Dear Chelsea - You’re Not For Everybody with Yvonne Orji

Episode Date: September 7, 2023

Yvonne Orji joins Chelsea to talk about hearing God’s voice, why she’s still a virgin, and the big risks that paid off when she trusted a higher plan.  Then: A comedian feels defeated before she ever gets her start.  A 30-year-old virgin is terrified to date.  And a pageant king struggles to choose his deepest truth over his family.   * Find Yvonne’s book Bamboozled by Jesus here. * Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail] * Executive Producer Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert * * * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together, our mission on the Really Know Really podcast is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why the bathroom door doesn't go all the way to the floor, what's in the museum of failure, and does your dog truly love you? We have the answer. Go to reallyknowreally.com

and register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. The Really Know Really podcast. Follow us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, Katherine. Hi, Chelsea. I am in Estoy, in Mallorca. I've just spent five days alone. Five days alone.

And Carla, my assistant, is here as well. But my first guests didn't arrive until the second. So I had five days of no drinking, utter seclusion, exercising, eating healthy. The thing about being on vacation is it's impossible to get on any sort of program. So I got my shit together. I didn't do anything. I did Glennon Doyle's podcast, Glennon and Abby's podcast. I recorded that.

So look for that. That's coming out shortly. We were trying to figure out a time this summer. And I'm like, you know what? I'm alone for five days. I think that's the best time for me to do a podcast. Yeah. Since I'm all podcasted out.

I'm like, I have my own fucking podcast to deal with. But yeah, so I have a full house of comedians. So yeah, you can follow me on Instagram for all the sorts of shenanigans. And then at the end of this month, I go back on tour. I start my little big bitch tour, which I'm really excited about. I've gotten so much rest and relaxation and aggravation and I need a vacation for my vacation. But what else is fucking new? Now, do you restore your energy alone or with other people? I restore my energy mostly by myself.

But I go to bed. Listen, when I was in London, I stayed in London for a month. In like the month of July, I think I was pretty much in London. I had a blast. I went to bed probably between 2 and 5 a.m. every single night. All I did was go out and party. And it was so nice because I was in a hotel and I could just – I had so many friends in London that I could just join other people's action.

You know, like whatever my friends were up to, I'd be like, okay, I'm going with them. I'm going with them. I'm doing this. You can float. So it was perfect because I wasn't in charge of the entertainment. You know what I mean? Right. In Mallorca, it's my house.

I'm in charge of the entertainment. But I have a new policy I'm putting in place. Like everybody has a free day throughout the week. Go do whatever you want to do. There's no organized plans. We all will have dinner together every night, obviously. But breakfast and dinner and then anything in between, get your own fucking party started. You can hang out.

You can leave. But don't rely on me. Yeah, no, that's smart. Yeah, so that's that plan. And then, yeah, so that's what I'm in. I'm in. I have three different weeks of guests coming. So we'll see.

We'll see what happens. I'm working hard on my book. I got a lot of writing done. I have this great title for my new book, which I can't wait to share with people. But it'll be a few months before I can do that. And yeah, I'm feeling very productive. That's so good. Are you able to share any themes of the book, like kind of the angles you're working or

keeping that under wraps for now? I think it's just about female independence and freedom. Nice. Freedom. Child free freedom. I feel like that is absolutely something that people who love you respond to. Yeah, I think it's definitely underrepresented. You know what I mean? We

have so many people that are just not the reason why it gets such a big reaction is because there are plenty of people talking about it now more so than there were. But, you know, it's not enough and it'll never be enough that women have choices and that we can choose to do whatever we want and become whatever we want as long as we get all of this nonsense out of our heads and stop listening to what people are telling us. Yes, it makes me think about what Elise Lohnan had said about, you know, the whole, not just our culture, but like the energy of the universe basically is like swinging more feminine for the next who knows how long. But it's just it feels like it's coming to pass. And I like that. Yeah. Yeah. Great.

Okay, so our guest today is, she's a real piece of work. She's an actress, a comedian, and author of Bamboozled by Jesus, How God Tricked Me Into the Life of My Dreams. Please welcome Yvonne Orji. Oh, yeah, baby. Hello. Oh, yeah. Look at you. Cutie, patootie, fresh and fruity let me take one to no one

i was excited i thought i was seeing you in person today and i was gonna do a little dry hump and say hello i was gonna jump on you and then she said you're virtual and i was like oh what a bummer but that's okay we're happy to have you i'm pretty bummed about it too because i was like okay we can do a body roll i've been a huge fan of yours. Literally, when people asked me, I was like, about like, they were comedians, they were showing them like Chelsea Lately. Have you not seen Chelsea Lately? I'm like, every night I tuned in,

before I even moved to LA, it was, you know, fantastic. Thank you, honey. Well, likewise, right back at you. You're fantastic. And I'm so excited to have you on and to be talking to you, because we don't have a lot of religious people on this podcast we have a lot of spiritual people but as I was reading your book

I realized that it's kind of one in the same it is it's a belief system and I love that it's like modern religion what you're talking about in your book and I want to talk to you about that first and foremost I want to talk to you about your belief in God and all of the signs that you, I guess maybe early on, the signs that you got that made you believe in God. Not just that was instilled from your parents, but from your own young adulthood, I guess. Yeah, it's really, I like to say it's really more like a relationship so with my book it was my fate it is very much more fate relationship board I think when you have a relationship with somebody it makes it more personal like if your mom tells you like come home and you know she loves you and you love her back you're like you know what I'm gonna come home even though I want to stay out

I'm gonna come home versus like if it's somebody you don't have a relationship with like that aunt that's always your business and it's like, you should come home. You're like, to your hotel. Not, you know, you're just, you're not really about that life. And so I think when people try to use religion to like force people to do stuff and like there's no understanding or no relationship behind it, it doesn't stick. And it doesn't also feel good. Like what the heck?

Like why would, why would, why would we do this? So that's just kind of like where my center of faith lies. This is why I've been able to be a Christian person because I have. But yeah, no, I got saved when I was 17. I was not planning on going to anybody's Bible study. I grew up Catholic, but- From Nigeria. Well, your parents are Nigerian. You were born in Nigeria, right? I sure was. I was born in Nigeria. We immigrated to America when I was six. And my mom was a nurse at Howard University Hospital.

And, you know, back then they liked immigrants. And so they gave us green cards. Now they're like, you can go home. You're like, but wait, like you told us to come here. I love switching the rules. It's like, yes, yes, we'll take the tired, the poor. And now we're like, no, no, actually, we take it all back. We didn't mean that. For sure, like, nobody

wanted it. There was a nursing shortage. So, like, that's why every time you go to a hospital, there's going to be a Filipino or an African nurse. This is why when you see hospital shows, you're like, no, this is not representative. There's got to be a Madame Oluwano or like a Miss Paz.

Like, what are you talking about? Like, if there's not a Filipino nurse or Nigerian nurse, I would trust this hospital. So anyway, so that's how we got to America. And, you know, we, again, we were Roman Catholic, but I remember just going to church more as like a ritual, you know, like, and after you go enough, you're just like, it's going to be a 55 minute service, 60 if the priest is really feeling it. But, you know, I just love God and I'm also afraid of my parents. So I'm going to go to church. But then I got to college and I was I was like, let me tell you right now, we want to go all the way wild.

We are in D.C. I'm a grown woman. Let's go. And I was on my way to the club. And my friend was like, why don't we go to this Bible study before we hit the club? And I was like, I mean, I mean, I guess that makes sense. Sure. It's like, it was like, you know, I'm not in a Bible study attire. I was probably supposed to be a hole in my heart. You know what I mean? Like, I feel like in Jesus hadn't gotten me as early as he would have. It'd be a different story. So anyway, we go to the Bible study and the woman preaching, she was just so in love with God in a way that, like, being a Catholic, I'd never seen someone who, like, understood the Bible, knew scripture, whatever. And I was just so drawn to it.

And before I knew it, I was over there giving my life to Jesus. I was like, we were supposed to be on a pole tonight. Why am I now, like, in tears? Like, I do love you, Lord. I was like, we were supposed to be on a pole tonight. Why am I now like in tears? Like, I do love you, Lord. I surrender. So he got me. So it was in that moment, what, you decided to commit to your relationship with God? Yeah. Like, that's how I literally got bamboozled by Jesus. Like, I was prepared to lose my virginity at 18. I knew I wanted to lose my virginity at 18 because, not because of necessarily religious purposes, but because I was like, if I get pregnant, I just want to be able to make decisions as an adult.

Because if anybody calls my mama, I'm going to be dead. I mean, can you imagine your parents working, probably sacrificing everything to come to America and then their daughter has a teenage pregnancy? What a fuck you. I was like, I don't want my mom to go to jail for 35 to life. I don't want that to be her testimony. So I just was like at 18, like, I don't even know what decisions I was making, but I just feel more of an adult to do that. Right. And so I remembered when I was 16, I went to see my primary care physician and she had to call the mother of a 60 year old to tell

her that her daughter was pregnant. I remember that. That just sketched in my mind, like, oh, nobody will ever make that call. So that's why I had the 18. And God was like, cool, cool, cool. I'm going to let her have this timeline because I got a surprise for her. I got saved when I was 17 and a half. So he got me. We're going to take a quick break and we're going to be right back. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really Know Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor.

We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you and the one bringing back the woolly mammoth plus does tom cruise really do his own stunts his stuntman reveals the answer and you never know who's going to drop by mr brian cranson is with us how are you hello my friend wayne knight about jurassic park wayne knight welcome to Really No Really, sir. Bless you all. Hello, Newman.

And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening? Really No Really. Yeah, really. No really. Go to reallynoreally.com. And register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. It's called Really No Really, and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And what are you, 39? I am. Oh, my God.

That dam is going to break one day, baby. Let me tell you right now. People are like, oh, you know, Yvonne, I was like, pray for him, whoever he is. A lot of pets of energy up in here. Okay. Oh, my God. And you're going to hit your sexual peak when you start having sex. So, yeah, you're going to need a couple of men probably. Evolve it from being a virgin to polyamory. Like that would be

a very interesting time to be advanced. That's, I don't think that's a testimony, but I will say like, hurry up. If you don't need good men, Chelsea, send them my way, please. Please. You know what? It's funny. I know this Nigerian man, he's married to my girlfriend, but I have so much experience with their family and Nigerians. And I know how dedicated Nigerians are to education and becoming a doctor, which you cover in your book as well. And it's just couldn't be more true. Like, it's very serious. You know, you have to be loyal and you have to like it's almost like being in a family can also feel like work for somebody who's like me who gets to do whatever they want all the time you're like oh oh this is a serious situation there's always like an outlier I'm the outlier in my family I was like yeah I feel like I'm meant for more than

just what everyone else is doing and so yeah yeah no and also as a Nigerian you're supposed to be married at 23 also an outlier but no I'm really happy. I feel like I don't think I could have ever gotten married before this moment. Like, honestly, maybe like 35, I thought I was ready. But actually, I think I feel the most ready to be in a committed relationship now. Like, that will actually last. Everybody here got married at 23. They are probably not together anymore. Yeah. How do Nigerians feel about divorce? I mean, it's happening more and more now. So it's like, maybe don't tell your daughters to get married and just find a good man. And in mind, you know, they know themselves. And how many siblings do you have? I have three older brothers.

Okay. And are they in the States? They're all in the States. Yeah. They vary. I have one brother who lives in Nigeria, goes back and forth. I have two brothers who are in the States. So yeah, we're all over the place. And you're the baby.

The baby. Isn't that kind of the best place to be in a family? You know what? I feel like if they listen to me more, I would really appreciate this position. I think with more, the more success you have, the more they will listen. That's my experience with my family, for sure. They respect me way more than they did when I really thought I had some smart ideas. So talk a little bit, I like some of the stories about your faith and belief being reinforced, right? Signs of faith, taking risks and knowing that God shows up for you. So can you talk a little bit about that?

Yeah. When I was getting my master's in public health, there was a pageant called the Miss Nigerian American Pageant. And my friends were like, why don't you join? And so I did. And I just thought, I was like, you know what? I can wear a dress. I feel like, you know, body conscious. I'm fine.

And then two weeks before the pageant, they were like, well, what's your talent? I was like, oh, I don't. I'm a child of immigrants. I don't have one. Like, we're not raised to have hobbies and talents. And they were like, well, everyone who performs needs to have one. So it's two weeks. People have bought tickets.

My mother and, like, cousins are coming. And so I'm just like, well, what the hell? I can't, like, I can't mess up. Because, again, the Nigerian in me is like, we got to be excellent. And I prayed. By this time you know I had a relationship with God now for like five or six years I was like hey God really need a solid it's me I need a fucking talent fast stat and God was like do comedy like I've heard

the voice of all these people saying do comedy and when you say you hear the voice of God what do you hear how does that present itself? You know, it's one of those things where I don't say out of body, but it's almost kind of like a closing in because I know it's not me. Like that was not an idea that I could ever come up with on my own. And it just sounds very clear. Do comedy. It wasn't Louis. It wasn't James Earl Jones.

It was just you comedy and I was like what and I remember me like that's that's not what I would ever do so I was like nah I'm good and then I was like god no for real like it's me Yvonne like like give me something I can actually work with and he said either you're going to learn to trust me or you're not and then the books went away like it was like I was just like whoa you guys just dropped I was like did they leave what the hell but it was just so clear and I was so scared that's also how I know that it's him when he asked me to do something that completely takes me out of like the realm of logic out of the realm of something that I feel like I can do I know there's nothing but God because Because I wouldn't normally come up with that.

That's stupid. Why would I put myself... Because Nigerians, like, Americans are actually nice. Like, just so you know, you have white friends. Like, when you started doing comedy, they were like, honey, that was good. You know, they'll clap, they'll support, whether it's good or bad.

When you bomb, they're like, you'll get them next time. Then you're like, oh, thank you. When you are in front of Nigerians, they do not care about your feelings. Okay. If I were to bomb, they would be like, whose daughter is this? What nonsense? And these are the parents.

Okay. These are not just. And so I definitely was like, hey, okay. I'm very nervous. I'm very scared. I also know that I don't want a regular life. Like I just, once I got saved, that I started like really understanding the Bible, I was like, oh, I think I'm destined for

more. Cause for me, I think when you don't have friends and when you were bullied and you feel like, oh man, all I wanted to do was belong. And then you read the Bible and it's like a blueprint to like belonging. It's a blueprint to like finding and discovering yourself and your purpose. I just, I think I clung to it in such a way that like I needed it. And so I was like, well, maybe God knows something about me that I don't know about myself. And it scares me so much, but I would, I would hate, you know, even in the book, there was a chapter called fear is food for it. And for me, I'm like, I would hate to like regret my life because I just didn't do what God said because it scared me so much. And so I spent the next two weeks writing down what I thought was funny with the dual identity of being Nigerian American and people who laughed.

And I was so scared of forgetting my lines because I didn't do it like, you know, when you get familiar with comedy, you're able to improv. You're able to go with the jokes, do crowd work. That was not my I was like y'all can y'all please stop laughing y'all gonna rest me up and that was the first time that I was like wow I really really trusted God to do something out of like the norm for me and it worked out but I was so scared so I was like hey God I want to do this again but if I know I'm, if it's not an audience of Nigerians with the same material. And so that I did DC's Funniest College Student Competition. I ended up winning for GW. And part of winning means you perform at the DC Improv. And so I was like, oh, my God, I think I can do comedy. But it still scared me. Yeah, I like that story. Talk about the story when you moved to New York, though. What happened with that when you had no money? Oh, my God.

So that was like one of the first moments. And then, of course, like you keep going. And then. And this voice becomes more familiar to you as you hear it. Absolutely. Like I know like anytime I take a bath, I always just bring my notepad and a pen because when I'm still and I'm like, God, I need to hear from you. That's when I'm like so tapped in and so tuned in. Inevitably, I'll come out and I'll write something that I know

Holy Spirit is like waiting to download with me on. Because he's always talking. And sometimes it's just kind of like a feeling like I should go there or I should go do that. And it's sometimes it's like audible direction. So when I was trying to avoid going to med school by going to live in Liberia, which had just finished a war, because it's easier to like go to war-torn countries than to dismantle your parents' hopes and dreams. And so the last weekend I was there, I met this woman named Jackie and it was at a wedding. It was literally, I met her one day. She was from New York. She's like, you want me to give my daughter?

And that was it. We went our separate ways. A couple months later, I was like, I want to move to New York. If I'm really going to do this comedy thing, I got to try it. So I just have enough to like buy a bus ticket, right? I'm like, I don't know where I want to stay. All I know is like, I got to get out of Maryland. So I get on the bus. It's four hours. I'm texting everybody I know like, hey,

are you in New York? Can I jump on your couch for a little bit? Then I just post on Facebook. I was like, coming to New York, need a place to stay. And that was it. Two hours into my ride, I get a message from Jackie that says, call me. She gives me her number and she goes, are you on your way to New York? I'm like, yeah. She's like, you can stay in our basement apartment. My daughter is away at college, so it's yours. I lived with this woman that I had met once before I left war-torn Liberia for six months rent-free. Those are the things where I'm like, you don't have all the answers before you go.

I was on a bus heading somewhere and I had no idea where I was going to stay and lay my head and as I went without all the information without every t cross and every i dotted my answer came so that's where like my faith really like that's why like I don't accept those I've seen too much like I can't back down like it's just it's just it's just wild to me because I know how he works I know how he operates and even now like even bringing on the relationship where people like you think you're ever going to meet someone like bro I'm an immigrant who's living out our wildest dreams in Hollywood there's eight billion people on earth I feel like finding me one man is the easiest thing

I could do. It doesn't even cross my mind that it won't happen. Yeah, that's the right attitude to have. I think a lot of people would describe that also, not to say that you're not, you know, have a relationship with God. You obviously do. But a lot of people would say, oh, that's instinct or the knowing, like your intuition, when you can sit still and really hear yourself and hear your desires, whether it's someone telling you or whether it's an innate feeling or an instinctual intuition, whatever. I think a lot of people can relate to that. I love though. I love the way you're talking about it. I love the way that you believe in it because I think when we believe in things, it becomes true. A lot of people are like, I don't believe in that. I don't believe in that. I don't believe it's like, you don't know what the fuck is going on. Nobody knows

what is going on in this world. When somebody's like, there's no UFOs. I'm like, you don't know that. What are you talking about? There's plenty of evidence to suggest otherwise. You have this belief and it's closed and shut. And that's the end of the case. You know, like your opinion is valid because it's yours. I feel like the one thing that is certain in life is you live at the level to which you believe, right? If you believe, you know what, there are good people in this world and I've just, I choose to be optimistic. And yes, even in the face of like bad things happening and bad people coming to you, you're still like, yeah, no, I really hope that they find joy in their life, but I'm going to still choose to believe that there are better people out there, good people.

So you just live at the level to which you believe. And some people from a young age have been like stunted to be like, the world is trash. Everything is trash. Or to have limited belief systems, you know, that aren't always growing, always expanding. Like the idea, the key to, I think, true awareness and enlightenment is to have your opinion changed constantly, to start believing in, I'm not talking about QAnon. I'm talking about like learning as you grow, like, oh, I actually, I'm open to this or, and I accept this. And yes, that might be a possibility just because it hasn't happened to you doesn't mean it can, but I the attitude I love all of it like I can totally relate because when you have high vibes you get high vibe things

you know things come your way for sure I love what you said about seasonal because it's like none of us are are the same like I'm not the same as I was when I was 17 like there's some character traits that are like these are the things that make me, but like with new information, when you read new books, when you, when you go to therapy, when you have different conversations, your world enlarges and expands and you're able to be like, oh, you know what? I didn't like doing that. Like now I like doing this. I just wasn't ready to bring that into my life at that point when you first asked me, but like, that doesn't mean like, oh, you a flip-flopper. It's like, no, I just have new information now. Like, I just enjoy growing and learning. And then some things I used to do, I don't do anymore. Like, God really got me to a

place, especially in the pandemic, he was like, I need you to trust you as much as you trust me. So I'm going to be a little bit more quiet. And you have to know that because I love you and you love me and I'm in you, that the decisions you will make will be from a place that make me proud as opposed to be like God is this what you want God is this what you want and so it's just like whoa that was like okay you're not on the trinity wheels anymore like you have the bicycle go and I think sometimes people just like are chained even to like well this is what our relationship was like and God like why would you leave me? I need you. It's like, I'm not a good parent.

If like you're connected to my hip all the time, you have to trust and know my voice and my love is in you. So move accordingly. What was the last book that you read? Oh, my goodness. You mentioned books. I'm a big booker reader. We talk a lot about books on this podcast. Your last favorite

book? Yeah, I guess the Trisendent Kingdom was a really good one. And then Seven Days in June was a really good one. What's that? I haven't heard of Seven Days in June. The last time I checked, there were 30. Really? I'm done with you. It's by Tia Williams. It's a love story by these two authors who spent seven days in June when they were younger, and it was just like a whirlwind, and then they separated. But then all of their books are low-key about this intense love that they had, and then they reunite. Oh, I like that.

That sounds cute. In summer, I like to dip into a lot of fiction. What about you? Give me some recommendations. I'm reading Covenant of Water right now. I'm reading Andre Agassi's autobiography. Oh, I have a good book for you, Lucky Girl. That's a good book. It's about these four queer women, well, some are non-binary, and these four queer friends that live together together and they work at like a magazine that's about to get canceled, not canceled, but they'd have no money, you know, so they're about to get shut down. And then these new people come in and there's kind of a lot of affairs and they're all

good friends. So it's fun and it's fiction. So it's nice and light. And then there's another one that I read that was really good. Wait, that's Lucky You. Lucky You is a great book. It's about a girl that grows up in Kenya, moves to America, and she has a really overbearing mother. And then she's kind of confronting the racism in America compared to where she grew up in Kenya, where she doesn't feel that kind of, she doesn't feel American racism. She's like, when you grew up in Kenya, you're surrounded by all black people. So shut up and stop complaining. It's kind of the vibe she comes in with. And then the transformation after spending so many years in America and how different it is here when it's not all black people, you know, and what you're up against. So that was a really good book.

I learned a lot from that. It's fiction, but it's beautiful. I can relate. I can't wait to get into that. OK, we're going to take a quick break and we're going to be right back. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really Know Really podcast, our mission is

to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor. We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you.

And the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer. And you never know who's going to drop by. Mr. Bryan Cranston is with us today. How are you, too? Hello, my friend. Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really, No Really, sir.

Bless you all. Hello, Newman. And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening? Really, No Really. Yeah, really. No Really.

Go to reallynoreally.com. And register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason Bobblehead. It's called Really, No Really, and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back. It happened so fast. Are you ready to give some advice? Are you ready to give some advice, Yvonne?

You want me to give some advice? Yeah, that's what this podcast is. We have people that write and call in, and we give advice. So get your shit together, girl. Okay. Katie writes, Dear Chelsea, I have two questions, really. First, does Chelsea have any advice for someone who has public speaking anxiety but wants to try stand up? My anxiety surrounding public speaking is pretty intense. I typically physically shake and my voice gets stuck and garbled. I love to write,

however, and I've been working on some jokes, but the thought of speaking in public and being in front of anyone terrifies me. Does this mean that maybe trying this just isn't in the cards for me? Eventually, I'd like to submit a writing packet for a show or comedian, which would be a dream come true, especially due to the slim chance that anything would come from trying stand-up, which I know isn't logical or very realistic. Given that the dream outcome would be to get a comedy writing position, should I start there instead? This idea actually makes me a lot happier to even contemplate, so maybe it's the route I should try first. Even knowing that it's an extremely competitive field and I know nothing would probably come of it,

at least I wouldn't regret not trying. I'd be so grateful for any sort of direction or advice. Let me start. From a medical standpoint, you can talk to your doctor about beta blockers. You will not shake. I've used beta blockers. My sister, everyone I know has used a beta blocker

at some point in their lives when they're too nervous. So that kind of cuts off that signal that your brain sends to your body that makes you shake or you get dry mouth or it solves a lot of problems. If you're comfortable doing that, I would highly recommend it because beta blockers work and you don't have to take them forever. They kind of rewire your brain to stop getting so nervous. I would also recommend that, I mean, to any person that really wants to face their fears, doing stand-up comedy is a great way to face your fears. You're always going to be happy that you did it, regardless of what happens.

You're going to be happy that you took the step towards making that happen. But if writing is also something that appeals to you, I think there's a much better chance of success with writing than there is with being in front of the camera. I feel like the odds are slightly lower for being in front of the camera than they are being a writer. And, you know, with writing, you can do that. And that doesn't make you nervous and it doesn't make you scared. And so there's a lot of benefits that come with that to following your path. And it sounds like that kind of feels like it is your path. But I would still try stand up just to try it because it's so exhilarating to do that. And I too have experienced shakiness on stage and stuff. And that's how I found out about beta blockers. I don't use them now because I don't need them now. But I did have a period of time where I did need them. And so they can help in that way. Yvonne, what do you

think? A couple of things. So I would say if you're really interested to get into the root of your social anxiety and you're able to, I would try EMDR therapy because that actually like gets right into like, where did this fear come from? Like, what is it rooted in that makes you feel like whenever you get in front of people, like it's so present that it blocks you. So if you're able to, I would try that because I think that's not just showing up in public speaking, that's showing up in other areas of your life. And that's getting to the root of the matter rather than putting a bandaid on it, which is what a beta blocker propranolol would do.

Yeah. So I mean, that's just like for life because you're going to be around people as long as your life, right? So whether you just want to figure out like, why do I feel like this? And is there ever, like, is there any freedom from this? That's what I would say first. Two, I would be more mindful and cognizant when you say things like when you just read, even though I know nothing will ever come of it, you have what you believe. So words are so important. For me, I'm like, I'm huge on whatever you say is like an arrow. So if you're like, I just believe that something could come of it, even if you're not sure what it is. If you're starting a sentence with like, I know that, you know, nothing will ever happen. It's like, well, nothing will ever happen.

You're right. So it's like a self-fulfilling privacy. So that's that, just on the general terms. But then I would also say, like, sometimes we just all try to listen to our body. Like, the things that make us feel better, like, do that. Like, I think, like, so we somehow society has been like, push past your fears, go, and it's just like, well, what do I want to do with this? Like, I don't like it.

You know what I mean? Like, I have a fear of blood, and I was still, like, majoring in freaking biology, thinking I was going to be a doctor. Like and I was still like majoring in freaking biology thinking I was gonna be a doctor. Like I don't like blood. Like, so there's no version. Like I was gonna be an OBGYN. The hell was I thinking? So like that didn't bring me joy. I loved talking to people. So I got my master's in public health. I love traveling. I got my master's in global public health so it was just like those things actually made sense and they brought me joy and I was good at them because they made me feel good so it's like yes you can push past your fears and there are some times where fears are crippling because it's stopping you from doing the thing that you're supposed to do but then sometimes

I think people like just do the hard thing because it's hard and someone told them that they have to do the art it's like baby girl from I'm hearing, I feel like you're going to be a really good comedy writer. Get a comedic friend and like write jokes for them. So then you kind of get the best of both worlds of being on tour, having your jokes be centered. But then you being behind the scenes and then maybe enough breaths of that in a new season. You get you see that it's not so bad. And then you're able to come to the forefront. It's fine. Like everything doesn't have to happen all at once. There can be stages to your life and to your dreams. Yeah. And I think too, you know, stand up doesn't

necessarily have to be like, oh, that's her end goal. Like she wants to be a writer, but if she were to take a class or do a couple open mic nights get her jokes out there she would be able to see like what's working what doesn't like what does it actually sound like you know when it's up on stage and it'll help her refine her jokes a little bit as well but I also love what like I think it was like Tina Fey and Amy Poehler I love how they were very much like yeah we couldn't be stand-ups, but we can be sketch artists. So, like, they're still very front and center. You know them as comedic women, but they're not stand-ups. Right.

And they are very vocal about, like, no, that's a different beast. And I love that because I think it shows that there's different ways to be comedic and to be front and center without necessarily be like, so the other day I was walking down the street. You know, like, it's just like, there's different itching points for everybody. If you're really itching for that experience, go and do it, you know? Try it a couple times if you really want to overcome that. But again, you don't have to, but it's going to make you feel good.

It's going to make you feel a little bit brave and it will only lend itself to your writing as well because you're going to have a big appreciation for it after you try to do it, you know? Yeah yeah one of my girlfriends just tried stand up for the first time and she was like newly out as queer she was like really scared to sort of like get up in front of a random room so she took a class that was all women it was super supportive and like even if katie just took a class you know even if she told herself like i'm not going to do the final thing where i get up in front of people but just even like getting in a class and like seeing how that feels.

And then also taking the pressure off, like make your goal to just be to have fun. Because I think sometimes like what the intention you set, like if you're like, I want to do a five minute set. Just this is new for me. This is scary. And I'm actually being vulnerable. And so really a win at the end of this class would just be to be able to talk to you guys for two minutes without feeling a little bit of fear. That's OK. Just set that as the goal. Even if somebody else in the class is like, yeah, I'm going to open up Madison Square Garden at the end of this class.

All right, cool. God bless you. Amazing. Well, Katie, let us know how it goes. Our next question comes from Sarah. Sarah says, Dear Chelsea, I need some advice with dating. Full disclosure, I'm a 34-year-old straight female and a virgin. I haven't had a boyfriend since college. I have no idea how to date. And to be honest, it terrifies me, like heart racing, literally being scared to go on a date. I recently got back on a dating app, Hinge, and I was asked out on a date. I immediately started panicking and told my friend, I can't do this.

I'm too scared. Oh. What the hell is wrong with me, Chelsea? And what advice do you have for me to get past this fear? Please help Sarah. Oh, geez. That's terrible. Well, she needs to go to therapy, therapy too and figure out why she's so

scared of a date. And I listen, the only thing you can do to diminish fear is to attack it. I mean, I'm a perfect example of being scared of so many things and just going after it. And then the fear diminishes like for dating. I've definitely been nervous to go on dates and you know, I've definitely had too much to drink because I was too nervous to go on a date. And then I realized who the fuck gives a shit. Like you're putting too much pressure on the actual date. You should, the more dates you have, the less anxious you're going to be about it. So you, I would beg you to figure out a way to go on five dates in a week so that you can just get over this hump of fear and understand that it's not the end of the world. Like nothing is that important to be that scared about. And I mean, other than somebody being sick or dying, like it's supposed to be fun.

And I don't know why you would, you know, be so, so scared unless there was a real deep issue that you would have to work out again with a therapist. But in lieu of that, I would say to practice it as often as you can, even if you want to just say, hey, we're going out as friends on the first date. I just want you to know that, you know, if you want to take the pressure off of the situation, I just want to meet somebody and get to know somebody first. I don't want any expectations to take some of the pressure out of it so it doesn't feel so intimidating. Yvonne, what do you think? I agree a thousand percent.

Like there should definitely be some therapy to get to the root of what's happening. Two, I'm curious to know what happened in college in terms of why she hasn't been on a date since college. Because like from 18 to 35, it's a long time to not have gone out with somebody even it's just friends it's just like let's go have a bite let's go get some pizza let's go bowling that's something and then I think what happens with a lot of women who are waiting especially a lot of women who are virgins because you know you have the folks who are like celibate or you know whatever born again virgin they feel like it's the scarlet letter they feel like you know what if he wants to have sex with me or what do I say and then what if he wants to have sex with me?

What do I say? And then what if he doesn't like me? What if I tell him I'm a virgin? It's just like, what the hell? It's so much pressure. And it's also like, I remember I learned this a long time ago, like it's actually very rude to the man

to believe that all he wants from you is sex. When he could just be like, I just want to have a good time. I just want to get to know your name and also see if like we vibe before we even get to sex, right? I've had long-term relationships and sex was not on the table and we have had a fantastic time. And so I think too, it's, it's, this is more almost a reflection of like, does she think that she is worthy? Does she think that she's a good time? Because I know like there were seasons where I didn't think I was beautiful I wanted to be in a relationship but because I didn't like really fully see myself as that chick

that girl it was almost kind of like yeah you know nothing I used to say the stupidest things I'm like I like guys who like me back and then I have no choice in this you know like well what if I don't like them like who the hell who said that I didn't have a choice and so it's like what once I got my bad girl ish up it was like oh baby I'm a king builder I know we not having sex but like you can have sex with everybody else but what you can't have is what I bring to the table and baby it's a lot so you can still decide to not rock with me and that's fine because I'm not for everybody in that way but But I know that the people that I had been for, been fire. And so it's just now finding that fit.

So for her, I would just say, one, get to the root of what this is. Two, ask yourself for real. Do you love you? Do you feel like you're beautiful? Do you feel like you're a worthy date? Like a guy is going to enjoy the heck out of getting to know you. Have you gotten to know you? And write those things down that you are worthy, that you're a queen, that you're a boss, that you're confident enough to go on dates and actually decide if you like that person.

Because it's not about what they think about you. Just like Yvonne said, we get hung up on that. We want people to like us when we're too stupid. And then we realize, wait, I don't even like you. So you got to say to yourself, you got to write down some, some positive affirmations for yourself, because I think you're in your head. I mean, I know you're in your head. If you're feeling this nervous about it, it's normal to be nervous about things like this. That's totally okay, but it shouldn't hinder you from actually following through on the actual date and set yourself up for success. Go to a place where

you're going to be the most comfortable that you can possibly be. And I'm not joking when I say, do it as many times in a row as you can do it to get the nerves out of your system and extinguish that insecurity that you're feeling. And clearly it's a bigger issue, but like all these steps that you take to sort of self-heal, they all start to build up together. And then things become much easier because you're being proactive about your own well-being when you actually are like, no, I'm going to do this because it's going to be good for me rather than fall into your nervous side and say, no, no, forget it. I'm not going to do it. I'm going to stay home. And also find your sexy too. And like that means so many different

things for so many different people. Right. But that sexy like whatever it is for you I don't know I don't know how tall you are how short you are how big how slim like that has nothing to do with the sexiness of the confidence because if you if you know like yo when I walk in a room I'm the baddest chick in the year like and that's not just something you say like that's something like you're going to eventually have to believe because especially I mean Chelsea you being in Hollywood, you walk in the room and it's like, that's a lot of dollars up in here. My God. But then you're just like, that's cool.

I'm also in here. I'm also beautiful. I'm also that chick. And also trust and know that, like, there are going to be some guys who are not going to rock with you because you were virgin. And that's fine. They're lost. You're not for everybody.

I would always say, like, I'm not looking for a thousand guys to like. That's also. They're lost. You're not for everybody. I would always say like, I'm not looking for a thousand guys to like, that's also a lot of pressure. I need one good dude. Like that's it. And I used to friend zone myself a lot because I did have that thing of like, I would just crack jokes

and I'd be the funny girl. There's like, damn, I'm glad I'm in on a date in two years because everyone's your friend. And so it's like, when I talk about finding your sexy, it's that thing of being able to like look at some dude and just be like, okay.

I think it was the stupidest thing, Chelsea. When guys would ask for my number, I'd be like, you have my email address. That is so stupid. I love that. It's like, what does that mean? Also, five bad dates are going to lead to a good one. Like the sooner you get through the bad dates,

the sooner you're going to find the good one. And it's a trial and error. That's what online dating is. So you took the first right step with hinge and now we need you to go on some dates and fuck your nervousness. Do whatever it, take an edible, have a drink, whatever you want. Don't, don't get wasted, but have something to take the edge off. Beta blockers. Yeah. Take a beta blocker. Yeah. Go to your doctor and get propranolol. That's a beta blocker. That'll help your nerves. Yeah. Don't get Rohypnol. Don't confuse Rohypnol with a beta blocker. Yeah. And I think a couple of just practical things that she can do on Hinge is set the expectation right up front, like looking for friends and maybe more. So like you're not committing anybody who hits you up. You're not coming to anything more than like we're just seeing what this turns into.

I went on a date the other night and I was like, I'm a 48 year old woman. And I was like, Oh, I hope he doesn't think, what if I don't like him? And I was like, if you don't like him, you're leaving. And that's exactly what I did. I had a drink and then I was like, sorry, I'm going to dinner with my sisters. I'm leaving now. You know? And that was it. It wasn't happening. It wasn't on. There were no expectations and you're in charge. You're a woman. You get to decide what's going to happen. Yeah, we have choice, supposedly. That's like, that's a moment right there. This exact scenario happened to actually the same friend who just came out as queer.

Turned out she just wasn't into guys. And that's why she was always panicking on dates. So, you know, maybe expand your search. Yeah. OK. Yeah. Expand your search yeah okay yeah expand your search really expand it okay sarah let us know how it goes um and we have our caller caller just came so felix says i'm a queer person gay demisexual cisgender man which means i'm a boy who likes boys but not very often i was raised in a very religious home. In fact, my father is a pastor of a megachurch in my home state in the South. My parents love me very much, but my sexuality has always been the rainbow elephant in the room.

I was outed by some youth group members when I was in college, and it nearly cost my father his job. When it happened, I went back in the closet, but after college, I moved out of state and have pretty much been living as an openly queer person ever since. In fact, I'm a qualified contestant for Mr. Gay America this year. Pretty fucking gay. So I'm pretty much out, not so on social media. Whenever I post anything queer-related, I have a setting that hides it from my friends and family and my church. I want to be proud of my accomplishments as the state title holder, which qualified me for Mr. Gay America. And when I eventually meet someone special, I want my family to be happy for me and come to my wedding. I love my parents very much, and they make a point to tell me they love me and pray for me daily. But they're convinced

I'm on a horrible path, and living out my truth as a queer person will lead to ruin. I have an incredibly supportive sister and brother-in-law who are both licensed therapists and run a lot of interference, so that's helped a lot. But we've been putting off this conversation as a family for a long time. Not being able to fully receive love from my parents because it's predicated on me being something I'm not has taken its toll over the years, and it's finally bubbling to the surface. My question is this. How do I convince my parents that they raised a good kid? Or I guess, how do I exist as a queer person without breaking my parents' hearts? And beyond that, how do I handle the backlash that I know is going to come from my old church?

Love, Felix. Hi, Felix. Hi, how you doing? Hi, Felix. Our special guest today is Yvonne Orji. Hi, Felix. Oh, my God. Hi, how are you? I'm good, are you about the board of flight?

No, I actually just de-planed from one So you got me in transit Good eye Yvonne, good eye I was like, Felix, do you work for Southwest? I'm actually traveling for a pageant in Atlanta For Mr. Gay America? Or is this a different pageant? Yeah, so this is a prelim to Mr. Gay America. So I'll be competing for Mr. Gay Southern.

Well, we have two pageant queens here. Well, I wasn't quite the queen, but I was on my way, and then I decided to reroute. She was top 15 out of 15. So, you know. Excellent. I was top 15 out of 16. you go anyway feel like so your family

southern and religious yeah yeah pretty pretty stereotypical southern baptist religious very anti-gay anti-trans all that good stuff okay yeah and they know you're gay yeah it's kind of like the rainbow elephant in the room we We don't talk about it. They never ask me who I'm dating or things like that. It's just something that we don't really talk about. Yeah. Well, I think that's probably why you don't have sex a lot or you don't want to have sex a lot because you probably feel so much shame because of the way that you were raised

and everything around your family, which is very common, actually. But I would say to you, this is the life that we're given. You know what I mean? This is the chance that we get. If you're living your life for your family, then you're not living your life for yourself. And you have to really dig deep and figure out what's more important. Is it the approval of your family? Is it the approval of your church? Or is it your own growth and your own happiness and joy? You know, I mean, it's not fair for you to have to take on their opinions and their judgments and prohibit you from blooming, you know what I mean, into the person that you're supposed to be. And it sounds like that's exactly what you're allowing them to do. Yeah. And I've, I've definitely allowed them to do it for a long time. I mean, I think for me, it's just the, you know, me coming out, you know, again to them and being like, listen, this is me. This is my truth. They would just

take it, you know, so personally and would just cause a big drift in the family. And I don't know if I'm strong enough to handle that. But you are strong enough. You are. We're all strong enough. We all have a reservoir of strength that we don't even know about until we have to get in touch with it. So you are strong enough. It's a matter of choice if you're ready to do it. And are you in therapy? I am. Yeah. I'm also a person living with schizophrenia, so that's a whole other topic. But therapy is more geared towards like coping strategies and things like that. You have schizophrenia? I do.

I have schizoaffective disorder, which is schizophrenia plus a mood disorder, which is really fun. Okay. And you're medicated for that? Yes. Yeah. Medication definitely helps. I'm able to lead a pretty normal life, thankfully.

Yeah. Yvonne, what are your thoughts on this subject matter? When we were hearing your story, there was something you said. You said, how do I get my parents to or how do I? The reality is like you can't make anyone do anything. You could desire things to people, but like there's no version that you can make anyone see you as you want to be seen. Love you like you want to be like like like so I think there is a there's going to have to be a separation of desire and expectation in order for you to like fully get happy and joy

and this is not at all comparing my situation to your situation two very different things but I remember when I was when I just told my parents I wouldn't do comedy mind you I had been the good Nigerian girl. I had gotten the masters. I was in church, doing all the things. They, I told them, I was going to move to New York. Our relationship was strained for eight years. I would call and like, happy Mother's Day. Hi, I got it.

We got it. Get back today. I'm like, well, what the hell? You sick? You dying? What's going on? Right? And so it can't be my well right now for joy or

understanding because they don't understand so I had to find my tribe I had to find the people that I knew cared for me loved me championed me celebrated me all those things because like you need all of that when you're doing something that's that's different than what they consider to be norm right and so what I also had to learn after that, because in my mind, I was like, once I do this, then they will love me again. Then they will receive me again. Then they will accept me. And then everything will be great.

And then I did the thing and it was like, but your brother had a baby. I'm like, what the hell? So it's just like all these things that I was still combating. And I had to get in my mind, I just love them for where they are, for as much as they can understand about me and what they can love about me. Everything else,

I would be doing myself a disservice by trying to force my desire for how I want to be seen and loved on them. Sometimes it was sad because you're just like, damn, how come they still can't see all the things that I've been through? I wrote the book, you know, it was, it wasn're just like damn how come they still can't see all the things that i've been through i wrote the book you know it was it wasn't like wow you really struggled i'm so glad you made it it was like so why are you talking about us that's what you got from this that's a thousand percent my family like if i you know told them what i was struggling with or you know if they found out i was doing this they would you know be like well why are you talking about our family you know like why we're bringing up you know we're very much like a suffer in silence type of family, which I need to break away from. And like, you know, my sister is a is a counselor. And so is her husband. So like,

we're a very therapy adjacent family. But it's just we seem to not want to take our own advice. And is there anyone in your family that is on your side, so to speak, like with regard to you being gay and out as your sister? Is that someone that you have as an ally in your family that is on your side, so to speak, like with regard to you being gay and out as your sister? Is that someone that you have as an ally in your family? Yeah, she's really the only one that I can talk to about anything related to being gay or anything like that. And what about your friend community? Do you have some friends that are close to you? Yeah, I've got a fairly strong support network.

I mean, it's ranked over the past few years, like dealing with some of my mental health stuff. But I do have a core few people that I can rely on. Okay, well, I think you should really lean into that. You know what I mean? I don't think you should hide who you are. I really don't. It's so important for each of us to really embrace everything about ourselves. You know what I mean? And really live out loud. And I know I don't mean that in like, you have to wave it in their faces, but you can't diminish who you are

out of fear for their reaction. They need to get on board with the fact that they love you and it's not a choice. This is your life. This is how you were born. This is who you are. And the more that you can lean into that, I know it could be years, but eventually most families come around. Yvonne's relationship

with her family eight years later after that strain isn't, you know, isn't as strained. They did come around to the fact that she wasn't following through with what they wanted her to follow through with. And I know it seems like a huge mountain to climb, and I'm sure it is going to be. But the strength that you are going to gather from that climbing that mountain and the self-esteem that you're going to give yourself and the way that it will affect and impact the rest of your life and the way that it'll impact the rest of your lovers and friends and relationships, whether they're romantic or not romantic, is paramount to how your family feels about what you're doing. You can tell them you love them, but you can't be living in a dishonest way.

And I think there's a misconception about boundaries being something that we give to other people. But really, we can only set boundaries with ourselves. And I think it would be good for you to remind yourself on a daily really, we can only set boundaries with ourselves. And I think it would be good for you to remind yourself on a daily basis, I'm only responsible for myself. And when you really believe that, you understand this backlash from your church that you're foreseeing, anything that anybody else does and says, you are not responsible for that. You're only responsible for what you're doing. And when you can

live your truth, that's the best way that you can represent yourself. Anything else that happens is not up to you. It's not your fault. You didn't cause it by coming out, even though they already know you were outed before. This might be the time to take your power back and tell your truth yourself. I will say I know it is not an easy thing because I mean obviously being in the church like it is beyond a community sometimes it's like it's so entrenched and especially with your father being the head of the church there are so many ripple effects that you know even the three of us on this call can't fully know and it is that thing of your mind goes into like,

will I be on Thanksgiving? And like, what if my dad loses his job? And it just feels like all the compounding things fall on you. So I don't want to say it's easier for us to be like this than this. It's like, no, no, no. It's very hard to be in your position right now. So I just want to affirm and acknowledge that because it is very hard to dismantle all of the things that are connected to your one decision. So do know that. And so it might be a process, a three-step process. And at the same time, when you make decisions for you, understand that it will not be the best decision for other people and you cannot control what they say about you, what they do to you, and just know that like two things can be true at the same time. This decision may affect them in a way. And then, you know, you hope, you desire, you pray that they can be able to stand

and say, listen, even if we don't agree with this, this is still our son, we love him. And so I hope you can understand our position in loving and protecting our son. That's what you would want them to say. I don't know that that's what they are prepared to say. And we cannot control that. We cannot know that, right? And I know how frustrating that may be for you as a child who loves their parents. Because there were times where I wanted that protection, right? And not in the same way, obviously.

But you want that protection. And sometimes when you in the same way, obviously, but like you want that protection. And sometimes when you don't get it, it feels so sad because like, why don't they just know me? Why can't they just see me and receive me? But we can't ask those questions. We're not them because we don't know what is in them that's preventing that. We only know where we are in the seat that we sit at. So I hope you have your tribe. I'm so grateful that you have your sister and her husband in your life that can affirm you

because you really just need one good ally. You really just do need one good ally who can, like you said, cushion the blow for you. But it is a lot. I will definitely be praying for you. And I know you pray for yourself as well. And maybe by the grace of God, things change, but we're not holding our breath for that moment. Yeah. No, that's hugely affirming. Thank you.

Just because it really is. It's not just coming out. It's like basically saying to that entire community, I'm choosing, quote unquote, to live this way and be outspoken about it. And just thinking about a life where everyone knows is just, I don't know, a little mind bending for me. I can't really wrap my arms around it. Is there a scenario where you can be revealing about everything that's happening on Facebook or whatever? Is there a scenario where you can just take a little bit of a break from them so that everybody has time to kind of absorb the information? And that you're not subjecting yourself to their criticism or their rejection or any of that and you lean into your friend circle that you said you have? Yeah, I mean, I guess I could do that, like make a big long post and then go dark for a little bit

and just focus on being around my people. You don't have to go dark. But I'm saying if their response is going to be if it's going to hurt you and it's going to be hurtful, then you have every reason in the world to say, listen, this is my life. I have to live it. I want my family's support, but if you guys don't want to support me, then I mean, I have to take a break from you, you know, to kind of reinstill some confidence. You want to be loud and proud about it. You should be. Everyone else is. And also, I guess my question to you a couple questions do you still live back at home in that community like do you still live down south no i live about three hours away so it's close enough but just far away exactly is there a version where you can get on the other

side of america or another country like is there anything really keeping you so close to the community is there anything really keeping you in this country? Because there's versions where you can, time and space and distance are a blessing. Those are also boundaries as well. But, and also no one's saying that you have to post anything about it. I feel like there's a version where you can just keep moving away. And like, again, that's still going to be hard, but it's a decision to protect your mind and your heart space. I was like, again, that's still going to be hard, but it's a decision to protect your mind and your heart space. I was like, New York wasn't far enough. I had to move to L.A. because I know ain't nobody get on a flight. But that was far enough.

The space and the distance and then also choosing to not engage in certain conversations. Just like, hey, I hear where you are. I understand your point of view. I also have shared my point of view. It doesn't feel like it's being understood and I understand your point of view. I also have shared my point of view. It doesn't feel like it's being understood and I understand why. But also I choose not to engage in this conversation because there's no answer. We're at an impasse. And so let's just not have the conversation. Yeah. And I think there's definitely times where I've considered moving, but I do have

two little nephews and a baby niece within driving distance so and maybe when they get a little older think about maybe putting some distance i will say as much as i know you love your niece and your nephew that is still you putting other people in front uh yeah that's true you know i'm not nervous i can't tell you anything about that like you're not but it ends you know that's still like, hey, I love my niece and nephew. It's like, we love that you love them. And at the same time, they can still know that you love them. My niece and nephew live a hundred gazillion thousand miles away.

Every time I see them, I FaceTime them. I, you know, whatever. But I am not going to put myself in proximity to a bad family situation. But it's like they still know that I love them. But at the same time, I'm able to live what brings me joy. So consider that. Consider that impact that you're having also watching, you know, your nieces and nephew or nephews and nieces are watching you. They're going to grow up watching you. And do you want them to grow up watching you live your life fully? Or do you want them to see you being

a fraction of yourself because of your family's judgment yeah and i thought about that a lot too and felix as you well know planes exist so like you can visit yeah i think it would be empowering for you to get some space and time away from your family so that you can actually find out what your own thoughts are and what your own feelings are and kind of diminish the shame and and work with a therapist definitely because this is so common among gay men, you know, whose families reject them and don't understand. But please keep in touch with us and let us know what transpires and give us updates because you should be empowered. And I hope you do feel empowered after us talking with

you. Away also doesn't mean forever. As long as you get to whatever point you feel and you can say, I'm okay with it. That's a very different thing than be like, I'm not okay with it. And I wish it was. So it's like, you can still decide that what works best for you is to be this version of yourself, as long as you're okay with it. And you're not okay with it because you're calling in right no this hasn't been great i really appreciate you know all the affirmation okay well we love you and we support you and we are your allies so you know if you ever need us again call us back we will do thank you so much so much you love all the planet yeah that's fun oh yeah we'll do okay bye thank you for

bye thank you guys sending you love do you know how many people call in with that how you could Yeah, we'll do. Okay, bye. Thank you for calling. Bye. Thank you, guys. Sending you love. Do you know how many people call in with that? How you could be a mother or a parent and say no to your child? Oh, my God. I couldn't. You know what, Chelsea? It's one of those things where, like, everyone has a different POV, right?

For Nigeria, sometimes we think, like, how could our parents do S, Y, and Z? And I have to remember, they saw a war where people were like killed in front of them. So some of their decisions, and there was no like, oh, EMDR therapy available for them, you know, or like, they're like, what? They just tried to survive to the next day. So it's not like we're making excuses, but it's like sometimes to understand understand I would totally do something differently than like my parents were like I have the privilege of being in America and like knowing that I have another home like my dad almost died in the war and like had to like put on plain clothes and like walk three days to like my grandfather's village to survive so I was like yeah maybe there's a reason why he does x y and z right or maybe there's a reason why he does X, Y, and Z, right? Or maybe there's a reason why like shame and embarrassment are so big in this community. We don't know all the factors.

And then especially if you add in like deep-seated rooted religion and this is the word and the word is, you know, sharper than any two-edged sword and it doesn't lie. It's like all the things that come with that. It's hard to see just like love. Because again, Jesus was still the same person when the woman who had all the things that come with that it's just like it's hard to see just like love because again Jesus was still the same person when the woman who had all the husbands came to him at the well it was like hey girl get some water and I know the man at home is at your boo and it was just like wait what and then she was able to be like come and see a man who has told me everything about my life because he didn't like judge her he didn't shame shame her. He just was like, I know what's up. You thirsty? Yeah. And like, that's just not what we as humans who are all the way flawed know how to do. So it is difficult and convoluted and a lot of times not right. But like, who's to say what's right and wrong other than just like having compassion for humanity?

Yeah. We're going to take a quick break. We'll be right back to wrap things up. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really No Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor. We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer.

We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you and the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer. And you never know who's going to drop by. Mr. Brian Cranston is with us today. How are you, too? Hello, my friend.

Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really, No Really, sir. Bless you all. Hello, Newman. And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening? Really, No Really. Yeah, really.

No Really. Go to reallynoreally.com. And register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. It's called Really, No Really, and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back. Yvonne Orji, what an ironic last name for you. It really is.

I have questions for Jesus. When I meet him, I'm like, I think we're living out my wildest last name dreams. Here I am, waiting till I get married. I love you. You're so vibrant and filled with good stuff. I'm going to DM you. I'll DM you my phone number so we can hang out and have a night together.

Perfect. And thank you for being on the podcast. Thank you for having me. Thank you. Bye-bye. Okay, guys, we have added more shows to my Little Big Bitch Tour. I added another second show in Toronto. So I have two shows in Toronto now, December 7th, December 8th, December 9th.

I'm in Ottawa. And two new shows December 15th on a Friday. We're doing a 7.30 and 10 p.m. show with Kevin Hart and Friends. That's in Thackerville, Oklahoma. And all my other shows, you can buy tickets for at ChelseaHandler.com. I'm starting my tour back up on September 29th in New York City at The Beacon, which is sold out. But the next night, there are tickets available September 30th at The Beacon. So for all fall dates, you can go to ChelseaHandler.com for tickets and you'll see me. If you'd like advice

from Chelsea, shoot us an email at DearChelseaPodcast at gmail.com. And be sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert, executive producer Catherine Law. And be sure to check out our merch at ChelseaHandler.com. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together, our mission on the Really No Really podcast is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why the bathroom door doesn't go all the way to the floor,

what's in the museum of failure, and does your dog truly love you? We have the answer. Go to reallyknowreally.com and register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. The Really Know Really podcast. Follow us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.