Dear Chelsea - When It's Time to Scoot

Episode Date: July 29, 2021

Chelsea and Brandon discuss friendship breakups, Chelsea’s highly unsentimental nature, and the absolute perfect way to snuggle a dog like Bert.  A gay man worries he’ll be left out now that his ex-turned-best friend is dating someone new.  A girlfriend needs advice on how to navigate a breakup when the relationship is long-distance.  And a wife is concerned about the consequences of telling her husband - and her kids - that she’s gay.*****The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together, our mission on the Really Know Really podcast is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why the bathroom door doesn't go all the way to the floor, what's in the museum of failure, and does your dog truly love you? We have the answer. Go to reallyknowreally.com

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Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The forces shaping markets and the economy are often hiding behind a blur of numbers. Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. You'll hear from Bloomberg journalists like Matt Levine. A lot of this meme stock stuff is, I think, embarrassing to the SEC. Follow the Big Take podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen. People, my people, what's up? This is Questlove. Man, I cannot believe we're already wrapping up another season of Questlove Supreme. Man, we've got some amazing guests lined up to close out the season. But, you know, I don't want any of you guys to miss all the incredible conversations we've had so far. I mean, we talked to A. Marie, Johnny Marr, E., Jonathan Schechter, Billy Porter, and so many more.

Look, if you haven't heard these episodes yet, hey, now's your chance. You gotta check them out. Listen to Questlove Supreme on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Happy holidays from me, Michael Rapaport, and my gift to you is a free subscription to the I Am Rappaport Stereo Podcast, where I discuss entertainment, sports, politics, and anything and everything that catches my attention. I am here to call it as I see it.

And there's a whole lot of things catching my eyes these days. Listen to the I Am Rappaport Stereo Podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, and wherever you get your podcast. Okay, good morning. Oh, hello. Welcome to today's podcast, you guys. Hi. Hi. Hi. Welcome to today's episode. We're counselors, couples counseling, but we're the couple. Yeah. That's what people are needing to understand.

Yeah, it's a two-for-one deal with us. Right. So you got the, yeah, two birds with one stone. I don't know. But anyway. You know what I was thinking is how many advice series or shows or content, how much advice content there has been. Did you just throw up in your mouth a little bit? Oh my God, I think I choked on my protein bar.

Oh, sweetheart. You have to use liquids to get that down. Hold on. Let me take a sip of water. Do you have a favorite advice show that you have watched? I was thinking about this recently. I'm like, oh, now we're just one of many that have come along. Couples Therapy on Showtime is good.

They put out a COVID episode. Yeah, I like that show. So it follows real couples going to therapy with this one therapist. And then she consults with her superior who's ever in charge of her caseload. So she like kind of talks through her cases with her counselor. So it's kind of there's dynamism in it. Also, it's dynamic because there's so many different people like you end up liking certain couples and disliking other ones or disliking certain partners. Oh, this one's a fucking asshole.

Like she starts shit all the time. You know, you know what show I used to love? I don't know. Do you remember this? Do you remember sex with Sue? Where couples are, you know, a person to call in from relationship with very specific like sex questions or. Yeah. It was Dr. Sue.

Dr. Sue. I just remember it being called sex with Sue. And that was the first like advice driven content I'd ever seen. And I will never forget the very first call I heard. A woman called in because her husband wanted her to poke his dick with needles. That like turned him on. And I was probably 13. And I can remember waiting for everyone to go to bed so I could watch Sex with Sue and finding it so fascinating.

Like the dynamics of sex in a relationship. Because you think of it being one way and then you're like, oh no, people have really fucked up. Yeah. People are into some weird shit. I've heard. Yeah. You hear weird stories too about certain people and what kind of sexual acts they're into.

And you're like, what? I'm not into any funny stuff. Like the Richard Gere gerbil story? Yeah. The Richard Gere, what, that he shoved a gerbil up his ass? Yeah. That's like, there's a name for it. I don't know what it is.

Funneling? I don't know. There's a name for sticking a gerbil up his ass? Yeah, there's a name for it. I don't know what it is. Funneling? I don't know. There's a name for sticking a gerbil up your ass? I think so. Nick, do you know what I'm talking about? Our producer in the booth. I know the story. I'm not sure of the term.

Can you look up what that's called? Funneling sounds like an overstatement or an understatement. Someone, anyone. I would just like to know because there's a term for everything. I would also like to know the term for someone who looks cute from the side but it's not cute face on well there's also there should be a phrase for people who look worse when they smile have you ever seen one of those people when they smile you're like oh oh

stop that how terrible is that because everyone i thought looked better even if they have great teeth so it changes the structure doesn't matter what kind of teeth you have. Well, it does sometimes. But I mean, it doesn't matter. Like Tammy, remember my dog? She had fucked up teeth. So when she smiled, it was actually really, she looked like she was from London.

I love Tammy. I wish that we could get some dogs in the fucking house that act like dogs. I know, I know. It's so hard on you. It's so hard on everyone. Actually, none of my friends like my dogs. I've always had dogs that are only my dogs, but even these dogs aren't my dogs. They're my Bells. They're my Bells. So I think that we just need to let my Bell take them over. I would like

to get a rescue golden retriever, a dog that wants to be pet and wants to go on a walk. I would love to be able to take your dog after work for a hike i don't want one of my own your nephew jake he had a dog named tucker who was very vocal which i didn't like but was the sweetest fucking dog yeah well we had to remove his vocal cords for good reason we didn't do that i thought i dreamt about doing that didn't we have to do something like that with chunk where we did not remove his vocal cords but we did did something with his, oh, we pinned his larynx because he was dry heaving. Oh, poor Chunk. We were trying to get him more air.

Oh, yeah, he couldn't get enough breath, so they had to pin his larynx, and then he couldn't bark after, right? That was a nice little byproduct, but not intentional. This is advice that I had given you because when people have, I won't put this on you because I think it's a lot of people, when people have a certain amount of money, they want to do whatever they can for their pets, but it can actually have an adverse reaction because then we're doing too much. And so I said, hey, we need to like cut it down with what we're trying to do for Chunk. Let's just let him live his life. And then he died like a week later. Poor buddy. Luckily, he wouldn't have suffered for very long, But the thought of my dog.

I'm just such a bad parent is what it comes down to. You love your pets, though. And that's really all we can ask of anyone. I just wish I could care for them, Brandon. I wish I could care for them. Loving them is one thing, but not having the ability to do anything that they need is another. You know, I love them, but I can't. I don't care for them.

Well, you were away for four months with them. We have a different timeline of how long you were gone, but you were gone for a while with the dogs and you did take care of them. Well, I had a dog walker that would come at four and I had to do the bare minimum. Yeah, I did. I did take care of them. But, you know, I don't play with them. I don't play fetch with them. Mind you, those, I don't play with them. I don't play fetch with them. Mind you, those fucking dogs don't play. They don't fetch. No, but you throw it in one direction and Bert walks in the other direction. I mean, they want nothing to do with playing fetch or any sort of games or any sort of camaraderie.

But I do my favorite thing. And Chunk wouldn't do this. Bert will lie in my lap like a shape shifter like I could pick him up off the ground he's like 50 pounds I pick him up and I can wrap him in whatever contortion I want and he will lie on top of me like that until he comes to and so that I love because Chunk would never have let me like I could put his head under my body

over it and Bert will just let it happen like a contortionist, you know? He just lets me do whatever I want to him. You love to fondle that dog. I love meat on dogs. I love when their meat is covered with fur and there's all these different pockets, especially when we cut their hair short with Bert and Bernice. You could see different areas of meat that I hadn't seen before. Like under their arms, he has a little flap there that I like to rub when I'm going to sleep. It's like self-soothing for me and for him probably. We have a new dog groomer as well. I mean, this is now becoming a dog episode, but we have a new dog groomer and this groomer has shaped them in a way that I didn't know was

possible. You know what it did? It made me forget about every groomer I've ever had before this. They look like little puffs. He turned them into teddy bears. Yeah, they look like stuffed animals. It's like what I would, my dream haircut for both of them. And it's happening right now, actually. We just left the house and they're at the house. Yes, they're getting groomed. So there you go.

The mobile service is on site. What a day. What a day. What are we focusing on today, sweetheart? Well, I feel like there's some good submissions today. These are submissions that everyone has to deal with. People needing advice on knowing when to leave a friendship or a relationship or a job. Just there's this certain pocket of time that you kind of start to reflect on if you're still in the right position. And so we all go through it. Sweetheart, is that? Yeah. Yeah. You've had this with jobs before.

You've had it with relationships. My problem is that I have no impulse control. So like when I think about quitting, I've already quit. And I'm the exact opposite. Yeah, you probably over digest at all, right? There's nothing that gives me, I don't quit anything because I want to find a way to make it work. And for better or for worse, it's one of those characteristics that I catch myself in where I'm like, I know I shouldn't be doing this anymore. Mm hmm. ender. I've ended friendships. You've been much better though. Okay. Well, I've had friendships ended. It works both ways. It's not just that I end them. People will end them with me because of something I say or do or whatever. And I end them a lot. And I also have weirdly very little

sentimentality towards people who are no longer in my life. You have zero. What is that? I don't know. This is also something that we joke about because I'm so sentimental and not in like a memento type? And I said, nope, I'm so glad to be done with it. So in a sense, it is cause for concern that I have no sense of mentality because it feels like I have that gene is missing. But in a sense, I'm always open for a new newness. Like when you were gone, I asked if you miss someone and you go, no. And I'm like, but you love this person so much. And like, you guys have such a good time together. She goes, I know. I just don't think about it. I'm like, what? I would like, you love this person so much and like you guys have such a good time together she goes I know I just don't think about it I'm like what there I would like we need to get someone to assess that aspect of you maybe we'll have Dan call in one day we can have him talk about it Dan who of course is my therapist I don't know what it is I don't know but I if you if you have

similar I'm sure there's a lot of other people that have the same thing because it can't just be unique to me. So it's got to be a chip or a gene. I have a sneaking suspicion then that all of these submissions are going to be answered very quickly because it's going to be a leave. Just go ahead. Yeah, because I'm all about, I like taking a big leap of faith and I like new adventures when everything's on the horizon, when anything's possible. And sometimes when you're stuck in something, nothing's possible.

Yeah, well, our opinions are probably going to differ on these then. So the first submission comes from Farah out of Lebanon. She's in her 40s. She works in the fashion industry. She writes, Dear Chelsea. Hi, Chelsea. The advice I'd like to get is how do you move past friendships that have done you wrong, friendships coming to an end, and unsupportive friends during difficult times. How do you separate the head from the heart after 10 plus years of friendship?

Again, something we all go through, and this is your area. Okay, well, 10 plus years of friendships means that you have been given all of the proof that you need that that person isn't a good friend to you, right? 10 years is long enough to make an assessment. Yes. So there you go. You have all of this room, right? And you have all these experiences with that person. It's like what Brene Brown says about the marble jar. Do you know what she says? I'm familiar. Like if you, you know, a friendship or any relationship is like a jar of marbles and every act of kindness, every act of reliability, every act of compassion puts another marble in the marble jar. So if that person once screws up, it doesn't matter because there's so many marbles in the marble jar.

But if they consistently screw up and they're taking marbles out at a rapid pace, then there maybe never was a marble jar to begin with. And if something doesn't make you feel good over a period of time, then that's all the information you need. And talking to your friend at this point, I would say after 10 years is probably futile. Well, there are, so there are multiple layers to this. So let's start with the first one. How do you move past friendships that have done you wrong? I think it would be based on the consistency of those wrongdoings, like, you know, the scale, because people make minor mistakes all the time, and you can't just get rid, this goes for you, can't get rid of friendships over annoyances. Like, you have conversations about what needs to change in that relationship or that dynamic,

and then if both people accept those conditions, you can move forward. You've had to have a conversation with one of your friends recently, actually, about that. Which one? Which one are you talking about without saying who it is? See, I've already forgotten about it. They wanted you to be more excited about things and you're like, but that's not how I react to things. Oh, right. How I digest it. Yeah. Somebody said, yeah. For added context. So, you know, Chelsea had been very politically active prior to the election. And because we did not have the results of the election and we didn't have the Senate seat, there was not a. Oh, yes. Oh, right, right, right, right.

Like, fuck, yes. Like we did this. Like I didn't feel celebratory. I felt relieved. And they wanted you to feel celebratory. Yeah. And my friend really wanted to celebrate and was kind of annoyed that I didn't want to celebrate. At least that's how I was perceiving it. And I was like, I'm not there yet. I don't want to feel celebratory. Yeah. And my friend really wanted to celebrate and was kind of annoyed that I didn't want to celebrate. At least that's how I was perceiving it.

And I was like, I'm not there yet. I don't want to celebrate with you. You know, like I don't want to celebrate with anybody because we have to wait and see what happens with Georgia and then we can celebrate. Yeah. So yes, I explained myself and she understood me totally. And she and I have an open communication though. So we can always talk about things like that because she and I have, we are so different, you know?

She's a planner. I'm not a planner. She likes to make plans. I don't like to make plans. But she is also, and I've said this before, she is the best friend you have. Oh yeah, the best friend. The best friend I've ever had in my life.

Would do anything for you. Would do any, and she's just one of those people, she would do anything for anyone within her power. And when that was going on, you had called and you're like, this is what's going on. Like, what do you think? And I basically said, like, this is one of those moments where you need to appreciate what she's bringing and that she wants you to be excited, that she wants you to feel that. And it's the exact opposite of how you feel. But we love that about her. Oh, and I also really hurt her feelings because I said something like hollow enthusiasm and she

was really offended by that. She's like, how can you say that hollow enthusiasm? I'm not it's not hollow. This is so exciting that Biden won. And so that was not correct of me because I was characterizing what she was saying in a way that was unfair. So that I had to apologize for. So this happens in friendships. So to your point, Farrah from Lebanon, is that you're going to really need to take this case by case with your friends, as we all do. Unsupportive friends, there's real, for me, that is kind of the worst type of friend. Someone who can't enjoy your successes with you or be there when you call upon them. Yeah. No, that's no good for you. That's no good for you. And one thing to remember is when you're making decisions like this,

when you get, like we talk about this all the time, when you get rid of dead weight in your life, so to speak, that's not the right term for this, but if you get rid of that in your life, you are opening up yourself to more positive vibrations. Like you are saying no to this. This is no longer acceptable to you. And you want a standard level of friendship

that is going to operate at this level from now on. And then that's what comes to you. I think that's important to remember that you're not saying goodbye necessarily to a person. You're saying goodbye to a version of you that is no longer acceptable also, right? Because you want to be supported. You want to be loved and you want to be supported and you want your friends to have compassion uh for you and what you're going through and that space when when you do that it opens up opportunities for different people different personalities different perspectives to come in and so we talk about this with chelsea's friends because i'm so particular about who i hang out about her friends because some of them suck or you know they did for a while and she did what i called thinning the hurt and now her group of friends

she has like I don't know 10 really great girlfriends that are incredible that like they're all very supportive of each other they all like want to be there for one another in a very authentic way and they have a good time together there's no expectation like you can cancel you can show up you can tap people on like they're always thinking about who's going to add something to the dynamic. Not like, you know, they want to bring a live wire in occasionally to spice things up. But those interactions are never exhausting. Exactly.

Yeah. And they never make you feel less than. You want to, when you hang out with your friends, you want to feel great about that. Otherwise, why would they be your friends? You want to leave there feeling confident, fun, secure, and supported. And so you have to only have people in your life that really represent that unless, you know, somebody in your life that you're talking about is going through a really difficult time. I mean, 10 years sounds like a long time to be going through a difficult time, but it's not impossible. And also putting a little distance between you and that friend during that time, you can still

be supportive from a distance if you need to be with that relationship. So does it sound like she's talking about multiple people in her life or one person? Well, she says friendships. Right. Right. So that. Yeah. And the last part of this, which I think, you know, is impossible to some degree, is how do you separate your head from your heart?

I don't think you really can, but you can accept the current state of things. Like once you have a level of acceptance of where you're at, it makes things easier to process. So don't try and like not feel one of those things. It's okay to not want the friendship and simultaneously miss it. Yes, there you go.

Right? Let's go out on that, please. Problem solved. Okay, we're gonna take a break and then we're gonna be right back in my sexy voice. Hey y'all. I'm Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, host of Therapy for Black Girls. And I'm thrilled to invite you to our January Jumpstart series for the third year running.

All January, I'll be joined by inspiring guests who will help you kickstart your personal growth with actionable ideas and real conversations. We're talking about topics like building community and creating an inner and outer glow. I always tell people that when you buy a handbag, it doesn't cover a childhood scar. You know, when you buy a jacket, it doesn't reaffirm what you love about the hair you were told not to love. So when I think about beauty, it's so emotional because it starts to go back into the archives of who we were, how we want to see ourselves and who we know ourselves to be and who we can be. So a little bit of past, present and future, all in one idea, soothing something from the past. And it doesn't have to be always an insecurity. It can be something that you love. All to help you start 2025 feeling empowered and

ready. Listen to Therapy for Black Girls starting on January 1st on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really Know Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like... Why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor. We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal?

The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you. And the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer. And you never know who's going to drop by. Mr. Brian Cranston is with us today. How are you, too?

Hello, my friend. Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really, No Really, sir. Bless you all. Hello, Newman. And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening?

Really, No Really. Yeah, Really. No Really. Go to reallynoreally.com. And register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. It's called Really No Really, and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The forces shaping markets and the economy are often hiding behind a blur of numbers. So that's why we created The Big Take from Bloomberg Podcasts, to give you the context you need to make sense

of it all. Every day in just 15 minutes, we dive into one global business story that matters. You'll hear from Bloomberg journalists like Matt Levine. A lot of this meme stock stuff is, I think, embarrassing to the SEC. Amanda Mull, who writes our Business Week Buying Power column. Very few companies who go viral are like totally prepared for what that means. And Zoe Tillman, senior legal reporter. Courts are not supposed to decide elections. Courts are not really supposed to play a big role in choosing our elected leaders. It's for the voters to decide. Follow the Big Take podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen. Good people, what's up?

It's Questo, Questlove. And Team Supreme and I have been working hard to bring you some incredible episodes of Questlove Supreme with guests you definitely don't want to miss. Now, one of the things I love about this Questlove Supreme podcast is we got something for everybody. Every type of musical ever. We enjoy speaking to the people who are the face of some movements and some people you've seen on stage or TV or magazine covers but we also love speaking to the folks who are making it happen behind the

scenes and they paved the way for those that followed. You know, keystones to the culture. This season we've had some amazing one-on-one conversations. Like I'm Pete Bill chatting up with hit maker Sam Holland, Sugar Steve chatting

with the legend Nick Lowe, and I've had pleasures of doing one-on-one conversations with Willow, Sonata Matreya, Kathleen Hanna, and The RZA. These are conversations

you won't hear anywhere else, so make sure you go back and you check those episodes out, alright? Listen to Questlove Supreme on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Did you know that companies hire the most in the first two months of the year, or that nearly half of workers are worried about being left behind?

I am Andrew Seaman, LinkedIn's Editor-at-Large for Jobs and Career Development. And my show, Get Hired, brings you all the information you need to, well, get hired. People are forming opinions of you even before you log into the Zoom or walk into the room. And so you really have to think about, what is it I want to display? You don't plant a garden and then just walk away and expect it to thrive. You are in there pulling out the weeds. You're pruning it. You're watering it. It and then just walk away and expect it to thrive. You are in there pulling out the weeds. You're pruning it. You're watering it. It's the same thing with your network. You should always be in there actively managing your network. If you don't feel confident

to say a number, even admitting that to a recruiter is going to be far better than saying, well, what is your budget for the role? A lot is in the follow-up, right? Don't wait to follow up. Whether you're a new grad, an established professional, or contemplating a career change, Get Hired is for you. Listen to Get Hired with Andrew Seaman on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you like to listen. Our next submission comes, sometimes I feel like I'm just going right from one to the other, but I just really like to get into them. Our next, yeah, our next mission comes from Nova Scotia, Halifax, Nova Scotia. Ryan, he's 29. He writes, Dear Brandon and Chelsea, I dated this guy. I think it says Dear Chelsea and Brandon. I mean, it's funny how you switch

that around so quickly. Well, you know what? I feel so illiterate when I read these because I'm reading them through the mic and it's italicized. So I'm constantly missing letters or words. So I'm going to have to figure something out. But dear Brandon and Chelsea. Oh my God, he did it again. Dear Chelsea and Brandon. I dated this guy a few years ago and it was amazing for a year. And then we both got a little too busy with life and it hit a standstill. Six years later, we are best friends and see each other all the time. But now we are in a gray area. He wants to start dating someone new and I'm a little heartbroken. How do we keep our friendship intact and still move on with other relationships when our feelings are involved? Well, this is a good question,

Ryan. Hi, Ryan. Hey, guys. How you doing? Hi. So wait, what's the situation here? It seems like a friendship materialized. Right. So that's the problem. So it was great a while ago and then we were both too busy and it kind of hit a standstill and we just said, okay, well, let's call this what it is. But nothing really changed. And now six years later, we're best friends. But now he wants to start dating somebody new. But are you having sex? No, I mean, I can catch a dick wherever. So I mean, that would be the easy part if there was sex involved. But it's the friendship that's the hard part. Because now all the stuff that we do together, he's going to now start doing with somebody else, which makes sense. But that's the part that sucks. So you guys dated? Yep.

Segwayed into a friendship? Yes. Now you've been friends for six years. Yeah. And in that time, he's not dated anyone else? No, neither of us have. Was that like a tacit understanding between the two of you? I think it was more of like an unspoken like thing that neither one of us were seeing anybody else because we would have brought it up. And now it's kind of come to the forefront where he's like, I want to start seeing this other person. But for six years, you guys weren't fooling around and you weren't seeing other people? No. Well, but what is that? That's a friendship with no benefits. With no benefits. Right. The feeling, like it's, it was, it's a weird situation because we got along so well.

We spent so much time together. And the only thing that we weren't doing was fooling around. Well, to me, this is. Sounds like it's time for you. First of all, you have to be supportive of your friend trying to find somebody else. You have to. So that's. 100%.

And if you need time to adjust to that, then that's your personal, you know, choice to take some space and say, OK, let me I want to be supportive of you. I just want to get my head in there. Is it a specific person he wants to date or is it just kind of. Oh, I see. Yeah. And do you know the person? No. OK. OK. Well, yeah, you've had a kind of uncharacteristically unhealthy attachment to each other for six years based on false information, right? Because you don't know if he was hooking up. He doesn't know if you were hooking up. Did you guys ever discuss that? No, no. And it's not, like I said, it's not the hooking up. It's not that part. It's the friendship that is going to change because the stuff that, you know, we used to do together, like hanging out and going to the beach and all that kind of stuff, he's now going to want to do with his significant other, which makes sense. That's what you want to do with someone you're dating. It's that part that I think that sucks. But you still do that stuff with your friends and you bring your friend in, like when you're dating someone, part of that excitement is to be able

to have them meet your friends and do things with your friends. And now you have this like other person to add to the mix. So have you guys talked to, do you have other mutual friends? Is it just you two all the time? No, we have other mutual friends, but the two of us spend time, a lot of time together. Were you under the impression that you were in a relationship with your friend for the past six years? Did you believe that? No, no. I mean, I did kind of always think that, you know, maybe after a while, like maybe we'll, you know, rekindle things or things will come up, but I just never did, which is fine. Right. I think you're putting a lot of pressure on his new relationship when

there isn't really any proof yet of what's what that's going to look like. Right. Like you're worried and you're projecting all of your worries onto his new relationship. That doesn't mean he's not going to spend time with you anymore. That doesn't mean that he's not going to want to incorporate you into his life with the guy that he's dating or that he's not going to want to spend time with you. Yeah. He's not just going to dump you for the boyfriend. You're just assuming that's what's going to happen. Have you talked to him about any of this? Have you vocalized either one that you thought that maybe something would happen down the road? Have you talked to him about your perspective on the situation and your fears of what is impending if he does start dating someone?

I mean, it's kind of already started. We don't text every day anymore. Things are starting to change. I just don't want to ruin the friendship that we had. The only way you're going to ruin the friendship that you had is by holding on tightly to him. That is the only way. You going to ruin the friendship that you had is by holding on tightly to him. That is the only way. You have to let people go. You have to let people do and explore and do their thing and let, what's that stupid saying?

They say if you love someone, let it go. If they come back, it's yours. That's how you know. That's Christina Aguilera. Oh, well, that wasn't what I was thinking of. But same, same idea. He got it, didn't you? Same idea.

I did, I did. If it never comes back, it was never yours to begin with. But yeah, you have to practice letting go because you can't hold on to that. Your friendship is only going to stay intact if you let people do what they're going to do, you know? And if your feelings get hurt, show him a little grace because he clearly cares what you think if he's asking you about dating someone, right? He was getting your input. Did that happen? No. He just kind of brought it up one day, like, oh, I'm going to start seeing this person. Uh-huh. So he knows that you kind of have your feelings about it. So I think so. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah, you have to do whatever you need

to do to take your space to get past that. And it might take you longer than you think. But I think a good practice of exercise is to really just be supportive of your friend and of his new relationship and just try and be that kind of person for him. Because really, at the core of all of this is a friendship. Right. And you want that to stay intact more than the sexual relationship. Just because he's dating this guy doesn't mean you won't end up together in six more years. But that's not what you should hang your hat on. The idea of you guys maybe being together at some point, you should just treat it as an adult would treat the situation theoretically, which is you want to be supportive. You want to help him feel supported by you. You don't want him to tiptoe around you because then you won't be in his life if he has to be scared when he's

around you or not hurt your feelings with the new guy. But you have to take the time that you need to feel OK with that relationship also, because you don't want to sacrifice your own self-worth or dignity or whatever you're wrestling with or crush at the expense of his happiness. That's not your responsibility either. Your responsibility is making yourself be able to deal with this, right, in a normal, healthy way. Also, embrace this forced change. This is giving you more time to explore other things for yourself so although it seems like oh what the possibilities of what could have been that's not the possibility of what is actually happening right now so take this time you should go date it's been six years go catch that dick buddy go do it right like what are you waiting for the world is awaiting

what people do is they cling to these relationships these friendships these dynamics where there is like some sexual tension but it's a friendship open yourself up to other possibilities and you are going to realize like what you thought was there or what you wanted to happen was just of circumstance was just because that's what you had been investing your energy into invest that that energy into something else, and you will immediately realize like, oh, that was not as dramatic, as intense as I thought that it was. It's just because that's what's in front of you right now. And here's a good saying from Eckhart Tolle or somebody, whatever you resist persists. So you have to accept change. If you resist change, it gets worse and worse and worse and worse. So you have to move to a place of

acceptance and figure out how you're going to get there. But I think that's great advice is going out and catching a bunch of dicks. Why not? Because you're making him the focal point of your attention and you're the focal point of your attention. You're giving him too much power over your life when you're in charge of your life. So go make things happen for you in your personal life so that he's no longer your focus point. Right. That's great advice, guys. All right, Ryan. It was great to talk to you. Bye, Ryan. Love you guys. Talk to you later. Bye. You don't change your life for a man ever. And you don't let someone else control your emotions.

I'm really big on this with other people. They're like, well, this person's doing this and causing me to feel this way. No, no, no. You're allowing yourself to feel that way you you are only in control of how you respond in those situations yeah and thinking about you know I had an experience with are you fingering yourself no sweetheart I'm just trying to button the bottom part of my dress because it came out open and then I have my boobs and my caslapa and so I don't want that to happen we should start doing this naked we kind of get obsessive about things, right? Everyone does. Where you kind of obsess over a person

or the way you want a situation to play out. And when you realize, like, you're not in control of other people's behavior, there's nothing you can do about other people's behavior. So, like, you could hope and dream all you want. Like, I've definitely broken up with boyfriends in the hopes that we would get back together one day. I know that game, but that's a good, like a coping mechanism for a fresh breakup. Like to be like, okay, it's okay. You know, maybe

if all works out, you know, in a couple of years we'll get back together. It's, it's just kind of bullshit that you feed yourself in order to get through it. I think. Do you have any of your exes that now since so much time has lapsed that you could possibly see yourself like, oh, it would be nice to try and date them again or see where that goes? No, no, I don't want to date any of them again. But yeah, but I think they're all an option to date again because they all come out of the woodwork. Yeah, they do. That's so true about exes, especially for women. I don't know how it is in the gay world, but they always come back.

Yeah, but it's at the most inopportune time. Well, that's because you're not supposed to be with them. So by the time they come back, you don't care. So when you're, you know, you're wishing for revenge or whatever immature feeling, you're like, I can't wait till he sees me with another guy. By the time he does, you don't fucking give a shit anymore. No, they've aged and you dodged that bullet. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I dodged a lot of bullets. We should call it the Cuomo bullet. Cuomo bullet. I'm so glad you dodged that one. I would like to see 50 Cent Ricochet back into your life. Ricochet is a good word for that. Andrea. And again, we're just moving right along. Andrea or Andrea? It's Andrea. Just go with Andrea. You know why I get this fucked up is because your Spanish teacher's name is Andrea. Listen, I can't even speak anymore on this podcast,

so I can't even correct your grammar because mine is so out of whack. Well, we have Andrea from the UK. She's 22. She's a student. Oh, she just popped up on screen. Hi, Andrea. I'm going to read your submission.

So you write in, Dear Chelsea, I'm 22 years old. I'm from Ecuador studying in England. My boyfriend is from Colombia studying in Germany. So covering a lot of territory here. We've been together for three years and everything has been fine up until recently. I've been wondering if I should be single and just enjoy being by myself, exploring opportunities and living life without relationship responsibilities. I'm going to say yes. Should I be taking advantage of my 20s without a partner? There are no plans of us living together after graduating. I've never met their family and he has never met mine. It just feels like maybe there's no actual future with him. But I don't know if I'm overthinking it. Should we just keep going? First of all, don't pre-ejaculate. OK, don't give advice halfway through a letter. We have to get through the whole letter, Brandon. We agreed on this. I know it could have taken a letter. We have to get through the whole letter, Brandon. We agreed on this. I know, it could have taken a turn. You're right. Okay. Hi, Andrea. Is it Andrea or Andrea? Andrea. Andrea. Well, right, because she's, yeah, because she's South American. So yeah, sounds like you're ready to give this guy the boot. Yeah, I think so too. Do you feel badly

about it for some reason? I mean, of course, but for him, not for me so much. Yeah, right. It feels like if you're not growing together and you don't feel like you are and it only takes one person to not be growing together, then it's time for you to open up your life to more possibilities. Right. And explore. Yeah. So you it sounds like you've already made your decision and that you just need a stamp of approval. So you just have to figure out how you're going to tell him. Right. Yes. OK. you just need a stamp of approval. So you just have to figure out how you're going to tell him, right? Yes. Okay. I mean, lucky for you, he's in another country. So there's no pressure of it being in person

or what sort of response you're going to have to deal with with him being there. But I do think that this is something, as soon as you make your choice, you're not doing him any services by keeping it going. So now that you know very confidently, I want to be

by myself. I want to embrace my aloneness and explore that feeling. It's like you should feel so like bold in that freedom. It's like, oh, my God, the whole world is a possibility. Yeah, it does feel that way. Yeah, I'm excited for you. This is going to be a fun adventure for you. Yeah. And it's so empowering to make a decision like this, to know that it's time to excise someone. Well, excise sounds a little bit harsh, but to get somebody out of your life. And, you know, it's out of fairness to him.

And I think you have an opportunity here to really handle yourself with grace and dignity, you know, and make yourself proud of yourself. So when you look back at this 10 years later, you're like, I handled that exactly the right way. You know, I didn't take advantage of him. I didn't string him along and be respectful and honest and have integrity in the way that you say goodbye to him.

And then you're setting yourself up for even more success in the future. Yeah, I totally agree. You just need to do it soon. That's the only thing. That's the only advice that I have. Yeah, I think soon is better than later. I think to bring him along for longer, it's not fair to him.

I think you just have to tell him, I'm ready to be single. Because there's nothing to debate about that statement, if you think about it. But if you just keep your first opening statement very simple so that there's no need for clarification about what you're asking for, which is basically to break up. You're not asking, but you're basically telling him you're breaking up. And yeah, make it short and sweet and succinct and then let him talk. And I think that if this were me going through this breakup, I would say that you gave enough reasoning behind it without having to explain yourself. Yes, don't over explain yourself. You shouldn't have to do that.

You vocalize like, I'm just ready to be alone. Like I've been thinking about myself and prioritizing myself. And that's all you need to say. And yeah, he may have a rebuttal or he may have a question and you can't let his response influence you because you've made that decision. And again, if in three weeks you're starting to rethink that, that's also okay. But you just need to stand firm in your choice to be alone. Yeah.

I'm kind of afraid of his reaction. That's mostly it. Well, are you afraid because you're afraid that he will be mean in his response, that he'll be overly emotional? I think it's more the emotional part. I don't know if I can handle like me being sad about it too, because I am sad, but also dealing with how to comfort him when I'm ready to also move on. Yes. But that's part of being in a relationship and part of breaking up. You know what I mean? You can't be like a cold hearted bitch and be like, okay, sorry, you're feeling bad, but good luck with everything. I'm going to date. You do have a certain responsibility to somebody that you've been with for three years, I would argue.

Yeah, it's not fun, but this is what you have to go through in life. You know, it's called adulting for a reason. Like we all have to kind of sometimes have really difficult conversations. No one wants to break up with anyone. But I think that you can present it that way as well, that now you guys need time to process this separately, but you're still there and that, you know, you'd like to continue a friendship and that communication is not cut off. But it's important that like over a certain amount of time that you reflect on this alone, that you're processing this alone. That's good. Write that down. And how long it's healthy for after a breakup to not talk after talking almost every day. Well, I think that's really going to depend on your dynamics, sadly. I don't know that we're

going to be able to give you a specific date or time. You have to be compassionate that he's going to be going through a difficult time, but I'm sure he's going to come to the point where he's not going to want to talk to you either for a period of time. But also, I would like to say that you are not responsible for his emotions. When you break up with someone, it's like they want to take the last bit that they can from you. And so you need to be supportive of him in the break of like, we're both going to be going through some emotions with this. Again, we need to process them separately, but you can send

a text like, Hey, just checking in. I'm not looking for a full conversation. Just wanted to let you know, I was thinking about you. I hope you're doing well. Like those little things mean a lot, but again, you're setting like a very specific precedent. Like I'm not here to talk. I just wanted you to know, like no need to respond to this. And as a friend, I'm asking as a friend, somebody who cares about you as a friend, how you're doing checking in, you know, that might be a little bit less harsh than saying, I'm not looking for a full conversation. Well, and also say, Hey, I'm checking in on you as your friend. I'm, you know, I care about you and I, you know, I still love you or whatever you feel

comfortable telling him. But yes, so you can be compassionate to a degree. I said earlier, nobody wants to break up with anybody. Nobody wants to have the conversation of breaking up with anybody. Like nobody looks forward to that. So if you do, then you're fucked. Like if that's what brings you joy in life, then there's a real issue. Totally. Yeah. No, it's true. Nobody looks forward to that conversation.

No, but you're going to feel really good about yourself after you have the conversation. Maybe not in that moment, not maybe in that conversation, but in the weeks that follow that, you're going to start to feel your power and you know you're doing the right thing your decision's already been made we're reinforcing your decision and it's going to be good the future is bright for you and for your future ex-boyfriend yes thank you so much let us know how it goes i will thank you okay bye bye bye i'm trying to think of who your last breakup was well you had to break up with somebody for me. Well, that's true. I did.

In Aspen. Remember that guy that I went to Aspen with? And I thought I was so excited. I thought I was going to- Well, there's been two actually I've had to do that for. Oh, really? Yeah. Banff and Aspen.

It's always a ski trip. Sweetheart knows immediately on the ski trip if it's not going to end well. And then she has to loop me in. Well, the guy that I met in Aspen, I met up with in Aspenpen i had met him in new york a couple times and then we went to aspen together i just after one night i was like i cannot share a hotel room with this man for three days like there's just no fucking way i can do that i've never i haven't done that in years and you were so excited and i was so excited i was like i this is what i why i still have an immature brain because i believe that every

time when I get excited about a guy that it will be like, this guy's different. I'm going to like him. Like, I'm going to stick with it. And then of course, within I slept with him one night, he slept in my hotel room. And I was like, I've you've got to get him out of my room. I don't know what you're going to do. The way you were acting leading up to this was like, when you're in high school, and your parents are going out of town for three days like over the weekend and you can finally have your boyfriend or girlfriend sleep over that's how you were just like oh my god i'm gonna have three days and then my girlfriends are gonna come to town because this is why because a yeah my girlfriends were coming so that was like even better because really all i want to do is be with my girlfriends but

you know again why you can become a lesbian yeah but i had already had sex with him in new york so i knew he was a viable candidate because my fear is always that like there's going to be some weird sex thing that I don't like or I'm not going to, you know, we're not going to have chemistry in that way. So once I had a successful sex with him, I thought for sure Aspen was a no brainer. But I did not like having a man in my bedroom. I don't like the sense, S-C-E-N-T-S, that comes from men in the morning. Not specific to him, specific to men. I don't like any funky smells. I want to smell me and Bert.

So that was a mistake on my part. I put the cart before the horse a little bit again. So yeah, instead of saying, oh, hey, maybe, well, we were only supposed to spend one night in the hotel room because he was meeting up with his friends. Yes, but if I remember correctly, you went in early because we were only supposed to spend one night in the hotel room because he was meeting up with his friends. Yes. But you if I remember correctly, you went in early because it was only supposed to be one night. And then you're like, no, I want to go in the extra day before. That was a mistake. Yeah. Yeah. That was a mistake. And then and then the BAMF guy.

Well, that guy was a real fucking piece. I had to tell him that all of his stuff had gone down to the front desk and he could pick up all of his belongings there. He he had just texted me. The funniest thing about this was I was in Spain working and I was getting the house ready and he had just sent me this really nice text message about like, Hey, I see all you do for her. I'm really excited to see where the relationship goes with her. And you know, thanks for everything you've done. Yes, yes he did. Oh, so lame. He must've been high. I'm sure, sure he was, but it was nice it was nice I'm like oh this must be going well because you had seen him

multiple times and the next thing I know you're texting me hey I need you to do something I need you to break up with this guy for me I can't do it like I don't want to see him again just tell him all of his stuff's downstairs so I have to reply to his text message speaking so like you know nicely about you and then I'm like hey just gotta let you know everything I don't have context for this but I guess your stuff is at the front desk so should I go up and I go I don't think so no no no I think you should just get it and you should you should go he was yeah that was justified on my behalf because he had some serious mental issues and I have some serious mental issues so it sounds like we are a perfect pair we all have mental issues as we're seeing in these

submissions and as we've talked about with ourselves the next one comes from Jen Lopez Jennifer is it Jennifer oh oh this must be about Ben probably is if this is all these are all your dreams coming true oh no you don't like them together, right? No, I love them together. Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah. And can I just say something about A-Rod, please? Please do. Can we cancel him? I mean, he is such a fucking asshole. I mean, everybody he's dated, he has cheated on and he's notorious for it. And he's not fucking cute. He's not sexy or cute at all, at all. And, and he's tortures women. You know, why is he out there? He doesn't play baseball anymore. What's his value? Oh, hi. Oh, hello. Hello, Jen Lopez. Hi, Jen. Hi, how are you? We haven't read your submission yet, but since you're here,

why don't you just give us the update live in action? Yeah, absolutely. So I guess right now I'm dealing with this entire situation where I was laid off from my job last year due to COVID. Sorry about that. I started helping out in the family business, which my parents have owned a restaurant for 15 years, and it's been operated by my mom and my dad. I started helping out. I became involved. Now I'm in a place where I'm no longer happy being there.

I'm having to deal with their constant arguments and I'm just not happy. And it's taking a toll on my mental health and pretty much I'm just not happy there. So now I'm just debating on whether I'm making the right decision to leave the family business, knowing that leaving them means that, you know, they won't have that extra help that they need. And I'm kind of debating like on what I should do. Should I leave or should I stay in, you know, where I'm not happy? And I'm most of all, I'm pretty much jeopardizing my happiness. Yeah, it sounds like it. It sounds like you are jeopardizing your happiness. First of all, can they find someone to replace you? They can, but I think right now they're just become so used to me being

there where I've gone to job interviews and I've applied to great jobs and I've got offerings. But as I'm getting ready for all of these exciting things in the back of my head, I'm worried that they're not going to be able to do things. And I'm going to receive a phone call that, hey, this is not working. Can you come fix it? Can you do this? Can you do that? So that's my biggest worry. So I don't know what I should do. Well, it sounds like you need some serious boundaries and you need to get away from your family dynamic because the way to keep a family intact is to not jeopardize the dynamic, right? And by working with them together, you're becoming interdependent. And then so you're affecting the dynamic in a deleterious way, right? You only want to enhance

that dynamic. So by leaving and not working with your parents, you will enhance your dynamic with them. It may not feel that way right away. And you probably will get a bunch of those calls saying this person isn't working. But there will be somebody who does work for them that will take over the responsibilities that you're feeling burdened with. Because right now what I see on your face is you feel burdened. Yes. Right. 100%. And I, you know, I'm thinking, I'm like, am I going to be a bad daughter? I know I shouldn't have to worry about what other people think about looking at your daughter. She's leaving you and leaving you behind. And I know I shouldn't worry about that. But I'm still part of me still cares. You know, I don't want them to think or anybody to think that I just gave up on them. No, and I don't think that they will. If you put this

in the right way, you can explain to them that your relationship with them is so important to you, that it's important for you to move on work-wise in order to salvage that relationship. You don't want to harm your relationship with your parents and you feel like working for them is, you know, muddying the lines. There's really nice ways to put that. And nobody thinks you don't care about your parents. You're not responsible for your parents' business. Like that's just not the way it is. And you've put in your time, right? You've helped them. So this is kind of like, if you look at it, like this was always a bridge for me. This was always just kind of during COVID, during the pandemic, like we have to all get on with our lives. And if we want our

relationship to thrive, it's not going to be working together. Right. Just making sure I'm making the right decision to go back to my normal life. At the same time, I'm just not happy. Yeah, well, that's more important. That's your number one issue is your happiness, right? You have to make yourself happy. And the way that to be a great daughter is also to have your own life. You know, have a job where you're meeting new people, you're meeting new friends, you're hanging out in different environment, you're stimulated, you're learning something new, and acclimating to a new surrounding of people is going to be helpful in your relationship with your parents. And you're going to have more to come together on if you don't work together

also, which is a good point to possibly bring up to them. What are your parents like? Are they going to receive this news? Well, are they? So really funny, quick story. In early 2000s, my dad actually worked with you in Chia, Venice. And I have a lot of old Polaroid photos of you and my dad when they used to bartend together in Chia, Venice. Who was your dad? His name was Gerardo though. He used to call him Tattoo. Oh my God. Tattoo was your father? Yes. So, well, my dad would always tell me these stories about how you were one day, you would remind him that you were going to be famous, you're going to be famous, and you were going to get out of Chaya and you were going to be famous. And so my dad has kept this entire just box of photos.

So that's my dad. He's a very personable person. And he started his own business with my mom. What kind of business is it? It's a restaurant. So they were definitely impacted with COVID. And we almost lost my dad last year, due to COVID, which put me in the position that I had to take on the family business. So that in itself was already a lot for me. So but my mom is really understanding, and she's very supportive, but I still feel that guilt of leaving the family.

Yeah. Well, that's your stuff that you're going to have to figure out. You're going to feel better about that once you're in a new environment. And if you come first of all, tattoo was fucking awesome. Your dad was so much fun. We used to have so much fun working together because he and I had such a great little chemistry. He was a busboy at Shia Venice and I was like a cocktail waitress. We were always at the bar, so that's probably why it seemed like one of us was bartending.

But we would drink all the time while we were working. And I remember running into him years later and he just had the best energy. You know, your dad is just like, I can see you in him because he's just funny. And like, you know, a practical joker, you know, would come in and like put a piece of food in between my billfold. Like I would love to eat these little goat cheese things that the chefs would make. But you couldn't really order them as a server. You'd have to just kind of steal them if somebody didn't eat them. These little fried goat cheese.

And he would always put a little fried goat cheese in my billfold. And he'd be like, there's a present for you in your billfold. So make sure you tell him that, please. I'm going to tell him. Tell him to call me. I still have the same cell phone number, by the way. He still has the number, but he does. He has these amazing stories about you. Okay. Well, what's the restaurant called? So we can swing by and bring it some business. It's called Lolo's Grill in the city of Inglewood. We're located less than a mile away from the new

SoFi Stadium. We've been there for 15 years and he is there every day. Okay. Brandon, we'll go there one day after our podcast recording. I want to give her my advice as an assistant and how you should handle this from a business perspective. So do your family. Obviously, the intermixing business and personal is always going to be complicated, but I think that there's something you can do to get yourself out of that position, but set your parents up. And what I would do and what her previous assistant did for me is when that time has come, you know it, you're going to have to pull the trigger. So you need to find two replacements.

You need to find two people who could seamlessly take over what you've been doing. It's good to have two options. So then your parents feel like they're involved in the decision-making process, but this also safeguards you because then if they choose someone and they suck, you can remind them that you chose that person. I just presented to the two options. So in doing that, you're showing them like, hey, I want to set you guys up, but I also have to get out of here. Like here are two people I really believe are going to be able to enhance, like do more than what I've been able to do because they have more bandwidth to invest in this, like in the business, in this role. You have to remove like the personal aspect

for yourself and imagine this is a job that you have to leave, but you want your family, you want this business to succeed. So before you have that like finishing conversation with them, you should already have these two people in your back pocket. Like I've already done this. They're ready to meet you. We can interview them together. So you feel comfortable. And then it feels like more of an inclusion, more of a hands-on transference of power. Right. I mean, hopefully that's the plan. And I definitely will take that advice. Yeah. I think you're struggling with the guilt component. You feel burdened and then that's normal. I mean mean, you're you love your parents. Of course, you know, you you feel a little bit guilty. But like just because you feel guilty about something doesn't

mean it doesn't have to happen, obviously. And the guilt is OK to feel, but you have to do something about it. So that's why setting them up by bringing other people. Yeah, that's good advice. Once you know that, hey, I've done what I can do to support you guys in this and to help alleviate the pressure of me leaving, if it still doesn't work out, you can no longer feel guilty because you've done what you can for them. But you still have to live your life and you have to operate in a way that you are going to be happy. And really, that's all they'd want. So there may be a temporary battle of power or wills in that situation, but inevitably they want you to be happy. I think so too. It's just a matter of me getting

over the guilt and, you know, making sure that I am making the right decision. Cause at the end of the day, I don't want to feel like I'm the bad daughter. Cause I don't think I am. And I'm very proud of what I've done, but I, you know what, you probably, your parents probably don't feel any of the things that you think that they feel anyway. You know, they're not going to guilt you into. They actually want you to leave. They're just like, can you fucking get your dad tattoo? Because he would always go to plane to plane, like from Fantasy Island. And he he's short and he's got this compact body.

And he oh, my God, he would do it all the time for me. Anytime I was having a bad shift, he'd go, the plane, the plane. Oh, I loved his body. That's so funny. Yeah. Anyway. It's a small world.

We're going to swing by there for lunch one day. So let him know we're on our way. Please. He is very excited. Is he there certain days so we know? She said every day. Every day. Okay.

Every day most of the time. OK, definitely Saturday and Sunday. OK, oh, great. We can go and then we can go rollerblade. Perfect. Perfect. I'd love to. Is it in El Segundo? No. Where did you say it was? Inglewood. Yeah, we can rollerblade to the forum and then back. Perfect. Yeah. Perfect. Irving open it up. All right. Thank you so much. So nice meeting you. OK. Yeah. So nice to meet you, Jen. Perfect. Yay. Perfect. Irving opened it up. All right. Thank you so much, Jennifer. So nice meeting you. Okay. Yeah. So nice to meet you, Jen.

Bye. Bye. Oh, God. Those were the days when I used to get fired from working in restaurants. I love hearing about all the places that you worked. I love running into all the busboys that I worked with because that's who I hung out with. Like, we had the most fun because everybody else was always so stuck up, you know? Like, I'd go in the back and we'd smoke weed together and we'd have fun. Because everybody else was always so stuck up, you know, like I'd go in the back and we'd smoke weed together and we'd have fun.

And, you know, so many good memories from working at Roasty and Chaya Venice. Chaya, I was I was actually fired from every restaurant that I've ever worked at. But Chaya, when I got fired from that restaurant, I became one of their best customers. You know what we should do? We should start a Chelsea Handler bus tour where you just take people like you do with me when I'm in the car and you point out places like oh I fuck this guy like oh this is the apartment where this or that happened I used to work here I once walked into an apartment that I had oh you think remember you brought up this house that I had seen that we were like that I didn't remember I had seen and then tried to make an offer on it well I once went to a guy's house after Halloween we were walking up we all went to a party me and after Halloween. We were walking up.

We all went to a party, me and my friends. I was in my 20s living in Santa Monica. Did you dress up? Because you hate dressing up. Yeah, that's a great question. Oh, yes, I did. It was one time I was dressed like an M&M. I think I wrote about this in one of my books.

And I walked into this apartment. And as I was walking in, I was like, this looks so familiar. But every apartment in Santa Monica is kind of like that Three's Company vibe. You know, it's all the same So I was like this looks familiar And then the guy went and brought I like a hashish pipe out and a hashish bar and I went I've been here before and I looked at him I go I And he's like oh yeah And I had slept with the guy whose house we were at and was in the same apartment while he was hooking up with one

of my friends And I was like this is an all-time low. And I was wearing an M&M costume. I mean, that's the high point of it. Well, that's when I left and I had to walk, do the walk of shame, basically without having sex in an M&M costume down Montana Avenue in Santa Monica. I'd love to see that recreated. Maybe this Halloween.

Maybe we can make it into a movie, sweetheart. I'd love to. Okay, we're going to take a break, sweetheart. I'd love to. Okay. We're going to take a break right now. Don't worry. We'll be right back. Hey, y'all. I'm Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, host of Therapy for Black Girls.

And I'm thrilled to invite you to our January Jumpstart series for the third year running. All January, I'll be joined by inspiring guests who will help you kickstart your personal growth with actionable ideas and real conversations. We're talking about topics like building community and creating an inner and outer glow. I always tell people that when you buy a handbag, it doesn't cover a childhood scar. You know, when you buy a jacket, it doesn't reaffirm what you love about the hair you were told not to love. So when I think about beauty, it's so emotional because it starts to go back into the archives of who we were, how we want to see ourselves, and who we know ourselves to be and who we can be. So a little bit of past, present, and future, all in one idea, soothing something from the

past. And it doesn't have to be always an insecurity. It can be something that you love. All to help you start 2025 feeling empowered and ready. Listen to Therapy for Black Girls starting on January 1st on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really No Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse

to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor. We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you and the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom

Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer. And you never know who's going to drop by. Mr. Brian Cranston is with us today. How are you, too? Hello, my friend. Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really No Really, sir.

Bless you all. Hello, Newman. And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening? Really No Really. Oh, yeah, really. No Really. Go to reallynoreally.com and register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast or a limited

edition signed Jason bobblehead. It's called Really? No, really. And you can find it on the iHeartRadio app on Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. The forces shaping markets and the economy are often hiding behind a blur of numbers. So that's why we created The Big Take from Bloomberg Podcasts, to give you the context you need to make sense of it all. Every day in just 15 minutes, we dive into one global business story that matters. You'll hear from Bloomberg journalists like Matt Levine. A lot of this meme stock stuff is, I think, embarrassing to the SEC.

Amanda Mull, who writes our Business Week buying power column. Very few companies who go viral are like totally prepared for what that means. And Zoe Tillman, senior legal reporter. Courts are not supposed to decide elections. Courts are not really supposed to play a big role in choosing our elected leaders. It's for the voters to decide. Follow the Big Take podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen. Good people, what's up? It's Questo, Questlove.

And Team Supreme and I have been working hard to bring you some incredible episodes of Questlove Supreme with guests you definitely don't want to miss. Now, one of the things I love about this Questlove Supreme podcast is we got something for everybody, every type of musical ever. We enjoy speaking to the people who are the face of some movements, some people you've seen on stage or TV or magazine covers, but we also love speaking to the folks who are making it happen behind the scenes

and they paved the way for those that followed. You know, keystones to the culture. This season, we've had some amazing one-on-one conversations, like I'm Pete Bill chatting up with hitmaker Sam Holland, Sugar Steve chatting with the legend Nick Lowe, and I've had pleasures of doing one-on-one conversations with Willow, Sonata Matreya, Kathleen Hanna, and The RZA. These are conversations you won't hear anywhere else.

So make sure you go back and you check those episodes out, all right? Listen to Questlove Supreme on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Did you know that companies hire the most in the first two months of the year? Or that nearly half of workers are worried about being left behind? I am Andrew Seaman, LinkedIn's Editor-at-Large for Jobs and Career Development. And my show, Get Hired, brings you all the information you need to, well, get hired. People are forming opinions of you even before you log into the Zoom or walk into the room. And so you really have to think about what is it I want to display.

You don't plant a garden and then just walk away and expect it to thrive. You are in there pulling out the weeds. You're pruning it. You're watering it. It's the same thing with your network. You should always be in there actively managing your network. If you don't feel confident to say a number, even admitting that to a recruiter is going to be far better than saying,

well, what is your budget for the role? A lot is in the follow-up, right? Don't wait to follow up. Whether you're a new grad, an established professional, or contemplating a career change, Get Hired is for you. Listen to Get Hired with Andrew Seaman on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you like to listen. I know you like the quick one-offs,

so I thought I could get your opinion on this one. We had a write-in that said, should I leave my husband because I'm gay? Well, sounds like it. Sounds like that's the time to go. Sounds like it's time to pivot. Is that it? That's it. Do we have a letter? Well, we do, as a matter of fact. So the writer says, Dear Chelsea, I'm 32 years fact. So the writer says, Dear Chelsea, I'm 32 years old. I've been with my husband for 12 years and married 10. We have two sweet boys together who are 9 and 4.

Looking back, I remember in preschool I had a crush on a girl. I experimented with girls when I was drunk or at parties and enjoyed it, but was so conditioned that it was wrong, I kind of avoided it. Also, before I met my husband, I hooked up with a married couple for about six months. After two years together, I realized how much happier I was when he wasn't around and planned on breaking up with him when I got back from vacation. Well, when I got back, I missed my period and found out I was pregnant. So what do you do in the South? You get married. He is a great husband and father. He provides for us, cleans house, cares for and loves our boys Oh, that's just so hard. Of course you have to leave him. You're not attracted to him. You're not in love with him. You're not doing your children any favors. Every person I know who stayed together for the sake of their children regrets it. Everyone. Because you're not doing your children any favors for them to see their parents in an unhealthy relationship. That's what's being modeled. It doesn't matter if you guys think you're putting on a good show. Kids know, and they have a sixth sense of this.

And so they know when they're being lied to, and they know when you're not happy and you're faking something. That's just your energy, and that's not something that you can pretend isn't happening. You not being attracted to their father is something that they will be able to feel. You not being in love with them, same thing. So I think it's really important, A, mostly for yourself to be honest and live an honest life and for your children. But if you can't do it just because of yourself and that you deserve this kind of happiness and freedom from the marriage that you're in right now, then do it for your kids.

Because they deserve to see their mother living her like full life. And that means being with a woman. So they're going to have to accept that. And it's a hard road, but like you only have one way to go. There's no real other choice here. You want to live an honest, full life for everybody that you love, including your husband. It's not fair to him to be there with him and to continue what was a lie. And I think maybe the way to soften the blow by telling him is not to include the stuff of you got pregnant and you married him, you know, because of that. That's just that makes that's going to make him question everything. So when you think about how to tell people news that's going to hurt them or upset them, it's important to think about what you're going to say and how you're going to say it. And it's not necessary to say, oh, like, you know, I wasn't ever in love with you. You know, you were you could say you were and that you've always had these feelings towards women, but you thought if you got married, you know, things would be different and that you loved him so much. And he's such a great father and such a great husband.

But now you can't deny your feelings for women and they're becoming more prominent. It's something that you can't get away from. And you got to go for it. This is important for you. This is important for your family. Brandon? Well, it's been a while since I dated a woman, but I do. What was that like? Who did you date? Well, I's been a while since I dated a woman, but I do. What was that like?

Who did you date? Well, I dated girls growing up. For me, it wasn't like the sexual aspect. It was always emotional for me that I just did not have as deep of an emotional connection with women as I did with men. So I do to some degree. You're saying you didn't have as deep of an emotional connection with women as you did with men? Right. Like the sex part was fine. Like that was not the issue. The issue was after

that there was little vested interest emotionally. So I do understand what she's going through. And I feel for anyone who was conditioned and brought up in a society where these feelings were repeatedly told to keep secret or to not give into. So now, you know, she's living in a different time where sexual fluidity is a thing and being bisexual is more embraced. So I hope that she finds what she's looking for. And I hope that she makes the right choice because as you said, you know, you only have one life to live and she's doing a disservice to herself and her husband by staying in the marriage. And I hope that she makes the right choice because, as you said, you know, you only have one life to live. And she's doing a disservice to herself and her husband by staying in the marriage. And I think that they will both see a lot of growth when they come out of it. And yeah, to everyone listening, this is the only life we get. So make it count. Don't live it for someone else. Just don't. That was very well said. Great. I don't want to say problem solved there because that sounds a little flippant, but hopefully the problem is going to get solved over the course of the next few months.

Okay, well, I think there's been a breakup. There's been people leaving friendships, people leaving marriages. I really, really hope that this woman leaves her husband that is gay or bisexual or however she classifies herself. I really hope that she gets the courage. You already have the courage. You already have the courage. Every single person who's listening has the courage to do something difficult or to do, you know, something scary. Just try not to avoid the truth because it's not going anywhere. I just want to say As-salamu alaykum and Shabbat shalom, really. Actually,

Brandon, what would you like to add? I just think it's important to focus on what you're able to find from a loss in these situations. Don't focus so much on what won't be there, but think about what will come in its place. There's a lot of opportunity in making space for new friends, new relationships, new hobbies. So just try and think of it that way. Yeah, but I don't think she's looking at it like, I think she knows what's going to come in its place. Something great. Well, I meant even the people wanting to leave their best friends, you know, the guy who obviously needed to make room for other people or other things because he was still very focused on someone that he dated quite a while ago.

I know. It's really hard when you're obsessed with somebody or you can't shake somebody out of your system. It's really hard when you're obsessed with somebody or you can't shake somebody out of your system. It's really hard. And I know like when people say, oh, you know, this too shall pass. I want to take that saying and shove it up somebody's asshole because it's not helpful when you're going through something in the moment because it doesn't feel like it's going to pass. It doesn't feel like the pain is going to go. But a theme of this podcast has been to remind people that everything is so temporary. Nothing stays for long. The highs, the lows, the good doesn't stay either for long and the bad doesn't stay for long. So it's all ephemeral and it all moves. And so the one thing I always tell myself is like, even if it's bad, it's like this is only temporary. And I remind myself of that. And it's a good reminder because heartbreak only lasts for so long. And a lot of times it's not as bad as we perceive it to be. Right.

And that's where we come in to remind you of that. Making a jump or making a change is really scary. But that scary part, as soon as you step into it, you've got an emotion. As soon as you take the first step, it's happening. It's happening. And then that doesn't last forever either. That's a transition. So the quicker you get into it, the quicker you get out of it. Amen to myself, actually. Amen. If you want any assistance with your partner, your best friend, really anything, you can write into DearChelseaProject at gmail.com. DearChelseaProject at gmail.com.

Also, I am on tour. My tickets are officially on sale. We've added a couple of extra shows. We're going to be announcing dates as we go. You can buy tickets at Ticketmaster for my shows. I'm at the Santa Barbara Bowl, August 21st. So you can come see me there. And tickets are available.

And I can't fucking wait. It's called Vaccinated and Horny. So make sure that you bring your vaccinations and your horniness. And then keep them to yourself, please. is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like... Why the bathroom door doesn't go all the way to the floor? What's in the museum of failure? And does your dog truly love you? We have the answer. Go to reallynoreally.com

and register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. The Really No Really podcast. Follow us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid. Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. Tune in and join in the conversation. Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

The forces shaping markets and the economy are often hiding behind a blur of numbers. So that's why we created The Big Take from Bloomberg Podcasts, to give you the context you need to make sense of it all. Every day in just 15 minutes, we dive into one global business story that matters. You'll hear from Bloomberg journalists like Matt Levine. A lot of this meme stock stuff is, I think, embarrassing to the SEC. Follow The Big Take podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen. People, my people, what's up?

This is Questlove. Man, I cannot believe we're already wrapping up another season of Questlove Supreme. Man, we've got some amazing guests lined up to close out the season, but, you know, I don't want any of you guys to miss all the incredible conversations we've had so far. I mean, we talked to A. Marie, Johnny Marr, E., Jonathan Schechter, Billy Porter, and so many more. Look, if you haven't heard these episodes yet, hey, now's your chance.

You've got to check them out. Listen to Questlove Supreme on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Happy holidays from me, Michael Rapaport. And my gift to you is a free subscription to the I Am Rapaport Stereo Podcast, where I discuss entertainment, sports, politics, and anything and everything that catches my attention. I am here to call it as I see it. And there's a whole lot of things catching my eyes these days. Listen to the I Am Rappaport Stereo Podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, and wherever you get your podcasts.