Dear Hank & John - 136: Wake Up Canadian

Episode Date: April 17, 2018

What should I wear to Hamilton? If you work a four-day week, do you still get a hump day? Are books a distorted mirror? And more! Email us: [e-mail] patreon.com/dearhankandjohn

Hello and welcome to Dear Hank and John. Yours up for the Think of a Dear John and Hank. It's a comedy podcast where two brothers answer your questions, give you the deepest advice and bring you all the week's news from both Mars and AFC Wimbledon John. Hey, it's good to see you. Not actually. How you doing? I'm doing well. I feel like we should probably just talk about the elephant in the room, though, you know? Uh, is this the one where we're going to talk a lot about the size of dirt?

Yeah, that is definitely one of the elephants in the room. I've been thinking that it would be fun to play a game where you and I say we're going to talk about the elephant in the room and then we count to three and then we say what we think the elephant in the room is, but unfortunately you kind of headed it off by saying what you think the elephant in the room is. I've got another one. I've got another one if you want to headed it off by saying what you think the elephant in the room is. I've got another one. I got another one if you want to do it. I've got another elephant in this room. Okay, ready? One, two, three, poop. Avocando. Yeah, the avocado thing is another issue, but I would argue that Putin is a more pressing concern,

at least in my own life. To be the elephant in the room is definitely Putin, and we need to be talking more about the DC Character Universe, Hank. Marvel has been absolutely usurped by DC in the last few months. The DC Character Universe has gone completely bonkers between Paul Manafort and Rick Gates and Michael Cohen. I have never seen a storyline like this in my entire life. But let's move on to the size of dirt.

Lots and lots and lots of people emailed us to correct us about whether Sand has a size. Sand definitely has a size. We're gonna post Riley's diagram on the Patreon, but Riley wrote, dear John and Hank, I'm a graduate student in soils research. Obviously, we should have just had Riley on us a guest. And in regards to your question about infinite sand,

I would like to inform you that sand is the mineral fraction of soil that is between two and 0.05 millimeters in diameter. When it is weathered to a size below 0.05 millimeters, 50 microns, it is considered silt and then below 0.002 millimeters, is clay at least in the United States. While those arbitrarily designated classifications to describe soil texture, I would still say that no, there is not an infinite amount of sand on Earth. I attached a handy dandy figure for reference, and this is a very handy dandy figure. It must be noted. We'll post it on the Patreon, but man, there is definitely a

definition of sand, and we apologize to our friends and family for failing to understand the depths of passion that people feel toward the size of sand. It's important to have classifications when you're doing this kind of science. The other thing that I did not say avocado, John. I said earlier, the last one we did together, the last episode we did together, I called a home that was made out of the inside of an avocado, and you lived inside the avocado,

the avocado, because it would be a dome. But I should have said, and I apologize to everyone for not saying this, the avocado. Oh, snow, see, I still think avocado is better. I don't know, John. Avocado seems like the correct answer to me, and I think that everyone would agree.

In fact, I'm just gonna go to Twitter right now, and I'm gonna ask people how they feel about this, and we're gonna report about it later on in the pod. But John, let's move on to a question from our listeners. Sure, Hank. Well, you're tweeting. I'll read you this question. It comes from Rachel. She writes, dear John and Hank, my husband and I are going to Texas this week and there is a Dr. Pepper museum in Waco. Oh yeah, Rachel. I am aware that there is a Dr. Pepper museum in Waco. One of the cities will be visiting. I say we should go. He says, no, how do I convince him? 23 flavors strong. Rachel, all right, Rachel, listen up. I assume

that Hank is still tweeting, so I'm going to answer this question. Rachel, do you know what the official name of the Dr. Pepper Museum in Waco, Texas is? It's called the Dr. Pepper Museum and Free Enterprise Institute, because it's founder a guy named FOOTS Clements, believed so much in the free market that on top of the Dr. Pepper Museum, he inserted this weird, free enterprise institute. It is totally worth going. It is bonkers, it is bananas,

and also like to understand the history of diet Dr. Pepper is to understand the history of the United States in the late 19th and 20th centuries. So I would argue that it is not just like a good idea to go, but it's vital. And then indeed, no human life is complete until it has visited the Dr. Pepper Museum and Free Enterprise Institute in Waco, Texas.

I am right on John's trajectory here. I think that if you are going on road trips, passing up things like the Museum of Dr. Pepper is a huge mistake. And every time I've gone to a place like this, I've been very happy that I did it. I think you don't have to buy any souvenirs or anything. You just want like, have an experience,

just like, I don't care if you care about Dr. Pepper. Somebody does, and I like to see people enjoying the thing that they enjoy, and also to sort of allow that to infect me a little bit. You'd be surprised by how much you can sort of like allow yourself to just get really obsessed with and interested in something as, let's admit it, trivial and maybe uninteresting as the 23 ingredients in Dr. Pepper,

but hey, it's nice to let that happen to you sometimes. I'm not going to push back too hard. I'm just going to know that there are more than 23 ingredients in Dr. Pepper, of course. I mean, there's no way you could get a flavor like Dr. Pepper with a mere 23 ingredients. There are 23 different flavors. Oh, okay. And a number of, and those flavors require more than 23 different ingredients. Of course, not least of all the preservatives.

John, I've made a huge mistake in that I did not include, and I apologize to everyone. I did not, I included avocado and avocado, but I did not include avocado arm. So I feel like the results are just useless now. Okay, great. Let's move on to another question from our listeners

and please stop paying attention to Twitter. In fact, if I could give you sort of one overarching piece of advice. But I have a whole podcast now that I need to uphold. God, I mean, do you want to ask another But I have a whole podcast now that I need to uphold. Do you want to ask another Dr. Pepper question, John, because there's more than one Dr. Pepper question in it. Absolutely, ask the next Dr. Pepper question. All right, this next question comes from Mary Ann,

who asks, dear Hank and John, I have my husband listen to the Anthropocene Reviewed recently to show him the awesomeness that is John Green and how John can take something seemingly mundane and turn it into a beautiful statement about life. Instead, he took it as a persuasive argument for drinking Diet Dr. Pepper and now my previously health nut husband

who hadn't had a carbonated drink besides kombucha and over a decade knocks back a can of Diet Dr. Pepper every time he studies, which is every night. John was the one who got him hooked, so can he persuade my husband to stop drinking, Dr. Pepper, every time he studies, which is every night. John was the one who got him hooked, so can he persuade my husband to stop drinking diet, Dr. Pepper, much appreciated Mary Ann, the librarian. That seems unlikely. Oh, but I'm gonna try to stop Mary Ann's husband

from drinking a completely healthy and delicious diet, Dr. Pepper, you're right. Mary Ann, first off, thank you for being a librarian. I'm so grateful to all librarians everywhere for getting books into people's hands and for answering difficult complicated questions from people. And for being like one of the last places in the United States where anyone can walk in and be treated completely equally. So thank you.

Moving on, you're completely wrong about diet, Dr. Pepper. Your husband should be drinking a diet, Dr. Pepper, a night at least, at least one. I would recommend between two and four myself, but here's the thing. Cambucha is good for you. It has a lot of probiotics and I'm not telling you to stop drinking Cambucha, but I am telling you that it has more sugar in it than diet, Dr. Pepper, which is a delicious zero calorie drink. Hahaha. I know, you're allowed to have some sugar, John.

So this is part of a bigger thing that I've been thinking about, and I don't want to take away from the excellent and organic mention of your new podcast, but additionally, I'm gonna bring up this very organic mention of my new podcast, in which people have said to me on Twitter, oh, I'm gonna bring up this very organic mention of my new podcast, in which people have said to me on Twitter, oh, I love delete this so much, it's brought me back to Twitter and I'm using Twitter again, and I'm like, no! That's the opposite of what I want!

Yeah, no, but to be clear, I wrote a review of Diet Dr. Pepper for the Anthropocene Reviewed, because I want more people to drink Diet Dr. Pepper. Right. Yeah, this is not an unintended consequence. It is the intended consequence and should be paid for by Dr. Pepper. I don't know that they should be paying for it actually. I feel like my love for diet, Dr. Pepper, might be complicated if they were paying me. That said, I would definitely accept their money. Also, if we're throwing out brands I love in addition to La Croix Water, I love Delta. What a great airline. Underrated. Almost every time you hear about an airline doing something horrible and stupid, it's not Delta.

That's the best tagline for Delta ever. It's just... Yeah, well, they should be using that. I mean, like, over and over again, what we find is that it's probably better to pay the extra $12 to fly Delta. All right, this next question comes from Melissa who writes, Dear John and Hank, what should I wear to Hamilton? Oh, my.

Momento Moriolissa. Uh, what should you wear to Hamilton? I mean, do you, do people cosplay? Cause that seems like the right call. Yeah, I mean, you could go hard, Aaron Burr. But I would go, I would go George III. I would walk in, oh, interesting. Just wearing robes, capes, and a huge crown.

Now, I don't wanna take too much away from your idea, John, but what if you cosplayed as like Kylo Ren? Like, just something completely unrelated. Oh, that's good, that's gold. You just lock in and you're just green from head to toe, muscle suit on, like tiny pants, and you are the incredible Hulk. I mean, it's pretty good, it's pretty good. Yeah, I think it's best, okay, alternately,

what if you cosplay as somebody from the 18th century American story who isn't featured in Hamilton? That makes it harder to identify. You know, if you're like John J or something? Yeah, which is definitely something I have no idea what that is. John J wrote some of the Federalist papers.

He's the person who wrote Federalist papers who isn't Alexander Hamilton or Monroe. I also don't really know what the Federalist papers. He's the person who wrote Federalist papers who isn't Alexander Hamilton or Monroe. I also don't really know what the Federalist papers are, but I think that that's probably okay. God, okay. Well, I would argue, well, okay. Well, let's move on. This next question comes from Sarah who asks,

dear Hank and John, I'm a second year university student and exam season is coming up. I'm going to be super busy studying. How do I eat healthier than Pop Tarts Timmy's and craft dinner with little to no time or groceries? Any easy to make healthy recipes. Learning about the brain, Sarah Bellum.

Oh, that's a great, Sarah. Great, so I know. Very good. What's a Timmy? What's a Timmy? Should I Google that? Should I Google Timmy's? great side. That's a great side off. Great side off. Very good. What's a Timmy? I think what's a Timmy? Should I Google that? Should I Google Timmy's?

Yeah, are they Timmy's? I mean, first, it seems from the name like you'd be fine living off Timmy's. Right. Maybe Timmy's is Tim Hortons? Is it like coffee? It's just like Canadian people refer to coffee as a Timmy because it's Tim Hortons, that can't be true.

It is, it hasn has appeared to be true. Oh my god. Yeah, just like all I'm eating is a bunch of timmies by which I mean cups of coffee. Maybe Timmy's is like a doughnut from Tim Horton's. Maybe? I don't know. I typed in timmies and the first result is a band and the second is Tim Hortons. So maybe they just mean anything from Timmy's, any Tim Hortons item, which there must be something healthy at Tim Hortons, right? Hank, would you hear about things like people in Canada calling donuts, Timmy's or possibly coffee Timmy's that we'll never know for sure? Don't, do you ever find yourself feeling as I do a desperate urge, like this desperate, deep desire to just become Canadian, just to like wake up tomorrow and like not have to like learn the culture

and like go through the rigmarole of immigration and in my case, probably extra rigmarole due to having been denied entrance to Canada in 1995. Do you ever just want to go to bed and wake up and be like, oh, I've lived for the last 20 years in Canada, and my kids are in Canadian schools, and everything is great. And I have been Canadian the whole time. Exactly, oh, the rest of it was a dream, that whole weird stuff about having to participate

in the DC character universe. That was all a fiction, and I have been Canadian this whole time. Yeah, and then you wouldn't, we wouldn't have to be like, what the frick is a Timmy? And is it healthier, not? We have no idea.

I, when I was in college, so as to actually answer your question, when I was in college, I would make what you call craft dinner, craft macaroni and cheese, and I would put other things in it, like cut up ham or beans. That doesn't make it healthier.

That felt like it was healthier because there was protein and not just carbohydrates and skim milk. Well, what I would recommend is a related thing called a macaroni scramble, and you can put some proteins in there if you want, but you can also put tons of vegetables in it. I've made it with green beans. I've made it with green bell peppers and all you really like you genuinely can just like

You don't even have to cook them. I mean you probably should cook them technically But like I just throw it all in there together and I let the like you know let everything boil together Sometimes I do it with a little bit of onion, which I know is gross, but that's just, oh no, it's great. Yeah, Catherine calls this dish that you are describing fancy mac. Fancy mac. Where you make in one pot, you make the craft mac

or any cheese and in a pan, you throw a bunch of stuff and that can be like, like fresh vegetables or it could even be like, the like frozen vegetable thing from the frozen section. And you just dump it in there and you put a bunch of spices into that and then you mix the two together and you got fancy mac and it's macaroni and cheese, but there's some fresh stuff, something in it.

Right, I actually, I do that, but I do it grow server because I do it all in one pot, I don't do the pan. Yeah, I just let it boil, whatever. I mean, the truth is when you're in that situation and you're studying neuroscience, and just get through it, man. Don't worry too much. Don't worry too much about what you're eating.

Just do what you need to do to get through it. Yeah, Catherine and I would often, when we first lived together, would just, like, onions, chicken, peppers, and oregano salt, and mix that together with whatever, whatever boiling noodle dish you could find, whether it was lipped in meal or craft or whatever. And we did that for a solid year or two years of our relationship and it's the same, it's the same,

it's just fine. All right, Hank, let's move on to geopolitics our area of expertise. Having having covered cooking how did this happen? Oh let's move on to the other thing that we know a lot about. This question comes from Kate who writes Dear John and Hank why is it that other nations like Russia and North Korea, quote, flex their muscles by testing huge rockets and stuff like that? But I never hear about the United States

talking about testing weapons. It's not that I think we need to have the biggest toys or anything. I'm just mildly concerned that other nations are gonna bomb us and we won't be able to defend ourselves. Kate. Kate, I have good news. I have good news. Yeah, we have the biggest choice. A, we have the biggest toys. B, if other nations bomb us, we will be able to

defend ourselves. C, we do flex our muscles. Quite a bit. You don't really hear about the US flexing our muscles because it doesn't scare us. You don't really see it. Yeah. You hear the news about the things that scares us. You don't hear them like, if you lived in one of the places that Mike had bombed, you would hear a lot about the US's flexing its muscles. And that's as simple as the US taking this like $9 billion ship and just driving it another seven miles closer.

That's like, that's the US Flexing It's Muscles. It's basically like, oh, no. I know. When the ship moves a little bit. I know that now, twice, you've said ship, but it does not sound that way. It's ship. A big boat.

Ha, ha, ha. Yeah, I mean, you have to remember that the United States has most of the world's aircraft carriers. I don't mean that we have more than in other countries. We have most of them. And the main way we flex our muscles is by doing kind of war games. We go through and we do these military exercises.

Often with our allies, we do this a lot with South Korea. And that in North Korea is seen as very threatening and very upsetting and as proof that the United States and South Korea are planning an invasion of North Korea. So I think Hank's right, that the reason we don't hear about that kind of stuff, we haven't done nuclear testing in a long time, but we also don't need to, because we've done a lot of it, including being, remember, the only nation ever to use nuclear weapons in wartime

or... On actual people, I don't know. ...on actual people, right. I think Hank is absolutely right that we don't hear about this stuff because it doesn't scare us. And in general, especially in a world of personalized news feeds, the world that we're living in now, almost all of the news that penetrates is news that feels very novel or surprising or concerning, because those are the things that we respond to really deeply, the stuff that we're more likely to share, the stuff that we're more likely to share, the stuff that we're more likely to read closely,

and that therefore is the stuff that advertisers want to advertise on, which is therefore the stuff that content producers and content packages want to show us. So you have to remember that. It's incredible. I have a really difficult time with this Hank. It's really hard for me to remember that the stories that I'm seeing are shaped by who

I am and what Google and Facebook and Twitter know about me rather than being objectively the news. Yeah. Well, that's always to some extent, but in the case, even when the news was a very solidified thing, we were talking about it from the American lens. And I think that now we have a more global view of things at least. And I'm able to follow people on Twitter who are experts

in international relations with China or Korea and have their take in my feed. But that is a choice that I have to consciously make. And but at least it's a choice that I am able to consciously make, whereas I don't think that it always was that way. It's easy to forget that a hundred years ago, everybody's news basically came from the people around them. So if you lived in a small town in America, you got your news from the preacher and your

video. Well, or your local newspaper. I mean, there were news reporters, but I understand your point and it's a good one and I as you know my gut reaction to finding out that the thing that I believed was going to save us all is not going to save us all is to swing as far in the other direction as possible and that is probably not the right gut reaction. So you're right. The social internet has allowed us to hear from voices that we weren't hearing from before and that's really important and good. Yeah, I think that we have a lot of learning

to do regarding how to live in this current world. Oh, is it understatement week? Oh, is it, is it understatement week? It's a welcome to understatement week here on Dear Hank and John. This next question comes from Moose, who asks, Dear Hank and John Moose here. My friend, he recently had a bit of a depressive episode, and I'm encouraging him as a friend to get some therapy and ask his mother to help pay for it. I've spoken to her.

This is an offer that she's made. Here's my question, though. I'm so glad that many therapists offer reduced rates for students and people who can't afford more. But how do they do this? Is there a grant system to compensate therapists? Do they write it off on their taxes? How does it possibly work that all these professional people

who need to earn money can so regularly offer their extremely valuable services for rates that are less, for rates, but are less than what they are worth. It's a wonderful gift horse, and I want to look at it in its mouth, piece. Moose. It's the first time I've ever seen a moose looking into the mouth of a horse, but there we go. That's good stuff, Hank.

Thanks. I haven't answered this question because I wrote to my therapist friend, and I asked her this question, and she said that it's because they like helping people Yeah, there is occasionally some government funding for some people to get Therapy or some health insurance funding for some people to get therapy and that can affect the rates But in a lot of cases it's because Therapists feel strongly about their mission and so they take less money. I do think on that front it is the responsibility of those of us who can afford to pay full

rate to ask therapists what their full rate is and to pay it. Yeah, it is a way in which people can make a decision. Service providers, in this case, therapists can make a decision to have a sliding scale to charge more to people who can afford to pay it so that they can charge less to the people who can't. And sometimes that may even mean making less that month than they otherwise would. But ultimately, I think that people get into that line of work not to get rich, but to make people's lives better.

And also, if you're in school, there are oftentimes there are therapists who work for or at the school who can be a little less expensive than finding someone outside of that system. Yeah, or even free depending on the school you go to. Hank, what is the avocado update? Who is winning avocado or avocado? Well, it's about 75% 25% John,

so there's a pretty clear winner and unsurprisingly for me, it's avocado, but Mike Rugnetta asks an important question. He says, well, is it part of a complex of many adjacent live-in avocados? No, which is a good point. No, it is a dome-shaped home called an avocado, and once again, as is sometimes the case,

the majority is dead wrong. Today's podcast is brought to you by Avocado, Avocado, clearly this superior avocado joke. This podcast is also brought to you by Avocadoome. Avocadoome, clearly the superior avocado joke. This podcast is also brought to you by the Federalist Papers. They are a thing. Oh my God. This podcast is also brought to you by Fancy Mac. Fancy Mac, just throw everything in a pot.

And finally, this podcast is brought to you by 23 flavors, but even more ingredients. It's Dr. Pepper. Sorry, I was having a sip of Dr. Pepper. He could, I was like, did that one just land real flat? No. But apparently it landed nice and fizzy. This next question comes from Ian who asks, dear, mech, messers, green, whatever that is.

Mechius. Mechius. Mechius. I've been working a four day week instead of five for the past several months now, and I really like it, but lately I've been obsessively wondering about one thing. If you work a four day week instead of five, do you still get a hump day?

Or is the time between the second and third days the hump? I know this kind of doesn't matter at all, but I would appreciate some insight. There is no letter E in E in. Oh, it's a great point, Ian. Great point. Yeah. I mean, Ian, if we only answered questions that mattered this podcast, it would be, it would be no fun at all. Do not apologize for asking your stupid question. The answer is that Wednesday is still the hump day. It's just that you wake up on Thursday morning thinking, I'm in the second half, but oh my God, I'm in the fourth

corner. I like that. I like that. That way you get to participate in culture as well. Like you don't get to just have your, like everybody still has a five day work week. I know that some people don't, but practically everybody does. And you need to participate in the rest of the world along with the rest of the world. So you just need to call Wednesday the hump day. It is what it is. And then yeah, you get over that hump and suddenly it's fricking your Friday.

No, except that you still have Friday as your Friday, I think. So you still have to be like TGIF because I'm not at work today. Ha ha ha ha ha. Friday is still Friday. Good, okay. Yeah, I guess. You've made everything very confusing. This is why it's so hard to change things, John.

Yes, this is why corporations refuse to move to a four-day work week-hank because of the hump day issue. That is what's, that is what's chaining people to their desks here in late-stage capitalism. The hump day problem. It's, it's all the weight of the little things, you know? That's why we're still like in miles per hour in America. That's why, uh...

You know, you can solve that problem. What? By waking up tomorrow morning, Canadian. Is wakeupcanadian.com available because if not use Squarespace to get it, use the Africa dear John. Wakeupcanadian.com. You can use it to sell visas.

I think actually Canada does functionally sell visas. Yeah, they've gotten more expensive though lately. I mean, whatever they cost, it's a steal. But do I have to pay for healthcare? No, this next question comes from Satchel. We've solved this problem, Ian, you're welcome. Satchel writes, dear John and Hank, are books really a window into another world as we've been told?

Or are they more of a distorted mirror that reflects our own? Thanks, Satchel. Satchel, I think, okay, I think we'll just ask the question and not answer it. I think that was the question asked is doing its work in all of our heads? And I don't think that we need to say anything, we'll just have a five minutes of silence, so we can all think about that one. I mean, I have an answer. Okay, I feel like I need to take some time with that. I mean, I have an answer. Okay.

I feel like I need to take some time with that. My answer is, Porquée No Listos. Oh, God, never speak Spanish. I'm so good at it. When I speak Spanish to my son who learns in Spanish and is fluent in Spanish when I speak Spanish to Henry, he just looks at me blankly.

Yeah. Yeah. to Henry, he just looks at me blankly. That's why I didn't want to talk about it. All right, next question. I thought it was a beautiful question. Dear Hank, a John, I just started a new job and when one of my coworkers asked if I was in a relationship, I said, yes, I have a boyfriend. However, that is a little small lie. I actually have a girlfriend.

I'm also a girl. It felt like more of a lie to say I was single and I wasn't like ready to come out at my new job. My parents don't even know and we've been a couple for over a year. Now my coworkers keep inviting my boyfriend to come to social events. For work, how do I get out of this grey silly pumpkins and penguins anonymous? Oh god. That's-

I mostly wanted to ask this question because I want to highlight how it is still difficult to be different in our society. Yeah, it's difficult to be different in our society and also when somebody asks you a question like that it's it Kind of almost forces you to share information that you might not want to share at your workplace and there's always this tension between wanting your workplace to be a place where people feel comfortable and they can be themselves and they can talk about their lives and they can become friends and have real relationships.

But also wanting people to be able to be private if they want to be. And yeah, I think the problem comes in when you ask the question rather than waiting for somebody to volunteer that information. And I don't think that you did anything wrong here. And I don't that they're really is a graceful exit. I would double down the lie personally because that's always much better too. Yeah. Yeah. Just just be like and here's my boyfriend. We broke up. But yeah, I broke up with my boyfriend now.

I got a new I got a girlfriend now. That's what happened. You could do that or you could just like you could just say like oh yeah no I don't think I said I had a girlfriend now. That's what happened. You could do that or you could just, like you could just say like, oh yeah, no, I don't think I said I had a boyfriend. I think I said I had a girlfriend. And they could be like, no, I don't think you did. And you could be like, yeah, I'm pretty sure I did. That'll probably in the conversation.

Yeah, well, let's agree to disagree. Yeah, exactly. Who knows? I don't think there's a tape. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. You all feel. Just take it, take it like Trump's lawyer. Just be like, really? You think? I don't think there's a tape. I don't think there's a tape. I don't think there's a tape. I don't think there's a tape. I don't think there's a tape. I don't think there's a tape. I don't think there's a tape. You'll just take it, take it, like Trump's lawyer.

Just be like, really? You think, I don't know? That's what you say, I say it, everything. Right, yeah, alternative facts. Just say, just, just, just look them in the eye, say shrug and say alternative facts and move on with your life. It's not a lie. It's an alternative fact. You have your facts, I have my facts. Who knows which facts are true.

This next question comes from Lou who asks, dear Hank and John, I just received an email about opening a confirmation link. I'm pretty sure it's spam and may contain a virus, but it's from Ryan. Oh my god. So should I open it? Surely someone named Ryan wouldn't try to lead me astray unless it's a fake Ryan? What do you think? Your help is urgently needed, thank you. Lou, I don't know, John, could a Ryan mislead someone?

Can you be a fake Ryan? Is that even allowed? I mean, first off, half the people who write into us as Ryan's are fake Ryan's. So we know that fake Ryan's are an epidemic problem in our social order. Um, I just want to pause here, I've made way through the answer to this question and say, hello, welcome new listeners. Yeah, exactly. There's this longstanding inside joke that I myself no longer get about Ryan's. One time somebody wrote in and they said their name was Ryan

and they repeated the name Ryan like six times and I don't even know how it became a thing, but it's a thing and there you go, but it doesn't mean that you can trust to everybody named Ryan. In fact, I can off the top of my head think of several people named Ryan who I don't trust a wick. But, but what if they all woke up Canadian tomorrow?

Oh, I mean, are there any famous Canadian Rions? Oh, of course, Ryan Reynolds. What do you mean? All the famous, yeah, both, and also Ryan Gosling is Canadian. Is Ryan Reynolds Canadian or did I mix him up with Ryan Gosling for the 17 millionth time? Canadian. Ryan Reynolds. Yeah he is. Oh thank god.

Thank god. That makes me feel much better. A dodge to blow it there. Ryan Reynolds is a really good looking guy. Let's get out of my mind. The Google right now. You're looking at that jawline. And I'm remembering when I saw him in real life

and I was just dumbfounded. It's weird when you see people that are so attractive that you're like, oh, I shouldn't be allowed. Even if he weren't famous, oh, by the way, if you Google Ryan Reynolds, Canadian and you Google Ryan Reynolds, Canadian and you Google image search, the first picture is him between two Mounties. Oh yeah.

For those who don't know, that's the Royal Canadian Mounted Police. And I don't like, why didn't they just put him in one of those outfits? He could be an honor I am mounting for a day and I would accept. The only problem with being Canadian is that if I change my nationality, I really wanna change it to a nationality where I have a snowball's chance in hell of getting knighted. Can Canadians be knighted? Because that's my biggest dream.

I think they can, John. Look it up. All right, you answered the next question while I investigate this question. Can Canadians- Oh my God, Hank, the first Google's first suggested search to Can Canadians is be knighted. The second is working the UK, the third is own guns, and the fourth is wind power ball. Also, I want to report that if you Google famous Canadians and do an image search,

Ryan Gosling is number 12. Really? Who's number one? Jim Carey. Oh. I didn't know he was Canadian. And the number two is join the rock Johnson, which doesn't seem right. Because he's the Canadian.

There's no way, there's no way the rock is Canadian. The rock is Canadian question mark Google. Hahaha. Dwayne's dad is Canadian. Oh, okay, so he has like, he has dual citizenship. That's, yeah, he has Canadian blood in him. Oh, okay, hold on, Hank, Hank, I have an update. I have an update. Uh, the British government accidentally knighted two people in 2001 who were Canadian and the Canadian government freaked out.

Uh, the prime minister of Canada objected, quote, in the strongest terms and said that Canada has a longstanding policy that prevents Canadians from accepting titles. Well, in that case, I guess I'll just move to England. That's awesome and weird that they had to be like, hey, no, I have a very, should I have an objection to you honoring one of our citizens in this particular way.

Hahaha. Hahaha. Find a different way. Hank, I just realized that we forgot to read our project for awesome message. Somebody donated to the project for awesome, uh, to get us to say this, which we are now going to say. It was Renee from Brooklyn who donated for us to say this to Kimberly. I would like you to do a shout out to Kimberly. She's been a fan of yours for a long time and she's recommended you to me and we even went to Boston to see you at NerdCon Nerdfighteria.

She loves you guys and always watches your videos and it will mean a lot just for you guys to shout her out. She's a true Nerdfighter so thank you Kimberly. You are the bees knees. You rock my socks. You are awesome. What other parts of bees can people be? The eyes. You're the bees eyes. Yeah, you're the bees. I'd rather be the bees wings. That's a nice thing to think about.

Just, you're the bees honey-making parts. Ooh, I don't know if I wanna be an ex-gritory organ. I think we'll just leave that there. Can move on. Great. Hank, it's time to move on to the news from Mars and Amc Wimbledon. Well, okay. Excellent.

Exciting. John, the news from Amc Wimbledon and I think for once is good. Oh, my God, Hank. I almost barfed. You know. I did. I was so sick to my stomach. AFC Wimbledon were playing against Charlton Hank. At the exact same time that Liverpool were trying to get a place in the Champions League

semifinals against Manchester City. And Liverpool had to lose by less than three and they gave up a goal in the second minute. And then I started to feel like I might barf. And then AFC Wimbledon. It's almost worse for me when AFC Wimbledon are winning than when they're not in the last minute of the first half in stoppage time. The Montserratian Messi, the Ronaldo of the Caribbean, Wild Taylor scored a goal to put Wimbledon one-nail up, which meant that for the last 45 minutes of that game, I had to feel constant terror. I've started to believe that it's bad luck for me to watch the live stream of the games on my phone on the app that I paid a lot, a lot, a lot of money for. So I was

listening to the radio broadcast while watching the second half of the Liverpool Man City game. And oh my god, I mean, even though Charlton never had a shot on target, I was in constant gnawing fear that at any moment, Wimbledon were gonna give up this lead, but they didn't. There were six endless minutes of stoppage time, but Wimbledon emerged with a one-no victory, and after there, one draw against Skunthorp, which was very close to being a win, and if that had been a win, we'd be in great shape. But that means that now we have 46 points with five games remaining, meaning that we are six points,

probably from having enough points to stay and league one for another season. We need to win two of our last five games, to probably maybe one win and two draws would do it, maybe one win and one draw would do it. It's hard to know, but we are four points clear of the relegation zone right now. However, one of the teams in the relegation zone has a game in hand against us, which means that potentially we're only one point clear if they win that game. which means that potentially we're only one point clear if they win that game. It is very tight at the bottom of the league one table this season.

Terrifyingly tight, there are still probably eight teams that could go into those last two relegation spots. The franchise currently applying its trade in Milton Keynes was briefly out of the relegation zone is now back in it, 42 points after 41 games. We've got 46 points after 41 games. So five games to go in the season, we need two wins, two wins. We just need two wins and I think we'll be okay. Oh God, it's so scary. Well, at least you're not burry or berry or whoever that is at the very bottom with 30

points. That's very true. I don't think they're gonna make it. There are probably gonna be relegated, like, officially relegated next week, and you wanna know why that's great news for us? Why? We play them on the last game of the season. Okay, so do you not play them then?

No, we still play them, but hopefully they'll be like, eh, we got nothing to play for. Let's start a bunch of 12-year-olds. Okay, that is great news. I don't know. I kind of felt like that should have happened with a recent game, but I don't know how it works. I guess everybody wants to be higher

in the table even if they aren't gonna be at the tippy-tippy-tippy-tippy-tippy-tup. But if you're definitely getting relegated, you might be like, well, let's not hurt our good folk, our good boys. I don't know, I'm just hoping, I don't know. It's this season has been exceptionally stressful. It's much harder to be around the relegation zone for the entire season than it is to be looking up the table.

Yeah, I mean, and the other thing is that you very recently had a game where you were up by a point for like, for like 60 minutes of the game. 81 minutes, 81 minutes of the game. Will Knight and Gale scored in the fourth minute and Skunthorpe equalized in the 85th minute. It was excruciating. Oh, and that game, I was actually traveling. So I was in an airport for a large part of it and I was just pacing and my kids were watching me

and when Gunthor gave up, it was just heartbreaking. So hopefully we'll stay up. I don't know what else to say. Six points from five games. Let's go up the dons. Hank, what's the news from Mars? The news from Mars, it's gonna, it's hard for me for like the foreseeable future to not to run the Mars insight land Or which will be launching very soon, but in assuming that there will be other episodes that you're hanging out

John I'm gonna save that one and give a double smaller news Which is regarding one the CEO of Boeing who has said previously that he believes strongly that they will beat SpaceX to Mars has come out with a timeline and says that he thinks that he could get that Boeing could get humans to Mars within a decade. Now, I don't know if that means the decade of the 2020s or if he means within a decade which would make it very close to our timeline for keeping the name of the 2020s, or if he means within a decade, which would make it very close to our timeline for keeping the name of the podcast, Dear Hank and John. But in any case, that's great news for me.

And also, I think humanity, he also says though, this is a little bit, you know, that it would require, quote, consistent, reliable funding, which is something that boy, big projects at NASA very rarely get. So that's a question mark. But it is nice to see why we do not have, uh, at the moment, though we might end up there,

a political space race. We've got a bit of a sort of capitalist space race going on here between Boeing and SpaceX and even some other, uh, contractors. So they're fighting the fight and I want them to. I want them to fight it, John. The other news is that John Krasinski, who is Jim in the office, has become a pretty hot ticket director these days with a film

that everybody liked a lot that I'm not gonna watch because it's a horror movie called A Quiet Place. But he's been signed on to direct a sci-fi movie called Life on Mars, in which the number of people live on Mars, and the plot twist is that one day a woman discovers that she can breathe the atmosphere. And that's cool, and I like Mars movies, John. Interestingly, that screenplay was based on a short story written by Cecil Castellucci, a YA writer who I admire very much. So it all comes full circle.

I should add Hank that I've been thinking about something recently, which is that, so the first Mars rover was made basically out of Earth, right? I mean, it was made out of things that we got from Earth and humans were kind of made out of Earth. Yeah, yeah. So from Earth and humans are kind of made out of Earth. Yeah, yeah. So yeah, Earth and atmosphere was the Mars rover the first time that Earth has ever gone to Mars. Oh, not no. Bummer. Well, yeah, Earth, the Earth has gone to Mars in like little pieces.

So in the same way that we have found Martian meteorites on Earth, there are earth. Okay earth Okay, well Once we once we start sending people maybe it'll be the first time that organic matter has gone from earth to Mars Or yeah, there is there is that pan spermy a theory that that Pieces of life get knocked off of planets and that's that's one way that life could get spread around the solar system or even the galaxy. The mechanism of that, whether or not that's actually possible, is very much up in the air and it's sort of hard to imagine life taking very long interplanetary

trips in the way that all of those meteorite trips would be. And then also flapping themselves through an atmosphere onto a planet and getting a lot and burned up and stuff. Right, okay. Well, I was thinking that would be cool, but it turns out that as usual, the way I imagined it is, not the way that it is. What have we learned today?

John, we learned that a hollowed out avocado that you live in is only an avocado if it is part of a complex of many adjacent live-in avocados. We learned that Hank does not want to be an excretory organ. We learned that Canadians cannot be knighted and if you try, you get yourself in some trouble. And of course, we learned that Hank does not know what the Federalist papers are. Isn't that important? Doesn't feel like it could be that important. It's pretty important if you... yeah, I mean it's an important part of American history and American government, but let's just move on to the outro.

Hey John, thank you for podcasting with me. Everybody listening out there, if you wanna send us questions, that's the only way we can make the podcast. We appreciate everybody who sends in questions and are sorry for the ones that we can't answer. But you can send us questions at hankinjohnatgmail.com or on Twitter, John is John Green and Hank is Hank Green.

I am also Hank. I don't know why I referred myself in the third person. This podcast is edited by Nicholas Jenkins. It's produced by Rosie on a Halsey Relhaus and Sheridan Gibson. Our head of community and communications is Victoria Bon Giorno. She's in charge of all the stuff

that gets put up on that Patreon at patreon.com slash deerhankajon. It's a resource for people who give us money but also for people who don't. There isn't very much private content on there and we appreciate everybody who can donate to get this week and Ryan's in their ears, or just anything that they can give,

which helps to fund all of our educational content that we make it complexly. So thanks for Victoria for handling that, and thanks to everybody who supports us on Patreon. The music that you're hearing right now, and at the beginning of the podcast, is by the great Gunnarola, and as they say in our hometown, don't forget to be awesome.