Dear Hank & John - 115: Semi-Immortal 35-Year-Olds on Mars

Episode Date: November 13, 2017

What is the smallest part of the body you can be a doctor in? Why do we rub our eyes when we're tired? How do I turn my imagination off long enough to sleep? And more! Email us: [e-mail] patreon.com/dearhankandjohn

Hello and welcome to Dear Hank and John. Or is I for a think of it, you, John and Hank? It's a podcast about comedy and death. Where two brothers give you to be a advice and answer your questions and bring you all the week's news from both Mars and AFC Wimbledon. I forgot to look up Mars news. I've just realized now. You usually ask me how I'm doing. How are you doing, John?

I'm just gonna keep giving you prompts the whole time. I am well. We are home from our tour. It was a whirlwind month together on the bus. It was magical. It was long. It was wonderful. I am glad to be sleeping in the same bed every night

and back together with my family. So Hank, you know what I've been doing the last few days? I've been clearing honey suckle from my backyard. Honey suckle is an invasive bush and I have been clearing it with an axe and a machete. And it feels great. Hank, the good news is there is so much honey suckle in Central Indiana.

I might become the like Johnny Apple seed of destroying honey suckle. Alright, the reverse. Johnny honey suckle. Johnny honey suckle, that's what they're gonna call me. This may be what I devote my life to because I have found the last four or five days to be so magnificently clarifying. I have no desire to do anything other than clear honey circle from the world. You may be unsurprised to hear that I have been in a lot

of meetings over the last four days, instead of doing what you're doing, talking to people about all the things that I missed while I was at a town and doing a bunch of SciShow videos and doing an eons shoot today and dear Higajan today at the Ddard Foundation to Decrease World's Suck Board meeting this morning. I'm talking about the Proud and Pharossum and how that's going to go. We'll talk about pizza mists and talk about DFTPA, talk about VidCon, talk about PodCon, all the things. I feel like if I had a honey suckle problem in my yard, it would be the worst honey suckle problem

any yard has ever had. Well, good news Hank, you have a brother who is more than happy to fly to Mizzoula and take care of that honey suckle. I won't go to any of those meetings that all sounds horrible. I am so glad, when I hear you say that, I'm just so glad that you demoted me. I'm so glad to be reporting to you

and no longer to be co-boss with you. As my boss, by the way, I need to ask for another week off so I can clear some more honey suckle. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. You know, you take all the time you need, John. That's what I needed to hear and also what I required to hear. Otherwise, I would have quit.

Gah! Hank, let's answer some questions from our listeners. By the way, I enjoyed doing this on the phone with you. It real life is fun. It's a little intense though. Especially when there's 1200 people watching, it's not so much not having you in the room. It's not having a whole of them.

That's so true. Hank, this first question comes from Alice, who writes, Dear John and Hank, my brother-in-law and I have been puzzling over a question for a while now, and I would be very grateful if you could give us an answer. What is the smallest part of the body you can be a doctor in? Tempacydex rerum, Alice. That's good, Hank. What's the largest part of the body you can be a doctor in? in Tempacidax Rirum Alice. That's a good thing. What's the largest part of the body you can be a doctor in? Let's start there.

Well, the way the question was phrased made me think about the movie Inner Space, where people shrunk down into being tiny people so they could be a doctor inside of someone's body. What's the smallest doctor you can be in a body part would be interspace? That's a separate question. Right, the answer to that is interspace.

I think the biggest part of the body you can be a doctor and has to be dermatology, right? Like isn't the skin the largest human organ? Yeah, yeah, well, I probably, I don't know, there's also like bones, there's a lot of bones, but I think, because like bones don't really count as an organ, but you can be like a bone doctor.

You can also just be a doctor of like everything, like just a general practitioner, just a doctor of the whole body theoretically. And then when you have like a more specific problem, they're like, oh, go see my friend, Jeremiah, he just looks at toes. Right. Or I would also argue that perhaps the largest part of the body you can be a doctor in

is psychiatry because of course like, you know, the mind contains infinite vastnesses. Right. I might be. That might have been too much. No, that's very good. That's good. No, I'm there with you, John. Okay.

The smallest part of a body you can be a doctor in. And bear in mind that Hank and I are both MDs before all of this YouTube stuff we Pursued our medical degrees we passed our boards and everything and then we just gave it all up to Read teleprompters The smallest part of the body you can be a doctor and I believe has to be a gland Right like maybe the pituitary gland. Yeah. How big is the pituitary? I believe it is the size of a walnut.

Pfft. Pituatory gland size of space. Fish is the first autocomplete. Pfft. Well, that is incorrect. It is an indecrugland about the size of a pea that weighs 0.5 grams in humans. That's very small.

I bet you can be a doctor of the pituitary gland. Do you think it can be like a doctor of just pores? Like I'm a doctor of pores. Pores are very small. Well, but you have to be a doctor of one individual pore, which would be weird. Like, I'm the doctor of the pore, right? Like the one that you always get a zit on, right at the edge of your nostril, on the doctor of that pore.

Please, I need that doctor. It's always right in like the crease, in the crease between my nose, where my nose meets my face part, which is weird, because you know the part you're fifth, but you know what I mean. And it's like right in there, and I don't know why it's like extra irritating there.

If I have that... I know what you mean mostly, because I have noticed over the years that you often get astonishingly huge zits right there where you're talking about. Well, thank you so much. I'm glad at least to know that you're looking at my face a lot. So that's nice.

You're welcome. Let's include that entire pause, Nick. So people will be like, wait, is my podcast stopped working? It's your turn, heck you answer, ask a question. I just don't think, I feel like there must be something smaller that you could be a doctor in. No, it's the pituitary gland, it's the size of a pea. I'm a little frustrated. I'm frustrated.

In any case, I'm frustrated that you got to the right answer too fast. The next thing you do is that means we can answer more questions. If you don't ask one, I will. This next question, it comes from JoJo, who asks, dear Hank and John, why do we rub our eyes when we are tired? Wake me up before you JoJo.

Oh, that's a great name specific sign off. It's also a question specific sign off because they need us to wake them up, because they're tired. So I mean that might be the greatest sign off in the history of Dear Hank and John, which is really saying something. Hank, why do we rub our eyes when we're tired? Do you know? And here's what I will say, that my view on this has changed dramatically since having a child, because the fur, because one of the first signals of a state that my baby was in, like there was crying,

and I knew that that was the baby was in a bad state. And one of the first ones that wasn't crying was eye-rubbing. And I was like, oh, you're tired. You're rubbing your eyes and yawning because you're tired. And what a useful signal. Thank you very much for letting me know. I had always assumed that that was like a thing that we learned from cartoons.

I was like, oh, you rub your eyes when you get tired. Like how Tweety Birds fly around your head when you get hit by a two by four? No, this is a thing that is ingrained in humans and I had no idea until I had a baby. For the record, I think Tweety Birds do kind of fly around your head when you could hit by a two by four, but I read about this. I actually did some research and like some people.

Oh, well, I bet your research is going to be wrong. So I'll go ahead. Oh, it's going to be really good, Hank, because it comes from Susan Blackmore psychology professor. So there you go. Tired eyes get dry and rubbing stimulates the lacrimal glands to produce more fluid. That's it, that's the reason.

When your tired your eyes get dry and you press them because it makes a gland release fluid. Do you think that there's any doctors of the lacrimal gland? Because I bet the lacrimal gland is smaller than the pituitary gland the lack of milk lack the lack of milk land are paired uh... exocrine glands one for each i

that are about the size of an almond so that's bigger than the paper that's bigger than that no problem i'm wrong i'm wrong they're shaped like an almond they're smaller than an almond So that's bigger than your feet. That's bigger than it. No, I'm wrong, I'm wrong, I'm wrong. They're shaped like an almond, they're smaller than an almond. I was wondering how I had a whole almond in there. There's not a lot of space in your face. No, you don't. You don't.

I bet I bet there's somebody who just studies the lacrimal gland, like Dr. Ricardo A.M. He's no doctor. You don't know, you've got a lacrimal gland problem. Let me send you the lacrimal gland expert. You just go to an eye doctor or a eye, I don't know, you've got a lacrimal gland problem. Let me send you the lacrimal gland expert. You just go to an eye doctor or a... I don't know. This is, this is,

I don't know. Is this a good bit? This might be stupid. I, yeah, in general, I feel like it's because there's like itchiness and irritation. And that might be because of the dryness, it might be because you just like, yeah, it would probably become the,

because of the dryness. And you just like, you're just sort of like scratching an itch when you rub your eyes because when you get tired, your eyes get itchy. There you go. All right, we answered the question. That happens to babies and it's so cute. It is really cute. And the babies don't know how cliched they look when you're doing it.

No, right. Yeah. And that's part of what makes it so cute. I find whenever little kids do things that are super cliche, but they're unaware of the larger narrative arcs of the social order, I find it completely adorable. And then once they learn that this is the thing I'm supposed to do, it's like, oh my god, stop.

Yeah, no, totally. That's called adolescence. This next question comes from Alice, who writes, dear John and Hank, I'm a pride, oh by the way, I'm only answering questions from Alice's today, Hank. I don't know if you noticed that. It's my new policy. Well, we've got enough questions in the archive now

that we could probably actually do an episode where we only answer questions from one person's name. I'll do Alice's and also Henry's, those are the only two names I'll do in here and out. Dear John and Hank, I'm a primary care provider working in Canada. Oh, you should talk to the other Alice. She had a question.

You might know the answer too. And I see so many new babies for their first visits and subsequent visits. Most of these visits include vaccinations against an assortment of diseases. I've had some difficulty with some parents who don't want to vaccinate their children for various reasons. I haven't yet had any success in convincing any of them that vaccinating is the way to go, even after telling them all of the data. I was wondering if you have any advice on how to communicate with these kinds of people,

people who are stuck in their own thought processes, and struggle to engage in other thought processes, not in Wonderland, Alice. Here's the thing, Alice. I don't. Neither do I, Alice. I did make a video on SciShow called The Science of Anti-vaccination, which is one of my favorite SciShow's we've ever done that goes into the psychology of how people get stuck in those thought processes and how, and like the biases that lead us to make decisions that are not ultimately in the best interests of,

you know, the people that we love the most in the world and also the entire social order. And that's a really, like, this is a really hard one and it's worrying and I don't, like, what we find over and over again is kind of engaging people with these ideas sets them more it like it puts them on the defensive and they start to tie it to their identity and once it's part of their identity fighting against it is like is like literally fighting with them. It's a battle that they are fighting to preserve themselves. And that's no good. So there was the study done recently that took a group of people who believed that tax cuts lead to higher overall federal revenue. This is a common misconception that because

tax cuts spur growth, that growth will lead to more economic production, which will be taxable, and then the tax revenue will go up even though the tax rates have gone down. It's a compelling idea, unfortunately, it's just not true. Well, both. But if we could take the tax rate all the way down to zero, the government would have infinite money. Well, I mean, that is one of the ways of pointing out that it's not true. Another way is by looking at all of the tax cuts in American history.

So we've seen again and again in US history that when we cut tax rates, it does lead to increased economic activity, people debate how much, but it does, which is taxable, but nonetheless overall federal tax revenue goes down. And so that's a really consistent story in the history of taxation in the US. And in this study, they showed people this documentation, and then at the end of the study, people on average were more convinced

than they had been before that lowering taxes leads to more overall government revenue. And I do not know what to do about this problem. I don't think, by the way, it is a problem unique to people who have that particular misconception. There are probably a lot of misconceptions that I have that I also struggle to let go of in the face of evidence. And I don't know how to solve this problem, Alice. I think it is a big problem.

That's why I wanted to read your question. And I have no solutions. Yeah, the other thing that I, it's almost as soon as it becomes a point on which you can have an opinion, people will become divided on it. And that is a thing, I know that we've been talking about this some,

on tour and on vlog brothers, that is part of the thing that worries me about the call to always have an opinion on everything that the social internet, I think, in particular makes us feel, because as soon as we sort of like establish an opinion, it becomes part of our identity and it becomes a point of division.

And a thing that used to be just vaccines, fewer babies die, these things are good, becomes something that is a sudden political piece of contention that devalues our opinion of the expertise of doctors, but also phrase the fabric of like not just like the social order, but like the tools that we use to prevent us from getting sick. And we do now see a lot more people, you know, children getting whooping cough and measles and all of these diseases that we just shouldn't have to deal with because we have ways of preventing them. Slightly off topic, Hank. Did you know that I had whooping cough?

No, really? Yeah, when I was in college. Ah-ha. No, yeah, I do remember that now. Yeah. I got, I did get vaccinated for it, but the vaccine sometimes wears off, and there was a very small outbreak of whooping cough

at my tiny little college. I think it was like six people, and I was one of the six, and I can tell you whooping cough blows. Like, I mean, it's terrible. I would cough until I threw up almost every day for like a month and a half, and I would be like, this is so stupid. And also, I had a hundred degree fever for like a month and a half. And I would be like, this is so stupid.

And I also, I had a hundred degree fee for like a month and a half. I was like, this is the stupidest disease I have ever had. And I've had some stupid diseases over the years. So anyway, yeah, I'm opposed to whooping cough. I just wanted to put that out there. One of John's opinions that he's holding on to. I'm holding onto that opinion. I am opposed to whooping to. I'm holding on to that opinion. I am opposed to whooping cough.

I think it is a dumb disease and I think it should be eliminated from humans. Hard stop. This next question comes from NJ who asks, Dear Hank and John, Hank, where do you find your Mars news? How can I find out more about Mars? What websites, books or magazines should I read? I love your podcast, but mostly the Mars News. Where's Sunblock and Jay?

Well, thanks for your question, and Jay, you'll love my new podcast is just all Mars News. No. I find my Mars News in the same place as that you find regular news. I got a new phone recently, and it's disturbingly good at knowing what my interests are. So, for example, just because my brother is John Green, it's always showing me the scores of the AFC Wimbledon games. And there's always somewhere on that front page. Sometimes there's stories about shirts because I run a merchandise company. So it knows that I'm into shirts.

So recently I started getting news articles about shirt companies or shirt science. Or soon it's gonna be reporting to you, like what are the cotton prices for today? I don't like, which would be great. I'd be into that. But yeah, it's also always throwing Mars news at me. So since I got this phone, if I've sort of had an easier time finding the Mars news,

it just sort of comes to me when I'm tired of looking at Twitter and I swipe to the left and suddenly I'm confronted with, you know, bummers, some bummers, but also usually some Mars news. But yeah, there's a few great science websites out there. Universe today is one that I go to a lot. Science of American has always been my favorite science publication. And so I will sometimes go to scientific American and search for Mars and see if they've got anything for me, but also just go to Google News and search Mars and then get rid of all the stories about Bruno Mars and Mars Corporation, and you're left with stories about Mars.

Hank, you're disturbingly intelligent phone reminded me of something, which is that there is a pretty widespread conspiracy theory that maybe isn't a conspiracy theory about how our phones are listening to us even when we are not aware of the fact that they're listening to us and we think of them as being off. And that maybe it's using stuff that we say to target our advertising. So I just want to take this opportunity to say to everyone who's listening to Dear

Hankenjohn, I am really struggling with the question of whether tide detergent is worth it. Is it really different from generic brands? Are there other forms of laundry detergent like all or cheer that might be better for my family than tide detergent? I'm just going to see if anything happens as a result of that. Everybody just play that part of the podcast out loud so that your phone is hearing John talk. And report back to us if you get a lot of lots of attention.

Alexa slash Facebook slash Google slash Twitter slash some company that you don't even know exists and that you didn't put on your phone but it's still there thinks of that. I'm just thinking about whether or not I'm gonna start using a different detergent. I think it's time for me to consider changing my detergent to a different laundry detergent. There. I think we've got it Hank.

I mean, if it can be done, we did it. It's like that time that I accidentally on purpose ordered many copies of the fault nurse by saying on the podcast, Hey Alexa, I'm not gonna say the rest of it. Because people got so actually unjustifiably mad at me. It's not, you're using your power for bad, John.

All right, Hank, this next question comes from Libby who asks, dear John and Hank, pe next question comes from Libby, who asks, Do you, John, and Hank, peeing in the shower? Fine? Thank you, Libby. I mean, it's your shower. Well, or is it?

Well, if it isn't, it's not fine. Don't pee on anyone else's anything, except toilet water. Hank, this is one of many questions I don't have to look at in my own personal life because of baths. Thank God for baths, which have solved so many problems for me, including the problem of whether it's okay

to pee in the shower, because one thing is for certain, it's not okay to pee in the bath. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. I mean, but that is a problem then, because you can't pee while you're bathing. The way the shower is people can. Yeah, it that is a problem then, because you can't pee while you're bathing. That we have a shower- It's not a problem. I mean, you act like my bathtub and my toilet

are in different zip codes, when in fact they are perhaps four feet from each other. So I'm not a shower peer, but I do like when I get into the shower, I will often be like, oh now I have to pee. And I think that this is kind of why there's so much shower peeing that happens because like as soon as you like get all nice and warm Your stincter's relax and it's like, hey, I you know what I could do right now. I can really go for a whiz And so yeah, and also like it's all going to the same place like you don't have to worry about that

It's there is something about when people bring up peeing that makes you need to pee. In fact, it's, I know because it's happening to me right now. Like, I was fine 45 seconds ago, and now I'm like, I don't know if I can make it to the end of the pod without peeing. Uh-huh. So we've inserted a bit of a ticking time bomb

into the podcast because this week in Ryan's is going to be a real rushed. It's going to be very short this week because this week's Ryan is going to be like Niagara Falls. It's a terrible idea. Oh good news. This week's Ryan is the Atacama Desert. It's everything is fine. There's no fault at all. Today's podcast is brought to you by needing to pee, needing to pee,

an ongoing issue since 45 seconds ago. This podcast is also brought to you by laundry detergent. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. This podcast is also brought to you by WoothingCoff, WoothingCoff, a great way to cough and vomit. And this podcast, finally brought to you by your Lackrommel glands. Your Lackrommel glands, they are the shape,

not the size of an almond. And that's how I know about that. I actually don't know how big they are. I couldn't really figure that out from the Wikipedia page. All right, Hank, let's get to another question from our listeners. This one comes from Bailey who writes, dear John and Hank, I've recently met a guy and we've gone on a few dates.

Because I am in high school, he asked me to his homecoming dance and I accepted expecting a night of food and fun. Hahaha. I was like, I said yes, because I thought there would be food. And if there's not gonna be food, I'm going to resend my yes. He's still a yes. be food, I'm going to reason why he's fun. He's in my house. I mean, that's a great reason to say yes

to a homecoming dance. Like, I've been told that there will be light snacks and punch and I'm in. When I went to get ready with some of his friends, one of them introduced me to her parents as his girlfriend. This took me a back because I did not realize that I was already in relationship with this guy because we'd never spoken about it. Now I've heard that he has told people we are dating and I don't know how I feel about the guy, so what should I do?

I am very busy with school and work and the college boss. Oh my gosh. I'm unsure if I'm able to have a relationship right now. Any dubious advice is appreciated. High school drama and horse radish, Bailey. I mean, Bailey, so I'm just gonna, like, first of all, the words have various meanings, but I am gonna take you back to the first sentence

of your email where you said, I recently met a guy and you've gone on a few dates. You are dating him. Well, you've gone on a few dates with him. That's not exactly the same thing as being being someone who boyfriend. No, but I will say that you are dating. Like, that's what's happening. But if Bailey doesn't feel comfortable being called this guy's girlfriend, that's probably right. No, yes. No issue, because in all likelihood, that means that this person

did not say, Hey, are you my girlfriend or do you want to be my girlfriend or should we like identify this relationship as a girlfriend boyfriend thing and then yes instead just started telling his pals This is my girlfriend. I kind of I see Bailey's point like I feel like This Bailey this is probably a moment to take a step back and say just from your email You may not be that psyched about this relationship. It seems like you're mostly in it for the food and fun. Which is great, by the way. I think that is a pretty good reason

when you're in high school and also in adulthood to go on dates. Frankly, when Sarah and I go on dates, it's mostly for the food and fun. Hahaha. Bailey, I will say that like I, I don't know when you like are supposed to have the talk and figure out what the relationship is. Like is that a thing that happens?

Because for me, it was always like, hey, by the way, I am so into you and I want this to be forever and then girls running away from me. Oh, no, for me, I always would have that talk. Or I felt like that talk was, it should be like an ongoing thing. I don't know. I, listen Hank, I'm not an expert in any of this, but certainly like, I do remember when Sarah and I admittedly, we were not in high school.

We did not go to the homecoming dance together or anything. But I do remember when I said to Sarah like, hey, are we gonna be like an item? Are we gonna be, however you wanna phrase it, are we gonna be boyfriend, girlfriend, are we gonna be in an exclusive relationship, whatever the constructs that you wanna use around it, you need to have that conversation with the other person

before you have it with your buds. Agreed. Agreed. And I actually, I do remember being sort of new to this whole game and thinking I was someone's boyfriend when I was in fact just seeing them and bringing it up and then being like, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Hank, no. And I was like, oh, oh, no, oh, no, no, no, no, no, Hank, no. And I was like, oh, okay. Well, it's, I mean, yeah, it's inherently uncomfortable.

And like, these are difficult conversations to have, but I also think that's like part of what makes them so important. Agreed. This next question comes from Kyla, who asks, do you're Hank and John, late at night when I'm trying to sleep, all I can seem to do is come up with unrealistic fantasies that keep me up. I'll be laying in bed trying to sleep when all of a sudden I think about myself in a world that literally cannot exist.

How does one turn off their imagination for long enough to sleep for eight hours? Extremely sleep deprived, Kaila. Wait, what's the world? I don't know, I feel really like this. Why wouldn't that have been brought up by Kyla in this very short question that obviously had space to give us some information about these fantasy worlds that I'm not very curious about.

Kyla, I'm not gonna be able to sleep tonight worrying about what these fantasy worlds might or might not be. That's on you. I mean, your name is Kyla. You just made less sleep in the world Kyla. I don't wanna criticize our listeners. It not be. That's on you. I mean, your name is Kyla. You just made the sleep in the world, Kyla. I don't wanna criticize our listeners. It sounds like, but come on. You could be at exilent.

Exilent tales. Protagonist in any number of these fantasy stories. If you just maybe write them down. So John, I do have sleep tips. I'm like, I've become informed on sleep tips because one, I make science videos for a living and two, people are always asking me how I sleep. One tip is that I have a medication that makes me sleepy.

So that's, don't necessarily do that. Go get all sort of galitis and take that one. Two, it's all, like, it's really all about, like, structuring your day so that sleep happens. It starts at the same time. It ends at the same time. It happens in a place that is devoted to sleep. You are not spending time in your bed doing things that aren't sleep so that your mind

knows that this is the sleep place, not the place for fantasy imaginings. And if you are having those fantasy imaginings and it's not gonna happen, leave the sleep place and go somewhere else until you feel sleepy. Kyla, I would talk to a doctor, not Hank about this. This is literally advice that I was given by a doctor. Well, sure, but not like Kyla's doctor. Okay.

Each individual is different. I think that's good advice. I just think like if it's become an issue in your life, like don't turn to advice podcasts. And I do think that if it's something you're really concerned about, it's probably time to talk to your doctor about it because while Hank's tips are great, nothing stands in for

actual medical advice, quite like actual medical professionals. John, do you ever feel like that those times in your life when you couldn't get to sleep were actually like really useful and wonderful? Like, like, when you got excited about an idea or, or we're creating, you know, a world or a character or something like that, you just lay in bed and you just can't stop working on a problem. Very occasionally, what would almost always happen or what does almost always happen in my experience

is that I finally am like, okay, I've got to get up and write this down because this stuff is great. This is fascinating. I've finally found my way through to a solution And then I write it down and I'm like, what is this? This makes no sense. It's almost like this was developed by a tired person Who wasn't thinking at all rationally? Yeah, it's almost it's almost if if it's almost as if this person was having a dream about solving a problem. Not actually solving a problem. On a few occasions, because I always hear about writers

who come up with great solutions to problems in their books and dreams or else come up with great premises for new books and dreams. And so on a few occasions, I have woken up and thought it happened, it finally happened for me. And I write down the dream and I'm like it happened, it finally happened for me. And I write down the dream and I'm like, okay, here's how I'm going to solve a problem in Turtles all the way down.

There's a baseball game and they're in the dugout, it's the visitor's dugout and it's the seventh inning. And I keep writing and I'm like, holy crap, like how did I think, how did I ever think that this was going to solve a problem when it's obvious that like this is all happening inside of a magical world where none of the rules of narrative or physics apply. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I have, I have, I would say that I have had experiences a handful of times where like I had too much coffee at six o'clock at night and it was two in the morning and I still couldn't get to sleep and I came up with something

pretty amazing. But in general, I think that it's just as likely to happen any time that I'm not occupying myself with something. I tend to always do these days where I always do like I'm on the phone or I'm listening to a podcast or I'm reading a book or I'm like driving the car and listening to music and or something. In those moments when I'm like actually not occupied there is a surprising number of times and it's just like oh well now I'm thinking about this problem and that's helpful

to just you know have time to just think. Ugh. I feel like I never have time to just think anymore. And Hank, let me encourage you to explore the possibility of clearing honey suckle out of your backyard. Ha, ha, ha. I spend about 60 hours doing it so far.

I'm gonna report back next week. But so far, what I I found is that when my brain has quiet time, mostly it wants to be quiet. I am expecting that at some point my brain will be like, I'd like to start having some thoughts again now, but right now my brain's just like, shh, cut the honeysuckle. Caa! Ha ha ha!

Get it out of the ground. Make sure that did you get the stump? Make sure to get the stump. That's good, John. Yeah, I don't think that's the experience I would have. But I also don't have a bunch of honey suckled on my yard. Yeah, so the spoken like somebody who hasn't tried it yet. The other thing I've been doing is creating this brick path. I blazed a trail through my backyard. And then now I'm slowly bricking the path, one brick at a time. Oh my god. I'm using bricks from this abandoned building long ago

ruined from the early 20th century on our property. And just the act of doing that, Hank, oh my god, it's so much better. It's so much better than going to VidCon meetings. I don't want to gloat, but I feel like I've found like a glitch in the matrix. And at least for one week week this was the perfect solution I don't think I could do it forever, but I intend to find out All right, those next questions from Natalie who asked dear Hank and John I was recently listening to an NPR interview where the guest explained that his high school experience and

Where the guest explained his high school experience and his life as an Episcopalian I was thinking John Green and this guy would probably be really great friends and then the hosts said it was John Green. Why do you sound so much different? It's crazy anyway, how the Hector's NPR work. Are there local stations for counties? Is there some headquarters? Congrats on the new book, congrats on the new book, guys.

Yeah, well, so I was on fresh air that might have been the interview that you heard with Terry Gross, which was the most nervous I've ever been, Hank knows this, because he was with me right before. Yeah, he was freaking out. First off, Natalie, I don't know why I sounded different in that interview that you heard, but I listened to it as well,

and I also thought that I sounded different. I was listening to my voice and I was like, that's weird. And I don't know why. Maybe it was because I was so incredibly nervous about the prospect of speaking to Terry Gross who's one of my like long time heroes. But it was cool.

It was a very cool experience being on fresh air. By far, the best part was the very beginning when Terry Gross came on the line and she said, are there two lines in your book that you got from our radio show? And I was like, yeah. And she was like, that's cool. And I was like, yeah, thanks for reading it. And she was like, yeah, I liked it. And that was the best part. Maybe the interview part was good. But like but her noticing the two fresh air moments in turtles all the way down was pretty amazing. I thought you were gonna say that the best moment

for you was when Terry Griss called us the V-Log brothers. Well, I didn't actually hear her say that. She recorded that intro later. And it was pretty epic to be called the V-Log brothers. Oh man, it's not her fault, you know. It's not her fault. It's not her fault. It's my fault. It's my fault. First naming the YouTube channel a bad name. It's true. That's on us, Hank. Ultimately, that's

on us. As for how NPR works, that's not really my area of expertise. In this particular case, I think I was in Nashville and I went to the Nashville NPR station and they had a little studio set aside for me for that hour and a half. And I listened to Terry Gross talk to me on my headphones the same way I'm listening to Hank talk to me now. Only it was kind of a much fancier version of the setup that we currently have. I also don't know how NPR works. I'm much more familiar with PBS because we actually work with them.

But NPR is as far as I can tell with PBS because we actually work with them, but NPR is, as far as I can tell, funded by mostly its listeners, according to every pledge drive. That's right. So donate to your local NPR station if you enjoy fresh air as much as I do. Okay, let's answer one more question before we get to the all-important news from Mars and AFC Wimbledon. This question comes from Magdalene, who writes, Dear John and Hank, as someone who frequents the coffee shop across the street from my

school, I've been presented with an issue that only grows over time. Having been diagnosed with anxiety means that I've trouble doing some ordinary tasks. One of them being paying the cashier. I check and recheck that I have the right amount in just a few bills, so I was not to hold up the line, but this leaves me with multiple coins in change, which over time have built up to an insurmountable amount.

Should I continue paying with just bills? What if I hold up the people behind me by using the change? Please help. I don't know how I could possibly do a name specific sign off, Magdalen. I mean, obviously you have a name specific sign off. It's Mary comma Magdalen.

Okay, good. I'll allow it. This is not, I don't understand how paying with coins holds up the line, especially if you have time to get them sorted and ready to go. Because you know in advance Magdalene, how much of your coffee order is going to cost, right? Like you probably order the same thing. You've done this before. Yeah, tax hasn't changed. Right, so you know it's gonna be $2.58. So what I would do, I totally sympathetic to your concern

about holding up the line. It's something that I worry about too. But what I would do is just get those eight quarters, five times, one nickel, and three inexplicable pennies out. Have them in your hand, try to organize them as much as you can by shape and size. Actually, you know what, don't use the pennies, Magdalene. Just get two sixty.

Just get eight quarters and six times, and hand it over and say, that's two dollars and sixty cents. I do not need change. Thank you. Well, and then you leave your tip of the tip jar additionally, and if they give you the two cents, you can put that there too, which is what I do with every penny I ever receive. That's actually a better solution, Hank.

Over time, Magdalene, the way to get rid of your change is a dollar at a time, put it in the tip jar. Yeah, that is also a great way to do it. There's also places that will take your change and turn it into dollars for you. They're called banks. Don't use the CoinStar machine. That's a racket. They take a big percentage and the bank will do it.

You just have to... By the way, everything. I do, Sujohn, I have a secret. I have a secret embarrassing secret. And people didn't get to hear my other embarrassing secret and they never will. So I want to tell you this embarrassing secret because it's pretty embarrassing and I don't think anybody knows about it. Okay.

So coin star machines. They have this little tray that you dump all your change into and it's got a slot then there's little holes in it and in America the hole is just smaller than a dime. So a dime can't fall through it. But other stuff can, so like that stuff doesn't end up in the machine. And one of my secret joys in life is to put my head into a coin star machine

and see what has fallen through the dime holes. And just, I mean, that is. And I'm like, whoo! And I have like, that is not even within 12 orders of magnitude of the most embarrassing thing about you. I agree, but it's something, right? Just Hank Green sticking his head

into the coin star machine because you gotta get your head in there. You can't like see it from outside. You have to like get put, and it's like a whole grocery store is around and I like, I can't help myself. I'm gonna put my head in the Goin Star machine now. I think it's fine. The, I actually have a bigger concern

than the Goin Star head issue, which is that I think that you just referred to yourself in the third person and that can never happen again. I was being the people around talking about me. Right, but that's also rather presumptuous. I just decided they wouldn't be like, oh look, it's Hank Green with his head

in the coin star machine. They would be like, oh look at that random middle-aged dude with his head in the coin star machine. Well, then I take my head out and then there's like one of the people's the crash course fan and they're like, wow, okay. I thought that was just a random middle-aged dude with seven-to-core and star machine, but it's that guy who taught me

and not of the infosiology. It's said they're like, oh my gosh, that's John Green's brother. Oh! I mean, I only made that comment, Hank, to try to give you some real, well-defined consequences for referring to yourself in the third person. I will be helping Magdalena with her problem at all.

Oh, John, I, so also have a new phone that I mentioned earlier today, I might like it a lot. And it can put a credit card number into it and then I just hold the phone up to a thing, and put my finger on the fingerprint reader, and it just pays, not everywhere. But if Magdalene, if your place has one of these, it is so much faster than paying with cash.

It's faster than a credit card, it's faster than the chip thing, it's faster than everything, it's immediate, and also not a lot of people use it yet. So everybody's sort of like, what did you just do? And then you can be like, it's immediate and also not a lot of people use it yet. So everybody's sort of like, what did you just do? And then you can be like, it's me, Hank Green. I pay with my finger and my head is coming. I knew it was coming, the coin door was coming.

God, I could smell it coming. It's not a good bit. I don't like it as a joke. What's the week's news for Mars? So John, the thing that keeps popping up in my Mars news at the top of my phone for like three days now, is very frustrating to me, but I'm gonna tell you this story.

I'm gonna read you the headline. In the hopes that your phone will hear you read it and then be like, okay, he knows that one time to move on. Yeah, Russian prodigy, who claims he lived on Mars before being reborn on Earth, Baffles, scientists, in parentheses, video. I mean... Why is this human?

That headline might be peak 2017. I mean, so yeah, I don't know how to tell my phone that I don't want fake Mars news. That's what actual Mars news, that's like experts are reportedly baffled by the testimony of Bariska, a young Russian prodigy from the city of Volgagrad, who claims that he lived on a war-ravaged planet Mars long ago before being reborn on Earth. So apparently scientists are baffled.

They are baffled. Why is that baffling? I, because he has detailed knowledge of space and the conditions on other planets. There's no way of, no way to acquire that on the internet. Nope, and there's all the things he knows. There's no way he could... uh... no way to acquire the internet no and i there's all the things he knows there's no way he could he could know it about the places except that he was making up by guess

would be one of my favorite part about uh... his uh... his idea is that when he was a martian he was seven feet tall and and he was thirty five years old because martians had mastered the prevention of aging and all Martians stopped aging and became semi-immortal at 35 years of age, which I guess is like a fairly good time to become semi-immortal, but like if I could pick,

I'd probably pick like 27. You know, like I feel like at 35, my peak physical fitness was already behind me. Actually in my case, it was ahead of me, but only because I'd set such a low bar earlier in life. Yeah, well, Hank, I'm very excited about that news from Mars, and congratulations on the discovery of life on Mars at last in the form of semi-amortal 35-year-olds. Um, so Buriska says,

human life will change when the Sphinx is opened. It has an opening mechanism somewhere behind the ear. I do not remember exactly. But he has an incredibly specific memory. Well, like the news from ASC Wimbledon is that in really an encouraging sign, ASC Wimbledon have just signed a 20-year-old prodigy from Russia named Beryskia. Is he 20 or is he infinity? I mean, we could really stand to have a striker who does an age. That would be a real gift.

35 is probably a little too old. If we could set it, I think we'd set it a little younger. AFC Wimbledon, Hank, we're in the first round of the FA Cup. You might remember the FA Cup, Hank, because a few years ago, AFC Wimbledon made it to the third round of the FA Cup where they played Liverpool Football Club in one of the most exciting and weird days of my life uh... and uh... this year in the first round the afton of the epic up they played in Lincoln city which is a team i think from the seventh tier and they

they won the game one to nothing a alright uh... who scored a goal john uh... the messy from months orrat, while Taylor's the goal. Does that mean that his leg is feeling better? That means that he is recovered from his injury and is now back to scoring goals for AFC Wimbledon, which is great because he is the only person scoring goals for AFC Wimbledon at the moment.

AFC Wimbledon are now headed to the second round of the FA Cup where they're going to take on a significantly more challenging opponent in the form of Charlton Athletic, if they were to win that game, which, given the current run of form, I would say, is not super likely. But if they were to win that game, they would move on to the third round of the FA Cup, which is when you can get teams like Manchester United and Liverpool and Chelsea and potentially a huge payday. So it would be great to win that second round game, but the arc of history is long

and right now a little troubling. Right, right, sorry to hear about the troubles, but I'm glad silly was that team from your league did you tell me that and I didn't listen correct yes I told you that and you didn't listen I believe that Lincoln's current city is currently in the seventh tier oh okay wow so you won by one one goal over a seventh tier team well let me go ahead and confirm that for you Hank because it might for all I know no they, they're in week two.

They're in the fourth tier of English football. It's barely even an upset. Um, yeah. All right, that makes me feel much better. We beat a fourth tier English soccer team, the kind of soccer team we might be next year if we don't watch out. All right, I'm sorry about that situation that I have swimmed in. Does make me legitimately nervous. Yeah, no, me too. It's the first that I have swimmed in. It does make me legitimately nervous.

Yeah, no, me too. It's the first thing I think about every single morning. I think what can I do to ensure that AFC women did remain a third tier English soccer team? And then I turn over to Sarah and I open my mouth as if to speak and she says, absolutely not. Well, I agree with her deeply. Thank you for potting with me, John.

Thank you for potting. We're gonna go make our Patreon only podcast this weekend, Ryan's right now over at patreon.com slash DeerHank and John. If you wanna listen to the worst 10 minutes of audio available on the internet each week, subscribe over there to this weekend, Ryan's. But thank you for

potting with me Hank and thanks to everybody for listening. This podcast is produced by Rosiana Halcero-Hoss and Sheridan Gibson. It's edited by Nicholas Jenkins. Victoria Bonzorno is our head of community and communications. The theme music that you're hearing right now and at the beginning of the podcast is from the great gunna rola and as they say in our hometown, don't forget to be awesome.