Dear Hank & John - 106: Cannibal Mermaids

Episode Date: September 5, 2017

How far can you get making only right turns? What's the proper response to being constantly serenaded? Does fire have mass? And more! Email us: [e-mail] patreon.com/dearhankandjohn

Hello and welcome to Dear Hank and John. Or is that for the think of it, Dear John and Hank? It's a comedy podcast about death, where two guys, Hank and John Green, who are brothers, we answer your questions, give you a divorce advice and bring you all the weeks used from both Mars and AFC Wimbledon. Hey John, how are you? Well, Hank, I'm just back from a long bike ride and I seem to have injured myself in my the seat area. I would say, broadly speaking, the sort of, I guess what I guess, I guess if it were

in my privates, if you will. I like the idea that the seat is a part of the body, that is the part of the body that sits on the seat. So you put your seat that the seat is a part of the body, that is the part of the body that sits on the seat. So you put your seat on the seat. And the whole, everything that touches the seat is the seat, that is my theory. And that whole part hurts. So I'm just trying to,

just trying to work for the pain. And I'm not focusing too much. Hank, Hank, Hank, Hank, what, Hank, what, what? Do you remember in our last episode, or maybe a couple episodes ago, I don't know when it happened? Do you remember that you said that you were going to burn all the copies of a book? Oh God.

That, yeah. Because it talked about how pythons lay eggs. And of course, you knew that the stythons didn't lay eggs because they gave live birth. Well, Hank, we got got really for the first time Corrections to a mistake you made so rare on dear Hank and John Oh boy, I'm just gonna I'm just gonna highlight one out of many because it turns out you could have just Googled this There's tons of pictures of it. This one comes from ish my own who writes dear John and Hank

I could not help but notice a glaring error near the beginning of the latest episode. So approximately two minutes into the episode, Hank describes a passage from a children's book that mentions some other Python interhatch-wings. Hi, yep, we've been, yep. And Hank says, Python's keep live birth and don't have hatch wings.

That's incorrect. Python's do indeed lay eggs. It's almost like Hank should trust what's in books instead of what's in his mind. That wasn't from Ishmael. That was from me. It's true. It's true.

Both give life first. Okay. Well, that's not an excuse. Yeah, but we weren't talking about that. I know. I know I'm aware. I'm aware. It's just I'm explaining how I got confused.

All right. All right. Well, I am delighted. I am absolutely delighted by this situation. Now I bet, I mean, frankly, I, hey, wait, I, well, the only reason it hurts so bad is that I spent so much time whining about it. Oh yeah. Oh.

I know. So just never, never wine, I guess, is the solution to that problem. Yeah. Thanks for starting with that, John. It's my pleasure. Did you not have a pillow? Oh, I do, I have one too.

That's a high coup by Kobayashi Isa. Okay, hit me. Everything I touch with tenderness, alas, pricks like a bramble. Dang! Now it's hard out there. It's hard out there for a Kobe Aashi Isa and other Hikuriders.

Love suffering. Man, yeah, I touch. A lot of disappointment when you try for the tender touches, Hank, sometimes you find that it just comes with a bramble. Yeah, I tried to tenderly touch Python, live birth Python babies, but it just hit that hard egg shell.

That's my poem for the day. Python babies, but it just hit that hard egg shell. That's my poem for the day. I think I'm really excited to get to the questions from our listeners. We got some great questions this week. And this is my favorite one. So can we start there? All right. We've also got some great sign-offs this week,

some great names, specific sign-offs. This question comes from April who writes, dear John and Hank, I deliver babies for a living. As you probably know from experience, writes, Dear John and Egg, I deliver babies for a living. It has, you probably know from experience, human babies are wonderful and amazing, but not always cute. This is especially true in the beginning when they're purple and wrinkly.

I know it gets better, but sometimes new parents are a little shocked by their offspring's appearance. My Dutch mom has a saying for this problem, which basically translates as, ugly in the cradle, but pretty at the table. Is there some catchy phrase like this in English that I can use with new parents?

Showers in the crew this month, April. Oh, good sign off. I, okay, first of all, when you say I deliver babies for a living, that really sounds like you put them in a truck and fencing them around town. Well, that is my assumption. How else would you deliver them? You're delivering them to someone from somewhere to something.

It's really your deliver a baby from one end of a person to the other end is the most of the delivering that happens. I mean, my kids listen to this podcast, I'd like you to be as vague as possible. Yeah. Okay, that's it, that's the sitch. John, were you surprised by the way that your baby looked when it was first?

I mean, look Hank, this is a podcast that's going to be publicly listened to, but also that potentially my own children will one day. So they were both beautiful and amazing and they looked like actual gods. Like tiny cherubs. They looked like they'd been painted by Michelangelo. I was astonished by their beauty.

Okay. Same zis. Yeah, but with like a cherub painted by Michelangelo, except with the head of an almond. It's just a... Oh man. I'm sure Michelangelo never painted a cherub and I'm gonna get in a lot of trouble for that.

We definitely didn't have any of the people. There were lots of lovely people around. None of them said to me, don't worry, he'll look better tomorrow. And I don't think you should say that. I think the trouble more, April. Yeah, then you're saying like, so just so you know, I'm aware of how ugly this thing is.

You don't want wanna say that. Maybe they aren't thinking that their baby is super ugly. But if they do look to be in distress, if they're asking questions like, is it supposed to look like that? Yeah, give them some security and the fact that their baby is normal, but you know, and sometimes they're not pretty at the table.

Let's be honest. I think the first words that every baby should hear upon birth are ugly at the cradle, but pretty at the table. It's like after someone's gone through all of that effort to give birth, I think it's really good if the very first thing that you hear about your baby is the word ugly.

Yeah. Oh, wow. Woof. Yeah, I absolutely agree. You just give reassurance. So if people are like, is my baby ugly, you can just be like, no, it looks like a regular baby. You could just say what Hank said the first time he met his nephew Henry.

Well, it's a baby. Yep. Yep, that's what that is. This next question comes from Jamie and we need to get to it. So I'm going to have it be the second question because I got this thing that I'm shaking at my microphone right now because I was so entranced by this question and by my inability to have had it previously, Jamie asks, Steerhank and John, I come to you with an urgent matter. I can't sleep at night without knowing how

our hot dog buns pre-cut if they're stuck together in the package. So who wouldn't bought some hot dog buns, John? Yeah. And I haven't opened them and I had never thought about this, but it's true. So they clearly, like, there's a machine that just like lays the buns, like forward at a time,

but when they get cooked, they bake together so that they're, like, this isn't, they get through every hot dog buns, but if you get the cheap ones, it's like this. So that they bake together and there's all stuck together and you have to pull them apart. But when you pull them apart, okay, so, okay. So here's what I'm, here's what

I've noticed. I've got the four in my hand. The two on the outside are cut on the outside. So it's clear how that happened. The blade just went into the outside two buns. So I'm going to tear those two off because like that is obvious how that occurred. And then I've tore that off. And now we've got, okay, and that one. Now we've got these two ones on the inside, which are both of there, now that the outside buns are gone, the outsides are both the sealed sides. So what we have is in the middle,

and I'm sticking my finger in them right now. They have been cut by a single blade that went right down the middle of the four hot dog buns, but was not quite the width of the two hot dog buns. So that blade went in the hot dog bun butts and out the hot dog bun mouths. And then if you open them, you see that this slice has gone through both of them.

And all the way through. So it goes all the way through. It's not just sliced on the inside, it's like the butt sliced too. So the blade comes in through the middle of the hotdog buns and then you get four pre-sliced buns. And this one actually you can tell that the blade went way further through one of the buns than the other one because it's like this one is almost just two pieces of bread,

and this one is really secured together. And now I have lots of hot dog buns on my desk. So. Well, Hank, I cannot tell you how much I appreciate you answering this question in the form of a podcast where we can't see any of the things that you're talking about. Well, you know what a hot dog bun is?

It really is. It really adds to the experience. You know the situation. Like, you're not confused by what a hot dog bun butt is. I'm not confused by what your seat is. We're all on the same page. I mean, you know what, our listeners are a lot smarter than I am, hopefully they'll be able to follow what you just said. I'll post a diagram on the Patreon.

All right, we'll post a diagram on the Patreon. Higgs is gonna work up an infographic to help you out there. That's patreon.com slash deerhackenjohn. We got another question, from Caroline who asks, Dear Green Brothers, what is the proper response to being constantly serenaded? See, many members of various musical acts have written a song

prominently featuring my name, including the Beach Boys outcast Fleetwood Mac, Brooks and Dunn, Chicago, and of course, Neil Diamond. While I love my name, I've come to expect a specific reaction to it. Is there an optimal facial or verbal response, like frequently those serenading me act like they are the first to ever think of this idea? Well, too, they struggle through the lyrics, which of course Caroline has memorized. I don't mind so much when my good friend's burst into Neil Diamond upon each side of

me. I would mind the hell out of that. Oh yes, yes. But when the random store clerk hears your name and breaks into song, like it's the eighth inning at Boston's Fenway Park, what's a person to do? Sweet comma, Caroline. Great sign off.

Good, sir. Yep. Uh, boy, first of all, I want to say that last night, laying in bed, I googled that indeed It's not It's oh gods please stop reaching out like not only is it you singing would you say you wouldn't do anymore? Sorry, what was the question? Oh my god. Katherine hates the Bap Bapas so much.

She hates them so much. I mean, to me, it's not even sweet Caroline without the Bap Bap Bapas. It's just like, don't Bap Bap Bap. There's hordes, they're doing it. And why does everybody say so good? That's not even in the song. It's so good.

It's because the song is so good. I'm sorry, what were we talking about? What was your answer? I was saying that I spent a little time, and I googled that indeed, I didn't know Outcast had a song about Caroline or that Brooks and Dunn did. I didn't know what Brooks and Dunn was,

but there's a lot of songs about Caroline's, and that is a kind of blessing. But my guess is that all you hear is sweet caroline. You know what I hear? People burst out into outcast and if you did, you'd probably be like, oh, thank the Lord for not singing sweet caroline right now. A little bit of variety in my life is fantastic. But there's something I think in particular about car Where you immediately that song stuck in your head because it's somehow become so ingrained in

Culture thanks. I think largely to Red Sox fans, but no no it's not for Red Sox fans I don't know man I just want to point something out real quickly, which is that Caroline doesn't even mention the best song about her name. Oh my gosh. Which is the old Chromedicine show song, Caroline, which Sarah and I almost had as our first dance at our wedding until we realize that it is about a brother and a sister. But it is a great song and it is worth looking up Caroline by old Chromedicine show, a total winner for your name.

I do think that this would be difficult. Most blessings, Hank, are complicated blessings, and being named Caroline is certainly one of them. I think that I would just, I think that I would, when it was a store clerk or something, I think I would just say, you know what?

I've, I'm familiar with that bit. No, deeply disagree. Because you don't wanna make some stranger like have a less good day. Just because like, then they're gonna be like, oh yeah, I'm a freaking idiot and I should never talk to people. I don't think people have her.

So you're one of these people who thinks like, don't educate the world one at a time, just suffer a little bit every day. I mean, yeah, I guess if you're going to the same store over and over again, like just stop and they like sweetly say, they're an age you every time, stop going there. But yeah, maybe just have a different name sometimes.

I guess you gotta give me an idea. Oh my God, that's a great idea. And then they look at the idea and they're like, oh sweet Caroline, Hey, girly. Buh. No, no, no. No, you just go, no, when people look at your ID, they're gonna see like Caroline,

whatever your middle name is, Dubu-C. Yeah. I bet that's Caroline's last name. And you could just be like, no, I go by Dubs. I go by Dubs. I go by dubs. Because that's how you shorten debuCe, I believe, I believe that's how the original debuCe did it.

That's how they started going by dubs. So that's what I would do, Caroline. I would just like when you're asked, you know, what's your name at Starbucks? Just be like, it's dubs. Yeah, or you can have like, oh, here's the idea. You have a button and that it says, I serenaded a sweet Caroline

and then every time somebody does it, you just give them a button. That way, not only is it fun for all, but it costs you extra money. That's, I think that's the best idea so far. Keep a bunch of buttons, let's say I serenaded Caroline Dabusey with sweet Caroline and then maybe have a couple that for the outcast song just in case just in case just for roses

Oh gosh, there's a lot of it's not even that particularly that good of a rhyme. I don't know why Caroline is such a great Great song to I think the I think the last syllable hit so hard and it feels like The last syllable of Caroline has always felt like a celebration to me. I've always been predisposed to Caroline's by the way, as you know, Hank. There is something about that name that has always rather captured me in the way that the name Catherine captured Colin Singleton in my second novel. This question comes from Brandon who writes, dear John and Hank, so a friend of mine recently

got his driver's license and he's a great driver except for one thing, he's always nervous making left turns. Do you remember that Hank? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was terrifying when you first started out. So I'm curious, how far can you get making only right turns? Curious friend, Brandon.

John, do you know that UPS takes 90% left turns? I only want to read this question so I can share that UPS fact. Yeah, in 2012, they just stopped making left turns. They were like, we're done with that. That's too much work. Well, they figured out that it was more fuel efficient to make three right turns, not every time, but most of the time, then it is to make one left turn. And so, in certain big city situations, the GPS just says to make three right turns. So I, Brandon, I think that that's no problem. I have no issue if your buddy

wants to treat the world like a UPS driver and just do three rights instead of one left. Just go around and think, well, they also like you, nice thing about being a UPS driver is like you got software that's planning your route for you. So you gotta go everywhere anyway. So there's gotta be a way to get there by making a bunch of right turns. But they do make left turn sometimes. But 90% of the turns they make are right turns. My long time mentor, Eileen Cooper,

who, you know, is not a young person and has probably been driving for, I don't know, I'm going to say 30 years so she doesn't get mad at me. Eileen has like never makes a left turn. She has a strict policy that if she's going to have to make a left turn in a drive, then she's just going to take the train. So your friend is not alone.

UPS drivers and Eileen agree, right turns of the way forward. Practice makes perfect, John. This next question comes from Valerie who asks, dear Hank and John, earlier this year I got accepted in my first choice university program as the start of the start of the fall. As the start of the fall semester gets nearer, I think that I'm going to start getting cold feet.

So I guess my question is, is it normal to feel extremely unqualified going into university? I know that I got into the program and that I earned my place in the program, but I can't shake this feeling. Heighten in the freezer to avoid summer melt, Valerie. Yeah, I mean, by the way, Valerie, I think that feeling may accompany you through the rest of your life. Yeah, just get, by the way, Valerie, I think that feeling may accompany you through the rest of your life.

Yeah, just get used to this one. It is accompanied me through my entire life where I have always felt like a complete imposter and like I just don't, I am not qualified to be doing the things that I'm doing and that at any moment the world is going to figure that out and the public shame that will befall me, will be unlike anything that any human has ever experienced. Okay. Okay. Oh, wow.

That's, well, hopefully it's not that bad, but John has a gift for hyperbole, but also for anxiety. So who knows which one it is. It's true. A little bit about my spikas. I remember that woman who made the extremely inappropriate tweet about HIV infection in sub-Saharan Africa right before getting on an airplane

and by the time she landed, she'd been fired from her job and her husband had divorced her and all of her children had disowned her and she was a pariah on the social internet. Yeah. I think about that every time I write a tweet and then I remind myself, okay, well, but this tweet isn't horrible.

So like, probably nothing bad is gonna happen because I'm not saying something that's like terrible and lamentable, but the truth is all of us make mistakes, Valerie, and at any moment the public could come for you and destroy your reputation. What was the question? I have a huge problem, we're gonna get back to you Valerie, I promise.

But I have a problem where if I post something like even a little bit controversial, I have to check like five minutes, 15 minutes, half an hour, an hour like to make sure that I didn't do something super wrong, or that I'm not. Right, or that something that you wrote wasn't taken out of context, or that it wasn't hurtful in a way that you didn't anticipate.

Right. Yes. Yeah, and like, that's a lot of work for a freaking tweet, anyway. Anyway, I mean, the internet has become, I think, for most of us, a place that does not relieve anxiety, necessarily. That's for sure. But back to Valerie's question. Yeah, I think it's really easy to be anxious

about something that you aren't doing yet. The worst part for me of any time I'm gonna perform is sitting backstage waiting to perform. And that's where you're at right now and that's where a lot of people were at until just now, basically. So it's very likely that Valerie's at school now. But that like not knowing how it's gonna be

and imagining all the ways that it could go wrong, that is in part your brain preparing you for a new experience, but it's also like you can't control it and so it's just unpleasant. Focusing on achievable objectives that are like, okay, well, I'm gonna go to school. Here's how, here's something I can do

to make myself a better person in the meantime or once you are there, you're still gonna be feeling this, but in different ways, there's always this sort of like the next thing that you're worrying about. But focusing on sort of like how you are growing and how you have grown and giving a little bit of look back at like how much more effective and intelligent and knowledgeable you are than you were four years ago, which has been probably a pretty big time of change for you. I'm guessing if you're an incoming freshman. Yeah, or if you're anybody else, really. I mean, four years should represent a significant

amount of change, even to a 40-year-old man. By the way, thanks for the birthday wishes, Hank. I'm just kidding. You didn't wish me a happy birthday. I called you on the phone and I wished you a happy birthday. I meant on today's podcast. I want birthday wishes all month long. Happy birthday, John. I know it was your birthday. However long ago that was forever ago. It was quite a while ago. You old man. Cut a while ago. Hank, I've got a question for you. It comes from Jackie and Josh who write dear John and Hank. As we're sitting on our back porch enjoying a fire on this chilly August evening at 64 in the suburbs of Chicago, my fiance Josh and I are wondering, does fire have mass?

It seems to be weightless as you're watching it. Is it even possible to measure the mass of something that's so volatile? Flomio hotman, Jackie and Josh. Is that just mean like, catch on fire, attractive men? I believe it does, yeah, I think that's the technical that. Flomio hotman. It depends on what you mean. There's a lot of conversations about what fire is or what's fire made of.

And that's like, so there is, in a way, fire is a chemical reaction. And in that way, it doesn't have mass because it's not really a thing, it's an activity, it's like running doesn't have mass, it just is a verb. So in that way, not really, but like fire is made up of particles and those particles and energy, and both particles and energy have mass, or have mass equivalence. So, yeah, the stuff that you're seeing for the most part is like glowing smoke. Smoke that is so hot that it's glowing.

And for one reason or another. And it's complicated. Is that right or is this like pythons giving live birth? I'm pretty sure this is. I can't trust you ever again, I'm afraid. I'm pretty sure this is right. There's little particles of smoke and they are so hot and they are so energized that they are producing light

in various ways and the ways in that they are producing light in various ways and the ways in which they are producing light are I think pretty complicated, but I don't know. But they are particles. And so those things, and currently why they're going upward is because they are surrounded by very hot gas that has been heated up in the fire, and that gas is moving upward

and it's carrying those particles with it. And as cold air sort of rushes in the fire, and that gas is moving upward, and it's carrying those particles with it. And as cold air sort of rushes into the fire, that hot air is hotter, and it's less dense, and so it's moving up because colder, more dense air is being pushed underneath it. So gravity is the reason why fire goes up, and when there's no gravity, fire doesn't go up, and you can actually see videos of fire on the space station

and it forms a sphere, which is weird. The... That seems like a dangerous game to light a fire on the space station. They control it pretty well. They have a little fire box. I would hope so. Hey Hank, slightly off topic.

Did you know that you can actually eat by python eggs, the eggs that you didn't think existed? They're about twice the size of a chicken egg and they have more yolk in proportion to white than a chicken egg does and a stronger richer taste. But other than that, there's not much difference. People love eating Python eggs. I'm looking at some Python egg recipes right now.

Wow. I mean, how often do Python's lay eggs? And can you just farm Python's four eggs? and can you just farm pythons for eggs? You don't know the answer. No, as far as I can tell Hank, people only raise pythons to eventually release them into the Everglades to create a non-native invasive species that can go to war with alligators.

That's my understanding. That's good. This one comes from the siblings, Crowell, who write, dear John and Hank, recently my sister and I went to our local hipster mall. What? I'm sorry. There's a hipster mall.

What? Do you shop for hipsters? Yeah, I'm surprised to learn that there is such a thing as a hipster mall. The malls near me still all have Spencer gifts inside of them. To our local hipster mall to catch a screening of Rushmore. Even more surprising. Wow, yeah.

Both of us have been longtime listeners of the pod, and we both thought the recommendation of the film was too great to pass up. We enjoyed the film thoroughly, but found ourselves in profound anticipation of the quote, I ain't even here, Sergeant, I'm in Cheyenne, Wyoming. Much to our surprise, it wasn't even a quintessential instance in the movie as a whole. While we have since made peace with being misled with what we thought was the most iconic quote in rush more how could one make peace with being misled by those we look up why the chavolo stethis and oh

the siblings crow well i hope you guys didn't just make me curse in latin uh... i dot how did you miss lead people you said there was a quote in a movie uh... and there was a quote to me movie. And there was a quote in a movie. To me, the whole thing that makes Rushmore great is that many of the best lines are not presented with, and now we will cut the music so that the character can say a line, and then CSI Miami style put their sunglasses on.

Like, I love that there are so many great little lines in that movie that you might not even notice till your second or third viewing. I apologize if I made it seem like it's a critical moment in the movie, it's not. Like, it's a play within a play moment. And, but I just, I love that line. I love that line.

So, I can't really apologize because I'm not really sorry because I think that's what makes Rushmore so great, but it does have some other great lines for sure. And don't worry, the next time that I'm working on a book, I'm sure that I will quote all of them to Hank while we are potting. I really need to watch this Rushmore movie, John. I assume that it is about the president's murder, mystery. Oh my God. Oh my God.

So I'll talk to Koda. How, okay. Okay, so there's the most amazing thing in the movie. I think I've even told you this before. The most amazing thing in the movie happens very early on where the Bill Murray character says to Max Fisher, what's the secret Max? And on where the Bill Murray character says to Max Fisher, what's the secret Max? And Max says the secret? And Bloom says, yeah, you seem to have it pretty

figured out. And Max says the secret, I don't know. I guess you've just got to find something you love to do and then do it for the rest of your life. For me, it's going to rush more. I'd like the idea that like Max Fisher has figured out his passion, but it's going to this one particular high school. It's just perfect. Okay. That does sound good. That does sound good. I would like to have a passion.

I have many. I would like to have a particular passion. Oh my God, what would that be? I'd like to have one passion. Why would that even be like? I sometimes I see people who just tweet about one thing and I'm like, you person who loves this one particular weather satellite.

How do I be you? How do I just love that? I wonder if those people in real life though, like on a day-to-day basis, if they're always thinking about that one particular weather satellite or weather satellites in general, or if like they also have lots of other interests, they don't share those interests with the public.

I would like for you to have one driving public facing interests so that I wouldn't have to have so many jobs being the tale to your many comments. Could my, could my like one public facing interest just be going on Jamaican holiday? Oh God, that's so obviously the phrase. No, it's not. That was so good. No, nobody knew.

Nobody knew. Nobody knew. No, nobody knew. Everybody forgot. It wasn't even close. Everybody forgot there was even a phrase of the week. They didn't even remember the way they did it. They didn't know that was the phrase of the week

is if they had forgotten that there is a phrase of the week bit that we're doing for a little bit to see if it works, which it probably isn't. We had a phrase of the week, which is Jamaican holiday, but Hank Wedge did in there with all of the subtlety of Donald Trump getting eight tents at the way through a speech and realizing he hasn't said anything about building the wall.

Okay. I felt good about it. I felt good about it. Well, I think that it's a definite loss. I think it's a definite win for me. But that said, today's podcast is brought to you by Jamaican Holidays. Jamaican Holidays, I actually don't think Hank has ever been on one, but Sarah and I go on one every year.

Oh, oh my, I didn't know that. Today's podcast is also brought to you by Hot Dog Bun Buts. Get yourself a four pack, put your finger right down in the middle and say that's, that's how they do it. Hot Dog Bun Buts. And today's podcast is additionally brought to you by the sphere of fire on the International Space Station, yet one more reason not to be an astronaut. And finally, this podcast is brought to you by Python Eggs,

Hot Fresh and Tasty, available at your local Python Egg eatery special for your favorite Jamaican holidays. Let's get back to questions from our listeners. This one comes from Laura and I think you're gonna love it, Hank, because it gets into something deep, ominous, dark, and deadly. Dear John and Hank, here's the thing. So a mermaid is half fish and half human, right? What do mermaids eat?

I know that fish often eat other fish, and that's completely acceptable. But if someone who is half fish and half human, with the thinking and feeling human part of a mermaid, feel cannibalistic eating a fish. If a mermaid does feel cannibalistic eating fish and assuming they have fish friends like Ariel does and little mermaid, then would said mermaid be disgusted at their fish friends for eating fish? Additionally, would a mermaid be able to survive, get enough protein, etc. on a vegetarian

type diet, with what they have available in the ocean? Do you think that a mermaid considers shellfish such as clams and mussels to be part of her own species or distinguishes these as edible food sources without guilt? Hank, there are many good questions within this question to unpack, but to me, the critical one is, do we make a distinction between species and order or class or genus when it comes to cannibalism?

In short, Hank, was it cannibalism for humans of the homosapian species to eat Neanderthrals of the other human species? Is that cannibalism if you eat a different species of humans? Because Neanderthrals and homosapians did coexist, what would it have been cannibalism to eat them? I mean, so I'm answering this question, but before I do, I gotta say that fish are not as closely related as we are with Neanderthals. Like there are lots of fish that are much more distant related than that.

So there are a lot of fish, especially when you're talking about shellfish, which aren't even fish, they're mollusks. Right. Right. That's a totally different thing. But anyway. But like, can a clownfish eat a parrotfish, or are they too tight? Well, I don't think either of those fish eat fish, but... Well, hypothetically, Hank, hypothetically, can a clownfish eat a...

Well, I could have... Yeah, like, can a shark eat a shark? Can a great white shark eat a hammerhead shark and be like, can a, can a, can a sharky to shark? Can a, can a great white sharky to hammerhead shark and be like, no big. And I think, yes, I think absolutely yes, no big. But can a, can a, can a, a member of the Homo sapien species eat a member of the Neanderthal species and not have it be cannibalism? I think it's not cannibalism,

but I still think it's really wrong. Mostly just the killing. Well, it definitely, it definitely happened. Cannibalism was super common for almost all of human history. Oh just the killing. Well, it definitely happened. Candles of Lism was super common for almost all of human history. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I think it's wrong.

I think mostly the killing is wrong. Like if you come across a dead Neanderthal, I don't know, it gives me the willies, that's for sure. I've got the willies. Yeah, I don't think it's wrong Laura. I think that you can eat whatever you want to eat as long as you don't kill it. And if you're gonna eat something

that did get killed in order for you to eat it, then you should be emotionally and morally ready to have killed that thing. That's basically what I think. But I will say that I think I wouldn't be a problem for a mermaid to be a vegetarian. Like I think that they could pull that off. Oh, there's so much seaweed and the seaweed is very,

it's high in protein, it's got, seaweed's got everything in it. Yeah, it's good stuff, got kelp. But I do all worry about like, how do you cook underwater? Cause that, you're definitely, everything is sushi if you're, yeah, if you're gonna be a mermaid.

Cause you like, And everybody likes sushi, but nobody wants sushi all the time. No, just take it down to one of those deep sea vents where it's hot and weird and cook it. Just hold it over the vent. I mean, this is a very adventurous hypothetical mermaid that we've got. I mean, the good news is that there are no mermaids. Wait, God, I'll tell you what, if my daughter does listen to this, she's gonna be devastated. What? Did she just Alice think there are mermaids?

Alice is so funny. She, the only things that she believes in are leprechauns, which she believes are real in Ireland, no matter how many times I tell her that they are made up, and that they are definitely not real. But she'll be like, dragons were never real daddy, and I'll be like, that's right. And she'll be like, dragons were never real daddy, and I'll be like, that's right, and she'll be like, unicorns are not real.

And I'm like, that's right, Alice, and she'll be like, but leprechauns are real. And I'm like, no, they aren't, and she's like, they are in Ireland, and I'm like, no, they're not in Ireland, they're not real anywhere. And then she'll say, and mermaids are real, and I'll be like, yeah, and she'll be like, but very rare. Okay.

Well, what are we to tell her different? I mean, I don't even know where. At some point, we're gonna see things come from. Did you ever listen to that episode of this American Life where the poor kid whose parents had never quite broken the news about unicorns was at a college party, and they were discussing endangered animals and the effects that humans have had on biological diversity and she asked are unicorns extinct

or just endangered? Maybe the best advice that we can give that young person who's headed off to college is that unicorns were never real. So now you're totally ready for your first year of university. Yeah, well, also we have a, is there like a special label on iTunes for like Alice can't listen to this one?

Yeah, like a E except it's just an A. That's just like no Alice's. Hank, before we get to the news from Mars and AFC, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I I wanted to let you know that John's advice was helpful because I found it in my room. Car! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa That's definitely, definitely contact your friendly local advice podcast before you call anybody else. We also got some names, specific sign offs that I wanna read, Hank. Yeah, yes. We got a great one from Kat who signs her emails off curiosity

hasn't killed me yet, Kat. We got a great one from Tyson who signs off his emails of Tyson men. Okay. I really like this one from Mary who signs off Eat, Drink, and Be, Mary. That's great. That's great.

It's gold. It's so good because it's got works both ways. And someone wrote in that their mother has an amazingly British name specific sign off, the Crown Comma Jewels. I also want to thank Alex for sending in a couple suggestions for my daughter, Alice, when she's old enough to be writing emails. I very much like the sign off with Love or Malice. This one's from Alice.

Good, good, good. Not allowed at the Vatican Palace, Alice. What did Alice do? Probably also going to be true? Hank is there any way that I could go first because I have incredible news I have the most exciting news that you could possibly imagine did you score a point? We scored Hank in the last two games aFC Wimbledon scored wait for it six Goals are possible. They were to save a lot. Goals are us.

After scoring one goal in the first three games of the season, just getting the first four games of the season and no goals in the previous six games of last season, AFC Wimbledon scored two goals against Donkaster Rovers to win their first league game. Before that, someone on Twitter had sent me a very mean message what's the difference between a.m.c. Wimbledon and a triangle?

A triangle has three points and that was very mean. And I just want to say that that was mean. But you know what? Now, AFC Wimbledon has four points, four league points. Take it. That's pretty much all you need to stay up. The critical win against Don Caster Ro, and I'm really excited about it. It means that AFC Wimbledon are now well

out of the relegation places by one point. And yeah, that's right where we need to be. Four points after four games. And then last night, as we're recording this, the Don's played in the all-important check-at-trade football league trophy, which is one of these like, you know, it's one of the like cup games that isn't about the league. It's like a different competition where all the teams in England play each other. And AFC Wimbledon started a team that can only be

described as pretty much all children. In many cases, literally, In many cases, some literal children played, but they played very, very well. They scored four goals and one, four, three. Goal scores included, included, Eglik Kaja, Ant Hartigan, who is 17 years old and just signed his professional contract, and Cody McDonnell. So, very exciting to see the young

players from Wimbledon get a chance to play and to play so well for three victory, two new victory, two goals, two wins on the trot. The dons are going up, Hank, next season the championship. All right. Or this season, you just got to win more. Yeah, we just have to win a lot. Yeah. Go with a whole lot. John, you just got to win more. Yeah, we just have to win a lot, yeah. Go win a whole lot, John, you know what a big problem about going to Mars is? Pff, is it that the fuel weighs so much and you need to like extra fuel to push the fuel

that weighs so much? That is one of the big ones. But a lesser known one is that Omega-3 fatty acids are essential oils, not in the meaning of essential oil that you have heard of, but essential meaning that we can't make them ourselves, but our body needs them. So we have to eat them.

And they actually break down over time. They are not stable. And if you try to just put them in a pill, eventually they turn into other stuff. So basically the scientists are like, we need to bring something with us that can make these things. And also in general, when you're going to Mars, you want to save every atom and turn it into something useful.

And so that means like when you're peeing, like that pee, you're gonna take all the water out of it and you're gonna drink that water again. But then you're gonna be left with some other stuff, a lot of yiria, for example. And you wanna use that. You wanna turn it into something useful. Well, some new research has taken that yiria and combining it with carbon dioxide,

which is, you know, we exhale it, but it's also, there's lots of it on Mars. And a yeast, as well as a cyanobacteria, which altogether can turn urea and carbon dioxide into two different things. One omega-3 fatty acids, which you could then eat, and be like, this is delicious, and I sprinkled it on my toast this morning. Of course, spread it on my toast, I guess. And the other, like basically polyester. So that you can use that to, you know, it's just a plastic that you can use in like a 3D printer to turn into, you know, whatever the 3D printer needs to make.

So this research was presented by Clemson University's Mark Blanner, associate professor of chemical and bio-molecular engineering. And the hope is that in the future, because right now I get sort of tied up inside of the yeast, inside of this little fungi, one cell fungi, I think, that not only will we be able to sort of like get those yeasts to leave it behind in some way that we can get it without having to kill them. But also that we could potentially engineer them to be making very specific molecules.

And that would allow us to create better plastics. That would be more useful and also better stuff for eating. So yeah, we needed some of the nitrogen that Eurea to help make some of those things. And now that's happening. So yeah, you can watch a video about it that's on the... Co-I know, thank you. It's produced by PBS Digital Studios on the reaction. There's a little pictures of,

you know, urine sample vials. There's no one peeing. Oh boy. Oh boy. I mean, nothing has ever made me want to not go to Mars quite like knowing that I'm gonna get my Omega 3 fatty acids from the part of my pee that I'm not drinking. Ha ha ha ha.

Did you know the job that I'm the International Space Station, the US side of this space station has a urine recycler, Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Shoot it out into space. No, John, they put it in a giant bag and they bring it over to the US side of this space station and put it in the hour machine. Oh man, space, the final frontier in so many ways. Oh, space. What are we gonna do with all this pee? Hank, what did we learn today? John, we learned that mama Python and hatchling do kiss, waggling do, kiss,

wagling round, and you shouldn't burn books. And we also learned that hotdog buns have butts that get cut somehow. We learned that UPS takes 90% right hand turns, and that, I mean, Cooper, takes 0% right turn hand turns, because she'll just take the train. Thank you very much. Left hand turns. She doesn't take any left'll just take the train. Thank you very much. Left-Hand turns. She doesn't take any left-Hand turns to be clear. That's very confusing.

And lastly, we learned that Hank does not have one passion, but it would be nice for his brother if he did. Hank, thank you for potting with me. We're off now to record this week in Ryan's our special podcast that we do every week where we talk about a Ryan who lately hasn't been named Ryan over at patreon.com slash deer hank and john. You can find out more over there if you want to join in on this weekend, Ryan's the worst eight minutes of your week.

Dear hank and john is produced by Rosiana Halsey, Rojas and Sheridan Gibson. Our community manager is Victoria Bonjorno. It's edited by Nicholas Jekyllis. Our music is by the Greg Gunnarola. You can email us at hankinjohn.gmail.com. You can find us on Twitter, Hank Green, and John Green. Easy enough. And as they say in our hometown, don't forget to be awesome. you