm going to overcome this. Didn't mean it was going to face me. I'm going to overcome this. Didn't mean it was going to be easy.

Didn't mean I was sugarcoating it like, oh, I'll be fine. But it was life is not stopping for me. Life is not stopping for my family. Life doesn't stop for anybody. So I wanted to be as courageous as possible and as sane as possible to take care of whatever was going to happen, especially knowing that my 91-year-old father was at the hospital waiting. I think in the face of this, it's always a miracle how we are able to level up. And I don't know that everybody feels is able to do that. I think there is a level of strength and we we have this inner reservoir of strength that we talk about on the podcast all the time that when

it's time, it's like a soul elevation. We have to step up to the plate because now we're in charge of a situation. It's not a desirable situation. It's horrible, not only for you, but for, you know, all of the thousands of people whose lives she's touched. So I think it's interesting to discuss how you have that strength, you know, and how you need to tap into that strength, because you talk in the book a lot about your mother kind of infecting you with the idea throughout your childhood, that you have to see the best in everybody, and you have to do your best and you have to be well rounded. And so let's talk a little bit about that impact that she had on you. Because I know

from my mother dying, the lessons she gave me became louder and louder the longer she was gone. 100%. I think it's, you know, my mom was a realist. And my mom would always say she lived from an eternal perspective. So my mom's whole point is, listen, life is great and it's also tough. Life is beautiful and it's also messy. She never sugarcoated life for me. And her whole point to me growing up was part of the circle of life that everyone talks about, no one wants to talk about the other part of the circle, which is death. And it is coming. And you don't know when. And you don't know how. No one does. And my dad always talked about the dash. What are you going to do with your dash?

He would always say, you come in with a number and you end with a number. It's the in between the numbers that make the difference in everyone's life and everyone has to decide gets to decide I should say also how are you going to show up how do you want to show up who do you want to be in that moment and my mom my mom said you know my mom knew from a very young age she said you know she loved history so much, Chelsea, to the point where she was like, so many people sacrificed of all colors, of all religions, people have sacrificed for years and years for us, for Americans, especially to be where we were at that time. She's like, so this is not a joke. You know, people in my dad's family hit in the face, you know, bricks thrown at them

sitting in a sit in, you know, marching for civil rights. My's family hit in the face, you know, bricks thrown at them, sitting in a sit-in, you know, marching for civil rights. My aunties punched in the face by mobs of people, chased in the streets. Like, my mom always wanted me to remember, you stand on very strong shoulders and tall shoulders. And Andrew Goodman, by the way, you know, young Jewish man in New York, when he went to Mississippi and he was murdered by the Klan, my mom said she and her friends were traumatized by that. She didn't know Andrew. She didn't need to know Andrew. She didn't need to know James.

She didn't need to know Michael. She didn't need to know those three. But what she did know was people are actually going out and dying for other people to have civil rights. People are going out and sacrificing their lives. So the least we can do is show up and live. You know, that was her whole motto was show up and live this life that we've been given. And freedom isn't easy. And you shouldn't take it for granted.

So my mom raised me with this idea of use your freedom wisely. Use the freedom that you've been given, by the way, if you choose not to do shit with your life. Yeah, you're lucky someone died for you to have that choice too, you know? And she said, and I would hate to see you waste your life. I would hate to see you not appreciate the blessings that you've been bestowed. So that I think, and to your point about this strength and this reservoir of strength, I think it's like the story of the mom pulling out a child from under a car. It's that same strength that we all read about of some accident and the mother runs out and she's able to overturn

a car. It's an energy and a soul force that comes through, I think, especially women that it's there. But I think my mom, to your point, infecting me with it and filling me up with this sense of being tenacious and grateful and responsible definitely gave me the energy to show up at the hospital that morning and get the news that she didn't make it through surgery. Yeah, you talk about energy in the book and you talk about energy being joy. Yeah. Yeah. And I love that because that is true because it is a, you know, we're always, it's output.

It's like, do you want to be joyful? Do you want to spread joyful? Do you want to spread joy? Do you want to illuminate people around you? You know, what kind of energy field are you leaving when you leave a situation? And I think that energy and joy are just like so beautifully interwoven. And I haven't ever read about it the way you wrote about it in the book. Oh, thank you. I think that we are all towers of energy and we can put out whatever we decide. So if we want to put out joy, if you want to put out light, if you want to put out, you know, laughter, all of it, go ahead.

If you want to put out misery and you want to be a victim and you want to put out negativity and everyone has free will. And I'm a big believer in when you are grateful for everything you have, and I'm talking everything. You know our kids, Tony and Sarah, and every day I was like- I divergenized her son, her stepson, Tony. I just want all of our listeners to know that I mounted him one night at Ted and Nicole's house

and he became a man after that. So I'd like to go on the record with that. Thank you. I would remind them, even the fact that you're turning on the water, we have indoor plumbing, which again, my dad didn't have indoor plumbing, heat, anything, food, nothing, like zero, didn't have a pot to piss in. So I think when you are joyous and grateful and positive for everything in your life, the fact that you could walk and talk and hear and see anything you have, children, dogs, all of it, the more I notice, the more, I'll tell you this, when I don't focus on what I'm grateful for, Chelsea, and I don't become on purpose about my

energy, it's all over the place. And it's very easy to become negative if you're not focused on what you want to put out. Absolutely. I think also being grateful for the things that don't go well. That's right. Because there's always a lesson in everything, even in as horrible as it sounds in death, the acceptance of someone moving on and the idea, which is so comforting, you know, and you talk about religion a lot and you quote a lot of verses from different books in the Bible. And I think it's, religion is such a good tool for death, right? It's a good tool for a plethora of things, but for death specifically, it can give you hope in the emptiness that you feel because when you're knowledgeable and in touch with the idea that, yes, they're not

physically here, but no one is ever really gone. Energy doesn't ever die. That our mothers and whomever we love that we've lost, it's an honor to have been with them and spent that time with them. And they have injected that energy, injected and infected in the most positive way, their selves into us. And it is our light to carry on and shine on for them and in honor of them. Yes, in honor of them. That is what helped me get through this the most, which is, it's like an energetic baton. The batons are passed. The energy is passed on to us. And what am I going to do with my baton? What am I going to do? Of course, I want to carry on my mother's legacy. Of course, I want to share her life and her lessons and her love. But to your point, that's what it is. And I think the greatest way

to honor people who are no longer with us physically is to make the best out of our lives. I know my mom is really happy right now watching a, because she, you know, she loved being the center of attention. So believe me, my mom loves the positive attention she's getting, but in the best way, because I know she feels, oh, thank God, none of this went to waste. I put a lot of good out into the universe. And yes, something tragic happened and it was in three minutes, like I was struck by lightning. But look at the good and the ripple effect of the goodness. I can't tell you the letters and the notes, Chelsea, that I receive from people around the world about how much me sharing my story has

helped them get up, not be, you know, I had one guy write me, he goes, I haven't even, you know, really gone out of my house almost for two years. I mean, just so crippled by grief to the point where you can't even function. And I think our parents bring us here. We come through them. Our mothers, we come through them. And it's our job to really, our job is to live. The failures and the quote unquote bad things that happen to all of us or any negativity that comes in,

they're also gifts. I agree with you. When the doors close, yeah, sometimes, you know, sometimes that relationship is not going to work. Great. Take the lesson and the blessing and move the fuck on. And be grateful it's over. Be grateful.

Yes. And show grace. Like, if a relationship ends, be graceful about it. That's okay. Like, not everyone is meant to be here your entire life. That's exactly. Not everyone. My mom used to say, everyone has to get off the train at some point.

Some people are going to ask you to get off their train. You're going to ask people to get off your train. But do it gracefully. And to your point, and be grateful for whatever, take whatever lesson and whatever blessing. And for me, for example, I had to learn a lesson. I got in a very bad relationship, very emotionally abusive a long time ago. And the greatest lesson was, why the hell would I think that I'm worthy to ask myself, like, you know, why am I attracting these kind of people into my life? And then I switched the question and I asked myself, you know, why am I attracted to this type of person? What in me is attracted to this kind of behavior?

So it always comes back to me. I'm like, no, this energy doesn't align with me. So I'm going to, and I still grieve about it. I still grieved about it. And then I got Ted. Do you know what I mean? I would have never met Ted and I would have never accepted Ted and loved him the way I do had I not gone through people who were completely opposite of Ted. Right. So let me pivot a little bit because I know your father recently passed away, Clarence Avant, who was a very well-known music mogul. So how do you square that? Because I know I bumped into you, we kind of briefly touched upon it about your dad and your mom being back together, which is the way I like to look at things. And how did this impact you knowing that

you were losing him, but he was returning to her? You know, Chelsea, every single day, I prayed that he would have the most peaceful transition because I thought, I don't know if I can handle another. He's here with me. I pray it's as peaceful as possible, which it was, thank God. And the fact that he was able to pass away in our home, which became his home, but he was surrounded by his things and close family members, best friends were able to come by and kind of say their goodbyes as he was just slowly, quietly fading away. Cancer didn't take him. Nothing took him. It's like, it just, it was old age and time to go. It was 20 months after my mom. And he was so trying to hang on about the book. He's like, when's the book coming out?

And he read the galley. He's like, I need, I need to watch the book. And I knew, I just knew, I was like, I know he's going to go before the book, but at least he read it. He read the galley. And I have to say it was, it gave me peace knowing that it was peaceful, quiet, beautiful at home and that he was going to be with my mom. Energetically, they would be reconnected. And that gave me, um, that actually gave me joy. And I was so proud of his soul. That's what I kept telling him as, as he was leaving. I go, look at the fucking life that you've lived. This is 30 lifetimes in one life. You had no rights. You had no family. You had nothing. You were on your own since you were 15. And look what you did with your energy and look at the lives that you've changed. And I was so happy that I was able to tell him that. Yeah. You know, it's interesting because, you know, when you have someone die so tragically and in such a traumatizing way as your mother did, it's almost like the next death, you're so ready for it. It's almost like when my brother

died unexpectedly, tragically, it was like anything after that was okay. My mom dying, I was like, I'll help you. I remember showing up to the hospital and my mom saw me come in and was like, thank God you're here. I just want to die. Please. They're trying to keep me alive. I know you'll help me die. And I was like, no problem. I got you. Like, I will, I will help you. And I was like, I remember the contrast of the two things. I was like, I could take anything. Anything on a hundred percent. I can deal with anything. Right. Dad, you know, before he passed away at our home, he had had a stroke. I'm the one who found him. I found him. And I was like, bring it on. I can handle this because I've

already been through the worst fricking thing ever. And, uh, and then I made a decision. Oh, dad, you know what? I don't know how long you have after this, but I promise you, I'm going to help you make the greatest transition ever. I promise you, I'm not leaving your side. I'm going to help you make the greatest transition ever. I promise you, I'm not leaving your side. I'm going to make you comfortable, whatever drugs they give you. And they allow me to give you bring it on. Like, this is going to be painless for you. And I'm going to walk you, I'm going to walk you over, you know, and it was Ted who actually, I left the room and I knew he was leaving. And I, it was so heavy for me I left the room and I knew he was leaving. And I, it was so heavy for me.

It was that death rattle. I don't know if you heard that, but it was this horrible, it's the worst. And it kept scaring me. And I knew I was making my dad anxious. And Ted freaking stepped in and I said, okay, I have a feeling he's going. And I have said everything and you need to have your time with him. And Ted freaking walked, took him to the other side, held his hand, you know, did, did whatever he needed to do in the room.

He goes, I don't know. Every old Catholic prayer that I knew as a child kept coming out of my mouth. And, but you know, what's great is that they had that moment. And my dad went out listening to Frank Sinatra, Duke Ellington, Louis Armstrong, all the music that he brought into the world, Bill Withers. We just, we sent him out in the best way. Okay. On that note, we're going to take a break. We're going to come back and we're going to talk to some callers, Nicole. Okay. I'm excited. All right.

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It's called Really No Really, and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back. We're back. Our first caller is Akronefa. Is she related to Awkwafina? She is not, but she's real cute. She's real cute. Let me just preface this with, she wrote in about a year after her mom had died, and at that time, she was struggling with a lot of daily stuff, like making sure that she was getting exercise and feeding herself right and all that kind of stuff. So she says she's back

on track with that, but wrote in about finding her creative side again. Dear Chelsea, I'm 33 years old and in September of 2021, after just a three week battle with pancreatic cancer, my dear world of a mother passed away. It's been over two years and I have stabilized myself. I have a full-time job in higher ed, and I go to therapy weekly and all my essential physical needs are met. However, I feel like my spirit is unrecognizable from what it was before. I'm a musician. I play the flute, piano, bass guitar, produce and write songs. Ever since my mom passed, I haven't been able to write any songs, and instead of practicing music, I found myself disassociating,

wasting time, binging YouTube videos. Sometimes I feel like I can create music, but if I can't share it with my mom and watch her eyes light up and make her proud, what's the point? I feel a call to live out my dream to create music, but I don't know how to push past the immense grief. Any words of wisdom on how to get back to myself? Akronafa. Hi, cutie. Hi. Hi. This is our special guest, Nicole Avant. And we both have mothers that have passed away. So you're talking to the right group of people. Yeah, I know. And I think we're all Pisces. Oh, yeah?

Yes. Oh, how fun. When's your birthday? March 3rd. Oh, perfect. Nicole, when's yours? March 3rd. Oh, perfect. Nicole, when's yours? March 6th. Oh, okay. Great.

You're February, aren't you? Yes, February, yeah. Well, I'm so sorry that you lost your mother. We both know what that feels like. It's a big, big void. But I'm going to start by saying that you have to know and believe and feel like when you close your eyes and you center yourself and you really just let yourself feel, you're going to know that your mother is still with you and you're postponing all the joyfulness that you can experience knowing that she is with

you sharing that. Like if you're not happy she's not happy and all of this like you know my mother will never hear this music yes your mother will hear this music you have to believe that your mother is with you and watching you because none of our mothers are just off and running up in heaven like you know having a kegger they're here to guide us like truly believe, and this wasn't my belief system for a very long time, but I've seen proof of it in my life and in other people's lives. They are there to guide us once they leave us. Your mother is never going to abandon you. You know, they couldn't if they wanted to.

It's just impossibly, like physiologically, there's too strong of a bond. And so I really think you need to turn that thought process just on its head and really just every morning, wake up and say to your mother, okay, this is what we're doing today. Like act like she is with you every single moment. And you're going to start to feel that. And you need to believe that because that's, what's going to motivate you. She would never want you just wasting away and to be mourning for this long and to just be depressed and scrolling through YouTube. That's not what she wants for you. I agree with Chelsea. I would say that your mom, you know, sometimes I had to ask, I had to pretend as if my mom was sitting next to me

and I would say, okay, what do you want for me today? What do you want for me? And you'll get it immediately. Your mom, of course, she gave you life and she gave you a beautiful energy to live. And you're obviously a creative person, your job or your, your next step is to, like Chelsea said, accept what it is, but also, you know, decide to honor your mom, decide to honor her, decide to what made her happy, by the way, I'm just asking you what did make her happy besides your me? Like, for me, for example, I had to think about, okay, what are the movies my mom loved watching? And I started watching those movies. What's the music? Oh, she loved Johnny Mathis. She loved Lionel Richie. So I would play it over

and over and over again, just to kind of feel her energy. And I think Chelsea's right. Like the thing that your mom wants, you can't see her physically, but energetically, she is always with you. And I know for myself, the greatest gift I could have given can give my mom every day is to live my life to the fullest that I can and be as creative as possible and joyous as possible. And it doesn't mean it's easy. It's not, but you do have to make the decision. Once you make the decision, your energy follows your decision. Always remember that your energy follows whatever decision you're going to make. If you want to be miserable, your energy says, okay. If you want to feel like a victim, your energy will say, okay. But if you say,

I want to be victorious, I want to honor my mom. I don't know how, but I want it. The energy will follow. And Pisces have big energy. Yes. So you have to be very mindful about your energy because when it's negative, it's real negative. And when it's positive, it's real positive. Yeah. Yeah. Nicole, you talk in your book about getting grounded before having to do something that's difficult or, you know, as you were going through this process, a couple of different friends pointed out, like, you need to get grounded right now at different points. Can you talk a little bit about that and what specifically to do to ground yourself? Yeah, that's a great point. One thing that I did was my friend walked me out on the grass, you know, take off your shoes, get to any piece of grass anywhere. It doesn't have to be anywhere

and just walk in the park, but it helps you feel grounded because when you're connected to nature and when you're connected to the earth, and if you're not outside meditate, you know, ground yourself, sit, there's a million gazillion guided meditations that are free everywhere. I mean, the access we all have to help and energy and grounding ourselves is there. Sometimes, you know, for me, I get in the bathtub, I want to meditate. I want to pray. I want to ask for, you know, light I get in the bathtub I want to meditate I want to pray I want to ask for you know light and love and purpose or whatever it is to put my intention out there were days where I thought I don't even want to get out of bed I don't want to function I don't want to look at anybody I want to scroll on Instagram but I'm choosing and deciding to bring

in a different energy and call on something bigger than you, by the way, because believe me, life is much bigger than all of us, but you have to work with the energy of the universe and it's free, but you have to work with it. And your music, if you're a musician, that means you already work with it. Yeah. You, and you didn't answer, I don't think we got to get an answer to your question about what did your mom really enjoy like what made her happy. She loved gardening, and it's okay. She was a dancer and used to teach African dance classes. She actually was also a musician and toured with a Ghanaian artist when she was younger. So she always was obviously very supportive of my music. Did I say she liked to cook? She loved to cook. And she was always very

curious about foods from other countries, especially African foods from other countries in Africa. And cooking is actually something that I've just been able to get back into in terms of taking care of myself right um and because it was something that we really like to do together and share and compare recipes I'm so sorry I didn't realize no don't apologize it's okay yeah these are all listen everything you're saying is a gift you have all of these gifts from your mother that you can honor her with. You can cook with her and you can cook with her in mind. And the music that you're making is with her in mind, something that she would love to dance to, something that she would love to sing along to. All you have to do is reframe the way that you're looking at this death. Instead of it being a void, you can fill that void up

with all of these things that you mentioned between gardening and cooking and traveling and different African cuisine. All of this is such a gift that she's given you. Yeah. And now it's your turn to show her and honor her with all of those things. And you're going to be okay.

You know what I mean? You're here because you've gotten yourself this far. Like you're going to be okay. You know what I mean? You're here because you're, you've gotten yourself this far. Like you're here because of you. Yeah. And you're not alone. So many people, I mean, almost, you know, everyone at certain time in their life, almost everybody has a parent die. And so that has to give you some sort of comfort to know that this you're surviving and you're going to get through it and it's going to get easier and better for you yeah you're going through your human experience and i'm sorry that you're in so much pain but to chelsea's point to go out and garden with your mom and cook with your mom and dance with your mom and make music with your mom

it helps fill that emptiness that you're feeling. And Chelsea's right. It does get easier. But believe me, I feel your pain right now. I'm watching you and I feel it and I understand it. And don't feel bad about it either. By the way, move through your grief, but just move through it. The only way out is through. Yes. And also, when you find yourself, I would say in these moments where you feel like you're cruising the internet or you're doing something that isn't really stimulating, that's just kind of boredom. I would urge you to take that time, recognize, okay, this isn't a good use of my time. And then go do one of those activities that you

shared with your mother. Use that time to reconnect with her. And also, when you feel overwhelmed and you are emotional, sit down and be that way. Sit down. And once you sit with anything that you're going through, it will release. And you'll give yourself 10 minutes or 30 minutes. And you'll be surprised that once you really honor those feelings, they don't last forever. They happen. It'll keep coming up, but they don't last forever. So it's up to you to kind of just reframe your whole life in the way that you're operating around this grief and embrace it and also go towards your mother, like with all of these activities.

And you're going to feel better and you're going to feel her presence. I promise you. Yeah. Thank you. God bless. Thank you. Take some time for yourself right now when we get off the line. Take some time and just be where you're at. Okay. All right. Okay. Sending you a lot of love, honey. Thank you. I really appreciate it. Yeah. Bye. Bye. You know, something that both of you said made me think, you know, we think of like when someone crosses over there in the great beyond or they're in heaven and it's way out there. But I think a lot of spiritual thinkers and how you to relate to your mothers is no, they're right here. And a lot of spiritual thinkers talk about the veil. There's just a veil that's right here. And it's even biblical. In the Bible, they talk about the kingdom of God is at hand. And some people interpret that to mean it's right

here. Heaven, whatever you want to call it, is just beyond our vision, basically. And you can talk to your loved one that has passed on. Nicole, do you feel like you, do you feel the same presence of your mom that you do with your dad since he's passed on? Because I don't feel my dad anywhere. You don't? I think he's paying for all of his wrongdoings and is in some sort of purgatory,

used car dealership situation, trying to figure out why he was such a fucking asshole. And that's, but I never feel my father ever. Interesting. I feel, I feel them both. My mom came in a few times early and then it felt like she went away, but I started to feel her more in the music. Like, you know what I mean? Or, or like this certain hummingbird would just come at me every single day. And the dragonfly, which I'm wearing one, they would, they're hovering around me all the time.

And she, and every piece of her stationery has a dragonfly and all her whole thing was a dragon. And she used to say, that's what I'm going to, I'll always be something for you. And I asked her to be, I was very specific on everything. And my dad, I feel differently in a different way and not as strong yet as my mom, but, but I can, he's just started to come in more recently and it's more of, I could feel him cause he's such a doer. Now, what are you doing next? What's, what's the next thing? And what I'm like, dad dad just give me one minute just there's a lot that's been going on but it's so his energy of what's next let's go let's go keep going like let's go my mom is very graceful and gentle and

so i feel them differently someone will send me a quote like, thanks, mom. Got it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got it. Yeah. Yeah, it's funny. 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel. Oh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money. We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year, offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially. Yeah, whether you find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt, or you've got a sky-high credit card balance because you went a little overboard with the holiday spending, or maybe you're looking to optimize your retirement accounts so you can retire early,

well, How To Money will help you to change your retirement accounts so you can retire early, well, How to Money will help you to change your relationship with money so you can stress less and grow your net worth. That's right. How to Money comes out three times a week, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays for money advice without the judgment and jargon. Listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Inside you, two wolves are locked in battle. One thrives on fear and anger and doubt. The other, courage, wisdom, and love. Every decision, every moment feeds one of them.

Which wolf are you feeding? I'm Eric Zimmer, host of The One You Feed. I've been there, homeless, addicted, and lost. I know the power of small choices to turn your life around. On this podcast, I sit down with thinkers, leaders, and survivors to uncover what it takes to feed the good wolf. This podcast saved me. It's like having a guide for the hardest parts of life. The wolves are hungry. What will you feed them?

Listen to The One You Feed on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really Know Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor. We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal?

The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you and the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer. And you never know who's going to drop by. Mr. Bryan Cranston is with us today. How are you, too?

Hello, my friend. Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really, No Really, sir. Bless you all. Hello, Newman. And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening? Really No Really. Yeah, really.

No really. Go to reallynoreally.com and register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. It's called Really No Really, and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Our next caller is James.

He is in Ohio and recently had to move home after losing his sister. So he says, Dear Chelsea, I found your podcast a while back and have been listening to Dear Chelsea every day while I'm driving. I love hearing your advice and would love to get your input on the situation I'm experiencing. Last year, I lost my sister suddenly when she was killed in a car crash. It was the most difficult loss I've ever experienced. It got to a point where I wasn't eating or sleeping, and if I had any sort of joy, it was immediately followed by immense guilt. After a couple months of this, I ended up seeing a grief-specialized therapist, and it has been tremendously helpful. My mother asked me to move home to help her and my other sister take care of my deceased sister's kids.

I wanted to help out, so here I am, and I'm struggling. I've got a new job here, but it's not what I'm used to, and it's harder to get by. Moreover, I'm afraid that by coming back to my small town in Ohio, I'll get trapped. Will I stay for one year, two, ten? I want to put my family first, but I don't want to lose myself and my own endeavors in the process. James. Wow. Oh, my gosh. Hi, James. This is Nicole, our special guest today. Nice to meet you. Wow, that's a huge responsibility. Yeah, no, it's hard, but I feel like anyone would do the same in my situation.

Yes. I mean, yeah, they're just kids, so it's like... How old are they, and how many are there? Well, to give you some background on my family, I have a twin sister. She has two kids that are seven and six. And then I had my older sister. She had a six-year-old, five-year-old, four-year-old. And then she was also pregnant at the time.

And so your twin sister is still with you. Where does she live? Yes. She lives in the town I'm in now. So we're all together now good and you are the primary caretaker or are you guys collectively taking care um no so right now right now my um my mom is uh the primary caretaker the dad is not around like at all maybe a day out of the month. So it's primarily my mom.

I'm like, I'm kind of here as like a, I'll take them to like appointments or I'll pick them up from school if they need to be picked up. I try to do like fun, like uncle things when I can, but my mom is the primary caretaker right now. And so are you, how are the kids mentally and emotionally right now? How long ago did this happen? This was November of 2022. So over a year ago. I mean, they're all still so young. They really don't understand. They like bring it up so nonchalantly though, like they don't have a mom. I mean, it sounds like you would benefit from having a therapist now. It's a big responsibility

what you're doing. It is a big responsibility what you're doing. It is a big gift that you have been given, even though it may not feel like one. You're giving a gift to your sister. You're giving a gift to these children. And you're gifting your mother and your other sister by chipping in. And there really is nothing more important than showing up in a time like this for your family. And it doesn't have to be forever. And you may want it to be at some point.

You may change your mind from where you are right now. But I would say what you're doing is so honorable. Remember this every morning when you wake up. You know that you are doing something so like a valor. It's just, and there's nothing, I don't think in the world that is more important than showing up for your family in a time like this. So I understand that you don't want to, you're not really that psyched about, is it that you don't really want to be staying in that town for very long?

Is that how you're feeling? Yeah. Like, as soon as I turned 18, I was like, I'm leaving the town. I'm doing my own thing. I'm like, I want to travel. I want to, like, explore. I want to grow. I mean, there's nothing in this town other than my family,

but there there's no room for growth. It feels like in this town. So that's, I mean, that's why I always want to see where life can take me. But yeah, now that I'm back here and like, I mean, I'm just used to big cities and now like I'm looking like outside and I see a field and I see another field and there's just nothing, there's a deserted town right now. I want to be here for my family, but it's like, how long? Right.

And how long has it been? I've been here for about seven months now. Okay. Well, I think you should give yourself some just time frame. You know what I mean? And also be very vocal with your mother and discuss it with her. Like, what do you think a fair amount of time is? Because she doesn't want you to give your life away. And there's a way that you can move somewhere to a city that's close by that has more action and actually remain having like a presence at home with your niece and nephew and with your family. And I think, you know, and that's why it would be helpful for you to talk to someone too about what that timeframe is. What is a reasonable amount of time? Like, is it another five months to make it a full year? Do you want it to be two years?

I think you have to be very overly communicative instead of under communicative because that way there's no surprises. You know, you can, have you expressed to your mother, your desire to not stay here permanently? Um, I haven't, she's retiring next year. So I was going to stay until then and kind of like assess the situation then like, does she need me? Does she want me here? Do the kids like, I mean, I'm just trying to see what she wants. Cause I mean, you should be talking to her about these things. You need to talk to her about it so that the conversation can grow and evolve so that you're not saying, you know, it's, then it's not a decision. Like I'm leaving in a week. You know what I mean? Yeah. It's no one could communicate enough. You know, your feelings, you have every right to have your own life. You have every right. Like you're here at a very important time in everyone's lives

and that is great, but you don't have to sacrifice your life for the, you know, for all of it. have every right. Like you're here at a very important time in everyone's lives. And that is great. But you don't have to sacrifice your life for the, you know, for all of it. You still have to make a contribution to your family. My mom and my sister, my twin sister are like sacrificing their lives. So I just feel like I should be like an equal, like an equal thing. You were in a big city in the same state, correct? Yeah. So if you're close enough by, I think one of the biggest things that someone who is in a primary caregiving role can have is a little bit of respite and a little bit of rest, like your mom is in this primary caregiving role. So maybe it's not, hey, you're there all the time. But maybe it's, hey, one weekend a month,

she gets to have the weekend off from the kids and you have them come and stay with the fun uncle in the big city. You know, I know that's what my nieces and nephews love to do is like, come stay with me for a weekend. Yeah, no, I was definitely going to reassess the situation. Like once my mom retires, I was going to like, see like, I should maybe consider like moving away. But I wanted to like address that once that happens. I mean, I think you should do it. I don't think you have to do it today,

but I think you should do it. I don't think you should wait until that. I think it's better. Everyone needs, it's better when everyone has the information, you know, that you're thinking of to just share it with her. Just even now,

now's a great time to be like, hey, I'm just thinking this. I'm thinking maybe when you retire, I might move to a bigger city and still remain, obviously, a big role in these kids' lives. And I can offer up taking them once a month, a weekend a month, or these are the things I'm thinking, let me know what you're thinking. And then it becomes a conversation rather than an announcement. Nicole, what do you think? No, I agree completely. And I think that the more communication, the better so that there are no surprises. And I think that

especially since it's your mom, and it doesn't have to be today or tomorrow, but sooner than later, I agree with Chelsea, there's nothing better than anyone, friends, family, anyone just showing up for people in need. It's the greatest human thing I think we can give to each other is to show up. That's what people want. And your perspective, you know, even change your perspective. You're the hero in their life for right now. Doesn't mean that you're, you have to be in this role forever, but right now in this moment, I know that life threw you a curveball and it sucked and it's painful. But you are their hero in the moment.

You've been chosen in this moment to show up kind of with a cape or not and bring healing and bring restoration and bring a sense of stability because they're young and they need it. But you also do have a life and you don't, you're looking like, am I going to have to sacrifice my needs and my wants and my desires for the rest of my life? And the answer is no. But there is a process. And I think that the sooner you all get on the same page, probably the better for you. But if you look at it as we've all been chosen for different things, and we don't know what life is going to throw at us and we all have trials and we all have tribulations and we all have challenges. And then our job is to show up in whatever it gives us as the strongest person we can be physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Our job is to just show up as, I mean, I'm telling you,

when my mom was killed, I had no idea what to do, but I chose, okay, I didn't expect my 91-year-old father to move in with me. I didn't expect to become a caregiver. Exactly. Seriously. But I then created new habits for myself. And just once I accepted, oh, okay, this is what life gave to me in this moment. And in this moment, I'm going to be the hero that is needed in the moment. Doesn't mean forever. And I'm in a completely different situation. You have young children you're talking about. I had a 91-year-old.

So I knew I wasn't going to be sacrificing for a long amount of time. But you have, and I like the idea of you going and visiting your big city, you know. And also, there will be, I promise you, I know you don't see it, but even though you're in a small town, I promise you there are little diamonds somewhere. And yes, there's something there. I promise you it's not going to look shiny. It's not going to be big. It's not going to be pretty. But it doesn't mean the diamond isn't there. It's there. No, it's when I was living in like the big city, I was like, just living a carefree life, just doing whatever I wanted. And now like this, it's just, it's a lot different now. And I, but I am appreciative of it.

I'm actually back in school now because I was like, if I'm going to be in this town, at least I need to grow somehow. So I'm back in school. Good. And I'm like, I am kind of thinking like, maybe I can like change the view of the city, help the city grow. I don't know. Yeah.

That's awesome. Yes. There you go. Run with that. That's injecting something into something instead of looking at something and having this narrow viewpoint like, oh, this city sucks. No, it doesn't. Your attitude about it kind of sucks. You got to make it.

Yes. You have the ability to make anything fun. Wherever I go, it's a good time. You know what I mean? So you need to remember like you, we all have the power to do that. Yes. And you can make, yeah, I love what you just said. Like I, you could change the city.

You could help the city. You could do something creative. You're going back to school. That's awesome. Yeah. And yeah, you just needed a little pep talk. And you changed your perspective. Look how you changed your perspective and how we both responded. Oh, there you go. Because you changed your perspective and how you were going to look

at it. Like, what are your ideas? What do you mean by that? Like, do you have anything in mind? I do have something in mind. One of my niece or nephews has autism, like a developmental disability, and there's no resources here for that. Perfect. Perfect. Perfect. Perfect. This is great. So I want to look into that. I actually, I only have one more class left for my degree, which it's like a social work degree, but I want to look into that. Great. Amazing. The processes on that, because there is like kids with autism or any developmental disability, there's nothing, there's no resources here. So I want to look into that. Yeah. Because maybe that's why you're there, by the way. Now you're going to be the miracle for

a lot of other people. Yeah. Listen, you're going to be fine. You're doing a great thing. You're doing an amazing thing. Like focus on the task at hand and then do everything you can in your schooling, in your free time to actually make something, make the situation there better. And what you just said is perfect. I mean, go for it and keep us posted. Oh, I will. You guys are also like influential and inspirational people. So it's really nice to hear this advice. Yeah. Yeah. You just need a little boost.

Yeah. And every time you think like you're just like, oh, I hate this place. Just think of me kicking you in the ass. Okay. That's the positive reinforcement I need. See what diamonds you can find. Okay, James.

Okay. Thanks, James. Take care. Thank you guys so much. You're so welcome. Good luck. Okay, James? Okay. Thanks, James. Take care. Thank you guys so much. You're so welcome. Good luck. Bye. Bye-bye.

Oh, we turned that beat around, you guys. Way to go, team. Way to go. Go, James, go. Well, let's take our last little break and we'll end on a little bit of a lighter note. Okay. 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges

and opportunities. I'm Joel. Oh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money. We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year, offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially. Yeah. Whether you find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt, or you've got a sky high credit card balance because you went a little overboard with the holiday spending, or maybe you're looking to optimize your retirement accounts so you can retire early. Well, How to Money will help you to change your relationship with money so you can stress less and grow your net worth. That's right. How to Money comes out three times a week, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays

for money advice without the judgment and jargon. Listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Inside you, two wolves are locked in battle. One thrives on fear and anger and doubt. The other, courage, wisdom, and love. Every decision, every moment feeds one of them. Which wolf are you feeding?

I'm Eric Zimmer, host of The One You Feed. I've been there, homeless, addicted, and lost. I know the power of small choices to turn your life around. On this podcast, I sit down with thinkers, leaders, and survivors to uncover what it takes to feed the good wolf. This podcast saved me. It's like having a guide for the hardest parts of life. The wolves are hungry. What will you feed them? Listen to The One You Feed on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Jason Alexander.

And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really No Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor we got the answer will space junk block your cell signal the astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer we talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you and the one bringing back the woolly mammoth plus does tom cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer. And you never know who's going to drop by.

Mr. Bryan Cranston is with us today. How are you, too? Hello, my friend. Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really No Really, sir. Bless you all. Hello, Newman. And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging.

Really? That's the opening? Really No Really. Yeah, really. No really. Go to reallynoreally.com. And register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason Bobblehead. It's called Really, No Really, and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

And we're back. So our last question, both of you talk a lot about this, meditations, loving kindness. Maggie says, Dear Chelsea, I've been binging episodes lately, so I thought I'd write in. I'm having trouble with a coworker. She's routinely been annoying and even occasionally unkind to me and recently snagged a promotion I was up for. I can't help but feel jealousy toward her and a sourness about my higher-ups making a decision that I think was wrong. But I think I need to opt for forgiveness toward all of them or I'm just going to start hating my job. How do I

create a sense of loving kindness for someone I don't like? Maggie. Okay, well, we've said this before, but there is a loving kindness meditation that you do for people that you don't like or you feel have wronged you. And you do it for 28 days, Google it, you send out peace, love, joy to someone you love, to someone who's neutral, to someone you don't love, and to someone you actively dislike. And it's a very good practice because you do not want to harbor that. You don't want to be in work, you don't want to be a victim, You don't want to be a victim. You don't want to be angry that someone got something that you didn't. Anything that is meant for you will not pass you.

If that promotion wasn't yours, something is going to happen down the line that is going to be better suited and probably even better than that promotion, whether it's a different job eventually or whatever. That's the way the world works, and especially when you can be graceful about not getting what you wanted. And I think meditation is just too powerful to not, you know, everyone wants to meditate and they want immediate results. And that's just not how it works. You have to keep putting marbles in the marble jar. And then all of a sudden your your meditation, you feel it. And you feel it every day.

And you're like, oh, this is right. This is the feeling I was after. And our brains really are plastic. Like, they can change. They can morph. And Nicole, you talk in your book about sometimes it feels like you're tricking your brain into seeing the positive side. Can you talk a little bit about that?

Because you literally are. I mean, your subconscious mind doesn't know the difference. But to what Chelsea was saying before, you have to, first of all, you can't create when you're negative. It's a very difficult place to start when you're in negativity and bitterness and anger. Oh, but let me create a really good job for myself. It's not going to work. They're releasing and letting go. And forgiveness, by the way, when I say it's never condonement, you're not condoning a behavior. You're not condoning bad behavior. You're not condoning the bitchiness or negativity or the betrayal or any of it. But when you do the, those meditations and you bless someone, I had to do it. I bless you with love and I release you in peace. I had to do this to enemies of my life all throughout my life. I bless you with love and I

release you in peace. I don't even want to think about you, but I also don't want to harbor all of the negativity that I feel towards that person or the situation. And then once you release all that toxic energy from you, then you get into a space of creation. And that's when you visualize and that's when you see yourself in the end. And that's when you see yourself having what you have. But I promise you, I've tried and it doesn't work. You can't have the poison and the negativity and the anger and the bitterness and try to create greatness. It's just, it's like you're, you're sweating upstream constantly of oh i hate this person i can't believe this person i can't you know my dad always used to say to me it is what it is

what are you going to do about it i'd never grasped it and what he was saying was you have to accept the energy that showed up just accept it you don't have to like it but you have to own that it's here and then you decide what am I going to do about it? So it, it becomes your responsibility to shift the energy and shift yourself. And if it's leaving a job or getting better at the job or whatever it is, but it is what it is, what are you going to do about it? It's, we all have to ask ourselves that all of the time. And I think that that's the way you shift your energy because the brain will follow where you tell it to go. The subconscious, I should say, will do that. That's why affirmations work.

That's why your energy shifts with affirmations. It's not a joke. There's nothing woo-woo about it. It's science. And every religion talks about it. Amen. I love it. Thank you so much, Nicole.

This episode is going to bring a lot of light to a lot of people. I hope so. And yes, and everyone who hasn't read the book, think you'll be happy. Please pick it up because it is a very beautiful way to look at the world, to look at death, to look at grief, and to rise to the occasion rather than letting the occasion topple you. I love that. I just thought that up, guys. I love that. Thank you. Okay, Nicole, I love you. I love you. So nice to talk with you. Thank you so much, sweetheart. Okay, so show dates coming up. Canadian show dates. These are for Canadians, guys. I'm coming February 9th. I'll be in Winnipeg. Victoria, BC is March 8th.

Then I will be in Salt Lake City, April 4th. And Denver, April 5th. I'm coming to Arizona at Maricopa, April 12th. April 13th, I'll be in Brooks, California at the Cache Creek Casino. And then I'm going to be in Santa Rosa Sunday, April 14th. I'm coming to Richmond, Virginia. Baltimore, Maryland on April 20th. Gary, Indiana.

Pryor Lake, Minnesota. Coming to Oklahoma, Norman, Oklahoma on May 3rd. And May 4th, I will be in Thackerville, Oklahoma for my rescheduled WinStar World casino date. And I want to make sure that I give a shout out to our show for Netflix is a joke festival. I put together a show with some of my favorite comics. It's May 11th at the YouTube theater downtown, which I've never performed in. So that's going to be fun. It's pretty big. I have Mateo Lane. I have Fortune Feimster performing. I have Sam Jay is on the show and Vanessa Gonzalez. So we, it is called a Jew, two Mexicans, no, a Jew, two gays, and a Mexican.

No, a Jew, three gays, and a Mexican. So it's political correctness at its finest. And then I will be in Verona, New York on May 26th. And then I'm coming to Australia in July. And New Zealand, July 5th, Auckland. And I'm coming to Wellington, New Zealand, Melbourne, Brisbane, Sydney, and then Thursday, August 1st, which is a long way away and a date I am just seeing that I am not ready to announce. Okay. So those are all my dates that are up and available. So get your tickets. I can't wait to see you. Yeah, that's it. If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email at dearchelseapodcast

at gmail.com and be sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert, executive producer, Catherine Law. And be sure to check out our merch at chelseahandler.com. Do you want a shortcut to the best version of you? Here it is. Feed the good wolf. I'm Eric Zimmer, host of The One You Feed. Every week, I talk to brilliant minds and brave souls about the art of small, powerful choices. Our listeners say it all.

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