Dear Hank & John - 123: The Incredible Glamorous Hulk

Episode Date: January 15, 2018

How do fish get into lakes? How do I stay aware of things without giving them views? Do aliens communicate with sign language? And more! Thank you to Audible for sponsoring this episode! Audible content includes an unmatched selection of audiobooks, original audio shows, news, comedy, and more. They're offering listeners a free audiobook with a 30-day trial membership. Go to audible.com/dearhank or audible.com/dearjohn to download a title free and start listening. You can also text dearhank or dearjohn to 500-500. Email us: [e-mail] patreon.com/dearhankandjohn

Hello and welcome to a very special Sikypants version of Dear Hank and John. Stories up for a think of it, dear John, and ohhhh. It's a comedy podcast where two brothers who have independently contracted rhino viruses answer your questions, give you to be used advice and bring you all the weeks news from both Mars and AFC Wimbledon. So how are you doing, John? I am sick. I barely crawled out of bed to come here,

to be honest with you. I woke up, tried to get the kids ready for school, and then Sarah came downstairs, and she was like, you should just go back to bed. And I went back to bed, and I woke up, and then it was now. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Yeah, this morning I said to Katherine, I wore an orn woke up and then it was now. Yeah, this morning I said to Katherine,

or on woke up, he woke up, he got, he sort of like, he's sitting up and like sort of standing and then he tripped over his sleep sack and fell and whacked his head on the crib. And so he's just like screaming. And I was like, we have a camera in there and we can rewind it and watch this all happen, which is just great.

He does it three times, he hits his head on the crib. And I'm like, and Catherine's like, cause I take care of her in the mornings, and Catherine's like, okay, well, why are you still laying there? And I'm like, can you do it? Yeah. And so she did it, and that was very nice.

I mean, every time I'm sick, I think to myself, God bless single parents. Yeah, they are doing incredible work. Do not understand. If you have a single parent, give them a hug. If you are a single parent, here's a hug from us. It's non-physical. My favorite kind of hug.

Yeah, especially when you're not feeling very well. Here, come in for a big ol' virusy hug. I got so many different microorganisms on my hands and face. Oh, man. Dark tone. This will be interesting. This will be interesting to pull out. I hope we do it well.

Did you happen to come across a short poem this week, John? A short poem was suggested to us, actually, by by Annie who was suggesting a poem by professor emeritus Ken Mickalowski of her alma mater the University of Michigan Mystery number two it's called mystery number two ten in the dining room one falls in the soup Poisoned you are the host. What do you do? It's good. It's good. It's a comedy about death. We don't get enough of those around here. So that was a welcome change of pace. Thank you, Annie. All right. Thank you, John, for your lovely reading. And our first question is going to

come to you from Kat, who asks, dear Hank and John, spaces of vacuum, which means that sound doesn't travel, which is where we get the classic line in space. No one can hear you scream. By that logic, if aliens exist, I'm assuming they would spend most of their time in space and wouldn't be able to hear anything, so wouldn't they communicate using sign language? What? Is that why the record be launched into space has gone unanswered? Like, first they have to have a record player. Do be a sense who is greatly appreciated. Kit. Cat.

Oh, it's good. I think that mostly we're not, we don't expect to find the aliens living in the space. Expect to find the maybe living in spaceships in space, but also potentially on other planets. There is a really, really wonderful, so there's this, this, this, uh, Twitter that's called, uh, shoot. I forgot what it's called. Great. This is already a high quality podcasting entertainment for the people.

I can't show you the feeling out of my throat no matter what I do. It's a very good comic from, there's a Twitter account called A Small Fiction and just basically tries to tell a story inside of a tweet and the tweet is Oracle, are we alone in the universe? And then the Oracle says yes. And then the little girl says, so there's other life out.

And then the little girl says, so there's no other life out there. And then the Oracle says, there is. They're alone too. Which is probably the truth, right? I mean, there is probably life out there and we will probably never have any kind of contact with it. And they will probably have, and like not only will we never have any kind of contact

with any of the life out there, all of the life out there will probably have never have any contact with each other either. There are weird reasons why this might be, because like in areas where there are lots of stars that are close together, it's actually less likely for life to form in those places because there's so much high energy radiation because it might be closer to the center of the galaxy where there's a lot of stars, we're quite far out and in the center of the galaxy there's a lot more high energy stuff happening, but also in stellar formation areas there's a lot more energy that might be contrary to the formation of complicated molecules.

So, it's a big universe, so there are probably, there probably is life out there that knows about other life, which is really cool, and that's a nice thing to think about. But for the most part, probably, the default is that other life in the universe is also alone. And we'll be alone forever. It's a, I love it, I love it. But also, also that life probably exists inside of a soup of gases or liquids that can transfer sound waves. So they probably do have some kind of way to talk, though I would not expect they have a way to play a record.

But maybe, you never know. You never know. This next question comes from Jess, who writes, dear John and Hank, I'm a middle school teacher. First off, Jess, I just wanna pause from your question and say, thank you. Thank you for being a middle school teacher.

I was so terrible to my middle school teachers, but they were so kind to me, so irrationally kind. So Thank you on behalf of all of your terrible annoying students. One of my students gave me a gift card to the local movie theater with the note to see Star Wars on it. I have often shared my love of Star Wars with my students and to have even gone so far as to dress up in Star Wars costumes and work Star Wars into my lesson plans.

God, that, I mean, that is a cool teacher. The issue, I've already seen Star Wars the last Jedi four times, and I plan to see it again with my friends from college later this month for a total of five times. Do I go see Star Wars again for a total of six times, or can I go see a different movie with the gift card that was designated for Star Wars? Han shot first, Jess. I mean, you have way too much respect for your students. I would just stand out front of the movie theater

and be like, free Star Wars ticket. Well, no, it's not even that gift card. Jess can see whatever movie she wants. It's not like the, she's gonna go up to the counter and gonna be like, I'd like to use this gift card to see, I don't know, Itania or Lady Bird. And they're gonna be like, I'd like to use this gift card to see, I don't know, itanya or Lady Bird. And they're gonna be like, oh, I'm sorry, that gift card's only good for Star Wars.

No, the movie theater doesn't care what movie you see. Go see Lady Bird, it's great. Also, it seems to me that you're about to go see Star Wars again. Why don't you use it for going out with your friends? I think she probably already bought the ticket. Like, probably reserved to ticket online already, like for a specific spot. I think 100% this is a great opportunity

to go see Lady Bird, which I loved, by the way. Hank, I don't usually like to brag about this, although I think I do bring it up on the podcast every year. But we get most of the Oscar contenders mailed to our house because many years ago I was made to join a union and at the time I was very resentful, but it turns out to have been a really great investment And yeah, so we got to see I've gotten to see a bunch of the award candidate movies this year and I think lady I honestly think lady bird is my favorite. I have not seen it, I have not seen

any movies except for Star Wars and I believe that I watched Meet Me in St. Louis and Guardians of the Galaxy 2 so far this year. Wow, well that is, that's an interesting list. You might be the only person who's hit that particular trifecta. I mean, I mean certainly I am the only person who's hit that particular trifecta. I mean, I mean, certainly I am the only person who's watched only those three. Yeah, definitely. So yeah, going outside of the house is hard and John doesn't send me his screeners. Because I can't just in case the writer's guilt is listening, I would never share my screeners. Our biggest segment of our audience, the writer's Guild of America. Oh God, I think I had like a slight fever this morning and I took Advil and I think it's wearing off.

I just want to give you a personal update. Can we answer another question? Yeah, John, let's do that. This next question comes from Maria, who asks, Dear Hank and John, I'm a 16-year-old Italian girl, and my father works abroad. Because of this, I often have to take planes and travel on my own to go visit him.

However, when I do so, I often receive a lot of unwanted attention from adult men, not ever from my peers or kind ladies, just old men. They often try to talk to me asking me why such a young ladies traveling by herself, where I'm going and so on. I try not to be rude to these people, but these situations make me uncomfortable and they keep happening. How should I deal with this?

I actually have good advice. Well, I don't know if it's a good advice, but I have advice. All I've got is headphones. Never take your headphones out. Oh, that is my advice. So, Maria, before you get on the plane, put earbuds in your ear. You don't actually have to listen to anything.

I don't usually listen to anything, but this is what I'll tell you what I do. Before I get on the plane. I put earbuds in my ears Actually, I do this the moment I arrive at the airport Oh, that's a perfectly honest of you. I arrive at the airport. I put earbuds in my ear I go through all of the usual processes and I find that people talk much less to me when I have ear buds in my ear Even though I'm not listening to anything and I can hear everything they say and I can answer them in a normal voice So I don't like respond to them by shouting. So hopefully I'm not listening to anything, and I can hear everything they say, and I can answer them in a normal voice, so I don't respond to them by shouting. So hopefully, I'm not being overly rude.

You're not even listening to your podcast. I will say, John, you cannot have ear buds in your ears if you're gonna speak to a service employee. That's like, I'm out, I'm out if that's your strategy, because if I'm gonna talk to the TSA guy, and he's gonna give me, I have to say, I'm a normal person, and I'm gonna talk to the like the TSA guy and like he's gonna give me like I'm gonna I have to like say I'm a normal person and I'm having an interaction with a normal person like we we are required to Interact and so I'm taking my headphones out and then they go right back in afterward. Okay, you do it your way

Maria you can do it. You can do it whichever way you want But that is that is my sincere recommendation. I did Hank If I told the story on the podcast before about the worst thing that ever happened to be in my whole life? Uh, I mean, I don't know, I don't know. All right, so you do tend to exaggerate, so I'm not sure which, which worst thing this is.

This isn't the worst thing that ever happened to me in my entire life, but it was really, really bad. So one time I was on a three hour and ten minute flight, and I had the usual strategy. I put my earbuds in before boarding the flight. I handed over my boarding pass. I boarded the plane. I sat down in my seat. I put my backpack underneath the seat. And I actually then started to actually listen to music because the person next to me kept looking at me. And I was like, maybe they need to hear sound coming out of my earbuds from me to effectively communicate that I'm not an airplane talker

because I'm a very nervous person. I was gonna say a nervous flyer, but that actually would be understating the matter pretty significantly. And this person who was sitting next to me, just as the plane began to taxi, reached over and touched my ear and pulled the earbud out of my ear. Oh my god, I can't like, like the feeling of a earbud being removed,

even if it's like, because it got caught on something. Oh, it's always a bad feeling. It's one of the worst feelings that I experience regularly. Well, and you can imagine. To have it done to me by another person. Well, you don't know who you've never spoken to actually. And I assume I assume that this person had an emergency to convey to you.

Like, I am about to poo in my pants, or there's a fire on the plane. No, it wasn't there. The lady in front of us just, her head exploded, something that you need to know. No, it wasn't any of those things. It was that they were a very nervous flyer, and would I talk to them? Oh, that's kind of sad. And I was like, ah, yeah, yes, of course.

So Maria, you may find yourself in a situation where a stranger pulls the earbud out of your ear, but in that case, they're either going to say, I'm a nervous flyer, the person in front of you has had this exploded, or third option, they're going to say anything else, in which case you're going to just put the earbud right back in. Yeah, I mean, in which case you're going to just put the earbud right back in.

Yeah, I mean, in situations like this, like there are gonna be guys who don't understand that they're like, but I'm not here to harass you, but what they don't understand is like, for you, there's no way to tell. And once you're listening to the harassment, it's very difficult to go back to your life and not be like, I need to be reassigned to different.

So like, you wanna cut that off at the beginning, which is absolutely fine, and you are an autonomous person who has been sat in a chair next to another person, and that does not mean that you have to talk to them. You have been assigned this place next to a stranger, and that comes with no rights and responsibilities to interact with them.

And so it is, it's some, it is, it definitely if you were wearing headphones, it is absolutely rude for someone to interrupt that. And if they don't get that, it is not rude for you to in reply, not interact with them. Yeah, no, yeah, I strongly agree with you Hank. And now I'm getting nervous just remembering the feeling of having that earbud move from my ear. Let's move on to another question. All right Hank, this next question comes from Jackie

and it's a matter of great importance. Dear John and Hank, for Christmas, I received several lush bath bombs. Congratulations Jackie, this seems like a wonderful present except that I don't have a bathtub. I would give them to my friends except none of them have bathtubs. What should I do with all these bath bombs. Congratulations, Jackie. This seems like a wonderful present, except that I don't have a bathtub. I would give them to my friends, except none of them have bathtubs. What should I do with all these bath bombs?

Hand them out on the street, mail them to random addresses, attempt a bath bomb shower, please help. I don't want these beautiful, sparkly spheres to go to waste. Sinne binius, Jackie. We just made a million dollars. Let me tell you why.

Is this something? It is a bath bomb compartment that you clip onto the area between where your shower connects to the wall, your shower head connects to the wall and where the shower head is. We can slip a bath bomb in there. And then you are bath bomb shower.

So you're just like basically showering and like green sparkly water? Yeah, yeah, I think this is something. No, this is not something. You know how? I mean, like I need to talk to an engineer about how to develop a compartment that you would put a bath bomb into hot water. Rushes over it comes out of the shower and you become the incredible glamorous holder.

You know Hank, over the years you've presented me with million dollar ideas on I would guess conservatively 4,000 occasions. By your math, I should be a billionaire. Now, admittedly, a few times, you have had a properly good idea, although I would just like to say for the record that I would argue our best idea ever was mine. You've had a few properly good ideas. This is not one of them.

So like, remember all those times when you would feel exactly as excited as you feel about this idea and it turned out that those were terrible ideas. This is like those times, not like the few times when you were right. John, I am going to be the bigger man and release this idea into the world. I'm saying this is not patented public domain.

It is your responsibility listener to decide if you are the person who is going to make this a million dollar product and you're going to be on QVC and you're going to be like that crazy pillow guy being like, Pillas are awful, and I've got a better pillow. And also, who's a huge fan of Donald Trump for some reason. And I'm no idea who you're talking about, but it's fascinating. I mean, just what I know about this person is it makes me really wanna hang out

with the cocktail party. Can I tell you a bath bomb story? Yes, but at first, I just, I wanna complete the process of releasing the idea into the world. Your job listener is to create the bath bombardment. The bath bombardment. The shower bombardment. The shower bombardment.

Yes. And then close. It's, I mean, it's not a million dollar name. I'll tell you that. But it's close. It's yeah, so I mean it's not a million dollar name. I'll tell you that but it's close It's something so the other day Alice opened up the Compartment I have a four-year-old daughter. She opened up the compartment underneath my sink And she said daddy, what are these? And I said those are those are bath bombs Alice like and she's seen bath bombs before

Like we've even used a couple of them in her baths, and she always likes them a lot. And she said, well, why haven't, and she knows that I love them? And she said, why haven't, some version of why haven't you used these? And I said, oh, well, all of these, like, they have glitter in them.

So like, when you let them into the bath, they like, you know, spread glitter all through the bath, and she looked up at me and she just said, sparkles? they spread glitter all through the bath and she looked up at me and she just said, sparkles? And I was like, yeah, sparkles, and she was like, I want the sparkles. So we found a good home for the sparkly bath bombs.

Man, Alice is suddenly all in on bath bombs. It's nice. It's nice if I, when I have something where I can really connect with Alice about and like our shared interest in really high quality bath experiences has become that place. Jackie, we do not have an answer for your question. Um, I don't know what you're talking about, John. I had an amazing answer for today's question. Okay, right. I forgot. I had already, I had literally already forgotten about the shower bomb compartment. I mean, I just Googled it, John,

and there doesn't appear to be a way to convert a shower into a bath bomb experience. I think that there is a huge open market here for bringing the bath bomb experience into the huge section of the world that does not have the ability to use bath bombs. We could sell it like they're on sale at Lush next Tuesday. I swear to God it's gonna happen. Yeah, okay, Godspeed. And whoever takes this on as a project, I wish them all of the luck in the

world and they will need it. I got another question for you. It comes from Abby who asks, dear Hank and John, there's this guy I'm friends with, and I like him, and he seems to like me, and everything is beautiful and nothing hurts, right? Wrong, about a month ago, he lent me a box of ball bearings. I'm just gonna leave out why. I'm gonna leave that part of the question out, because it's not even very long,

but I would rather it just be that you got lent a box of ball bearings. Sure. He's a very nice guy, and he's very caring, so he a box of ball bearings. He's a very nice guy and he's very caring, so he gave me the ball bearings. But I have lost the ball bearings. Now I'm desperate. What do I do?

Do I come clean? Do I order some ball bearings to his house and never speak about it again? Do I change my identity? Thanks in advance. This is Abby. I mean, I, listen, Abby, you're going to have some challenges in this relationship. There's going to be good times. There's going to be bad times, especially

if it becomes a kind of serious foundational romantic relationship in your life. And the ball bearings thing, you're not going to look back on it as the biggest problem you ever faced with this person. But you don't wanna build the relationship on a foundation of lies. No, you can do say like, listen, I lost the ball bearings. If you're gonna hang out with me, something you need to know about me is that I lose stuff all the time.

I feel like I had to have that conversation with Sarah very early on. By the way, today I said to Sarah, hey, Sarah, I think we need more diapers for the dog. Also, can you call my phone? I don't know where it is. And also, I can't find my keys. And Sarah's response were, the dog diapers arrived this morning.

Your phone is in Henry's bed, and your keys are on the kitchen counter. And I was like, oh my God, what is it like to walk through the universe, knowing where things are? Yesterday I was in my, I went to the office in part because I didn't know where my computer was. So I figured I'd left it at the office. I got there, it wasn't there. And I was like, I don't know where my computer is.

And my assistant said to me, you didn't bring it in. And I said to her, no I did. And she. And I said to her, no, I did. And she said, I don't know, I don't know, but I watched you walk in and you weren't holding your computer. And I, like, Maryann, how did, how could you possibly have a picture in your mind of what I was carrying when I walked into the office? But she was like, I think, and I was like,

well, I definitely brought it. And she was like, is it possible it's in the car? And I was like, no, no, I looked. And then it like, is it possible it's in the car? And I was like, no, no, I looked. And then it was in the car. Of course, it was in the car. It's all, yeah. I know, it's very frustrating. I feel the same way.

I lose my glasses all the time. And then I'm like, well, now I'm doubly screwed. Because I don't know how to lose my glasses because they're always on me. Well, but like, I don't know. I'll put them down. I'll be cleaning them or something. And then I'll get distracted. And I'll walk away for three don't know. I'll put them down. I'll be cleaning them or something and then I'll get distracted and I'll walk away for three seconds and then I'll turn them

back around and I'll be like, oh no, I can't see anything to find my glasses with. There is always that moment where you're like, like, especially if it's night time and so it's dark and I can't see. how could I possibly find my glasses in order to see when I can't see. It's just the struggle, John, but I can't get lacic because this is my brand now. That's the best reason not to get lacic I've ever heard of. I think we've adequately answered that question. You got to tell about the ball bearing issue. Just come clean. Or alternatively, like get some ball bearings on Amazon and they'll be there in two days.

Yeah, but also come clean, do both. I don't think that you should just like fake like you didn't. Well, I don't know. It doesn't, it's not gonna matter that much actually. This next question comes from Kate. You writes, dear John and Hank. My fiance's mother recently gave me a dress that no longer fits her.

Unfortunately, it's the dress she wore to her late husband's funeral. My fiance's father. Oh, my. Well, that was weird. Yeah. Well, I mean, I can't even imagine getting a dress for another person at all.

Because I feel like that's a very personal decision. Like I watch women shop for dresses and they look at a lot of dresses that they do not buy. And so I feel like selecting one and being like you will enjoy this dress is just extremely presumptuous. Because according to my view of the world, 99.9% of dresses are unacceptable.

Yeah, not only that, Hank, I would actually extend this outside the world of dresses and say that if Sarah's family gave me a suit or even a shirt or a pair of socks and was like, you know, these are the special funerals socks, I would feel the weight of them very intensely anyway. My fiancee was surprisingly accepting of this, but I'm a little uncomfortable wearing it around him

and his family. It's a lot of pressure. Yeah, I agree. Plus, it doesn't fit very well. Oh, well, I mean, not super shocking. So I worry about the formality of even wearing it to fevers. Oh, God, this is dark.

I'm sorry to be laughing, Kate, but things are out of control here. Sometimes we just have to do what people we love need us to do. So maybe I should get it tailored to use it. Is it acceptable to just keep it in my closet forever? As you are a podcast about death, I figured you were certified to attack the etiquette of the situation. Hopefully nobody will die in the interim. Kate. Yeah, I don't think that you need to wear this

this dress to funerals. Right Hard stop. Yeah, Kate and also everyone who's listening who is transitioning from like their 20s to their 30s here's what's about to happen to you your parents, yeah, and or your parents of your spouse or partner are going to start to send you things that you do not care about. Because they are aware that they are going to die. And they are trying to get rid of the things that they have a sentimental attachment to and put it somewhere that is not the trash.

Right. I mean, what they're saying is, please hold on, okay, I have to stop you. I have to stop you. I have to stop you. You said that your parents are gonna send you things that you don't care about. And I just wanna say, as someone who recognizes

that our parents listen to this podcast, I care, I care, mom, it's Hank that doesn't care. I care a lot. So I just wanna say that right now. Hank doesn't care about the stuff that you send him. He doesn't care. I care. I do, especially about the care.

I'm not saying that I don't care. I'm saying this is what's going to happen to other people who are not me and who very deeply appreciate all of the things that I have received from my mother that I have no context for. Okay, I care, I care, mom, I love everything. And what they are asking of you is please hold on to this until I am dead and then throw it away. dead and then throw it away. No, that is not what they are asking of you. They are asked.

We have to move on to the next question because I feel that we are in more dangerous territory than we've ever entered before with our arguably our most important listeners since I don't think our spouse has listened. Gathered totally listening. Oh, Sarah doesn't. I'm not sure Sarah's ever heard a full episode of Dear Hank and John. Yeah. Oh, Catherine's an avid listener. She loves it. Oh, that's funny.

Yeah, she listens to this week in Ryan's. She supports us on Patreon. Sarah listened to like the first 15 minutes of an episode with me in the car one day and she turned to me and she said, I just, I guess maybe I don't get it? Uh, whereas I, this week, walked into my home and Catherine was like, John was giving you a really hard time

about Ryan this week. And I was like, right, right. That's very funny. There's different, different strokes. Yeah, yeah. No, I mean, just next question, it just seems like being a dinner with the two of you. And I was like, I think that's what people like about it. Yeah, that's kind of the thing. The next question comes from Morgan, who asks, dear Hank and John, how do fish get into

lakes? Vinny VDVG, Morgan. Oh, I know the answer to this. Well, there's lots of different answers, but go. They get into lakes. This is my understanding at least from what I was told by our parents when I was a kid, because they bird feet get fish eggs stuck to them,

and then the birds go from lake to lake populating new lakes with fishes. Yeah, that definitely happens. That is one of the ways in which it happens for sure. Additionally, I don't know if you're aware of this, but certain storm systems can actually suck fish up into them and then drop them other places. That happens like every third Sunday or so.

What? No, I'm just making that up. Oh, God, I mean, I was completely convinced. It does happen though. I don't know if that's one of the ways that actually helps to distribute fish. Oh, yeah, so I thought you were about to talk about this.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry,

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry,. Don't, dude. Man, my kids are so afraid of river sharks. They are obsessed. They told them about river sharks. Well, they are obsessed with this idea that there are river sharks and that there are sharks in the white river in Indianapolis. And I'm like, well, guys, there are no river sharks. And then immediately Henry's like,

Dad, I think we both know that's an oversimplification. So don't try to condescend to me, Mr. because I have looked at the information and there are sometimes sharks in some areas of river ocean interaction that are considered river. Yeah, I mean, well, also no one's ever seen a river shark, which just it makes it very clear that these river sharks are made of glass. Right. It makes them scary. It's not scary.

It's much scary. Oh, man. That's a shout out to Mbimba. I'm reference for all of you, big my brother, my brother and me fans. Yeah, it's good. I mean, that's the idea. What's the idea is planted in your brain that there may be a shark.

There's a shark. Well, and there are sharks in some rivers. It's just the white river in Indianapolis is not one of those rivers. And, but then immediately, I mean, it's almost like trying to convince your brain of something when your brain is really, really convinced that it wants to worry about it

because immediately they'll both be like, well, if there are sharks in some rivers, how do we know there aren't sharks in the white river? And I'm like, guys, it doesn't matter. We don't even get in the water, it's filthy. Like, you want to know the real risk of getting in the white river, it's that the microorganisms that definitely,

definitely make you severely ill. Well, I do want to say, John, that there are some species of shark that live entirely in freshwater or in both fresh and brackish waters. Yes. They're not very many of them, and they are only in places that are not North America, but they do exist. River sharks. Yes. And then the other thing I want to say is that most lakes are connected to each other by rivers and streams and stuff.

Is that true? And yeah, yeah, yeah, almost every lake eventually ends up in the ocean. The exceptions are the ones that are salty. Like the great Salt Lake does not drain to an ocean, which is why it is salty. Because the salt can't get out to the ocean. It builds up at the great Salt Lake. which is why it is salty, because the salt can't get out to the ocean. It builds up at the great salt lake. Weird.

The Dead Sea also, you know, like any salt lake is a lake that doesn't drain to the ocean, but almost every lake eventually ends up in the ocean. But sometimes there are like barriers, like it filters through, like it might go underground, and a fish could not make that route or the streams might be too small for certain species of fish to go up and there are a number of ways that fish move around. Sometimes they are accidentally introduced by people,

both like releasing pets or they get in the build compartments of boats that move from place to place and they will move around that way. But yeah, there's a bunch of different ways, but it does happen, and over, they basically, there's a long period of time during which this can have happened, and so it ends up happening,

because geology is on a very long time scale, and once a fish gets introduced to some place, especially if there's more than one, then you're just there forever. Well, now we know, are they there forever? Do they eventually die? They eventually die, John. Okay, I'm sorry, I was just reading about River Sharks.

Okay. Well, good. The good news is, John, that someday there will be no River Sharks left to even remember that River Sharks existed. It's such a good point, mate. No, it is the River Sharks. It's such a good point. The oceans will boil and all record of us will be forgotten. Yep. And all the River Sharks will never, ever eat a single, a single four-year-old ever again.

Okay, all right. Let's move on to another question. This one comes from Katie who writes to your John and Hank every once in a while, I upload a new profile picture to Facebook and every time I do people comment on my picture things like heart emojis and look in great or stuff like that. And I never know what to say, am I supposed to say, thank you? If so, what is the proper way to thank a person who left you three heart emojis? Am I allowed to respond with a heart emoji back or must I have a message in plain English? Please help. I have no idea what the etiquette is and I just posted a profile picture yesterday perpetually confused Katie

Katie I have I have recently come across the best possible solution to this problem Which is that you're going to need to call your mom or dad or loved one And have them go on and respond to these comments. Well, thank you. So you have your mom go on and say when someone says, look in great, your mom then goes on and says, thank you because your mom is what made you one. Two, you will also be reminding these people that your mom is watching, and so to behave correctly.

Oh, that's a good point. And three, that you will not have to do anything because your mom will be basking in the glory of people thinking highly of her progeny and that will become the more important story. Okay, I mean, that's not a bad idea, but I have a better idea, which is something that I've done in my own life, Katie,

and I highly recommend to you, but first you have to become old. So, that's the first key, but the good thing about one of the great things about being old is that you are not expected to use emojis, so whenever somebody sends me an emoji and I really feel compelled to reply, I reply with a little less than a key and then the number three,

which is how we communicate it, heart emojis, pre-emoji. And that's just my way of reminding people, like, A, I'm old, and B, like this is my preferred method of communication. Like, I don't like this visual language, this pictographic language. I still like it to be as text-based as possible. So that's what I would do. I would reply with a less than three. I do less than three is a lot myself.

I probably would not reply with a less than three because I don't want to give off too much of like, I don't want to think people are flirting with, like I'm flirting with them about my cute new profile pick. I want people to be aware that I'm a married man and that this is not about escalating any friendship that we have to a new level. And so I reply instead with just a picture

of a can of diet, Dr. Pepper. It's a bold choice. It's a bold choice. I was recently texting with a friend of mine. Now, you know how now predictive texting when you type a word, it will show you the emoji for that word. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So you want to say bread instead, you want to show a picture of bread. Right, right, right. When we've got Brad right here? Anyway, I don't like it at all, but I was, I'm regularly stunned by what is available in terms of emojis. And the other day, I was texted with my friend Shannon

and she said, do you want to go curling at this bar downtown? And I replied, I think I'm going to pass on curling. Holy crap, there is a curling emoji, which there is. And I was like part of the text that you sent. Yeah, that's the, I was just reading you the actual text. Oh, okay. There's a curling emoji.

So there you go. I mean, just when you think that winter sucks, out comes the curling emoji to cheer you right up, which reminds me that today's podcast is brought to you by the emoji movie. The emoji movie. Oh God, no. I have seen it.

The podcast is also brought to you by the writer's guild of America. The writer's guild of America. It's doing something, but also making it so that John can't send me his movie screeners. I just want to say for the record that the writer's Gild of America is doing a great job genuinely of making sure that it's members have lots of things that we would not have

if it were not for collective bargaining. Okay, moving on past the political, though. Today's podcast is also brought to you by Airplane Earbuds. Airplane Earbuds, it's a great life hack. And of course, this podcast is brought to you by the Bath Bombardment Compartment. Oh my God. Did that better?

Was that a good one? I did it to the improvement. But available for you to create and sell to lush cosmetics, to open up the world of bath bombs to the rest of us. Yeah, I'm still not convinced, Hank, but I appreciate your excitement. Alright, Hank, this question comes from Sarah who writes to your John and Hank, how do I stay aware of what's happening in the YouTube community without contributing views and publicity to the terrible things that happen and that I don't want to support?

I usually have either already clicked or I hear about it from someone and to understand it, I go and watch, and that feels like casting a vote in favor before I even know what I'm voting on. Help? Trying not to increase world suck, Sarah. That has a tension that we have both in the YouTube community and also just sort of the larger world. Like sometimes I feel like, well, I have to stay informed of terrible things, and so do I like, am I required to kind of hate watch stuff?

Am I required to be subscribed to people who have views that I dislike and who are actively having and intentionally having a negative impact on the world just so I can keep up and help when things go extra wrong. And I actually traced the how the Logan Paul, like Logan Paul's video was on YouTube for a full 24 hours before and he started saying negative things about it. And I like found the person who I heard it from and I was like, who did you hear this from

and traced it all the way back to somebody who yes, watch, watches Logan Paul because they hate him and recognizes that that is an unproductive and bad thing to do with their time. And, but like then texted the video to a friend and was like, well, this is really, and then that person texted it to another person who then put it, it's like sort of a note on Twitter and then somebody asked that person about that and that person had, you know, four million followers. So that's how it got out.

And it's sort of amazing that because there are so many different silos to content experience on the internet that something like that can be out there for a long time and have six million views on it before anybody who is going to be even vaguely critical starts to see it, which is shocking. Yeah, I mean, that's an interesting observation. And I don't really know what to do about this problem. It's one of many problems at the social internet that I don't really know what to do about right now.

And I feel even though I know I have like tremendous power and a huge platform, I still feel very powerless in the face of it. I don't, I don't, I think some of these problems are, some of these problems go all the way back, right? Like, I mean, there was YouTube, there were channels devoted to YouTube drama when Hank and I first started making videos

in January of 2007. You know, it's had its own sort of ecosystem that whole time. I don't think that... And I don't know. I mean, a lot of times, the things that people are outraged about. In fact, usually, the things that people are outraged about are truly infuriating, and they are outrageous and they are reprehensible. But then there is always some new equally reprehensible outrage of tomorrow and I don't know what my level of Requirement is when it comes to knowing about those outrageous because I also know there are lots of outrageous that I don't pay attention to admittedly the world of YouTube is

Close to me and it matters a lot to me and it feels like my world in a way that other worlds don't. But I also know that I ought to be paying better attention to outrageous that are happening on a global scale. And we're attention to those outrageous really does move the needle and really does require people, really can, I think, lead people to action. I think, we see that when a famine is declared, for instance, like the moment a famine is declared,

the world starts paying attention in a way that it doesn't when famine is merely a risk or when the UN is saying famine could be coming to Somalia. The world treats that very differently than the moment when it's announced, well, famine has come. And I think, I don't know what my, I don't know how much I need to swim in the river on a daily basis, like the huge river of information

that we're all swimming in. I don't know how much of it I need to swim in a daily basis in order to be a good citizen of the internet, and I wish I had a good answer for your question. Yeah, I mean, in general, I feel like maybe we air on the side of too much in general, or I do. And that, but what sort of ends up happening is because there's always the fresh outrage.

It makes it very difficult for things that are persistent problems that need to be handled, but aren't having a big newsworthy thing. That's part of them. It makes it very difficult for those things to break into my consciousness and awareness when I'm sort of like so caught up in whatever the fresh outrage is. And actually YouTube is a pretty good example of that because we all know that these problems existed before that particular Logan Paul video was uploaded. That one was particularly, particularly outrageous and particularly horrifying.

But we all know that like that wasn't the beginning of the problems on the social internet or the beginnings of the problems on the social internet or the beginnings of the problems within certain YouTube communities. Yeah, and also, I think that it problems a lot of Puerto Rico still not having power back. Like, we knew that that was going to be a thing and it is playing out and it is happening and it is just, it can't break back into the news cycle

because it didn't just happen. And because it's own, like it's an incremental problem where it's like we need to get power back to the next neighborhood and the next neighborhood. And like there are certain problems that it feels like the internet is bad at, not at just addressing, but at, even at the base level

making people aware of. And I think the only way to sort of push back against that as a consumer of content is to say, like maybe the fresh outrage isn't as important as something else that's going on. Maybe I need to like be stepping back a little bit and not completely desensitizing myself to, you know, to the sort of injustice. And yeah.

Right. To systemic long-term injustice. This is something that Hank and I talk a lot about in private, especially trying to think about, you know, where we want the emphasis of our personal philanthropy to be. People are really good at responding to emergencies and thank God they are because we have to respond to a lot of emergencies. And I think the internet is actually quite good at responding to emergencies. I think where people struggle and the internet maybe exaggerates this problem is we really struggle with long-term solutions to long-term problems. We really struggle with the idea that some interventions are going to take decades, not hours.

And there are some problems that can be solved, that will be solved if we focus our attention on them for a long time, that can't be solved quickly. I think sometimes we have successes on that front. I mean, where you are about to experience the end of polio, which is only the second time that a disease has been eradicated from human beings by force of science and by force of people coming together and working incredibly hard to make that happen.

And that still requires a really long-term vision for making that happen. But yeah, we struggle with this as a species, I think. And we see it with climate change. We also see it with things like making long-term investments in healthcare systems in the developing world. John, before we get to the news from Mars and AFC, we'll then have one response. There's not a question from Kate who says,

hi, I'm Kate. And I am one of Nicole's emergency replacement pen pals. And I just want to say it's been amazing to have her as a pen pal. And we'd like to thank you guys for connecting us as well as Nicole for being a great pen pal. Thanks you guys. That's very nice.

Oh, that's great. That's great. I'm glad that that worked out. I wanna say one other thing, Hank. Rosie on emphasize this last week, I think it's amazing. This one comes from Hadley who writes, I was listening to the episode, Every Plum has its Thorn,

and you guys read a comment about a girl named Sierra who lives in a dorm where a snake was on the loose. I also live in that dorm. I live on the fourth floor of Centennial Hall, and I've actually met the snake before he was lost. His name is Archie, and he is a ball python about two feet long, and he's very nice. Then, also, also, we got a letter from Gwynn, and they wrote, so I'm listening to your one hundred twenty first episode,

literally right now, and realize when you were talking about the snake, Lucentierre's dorm, that you guys were talking about MY dorm! I told my girlfriend about this, because it was so surreal and she said she'd read it about it on our university's subreddit. Yes, our university has a subreddit. Thankfully, the snake was found though hungry and withhargic and has recovered.

Thank you for that update, Gwyn. And thanks to everybody in Centennial Hall and beyond enjoying your Hank and John. I just, I really hope that we can just become the official podcast of Centennial Hall. Maybe, maybe we will always... By the way, Centennial Hall, if you're looking to sponsor us, you can contact us. Right, no. What if we do a Centennial Hall exclusive episode of Dear Hank and John,

where it's only questions from Centennial Hall? I'm into it. I love that. I do it. Brilliant. John, what is the news from AFC Wimbledon? Well, Hank AFC Wimbledon played their big money FA Cup third round game against Tottenham Hotspur there at Wembley. You'll remember that AFC Wimbledon completely undefeated it at Wembley. Never lost a game at Wembley until January the 7th, 2018. It was an incredible first 62 minutes. AFC Wimbledon held Tottenham's score was for 62 minutes. Wow.

In during something like 87% possession for Tottenham. And astonishingly, AFC Wimbledon hit the bar. They hit the post in a shot in the first half. And if that had gone in, who knows what would have happened? Tottenham, to be fair, also hit the post a few times. And then in the 63rd minute, Harry Kane, one of the best strikers in the world scored a goal. He then scored another goal in the 65th minute.

And Wimbledon ended up losing three nil. But the guys at nine years podcast, the podcast about AFC Wimbledon summarized it. Their three word summary of the match was heads held high. And I think that was a good summary, indeed. This Saturday, January 13th, which will be in the past as this is, as this is uploaded, AFC Wimbledon will be playing a game that is of significant import to their League One season and also of significant import generally because they

will be playing the franchise currently applying its trade in Milton Keynes, which for those of you familiar with AFC Wimbledon's history, we'll know is a big game. The franchise currently applying its trade in Milton Keynes is 19th in League One and Wimbledon's history will know is a is yeah it's a big game. The franchise currently applying its raid Milton Keynes is 19th in League One and Wimbledon are 21st. If Wimbledon were to win that game, Wimbledon would be out of the relegation zone and also possibly Milton Keynes would be in the relegation zone. Of course the dream scenario Hank and you obviously can't football isn't made out Of course, the dream scenario, Hank, and obviously, you can't, football isn't made out of dreams, but the dream scenario is that Wimbledon stays in lead one, Milton Keynes does not, so that that is a fixture that will hopefully, like, never happen again, because it is one that never should happen. And yeah, we'll see how that goes down.

Well, John, that is exciting, and I'm glad that you guys made a bunch of money, because that's what really matters. Well, it will hopefully help us pick up at least one player in January, which will be especially useful since one of our strikers just had surgery on his hamstring. Ay, well. No, just not fun. Pay for that surgery, except they don't have to, because it's free, because it's England. In Mars News, John, you probably, you may have heard that around the turn of the year,

a few days ago, some, the Curiosity River spotted some weird structures on the surface of some sedimentary rocks that looked for all the world like what might happen if a worm or something crawled through some dirt or sand and left a tube behind and then that tube then got filled up with a harder sediment over time. That would have been some kind of fossilized worm tube basically. We've seen things like this on earth that you find these sort of

holes left by invertebrates getting fossilized and And people are like well, okay stop everything and So the day they stopped everything and they got a much closer up picture of these weird Fossilized worm tube looking things and the news is in John They're not fossilized worm tube looking things. And the news is in, John, they're not fossilized worm tubes, probably. Oh, that's disappointing. I was hoping for huge Mars worms. They would have been very small Mars worms. But it took about 30 minutes for all the reputable places to be like, wait, now.

So the, the stitches that they look like, they are some kind of pretty interesting crystal instructions that are again, almost definitely what, it did sort of happen this way, where the crystals grew, the sedimentary rock then formed around the crystals, then the crystals dissolved, and then more sedimentary rock came in. And so this is a process that would have required there to be multiple cycles of water, probably

hot water coming in and out of this system, which is pretty standard now amazingly for the lake bed where the curiosity rover is hanging out that we know that there was a lot of water and a lot of different ways ways a lot of different times and But yeah, so close up they look to be much more angular than they did when there was a More distant shot and so they're thinking probably crystal molds and molds not being micro organism molds, but molds and mo LDS I don don't know how you spell, wait, how do you spell mold? It's the same both ways. It's the English language is confusing.

You know what I mean. I think it might be different in England. Right, maybe that's what I'm thinking. So, but like, it's worth noting that like, this was so interesting that they actually backed the rover up to go take the closer picture. So they have this picture and they were like, what is that?

And they actually turned, like they reversed curiosity to go back and take that closer up picture. So that's really cool. That is cool, but it turned out it was not a complex life form. It was not a complex life form, but it was cool geochemistry happening. Right, right. No, that's, I mean, yeah.

That, I'm excited about geochemistry. I'd be more excited if we had some Mars worms, but I know I've got to be patient and etc. Yeah, I mean, curiosity's mission is not to find Mars worms. It's to study the geology of Mars, which it is doing in wonderful, successful ways. All right. I'll accept that, but we need to find those Marsworms soon, because we need, well, I don't actually know if we need to find Marsworms. We need to find, a lot of people on Mars setting up an alternate social order soon.

Part stop. All right, well, but not too soon because you want the podcast name to change, right? Yeah, I mean, at this point, I might even be willing to sacrifice that. I don't know. It's a pretty big deal to me, though. That was podcasting in your John and Hank in the future. Hank, what did we learn today?

Oh, God. We learned that we are all bathed in a soup of gases that transmits sound waves to you and that is probably also true for all the space aliens. We learn that Lady Bird is John's favorite movie of the year so far. I haven't seen all of them yet. We learn that ear buds are your best friend when you're in public and do not want to be bothered. We learn that you're alone in the universe. I mean, I'm not alone in the universe.

There's so many different humans I can hang out with. And also dogs. That's it. Why are you stopping there? Why not river sharks? I don't want to hang out with river sharks. I mean, I don't know. Do I?

Are they nice? I'm not sure. I don't know. Maybe I might hang out with them. I'm sure I can tell you. He knows everything about them. I don't know. Maybe I'll have a hand. I'm sure I know. I can tell you. He knows everything about them. All right, John. Thank you for having a podcast with me,

and thank you to everyone for listening. We're about to go record our patron-only podcast this weekend, Ryan's, if you want to support us at patreon.com slash dearhankajohn. That would be much appreciated. We do cool stuff with that money, like MakeSciShow and Crash Course. And also, we will probably put up, you know, we tend to put up also like sort of show notes kind of things, like if we have any pictures we want to share with you,

and we put those up, and those are not only for patrons, so you can also use the Patreon, even if you aren't a patron. So thank you. This podcast is produced by Rosiana Hals-Rohas and shared in Gibson, it's edited by Nicholas Jenkins, our head of community and communications is Victoria Bonzorno. The theme music that you hear at the beginning and right now is by the great Gunnarola. He also does the intro music for this week in Ryan's

and as they say in our hometown, don't forget to be awesome. Don't forget to be awesome.