Dear Chelsea - Three Dads with Kate Hudson

Episode Date: June 8, 2023

Chelsea is joined by actress and entrepreneur Kate Hudson to talk about what fame can do to sour a relationship, embracing her new chapter as a singer/songwriter,  and why she doesn’t care if she catches heat for her very modern family.  Then: A former teen mom worries that her daughter will turn out just like her.  A Canadian considers taking her kids to the backwoods.  And a thirtysomething must decide whether adoption is truly a deal-breaker when it comes to raising kids with her partner. * Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail] * Executive Producer Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brandon Dickert * * * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Last afternoon. Oh my goodness. What for? For my neck, I have a dislocated or an impingement on my spinal cord from two discs in my neck. Possibly. I did a pretty big face plant this winter. So that could have definitely been it. But anyway, I was experiencing shoulder pain. And then I did one of those body MRIs. And then that told us that I had to do a spinal MRI. And then we found it. And then I was like, oh, now I'm really in pain. Oh my gosh. So then I got my epidural and I was really excited about my epidural because I've spoken about this ad nauseam about how much I enjoy being put under. And my assistant had emailed me yesterday the day before telling me that I couldn't eat all day, which it was at like 3.30. So I was like,

that's hard, but of course doable. And then I was excited about being put under, you know, properly put under. But it was just a twilight. So you didn't get that real good nap? No, I felt them poke it in my neck. I felt two injections. It wasn't the magic carpet ride I was excited about all day that got me through the day. I was excited about, I love that feeling. Just like a body buzz. Yeah. And when they put me on the table, it was funny because they had to put me down face down, which is really where I belong. But because they had to have my neck exposed for the injection. And I remember thinking, like, this is going to be funny when I, like, am out of it.

Yeah. No, when I, like, go under because I'm going to be doing a face plant. Anyway, so I got home at, like, 4.30 and they'd given me some Ativan. So I took that right away and had a nice little good night party. Woke up, thought it was the morning and it was 11 p.m. I got in my hyperbaric chamber. I slept in there for three hours. After 11 p.m.? After 11 p.m. You're supposed to do two and a half hours. So I don't know. I'll probably have to drink some extra water this morning or something. My girlfriend the other night was so funny. We were at my friend's house. Somebody was like, you have to drink water, drink more water. And my friend Wendy was like,

I'm so sick of every... She goes, why is water so trendy? She goes, when I grew up, nobody offered me water. She goes, I would play all day at school and I would come in and have a juice box. No one said anything about water. And now everywhere you go, it's like they're fucking shoving it down your throat. I mean, we are made, what, 97% of water? So why do we need so much more of it? Because it's there. Like it's not going anywhere. And I'm always, I get an IV every week because I'm always dehydrated. I never drink enough water, but I, like in the last year, two years, I've drank much more than I used to. But water is in everything else you're drinking too.

And then when they tell you that you're so dehydrated that not even water will help you, I'm like, well, then what will? And they're like, oh, you need an IV or you need electrolytes. And I'm like, all I do is put electrolytes in my water. Who is telling you this? My doctors. A doctor? Doctors are telling me. Every doctor is like, the reason you have this issue with your neck

is because you're too dehydrated. But I do see that drinking water. I know. It's the flavor, but sure, it's still water after that. It's never enough. I mean, it's never enough. And it's like, it is being forced down our throats in a way that it wasn't. That is true.

Nobody offered me water. The reason I don't drink water is because no one gave me any when I was growing up either. If someone's mother gave us a water, I was like, don't go back to that house. Like, where's my glass of milk? When I was in high school, I started getting chronic headaches. And my mom was like, well, how long have you had these? I was like, months. Like every single day, a headache. Let me guess. They told you to drink water. She sure did. And I had a little pitcher that I had on the counter every day. And I would drink the whole thing. And then my headaches mysteriously disappeared. Oh, well, then there you go. Water's great for you, everybody. We're back on track.

Drink more water. Chelsea, do you have any sort of skills or talents in your life that you have chosen not to pursue since you had sort of other big talents? I guess acting I never really seriously pursued because I don't think I can pretend to be someone completely different. I don't have that can pretend to be someone completely different. I don't have that skill. But like I've been in movies. I'm doing a movie, actually. I'm doing a cute little role in this movie. In a couple of weeks, I'm filming that in Syracuse, New York. And that worked out perfectly because when I'm on tour, I can never do anything. But right. And they were like, oh, and it's right. I have a date in New York. And so I was like, yes, perfect. Like I would love to. But, you know, people don't think of me as anything other than like a funny character or like, you know, a big sister, best friend type like that.

So I don't want to play that, you know, I don't play J-Lo's like sidekick or something. But I like to change it up. But I'm not, I don't love being in a trailer all day waiting. You know, it's a long process. I like to use my own language. And so I like to improvise on set too. So it's got to be a place where I can have fun. Like this movie I'm doing, they're like, we want you to come and have fun. Do your thing.

This is the role, but like do whatever you want with it. So that's fun. So I'll do that. But yeah, I've never really pursued acting just because I never was really an actress. Yeah. Or is it something you're passionate about or like not really? just because I never was really an actress. Yeah. Or is it something you're passionate about or like not really? It was just a means to an end. Yeah.

I feel like being a comedian and like kind of creating my own narrative is what I've done, you know, with all my books and my stand up and my talk shows and the podcast. Like I get to do what I'm doing rather than having being placed in someone else's project. I feel like I'm very autonomous that way. And I don't particularly, not that I don't play well with others, but I like to be in charge of my own stuff. Yeah. And there is something really wonderful that you get to make these sort of creative decisions. You get to be in a position of power rather than just sort of going out and having to read the lines that somebody else has written for you. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, I can't sing or dance. So, like, those are not options for me. I can't really play a musical instrument. I don't have – I mean, anything that I'm interested in is athletic. Like, I love to ski. So that I made sure. I said to myself when I was like 25 years old, when I rediscovered skiing, I was like, I want to be successful enough to pay someone to make me a great skier. And I did do that. Are you someone when you're learning a new talent that you are like, okay, being bad at it

for a while? Or do you want to be great right away? I want to be a good student. So I want to, I don't want you to have to tell me twice. I like very specific instruction. Like Spanish. I'm very passionate about learning Spanish, but I'm not as diligent as one would be if they really wanted to be able to converse in the language. Like I'm always trying – my bell and I are always working on my Spanish. I'm on Lingodier. I have my classes I take each day.

I have a tutor. But I'm still not fluent. So clearly something's amiss. That takes practice. Yeah. But I've also learned when you're learning new things, as I've gotten older, stop being so anal retentive about getting it right. Like it absorbs, learning absorbs. It doesn't always hit you in the moment, but once you build a strong enough foundation, you can – stuff starts to sink in without trying so hard. Yeah.

I'm someone who's very – I'm very fine with being bad at something until I'm good at it and like sticking with something. You know, one of my nieces, she gets so frustrated and angry when she's not like just perfect at it the first try. I'm like, no, it's okay. You build skills. You build muscle memory. And then if you keep doing it consistently, you'll be great eventually. Yeah. Yeah. It's consistency and not flogging yourself for not getting it exactly right. That's a young thing. That's youth. Yeah. Okay. So our next guest is a good friend of mine. I

love her so much. She is Rhea Sunshine. She has a lot of stuff going on, so let me inform you. And all of her stuff and products that she is involved in, I have tried because she is a friend. She is the founder of InBloom, which is a supplement powder, and she has a vodka brand called King Street Vodka. She's the co-host of the Sibling Revelry podcast with another one of our favorite guests, Oliver Hudson. So please welcome actress and entrepreneur Kate Hudson. Yay, Kate! Look who's here! My buddy, my sister. Do you know that I grew up pretending, in third grade, I lied to all my schoolmates so that they would respect me more

and said that I was going to be in a reboot of Private Benjamin and playing Goldie Hawn's daughter. I just lied to the whole school and everyone believed me. So when I grew up and I became friends and I met Goldie and Kate for the first time, I was like, you guys, I'm part of this family, whether you accept me or not. But it was really a fast acceptance. It was a very smooth entry. Perfect. It just felt right. It just felt right.

Speaking of fast entries, I just saw Kate last night, actually. We were celebrating one of her magazine launches. We did. She's on the cover of a flaunt magazine. And so she had a party for that because it's her first magazine cover ever. And so that's exciting. Yeah, it was. Yeah. Number one, number one, although it was a

King Street vodka party too. So we did celebrate with my vodka. And I am a big ardent supporter of King Street vodka because of Kate's relationship with them. She introduced me to King Street vodka and you know that I'm very particular about my vodkas. It's either Belvedere or King Street for me. So yeah, exactly. I do get a little jealous when I see Belvedere. I'm not going to lie. I know. Well, that's because I don't have any King Street left because I drank it all because it's so delicious. So you have to send me another case. I suppose I could order one myself. Well, it's also like very beautiful. Like the bottle's gorgeous. It's perfect for a gift. Like, yeah. Yeah. You're such a, you're such an

entrepreneur, Kate. I mean, look at you blossoming into womanhood. You know what? I just have so many things I want to do. There's this, there's this really funny post online where this girl's like fully ADHD, like my ADHD self. And she's like, I want to do everything. Like I'm going to do this and I'm going to like make wooden spoons. And then she basically is like, I think that's who I am. I think I'm just massively ADHD. I have to do a million different things and somehow I'm able to like figure it out, do it all. Are we allowed to talk about what you and I were talking about last night? Music?

Yeah. Let's talk about that. Cause I think that's speaking of doing a bunch of different things. So Kate is musically gifted. And if you didn't know that she has a banging voice on her and she loves to fucking sing. I love to do everything. She loves to dance. She loves to sing.

She loves to meditate. She likes to have children She loves to sing. She loves to meditate. She likes to have children. Multiple men. I love to sing. I mean, honestly, when I was younger, I thought that's what I was going to do. You know, I thought I was going to sing and dance and musical theater was always my favorite type of acting other than like improv but really I thought I was gonna sing and I never thought like oh I can't do all of it until I started auditioning really young got very famous very fast and then it was like you don't break what's not broken you don't go from being an actor to like now I'm you a musician. So I just kind of kept it to myself forever. I just,

I just wrote music my whole life and I have never shared it. And then in the lockdown, I was really writing music. And then I was like, what, what's, I can't keep going and not put this out there. I'd, I'd, I'd really regret it. So I started writing and then started writing with Linda Perry. It was amazing. And we really hit it off. And then it's just sort of unfolded from there with no expectation. It just sort of was like, I'm just going to make a record. I'm going to make a record. And here I am like two years later, it's been a great, really great, massive creative experience for me. And I can't wait for it to come out. And when does it come out?

I can't say that yet. Not yet, but it's coming, you know. And did Sia influence this at all, this decision? Because when you guys worked together on your project you did with her, I felt like she had an impact on you musically. Do you, is that accurate? Huge. Sia like, Sia gave me this, like this huge this huge hug of confidence. She really was like, you're a singer. That's what you really are. And kind of gave me these incredible songs to sing that were really powerful and where my voice likes to sit.

I like powerful songs. And yeah, she really gave me that like kiss of confidence. I had a hard time really believing in myself as a singer for a number of different reasons. But over the years, as I got older, I got more and more kind of closed off with my singing. And then Sia really opened it back up again for me, for sure. Like feeling confident, actually just being able to share it, you know? Yeah. And you're going to go on tour when your album comes out, which is something we were talking about last. Well, she has experience being on tour because she's been

married or dated men that have toured my whole life. So she knows what that's about, right? A little bit. The only way I'm going to get back on tour is if I do it myself. Yeah. But another thing that I love about Kate, which I want to talk to you about Kate is that you do have three different children from three different men. And I was, we were talking about that last night. Cause you said it's you. Oh, who else has that? Kate Winslet has that. And then there was another third person. Who was the third person? Melanie Griffin. Yeah. There's a couple of people. Were you saying that you thought you take a lot of shit for that? Because I was saying, I don't think you take any heat for that. Not that you

should in any way. I don't take any kind of, I would say, respectable heat. Right. It's probably the same heat I get for not having children is the kind of heat you're talking about. That's right. That's right. But I do get like, I do get a lot of, you know, the little peanut galleries out in the world that like to kind of on certain days, like Mother's Day, you know, you'll see it in the comments. Like, you must be so proud to have three kids or three dads, you know, little things like that. Well, yeah, actually, I am because it's great. But yeah, I don't I don't catch like any big people don't shame me. I don't catch like any big, like people don't shame me. I don't feel like I get shamed very often about it every once in a while.

Yeah. Well, talk to me about a little bit what it's like having these kids at such different stages in your life. Because last night you were saying that Ryder's going to be 32 years old when Ronnie gets her driver's license. That's right. I mean, honestly, it's like for me having Ryder, I was so young. I know. Remember? Oh, my God. I remember that pregnancy. I didn't know you then, but I remember your pregnancy.

I was huge. She's like a monster truck. I was like, I got pregnant and I was like, all am, all I wanted was, was burgers, fried food, fried chicken and ice cream. And I would eat a pint of ice cream. My mom, I'd like sit at home, like eating. And my mom would like come and I'd see her hand just like ice cream. I kind of pull it away. I gained almost 80 pounds. I was so happy. I was just big and happy. And, and I thought I knew what I was doing. You know, I, I really wanted to have a baby. He's really a nine 11 baby, you know, nine 11 happened. I was married to Chris. We were so happy and I just wanted a family and, and, and I was ready.

And, and then, and then, you know, six years later, getting divorced, going like, wow, I'm a, I'm a mom of a toddler. My friends are still just like out and about and single. And so I had to figure out how to manage being a mom and actually enjoying being young and out and single and having a good time. And so I never knew what life was without having that voice in the back of my head going like, you need to go home and wake up at six in the morning and make pancakes. Like you should go home now, you know? So my first rider was like all trial and error. I wrote a song about

it in my, on my album. He was like my witness, you know, he was there the was there my whole adult life. And then that relationship didn't work out. I'm single. And then I met a new guy. Was that a difficult separation or divorce for you? I mean, obviously they're all difficult, but on a scale of one to 10. Yeah. It was really interesting when you're going through relationships, especially when you're young in the public eye, I don't really get into all that stuff, but that was hard for me. Like, I really, really, really loved Chris. We had a great relationship. And the things that got in the way for me of sort of growing together, I knew we could never grow together for the rest of our lives. Like he just fundamentally, we saw our values were different in certain places that I would never have been able

to stay on that train with him. And he's exactly where he's supposed to be with a beautiful wife. And I'm where I'm supposed to be. But, you know, even now when I look at Chris, I have so much deep love for him. Like he taught me everything about love. He loved me unconditionally, you know, and I think deep down still maybe does, you know, but he really, he taught me so much, but it just wasn't meant to be. We weren't meant to be together. Right. I was type A for her. I get it. And then you had Bing. Then I had Bing. So how old were you when you had Ryder? 23, 24 with Ryder. Which is so young. Oh my God. Yeah. And then I was 31 or 30 with Bing. He was a happy oops. He was my little, my little like, Ooh, pregnant. And he's just my little cuddly, incredible. Oh, he's the best. Bing is just, I'm so proud of Bing. He's so funny and so smart. He's like the kid that I had that I don't recognize. Meaning like he's good

at school, everything he does. He's fine. He can sit and read for hours. He's almost 12 years old. No learning disability. Everybody in my family is learning disabilities. Bing just came out. Well, but those are from Oliver. So, I mean, that's not anyone's fault, but Ollie's really. I don't know. I don't know. It could be a Hudson Hahn real lineage thing. But, you know, Ryder got all that. I got all that. Bing just came out like he's just a rocket ship. He can do everything. And so I watch him and I see him. He already judges me. He already looks at me like, wow, she's really like underdeveloped mother. And then Ronnie, her little golden female that just balanced everything out in the house. And she's- Which I said to Kate last night, I'm like, what does it feel like to have a daughter that looks nothing like you? Oh my God. And she just, honestly, like her, I, I, I stare at her sometimes and she's talking to

me and I'm just lost in her, you know, mom, mommy. And yes, I'm like looking at her, just everything her and her nature is so different than mine. You know, it's like, I was like, so tough. She's very, everything's about beauty. She's all in the air i mean sometimes she's so in this like beautiful world that she lives in that she runs she literally runs right into things you know and i'm like the person that like sees everything i could run into first you know it's just all you know soaks everything in all about beauty she even wakes up in the morning i mean from when she was like could start talking she'd wake up and, she'd look at the sunset and go, mommy, isn't the sunset beautiful? I'd be like, yes. I have to slow everything down, Ron.

Oh, that's so sweet. I mean, I think it's so fascinating to think about all of the changes that you've gone through as a parent, right? Learning how to parent and how your parenting has changed probably over all these years and the three children. Yeah. And it's weird because sometimes I, when I'm really trying to be a witness, like I'm trying to figure out what I've done right, what I maybe could do better. I'm a much better parent now.

Like I have it down, but I'm also a much more, sometimes I have these anxieties that I didn't have when I was parenting Ryder. You know, I had this full, big, happy family. And you're like, I just don't want anything to interrupt how good it is right now. So then you get all the anxiety, you get all the anxieties. Whereas before I never had those things. I just sort of was way more spontaneous. So as I've gotten to become a better parent,

I've also kind of have different attachments that I'm also now trying to like, you know, as I get older, I kind of want to remember what it's like to have more freedom and more spontaneity to let things be a little messy. It is interesting how it changes, you know, and it does ebb and flow and like some things are better. And then as you get older, I think you also can certain things become a little too tight as a parent, you know?

Yeah. I think the more aware we can become, it's like you get smarter and better at your job, but then you also are, you are wise enough and experienced enough to know that anything can change in a second. So you want to protect what you have. Whereas I think when we're younger, we're not as conscious about what we have in the first place. We kind of take things for granted more, right? Especially with your mom too, because obviously you guys have a very tight knit family and your relationship with her must have changed so much when you had children. I think so. I don't know. I mean, sometimes my mom, I'm like, I think you become more apologetic of your own behaviors when you become a mother to your parents. You're like,

wow, like they didn't know what they were doing either, you know? And I, you know, must have been, there've been times where I must have just drove them insane, especially Oliver. I mean, I was actually good. You know, I wanted them to be proud. Oliver just wanted to hide everything that he was up to. But now, yeah, I mean, I think the relationship where it changes is that as you get older, you kind of emulate the things that you really love about how you grew up. And then you really want to walk away from the things that you didn't. I think every parent has that moment when they're reflecting on how they were raised, you know? Yeah. And I think whether you're a parent or not, as you get older, you start to understand how you're mimicking the very things that you

couldn't stand growing up, whether it's your mother's or father's behavior, because the mindset, well, this is a separate thought, but the mindset when you're growing up is my parents are in charge. They're in control. They know what's best, even though I disagree with them most of the time, in my case anyway. But then as you get older, and now that I'm my age, you know, older than my parents were when they had me, I'm like, they didn't know what the fuck they were doing either. Just like I barely knew what I was doing. You know, you don't know what you're doing until you're in your 40s or 50s sometimes. I'm just not so sure we really ever know what we're doing, to be honest. Because like the other day too, it's like now I'm ins sometimes. I'm just not so sure we really ever know what we're doing, to be honest. Because like the other day too, it's like, now I'm in this place where I'm like, you know what,

I've got it figured out. And Ryder, now that Ryder is turning, is an adult. I mean, he looks at me the way I looked at my parents. Like, you know what, this is my mom's issues. I'm not going to feed into that. Now I'm watching Ryder do that with me. And I'm like, whoa, aren't I doing good? He's like, mom, I don't think there's any parent in the world that's going to get through raising their kids being anything but having that thing where their kid goes, I don't want to be anything like my parent. There's this, but I don't want any of that to be a part of what I'm going to end up becoming as a parent. I can see it in Ryder already. He's like, yeah, I don't like that part of my mom. And you're like, oh God, I thought I was going to win this one. Yeah. Yeah. That is

true. Just when you think you have things sorted out, even in relationships, you're in a great relationship with your partner, Danny, and have been for many years now. And you were also saying last night how great this relationship is for you, how you have space and he respects you and you guys have a great time together and also a healthy relationship when you're apart. And those things, when they happen in our lives, there's just so much gratitude. I feel like when I have somebody in my life that I can be completely myself with, I'm like, oh, this is such a nice gift. It's the best. It's all about safety, isn't it? I mean, at the end of the day, if you feel that real yummy sense of safety, you feel so much more freedom. Danny is the first relationship I've had where I really feel free. Even though we're in a monogamous, intimate relationship, I don't

feel any part of me that feels like I need to break out or feel like, you know, he gives me so much freedom. And my life and in the kind of world that we travel in and we travel all over the world and we're meeting incredibly interesting people and beautiful people. When you have someone who has such a deep trust in you and gives you so much freedom, it's just like, it feels so nice. It's like, you never want to do anything to hurt it. You know, it feels so nice. It's like you never want to do anything to hurt it, you know? It really is the first time I've felt that kind of safety. And I also think with Danny, and I don't know if you've felt this before in any kind of relationship, but Danny has no interest in being the center of attention of anything. Like, he never wanted to be, you know, a rock star or a famous painter or a famous writer or an actor.

He never wanted to be in that spotlight. So when we're doing things together, I could be on a red carpet and I've never felt that thing where I never had to worry about someone else or feel like I was making sure that we were doing something together or that it wasn't going to cause any kind of friction or insecurity. I'll look around for Danny and Danny will be talking to anybody and he's so happy. There's something so lovely about not having to be with anyone who feels a sense of insecurity when you're the center. Even though it's all bells and whistles and doesn't mean anything anyway, it still can create, I think, a lot of insecurity in men sometimes or women. Well, especially in this industry, because you're

coming up against the same thing. You know, if people are involved in the same business, it's like, obviously, there's going to be a little bit of conflict. No matter how evolved you are, you can pretend, but it comes up. I mean, I've had it come up, you know, all of my friends who have been dating other celebrities. It comes up all the time, whether you think you're above it or beneath it or whatever. There are moments where it's like, when is it my turn to be at the center of what's happening to my partner right now? You can't, sometimes you just can't help but feel like, wow, what's happening to my partner right now. You can't, sometimes you just can't help but feel like, wow, it's happening to them. Like, how do I always just, it becomes a sense of insecurity. It becomes a conversation piece. It becomes like, I'm trying so hard to

make this happen. And it can just like eat away at any relationship where you're in the same field. I think it can be challenging. Yeah. Okay. On that note, we're going to take a couple of calls. Kate, we're going to give people advice. That's what we do on this podcast. So put your therapy hat on. I know you have it. We're going to take a quick break and we'll be right back. 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel. Oh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money. We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year, offering the information and insights you need to thrive

financially. Yeah, whether you find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt, or you've got a sky high credit card balance because you went a little overboard with the holiday spending, or maybe you're looking to optimize your retirement accounts so you can retire early, well, How to Money will help you to change your relationship with money so you can stress less and grow your net worth. That's right. How to Money comes out three times a week,

Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, for money advice without the judgment and jargon. Listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Inside you, two wolves are locked in battle. One thrives on fear and anger and doubt. The other, courage, wisdom, and love. Every decision, every moment feeds one of them. Which wolf are you feeding? I'm Eric Zimmer, host of The One You Feed.

I've been there, homeless, addicted, and lost. I know the power of small choices to turn your life around. On this podcast, I sit down with thinkers, leaders, and survivors to uncover what it takes to feed the good wolf. This podcast saved me. It's like having a guide for the hardest parts of life. The wolves are hungry. What will you feed them? Listen to The One You Feed on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, y'all. I'm Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, host of Therapy for Black Girls. And I'm thrilled to invite you to our January Jumpstart series for the third year running. All January, I'll be joined by inspiring guests who will help you kickstart your personal growth with actionable ideas and real conversations. We're talking about topics like building community and creating an

inner and outer glow. I always tell people that when you buy a handbag, it doesn't cover a childhood scar. You know, when you buy a jacket, it doesn't reaffirm what you love about the hair you were told not to love. So when I think about beauty, it's so emotional because it starts to go back into the archives of who we were, how we want to see ourselves, and who we know ourselves to be and who we can be. So a little bit of past, present, and future, all in one idea, soothing something from the past.

And it doesn't have to be always an insecurity. It can be something that you love. All to help you start 2025 feeling empowered and ready. Listen to Therapy for Black Girls starting on January 1st on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really No Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor. We got the answer.

Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you. And the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer. And you never know who's going to drop by. Mr. Bryan Cranston is with us today.

How are you, too? Hello, my friend. Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really No Really, sir. Bless you all. Hello, Newman. And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really?

That's the opening? Really No Really. Yeah, really. No really. Go to reallynoreally.com. And register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. It's called Really, No Really, and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back.

We are. Well, our first email comes from Bets. She writes, Dear Chelsea, I'm a 32-year-old woman with a 13-year-old daughter who's in the 7th grade. I've always given my daughter a ton of credit because I was, in fact, a teen mom, and I never really had my shit together up until the past handful of years. Recently, we've started a new school

at a new district while making a move to live back with my parents, and my job requires so much of my time that my parents do all the running for my kids, thus making this most logical decision for my family. Since moving, my daughter has basically spiraled. I allowed her to get Snapchat after waiting for so long, and she ruined it within a week as I caught her having sexually charged conversations with strangers. This past weekend, she had a school dance, and after doing some very light monitoring, I noticed she'd been having a conversation with a classmate about weed. I decided to drug test her, and sure enough, she was positive for THC. And although I'm not anti-marijuana, I feel like she's way too young.

Sometimes when I find myself up in her business, I hear your voice, Chelsea, in the back of my head reminding me I don't own her and that she's her own individual self, but I still feel like she's too young. My biggest fear is that she'll get caught up with the wrong crowd and eventually move to taking pills. Hell, I didn't wind up pregnant in high school because I was a good kid, but the amount of fentanyl related deaths in our stupid ass Midwestern city is astronomical what are your thoughts on keeping her self-aware and safe while becoming her individual

self side note she started therapy literally two days before the discovery of this newest incident bets Kate I'm gonna let you take this as a parent well I'm just really impressed that she hears you when it comes to her parenting workshop. No shit. Whoa. Okay. Well, there's a lot to say. One, I didn't hear anything about dad.

I'm not exactly sure what the deal is with dad. She says that they split when her daughter was one, but they get along great. I'm just not sure if he lives nearby or any of that stuff. Okay. So I think I can really relate to this because that's a really, really challenging thing when you are going through, when you start to go through puberty as a girl who, it doesn't even matter if you have a stepfather because I had a great stepdad, Kurt's the best. When you have dealt with that kind of abandonment and what really feels like a rejection, the individuation from mom becomes pretty intense during puberty. Well said. And so I think she's going through probably massive hormonal time, you know, and I girl who doesn't need to appease boys or party to like seem cool or any of those things. And then she just needs the information. You know, I think like

kids and weed is not great. Like you got to grow your brain. There's so much research on this. Like you start smoking weed too young, too much. It's going to fuck your brain up. And it just ages. Your brain doesn't allow it to develop properly if you're too young and you don't give it the right development time, especially during puberty. And then there's the other thing, which is to say to mom, like we all were there. So we were all at that time in middle school where people were experimenting and looking at, you know, now we have this, the Snapchat and we have the thing, like we were all flirting and

we were like trying to be sexy and girls were trying to figure out what that looked like on them. And it is the time where you experiment with those things. So you want to remember what it was like for you, which I feel like she does. And then take that fucking Snapchat off of their phone. I just think that social media for kids that aren't, wait till they're in ninth grade, like wait till they're a little bit older. Like they just, the research is so heavy on this now. It's terrible for kids. It's terrible.

So I'm not, like I will not allow my son to get Snapchat when he gets his phone. I won't allow him to get Instagram. I won't allow him to get TikTok until he's 15. You can fuck around with it with someone else's phone, fine, but not, he won't have it on his phone. And I'm really strict about that. Yeah, you're strict. I like that. And I also think all you can do as a parent is A, set boundaries and over-communicate. The best parents I see are the people who actually have open dialogues with their children. And I know your daughter probably sounds like she's in a place that she doesn't want to hear you talking to her

about it because she probably thinks she knows better. But everything Katie said is perfect. She's hormonal. She's growing. She's experimenting. She's looking around like, oh, am I interested in that? It's all fucking completely normal. The only things that you can control are like the guardrails that you put up and getting rid of Snapchat. She'll probably try and start a fake account, but it's worth getting rid of and making sure that she understands that if she does have a fake account, there are going to be repercussions for that. And being in therapy is great. Thank God, because all she needs is the information about what this is going to do, what you can't smoke pot when you're 13 years old. It doesn't work

that way. Your brain has to develop. And otherwise, you're going to pay the price for a really long time. And you should put that information in front of her, you know, and not necessarily. I don't know, Kate, what do you think about, you know, being a parent versus being a friend? Like, I think that's a very gray area with a lot of parents where people try to be their kids' friends. And I think it's important during these kinds of times to really be a parent. Yeah, I mean, I really try to talk to my kids when it comes to drugs and it comes to sex. Like I really get very clinical and I come from a place of like what for me as a parent and

what I wish for them in their life, the seriousness of it. And that it might seem now that it's like fine, but what I've experienced and friends of mine that have gone down certain paths and being really, really brutal and open with them about it. You know, I've lost friends to drugs. It's been terrible and I've seen it and you watch it happen.

And also like how much you love your kids. I remember when I was a teenager, like I love my mom so much. My hormones and where I was at, I had moments where I just couldn't stand her. And it's not, it wasn't personal. It literally was a function of my hormones, a function of me wanting to be my own person and my psychology and all the things that were happening at that moment. And my mom's love and consistency in being there, talking to me, communicating, is what ends up showing actively what that love looks like. Yeah.

And I also think you should also treat this. What's her name again? Betts. Betts. Like this is a time in your life. Like it's not the rest of your life. She's just going through a time in her life right now. And so you have to parent differently during this time in order just to help guide her, you know, and you can also set up like stepping stones for her to earn your trust, you know, so that she's going to act responsibly. So when she acts responsibly, then she can be on social media when you can monitor her account and see that she's not talking about drugs or sex or things that you're not comfortable with yet as a parent of a 13 year old girl, which is totally acceptable. You can't control a 13 year old. I mean, you're her parent

at 13 years old. That's still your role. And when I say like you don't own your children, I mean that in a larger sense. I think as a 13 year old girl, you are in charge of her. You don't own her. No, but you are in control of the way she's going to be directed. And so you just take that part really seriously in this sensitive time, which is puberty. And you're not alone. Everyone is dealing with the same thing with a 13 year old girl, you know, if not exactly the same thing. I heard a great piece of advice where someone said, like, we don't need tough love. Like the world presents us with tough. And I, I was raised with a lot of tough love. And when I, when I heard that, I was like, that's a really interesting approach. When you say

boundaries, like there's a way to set boundaries that don't feel like you're coming down on your kids, but really feel like we need to meet each other as our kids get older. I remember saying to Ryder, our relationship will change. My love for you never changes, but our relationship and the mutual respect that needs to start happening changes as you become, as you get older. And if we can't meet each other, there's, we're going to have a complicated relationship and I have boundaries. And if this is going to be smooth, then we got to be able to talk these things out. And that I think is the best, the only thing you can do, you know? Yeah. I like the idea of not looking at boundaries as a punishment, but actually as like an encouragement, like, okay, you know, if you meet all of these criteria, then you're going to have more freedom

to make your own decisions once you prove to me that you're making sound decisions and responsible decisions for your health and your safety, et cetera. Like a reward system. Yeah, like a reward system. It doesn't have to be like, no, you're a bad girl. It's like, look, if you do this, you can get this, you know? And after time of watching her mature, which you will, like, don't worry, you're going to be fine. You've got her in therapy. You've done all the right things. So just be very, you know, conscious of making sure you're over

communicating all the time, whether she wants to or not, you're available for it if she ever needs you. So that's the message you get across when you're always showing up for someone is that when they do need you, you'll be there. So parenting is hard. And that's why I've chosen not to do it and participate in that. It's not an easy job. Our kids challenge us so deeply and profoundly. They also know how to pick and poke at all your weak spots. They see it. Even if they don't even know that they're seeing it, they know. I think the other thing is that our kids are our teachers. When we see our kids going through something, we also need to reflect back on ourselves. You know, they've moved,

she's moved. She must feel it's destabilizing for her. She's acting out. And so I think mom, too, has to look and go like, what am I doing that's contributing to that? Yeah. I wanted to touch on the fentanyl concern. You know, there are those fentanyl test strips that are out there. And, you know, on the one hand, it feels like providing your child with that could be sort of seen as you're saying, like, go ahead, do whatever you want with pills, whatever. On the other hand, like, it's a real concern. What are your thoughts about about fentanyl and safety? Oh, God, I don't know. What do you think about that? I part of me just feels bad that kids can't live in the world that we did when we experimented, you know, where we didn't have this issue.

You were like, oh, well, I guess I'll try it. You know, I was like, you weren't afraid that like that you could die and had to carry around like Narcan and have fentanyl strips. I mean, I've heard crazy stories. Like the other day, my son, we're talking about these kids that had fentanyl strips and they thought that it was fine. And one of them ended up ODing fentanyl in it. Oh, really? Terrible. Yeah.

And you're like, this is at the end of the day, we're just living. I just say to my kids, just don't do it. Just don't fucking do it. Yeah, it's not it doesn't seem worth it anymore. I feel badly like I grew up in a time where you could try anything and it was pretty much going to be fine. But it's not like that anymore. And, you know, it's a bummer because you do want to experiment and have a little fun,

but you can't do that. It's just not worth the risk at this point. Yeah, that's that's how I see it now. It's like I do feel like giving somebody a fentanyl strip is permissive. It's like saying, okay, well, if you do it, then I don't know. I would feel weird about that as a parent. Yeah, especially this young, this young of a kid. Well, that's all from Bets, but let's jump to our first caller.

Monica writes, Dear Chelsea, I'm 36 years old and have been with my partner for two and a half years. When we decided to become exclusive, I asked him where he stood on having kids. He said he was indifferent. He'd be happy with or without kids. I was clear with him that I want children. All was good on that front, so we moved ahead. About a year in, he told me he actually wasn't so sure about having kids. He realized he hadn't really thought about it that much when I first asked him, and now he's having second thoughts. I was devastated. Our relationship has been amazing so far, and we decided to move in together. Per my request, we started couples counseling to help

with that transition. In counseling, and with his own counselor, he came to the conclusion that his doubts about kids were rooted in fears he had from his prior marriage and conservative Christian upbringing. Thank Jesus he's no longer religious or married. I'm delighted that he is back on board with having kids. Now the problem is, adoption has long been a dream of mine. He knows this, but it's not a deal breaker for me. Not wanting kids at all is a deal breaker. Over the last year

or so, I began to realize how important adopting is to me for so many reasons. My partner does not want to adopt, and he's adamant. When I've asked why, he just says he's not interested. I've tried to respect his wishes, but I'm not ready to let it rest. Where do I go from here? I'm afraid to keep probing the topic as I don't feel like I have a good idea of other questions to ask or what to say to convey how important this is to me. Please help Monica. Hi, Monica. Hello. Hi, Monica. Hi, Monica. This is our special guest, Kate Hudson today. Hello. Hi, Kate. Hi, Chelsea. Hi, cutie. Okay, Kate. Kate is passionate, so I'm going to let Kate go first. Well, first of all, there's a lot unpacked here because it sounds like you guys haven't been on the same page for a lot of years.

It's like goes back and forth with the whole kid thing. But there's also, I mean, just simply, you can't also have babies on your own. If adoption is your life purpose and you want to do that, as much as you love him, you need to go adopt a child and have, and you'll never regret it. I'll tell you that. Yeah. But you will regret being with someone where you to feel like you're not doing something that you're meant to be doing. Yeah. That's how I feel about it. I mean, you know, really simply like if someone loves you and you're in it together, like, then you figure out how to do it together. And if you're not on the same page, you're never going to be on the same page about

that. Yeah, yeah, those are great points. It's interesting, you brought up, you know, being able to do it on my own. I, before this relationship, I, you know, many years ago, I was very concerned about finding a partner at all. And I was like, I'm getting too old to start a family. And I finally came to the point where I accepted and was okay with and happy with the reality that I could go out and adopt children on my own and still live a full and happy life. So yeah, it's interesting you bring up that point. Which is a very salient point because instinctively I was thinking like, oh, he was already on the fence about having kids. You convinced him to do that through therapy and now you're throwing another wrench at him. It feels slightly unfair for you to be putting that, you know, you're kind of moving

the goalposts for him, even though they've been your goalposts. It feels like it's unfair to him for that. So I, but I think Katie's right. Like you're never going to regret a child. Nobody regrets having children. You know what I mean? But you will resent somebody for stopping your dreams to come into full bloom. And, and that's very valid. And if you think that's something that you can't live without doing without adoption, then you absolutely need to let him know that and, and prepare to like leave the relationship if he doesn't change his mind. Yeah. Yeah. That's, that's a great point. It's, it's, you know, everything is really great aside from this one thing that's kind of unresolved. And

the idea of leaving him is really hard because I love him so much. Do you think, you know, the idea of the moving goalposts, do you feel like this is a conversation that's fair to have with him to like, hope that he gets there? Like, if I'm, you know, well, you have to have the conversation because this is what you want. But did you convey this early on in your relationship that you were into adoption? Or is this a newer feeling that you've had? Um, I definitely conveyed it within the first year. I don't recall that I brought it up when I first told him that I definitely want kids. That was very, very early on when I said that. And in hindsight, I wish I would have brought up adoption then as well. But yeah, he's known about it for a while. And it's only been more recently, like in the last, I don't know, maybe six months or so

that he has said, you know, where I've kind of asked him again, I brought it up at least a second time. And he's like, yeah, I don't think that's something I want to do. And yeah, I guess I'm not sure how to bring this up again, when all he's given me is I don't want to do that. I'm just not interested. Yeah, I'm curious, like how to get like to what's underneath that my therapist always says you know when you change then everything starts changing around you you know because at the end of the day this is really more about you than it is about him i think you need to be really clear about what you want first it's not about you know if you really want to have a an adoptive you have the means obviously really important to raise and to pay for a child on your own and that's something that is really important to you is adoption then you need to like really lean into that as

something that you need to do in your life. And the more sure you are, then you'll see it will reveal itself. Yeah. And people do warm up to ideas. You know, I don't think it's like, OK, we have to talk about this once and decide. Like if you're bringing it up on occasion and talking to him about how important it is to you, how much you love the idea, like he may you love the idea. Like he may warm to the idea. Well, let me ask you a question, Monica. Is it a deal breaker?

Like if you want adoption is more important than your relationship. I mean, sorry to put it that way, but that's pretty much what it comes down to. Yeah. You know, and that's kind of something I'm trying to decide where I do think I need to figure out where I stand on this issue, whether it's a deal breaker or not. I previously thought just, you know, not wanting kids was a deal breaker and that I could compromise on the adoption thing. But the more that I've thought about it in the last year or so, I'm realizing that it, I don't know, I'm not to the point yet where I want to call it a deal breaker, but it is very important to me. And I would be sad to give up that dream. Right. Well, I think what you can do is, do you guys go to a couples counseling at all? We have, we're not currently, but we were earlier

this year. Well, you might want to enlist a counselor to kind of talk about it with you, because it's always better to have a third party, I think. But I think there's a very natural, sweet way you can bring it up without putting, it's not like you're ending the relationship, but you're introducing the idea that this is something that's really become more and more important to you. Maybe you didn't even realize how important it was, the adoption, and you're at a time in your life where you're really thinking, like, I don't know if I'm going to be complete without doing this. And I just need you to know that this is how I'm feeling. And I would love for you to change your mind, but I'm also not here to make you change your mind. Like if you're not on board and I have to respect that you have to respect his decision as well as you have, as you're respecting your, your own decision, you know, whatever that ends up being and give him the room to think about it and like soak in the idea of what might that look like as your future. And that way you're giving each other room and space to breathe and contemplate a decision

and a new life and all of those things without saying this, you better do this or I'm leaving. You know what I mean? It doesn't have to be like that. Do you guys live together? You live together. Yeah, we do. I mean, that there's also like,

you could just be like, I really love you. I wanna keep seeing you. I'm gonna adopt. I'm gonna have a you. I'm going to adopt. I'm going to have a baby. I'm going to get into my own house and you don't have to raise this baby with me, but you know, I don't want to end it. Yeah. Yeah. See what happens. You know what I mean? I like that option. That's a great option. Yeah. When he was uncertain about kids, my counselor suggested something like that, you know, just, you know, you can live separately, raise a child and still be together, which is something that I still, I don't know, I haven't been able to fully wrap my head around because I do want to, you know, have a partner and a,

you know, a more traditional family. But yeah, I mean, that is, that is an option that I should give some more thought. The truth is the second, the second it starts happening, you know, if you guys really love each other, he's probably just going to be all over that child. I'm thinking the same thing. I think that's a good move. That's a good sideways move. I like that.

We don't usually give sideways advice. Or actually, we probably do, unknowingly. Everything I've ever done is sideways. So yeah, think outside the box. You know what I mean? You're thinking about everything has to be in this perfect little unit. It doesn't necessarily have to be that way. We live in modern times in some states.

So you can chart your own course. And you should definitely be a mother. I can tell by your whole aura and energy that you're maternal and you should live that dream out. Thank you. You're very motherly. I can see it. Thank you. I just think that that's so amazing because there's so many kids that need homes. And I have so many friends who've adopted and it's just the best. And it's just everything. And of course, having your own kid doesn't preclude you from adopting

Monica, you know, you might have a kid together, adopt and have another kid later. That's a great way to trap him, have the baby together and then adopt the baby. Perfect. You won't know what the fuck hit him. He'll be like, whoopsie doodle. How'd I end up here? Well, thank you so much. Thanks for calling in Monica. Good luck with everything okay we'll do bye-bye okay bye you just reminded me to drink my water yeah this is so fun i know it's so fun i do this on my podcast with oliver i'm gonna steal this kids uh kate's podcast is called sibling revelry if you guys haven't heard, I was on there with my sister as the first episode of her podcast. First episode. I loved it.

Oh, my God. Your sister's the best. Okay. We have one more. I was going to say, do we have time for one more call? This is the last one. Yeah. Should we take a quick break and we'll come back for our last call?

Sure. We'll take a quick break. Inside you, two wolves are locked in battle. One thrives on fear and anger and doubt. The other? Courage, wisdom, and love. Every decision, every moment feeds one of them. Which wolf are you feeding? I'm Eric Zimmer, host of The One You Feed. I've been there, homeless, addicted, and lost. I know the power of small choices to turn your life around.

On this podcast, I sit down with thinkers, leaders, and survivors to uncover what it takes to feed the good wolf. This podcast saved me. It's like having a guide for the hardest parts of life. The wolves are hungry. What will you feed them? Listen to The One You Feed on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities.

I'm Joel. Oh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money. We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year, offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially. Yeah, whether you find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt or you've got a sky-high credit card balance because you went a little overboard with the holiday spending, or maybe you're looking to optimize your retirement accounts so you can retire early. Well, How to Money will help you to change your relationship with money so you can stress less and grow your net worth. That's right. How to Money comes out three times a week, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays for money advice without the judgment

and jargon. Listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, y'all. I'm Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, host of Therapy for Black Girls, and I'm thrilled to invite you to our January Jumpstart Series for the third year running. All January, I'll be joined by inspiring guests who will help you kickstart your personal growth with actionable ideas and real conversations. We're talking about topics like building community and creating an inner and outer glow. I always tell people that when you buy a handbag, it doesn't cover a childhood scar. You know, when you buy a jacket, it doesn't reaffirm what you love about the hair you were told not to love. So when I think about beauty, it's so emotional because it starts to go back into the archives

of who we were, how we want to see ourselves, and who we know ourselves to be and who we can be. It's a little bit of past, present, and future, all in one idea, soothing something from the past. And it doesn't have to be always an insecurity. It can be something that you love. All to help you start 2025 feeling empowered and ready. Listen to Therapy for Black Girls starting on January 1st on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden.

And together on the Really Know Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like Why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all baffling questions like... We got the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you and the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer. And you never know who's going to drop by. Mr. Bryan Cranston is with us today.

How are you, too? Hello, my friend. Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really No Really, sir. Bless you all. Hello, Newman. And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening?

Really No Really. Yeah, really. No really. Go to reallynoreally.com. And register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. It's called Really? No, Really?

And you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back. We're back. Julia is calling in from the woods somewhere. So I'll give you the quick and dirty. She really needs some unbiased advice. She's got a couple of kids, I believe around seven and nine, and they live near a city in Canada.

But they're really thinking about moving up north, kind of in the middle of nowhere, get out in the country, raise their kids, be a little more rural. Oh, goodbye. Yeah. But she's truly torn because her mom and other family and friends are in the area that she currently lives in. And she thinks her mom's going to be really, totally devastated if they were to move. She says, please, Chelsea, don't say, if you're asking, you already know the answer, you do a lot because I truly don't know what to do and feel split down the middle. So she's calling us from a cabin in the woods, but not the one they may be moving to.

Hi. Hi, Julia. Hi. Hi there. Are you in Muskoka? Oh, my God. I'm so close. Yes.

I'm not right there, but we passed through it actually to go where we are I grew up in Muskoka I grew up going every summer oh my god do your parents still go there no no we sold our we sold the house and everything but yeah you guys are like the talk of the town up here it's the most beautiful country honestly it's just the best I miss it so much so I know why you want to move yeah yeah it's tricky because it is so beautiful and you see the value of living like that and raising kids in that environment right yeah like I get that but there's so many other factors that it makes it a hurt it's harder than it seems how long is the drive are you like two hours are you long it would be no we are just north of

toronto so we are about four we're past muskoka we're actually on manitoulin island so it's like four four or five hours okay so it's a long it's a long drive yeah but it's not yeah like it's not like undoable i mean four or five hours people do that on the weekends all the time i mean i know i think that's the thing is i'm so conflicted with like, it's not a big deal. It's not like we're moving to the other side of the world, but some people will respond in that way as if we are moving to the other side of the world. This is your fucking life. What are you doing? You can't let other people direct what you're going to do. You're not moving to another country. You're moving five hours away. And while that might be a hard pill to swallow in the beginning, everyone will adjust.

This is not a breakup. I know, but I have the same issue. Can I just like totally relate to this? Because I live seven blocks from my mom. My brother is two minutes, literally, literally two minutes down the street. My other brother is eight. And I'm always like, I don't want to live in Los Angeles. I don't, LA doesn't move me and i can't move like i would be it would be devastating to all of us if one like we have to move as this pack and and if you don't then like you're like something's

wrong with you yeah oh my god you are literally describing the dynamic of the whole situation because while like i understand it and i could see it i probably like we could find somewhere that's like comfortable with both of us like i don't want to be too rural out in the hicks but like somewhere kind of middle ground that we're all happy with and it's like good for our kids and stuff but my mom will lose her mind because these are her only grandkids and that's her livelihood. Her whole life revolves around my kids. And so she'll never move up here.

No, she will never move up here. And like, she hates driving. Like if it's like literally like if there's a, if it's snow, she won't drive. If it rains,

she won't drive. If it's nighttime, she won't drive. Like she, so it's so hard for her to like travel. Four and a half hours in Northern Torontoonto in the winter is is brutal it's brutal so it's like i'd have to like go and pick her up and bring her back like she's retired so she could stay for with us for long periods of time and have nice visits and stuff but i just know that like having that conversation will be a disaster

it'll be like devastating her and you're leaving me and all this stuff how old is your mom she's 67 like she's still young well why don't you do it for a couple years and see what happens i guess yeah because my husband i feel like once we go we're never going to come back though because my husband loves it up here and he's like i'm sick of where we're living i hate it i've sacrificed and lived there for you. Like we've, we've done this now. Let's have another chapter. Let's try something new. And part of me is like, am I making a big deal? Am I being a spoiled brat and just like not want to do it? Cause I don't like change or should I just suck it up and do it? Or is it my gut telling me not to do it? Like I have so many friends are like, you can't leave your mother. And like, yes, you should move. Like

every, I'm so conflicted that I literally don't, I'm just like at a standstill because I don't know what to do. I honestly, I really think you have to just go do what's right for you and your family. And I think your mother will adjust and the conversation will be very difficult initially. But I think you'll be surprised by how quickly she turns around and starts driving long distances and start spending more time with you and contemplates even, you know, spending maybe months at a time with you. Like, it's just the conversation that's scaring the shit out of you because you know what her reaction is going to be. But the sooner you have that conversation, the sooner she's going to get used to the idea. Yeah, I think that's exactly right. Like, floating the idea out before you're like, this is what we're doing and when it's happening could be really helpful. Right. Yeah, yeah. We've sort of're like, this is what we're doing and when it's happening, it could be really helpful. Right. Yeah, yeah.

We've like, we've sort of like danced around it, but I can tell it's like not going to go smoothly. So we just like leave it. But that's not a reason to not do it. And also you can set up like, hey, this is our plan. We're going to come back every whatever, once a month and spend the weekend with you. We're going to come get you for a week, a month,

or whatever the schedule is, like lay that out so that, you know, there's comfort in that. And there's like some consistency in a schedule that's being set. Yeah, yeah, for sure. I think that's the thing is just giving her that comfort, but. And frame it that it is temporary. Just say that for everyone's sake,

just say we're just going to try this for a couple of years so that everyone can warm up to the idea. Because that way, if you do end up staying by that time, everyone's going to be over it anyway. Families are resilient and they rebound from the trauma and they come back to you. You know, if you're a close-knit family, no one's going anywhere anyway. It's kind of true. My brother moved to Colorado for two years and we were all like, are you serious? Like this is, it was devastating to all of us. And before we knew it, he was back and everything. It's fine. Yeah. I think it's almost just like the anxiety is like, but before it even happens, you have more anxiety than you even need to.

Right. That's what you're doing. Yeah. Do you want to move? Do you want to move? Or is it more your husband? It's like if he said tomorrow, like, no, nevermind. Let's just cancel everything and stay. I'd be happy where we are. Like, it's a lovely community. It's a beautiful, small little community. Like, it's a beautiful area where we live now. So we're happy there.

But he's like, I think we can do more. We can, like, his business could do well here. I can work remote. I work from wherever. So we have that, like, flexibility. And it's just like his business could do well here i can work remote i work from wherever so we have that like flexibility and it's just like it's beautiful up here so he's just like this is why what are we what are we doing like what we're in we're in our early 40s let's do something else so what the hell right so and i totally see it it's like more more money more opportunities better lifestyle i see all the pros but then I'm just like, I just keep pulling myself back to like, I hate change. And like, part of me is like, can I mentally

go through a big move and like rip my kids out of the school and like start over and leave all our friends? And part of me is like, can I even handle that? Because that scares me. It's not even just like my mom and stuff. It's like the scary, I don't like change. Yeah. But you can handle it and you will handle it if that's what you choose to do and you can handle it. And this is a difficult conversation. And this is what adulthood is about, is about having difficult moments with people we love when sometimes you have to like give somebody bad news. So it's like a testament to your like, you know, enduring strength as a woman and it's empowering. So I think you should look at it from that. Like you're taking a stance for your family and you're doing what's right for your family for this period of time. And that

doesn't mean anyone's going to be excommunicated. You're all just going to adjust to it together. If that's, you know, if you really feel this way and I think you should go, I think the way Kate described it, the way you're describing it, it just sounds beautiful. And why not have an adventure? Yeah, no, it is. And I think that's the thing it's like deep down i have that little voice like when we come up here it's like oh it is so gorgeous and it's like but i'm so scared right like i just don't like change they also say that when you do things like that you just you live longer yeah they say when you up when you change when you go into new environments and you have these like different experiences that it's actually it like it literally rejuvenates yourselves yeah i could see that yeah it didn't

make yeah i think i just don't like being out of my comfort zone and i just i think it'd be good though be a growth experience for everything right so just well you're saying it if you're if this is about you and anxiety then you need to go yeah you know what i mean you need to like be more fearless and just yeah i know i think that's what it is it's just like you're in your comfort zone with like your family and your kids and schools and everything and it's just scary to like start over and just move somewhere where it's brand new everything's brand new it's scary right so but anyways no everything you're saying it's like i think deep down no everything you're saying it's like i think deep down i know all that and it's just hard to like come to terms with it all right well

this is the kick in your ass that you're looking for okay yeah chelsea and i we're really like the wrong people because we literally live on the road all we do is we're like circus folk i'm gonna live till i'm i'm gonna live till i'm 150 for all the new environments I'm exposed to. Yeah. But good luck to you and let us know what happens. Okay. Keep in touch with us. Send us a postcard from up north. Yeah. Nice to meet you. Nice meeting you. This was awesome. Thank you so much. Bye, Julia. Bye. How did you know exactly where she was? That was so funny. Did I even say Canada? Muskoka. Well, the lake country, when she said up north, like that's what we call from Toronto, the all lake country. And Muskoka is like kind of the biggest sort of Algonquin.

It's honestly, guys, it's like heaven up there. It's the most beautiful place in the world. I think that's where I'm going to buy a bunch of acres for global warming is northern Canada. That seems to be the safest place to do it. I'm going to buy 100 acres and then tell anybody that they want that they can just come build and keep about 50 feet in between dwellings. Okay. I'll show you where to go. Yeah, you will. You're a climatologist. You'll know where to go.

Uh-huh. That's right. Kate, this was so much fun. Thank you so much for being with us today. I love you. You know how much I love you. I love you so much. And you gave great fucking advice on top of it.

I did? You did, yes. I'm into this. I could talk forever on this. How do you even say goodbye to these people? like literally talk for an hour yeah well uh you contributed so thank you and I will see you soon thanks for having me love you thanks love you thanks Kate bye bye okay guys also I have added more second shows to my Little Big Bitch tour. I added second shows in Hollywood at the Pantages. I am going to be there two nights, October 12th and 13th. I added another show at the Chicago Theater, October 27th and October 28th, one of my favorite places to perform. I added another show in Portland. So I'll be there November 2nd and 3rd. And I added a second show in Boston at the Wang Center. So I will be there November 16th and 17th. I also have two shows in Seattle, San Francisco, New York at the Beacon and Washington, D.C.

I will be there October 5th and 6th. And a special shout out to Phoenix, Arizona, where I'm coming Saturday, October 14th. And then I'm coming to Cleveland, Columbus and Pittsburgh. So suck on that, you guys. I can't wait to see everybody. Oh, and I'm coming to Eugene, Oregon too, everybody. That's November 9th, 2023. And I will be at the Clubhouse in East Hampton, which is going to be a very intimate show on Saturday, August 26th. So if you are in the Long Island area, that's where I'll be. The Clubhouse. If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email at DearChelseaPodcast at gmail.com. And be sure to include your phone number.

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