Dear Chelsea - Waitlisted on Raya with Brittany Broski

Episode Date: July 27, 2023

Brittany Broski is in the studio this week to chat about what it feels like to get surprised by Harry Styles, getting waitlisted by dating app Raya, and why she’s this generation’s Walter Cronkite.  Then: A girlfriend wonders if she should move in with a guy who has no time for her.  A sister single-handedly tries to fix a family squabble.  And a twentysomething has daddy issues - in that her boyfriend wants her to call him daddy. * Follow the Broski Report podcast here!  * Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail] * Executive Producer Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert * * * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together, our mission on the Really Know Really podcast is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why the bathroom door doesn't go all the way to the floor, what's in the museum of failure, and does your dog truly love you? We have the answer. Go to reallyknowreally.com

and register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. The Really Know Really podcast. Follow us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi. Hi, hi, hi. I'm just going through my makeup. Gotta put my

makeup on for my podcast because it's not recorded. As everyone knows, it's a visual medium. No, it is funny too because we have guests all the time who are like this is not going to be on video, right? And then I'm like, except for socials. We're going to put a clip on socials.

So then everybody has to get looking good. Okay, guys, we have added more shows to my Little Big Bitch Tour because I'm coming all over. We had a second show at the Pantages in Los Angeles. So that's October 12th and Friday the 13th, which is my favorite day of the year. We added a second show in Boston at the Wang Center. September 29th and 30th is two shows in New York. I also have a show in East Hampton, New York, August 26th. We added a second show in Portland.

So Thursday, November 2nd. Friday, November 3rd in Portland. November 4th and 5th in San Francisco. Two shows there. We added a second show in Seattle, November 10th and 5th in San Francisco two shows there, we added a second show in Seattle, November 10th and 11th two shows Boston are November 16th and 17th at the Bach Center

Wang Theater and I'm also coming to Toronto and Montreal and Ottawa and so many other cities Columbus, Cincinnati Detroit, Louisville so So I will see everybody at all of these shows. Thank you. Get your tickets at chelseahandler.com.

So Chelsea, we have a great guest today, and she's somebody who talks a lot about her mental health. And it got me wondering, you are somebody who's always talked a lot about your life, but a few years ago, you obviously made a very conscious decision to start talking really candidly about your mental health. And I wonder, was making that decision scary? No. I mean, it was so natural. You know, I'm always sharing what I'm going through, and it was so natural, and I was

learning so much. And it was such a shift in my life. It was noticeable by everyone that matters to me. And some friends, you know, in ways didn't like that, which I had heard could happen. And I was, it was shocking. Interesting. I remember once I decided I didn't want that. I don't want to spend my time talking shit. I don't, I mean, you know, listen, we all talk shit. There's a time and a place for that. And then there's a way to do it. That's not nasty. And there's a way to do it that is, you know, that is nasty. And I, so I changed a lot of those habits that were giving me like,

you know, that were bringing me lower than I want to be. I want to be high and I want to be upbeat. And it wasn't hard to share because I always know that when anybody shares anything, you're helping so many people. And I know that how many people I'm helping because of my honesty, because of my books and my standup and this podcast, because they reach out and they tell me. And some of the notes I get are so profound

and meaningful to me that anytime I feel low or I'm feeling like insecure, I always just go and look through my DMs and to be reminded. And usually whenever you're feeling like insecure, I always just go and look through my DMs. And to be reminded, and usually whenever you're feeling like that, something happens to remind you also. You don't even have to go look that far because somebody will reach out to you and go, I just want you to know, like yesterday I came home, there was all this fan mail on this thing. And I rarely have time to go through that. But I remember walking by it yesterday and I was like, hey, these people are taking their time to write you, go read some of them. And I did. And it was

just so moving. Just people taking the time to write something that the impact that you had on a certain event in their life and, you know, that your honesty helped me go to therapy and all. I mean, you just never have any idea, even if you're someone like me with a big platform, how many people you're affecting and impacting with that domino effect. So, you know, for people who aren't famous, you're affecting people too, you know, the same way. It's like, it's not just one person's responsibility. Like you have to remember when you're a good person and you're there for your friends and you're, and you show up for them and, and you're honest or you're a good person and you're there for your friends and you show up for them and you're honest or you're sharing your story, you are helping therapize others. Yeah. I love that you say like whether you have a platform or not. I got a text recently from a friend of mine on Mother's

Day. She's a mom and she texted me. She's someone who she doesn't live in LA anymore. So we don't talk as much, but we were really close for a long time. And she sent sending this gorgeous, I'm like going to cry thinking about it, this gorgeous text message saying like, no one in my life has ever mothered me the way that you did. I just like lost it. And you know, you just never know what like little things you do on a day-to-day basis, like really get through to people or are moving and impactful for people. Yeah. And another thing that because I have experience in death, when someone in my life loses someone, I'm always there. If someone's in crisis, I'm there.

I check in, I'm always on it because there's a period of grieving where everyone shows up and then there's the period where people disappear. So that's the most difficult time for people because I lived that and I know it, that people feel, you know, they wanna reach out to you and then everyone kind of moves on with their lives.

Right. So the people that do remember and are like consistent and show up beyond the point. The week, the month afterward. And even, you know, a very common thing for people to say is like, I didn't want to bother. I don't want to burden her. She's going through so much or it's not my place. It's like it's anyone's place. To reach out, you don't have to, if they don't care or want you to reach out, then fine. But it's everyone's place to extend a branch and say, hey, or not a branch,

extend love and say, hey, I'm here if you need me. Call me anytime. Consistently check in. I think that makes a big difference in other people's lives. Yeah. For example, I had a friend who lost someone a couple of years ago, and it was a really sudden and really traumatic death. And I knew she was just beside herself, not even able to talk to people. And I texted her just every day for the longest time or every few days for the longest time, just being like, I'm here.

And I said, like, you don't have to text me back. You don't need to do anything. But I just want you to know I'm here. I love you. And just like consistently did that. Do you have a how do you get a sense of like when someone's ready to talk versus like they just need to know you're there? I think you reach out, you know, with texts and like, you can call whatever your dynamic is. If it's not a close friend, then, you know, I think,

you know, if someone dies, you call. Yeah. You call them immediately. And if it's somebody that's far away that you can text, send a text and or you can wait until it dies down and then really go in and say, hey, I've been thinking about you this whole time. I just want to let you know I'm here. I don't think there are any rules for that. You don't want to harass somebody, but you just want to make sure that they know that you're thinking of them and that you're in their thoughts and that you're just thinking about them. I think that's a comfort. Yeah. It's like I think some people, they want to have someone show up at their door and other people don't. Yeah. like I don't want that.

I'm not. I like to be alone when I'm dealing with something difficult mostly and get through it because it's just such a maelstrom of emotion. It's up and down and up and down. And breaking up is easier to show up for someone because that's not death. Right. Death is like, ugh. People are like scared to have to talk about that.

Yeah. With a breakup, you can show up with like a bottle of wine and a bar of chocolate and like, you know, sit on the couch and like be together. Yeah. Okay. So our guest today is a hot mess. I love her. She made last year's Forbes 30 under 30 list and was named a TikToker of the year by Paper

Magazine. And of course is also known as Kombucha Girl. So she's the host of the new podcast, The Broski Report. Please welcome Brittany Broski. Is that a beer? Could you imagine if I just walked in with like a Coors Light?

What is that? It's 11 a.m., so that's going to be a water. That's liquid death. That's the shit that Travis Barker uses for enemas. Brittany Broski just showed up with a beer. It's, what time is it? It's 8.30 a.m. That's how some people have to do podcasts.

Brittany Broski is here, everybody. And I hope you're familiar with her because she is a real hot mess and I like her style and she's got a lot of stuff going on. She has a new podcast actually. I do have a new podcast. Tell us about that. It's called The Broski Report with Brittany Broski.

In case you couldn't like you know put it together and it's very much stream of consciousness just whatever comes out of your mouth. My crazy beautiful mouth. It's kind of what makes it onto air so it's fun. It's a lot of fun. We designed the set kind of like if Walter Cronkite was a gay man. Which he may have been. Which probably. I mean, it seems like almost all men are gay is what we're figuring out. And that's why they're so pissed off. Exactly. And I think that's a beautiful thing. If they could just work through it. But it's very 1950s themed for the set. But the whole idea was my fans are called Broski Nation. And I am a tyrannical dictator, like just for Broski Nation.

Like there are no laws. Laws change daily. So I was like, what's a fun way to kind of deliver news to these people of like, all right, guys, we're no longer listening to this. We're listening to Deftones. OK, let's let's get with it. And so I was like, we need a news set. And it really came together really beautifully. And it's in my spare bedroom at my house. So that's nice. Congratulations. I'm building my podcast studio at my new house that will never be ready. I'm

going to be using your podcast room actually from here on in. Is there a Medieval Times theme for this? No, that's just going to be my bedroom. Okay. Yeah. Brittany has gained a lot of notoriety on TikTok because you have over 10. Did you just throw coffee in your face? I just like vomited. Oh, guys, I wish this was on video.

And it actually happens to be. So maybe this is the clip we'll use. She just ejaculated coffee into her face when she went to take a sip. The other day I was on a plane. And I don't know. I guess it must have been high because I went to go take a sip and assumed there was like a sippy, like a top, a lid. Oh no. Yeah. And I just poured the entire drink down my, on my shirt. And I was like, wait, what just happened? I had like a synapse loss. Sorry, I'm blocked out. And I just poured it on

me and I'm like, wait, what are you doing? I must have been on an edible. That's edible behavior, you know? But because of your popularity on TikTok, your podcast now, and all of social media, you have a huge following. And because of that, you've gotten to meet a lot of your heroes, which I loved when you met Harry Styles. She's a huge Harry Styles fan. Like ridiculous.

It's like really actually stupid. I mean, I think a lot of people probably feel that way absolutely that's why when that happened it was so like because I don't know about you're probably not terrified of the internet but I am and so terrified in which way just of like people's response to anything how they can twist it and all that so that happened and I was terrified at first. Well, tell us what happened. Break it down. Well, so they surprised me. So I, HSHQ, which is Harry's like headquarters, literally Harry Styles headquarters. Oh my God. Reached out to me and they were like, hey, Brittany, what are you doing on these days? And I was like, well, I'm actually kind of busy, but what's up? And they were like, he's doing a one night only in New York for, you know, Harry's house coming out. And we wanted to know if you would take over the social media for it. And I was like, what the fuck? Yeah,

I'm free. I just cleared my schedule. I'm free. And so I didn't go into it with this expectation I was going to meet him because I was like, he's so busy. This is the first time he's ever performing this new album. Like, I'm sure he's nervous. He doesn't want to do like a fucking meet and greet. And I don't want to meet him. I'm sure he's nervous. He doesn't want to do a fucking meet and greet. And I don't want to meet him either. He scares me. I love him so much. He's so scary.

And so I went into it. We interviewed fans. We were giving out free tickets. We were giving out pizza. It was pouring rain. It was just so fun. And you were taking over their social media. Yeah, I took over the HSHQ account

and just taking them around the stadium and interviewing fans and stuff. Well, at the end of the night, it's like an hour till showtime we wrap giving people tickets and whatever and so i go back i think we're going back to my dressing room just to kind of like hang out and i'm walking back in and people start put like bringing out their phones and i'm like it's kind of weird and so we're walking to my dressing room and i open the door and he's right there and they had told me before they were like, maybe it'll happen another time. But like, it's just there's so much going on. Like, it's not going to happen.

I was like, kind of relieved, but also like, OK, like, OK. And so I opened the door and they fucking surprised me with him. He's right in my dressing room like this. And I run the other way. I run out of the fucking room screaming. I was like, I can't. It was just like sensory overload. I like went blind for a second. So I ran back in the room and screaming. I was like, I can't. It was just like sensory overload. I like went blind for a second.

So I ran back in the room and then that's what that clip is. This is of me talking to him for like 30 seconds. I showed him my tattoo of a Harry Styles tattoo because I'm meant to be ill. So that's, it was a beautiful, beautiful, scary moment. That's so cute though. Who else have you gotten to meet like that? Are you like a 1975 fan? Like the 1975?

That's the year I was born, so I guess. Lay! So by default, kind of a little bit. So I guess so. You messed me up. Well, there's a band called the 1975, and the lead singer is another one of my like, I pissed a little bit in my pants. I had to go change.

What's his name? His name is Maddie. Uh-huh. Love him. And he only has one name. Is he like Cher? His name is Maddie. Love him. And that's, he only has one name. Is he like Cher? Yeah. Just Maddie. No, it's Maddie Healy. And he's very, very British. Like think of the most British man you can. That's him. Oh yeah. I like Brits. I'm always attracted to British guys. It's so like. There's something else happening. It just feels like they know geography. You know

what I mean? And that's a turn on for me. Education is a turn on for me. Yeah, they can like look at a map and kind of know what's going on. Better well-rounded or more well-rounded, not better well-rounded. Because apparently I can't speak English. A British person would never say that to me. As usual, I cannot speak English. Brittany, I have to tell you, speaking of mental illness. Oh, go ahead. It was just on vacation with a couple of my girlfriends.

And we very much loved your depression meal. It came up many times thank you britney did this little depression meal that was apples and chocolate chips just dry chocolate chips on a plate and just laughing and crying at the same time and it has truly made our vacation much better that's a good combo yeah yeah that sounds good and the apples were like a little brown and old. And I like put them in a bowl and then dried chocolate chips. And in my head I was like, dinner? Dinner? And then I ate it.

And I filmed that video because I started – it was so fucking ridiculous. Like that is so stupid. But it's also like the thing that happens when you're depressed. Yes, dude. I've had like a can of corn for dinner before. I'm like, this is all I can make. That must have come out really nicely. Anytime I see corn, all I think about is it going to the bathroom.

I can't eat corn anymore. I'm so over corn. And then I found out about Tito's corn syrup a few years ago. I was such a big fan of Tito's and that they use so much corn syrup. And I was so bummed. In their vodka? Yeah. Well, because it's like a local Austin company, you know.

So I was trying to support that. But no longer. I'm back to Belvedere. And King Street for Kate Hudson. She has good vodka with King Street. Also, I know you're very involved with the drag community. Yeah. And since there's so much nonsense going on right now about the drag community.

Ridiculousness. Banning drag, which has turned into just a total dog whistle and basically demonizing trans children for a political point. Like the Republicans are so nasty, the way that they're treating drag queens and the arguments. I mean, I posted something on my Instagram about drag queens and you should see some of the comments saying, I'm all for people doing what they want, but they need to stop dragging our kids to shows. And it's like, who? Hey, cunt face. What child do you know that's five years old that is going to drag shows without their parents? Don't make me, I don't want to go.

If they're at a drag show, then their parent brought them there. There are no seven-year-old children going to drag shows on their own, just like there are no transgender children getting surgery either right well it's also like ask any fucking drag queen they don't want children there i don't you know like kidding i also don't want children at my show no one does like i feel like it's such a non-issue that they have made into this it's so hyper politicized it doesn't even exist the issue doesn't exist you're right it doesn It doesn't exist. It's such bullshit. It's such a non-issue that they sit there and they hammer home. And then these idiots that believe that to be the truth are like, it's wrong that these children, they haven't even thought about the actual logistics of a child

going to a drag show. Like, are they getting, you know, guarded from nursery school straight to their drag show because that's the field trip? No, you know, guarded from nursery school straight to their drag show because that's the field trip? No, it isn't. Yeah, so it's all just such bullshit. But, I mean, I think it's just going to make the drag community louder and prouder and all of its allies.

Allies. I was, sorry, Vanessa Gonzalez, my opener, always says, you're such a good ally as a joke because she always mispronounces things. And so now I'm picking it up. Now I'm, now I don't know how to speak English.

We'll get there eventually. What else is happening in your love life? Do you have a love life? I hang out with, speaking of drag queens, so many gay people that no. There are no straight men in my life because I am, unfortunately, very straight. And my type is just not in or around my immediate sphere. So especially fucking Hollywood, West Hollywood, it's like not a single one to be found. So do you make any effort to date? Do you go on like sites or any dating apps or anything like that? No, because when everything kind of first happened for me, I kind of had like a really

upsetting experience where like I realized my anonymity no longer existed you know what I mean we're like I can no longer just be a woman on a dating app it's like oh you're from and it's like and men aren't respectful ever in the way that they approach that you know of like oh so what's it like you know we're asking me questions it's just like oh no fucking way I matched with it's like, so I deleted all the apps and I kind of have resigned myself to this. Like, if I'm going to meet him, it's going to be in the club or like it's going to be at a party. And then I don't go to parties. So it's like, oh, right. So maybe I won't ever meet a man. So that's fine. Well, let's hope at some point that you do. You're young. You have time to not

be worried about it. Exactly. I mean, you have're young. You have time to not be worried about it. Exactly. I mean, you have all the time in the world to not be worried about it. I need something to spike my sex drive, I think. I was going to say, are you getting out there? No, I got nothing going on. Oh, I have something going on, but not sex. It's not.

Like a rash? It's a lead up. Yeah, it's a herpy outbreak. It's a lead up to possibly sex. I'm talking to some guy. I will meet him at some point and then I'll decide. I don't like to talk on the phone before we meet because I don't know that I'm going to like you. Right.

So I like texting. And it's funny because Tinks in her new book was talking about texting is not talking. And I'm like, no, no, texting is talking. That's the only talking I want to do until I see you face to face and then if we have great chemistry and great sex then we can talk on the phone but not before that like I'm not going to waste my phone time with you in advance of the

penetration I need to know what's happening and if there's chemistry yeah I feel like if you're on the phone with someone you have to like be close to being in love it has to be like serious a FaceTime call, dude. Oh no, that's married. Yeah, we're married.

Only. Don't fucking think about calling me. I don't know. That is an assault. I'm going to FaceTime you. How do you meet these men where it's only texting?

This guy I met on Riot. Zlay. Yeah. You know, Riot waitlisted me. Rude. I've been waitlisted for two years. I'm like, look at me. I'm the people's princess.

Are you serious? Yes. You can get into riot. And you would think I've had all my friends be like, yeah, refer, refer, waitlisted. They hate to see a white woman happy. Oh my God. I would say to use me as a reference, but maybe that's not going to work for you. Although no, everyone I've referred is on it. So maybe you should use me as a reference. You have to enlist me to refer you. Damn. When you sign up or apply, you have to say, Chelsea Handler, pick the people that you want. It doesn't work the opposite way, I'm pretty sure. That sucks.

Okay. But just do it. I'm happy to. Of course. You know what's so funny about my riot? The other day, I was like, Vanessa, we were on the road, my opener, and she was like, what's going on with riot? Do you have anything going on with guys?

And I said, no, I never check it. She goes, check it. And I was like, well, I just, no one ever hits me up. And then I go, and I didn't have my alerts on. So there were like 14 messages from guys that I had missed, but they were all from like six months before because I hadn't checked it. So I'm like responding to all these guys like six months later. I'm like, hey, are you still there? Are you still unmarried and single?

Yeah. Do you still want me? Yeah. Okay, let's take a quick break and we'll be right back. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really No Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like

why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor. We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you and the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer.

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We're back with Brittany Broski. I have a question. Oh, that's not how this podcast works. Well, that's just too fucking bad, isn't it? Do you remember I interviewed you for the TikTok podcast? Yeah. Slay bitch. That's all.

That conversation, like, I have two things to say. First of all, that conversation kind of changed my life because I was like, this is a whole new way of thinking I've never even considered because I'm from the deep South where it's like, you go to college, you get married, you have a baby all before you're 23. That conversation with you changed my life in one or two ways. And then I just want to thank you for your service

with that interview that you did with Harry Styles where it was one word answers because the world changed that day. Like you shifted culture. Like the Harry fans went fucking feral over that because he was giggling. He was giggling. I just wanted to thank you for your service.

Oh, that's funny. What happened with the conversation? How did the conversation we had change your life? Where you were, it was just so like everything that you kind of stand for of like, I'm not going to play by your playbook. I don't want to fucking get married. I don't want to have children. Like you talked about skiing naked and all those things where

I was just like, this is so like, I've never met a woman like you. Oh, well, there's so many of them. Well, I would like to, where's the Chelsea Hunter clone factory? Well, you're just like that. I mean, a lot of women are out here feeling the same way. So I'm just a loud one about it because I feel like there's a lack of representation. I don't feel there is, but now women are out here feeling the same way. So I'm just a loud one about it because I feel like there's a lack of representation. I don't feel there is. But now women are getting their voices in a big way. Oh, hey! There's a window here.

There's a window and a man in there. That's Catherine's husband. It's a very incestuous podcast. We're a throuple. That's so Christian. It's a Christian podcast. So what is that? Water? It's just water. Why does it look like a beer? Yeah. I'm so Christian. This is a Christian podcast. So what is that, water? It's just water.

Why does it look like a beer? Because that's kind of the branding, just to make you feel like it's just water. It's so tinny to me. I can't do the water in a can. No, I agree. I don't like water in a can either. You don't like any water, though. I don't like water.

No, she's a water gal. You know, I just found out I have this, like, spinal impingement on my neck from probably from wiping out during skiing. But the guy, my doctor was like, are you hydrated? And I'm like, no, I'm definitely not hydrated. My piss is brown. I'm the opposite of hydrated. I have to get an IV once a week because I fucking hate water so much. Are you serious? Well, no, I drink it, but I have to doctor it up with electrolytes, which is good.

But he was like, you have to be hydrated for this to heal because there's inflammation. And I'm like, oh, can't you just put the water in me? Anyway. OK, we take callers and live people calling in for advice. So you better get your parental hat on. OK. Big sis. I'm feeling very maternal in this moment.

Big sister, which is a far cry from the idea of big brother. Yes. Well our first question is just an email. JC says JC? JC?

Beyonce's husband? I think it's actually Jesus Christ. Oh. She says You're pronouncing it wrong first of all it's Jesus Christ.

Jesus Christ. JC says I love the podcast and I've been listening for a while now. You're both so hilarious and insightful. Thank you, guys. I've been dating this wonderful man for almost a year now and he's the best boyfriend I've ever had.

He treats me like a princess. He's hilarious, smart, and so, so kind. Our sex life is great except one thing. He calls himself daddy sometimes and has a script during sex about how he's my daddy and I'm his little girl. It's just a long, uncomfortable commentary that I'm not turned on by. Most of the time, there's no daddy talk, but sometimes he gets really into it. I usually don't say anything because I've had my fun and I just keep quiet until he's finished. He does have some ED issues at times, and I think the daddy talk helps him get there. My question is, do I say anything about how it

doesn't turn me on? If I do, how the heck do I bring it up? Or do I just keep my mouth shut and enjoy the sex when it's about me and let him finish with his daddy talk? Please help, JC. Oh, that's rough. First of all, yes, you tell him that you don't like that yeah you have autonomy and you have to as in the name of every woman you have to say I don't like this it doesn't turn me on his erectile dysfunction is not your problem and he's gonna have I'm sure something else in his arsenal that will turn him on he cannot you can't just that's like him fucking you in the ass and you're not liking it but allowing him to do it I mean it's not the same thing as that but it you know there's no reason to do anything in sex that you're not

comfortable with you don't have to do that so I'm sure if everything else is so great about him which you say it is tell him that you're not turned on by that in fact it kind of icks you out right right like turn off and I don't know how to say it. Just say it. You owe that to yourself. But maybe say it not during sex also. Yeah, that's like an over coffee kind of conversation maybe.

I don't know. Or maybe like an intimate, honey, I know that turns you on. Just, I would love another storyline to go with. I'm tired of this storyline. What's a different plot? Maybe mommy. He'd like to be called, call himself mommy.

Daddy and little girl is pretty specific. It really is. Yeah. And there's such a tether to like what's deeply wrong with you and your sexual kinks. So I feel like maybe, maybe they need to talk through it. But listen, some people are into funky shit. Like I like some dirty talk about weird shit, but not that. But you know, like with the right person, like I like to get like, I like some dirty talk about weird shit, but not that. But, you know,

like with the right person, like I like to get, like I like a dynamic, but you just have to find out what you're, I'm sure there's another option out there. Yeah. What if the other option

is worse? That's my only fear. that's then, I mean, I don't know. That's kind of, I'm not going to sit and have sex with somebody

who's calling themselves daddy. First of all, he should only pick that role up if you call him daddy. Right, right. You don't who's calling themselves daddy. First of all, he should only pick that role up if you call him daddy. You don't just anoint yourself daddy. Anointing yourself daddy. Yeah, you didn't earn that, brother. No. Okay, what do we got next? Well, our next question comes from Jen. She'll be on the line with us here. Perfect. Dear Chelsea, first of all, I love your advice. It's direct and straightforward. I love my boyfriend so much. He's the sweetest, nicest man ever.

To be honest, I'm hyper-independent, but he just makes my little heart so happy. He's 21 years my senior. I'm 37, and he's 58. Yes, I love old-ass men, and no, I don't have daddy issues. The issue is he's a consultant and works all the time during the week. I get a good morning and a good night text. And during the week, other than that, it's like I don't exist. He does text back if I text, but it feels like I have to always reach out.

I have gently let him know that I'd really like to hear from him more. I don't feel like we're dating unless it's the weekend when I come over. He was a little frustrated saying he has to talk all day on the phone and he doesn't have the energy to talk on the phone at night. He said he's just depleted by the end of the day. Am I overreacting by thinking this is total bullshit? Before I sound like too much of a brat, I know he speaks to his sister once per week about a show they always watch together, and my love language also happens to be words of affirmation, but I find it very hard to feel loved when I don't get any words from him, much less words of affirmation. I'm supposed to move in with him soon, hopefully two months from now, but I'm wondering if that's the right move on my part. Are we just going to not talk during

the week even though we live together? I can take any constructive criticisms you all can give. Thanks so much, Jen. Hi, Jen. Hi, Jen. Hi. Hello. This is our special guest, Brittany today. Hi, Brittany. Broski. Hi, Gorge. Hi. Hi. Okay.

What a situation. Yeah. So tell us more. We read your letter. So you don't text with him even during the week? So I basically get like a gif in the morning. So it'll say good morning and it's a gif. He's just a gif person. And then at night it's good night. I love you with a gif in the morning. So it'll say good morning and it's a gif. He's just a gif person. And then at night it's good night. I love you with a gif. That has been for like the

past three, four months. And sometimes we do talk, but it's rare. For instance, three weeks ago, he called me and he talked to me for about 30 seconds and then said, oh, I got to go. My boss is calling me. And I said, okay. And then we didn't talk for the rest of the day. And then I got my goodnight gifts. So I know, I know it is kind of like a funny situation, but it's also like, I don't know what to do. Well, okay. I was, I mean, when you said you're going to move in with him, I just figured problem solved because obviously you're going to talk when you live together. Right. That's what I think too. But here's the thing. So I brought this up six months ago and that's when he had, and I call it his little temper tantrum, but really it wasn't. He was just frustrated. I get that. But that was

six months ago. And I thought that we were going to move in within the next couple of months because this house would be done. Well, I don't know when this house is going to be done now. I mean, they keep pushing things back. And so could it be another six months? And am I supposed to live like this for six months? And I know that there's like an end goal, but still it's very frustrating. And remind me again, how long you guys have been together? So we've been together since November, 2021. So a couple of years. Yeah. Almost a couple of years. Yes. And it hasn't always been like this, but I can understand he, you know, he has a lot on his mind and a lot on his plate. But when I brought it up a while ago I said look I'm sure the president of the United States still

calls and texts his wife and he's got a lot more shit going on than you trust me oh am I allowed to say shit yes what yeah yes you heard this show right yeah are you what you know who they are yes but I'm nervous I'm sorry oh no don't. It's OK. Yes. You can say whatever you want. Thank you. Cunt, pussy, fuck, twist. I mean, titty twister, whatever. Just twist. So, OK, a couple of things. Brittany, do you want to jump in or do you want me to start? My question is, well, I guess more of a statement is if he wanted to, he would. Like, I think that that's the overarching thing here is he's kind of making it evident that communicating with his partner is not really top of his priority list. Agreed.

Even after like bringing the issue up to him. So that's kind of this like, is he just willfully ignoring me on purpose? Does he really care about me? Am I just an afterthought? Like, that's where my spiral would start. Absolutely. I even wrote all my bullet points down. That's just the person that I am. That's weird, I know. But I just want to get it all out. And I want to make sure I'm hitting every single bullet point because I want him to know how I feel. And this isn't like a, I'm blaming you.

This is more like a, I feel this way. So please take care of it. Because if you don't, and I hate ultimatums, and this is kind of an ultimatum, but I feel like I'm such a strong person and I've been married and divorced and I just know what I want in life. And if you're not it, that's okay. That's totally fine. And if you can't meet me here, which I don't think it's a lot to ask to call me once a week. No, that's bare minimum. Yeah, that's literal bare minimum. And the idea of you want more interaction. He wants zero pretty much interaction except during the week, right?

So in a relationship, there is compromise. Like he's got to meet you in the middle. He's just doing what he wants without regard for your desires and without making any effort, especially when I know how that feels when somebody is like, oh, I'll call you right back. And then or I have to get off the phone. You expect a call back when they are done with their boss. So that's neglectful. And it's just it's not a compromise. It's not 50 50 what you're describing. You have

needs. He doesn't have to meet every single one of your needs. That's also an unfair demand, but he has to be able to come to meet you where you are and say, this is what I can do. Even though I hate talking on the phone, you know, let's, let's make sure we connect midweek or a couple of times a week, whatever would make you happy, that would be, you know, a move in the right direction. And it doesn't have to be an ultimatum. You can just declare that and then see what, how he responds to it. And then you're going to gather all the information you need. He'll either be able to do it or he won't. And you shouldn't have to move in with someone to get to see them. Exactly. And you know, we do spend weekends

together and I, I don't tell him this, but this is how I feel when I see him on Friday night. Like the whole week is just dumped on me and it's like, oh, I did this and this happened. And then we did this and I'm like, can we break it up during the week? Can you tell me these things? Cause right now I've had a full week and I'm just exhausted and I just want to chill and smoke some weed and hang out and do my thing. And so it's a little bit hard and I'm not afraid to talk to him about it. I'm going to talk to him about it because I feel like I deserve more and I am a strong woman. I can do it all alone. I can be by myself. No big deal. The thing is that he is just such an amazing person. And maybe, you know, I didn't make it super clear.

Maybe I just need to be like, hey, this isn't going to work for me. Or maybe it's, hey, Wednesday nights, let's either go grab a drink or let's have like a half hour phone call. Just being like, you know what, let's throw in a midweek thing. But also, is there a way that you guys can move in together before his house is done? Is that possible? I wish. I mean, honestly, so right now, he has kind of like a luxury trailer on his property

because he has like a full like kind of farm with animals. So he has to be there. But I mean, it's such a small thing. And me moving in my stuff. Got it. Got it. Yeah. And I actually really like this time myself alone because I was in 15 year marriage before this and it ended in 2020 and I am totally fine living on my own. You know, I like it. You seem very, you seem very together and very grounded and competent. So like, I'm not worried about your situation at all. I think you're going to handle everything the way that it needs to be handled. And you have absolutely every right to

say what you what you want. And then he can show you that he's moving towards that direction. You know, he doesn't have to bend over backwards for you all the time. But it's just a consideration that you deserve. And when you put it in frame it, like, I just feel like I deserve better or not better. Say I deserve more from somebody who's I'm in a committed relationship with. And for that to be too much to ask from you doesn't make me feel good about us. Yeah. And that's exactly what I've written down. You know, all my bullet points are just like, if you wanted to, you definitely would. And to me, you're showing me you don't want to. And that's okay. That's okay. You don't want to, I don't want to force you. However, that doesn't mean that I have to be in this relationship as well. I mean, it would break my heart, of course. But I mean, it is what it is. You can't force

someone to do something. But I think that's also stating it like that, saying, you know, if you can do this, that would be great. And that would be significant in us remaining together. But I have to be honest, I'm starting to feel like you're not willing to compromise. And that's making me question things. And that would be heartbreaking for me. But I also need a certain amount of respect or consideration about what you know what you desire rather than what he desires, which is not talking on the phone at all. I was going to say also there's like this. Maybe I should date him actually because I also don't want to talk on the phone. I would love to just, you know. There's also this weird dynamic of it seems like it's all about him all the time. And you know, I think maybe he is a little bit that way. I wouldn't say that he's a selfish person. I think that sometimes he can become self-centered. I've never held that against him. However, the man, when I'm with him, he just adores me. He loves on me. He buys me anything I want. If I literally go into any store and say, okay, I want this. He's like, cool. And he just buys it. And I know for some people that's like, oh,

well, that's not a big deal for me. It's so nice. Cause I'm like really extra. I'm going to be, I'm going to be honest. And I'm like, oh wow. A man wants to buy me stuff and dote on me. But it's like the weirdest thing. Even my friends think it's so weird. And I've even asked him like, do you have another family that you're entering? It crossed my mind. Are they all living in this trailer with you? No, but, but you know, like I've asked him and he's like, no, absolutely not. And I do see how focused he is and he enjoys his job. He's very much focused, but you know, me being younger and also maybe just kind of a little bit brattier than he's normally used to and not, I'm really not a brat, but when I want something, it's like, can we just do this? Let's just do this. You know, I think

I'm a little bit of a challenge for him, but sort of in a good way. And I'm really hoping this all ends up the way I want it to. Yeah. And don't be a brat when you have this conversation because there's nothing bratty about it. There's nothing whiny or complaining. I think it's much more effective to just say, this is what I need in a non-emotional way so that it has a little bit more heft than just being like, I need you to call me. You know, it's not a needy thing. It's a respect thing.

Yeah. And putting a date on it of like, hey, let's talk for 20 or 30 minutes on Wednesdays gives an actionable goal that like you're either meeting or not meeting rather than like, let's just talk more, which is more vague. Right. But Jen, let us know how it goes. Okay. I'm interested to hear how this conversation goes.

Yeah, I want to hear how the conversation goes, too. Follow back up, okay? Okay, will do. Thanks, everyone. Okay, thanks, honey. Good luck. Thanks, Jen. Okay, thank you.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Catherine was done with that call. She's like, okay. I'm like, we got to move on. Okay, so let us know how that goes. She's like, going to get a kidney transplant.

Catherine's like, okay, well, good luck. Like, goodbye. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really No Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor. We got the answer.

Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a space walk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you, and the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals

the answer. And you never know who's going to drop by. Mr. Brian Cranston is with us. How are you, too? Hello, my friend. Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really No Really, sir. Bless you all.

Hello, Newman. And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening? Really No Really.

Yeah, really. No really. Go to reallynoreally.com and register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast or a limited edition

signed Jason Bobblehead. It's called Really No Really and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Well, our next caller is Hallie. She says, Dear Chelsea, I'm the youngest of three girls, and my oldest sister has a very tense relationship with our mom. She immediately goes on the defensive around her and every time they're together, they get into at least one little snippy conversation. I'll admit our mom can be difficult, but I think my middle sister and I are more able to see that the things she says and does are often

coming from a place of insecurity. Even if we get into an argument with her, we're more able to move on and give her some grace. Our oldest sister just seems to assume the worst and hang on to every little thing. Then she'll complain to us about it and we're not sure what to say. I think she wants her kids to continue to have a relationship with our mom, but it feels like she's at a crossroads

and needs to decide how she's going to move forward with her own relationship with her as the current state of it makes it unpleasant for everyone. The irony is that my oldest sister and our mom are more similar than they care to admit. How can my middle sister and I help our older sister figure out how to improve her relationship with our mom, what boundaries to set, and what conversations to have? Thanks for any advice you can give. Hallie. Hi, Hallie. Hi. Hi, this is Brittany Broski. She's our special guest today.

Hey, Hallie. Hey, nice to meet you. It's funny. I had a conversation with a girlfriend this morning on the phone because her sister just was visiting her and she's like, everything my sister does annoys the shit out of me. And my friend is just the most, in my opinion, is the sweetest, most easygoing person in the world. So to hear her even talk like that about her sister is it's always just a test, right? Like it's basically the universe testing you because if you keep failing the test, it keeps triggering you and triggering you. And you have to basically talk to your sister about treating your mom with kid gloves and actually treating your mom like she's a kid.

Think of her like a kid. And even though that's fucked up because you're the kids, you and your youngest sister? I'm the youngest. So it's me and my middle sister, yeah. You and your middle sister are obviously okay with it and you're not taking it to task and it's not disrupting your life.

Right. I think you're right. I think that makes sense. And they're probably, the similarity between the two is why they are clashing, which is very obvious also. So it's a very easy psychology lesson, but on a spiritual level, in terms of energetic being and your vibration and being cool and attracting goodness, It is that you are lifting yourself up out of kind of a low vibe when you have room and space for people

that you don't necessarily want to have room and space for or that annoy you or that trigger you or all of the history that's involved. So for her, if there's any way for you to engage her in a conversation where you're talking like this about it. Like, hey, treat mom like she's a little kid. Let go of the anger. Like, try to just use it as a practice. Like, even when I am annoyed with someone, I make it a note to send a text out to them and say, hey, just thinking about you. Love you. Just because I want to flip the switch on my own

script in my head. You know, put out love when you're feeling negative. Like it'll change her whole entire life if she's able to let go of the tension. And it won't happen overnight. But it is a practice just like anything you do to be a better person or be a more mindful person and practice loving kindness. She needs love, your mother. She's obviously damaged. Your sister's obviously damaged from your mother. So she's holding holding onto it. But what a great victory lap would it be for your sister if she could release that and look at her with pity and treat her like a little girl instead of like she's expecting her to be her mom? Right. And what do you think about the fact that she, our oldest sister kind of puts me and our middle sister in the middle a little bit and kind of will express her grievances about our

mom to us. And again, I mean, I think we have challenges with her too. So I can, on the one hand, I can see it and I want her to feel supported in that, but I also don't think it's healthy for her then to be coming to us with those difficulties that she's having. I agree with that wholeheartedly. She shouldn't. And you can say that in a very loving way as well. Like, hey, I love both of you. It upsets me every time you come to me talking about mom. It's upsetting. Like, I just want you guys to get along

and I know it's not as easy for you clearly, but I think that there might be a reason why it's not easier for you. That might be your challenge. Like that's a test. And if you can get past that and you can ace that test, then there's a whole bunch of other new stuff in the world that you're not going to, you know, you minimize the irritation of that person by just showering them with love, acceptance, and understanding and not

looking for them to deliver something they've never shown you in the first place. There is a book called The Dance of Anger that you might recommend to your sister. It helps sort of unlatch some of that repetitive behavior of like going straight into anger. I know I had a pretty strained relationship with my dad maybe 10 years ago, and it's gotten a lot better. And I think, you know, there is room for us to learn and change and grow. But your sister does have to be, as Chelsea said, like making that effort to do that. I think it can just stay stagnant or get worse if someone's not actively trying to improve the situation. Right. Yeah, I think I think she's kind of in like a constant state of fight or flight,

you know, with with our mom. So that makes total sense trying to help her lovingly help her get to that place of having that dialogue with herself and figuring out what she can do to take steps to move forward. Because usually when you're acting like that, it's because you're seeing a part of you that you do not like, like the similarities in you. We give the best advice of what we need to seek the most. When you see somebody that drives you crazy, it's because they're representing something in you yourself that you don't like. Brittany, were you going to say something? I was just going to say, yeah,

it's an active choice. Relationships like this are little moments of active choices where either you or your sisters are choosing whether or not to engage. And like Chelsea said, how you're approaching it to flip the switch and be like, in this moment, I'm recognizing this feeling of, you know, the fighting is starting or that pissed me off or here we go back to the same shit. We're making an active choice to just take a breath and respond differently because it is a choice. You know, like that is to keep that in mind that you have the power over how you react to a situation. All your siblings do. And your mom does, too.

But it's I deal with this with my mom where I am the parent and my mother is the child and I have to gentle parent my own mom and it's fucking infuriating. And I have to take a breath and I have to like do breathing exercises in the bathroom, but like it's made all the difference. And it's a hard, hard thing. Family shit is so hard. Feeling you, feeling you sis thank you to your point i think of course then i can decide how i react to them having their own reactions you know exactly so i can decide that i'm not going to have an inflammatory reaction to that circumstance however i think like there are kids involved who are hearing them, you know, disagree. And so I feel like, you know, I do want to be able to help them if I can.

Yeah. And I think it's just it's all love based. It's all an expression of love. For instance, my sister-in-law is annoying to me and I argue a lot about politics and stuff. But I realize how pointless it is to engage, right? And this has been a work in progress for many years. And so now when I see her, I just shower her with love and affection. Just shower her with love and affection.

And it kind of like my feelings towards her have diminished. My anger towards her has diminished. And I am feeling like, oh, she's just not open to or accessible. Like she's been indoctrinated because she's Russian. You know, like she doesn't have, she's never going to believe that Putin's a bad guy. That's sad, actually. That's, she's been brainwashed and indoctrinated. So instead of going at her with anger, now I'm just trying and this is, I'm trying. I haven't been completely successful thus far, but I'm working hard to make sure that my interactions with her are just love based and

there isn't any acrimony. If all else fails, you know, sometimes a little anti-anxiety, a little at a van or something like that before you have a family get together. Doesn't hurt. That's a great idea. Yeah. Yeah. Totally. Edibles. Does she take edibles? Your sister doesn't sound so she sounds like she might need an edible though, right? You might want to slip her one. It's not a bad idea. Yeah. And then you could bring that up to go like, let's figure this out together. Like, how can we make it easier for you? Yeah, that's it too. Like I, she's not having a good time. Exactly. And I think she wants to be able to have a good time with our mom and with our family. And,

you know, so I can see that she wants that, but I think she just doesn't know how to get there. Right. Well, she's lucky, first of all, to have a sister like you that cares so much about your family dynamic. That's so sweet. And that's exactly what sisters are good for. Brittany, do you have any sisters? I do. I have a sister and a brother and there's a big age difference between us. Like I'm six and seven years older than them. But it's just so funny how we were all raised in the same house and we're so, so different. And I'm seeing that here too, where it's like that oldest child gets the brunt of it. Like I definitely got the brunt of it. And it's funny how it affects you so differently than like you being the youngest. Like it's just, you know, in the same house, but you're such

different people. That's such a families are so funny. They are. They are. Well, thank you. Thank you all. I really appreciate it. Oh, well, you're cute. I like your sweater. I like your whole body. Good luck with everything. Godspeed. Yeah. Thanks, everybody. See you. Bye. Bye. It's funny because when we talk about siblings, like when there is an age difference, as I have in my family, you do too, you know, there are two different kind of ways to look at it. Because I always think your sisters and brothers are the only ones who knew what happened. They are the only ones who know exactly what went down in your household. So my connection to my brothers and sisters is very strong because we were so dysfunctional.

Our parents were pretty dysfunctional. I mean, we never went hungry or anything, but it was just a hot mess. And then you hear from other people that are like, oh, no, we had totally different childhoods. Even though they're from the same set of parents, they had, because of the age gap, had different childhoods. So I guess at least my parents were dysfunctionally consistent. Yeah, yeah.

Everyone got it fairly. Yeah. My older brother and my younger brother are 14 years apart. Wow. And there's like a boy and a girl and then I'm girl and then boy. But we're so far in distance from each other as far as age

goes. My older brother likes to say, like, I'm glad I got out of the house before my parents got bored with parenting. But I loved it. I mean, it was great. They still parented. But it was like, we had sugary cereal and they had Raisin Bran. You know, that sort of thing. A little lax. When you get to that fourth kid, it's just like, whatever, dude. What do you want to do? They write you a note saying, good luck just like, whatever, dude. What do you want to do? They write you a note saying, good luck. Oh, truly. My parents traveled all the time when we were growing up.

People would be like, where are your parents now? I'm like, I don't know. They're just gone. Someone's staying with us. Just someone. Yeah. But we had fun. We had a good time.

My siblings, they're my half siblings. So like my parents got divorced when I was one or two. And then my dad remarried when I was four. And then from then on, I've had half siblings. So like my parents got divorced when I was one or two and then my dad remarried when I was four. And then from then on, I've had half siblings. And it was it's so funny because I was always the odd one out, obviously, because I was older and I was going back and forth because of custody battles and all that. And were there custody battles? Constantly growing up until like high school. But it was like my siblings just kind of watched that, you know, and they were like, who is what do you mean? Brittany has a mom like another mom like they just didn't understand but kind of understood and it didn't really affect like all through that it didn't really affect our

relationship which is cool like you said you know like we all grew up in the same house like i was still being parented by my dad and my stepmom the same way that they were and my dad really made an effort to like if one of y'all is punished this way, the other one will be too. You know, like there's no special treatment, there's no whatever. And I think that really, really paid off because I feel like some parents, you know, you have to do different parenting techniques for different kids. And that shows up in their adult life of like, I was never told no, or I was never this, I was that. So I'm very fortunate that I had parents with level heads

especially in the midst of a divorce like a nasty divorce too where some people aren't so lucky so it's an interesting dynamic with with half siblings too because it's like we're kind of blood related but also kind of not yeah not at all yeah that is interesting and also just to be a child of divorce and all of that that comes with that because it can be one experience for one person, a quite different one for another person. So when they were having custody battle over you, how did they drag you into that? Did your mom or dad? Not really. They never argued in front of me, which I'm very, very thankful for.

But I did like every other weekend. I was back and forth from probably like the ages of six to about sixth grade. And that was hard. You know, like I don't know where I'm going to be. And I have homework that's due, but I left this at my mom's house. And it's just a mess. And it was like re-suing for custody over and over. And it was just messy.

Well, at least you were wanted. Period. Yeah. What a good problem to have. They love me too much. That both parents wanted action with you. That's nice. I'm always so touched when a man is so determined to get custody. And then I'm like, listen to what you're saying. They're fucking parents. Why do we give men so much credit for behaving like a fucking father? Yeah. Yeah. Well, let's take a quick break and we'll be back to finish up with Chelsea and Brittany.

Woohoo! I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really No Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor. We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal?

The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you and the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer. And you never know who's going to drop by. Mr. Bryan Cranston is with us today. How are you, too?

Hello, my friend. Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really No Really, sir. God bless you all. Hello, Newman. And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening? Really No Really. Yeah, really. No really. Go to

reallynoreally.com and register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast or a limited edition signed Jason Bobblehead. It's called Really No Really and you can find it500 a guest spot on our podcast or a limited edition sign. Jason bobblehead. It's called really no really. And you can find it on the I heart radio app on Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back and we're back and I have one more question.

It's a, it's a little long winded, but I think it's an interesting one. Excuse me. Brittany just had to go to the bathroom in this studio. Sorry, guys. Are you okay? She's right there in the corner. Okay. Sorry about that. Sorry about that, listeners. My fault. She's just wrapping up some COVID. Yeah, it's just finishing up here really quick. Go ahead. Just topping off her COVID with her beer. Well, in the vein of Jen getting bought things from her boyfriend, Ashley says, Dear Chelsea, I'm 28 and I've been dating my boyfriend, who's 29, for a year and a half. He's an amazing and loving man and surpasses all of the other men I've been with. The problem I keep coming back to, though, is our differing views on money. I was raised in a very broke, conservative

household until I left home in my early 20s, but that really set me back in my education and career. I'm an extremely hard worker and have been, even before I graduated high school, but that's mostly been out of necessity. In truth, I've always dreamed of going to art school and finding a creative career I enjoy. His life is the complete opposite. He owned a business and now has a great job, which he loves. He's not extremely wealthy, but he's very secure, and the important things are paid for in full, including his home. I've moved in with him and things are good, but I'm constantly struggling,

whereas he's comfortable financially. He used to pay for a lot when it came to dates and other little things, but as we became more serious, he made it very clear that he wants to share expenses. He's even asking me to pay rent. I understand splitting the utilities we both use, but he wants me to pay him for rent even though his house is paid off. Currently, I work a full-time 9-to-5 job that I don't like and also waitress in the evenings and weekends to supplement my income and pay off the debt I accumulated by moving out of my home before I was financially able. I'm also taking some courses online so I can continue my education. I've noticed some resentment building up

as he sees me constantly struggling and tired, but doesn't seem inclined to alleviate the burden. There's no bigger turnoff than when a guy asks you to split dinner when you're just thinking of all the bills waiting for you. I'm plagued with guilt for even thinking this when women are encouraged to be independent and successful and not rely on a man. But I'd love nothing more than to go back to school and find a career I enjoy, but it's practically impossible for me to do that on my own if I still want to cover my bills and debt before

adding on to it. I don't expect him to fund my lifestyle or put me through college, but help with our shared expenses and activities will go a long way, as I have to think about every dollar I spend. At the same time, I know I could find someone who's willing to do that for me, and I've had plenty of opportunities to pursue other relationships where I'm supported financially. Even with my waitressing job, I constantly get offers by men who want to whisk me off my feet and fund my lifestyle, but that's not for me. I have no desire to leave as I'm very happy with the love he provides, but my life can be exhausting. He sees how happy I am when I'm working on my art and knows what I want to do with my life, but he's so practical and approaches relationships as two separate people improving

themselves on their own. Should I stick it out even though I'm struggling? Ashley. I would first of all say say who cares if men at restaurants are offering to whisk you away. You don't want that. That's not even part of the conversation because of course you can find somebody else to pay your bills if that's what you're looking for. But if you're looking for mutual respect within a relationship, I don't think it's crazy to ask for a little bit of help, especially when he owns his house.

Yeah. I mean, paying rent for somebody who bought their house, that when you're in a loving relationship is a little strange. That's what you do to a stranger. You're also subleasing from him. Yes. Like, that doesn't sound kosher. And you're working multiple jobs. Yeah.

It's not like she's not her job. She's hustling. Yeah. And one thing, if you're sitting around lazy and you're like, I don't want to work, you're going to pay for everything. No, you're not doing that. I don't think he should be funding your lifestyle either, but he can definitely be helping if he's in a more advantageous position than you are, which clearly he is. So yes, it's worth a conversation about support and it's not a demand or a ultimatum or anything like that. It's like, hey, I'm really having a hard

time here. Me paying you rent feels weird. I'm totally down to split utilities. But every time you want to split the bill, it makes me feel like we're in a business relationship. And I'm going through this time and you want to get your degree and move towards that art passion that you have and go back to school and all of those things, then this is exactly the time where you need support from your partner and in pursuit of that. And it won't last forever, but you need it during this time. And that's a very reasonable thing to talk about. Yeah. It's also to improve not just your situation, but your situation together. You know, his help during this time will give you guys a better life ostensibly in the future. Right. I think there's also, I mean, be sensitive. You know what I mean? Like this guy sounds like, all right, well, everything's 50-50. Like life doesn't really work like that sometimes. Sometimes

ideally it should be 50-50. But in a situation like this, my best friend's kind of in a similar situation where she makes significantly less than her husband and they split bills 50-50. And recently, I mean, in the last six months, she kind of was like, I am struggling and I am in a committed, loving marriage and this just doesn't feel fair. And she approached it with her husband and they worked it out where, of course, because he makes more money and they live together, they share everything, he'll pay for more. You know, like it's like 70-30 now. And that is totally because y'all are literally married. It's the same money.

Legally biased. Legally in front of the Lord and all his witnesses. I just think that there's logic and then there's functional relationships. So in that situation, it feels like, yeah, cut her some slack, dude. You know, if you really love her and you see how she's struggling and you see how she wants to dedicate, she doesn't want to fucking work seven jobs. She wants to dedicate time to her art and whatever. Help her do that because you love her. And it's not, you know, sacrificing her autonomy or her independence or her whatever. You can still

be individuals in a relationship. But I think that, yeah, just be fucking for real. Be so for real. Yeah. Yeah. I think working one job should be plenty in this situation. You know, if you have a conversation with him about, like, I want to quit my waitressing job. I want to keep this job.

And like you said, maybe not splitting things 50-50 as far as the bill goes, but there's also a way to do it where you're each paying the same percentage of the bill according to your income. You feel it the same amount. And please don't introduce the idea when you're having this conversation of other men or other opportunities. That's not important for this. It's not good to dangle that stuff in front of people. You know, I had a boyfriend who's like, do you know how many people are hitting me up on Instagram? I'm like, go then. Go.

You think I give a fuck about who's DMing you on Instagram? Uh-huh. Anyway, so that's good advice. Brittany, you have been giving very good advice. Thank you. Yes. I'm sorry I sound surprised. I'm not.

You're like, you're actually pretty confident. Yeah, confident and confident. Two of my favorite C's. So thank you for joining us today. Oh my god, this is a blast, y'all. I can't wait to see you again. When you help me get on Raya, and when I introduce you to my husband. Well, I'm not going to have to see you to get you on Raya,

but I like that's how you think it works. We have to Zoom. We have to Zoom with Mr. Raya. And that's our episode for today, everybody. Thank you. We'll see you next week. Thanks, team. If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email at dearchelseapodcast at gmail.com. And be sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert, executive producer, Catherine Law. And be sure to check out our merch at ChelseaHandler.com.

I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together, our mission on the Really Know Really podcast is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like... Why the bathroom door doesn't go all the way to the floor, what's in the museum of failure, and does your dog truly love you? We have the answer. Go to reallynoreally.com

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