Dear Hank & John - 144: Great, Robust Berries (w/ Jenny Lawson!)

Episode Date: June 11, 2018

What is your innocuous life curse? What should I read when I've outgrown YA? How do I survive without my coping mechanism? And more! Email us: [e-mail] patreon.com/dearhankandjohn Thanks to Brilliant for sponsoring this episode! Head to brilliant.org/dearhank or brilliant.org/dearjohn and sign up for free. The first 200 people who go to those links will get 20% off their annual Premium subscription.

Hello and welcome to Dear Hank and John. Or as I like to think of it, Jenny and Hank. This podcast is a comedy podcast about death and stuff where we answer your questions and give you the advice and bring you all the week's news from both Mars and AFC Lindeldon. This is a pre-recorded episode so you might not get so much news as things that happened one time. Jenny, thank you for joining us. This is Jenny Lawson, author of several New York Times bestselling books.

And also just very good humorous writer on the internet author of furiously happy and most recently you are here. An owner's manual for dangerous minds. How you do it? Hello. I am so glad to be here. Also, I'm joined by my dog, Dorothy Barker, who will hopefully be quiet.

I am bribing her with so many treats. She is probably going to have explosive diarrhea at some point, but it's totally worth it. But after the podcast, is the goal here with the explosive diary? Exactly, exactly. Because if it doesn't happen in the moment, it doesn't really happen.

That's right. Yes, good advice already. We're coming at it. What kind of dog is Dorothy Barker? She is a papillon, and she is staring at me with these needy little eyes. I actually, right before this, I was trying to get everything together

and I had this plate full of chicken nuggets and I had a bunch of treats that I was going to give her, including these treats that look shockingly like chicken nuggets and the chicken nugget shaped ish treats are actually anal gland cleaners and I accidently ate one because it just looked so much like so I think I may have poisoned myself. But well you know you don't you don't know what's the act of ingredient in the anal gland cleanser it might be good for you.

I didn't look. I will have very clean anal glands in my coffin, so that'll be good. I don't know if people even have anal glands, but it tastes damn good. That's a great question, and one that I don't really want to know the answer to. There are certain things.

I feel like there are so many things that the modern world wants us to know that I'm like, you know, I just want to eat a hot dog. Yeah. And I don't want to have all this information about the hot dog in my mind. It's fine. I know that the hot dog is safe. The Food and Drug Administration said so. I trust them. And I don't care if I'm eating lips or if I'm eating, you know, butt muscles. Butt muscles are apparently fine things to eat.

You can have pork loin in that's fancy, but just because it's lips, suddenly I have to be upset about it. No, I don't even want to know. Just feed me the food. Exactly. Well, I'm Czech and my family, we eat weird stuff and sausage is a big part of our life. So I literally know how the sausage is made and still eat it, still completely love a good sausage.

But yeah, it does take a moment when you kind of realize exactly what's going into the things that you want. When you've seen how the sausage is made literally. Literally, literally. Yeah, actually, the cleaning of the intestines to stuff the sausage in was to me the hardest part. After that, I was like, I don't even care if there's lips and

buttholes. Like, I'm literally making this tasty intestine to stick it in. I know where that intestine is, but I know what it's there for. And I'm like, that's delicious. So with that point, you're just kind of like, yeah, all right. Yeah, this is a great point. So in addition to answering our own questions

about whether we want to know what was in the pig and test and before it was pig meat and et cetera, which was not pig meat and et cetera, we're here to answer questions from people who listen to this podcast. But I kind of first want to say, Jenny, I've never had a conversation with you in my life. So this is that we're recording our first ever conversation,

which is weird. I was just like, I need people to make podcasts with me who aren't John, who do I like on the internet? And then you said yes, and I was like, oh, okay. It was a surprise to me too. Both that you asked and that I said yes, and I was like, oh, okay. It was a surprise to me too. Both that you asked and that I said yes. It is a very weird world that we live in, where the first conversation that you have with someone

who is essentially a stranger, but it's also not a stranger because you followed them on Twitter for so long that you're like, oh, I totally know this person. And the first conversation is recorded on the internet, giving dubious advice to complete strangers. And I think that's so fantastic. Yeah, it's fantastic. It's also a little bit like, it's a little bit of a shame.

I wish that I'd like run into you in a bar some time where I can be like, oh, and we can, but no, that will still happen in the future. But this first time, we have to be aware that there are like tens of thousands of people listening to us as we have our very first interaction. Exactly. Well, and you know, it actually works out for me because I have avoidance personality disorder. And so I don't like to leave the house and I'm extremely introverted. And so sometimes the only way that I actually deal with people is accidentally on a podcast or, you know, things like this. So it actually works out well.

It's better than meeting at a bar. I'm glad I'm going to go to a bar. So, but now I can be like, you can come to my house and you come to Texas next. Come on over and that'll totally work. That sounds great, because I always do want places to go in I'm in Texas because generally I'm like, what am I doing?

And where do you live in Texas? In San Antonio. Well, upper San Antonio, outside San Antonio, but close to San Antonio. When I am on tour in Texas, which occasionally will happen, I tend to find myself not feeling super enthusiastic about that state. So I do need some native Texans to show me the greatness of it. I

completely get it. And I've lived in Texas my entire life, born and raised. And I still have a hard time with it sometimes as much as I love it. So yeah, I completely get that. This first question comes from Barbara who asks, dear Hank and John, the other day I was buying berries at a local stand and after saying hello and placing my order, the shop assistant started to fill the containers and I stood there in silence waiting for her to finish measuring the weight. The silence felt awkward,

but I didn't know what to say, and probably neither did she. What should I do in situations like these, pretend to check my phone, start talking about why I need the berries? Do me a advice appreciated, be and be Barbara and berries. I don't like, first of all,

I think that the person who's feeling, correct me if I'm wrong, the Barry order does this all the time and so probably doesn't feel awkward about it anymore. Totally, yeah. I absolutely agree and really they should have these conversation starters that are that are already there. That's part of the of the service, I'm not just ordering berries here, berry person. I'm also ordering a non-upsetting conversation. Exactly. Entertain me, berry person. No, no.

I just officially disagree with this. I do. There's a very, so we have cherries here in Montana. There's cherries and it's coming up, it's close. I've got a cherry tree. There's several in my neighborhood. And I can see them getting redder every day. So cherry season is coming.

And then once cherry season comes, you go out to the cherry areas of Montana. You go to the cherry stands on the side of the road. And there's one that's very good. It's by a donut shop. And so you sort of like fool yourself into thinking, I'm gonna go get some really good cherries, but you actually are going for donuts.

And they are very entertaining. And like basically, you feel as if you are from, like you have been invited into their home. And for that purpose and for that service, I do feel like I am paying extra for those particular cherries. That is fantastic, but it is also the reason why I think I don't like to leave the house because it feels like extra payment if I have to talk to people. Just because they don't add it.

Right, paying extra to have to interact with a person, which is something that I would love to do, whereas something that you would not love to do because different people are different. Exactly. Exactly. You know, I have a friend, Laura, and she is so brilliant at, you know, we'll be in a cab and I will immediately get to the awkward silence and she will go straight to asking these great questions.

And the questions are so fantastic of, you know, like, where are you from? Where did you grow up? Why did you, you know, what's the weirdest thing that's ever happened in your cab? What's the best thing that's ever happened here? What's the, and she ends up getting these fantastic stories from people. And I wish I could do that, but instead I just sit there and think I have nothing to say, and this is getting more and more awkward, and I just pretend to be on my phone is what I do the entire time.

Or I say like, oh, I lost my voice, which I realize I said out loud. So obviously I'm a liar. No, it's on rest. I'm on vocal rest. My doctor's ordered me. Oh, I like that. I like, oh vocal, it sounds like I'm an opera singer.

Oh, I'm gonna do, I'm not even that down. Look, you're giving me such good advice. The thing is, you don't have to pretend to be on your phone anymore. There's always something there. So it's not pretending. I'm looking at like the literal dissolving of democracy in real time.

This is true. It's happening right now. I'd rather look at the various. And you know, you can always do compliments. That's to me. I mean, everybody always wants to hear like, oh, your berries look nice. That's not sexual. But like, if you really are looking at berries. They usually like this is great varies the very robust

Don't say that if they don't have berries. That's Incorporate but I don't think we're gonna do any better than that So we've got another question this one comes from Hannah who asks dear Hank and Jenny I'm currently eating a salad for dinner, but there's a problem. A lot of good ingredients are in my salad, but I can never get that mixed right, where the way that produces that good lettuce to other stuff ratio. I've paraphrased and torn apart this question, I apologize, Hannah. Therefore my question is, how do you mix a salad thoroughly? Any dubious advice appreciated?

My last name is not banana. Hannah, is it Montana? Because that's what I was thinking is it you were mildly viruses alter you go Is it oh I was gonna say what was that Hannah Barbera? Oh? Yeah, Hannah Barbera. I think Barbera was a different guy as two two guys Hannah and Barbera But like like a like a plucky young lady who was making, you know, great TV. Well, that makes me sad now. You just can't have a hard time.

Sorry about the bad news regarding people who are making any content before 1980. That's disappointing. Now I feel like I have to apologize to Lucille Ball who is the thing that made TV happen. So just everybody, I know, Lucille Ball is the best and made TV happen. Thank God for Lucille. What were we talking about, salad? There's a place at one of my grocery stores offers a cup

that's just like a pretty big cup and it has salad dressing like stuffed to the top of the cup and then like the lid that you would put on like a frosty where you can like fill it up into the lid. You know what I'm talking does it this makes sense to you and then you put the straw in but it's got the salad dressing in a cup inside of a cap like that and then you pour the amount of dressing you want in you put the cap back on and you shake it up. And I love this because they've already proportioned

everything perfectly for me. And the only bad thing is that sometimes there's all those and I hate those so much, but the chickpea ones are very good. So I like this and I kind of wish that all salads came with some kind of shaking system. You know, I like that idea. I wish that salad came with less salad, just because I don't like,

the lettuce is like the punishment part of the salad. Like you're trying, you're like, I'm gonna eat the lettuce so that I can get to the stuff that you're saying. You're saying that the proper lettuce to stuff ratio is zero to one. Zero to one, that is exactly right. I mean, the best salads are tuna salad, which is just tuna and mayonnaise, or chicken

salad. Maybe put some egg in there. You know, maybe if you're like feeling real wild, do you like a little green apple and some pecans and but that's that you did include some non meat. That's good. Very little, a little. Not a little, that's not a little. You brought a plant to the game. We're not gonna go crazy, but one thing, like I have the same problem with that there's too much salad

and I, too much lettuce and roughage and like the healthy part. And I don't like to eat it because it's so big. Like the pieces of lettuce are enormous. So one thing that I do is I ask for my salad to be chopped even though it's not a chopped salad and it is so helpful because it's smaller and so much easier to eat and especially like if you're on a date or you're eating in front of somebody else and you never have these like a long pieces of lettuce instead it's like, it's pretty true. It's so great.

It's so good. Yeah. This is like a huge piece of lettuce is sort of a cumbersome thing to encounter. It's not like you don't usually think of lettuce or salad as like a fork and knife kind of deal, but I feel like if you're giving me the hunks of lettuce that big, I'm either going to be, you know, like sort of folding it over after it's in my mouth to get the whole thing in there, which I will do, because I have no shame. But or, you know, pre-cut a little bit. Yeah, that's a great point.

You got to make the lettuce the same size as the other ingredients. You got chickpeas in there, you need chickpeas size lettuce. Exactly. Exactly. The thing that bothers me is, for some reason when I order, I'm like, I want a Caesar salad, but I want it chopped, and they're like, oh, a chopped salad, and I'm like, no, a chopped salad,

there should be an ED there, and they're like, oh, no, we call it a chopped salad. And that doesn't make sense, because we don't call it a grilled chicken. It's a grilled chicken, and I don't know why chopped salad, why people drop, that it's the same syllable. Like, you're not saving time by saying chop instead of chopped.

That's, sorry, I'm very negative about that. It's a good hill to die on. I think that you definitely should, it should fight this one hard. It's a, I think that's really important one for us to get right. Yes, it's very important to me. Dear Hank and Jenny, I'm writing to you from the Public Library. I have grown up here starting from picture books to my very first chapter books to YA

novels in the teen section. I'm a college student, outlooking in the teen section has left me disinterested, more than usual. I worry that I may have grown out of YA. My mom told me to move on to adult fiction and a lot of those are about women with kids navigating divorce. I feel like I'm not old enough to appreciate to adult fiction and a lot of those are about women with kids navigating divorce. I feel like I'm not old enough to appreciate these adult emotions and messages in midlife crisis.

Crisis, I'm gonna say crises. Sure. I still connect more to teenagers trying to find their place. So what do I do? What books would you recommend for confused in between adult like myself, Tal Sarah? Hmm. I, there are a lot of books, so the thing about books for adults is that they're all the books.

Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. And some of those books are, like, if your mom's like, honey, read this book about, about divorced mothers, she may be trying to say something else to you then I found the right book for you. Yeah, because there are books for people at all stages of life. And finding recommendations is sort of the trick there. And my suggestion for finding recommendations

would be to go into a bookstore and be like, hey, I feel like this sort of high school stories aren't working for me anymore. And I like some more grown up stories for people who are more like me. Here's some stuff I like. What do you think about that? And then the person would be like, I sell books for a living. This is the conversation that I literally love to have every day.

It's why I have this job. Amen. And also like Twitter can be a great place to ask for. I like this kind of book. What should I read next? And also, Twitter can be a great place to ask for. I like this kind of book, what should I read next? I remember when I was a kid, actually when I was in third grade, I started stealing all of my grandmother's books because I wasn't allowed to read the books

that I wanted to read. And so I like stole all of her Steven King books and I would give them back. I would just steal them for a week and read them. And I read all the BC Andrews I read like all the books that really kids should not read but I absolutely I was just like desperate for something new and and actually I think that really instilled in me this love of reading this feeling of I'm getting away with something this this terrible thing that I'm not supposed to do

and that terrible thing instead of drugs was, I'm reading. Which is, I like, I have not the experience I had with reading. And I continue to feel like every hour I spend reading is like, the world is smiling upon me and saying, you have spent your time well, son, which I, that is how I

feel about books, is that I am not watching TV right now. I am not on Twitter right now. I can, as long as I'm reading a story on paper or in e-ink format or whatever, then I'm spending my time well, which is one of my favorite things about reading, is that I don't ever feel bad about it. Oh my gosh, no. I feel really guilty in the best possible way. Like I love. I love the faith. It's like I'm stealing time and I'm stealing these stories.

Even though they're freely given, there's something about it's almost like I'm tapping into someone else's mind. And I think that's so great. And I remember being, you know, in between the YA, which I still read YA constantly. So I don't think you ever grow out of YA because if you do, there's something wrong with me because I love it. Well, there may be some YA books that aren't good. You might have just gone through it. Well, there may be some why books that aren't good. You might have just gone through it.

And also, I find it's very useful to mix things up. If I read eight Harry Bosch novels in a row, I'm like, I don't really like Harry Bosch novels that much. It turns out. And then I read a bunch of other stuff, and then I read another Harry Bosch novel. This is a detective novel by Michael Connelly. Then suddenly, I'm like, I love these so much. It's just, yeah.

Yes. I have the same problem when I binge watch a show. I'm like, the fifth episode, I'm like, I don't really like this show that much because I've been watching it for five hours. Yeah, yeah. I know I'm the exact same way. What I think is really interesting is the, the authors that I found that became basically

like my best friends when I was growing up are still in my head my best friends. Like Ray Bradbury and Shirley Jackson and Neil Gaiman and Alice Walker. And when I go back to those books, it feels like I'm revisiting these old friends. And I think that's just such a wonderful thing, but you don't know until you really get into the different genres to see what do you like?

What do you do? I don't think I've ever read a book about divorced women and children. That's how I'm incredibly boring. Yeah. There's a fair amount of literature on that on that topic. And I have, I've always found it a little bit not super for me. Yeah, yeah, it doesn't do it for me either. But like, everybody has a different thing.

Find that, find that thing. The greatest part is going to the library and reading the first two pages of a book and either being like, this is crap, or this is amazing. And so often, I'll pull up something, and it's probably brilliant because it's one of a million awards, and it just doesn't do it for me. But then something else I'll find,

and I'm like, how do people not love this? This speaks to me, oh my gosh, they're in my heart. Like, my heart hurts because I feel like somebody else is here. So finding that is. I had, I had, I got, I got, I got open up about a weird experience I had recently where I, I ran out of books on Audible. So I had my, you know, my audio book collection. I ran out of things to listen to, but Catherine and I share an Audible account.

And so she had, you know, she has different interests than me, at least in my own head, this is my wife. And so I was just like, I just downloaded the Secret Garden by Francis Hodgson Burnett. And I started listening to it and I was like, this is the best story I love it so much. And I would never have bought that on my own. I would never have, you look at my selection,

it's like a bunch of sci-fi mystery novels and like, good samurai fighting. Right. But yeah, but I was like absolutely and then started listening to more of those books. And in a weird way, when you were talking about feeling like finding an old friend, even though I hadn't read those books before, it kind of felt like, oh, this is a place where I feel very, very comfortable. And yeah, so you never know. And also, like, classic

literature is a great place to go. There's like a reason that those things are classic. And you can also look at the things that are winning awards right now. Like the books that you hear about, this is a thing that I always like sort of wrinkle at books that I, like that are on the news stands everywhere and everybody's talking about them. I'm like, well, they must be popular books, they're pop books, they're probably, and then I read one and I'm like, this was so good, it turns out people have pretty good taste.

Yes, yes. It's, and also, you know, right now, there's so much of a push for diversity in writing, which is fantastic because you get so many people that you've never heard of before and you get so many experiences that you never knew about and it's so absolutely realistic to be able to get into new mindsets that maybe you never did before. And it's so much easier in some ways for people to get a book published. And you can find people out there who are like, okay, well, I wrote this and I put it up. And it's available online.

And, you know, two people have read it and you can find it and discover it. And I think that's really amazing. Yeah, we're in sort of an amazing time for fiction. I feel regularly that I, like sort of a regret deep inside of me that I won't get to read all the books. Yeah, yeah, it's... And that's where we're at. And that's such a good problem.

Like the saddest thing about books is that I don't get to read all of them. That's true, and I feel the same way about cats. I don't get to read all of them. Sure, I feel the same way about cats. I'll never get to pet all of them. This next question comes from Kate who asks, Dear Hank and Jenny, I have anxiety and depression. It's pretty bad. For years, I have dealt with it by running and with a medication. However, I recently have been told that I need to stop running for quite a while due to a severe injury.

I'm freaking out. How am I gonna survive without my coping mechanism? Any dubious advice is appreciated. Pumpkins and penguins Kate. PS, please don't tell me to swim because that's horrid. Well, I was gonna say go swim. I was thinking, were you actually? I was. I was gonna be like, here's some really good advice for you. Well, damn it. Never mind. We're not going to do that. Maybe there are places to swim where it isn't horrid. I want to know more about why Kate thinks swimming is horrid. Sometimes I

feel like swimming is horrid because I do it in a pool with a lot of other people and I'm like, why am I taking a bath with all of these other humans? Yeah, that's basically toilet water if it's a pool that hasn't been cleaned. So I do kind of get it, but also I eat intestines. So at a certain point you just have to grin and bear it and just be like, this is really refreshing, especially in Texas, that's pretty much all you can do. It's so hot here, you can't run, you're gonna die. Um. That's a good one.

Yeah, that's a good one. Yeah, it is, it is. And especially if you found this thing that you rely on. Yes. And of course, like it has to be something to do with conversation with your doctors, there are lower impact things than running. And of course, like it has to be something to do with conversation with your doctors, there are lower impact things than running.

Biking is a really, I find biking to be personally much less, much more enjoyable than running. And I do have bad knees and don't have a problem with biking the way I do with running. And also you get places much faster, you get to see more. But that, you know, I don't know if you think that's hard as well. But in general, once you have found something that's working, it's really hard. And this goes for any coping with anything in our lives, whether that's anxiety or whether it's

ulcerative colitis, which is a disease that I have, the different ways of dealing with chronic pain. Or when something that has worked stops working, it's like, now I'm back to where I was before. And that's kind of... It kind of... It kind of clarifying. Yeah, but it's also kind of not true,

because you at least know that you have found a way out before. That is exactly right. This is a terrible thing to say, but one of the tools that I used to deal with anxiety was drinking, and not like a lot, but probably at least once a night, I'd have a cocktail, and it would just, you know, just kind of smooth things out.

And about a year ago, turns out I have tuberculosis but like not active tuberculosis but still not good tuberculosis but and a lot of people apparently have it it's a you probably have it I'm just telling anybody listening you probably have it. You got TV. Yeah exactly. Yeah I just diagnosed you. I'm not a doctor but you probably have tuberculosis. We call it consumption because that's more romantic. But for most people, they just have it. You're being consumed. That's very romantic. How is that romantic? It's like being ravaged, but with a cough, I think. It's a very somantic disease. But

most people, you just have it and you're like, well, that sucks. Make sure it doesn't get worse. But for me, because of this medication I take for rheumatoid arthritis, I had to take this medication that would kill all of the tuberculosis stuff inside of me. And when you're taking that, it's really hard on your liver. So for nine months, I had to stop drinking, which was like getting pregnant basically, except at the end, instead of a baby, I had less tuberculosis. But it was so hard. A new favorite kind. Exactly. I burst non tuberculosis, as

what I burst. And it was so hard, even though it was such a small thing. But part of the reason why it was so hard is because I had such anxiety about what was going to happen after I stopped being able to drink every night. And what I found was I was able to find other tools that helped me and those tools were actually swimming. Sorry, that's a terrible answer. That was one. But then the other thing was writing and finding finding great TV shows that I could just zone out on. So yeah, just knowing that there are other tools, there are other things that you were gonna be able to discover, it's gonna be scary, but think of it as an opportunity to find additional tools

that are going to help you. This next question comes from Isabella, who asks, Dear Hank and Jenny, since you have both lived rather public lives on the internet for the past decade-ish, I'm including you in this, it's written to me and John, but this is true of you as well. Do you find that an opinion you held before is no longer an opinion that you hold, is no longer an opinion that you hold today? Are you more careful of sharing opinions

on serious topics with your audience for fear of saying the wrong thing and or changing your mind later on? Generally, are there any specific topics that you tend not to make public statements about? It's a bella, Isabella. I, yes, there are definitely topics that I don't make public statements about.

Do you wanna know what they are too bad? Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, tell us. That's the whole thing. I don't make public statements about. Do you want to know what they are too bad? Tell us. That's the whole thing. I don't want to talk. And there is like, I have some opinions that are fairly controversial. And I keep them to myself for that very reason. Yeah. And I think that's completely acceptable.

I sort of. Thank you. Yeah. I sort of feel the same way. Um, I think anybody feel the same way. I think anybody who has read me long enough, it's pretty obvious that I'm liberal and some of the basic ideas that I have, but I do tend to keep things pretty calm

so that everybody feels like they can be part of the community and part of the conversation as long as you're not being a hateful jerk, you're, you know, welcome. But definitely there are some things that have changed. I used to be, you know, when I was younger, I was really into guns and shooting and now I'm not. And I'm a big fan of, I always say gun control, but recently one of my friends was like, you know what, you should say gun safety, because then people are less likely to automatically

say gun control, you wanna take all of our guns, which I totally don't, but I am for increased gun control. And so that's definitely something that in my time and life I have changed. And I try to be, I try to talk about it, but in a way that makes people say, oh, I never really thought about it that way,

rather than say, this is what I believe, and if you don't believe it You're an idiot because not only is are you not gonna listen to me if I say that but also I'm continuing to change like my ideas I changed since I was 20 and 30 and 40 I mean who knows what I'm gonna think when I'm 50 if I'm Shut myself off and I don't listen to other people and their experiences and ideas then I'm gonna stop like what's the point of being alive if I think I know everything already? Right. One of my big opinions that I hope doesn't change is that it's okay to change your opinions.

That's part of being a person who progresses in life, listens to more people, understands the world more complicated ways. Being public with that opinion, I think, is really good because then when something does change, and when you're like, oh, well, I don't like this is the thing that I said in a video 10 years ago, but I don't think that anymore, because I learned stuff. Then at least people won't be like sort of taken up back that some thing about you has been removed and their picture

of you in their mind. And this might happen is now sort of broken and that you've betrayed that trust. As long as it's coming from a place of thoughtfulness, and also as long as we started from a place of none of this is set in stone. Like we are learning things about how to be humans in the world right now and the world right now keeps changing. And so what it means to be a human right now is going to keep changing. Yeah, you know, and sorry, when I when I wrote my last book, I had, or actually my second

book, I had this moment where I was paralyzed because I was so afraid that I was going to say something wrong because you do. I mean, you're human and you're ignorant and sometimes you're stupid and have absolutely no idea. And I actually wrote a whole chapter about how there will be something in this book that one day I will look at and go, oh my god, what was wrong with me. And that that's okay. And that I apologize in advance for whatever that is. And I don't know what it is.

But I'm definitely going to say something really stupid. Lots of things, probably. If I'm lucky, actually, I will say a lot of stupid things. And that that's okay. But for some reason that was the thing that I needed to write in order to keep going. And actually when I submitted it to my editor I was like I'm sure you're going to cut this but I just felt like I needed to write it just so that I would have it there. And it was like no I think this speaks to what a lot of us are going through right now. And I've had so many people respond to that and say, oh my gosh, I thought I was the only one who just felt paralyzed and like, what am I not? No, whatever is being wrong. What do I? Because

which reminds me that being wrong about stuff is one of our sponsors today. Being wrong about stuff. It's the best. It's how you know that you're growing as a human being. And it's also brought to you by Robust Barys. Don't look directly at them. Stop looking at my robust Barys. This pie because it also brought to you coincidentally by Les tuberculosis. Les tuberculosis, the best kind of tuberculosis. Also brought to you by Anelglance. Mine will be clean.

Yeah, both you and Dorothy's Anelglance sparkling and beautiful. Got a couple more questions before we get to the news from Mars and AFC Wimbledon Jenny if you're ready for one of those. Sure. Dear Hank and Jenny, what is your innocuous life curse? Do you have a song you dislike, but follows you everywhere? Is there a person you rarely see, but every time you interact

with, you wish you hadn't? Is there a part of your car no matter how much you try to quiet it, always makes a noise? For me, every time I put on a fitted sheet on a bed, the first time I lay the sheet down is always oriented incorrectly. I even put it down, rotated 90 degrees. I tried putting it on, no matter what, I have to put the sheet on most of the way before discovering it's on wrong, and then adjusting it.

Thank you, Patrick. Patrick, you need a king size mattress. It's like, because there's squares. I don't have a king size mattress, but I have heard that there's squares, and so you don't have to worry about this with fitted sheets. I know that maybe this isn't the thing

that's gonna solve this problem right now in your life, but someday you're gonna get to a point you're gonna be like, look, it's time from the curse to end and you'll get a square bed. Yeah, yeah. Or stop using fitted sheets. I don't know, these fitted sheets just use by two of the flat ones and just tuck them underneath,

and it works like that with the same pattern. I know, I'm, no, it sounds, that sounds so wrong to me. Oh my gosh. I feel like fidget sheets were invented for a reason, and if you're telling me that they weren't, then I feel as if the entire, like I feel like this capitalism has betrayed me. But you never have to.

Literally, that is the reason why it happened is because capitalism did betray you. Yeah, you don't need to have fitted sheets just by a sheet and tuck it underneath there. And also so much easier to fold. I mean, you don't have to fold a fitted sheet anymore. Oh, yeah. Well, I don't fold fitted sheets. You make a ball.

You make a ball. But I've seen people try to do it and they're wasting their time. But yeah, just get rid of the fitted sheet. You don't need it. Well, I'm going to look into this. I'm not taking your word 100% for it, but my curiosity is peaked. It's so good. So what is your innocuous life curse?

Do you have one? I have a whole lot of them. But one that follows me a lot that has become a recurring family joke is this song by Steely Dan, which I hate so much. And I always call it A19, but I think it's A19. I can't remember. But I am pretty sure it's A19 because he says A19, that's Retha Franklin and A19, that's probably where Retha Franklin is on the jukebox, like that's the so yeah totally makes sense. So anyway, I hate that song every time it comes on, my husband or my daughter turns it on as loud as it will go. It comes on the... Oh, this isn't your fault.

This isn't an innocuous life curse. It's an innocuous life partner curse. Well, it's both because it comes on all the time. All the time, it just hunts me. It is the worst song ever. I got this question I read it and everything I thought of was like something that I was doing to myself Like I blamed myself for all of my innocuous life curses like leaving hats places

That's not something that's happening to me. It's something that I do to myself. I forget about I love the idea that like which laid a curse on me and it's that I will lay hats places Fantastic I'm just a hat donor like did you want a hat? and it's that I will lay hats places. That's fantastic. I'm just a hat donor. Like did you want a hat? Follow me around. Eventually, like probably there'd be like three days before you get a free hat. That's so fantastic.

That's how we end with pins. Like I just steal other people's pins. But it's nice that you steal other people's hats. Oh no wait, you lose the hat. Wait, I don't steal other people's hats. I lose the hat. You steal people's pins steal other people's hats. I lose the hat. You steal pants? Yes, of course.

I mean, not if they're like a fancy. Like they're a little pet like they're like a little pet. I mean, if it's a fancy pin, no, I mean, just like a... Well, kind of, pins. Like, just cheap pins. Oh, pins. Oh, pins. Oh, pins.

I don't know. I was thinking pin like a hair pin or a hat pin or a... Oh, no. Not like a hair pin or a hat pin or a pin. I'm like, I'm writing. I take their brushes. I just take the brushes right off the old ladies. And I'm like, this is my mouth and I'll take his hat. That's good.

This is my anocbulus life curses that I steal from old people. I'm a kleptomaniac, but only from people over the age of 70. I'm like, this is a terrible hat. You got to move to Florida, girl. I love this bad hat. I got to take it. This is mine now. Oh, man.

Yeah, so my all of my innocuous life curses are like, I can't stop drinking Coca-Cola. Oh yeah, me too. Everywhere I go, there's Coca-Cola. I, like if I could flip a switch and suddenly live in a world that didn't have Coca-Cola and I would flip that switch. I, anybody listening in Atlanta, I'm sure you're mad at me

because I know that employ a lot of people there. I like I would destroy all sugar water if I could Oh that would make it and I wouldn't just do it for me I would do it for everyone because I think this stuff is bad It but I can't stop drinking it's bad for you But there is nothing that pairs better with a cheesecake than a diet coke. And I will fight you on that. Oh my God, I cannot eat cheesecake without a diet coke. It is so good, that's the crisp, like biting, especially the fountain like coke.

Like where it burns your nose. Oh, man, I, like, I can't, to me, a coke is paired with savory. A cheeseburger is a Coke. French fries is a Coke. In fact, a weird thing about Coke or Coke is that I can have as many French fries as I can have and then I can't have anymore.

But then if I drink a Coke, I can have more French fries. I ate food that let me eat more food. This can't be good. It's a mess. It's in a bottle. See, I think why I like the diet coke with the sweets is because the diet has that bittery you're gonna get cancer taste.

And so it's that bitter with the sweet and you're like, oh, I'm doing too bad. Things for me at the same time. Like I should start smoking too. But I know, but. You gotta try. Have you tried cheesecake and a smoke? I have not, but I bet it would be fantastic.

Like if I like to smoke, that's where I would start. I would, I was like me in 20 years is I'm sitting at like in the back porch with a cheesecake, you know, front porch. I'm gonna go front porch with this with a slice of cheesecake and a pipe. That's me, that's my future. Oh my, the first time that we meet,

it's gonna be 20 years from now, it's gonna be cheese cakes and mine's gonna be a hukka pipe because I wanted to try that cheese. So I'm gonna try smoking. I'm gonna bring my own hukka. That's it. It's good, you gotta drive over because you gotta bring your whole hukka,

you can't fit in your backpack. You can't, you can't. Maybe by then you can. I mean, they have like vape things now. Maybe it will be a hookah vape. E. Giant hookah vape. Yeah. You know, if nobody's made a giant hookah vape,

yeah, you may have just had a million dollar idea. Somebody needs to send me money. Right. If anybody ends up making a giant hookah vape, you better get your 10%. Yeah. All right. I was going to do one more question before we get to the news from RS and AFC Wembleton

because I have a guess that it will be short. This comes from Chris who asks, dear Hank and Jenny, I've been reading about how the Yellowstone Supervolcano is going to eventually erupt and it will be bad for civilization. Apparently scientists are trying to determine ways to stop the Supervolcano from erupt, and it will be bad for civilization. Apparently scientists are trying to determine ways to stop the super volcano from erupting.

Is it possible to get the US military to bomb the super volcano and destroy it, keeping it real Chris? No. That's a really bad idea. Let's put a nuclear war head into the volcano and see what happens. Let's bomb the volcano is the most American thing I think I've ever heard in my entire life.

And I'm a little embarrassed and proud at the same time. I mean, yeah. Wow. I don't know what we would need to do. So I like a thing that is interesting to me about volcano is a thing that you have to sort of understand about the earth is that this, the thing that we're all sitting on right now, if you're on a continent, if you happen to not be on a boat, which you may be, I'm sure that someone out there is listening from a boat, if you are right in, let us know.

But if you're sitting on a continent right now, you are on a piece of rock that is sitting on top of basically this sort of like floating magma ocean and it's the lighter rock that his ridden to the top. So, you know, like all the metals and lead are down in the middle of the earth and the lighter stuff, the silica and the granite and all that stuff is floated at the top. But as they collect, they put a little bit of pressure, due to the big big continents, these big hunks of rock, put pressure on the magma below, and sometimes that pressure comes out in places. And so what you want is a uniform, strong, stable rock that doesn't have any holes in it. But if you have a little weak spot, that pressure is going to, like, like all that magma is going to find a place to go to that one weak spot.

And that is what this, what volcanoes are. And they're, they're sort of weak spots in the continent. And that magma finds a way to push through. So if you bomb it, you are making it weaker. I don't think that we could make it measurably weaker. I don't think that we could make it worse really unless we were like a really concerted effort and like through a lot of nuclear weapons into Yellowstone. But as far as like how to make Yellowstone not a rupt, not a lot of great options because it turns out that the earth is really big and strong and has very little, like geologically, has very little regard for what happens on it. But what we can do is measure and see when it's going to happen.

And what we have been able to do with volcanoes recently is have a much better idea of when there's going to be an eruption. I'm a science communicator, Jenny, if you didn't know this. And so we had a pretty good idea of what was going to happen with Kilauea, that there was going to be a significant thing of some sort happening. And then it happened.

And now it's still happening because that's how Kilauea works. So we have a pretty, like we're able to know, we even in 1980 knew that Mount St. Helens was going to erupt before it erupted and we're able to evacuate so that not too many people died during that event. But yeah, bombing, bombing it is not a great idea. What we need to do is like move a lot of rock and put it on top of it to keep it down. It doesn't pop. I kind of like the idea though,

of, could you get like, what is it called, liquid nitrogen and just like, threes, like have a big, free, good, make it real, real cold. That's a thing. Yeah. That's, I'm sure. Yeah, you gotta, well, I mean, maybe there's a way

to sort of like dissipate the heat in some way. The heat has to go somewhere, so you could bring like anti-heat to it, which would be cold. I guess is what you would call anti-heat. Or suck the heat out some way and get the heat to go somewhere else, so that all that magma solidifies

and blocks all the cracks. But what I once heard is that in the years preceding a Yellowstone eruption, that Yellowstone National Park would get higher, it would raise up, by tens of feet per month. So the whole place would just rise up. And that would be your indication that we were in a lot of trouble. And the good news is that we're not there,

we're not in a lot of trouble. But someday somebody will be, if we're still around to experience that, fingers crossed. Yeah, no kidding. I'm kind of thinking, did he maybe get that idea from, isn't it like when you have tornadoes

if you could bomb a tornado and it makes it dissipate? Yeah. Is that- People have talked about bomb and tornadoes, yeah. And that is maybe a thing that would work. You're trying to sort of disrupt the airflow between that sort of like all this hot air on the bottom that's moving up to the cold air up top.

You want it to sort of like blast it. In the same way that if like the water split like air up top. You wanted to sort of blast it. In the same way that if the water is spiraling down your tub, if you just splash it, stops doing the spiral thing for a little bit. That would work. You just would have to get the tornado to go over your bomb, which isn't easy. Or I guess you could shoot the bomb at the tornado. We're pretty good with bombs. I saw, I mean, I'm not real into science, but I did watch Sharknado and spoiler in one of them. There is some sort of like a bomb thing. And it didn't super like helped a little bit, but the sharknados keep coming. So I think. Oh, it didn't. Did they put the bomb in a shark? Yes. They did. The bomb was in the shot. And then I shot it into the, I can't remember. It's, shark. Yes. They did. The bomb was in the shark.

I can't remember. It's weird. They all sort of blend in together. You've watched all the shark. I'm a very big fan. I'm a very big fan. I have not seen any of the shark natives. Oh my God.

Okay. Okay. You know what? We're not going to wait 20 years for Huka and cheesecake. You're gonna come over to my house and we're gonna watch Sharknado. It's so awful and so fantastic. Oh my God, it's just you cannot watch it and not laugh hysterically.

Okay. Oh, it's so good. I'm in. Okay. I'm in. Next to Mom and San Antonio. I'm coming definitely Huka Porch Cheesecake Shark Native time. Okay. It sounds like a fantastic.

You don't happen to have any news from AFC Wimbledon, do you? I don't, but could I, since this is going to probably happen in the future, could I venture a guess about Mars? Yeah, sure. Make some guesses about AFC Wimbledon. Okay. Let's see. So I'm going to say AFC Wimbledon, some people win, some people do.

And that, some people are going to be upset, some people are going to be really happy. When it comes to the Mars stuff, I think life is going to be discovered. That's going to happen very soon. And yeah. Can you, so this is something I'm legitimately curious about. When the people who lose lose and the people who win win are the people who are happy gonna be happier than the people who are upset are gonna be upset.

No. That's too bad. Yeah, yeah, and that's, that's kind of sad. That's kind of sad, but it's still worth it because you have to go through pain to have pleasure. And it just makes you happier when your team does win. Which is one of the things that we learned today. What else did we learn?

I guess that public pools or toilet water, apparently. Thanks for that, Emmid. We learned a bunch of free shins. And to put nuclear bombs inside of volcanoes. But maybe in sharknitos. We learned that fitted sheets are made up conspiracy by capitalism. We learned that steely dan is terrible. And finally, we learned that we all have tuberculosis apparently.

Thanks for that news, Ginny. I appreciate it. Oh, thank you. Thank you for joining me on this episode of Dear Henga John and thanks to all of you for listening. This podcast is produced by Rosiana Halls-Rohaus and shared in Gibson. It's edited by Nicholas Jenkins. Our head of community and communications is Victoria von Jornow.

The music that you're hearing right now and at the beginning of the podcast is by the great Gunnarola and as they say in our hometown, don't forget to be awesome. you