Dear Hank & John - 116: Do Not Enter the Craft Fort! (w/ Caitlin Hofmeister!)

Episode Date: November 20, 2017

How do you surprise loved ones in small apartments? What is the line between archaeology and grave robbing? What is the appropriate time to get into the Christmas season? And more! Email us: [e-mail] patreon.com/dearhankandjohn

Hello and welcome to Dear Hank and John! Or as I like to call it, Dear Caitlin and Hank! It's a comedy podcast where two brothers and occasioners, special guests, because John's really sick right now, answer your question, give me the advice and bring you all the weeks news from both Mars and AFC Wimbledon, how you doing, Caitlin? I'm doing great, I just googled AFC Wimbledon news just before this. So it's hot off the presses. Okay. There is some news.

I don't know. It might not be that new. I don't. You have probably knew. They're playing the season is active. So things are happening. Okay. How are you doing? Oh, I'm good. I'm good. I've gotten a bunch of stuff done today. I'm a little bit sad that my brother is super sick. Yeah He is I think feeling a little bit better, but yeah, he was not up for a potting or making a video

Yeah, he was like started working on on this video this weekend and he was like nope. Oh, so he's not good Do you get a punishment if you skip a video and you're sick? I don't know I guess being sick is a punishment. Should be a punishment. Right. I mean, it's been so long since we've done the punishments. I can't really bad about them. And we procrastinate them now.

And it's like, what? That's, and then it's just a thing hanging out. And we tried to bring it up with Nerdfighterian VeeLikes. So can we just like abolish the punishments? And people were like, no. So I'm not sure what we're going to do. I'll probably have people vote. Yeah. And hopefully they'll be nice. Because now do. I'll probably have people vote. Yeah.

And hopefully they'll be nice because now you can vote right on the YouTube video. Right, which is awesome. Which is awesome. Yeah. So for people who don't know Kate on Hofmeister is the producer of SciShow. Makes SciShow work and manages all the SciShow team.

And also hosts SciShow sometimes and has you have your own podcast. I do have my own podcast. It is. I just recorded a couple more episodes. I kind of backed off of it for a while, but it is still active. It's called, you're doing just fine. And I talked to successful people about their failures.

Good. So Hank, if you ever want to talk to me, I was going through an old hard drive recently and I found a lot of failures. Just like, wow, there's a whole directory called side projects and there's like 20 things in there All of them are not existing anymore. There's a reason they're still in that folder. Yeah The side projects folder and I still I still have active side projects folders and I have I have a task list on my Google Task it's like I never click on it and it's big ideas. And what I do with big ideas is I let them sit there for a year and then I come back and

I'm like, oh, so glad I didn't do that. That was such a bad idea. That was such a bad big idea. What makes them big? Like that they're going to be hard to. Yeah, that they're not something that I can do in a week. Yeah. There are things that I have to hire somebody for

or they'd be like, you know, dead like a book, like the project would be like a big idea. Yeah. So, that one you are doing. I am doing one of them, but there's another, I've got other big idea books on the list. I still wanna write my book about animal sex. Oh, totally.

It's really high on my list of things that I would like to get done in my life. Yeah. Just let's talk about all biology through the lens of the weird ways we make the next generation, which is, you know, what biology is all about. It's about continuing this stuff forever.

Remarkably well. Yeah. You know, for the last few billion years, done real great at that. Yeah. Life just kept working. Yeah. billion years, done real great at that. Yeah. Life just kept working. Yeah. It hasn't stopped yet.

Pretty remarkable. And I like life, I was thinking what this when we were recording a SciShow yesterday, that life will find a way, but it also doesn't give a crap about individuals. Yeah. No, it really doesn't. It's like if you are weakening the system of this species,

you're out. Yeah, that's how it works. That's how it's how it's actually. But the other thing is that that it feels very strange to for it all to be related to each other, which it is unquestionably, like we've looked and seen how similar, you know, and like understood the, you know, the direct relationships between us and various organisms and how the branches of the tree work. And also that kind of the way that we die isn't the same way as like a single cell organism dies, but the way that it replicates isn in the same way. Like, you can say that my child is a different organism than me, but when a single-celled organism replicates,

like which one was the original one? Right. It's that kind of the, it's just like- And does it die if they're... So like, yeah, so if one goes on to continue living and the other one dies and then it replic, like which one was it, and in that way, single-celled organisms are all the same single celled

organisms. So then are they yeah they don't die? They're just still there. Yeah. Like that one that first cell is still there. I don't know. Come on my BS science people. Yeah for that one because if not we're doing a sideshow on that. Hey Caitlin do you have a short poem for us? I do have a short poem. It's by Marianne Holberman and it's called Brother because I'm your fake brother. And I love poems that you can read out loud that sound like children's books. So this one is that. I had a little brother and I brought him to my mother and I said, I want another little brother for a change, but she said,

don't be a bother, so I took him to my father and I said, this little bother of a brother is very strange. But he said, one little brother is exactly like another and every little brother misbehaves a bit, he said. So I took the little, so I took the little bother from my mother and my father and I put the little bother of a brother back to bed. No. So, did that ever happen to you?

Did John try to trade you in? It's a different one. Um, in one way or another. Nice. Just to make it rhyme with that whole poem. That was great. I also like, I love children's books. I'll be too now because I have no choice.

And it's remarkable when you hit a good one and you're like, oh man, this is so much fun. I want to read this like every night for weeks, which is good because you have to. Otherwise, you're reading the same book every night for weeks and you're not enjoying it. All right, so we have questions from our listeners, Caitlin. Yeah, I'm excited to give you a surprise. You have yours in pieces of paper. I do, which is a thing still. It's loud.

Yeah, it is. Cr is a thing still. It's loud. Yeah it is. Crinkle it for the people. Wait, let's see if I can do it. We can... No, you can't. It's my paper. That was great ASMR content right there. This first question.

Oh, what the heck is this the wrong... Oh my god, I think I have the wrong one open. Our first question comes from Nathan who asks, Dear Green Boys, I'm in a large vinegar soaked vegetable, by which I assume Nathan means a pickle. I've been, and I have a group of friends, and life was going great, but now all of them have either began dating each other or other people.

Sadly, such as not the case with your homeboy Nathan, much to my aunt's chagrin, my people, and what seems to be a poorly executed plan to keep me around, but also to be with their significant others indefinitely, have decided to invite me a single teenage chap on every quadruple date they have gone on for three months. I once drove two of them home from a coffee shop after watching the group conduct an unruly amount of PDA

at each other, and then on the way home they kept doing Oh, man, Nathan, I'm sorry My life has suddenly turned into a sitcom and not one that I can press pause on and watch later Would having a girlfriend make my situation less sign-failed ask please answer soon. I'm scared for my sanity It's from Nathan. Oh Nathan Nathan, homeboy. Homeboy, my homeboy Nathan. I've been the person who had a really tight knit group of friends, and I was like, but also my girlfriend is now part of this, and we're gonna be obnoxious about it.

I've been that person. I've been Nathan's friend. I've also been Nathan. But I can't also come at that from the other direction, and let me tell you Nathan It's pretty obnoxious Like what the least the way I did it and my friends were like, oh my god. Yeah, I get it you and Sherry You're gonna be in love forever

Just last three months or was it I mean me and Sherry lasted for a week or two nice? Well, but yeah, so it was it was easier. It was easier for my friends than for Nathan. Yeah. Oh. Oh, it was very exciting for those weeks. Is Nathan's aunt trying to date him? No, I think Nathan's aunt would like Nathan. I was like, is this like a game of thrones scenario?

Nathan's aunt wants Nathan to be in a real, every time I was just assuming that there's a broad story here that Nathan is alluding to very quietly, which I like. It's like, you know that there's a whole back story with the aunt that she really is trying to get him hooked up with somebody, but he's not gonna talk too much about that, but just give you a little hint.

Gotcha. Like, I, somebody wants to date him. Yeah. But he's not into it, because he's a single teenage chap. Well, does somebody want to date him. Yeah. But he's not into it, because he's a single teenage chap. Well, does somebody want to date him? Somebody that his aunt knows.

Maybe. Yeah, like. Or she just like pinches his cheeks and she's like, where's your girlfriend, Nathan? Yeah, yeah. And he's like, gooooh, I've had enough of this. It's hard enough to be Nathan in this world where all my friends are sucking face in my car. Yeah, I- My piece of actionable advice.

When you're giving people a ride, don't let them both ride in the back seat. A. Make one of them ride in the front with you. Well, yeah, you got what am I your chauffeur? I'm just your Uber driver. Yeah, like you back in the back of my Pontiac. Yeah, no, yeah, definitely.

Yeah, this is a great point. Who's sitting in the passenger seat? No one. Well, somebody, yes. And that is not a lab. Because then I'm just your pdf chauffeur. I'm just your person who's driving around the room in which you're hooking up in. Totally. That's not okay. And that's too close. It's like people think

it's fine because you're going somewhere, but it's not. You're in a very small room together. And there's that third person who does not want to be there. But they're driving. You'll all die. In what situation is it okay for us to be in like a 12 square foot room with the two of you and Nathan and you're hooking up. I think this is a general piece of advice that I'm good into my former self. Like if it's me and my girlfriend and like one or maybe even multiple other people like we are in a friend setting and we're doing friend things. We're not doing boyfriend girl. Like this can be a boyfriend, girlfriend thing, hanging out, having

a good time, but it's not like a time for a public affection display. And I understand you're young, maybe you're really excited. It's a place that you can be alone. Maybe you don't have that. But like, yeah, it's not inclusive of Nathan to be like, come along. And we're going to stare at each other in the eyes with our eyes open while we kiss. And Nathan will just be around. Nathan, you don't have to get a girlfriend to satisfy your friends or your aunt or your aunt but I do think

I do think that you're you are in a in a vinegar soaked vegetable there because you can't really like tell your friends Hey, can we be friends still? Yeah, there's really just one thing in the world that matters to you right now. Yeah You could you could ask that maybe don't phrase it could ask that. Maybe don't phrase it quite like that. Maybe don't phrase it quite like that. My dog puked in the back seat of my car on one of the back seats, so I don't let anybody sit there anymore. So you could, if you want to just be subtle about it. You could do that.

You're like, oh, only room for one of you back here. Yeah, you can sit there. There's have room for one of you back here. Yeah, you can sit there. There's just a bunch of, or does that have like a big bag that you're carrying around? Yeah, totally. It's fair to me. Oh, yeah. I had to keep that.

I had to put this bag in my car. I'm delivering it for my mom tomorrow. Yeah. To the dry cleaners. It's just pickles. Yeah. Perfect. Wait, to bring it full circle.

Just a bag of pickles. just a bag of pickles. I'm bringing with the dry cleaners because my mom's a pickle sales person. This one's from Morgan and they say, dear, brothers, green and Caitlin, when is the appropriate time to start getting into Christmas season, most importantly listening to Christmas music. My mom thinks it's on Thanksgiving specifically as soon as you see Santa and Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade. I am a firm believer in November 1st

being the start of the Christmas season mostly because that is about as late as I can possibly hold off. Please end this debate. Greetings from the upside down. Dema Morgan. Dema Morgan. Demamorgan. Uh, Morgan. So, you're right.

I also can't help myself. I know. Like, like October ended. Yep. You were listening to this two key music. I was taking down the Halloween decorations, and I put my son to bed and I was like, I'm dreaming of a white Christmas.

And I was like, that's it. It's done. You're getting a Christmas Carol every night until January. And maybe into January. Oh yeah. Yeah, you gotta get your Christmas tree late so that you can hold off until,

so you can really stretch it out on that end. Yeah, you know, Christmas trees in Montana, I'm very impressed with. They do have a lot of things. They're just like chilling out, hanging in your house. If you keep it, especially if you keep it a little cool in your house, which is probably the environmental way to do things anyway. Yeah. They just last.

Yeah. I like one more time. I threw my Christmas tree away last year. It dropped like eight needles. I was like, what is, are you alive? Should I point you? Yeah. Well, feel bad. Oh, yeah, I just reused it next year. So yeah, I mean, like I used to be on the exact opposite side of this debate where I was like, it is not Christmas time until it is like December 20th.

Oh, whoa. Like a crazy person. Yeah. And now, like, no, it like, well, that's in the thing is like, I live in Montana, now, where it's knowing, like, Christmas. And I need to be like celebrating the joy of it being Christmassy. Right. Otherwise, it's just a dark cold time. Right. That has to be about friendship and giving and thoughtfulness and candy. Yeah. Um, where do you come down? I love Thanksgiving, but I have no problem like Christmas in Thanksgiving is like in the Christmas season. Yeah. And also since you're in the upside down Morgan, I feel like that takes place like very early November and there's Christmas lights. So to communicate with the upside down, you're talking you're talking about stranger things.

Oh yeah, totally. So there are, yeah. I'm just trying to find like text-based evidence for Morgan being right. Right, and ultimately, the current cultural touchstone for everything is stranger things. Yes. In stranger things, there's Christmas lights,

it's October, it's spooky, but there's still Christmas lights. Yeah, so you can celebrate Christmas. Yeah, just put up some creepy Christmas lights. I think I'm from the dragon, and right in the paint on the wall. Will Byers might need to contact me. Oh my God, that shirt's so good. It's so good. It's so good.

I haven't watched the, finished the second season yet. I'm like, I went up episode three. Katherine, like, we watched the end of the third episode. She was like, I don't know how I can do this anymore. She definitely wasn't gonna watch another one that night. Yeah. But yeah, I have this, I have a general problem with my wife where she likes to consume high quality content very slowly.

Oh. And I'm like, that's fine. Let's just watch another episode of QI or the Great British Bake Off and not finish stranger things. We could do a one episode a day. I'll be fine. It is really satisfying to do it that way. I did that with the first season of Stranger Things because I was going to my friend's house and watching it, but it's so hard. I watched the second season in two days. Oh, man. So did we get any good actionable advice? Just you can celebrate, here's, here's headphones maybe.

Oh, yes, this is a great point. Yeah, you don't have to involve other people in your Christmas celebrations necessarily. You can be 100% there in your own brain. And you can, and also like, you can display it where a Christmas sweater. People aren't going gonna think you're infringing upon their rights, but maybe I think, so I was in, like the day after Halloween,

I was in a retail store and they were playing Christmas carols, and I do feel like that's a little bit, it's a little bit approaching the line. Take up a whole space, that's it. Yeah, that's like, that's, I mean, it is retail. They want you to be in the Christmas. They want to be like, remember Christmas is coming up. Don't you need to buy socks for that person? Buy a lot of socks. It's not just these socks. Other people socks. You're

feet are gold. Other people socks. Is a weird way to say what you do when you buy someone socks. Because I currently own your socks. These are yours, but I haven't given them to you yet. That's a gift, in general. Yeah, I have other people's stuff until the Christmas time happens and then other people have their stuff. Who owns Christmas presents? Santa.

In the moment between when you buy them and wrap them. Like when they're under a tree. Put them under the tree. Who's are they then? I think the person whose name is on them or the person who bought them. I would argue the person whose name is on them. But at that point, but you could- I feel like that happens at midnight on Christmas. That's why you can't open it until Christmas.

Yeah. That makes sense, because it's like this gray area of property law. Right. Yeah. I mean, that's really good. If somebody was just like, it was like 11, 15, 9 people,

somebody was like, nope, this is mine. I've changed my mind. I change my mind. And like they go to court. And like Judge Judy has to determine whether or not this birth, like the mixer was Jeff or Jeremy's. I don't know. I think Judge Judy would say that it was the gifters

until until midnight. And then it was the gifters until until midnight. I feel so. And then it's the gifties. This next question comes from Siv, who asks, Zierhank and Caitlin, I live with my boyfriend now and it's great. However, he's turning 25 this December

and I kinda wanna make him a homemade gift. But the apartment is 42 meters squared. How do you surprise loved ones in small apartments? Pandas and abstracts, Siv, how big is 42 meter squared? 42 meter squared. I don't know. I've no idea. I'm imagining my little studio apartment that I had before. It's 450 square feet. Yeah. Okay. It's a little studio apartment. Yeah, so small, yeah. Well, home made doesn't necessarily mean you made it at home.

That's true. So it could be coffee shop made. Coffee shop made, library made. Mm-hmm. You could go to your local, I don't know, we have places like that. Like we have the Zach where you could go next to us. Yeah, the Arts Center.

Yeah. Yeah. And you could store it there. So you just come to Musula, go to us. Yeah, the Arts Center. Yeah. Yeah. And you could store it there. So you just come to Musula, go to the Zootown Community Arts Center, or whatever it's called. Yeah, that's it. The Zootown Arts Community Center,

probably since it's Zach. Yeah. Chooa's gonna be mad at us. Yeah. So, it's not Zuck. And, yeah, so stuff like that, probably you could take a class, like a screen printing class or something

Maybe yeah, and then you'd be learning a skill as well. You could also make a small thing and hide it Like under the covers. Yeah, what are you doing in there? What are all the wood chips doing under there? Why are there somebody wood chips in the bed? I was thinking that Soux was going to make their boyfriend a present while he was gone. And then have to hide it. No, because it needs to make it. No, yeah, like he needs like a working, like,

the working space on which to make the thing. Okay. Yeah. And I got what you have left off, see if it's like, what is the thing you're making? Because this is hugely important. Maybe Sib's boyfriend listens to the pod, and that'll ruin the surprise. Yeah, don't really, yeah, I want to avoid that.

But I like the idea of making a fort. Like a sheet fort, and then you work in there. Do not enter. Yeah, and tell Christmas. Craft fort. Do not enter the craft fort Yeah And then you guys can open presents in the craft for it. Oh, it's cute. Oh God, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, you have to build a craft fort

Sure Not only you I challenged everyone who is making something for their Christmas person, this Christmas to build a craft for. Whether or not they're going to find it. I just think it's great to have a craft for it. That's probably how the North Pole is invented. Yeah, it was originally Mr. Clause Santa just wanted to make something for Mrs. Clause, but their house was so small that he built a craft fort.

And then they'd just get bigger and bigger and bigger. And he had to get a bunch of elves to pay. I assume well. Yeah, I think they're union. Right? Santa seems like a nice guy. I think they're.. Right? They want me. Santa seems like a nice guy. I think so.

Yeah, I think he'd be something like a flavor wrench. Yeah. Okay. Do you want to hear from him? I never have we answered a question that well on this podcast. That's the best I've ever done. All right. Did I just ask that question?

Yeah. Okay. Your turn. Let me ask you a question from Catherine. Dear Hank and Caitlin, I work for a catering company and I'm wait staff for a large number of corporate events. Cool. As is the nature of these events, I've seen a lot of guest speakers and speeches given. I feel very lucky to get to see these speakers as they're often important people working on projects like Mars one and space exploration. Or are important leaders on the global stage, like Nicholas Surgeon, the First Minister of Scotland.

I always feel very lucky to get to see these speakers, and I always want to applaud after their speeches. However, I'm not sure if I'm allowed to. I mean, I'm just the waitress, not someone the speeches are for, so do I clap for them or not. Please help, I'm very confused and conflicted about clapping or not.

Not in abundance of Catherine. Okay. First of all, the first minister of Scotland is something that got me hooked up because I was like, did I say his name? No, you said it correct. It's Nicholas, surgeon, a woman. No, oh, Nicholas. And so I was just like, I don't, hold on a second.

This is the first minister Scotland ever had. That person must be doing it. Or is it like a ranking? It's a thing. It's that the first minister is the leader of the Scottish government. Like first clarinet. Like first clarinet. Except that it's the leader of the Scottish government.

Yeah, okay. Instead of the leader of the clarinet. Yeah, okay. So, Nicolas Surgeon is a sturgeon. Well, they spelled it wrong. Oh, okay. That wasn't your fault. Okay, Nicolas Surgeon. Yeah, not surgeon is a surgeon. They spelled it wrong. That wasn't your fault. Okay, Nicolas surgeon.

Yeah, not surgeon. Yeah. Oh, great. So, we've got both of those things fixed. Okay. Now, I don't like, so obviously you do what everybody else is doing. I would all the other, all your other colleagues.

Like this is what I like, I'd be like, I would just everybody look over it. My colleague Leslie and see what Leslie's doing. That was not a very Scottish name. Other Kate. Like what is a Scottish name? Marida. Yeah, go with one Scottish name.

Nicola. Yeah, apparently, good point, excellent point. I've got a long list. Look over to what Alistair is doing. Great. And if Alistair is clapping, then you clap. Yeah, sounds like they need a first waiter to lead the clapping. Excellent point. Or not. Yeah, whose name is probably Craig. Probably.

Yeah. So, yeah, but I think I, if it was, if I was the person creating the precedent, like if it was me and everyone was gonna look to me at what we should do, I would clap. I would too. I also, I wanna, I've got a bone to pick with Katherine because she says, I'm just the waitress,

not someone the speeches are for. Yeah. I think the person giving the speech would love it if you clap. Yes. And it's also definitely talking to you. Right. And I think it is. This is why I think you should clap. Yeah. I think you should clap because like it's respectful, but also because it's a recognition that you are not, you are, you are not a mechanism by which things appear and disappear. You are a person. Yeah, and you're listening. Yeah. Yeah. And I think that it's really cool that like you have,

like, this is a perk of your job. Totally. Yeah. And like, like, you should appreciate it and show people that you are appreciating it and pause in your duties if you're not currently holding a hot cup of coffee. Yeah. And don't burn yourself. Don't worry, yeah, don't just sort of like clapping with slamming cups of coffee together. That would be bad. Yeah, I think I agree. And I think you're probably not, at the clapping point, you're probably not like pouring water on someone,

like for someone, like you're probably just like stepping to the side. Near the end of the evening, yeah. Right, because I don't know how it works. Yeah. But it does seem cool. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. And maybe other people are wanting to clap too, but they don't know if they should. And maybe Catherine's the Craig. Right. That they're looking to, and she doesn't even know it. Right. You can establish the precedent.

You pause and you put your, on, on, on behind your back, like you're a good, nope, you can't clap that way. I was curious to see where this is going. Just clap behind your back. Like hit your hand, they got it real hard. Yeah. Yeah, just pause in your duties and to pause Nicholas Sturgeon,

the first minister of Scotland. Yeah. Yeah. I'm assuming you're Scottish, which I don't know if I should have done. I just, because... Nicholas Sturgeon was there, and I'm sure Nicholas Sturgeon goes to other places. Probably. I did that whole thing when I assumed you were Scottish for a long time.

I did too, but it's... There's no actual indication that that's the case. I apologize. This next question comes from John who asks, dear, Caitlin and Hank and Caitlin, sorry. I just wanna throw away a few bags of trash in the already full dumpster at my apartment complex. Oh, have we all been here?

As I was halfway back to my apartment, I heard a bag of trash fall to the ground. Did I just litter or am I in the clear? I didn't, you're not in the clear. They didn't bother to turn around to see if it was one of my bags, but it had begun to, it has begun to plague my mind. Any dubious advice is appreciated.

I won't mow your lawn, John. It's John, because it's spelled like lawn. Yeah. But it sounds like John. Yeah, you're not, you didn't turn around. You very intentionally. Oh, turn around. Yeah.

Appeared to have not turned around for a specific reason, which is that you didn't want to know. And it's plaguing your mind. And now it's plaguing your mind. I had a plaguing my mind situation yesterday. So I went to the coffee shop to get coffee with Catherine. And on the way there, there was like a minivan pulled up on the sidewalk with his hazards on.

And I was like, that's weird. And on the way back, they were still there. And this person, there was a person sitting in the driver's seat the whole time. And I was like, are they okay? And so we walked home. And then I was like, was sitting in the house, taking care, and I was like, I have to go check

and see if that person's coming. And I finally like went and I like walked over and just like on the phone, having a conversation. I was like, he just pulled up on the sidewalk. That's super weird. Like on the sidewalk. There's places to park. Yeah.

There's like, you've just pulled around. There's like neighborhood streets that have parking on them. Yeah, they were there for like an hour. Whoa. I don't know. Yeah. Yeah. I was thinking maybe there was car trouble

and they were like, but like an hour and I like walked by and I like tried to make eye contact and she would not make eye contact with me. So I was like, you clearly do not want my help. Yeah. Good for you for going to check though. Maybe she called someone and it was taking them

a long time to get there. Maybe, maybe, yeah. But she was still like, yeah. It looked to me like she was just having a conversation. Like she was like, she didn't wanna drive and talk on the phone at the same time that she pulled her car up on the side. Which is legal and mazoolah.

It's been parking on the side. I have parking on the side of a knife. Also not strictly legal. So yes, this was plaguing your mind because you littered. So this is a problem that like everyone who has ever lived in an apartment complex knows about like They don't have enough dumpster space. No, especially right before trash day. Why not?

Yeah, what am I supposed to do? Is it more expensive to have a bigger dumpster? Yes, more dumpsters cost more money Yeah, but yes So bigger dumpster cost more more dumpsters cost more. This is a thing I know because we have a dumpster here at the office. Yeah, it's very little. It's so cute. It's tiny. I love it. So don't throw away more stuff because we pay less because it's little. Yeah, I love that it's little. Like, look at us! Save in the earth! As we're like shoving stuff in it. Yeah, just like, just holding stuff in the garage. Yeah. Waiting for it to get empty. But yeah, this is a common problem. And at our old place because we shared the dumpster,

the tiny dumpster with a lot of different people, that like somebody would fill it up with like bookshelves or something one week. And it just be like, well, I guess we're just gonna put the garbage bags by the dumpster. And then you feel bad. Because that's not, because I can tell you, as a business owner,

that like the, if you keep doing that, like if the bags aren't in the dumpster, the company will get mad at you and they will call you and be like, you needn't to get another dumpster because we're supposed to drive the truck up and do the thing with the truck and that's it. We're not here to pick stuff off the ground. We're not trash, like not litter patrol.

Yeah. Anyway, super interesting things that I know about that I'm so glad that I've learned. If you ever think to yourself, boy, I want to run a business. Remember that you're going to be getting calls from the dumpster company. Yeah. And you'll like do it. Should we get another dumpster? Should we have a conversation with the employees about throwing less stuff away? That will be your life. At least part of it. And you know, it's not bad. I don't mind having those conversations, telling you guys to be more green and recycling more. We do a good job of recycling. Yeah, we do. Yeah. So, so, so John, you should recycle more. Yeah. And also if you,

if your trash doesn't fit and then you should call the trash committee be like my landlord won't get another dumpster and I know that he needs one so let's work together. Yes, I love it. Yeah, so John you littered but somebody will clean it up but your conscience will be will be dirty for the rest of your life. Oh yeah, it's all over now. Do you want to hear from Fanny? Yeah, hitting with Fanny's question.

Fanny says, hi, I'm watching my favorite TV show in Sweden called Vem Vet Mest. And this guy is wearing a pizza jonshirt. I needed you guys to know. He is, he is. It looks like a game show. There are five lights and two of them are off, so I don't know if that's good or bad. I hope lives are running down. Yeah, maybe he's the only guy who got through so I don't know if that's good or bad. Ooh, I hope- These lives are running down.

Yeah, maybe he's the only guy who got through, I was like, I really hope that this pizza-john, I mean, what a bold choice. I love it. We're in pizza-john on a game show. Nobody's gonna not know that happened. Yeah, that's awesome. It's, it looks great.

He does. No, no, no, no. Good question. Is there a question? No, onto my unrelated question. Oh, I see. Well, pizza-related. Is a pizza a sandwich if you fold it? There's bread on two sides. Hank, I know you've got this figured out. My name

is weird in your country. Fanny. That is true. Correct. On that last part. So, Caitlin, do you know about my new policy about not having opinions on stuff? No. I don't have an opinion on whether that's a pizza at the sandwich or not. I do. Oh yeah? Yeah. Because it's a burrito sandwich?

No. I mean, are you aware of the controversy you're waiting into right now? But this is like, they're like, it's started with the hot dog question. Yeah, hot dog's not a sandwich legally. Wait, there's a law. Well, it's because it's like,

there's some sort of like sandwich tax. There's no sandwich tax. Yeah, I think so. Maybe I made that up. That was there is sandwich tax. I think it's in America. In America. How do you think we pay for it?, is the corn dog sandwich? Because there's bread on both sides.

It's bread on all the sides. Right? It's completely surrounded by bread. Yeah. And it's on a stick. I think a general sandwich is can't be on a stick. But this is the thing. They're just trying to suck you into a conversation

and having opinions and arguments and disagreements with people about things. Really, maybe we should just not care if a pizza folded in half as a sandwich. Henry Rayson, I were debating if pizza was a pie earlier today because he had a pie party and people brought pizza and we thought that- Did I miss the pie party?

Yeah, I did too, because Lauren had to go to work and I had to help him get ready because he was gone for a week. He assured me there would be more though because that's bummed. Yeah, yeah, because they call it pizza pie, but it's not really pie because it's not an idea. So I guess it could be whatever you want it to be. It could be whatever you want it to be. Yeah. I think that like it definitely becomes a sandwich if you take two slices of pizza and put them on each other because then it's open at both ends. Otherwise it's sort of more like a cheesy saucy taco. You know what I just realized?

Which that sounds awesome. But this person's from Sweden where they have open-faced sandwiches. Yeah. So pizza is totally a sandwich. A pizza is already a sandwich. Yeah. It's just a hot, open-faced sandwich with just cheese and sauce. Yeah, okay. Which is a marinara. Boom. Next. You know what? I like an open-faced sandwich. I'm into it because like, oftentimes I'm like,

there's too much bread happening. There's too much bread going on. And again, this is not an opinion that I have for all people. I'm not saying that everybody should only open-faced sandwiches. This is just a thing that I believe for myself. I often think to myself, that's just my mouth is full of bread right now. And I was, I didn't sign up for bread. I'm here for all that stuff in the middle. Gotcha. All that Oreo goo. Oreo sandwich. An Oreo would be a sandwich.

Yeah. They call them sandwich cookies. I think so. Yeah. All right. This question comes from Brian who asks Dear Hank and Caitlin, when scientists talk about the age of the universe, i.e. about 14 billion years old, are they using the year as defined by one rotation of the earth around the sun? To me this seems rather confusing as the earth has only been around for less than half of the calculated age of the universe and the years usually different

on other planets. What's up? Brian is greater than Ryan. Brian. I mean, it says you, Brian, wait. It has more letters. It does have that extra letter. Yeah, we don't have any other ways to do it, right? Yeah, it's funny because- What would you say? The universe has been around for like 18,000 rotations of the Milky Way, no. We don't know what that means. I have no idea if that's even close to the probably way not enough. And also the Milky Way wasn't around when the universe started.

So there's nothing to go by except what we know. Yeah. And it's something like talking about a small apartment earlier, we were like meters. We think in feet usually, let's look this up by feet. Yeah. Like, it makes sense to talk about years as egocentric as that is to like help us fathom it. Well, that's one of the things is like most of our definitions of things are arbitrary to start with.

Totally. So like a foot is just something we picked, a meter is something we picked, a kilogram is something we picked. But a year is at least a thing, like it's, we were here, and then we, that we're here again. Yeah. And you know, in terms of around the sun. Yeah.

I'm like, we can measure that and we know that. And that amount of time is not exactly a number of days, which is what causes all the problem with leap years and extra leap years and all. Leap seconds. Leap seconds. So, the, yeah, it's not perfect, but it's the thing that we have. And it is sort of like compared with our other units of measurement, at least it's based on something in reality.

Yeah, and something that relates to individual people, because you know how old you are in years, yeah. Yeah, and I have some experience with what a year is. Yeah. And something that relates to individual people, because you know how old you are in years. Right. Yeah. And I have some experience with what a year is. Yeah. I don't have any experience with what a year is that allows me to conceive of what 14 billion of them would be though.

No. Uh. Me neither. Um, but what would be cool, Brian? Can you just have that no good, like, be a full, a full, like, I don't know, like, 15 seconds, and then- Like, it's going to be 14 billion seconds. Yeah, and then you can just jump in with what you're gonna say. But what would be cool, Brian, is if you made a poster or something visual that I could hang on my wall, that showed me how old the universe is in years in Earth years, in Pluto years,

because Pluto, as long as we've known about Pluto, it still is not completed a Pluto year. Wow. It's pretty growl there. It's like, I'm just out here trying completed a Pluto year. Wow. I think it's so cute. It's like I'm still just out here trying to finish a year. I'll make it I'll make it nothing's gonna stop me now. You can't stop me I'm Pluto. You can't stop me because you can't get here. Yep. To far away. Yeah and you can also do like lunar orbits around the earth. You can also do like galaxy orbits or

which is not something I ever even thought about before. That's awesome. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know if the galaxy orbit something inside of it's super cluster. There's got to be some kind of common center point of gravity in the super cluster, but it definitely revolves or rotates. Right. of course. Like the earth goes around the center of the galaxy once every lots and lots and lots of things. Yeah, what is that called? I don't know what that's called.

A Hektaker. Hektaker? That is a call back to vlog brothers video from a long time ago. That's my go-to fake measurement. That's good. Hecticers are excellent. All right, we don't have a ton of time left. So this podcast is brought to you by Hecticers.

Yes, the Hecticers. They're big. They're so big. Or long or. Or yeah, or yeah. Unfathomable. Unfathomable. This podcast is brought to you by moving rooms

for three people that you should not make out in. Correct. Oh, moving rooms that you should not make out in. They're not bad. Don't make out in them, because there's a bunch of pickles on the back seat anyway. This podcast also brought to you by the craft fort. the backseat anyway. This podcast also brought to you by the Craft Fort.

The Craft Fort, it takes up two meters squared of your 40 meter squared apartment and you are in there doing something. And it's gonna be awesome. It's gonna be so good. This podcast is brought to you by the holiday music that can start whenever it wants. You could be Mariah Carrying in your ears all year long if you want to.

All I want for Christmas is for it to be Christmas all the time. Let's do another question. This one comes from Madden who asks, dear Hank and Caitlin, what is Neil? John always talks about it when talking about AFC Wimbledon and I don't understand, I'm a lizard, Madden. What are you a lizard? I guess that explains why you don't understand what Neil is.

Yeah, I am a lizard. Is that a thing? Like I'm the walrus? Probably. Sure. Or is like Madden a game? Well, Madden is a game. Okay. But it's not spelled like Madden's name, and it's about football. Oh! What? Oh, so you don't know about Madden, the game Madden. Sorry. I'm like, you should know about NIL, if you know about football.

No. Okay. No. I know nothing about football. Oh, video game. Clearly. So, I wanted to know where Nill comes from. Yeah, did you look it up? I did. So it just means nothing. It means I can tell you what the AFC Wimbledon scores are.

Was there Nils? And this is why you hear it so often. Charlton versus AFC Wimbledon was 1-0. But AFC Wimbledon beat Lincoln City 1,0. Oh, so they were one and lost. Yeah. Okay, well you already got to the AFC Wimbledon news. So you've been doing it.

No, not from a couple weeks ago. Okay. So the, the, The dolds. Yeah, situation is that it just means nothing. But I looked it up in the middle, it's like from the Latin, which is also where like nihilism comes from. So literally nothing.

Yeah, like I'm into nothing. Like annihilate. Yeah, also to make into nothing. Yeah. Yeah, nil, it means nothing. So that was just a quick one for people who are confused by nil. And I don't know why. I'll try to figure out why football scores in particular talk about nil, like nil nil draw,

but like nobody knows. It's just something people start of doing. Maybe because it's one syllable. Maybe it's like, especially if you're talking about you being the loser, maybe it's like, one Nill. Like it seems a little more hopeful than one nothing. One zero. Yeah, I'm probably just to save a syllable off.

Yeah. It's a British thing. They don't like syllables. They'll get rid of them at every opportunity. Yeah, even if they're in the word. So this one's from Caroline and she says dear Hank and Caitlin. How long does a person or persons have to be dead for it to be considered archaeology instead of grave robbing? Does the civilization have to be fairly old or Or is there like an Indiana Jones Code of Conduct? Sweetly, Caroline.

Ah, that's good. That's super good. Um, yeah. Um, so... Did you look this one up too? Oh, well, it's actually something I knew. Oh, awesome. Okay.

So it does not matter how old the grave is. Okay. It matters your intent. Okay. Going into the grave. And this is sort of matters your intent. Okay. Going into the grave. And this is sort of a controversial thing. That's interesting. So even if it's like a Pharaoh's grave,

if you're just stealing it to melt down the gold and sell it, or even sell the stuff on the market. You're a grave robber. You're a grave robber. But where do you draw that line? Because like early on, this is kind of like kind of weirdly what we would do. We'd go to other countries.

We'd like explore these tomes. We'd take stuff out of the tomes and then we'd bring them back and put them in museums and Europe. Right. And so there is like sort of now we're like, oh, like we wouldn't do it that way now. Yeah. And that was kind of great for hopping.

It was kind of like a cultural extraction that we did because we were like, well, we're Europe. So we're the ones who are interesting. And you know, we only, no one could appreciate this stuff like we can because, you know, we really understand things. Yeah. And yeah, so it turns out that like there is a fuzzy and dangerous, we've got a visitor

on the doorway. Callie Morris just made the faces out of. A theology, Callie Morris appears, that's pretty cool. Yeah, there's a fuzzy and dangerous distinction between those two things. And so really it comes down to the like like your intent, is to bring your findings to more people and to be public about it and to be approved by universities and museums and the government of the place where you are, then its archaeology and not grave robbing. And if you do not have those sanctions, no matter how old the grave is, you are just a thief.

You are a weird thief stealing from people who have been dead for a long time, but more than that, you are stealing from the culture that's there now, and also just sort of like from human knowledge, which is the worst thing to steal from. Right, yeah, totally don't know that you could, yes, so you could call it archaeology, but you could call it science. If you wanted to dig somebody up and say like somebody who died a hundred years ago and be like, well, we're curious how many people died of arsenic poisoning in this community and you might want to do some science and be like, you know, there was

this like wave of deaths and we're not sure why. And you might want to do some science and be like, you know, there was this like wave of deaths and we're not sure why and maybe you had something to do with this thing that we're trying to figure out, then you would be doing science and it wouldn't be grave robbing. But you wouldn't be taking stuff out of the ground. And that's an interesting question. If you can like, like in a thousand years,

people might exume like graveyards in the US to be like, what did people wear? What were, well, they wouldn't know. But like, what were their wrist watches? Like, what was their jewelry? Like, because you couldn't find anything besides, like clothes wouldn't be there, bodies would be there. Not like, they're not like mummies, we don't mummify.

No. In the ground here. But yeah, recent archeology, there is, I think, some line somewhere where archeology starts and I don't know what it is. Ask Blake. Blake is our colleague who is into archeology. And also Superverse, Indiana Jones, I feel like.

Oh, I mean, he looks like Indiana Jones. Yeah, like literally, since I've been working with Blake for like almost seven years now, he's every day he looks more like Indiana Jones. Yeah. Like I expect him to come in with one of those hats. He does have a whip in his office. He does have a whip in his office.

Like, he like, so I don't know. He's more and more tan. Yeah. He only gets more buff. I'm like, what are you doing? When do you, you have two kids and like a very hard job for the end of your time to exercise? I don't understand at all. All right, oh, we are so over time.

We have to get to the news of Marzen and AFC Wimbledon. Okay. Maybe it was the May of C Wimbledon news. Oh God, okay. AFC Wimbledon news. Oh God. Okay. AFC Wimbledon is playing for the check-a-trade trophy. Okay. Right now.

Oh, wow. Uh. I don't know what that means. I don't either. Is it? It's probably, I'm my guess is, from what I know, which is limited, that there are these like side tournaments that teams play that don't matter to the official standings. Like the official card.

But yeah, just glory. Oh, that's awesome. So they're playing in the check a trade? Yes. Is that like a brand or is that a place? I'm assuming it's a brand where you trade checks. Ah! Check a trade.

Check a trade. Check a trade is where reputation matters. Oh, it's how you get tradesmen. So you like, it's like Angie's list. Or you find people to help you. No, fix your conditioner or whatever. We're reputation, so you get a check, meaning you are recommended. Right.

Yeah. So, so in future news, I'm going to come up with a cool name for a competition. Okay. And then the AFC Wimbledon will get a trophy for it, for glory. Right, and they don't even have to really win. No, it'll be like the AFC Wimbledon Katelyn's trophy for AFC Wimbledon news, trophy.

Okay. Next, really good. Okay, so that's how are they, have they played a game. The stats I have come up from October. Oh, they're playing a game on Saturday, they're playing a game on Saturday versus the Bristol Rovers. Oh, Bristol Rovers. Oh, Bristol Rovers.

Oh, Bristol Rovers. Oh, Bristol Rovers. Oh, Bristol Rovers. Oh, Bristol Rovers. Oh, Bristol Rovers. Oh, Bristol Rovers. Oh, Bristol Rovers. Oh, Bristol Rovers.

Oh, Bristol Rovers. Oh, Bristol Rovers. Oh, Bristol Rovers. Oh, they're playing a game on Saturday, they're playing a game on Saturday versus the Bristol Rovers. Oh, Bristol Rovers. What a great name for a sports team. Yeah. Unfortunately, way better than AFC Wimbledon. And I think that their most recent game was against Peterborough, which they tied to two, which is good, that they scored two goals. Yeah, and Peterborough played Bristol Rovers this weekend and beat them four to one. Oh.

So I feel like... Alright well maybe we'll do good. If he's Wimbledon's chances are good. And the goal, the goals on AFC Wimbledon for that, Peterborough again were scored by Lyle Taylor, the Messi from Montserrat. Woohoo. And Cody McDonald, who I've never heard from before. And that Lyle Taylor goal was scored.

I was like, Cody McDonald, we got to go. Well, I'll score scored in the first minute. So that's good. And then we went down to one and then Cody came back and saved it in the 45th minute to make it a tie. So that's what I know. In Mars News NASA is preparing to land its 2020 rover on Mars and so they're testing

up the parachute system. So if you want to watch a parachute open at supersonic speeds but slow down a lot so that you can actually watch it happen with the high speed camera. There was a test called the Advanced Supersonic Parachute Inflation Research Experiment, which is an acronym, and it's a spire. Oh! No, but it does. Nobody does acronym like NASA. This 54-foot...

Oh, so they launched this thing up wait so they launched a test payload up into the atmosphere and then it fell to earth and then they opened the parachute and it didn't break which is great because it has happened before where they'll do a test parachute launch and it'll just be like just shreds yeah because if it fails it fails catastrophically and immediately, because that that moment when it opens is the moment when it's by far the most stress. So the parachute worked and and and NASA's gone full speed ahead with the Mars 2020 mission, which is very exciting.

I can't wait for there to be two amazing science labs on the surface of Mars. Caitlin, what did we learn today? We learned that even if your aunt wants you to have a girlfriend, you can make your own choices. And we learned that that Nathan's mom is also maybe a pickle sales person. Oh, yeah, Pickles to the dry cleaners. Yeah, I don't really know what that was about. Vinegar gets stained out. Yeah, vinegar gets stained. We also learned that when your trash falls on the ground, it is litter no matter how close it is to the trash can.

And we learned that if you are working at an event where someone is speaking, the speech is for you as much as it is to the trash can. And we learned that if you are working at an event where someone is speaking, the speech is for you as much as it is for anybody. Katherine, enjoy. I hope you're actually Scottish. And I didn't just make that up. Yeah, we also learned a little bit

about the Scottish government today. A little bit, just a very, very small amount. And also that they're apparently there people in Sweden named Fanny. Yeah. That's a thing. That was this episode of Dear Hank and John with guest host, Caitlin Hoffmeister. Thank you very much for hanging out. Thank you for having me. Really fun. Yeah. I'm glad that you could do it on short notice, but also that you could do it at all because it's great to have you. I'm sure John is feeling better by now. I hope so. Since it's not take a little bit of time for these episodes to come up

But Jon feel better. Yeah, this podcast is edited by Nicholas Jenkins It's produced by Rosiana Halsey Ross and Sheridan Gibson our head of community and communications is Victoria Bonjourno the music that you're hearing is by the great Gonna Rolla and as they say in our hometown Don't forget to be awesome. Oh is by the great Gunnarola and as they say in our hometown. Don't forget to be awesome. Oh, hey, you're still listening. What a champion you are. It must be like a big fan of podcasts.

Or at least this podcast, maybe you even want to watch this podcast happen live, along with a bunch of other podcasts like lore. My brother and my brother in me and Harry Potter and the Sacred Text. So many others besides those, I just don't wanna take your time telling you all about them. Maybe you wanna see some weird one-off podcast that no one will ever be able to see again any other way or have discussions about the podcasting industry

and learn about how people make it work and work to inspire themselves and other people. Oh, yeah, that sounds like fun. Also, this is like maybe your last chance to get tickets for PodCon, which is happening December 9th and 10th in Seattle. It's a conference for people who love podcasting and podcasts.

You can find out more about it at podcon.com. Thank you for supporting to your Hank and John, and I hope to see you there.