Dear Hank & John - 100th Episode Extravaganza Spectacular!!!

Episode Date: July 24, 2017

Who was the first joshing Josh? Do bugs understand glass? How do I learn to chill? And more! probablysignedturtles.com Email us: [e-mail] patreon.com/dearhankandjohn

Hello, and welcome to Dear Hank and John, the 100th episode extravagant is a spectacular! Dores, I prefer to think of it the 100th episode extravagant is a spectacular of Dear John and Hank. It's a comedy vodka for me and my brother John, answer your questions, give me a DBS advice and bring you all the weeks to do so both Mars and ANC Wibble to John! How are you doing on our 100th episode? I'm doing well. I apologize for taking a couple weeks off, but as you know, Hank, I have been signing my name over and over again because I'm signing 200,000 copies of my new book Tirtles all the way down coming out October 10th anywhere you buy books. Also, I wanted to let you know, Hank, there's a new website. It's a hot new website. Everybody's going

there. Some people say it's the biggest new website to hit the internet in many years, and do you know what the URL is? What is it John? ProbablySignedTurtles.com, a guide to getting a probably signed pre-order of my book, Turtles, all the way down. That's probably signedTurtles.com. Here's an amazing fact that's going to blow your mind. Okay. No one had ever attempted to register the website, probably signed turtles.com ever before. So John, in like 10 years, are you going to still be upkeeping? Probably signed turtles.com. And if so, is it just going to be like, we'll send you a turtle. It may or may not be signed by.com. And if so, is it just gonna be like, we'll send you a turtle,

if May or may not be signed by John Green? Yeah, no, we're gonna change our business model actually to probably signed turtles. There's a 60% chance that you will get a turtle in the mail signed by me on the shell. And then there's a 40% chance that you're just getting a turtle. Well, what if this is like a 40% chance, you get nothing?

That's just gambling, I guess. It's a probably signed turtle, but there's a 40% chance you get nothing? That's just gambling, I guess. It's a probably signed turtle, but there's a 40% chance that I'm just gonna steal your money. How are you, Hank? I'm good. Right before I was doing this, as you know, I'm very busy. I have a lot to do, so right before I had it.

I hate it when people complain about being busy. I spend nine hours a day signing my name over and over again, but do I complain about being busy? I watch, I've watched every second of the tour de France. I've, I would argue that I've participated more in the tour de France than some of the people who are biking in the tour de France. I have suffered with them, Hank. I have crawled up the piernees and the alps with them

while signing my name over and over again But do I whine about being busy? No, well John if you hadn't interrupted me Then I would have been able to make a funny joke about how instead of being busy. I was watching competitive tag Oh my god I was also just watching competitive tag. We clearly browse the same website probably sign turtles calm where you can find all kinds of wonderful social media Competitive tag is amazing. Yeah, well, I mean the thing is it's it's I have probably signed turtles.com where you can find all kinds of wonderful social media. Competitive tag is amazing. Yeah, well, I mean, the thing is,

it's not called competitive tag, of course, because all tag is competitive. There's no non-competitive tag. But there's a sport, and it's like free running combined with tag where these two fit individuals are run at each other and try to touch what have been tries to not get touched. And I think they have like 15 seconds to actually,

because apparently it's pretty hard to not get touched. And it is an amazing feat. And I watched like this gif of it. And then I was like, I need to watch lots of that. And luckily, I was able to find some videos of competitive tag tournaments. And, you know, John, I think that the sports we have right now are okay, but I think that they are of another era

and that we really do need ESP and the Ocho to come along and show us the sports that like, wait a second, why aren't these the sports? I mean, I certainly agree that we need ESB in the Ocho because I don't know how else we're gonna get third tier English soccer onto American cable. I just, I mean, I just have to, like, I don't, like when I watch things like competitive tag,

I'm like, why even is there baseball? Like I like short. That's very hurtful to all our baseball fan fans. And I just wanna say to those fans, we support you 100% Speaking of 100% I did not prepare a short poem for the day. So can we move right into questions from our listeners? Yeah, you got one for me. I do it's from Savannah I just feel like this is one of those it's a time-sensitive question

Because she sent it in three weeks ago and I feel like if we wait any longer to answer it, Savannah's gonna be in a really tight spot. Dear John and Hank, how do I politely tell a friend who is over at my house that they need to go home now? Much love, Savannah. I hope that the friend isn't like still there. I suspect they are. Is that what you're imagining? In my experience, it's very difficult to tell someone

who doesn't know when it's time to leave, that it's time to leave. Yeah, I mean, there's all these cute little signals. What I'm actually, there's all these cute little signals that people do, they're like, they like stand up from the thing and they start washing the dishes and clear signs.

None of that works. My, I have some like, I don't know what they are. They're relations of my wife. They're old people. And when they feel that feeling, what they say is, what's time to go to bed so these people can go home. That's a good one. I have a different strategy, which is that I start referencing media that I think will communicate my message, but hopefully in a subtle way.

So for instance, I would say, hey, have you guys seen that really great new movie Get Out? Get out. It's an amazing film. It's funny, it's scary, it's really surprisingly smart. Get out is the name of the movie. Another one that I've tried is, hey, do you remember that Jack Nicholson movie, the Departid? That's a good one to use. And then the last one that I like to make sure to use sometimes is there's a I say like I don't know if you guys have ever read the Sartre play no exit but it's a really good play and in it there's

no way for people to get away from other people and that turns out to be literally hell. Okay, I think this is, I think we've covered the ground. My advice, start doing the dishes, John's advice, just yell at them in the middle of talking about other things. There's a great new HBO show actually it just wrapped up. It's called the Leaved Tovers. Is it? No, it's called the Leftovers, but I am willing to make a strained pond to get people out of my house if necessary.

You are. You are. This next question that we have comes from Ryan, John. It's not actually Ryan. It's just an anonymous person. Hello, dear Hank and John. I was watching your video on the US Extraction from the Paris Climate Agreement,

and I was wondering how all this data on climate changes even found most of my family denies that climate change exists, and they always ask me that. I can't answer them well because I have no idea. I just don't know how the information is gathered. Tomultuously confused in Texas, name-amitted and replaced with Ryan. How do we know Hank that climate change is real?

What is climate science? Tell me more. I don't know anything about these things. Well, I mean, how we know climate change is real is a pretty broad, deep, all over question. We know it from ecology, we know it from physics, we know it from biology, we know it from climate science, which is its own thing. There's a lot of, basically, oftentimes with things like this, you have a lot of different

phenomena explained by the same thing, and that is why there is so much consensus around climate change. But in terms of that, actually, how the data is collected, I think that's a really interesting question where you're like, well, so it seems like the temperatures are going up. But how do we know that? Is it just like a bunch of people with thermometers out there being like, well, today it was 92. And then like writing that down on a piece of paper

and tying it to a raven and sending it off to the Citadel? No. We have a number of different ways that we do that. We have satellites that do it and do it pretty well on a sort of like broad everywhere scale. They can tell how warm the, like, and they can tell, like, how warm different parts of the Earth are

or of the atmosphere are. We also have weather balloons that go up every single day hundreds of them in America Weather balloons that shoot up through the atmosphere and take readings all the way through the atmosphere So we're not just measuring the the temperature on on the surface of the earth But also through the atmosphere and then those weather balloons pop at the the things fall to the earth they break And we never use them again and we do that hundreds of times every day We also have of course ground-based stations that have been collecting temperature data for a long, long, long, long time. So we know that the Earth is getting warmer, but do we know

that humans are causing the Earth to get warmer? And do we know that if the projections about how warm the Earth is going to get are correct? Well, John, that wasn't Ryan's question. First of all, I know, but I'm trying to, I'm trying to see things from Ryan's family's perspectives. Yeah. Well, that's the thing. Like that, like with conversations like these, if you want to be a climate scientist, you have to be a climate scientist. So if in order for me to answer those questions, like fully and accurately and deeply,

like there are entire departments at many universities that are dedicated to those questions, which is why it's like, well, at a certain point, maybe we trust that, you know, not super well-paid people who are doing this for a living. Like, it's their job and their passion. The consensus is, yes, climate change is happening. It's of course very difficult to project precisely what the earth is gonna look like in 50 years

and how warm the atmosphere will be, which is why there's a range of guesses, but all of the guesses are hotter than it is right now. And the upper level ones are pretty bad, and pretty scary, which is why it would be nice if we just sort of agreed that it was a problem and do many of the things we're already doing to help solve for it, which is create more efficient vehicles, create electric powered vehicles, start using more renewable energy, burn less and less

and less and less coal, which everyone's doing now because it's becoming less economically viable to burn coal when natural gas is more efficient and increasingly easy to get. And also when renewables are becoming more economically viable, which is very, very exciting. And that isn't just great for like moving us, ushering us forward into having billions of people on a planet and being able to sustain that planet, but also making power less expensive for people. And as these things get more efficient and cheaper,

that's good for everybody. Yeah, I mean, the only thing I'd add to that, Hank, is that we have to, if you don't believe in expertise, you cannot navigate the world. Like if you do not acknowledge and allow for other believe in expertise, you cannot navigate the world. Like if you do not acknowledge and allow for other people's expertise, if you don't allow for the expertise of physicists, you cannot get in a car and trust that it will not crash. Yeah.

We trust experts all the time every day. It is only when what the experts say is inconvenient to us that we suddenly find ourselves saying, but wait, why are we trusting the experts? Yes, wait, explain to me exactly how all data is collected in this search. And when you have an incomplete picture, it's suddenly really fun and feels really easy to poke holes. And yeah, and that is a problem that we have right now. That is a big, I would argue that is our biggest problem as a species at the moment.

Well, I don't know, it's probably still malaria. Okay, this question comes from Ali who writes, dear John and Hank, in a recent episode of the podcast, Hank made an off-hand remark about Joshing your partner. Who was the Josh for whom this term was coined, and what did he do to earn such notoriety? Etymology and earthquakes, Ali. Hank, do you know which Josh you were referring to? I, no, I mean, the, I, no.

I mean, the term Joshing is not, I didn't make it up or anything. You didn't make it up. It must be some, it must be some Josh. It was, it was probably some Josh, but we also don't know which Josh it was originally referring to. It was first used in 1845, but we do know that the word didn't become popular

until it was associated with this American humorist from the 19th century Josh Billings. If you've ever heard of him, he was like sort of a... No. ...like the poor man's Mark Twain. And today, even today, he is the poor man's Mark Twain. But he is responsible for a lot of quotes that we hear, although he never said them in like quite the pithy way that they are today remembered.

Right. He's one of those people. Yep. He never said them in like quite the pithy way that they are today remembered. He's one of those people. Yep. So he did write, but the wheel that does the squeaking is the one that gets the grease, which is not quite... I'm the squeakingest wheel gets the grease. Exactly. He's almost got there.

That's the thing. Well, when you're writing, you're not like, you're not trying to create an aphorism. Like you're trying to, like you, this is part of a larger document, and you say, Well, actually, if you're Josh Billings, you literally were trying to create aphorisms. Okay. He just wasn't quite, he wasn't quite there. He's got another great quote that you might recognize as in a game of cards, so in the game of life, we must play what is

dealt to us. And the glory consists not so much in winning as in playing a poor hand well, which is a beautiful quote, but not quite as good as play the hand, play the cards that you're dealt. I love Josh Billings. I look at this is my new favorite guy. You should make a video on the things that he said that got, that got pitified and became Josh here. So there is a Josh Billings quote that is one of my favorite quotes of all time Hank, that is a proper pithy quote

and I do not know why it has not become like one of the major American aphorisms because it is just in my opinion so perfect. There is no revenge so complete as forgiveness. Ah, yeah, that's true. That's, yes, totally, absolutely. But not, but I understand why it hasn't become a thing because nobody wants to hear that.

I guess that's true. Yeah, I wanna hear that I'm playing the hand I was dealt. And I wanna hear that like that squeaky guy over there keeps getting greased while nobody's paying attention to me. But what I don't wanna hear is forgive your enemies. That's true, it's also the part of the gospel that gets quoted the least I find. I, do you think we all kind of have a Josh?

Like, does everybody have a Josh in their life who's a Josher? Do you, when you name your child Josh, do you just sort of have to expect that Josher? Oh, you mean like a kidder? Josh is a Josher. Yeah. Like Josh Sunquist is probably by Josher. No, I feel like the Joshes in my life are not more or less funny

than any of the other people. In fact, I feel like the biggest like Josher in my life is Chris Waters and his name is Chris. In fact, I would argue that we should call it Crissing. Well, apparently, we should call it marking because Josh Billings was just the poor man's Mark Twain. The truly, truly poor. Here's another one. The Lion and the Lamb may possibly sometime lay down in this world together for a few minutes,

but when the Lion comes to get up, the lamb will be missing. Almost there. I mean, you need to distill it a little. You're getting there. It's just like, you, my friend, Josh Villings are in need of an editor. Editor, the quality of John Green apparently, or just of time. Yeah, time will do the work. Time is the best editor. Time is the best editor. and editor the quality of John Green apparently, or just of time. Yeah, time will do the work.

Time is the best editor. Time is the best editor. So there's your history of joshing, which reminds me Hank, that today's podcast is brought to you by Josh Billings. Josh Billings, I think mostly out of print these days, but probably nonetheless available online. My guess is, yeah, I mean, the nice thing is,

I feel like that's, was Josh Billings like pre-copyright? Yes, everything's in the public domain. So we could potentially, John, you and I, put out like a collection of Josh Billings work and not have to pay anyone for it? That is correct. It's just what the world needs. Hank and John bring you the unedited work of Josh Billings. Oh, yeah, I mean, well, also I gotta say,

this guy's got really great hair on his chin and head. Yeah, he was a beautiful man, especially in terms of his hair. I actually, yeah, he's a good looking dude. I guess his also brought to you by climate science models, climate science models, they're here, they're here. Get, they just get used to it. Also, this podcast is of course brought to you by the wonderful new movie Get Out.

It's great. You should go see it. At your house, it's great. You should go see it at your house. It is available for rent. At your home right now, please go there get out. Did you know, John, that there is one, what the longest word you can type with just one hand is? I do.

Oh, what is it? Liar! You can't just say I do and not know and start googling. It's rupture word. You googler. Wait, that's not even right. That's not even right. Gosh dang it, Google. Well, I mean, it really, it depends on what you count a word.

After cataracts, apparently, is a word. After cataracts is not a word. After cataracts, apparently, is a word, it doesn't sound like. After cataracts is not a word, that's a ludicrous. I agree. After cataracts is clearly two words. Cataracts is an impressively long one, though. Whenever I type the word garage, which I do often, when I'm opening up garage band,

which is how I record this podcast, I'm always like, woo-hoo! Didn't need that right hand at all, and it's a surprisingly good feeling. But using just the right hand for me for some reason feels really wrong. I'm a surprise that you can spell monopoly with one hand.

That's a shock to me. Well, yeah, there are longer ones with the left hand than with the right hand, which is interesting. I'm not really sure what that's about. Yeah. Teeter Totter, all one hand, all the left hand. Oh really? Yeah.

What about the O in Teeter Totter? You know, John, I think maybe your keyboard looks a little different from mine. Oh really, is your O over there on the left? Is it where my Q is? I think you might be looking at the Q and seeing an O. Yeah, no, that's where my O is. I switched it because I was like,

the cue, that doesn't belong there. Aggregated. Stewardesses. Oh, stewardesses, I'm gonna tighten that right now. I'm having a great time there. I'm having a great time there. Oh yeah, that's crazy. Rupter, what is this?

Tesseradecades? Tesseradecades. Tesseradecades is this? Tessera decades? Tessera decades. Tessera decades is a very, that's a very mark in my opinion, an extremely marginal word. It's a group of 14. Right, but I mean, if we're talking about words that everybody uses in regular conversation.

Well, is that like a dozen? Like it's like a dozen, but with 14, a group like, there are tessera decades and tessera decades of them. Yeah, like I said, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, you know what, I think we should move on from this bit. All right, okay, here's another question

it comes from Emily who asks, dear Hank and John, I work at a Jimmy John's. And recently while I was cleaning tables by our big front windows, I watched a bug, ram, it's a little body to the glass from the outside several times, before just landing and chilling on the window for a while. This makes me wonder,

do bugs understand glass? Our windows are constant perplexing, struggling their daily bug lives, sandwiches and spiders, Emily. I will have got at least the bug was on the outside of the Jimmy John's, that's... I have a theory about this, Hank. Can I tell you my theory?

Sure, oh my gosh, you have a theory about it. What a shock. Well, as you know, I'm a theory about this thing. Can I tell you my theory? Sure. Oh my gosh, you have a theory about it. What a shock. Well, as you know, I'm not a scientist, but I am a person who makes statements with a lot of confidence regardless of whether they're correct. Yep, me too.

I don't think that bugs understand what glass is. I don't think they get the idea of glass, but I think that there is enough reflection off the glass almost glass, but I think that there is enough reflection off the glass almost always that they recognize that it is a barrier of some kind. I think that they can and cannot. There are some types of glass that bugs will see better, and probably the glass that the Dupy Johns is UV coated. And bugs, I think, can mostly see in the UV range, and so we'll see that there is something there. It won't look totally transparent to them like it looks to us.

So probably, probably, but at the same time, like a bug's not going to do that to a wall. It's not just going to like bang, bang bang, it gets to a wall, right? Right. Well, unless it really, I guess it's because there's light that it wants to get to. I mean, like, in our house, for instance, at night, there's always like a wall of moths against the windows trying to get inside

because there's light inside and they think it's the moon or whatever. Bugs are not very smart, and I often think about, like, I anthropomorphize them a little bit And I think like man it must be so weird being a bug and like going around the human world and just being like Why have these people built all this crap? Why do they need all of this stuff to support their little lives? Why do they put the lights inside a box that I can't get through?

Why do they do that? Why did I put the lights inside a box that I can't get through? Why do they do that? Just like also like why do they live in that much space? Like why have they made that much inside when like you only need a tiny amount of inside because in a bugs opinion like outside is so enjoyable. I just think we must look so weird to bugs. I mean, I think we would look weird to bugs if bugs thought about anything.

The thing I gotta say to Emily as a person who understands the tiniest amount about bug behavior, bugs don't understand windows because bugs don't understand anything. Understanding is a pretty high order thing. You know what I've been thinking about recently, Hank? No. Slightly related to this topic. Good God, we're gonna get off it a little bit. It's really really hard to go from like a single-celled life to multi-cellular life. And then of course it's like hard to go like the layers of complexity

increase in everything. But I actually think that if we win extinct, I'm not an evolutionary biologist, as you might know. But I actually, I feel like if we win extinct, it wouldn't be that long until a really smart species came along again, possibly even smarter than us, because I don't think we've set a particularly high bar. I don't think it would be that long, because I think like given that life tends to grow more complex and more diverse over time, once we extinctify ourselves, which as you know, I think is like

1000 to 2000 year event probably, but if we can make it past that, I think we can be good for a while. Anyway, I just think that like the hard part we already did by getting to multi-cellular life. Yeah, no, I think you are absolutely correct. I don't know that it would be fast in terms of how we think about fast, but we would definitely be fast in- No, millions of years. That would be fast in terms of evolutionary biology. Like, there was like a billion years

where it was just single-celled life. And then from dinosaur to now was like 65 million. And also there are a lot of other smart animals on the planet right now. We learn over and over again. And that's things that are similar to us, like monkeys, but also a little bit different from us, dolphins and also very, very different from us like cephalopods. We are all continuously shocked by how smart octopuses are. So yeah. I think you mean octopodes.

Octopodes. But I... Oh no, I think you mean I'm going to stick with my original pronunciation octopodes. And I just, I'm saying that that is correct and also octopities is correct. So that's just the way that I pronounce it. It's like Giff and Giff. The, um, Actually according to the internet only you are correct. I don't, I don't care at all. I don't think that, I'm not gonna, I fight that one really but I'm glad you looked it up Yeah, that yeah, I think like

That that leap that we made is a big leap But I don't think that we would be the last species to make it if we stop existing I think that it would be very hard to have human stop existing completely. I mean, it's not gonna be that hard I think it'd be very easy to have human stop existing completely. Oh, I mean, it's not going to be that hard. I think it'd be very easy to have most human stop existing, and for a lot of civilization to stop existing and a lot of technology to stop existing. But I mean, I think it'd be pretty hard to get rid of all people. We are just good at surviving.

I mean, you say that about a species that's been around for 250,000 years were one of the least successful, extant species in the world. In terms of years on the planet, but in terms of speed with which our biomass and biomass that we control has increased, we are the most successful species on the planet. Yeah, but let me ask you a question, Hank. If you're a YouTuber, would you rather be the kind of person

who built like a massive audience really, really quickly? Or would you rather be the kind of person who like had slow and steady growth over years and years? You're right, John. I would rather be, you know, weasier waiter. If, if, if, then, you know, like somebody who says dab before dabbing. Yeah, to each their own, John. Indeed. No, I, I'm just saying like, I think that if we're a species that has grown quickly,

that may just mean that the other side of the mountain will also be steep. has grown quickly, that may just mean that the other side of the mountain will also be steep. Yeah, I just think that I think that getting to zero is gonna, that's gonna flatten out a lot. But that's just me, and that's just where I'm at, John. Man, I think we could get to zero very, very quickly. You know what the funny thing is, we're never gonna get to settle this bet

because if I'm right, I won't even be around to gloat. And if you're right, you will be. So actually, we'll probably both won't make it. But I just add a lot of friends who are like survivalists, you know, they have bow and arrows and tents. No, survivalists are not gonna do any better than the rest of us when this stuff comes down because you can't be a survivalist

from the super collar that kills us all. Right, sure. I mean, I guess if it's super-collar, I hope it's not super-collar, John. That doesn't sound like any fun at all. Well, what are you hoping it is? I'm hoping it's nothing. I mean, I...

What are you rooting for? Nuclear apocalypse? A huge explosion of the Yellowstone volcano? What's going to be good? Yeah, I was apocalypse, huge explosion of the Yellowstone volcano. Yeah, I was just thinking, like my imagining of the apocalypse is just sort of a breaking down of systems. So like the idea that it all happens at once to me doesn't really work. It's like suddenly like the trucks with the gasoline stop coming. And then when the trucks with the gasoline stop coming, then the trucks with the food

stop coming. And then when the trucks with the food stop coming, then the trucks with the food stop coming. And then when the trucks with the food stop coming, people start stabbing each other. Right, okay, but I don't know that I totally agree with that by the way. I think that I don't buy the nasty British and short vision of the state of nature. But my question is, what causes the trucks to stop coming?

And the answer is almost invariably super-colour. Like some disease that is ravaging people and that does not care whether you own a bow and arrow or not. Do you disagree? Well, I mean, John, if we're gonna, like we have, I think, on Dear Hank and John, done a fairly good job of covering possible apocalypse scenarios.

I just don't feel like we need to spend anymore time on it. All right, I will say, the last thing I want to say on this topic, though, Hank, is that you have convinced me to become a person who has a large amount of water sitting in the basement. I have a two week supply of water sitting in the basement so that I can watch the world burn for two weeks before I go and join the zombie hordes.

I will say that the US government suggests that you have three, three days worth of water and food for every member of your household. And I think that's a really good and not crazy and not doomsday, prepper kind of thing to do. And if you want to up that to a week or two, that's also fine. It's not, it's not a huge square footage commitment in your house, I would assume. But yeah, I think that like, when I think about those three days supply, I'm like, you know, why the U.S. government wants that? It's because it takes three days to like really mount a significant emergency response. And if in those three days,

people are more or less taken care of, that makes everyone's job so much easier. And I really, like I honestly do think that everyone should have three days supply a food and water for if I remember with their household. So. I got to go home and make sure I got 12 days of water per the US government suggestion.

Let's get to another question from our English tank. Oh, great, remember, yes, good, good, good. This question comes from Jenny who asks, Dear Hank and John, the school year is coming to an end, and I'm full of the usual feelings of excitement, sorrow, and nostalgia. This year, something else. I have a teacher who I really like and will really miss next year,

and I want her to know how much I enjoyed the classes I took with her on the last day. I'll be in her class last, so it will be a nice end. But I don't know how. I know I'll feel awkward doing it, but I really want to. How do I tell my teacher in a meaningful way? How much I enjoyed her class? Reading in history, Jenny.

Really sorry, Jenny, that this answer came after the school year ended. But. Yeah, great work, John and Hank. But for everybody else, who this might help, and also maybe Jenny could do something retro-spactively. I mean, here's the thing. You always feel awkward saying that stuff

or it makes you uncomfortable or makes you nervous. You think you're gonna make an idiot out of yourself. But the thing that your teacher probably wants more than anything is to know that she has made a difference in the lives of her students. And to tell her that is not an inconvenience to her, it is a gift to her. Yeah, I mean, I, my guess is that a card will be literally a million times more than she's ever gotten before. And that's not- Well, not literally a million times, no.

In, right. A infinite. A million cards might be a million times more. No, I don't know that the listener can necessarily afford a million cards. Nor, in fact, am I completely convinced that the teacher would like to receive them. I mean, Hank, you throw around big numbers, but you don't know what they actually mean until you sign 200,000 sheets of paper. You don't know how many a million is.

But what I meant to say, I would only be one fifth of the way to spending a million cards. What I meant to say, what I was intending to get across is that it will be infinitely more because she will never have even received a card before. And like I certainly never thought deeply or hard enough to thank my teacher in any way at the end of the school year. And so taking the time to do that and to just like, like, write some stuff in a card and just hand,

like, you don't have to, like, be face to face and all, like, weird and uncomfortable about it, because that's probably going to be weird and uncomfortable, though if you can pull it off, 100% do it. But it's easier to write some words down in a card and hand it to them and say, thank you so much, or send it to them them since maybe you've missed your opportunity to hand it in in the last day of class. But also. Yeah, and I mean, I've received a few of those cards over the years and I have to say I've kept them all and sometimes I still read them and they make me cry. And it sounds like this teacher has had a much more meaningful impact on your life than I've had on anybody.

So yeah, I think you should, I absolutely think you should say something. And I also think that you should put it in a card. I agree with Hank, 100%. But don't put it in a million cards. Don't put it in a million cards. And if you want to, you could also do any cut, like you could give a book that you really love, you could give them, you know, a bumper sticker, like any old thing is going to feel, is a nice thing. You don't have to, like, you don't have to overthink.

This next question comes from Millicent who writes, dear John and Hank, next semester I have class with a writer I've loved for years. I read her first book of short stories in 2010 when they came out and now she teaches at my college and I'm taking screenwriting with her. The only words I've said to her face so far are, oh my God, this is so embarrassing, I love you. I've interacted with her several times since this moment, but I've never managed to breathe long enough to speak.

Oh boy, how do I learn to chill? Always your friend, Millicent, P.S., that's how Hemingway signed off his letters. Although he wasn't always your friend. So, that's a curious irony, I guess, in Hemingway's life. So Hank, this is a field in which we have a little bit of experience on both sides of the coin. Definitely.

Have I told my Neil Gaiman story on the podcast before John? Probably, but tell it again. I was backstage at the one year anniversary of the release of the Fault in Our Stars where we did our Carnegie Hall show. Yeah. And Neil Gaiman came to do a dramatic reading of a scene, and there were a bunch of other great people there, Kimi Dawson and John Darniel and Hannah and Grace were there.

We had a fantastic time, and I was signing posters backstage, and Neil Gaiman came and sat down next to me, and I was like, uh, freaking out. I was freaking out. 100% freaking out. And he, like, told me a whole story about how the first time we met, and I'm using the air quotes because at that point, like, I was just in his signing line and I had him, like, deliver a message to John and say good morning, John, uh, at a show, or a, uh, a reading that he did in Montana.

And, um, he signed my book. And he did this whole story about how, like he told me this whole thing, it was like a heartfelt and like, about how just before that show, his dog had died, and that it had been a really important show for him to keep working and moving and doing stuff and feeding off of

the positive feelings that his community and audience had for him. And I just sat there and I was like, uh-huh, uh-huh. Yep. Yep. Uh-huh. And I couldn't say anything. I couldn't do anything. I couldn't talk about any of the dogs that I've known that have died. I couldn't, I could not relate at all

or speak in sentences to him and still have never ever been able to like have a normal conversation. And I think, like that kind of, like I feel like that super sucks for Neil, right? Right. Yeah, no, I think it does. I mean, what I think is weird is that some people I really, really admire,

I can talk to like normal is that some people, I really, really admire, I can talk to normal people and some people I can't and it doesn't have anything to do with them, you know? It is entirely about me. When I see Patrick Rothfuss or talk to Patrick Rothfuss on the phone, I love his work. I think he is an actual genius and I can talk to him like a normal person.

Or when I talk to Jacqueline Woodson, who I think is, you know, like one of the great geniuses of children's book writing ever, I can talk to her like a normal person. When I met Sherman Alexi, no dice. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha and I just couldn't, I couldn't, I tried, like three different times, and then I was like, you know what, time to quit. Like, if I've learned one thing from, if you can't keep your chill, it's cut your losses. I, this year at VidCon, we met the cast of Pitch Perfect 2,

and I totally weirded out on them. You did, you went a little too hard. You did come a little too hard, because you were like, guys, I know this is an unpopular opinion, but I like pitch-referefect two better than pitch-referefect one, and they're like, yeah, thanks. That's cool, we like two.

And you're like, yeah, no, it's great. And I was like, that's enough, Hank, that's enough. I mean, you're not going all the way because you're not telling them what I said, because I'm not also going to tell them what I said. Yeah, I'm not gonna repeat everything, because it was way, you did, you did, you did go a little too far,

but I understand it, like it's exciting to meet people who's work you admire, and who you probably never thought you were gonna get to meet, and especially to take a class with them is exciting. But if you're gonna, the thing is, you can't follow that cut your losses advice if you're gonna be in a class with them where they're giving you a grade. Like you're gonna have to chill.

Like John's advice is like skip class, drop out of school, go away, never do. Do not go to that class, find a different class to attend. Yeah. No, I don't, the right advice is that event, I suspect that eventually, pretty quickly, probably when you have this person as a teacher, you will realize that they are just a person. And even if they're one of those extremely charismatic, like, for instance, my college

writing classes were taught by this guy, P.F. Kluge, who I really admired his writing, and I definitely was super intimidated by him. And part of the reason I was intimidated by him was because he was this larger than life presence, the way he talked, the way you couldn't wear hats in his class or chew gum, the way he would notice, the moment you weren't paying attention, he was one of those teachers.

And but eventually you start to realize that these people are people, that they're just people, and that the work that they do isn't made by some genius that's separate from the rest of humanity. It's made from within humanity. And I think if you can acknowledge that in someone, then it becomes a lot easier to hang out with them. Yeah, and I also say that I, I, at Eckerd where I went, where did my undergrad, Ilie Viselle taught a class.

And I always was like, I'm not, and of course it was like, most people didn't get into it who wanted to take it, but I never even tried because I was like, that's too scary for me to try and take that class. And now of course, I regret that tremendously. So take the opportunity. Do you though? I don't know. Like, you know, like Tony Morrison teaches a couple classes at Princeton. I think she still does. And I remember my best friend from high school went to Princeton. And he was like,

man, I can't do it. I can't, I can't, I can't do it. I can't, I can't handle it. And I totally get that. Like I couldn't handle learning from Tony Morrison. It would be too cool. Like I would not be able to ever recover my chill. I don't think so. I understand, I definitely understand the problem.

But yeah, it's funny. I mean, I've had, there have been a few times in my life, and I know this has happened to you Hank, because I've seen it happen. We're like, people ran up to me like screaming, and like, I don't know what to do. I don't know how to handle being screamed at, even if it's very positive screaming.

Yeah, yeah, I know. It's a weird thing, and it's something that nobody wants to complain about, of course, because it's wonderful, and it's like a side effect of this great thing having happened to you, which is having a community, having an audience, and having people who want to consume the things that you create.

But I know a lot of my friends, like, dread going on flights because they know that they're like when they're going to be in a large like an airport with a bunch of people, like there's going to, like it's not going to just be like like you know six o'clock in the morning doing this thing that you don't really want to do, but it's going to be doing it with a bunch of people who want something from you. And I know like people who over Medicaid themselves because of that. And it like upsets me that that's like, you know, that that is sometimes their reaction to that.

And I, yeah, it bumps me out. Yeah, it is a real thing. It is a real thing, but it is also obviously like an extremely privileged problem. There's a recent Jaden Animations video that touches on this actually that I thought was just brilliant. It talks about it without ever seeming ungrateful. And it's really, really good. So I would also watch that video maybe for a little bit of insight into what your teacher might be experiencing in that situation. Hank, we have to get to some comments and some corrections. One very important correction that was sent in 652 billion times.

Okay. What did we do? All right. We said that the United States has the best barbecue in the world. Well, John, a lot of people in Australia took that extremely personally because apparently Australia is the world's leading barbecuing nation among all of the nations in the Southern Hemisphere on the continent of Australia. Hahaha.

I mean, I understand that throwing another shrimp on the continent of Australia. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Backstake House. Is that what it's from? I don't know. But the important thing is that America has the best barbecue. Like, if somebody in another country said that about their country, I would be offended. And it's okay for you to be offended because like Korean barbecue or Australian barbecue or Malaysian barbecue, you think it's better. American barbecue is better. I'm American and I love American barbecue and you are wrong and it's okay For us to have different opinions and think that each other are wrong. That's what opinions I agree with you Hank. I just want to add one thing which is that right now what? Barbecue is all that we have okay? Australia

So don't take away the one frickin thing that we still have okay? We have really good barbecue. We don't have away the one frickin' thing that we still have, okay? We have really good barbecue. We don't have a great healthcare system. I wouldn't say that our politics are functioning A++ right now. I also wouldn't say Australia's politics are functioning A++. But we have this barbecue thing and don't take it away from us, okay? That's it. I'm moving on. We also got a correction from a bunch of people in Portland or in Seattle or any other MLS city, criticizing my making fun of MLS,

which I wasn't really doing, but many people in Portland wanted me to point out that the Portland timbers were not formed in 2009 or whatever I said they were formed. They were formed in 1975, although they've been out of business like 72 times in the intervening 40 years. And the existing Portland timbers were formed in 2001

and I wanna apologize for claiming that your 14-year-old club was only eight years old. Byron. God, I am the most ungrateful character. Also, Byron wanted to point out that there is a border colleague that works at Cherry Capital Airport. And this border colleague does not appear to catch birds that are inside, though. I've gone to Instagram page, and it is a very good Instagram page, just fantastic dog shots.

It appears to be. It's Airport K number nine is the Instagram for this dog at the Cherry Capital Airport. Yeah, this dog is named Piper. I believe in Piper. It appears I think clears the runways of birds that might, I don't know, maybe not. I can't tell. Wildlife control canine.

Do you know where Cherry Capital Airport is? No idea, John. I assume it's in DC. Because it's in Traverse City, Michigan. Well, I don't feel like this is a huge airport, is my feeling. To say that it's not a huge airport is a pretty significant understatement.

So just for a little call, oh, actually, you know, they have like, they've had like 20 or 25 flights planned just today from Detroit, Chicago, and Minneapolis. Sounds up. So they're doing okay if they're in Traverse City. Yeah. and just today from Detroit, Chicago, and Minneapolis. So they're doing okay, I have found Trevor City. Yeah. Yeah. All right, one other thing, Hank, that we've gotta get to, if you don't mind.

Oh man, I'm ready. This is from Lucretia. Lucretia. I'm so bad at names. It could be Lucretia. What is it? Lucretia. Oh, Rosiana just pronounced it correctly. It's Lucretia. What is it? Lucretia. Oh, Rosiana just pronounced it correctly.

It's Lucretia. Lucretia? I mean, Rosiana speaks Spanish, which is a huge advantage in this situation. Okay. I'm moving on. Maybe we'll just edit in Rosiana's pronunciation. Dear John and Hank, I'm a climate scientist and would like to assuage some concerns raised in your most recent episode, while probably also adding some new ones.

Oh, climate scientists, always asswaging one concern only to add a new one. There was a question about ancient bacteria thawing and causing epidemics as the ice caps melt, and while you did correctly cite the concern of anthrax and reindeer frozen in the permafrost becoming a health issue, honestly, this isn't even one of the biggest problems. One of the reasons for this is that the high latitudes tend to be less densely populated than the tropics or temperate zones, and so epidemics don't spread as fast or infect as many people. Another is that there are so many other things to worry about.

For example, the comfortable living range of malaria-carrying mosquitoes is likely to spread to higher latitudes as temperatures in those areas increase, resulting in greater incidence of infection, and floods caused by melting glaciers and rising sea levels will potentially spread water-borne diseases like cholera and dysentery. So if you want to worry about climate change-related diseases, you should probably start with those. And I do, John. I do want to worry about climate change-related diseases, and I am-

I should add that- And that's why- I should add that Lucretia signed off, eat and be married for tomorrow we die. Oh no. Not in Montana because we're pretty far out of the range of both sea level rises and also the comfortable range of Miller I carrying mosquitoes.

So everybody just come out here and raise up our property values. We got lots of new rental apartments. It's crazy right now John you had some news from aFC Wimbledon for me. I do I do Hank I have actually incredibly exciting news from aFC Wimbledon. Oh good. Well, it's been fine. I am so hopefully something happened I am as you know deeply concerned about aFC Wimbledon season as I think at this point a lot of aFC Wimbledon season, as I think at this point, a lot of AFC Wimbledon fans are just because we've lost a lot of players without acquiring any new ones and we also don't have very much money.

And it's hard to be a tie, it's hard to, it's just hard to survive and lead one when you don't have any money and you're owned by your fans. So anyway, there is however good news on I would argue good news on multiple levels, which is that AFC Wimbledon fans not living in the United Kingdom, which is to say you, me, and the vast majority of the people listening to this podcast, will be able to watch live streamed AFC Wimbledon games live inside their internet for a fee That they pay to AFC Wimbledon that AFC Wimbledon will then hopefully use to buy some players Unfortunately, they can't do that until you start playing some games Right well the game starts soon, but um you should go to the AFC Wimbledon website to check it out also

The the the the games have been released the the list of games, you know, the like schedule. That's what it's called, the list of games. The traditional listing of the games. AFC Wimbledon's first game is on August 5th against Scunthorpe. I mean, it's always a wonderful day when you get to visit Skunthorpe. And then they play Brentford, Shrewsbury, and Fleetwood and Don Caster, and Barnett all in August. So it's gonna be a big August for us.

And then the sort of, you know, the matches that everyone looks to, September 22nd, playing against the franchise that currently applies its trade in Milton Keynes and Port Smith, one of the biggest clubs in League 1 on September 9th. So it's about to start, Hank. The season starts on August 5th. Skunthorpe.

I'm very nervous. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to pretend I'm not nervous. I'm extremely nervous. Um, I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to pretend I'm not nervous. I'm extremely nervous. I'm also nervous for you. It doesn't seem a little bit like there aren't going to be enough players. Is Wild Taylor still there? Wild Taylor is still there. And there are technically enough players, Hank. We've already played a couple of preseason matches and we did have 11 people on the pitch. That's good to hear. He did have 11 people on the pitch. That's good to hear.

Yeah, that's good to hear. Yeah, is there something you did, did they do something wrong? Like how is there money left over to get more people? It's not clear. I mean, it's still, the trading signing window is still open until the end of August. So there's still time. It's always going to be hard. The second season in a new league is traditionally harder than the first season. And I think part of the problem is that it's impossible to tell players like Jake Reeves or Tom Elliott, like you can't

go play for a bigger club that has more money. Because like course you want those players to have those opportunities and then they just become very hard to replace. One last thing Hank, Nerdfighteria is sponsoring AFC Wimbledon's match against Blackpool this season. So, I don't know if I'm going to be there for that game, but a bunch of Nerdfighters will. So put it on your calendars if you're in the neighborhood. I'm definitely going to go to a few games this season though I'm going to be there for that game, but a bunch of Nerdfighters will. So put it on your calendars if you're in the neighborhood. I'm definitely going to go to a few games this season, though, I'm excited. Well, in the news from Mars, John, I know that you know that there's some weird things about Mars. So, so three weird things up with Mars.

We've got, we've got a weird geology where, where one hemisphere of the planet is, it has way more craters than the other. That it's really like smooth in the, the north and cratered in the south. Falls we've got a weird composition of the planet, so lots of metals in the crust, very different from Earth's composition. And then you've got these two weird lumpy moons, Fobos and Demos. And there are lots of guesses as to like how these three things happened and why with like different guesses for each one. And one of the big ones has

always been that there was at some like an early point in Mars' history, there was a, how they explained the fact that the northern hemisphere is so smooth, is that there was a very large impact, like the kind of impact that Earth experienced at that time that formed our moon, but maybe not as big as that, or maybe it just didn't do the same thing that ours did because Mars is smaller, or the impact was larger, or whatever. same thing that ours did because Mars is smaller or the impact was larger or whatever. But a new paper came out a couple weeks ago while we were on our little hiatus, that sort of explains all three of those things at once, which is that this impact could have come from a certain type of body in the early solar system that was metal rich and very large, like the size of series, which is the by far the largest object in the asteroid belt,

basically a little planet. And that deposited a bunch of these iron loving metals, like heavy things like iridium and gold and iron, into the crust, and it also created this much smoother area of the planet, and also shot off both Phobos and Demos, which became Mars' moons. These moons would not have formed, which might explain why they're small and why they're sort of like lumpy potato-shaped rather than being spherical, because they weren't big enough or warm enough to actually turn into spheres in space.

So that new paper is out now, it's called Colossal Impact Enriched Mars's mantle with noble metals, published in June of 2017, and they're estimating that the time of the impact was about 4.4 billion years ago, and the object was about 1200 kilometers in diameter, which is a biggie. That's a biggie, John. It's really nice that we live at a time when the solar system has fewer of those kinds of things floating around, those 1200 kilometers objects. You don't really want one of those around. Hank, a couple of questions.

First off, are you saying that there is gold on Mars and lots of it? That is the truth. That is a thing. Okay. I... But, but, John, if we're going to mind gold from someplace, the first step is probably not going to be at the bottom of the gravity well. If we're probably pick it off of asteroids where there are several asteroids that have a very high composition of gold, just like the one that probably crashed into Mars. And what is a gravity well? Gravity well is a very large, very massive object, so that you would have to then expend energy to get off of. So, dragging the gold off the planet. So there's one thing getting

getting the gold to fall back to earth, which is actually going to take a lot of energy, but getting it to up out of Mars and then to fall back to earth, all that would be like twice as much energy. So you just want it to you want to find something that's not at the bottom of a gravity well. If you're going to be lug it out heavy heavy metals like gold and a riddy. Okay, that's not at the bottom of a gravity well, if you're gonna be lug it out heavy, heavy metals, like gold and Aridium. Okay, that's helpful. That's very helpful. Second question, if I'm on the surface of Mars, can I see two moons? Like, do I see two moons the way I, we see one moon? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That is cool. That is really cool. That makes me kind of want to go to Mars just so I can get that two moon vibe. And Having like taking a couple pictures get back on the spaceship Well also, John. I don't think you want to be on a spaceship. Just knowing you

Like well, I don't like confined spaces and I don't like social time with other people Is there a lot of private space on space ships or not so much? I mean the question is what do you what do you say to your spaceship crewmate when it's time for them to go home? Please get out of my spaceship. What do you mean there's only one spaceship and we share it? One last follow up question. On these missions to Mars, will there be private bathrooms?

Because I feel very strongly about not sharing bathrooms. Oh, man. I don't know. I don't actually, I don't know how, like if the bathroom on the ISS is even a separate room. Oh my God. So it's basically, it's basically just like being in prison, except you can float.

I'm looking now. I don't know if there's a door. I assume there's a door or a curtain or something. Oh my God that level I'm looking right now and I am flipping out like that level. Oh God. Oh my goodness gracious. You know, I look at that. That is just not okay. This one's got a little butt place for your butt to go. Yikes, it e-icers. Well, I mean, I wanted to go to space and now suddenly I don't and I don't suspect the desire will ever come back to me. Hank, we have to go. We have to go record this weekend. Ryan. Yeah, we've learned what it is. What did we learn today, John? Oh, well, we learned that climate science is real, and also, cholera might become more of a problem in an age of climate change. We also learned that Josh Billings is in the public domain.

So be on the lookout for Hank and John's collection of Josh Billings stuff. We're going to print it out on my printer right here, staple it together, and sell for $14.99. But why spend $14.99 on that when you could spend probably less than $14.99 at probably sign turtles.com to get a probably sign pre-order of my new book turtles all the way down out on October 10th? Oh, that was hard to get into probably signed pre-order of my new book turtles all the way down out on October 10th. Oh, that was hard to get into a single breath. And lastly, we learned that when it's time to say goodbye to your friends,

you can let them know by just saying, get out! Get out! Thanks, John, for being with me here on this 100th episode of Dear Angadjohn. I know that when I started out by saying it was like a spectacular and it was a fantastical that like maybe you thought we were gonna have a bunch of special guests or something. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. This podcast is edited by Nicholas Jenkins. It's produced by Rosiana Halls-Rohasim, shared in Gibson. Our head of community and communications is Victoria Bonjornow, who also runs our Patreon, which if you go and donate there, it will

help out SciShow and Crash Course, and you'll get our weekly bad podcast this weekend Ryan's, which we're about to go record right now. Thank you, everyone, for listening, and as they say in our hometown, don't forget to be awesome. you