Dear Hank & John - 145: Wait to Panic

Episode Date: June 18, 2018

What should I do with the ends of bread? How do you know when you get to the end of the galaxy? How did they livestream the lunar landing? And more! Email us: [e-mail] patreon.com/dearhankandjohn Thanks to HelloFresh for sponsoring this episode! For $30 off your first week of HelloFresh, go to hellofresh.com/dearhank or hellofresh.com/dearjohn and enter code dearhank or dearjohn.

Hello and welcome to Dear Hank and John. Gorsag for the Think of it, dear John and Hank. It's a comedy podcast where two brothers answer all your questions, give you a new piece of advice and bring you the week's news from both Mars and AFC Wimbledon. John, what is the elephant in the room? Oh, Hank, I think we both know what the elephant in the room is this week. It's a no-brainer elephant. Absolutely. Three, two, one, the... The significance of everything we do. I mean, they're related. They're related.

How many times do I have to make Michael Cohen the elephant in the room until I get to feel that magical moment when you also say Michael Cohen and we can finally have a Michael Cohen focused podcast segment which I've been begging you for for months. Hank, all of the most famous podcasters, the way that they get huge is by talking about Michael Cohen. I'm sorry, what is the insignificance of everything that we do. Just in general, like the sun is such a very small thing, and it's so very big, and the space between the stars is immense, and the space between the galaxies, even more immense than that. And we only matter to each other, John, and I guess

that's kind of beautiful, and okay. And and also we matter to each other so Tremendously much right we we all have the capacity to bring each other solace and joy and fear and terror and horror we We matter to each other so much we matter to other life on earth so much, we matter a little bit to the moon, we might even eventually matter some to Mars. So I think that our mattering is expanding, which is great, but I think the core of our mattering is always going to be in how we treat each other and how we take care of each other. And speaking of taking care of people who have taken care of you. Michael Cohen, the quasi attorney of the President of the United States,

who is under investigation for a wide variety of crimes, might be flippant. Yeah, I mean, I feel like the moment, if I'm Michael Cohen, the moment President Donald Trump gets elected president, I'm like, this isn't gonna turn out great for me, is it? I bet that yes, I would think that would be my first thought. I would think I am going to be in the spotlight and I feel that if light is shown in this area of my life, there's going to be some uncomfortable. Right, like maybe, how many people do you think

said to Donald Trump, like, you know, maybe your life is not one that needs an excessive amount of scrutiny. Like this might not be something that should be like all the light shown in all the different little crevices. Probably, probably the most dangerous thing you could do for the way that you have lived thus far

is to sign up to be the most looked at person in the world. And to be fair, I think one of the arguments that Trump supporters will make is that Trump had very little to gain from the presidency. And in fact, in many ways a lot to lose. And so that would be an argument that Trump's presidency really is born of a desire to serve of a belief that you know he could bring positive change to the country and even though it would negatively affect him

personally it would be worth that sacrifice for the larger good of the country. And that is an argument. It doesn't jive with other things that I see completely in the way that he's run his administration. But I am definitely open to that argument. I just think that this is a big news story. I think it's an important news story. I think because it's salacious and it has the feel of gossip at times, it doesn't get treated

like an important news story. I've been listening to Slow Burn, the podcast about Watergate that tries to recreate the experience of Watergate as it unfolded and something similar was happening during watergate where there was a lot of like Oh, this is you know, salacious stuff about dirty tricks and with all of these over the top personalities and It only unfolded slowly that people started to think like oh and also this is a quite a serious thing. Yeah, right and is quite a serious thing. Yeah, right. And I think that both from the perspective of how it's being treated in the news media,

but also how it gets treated in our own heads. We're like, well, this is about a sex scandal. And that's not, are we still having sex scandals? Is that something that's still that important in this day and age? But it's not. It's not a sex scandal. And I think that we sort of like half-treated

like a sex scandal and then you can be written off because of that, but it's not. It's part of a lot of different wrong-doings. Well, we'll see. We don't know yet. There's a lot we don't know and I don't want to get ahead of the facts, but. Did we do the thing that you wanted to do?

We have our Michael Cohen segment. Oh no, he'll be the elephant in the room next week, don't you worry. I just whenever we figure out what the elephant in the room is, I always just go to Twitter and look at what the top trending hashtag is. And John, this week it's Michael Cohen. It actually was. I should have gone with you. I was right.

All right, well John, as you know, there are people who listen to this podcast and they send us questions and I feel like we wouldn't be doing our duty unless we answered some of their questions eventually so let's do that. This next question comes from Lauren who asked Dear Hanger John, in the interim chip I have at my college this summer one of the major things I'm doing is calling prospective students to gauge their interest in school in such. I'm supposed to be a resource to these potential students so I introduce myself at the beginning of each call and leave my phone number. Sometimes though, I have to call someone who has my same first name. It just feels very weird to leave a voice mail saying, hi Lauren, this is

Lauren. What should I do? Should I lie? Change my name when it's raining? It's Lauren. You just got to make a joke out of it. Yeah. No, you change your name not permanently just for the sake of the call Yeah, you see the person doesn't care frankly if your name is Lauren So and this to me it gives you a great opportunity now you can only do this when you're calling Lauren You can't do it every time because it'll be seductive and super fun and you'll want to do it every time and you can't but every time You're calling a Warren they answer they say hello and you'll want to do it every time you can. But every time you're calling a Warren, they answer, they say, hello, and you say, hi, this is Beth Midler from Florida State University.

And they say, what? And you say, this is Beth Midler. I'm a student at Florida State University. I'm calling because I know you've been admitted to the school and I was just wondering how you feel about it. I love that you chose Beth Midler. Well, I just think it's the perfect, because that's a name that prospective college students

will really resonate with, you know, because they remember wind beneath my wings. Basically, Bette Mittler is good. I think in general, like, something a little bit obscure is excellent. You could also be like, hi Lauren, this is Manhole. I'm calling from far to state university and I'm just wanted to let you know that we're really interested in giving you as much information as you want on the great programs we have at FSU. Okay, you're on to something here, Hank, which is that what happens when, because nobody's listening to the beginning of the call anyway anyway what happens when you try an increasingly obscure and absurdist series of things right like what happens if you're like

hi Warren this is a gang of turkeys calling from Florida State University there's 17 of us we were just wondering how you feel about Florida State's excellent classical music program we have We're just wondering how you feel about Florida State's excellent classical music program. We have four classical music majors here among our gang of 17 turkeys who are making this phone call. Be happy to connect you with one of them directly. I'm an anthropology major. Hi, Lauren. This is one scissor.

Now you may be thinking to yourself, is that possible? Yes, because scissors are a pair of scissors. I'm just one of them. My other friend is calling a different Lauren right now. I'm basically a knife. Anyway, how do you keep an aloe vera handle? Anyway, I've had a really, really positive experience here. Hey, Lauren, have you ever been driving alone at night and you're filled with a sort of vague

melancholy but not an unpleasant one? That's me here to call you about FSU. What do you think? Would you like to go to college here? Don't feel pressure, I know there's a lot of great schools. Oh, God. Urgent help. I was hammering some holes into a belt. When I was putting the belt away, I dropped the hammer on the marble floor. Now there's a chip and a dent in the floor.

What do I do? I live with my parents and if they see this, I'm going to be in very big trouble. Help, Tolita. All right, Tolita. You're not gonna be able to do anything about the dent, but you're gonna fix the chip and you're gonna fix it quickly. No, no, no, you can fix it all, John. You know, you can fix the dent and the chip. How do you fix the dent? You get a sculpture that goes over the dent, that's beautiful, and that everybody would be like, wow, what an elegantly placed sculpture.

Such a good idea, way better than my strategy of super gluing the chip back into where it chipped off from, much, much better. The next time your parents come home, they're like, what the heck is this? And you just say like, oh, this is a sculpture that I made of David, and your parents are just say like, oh, this is a sculpture that I made. Of David.

And your parents are gonna be like, this is incredible. And you'll be like, yeah, I know I did a really good job. So this is where the sculpture gives, by the way, it's a site-specific sculpture. It's site-specific. So you can't move it around in the room because then it's just ruined.

Right, well, maybe David's holding a cup of coffee and it's just very fall. Mm-hmm. Or maybe David's reaching for the little tug on the ceiling fan. Right. So if you put it anywhere else in the room, what's he reaching for?

Does it make any sense? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're welcome Toledo, we've solved your problem. The next question comes from Leanne, who writes, Dear John and Hank, I recently decided to play a matchmaker and set up two of my friends from different social circles. The day went really well, and now both of them can't stop telling me how wonderful the other person is.

As happy as I am for them, how do I stay impartial? What if they start coming to me with their relationship problems? I was okay with giving them advice before with other people, but now it's just a little weird because I know both of them so Well, should I leave them to it? Should I keep a bunch of secrets for both of them from the other person? How do I do? I don't want to be the middle man, Leanne. Yeah, Leanne, you are you are worried so worried about a problem that doesn't exist yet. Yeah, you're good, Leanne.

It's like being like you don't know that any of these things are gonna happen. I mean, do you know these people well enough that they like, they always come to you with relationship advice with every relationship they have? Maybe that's gonna happen? But I don't know, maybe it won't, because they are aware that you're good friends

with the other person that you set them up on the date with, and they're probably gonna be like, well, probably not gonna go to Leanne because the other person is a good friend of Leanne. I think that there's a certain amount of- Also, there's the 95% chance that this couple is gonna be broken up within a month. Oh, dang, John, maybe not.

Don't you think? I don't know, it'd be interesting. You've done the math more than I have. What percentage of relationships last forever? Zero. Do you mean what percentage of relationships last until death? No, I mean what percentage of relationships last until marriage? Oh, it's got to be pretty low at least based on my own personal experience.

I mean, it's very high based on mine. I suspect that we're outliers. I suspect the truth is somewhere in the middle, somewhere between like 48 serious relationships and two. Yeah. Yeah. There has to be, there has to be like somebody, somebody has to have done this research and I cannot, I cannot find it. And my rehearsal dinner, my friend Dean gave a toast. You may remember this Hank in which he talked about me coming home from meeting Sarah for the first time and I came back to the apartment and I said, you know, I think I'm going to marry that girl.

I really do. And Dean said it was only the 17th time John had said that to me John I found the graph and the risk of break up is very high in the beginning so around 80 75 80% of couples will break up in the first year of Their relationship, which is actually a little bit, you know, I kind of expect to be higher than that Yeah, but then a number of couples break up in their second year. Right. Not everybody like dates for a year and then gets married. And then I think the overall, Leanne, the overall chances that this relationship is going to be like the defining romantic relationship of these two people's lives is under 10%.

So let's wait to panic. Okay. is under 10%. So let's wait to panic. Okay, we're gonna wait to, that I completely agree. In general, wait to panic is great, great advice. Not don't panic. Oh, I mean, just like, if I could, yeah. One, just give it a couple of breaths.

I might tattoo that on me somewhere. Wait, yeah. It's to panic. I could really stand to have wait to panic on the inside of my wrist. The other thing that I'd like to have tattooed somewhere, like maybe under my eyelids so that I could see it every time I close my eyes, would be, this is temporary. Which is also in all the best ways and all the worst ways, constantly true.

Yeah, it's good to recognize both because of the good and the bad. Hank, I feel like we're going a little dark. Can we liven things up with maybe like some grease too or alvin in the chipmunks? What do you got for me? Well, this question's from Alexis who asks, dear Hank and John, nobody in my family

eats the first and last pieces of bread. The heel, as they were called in our family. I don't know if everybody else calls us that. I feel bad just throwing those out. So you don't know if everybody else calls us that I feel bad Just throwing those out. So you don't have any suggestions for what I could do. Thanks a lot I don't have a car, but if I did it would be a Lexus you eat them No, yeah, you make a sandwich out of them and be like I'm even having a sandwich And basically because they're it's made out of the heel. It's sort of like calorie neutral, because you're doing a social good. Yeah.

If only that were true. No, no, you do not eat the heel pieces. No, no, no, no. And you put, I just like, paint a butter on one of them and put them together, nothing else. And it's just like, it's a nice little snack. You don't like it?

What's wrong with this? Is there, is there something that I'm missing? Like, is there a danger? You know, when we were little kids and mom would cut the crust off of our peanut butter and jelly sandwich and they were so good. And then she, we got a little older

and she stopped cutting off the crust because we were, you know, older now and that was just the way the world works. You got to learn to live with a certain amount of suffering with your peanut butter and jelly. Yeah. What you're proposing Hank is you're proposing eating a crust sandwich and like I you know John I eat the crust because of the rest of the sandwich being like good enough for me to understand that I have to suffer through this crust part because I am an adult and that's how life works. Right, I'm not exactly that of exactly what I'm telling you. The whole crust sandwich.

I'm saying that you not only should do this, I'm saying that you have to do this. This is part of being a human being is having some subpar experiences because this is the way that the world works and like they baked the bread and the bread had to have an edge and all of the bread was food. Hank. Yes. You know how I feel about this, John,

ultimately, is that I don't actually care at all. And I went real hard on something that I have. I have like, I may be like a one out of 10 in terms of the strength of my opinion. Well, I would also argue that the strength of your overall argument is pretty low. Yeah, yeah, no, I think that's why my opinion is also low because it was not a good argument.

But I don't mind eating a heel sandwich. I do remember in the past, I would actually go like two or three slices in to get like the best bread, not just not eat the heel. I wouldn't eat the second or third slice. Yeah, I still do that. I give the second and third slices to my children. They don't know the difference. You know what I like about orange sandwiches?

So when we make orange sandwich now, we cut it up into little bit. So it's easier for me to grab and eat. And then you get some pieces that are crusty, but then the middle ones are like, they're basically like, well, tiny sandwiches with no crust. And it's very, very hard for me not to eat one or two of those

when he's having a sandwich. Have you ever had an uncrustable? I've heard about them. Oh my God. I, people in the office eat them. Oh my god. Uncrustables, they're just they're just magic. Just when you thought processed food couldn't become any more perfect. Along comes the uncrustable, a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with no crust in a circular shape that if pressed you can eat all in one bite. I just googled on crustible.

It looks like a pie. It's not a pie. It's a delicious peanut butter and jelly pie. This next question comes from Christopher who writes, dear Hank, but mainly John. It's my kind of question Christopher. I've been invited to a World Cup soccer pool by a co-worker on a related note.

I just learned that there's a World Cup this year. I don't know anything about soccer, but I want to make work friends and such. And I'm also quite competitive. And I think it's important a World Cup this year. I don't know anything about soccer, but I wanna make work friends and such, and I'm also quite competitive, and I think it's important that I win this pool. So what strategy should I use? Or better yet, can you just tell me who's going to win? Soccer pool, lo, for Christopher.

Christopher, I am happy to help. Christopher, you're in a pretty simple situation. You would not have been invited into this World Cup pool if they did not think that you were dead money, that is a person who will definitely lose. So the worst that can happen is exactly what everyone else expects is going to happen. If you can bet on Brazil, do. If you can bet on Germany, or France, or Spain, do.

Everyone else is a long shot. But some long shots are longer than others. Saudi Arabia, for instance, is not going to win the World Cup, nor is Australia. My best dark horse pick, Uruguay. There you go. That's all I got. Good. Well done, John.

I just found a YouTube video. I'm sorry. Something about soccer makes me immediately open a new tab. I apologize. And I do believe in that, and I think I may even make my whole video this week about how much I believe in the goodness of the world cup. But I found a video from a creator who said, if you eat on crustables, you need to watch this.

And the first comment on it is, get bent, you kill joy. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha That's like, remember when people started eating Chipotle when Chipotle first came out and everybody was like, man, this healthy Mexican food is so healthy and so delicious, I could eat tons of it. And then somebody made a website called ChipotleCalculator.com and you went to it and you told the calculator all the stuff that was in your burrito and then it told you that your burrito contained 17 days worth of food And everybody's response to it was like hey Chipotle calculator inventor shut up and go away I'm trying to enjoy my Chipotle. I was happy for five minutes

If you if you eat uncrustables you need to watch this. Oh my god. I bet I don't. She's got a whole series and her thumbnails are just like her holding a piece of food and then giving a thumbs down. Alright Hank, this next question comes from Charlie, who's 6 years old and yet asked a question that I don't know the answer to, which is something that happens to me all the time in my life as a father. Dear John and Hank, how do you know when you get to the end of the galaxy?

Do you go right into the next galaxy? Charlie. That's a good question because it is a fuzzy boundary between the galaxy and not the galaxy anymore. There are sort of like the number of stars decreases and like there will be, you know, basically you have like there's a hundred around and then there's ten around and then there's one kind of nearby and then there's one really far away. But there's a definite distinction between galaxies

and the way that I can best illustrate this is that if you go like half the distance between two galaxies, there won't be any stars in the sky. So if you were just on a planet in between two galaxies, this sky would just be dark. You wouldn't even know that there are stars. You would see probably some smudges that would be other galaxies. That would be galaxies. So there wouldn't be other galaxies because you're not any galaxy. God, the universe is so big.

Yeah, that's a really messed up weird, so yeah. So the short answer is there is no sign that says you're now exiting the Milky Way galaxy, but there's a tremendous amount of space between most galaxies. And by tremendous, I mean impossible to wrap my head around. Yeah, it's real weird. I told that to Catherine, and we were going through these questions before and now, and I said to Catherine that you could be in space and not have any stars in the sky.

And she was like, ah. Yeah, that's one of those things that I almost wish I didn't know. Like, I don't really want to know how big the universe is because it makes my tummy hurt. Hank, I want to ask you another space related question. We get a version of this question many times every day. And I just think it's time to address it. It comes from Bradley who writes, Dear John and Hank, I'm a pretty new nerd fighter,

and I would like to thank you both for creating something positive and also addicting. You're welcome, Bradley, although that is what I said about cigarettes when I was in high school, and it turned out I was wrong. So I hope that we hold up better than Marble Light's did. My question is about the moon. I have a friend who saw a documentary

and has now convinced that the lunar landing never happened. Oh, yeah. That is not a documentary. His reasoning has to do with the live streaming of the event to the entire country. If we still experience significant problems, live streaming events now, how could they have done so in 1969? I personally think that of course the lunar landing is legit, but this question is interesting to me. What the heck was it like to live stream the lunar landing?

How'd they do that? So the question we get is different versions of I slash my friend, slash my brother, slash my cousin, believe that the earth is flat or believe that the lunar landing was faked or those are the two big ones. These sort of conspiracy theories that have taken over a certain subset of online experience, mostly this subset of online experience where in response to being told, you have to do your own research, you have to become your own expert, people try to become their own experts, and along the way conclude that the Earth is flat or that the moon landing never happened. Right.

And I think that like Flat Earth is such an interesting example of this because like as soon as like stuff gets called into question you're like, well, I'll look into that. And then you can cut like I think Flat Earth is a good example of it because you can see like obviously this isn't one that is easy to get sucked into, but you can see all of the ways in which people justify it. And that allows you to see through your own lens, like what are the things that I might be really susceptible to? And so, like, how did they technically livestream?

It wasn't, of course, precisely live. How did they do that? It's complicated, and NASA worked really hard to make that be a thing, and you can read articles about it. There's one called how NASA broadcast new Armstrong live from the moon, from popular science. And it's very interesting, and it's complicated, too complicated to talk about on this podcast.

In large part, because a lot of the technology that they use then doesn't, like, we don't use it anymore, because we figured out other ways to do it. And I think some of what's beneath the larger phenomenon here is that people feel like they can't trust experts, and they feel like they can trust people who explain stuff to them in ways that make sense to them. And the truth is, at times when trying to explain stuff,

science communicators, at least some of them can come across as condescending, which can make somebody shut down and not wanna listen, whereas when people, and I've watched some of these videos about how the earth is flat, they treat their audience in a particular way that makes you feel like you're being taken seriously. And also, reflect something that you probably believe to be true on some level, which is

that people in power, people with elite status use that power and that elite status to deceive people with less power in order to prevent them from getting power. That does not mean that the earth is flat. The earth is not flat, and we know that for a lot of reasons. It doesn't mean that the moon landing didn't happen and we know that for lots of reasons. What I do when I'm thinking about whether I believe in a conspiracy theory is I ask myself two questions. The first question I ask is, would this conspiracy theory being true reaffirm my worldview. Because if so, that may be a big part of why I believe it's true.

And too, how many people would have to be lying to me at the same time for this conspiracy theory to be true? And in the case of both the moon landing and the earth being flat, we're not talking about dozens of people. We're talking about dozens of people. We're talking about tens of thousands, if not hundreds of thousands of people. It's really interesting to me because something really similar happened in the early 1970s right around Watergate with a huge rise of conspiracy theories and conspiracy theories being taken much more seriously. of conspiracy theories being published by mainstream publishers which had never

happened before etc. And we are again in one of these moments where we feel like we cannot trust many of the people who are in power or many of the power structures that that we trust to govern our lives and I think it's a response to that but I also think you've got to know that it's a response to that. Yeah, that's absolutely true. And it's, as a science communicator, it's frustrating, and part of it is, I don't want to engage with it because I think giving it any air at all only sort of makes people be like, well, I'm going to check for myself.

And then, as you say, like a lot of times what you hear is like, what the experts are saying doesn't make a lot of sense to me. And then there's this alternate viewpoint that does make sense. And the reason that it makes sense is not because that viewpoint isn't biased or isn't incorrect.

It's because it shares your same biases. It comes at the world from the place where you already are, whereas the world actually is complicated and messy and weird, and when it comes down to how particles work and physics works, like that stuff's never gonna make intuitive sense, because it doesn't make sense. And when it comes to how NASA broadcast the moon landing live, it doesn't, like it's really hard to understand,

and like you can find lots of places in that article, where you're gonna be like, well, I don't, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,

I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,

I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm can't trust experts, so I'm going to become my own expert.

And the problem with that is that you are not going to be, and I don't mean just you, I mean any. No one is going to be a really good expert in both particle physics and, you know, beer making. No one is gonna be a really good expert in both carpentry and astrophysics. Like, or maybe you could do both those, but you can't do everything.

And so we have to trust on some level people who devote their professional lives to a subject. We have to at least take them seriously. Which reminds me, John, that this podcast is brought to you by everyone lying to you at the same time. Everyone in the world lying at the same time, it's how all the most dastardly deeds get done. That is kind of how I felt in middle school all the time. So now I have a newfound sympathy for that world view. Today's podcast is also brought to you by a vague sense of melancholy, a vague

sense of melancholy, calling vague sense of melancholy, calling you on the phone to learn your interest level in Florida State University. This podcast is also brought to you by a statue of David with a very full cup of very hot coffee. Do not move it, mom and dad. There is no particular reason why it has to be right there, but I say that it does.

And lastly, today's podcast is brought to you by a Starless Sky. A Starless Sky, if you've ever been far enough out in the water not to be able to see land, imagine being far enough out into the universe not to be able to see anything. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Cortney who writes, dear John and Hank, my brother's three years my senior, but he never learned how to drive. I, however, have been driving for almost a year now. Who should be able to sit shotgun when we're both in the car with our mom? Uh, those. Uh, did.

I don't understand the relationship between the first part of the question and the second part of the question, but it goes on, I firmly maintain that I have usurped the pre-majorator birthright to the front seat. Wow. What? Wow. By successfully owning and operating a vehicle first,

he does not share this feeling. Who, how did your brother convince you that there is a Premajenitor birthright to the front seat? I, that is the most remarkable thing. And then, and then next step to think that you could, that like you can usurp that through the acquisition of a of just one particular skill that you have you can you serve that through the acquisition of a of just one particular skill that you have arbitrarily selected. Obviously the person who gets shotgun is the person

who says shotgun first and that needs to have been established early on and you have maybe already lost that battle. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, this is no, it's not too late, Hank. You've given up on Cortney and that's a mistake. So here's the deal. I think this person is not from the United States. I'm judging this on the fact that they know how to spell pre-mageniture. Um, which is not an idea we have here in America. No.

Really? Unfortunately. Otherwise I would get all that sweet, sweet mom and dad money and Hank would be left out in the cold. I don't even know, I don't know what it means either. It means like the first son gets all the money. Okay, well the good news is John that you're good. Yeah, I mean I could be better.

That is the follow-up capitalism you found it. I mean I want to cut that but I bet Nick's going to keep it in. Alright, point being I assume that this person is from maybe England and therefore they believe that certain rights are passed down from generation to generation to the oldest child or whatever. I don't understand why shotgun would be one of those rights, but I certainly don't understand why learning how to drive earlier would mean that you know I'm good shotgun.

Courtney, there is an existing foolproof strategy. I got so passionate I just dropped the phone and Hank can't hear me. I can't hear what's happening. Hank, Hank, I dropped the phone. Hold on. I'm coming back. I was literally pounding my armchair,

which resulted in me dropping the phone. There is an existing foolproof strategy for this Courtney, which is that when you are walking to the car, from the moment you leave whatever building you are in, to the moment that you are outside and the same outside that you will be in until you reach the car. From that moment, it is possible at any point

in that moment to call shotgun. And if you call shotgun, you get to sit in the passenger seat. It is that simple. Those are the rules of shotgun. Forget all of this birthright shotgun crap. You get shotgun by calling shotgun. That's right, that's right. This is not a bad, like we have moved beyond

the idea of absolute monarchy. This is about, this is about who is clever enough, fast enough, and willful enough to call shotgun first. But I wanna be clear, you can't call shotgun like the moment you get out of the car, you can't call shotgun until you are in the same outdoor space that you will continually be in until you reach the car. Yes, that's the rule.

So if you're first out the door and you yell shotgun and they're still inside that counts, hmm, to me, that's an open question. That's what, that is part of it. It's part of being having to get up and go attitude, being the first out the door, and your mom's gonna appreciate that too. Everybody's out to the car,

and you're standing there by the door, and like your brothers walking up, and you say, shotgun, before he steps on that first paving stone, you are the winner. All right, all right, I buy it. Hank, before we get to the all important news from Mars and AFC Wilden,

I need to read this project for awesome message from Amanda to Ryan and Marshall. Amanda donated to the project for awesome to get us to read this message, and we will read it now for my two favorite guys. Thank you, Amanda, not John and Hank. Oh. Well, I'll keep reading anyway.

Who just happened to be two awesome husbands and dads? I couldn't think of a better way to say how awesome you both are than from two of the coolest people I know. Thanks for being in my life and for being a great husband and son, Ryan and Marshall. So Ryan, Marshall, thank you for being a great husband and son. Amanda, thank you for donating to the project for awesome. And for warming hearts everywhere. Yes. All right John, we got some corrections and responses. We got Savannah, who is a vocalist on one of the world's largest cruise ships.

And just wanted to let us know that there are people who listen to the pod from a boat. Though oftentimes they have to download the pod beforehand because Wi-Fi on the boat is not super great. Also Daniel, who is an engineer at the NASA Jet Propulsion Laboratory working on the Mars helicopter, he was ecstatic. You have Hank's dream job. Well, you certainly have my attention.

This is very exciting. I was ecstatic to hear Hank discuss our project in the recent podcast episode. I do have a very small correction and I got very nervous when I read that, but it's okay. Regarding a statement that Hank made, there will be no way to test precisely how good at its job it will be until it is there because it won't be able to fly on a place that is exactly like Mars until it gets there. And I wanted to mention, this is Daniel again, I wanted to mention that while this is technically true, so I guess it's not quite a correction, we are in the middle of an extensive test campaign to simulate Mars-like conditions as best we can. For example, in this video that

NASA released, which we'll put on the Patreon, there's footage of our free flight testing. This test was conducted inside our 25-foot diameter vacuum chamber at Mars pressure while an offload system simulated Mars's gravity. The health, I don't know how that works, but it's very cool. The helicopter successfully ascended, traveled to a waypoint, and then landed multiple times over the course of the test. Hopefully, we will see similar success in all of our tests, in case, in which case, we can be reasonably confident that the helicopter will work on Mars when it gets there.

Thankfully, there are no lions on Mars, Daniel. I mean, that we know of yet, we won't know for sure till we have a helicopter fly over the whole planet and check. That's amazing. Well, we can't have humans on Mars yet. There could be a lion. Just tank in case you thought we were gonna get through that question without Daniel thinking that neither of us is an idiot. I mean, John, you never know, there could be whole underground systems of caves that are high pressure and contain mostly lions. I mean, is there any possibility that Mars is flat? That's all about something that I've wondered about, Flat Earth.

Do they think that all the planets are flat? Like, are they just like discs out there in space or like, do we see them rotating? So we know that other planets aren't flat. It's just that earth is flat and none of the other planets are? I don't really, I don't think we're going to convince

a single flat earth or on this podcast. As you know, I have become increasingly convinced that no one who currently believes anything on the internet can have their mind changed by anyone else or anything else on the internet. Yeah. Is it time for the news from Mars and IFC Wimbledon then? Oh, it is time for the news from Mars and IFC Wimbledon.

You want me to go first with the Mars news? Because it's very big and it's very good and it's very, very big. And there's multiple parts. Yes, yes, yes. So occasionally NASA will have these press conferences where they say we've got some big Mars news. And when NASA says we've got some big Mars news and we're gonna do a press conference,

if you're a science communicator, you look at who's gonna be at the press conference and you can have a pretty good idea of what kind of news it's gonna be. And usually you're like, well, I look to the press conference, I look to his on it, and it's not gonna be about the fact that there's life on Mars. But this time, it kind of like,

maybe this would have been the panel of people, like partially that they would have talking about the fact that they found life on Mars. And so of course, all the science communication world is like, it's not life on Mars. Like I feel like I would have gotten somebody, like somebody would have leaked something to me. I would have heard about this.

There would have been like a lot more hub up. There would be a lot more buzz. But of course, everyone is like, but maybe. And so what, in fact, two different things. One, after curiosity is, you know, hanging out on Mars for a long time now, it's been able to get regular measurements of methane concentrations in the Martian atmosphere to the extent that it can now see a seasonal variation. So in the summertime, there's more methane in the Martian atmosphere

and in the winter time, there's less. Here on Earth, the atmosphere remains almost entirely consistent, except for water vapor throughout seasons. Weird, why? So they think that one, this definitely means that method, like it seems like methane is being released continuously, and thus it is being replenished by some system. So more methane is being created inside of Mars,

and then as the surface of Mars heats up, there's these methane-containing compounds that are like icy methane water compound things called clathrates, and the clathrates will sublimate. So go directly from a solid to a gaseous form, and the methane will get released, and then leave the atmosphere, the way that the Martian atmosphere leaves the planet, or re-silentify onto the surface in the winter

time, but it continues to be the same amount every year. So it's coming from somewhere and they think probably some geologic process, which would indicate a pretty active geology inside of Mars, which is not something that we've super anticipated. The other potential source of the methane could be microorganisms. That is not something they're talking about actively or seriously, but that is how methane gets produced on Earth, is almost entirely by microorganisms, though it is also produced by some geologic processes, I think. And then there's the other piece of the news,

which is also life related, that they in mudstone, which is sedimentary rock that gets left behind after from silt on the bottom of the lake, so they crushed up some mudstone, basically heated it up a bunch, and found a lot of different organic compounds, meaning compounds that contain carbon.

And all of life on Earth is carbon-based, which is why we call carbon atoms organic compounds. And what they can't tell is precisely what compound these compounds were originally, because curiosity cannot dig very deep into a rock. It can only go like a few millimeters or centimeters. And all of those compounds over the last three billion years since they were first trapped in that mudstone would have deteriorated because of being hit by solar radiation. So there's no way to tell what those compounds were originally,

but they are definitely like, you know Chains of carbon compounds Which can again be created by biological or non biological systems like comets have amino acids on them not because there's life there, but because you know lots of different Processes with water and sunlight can create amino acids. So with water and sunlight can create amino acids. So what does it mean? It means that like curiosity is making strides toward better understanding the chemistry and geology of Mars

and also that like it is very earth like and back three, three and a half billion years ago, it would have been like a place that looks pretty habitable, pretty, you know, friendly to life as we know it. So this is something I've been wondering a lot about lately, Hank, is there really a bright, bright line between alive and not alive when it comes to organic compounds? Because it seems to me that there are some fuzzinesses,

at least in life on Earth. Yeah, there are definitely fuzzinesses in terms of what life is, chemical life. Like viruses, people will say aren't alive, but they are capable of replicating themselves, they are capable of moving around, not really moving around, but sort of getting to the place where they want to be. And so, yes, there's a little bit of complexity there. Really, the idea is that the sort of thought in the sort of space between chemistry and biology world

is that if you have a self-replicating chemical system, it will move itself toward complexity in a way that like in sort of an inevitable fashion that will make it clear that whatever that is, it is life. And so the idea is that like a planetary like science level on a planetary biology level that you're going to like, if there's anything like life, there will be something that is obviously life. Now, whether we're able to, like, understand it as life, because all the tests that we currently use to determine whether there's a living system happening

are really based on the chemistry of our life, that's up in the air. And also, like, a huge question, because if the system that that life uses is Identical to the life on our planet then one that raises the question of whether that's that's just you know like Contamination from earth or whether like all like life on Mars and earth arose from the same source whether that was Mars life getting to earth and and all all of us being Martians was Mars life getting to Earth and all of us being Martians or Earth life getting to Mars and existing there for a little while, after hitchhiking on an asteroid

or a meteorite that was ejected from the surface of one of those planets, or some external third source that just like seeds the entire universe with life is the big question. Well, I mean, that is a big interesting weird question. Speaking of big interesting weird questions, when is AFC Wimbledon going to move into their new stadium? So the hope had been Hank that the new Plow Lane would be finished in time for the beginning of the 2019-2020 season. That's not next season, but the season after. And that also would mean that even if we were to get relegated next season, which were definitely favorites for at the moment, we would begin life

at the new Plow Lane at at the very worst in League 2. So still in the football league, still a full time professional team and all that stuff. Hank, I don't know if you've ever engaged in a house renovation project, but if you have your likely familiar with contractor timelines, and then the actual progress of days and nights

as they are observed with the sun rising and setting, and how different those the sense of days are between What your contractor thinks a day looks like and what the sun thinks a day looks like That appears to not only be a problem for residential home renovations in Indianapolis, but also a Problem for a fc Wimbledon. It looks like the demolition of the Greyhound Stadium where Plow Lane will be built is going slower than expected. And now it looks like at the earliest AFC Wimbledon will not be moving into the new Plow Lane until midway

through that 2019-2020 season, at least according to an article in the evening standard. So we'll see. But, you know, the race for life on Mars versus the race to get to the new Plow Lane, it's back on. Well, as long as we get humans there by 2028, in both places, I'm good. Okay, all right, Hank, what was your phrase of the week? I completely forgot about phrases of the week. I mean, you even wrote phrase of the week

in the document. Did I? Yeah, somebody else did that. I didn't do that. Who was my phrase of the week? What was my phrase of the week? I do not know, John. I didn't do that. Who's my phrase the week? What was my phrase the week? I do not know, John. I'm bad at the game. I apologize to everyone. Well, I don't even think we would still be playing the game if it weren't for all of these lovely project for awesome donors who donated phrases of the week.

This week's was donated by Otto and my phrase of the week was a gang of turkeys. God dang it! that was the thing I was trying to think of I was like what was between The scissor and the other thing. Oh God a gang of turkeys is beautiful John Thank you auto and for that wonderful gang of turkeys because it allowed us to have a really enjoyable moment together So thanks auto hey, how do we learn today? Well, I also got to say that Kelly Naylor suggested my phrase to the week Which was jello salad which I feel like I could have perfectly, easily gotten into the podcast somewhere. Totally, totally, totally. Hey Lauren, this is a Jell-O-Salad calling

from Florida State University. That's great. That's great. Hold on, sorry if you heard that. I just got a bit of a jiggle. Yeah, no one back. Hi, how are you today? All right John, what did we learn today? Well, we learned that there are places in space where the sky ain't got no stars.

We learned that you got invited into that World Cup pool because everyone expects you to lose. We learned that no matter what the situation is, if it all possible, wait to panic. And finally we learned that John feeds his children the less desirable pieces of bread. Oh man, good thing that I'll listen to the pod. Thank you for podding with me. Thanks to everybody for listening. Again, you can go over to our Patreon at patreon.com slash deerhankinjohn and see all kinds of special updates.

You don't have to pay to get them, although if you want to pay your more than welcome to, we're about to go record our Patreon only podcast this week in Ryan's, which is just the 10 worst podcasting minutes of your week. But we appreciate everybody who donates there and listens to it. And also everybody who sends in questions. Thank you for all your wonderful questions. If you have questions for us, please email us. It's Hank and John at gmail.com. This podcast is edited by Nicholas Jenkins. It's produced by Rosiana Halsey-Rohassen, Sheridan Gibson. Our head of community and communications is Victoria von Jorno.

The music that you're hearing now at the beginning of the podcast is by the great Gunnarola and as they say in our hometown. Don't forget to be awesome.