Dear Hank & John - 139: What If the Moon Was One of Us

Episode Date: May 7, 2018

What should I spend my birthday money on? Is hope a dinosaur? What do I do with 23 plastic molds of my teeth? And more! Email us: [e-mail] patreon.com/dearhankandjohn Get your Snappy the T. rex shirt here: https://store.dftba.com/products/snappy-the-t-rex-shirt Thank you to Audible for sponsoring this episode! Audible is offering listeners a free audiobook with a 30-day trial membership. Go to audible.com/dearhank or audible.com/dearjohn, or text “dearhank" or "dearjohn” to 500-500 to get started today.

Hello and welcome to Dear Hank and John. Doors I've for a think of it, Dear John and Hank. It's a comedy podcast where two brothers answer your questions, give you DB's advice and when you want the weeks news from both Mars and AFC Wimbledon. John, what is the elephant in the room? Alright, ready, Hank on three, one, two, three, AFC with a Vani. Wait, what was yours? Giovanni is the name of the hair product in my shower.

Oh, you're obsessed with that is giving my wife a hard time. Hank really does not like this hair product called Giovanni because of the way that it talks about people's hair. He feels that it is negging on human hair, which he thinks is bad for a product. I don't feel that way, John. It is exactly what it's doing. It's like, maybe my hair is limp and lifeless.

Maybe I do need Giovanni EcoShik hair care. And I'm not saying it's bad shampoo, I'm saying it's bad marketing. It says with horsepower expander to increase body and shine while infusing weightless texture. Texture can't be weightless. What's a horsepower expander? Hair is supposed to not be alive. These are all great points Hank. I'm for one I'm really glad that my hair is limp and lifeless because if it weren't, I would have like yet another organism that isn't me on my body to contend with. Yeah, what I need is erect vital hair.

No. Don't want that. No, Hank, the actual elephant in the room, this week, of course, it has to be AFC Wimbledon, the biggest elephant in any room. It can't be AFC Wimbledon, the biggest elephant in any room. It can't be AFC Wimbledon. We can't wait till the end of the podcast. We have a level one AFC Wimbledon emergency announcement.

Every now and again, Hank Wimbledon cannot wait until the end of the podcast. AFC Wimbledon through a beautiful and excruciating nil nil draw have insured that they will be spending another season in the third tier of English football. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Uh, just an unbelievable turn of events. Meanwhile, Milton Keynes, not, not gonna be in league one anymore. In fact, I got this wonderful email from Jessica. it's the single best email I've ever received. You said, could you say something for the end of the podcast? Dear John and Hank, I was looking at a map of London recently and I found Wimbledon and saw where Plow Lane is and where King's Meadow is. And it helped me visualize some of the places that you've talked about on the podcast.

But I searched and searched and I could not find Milton Keynes on that map of London. So my question is, where is Milton Keynes? Oh wait, never mind, I found them. They're in League Two now. Jessica, Jessica, it's hard. I don't know what you do for a living, but you should be in the burn business.

Oh, that's hard, John, that's hard. Hank, as you know, I don't like to negative root, but I also don't believe in absolutes of any kind. There are always exceptions. Yeah, obviously, because it seems that you negative root pretty constantly. This first question, it comes from Ari, who asks, dear Hank, if the full moon happens every 28 days or every four weeks, why doesn't it always fall on the same day of the week?

The last two full moons have both been visible on a Sunday, but I remember the one in January happening on a Wednesday or something. What's going on? Does the moon take days off work? Is it a play by the government to hypnotize us? Please help me understand my beautiful space girlfriend, feeling starry Ari.

Oh my. Well, I mean, I, I didn't know Ari was in love with the moon, Ari. Oh my. Well, I mean, I, I didn't know Ari was in love with the moon, but it's helpful. I think that's gonna change the way that I answer the question. Right, you know what? I'm not an expert in this Hank, but my suspicion is that it's not exactly 28 days.

Your suspicion is correct, John. Yes, it, in fact, is, I think 29 and a halfish days, it's not, of course course precisely 29 and a half. Like, the moon doesn't care how long a week is, the moon doesn't care how long a day is, the moon doesn't care, like that system is completely separate from the Earth's Sun system, so they are not linked together in any way, which is part of why our calendar is so messed up, because we had a lunar calendar that we were trying to go by and we were also trying to match it with the days when we were also trying to match

that with the years and none of those things have anything to do with each other. Right which is super weird but it makes me wonder Hank what does the moon care about if it doesn't care about days. I think it does it care about all of us? Oh no. Well, so now I have the official number, John. Okay. A synotic month has a period of 29.53059 days. And I would like to say that that is taken out

to a certain number of significant digits, but it doesn't end there. It goes out forever. Right. It is one of those things that is an infinite, has an infinite number, and also that number changes as time goes on. I want a sequel to that Joan Osborne song,

What If God Was One Of Us, called What If The Moon Was One Of Us, that imagines the moon as having thoughts and feelings. Where as I think that the moon is just a cold dead rock and it's really hard for me to get excited about cold dead rocks. But you do your best. I do my best. Actually, I have news from Mars this weekend.

It's, there's, first time ever on the pod, I've got the Mars news or at least some Mars news. So we might, we might double the down on the Mars news. This next question comes from Megan, who writes, dear John and Hank, it was my 21st birthday last man. I got quite a lot of money from my family around 250 pounds, which I think translates to $14,700.

Because this was a big birthday, I felt like I should spend the money on something special and something that I could keep. So I decided to think about it. The only problem is I'm still thinking about it and the money's been sitting in a book for almost a year now. That seems like an odd place to keep your money, Megan, but I'm not here to judge you. Do either of you have any advice about what I could spend this money on? Well, first of all, it's your 21st birthday. I don't know.

Maybe you should spend it starting a bank account. Yeah. No, I mean, I would encourage you to find an institution other than a book to put your money in. Unless you're putting it in the fault in our stars or turtles all the way down, then it's just sort of like an honor, an honor that you're bestowing upon, John.

He doesn't know about it. Well, he doesn't need to know about it. But just it's like a gift to the book god. Let me throw this out there, Megan. One thing you could do as a sort of investment strategy would be to take your 250 pounds and turn it into like 30 copies of turtles all the way down. And then hold on to those 30 copies of turtles all the way down.

To the, no. What are you, what's this is a terrible investment strategy? It's a great way to turn 250 pounds into like, maybe 18 pounds 50. Here's what you do. I, you know, there are things you need. You spend money all the time. You might just spend the money on the things you spend money on and then you will have more money in your bank account and more things that make your life easier.

But what you could do if you want your people who gave you this money for your 21st birthday to feel appreciated is maybe be like, okay, what, like, what, maybe I wanna like learn how to play guitar and you spend 250 pounds on like a few months of guitar lessons and then you're like, I can now play four chords which is all that you really need to play most of the songs and everybody can, you can basically say, this is a gift that was given to me by a bunch of people.

And now I, for the rest of my life, I can play guitar poorly, which is way better than not being able to play guitar at all. I think that's good advice. If anybody, I think that's, I think that's good advice. And Hank knows of what he speaks. He of course has built a proper musical career around Omie being able to play four chords. I also think that you could maybe just save the money. That's...

Yeah, and have it. ...for a rainy day. So either you're going to learn to play guitar or you're going to save the money or I still think it's an option on the table. You're going to buy like 25 copies of Turtles all the way down. This next question comes from Elizabeth who asks, dear Hank and John, I'll be graduating college in a little less than a month, and I've somehow managed to be graduating Summa cum laude, which is exciting.

I only have one problem. I've never remembered what the answer actually is. Is it pronounced laud or laud or some other way, like laud or just laud? I took Latin in high school and I feel like I should know the answer to this, but the truth continues to elude me. I mean elude me, please help. Not lizard breath, or lizard breath partner. Well, Hank, this is an area of expertise for both of us because we both graduated cum laude, not to brag.

We did not. You're making that up. You may have. I graduated cum laude by the absolute brag. We did not. You're making that up. You may have. I graduated cum laude by the absolute skin of my teeth, not summa cum laude, like fancy whispers. Oh yeah. I graduated regular cum laude, the lowest of the loud days. Yeah, I also got the lowest of the loud days.

It was a less good sash. There was a sash, but it was less exciting. Right. I think I needed a 3.45 GPA and thanks to a B plus in Buddhist thought and practice, I ended up with a 3.46. So Elizabeth, here's my advice. You need to ask everyone in your life, including all of your potential employers, how they would pronounce louday as a way of explaining that you graduated from college summa cum

louday. Right, yeah. Yeah, you're like, it's a way, it's you graduated from college summa cum laude. Right, yeah. Yeah, you're like, it's a way, it's a super great way to just introduce the topic. You don't want to just like tattoo it on your arm and be like, you know, well, I got this new tattoo because I'm a big deal. You got to be like, wait, I'm confused about a thing, help me out. And they're like, what do you want to know? And it's because, oh, because I got the best possible thing you can get. Right. Yeah. No, it's like when you ask somebody where they went to college and they say, oh, I went to college outside Boston. And then you barf a little bit in the back of your mouth. And then you say, where? And then they say Harvard.

Well, you asked. Or they just brought it up. Usually, actually, you didn't ask, but they're like, when I was in college, outside Boston, and then you barf in the back of your mouth, and you have to say, where outside Boston? And then they say Harvard, and you're like, oh, that's very impressive. And it is very impressive.

And let's face it, if I'd gotten into Harvard, I absolutely would have gone. But like, to say that I wasn't gonna get into Harvard would be to dramatically understate the situation. Yeah, no, I did not, I did not, I did not apply. I did, I did go to school outside Boston, though. So there's that. It's a, I can, I can also accurately say that in school.

In what way did you go to school outside Boston? I went to school in a place that wasn't Boston. Oh, yeah, you went to school like 2,400 miles outside Boston. Correct. Almost everyone went to school outside Boston. It's true. Only our dad went to school inside Boston. This next question comes from Juliano who asks, dear John and Hank, in the most recent episode of the pod, Hank mentions that Mars is Moon's orbit near the equator.

This got me thinking, where does Earth's Moon orbit? This is our special Moon episode near the equator. This got me thinking, where does Earth's Moon orbit? This is our special moon episode, by the way. Like, does it also orbit around the equator? This is kind of bothering me. I love that she said it's kind of bothering me. Like, even Juliana can't bring herself to be that. We're tough about this, but she did care enough to write in. Yeah.

I did. I, it was bothering her at the moment. It's not bothering her anymore. It's over. No, she's totally over it. It is a little bit non-equatorial. So if it were in the pure elliptic plane, we would have an eclipse all like every month.

Oh cool. It's not. So we only get eclipsis occasionally. So it's a little bit tilty. Hank, is there anything else I should know about the moon while we're on the topic? I mean a lot. The moon's really cool and great and you should like all-called dead rocks and maybe it

does care about things. Maybe the moon is one of us. Just hopefully it won't come down to visit because that would be the end. Yeah, no, I read a book about that and things were very, very poor. Did you read Seven Eaves? No, I read a different book about it. were very, very poor. Did you read Seven Eaves? No, I read a different book about it. Maybe it's a frequent topic of dystopic fiction,

but boy oh boy, did it make me not want the moon to get any closer to Earth than it currently is. All right, Hank, let's move on to this question from Joshua who asks, dear John and Hank, if hope is the thing with feathers, which bird is it, or is it like a dinosaur, tear down this wall, Joshua? Um, I am so glad, Joshua, that you asked this question because I've been wondering this

for so many years and never felt like I, the confidence necessary to ask it. All right, well, we can look at the text of the poem, Hank, and we can learn some things. Oh, there's more. It isn't just that one line. I thought that was just that one line was the whole poem. Uh, no, it's not a one line poem. This is the beginning. Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without the words and never stops at all. So we know that and then later hope is described as quote a little bird, which is also helpful. So we know that hope is probably not a dinosaur because it is a little bird. Now there were little birds in the dinosaur era, but we don't

know much about the tunes that they sang. And we know that this is a little bird that sings a tune without birds. And that attune that's encouraging and attune that makes you feel lifted up and attune the mix. Right, right. And attune that Emily Dickinson is in some way aware of and like in a match. So it's probably some animal that currently exists or an extinct bird or an imaginary bird or a bird that when extinct between Emily

Dickinson writing the poem and now right which is totally possible because there's a bunch of those yeah not it yeah yeah I wouldn't say necessarily I'm betting it's a passenger pigeon but definitely that is one of the ones that isn't around. I don't know what a passenger pigeon sounds like. Couldn't tell you. Well, fortunately Hank, I have here right now the sound of a passenger pigeon, the sound of its song, as recorded by the Smithsonian. Did you just Google that?

No, I just have it on my computer at all times. Oh. We're drapes of moss wrap you in your mystery. Hold on, you have to listen to an ad first. You don't have YouTube red, come on. I do have it. This is not on YouTube. This is on thesmisonean.com.

Oh my god, this ad doesn't end for 14 seconds. Forget it. It's not even worth the show It's not even worth it. I got one on YouTube No, that's that's the story of the last passenger pigeon. I don't want to know about Martha That sounds very sad. Just tell me what they sound. Well Hank I'm not gonna be able to play any passenger pigeon sounds because Smithsonian wanted me to watch a 30-second ad and I mean in this day and age That's just impossible. We have a podcast to make. It's too much of my life, 30 seconds.

I get the last time I watched a full 30 second ad was like 2006. The idea that educational institutions, and I know that I'm coming out this from an extremely biased perspective, but have to use advertising to support themselves. To me, just seems deeply unjust. Can't we support these things? I don't know, like, this Smithsonian and certain YouTube channels that are educational in a way that they won't have to worry about money.

Can't society do that? I completely agree, Hank. Mckay asks. Dear Hank John, I'm sorry, I said your name that way, Mckay. I'm worried about Leon Mus, he never tweets anymore. Is he on well, perhaps from eating upwards of 400 Snickers bars? Or has he somehow misplaced his antipathy for Mars exploration, which was his defining characteristic?

Back in town, McCay. Hank, when Leon Mus first appeared on the scene to advocate for an Earth-only human species until at least 2028 so that this podcast can be renamed Dear John and Hank. It's true and rightful name. I remember you saying that Leon Musk was just going to be a flash in the pan. Somebody who didn't spend 13 years on Twitter, ceaselessly advocating for a one-planet solution

to the human species. And I was convinced that you were wrong and that I was gonna keep that bit alive for 12 years. And this is surprising and difficult to admit, but you were right, Hank. Almost every time I've ever believed in my heart that I had found the solution to my social media malaise, I have been incorrect.

It is interesting those moments when I'm starting a new thing and I'm so excited about it and it's like, this is gonna be, I got the long-term fuel here. I really know what I'm up about now. And then yeah, it fades and you find a way to either make it sustainable or you know, you just, Leon is hanging out there just in case he's needed, you know, and maybe Leon will be needed someday. And if ever he is, he will be back.

You know Hank, among the blessings that we inherited from our parents was not a blessing toward long-term endeavors. I mean, is that because our parents were not great at long-term endeavors? I don't know. I don't know who's faulted is. I'm just saying that you and I almost always get bored of whatever we're doing pretty quickly. Well, except for, except apparently for our 12 year long video blog project, John, what is Leon Musse doing right now? Like what's his current job? Like when he's not tweeting, what's he up to? Oh, as you know, Hank, Leon Musse is working hard

to make Earth the number one and only place that humans live. That has two jobs, right? There's the one job which is keeping humans from Mars. So on that front he's lobbying people in Congress, people in private industry to please just stop trying to send people to Mars in such a hurry. We don't know that much about it, it's dangerous.

Like let's just, let's take a pause on this and try for 2029, right? That's the first thing that he's doing. The second thing he's doing is working hard to try to make Earth a better place for humans for the long haul, because this whole notion of planet B, that there's going to be some kind of like backup civilization is just ludicrous. And so Leon Mus is out there every day talking to members of Congress and people in private industry and saying, we've got to invest in Earth.

Hank, I don't know if you saw this, but Jeff Bezos, the CEO of Amazon. You have to see this. Jeff Bezos said that he didn't know how to spend what he called his winnings from Amazon, now over $100 billion, because he didn't know what kinds of problems to solve with that amount of money.

And I have some ideas, as I'm sure you did Hank, and certainly Twitter had a lot of ideas for him. But he said the main thing that I think we can do is space exploration, and I think that's fine. And Leon must think that's fine. But I actually think there is quite a bit of work to do here on Earth. Uh, yeah, that's what I think. Yeah, I mean, I, like, I, he had to know, right?

That people would be like, well, well, there's, you know, hungry people. I, I did genuinely think that- Food is available for a price. I think that a lot of super wealthy people don't think that philanthropy can solve those problems. I think that they're wrong, but I think that they think that. I think it's awfully convenient for them to think that. Exactly. And anytime you believe something that also happens to be extremely convenient for your worldview, you have to interrogate why you believe it, right? And that can be a difficult and painful process. And by the way, you and I are not in any way exempt from that.

Yeah, absolutely. And I guess what I didn't realize is that Leon Mus is just independently wealthy. Like, he doesn't need a job job He could just be out there at Congress knocking on knocking on doors. Oh, no, no, I pay him. I pay him. Oh You're the he's your lobbyist. Yeah, this next question comes from Dustin who asks dear Hank and John for the last year So I've been endeavoring to make the word toast a popular greeting. I'm not gonna read the rest of this question. It's just not gonna happen, Dustin. Yeah. But I do like your name specific sign off,

the wind, Dustin. Because it's Dustin, the wind. Oh, that's good. That's good. Work on making your name specific sign off happen, Dustin. I don't think toast is gonna happen because it's not an effective greeting. And also, it doesn't feel a need.

Like the thing about language is it has to feel a place where we have an idea or a feeling, but there's no word that adequately describes it or the words that adequately describe it feel dated and incorrect or cringy or whatever. I feel like hello has aged extraordinarily well. But it's not that old. Hello is fairly new. And it's sort of like we got, yeah, I think so. What did people used to say in like Athenian Greece were they like, well met sir.

They were just like sup. What the, they said sup. Sup. Sup is greeting that did not. What the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the,

what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the, what know, I got 10 years. I thought that I was just gonna mock Dustin, but now I feel like I have a plan. First, you have to change culture so that a thing that we do when we see each other, instead of like waving or fist bumps or whatever, because these things change, fist bumps weren't a thing when I was a kid. This is all very new.

Is you have to have the thing be giving someone else a piece of toast. And so that becomes the thing for a while, is like every, like you have a bag full of toast, and every time you see somebody you know, you have to throw a piece of toast at them. And then language will evolve because that's super inconvenient to just have the word toast be the thing you say instead of pegging somebody with hard bread. Right. So for the first generation or so,

we're just going to have to institute this social convention where everyone gives each other toast. Hank, I'm gonna stop myself right there because what we are risking is the next time we do a live show, a lot of people bringing us toast that won't even be warm anymore because it will have been toasted hours ago. And just throwing at us on stage,

just hitting us with toast. Please do not bring us toast. Please don't bring us toast. We need a different word. It's not gonna be toast. We're ending it. No dustin, it's not toast. Instead, it's John.

Go. Snickers. Yeah, probably not. Sharpies. Sharpies. Sharpie Pepper. No, time to remember this sounds dangerous. Sharpies. Diet, Dr. Pepper. Not, no, Tire Doctor, remember, it sounds dangerous. Sharpies is at least useful.

100,000 frequent firemiles on Delta. That's like the standard gift exchange whenever you see someone. It's like, hello, it's nice to see you. I brought you 100,000 frequent fire miles as a way of saying greetings. It's real good. Oh man, I do, gotta, I just, I did just name all of the corporations. I have deep abiding

and almost romantic relationships with. Like corporations that when they do something really wrong, I feel like I've done something a little bit wrong, you know? Where, like, if Diet Dr. Pepper has an ad campaign that I don't approve of, or that people people will come to me and they'll be like, hey, have you seen those new Diet Dr. Pepper ads? They're so stupid. I'll be like, I know.

And I'll feel like it's my fault. Like, I failed. Which reminds me that this podcast is brought to you by John's tremendous brand affinity. John's tremendous brand affinity. It's irrational, but it's undeniable. I do. I love me some particular corporations. Today's podcast is also brought to you by The Thing with Feathers.

The Thing with Feathers. A passenger pigeon? Possibly. And also today's podcast is brought to you by the call of the passenger pigeon. Apparently somebody knows what it sounds like, but we couldn't figure it out. And so we're just gonna have Nick edit it in here.

No! Unless it doesn't exist in which case, Nick is going to edit in the sound of a different bird and we're all just gonna pretend it's a passenger pigeon. And lastly, today's podcast is brought to you by the Lunar Month, the Lunar Month 29.5, something, something, something days. Yes. Accurate.

Accurate. Ish. Hank, this next question comes from Tori, who writes, Dear John and Hank, recently I've been in pursuit of straighter teeth and in vis-a-line, invisible liners have been aiding me. However, every two weeks I have to put in a new tray, and my dentist requested that I keep all the former trays. So, presently, I have accumulated seven trays, and I'm starting to get worried. At the end of this pursuit, I will have acquired 23 plastic molds of my ever-changing teeth. My question is, what

do I do with 23 plastic molds of my teeth? Do I string them together to make a Christmas tree, Garland? Do I melt them all down to form one mega teeth tray? Any dubious advice is greatly appreciated. Too many teeth trays, Tori. Ah, yeah, art. You gotta art it, right? I mean, that's certainly one option, Hank. I think the obvious thing to do here is the next time Tori,

you're in a romantic relationship, you give your new partner all 23 plastic molds Hank, I think the obvious thing to do here is the next time Tori, you're in a romantic relationship. You give your new partner all 23 plastic molds of your former teeth on your one-week anniversary. Okay, good, good, or, or we could change human society so that every time you see a friend on the street, you have to throw a plastic tooth tray at them. That's a great idea, Hank,

then eventually instead of saying hello, we'll say tooth trays. The other thing I like about that idea, Hank, is that it increases the possibility from zero to unacceptably high that at some point in the future, someone will give us a tooth tray when we are doing live shows. So I want to end the ones that's there with you.

Tell you, any non-zero number is unacceptably high. Like that used to be zero. We used to be in the wonderful world where there was a zero-present chance if anyone ever giving us their dental equipment. And now we are not in that world anymore. Man, I can't tell you how much I want to go back to that past where I was definitely never going to get a stranger's dental trace. All right, Hank.

I believe that you did this to yourself, John. I guess so. And Torrey, I'm with Hank deep down. You should definitely art this situation. Hank, before we get to the all-important news from Mars and AFC Wibble, that we need to issue one extremely important correction, which is, that's 200,000 people wrote in.

P and P in a sign-off last week, some decide off P and P comma their name. And Hank and I thought it had something to do with drugs and partying and young people, and we were just out of touch, middle-aged people, but in fact, the explanation is so much more obvious, which is that PNP stood for Pumpkins and Penguins, and inside Deerhank and John Joke so old that apparently both Hank and I have forgotten it, more evidence that we are well and truly middle-aged.

My favorite part of this letter, particularly from Anne, is that she said, OMG, P&P obviously means pumpkins and penguins, you actual doofozoids. So now I have a word doofozoid in my life, which is a huge gift, Anne. Thank you very much. Yeah, thank you, Anne. I am a doofozoid, and I need that word to describe myself so much. Like, yeah, I've already started using doofusoid to describe myself to my children. And of course, immediately they got it and they were like, yes, that is our dad.

That does describe him. What happened to me as I thought Pride and Prejudice and I couldn't get it out of my head. And so I couldn't think of anything except because that's what P and P is in my, you know, pre-deer hankin' John life. Sure, sure. Well Hank, before we get to your news from Mars, I have a bit of news from Mars, which is that, Hank, you may remember that a while ago, six or seven human beings went to live on the side of a volcano in Hawaii for a year inside of a very small dome in an attempt to figure

out what it would be like to spend a year in a very small dome on Mars. And those people, it turns out, all along, we're sending recordings once a week to a radio reporter who has now turned it into a podcast called The Habitat. And it is, I think it's seven episodes long, and it's very, very enjoyable. And also a fascinating glimpse into how social dynamics start to work when people are extremely

isolated and have to live with each other for a year without really much of any input from the outside world. So, I really enjoyed it, and I recommend checking out the habitat. And in other Mars news, the big Mars news right now is that when this podcast comes out, the Mars Insight Lander will have launched, hopefully, and everything will have gone according to plan. So we're recording this on Friday,

so that launch is happened tomorrow for me, and I'm very nervous about it. Mars Insight Lander is going to mostly be studying the interior of Mars, and it's the first Lander we will ever have that will like basically use like a, like a, you know those like grabby things at the movie theater that you can try to grab

a stuffed animal. A skill claw. Yeah, it's basically got a skill claw, it's going to skill claw some stuff off the lander onto the ground and then have it sort of sit there, unconnected from the lander. And it will be, hopefully much easier than an actual skill claw. And also it should be said that actual skill claws involve very little skill because they're just programmed to not grab except like one time out of seven. That's all lies.

And we'll put a seismometer on the surface of Mars to sit there and measure things about the interior of Mars. A seismometer works like this. If you want to know what the land looks like under you. You can send a very powerful shock wave through the land and by the way that it bounces back at you, you can tell the densities of the rocket different depths. But to get as deep as you can, you need a really powerful shock.

And in fact, the most powerful shock you can get is an earthquake. And so seismometers work by measuring how earthquakes move through a planet. Wow. And there are Mars quakes. And so basically this thing will sit there waiting for good earthquakes to happen.

And when good Mars quakes happens, that rumbling will travel through Mars and get bounced back up toward the seismometer in a way that will allow scientists to determine the density of rock at the interior of the planet Mars, which we just, we have no idea. So Mars is not, it doesn't have plate tectonics. It has not had plate tectonics for a long time or maybe ever, but it does, it is geologically active. It does have earthquakes, and we don't really know why or how or what's on the inside.

And so this will allow us that first glimpse beyond just like basically a few feet below the surface. Well, that's really exciting, Hank. It's gonna be cool to know what Mars quakes are like. It never occurred to me until I heard you say that, that earthquakes are an Earth-specific phenomenon. Yeah, well, I mean, it was sort of a decision people had to make where we're gonna call them earthquakes on the moon

and earthquakes on Mars, or we're gonna give them moonquake and Marsquake. And we decided to go with moonquake and Marsquake. I dig it, I like Marsquakes. So the news from AFC Wimmeldenhink, as already noted, AFC Wimmeldenhink have secured lead one status for next year with 52 points and exactly 52 points. They play on Saturday and if they win, they'll end the season with 55 points, which will be great, but it doesn't matter.

It doesn't matter at all. I don't care in the least what happens on Saturday as long as nobody gets hurt and everyone has a good time. They secured lead one status with a Neil Neal draw against Don Castro that was maybe the most excruciatingly slow two hours of my life. Don Castro never seemed very close to scoring, but that did not stop me from worrying. It was extremely tense and the celebrations, I think, close once. That's right. The celebrations at the end of the game were really, really wonderful.

It means a lot to Wimbledon fans to stay up, of course. It means that we're only one year away now, hopefully, from the opening of the new stadium, the new plow lane, which will completely transform Wimbledon's ability to compete in League 1 and perhaps beyond. So if we can just find a way to stay up for one more season, then we'll have the new plow lane and all of its opportunities and revenue and fanciness to help us grow from there. It's been an incredibly stressful and difficult season, not least for the players. The manager knew hardly said after the game that having been through a playoff final and now through a

real relegation scrap that this was far more stressful on every level. It was really hard for the players. And I went through on Twitter after the game and thanked each of the players because I know that it's been a really hard season for them and they really have stayed together and that's why Wimbledon are going to have another season in the league in league one. So I'm really psyched. I'm really relieved. Now, of course, the question immediately turns to Will Wimbledon be able to hold on to their star players, especially Lyle Taylor, who has interest from championship clubs, clubs in the division above

where we are now, so that may be, it's hard to tell, you know, while after all he's done for this team that he can't play at the highest level that he can play at. So I don't know, I don't know if we'll be able to hold onto him and then George Wong, the goalkeeper who also had a wonderful season is on loan from Sheffield United, so we don't know what's gonna happen there.

It's gonna be an interesting off season, but oh my gosh, is it gonna be easier being in League 1 again? Yeah, I'm very happy, and I was very happy when it happened, and I'm actually looking forward to this game that doesn't matter between AFC Wimbledon and Barry or Burry or whatever, so it could be a game where you don't have to be super nervous and tired.

I know, finally, like, two hours of football that can be enjoyed, which frankly, we haven't necessarily had many times this season. So that should be good. And also, do they have, do they have half, they have half time? They have half time. Yes. What do they do during how do they have like bands come out on the field and like do da da da da. Thank you. Occasionally they'll have stuff happen at half time but off it's not like them to the like the middle school band from the local local town comes out to I've never seen that in particular although I couldn't say for certain but

yeah sometimes stuff happens at half time honestly when I go to a game I usually spend half time waiting in line for the bathroom and getting a beer. So you have no idea what happens at halftime. Honestly, when I go to a game, I usually spend halftime waiting in line for the bathroom and getting a beer. So you have to have no idea what happens at all, okay. Yeah. So I wouldn't be able to tell you for sure. Hank, what did we learn today? Oh, wait, what was your phrase of the week? John, what was your phrase of the week?

I'm gonna guess that yours was a hundred thousand delta frequent flyer miles or whatever you said. No, it was the Athenian democracy. I don't even remember you getting that. Go ahead. Athenian Greece or whatever you said. No, it was the Athenian democracy. I don't even remember you getting that. Or Athenian Greece or whatever I said. Oh right, yeah, yeah, okay, yep, yep, you did that about that. I squeezed it in.

Of course I have no flip and idea what yours was because I never listened to what you're saying. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. I

What was it? I'm not even gonna guess it was middle school band. I said it like oh my god middle school band I was even listening 25 seconds ago enough to guess Dang why would you like? Oh, trust me about half time. I mean, it's not like it's hard to figure out God, hmm so mad at myself. It's like, I was like, oh god, the podcast is ending. Oh god. How do I, how do I get middle school band in here right now? Uh, hang for reasons, for reasons that will become obvious, probably in the next week or two. I have to go right now to be on a very important conference call. So, okay. You're gonna do the outro. Well, everyone, except for John,

thank you for listening to the podcast. John, thank you for potting with me even though you're not there anymore. Also, we have snappy, the don't snap and text t-shirts available at dftba.com because why not have that? They are available for pre-order for a limited time and then they won't be available anymore

and do hope that I someday see somebody besides me wearing one. But that's, of course, entirely up to you. This podcast is edited by Nicholas Jenkins, our producers, our Rosie on Halsey Rollhassen, Sheridan Gibson. Our head of community and communications is Victoria Bon Giorno, and as they say in our hometown, don't forget to be awesome. Don't forget to be awesome.