Dear Hank & John - 117: Lightsaber Your Tiny House (w/ Katherine Green!)

Episode Date: November 27, 2017

What do you do with cereal dust? What happens if kid doesn't like dog? How did cave people cut their fingernails? And more! Email us: [e-mail] patreon.com/dearhankandjohn

Hello and welcome to Dear Hank and John! Well, as I like to call it, oh boy. So bad already. What were the welcome from? Well, or as I like to think of it, Dear Catherine and Hank. It's a comedy podcast where two brothers and occasionally instead to married people

answer your questions, give you a do me a advice and bring you all the weeks news from both Mars and AFCWM today were joined by my wife, Catherine Green, because my brother, John Green is still feeling real bad. My wife. My wife. So, yeah, hey, it's me, Catherine Green. I'm back again to step in when John Green comes up short. It's through no fault of his own.

No, yeah. Is it this is your third time? I don't know. I think it is. I don't have memories of the time before I was now. Yeah, you have a child. Like I'm so in the moment and also in the future. Yeah.

The past is nothing to you. It is nothing. I remember nothing. Just whatever we took photos of. Yeah. And saved photos of. Thank goodness. Oh, you know.

It's been, I've been collecting all of the pictures. Thanks, Ben, on an Epic Quest. Our life, they're on hard drives, they're on phones, they're on different people's computers, they're on old computers and new computers and Picasso and Yahoo images, Flickr is what I mean. And they're on Google Photos and they're on I Photo and they're on Dropbox, they're everywhere.

And I'm getting all in one place. And it has been weeks. Yeah, weeks. I mean, it's been like every spare moment too. Which are not, there are not many of, but like. Yeah, Katherine's like, what are you doing? And I'm like, just a button, another directory. Like, okay.

Who knew it was gonna be this difficult? I mean, I took a lot of pictures in our life. Yeah, it's been over a decade since the digital camera thing started. Yeah. And it's very clear in my photo archives, when I got my first digital camera, it was, it's very obviously 2002, 2003.

When suddenly it's like, oh, it went from like having 100 pictures a year to having like 10,000, not 10,000, but a lot. And over 30,000 pictures I have uploaded. And now, and when I finish, it's your job to decide which ones we keep in, get rid of. I'm so looking forward to deleting. I like getting rid of things.

It is one of my, the chief joys of my life. So, this is like my Christmas present. It's like, I got you, I got you these 50,000 photographs, delete whichever ones you want. The life-changing magic of tidying up my Google photos. Try and true. This is a good present for a Catherine. Yeah, yeah, congratulations. I figured out what I want for Christmas. Oh, thank God. I know. I hate you.

You are the worst. So one thing I have dropped you several hints. I know. Some are way more uh, possible. You want? Oh, yeah. Oh, no. Some are way more possible. You want? Oh, yeah. Oh, no. Some are way more possible than others, but I don't have any idea what hints you dropped. I guess there was that one yesterday. That was that a hint? Or was that just you showing me an Instagram that you liked? She's making a face. I don't know.

I think that was just me showing you an Instagram. But you know, you can always, I don't know. Yeah. That's a good way to start. So here's my hint. Wait, you're gonna hint to me? What present you want? I carry around in my pockets, two different things.

And I want it to be one. Oh. All right. However, you can solve that problem. Well, it's challenging when you like change phones. When you have a new phone every three months. It was not my fault. It was it?

I have had the same phone for two and a half years. I got a new one, it died in two months. I don't know what happened to it. I dropped it and then six hours later, it was like, you know what, I won't do any more? Anything. I'm done with all things. I will exist.

I am now a slightly reflective. Or a real life. Yeah, right. If a phone isn't a phone, is it a phone? No, that phone just had an existential crisis and it gave up. It did. Committed suicide, I guess. Yeah, and I was really loving it, too.

So I feel as if I cannot endorse that phone anymore because it just stopped working. Well, it's a good thing that Google sent you this other one. Yeah, yeah. So I am in the fortunate position of having Google occasionally send me a Google Pixel because they're like, hey, we want you to enjoy this phone, which I do very much, except for when it just didn't turn on anymore, and I don't know what to do.

I probably can, I finally found the little barcode so I can take it to the Verizon store and be like, this broke, but I couldn't find that barcode and they won't do anything if you don't have it. But I have it now. Now I just have to find time to go to the Verizon store, which is like the worst place. Yeah, nobody wants to do that.

I don't know if it's too bad. I know if it's too bad. I know if it's too bad. I know if it's too bad. I know if it's too bad. I know if it's too bad. I know if it's too bad. I know if it's too bad.

I know if it's too bad. I know if it's too bad. I know if it's too bad. I know if it's too bad. I know if it's too bad. I know if it's too bad. I know if it's too bad. I know if it's too bad.

I know if it's too bad. I know if it's too bad. I know if it's too bad. I know if's a sign ordinance. Here we go. On this road. Follow us along. And it says, your sign can't be bigger than X. This wide and this tall, this aspect ratio. Welcome to the fascinating content you have signed up for. And so instead of making a bigger sign, they turned the entire Verizon store into a sign. Yeah, basically the whole building.

Neon. Like the whole facade of the neon. It's just like the whole building. The whole facade. It's like a black building with red neon around everything. And it's so gosh. And I hate it. It is disgusting. And it's not like it's a nice part of town. It's where I like the McDonald's is.

Oh yeah. Yeah, but still, every time I drive by, and it used to be this cute little grocery store. Yeah, well, it wasn't a cute little grocery store. It was a disgusting little grocery store. It was. It hadn't been a cute little grocery store. Yeah, well, it wasn't a cute little grocery store. It was a disgusting little grocery store. It was, it hadn't been a cute little grocery store for many, many, many years. Yeah.

Possibly decades. It was like a terrifying kind of corner that was overgrown. And, you know, it was like half someone's house and half someone's cheese mart. Yeah, now it's a terrible Verizon store, so progress. Yeah. Enough is enough. I don't know why that one got me so hard. Enough is enough. Welcome to 2017. Enough is enough.

It doesn't matter what side of the you're on. That on. That's what everybody feels like. Just had enough. Everybody's had enough. Which is too bad because we've all had enough of each other's enough. Oh boy. And there's more, but that's enough for everyone else. There really isn't. Yeah.

Yeah. What were we talking about? I don't know. We got on phones. We haven't even gotten to, so how you do it, hey? Well, this was how I'm doing. Okay. Yeah, I was going, this was how I'm doing. Okay. I was going to tell you about my photo system.

And I am very excited to get done with it. Well, how are you doing? And also, do you want me to get you anything for Christmas? Oh my God, wow. What is it? I don't know. What? Wait.

What are the hints? I can't believe I missed the hints. Was it travel? Because you've hinted at some travel, but so have I. Because I would like to go away because it gets awful here in the winter. Yeah, I mean, the place I wanna go is maybe not, well, I don't know.

There's a variety of ways this could happen. But I'd like to go see they might be giants. Mm-hmm, and they're not coming through here, but they are going on like a tour of everywhere. They're touring again this year. So that was on my list. However, we can make that happen. And that's the major one.

Yeah. Also, how am I doing? I just got a massage for the first time in like two and a half months, so that was okay. Merry Christmas. Yeah. Merry Christmas me. I set it up for me. And you.

Yes, I got one too. And my baby. Yeah, my baby, we got a little baby massage for the baby. We all got worked on this morning. That's the life that we really is live. Our baby gets a massage. I don't know. I did find a short poem. Oh, did you?

Yeah, it's good for you. It's by William Ward's worth perhaps you have heard of him. Mm-hmm. I like I was, last name has the word words in it. Right? Yeah. It's worth. Like, words are worth something.

Is that a real name? I don't know. I don't know anything about William Ward's worth except that he's a poet of a certain era Possibly romantic 1770 was when he was born and then he died in 1772 No, I made that up. Wow. That's prolific little two-year-old. So sad though.

Oh yeah, I know. I knew I was going to make you sad. I knew I was going to make you sad. As soon as I made that joke, I was like, oh, why did I do that? Yeah, you're thinking about maybe William Wordsworth dying. Yeah, baby two-year-old, William Wordsworth dying. Anyway, should I get to it? Yeah.

While you look up who William Wordsworth was? It seems that it says actual last name. So at least that's what you want to know. OK, I believe the title of it is too a child. Oh. I don't know. Small service is true service while it lasts. Of humblest friends, bright creature,

score not one. The daisy by the shadow that it casts protects the lingering dew drop from the sun. Mm. It was good and short. That's it. That's it. That's it.

That's it. I'm sorry. Something happens when people start saying poetry and it just turns my mind off. It's like the words hit buttons, like the reset button in my brain. That style is particularly challenging. Yeah, you have to spend time looking at it.

Yeah, so, you know, come back to it or don't, whatever. It's fine. That was my poem for the day. Should we answer some questions Hank? This is an advice podcast about death. That's a fantastic idea. It's been like 10 minutes. Okay.

This first question comes from Arthur who asks, Dear Hank and John, what am I supposed to do with the cereal crumbs and bits that are left at the end of the bag box of cereal? I like that it's a bag box because there is a bag in the box and also it can just be a bag. I can't pour them in with the rest of the cereal that will ruin the cereal and the milk not water Yeah, not water John's not here Experience by making everything way too sweet or adding weird texture I can't throw them away because that's wasteful and this stuff is expensive

What do my mom do with those bits when I was a kid? Good that mean that's a great question, but I do have a bits when I was a kid? That's a good, that mean. I'm not your mom. That's a great question, but I do have a suggestion. Is it what? She just, just nommed them while you weren't around. She's just like, oh my god, I'm so hungry. And here's a minute. Oh pour the cereal dust into my mouth

to sustain me for another hour. Yeah, call your mom and tell her you love her. I'm specifically talking about Quaker oatmeal squares, the king of cereals, but your answer, they are very good. Your answer may have slightly more universal applications. Please help me, please help bring peace to my mind. There are enough things to worry about at six o'clock in the morning.

Yeah, first of all, don't worry about this. Also, there are too many things to worry about. We have to stop worrying about this. Yeah, I mean, can I not have a opinion on this? What do you, I mean, I could tell you what I do with them. I pour them into the milk and I eat it. And it's like, oh, this bowl of cereal was different than the rest of my bowls of cereal.

It's for variety. You just treat it as like a different experience. Like these are left. There is the challenge of like, can I separate these from the, and with oatmeal squares, you kind of can because you can like pull out the things that are whole, finish that, then put the dust in.

And then it's like porridge instead of cereal. And then you make your porridge. Well, and for frosted miniweeds, then you really, they get really sweet because it's all the sugar bits that fell off. And then it's like, that is some sugary milk I just made. The oatmeal squares are different because they're not consistent throughout.

So you're basically making an oatmeal square porridge. So I have suggestions if you don't want to just trash them or put them down your insincurator. Grinola. I don't know, mix them in with your granola. Sorry, the texture is already weird in there. Um, squirrel food. Squirrel food. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you like birds or squirrels? Maybe they'll eat it. Just encourage the rodents and things to come to your house. No. It's like Cinderella.

It's maybe they'll be friends and make you a dress later. Yeah. Do you know the difference between porridge and gruel? I do, yes. Because we were talking about it the other day. Yes, but I probably would have been able to tell you the difference earlier than that. Apparently gruel is drinkable.

Yes, like a liquid. It's like a thin liquid soup. Sounds bad, now that it's... Well, yeah, you know, it's not the king of cereals. It is certainly not. And also, it is called Gruel, which was maybe like bad branding decision. Yeah.

Who came up with that one? Interesting, like, that the word for it is so unabitizing. Gruel. It's gruely. Gruely. Gruely. Yeah, I kind of feel the same way about all of the hot wets and the serial kingdom.

Like oatmeal, I just have not yet been able to get behind oatmeal. And I'm 37 years old. I feel like I'm getting to the stage of my life where I should be more of an oatmeal kind of person, but I just can't get there. But I am now to the point where I can have musely and yogurt. Like I can do that and I'm not happy.

Not warm. No, but like, yeah, as soon as it's warm, I'm like out, warm cereals, I'm out the door. Maybe I need another 10 years and then I'll be a warm cereal guy. I'm out out the door. Maybe I need another 10 years, and then I'll be a warm cereal guy. I feel like it just something that happens to people as they get older. My dad's always eating warm cereal.

Is he? No, he does the same thing you do. He eats granola and yogurt. Maybe, maybe it's genetic. I remember a lot of oatmeal happening when I was a little bit. Anyway, should we move on? This is an interesting discussion about what breakfast foods you like. Maybe, maybe it's genetic. I remember a lot of oatmeal happening when I went to the kitchen. Anyway, should we move on? This is an interesting discussion about what breakfast foods you like.

Let's answer another question. Dear Hank and John, I am currently working as an assistant English teacher in Japan. The experience is great, but as I don't speak Japanese very well, my way of making friends usually consists of looking interested. While people talk at me and nodding my head and making a ha noises. Recently though, this method has, as I found out, later resulted in one of the art teachers at my school offering to do a portrait of me to give to my mom.

And you agreed to this. Well, you know, unintentionally. You nodded and said, aha. I'm all, I'm, of course course flattered, but also slightly afraid. I don't usually like renditions of myself. That okay. But even more worryingly, I especially don't want to give a portrait of myself as a gift to anyone no matter the quality. And then there's that old saying that has been running through my mind of how the fastest way to lose a friend is to paint them. Wow, that's not a saying I've ever heard.

No. Any and all questionable advice will be greatly appreciated. See you later. Ada. Oh yeah. I wait. So, the fastest way to lose a friend is to paint them. That would not result in me losing a friend because everyone would be like,

of course that looks terrible. Hank has painted one thing, Hankler Fish, and only them. Ha ha ha ha ha. It would be like, of course that looks terrible. Hank has painted one thing, Hankler fish, and only then. And be like, everyone is a fish. That's how you start. And then it's like, yeah, and then it's like, you have eyes, right? Glasses. Yeah.

Put on your glasses and then. What? Stripey shirt, because you wear stripey shirts. Yeah, what's your distinguishing feature? I couldn't tell you a single thing. Either you're hair or ponytail. Right, thing. Either your hair with a ponytail. Right, yeah. And your fish with a ponytail.

Anyway, Ada, I think... You got, well, I mean, I feel like you got a sip for a portrait. Yeah, that sounds cool. This is cool. Just take this as like an interesting experience you're gonna have. Whether or not you give it to your mom is your decision once they give it to you. Yeah, and if you don't... But also, your mother would love a portrait of you.

I think that would might be really nice. If you're in Japan, where's your mom? She's not with you all the time. She wants to see your face. Yeah, especially painted by a Japanese artist. I know that sounds like such a cool present. It sounds like a pretty cool present. And if your mom doesn't want it, maybe it is going to be me.

Uh. Send them to Hank and John Green. No. That's okay. You can take a cell phone picture of it, though. And send it to Hank and John at gmail. That's okay. You can't take a cell phone picture of it though and send it to Hank and John at gmail.com because we would like to see it. We would like to have the Patreon if that's, if you're interested in sharing the portrait that comes out of this.

Yes, we would like to put it on the Patreon for others to see. Do you feel like if someone asks to paint you that there's more coming along with that request than just I would like to paint you? Is's more coming along with that request than just I would like to paint you. Is it a Titanic situation? I don't know. There's so many ways this could go. I don't know. She doesn't say any season. She doesn't say that there's anything that you can turn in that department. Who the art teacher is or what her relationship with this person is. There's like that. Is

this person flirting with you and you're just not sure because you know, language and cultural barriers? I don't know, I feel like if I... Something, I mean, if you don't feel comfortable with it, obviously don't do it, but if it just seems like an innocent, this person is interested in making a facial study. Yeah. Because you probably, I don't know, may don't look like the person that the people that this this heart teacher sees all the time. Yeah

So maybe they just want to Different a different face to look at. Um, I don't I don't I think You know obviously up to you, but if it was me I'd do it Yeah Yeah, the end the end this next question comes from Brooke who asks dear Hank and John Up to you, but if it was me, I'd do it. Yeah. Yeah. The end. This next question comes from Brooke, who asks, dear Hank and John, it is winter,

which means that it is cold. So cold that I am reminded of that scene in Star Wars where Luke is walking in the frozen tundra and then he cuts open the inside of an animal and just like gets in to keep warm. How cold does it have to be where this is okay? Fabling, Brooke. Babbling, Brooke? Oh, that's good is okay? Babbling, brook, babbling brook. I like it because it is a kind of babbling.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh gosh, I doubt I got had a lot of thoughts about opening up a ton ton. How do I called this and have to be for it to be okay to cut open it? Well, first of all, I think the ton ton died. The ton ton had already died of exposure or exhaustion. Yeah.ust, or exhaustion. Yeah, which seems unlikely to me.

Like, the Tau is Luke. Luke would die first. Yeah, this was like pre-jet eye, like strengthening. Aren't lightsabers hot? I can't you just like huddle up with your lightsaber? If you have a lightsaber, it doesn't, you couldn't that keep you warm? Can you like just like, just like,

get, like, warm your hands on it? I don't know. I've never, I've never touched a lightsaber. I know nothing about the physics of lightsaber. I know that when they are fictional. I know that when they touch people, the people get burned. Yeah, really.

You think that they'd hot. You think that they'd hot. I'll say hot. Sometimes it cauterizes the wound and sometimes the people bleed. I think it's interesting that like, Star Wars lightsaber wounds often don't bleed because they're so little blood in Star Wars.

And that's sort of like one of the ways that they're sort of more kid content that there isn't as much bleeding. And like lightsabers and blasters don't tend to leave blood, except for some reason in the cantina on my, in the myina in the My Sly Space Port, when they cut off that guy's arm, it bleeds. And the first one.

But that was like early on. Yeah, maybe it was just a different body type. Yeah, alien physiology. Yeah. How cold does it have to be where this is okay? I mean, I think that if it's life or death, I don't know, it's up to you, but I'd kill an animal to live, and that includes crawling into the bowels of a beast of burden.

This is a thing, you know, you just never know. You get in these situations. Right. What sort of nasty things you will find yourself to be capable of. Yeah, you're going to find out about yourself. Yeah, those, mm. You're gonna find... You're gonna find... You're gonna find... You're gonna find... You're gonna find out about yourself. Yeah. Though those... Mmm. Yep.

That's why I just don't put yourself in that situation. That's right. You gotta... You don't need to be out there in the cold where that is okay. Yeah. Um... We have gotten to this point in human... Yeah.

Cultural evolution where that is not necessary. Yeah. Like, don't go helicoptering to the top of a mountain. Oh yeah, and then that will be good left there by yourself so that you... Yeah. No. It's not good. It's not good for you and it's not good for the bison that you're ultimately going to cut open

and sleep inside of. Oh, I mean like, also, are there wildlife up there? Oh, because they've freaking know. They left? They're out. They're not up there. They know that's not a place for peeps to be. Don't be up there, peeps. So, yeah, too cold for you is how cold?

Too cold. Too cold. Don't go to places where it's too cold, and it won't be a problem. Also, warm yourself on your lightsaber if it comes to that. Yeah, do not do. Do not do. Right, this question comes from Twitter. Thank you for sending in your Twitter question. Dear and Catherine, my future wife and I want to build a tiny house for ourselves.

It's a good idea, just a load of crap. to build a tiny house for ourselves. Is this a good idea or just a load of crap? I am a man in a cup, Joe. Um, I don't. Doesn't necessarily get your name specific sign off, but maybe somebody else will. Sure. I do feel like people come down on one of those two sides.

Like, tiny houses are a point of opinion inflection, where people are either like I get it And I want to live inside of a place where when I sit up I hit my head on the roof Versus people who are like oh my god stop get over this weird and so I mean I think the motivation is good. It's like simplifying your life I don't need all this extraneous thing like simplifying your life, I don't need all this extraneous thing. Also the challenge of like building one. Yeah.

I could see being interesting just because you're like, how do I get all the things that normally are in a normal sized house into a tiny house. Um. And also you get to learn about plumbing and electricity and carpentry and all those things like without having to build a whole house. Right. And ruining a whole house.

Or yeah, ruining without ruining a whole house or a whole house is worth of lumber. Don't know how to get it. Totally, it's like a practice house. Yeah, totally. You just practice on this one and then if it's you just take it to the dump, sorry about the S word. Yeah, and it's already on a trailer. Oh yeah, it's private there and scrape it off. And that was only time I took your life.

No, no, you should deconstruct it and reuse the lumber and whatever. Right, yeah, take it to a home resource. Yeah. Is it a, I mean, I think it is limited viability for people. Some people can totally do it, and cool, whatever, that's fine for them. Some people live in the woods.

Yeah, I mean, the thing that has always seemed a little weird to me is like if you want to live in a tiny space, they exist. There are apartments and there are trailers and there're like, mobile home, like there's lots of tiny, but like there's something about the tiny house that is like appealing to a spot in my mind

that is not actually, doesn't actually correspond with how I would like to live. It's just something that I like to look at and think about rather than something that I would like to be a part of and actually have it be part of my life. Like I like to have, especially now we have just like an imaginary space, you know? Where you can like, it's sort of like this

like magical, tartist place. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And it is. And I love looking at them and like dwell or whatever and like, watching, how sunters. But, you know, I'm aware that this is not actually a lifestyle that I would enjoy living.

Yeah, and I, I think it's, try it out first. Before you go through the whole thing of like buying one and building it and whatever. I bet you can VRBO a tiny house. Yeah. And also there's challenges like, legally, logistically, and things like you got to find a place to put it.

I'm kind of trying to put it all that stuff. Yeah, it's like, yeah, there's already houses on all the normal houseplaces. And what is your motivation? Like why do you want to do this? Like do you want to limit your consumption? What, what, I think you should investigate your motivations for, for, for this impulse. Um, and how so how tiny is tiny. I have a friend actually just building a tiny house apartment community. So six tiny houses. They don't

share walls, but they're not that tiny. They're 500 square feet, which is how big my first apartment was. Mm-hmm. Whereas a lot of tiny houses are like a hundred square feet or 150 square feet, which is just like ridiculous. Literally like flatbed trailer, flatbed truck size. Yeah, and whereas this is like, yeah, it's a 500 square foot apartment. Like, that's a way that lots of people live. Yeah. Or like fitting a tiny house into a shipping container,

has always been very appealing to me. Like, oh, this house fits in a shipping container, how neat, but I've gone to visit some of those and I'm like, how does this work? And they're like, it's actually pretty expensive because shipping containers aren't cheap. They're made of steel. Like they're extremely sturdy.

Well, yeah. It's made of steel. Going through all the thing of like retrofitting that, it's not easy because it's not done a lot. And so, you know, anything that's done more than once is easier. Yeah. You know, that's why we do these conveyor belt things,

style things, but I don't know. I'm, can I not have an opinion on this one? Oh yeah, and I don't either. Like you can do whatever you want. So it looks like that's what we're coming down. But this question about, but hopefully we're helping people develop an opinion. Our next question comes from Les who asks,

do you hear Hank and Catherine, what happens if I have a kid and it doesn't like dog? What do I do about the kid? What do I do about the kid? What if it doesn't like dog? First of all, is your dog's name dog? Yeah. Or is it just, or is it a typo?

Probably a typo, but I like it in better in a world where it's just dog. What do I, if I have a kid and it doesn't like dog? It's just like a panic. Like it's just, and I understand, like, yeah. If it doesn't like dog, what if it doesn't like dog? Here's a tip from... I had my nephew was very, very allergic to animals when he was first born and he loved dog and cat and bird and all, all the animal, But he was really, really allergic to them, so they just had to wait, and eventually kind of grew out of the allergies, but there's time in your life to learn to love dog.

And also, if they don't, you know, every person is a different person. That's right. And you can't force your child to be anything. Right, here's what I want. That it does not want to be. Tell you from having watched a lot of people who had dogs and then had kids, is that the dog becomes less important to you.

Oh yes. I mean, you still love this dog. Yeah. But you are it is not top of the pack anymore. Yeah. And maybe you don't love it all that much for a while. Maybe for a while it's like how on earth am I supposed to take care of this and this. Why are you still can't you take care of yourself, you're a fully grown animal? Yeah. And you stop being on the carpet. Right. Some people are totally capable of like expanding their hearts to fill to anything.

But some people aren't and that's fine too. You know, you can only do as much as you want. But once you have a baby, that's the priority. You got to recognize that. But if you have a kid and doesn't like dog though, you can keep dog. You could have things in your house that your kid doesn't like. You have a ton of them. Oh yeah. Well, no, he seems to like everything.

Doesn't really like, see what does it mean? He doesn't like, sometimes he doesn't like getting as butt wiped. Right, no, it doesn't, yeah. It doesn't like the washcloth that we wipe his face with. Right, yes, he doesn't like face. It doesn't like the washcloth that we wipe his face with. Right, yes, he does not like face wiping, but that's not like a thing. Probably the thing in his house that he is most like,

has both positive and negative feelings toward. Like the largest, like the thing that he has the largest negative feelings toward is us. Oh yeah, totally, because we're always trying to make him do stuff he does. Right, every, like most things he's either in different shoes. Like, Rodus, or he loves them. Geez he loves them, but he loves and also hates. I wouldn't say hate, but tolerates with.

I mean, sometimes he's pretty upset. It's such a sad face. No, I know. What I'm like, dude, I just have to do all the bedtime stuff. You guys sit through the bed. I know your butt hurts. I'm stuff, I'm sad. He says I'm bad, I crashed this week.

Got a wipe, it looks so much better today. It does. It does. Everything's gonna be fine guys or babies but is good. Here's a question from Michael dear brothers of clan green or wife and husband of clan green. I like to walk around on campus when it is dark. I enjoy it because it is peaceful,

and not many people are out and about. I naturally walk faster than most. So when there's another person, I would normally walk past them, but I don't wanna freak them out by making it feel like I'm approaching them. But. But if I slow down and we're going the same general direction,

then it seems like I'm following that. What do I do? Pavo, mediocre, salve, te. You know, I looked that up. Michael, and I don't sorry about my Latin. I do not do Latin. I looked it up and Google also can't handle this because Google said it meant peacock regarding goodbye. Good. So I don't know what it actually means. Probably not that one. Michael meant to say peacock regarding goodbye. I don't know. That's all I got for you in terms of the sign off,

in terms of the question. Right. Here's what you do. Just turn. Just like, I'm going gonna walk across the leaves now. Yeah, right, if you're just- To a head. Dude, if you're just taking a walk,

you can go any direction you want. That's right, yeah, no, I do this all the time where I'm like, I feel awkward. The person knows I'm here, but doesn't want to turn around to look at me, so I'm just gonna go into the woods. That's not creepy at all. Just, he disappeared.

What did he go? He was right there, He was right behind me. Did he go into the bush to hide? Other solution. You can go with yours, but I have another solution. Wait, what is... I said just turn. Yeah. First solution. I have another solution. Okay. Roller blades. Right. I mean, there's nothing less threatening.

Ha ha ha ha ha. Like, you cannot be like, oh, here comes a guy on roller blades. Better get out my mace. Ha ha ha ha. Maybe? I don't know. But the thing is on roller blades, people know that you're not approaching that.

Like, people know that you're gonna be passing them because you have wheels. You are. You got the rocket feet. And there is something really non-threatening about a guy on roller blades, especially if they're like hockey skates or like not. Like if they're like trick skates, maybe like that guy looks a little bit cool. Maybe a little bit cool.

Yeah. Like and he might, but like if you're like doing got skates that are just for like, if you got them fitness skates on. Yeah, fitness skates. Yeah, fitness skates. Nothing sexier. Which is the only kind of overhead.

Oh man, I love rollerblading. I know, it's just not possible here in the Montana. We got bad weather and bad sidewalks. Yeah, because it's a bad weather. Yeah. Yeah, so I have not really- I see people around trying doing it, but I'm like, that's gotta be just.

Broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, yeah, what a nightmare. Oh man, I think we can't, we can have that one out of the park. I, I, but like, yes, this is like a legit fear that I have that I'm freaking people out by walking up behind them. Yeah. Cause I'm like tall and big guy. Right, yeah, totally.

Yes, yeah. I don't necessarily feel this. I mean, maybe I have felt the other way where I'm like, what's that person behind me doing? Yeah. I'm really doing. Mm. Um, but generally I just don't care about it.

And I just wanted to say that Michael said that his girlfriend Jen is a huge fan and we should say hi. Hi, Jen. How are you? Hi, Jen. I'm Hank's wife. You don't really probably care about me. I'm sorry.

I'm a sub-surrogate, John. This next question comes from Hannah who asked, dear, Hank, good, John. The other day I was having a conversation with my friend and she started telling me something that I had originally told her. She stated beforehand that she had heard it from someone but didn't remember who,

so it's not like she was like stealing my anecdotal facts, but I was not sure how I should proceed. I ended up just sitting there and listening to it as if hearing it for the first time, but like was I lying and also wasting everyone's time apricots and alicats? Hannah, yes, you were lying and also wasting everyone's time and you did the right thing.

Eh, I guess. I do that like when John does this to me, I'm always like, yeah, you did the right thing. Yeah, I guess. I do that. Like when John does this to me, I'm always like, yeah, you told me that before. Or like, yeah, I told you that. Yeah, I guess it would, it would depend like how close you are with this person. Yeah. Whether you would want to be like, yeah, I totally told you that. Why, what?

Yeah. Yeah. Or if you just want to be like in the interest of just getting through your life with minimal conflict. Um. Yeah. Like there was that moment when she was like, this is something that I heard,

but I don't remember who I heard it from. Right. Yeah. That's your moment. And then as soon as you started, there's a thing you'd be like, oh, that was me. Yeah, I totally, it's Hannah. You heard that weird, right?

Cool. Yeah. Because then you can have that conversation instead of you just sitting there being like, I did, we did this start off as well. I told you about this, yeah. I know all about the ship of Thesis, oh my God. So just next time. So just next time.

You can break in and say, yeah, I'm the one that told you that. I'm the source of all your best facts. It's, I mean, Hank Green. What? We'll steal all your stories. I will steal all your stories. And tell them back to you, like you never existed in the first place.

Is that true? He's a, he's a, he's a story of me, but. Do I do that? Do I do that? Um, I don't think you do it intentionally, but- No, we definitely don't do it intentionally. But you do, but you do absorb, absorb stories into your, well, it's John does it too.

Oh yeah. Yeah, so I think it's, I think it's pretty natural. You're like, I have a great story. I told this. I, yeah. It's just, you just want to be interesting. Thank you for always calling me out on my BS. Oh, it's not, I mean, it's minimal BS, you know. But here's a,

here's a, here's a better question. Oh, not that that was a bad question. It's from Adam and the subject of the email was the mysterious ticking noise. Adam says, dear Hank and John or Catherine, when I stay over at my friends, how's I always sleep on the couch? There happens to be a clock very nearby that ticks very loudly.

The ticking is so disruptive that it renders me unable to sleep while slowly chipping away at my soul. What do I do? It's not a bridge, it's add-dam. Ah. What do you do? I'm batteries out. Take them batteries out.

I mean, if it has batteries, does it come off the wall? Is it mobile? Take it somewhere else. Yeah. I mean, unless it's like a grandfather clock. Oh, like. Like, have I ever told you the story?

Here's another question, like, why you sleeping on the couch in your friend's house? What do you mean? Where's sleep? I don't know. On the floor in your friend's room? I don't know. That's a row.

That's a row, it's a row. That's a row, it's a row. I don't know. Oh, what they call them? What they call them? Earplugs. Yeah. There you go. You just bring earplugs to your friend's house every time I don't know. Oh, what they call them, what they call them, ear plugs. Yeah. There you go.

You just bring ear plugs to your friend's house every time or you just leave a pair there. You put them on that clock, because then you'll know where they are. Nor like hide them inside the clock somewhere so that everybody who sleeps on the couch can know that they take the, and they're like, there's ear plugs in the clock.

These are the clock ear plugs. Um, yeah. Or like earmuffs or something, you know? That you can. So the thing that I like, when I'm on tour, sometimes I end up sleeping in rooms with guys who snore. Right. And noises, you cannot avoid.

Yeah, and if you turn, like in an app, like a white noise app, the one I use is called simply noise. And you put your earbuds in your phone, and then in your ear, and you play white noise app, the one I use is called simply noise. And you put your earbuds in your phone, and then in your ear, and you play white noise directly in your ear, you will not hear it if the whirl dan. Right into your brain, it just turns you right off. And I do this, I do this fairly regularly. This is a good trick, and it's good for everyone.

Everyone should do it. You need to sleep. You need to sleep. You need to sleep. It's amazing to me the way that some people are able to sleep because I have had such a pampered life. I'm just... Did I ever tell you the story of the time that I had my computer in the guest bedroom of my house?

And I created a screensaver for that computer in which I wouldn't... I'd not like... There was picture of me. This was the screensaver for that computer in which I wouldn't, like there was picture of me. This was the screensaver that I made, and I knocked on the screen from the inside and it made a knocking noise of like, we're knocking on glass. And there was a whole bunch more.

This is a new story to me. And I am a little freaked out. There's a whole bunch more to the screensaver, but that was part of it. And it was about a two minute loop. There's a whole bunch more to the screens, Hafer, but that was part of it, and it was about a two-minute loop. And my John's girlfriend came to visit and slept in the guest bedroom, and we turned off the computer monitor,

but the speakers were still on, so every two minutes, the computer made a noise, like someone knocking on the inside of the computer glass. Well, it was a CRT monitor. Yeah, like I can hear it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

And so, and like she said. She had a terrible note. The whole, like she did not sleep, but she was in that room all night long with that noise happening every two minutes. And I was just like, you have to get up and just pull the plug out of the wall. Well, yeah, I mean, like investigate.

Or turn the speaker, like there's a number of, and like if this is bothering you, it's totally fine. As long as you like set the clock back in the morning or you put it in the bathroom and you're like, oh, the clock ticking was bothering me. I took care of it. I am a person who is more important

than the location of a clock. Yes, it's fine. It's fine to be like, can I move this while I sleep here tonight or whatever. But if you don't wanna do that, yeah, your plugs. Yeah, or your buttons. Or your white noise. And simply noise.

Yeah. Sponsor this podcast. Sponsor by simply noise. The app that is free and has all kinds of different noises It has white noise. It has brown noise. It has bad news. What's wrong? It doesn't work on my phone It's because they it does not work on newer versions of iOS. Oh well works on Google Play. I'll tell you that I don't know I like yeah, so some sort of white noise app. Maybe. Maybe it was simply noise.

It's going to buy simply noise so that we can continue to update the software because I imagine they don't make a ton of money off of their like, and more interesting about it is just, it literally is just, there's nothing else. It was no frills. It was beautiful. Right. I just had like, you could had like the like you could pick the noise and you could pick the volume. Yep.

A lot of these other ones, they got all kinds of choices and things on them and I don't care about that. And like night lights. Anyway, this podcast is also brought to you by a bag box of cereal. And Quaker oatmeal squares, the King of cereals. So good.

This podcast is brought to you by Fitness Blades. You're fitness roller blades. You can go fast without ever looking even a little bit threatening. Man, come on. Come on up and put on these fitness blades. You will not get a date. That's true. You will only get dates from really, really cool people. Okay. This podcast is also brought to you by a lightsaber maybe.

It can keep you warm. Let's say for me. If you're looking for a tool like that, it's a great tool. That cert could serve you some purpose. Especially like if you have a tiny house that you need to take apart because it turned out that was a bad idea. Perfect. If you need to deconstruct that tiny house real fast, light saber it up. Vom, vom, vom.

And this podcast is additionally brought to you by our actual sponsor, which is merchandise for Dear Hank and John. We've got new merchandise. I didn't know where you were going. I didn't know that. He's literally brought the t-shirt into the studio as though. I could show it to you all.

We could see it. I mean, I could show it to you all we could see it I mean I can see it can you hear it yeah rub it around on that microphone do with the ASMR that's a real good mic so we can stop it we got a good John shirt. She want to make Hank uncomfortable real quick. Where'd that phone? We got it's a dearly- He's literally holding it up as though you can see it. Why? Why is he still doing it?

So I can describe it to you. Okay, so the words dear Hank and John are on the shirt. It's a black shirt, very nice black shirt, inside of an octagon shape like a stop sign. And all of those things are made out of, one guess, omacles. They are. Yeah, or possibly amazels.

Or possibly amazels. Yeah. Deer hank and John's first new product. It's beautiful. It's primary colors plus green. And the shirt is black. And I mean, if you like this podcast, Hank. What?

That was me tearing off the tag. Cause it's got a tear off tag. So you have to deal with the tag. Yeah, that's great. And then you never know how to wash it again. I just washed it on normal. I just read it like a t-shirt. Just washed it on normal.

It's a t-shirt one. Give it a t-shirt wash. Yeah, wash it on American cheese. Is that the end of the qu- Wow. That's the make sense. What did I mean? The normal set of the American cheese?

Yeah, because that's what normal cheese is. Regular. Normal, yeah. Regular cheese. Are there any other questions we need to answer? Or should we just... There might be a couple. We've also got a sticker.

We've got a deer hangin' on a sticker. There's a fan from deer hangin' on sticker. You need to get put that on something. And we have a poster as well, a secret Snicks poster. Oh, there is one more question I need to get to. All right. This question comes from Maggie who asks, deer, hangin' and Catherine, how did cave people cut their fingernails? Did they even cut them? Oh no. Or did they just break all the time? Oh god. Cringing over prehistoric keratin, Maggie.

Agreed, Maggie. Thank you for making me think about this. And now I'm giving it to the rest of the pod, let's first. Now all of you have to think about this as well. Just, I mean, there's nothing better to think about than just like your fingernails breaking all the time. I have no idea and I did not research this and I wonder if anyone has thought about it. Yes. But probably. Yeah. So I did a little bit of research on this one. Okay, great. It comes through. Yeah. So, like as far as what prehistoric people did,

we've got some guesses, but we know 100% what chimpanzees do. Oh, okay. Yeah, right. Sure, sure, sure. And they chew their fingernails. Chimpanzees chew their own fingernails. That was my first thought. Yeah.

Was that they probably just trimmed them off with their own teeth. And that's a good and other animals do this too like cats will will chew off their tone Yeah, Tony else when they get too long. Well, they they chew off the sheath. Yeah And so we found The normal grooming dates from like the Like the Roman times and Egyptian times.

Cousie. Yeah, nail care kits from the Romans. And apparently like there was a person that you went to, like the same person who would trim your beard in your hair. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Uh. The dentist.

Yeah, who probably also a dentist. Did you mean to say dentist? Yes. Because I feel like the dentist was also the person that shaved you. Right. At a certain point in time. Probably. It was just like this was the guy who took care of all the weird things on your body parts.

It's like, you're looking good. Yeah. Cairo? I don't know. I was trying to come up with a Greek name, and I said Cairo. Nope, that's not gonna do it for you. Oh, a Justice Troy.

Oh, a name of the man. Yeah, the person. Lookin' good, a Justice. Right. Oggi. Well, that's more of a Roman name, isn't it? Dang it. Wow, he's really failing over there.

Looking good, Zerxes. No, that was the Persian guy What are some Greek people Looking good George Stephanopoulos Oh, that's a Greek person sure that's a last name. I was thinking about you know like Aristotle looking good so great There you go. Ha ha ha. There you go.

Ha ha ha. You got there. That was good. Well, thanks for looking that up for me. Now, I don't have to worry about it. Although, like, I also don't really think about, like, thinking about all those fingernails you and so on. But when people, there are, like, when you do work,

like, manual labor like like like manual agriculture, you nails do break a lot and it you don't probably have to chew your fingernails because you're digging in the dirt and you're just carrying heavy things all the time and yeah oh yeah yep we're both like we're both like twiddling our fingernails at the moment anyway. The fingernails the way that they are. Hank, should we get to the news from Mars and AFC Wimbledon? We sure should. Is it time for that? Yeah.

Great. I'm so excited. As the guest of the pod, I have the pleasure bringing you the news from AFC Wimbledon. And this is hot off the presses from yesterday, November 21st, which is going to be not soon new for the rest of you when you hear this next week. Um, sound more excited. Wimbledon continued their upturn in fortunes with a desperately hard fought. Goalless draw at old him.

Are you reading? Yes, I'm reading that I'm reading the BBC.com sport article because they have done the work for me. The Don's had their backs to the wall for almost the entire 90 minutes. Yes, they give you the the shots line up there and it's 16 shots from old them to Wimbledon's too. So they really were up against the wall. But a determined rear guard action saw them deny their informed hosts.

Thank goodness for the rear guard, because Nill Nill draws seems like the best that Wimbledon can hope for at the moment. Nile Taylor fired over for Wimbledonilton before home striker Craig Davies found the net with a rebound, only to be ruled offside. I know. Ugh. Ugh. And, uh, then old him seized control.

But brilliant last ditch tackle by Wilmilton Captain Barry Fuller, kept the score sheet blank. So they're hanging in there. I think they're still like one slot out of relegation. They're 19th right now. And they have to be in the top 20. So hanging on there with the little fingernails that they probably trim with some clippers or something instead of their teeth. But who knows? Good luck. Maybe when it feels as tight as it is right now, they're

probably coming. Maybe they are chewing them. Well, so that's the news from America's favorite third-year English football team. This, the Mars news is also mixed. So you have heard a couple of years ago that there were these recurring dark stripes that would flow, seemingly flow down like steep areas of Mars and it was liquid water on Mars. May not be liquid water on Mars is the new paper that is out. So the main argument that this paper makes is that these stripes appear at like just at the places and at the slope angle that,

and mostly on sand dunes where sand is continuously replenished, that the sand would fall at, and it stops, they stop when the slope angle gets to the place where sand would not fall anymore. And so they think it's some sort of dark sand. They think it might just be like a dark sand thing, but the original thought behind it being water was twofold. One, there were some of like some of these salts that would significantly lower

the freezing point of water so that the water would stay liquid for longer. Okay. In colder areas. So the salts were there, which made sense that then the water would be liquid for longer in colder areas. So the salts were there, which made sense that then the water would be sort of this liquid slushy stuff. And also, they were seasonal. So it only happened in the summertime when it was warmer. So there'd be liquid sort of seeping out was the idea when it got warmer.

And some stuff was melting, and the liquid was seeping out. The liquid water was seeping out. Right. But the sort of counterarguments there are, that those salts are around. So maybe this isn't the situation. And it just happened to be in those places. And then as far as the seasonality, there is also some seasonality to how dust moves around on Mars. So that could be not water. And there's really no way to tell with the current instruments that we have orbiting Mars. To point those instruments and like be able to tell just by like looking at it what it is, we'd have to either have new instruments

that would do something. I don't know how they would do it, if you could do spectroscopy from that far away and have it detect water. Or you could go right up onto it and be like, hey, what's up? And NASA really doesn't want to do that because there were that curiosity has like earth microbes on it that they could potentially contaminate any parts of life that would be there. Well, in all of those seems like the ground in that area is probably white unstable and steep. Sandy, 30 degree slopes. Not fun to send your rover there. Yep, good point. So maybe, is the 2020 rover going to have any probes that can launch from it?

That would be interesting. There has been a thought about that, about having basically a quadcopter, like a drone that would go off of it. You know, that would be interesting. There has been a thought about that about having basically a quadcopter, like a drone that would go off of it, but they would mostly be using that to scout. So to see, like, higher resolution where the rover is going to go, rather than for group planning. Yeah, science on its own. Well, maybe we can think about having a science drone instead or in addition. But these are what they always doing on the enterprise. They're like send a probe. They can't get the enterprise near it. It's too dangerous.

Sorry, nobody else got to see that face. That was my serious starship captain face and voice. Yeah, but they're called recurring slope linear and there are a ton of them now. We found them all over the place, which is sort of another reason why we're like, maybe this isn't water because they're everywhere. They found hundreds of them, like hundreds of different everywhere. They found hundreds of them. Right. Like hundreds of different locations, not just hundreds of slopes. So that's the sort of wamp, wamp of the day.

It might just be dust. Yeah, I mean, it seems likely to me. There is a cold dead planet. There is to be clear plenty of water on Mars, just not liquid water. People get very confused by this. And like, no, there's definitely lots of water on Mars, just not liquid water. People get very confused by this.

No, definitely lots of water on Mars. We see that all over the place. We just have a different word for it. We call it ice. Yes. Well, I guess when you say we, who do you mean? Because I would call ice water. Humans?

No. Scientists refer to all states of water as water. Okay, but there are different words for water when it is in different states as well. Yes, water vapor. That human's use. Yes, we call it steam sometimes. Yeah, I guess we call it steam. Yeah, I mean, it's not like when you say ice, you're talking about like frozen.

You believe me? That's the frozen. That's the thing, alcohol. You would be. But no one normally is doing that. Like if I just have a block of iron, that's kind of like ice, iron ice. Yeah. Because it's not liquid. That's totally how normal human beings talk and think.

Just say ice. But there are other icees just say ice, but like there are other Isis I know but Especially on other planets are you doing science communication for lay people? I'm saying for the most part. Yes, yes, so I should just say ice water right there's lots of ice yeah There's lots of ice on Mars water ice There's also lots of dry ice on Mars and we have a word for that as well. It's called dry ice. Mmm. Water ice.

No, I'm confused. It's a beanie wheel. Those are not related accents. I know. But okay. What are you confused about? No, never mind. It's not important.

A dry ice and water ice. Right. Well, dry ice is, never mind. It's not important. A dry ice and water ice. Right. We'll dry ice as carbon dioxide ice. Oh, okay. Thank you. Yeah. That's what I needed. Okay. Katherine. Yes, hey. Thank you for potting with me. What did we learn today? Wait, we got to the end already. It happened. What did we learn today? I don't remember. I told you about this in the beginning. Um, we learned that like, there's that serial dust at the bottom of the of the bag and you don't know what happened to it when your kid growing up because her mom was just

out there like taking care of business because she was so hungry. I just had the thought of like dip in the dip sugar. Oh good lord, like fun dip. Fun dip. Yeah, like doing that, just like licking a popsicle stick and mom rolling it around in the frosting in the frosted mini-wheat dust. Yeah, you know what you probably did? I just want to eat something.

She probably like poured it into her like cold, cold cup of coffee and was like, this'll do. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,, this is a good lesson for your kid. Yeah, right. Yes, things are not always perfect. And I'll tell you what, cat does not like baby in our house. Cat does not like baby. So she's running with that. Poor cat. Sorry, cat.

We also learned that the Verizon will get around any sort of sign ordinance by just making their building a sign. Taking over the creepy little grocery store when they sold stinky cheese. Corporate espionage. That's not the right word. Whatever. Uh, but we also learned that lightsabers are extremely effective at deconstructing your

tiny house once you've decided to move past that lifestyle. She grow up a little bit. I mean, I, yeah, nope, whatever. Great. Lighthouses. Lighthouses. Lighthouses are kind of tiny houses. They just got really big lights on them. Yeah, well, yes. Lighthouses are a house for a light and a light is both tiny and infinite. Hey, Katherine, do you want to go make this week in Rhyans with me for Patreon? I sure do. If you want to get access to this week in Ryan's, you need to come on over and join us on the Deerhanker John Patreon for $5 a month. You can get access to this quality bonus content. I paid for it and I probably didn't have to, but I...

You do? Yeah, I paid for it. I don't really know what the money goes to from the dear Hanky John Patreon. Because to everything, all our completely interprices. Okay, yeah, just it's just funding, helping to fund complexly enterprises. So, you know, you can feel good about it. It's not like John and Hank are like, give me them five. I'm a roll around in all. No. No. It funds like I show in Crash Person stuff.

Yeah. So, yeah, come on yeah, come on over to the Patreon. Join us on this week in Ryan's. Yeah, I'm not going to do it. And I'm going to let Hank do that. Yeah, so we're going to do that. But in the meantime, thank you for listening. Thank you to Nick Jenkins, our editor, our podcast is produced by Rosie on a Huls Rojas and Sheridan Gibson.

Our head of community and communications is Victoria Bon Giorno. My guest host today has been Catherine Green, the wonderful music you're hearing right now, is by the great Gunnarola, and as they say in our hometown. Don't forget to be awesome!