Dear Hank & John - 11: How Do You "Make Something of Yourself"?

Episode Date: August 17, 2015

If you could punch anyone in the face, who would it be? Do you need to "protect your image"? Do adults continue to change as they get older? What are some cheap date ideas? If you could invent a new word, what would it be? These and other questions (and also the news from both Mars and AFC Wimbledon) are contained within!If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at [e-mail] us for monthly livestreams and an exclusive weekly podcast at patreon.com/dearhankandjohn.Follow us on Twitter! twitter.com/dearhankandjohn

Hello and welcome to Dear Hank and John. Or is I prefer to think of it Dear John and Hank. This is a podcast where I, Hank Green and John, my brother, will answer your questions, give you some dubious advice, and bring you all the week's news from both Mars, the planet, and AFC Wimbledon. John, how you doing? I'm doing well, how are you Hank? I'm pretty good, I've had a bit of an annoying day, I'll be honest, we can talk about that later, but first

Can you have a short poem for us? Sure, this is a poem to remind you that is annoying as your day might have been. It's better than World War One was. Today's poem comes from the Great World War One poet, AE Houseman, and here it is. Here, Deadly Wee, because we did not choose to live and shame the land from which we sprung. Life, to be sure, is nothing much to lose. But young men think it is, and we were young. Oof.

A.E. Houseman's poem on death and war. And also, I think, the centrality of the body. This is something I've been thinking a lot about. It was really in the first world war that poets in Europe started to grapple with the question of the seriousness of destroying or endangering or acting violently upon a human body because you know for most of European history for the last thousand years The destruction of the body was secondary to the destruction or endangering of the soul like you know The soul was gonna survive in a way that the body wasn't and it was really in world war one when poets began to grapple with You know that in a world where maybe there aren't human souls or maybe the human soul doesn't survive the human body that

Begin to grapple with kind of the seriousness of bodily destruction and Houseman did that very interestingly Throughout his career, but I think also also in that poem. Well, my refrigerator isn't working. Yeah Which is super annoying. That is tough. You know what it reminds me of a little bit? Is that 20 million actual human beings died in World War I? But I'm sorry about your fridge.

I've been shuffling and materials around and knocking on neighbor's door so that I can put my frozen vegetables in there and their freezers and boy. What a... You've ruined all of my complaint, John. I can no longer complain about the thing I wanted to complain about. Can I ask you a question and or provide you with some dubious advice? Okay, go ahead. When you've paid 89 cents for a small container of frozen green peas, I'm not entirely convinced it's necessary to expend the effort to walk to your neighbors

and beg for a bit of their freezer space. Well, it's not just that, John. Catheryn and I worked very hard to prepare a great deal of pesto with the ridiculously abundant basil plants in our backyard, and that was a long time invested in what is a delicious, delicious pesto. But we cannot eat it fast enough, so it has to be frozen. And if it were to unfreeze, we would lose all of that hard work that we, as a couple, expended, and there's a lot more than just pesto in that pesto, John. You know what I mean?

Sure, yeah, no, there's love in that pesto. You're almost making me cry, but instead, you're making me bored. Let's take some questions. All right, we have a question here from Angela, who asks, dear Hank and John, I'm going at a high school this year, and I'm going to a different school for most of my friends.

My best friend recently told me that I need to be careful who I befriended in order to protect my image in quotation marks. This really confused me because I was unaware that I had an image to protect. He said I should use high school as an opportunity to make something of myself. I'm guessing he means to build my social status, but I really don't know. So my question here is, is it really worthwhile

to quote, make something of yourself in high school? Oh boy. First off, I don't like any of your friend's advice. It seems even more dubious than our advice. This idea of protecting your image, being careful in who you befriend. I think you should be careful in who you befriend, just because you want to be surrounded by positive influences in your life and not people who are going to be manipulative or destructive or going to be hurtful to you.

But I don't think that you need to protect your image and I think that you're quite right that you don't have an image to protect. Like, you have no control over the way that the world sees you. And I don't think you should try much to try to control that. You should try to control, you know, the way that the people who care about you see you and the way that you see yourself. Those are the people whose opinions ought to matter to you. Now, that's very difficult to do in high school.

And by the way, also after high school, but I think that's the job of life, both in high school and afterwards. As for making something of yourself in high school, I am reminded of the great line from the great Gatsby in which Nick Caraway says of Tom Buchanan that I'm going to butcher the line, I apologize in advance. He says that he was one of those men who reached such an acute limited excellence at 21

that everything afterwards savers of anti-climax. You don't want to be the kind of person who reaches such an acute limited excellence in your youth that everything afterwards savers of anti-climax. You want to climax much later, ideally when you're like 87. Yeah, I mean, the interesting thing about the phrase make something of yourself is the word something. Because what are you making of yourself, except for yourself? If that quote just removed something of and said, you need to make yourself, then I would be like, yes, you need to make yourself. And however that is for you,

and however you wish to make yourself and make yourself a more self-person, do that, and do as little as possible, and this is very hard. Wondering about what other people are thinking about who yourself is. I think that was a very beautiful answer, although perhaps a little bit too long, but very beautiful.

I have another question for you. It's from Peen. It's a Dutch. I think this is... How was my answer too long when you talked for like 25 minutes? Oh no, that's the rules, is that my answers are allowed to be long.

I am floral in my conversing, whereas you are the like, you're the scientific one. You're supposed to be, it's supposed to be an odd couple of things, where I talk and talk and talk, and then you in a very like quick and precise way lay down the law and you did that beautifully, but then you kept talking after you've done it. All right, well, I'm glad now I know the actual structure of our podcast.

I thought we were just brothers talking the way that brothers do. You fart bag. No, you are mistaken. And by the way, I don't think there's anything wrong with being a fart bag, a bag that contains a single fart. I think that you're a bag of like a million different farts, like farts from all different kinds of people. Everybody's farts are contained inside of the bag of Hank. Well, at least I have fart diversity. This is the worst comedy podcast in the world.

Okay, we've got a question here from Peen, Hank, from the Netherlands. Dear John and Hank, if you could punch anyone in the face with no limitations to space, time, fictional universes, and or strength, who would it be and why? What a great question. Well, I worry about being as strong as I'd like to be, because I'm afraid that now if I punch someone in the face And I'm like, okay, this is gonna be a super strong punch and it punch them and then I'm like, wow, I evaporated their head I did not expect for that. Yeah, so Well, I think it's got to be somebody who's had you ready to evaporate I actually think there are two questions inside of this question hang there's the question of like

Who would you punch in the face because they're the worst person ever and then there's the question of like, who would you punch in the face because they're the worst person ever? And then there's the question of like, who would you punch in the face just because they need a punch in the face to like, you know, get with reality. Like I remember, you know, my cousin Eric, also your cousin Eric, Lisa's husband. I was coming back from a volleyball game. When I first moved to Chicago, Lisa and Eric were very nice to me. I'd just been dumped by this girl and I was completely devastated about it. And Lee Sinaric would like take me to activities to try to like get me out of the this rat-infested walk-in closet that I lived in and We were coming back one day and I was talking about the girl who dumped me even though it had been like four months and

Eric just turned he was driving and he just turned around and he smacked me in the face. He didn't say anything, he just smacked me. And it was very helpful. It was very helpful. It was like negative reinforcement. I'm not advising that anyone do that. Again, I'm never in favor of violence, but I found that particular act of violence rather, rather useful. I would punch Stalin in the face, and I would punch him very hard, and I would try to kill him. Just like to max out my strength. I want to punch

a hole in this man's head. Yeah, I would go ahead and turn the strength up to a leaven in punch Stalin in the face. So I'll take one that is, that is just somebody who needs a punch. So I'll take one that is just somebody who needs a punch. And I'm gonna say whoever was in charge of all of the awful, awful decisions that led to the mortgage crisis in America. Mm, a nice punch to a banker's face. Yeah, boy, you know. Yeah, because I just, just, mostly because I feel like

that person was just having such a good time when they were doing it. Yeah. And then now nobody knows who they are. And it's like nobody knows. And they totally got away with it. And it's a bunch of people. So, but I'd like to punch whoever it was that thought that it would be a really great idea

to create that culture of let's make money. And who cares if we're going to ruin the entire economy doing it? You know Hank, I know a lot of bankers and I often hear from my banker friends and acquaintances that they get a bad rap and I'm sure that there are bankers listening to this podcast now who feel very oppressed by the sort of general response to bankers. And the truth is there's lots of great bankers out there who provide important services, you know, like the sort of like short-term loans

that small businesses need to succeed and grow. And lots of, you know, but you know what I mean when I say banker, the Wall Street people who, you know, say that their responsibility is to their clients and not to the social order. And they often say, like, I don't understand why people hate us and like they just hate us because they need a scapegoat And there's a little bit of me that's like, or maybe people hate you because of you the the actions that you do

And because of the world view that that you put forward and people just don't like it like they just don't agree with it Yeah, I think I think they need a punch in the face. Yeah, not like Stalin does though. No, no, no. God, it would feel good to punch Stalin. How good would that feel? Just to feel his mustache on your fist. That's a little creepy. I hate Stalin's mustache.

I was just imagining it sort of like brushing against your knuckles and I was, it was in my head. It was kind of a caring gesture and it upset me. No, no, no, no, no, his mustache is going to hit the back of his brain when I punch him. You know me, Hank. I'm powerful. This question is from Jacob, who asks, dear Hank and John, so lots of people have trouble understanding why online communities are so great and how they can actually be fulfilling.

I have my reasons that I share, but I'd love to hear your thoughts, to be able to add more to the discussion. Thank you. That's a great question, Jacob. I think for me, it's just that online communities are a place where I can get really excited about stuff that not that many people in my real life get excited about. So like in 2006, when I was a member of the Lonely Girl 15 fan community and a sports racer, a member of the fan community around

Zef Frank's the show. There just weren't that many people in my real life who were equally excited about online video, you know. And so it was a place that I could connect to people who shared my interest and passions and who also were like making really interesting creative work and response to the stuff that I liked, that I could also appreciate and even participate in. And so that, to me, is what's so special and so real about online communities, but also think like the friendships that you make online are just as real or at least have the potential

to be just as real as friendships and real life. And I love both sorts of communities and both sorts of relationships. And there is much to be said for surrounding yourself with both of those things. And I, you know, there's something definitely different about real life relationships. I feel like there's more information can be communicated more quickly. And sometimes it is easier to understand another person more fully. An online relationships can be easier to sort of project a version of yourself, though sometimes that's really valuable and really wonderful to do and fun to do. Rather than sort of be like the, you know, exactly,

or to have the sort of, the way that you communicate the way that you look and act and talk, sort of be the thing that defines you initially in a relationship in the real world, because there's all of that information that you're passing that you don't intend to pass just by your language, by your quirks and your various stereotypes that we cannot get away from in our culture. Yeah, there are a lot of advantages. To me, the fact that people are asked to justify these online relationships is a little ridiculous and something that is going to go away.

Yeah, we're one generation away from that going away because certainly when my kids ask, you know, can I meet these internet friends? I'll say, yeah, you know, as long as you meet them in a public place and I'm, you know, in the car watching. Hank, we have a question, a very important question from Maggie, who writes, Dear John and Hank, what are fun and cheap data ideas? Oh. Well, I have lots of those.

This is a great question for Hank because he rather specializes in things that are cheap. Ah, ha, ha, ha, ha, but not in dating, which I did very little love in my life. But I have lots of fun and cheap things that I like to do with my friends. And so there are lots of public spaces that are just there for the funning playgrounds are great. And you might think, I'm an adult. Why would I go to a playground? Well, go after dark and it's a whole different experience.

It's just a great place to sit around and hang out and swing on swings and be both an adult and a child at the same time. You can go to bars and not drink. It's a really great way to not spend money. You can do whatever activity they have there, whether it's like watching music or karaoke or trivia pinball, which does cost money, but not a ton.

And yeah, so you can, the people at the bar might be like, why do you keep coming to the bar? And you are not just fine, you are present here by giving us money, but you know, the ticket is at the bar. It's a place to hang out. Just be in there is a bit of an advantage for them as long as you're not taking up the last table or anything.

So there's that and also there's just a great deal of fun that can be had on the inside of wherever you dwell. And that is, there are lots of games that you don't even have to buy. One of my favorite is called Foldy Foldy Draw Draw, where you write a phrase and then you fold the paper over and then the person below draws that phrase and then the next person tries to translate that drawing into words and then it's like telephone but with drawings and writing. And I know that it's not called Foldy Foldy Draw Draw. It has other names, exquisite corpses, is one of them, but I prefer to call it Foldy Foldy Draw Draw. And there are lots of games like that which

require nothing more than a pen and paper or maybe a die or just very simple things that it is very fun. And then also just talking, talking is very cheap, cheap is free. And it, or cooking together, cooking together is a wonderful thing to do with a friend. And so you say like, let's, yes, come over, and this is a little weird, but we're gonna make lasagna or tacos, and you're gonna bring margarita mix, and we're gonna have a good night. And that's a weird date, but look, it's gonna be way more fun because this is about people experiencing other people not paying for something to do

that some other person has created. Those are all good ideas, Hank, if you definitely don't want to have the relationship work out, but I do, because I like Maggie, I care about her. First off, Maggie's under 21, have the relationship work out, but I do, because I like Maggie, I care about her. First off, Maggie's under 21, so your Marguerita mix suggestion is literally illegal.

Hey, hey, you can have Marguerita mix without tequila in it. It's just not very good. It's just awful. That's gonna make a date better. Nothing makes a date better, like Virgin Marguerita mix. Yeah, that's gonna make a date better. Nothing makes a date better like virgin margarita mix Hank as you know, I'm a huge fan of the mixed martial arts fighter rowdy ronda rousey Undefeated new information to me, but okay, but she's fantastic You should really read her AMA on reddit anyway. I was reading her AMA on reddit a couple days ago

And she said that her ideal date and I trust her Is nothing is to do nothing, is to just sit around and do nothing, because if you go on a date with someone who tries to show you an amazing, amazing time, like, well, are they not interested enough in you to listen to you, and are they not interesting enough to just be themselves with you?

So my recommendation, forget this playground, wazanya business, do nothing. Just and don't play any Foldy Foldy, what do you call exquisite corpse? Foldy Foldy Dra-Dra-Dra? I think it's hilarious that you know a game that was played by surrealist artists that was hugely important to the art history of surrealism is now called Fuldy Fuldy Draw Draw. Anyway. I have complicated reasons why I prefer the name Fuldy Fuldy Draw Draw to exquisite corpse and they are good artistic reasons that we can talk about some other time.

I believe you. I'm just saying that if you're going to use it as a suggestion, people will be better off googling Exquisite corpse than googling fully fully draw draw although maybe you could register fully fully draw draw dot com and Teach people how to play it there or or I could I could box it up and sell it for 20 bucks Just a bunch of pieces of paper and pencils it comes with a pencil and a piece of paper and instructions on how to play Fully Fully Draw Draw. The hot new game from Hank Green. Today's podcast is sponsored by Fully Fully Draw Draw. Available now for just $20 at FullyFullyDrawDraw.com.

Fully Fully Draw Draw, a game that involves nothing but a piece of paper, a pencil, and your imagination. But don't worry, we provide the piece of paper and the pencil. This episode of Dear Hank and John is brought to you by Stalin's mustache. Absolutely awful, unless pressed against the back of his skull. This episode of Dear Hank and John is brought to you by Frozen Pesto. Frozen Pesto are nation's number one unrenewable resource. Frozen Pesto, you literally can't get it anywhere else, so you'd better hike five miles to find a neighbor

whose freezer you can put it in. How far away do your neighbors live? I just walked next door and I was like, hey, can I put some stuff in your freezer? And he was like, yeah, come on in. Anyway, yeah, you should do something minimal on the date and just find out if you like each other and then once you like each other I think you can start doing fun stuff like full-defoldy draw draw or you know like going to free concerts or going to bars and only drinking I mean gok which they usually give away for free if you're not drinking because you can claim you're a designated driver

Yeah, and then I just disagree I think that I think that you should have some kind of activity that you can't just like be like, hey, let's go on a date. We're gonna sit and look at each other. I think it's good to like, we're gonna make, we're gonna do something together. We're gonna make lasagna. Well, Hank, I don't want to brag. What's wrong with that? Which of us has been dumped way more than the other? You have been dumped more than me. Way more because I've done so much more dating. Right. I mean, I don't know that you... That makes you qualified to give good dating advice

when you've just had a lot of unsuccessful dates. I'm just saying, Maggie? Maggie, if you want to get dumped, listen to my advice. All right. If you want to marry your first love, listen to Hanks. It's up to you. This question is from Francis who asks, dear Hank and John, Listen to my advice. All right. If you want to marry your first love, listen to Hanks. It's up to you. This question is from Francis,

who asks, dear Hank and John, one of my favorite YA authors said she would never write a book about people in their 20s. She said people in their 20s already know themselves and their definition of who they are is set in stone. Do you think this is true? I'm 26, and I'm still learning who I am as a person. Well, I mean, I think I understand what the author meant. And I've said things about adults

that I kind of regret in trying to explain why I like writing about teenagers. But I know, I don't think that you're finished when you're, and when you get to your 20s or that you already know yourself. I thought that when I was in high school, I thought that when I was younger, I felt like adolescence was all the really interesting human stuff, and then you kind of got to be an adult and you just sort of rode it out until death. Like you just stayed the person that you'd become until you died. And that has not been my experience at all. I do think the change maybe slows down a little,

but the change is still quite dramatic, at least in my life when I look back at my early 30s or at my 20s, like, my life was very different in every way and the way that I looked at the world was different and I still don't feel like I've become myself. You know, I feel like I'm all, that's a process of becoming, rather than like an event that I look back on. So yeah, I disagree, but I do think that

there is something uniquely interesting about Ado Essence. And that's one of the reasons that YA writers tend to focus on teenagers as readers and as characters, but I don't think that you finish becoming a person when you turn 21. Agree. Hank, we've got a question here from Hannah who writes, dear John and Hank,

if you could invent a new word, what would it be and what would it mean? This is a great example of a question that I would typically think about for a few days before answering. Okay, can I ask, let's try to answer that question on the next podcast? Okay. But can I ask a question for this podcast? Is there a word that you would eliminate and have its meaning eliminated from the English language? Because I have one.

Oh, no, I don't, not immediately. There's nothing that... Mine is celebrity. Yeah, okay, I could see that. I would remove the idea of celebrity and the word celebrity from the language. Don't you think that the idea of celebrity would just reappear immediately in some other form?

No, because I don't think that it always existed. I think that there was an English language that was fairly comprehensive that did not include the word or the idea celebrity. It might have included the word or idea for famous person, but not the specific word celebrity. Interesting. I think that the concept of celebrity is a product of our

culture as it currently exists. And I don't think that the elimination of the word or the concept would change culture enough to have the concept not reappear. Maybe. But it would But, but good point. It would be a good first step. Yeah, I do not like the idea of celebrity very much, having had some connection to it. What is it about the concept of celebrity that bugs you? Well, I think it's just the, and I'm completely hypocritical in saying this, but I feel like when culture becomes so personality-driven and so driven by the people who make stuff rather than the stuff itself, we end up almost offering a kind of divinity or worship toward individual people who are just as

screwed up as any other individual people and I think from my own experiences with celebrity I feel like it's as destructive to the people who worship celebrity as it is to the celebrities themselves. I don't I don't really know anyone Including the most famous people I know who I think have benefited from celebrity except financially. And that's no small thing, of course. That's a very big deal. But I think that it's been a little bit destructive to a lot of the people I know. And I know that that worship of celebrity can be destructive because you're inevitably

disappointed. We have to be careful what we worship precisely because we give it tremendous power by worshiping it. And when we worship fame and particular ideas of beauty, I think that we maybe give those too much power. I mean, having thought during that, during your talking there, the easy answer to that question that you just asked is that there are a number of words that exist solely for the perpetuation of hate and I would love to eliminate those words and their and their concepts from from our language as well. That's a great that's a great one. There's a ton of words that do nothing. Yeah, that's so true that that are nothing but hateful and help no one. Yeah, that's so true. That are nothing but hateful and help no one.

Yeah, and yes, and there's, of course, there's the words themselves, you know, they're obviously just strings of letters, but it's really about the concept. And so like in some ways, you could eliminate, there are words that you could eliminate or concepts that you could eliminate, and the word would still be used

because the word is also used in unhateful ways Right, but just the idea of saying like no you can't you can't use the word gay in a hateful way like there's no there's no concept Just the way that there's no that it's very difficult to To come up with a word that just means like There's a very a hateful word with a word that just means like, there's a hateful word for friend. Like, that doesn't exist. Right. So just like that, there should be no hateful word

for a homosexual person. And the fact that like this word gay means both, both positively, yes, I'm gay. And also negatively, that is so gay, you are so gay. Right, yeah, I mean, the same is true for women. I think there are lots of words that describe women that are very hateful. And yeah, we shouldn't have those,

or really for any kind of marginalized person. That reminds me of the word that I would invent. It has given me an idea for the word that I would invent as to Hannah's question. Oh, okay. I would invent a word for lame, other than lame. Yeah, yeah. And a word for, also I would invent a word for idiotic

that didn't rely upon idiot. This early 20th century taxonomical way of describing people with intellectual disabilities. I would love to have a word that meant lame, which is because the meaning of lame is a very important thing to have in the world, like in its colloquial usage, I mean, but the word lame is hurtful to a lot of people.

So yeah, that's what I would do. But I don't know what the word would be. If anyone has any suggestions, please leave them as comments on SoundCloud or you can always tweet us at John Green or Hank Green. I, in that same vein, I think that there aren't enough curse words that are actually negative things. Like a lot of our curse words are like, well, that's

just a bodily function, or that's just an activity that many people enjoy engaging in. Just because we've pulled these things out of our taboos, and oftentimes our taboos don't actually make any sense, I would love to have more curse words that are just actual negative things. I could just yell out, you know, weapon of mass destruction. Like, right. Yeah. Think things say.

Seren gas. Yes. Yeah, that's Stalin's mustache. Yeah, that's good, I like that one. I often say poop on a stick. Poop on a stick because poop poop, eh, you know, like we use lots of different words for poop, our curse words, but you know,

that's just a thing that everybody does. We shouldn't be ashamed of that. We shouldn't, you know, tabooify that by making it a vulgarity, but poop on a stick, that's a weapon. And you know what he wants, poop on a stick. Nobody wants to have poop on a stick waved in their face.

Nobody wants to be hit with poop on a stick. That's, it's doubly painful. You're getting stabbed, but you're also getting poop inside a stick. No. Nobody wants to have poop on a stick waved in their face. Nobody wants to be hit with poop on a stick. That's doubly painful. You're getting stabbed, but you're also getting poop inside of you. Yes, negative, negative. Hey, maybe we should move on now to the news from Mars and AFC Wimbleton.

Okay, that seems like a good place to, yeah, make that transition. Yes. Well, in news from Mars this week, one of the interesting things about Mars is that it was at one time covered at least partially in water, liquid water, and that is the main ingredient for life to exist. But the question is-

Hey, can I just pause real quick? Can we pause? Was it water, like our water is water? Like it was in an ocean, like if I were in the Martian ocean of the distant past, would I swim in it and feel like I was in the ocean of earth? Well, we don't know. Yes, it would, except for the fact that we're not sure what you would be breathing with your lungs. So it is possible that, in fact, likely, in fact, almost certain that if you were in the Martian ocean

and you took a breath, not of the water, but of the air that you would not be able to survive on whatever stuff was in that air. No, I was imagining that I was like scuba diving. Right, oh yes, it would be, yes, if you were scuba diving on Mars and you had a tank full of oxygen, it would be exactly like scuba diving on Earth.

Pretty much, yes. Okay. So the Martian water, we know that it was there, but the big question is how long was it there, and where was it last? So the place where the water stuck around the longest is a really good candidate for where we should go and look to see if maybe there was or still remains beneath the surface living things that might be based on an entirely

different kind of biology than we have here on Earth. And that would be a tremendous and sort of ridiculous wealth of under like scientific understanding of the universe and of life. So recently scientists have discovered basically what they think is the last place, pretty much, probably, that water existed on the surface of Mars. And you can read about this in another place is just by looking at maybe Googling last lake on Mars. And it's possible that locked beneath the surface there there are still certainly signs that that life once existed, but also potentially life itself,

which would be pretty exciting. So that is definitely knowing that informs our future missions and also just our understanding of this wonderful planet that exists right here in our solar system. Hank, I wonder if we could make a wager about life on Mars. So that if life is eventually found on Mars, you would win it. And if life isn't found on Mars, you would win it and if life isn't found on Mars within say the next 36 months I would win it. Would that be possible? 36 months? Yeah, I don't think that's along enough in terms of human innovation to find some life No, no, I will I'll make the bet that in the next 20 years

We will find life on Mars or that there was once life on Mars We will find life on Mars. Or that there was once life on Mars. Okay, but I want to amortize the bet so that you have to pay me every year for the next 20 years. And then if within the next 20 years there is a discovery of life on Mars, I will pay you back everything that you've paid me plus whatever the bet is. All right, I'm going to take that bet except that you have to pay me double what I put in. One and a half times what you put in. One and three quarters.

Done. All right. So we're betting that life will or will not be found on Mars. A cold dead rock with no life on it in the next 20 years. So we should bet like $200 so that I have to give you $10 a year? No. I was thinking that we would bet on a sponsorship of AFC Wimbledon so that you would have to sponsor an AFC Wimbledon game every season for the next 20 years.

Unless you're right, in which case, I would have to sponsor one in three quarters times more games. Yeah, I don't like that bet, John. I, let's just do $200. All right, well, we'll have to keep working on what exactly the stakes should be, because I have to get to the news from AFC Wimbledon, which, as always, is so important. Heck, the less said about the first weekend of AFC Wimbledon season, the better.

My prediction of a 3-0 victory against Plymouth was wrong. Instead, it was a 2-0 loss, and then they lost in the capital 1 cup to Cardiff City. So it's been a difficult week, still no goalscored in AFC Wimbledon season, but Hank, as I don't even know if you know this, but there is also a women's AFC Wimbledon team who are quite successful. And this week they signed two really good players, a striker named Kelly Jade Weyland, and a goalkeeper named Chanel Salgado, and Kelly Jade scored in her very first game, well her first game back because she was also previously an AFC-wembleton player. Anyway, she scored her first game in a 3-1 victory over N-field town this Sunday, and that's pretty exciting.

So I am really excited about both the youth sides that AFC Wimbledon put out and the women's team. There's a women's senior club who've had a very successful last couple of years, but also teams for younger women and girls as well. So if you live in South London, go be an AFC Wimbledon player, play for the greatest fan-owned club in history, an institution that is by almost any measure more important than some cold, distant rock that no one ever thinks about. And that is the news from Mars and AFC Wimbledon without any bias at all in either direction.

And this has been this episode of Dear Hank and John with John Green who is my brother and I'm Hank. And it's nice to have you back for this second episode in a row, John. It's so good to be here. John Green who is apparently just a guest star on this show because he shows up so infrequently. If you don't know who he is, he writes books and makes YouTube videos. And he is, what else do you do, John?

You know, it raises children and cares too much about obscure sports. First off, there's nothing obscure about football. It's the number one sport in the world. Secondly, there's nothing obscure about AFC Wimbledon because they have a following around the world. Thanks in no small part to Dear Hank and John. What did we learn on today's podcast, Hank?

We learned that yourself is the thing that you make. We learned that sometimes the thing that you make is Pesto and that that is incredibly valuable, more valuable than any time or money. We learned that sometimes the thing that you make is lasagna and surrealist drawings with new friends. And of course, we learned that fart bag is an excellent insult.

Yes, bag of a thousand farts. This episode is edited by Nicholas Jenkins. Our theme music was by Gunnarola. If you have any questions for us, you can send them to hankinjohnatgmail.com. And as we say in our hometown, don't forget to be awesome.