Dear Hank & John - 142: Don't Harsh on My Yums

Episode Date: May 28, 2018

Why do people like ant colonies? What do I do about customers who come in right before close? Where do bugs go when it rains? And more! Email us: [e-mail] patreon.com/dearhankandjohn Thanks to Brilliant for sponsoring this episode! The first 200 people to sign up at brilliant.org/dearhank or brilliant.org/dearjohn get 20% off their annual Premium subscription.

F.O.T.S. Listener Support It. WNYC Studios. Hello, and welcome to Dear Hank and John. George Hype's right down now, that was unacceptable to me. You gotta let me mix it up, John, I get bored. You can mix it up, but you can't go that far from the norm. Go. Hello, and welcome to Dear Hank and John!

No, I prefer to think of it Dear John and Hank. It's a comedy podcast where two brothers answer your questions, give you to be a advice and bring you all the weeks news from both Mars and A.O.C. Wimbledon, John. What is the elephant in the room? Before we get to the elephant in the room, can we get to the elephant that is your weirdly affected voice? I don't know. I feel like people want to hear something a little different to start the podcast.

And now I'm going to be normal for the rest of the podcast. That was just that thing. Well, I just want to understand. I just want to understand. I just want to understand. I just want to understand. I just want to understand. I just want to understand. I just want to understand.

I just want to understand. I just want to understand. I just want to understand. Well, I just want to understand. I just want to understand. I just want to understand. I just want to understand. I just want to understand.

I just want to understand. I just want to understand. I just want to understand. Well, I just want to understand. Well, I just want to understand. Well, I just want to understand. Well, I just want to understand. Well, I just want to understand. Well, I just want to understand. Well, I just want to understand. Well, I just want to understand. Well, I just want to understand. What's not even talk about it, danger? When you fake to British accent for six months in high school,

hang what is the elephant in the room? Three, two, one. Climate change. Climate change? Climate change, John. Oh no, climate change is a long-term problem and therefore one that we don't have to deal with. But it's such a big problem and it's gray

and it's got a big problem, and it's gray, and it's got a trunk and four feet. It's like it's the elephant in the room. Oh, I see, I see. It took me a second. I was like, so climate change is an elephant, I'd already moved on. Ha ha ha ha.

Yeah, I was talking to the old head of the EPA. So Gina McCarthy was the head of the EPA under Barack Obama for the last, from like 2013 to 2017, and she's lovely and wonderful. And I just had a great chat with her and it made me feel kind of more sort of like viscerally connected to the idea of this long-term problem

that's going to significantly affect people's lives and health and success as humans over the next forever. And I also feel a little bit more optimistic about it, honestly. So I enjoyed that a lot. And I think that we got a big ole elephant, John, and his name is Not Michael Cohen, because I think that long after we're worried about Michael Cohen, not anymore, we will still be worried about the climate being different. Oh, yeah, for sure.

I didn't mean to imply that Michael Cohen is the biggest problem facing humans. That is definitely climate change followed by maybe global pandemic, which will in part be caused by climate change followed by maybe global pandemic, which will in part be caused by climate change. So yeah, I didn't mean to imply that. I thought that we were still a weekly comedy podcast. I didn't realize that we'd become a podcast exploring the biggest problems facing humans. If so, we should rename this dear climate and change.

That's good, Jonathan. That's got a really strong ring to it, and people would definitely listen to that. It is weird to me that climate change is such a politically sensitive topic. It's not weird to me. It is weird to me. You know what's weird to me is that on my Google News site that I opened up to try and figure out what the elephant in the room was going to be before resorting to climate change, it says, Mizzou, weather, thunderstorm, 70 degrees Fahrenheit, and then I can change the,

from 70 degrees Fahrenheit to Celsius, I can also change to Kelvin. That is exciting. That doesn't seem like a thing that's necessary. Do I need to know that it's 294 degrees, sorry, not degrees. People will get mad at you when you say degrees Kelvin because they're not degrees. 294 Kelvin outside. I don't feel like I need to know that. Well Hank, just as you don't need to know how many Kelvin cities outside, I don't need to know the details of Michael Cohen's life and yet for some reason I know all of them.

This elephant in the room seems to be fairly present. Do you know what the phrase elephant in the room means? Yeah, I think that you don't know what the phrase elephant in the room means. Sorry, I've got a Google. First, I have to let you know that on Friday, it's gonna get up to 303 Kelvin. So just so you know that.

Oh, that's exciting. Congratulations to you guys. Is there a fire risk at three hundred and three degrees Kelvin? Or is that like almost absolute zero? Because I have no idea. Yeah, it sounds like they would be an elephant in the room. You mean that there's an obvious problem or difficult situation that people do not want to talk about? I always thought that it was that no one is talking about. No, it's that people are uncomfortable talking about

the way that nobody on TV or in political podcasts or on political radio is talking about Michael Cohen. Because nobody wants to talk about it. Nobody wants to talk about that at all, obviously. That's why no one's talking about it anywhere. That's why I come to think of it. Come to think of it, climate change is a significantly better elephant in the room than Michael Cohen, who's more like the elephant in the room that everyone is like, hey guys,

have you noticed that there's an elephant in this room? Let's talk about it. Okay, Hank, I want to spend a few minutes thinking about something other than Michael Cohen, so let's get to some questions from our listeners. This first one comes from Alex, who writes, Dear John and Hank, my best friend ended up with extra concert tickets, so decided to give me one for my birthday.

I feel like this gift is a bit of an afterthought, and I can't decide whether to go. I really want to see the artist performing, but I would have to fly to her city, which is a cheap, at a very busy time in the school year for me. And also I would be seated by myself in a different section from me and also I would be seated by myself in a different section

from her and her other friends which again makes me feel like an afterthought. Should I go? Alex. No. No. You gotta say, oh that's really thoughtful. Sandra, I appreciate that so much but like absolutely, I got so much going on here in Birmingham, Alabama where I live. You know what about Alex? I cannot get out to

Bellevue Washington to see Taylor Swift perform in a diff and a seat that is nowhere near your seat. that is nowhere near your seat. Yeah. During this, I am instead going to spend time doing lots of cool things that are also very cool. I completely agree, Hank. That is the appropriate response to that extremely passive, aggressive birthday'm having a friend fly out and I've got like local friends that are sitting near me,

no, the local friends go sit in the rando seat. My friend who flew on a plane to come see me is gonna sit in my section, but even then I wouldn't go. You've got other things going on. It's a busy time in the school year and you're not gonna buy a plane ticket to go see, well maybe, concert tickets these days are exorbitant. I don't understand how this happens. People are paying four figures to go see a Paul brother. I don't know what's going on.

I'm so disconnected by the cost of Paul brother tickets. But I mean, and could think that we've been undercharging all of these years, charging like 10 or 20 bucks for a gig, but that still seems reasonable to me. It seems expensive! I think $20 seems quite expensive. It's more than I'd want to ask, but it is the necessary cost to make the event work. Exactly. Speaking of which, Hank is going on tour. Are you ready to go on tour yet? Nope. But I am going to go on tour. It's true. This is a true fact, and I will, if you are hoping that I go to a place that is not in America or doesn't have a ton of people, you'll probably be disappointed

because the publishing company wants me to go to the places where the people are. I apologize being a person who is from a place where there are not very many people. I understand your plight. Hank astonishingly, that question from Alex was not the most troubling question We received this week about birthday presents instead that distinction goes to Abby who writes to your John and Hank I'm in need of dubious advice. I accidentally found out what my boyfriend is giving me for my birthday due to Amazon shipment Notifications not from snooping and I don't want it. It's a countertop dishwasher Not from snooping and I don't want it. It's a countertop dishwasher Well, I think these are great. We've discussed buying one in the past and decided not to because of lack of counter space in our

400 square foot studio apartment Also, he does the dishes and I do the cooking so this is really a gift for him rather than me What do I do? Do I nonchalantly hint that I don't want one? Do I wait until I open it? Do I say nothing and intolerate, and object that will inconvenience and annoy me? Advice needed. Sometimes crabby. Abby. You know, Abby, I think ultimately we're probably gonna open that present and just, and like, and then put it on the counter and just see the about it perpetually.

But that isn't the healthy thing to do. That's just the thing that normal we people would do. Now, if this is coming in time, and of course it is because Amazon is extremely fast with its shipping, so it's probably already arrived. You've already been through this situation and 17 months have passed, because that's how fast prime is.

And it's very difficult to compete with as a person who runs an e-commerce store, but they were getting off topic. D.F.D.We.com, descending new packages, much, much more slowly than Amazon. The problem is that you've already received a shipment notification, so there's nothing, you can't send it back, you can't have it not arrive,

because ultimately the best option would just be like, to be like, oh, I don't know. Andrew, the thing never arrived. You bought it, but Amazon decided not to send it. It seems as if it got canceled, mysteriously by me. They must have known that as previously discussed, I don't wanna counter-dop dishwasher.

We actually have a phrase for this in our family, when you give someone a gift that is really for you. We call it a Homer present because in an episode of The Simpsons, Homer gave Marge a bowing ball that was drilled to his fingers and this feels to me very much like a Homer present which in our marriage anyway, you're only allowed to do if you acknowledge it and if it's not going to be something that annoys the other person. So I think you have to have a conversation and not going to be something that annoys the other person. So I think you have to have a conversation and the bummer here is that you are going to hurt your significant others feelings. They probably don't remember that conversation. They probably

think that you want this. They probably remember it differently from how you do. And so there are going to be some hurt feelings, but you can't in a 400 square foot apartment, I've lived in that apartment, not that exact one Abby, I don't think, although I guess it's possible. I've lived in an apartment of that size, and you cannot have an object in that apartment that annoys you because you see it all the time. Yeah, and every time you wanna put down

the macaroni and cheese on a place, you're gonna be like, where's the place? Well, it would have been here if it were for Andrew and his frickin' countertop dishwasher that was supposed to be a present for me. Do you know it was supposed to be a present for you? Could it be possible he's just buying it for himself? Does it, is there like a notification

that said like birthday present for Abby like in the shipment notification? Great point, Hank. Abby, what you say is, I saw this shipment notification and it doesn't make any sense because we discussed the countertop dishwasher and I know what one. And then you don't even know it's a birthday present. It's just, unless it said like happy birthday,

I don't know, I don't know how it works. Because Amazon will send those notes for free overnight. Anyway, go to dftba.com for all of your e-commerce videos. This next question comes from Ali, who asks, Dear Hank John, my name is Ali, and recently per your recommendation, I went to the Ants Canada YouTube channel. On a related note, I have discovered that I

have a fear of ant colonies. Why would anyone find ant colonies enjoyable? I genuinely want to know the interest other's having them, since my newly discovered phobia refuses to allow me to appreciate them Please don't antagonize me for this question alley John, I love ant colonies so much, but I understand that different people are gonna like different things And that's mostly the only thing I wanted to say about this that just because you don't appreciate something doesn't mean that you That I'm gonna like you less because you don't appreciate something that I like and it doesn't mean that I want you to appreciate something or that it

Decreases my appreciation for it Just because not everybody in the world is into the same things. Andce Canada's a really good YouTube channel. To return to my childhood, I also had a phrase about this when I was a younger person. The phrase was, don't harsh on my buzz. Right, yeah, don't harsh on my buzz. Yeah, of course, of course.

Yeah, that's not what they say these days. The kids say, don't yuck anybody's yums. Oh, is that really what they say? Yeah, don't yuck people's yums. Oh, guy grow old, I grow old, I show where the bottoms of my trousers rolled. But yeah, yeah, we used to say don't harsh on my buzz. And like in general, I feel the same way to be honest, like I don't really get a fascination with ant colonies. I don't mind an individual ant because

it's just doing its thing. You know, it's just, it's just trying to make its way in the world just like I am. But when I see like millions of ants and like, no, that's not for me. But I'm not going to harsh on your buzz, Hank. I think it's great that you like Ants Canada, and I like watching this fictional soccer team created by Dr. Benji FM play every day. So we've all got our hobbies, and let's not harsh on each other's yums. I feel so bad for the individual and.

I feel like an individual ant is nothing. It's the same way I feel about an individual human. We're nothing without our colonies, John. And in the same way that I imagine one might feel about ants crawling all over each other in a colony being this sort of like weird, gross hive mind, I imagine people who aren't humans looking down upon Earth thinking maybe a little bit the same thing about our teaming mass of human flesh that has so effectively taken over this planet.

Comedy podcast, John, you got a question for me because we need to move on. This question comes from Laura who writes, dear John and Hank, why did Hank just make me have to think about a teaming mass of humans being observed from on high. I apologize, Laura. And I apologize to everybody out there.

I just think a lot about what we look like from the outside. And I don't think that, and in the same way that I love ant colonies, I think that a race of sentient beings observing us would think, wow, look at them. They're not doing it perfect, but they're doing it. You know what I actually think a species of sentient beings would say about us?

Man, they have a lot of cows. man they have a lot of cows. Oh man. I'm Jesus. Look at all these cows that they have. Oh man, there's like some disturbing percentage of the number of mammals on earth are cows. Yeah. Well, I do know that of all the mammal like flesh combined on earth, if you combine the human with the cow,

that's a majority. Oh, wow. I also know that the majority of birds on the planet are poultry, which is a crazy stat. Oh my God. All right, this next question comes from Jess, who writes,

Dear John and Hank, my husband and I listen to your podcast every time we do the dishes just if you consider to counter top dishwashers. We recently saw John and a live podcast thing with Andrew Luck, who's the quarterback of the cults and a lovely person, and it was a little surreal to hear your voice without having dishwater hands. It was also surreal for me to be hanging out with the quarterback of the Indianapolis cults. My question is about a situation I find myself in often. What do you do if you're interrupted when you're beginning to talk?

Does the loudest person get to go first? Or do you just skip ahead and keep your story to yourself, Hank, I'm trying to talk. Or do you jump back to your story even if the conversation has moved on? I tend to be a chatty person who likes to tell stories, but I don't ever want to be commanding of conversation. So I'd love to hear any advice.

Thanks for all of it, the things you do, I mean, yes. I like to be, I like to let the quietest person go. If I am in control of all of the conversation, is this something that I've been trying to do for the last like 10 years to identify the person who tried to talk and was not able to and shut up because I'm loud and also tall and also, you know, often the boss in the room, like in work situations. And so I do do my best to try and not be the step over, and I think that conversational

dominance is a problem that a lot of people have and that they sometimes can see it as not a problem, but as like an attribute, like something that they're a little bit proud of, and I'm just like, oh shh, ugh. But I have the problem of like you have this thing that you wanted to say, this very good story that fit very well into the conversation,

but then the conversation moves on without your story and you're like, but I had a good one. And for that, I get out my phone and I write it in a note and I save it there and I'm like, I could tell that story some other time, maybe to Twitter or something. Wait, in the middle of a conversation, you're like, excuse me, the conversation has moved on,

past the story that I wanted to tell. So I'm now going to get out my phone and write the story in a note. I have established among my, so first of all, it's not like a two person conversation. If it was a two person conversation, I could get my story in. I'm talking about in a situation

where there's like six people talking. This always happens to me where I just like, I had a, oh, when there's a bunch of, and it's just, it's hard. It's hard to communicate in that way. And when there's six people talking to me, but he's like, oh, he's texting his wife or something. I Don't love it, but I support you and I'm not gonna harsh on your buzz. That's my new policy I'm not gonna harsh on your yums enjoy your yums man. This next question comes from Cara who writes dear John and Hank

Memorial benches. They seem weird. What am I supposed to do with them? Well, I mean, Kara, that is not you're supposed to sit on the man. Yeah, no, I'm a little worried about what you were thinking about doing with them. Am I supposed to throw them into the ocean? I'm supposed to like get a hacksaw remove it and then take it to my house and build a flower shrine around it. I'm supposed to bury this memory of a person just as their body was buried. What do I do with this bench?

Do I oil it with an inundated oil? Is it just like rub it with eucalyptus? Is that what happens? Do I need to like bring a candle and write it and sit next to the candle and think about James? Yeah, there's actually a rule. You're not supposed to sit on a memorial bench while wearing pants.

Oh God, I'm gonna talk to you quite with human butts. That's how you correctly praise it. That's how you correctly praise it. I mean, you're not truly honoring Gladys' memory if you're wearing pants. It's just how it is. I feel so strongly that one should never sit on any bench unless one is wearing pants.

That I don't know that I'm able to move on with the rest of the question until I establish that you're making a joke. I don't think that you should sit on anything except a toilet seat while not wearing pants. Like the idea of sitting sitting on a leather couch naked is just the worst thought that I can imagine, like, oh, and once you're there,

you can't move ever again, because there's no shifting allowed. Is it okay to sit on a bench that says, in memory of James, a devoted father and friend, it feels like I'm sitting on a tombstone Which is obviously not okay, right? That's right Kara it's not okay to sit on a tombstone at least if it's not a tombstone of somebody you know I well at least at least and at least unless it's a tombstone of someone you knew but then again

Kara writes if I don't sit on them and my dishonoring person? Because obviously they like sitting there and looking at the view and they wanted others to do the same. Right, right. I used to be worried about finding a name specific sign off, but now I don't Kara. Now, I was calling her Kara earlier, but obviously it's Kara. It's just that I'm personally acquainted with a Kara. And so I'm sorry for mispronouncing your name earlier Kara. Kara, sit on the bench. Sit on the bench. Not only that name earlier, Kara, sit on the bench.

Sit on the bench. Not only that, now you have to sit on every bench because otherwise you're not honored, you like walk past that bench and say, and I don't care about your view. Yeah. Gladys. I don't care about you, James.

Or, no, somebody made that gift to support a park service or to support a trail or whatever because the person they are honoring probably liked being there. Right. So the question is, you to take a moment out of your day to just think of that person's name, there's a saying at 99% invisible, always read the plaque. I love that saying and it reminds you to pay attention when you have the opportunity to because you might discover something surprising or interesting and

I love memorial benches because it's an opportunity to read the plaque now the question then becomes John Yeah, what is the smallest amount of time you can sit on the bench while properly honoring the memory of the person's? So if there's a lot of benches and each of them is honoring a different person, do I just have to slide my butt over each one a little bit to say, hey, thanks for the bench? I would submit that you and Karen might be overthinking

this a little bit, that when you want to sit on a bench, you should, and when you don't want to sit on a bench, you shouldn't. And that it's one of the very few things in life that's reasonably cut and dry. Like in a world of confusing grays and conflicting ethical responsibilities it seems to me that like choosing whether to sit is one of the cleanest, clearest choices that we have and please God let us hold on to it as long as possible. This next question comes from Ashley who asks, dear Hank and John, I've been living a lie.

When I made my first Instagram back in high school, my first name last name was already taken. So I met up in new but similar last name for myself, which was available. And that is still my current Instagram name. However, I'm now 23 and I've moved to England and I'm working as a freelance stylist. I use my Instagram to network and get jobs. Now everyone in my professional life knows me my fake Instagram name, and keeping up appearances is getting out of hand. My website, email address, official business name, and substantial number of magazine credits

are in my fake name. I don't mind the fake name, so this should be fine except when people pay me my invoices or they're booking me for a flight, they see my real name and it makes me look shady AF. What should I do? Should I just change my name to my fake name to avoid confusion? Should I stop the charade and come clean? Dubious advice is greatly appreciated, faking it till I make it Ashley. Very apt.

I also have to make people send checks to a name that they don't know, but it's my first name and people kind of get that I think a little bit more than the last name. And I do kind of feel like, what are you trying to hide Ashley? What if I Google your real name? But also, I'm like, maybe this is a strategy that everyone should be using so that it's harder to Facebook people. Yeah, I think you can just say that.

I think you can just say, I work under a different name than my Facebook name or my birth certificate name because of privacy and because I'm, you know, have these two separate lives. It just made me think, Hank, how screwed would I be if I had to live by my first user names? Oh gosh. Yeah, it'd be a real problem.

What was your, do you remember your first user names? Because mine were like properly humiliating. And I often think like if we had grown up in the YouTube era, when people really are stuck with their like 17 year old or 15 year old usernames a lot of times, I would be totally host. Yeah, I remember mine. My very first one on CompuServe was K-9,

which is the name of Dr. Huzdog. But people would always assume I was a Catherine because that's short for K. And then I think that after that, the high school, middle school one was, sir spanky G. Yes. Oh, that's bad.

Mine was in middle school, it was peace tank. Peace tank? Peace tank? Peace tank? I think so like Sir Spanky G has a certain amount of like, yes, that's extremely humiliating. But like, at least that guy wasn't taking himself seriously. Yeah, exactly. No, my user name is for always. This will not surprise you in any way

Extremely serious and then when I was in high school and I started having like on an online crush my username was and this is it was Eskimo kisses Oh No, John. That's... You're adorable. This next question comes from Sarah who asks, Dear Hank and John,

I'm thinking I'm being followed by a hawk. This all started three days ago when this hawk was sitting on the fence by the front of my car. They just stared at me and didn't move at all as I got into my car. Later, when I was at work, which is a mile from my work, there was a hawk circling over my car. I keep seeing it on that fence in the morning and just now, as I'm leaving work,

the hawk was on my car. Just sitting there, should I feed it, should I talk to it? Am I being summoned on some kind of life-changing cosmic adventure? Any help would be greatly appreciated being watched by a hawk Sarah. You gotta get a hawk tattoo. I mean, I don't know 100%, but I feel like you gotta get a hawk tattoo.

My feeling about this is that it's one of those times when it's really helpful to believe that humans can live inside of hawk spirits or whatever, because maybe you could just be like, oh, it's my grandpa. He did always like hawks, and maybe you could just be like, oh, it's my grandpa. He did always like hawks. And then you could just be like, grandpa, thank you for visiting me.

And I release you from this world. And then maybe the hawks will stop visiting you. But if you don't believe that, then it probably won't help. But that's one reason why you should believe that your grandpa turned into a hawk. I like the idea of just like walking down the street and seeing a person talking to a hawk that's sitting on their car and saying, I release you. I go free grandpa. Mostly. Mostly I like it if the hawk keeps coming back, keep doing that so that people can watch that happen

as often as possible. And maybe wait until somebody is about 20, 30 feet away before you start talking to the hawk so that they can experience the full dramatic endeavor. I actually think that according to hawk law, Sarah and this hawk are now married. Oh, that's totally possible, which reminds me, John, that this podcast is actually brought to you by Hawk Law.

Hawk Law, not a particularly easy thing to say. The rural juror of animal laws. Today's fight has also brought to you by passive, aggressive aggressive concert tickets, passive aggressive concert tickets. Oh no, yeah, please come see Bruno Mars with me. Don't sit with me and you have to fly here. This podcast is also brought to you by

an individual aunt, an individual aunt, not disturbing and probably screwed, because they don't do well on their own. And finally, today's podcast is brought to you by James's Bench. James's Bench just pause and remember him while wearing pants. While wearing pants.

This podcast also has an actual sponsor, John. Our actual sponsor for the day is Brilliant.org. So you are a human being, listening to this also, John. Did you know that the meaning of life isn't part like working to get better at stuff and having skills and abilities that can be used in versatile situations to make life better for yourself and other people

and also that that isn't just something that's good to do but is also like fun. Brilliant.org gives me a chance to do this. I like Brilliant.org because it gives me a chance to do things that aren't Twitter and that instead make my mind better at things that it was just recently worse at, which could be anything from probability, logic, complex algebra, physics, astronomy, machine learning, computer science, all that stuff. And I don't feel ashamed when I'm learning something new on Brilliant because when I get

something wrong, only I know that it happened. And the little descriptions don't judge me. They just tell me how I got confused. And they're right because it's normal to get confused when you're learning something new and developing more correct intuitions about the world. It's also valuable and fun to get better at stuff. So if you want to support Dear Hank and John and learn more about Brilliant, go to Brilliant.org slash Dear Hank and sign up for free. and also the first 200 people to go to that link will get 20% off the annual premium subscription.

And the premium product is really, really good. I have to say, you can also go to brilliant.org slash DeerJohn, brilliant is science and math enrichment learning and it is really, really wonderful. So go over to brilliant.org slash DeerJohn. DeerHank also works and check out brilliant.org. Thanks them for sponsoring today's pod. This next question comes to you from Laura who asks,

deerhank and john, I'm a server to pizza place and I have to close the restaurant a lot. How do I deal with guests who come in 30 minutes before closing time? Technically we are open, but I can't help looking at those people who come in, like their only purpose is to keep me there that extra hour.

I sometimes just want to tell them to go, but I feel like that would be a really rude, any dubious suggestions to get them to go would be greatly appreciated, serving with a fake smile, Laura. Yeah, you're a, we were a server once upon a time, John, I've never had that job, but I have had those situations where I'm like, please, please, please, if one thing doesn't happen in the next five minutes, then it will be over.

But if it does happen, then I will keep, this thing that I don't like will keep happening for a long time. Right, I did work at a 24 hour restaurant, so it was a little bit different. But I also wasn't happy about that. I also wasn't happy about that. I also wasn't happy about that.

I also wasn't happy about that. I also wasn't happy about that. I also wasn't happy about that. I also wasn't happy about that. I also wasn't nearly as good of an employee as Laura is. So frequently when people would come to the 24-hour restaurant where I worked and for whatever reason I didn't want to serve them, I would say our grill is broken and then they would leave. Laura, obviously, you could be like, no, you're the same place. We're out of cheese. We're out of cheese. So if you want to, if you want to bread, if you want like wet bread, we can do that for you.

Yeah, you can give you a bun, but I'm not going to be able to give you a hamburger. So I guess it's up to you. You want to coke? I can get you a, just a coke of one, and across the street. They're pretty good. They're, that tastes great even late. So, yeah, I mean, Laura, I don't think there's anything wrong with explaining to someone who shows up at the last minute

or 30 minutes before closing. We close in 30 minutes. I'm happy to make you a pizza, but I'm gonna be, you know, just so you know, I'm gonna be getting everything ready around you. I'm gonna be doing my side work. I'm gonna be sweeping and mopping and putting up the chairs and everything.

I don't think there's anything wrong with doing side work. Frankly, like when I go to a pizza restaurant or any restaurant near closing time, I expect, I understand that as part of the contract of people making me food close to the end of their work time, I will not eat in a way that makes this go on unnecessarily long, like I'll eat quickly and try not to have many crumbs. And so I don't know, I don't think there's anything wrong with, I'm sure restaurant owners will vehemently disagree with me, but I don't think there's anything wrong with, I'm sure restaurant owners will vehemently disagree with me,

but I don't think there's anything wrong with just explaining to people, look, the kitchen's about to close and hustle. Mm-hmm. Yeah, and I think it is sort of like a weirdness in the contract of sit down dining. It's like the restaurant closes, it's at nine, and so I should be able to get there at 8.59

and do my dining thing, but also, no, you can't. Like, it doesn at nine. And so I should be able to get there at 8.59 and do my dining thing. But also, no, you can't. Like, it doesn't work that way. And I don't think it's immediately obvious to people who haven't worked in a restaurant setting that that is the situation. And so I think it makes perfect sense to explain that.

That it's like, this is the time at which like, we like, we close the doors and people aren't in the restaurant anymore. So if you're gonna eat, we'll have to do it fast. Alternately, you ran out of cheats. Yeah, it's just like that. And also, speaking of things that people who don't work in restaurants might not know, if you ever find yourself at a steak and shake

at 4.30 in the morning and someone tells you that the grill is down, you're just drunk and they don't want to serve you food. All right, I think this next question comes from grill is down, you're just drunk and they don't want to serve you food. All right, Hank, this next question comes from Show Trick, who writes, dear John and Hank, I like to read and sometimes after finishing a good book, I get too excited and give an enthusiastic review. God forbid. After a few days when the initial excitement has ebbed, I find myself wondering if I should have been less generous with my words, What is the recommended amount of time one should wait

before reviewing a book or movie or any product for that matter? No trick, show trick. No. Like Wendy, when do I ever think to myself, boy, I wish I'd been less generous with my words? Maybe when you're on good reads and people are judging you for your five star reviews

and telling you that the books that you gave five stars to didn't deserve five stars. What they're doing is harshing on your yums. Stop it. And don't let people harsh on your yums. You like the book when you read it. That's great. Thank God in this broken world, you found something that gave you comfort and made you feel less alone.

Hooray. Don't let anybody judge your five star reviews. Authors are very grateful for your five star reviews. So if you like a book or a movie, I don't think that you should, I don't think you should wait until after the after-glow pass is to be like, well upon further reflection. Maybe I didn't like it as much as I liked it while I was reading it. Yeah, I, I mean, I often find that, uh, that like two weeks later, I'm less excited about a book because I'm not reading it.

I'm not in the world. My enthusiasm for a thing isn't going to last forever, but that doesn't mean that I didn't really enjoy that experience and that feeling that I had at the end was a real feeling. I love that feeling so much. Part of why I read is so that I can have it more. And sometimes when I finish a book, I don't have that feeling. I didn't love the book. And then I don't, I don't tend to leave a review at all, honestly, when that happens. But I, yeah. But I'm always searching for it. And I think it's a good

to celebrate it and not call it not real just because it didn't last forever. Instead, I would recommend with those books that do get better upon further appraisal or get better the more distance you have from them. I might recommend going back and editing your review to say, unlike a lot of books, this one has really stayed with me and here's what has stayed with me. And I even have done that to authors on Twitter where I will say like, you know, like, I read your book two weeks ago and I've been thinking about it ever since. And that means like, that's the kind of thing that like, having seen and known authors, I know like matters a lot. And yeah. And I think that like for big hard creative projects like bookwriting, that kind of support

is surprisingly necessary fuel. Oh, yeah, absolutely. And also, if you're leaving a review for an absolutely remarkable thing, after you read it, it comes out September 25th, it's available pre-order now. Definitely leave that review the moment you feel best about the book. So whenever that is, it's like chocolate sticks, whatever it is. I'm so excited for people to read your book. It definitely gave me that feeling, like that book hangover feeling where you want to live in the world for longer

and hang out with those people more. but it also has stuck with me and really reshaped the way I think about a lot of things that are important to me. So I think, yeah, I mean, it's just so good. It's so freaking good. Okay, but if you keep saying it, it's going to start wearing off. So you got to only plug it like every fourth pod. So it works. Okay, I will try to only plug it every fourth pod, even though I don't think that that's necessarily

good marketing. This next question comes from Rebecca, who writes to whom it may concern, where do bugs go when it rains? P and P, which means pumpkins and penguins. Rubeca. Rubeca. Brighton prejudice, Rebecca,

it depends on the bug. Like a lot of bugs live underwater, so they don't even know. Yeah. Never rains underwater. It never rains underwater. Get that tattoo. That is a very bad tattoo idea.

I don't know if anybody who currently has that tattoo, but that is not a good tattoo recommendation. It definitely means something. I can't tell you what it means, but it's got a deep metaphorical residence for something. I mean, I'm not convinced of that. But Hank, more to the point, where do bugs go when it rains? They hang out under leaves or something? Or do they just... Yeah, actually some do hang out under leaves. Butterflies particularly will hide under leaves

because they can be damaged by rain. If they get hit by big drops or if they get too wet, it slows them down. They cool off and lose some of their heat, which is a big deal. So yeah, a lot of bugs, but beetles tend to be okay. They tend to not mind getting wet, especially if they have a sheath that covers their wings. They tend to be better about that.

A lot of animals, I mean, it depends on the level of rain. Some animals love it when it gets wet and like come out specifically when it's wet. So yeah, I mean, it depends on the bug, but yeah, flying bugs that can't sheath their wings tend to hide, they go under things, they go under leaves or logs or something like that. That is also in my response to rain.

Yeah, hide, go to a place where it's not, I'm not being hit by the rain. I was just in Florida and it rained so much while I was there and I loved it a lot and I did not think that I would and everybody kept apologizing for the fact that it was a really rainy week and I was like, actually, I just like want to be getting rained on right now. Like be out in the 85 degree weather, not having to swim to get wet, it's great. Cool me off. Yeah, I mean, I think that maybe speaks to a certain amount of nostalgia for our childhood, which was spent in Florida

and therefore a frequently wet afternoon thunderstorms. Hey, before we get to the all-important news from Mars and AFC Wimbledon, we need to read a couple of very important responses. First off, you and I speculated about the nature of the bird and the famous Emily Dickinson poem, Hope Is The Thing with Feathers, and Colin wrote in with a fantastic reading that has blown my mind. Dear John and Hank, a couple of podcasts ago, someone asked what kind of bird hope is in that Emily Dickinson. Can I make a guess?

Can I make a guess? Yeah, real quick. I haven't read this yet. Is it my grandpa as a hawk? No, is that your phrase of the week? No. No. No.

I mean, really good one. It would be amazing. I mean, you were very amazed. You didn't very elegantly. I mean, really good one. It would be amazing. I mean, you're very amazing. I didn't very elegantly. I'd heard that it's a pun on the Latin for, I hope, Spiro. A Sparo. But neither of you said this.

Disclaimer, I don't have an English degree, Colin. Colin, you are 100% right. It has to be a Sparo. It is a Sparo. Hope is a Sparo. It has been decided right now, right here, because of the Latin for, I hope. There's no way Emily Dickens didn't know that, and she wasn't making that beautiful and very deeply meaningful pun. Also, Hank, we talked last episode about the fact that we both think that Greece 2 is the canonical

Greece movie, and that Greece 1 is some kind of third rate prequel. And it turns out we are not the only people who believe this. There are a number of people, all of them approximately our age, who also experience Greece 2 to be the one true Greece, including Julie who wrote in to say, Dear John and Hank, I am almost 40 years old in Greece 2

as my favorite Greece movie. I too thought it was the only Greece movie until I was in my late teens I suspect Grease 2 was inexpensive to rerun on TV hence our overexposure Grease with John Travolta's overrated your oldest fan. No way Julie not even close not even close for one thing I'm a fan of Hank and I'm 40 You're only 40 I mean mean, I almost said, but then I realized I can't say that on the pod. What's the news from Mars?

John, I feel like we've been a while since we made a podcast because there's been this excellent Mars news that I haven't been able to talk to, we've talked about for some time, but the Mars 2020 Rover scheduled to launch 2020 has been named yet. It's gonna have a better name than 2020 when it launches. It's gonna be very similar to the Curiosity Rover,

but it has just been approved to have included on it a tiny little drone helicopter that will separate and fly off of the Rover and go do science, autonomously, separately, which is very cool that're going to have a helicopter on Mars, John. That is pretty exciting. I can't believe there's going to be a helicopter on Mars. Is it going to be like the drones that we have where the battery lasts for like 14 minutes? It's going to have a little solar panel on it, so it'll be able to recharge. It certainly won't be able to fly continuously on the solar charge, but it will land, rest, recharge its batteries, and then it'll be able to recharge. It certainly won't be able to fly continuously on the solar charge, but it will land, rest,

recharge its batteries, and then it'll be able to fly more. So yeah. Mmm. That's exciting. I mean, there's going to be a helicopter on Mars. Yeah, I mean, it's weird because you got to think about several different things when you're designing a helicopter on Mars. First, there's less gravity, so it's easier to fly on Mars,

but also there's way less air, so it's harder to fly. Because of course, when you're flying, you're pushing against all the molecules in the atmosphere, but on Mars, you've got like a hundred times fewer molecules in the atmosphere. So you have to have bigger rotors, even though you have less gravity to pull against. So yeah, they're figuring it out, and there'll be no way to test precisely how effective

or good at its job it will be until it's there because we won't be able to fly it on a place that's exactly like Mars until it's there. But luckily, science is there to help. That is exciting, Hank. Somewhat less exciting is the news from AFC Wimbledon. So Hank, as you well know, Lyle Taylor, the Montserratian messy, I would argue the greatest striker in the history of the nation of Montserrat is likely to move on from AFC Wimbledon. It, it seems likely he's been offered a contract and the silence is deafening. One can't in any way fault-lile for this.

Football and careers are brief. You don't make a lot of money in the third tier of English football. If you have a chance to go make more of course you have to for your family and everything. And also, Lyle Taylor is one of the central reasons why AFC Wimbledon are still a third-tier English football team. So very, very grateful to him if indeed, as it appears, this is his last season. But weirdly, the most recent rumor about Lyle Taylor, not that I follow Twitter or football rumors too, too much, but I do, I do follow them. Have him going potentially to Lincoln City, which is a team in the fourth

tier of English football. Now, potentially they could pay a lot more money because Lincoln City have some money. And it may be that, you know, that's where the money and the opportunity is. And so that's where he ends up going. But I personally would be a little bummed out to see Lionel Taylor in the fourth tier of English football. I just, I don't think he should drop down to league two. I think he should either be at a league one club that has a really good chance of moving up to the championship, or he should either be at a league one club that has a really good chance of moving up to the championship or he should be in the championship. So we'll see. But I mean, while has been such a great player, he is the fact that on a team that scored very

few goals. He was still, you know, up there in terms of goaltalley in League 1 as a whole speaks to his talent and his commitment. I mean, he said at the end of the season, this team is not going to get relegated on my watch, which I thought was a real statement of intent. And he meant it. And he's not the only reason we stayed up, obviously, but he's a big part of it. So it looks like Lyle Taylor will be leaving but for where?

But for where and also what are you going to replace him with? Does he free up a bunch of money? No He frees up a little money. He frees up a little money, but not a ton of money and It yeah, I think it'll be difficult. I don't think it will be easy to replace him but Yeah, I think it'll be difficult. I don't think it will be easy to replace him but Hope is the thing with feathers Hank Specifically the sparrow with feathers the sparrow with feathers. It's all so your your dad grand dad is a hawk John, you know the way that you feel about aFC Wimbledon really reminds me of how I feel about turtles

I like turtles. I just it's a I haven't talked about it a lot, butbled and really reminds me of how i feel about turtles i like turtles i just it's uh i haven't talked about it a lot but i do i really do so john what was your phrase of the week what was your phrase of the week first was it potentially i like turtles uh uh uh yeah it was maybe could have made that a little harder on you i uh Yeah, it was maybe could have made that a little harder on you Not in my mind there. I'm just a phrase of the week, but you know, we talked a bunch about animals through the whole Yeah, yeah, I had a couple opportunities What was my phrase the way I'd have no idea Eskimo kisses that's right. It was yes. Oh was that a fake?

Yeah, it was completely fake. You think I would have a username, Eskimo Kisses? No way! The world is so much better now. Oh no, my real high school username was way worse than that. I wish it had been Eskimo Kisses, but alas! Are you gonna tell it to me? Are you gonna make me...

God no. No, let's move on. I think what did we learn today? We learned that looking down from space, the aliens are thinking, well, they're not doing it perfect, but they're doing it. Definitely thinking they're not doing it perfect. We learned that countertop dishwashers are not a good, birthday present unless the person you're getting them

for wants them. We learned a bit about late arrival restaurant etiquette. And of course we learned that if a hawk is following you all the time, it's just your grandpa. This podcast is edited by Nicholas Jenkins, it's produced by Rosiana Hals-Rohas and shared in Gibson, our head of community and communications, Victoria Bonjorno, the music to you hearing at the beginning and the end of this podcast is from the great Gunnarola. You can find us at Hank Green on Twitter

and John Green on Twitter and also email us at hankajonatgmail.com. Any of your questions, we really appreciate everybody who sends in those good, good questions. And as they say in our hometown, don't forget to be awesome. and as they say in our hometown, don't forget to be awesome. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUT