Dear Hank & John - 140: The Spoon in the Road

Episode Date: May 14, 2018

How often should I try new food places? How do you break up with someone without crushing them? What's the best way to greet a new neighbor? And more! Email us: [e-mail] patreon.com/dearhankandjohn Thanks to Skillshare for sponsoring this episode! Get 2 months of Skillshare for just 99 cents by going to skillshare.com/dearhank or skillshare.com/dearjohn.

Shhh! Listen or support it. WNYC Studios. Hello and welcome to Dear Hank and John. Of course I'm free to think of it Dear John and Hank. It's a comedy podcast for two brothers and see a question to give you DB's advice when can walk a week's news from both Mars and AFC Wimbledon. John, what is the elephant in the room? All right, Hank, three.

I'm sure we're gonna have the same elephant in the room this week, three, two, one. Michael Cohen. The Clark Fork River. What? The Clark Fork River. Hank, Michael Cohen is the elephant in the room. John, I don't know if you know,

but for some people, the Clark for Cliff River is actually in their rooms. Oh, really? Yeah, we're having like some serious flooding here in Missoula right now. It's the worst flood in like 40 or 50 years. And you go down to where the river is, and it's getting to the point where the river is,

like within a couple feet of the bridge. So usually there's the bridge, and then there's a lot of air, and then there's the river. And right now it's the bridge, and then a very small amount of air, and then the river. And this makes me nervous,

because it is not the part of the flood that is the peak. And I feel like when the water gets to the, like where the bridge is, then the bridge goes away, right? And I need those bridges to get to work. I mean, the bridge goes away for a while. Sometimes it goes away forever, but usually it just goes away while the water is high. I am very concerned about the people whose homes are being flooded though, and that's unfortunate to hear. As someone who is near river, I spend a lot of time looking at the amazing work done by people working for the US government, making sure that I know

what the water level is in the river near my house. It's a wonderful service, and I am very grateful for it. And it's one of those things that I don't think that a private company would do as effectively as the government does it. So, hey, go ahead, just take this opportunity to say one, we're very concerned about everybody who is affected by the flooding of the Clark Fork River. And two, thank you to all the hard-working people in government who are doing great work and who maybe often feel like their work goes unnoticed or unloved.

Yes, absolutely. And also, that's good science that allows us to better predict what might happen in the future. And I actually know some people who work on that kind of thing here in Montana. And yeah, it's a little bit scary to see the river where it is. And also, but it is nice that we know what's gonna happen. We know what's on the way, and people have already been evacuated,

and the people who can protect their homes have already protected it. So I'm glad that we have the science that allows us to know when these things are going to happen. Whereas we do not have the science that allows us to know what on earth is going on in Washington, DC. Well, Michael Cohen doesn't live in Washington, DC. He lives in New York.

So he's sort of opened up a new, almost like a new arc, I guess, in the DC character universe where it's like, you know, it's like the episode of the Brady Bunch where they all go on vacation to Hawaii. It's a really wonderful narrative turn, but I am finding it a little difficult to follow along with. The thing that I guess surprised me the most was the sudden and unexpected appearance of AT&T donating $200,000 to Michael Cohen's

I mean, consulting company to learn. Like they were just like, hey, we thought you should have this money, we found it. Well, it was for insights on the administration. Well, that doesn't seem illegal. It is, it is probably legal, but don't worry. A lot of the other stuff probably isn't. I mean, whoever is writing

the script for the weird timeline in which we find ourselves, I just want to say that this is phenomenal, terrifying work. Like, I am really, I feel like this is all so real, so you guys, whatever you are, whoever's running this simulation, you guys are doing an amazing job because I feel like this is happening right now. It's very, it's compelling. And I had a hard time this morning

when I was trying to get to the bottom of you told me that there was some Michael, and I Googled it, and there was just too many things. There was money from Novartis, there's money that's being paid out from somewhere to someone else, but maybe not to the person that we thought it was, and then there's money to AT&T or from AT&T,

and who knows? It does read a little bit like a novel, but like a novel that I don't wanna read, and so I feel like I've stopped engaging with it, but it turns out that it's also reality. Well, we don't know that for sure. We could be living in a simulation, which brings me to our first question from anonymous. Dear John and Hank, how do you break up with someone without absolutely crushing them? Thanks, a non. So is your suggestion here then to let them know

and make sure that they are aware beforehand that reality doesn't actually exist? Correct. So the first thing that you say is, hey, so there are untold trillions of universes. And in many of those universes, we are still a couple, but not in this one. Great. In so many universes, it was perfect and we died on exactly the same day at the same time and never had to experience a moment separate from each other.

But in this universe, eh! In this universe, our relationship has come to an end. But don't worry, many other use and other me's are having a great time, but this you and this me, it's over kiddo. Anonymous, I'm glad that you came to the pre-minute or authority on dumping people to guys who have only ever been dumped.

Yeah, I don't think either Hank or I has ever ended a relationship. So here's Hank's advice. ever been dumped. Yeah, I don't think either Hank or I has ever ended a relationship. So, here's Hank's advice. Yeah, I think that you're gonna have to recognize that this is gonna hurt the other person. And we don't want to hurt other people, but sometimes that is a thing that you will do in your life because you have to. And so come to terms with that and then do it in the way that seems most likely to be least hurtful. But you're never going to know. But I will say, don't drag it out.

Be very specific and don't let any bargaining take place once you've made this call. And I find that this is an important thing to learn in all kinds of situations. But once that decision has been made, sometimes it can be easy to roll it back a little bit because you want it to hurt a little less. But in the long term, it will hurt the least if it can just end and be ended. And that's from the perspective of someone who has been dumped, but not dumped people.

That is how I would prefer to have it happen to me. Hank, I think that's from the perspective of someone who has been dumped, but not dumped people. That is how I would prefer to have it happen to me. Hank, I think that's good advice. Sometimes in life, you just have to take off the bandaid and it hurts. And it's worth it to take off other people's band-aids, as I often do with my children. And they're like, Dad, why are you hurting me? And I'm like, because we can't keep this bandaid on for the next 16 weeks, which is your plan.

That's good. because we can't keep this bandaid on for the next 16 weeks, which is your plan. That's good. Sometimes you have to take off other people's bandaid's anonymous. Do it again. There you go. That's our advice. Do it. That and as usual, communicate exclamation point,

which really almost everything we ever say boils down to that. This next question comes from Dennis, who writes, dear John and Hank, I was thinking about my childhood the other day and I was thinking about the first big cultural events I actually experienced. Like, when you're three years old in some big event, the World Cup, for instance, is happening, you don't feel invested in it. I mean, if you're American, even 30-year-olds don't feel invested in it. But eventually, you start to connect to events like the Berlin Wall collapsing or the election of the first African American

president. So when do people become culturally aware and what were your first cultural memories using my dendrites, Dennis? I really liked the idea that the Berlin Wall collapsed. The Berlin Wall collapsing sounds like I think it was some kind of weird disaster in which lots of people Yeah, there was an earthquake. Yeah, it was a result of an earthquake.

Unfortunately, the Berlin Wall has collapsed and as such Germany will now be reunited Great work earthquake If only That would also have been hilarious of like the presidents of East Germany and West Germany were like well I mean we wanted to stay separate nations, but the wall collapsed. So what are you going to do? We don't have money to put up a new wall. Those things are expensive. I mean, sure, you can afford it in the 60s. Anybody could put up a

wall back then. But these days with the cost of concrete, let's just become one country. And oh, God, it's so amazing to me that that worked. And then also the Germany's doing so well that they were like, let's divide a line down the middle of us for decades. And then one day, you know, we're gonna put it back together and then in 30 years we're gonna be the only thing going in Europe.

Well, I wouldn't say that. Sorry, best of Europe, James. I wouldn't say that. I mean, of Europe, James. I wouldn't say that. I mean, if nothing else Slovenia is doing great. It is amazing to me, and it's a reminder that history is not final, and what feels interactable often in the end isn't. It's just that it's hard to see your way through to the end.

That was the first, that was one of the first things I remember. I also remember the Tiananmen Square protests very vividly. I watched a lot of that on television and I remember feeling really hopeful about it and then when the military came in and a lot of people were killed at the end of those Tiananmen Square protests, it was really heartbreaking for me. And in fact, one of the first, like, grown-up books that I read when I was 11 or 12 years old was written by a Chinese dissident about that experience of being one of the hunger strikers in Tiananmen Square. So that was the first thing I remember. What about you, Hank?

Um, so as far as, like, um, like, as far as like international relations goes, like that kind of awareness, I remember when Czechoslovakia became two different countries, the Czech Republic in Slovenia, and that, or the Czech Republic in Slovakia, and that was like, oh, countries can change. And that was a little bit of a thing, and I was in school enough that we talked about it in school.

I was, yeah, and then, but the election of George Bush, like that was sort of the first election I was aware of and awake for. But I think also, like it isn't just these international relations things, like the world, like things like the World Cup. For me, I think one of the first things that I felt like I was connected to in culture was like Michael Jackson's Thriller. I felt like this is a thing that is happening in my world and it is happening to me and also everyone else. Right. For me, it was Tiffany's album with the single, I think, we're alone now, which is...

Yeah! It has held up slightly less well than Thriller. But I'm still not totally embarrassed of I I recently Rele I recently listened to that song and you know, it's not bad No, no, I love it. It's great. I think we're alone now. There doesn't seem to be anyone around I mean that's well, it's a cover. It wasn't even originally Tiffany. I know, but Tiffany made it her own Hank She completely reinvented that song and it wasn't until Tiffany was singing it that I think we all understood what it meant to be alone now did you know John I can't wait that thriller came out in 1982 so it obviously wasn't that for me because I

was two. No. Ah, yes. I remember. I remember. I was around for Thriller coming out. I remember so vividly, two-year-old Hank just... Just. Moon walking across the carpet. The first guy in line at midnight to buy Thriller from Tower Records.

Well, it was still a big deal when I was paying attention. Yes. We had the vinyl and I thought it was a good vinyl to have. We did have the vinyl. It was not the first vinyl album we purchased. That was, I think, we're alone now. But we did have the vinyl, which was pretty cool. And Michael Jackson was indeed still famous

throughout your childhood, Hank. So I think it's a legitimate memory. It's a good, it'd be famous. I think it's a good, legitimate memory. Well, I definitely remember Weird Al Yankovic's... Fat. Yes. We're not talking about that though.

Yeah, probably. Probably at this point, that was a bad call, we had out, but it worked in the moment. But I definitely remember bad coming out, and that being a deal. Again, I do not think that you remember bad coming out. I was seven. I remember bad coming out. You know what I use a video? You know what I remember?

The movie Gremlins. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And how passionate, like, we thought the movie Gremlins and Empire Strikes Back were about as good as each other, both being completely perfect. Yeah, yeah. And the same with Goonies, like, you know, that was 85. Goonies is still a great movie.

It is a great movie. Do you remember Hank, the two movies that we owned on VHS when we were children? Is it, I think, the never ending story and Grease 2? Grease 2 is correct. We got the never ending story a little later. We had Ghostbusters and Grease 2. For the longest time, those were only two VHS.

Yeah, we got a lot of Ghostbusters for sure. I don't know about you, Hank, but I was fully 35 years old when I realized that Grease II was not the original Grease. Yeah, well, yeah, I thought that Grease II was a sequel to the musical. I did not realize that there was a movie. Correct, that's exactly what I thought. I thought that Grease too was the canonical Hollywood

story of Greece. Yeah. And that would be a conversation with people. Occasionally, Greece doesn't come up that often. But I'd be in conversations with people and they would talk about the movie Greece and I would just be sitting there thinking, have these people even seen the canonical Hollywood

version of Greece in which an English person rises a motorcycle and et cetera. He does a big jump. Oh, the jump. I mean, I can picture every shot in that jump sequence in order in my mind right now. We must have seen that movie 500 times.

I recently rewatched it and you know, John? It's not that bad. It's not that bad. Really? It doesn't make much sense. And there is a clear distinction between the two different songwriters. So there are two different people who wrote

the music for that movie. And it was clear that one of them did some songs. And then they were like, we need somebody else real quick to do some that aren't this bad. And there's a very clear distinction between those two people. And also it does not make a lot of sense in terms of narrative arc. Right. But it's really good. It's funny you should say that because it's one of the worst rated movies on the entire

database for IMDB. Oh no. It's rated of 4.2 out of 10 Which is very low Yeah, it is that said 13.5% of people gave it either a 9 or a 10 so you're not alone exactly You're just in a huge minority. This is what I always say. This is what I always say to people who are like, DC can't make movies. I'm like, look, somebody likes Batman vs Superman.

That's who they're making the movie for. Just because they're not making the movie for you, doesn't mean they're not making a good movie. And also, anything with Michelle Fyfer is a-okay in my book. I don't disagree with you, but just for context, Batman vs Superman has a much higher IMDB rate. Yeah. Well, everybody go watch Grease 2 and tell us what you think. It's pretty amazing that they remade Grease and there's like one person from the first Greece movie that's in this second movie because everybody was like no

No, that's a terrible idea and I hate the script so much. I Love it John is it possible that we spent too much time talking about Greece to or is that is that what our podcast is now That's a technical impossibility Hank in fact. I'm so excited to announce our new spin-off podcast, Dear Hank and John, The Grease 2 edition, in which we do nothing but discuss Grease 2. We're gonna watch Grease 2 every week for a year and make 52 podcasts about it. Oh gosh, wow, that would be a lot.

Dear Hank and John and Michael Carrington. This next question comes from Adrian, who asks, Dear Hank and John, and only Hank and John? So when a road splits, that's called a fork in the road. Would a cold assack be a spoon in the road? Not Rocky's wife. Adrian! Yes, that's done.

We've done it. Good job. You've made that happen. Yes. It's a, I live at the end of the spoon, and then people will be like, what? And you'll be like, I live in the, you know, the soupy part of the spoon at the end of the spoon and then people will be like what? Yes, I live in the you know the soupy part of the spoon the part of the spoon that holds food Well usually there's nobody who lives in that part of the cold asack

Yeah, people live on the end of the cold But not in the soupy part that holds the soup. Oh, you're right people don't live in the road usually correct Yeah, great great. That's don't live in the road, usually. Correct. Yeah. Great point. That's the hope anyway. Really, really good point. I'm glad that we made that happen, along with our new grease teaspoon off podcast.

This next question comes from Jack. Who writes? Dear John and Hank, I had the most amazing Indian food of my life last week after finally stepping out of my comfort zone to try something new today in that same spirit. I tried another new place and it was terrible. I don't make a lot of money, so I basically just paid ten bucks for a bad lunch experience. How often do y'all try new food places? How often should I?

Once a month, once a year? Never? And I should just stay home and eat ramen? Apostles and filophils? Jack. I don't see what Apost apostles have to do with it. No, but maybe that's the restaurant that he went to that was bad.

Maybe. I, it's called apostles and filophils. Don't go there, you guys. It's real dry. The filophils very dry. How often do you go out and you have a meal where you're like, that was bad? Uh, two or three times a year.

I'm gonna go with a never, never, ever, do I get food that I am like, that wasn't good. I just can't bring myself to not enjoy every food. Oh, I definitely can't. I about four months ago, I had a meal and then 45 minutes later began vomiting. Well, yeah, no, but did you like the food when you were eating it? I mean, Hank, I have to tell you, I don't know if you've ever

vomited, but it really ruins your memory of whatever happened before you vomited. I really becomes like the central memory of that eating experience is like 35 seconds after I swallowed the last bite, I was like, I feel a little weird and then 45 minutes later, I, you know, began vomiting. So did I enjoy the meal? I'm gonna say no. What if it wasn't the meal that did it? This is what I always think about food poisoning because it can happen like anywhere from like from like immediately to seven days after you eat the thing. And I feel so bad for all the times when I've eaten food

and then immediately started feeling nauseous and then got food poisoning that I'm blaming that restaurant. I don't know who actually did it. Maybe I just got some like baby poop on my hand and that's what it was. Like I don't know what did it. I don't know if it was the Taco Bell or if it was the, or if it was just living in the world being surrounded by other people who are gross.

Yeah, okay, but to return to the question, I think that you should eat out at a new exciting place. I would say twice a year. Yeah, I'm not a risk taker. I find restaurants that I like and I patronize them relentlessly. Yeah, no. I mean the people who work at the places I go to are like, hey Hank, I will say that I mostly go to new restaurants on recommendation. So a friend of mine will be like, have you been to that new Japanese place in town? It's amazing. And then I'll either go and tell them that it was wonderful or I'll go and I won't tell them how much,

I found it lackluster. There you go. But John, the thing is, I like, like a six piece chicken McNugget almost as much as I like very fancy sushi. I'm sorry, can we roll back the tape there real quick and see if you just said Shushi? Did I say Shushi? I think you said something close to Shushi. I'm just gonna have Nick play it twice right now.

Very fancy sushi. Very fancy sushi. It doesn't sound totally correct to me. But it is how I'm gonna say Shushi from now on. This next question comes from Luke who writes, you're John and Hank, my girlfriend and I have a touring cabaret show in Australia that is starting to slowly grow in popularity. Stop!

I mean, not since... Links or it didn't happen. Not since the competitive Pokemon player wrote in, have I been so taken with the first part of a question. Oh man, why am I not logged into the deer hankajan? Part of that process is creating merchandise to sell at our Touring Cabaret show gigs. A graphic designer friend of ours has created a shirt

that we both really like, but it has our faces featured quite prominently on it and this makes me really uncomfortable. How do you get used to your face being on other people's torsos? Oh a Star Wars reference. How original? Luke. That's a great name for the big sign off. I can't imagine it gets old being a Luke. Luke. I have my face on a lot of merch and I don't mind when other people are wearing that merch, but when I'm wearing, as I sometimes do, because I find pizza john shirts to be very comfortable and the pizza john hoodie is incredibly comfortable, as I'm, and available now at dftba.com, I do feel super uncomfortable wearing my own merch because occasionally

people will be like, I'm sorry, is that your own damn face? Like your t-shirt. I mean, you absolute dophysoid. I so for Luke, I gotta say to you that you stand on a stage and you do a touring cabaret show in Australia, you cannot be a super modest person. You're just gonna have to own this. It's good merch and it's got your face on. And you're part of the thing that you're doing and it's called I dated Batman and you can find it at I dated Batman.com.

Over Australia there's upcoming shows in places, but you gotta follow them on Facebook because that's what it says. Follow us on Facebook for news or show. Wow. That's great. I dated back. That looks great. That's so cool. Congratulations to Luke and Luke's partner.

But real quick, Hank, just to confirm, that doesn't mean that you should feel comfortable wearing your own merch on your own body. Um, I don't, I don't know. It seems like he's a confident guy. He does a show. He does a show where people look at him and that's scary. That's gotta be scarier than wearing your own face and it's not just your face.

It's not like pizza, John. It's just one of the people on your shirt is your face. And also, do you have to ever wear your own merch because in general when I'm at like a YouTube event and there's a YouTuber wearing their own merch, I'm like, eeehh, you could have picked somebody else, you like, there's other YouTubers that have merch. Right, that's I guess what I'm talking about.

When you're a band, you don't wear your own t-shirt. Like the Eagles don't get on stage wearing an Eagles t-shirt. I don't know why I picked the Eagles, but I'm rolling with it. Like you don't get on stage when you're 72-year-old Don Henley and play Hotel California while wearing an Eagle shirt. I mean, a real quick hack, not for for the podcast just for fun. Let's play a game We're back and forth. We name Eagles songs until one of us loses. Okay. Hotel California. I think you may have won

Desperado the Eagles was that the Eagles? I Think does for all it was the Eagles in which case you go I think Desperado was the Eagles in which case you won. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha you've been out writing writing stop what is yeah i mean i'm writing fencing has not come he's not he doesn't have his senses john he's out of his mind he's writing a fence potentially a barbed wire fence it's dangerous desperate okay writing fences does have a meaning okay what is writing fences and also

that did the e sing Best Barato. That I can't answer. Cowboys go out writing fences to ensure that livestock don't stray. Fences in that sense always need mending, and it's part of the cowboy life that gets you on horseback and sort of out cowboying, even if you're not handling cattle. So it just means like he's just been out observing a cowboy for so long now. That said, the song is bad. And it well and I know Don Henley's a big fan of the pod and I don't want to hurt his feelings but I've

listened to that song. I mean like way more than I've seen Grease too. Every time we went to Bees Diner, for some reason, and it's good, it's just full of cigarette smoke and that guy that didn't have a mouth. And we get grilled cheese sandwiches and dad will put Desperado and Love is a Rose on the jukebox.

Like, this is my dad living his best life, and I'm not gonna take that away from him. First off, Love is a rose is a great song. Ha ha ha. So, a little hurt that you're throwing it in there. I'm just not that I'm just saying, those are the two songs he always picked. Yeah, I mean, it's funny you should say that

because I had not thought of Bees Barbecue since I was like nine or 10 years old, but you're absolutely right. Is Bees Barbecue around anymore and must not be? That's my both place. Oh my God, great question Hank. Okay, first off, Bees Barbecue Orlando Florida. Nope.

This restaurant is closed. This restaurant is not open anymore. There's lots of places that look very good in Orlando now. It's gotten so fancy. I know. Orlando is a completely different city from when we live there, but that doesn't mean that I can't have a really strong opinion about it anyway. Did we answer the question? How did we start talking about Bees Barbecue, a death-broaddo in the evenings?

That's what I want. This next question comes from Meredith who asks, Dear Hank and John, at my house, I have a 30 pack of pop chips with three flavors, sour cream and onion, sea salt and barbecue. And you've got three flavors in the 30 pack, you would assume that there'd be 10 of each. But you would be mistaken, cause there's 12 sea salt, 12 barbecue,

and only six sour cream and onion. It's deliberate since that's how it's labeled on the box. Are they assuming sour cream and onion is the lesser flavor? What if I like sour cream and onion chips from Meredith? Well, what if you do? Because of course it is not the lesser flavor. It is the quintessential flavor. I mean, I've never felt less close to you

than I do in this moment. So, sour cream and onion. So, I feel like there's non-flavored chips, and if there was one flavor that's not non-flavored chips, it's sour cream and onion. You are objectively incorrect. There is no way that America's second favorite chip flavor behind just salted thank you.

There is no way sour cream and onion is second. I'm googling most popular American potato chip flavors. We Google way too much in this podcast. Hey guys I have an answer according to Statista.com the most popular flavor chip by far is plain and the second most popular is wait for it barbecue. I think that pop chip did this. Oh no, did pop chip. Because pop chip is reflecting a larger or maybe consumer taste. Or maybe that box, that box that prefers

barbecue to sour cream and onion. Is the reason why barbecue took over that market share. Sure, great point, great counterpoint, Hank, which came first? The chicken or the egg, the chicken definitely came from. Okay, well in any case, I think there was a time when sour cream and onion would have been first. Oh, really? What's third, John, is it sour cream and onion?

Don't leave me hanging. Oh, third is sour cream and onion. Fourth, salt and vinegar. Yeah. Fifth, cheese, question mark. Huh? Ha ha ha ha. Yeah, I think you like cheddar and sour cream and ruffles.

Those things are dope. I love them. I want to put it in my mouth right now. jalapeno and then in eighth place, no salt, slashe low salt. Uh, that's not a flavor and I am offended. But which one, which reminds me though, John, that this podcast is brought to you by no salt slash low salt potato chips.

Of course, this podcast is also brought to you by the collapse of the Berlin Wall, the collapse of the Berlin Wall facilitating one Germany since 1989. And this podcast is also brought to you by Bees Barbecue. It smells like like really old fry oil and cigarettes. And the jukebox has all your favorite eagles hits. Bees Barbecue doesn't exist anymore. I mean, Hank, the way that you described Bees Barbecue just now, like brought it into my mind

in the most visceral way. I can't even tell you how much I love Bees Barbecue or how much I miss it, considering that I literally have not thought about it in 25 years. And lastly, today's podcast is brought to you by our actual sponsor for the week, Skillshare. Skillshare is a place where you can go and learn about how to do all kinds of things. It's an online learning community with over 20,000 classes and things

like design, business, technology, tons and tons and tons of stuff. I use Skillshare because John, I don't know if you know this, but I do a lot of graphic design, but I do a lot of graphic design and programs that I learned how to use in 2004, which is a huge problem for all of my graphic design co-workers who use programs that happened now. And so I have had to relearn how to use Photoshop and Illustrator because those programs have changed a lot over the last decades. And Skillshare has been really, really valuable for me so that I can work with designers who are in their 20s and not approaching middle-age.

Approaching, eh? I I love Skillshare because it helps me learn about video editing, which I know that I've been doing for 10 years but or 12 years, but you'd be surprised how terrible I am at it and I have learned so much about video editing, which I know that I've been doing for 10 years, but 12 years, but you'd be surprised how terrible I am at it. And I have learned so much about video editing through Skillshare, but there are tons and tons of classes, over 20,000 classes. It really is wonderful. It also makes a great gift.

I got both my dad and my father-in-law, Skillshare memberships, over the holidays and they have loved it. Right now, you can join the millions of students already learning on Skillshare with a special offer just for dear Hank and John listeners. You can get two months of Skillshare for just 99 cents. That's two months for 99 cents.

You can try it out, find out that you like it as much as we do. You can go to Skillshare.com slash Deer John right now. Skillshare.com slash Deer Hank. That also works, but Skillshare.com slash Deer John is better. I track these things, so use mine. Again, 20,000 classes, 99 cents, two months. It's a great deal. Please check out Skillshare.com slash Deer John or Deer Hank.

Yeah, it's just, I always think that investing in yourself is the best investment and I, you know, there's a lot that you can learn from the internet, but it is great to have these things that are a little more structured and also to be learning with other people. We also have a project for awesome message from a slice of Nerdfighteria to the pineapples

of solidarity, which is one Nerdfighter within a Nerdfighter group making a message for other Nerdfighters in that Nerdfighter group. Thank you for donating to the project for awesome. And here is the message. Nerdcut Nerdfighteria brought us together and this group of Nerdfighters has become a life-changing community. We've spent hundreds of hours in Google Hangouts across seven different time zones, and we are now best friends, travel companions, couples,

and an ongoing amazing network of love and support. Thank you listeners, slash green brothers, for fostering Nerdfighteria, and thank you, Pineapples, for never forgetting to be awesome. And now, excuse me, I must dance, which I assume is an inside joke. And it just makes me so happy to read. Yeah.

It makes me so, so happy. Yeah, it makes me so so happy Thank you for donating and thank you for Using the work that Hank and I make as an excuse to come together and be awesome together We got one or two more questions John depending on how we handle these before we get to the all important news from Mars And I asked Wimbledon it's from Paige who asks dear Hank and John I live in an apartment and just now got a new neighbor. What is the best way to greet a new neighbor? Do I knock on their door and give them a baked good?

Do I wait until we run into each other on the stairs and say hello? Do I just ignore them forever? Not great at making friends, Paige. Do not ignore them. You must intervene fairly quickly, Paige, because otherwise it's gonna get awkward and uncomfortable. 100% baked good knock on the door. I made you this

pie. Let me know if you ever need sugar. I'm happy to meet you. My name is page and then close the door. This is actually kind of shocking to me that this is your suggestion. Not because I think it's a bad suggestion, but because it seems like something you wouldn't never do. Well, so it used to be that because I don't like talking to strangers and it makes me anxious in everything that I wouldn't welcome new neighbors when they move near me, but what I realized is that in the long run, it makes it more awkward and uncomfortable, because then you're in this like in between

space of not really knowing each other, but running into each other all the time, you're in that space forever. It's better to just get past that space via a baked good. We're in the person's name, and then you're at least able to say like, hello, Don Henley. I assume it was Don Henley who moved in. I'm not positive, but you could just be like, hey, Don Henley, how's Desperado playing every night going? You've been out riding that fence for a long time, Don. Here's a cupcake. You know that line in Hotele, California,

where it's like, you know, you can get anything you want, but you can never leave. What's it like having to live that experience? Like, you write that song, but then that also becomes your story. Yeah, wow, I never thought that's harsh, that's deep, John. Why am I being really unfair to the Eagles? And also, I don't think Don Henry is in the Eagles. I think he is.

I think he is. He is. You did it. You did it is. I think he is. He is. You did it. You did it way better. You did it right. John, is it possible though that the baked good is like a like from a bygone era and there's some new version of the baked good

that could be unintroduction? Like is it like, hey, I'm Hank. Here's my gamer name. You, we could play Mario Kart sometime. Just look me up. I'm on League of Legends all the time. I love the league. Yeah, I mean, definitely possible.

Probably not. I think just a baked good does the trick. But I too need to squeeze my phrase to the weekend somewhere. So I know what it's like. Let's move on to the news from Mars and AFC Wimbledon. This week, the news from AFC Wimbledon, Hank, I don't know if you know this, but AFC Wimbledon stayed up in League 1. Oh my God, the relief.

We finally had an enjoyable game of football against Barry. On the last day of the season, the sun was shining. Nobody cared if we won and we didn't. We tied two to. We had a two-no lead, but we gave it up. And boy, that would have been heartbreaking if we had needed points, but we didn't. So it all worked out. The next day came the news that we'd all been dreading and knowing would come eventually, which is that a lot of players who have been part of AFC Wimbledon for a long time are no longer part of the club. Right at the end of the season is when players get released or whatever and four really long serving Wimbledon players are leaving, which is difficult, including Barry Fuller, the captain of Wimbledon, who

I made an entire video about him picking up the ball during that wall saw game. And I really think is a huge part of the reason that Wimbledon are in League 1 and a huge part of the reason why they stayed in League 1. It's been the captain of the club for a while now, but he's moving on. I don't know if he'll be retiring or if he'll be moving to another club. Also Paul Robinson, who is the rare player who is a legend for two clubs.

He's made, I think, over 200 appearances for Wimbledon will absolutely be remembered as a legend for this part of the club's history. But before that was the captain of Mill Wall and made like 400 appearances for them. And Calum Kennedy and George Frank, both of whom have played for Wimbledon for a long time, Calum Kennedy, I think three different stints for the club and just a great, great person and from all my interactions with him and just really sad to see them go. Also, a lot of other people are probably leaving, although it's not certain yet. George Long, his loan time is over. He's the

goalkeeper. He's had an amazing season. We would be very, very lucky to hold on to him. It doesn't look like we're going to. And then the big, huge question mark is Lyle Taylor. Lyle Taylor responsible for a solid plurality of AFC Wimbledon's goals. He's been just a tremendous force for the team for the last three or four seasons. And it's really hard to imagine what Wimbledon are going to do without him, but he's also, you know, 28 years old and he's probably in a position where he can go and play for a team in England's second tier and it's very hard to say to a player, you know, stay and don't progress in your career. So I don't know how that's gonna work out, but it would be great to find a way to hold on to Lyle Taylor.

If we don't, we certainly wish him well and feel lucky that we had the time with him that we've had. Yes, well, it sounds like that's rough. I don't know if that means that a bunch of money gets freed up to buy better, cooler, more hip and trendy players, but it sounds like it sounds rough. And I hope that everything works out and that you, you know, that new money comes in from whatever and that you're able to, I don't know how it works, John. Hank, what's the news from Mars this week? Thanks. So as planned and successfully the

Mars Insight Lander launched this last week, or I guess last week, when this comes out, and yeah, it launched on May 5th, which is my birthday. So great birthday present. I actually had an opportunity to go out and watch the launch that I chose to not take because it was my birthday and I was going to spend it with my family. But it's kind of good that I didn't go out because it was extremely foggy. So, fog does not interfere with rocket launches, so they went ahead and did it anyway, but you couldn't see a thing. It was just a big, glowy mass, which makes me think some about like how SpaceX is so

all sexy about its launches and they need everything to look really good and NASA is just like, yeah, you can't see it, but we're gonna get this thing off. We gotta get it on its right. Right. And how I sometimes am glad that the government is in charge of certain things, not being concerned about how damp the air is

when the rocket is launching. Though I don't know for sure that SpaceX would be, it just seems like they're a little bit more concerned with image, what with the launching of cars into space and such. So it's headed off on its way to Mars. Everything went perfectly, except for the part that nobody could see it. And it's going to be on Mars in six and a half months. We'll land. it will drive, it will place a seismometer on the surface of Mars, and it will drive a probe down into the surface of Mars,

it'll hammer it down into the ground so that that probe can feel a little bit of what the interior of Mars feels like in terms of the amount of heat and stuff. So it's on the way, and it'll be there, and so far so good, John. Well, that is really, really exciting. I can't imagine, I guess it's similar in a way to a football season to have this six and a half month period where you're waiting for, but good luck. I hope

there's something to go wrong. Because really, if there's any news in the next six and a half months, it's definitely bad. And then that is sort of how I feel about AMC-Wimble did season, though. I've just always like, God, let's just get to the end of the season and stay up until we can get into the new stadium. Do it, do it, do it. I don't know. Yeah.

We've got one more year. And by the time AMC-Wimble did secure League league status next year there will be a new lander on Mars Yeah, yeah, and hopefully everything will be successful and AFC will be in the top tier of English football and humans will be on Mars by 2028 I actually would 100% take that Yeah, I think you would I think I think that there's actually if there's anything that's less likely to happen than he was being on Mars in 2028.

You're not wrong. Okay, we got a correction from Nate who says, good afternoon, green brothers. I was listening to a recent episode of the podcast where John talks about going to the Baltimore Museum of Art for a year. I worked as a security guard at that museum and you're comment about openly weeping in front of the art, spurred a memory that this happened pretty regularly while I was working. At least a few times a month,

I would see people so moved by a piece that it brought them to tears. I just wanted to comment and let you know that, and let everyone know that this is okay, and you take as much time as you need to get through whatever it is you need. Just don't touch the art please. EXTIRME NATE.

I guess that wasn't the correction, it was just a nice thought from Nate. Alright Hank, what did we learn today? John, we learned that there is a fork in some roads and a spoon in some others. We also learned that there are lots and lots of universes in which relationships are still going on. But then there is this universe in which you've been dumped and attacked by an owl. Oh, I didn't hear about that part. We also learned that Grease 2 is the best bad movie you'll ever find yourself watching. And we learned that Hank and John have a lot of feelings about a barbecue restaurant in

Orlando that none of you have ever been to. I cannot go to because it doesn't exist for probably lots of good reasons. Hank, was your phrase of the week League of Legends? Yes, it was! Oh, I finally got one right. It feels so good. I felt so seen in that moment. I was like, oh, John is, John, I feel very embarrassed. I was hoping maybe you would think it was Mario Kart. I don't know. I think that was good.

It was good. Who donated to the P for A to get me to say, to get you to say that. That was suggested by Jake, who donated to the project for awesome. Thank you, Jake. And John, was your phrase of the week, Don Henley or the Eagles are Desperado or writing fences or something? No, it was owl attack. Oh my god 45 seconds ago donated by Johannes. Thank you Johannes for my first ever phrase of the week win Now I've learned that if I just wait till the last 45 seconds to the pod I

Could win. Oh my god. All right the last 45 seconds to the pod. I could win. Oh my god. All right. Hank, John, it has been a pleasure to pod with you. We're off to go make our hit podcast. This week in Ryan's available at patreon.com slash deer. Hank and John, the best podcast about people not named Ryan

that you will ever listen to at patreon.com slash deer. Hank and John, it's an extremely narrow best, but that's what it is. And if you support us on Patreon, we very much appreciate that money goes to our educational channels that we do on YouTube, and it's very nice for us to have that, and that support is so appreciated. John, this podcast is edited by Nicholas Jenkins, produced by Rosiana Hulsroos and shared in Gibson.

Our head of community and communications is Victoria Bonjorno, the theme music you hear at the beginning and right now, and during this weekend, Ryan's is by the great Gunnarola, and as they say in our home down! Don't forget to be awesome! you