Dear Chelsea - You’ve Got a Tone with Lake Bell

Episode Date: December 1, 2022

Chelsea is joined this week by director and actress Lake Bell to discuss using her on-set voice with her kids, the assumptions we make about others based on the way they sound, and the perils of the Sexy Baby voice.  Then: A girl with a *tone* is desperate to be taken seriously.  A law student suffers from imposter syndrome.  And a burlesque dancer is feeling lost in life and wants to take the next step in her career.   * Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail] * Executive Producer Nick Stumpf Produced by Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brandon Dickert * * * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, Catherine. Oh, hello, Chelsea. Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. to me we were going to someone's birthday party and we walk into the party we get out of the car I was with Billy my driver we get out of the car walk into the party I was with like four people and somehow I got separated from them and then the mushrooms completely hit me so hard and I was like where am I and who am I with I was like who who who did I come here with and I'm looking around going oh god and I was like you're with someone just look with? And I'm looking around going, oh, God. And I was like, you're with someone. Just look around for a familiar face. You did not come alone. You are definitely with other people. And then I saw my friend Allison. I'm like, Sissy, is it you? And she's like, yeah. I go, oh, my God, I just lost you. She goes, we just walked in.

How could you lose me? I go, I don't know. But I don't know. I'm fucked up. Let's go sit down. Were you also the only one on mushrooms? Who knows? But somebody, somebody's mother, the birthday boy's mother cornered me for about 20 minutes. Yeah. And she had three heads while she was talking to me. And I was just like, these are so, cause she gave me a little chocolate square, my friend, which are the best mushrooms ever. I'll give some to you if you want. Awesome. But you have to take half of that. Last night I took half and I had a good time too. Wow. And you can still just like relate to people and you're fine.

Yeah. You know what I love about mushrooms? They just make you laugh. You know, they're up and they make you laugh. And yeah, we went last night. We hung out for like four hours just sitting around laughing, talking. Yeah. I love that.

It's the dream. Oh, you guys, I'm performing this weekend. Tickets are still available for both shows. So buy some. Okay, bye. Our guest today, she wrote and directed In a World, which is all about voice acting. Her fascination with voice goes way back. And so now she has an audio book out called Inside Voice, which dissects your voice, how you come across, how people change their voices. And the title of the book is called Inside Voice. It's published by Malcolm Gladwell's company, which is called Pushkin. And then she has a lot of famous people on it.

Drew Barrymore, Susie Essman, Pam Greer, Jeff Goldblum and Malcolm Gladwell. So please welcome Lake Bell. Hi, Lake. Hi, Chelsea. How are you? I'm great. I'm better now, now that I'm here with you. A long time no see. Are you in New York? I know. I am. You look beautiful, Chelsea. Oh, thanks. I just had Wendy's. Maybe that's it. I'm glowing. I think it's the Wendy's grease glow. I came, I was like, you know what I need today? Once I found out we were recording at this studio, I'm like, I need some chicken nuggets from Wendy's. Did you really?

I did. I did. I allow myself to do that about once every three or four months. Okay, so it's Wendy's. Okay, for me, my guilty one is Subway. I want a Subway sandwich in a pinch. Yeah, I do. I like it.

I like the combo meal. I like to get a Subway sandwich in a pinch. Yeah, I do. I like it. I like the combo meal. I like to get a drink and you get a chip. I like anything with like a combo. Yeah, I'm into combos as well. I like a combo platter. I like to think that I don't like I want to opt out of the fries because that's just like putting gasoline inside your body. But then I'm like, you know what, fuck it. I'm here and I'm going to enjoy myself. It's your privilege. It's your goddamn privilege. It's my white privilege, actually.

OK. And there we started. OK, Lake, I was listening to your book. Lake has a new book out, an audio book, in fact, called Inside Voice, which is a great examination of all the different voices that we use in different situations. Talk to us a little bit about you. You've been fascinated by this subject for quite some time, right? Yeah, I'm pretty openly, vocally obsessed. I love voices because I think they imbue so many

different characteristics, but also kind of, it's a roadmap of everything we've ever endured. So it's like your voice is incredibly recognizable. And it is, I'd be so curious to hear you at like 14 or 16, you know, because you, as you are right now, Chelsea's voice, I love where it's come because it has this tremendous evolution and all these tapestry markers of like, oh, okay, you fucking any traumas or delights or whatever. It's really kind of this thing we don't pay attention to. Sure, we look in the mirror. We're like, what kind of fucking crew neck am I going to wear? Where's my part? Do I have a good lip? Is it matte? Is it glossy? Okay. But the point is, our voice is the thing that connects to humans in some kind of communication.

So the second you open your mouth and you're learning about somebody, sure, you're going to look at what they're wearing and you're going to profile whether you want to or not. You're going to have some preconceived notions just based off their pitch, their regional dialect perhaps. Do they come from a certain borough? Are they putting on an affectation that feels inauthentic? There's a multitude of different things and cocktails that we add on whether we're aware of it or not. Some people are so vocally self-aware, like myself, that they are obsessing over it. And then other ones are like, don't play that back for me. I can't. I can't. Is that me? There's this real self-loathing. And I love this disconnect. It's so interesting to me from a sociological point of view. Yeah, I think people get really freaked out by their own voices, especially because everybody has a variety of different voices that they use. Like, you know, your phone voice versus your angry voice versus your, when

you're trying to be for me, when I'm trying to be soft, I always have to modulate my voice. Like, okay. Cause I know I can come off across as much harsher than I mean to just by, just by my, you know, physicality just because people know that I'm a bitch. So I, but when I was a little girl, I remember doing stand up and watching hearing my voice made me cringe because it was so high. And it was so unmodulated, I guess would be the the term that comes to mind quickly. And I remember always going, No, don't talk in that high voice. Like you don't sound serious, you know, lower your register, lower it. And it is a, it is an evolution. And a lot of people aren't even aware of the sound

of their voice or think about it. Cause I can think of a couple of people when you were just talking offhand, whose voices just made me disqualify them as people. Like I can't listen. There's somebody in my life that I can't listen to talk because I can't take her seriously because she talks like this in this kind of voice. Okay. So this is what, this is the next step, which is like our own vocal profiling. I mean, you hit the nail on the head there because I also have, you know, really conflicted feelings about some female voices, which, yeah, it sounds, you know, we talk about the sexy baby voice,

which is, you know, like, why do we have to go so high and like so much fry and up talk? And it's like, Jesus Christ. And yes, I have had things where I'm like, I can't hire you, you know, and that can, like, I can't hang out. I don't even know if I can be in the same room with you. You know what I mean? And that for me is, that's where I am in conflict. Because as a woman who, you know, loves women, I love women. I mean, fucking love women. I have sisters, I have daughter, you know, I just, I'm a girlfriend kind of gal. And I don't want to, I don't want to isolate anyone.

I don't want to be that person. However, it is problematic for me because it is harkening back, that sexy baby sound is harkening back to a time when we were little girls and it's a submissive voice. It's taking that little girl submissiveness and marrying it with bedroom talk. I'm like, say what? And that for me is like woesers. You know what I'm saying? So anyway, yeah, I mean, I'm with you. It sucks that we do profile, but we do. I mean, even with regionalism, okay? We're all guilty of, if someone talks like this and they're coming from, you're going to have, you might think, okay, what some people I've talked to, they're like, yeah, well, that person's

from deep South, right? Like if you have a really beautiful deep south farmland accent, okay? That accent- Is unfuckable. Is, it depends where you're sitting. But no, I mean, you might say that's unfuckable. And then, you know, it's interesting. It's like, do you not want to hire that person? Are you making assumptions about that person's socioeconomic or education status? Basically, I'm just making the assumption that I don't want to fuck them. But I hear what you're saying. And I think that it's interesting as you go through life.

I mean, I don't know. Does everybody have enough introspection to actually think about how they're coming across? It's almost like a rarefied topic that you need the luxury to even discuss. But here's the deal. It goes across the board. So we all enjoy. We have a couple drinks. Everyone wants to do an impression, right?

They're like, oh, I have a great. Just last night, there was someone who was like, I got a great Christopher Walken. You're just like, OK, drunk person. Go for it. And people have these like, oh, I've got a good Drew Barrymore. I've got a great Jeff Goldblum, who are both in the book. These are iconic voices. We enjoy voices. We relish in them. We enjoy playing with them. They enjoy doing accents. Even if you are not a professional, you are using your voice to find love, to find connection, to work, to interact with the person down at the fucking gas station. You're always using your vocal tool. You right now, revealing that your voice is going through

evolution from the younger girl who is perhaps just getting up on stage and finding her voice as a comedian, and then you made a conscious decision to try to lower it, and I bet you've now arrived at a place where this is your voice. I mean, it sounds so deeply authentic to you. It doesn't sound like you're pushing it down, though we could, you know, you can do vocal warmups to kind of find it. Because I used to push it down. Also, I did like, hey, I want you to take me seriously and take me as an authority. And now I find this is me. This is just who I am off the truck. I have a lower register than I did, and in the book, I reveal where I was vocally. But I really love that pliability. I love that that has the ability to kind of like, we vocally change. You move to a certain borough, you move

out of a certain borough, you have a partner that speaks a certain way. You smoke. You start smoking in your 20s and you do it throughout. And then all of a sudden you've got, you know, some, I mean, you have a beautiful kind of texture to your voice too, but that's your history. It's also interesting to dissect how one person, how we say things, right? Because something can come across as argumentative in a certain tone and the same exact sentence can come across as inviting. Or, you know, if you take a sentence and you experiment with five to 10 different ways of

saying something, they all have a kind of different impact and outcome. I have a very specific issue with that in my own life where like some people have resting bitch face. I and my sister has the same problem. We have what we call resting bitch voice, where especially with like the people we love the most, like my husband or whatever, I can be just telling him a piece of information, like what time is it? And my voice will go, it's 1030. And I'm not pissed, but I sound so rude. And sometimes I have to be like, I didn't mean it like that. I just meant it's 1030. Yeah. I mean, that's intonation, right? I mean, it is interesting when we start to think about performance versus voice, right?

So style, because in the book, it's very kinetic. It's not, it's active. You know, it's like, I want your participation as well as just like sitting on your butts. It's an active participatory experience. And trust or bust is this game we play. And I have anonymous readers of all different socioeconomics and from different continents read with all of their accents, because even I have an accent, right? We all have accents. We have strong American accents, generalized or what have you. And then I have anonymous judges be brutally honest about whether

they trust that voice or bust it. And that's not based on performance, right? Tonality, curtness or whatnot. It's about just voice. Do you trust that voice or not? It was really extraordinary because people, boy, I mean, it's all over the place. And people have such strong profiled opinions about, you know, if you hear a Deep South accent, or if you if you hear a British, you know, kind of like an estuary British accent, you know. And it for me, it was just like, God, this just goes on. It's like, we're walking through life and you're going, okay, I'm gonna go get a fucking Starbucks or whatever, like macchiato. And the person who hands it to you, if they're like, you want milk with that? You know, it's like, you're immediately like, okay, I know where they're from. I know that they have a big family. You know, you're just making some assumptions. You could be totally wrong, but you are gaining a lot from just the voice alone. And so how do you apply this to your work? Because you were talking about directing specifically, right? Giving people notes versus... Yeah, I think in work, like you said, I do lower my register a bit to just wield kind of pure attention and respect,

right? I'm not trying to... It's like instead of being bitchy or whatever, I'm just like, I'm going to wield a very direct authority sound, right? And that sound, you know, if I was up here, even without doing sexy baby, but I just was a bit higher, you know, if I'm up here, that really, you know, would be a harder sound, I think, to wield power. And so if I said, okay, everyone back to one, thank you so much, you know, versus, okay, thank you, everyone back to one. Let's go one more time. Very different experience. And so how do you apply that with your parenting and your little girl especially?

I mean, both my kids, Nova and Ozzy, know when I'm using directing voice when I'm fucking pissed, you know. And so sometimes, you know, with my kids, when I read them a book and when I talk about, hey, how was your day? That really, that must have really hurt. Oh, oh, okay. So let's go back to sleep and let's just really take some deep breaths. And then it's like, you know, we do not bite in this house, you know? So it's like, there's a, there's a big flip my voice is utilized and then my kids they don't like it when i put on like accents and stuff they you know because i love doing that and i thought they would think that's so fun but they're very they're very specific about it and they don't like it because it sounds like someone else and i realize the beauty of you know our

voices as as family members endeared loved, is that we really count on those sounds. Those sounds are more important than we realize, you know, like the voice of my mom, even I'm 43, I still, ah, the voice of my mom, she's alive, I could cry right now. I love it so much, you know. And she's soft spoken. And she, you know, it's like, there's just something about it. And when i asked my daughter in the book i say trying to get a good sound bite i was like nova honey what does my voice sound like and you know she's like i don't know it just sounds like you mom you know and i was like oh god that's sweet i'm gonna cry now but it's true it's it's like the voice of my brother

it's terrific it's just him and it's indelible. More so than sometimes these senses, you know, like a smell or something, you walk by a Wendy's and you smell whatever, you smell something, you go, that reminds me of an exact time. And I think voices for me have that same, that same powerful pull. Yeah. It's like when you think about people who've passed on, you know, my mom, I always can remember her voice and it was quiet. She was German, but she was not your stereotypical German woman. She was very demure and shy and quiet. And so when I came on the scene, I remember her always going, where did you get this voice from? Where did you get this voice from? But she meant it literally and metaphorically, like, where did you get your attitude?

Where'd you get all of it? Because it feels like a package. And when you remember people who've passed on, my mom, you know, I don't remember my brother's voice, really. But I do remember my mom's voice. And when you remember, that's one of the things that never goes away in terms of your memory, your senses of smell. The other day I was talking to somebody, like, and we were talking about the smell of Smurfs, right? Like, I remember the way the Smurfs smelled. and I remember the way Cabbage Patch Kids smelled. And I remember the way the school bus smelled and the first, you know, like going to school and all

those smells. And it's like, voices are similar to that. You hear a voice and you're like taken. And sometimes when people sound like each other, you're like, whoa, I already know this person. Yes, it does. That's a really beautiful thing that you brought up because, yeah, you feel all of a sudden like, wow, I feel kindred with you. I just met you, but you sound just like my sister. I mean, I don't know what to tell you or whatever it is. Do you have any recordings of your mother? Do you have any of her voice? Yeah, we have some videos from, yeah, but she was, you know, whenever there was a camera on or anything is when she just kind of disappeared. So it was very hard to, yeah, I have to ask my sisters about that

actually. Talk to me about like, so Drew Barrymore, Susie Esmond, some of the people that you talk about in the book, Malcolm Gladwell, who actually published the book, right? With Pushkin Industries, right? Are you guys friends, you and Malcolm Gladwell? Yeah. Malcolm and I have known each other for many, many years and he is acutely aware of my obsession. And so I would kind of talk to him a lot about, you know, coming at it from a sociological point of view. And I think that that I come at it as an academic, you know, it's like, I want to learn, you know, so it's like, I ostensibly created a postgrad course in linguistics, you know, and the sociology behind it as even a cultural conversation, like, let's talk about it. Let's talk about all the like, pop kind of fun stuff. And then also

delve deeper into things that I don't know as much about. And with Pushkin, obviously, I had access to just a tremendous amount of professors and linguists and doctors to kind of even just peel back the kind of architecture of how sounds are made, you know, and then roll into kind of people's case study story, you know, stories that are just moving. For instance, Pam Greer is in the book, and she talks about losing her voice, actually physically losing her voice, going ostensibly mute. It's called psychogenic dysphonia in response to trauma in her body. And that she's very moving and revealing. I'm very close with Pam and she was

very giving to kind of go there and talk about it. But it's extraordinary that the voice can imbued with so much emotion and also history, you know? Yeah. And becoming self-aware of it, like Drew has had the same voice since the beginning of time. Like she's not trying to develop any sort of differentiation. And even though she gets so many people do so many impersonations of her, she's kind of stuck with her real voice and never put on an affectation. And that's not an affectation either. That is her real voice in real life. Yeah.

It was really fun to talk to her because Drew, she has a sense of, she's wildly unaware of, self-aware of her voice. She sort of is a little shocked that people are so interested in mimicking it. And now she's in on the joke and so generous with her, her spirit is so fucking great. And she was talking about even the kind of architecture of her face and mouth and how it's framed. She speaks from one side of the mouth, and that affects the sound. And she said that actually Adam Sandler called her out on that one time, like as an improvised line in a movie. He said, I love the way that you talk on one side of your mouth or something. And she was like, I do? And it was one of those things where in the book, she goes on a ride with me and we kind of like dissect and talk about all the delights that are in her very, very specific,

iconic sound at this point. And why people who are related sound so much like each other. You know, sisters always sound alike. People I always can, people always are like, oh my God, you and your sister sound exactly alike. And you're like, well, how's that happen? Well, my mom and her best friend, frankly, my mom's best friend can call me on the phone and I'm like, hey mom. And she's like, no, it's Linda.

And I'm like, what? Oh God, sorry. You know, like they sound so alike. They're like voice matches because they just spend so much damn time together. And your voice starts to, it just attaches onto certain, it sponges qualities and you start sounding like your sister. You start sounding like your chosen sisters, you know? Yeah, that's interesting. It is wild. Yeah. I mean, it's like, you know, when somebody has a really

sonorous booming voice too, like I, my dad's voice is just very commanding, you know, just like, like I could hear, I mean, that that's one of those voices where you're like, that's probably where I got mine too, just as a mixture. Cause I looked at my mom and I looked at my dad. I think I was like, okay, I'm going to go with you. I'm going to take the dreidel over the Mormon bush. Chelsea, where were you born? Like where were you raised and born? Cause I'm hearing, I mean, both of you, I mean, let's just do it. Where's everyone born and raised? Well, what are you hearing?

Tell us what you think. Well, I hear from you. I hear, I've known you for a long time, but now we're really dissecting it. I just hear some hard D's and T's in a way that I'd never noticed before, which makes me feel like it's like New York borough tri-state. Yeah. And that was just interesting to me in this moment where, you know, it's like you've got a little bit of that kind of tri-state area.

Yeah. I'm from New Jersey. Okay. There it is. So there you go. Beautiful. Okay. So tri-state.

Now, Catherine, your turn. Catherine, what do we got? Well, a friend of mine who was doing voiceover for a while, she was like, couldn't nail a Midwestern accent. And then she heard me say, like, I think I'm going to have an apple. And she was like, apple't nail a Midwestern accent. And then she heard me say like, I think I'm going to have an apple. And she was like, apple. That's it. She couldn't get the A's until she heard me say it.

Yeah, but I'm from outside Chicago. Okay. Okay. So that's really interesting because, yeah. So you're closer to like that quintessential generalized American accent, which it does have kind of Midwestern notes in it. But I would say i lived there for four years and i was at drama school so it was definitely like everyone's listening to their

fucking voices and you know when i got there was the only american in my college and they were like oh my god you've got to get rid of your accents so strong you know and i was just like oh no no i was like i'm american so like you guys have accent. And they're like, no, we're fucking English. You've got the accent. We were here first, you know. So the whole thing was me trying, they were trying to iron out my strong American accent. So that was an interesting kind of reframe, right? Because as Americans, we're like, well, we're the baseline, right? We're America. Yeah, totally. And we're not. It's like there is no baseline. We all have accents, every single one of us. And they can change at any time. Ask Madonna, just ask Madonna. She's somebody who went to England and, you know, had a British accent

in six weeks. So there you go. But that's great. Look, there it is again, right? I'm like very pro vocal evolution. I'm also pro regionalism. I want people to lean into their like boroughs and their fucking regions and their like, real deal authentic voice because the authentic voice, if it is who you are, if Madonna feels authentic in that sound, then you know, hallelujah, I'll be it, you know, but this is what I find so interesting. It's like, as we, there are more ways to listen to different voices, right? Everyone's got a platform, they can find access to it. And that is opening our ears, thankfully, to different sounds. And we're not even talking about singing and people who use their voice in

that way and how they're able to change that. And yeah, I mean, that's a whole other set of- That's a whole other book. Yeah. Yeah. That's a whole other audio book. I think that people do, honestly, Chelsea, I think you're right, but I do, a whole other set of that's a whole other book yeah yeah that's a whole other audio i think i think that people do honestly just like i think you're right but i do singing is often talked about you know nobody talks about their voice because they're just like yeah but like a fucking boy who gives a shit and you're like well the truth is is that it is 100 the thing that you're wielding to broker love, to broker deals, it's on you at all times. And yet you're more concerned about, do I like the high rise kick pant or not? Which I do. I really like it. And it's also when you're dating somebody and you hear like, this is why I don't

like FaceTime. I like talking on the phone when you're getting to know somebody. I find that to be much sexier than holding up a phone and looking at their face until you get to know each other better. I think it's nice to, because I think there's something very sexy about before you meet someone, which I don't usually make a practice of talking on the phone very much before I meet somebody, if I'm being set up or whatever. But I find that much more intimate. Yeah. Yeah. Like, yeah, there's something very old fashioned about that. And I like that you get to know a lot about somebody when you're like, just learning about them and learning their voice for the first time.

I agree completely. Yeah. I mean, I would just piggyback that, which is like the voice, it's kind of broadcasting how you want to be heard. And so in that intimate setting, when you're meeting someone, and you're able to not just like, be distracted by the visual, right? You're even looking at yourself on the fucking FaceTime. You're like, how do I look in the FaceTime? You know, how does he look? And yes, I agree with you, it becomes a more authentic exchange. Okay, well, today, Lake, we are going to use our voices to help callers who are calling in with problems. We're giving them life advice.

Love it. Yes. And some of the questions are specifically about voice. Some of them are about, you know, how we move and operate in the world and confidence and that sort of thing. But we'll take a quick break and we'll be right back with Lake and Chelsea. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really No Really podcast,

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And Kenny is a woman, just FYI. Good to know. Dear Chelsea, for as long as I can remember, I've used humor as a defense mechanism. I've always been the, quote, funny friend, and I've pretty much accepted that this is my role in life and generally have leaned in and been okay with it. Now that I'm in my 30s, however, I feel like I've come to a realization that no one actually takes me seriously. I've allowed myself to be the class clown for so long that I question if I even take myself seriously. In general, it feels like when I speak, people will glaze over my words and just laugh at whatever I say, even when I'm not at all joking or trying to be funny. I've also been told in past relationships that I have a, quote, tone, but I'm still bewildered about what the tone is, how I can turn it off.

In my current relationship, my partner has had to, quote, explain me to her family because they can't tell when I'm joking or serious. I guess my question to you, Chelsea, is how do I retain the best thing about myself without it also being the thing that I start to resent? I've tried talking about it in therapy, but my unfunny therapist doesn't seem to get it either. Kenny. Huh. Question. How old is Kenny? Kenny is 30s. Okay.

Well, Chelsea, how would you start with this one? Because I have a couple things that are coming to mind. Well, you go ahead, Lake, and I'll piggyback on you. All right, copy that. I mean, first and foremost, it feels like this is like an authenticity, believing in yourself thing. The problem isn't being too funny. I think the problem is believing in yourself and owning it and feeling secure and safe in a relationship and in a room. Wouldn't you agree? Yeah, I would say the more that you allow other people's opinions to sink into your psyche, the less grounded that you will become. So it's a

slippery slope when you start taking it like there's one thing to be like, we don't know when you're kidding or not. Like, I mean, I've experienced that, of course, myself, too. But I think that what Lake is saying is true, there has to be a sense of ownership over who you are. And I think what's getting in your way is allowing other people's opinions to kind of sway your own opinion about yourself. You have to stick to your guns and understand that this is your personality. Maybe if you take things too far, or you're constantly offending people, there's something to reevaluate. But if people are just not getting whether or not it's a joke, and it's not offensive, and that is kind of an other people's problem. Like your personality

is your own, and you should embrace it. And you should celebrate yourself and kind of an other people's problem. Like your personality is your own and you should embrace it and you should celebrate yourself and kind of really just reject anyone's opinions about the tone of your voice, you know, I want to piggyback what you just said, which is you can only be responsible for what's on your fucking side of the street. You know what I mean? So you can only be you and then also be kind to yourself that you're participating in your relationship with all of the people around you in the way that feels authentic to you. If you feel like that you're kind of, you're playing a part or something, that's on your side of the street and you got to fix that. You know what I mean? Yeah, you definitely don't want to be playing a role in your own life. Like, don't do that. You

want to be authentic to who you are. And the people that really love you are going to get it anyway. You know, and it's really annoying to have to explain things to people all the time. I mean, a quirky personality is a quirky personality. And from what I can tell, I mean, by your letter alone, which isn't much because you're not, she's not on a Zoom, right? It just sounds like that's your thing. Like, you know, what I said about yelling, like I used to yell when I was doing standup a lot. I used to yell to get my point across. And I would watch, that's what would make me cringe the most. Because it's like, sometimes yelling denudes your point. You know what I mean? It kind of diminishes the whole point. Here would be, I would just pop in here and say, okay, so here's a perfect, like,

you could try this, Kenny, which is slow down. Because the hardest thing, especially when you're like a funny person or you have funny bones or you feel like you have to kind of entertain a little bit in a situation or you've been, you've had the propensity to do that, people pleasey, you know, like, hey, I'm funny girl, Kenny, you know, like, if you have that thing, slow the fuck down, you know, like, respect yourself enough to like, read the room, listen to the people around you, and then participate when ready. You don't have to fill the space, fill the space with the, I don't want it to be silent. So I'm gonna say something wacky. Yeah.

That's a good exercise. If you are one of those people that likes to just insert yourself all the time, it's a good exercise to hang back and like, if there's a lull of silence, let someone else fill that. Anyway, good luck with your voice. Yeah, thanks, Kenny. Good luck with your voice, Kenny, and your new relationship. Well, our next question comes from Toro.

She's here with us. She's 27. Especially because you have had sort of a lot of different careers and you continue to have a lot of different careers. I thought this would be a good question for you and sort of like fighting your inspiration again. Toro says, Dear Chelsea, I'm writing as a longtime fan who has always admired your passion and drive for what you do. I'm a 27-year-old woman living in NYC, and I'm feeling completely lost in life. Growing up, I always thought I wanted to be a cosmetologist. I grew up neglected and poor, but put myself through beauty school immediately after high school.

I quickly realized I was in a deadbeat job in a deadbeat town and moved here. I can't practice hair in New York because my license is in a different state, however. So I became a bartender, up until just before the pandemic when I left to become a burlesque dancer. Since the pandemic, I've tried a multitude of different jobs to attempt to make ends meet. I've failed at everything I have attempted and dug myself a deeper hole than before. I'm currently trying to continue dancing and performing, but without any formal training and without any money to take classes, I'm once again stuck.

I now have no self-confidence, no dreams, no goals, nothing inspires me, and on top of it all, I'm still unemployed. I refuse to go back to the restaurant industry because after seven years, I'm fed up. Everything I've tried that has interested me or inspired me at one point no longer does. But after months to years of putting my all

into something new, I've never been able to make ends meet or come even close to being able to support myself. Because of this, I've convinced myself that I'm mediocre at everything I do and my sense of self-worth is completely destroyed. So I'm looking to you for some help for gaining inspiration and self-worth. How do I find my passion?

How do I find inspiration? And how do I find self-worth and confidence after being beaten down my entire life? Thanks for your time, Toro. Toro. Hi, Toro. Hi. Nice to meet you. Toro, that's Fatty Tuna, Toro. That's me. Oh, you poor thing. This is Lake Bell, our special guest today. And you, of course, have spoken to Catherine. Hi. Yes. Hi. Hi. How are you? Oh, honey. How you sound? You've got to pick yourself up. First of all, you are giving yourself a lot of negative feedback that is going to keep you in a negative like spin cycle. So first and foremost, I'm going to give you one thing to do. And this is proven. I've had, I don't know, I take on a lot of patients, even though I'm not a medical doctor. A lot of people, there is a thing that you can do every morning. It takes 21

days. You write down every morning you get up and you spend one minute writing down all the things that you are grateful for. And you know, you'll find things that you're grateful for, you have to write down everything that comes to your mind, it could be your sweater, it could be your apartment, it could be materialistic, or it can be a family member or your hair, it doesn't matter. Just do that every single day for 21 days, and you will have an energy shift. This is proven. It's like data driven. I read it in a book years ago, I've employed it and myself, my sisters, my friends, and people change and they feel it. You feel an energy shift because your energy right now is just going around in a negative circle.

Secondly, let's figure out what you want to do and do it. You know, can you get your license to do hair in New York City? I would have to retake the tests, but it's also been so long. And because it's a different state, I have to pretty much go back to school for it. So it's something that I'm like not 100% sure I'm interested in. When I left cosmetology school to go to the hair salon, it was a lot of 40 hour work weeks with $0 paychecks because it was all strictly commissioned. So that made it really hard on me. So when I moved to New York, I didn't even really want to go back to that. Of course,

I've juggled the thought in the past couple of years since I've been so confused. But I don't know. It's such a big step to take because I'm still paying off school loans from cosmetology school. If I really want to add to that, or I'm really want to like put my passion into dancing, it's just really difficult. Classes are very expensive and it takes a lot of time and training. So is dancing, is dancing the passion? Is that the North star? Currently it's been like every like six to eight months, I feel like I'm on something lens. But I'm like, oh, look at all those amazing experiences she has. I'm like, as a writer, I'm like, fucking write that shit down. Like, I hope you're journaling and like, every person you meet is an opportunity to

just like, oh my god, this is wild. Like I have the privilege of living. I have the privilege of like, getting to be here and experience. I mean, you're a young, beautiful woman and you have, you know what I mean? You have the fact that you're dancing. I mean, dancing is one of my favorite thing in the world and it's so in body and so like, that's such a privilege to move your body. And I get that, girl. I love that. And so if that is, even if it changes, just remember, I mean, I always have to remember this too. The terms can always change. It's okay to change your mind and to try new things, right? I mean, who says you have to do one thing for the rest of your goddamn

life? Like, that's ridiculous. That's not the human experience. Yeah. It's like you're a young girl. What are you in your twenties? Yeah, I'm 27. I'm 27 okay well listen you have the whole world ahead of you I wasn't I was still waitressing when I was 27 years old I didn't you know get on my feet financially until I was like 29 or 30 so like I honestly feel like we attract great things when our vibration is high like when your vibration is low and you're like fuck nothing works nothing works then then you're just attracting negativity like You have to really focus on the energy that you're putting out there because then you're going to draw things into you and people into you that are going to help you achieve what you want to achieve. Now, are you getting paid to dance at all?

Yeah. So I do burlesque and go-go and it's pretty much wherever I can book if they have an opening spot, but it's not a lot of money. It's mostly tip-based, so it's hit or miss on the crowds. But I want to say usually an average gig is anywhere from $75 to $125. And can I just ask a question about the waitressing thing? Because I heard you were like, I'm burnt out on that.'m just curious because I actually I did it and I I loved it because a smile can get you a great trip you know I just be curious why it couldn't be concurrent I know you're like fuck this you don't have to do it exclusively but it is like kind of a good gig if you can get it to supplement so that you can continue to dance yeah so So I had a really great bartending job that it took a lot out of me to actually leave it

because I had like benefits and everything from it. And I was making like a decent income. I had a savings and everything. But when I got the dancing opportunity, I said to myself, like, I have lost so many opportunities because of my bartending job because you have to work every night, every weekend.

So all of the dancing opportunities or the classes I wanted to take, I was not available to take those opportunities. I've thought about going back because of how financially strapped I am, but it really was really bad for me mentally. I was crying every day on the way home from work because it was just so stressful. I worked at a really high-end, high-energy, Lower East Side cocktail bar. And the people and the mass amount of tickets that would come in for two bartenders, it just became too much over the years. And on top of it, I was drinking every day and just being behind the bar, being around it, I couldn't control myself not to because of the stress. It's like not a healthy decision for me to go back. Yeah, it wasn't a healthy lifestyle.

But I think that's one experience. Listen, everybody is strapped for servers right now. You can easily find a part-time gig. I have no doubt about that in New York City. There's everybody is understaffed and hotels like a hotel. Hotels are really dying right now. That's where my last job was at a hotel. And you don't have to be behind a bar. You can be a server. You don't have to put yourself in that situation. I know you probably make more money behind the bar, but there are plenty of serving opportunities. Even if you supplement what you're doing two or three times a week, you can easily get in a part-time and just make that your mandate. Like I'm only available three nights a week, or three shifts a week, or whatever it is that's going to help you financially sustain yourself until you can get more classes. And until you can

cast a wider net for the places where you can perform, find more places and actually do the legwork. So you can have more shifts at different places and possibly places where you're going to make more than 75 or $100, you know, dancing. So I think you want to put your best foot forward and just kind of suck it up for the time being. Like you don't have to look at serving, waitressing, or bartending as a permanent ending to your life or like this is going to be a permanent thing. This is to help you get a leg up to get you where you need to go so that you can become a professional dancer and make plenty of money doing it. And I have no doubt you will.

You kind of have to make a couple of sacrifices right now, which is totally normal for being in your 20s. That's what we always have to do. We have to do shit we don't want to do because we want to set ourselves up. Yeah. And also, like, you're very clearly smart. You have a great voice, P.S. I love voices. This episode is brought to you by Lake's voice. You do. This woman is beautiful and strong and has a great voice. You come off very,

you're terrific, you know, so fuck this. You turn it around right fucking now. You're going to write in that thing that Chelsea told you to do that every day. And then it's just this is just happening to you right now. And this is the turn. It just is. It just I know it's weird, right? But this is what it is. I agree with that. I agree with that.

You need a little kick in the ass. And, you know, just you have to turn your whole attitude around and just move towards the goal. Don't resist everything that it takes to get towards your goal. Just move towards it. Yeah. And I think having some sort of supplementary income will help. When you're at that age, not to put everything back to your age, but when you are 27, you have this dichotomy of like, okay, I need to have enough money that I'm kind of comfortable and can afford to feed myself,

but also enough time and energy to pursue these creative pursuits. And I very much identify with where you are. I felt the same way until a few years ago when I found podcasting. You just kind of have to keep throwing shit at the wall and see what inspires your passion. I did acting, I did voiceover, I did improv, I did writing. I did all these different things. And at the end of the day, it was the conglomeration of all those experiences that I had that led me to where I am now and really gave me this fabulous career that I love. Where she throws around words like supplementary. What the fuck is that? Supplementary? No, I love it though. Fucking, yeah. Create some words. She also carries hard-boiled eggs around

in a Ziploc bag on planes, okay? So let's just be clear what we're dealing with right now. Toro, Toro, do not do that. Okay, do not. I don't think I will, thank you. I'm not an egg person. Toro, is that short for something? Toro, is that your full name or is that a nickname?

No, so that's, it's actually my stage name, but nobody in New York calls me by my legal name, unless they're like blood related to me. So I don't tell people my legal name, because I don't even respond to it anymore. But no, it's actually because I was a cheerleader growing up. So the mascot in the movies, the mighty Toros. So that's how I chose my name back when I was a teenager. Amazing. I feel like you got to write these stories. This is just cool. Like you have a lot of really, I don't know, I feel like you might use you talk like a writer. I think that you should be journaling and allowing yourself to own your stories and feel even if they go nowhere, it's a beautiful exercise to just be like, you know, you say you dance one night, and there's just like some

crazy, you know, couple that came in, and they're just hilarious. And they're from, you know, you just start to catalog your experiences. They're yours. They're personal. That's special. Yeah. And additionally, have kinder conversations with yourself. You know, like you cannot be so rough on yourself. If you feel that way about yourself, that's what you're projecting to everybody. You know what I mean? So you have to start with that inner dialogue and change the conversation that you're having with yourself into a loving, positive one. It makes a huge difference. Yeah. thank you. Like it really all in my brain, I guess coincides with the obviously, as we all have the pandemic, I think because like that's

I started doing this right before the pandemic, and then nightlife and everything just succeeded. And that was kind of it for me until last year. And I think it's just been really hard getting back up into the industry. So I just needed a push to like get that kickstart going again. And I needed the inspiration because I was telling Catherine the other day, I've tried like a bunch of different therapists, I'm having trouble finding a really good one right now. And it's just been like really bad advice. And I just needed to hear somebody tell me just do it. Yeah, do it. Just do it. It's not an advertisement for Nike. No, you got this, though. I think you should also like you could dance in commercials and stuff, you know, like, I think you should try and also put on your list of things to attain in the next

couple years, like finding a commercial agent and like going out and using your talent to procure money for commercials for films for whatever you know that's a great idea i have a question about commercials how do they don't they care a lot about tattoos because i do have a lot of tattoos they love it because i have my hands and like no no no it's it's all that's like you're gonna get booked tomorrow okay cool because in my head it's always no tattoos no that's old school and now people are into tattoos yeah okay yeah you should be going to like open call you know get a backstage west you know backstage east just like just say you know just try some throw some shit to the wall as she said you're like oh what's this okay

they're like auditioning people for a fucking taco bell whatever it doesn't matter just go you just you're just trying some shit you You're trying to gain experiences. And that is a fucking privilege. I was a waitress too, just FYI. I thought it was because I love human beings and I love voices and all this stuff. And it was just like a constant rotation of different people. I did cocktail waitressing. I did hostessing. I then went back to cocktail waitressing and then just classic waitress. And I also waited tables for probably seven, eight years. I hated every single minute of it. And I was fired from every job that I ever had. But they were some of the best times and best friends I ever made, you know?

So, like, I don't love the act of serving. Like, I don't like how rude people can be. But you also develop all these other relationships. I have friends that I've known now for 25 years from waitressing. So, it's not the worst thing in the world. You just have to find an environment that suits you. these other relationships. I have friends that I've known now for 25 years from waitressing. So it's not the worst thing in the world. You just have to find an environment that suits you and just start looking at everything in it. Try to just look at everything with just a little bit more of a positivity. And I promise you it will become infectious and then opportunities will

present themselves that you didn't know that were there before. Yeah, great. Thank you. And I'm definitely going to try writing down gratitude lists. I've had people tell me to like talk to myself in the mirror doing it, but I feel like stupid doing that. So I think writing is the way to go, which I will try. Yeah. Make sure you keep track of it. 21 days it takes to change your energy. Okay. Great. That's good. Yeah. And I think there was something very powerful that both of these women told you to start writing, you know? So there's something there. I used to journal a lot actually when I was younger. So great.

I guess it's a sign. Yeah. It's a sign girl. Wonderful. Well, thank you so much for calling in Toro. Toro. Thank you.

Thank you so much for taking the time. I really appreciate it. Yeah. Good luck with everything Toro. Keep in touch and let us know how things go. Okay. Great. I will do.

Thank you. Bye. Bye. Bye. I've definitely felt like that in my twenties, keep in touch and let us know how things go okay great i will do thank you bye bye bye i've definitely felt like that in my 20s felt hopeless like nothing was gonna work out fucking i mean it's it's like she's right on target like that's exactly at your 20s you're like especially when you're in your you're in the late 20s whatever you're just like oh my god yeah you're like what if i hit 30 and i'm still working at this fucking place yeah and I feel like 27 specifically

like you have so much stress around your age like that you don't even have in your 30s but you have it in your 20s like if I don't get this by this certain time

everything figured out yeah I'm Jason Alexander and I'm Peter Tilden and together on the Really No Really podcast our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor.

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bobblehead. It's called Really, No Really, and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Well, our next caller is Emily. She says, Dear Chelsea, my name is Emily. I'm a 23-year-old currently living in Ohio. I jumped right into law school after graduating with my BA from George Washington University in Washington, D.C. I loved living on the East Coast, but the school I attend in Ohio gave me such a big scholarship that it was almost impossible to turn down. I grew up in Ohio and the majority of my family still lives here, but I have a constant worry in the back of my mind that I'm going to

get stuck here. I've had it in my head that I'll move back to the East Coast once I graduate, and I'm determined to make it happen, but there's also a nagging voice in my head keeping me up at night at least twice a week telling me that I'll never get a job as an attorney in New York City or D.C. When I go to send internship applications, oftentimes I don't even send them or apply because I don't think I'm going to get it, and I don't want to feel the rejection when it inevitably happens. I know a lot of female law students and lawyers also suffer from this sense of imposter syndrome, like I'm not intelligent enough to be a lawyer or won't be able to succeed, and I think a lot of my intrusive thoughts boil down to that. Logically, I know I'm a very

intelligent young woman. I'm a well-rounded candidate, and I'm only 23 years old with my entire career ahead of me, but right now it's incredibly difficult for me to see all of the possibilities that will be available to me. Any advice on how to combat these feelings of with my entire career ahead of me, but right now it's incredibly difficult for me to see all of the possibilities that will be available to me. Any advice on how to combat these feelings of imposter syndrome, or just any advice in general that you would give yourself in your 20s

trying to figure out life and career? All the best, Emily. Hi, Emily. Hi, Chelsea. How are you? I'm good. This is Lake Bell. She's our special guest today.

Hi, nice to meet you. And you've spoken to Catherine. Hi. Chelsea. How are you? I'm good. This is Lake Bell. She's our special guest today. Hi, I'm Lake. And you've spoken to Catherine. Hi. Yes. We all have that voice in our head, Emily, that tells us that we are not good enough, that we're not smart enough, that we're not capable enough. And that's not the real voice. You're the real voice. You got a full scholarship. Yeah.

You graduated or you're graduating? I have my BA and then I'm almost halfway through law school. Okay. Yeah. You just need to flip the script with yourself. You're giving yourself an incredibly difficult time and you're not even done with law school. And you can't not send in applications because you're scared of rejection. Then you're going to end up exactly where you are.

You have to take leaps of faith and you have to be prepared to be rejected. It's okay. The more times you get rejected, mean, you know this even being in school. You're like, okay, I'm going to fucking try really hard on this. And then you're going to, you know, they're going to give you criticism. And then you're going to learn from that fucking criticism, right? So that, that is, that's it. You're doing it, but you got to apply. Like the idea that you're putting up roadblocks for yourself and like creating your own like obstacle. You're creating a false story,

like a false narrative about yourself. Like you're basically out to get yourself is what you're doing. So you need to get on your own team. You have to be your best ambassador because unless you believe in you, like how are other people going to believe in you? You've got the skills, you're getting the education, you've got the tools, you're good looking. That's a bonus. Thank you. You're gorgeous. You're smart as hell. Listen, can I just ask you personally, what is it about that idea of staying in Ohio? I'm just curious, why is that negative for you? I wouldn't say it's so much a negative, obviously, because I don't want you to get Midwest slander here. I love the Midwest.

I loved growing up in the Midwest. But I think after I left and went to undergrad in DC, I loved DC. DC was home. I think I just realized that I don't picture myself living here or working here long term. And so I guess I just kind of had it in my head that when I came back, I was like, oh gosh, like I cannot, I can't get stuck here. So it's not so much a negative and it's wonderful being close to family since I was away for four years. Sometimes when I get stressed about this, I'm like, this is such a champagne problem. Like

you poor thing, you're in law school. Like, so what if you don't get a job right away where you want, you're still going to have a job and these degrees. So it's not so much a negative. It's just, I think I'm so very type A focused. And so I just, I have to have a plan of where I'm going to go. And I think that uncertainty of not in undergrad, I was going to law school. So that was the plan. That was always the plan. And so I think now it's just uncomfortable to kind of sit with it. I am type A too. So I just want to speak to this really quickly. I really fricking know what you're talking about. And all I can say is you don't know where you're going to end up. And I know that's a hard pill to swallow, but you could have opportunity in San Francisco. You don't know. You could be in Chicago for two years. You're in school right now. Your only concentration is be great today. Do things that make you proud for the hard work that you're doing. Like pat yourself on the goddamn back and apply everywhere. It might be New York.

It might be D.C. You know, it might be San Fran. I don't know. I keep saying San Fran for you. I don't know why. But the point is, you just don't know. And that's a delight. God, it's so cool.

I mean, that's the thing. Another thing, like you young people do not understand how nice it is to not have your life mapped out for you. You're on the precipice of the beginning of the rest of your life. This is exciting. And being uncertain about where that's going to be is also exciting. I understand you're type A and that's not exciting to you. It doesn't feel exciting.

But when you look at it from like a 30,000-foot perspective, everything is about to begin for you. You don't know who you're gonna fall in love with, how many times you're gonna fall in love, what kind of cities you're gonna get to experience, what kind of work life you're gonna get to experience. And I mean, being present like in the moment is a very hard skill to develop as a young person, I'm sure, because I didn't develop it until a few years ago.

But like, if you can just be present in the uncertainty, that's a huge gift. And it will be a huge life lesson for you to understand like, okay, this is a process while you're applying to all these things. It's okay to just give it up and give it away. You know what I mean? And let it happen the way it's supposed to happen. And things will come your way. And then you'll make decisions about where you're going to go and where you're going to live. I don't think you're going to stay in Ohio. I don't think you have to worry about that. Yeah, I don't either.

I just feel like you're fine. People who stay in Ohio really want to stay in Ohio. Yeah, you'll just go out. You're not going to be in Ohio. We're both sitting here going like, she's not going to even be in it. You don't want to be in it. So you're not going to. So just apply everywhere else, you know, and let it and let the surf take you.

Let the currents take you to wherever that's going to be. And then additionally, you did say something which was, it just feels so uncomfortable. And that I really relate to. Guess what? Yeah. It's uncomfortable. There are times in life where it will just be uncomfortable. And that is harder as a young person. You're like, wait, what? How do I fix it? It's just that ambiguity I know is torture, but you gotta reframe and see it as promise for the unknown. It's a wonder. God damn, it's cool.

You know, we're, you know, once again, San Francisco could be, I don't know, San Francisco, you could live in San Francisco. She's the ambassador for San Francisco. I don't know why I'm like really selling San Francisco. You should apply to a place like San Francisco. It's like you're looking down instead of looking up, you know? Look up. Yeah.

My best friend, Liza, we always talk about it. And she's like, you know, you would never tell me, don't apply to that. You're not good enough. She's like, so why would you say that to yourself? She's like, that's not fair. She's like, then you're kind of shortchanging yourself which is true Liza's correct where's Liza god damn she's lovely you don't need to call here if you have a Liza in your life listen to Liza a new podcast coming soon she's like it's Liza actually oh my god you know Liza Minnelli so two things I think the sending out applications is this thing that feels kind of like weird and uncomfortable and squishy

and weirdly embarrassing because you think somebody's going to be reading it and like you know make it a numbers game you know the person who's reading this is going through a lot of different stuff and so they're not going to unless it's totally egregious, they're not going to be looking at your resume or whatever and be like, oh my gosh, what a joke. So give yourself a number, make it kind of low and achievable, whether it's like two or three a week, just be like, I'm sending out two or three a week. That's all I'm going to do. And just make it a numbers game. And after you get a certain amount of reps, it just feels like, okay, here's another one. Here's another one. And that stuff goes away. The other thing I will say, I grew up around lawyers. I know a lot of lawyers. My early career was in marketing,

specifically for lawyers. And I know a lot of very dumb lawyers. You are smart enough to be a lawyer. What kind of law are you practicing so you know the ultimate dream i think would be i majored in history in undergrad and focused on holocaust studies war crimes all of that so i think the ultimate dream would be international human rights law wow even if that's something that i have to i have to work another job just to do that pro bono that's kind of ultimately where I want to end up. No, that's cool. That's interesting.

I mean, you could do that anywhere in the world. You're terrific. You're fucking great. I can't wait for your career. You have to get in touch with Amal Clooney and go do it with her in London. She's a human rights lawyer. DC. I think you got to get to DC.

Yeah. Yeah. She was in DC and loved it. Right. Yeah. Let's get you to DC. Well, we're. She was in DC and loved it. Right. Yeah. Let's get you to DC. Well, we're going to have our rights taken away soon anyway.

So you can just go straight and work within this own country. You don't know. Yeah. Perfect. But anyway, do you feel better? Do you feel like you have a better outlook on this or can start to cultivate one?

Yes, for sure. And I think that's why I love your podcast so much. It just, everyone's questions are valid. And so I think, of course, I think worrying about that, I was again, like, I feel like it's a champagne problem. Like, how dare I worry about that when I'm in like this? No, but don't even say that stuff to yourself. You know what I mean? You keep berating yourself. Why am I worrying?

I'm not good enough. And now I'm mad at myself for saying I'm not good enough. Just go. You just have to. I know I'm saying you just have to. It's a process, but you have to believe in yourself. You have to know that all of these steps are going to lead to something. There's no way that they won't. Right. And just every time you have that negative thought, just go, uh-uh, no, and say the opposite thing to yourself. Yeah. You know, you are going to New York. Pretend you're talking to Liza, you know, like, yeah, like you wouldn't say that to fucking Liza, you know? Exactly. So just be a friend to yourself.

Yeah. Oh, that's a good way of putting it. Yeah. Good. Okay. I'm going to get bumper stickers for that and send it to her. Be a friend. Just act like a man. Think like a man. Literally. Yeah. Well, thank you for calling in.

Yeah, thank you. And take care and keep us posted, okay? I will. Thank you so much. Have a good day. Bye, cutie. Bye, guys, again. Bye.

Bye. Such a female support. Yes. Okay, well, we'll take a quick break and we'll be right back to wrap up with Chelsea and Lake. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really Know Really podcast,

our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor. We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you and the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts?

His stuntman reveals the answer. And you never know who's going to drop by. Mr. Bryan Cranston is with us today. How are you, too? Hello, my friend. Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really, No Really, sir. Bless you all.

Hello, Newman. And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening? Really, no really. Yeah, really. No really. Go to reallynoreally.com.

And register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason Bobblehead. It's called Really, No Really, and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back with Lake Bell. We are concluding our episode today. Yes. Lake, do you have any advice you'd like to ask for from Chelsea? Oh my God. Gosh, Chelsea. To be honest with you, I was sitting there looking at you. And I was like, some of your realizations sometimes I think come from plant medicine and your kind of openness in and around that. And I really am curious about it. And I wonder, what are the prerequisites that you think one needs? I've never done it. And like ayahuasca. And I would be curious if you could

give me some advice. Do you take mushrooms ever? I microdose. And like ayahuasca. And I would be curious if you could give me some advice. Do you take mushrooms ever? I microdose. Yeah. Microdose mushrooms. Mushrooms, I think, are connected. You know, all those psychedelics, I think, are connected. I think plant-based medicine is a way to open up all sorts of things, right? I mean, I'm about to do a five-gram sit with my friend who's going to guide me of mushrooms because the ayahuasca is a special situation and it gives you this, you kind of look at your life outside of your life. Mushrooms, I think, gives you a philosophy and you're able to open up and like get rid of

judgment, get rid of ego. I'm always trying to get rid of my ego, which is very difficult to do in this industry and business. It's almost like futile, it feels. But I think ayahuasca for anyone who's open minded, as long as you're not on, you know, a bunch of antidepressants, you can't do it on that stuff. I think most people have a pretty eye opening awakening experience. And you walk away from it definitely different. I mean, ayahuasca changed my relationship with my sister forever, and it's never gone back to what it was. So I would always be an ambassador for anyone who thinks that they are open-minded enough, if you don't mind possibly vomiting. And some people shit their pants, so that's not a plus,

that's a minus. But I always am an advocate for anything that's going to expand your thinking, right? Yeah, me too. I just I am somewhat in awe of it and excited by it and curious about it. But I'm a little scared. And so I was just, that was my genuine. Yeah, I think scared is good. Also, you know, it's good for us to do things that scare us. It's good for us to go through that screen of fear that we all fear. Like, I don't want to be safe all the time. There's a lot in our lives that are us. It's good for us to go through that screen of fear that we all fear. Like, I don't want to be safe all the time. There's a lot in our lives that are safe. And then there's a lot that are unknown. And it is good to walk through fear. I think when especially when you are fearful of something, you get through it, you have a great experience. It makes you want to do

more things, you know, it makes you want to understand it on a deeper level. So yeah, I'm always I would say yes, go for it. The only person I've told not to do it is Juliana Margulies. Because I think she's just good as as good as she is. Like she's just set. She doesn't need anything. Okay. All right. Well, all right, guys, I will take that glass of ayahuasca. Thank you so much. I just turned to the wall report back you in the wall report back and let us know how your journey was. Thank you, though. That was very that was that was encouraging. All right, guys, this has been so fun. I just feel like this is like sisterhood. Oh, I know. That was nice. We gave a lot of girls pep talks today. Yeah, thank you, Lake Bell. I'll see you soon. See you soon. Bye.

So I am winding up my stand up tour vaccinated and horny is coming to a screeching halt at the end of the year. I have my last dates coming up. And these are the last opportunities you have to also buy merch from the website, ChelseaHandler.com. If you want Vaccinated and Horny captain's hats that say we're the captains now for women only, or t-shirts for men in your family that say I'm sorry because they should be. I only have a few dates left. Worcester, Mass. Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania. Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania. There, I said it. And then San Diego and Riverside, California. And then Baltimore, Maryland. And then my very last date is December 16th in Redding, Pennsylvania. If you are enjoying what you're hearing, you can subscribe to Dear Chelsea. That is our podcast. And you can rate us if you want. Yeah, that's a great idea. It actually

makes a huge difference for this podcast, for any podcast that you like. Subscribing, giving it a rating actually make a huge difference in who all it gets served to and helping spread the word. Okay. yeah. Yeah. Subscribe and comment. Yeah, and follow. So if you'd like advice from Chelsea, just send us an email at dearchelseepodcast at gmail.com. Dear Chelsea is a production of iHeartRadio, executive produced by Nick Stumpf, produced by Catherine Law, and edited and engineered by Brad Dickert. in the museum of failure? And does your dog truly love you? We have the answer. Go to reallynoreally.com

and register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. The Really No Really podcast. Follow us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions,

the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF. And me, Mandy B. As we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. That's right.

Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. With a blend of humor, vulnerability, and authenticity, we share our personal journeys navigating our 30s, tackling the complexities of modern relationships, and engage in thought-provoking discussions that challenge societal expectations. From groundbreaking interviews with diverse guests

to relatable stories that'll resonate with your experiences, Decisions Decisions is gonna be your go-to source for the open dialogue about what it truly means to love and connect in today's world. Get ready to reshape your understanding of relationships and embrace the freedom of authentic connections. Tune in and join in the conversation. Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.