Dear Hank & John - 154: You're Doing Great (w/ Tessa Violet!)

Episode Date: September 10, 2018

What do I do when I'm asked to lie to children? Should I tell my boss I'm obsessed with her famous son? Why is Dodie so much better at stuff than I am? And more! Check out Tessa on YouTube and wherever you get your music! Email us: [e-mail] patreon.com/dearhankandjohn

Hello and welcome to Dear Hank and John. Well, I can't contest, am I right ladies? I was giving one thing that I needed to do on this podcast, and it was to say that line correctly. What did I say about scripted content? I am not good at it. It's a comedy podcast. About death.

Where two brothers or sometimes one brother and one friend answer your questions give you to be a Advice and bring you all the week's news from both Mars and aFC Wimbledon. That's a sports thing In case they're new to the podcast How you doing Tessa? I'm doing so good really enjoying Missoula Montana. Yeah, it is so Beautiful here. It's out of control. I completely understand why people want to live here in the month of July Right This is it was just one of the better of the months. Yeah I it's it's not on fire yet

And it's also not made of ice. Yeah, which is some of us Some are made are two main seasons are fire and ice ice here. Fire and ice. Yeah. Next single. Well, I think that's the, what the George R. Martin books in total are called, A Song of Fire and Ice, which is maybe it's just about, maybe it's about Mizzoua. Oh, do you not know about? No, I do.

It's the Game of Thrones book. Oh! Have heard of that. Yeah, I like the show. I'm the show. I'm cultured. And so you have been working for like a year on an album, maybe more than a year now. Yeah.

Bad ideas. Bad ideas. I know where they lead, but I have too many to sleep. Mm-hmm. That's the chorus of that song. That's the lyric. Yeah. Yeah, I've been working on this album, bad ideas.

What's the easiest chart to chart on? Because I charted on the Billboard comedy charts. Nice. I feel like that's probably one of the easier ones. I'm going to say yes. I don't know, but I know that I don't qualify for any of them because I'm like Indie Pop, and that's a fairly popular genre. Oh, so you're just not gonna get anywhere near

the top of that thing? I mean, maybe. What's on the top of? It sticks to the vote of confidence. What's on the top of Indie Pop right now? I don't even go all wrong for. Let me try and see if I can think of an Indie Pop song. I don't even know if that's a genre.

Okay, so apparently Indie Pop is called Alternative. Oh, because it's 1992. So say Amen by Panic if the Disco is number two. I'm looking at an ad for Ties. That was a lot of advertisements. I don't, I haven't heard of any of these songs. Imagine Dragons, Best Deal, Sir Sly. So these are enormous.

Yes. Which maybe I'm gonna be by the time this comes to say. Does Beck have an album out? Yeah, you didn't know that. I didn't know that. I met Beck's mom one time. How was that? She was lovely.

I think that's relevant to our questions. We do have a question about meeting famous people's moms weirdly enough. It was backstage at a show that John and I did and a friend of ours brought Beck's mom along. And she's like sort of famous in her own right. She was like a famous like person in sort of the air, the Andy Warhol era. So it was cool to hang out with Beck's mom and Neil Gaiman was also backstage of that show. Was Amanda Paul me there?

No. It's the test that's like I don't care anymore. No, I mean, you know. But I was so star struck by Neil Gaiman that I basically wasn't capable of doing anything. That's funny. That was me like the first several times I met you. Really? Yeah, absolutely.

That's funny. But you didn't sense that. No. I'm usually... Yes, I didn't sense that. No, I'm usually Yes, I'm I'm bad at that Interesting Because you talk about it a bit in your book and I wouldn't get that sense from you What do you mean? Well, you talk a bit about how there's a line where Someone approaches her on the streets of New York about the idea of fame. Well, it's strange suddenly

You don't know if someone's talking to you because they recognize your work or because they just think you look familiar. Oh yeah yeah. And how someone on the streets of New York started by telling a personal story of her life and you were like, as the character, the protagonist, April May is like, for the record, not a great way to start it because it was confusing to me. Are we, do we know each other? Well, this is, that was different though because I knew who you were. Like, we were colleagues. Yeah. And yeah, so when, when I meet people who I'm big fans of, but who already know who I am, I feel like I'm having a starstruck moment, but usually they don't

notice. Yeah. Because we have things to talk about. I guess. Usually it's like, what are you doing at VidCon? Oh. Tessa, do you want to answer some questions from our listeners? I would love to. Not that I don't want to talk more. I just...

Well, we'll find some chances to talk more. Great. Cool. This question comes from Tasha. It's the first question. It says, dear Hank and Tessa, the heat index in Kentucky was recently 105 degrees. Unlike in cold weather, where I can bundle up, I can only take off so many layers of clothes without going to jail. What are some of the ways that you beat the horrible heat and humidity? Oh my god, I'm burning Tasha.

Hmm. I just accept that I'm going to be miserable, and when I stop trying to find it, I feel a lot more okay. You know, this is true for me with food. I sometimes I can't eat for a little while because of my intestinal issues, and I find it much easier to be hungry when I know that I can't have food than when I'm just like sort of being prevented by time and space from acquiring food. So that is a good tip. I don't think that it's going to work 100% of the time.

I think that once you climb up into the 130s, you might be like, well, I'm going to die now. But yes, it is good to sort of like find moments of acceptance. But I also will give it this tip if you can submerge your feet in water. My mom does that. It helps so much. It's shocking. I've actually never done it.

I do it all the time. When it's super hot in Mizzoula, I just like spray my feet off of the hose. Cool. Byron doesn't have AC, so I'll probably use that tip this week. Oh yeah, you're sleeping in no way, Sea Land, and he lives upstairs. Yes. It was fun today so far.

I made a whole video about what to do when it's too hot, because I also used to live in no air conditioning land. Yeah. It has in Montana, it gets 100 degrees, like three times a year, but nobody has air conditioning. But I do now, thank goodness. But I have a whole song, it's called It's Too Hot, and it has a number of tips in it

about spraying yourself with water and putting ice cubes in your pants and making out with box fans. I was in a viral video on Retten Links channel, beat the heat. Oh yeah. So some tips in that? Yeah, check out beat the heat or it's too hot.

We've got viral videos all for you. 2011. 13? I don't know what you're that was. What were the tips and beat the heat? It was a goofy thing, so I don't want to spoil it. Spoilers. Sorry.

Oh, man. I will say too, I am very rarely too hot. So cold makes me miserable. I am too hot all the time. And I'm very rarely too cold. I love being chilly. And I call it chilly down to like 22 degrees. Ugh.

Yeah. No, I hate being cold. It gets cold when it gets into the teens for me. Tessie, hit me with another question. Uh, Shelley writes to us, hello Shelley, or she Lee, possibly, dear Tessie and Hank. I've been a breeze-dove for two years, and thus have heard many a strange request from customers. However, the other day a woman asked if our iced coffee is organic, to which I replied, yes, seeing as all our coffees in the store is organic.

She then asked if there's ice in it, to which I replied with yes, because iced coffee is after all iced. She then proceeded to inform me that by adding iced to the iced coffee would make it not organic. I'm still so confused by this, is ice not organic, probably not smelly, shelly. Wow! Now we know that it's pronounced shelly. That was great. It all worked out. Or probably not smelly, shelly. Wow. Now we know that it's pronounced chile. That was great.

It all worked out. Or probably not smelly. Shelly. Um, um, what's happening here? First of all, we got to recognize that in chemistry, ice is not an organic compound. Whoa. Water isn't organic, it's not an organic compound because it doesn't have, it's not a organic compound. Well, water isn't organic, it's not an organic compound because it doesn't have, it's not a carbon compound.

But that's not what we're talking about when we're talking about organic coffee. We're talking about the part that was grown, was it grown certified organic, which means like no pesticides or besides or inorganic fertilizers, I think. And a number like, you know, it's a certification thing. I don't know how it works, exactly. Was she making a prank video? Was she making a prank video? That sounds like she's making a prank video.

Did she look like, I couldn't think of a YouTube prank. Was she Jay Park? Was she Jay Park? Does he do pranks? I don't even know. I feel like he must. Yeah. For the other thing you gotta say is that like if the ice makes it not organic then definitely the water does. In the coffee. Because it comes from the same place. Can I just say this person is absurd and this is absurd. Shelly slasheely you're you're not crazy. No, unless it's prank video.

In which case, you should search YouTube video for organic ice prank. And see, because that's a real winner. I think that it's getting tens of views. Yeah, I click that one. Sarah asks, dear Hank and Tessa, my can opener is in the dishwasher. And I need to open a can. How do I open it? My is in the dishwasher, and I need to open a can. How do I open it? My spaghetti noodles are getting cold,

and I need tomatoes to make tomato sauce. The storms are brewing in my eyes. Sarah, I don't know what that's a reference to. I think it means she's crying. Oh, it's a Jefferson Starship song about Sarah. What? Yeah. Wow.

What? Man, that was a deep cut. I like that, Sarah. What? Yeah. Wow. What? Man, that was a deep cut. I liked that, Sarah. Sarah, you can open your dishwasher and take the can opener out. That's sort of what you got to do because your other options are all like just hit it with a rock or go get a new can opener. Yeah. Or do you have a katana?

Yes. Um. Oh, actually, they don't call it a cantona for nothing. Right. That's the brand of katana canopunners. Yes. Actually, this is a pretty good idea. Yeah. It's not terrible. Yeah. Could we create a better can opener? That's very fast because it's a katana. Yes. The cantona. Yes, the cantona. It's a little messy.

That's all I've got. There are can openers, various kinds of can openers, but I think that you only have one and it's in your dishwasher and you know where it is. It seems like a fairly easy. What happens when you open the dish with the dishwasher during the dishwasher cycle? The water immediately stops going so just like open it just a teeny bit and just Steps open it all the way and there's not like the knives are not gonna fly out and hurt you You're gonna be just fine Sarah. Okay, but put those storms away get those leeches out

That's a reference to a vlogbrothers video. There you go. Alright, I got one. Okay. Rachel. Or Rachel. As. Deer Tessa and Hank.

I seem to be trapped in a moral dilemma. I work as a sales associate in a mall toy store. And at least once a shift, I'm asked to hide with child. Oh, well, yeah, that's a, yeah, that seems like it would obviously happen. Cool. Parents will often bring toys to the register, only to hand them to me, saying something along the lines of, this isn't for sale, right? Oh no.

These types of comments generally come with longing looks from both parents and child. This isn't for sale? This isn't for sale. It's a toy store. Not only are you lying to the child, you are confusing them about what stores are. Yeah. It's like, it's not like the shelves.

Yeah, this, uh, this isn't for sale, right? This isn't awkward spot to be in. Everything in the store is obviously for sale. It's a store for goodness sakes. She agrees with you. But I'm clearly being asked a lightweight child in order to save the parents from buying yet another toy. What should I do about this?

Do I play along with the parent and send the child away disappointed but the parent tried to fit? Or do I play dumb in hope that they buy the toy in the end? I do have sales goals after all. Oh, you have sales quotas? Mm-hmm. Feeling immoral peril for lying to children, Rachel.

Well, if you have sales goals, you got to sell. Yeah. I was going until I heard that there were sales goals, which I didn't know was a thing. Yeah. Tum, have you ever been in a situation where there was a sales goal? Um... We didn't have those at Walmart. I worked at a clothing retail store and we didn't... It was definitely good news for us and the employees if we could make more last month every month. Right. But we weren't like, we didn't get a bonus and we weren't punished if we didn't. Right.

Okay. Okay. Well, assuming that it's not like you're going to be in a problem spot or you're not getting like weird toy commissions, which I think is seems immoral. I feel, could you, is there a way to tell this story in a way that's fun for everyone? Or to say like the child leaves the store thinking, I'm gonna get that toy later.

And if they really do want it, then they'll come back and get it. This is a trick that I use, where I like to leave a store or a shopping experience between wanting a thing and buying a thing. Me too, I do that too and everyone's like, why don't you just get it if you want it? Like, because I want to know if I still want it a day from now, or if I just want the thrill of something new. Yeah. So do that to the child and be like, oh no, this is a pre-release item.

It's only on the shelves. It's an advanced players copy. It's an advanced toy. Clever, clever. And then say, but like, it will eventually be on sale. But right now you're getting a sneak preview. You are the first person child to ever play with this toy. And we're doing research, but in another month, it will be out to the public. Or a funny one might be like, oh man,

ah kid, I wish you could have this, but I actually already got it. It's mine. I bought it. Yeah. I own about a third of this stuff in the store, but it's just mine, I've bought it already. Yeah.

I get paid a lot as a toy salesperson, yeah. Mostly in toys. Yeah. I don't know. I mean, if I were you in your position realistically, I'd probably just go with it. Yeah. Because it's just... The parent is in charge. Yeah.

Thanks Rachel. That's a bit of a surprise, but now that you've said it, it makes perfect sense to me. And I'm sure that in the course of the next eight years or so, I will probably use this trick on my own son. Yeah. So, thanks for that as well. Yes. I will be... But why are they in the toy store?

If they're not there to get it, I guess, to get a cheaper toy. Yeah, I don't know. That is... Don't take a child in a toy store if you're not going to buy a toy. That's tough. Mm-hmm. I went in a lot of toy stores as a kid without getting a toy. Yeah.

Yeah. But I understood we were poor. So I was like, cool, some time to play with stuff. Right, we're gonna go play with, with all the very good toys. Yeah. I just live here now. Yeah.

This next question comes from Mikaila, who asks, dear Hank and Tessa, I recently started a new job, which I'm very excited about. After my interview, I discovered that one of the people who interviewed me is the mother of a member of a very popular and well-known band, which I will not name.

My husband and I have been huge fans of this band for several years. I'm now working closely with this lovely woman who has family photos of her famous child all over her desk space, but who has never mentioned the relationship. I mean, it'd be a little weird to be like, so,

uh, this like, have I mentioned all of my children to you? I don't know. Yeah, does she mean never mention the relationship isn't like, hey, I have a son or... And he plays the- the trombone and imagine dragons. Yeah. Keep going. Keep going. Okay. When she talks about her kids, the famous child is is quote the one who plays drums. Sorry. He doesn't play trombone and imagine dragons. How do I bring up the fact that I

know exactly who her kid is and am a huge fan? I don't want to make it weird and I want to make a good impression on my new co-workers. Should I buy a coffee mug with the band's logo and drink from it in front of her every day until she notices Starstruck in Ohio, Michaela? No, that'd be weird. Don't do that. That sounds like the kind of thing that John and I would suggest as a joke. Yes. I do not do that, definitely.

Just get, just get, like, I love the trombone and imagine dragon's tattooed on your bicep. Get his face tattooed on your face. That's a good good. Face tattoo of her son's face on your face. It's subtle. K. Good.

Andy, just your point across. I'll just, like, walking up to her with the mug and... Yeah. I'm having some tea. Would you like some tea? Enjoy. I think. I have some very real opinion on this.

Oh. Is that okay? Oh, God. Okay. So I'll just all I can say is I can speak from my own experience. Oh, you have this experience. I had a coworker who had a son that was in a boy band, but they were not successful

Yeah, they had a poster of like what it what happened was I walked into his office and he had several posters of like a bunch of young Attractive men in various states of hotness and I was like of young attractive men in various states of hotness. And I was like, okay, this 55 year old man, really likes this. It feels like we're at office day, or young men. But then it turned out that it was his son. And that was nice that it was explained to me.

Yes, I like that. Yeah. Well, I guess I mean, I've been in the context of, sometimes I get a sense that someone is a fan of me but doesn't want to say it because they don't want to make it weird. But I guess it's not weird to me that someone would be a fan. I think that's nice. And sometimes that weirdness becomes the weird part of it because I sense that something's

up but there's no explanation for it. And you don't want to be like, are you a fan? Because then that sounds really weird. Yes. Like, I've done that before where somebody, where I incorrectly assumed that someone was a fan. They're like, what? And then, and that's, and I'm like, oh, have you, do you, does it, like, I show or

a vlog, but there's, or what? And they're like, I have no idea what you're talking about. Yeah, that doesn't feel good. No. So, I know that I like to, if someone is a fan, to there's a what? And they're like, I have no idea what you're talking about. Yeah, that doesn't feel good. No. So I know that I like to, if someone is a fan to just kind of get out there real quick, and it can just be a fact about them, not their whole identity.

And also when I interact with people who I'm a fan of, same thing, I just like to say it right away because I know that I have an energy of, I'm nervous otherwise. So I mean, with her, I would say if it comes up naturally, like she mentions that her, you know, son is playing, you could, like, throw out naturally, like, that's cool, I actually love that band.

Oh, yeah, I imagine dragons, I love them. I, my husband and I have been listening to them for years. Yeah. But not like, take me to your house and feed me barbecue with your famous son. Exactly, just very casual, just like, because it doesn't have to be weird. Well, and it also, like if this band is as popular

and well known as you indicate, which our guess is that it is, because we think we figured it out just privately between us, that this woman knows that there are lots of people who are fans of her son's band. And I can speak from my mom's perspective. My mom thinks it's really sweet. When people are like,

are you tested by my mom? I love her. Mom's like, oh me too. You know, probably in a little different way than you. But. And that gives her some, I guess, like it's true that maybe if she knows that you are a fan, maybe there's some things that she wouldn't say

about you, about her son to you, and maybe that's for the best. Yes, that's a great point. Yeah. That it's a little bit dishonest to not say in some way. But it doesn't have to be a big thing. Treat it as a very casual thing because it's totally normal to be fans of music. That's... Yes. Which reminds me that one of us sponsors for today's episode we should just do our sponsors now is the trombone player from Imagine Dragons the trombone player from Imagine Dragons very under celebrated but also very he's got a really great mom lots of pictures of him on on her desk somewhere sometimes they do the songs under the advertisements.

Imagine dragon stuff? No, just like podcasts, so I was playing the show for you. Oh, okay. Can I do one? Yeah. This podcast is, we do some beatboxing for me. Okay. Quite beatboxing, thank you.

This podcast is also brought to you by Lying Children, Lying Two Children. Children are liars, you should lie to them too. And also this podcast is brought to you by lying children, lying to children. Children are liars, you should lie to them too. And also this podcast is brought to you by the Cantana. The Cantana, it's a Cantana for cans. You can open those cans like lickety split and get a little bit of tomatoes all over your kitchen. This podcast is brought to you by Organic Ice.

For when normal ice isn't bougie enough. Organic ice. For one normal ice, isn't bougie enough. Wow, we did that good. I mean, the the bee boxing is my favorite addition that we've ever made to the podcast and there's no way. John's gonna let me do it. Okay, well, for the record, I disagree with John. That was awesome. And you're actually good at that. You should do that every time. I'm just gonna take that clip of you reviewing my beatbox and play it over and over again to Catherine, who is not a big fan of me beatboxing. You can also hear Catherine arriving

in the garage right now if you listen closely. Oh, hi! Anonymous, right? Ooh. Deertessa and Hank. I'm currently on a university summer language program in Spain. Bye! Anonymous, right? Ooh. Deertessa and Hank. I'm currently on a university summer language program in Spain. I'm trying to learn Spanish and part of my program requires me to stay in the home

stay with Spanish family. I just arrived today and my host mom is a lovely Spanish grandma, but I have a huge problem. Firstly, I'm really awkward with old people. I don't know what to say to them. I mean, look, this is legitimate because you don't have a lot in common. Yes. Like, what do you, you're not gonna talk about the Trumbonus Trumbonage and Dragons? Absolutely not, or the Cantana.

Maybe that would, she should get her a cantana as a welcome gift. Yeah, I mean, if I'm being, like, I feel a little dumb about this, but we're also gonna just like, let's summarize the rest, which is also that like, anonymous is not particularly good at Spanish. Yeah. And so you gotta deal with that barrier as well. So double weird, and now you live in this person's house,

and you don't wanna go outside because you don't wanna feel weird. Oh no, she says, how do I avoid potential awkward situations where we sit in silence over meals because we just can't communicate? Yeah, I think that's that's part of the whole problem of the language barrier, but also part of why you're there Why you're doing a homestay so that you can find the little things to talk about and and In those moments when you maybe are hold up in your room be like like, okay, what am I going to say to my excellent Spanish grandma?

Am I going to say, like, these meatballs are very good. How do I say that? How do I say, how was your day? And then, how do I say, say that in a different way because I didn't understand any of that? And then how do you, what else, what else are you going to say? Like, like, give, try and like rehearse like a report from home. Be like, I talked to my mom. We discussed what's going on in America right now

with the whole, like, ending of democracy and stuff. Oh, yeah. Oh, sorry. I was trying to figure out what you would talk about with your American mom. I know. No, that was good. Oh, yeah.

And it sounds like, well, one, it's hard to learn a foreign language, you know, that's an uncomfortable thing to learn because it's hard not to be good at things. Yeah. You've probably, it sounds like you haven't had a lot of relationships with older people. So, of course, that's a new skill you're learning too. And maybe just have a little grace for yourself

that it's like, it's uncomfortable and that's okay. Right, like, it's funny to think of that as a skill, but it totally is. Knowing how to communicate with people who are generally, generationally different from you. And then the other thing I will say is, the moment you start learning a new skill,

you instantly become the, at that moment, you are the worst person in the world at that. Like you go from being the person, like most people who has never juggled to being the worst juggler. Yes. So you go from being absolutely average, just another person who doesn't juggle

to the worst juggler on earth. Yes. And that transition is unpleasant. Now that what I will say is you very quickly go from being the worst juggler on earth to quite a quite a ways up the ranks. Yeah, just by sticking with it. Yeah, in the matter of an hour. Yeah. And and that is also true of Spanish. Yeah. Yeah, you're doing great.

Don't be so hard on yourself. Just treat it as an opportunity for you to learn something new on both fronts. Yeah, and also but also like make that awkward step and do it and have awkward grandma hangouts. That's a good advice. I want a high five for that. Boom, nailed it. This next question comes from Beckett who asks, dear Hank and Tessa, I found a dody video where she gets a cello fixed and then decides she wants to learn to play it.

After just one day of having the cello, she was able to put together a video where she covers summer loving from Greece. I understand that she has a musical background, but as a person who has been singing and playing instruments for about 12 years, I can't imagine learning an instrument that fast. It's starting to make me feel very inferior. It's like we're answering the same question again a little bit. As a person who likes to learn new things and does music, why is it so easy for some people to learn things?

Why can't I learn things that quickly? Also, I agree with John. Mustard is the best thing to put on a ham sandwich and mayonnaise doesn't belong on any food. Momentumari Becca. Well, I don't know why I read that last sentence. Manace doesn't belong on any food. You like mayonnaise? I love mayonnaise. In fact, right now, I like reading that, I was like, man, I want a mayonnaise sandwich right now. A mayonnaise sandwich that is just bread and mayonnaise? First of all, that's not what I meant, but it's not like I've never done that. which right now. A mayonnaise sandwich that is just bread and mayonnaise.

First of all, that's not what I meant, but it's not like I've never done that. Oh, wow. That is deeply distributed to me. Like a good white bread with just mayonnaise on it. It absolutely, like a good thing to eat. I'm not saying good for you, but I think that I enjoy eating.

It makes me feel nauseated thinking about that. Interesting, gross. A lot of nauseated thinking about that. Interesting. Of course. A lot of people say that about mayonnaise. I don't get it. I think it's such a good... It's like... It's like not liking butter to me.

Oh, no butter rocks. I know. That's how I feel. And you say you know like mayonnaise. I'm like, how could you not like butter? That's crazy. Um, I do like just a wee bit of mayonnaise in my tuna salad. Well, there's... It's literally what tuna salad is. It's mostly mayonnaise.

I don't know. If it's mostly mayonnaise, it's bad tuna salad. I think I should just be the smallest amount. I know a person. Is it me? It's not. It's a Catherine. I know many different people.

Okay. Interesting. Who works for a company that sells mayonnaise in bulk to supermarket kitchens Like the area where they make the tuna salad and all the various things. Mm-hmm. They're like what do they call it with the marshmallows in it? Marshmallow It's got a it's got a stupid name Marsh it's more? Mallow salad. Wow, that's how you spell.

Ew, gross. There's such things, marshmallow salad. Yeah. Oh, that was terrible. I can't remember the call it. Is it mayonnaise and marshmallows? Yes. Everything about this is heinous.

What's the freaking call? I'm brochure. It's called Ambrosia because somebody was feeling it at the branding department that day, but I have a friend who sells the mayonnaise to them and they provide the recipes for, this is very strange to me,

that the people who sell the mayonnaise provide the recipes for how to make the chicken salad. It seems like you shouldn't let them do that because they obviously have a vested interest in having mayonnaise. And having a lot of mayonnaise in that chicken salad. Interesting. And that I think is why all grocery store salads

are like 90% mayonnaise. They're so, yeah, they're bad. That, wow, what? Hmm. Are the grocery stores required to use the recipes? No, I don't think so. Oh, it's just a suggestion. All right, okay.

I understand. In that case, good on them, good brain. But maybe that would be good if we're like, we'll give you the mayonnaise cheaper if you use our exact recipes. And we have copies of your surveillance footage and we're watching you. Cool.

Speaking of surveillance footage, I love your book. K. K. K. Cool. Speaking of surveillance footage, I love your book. What were we talking about? Who Dody? Let's just pass this question, whatever. I'm just kidding. Okay. You know Dody better than I do. You've been on tour with her. I do. I know Dody very well. I haven't seen the specific video. Do we know for sure that she learned the cello in one day that doesn't surprise me? Here's what I would say though. We know that Doty can play this song on cello. That doesn't mean that she can play cello. The other thing is that like I know people are super impressed with how quickly I learned a guitar.

They're like wow you're amazing. You learned guitar so fast, you're gifted. And I'm like, well, maybe, but I also spent like six hours a day playing guitar. And you can learn anything pretty quick if you spend that much time on it. That is a thing that is, I think, underappreciated about people who are good at stuff. Is that level of like, you know, time investment. And I, like, when I was learning the play guitar,

it was the same way where I would play. And I would like do chords, which is back and forth and back and forth and back and forth and back and forth, because there's no other way to get good at switching between chords, because your fingers don't know how to do that yet. So you have to teach them how to do it. And, and now, like, I haven't gotten any better at playing the guitar in the last six years, because I very rarely spend any more than an hour at a time playing guitar. Yeah, absolutely. And I know that Doty plays instruments a lot. Like, she spends a lot of time doing that.

Right. So, like, yeah, you can sit down and do it for six hours. And it's like the kind of thing that only a YouTuber can do that. So, it's like, I of thing that only a YouTuber, like kind of only a YouTuber can do that. So it's like, I'm making a face right now. You are. But what I mean is like, there is a, certainly not only a YouTuber can do,

but there is an advantage to doing that when you are being compensated for your content creation, you know? Yes. You've got people who are watching and you need to figure out a good video to make. You know? Yes. You've got people who are watching and you need to figure out a good video to make. You need to, like, there's all these different incentives to really dedicate that time. But there's also a great incentive to dedicating time to mastery of anything, which is that it is

a pleasant experience. Yeah. Getting better at something is really fun and good. Yeah, rocks. And I want to learn how to play bass guitar. Well, hit those six hours a day, you'll do it. I'm kind of wondering if I can be competent enough at bass guitar in the next month and a half to play bass in September onto a... Does you want to play bass in your band? Because you just do vocals now?

I just do vocals now. And I play with a drummer, but on DoD's tour, it's just going to be me on stage with tracks. And I just thought it'd and I play with a drummer, but on Doty's tour, it's just gonna be me on stage with tracks Mm-hmm. And I just thought it'd be cool to play bass. I'm like, I wonder if I can learn that before then And I think honestly maybe I could. We'll see though. Oh, man. I want to manace right now A great way to learn things is to be super over ambitious because if you like Shoot for a really absurd thing, I mean, you're at least gonna get kind of good at it.

Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I also like, when it's music, I just like finding a song that I'd like to play, but I love, and then it's just fun. Abby, ask Deer, Tessa, and Hank. Sometimes when I'm hungry, I'll be really craving hot dogs. Then like 10 minutes later, I think, ooh, Chinese sounds really good.

And then eight minutes after that, I'm like dang, pieces of really yummy. What do I do? Once this happens I feel so conflicted and like nothing I choose will satisfy my knees. I just want all the foods. Please help, I'm starving, not too shabby, Abby. Not too shabby, I'll be. This doesn't sound that tough. Especially because you could get all of these foods and then just mix them together into a giant casserole dish and bake it. Which sounds really... Casseroles make me think of mayonnaise.

Do not like mayonnaise. This next question comes from Jenna who asks, dear Hank and Tessa, I really want to learn to dance. And I even have a place nearby that has a relatively cheap drop-in class. However, I have so much social anxiety every week I height myself up and get excited to go to classes. However, when the time actually comes, I think about how much better everyone else will be and I chicken out. It's like we are answering the same question again. I like it, but I have something new to say about this.

Okay, I know I will never get better if I don't go and I know other people aren't even paying attention to anyone but themselves, but I still do get nervous. Do you have any tricks for starting to learn new skills or doing things that make you anxious? Jenna. Yes, Jenna. Here's one of my tricks. I go into something thinking about how smug I'm going to feel once I get good at it. Really?

Yeah, and I just focus on that feeling of how like I'm gonna bask in the fact that I've learned something new, and then I know the only way to get there is to go through the pain of being bad at something, and I let that feel in me quite a bit. Oh, think about how cool you're gonna think I am. If a month and a half from now I'm playing bass guitar on stage of my show. It's true, Right? It's true. And you're going to be thinking, Hank thinks I'm so cool right now. I really am. So you're being fueled by my future admiration. I'm very admiration driven, not actually something I'm proud of, but it does make me learn more skills. Yeah. You know, we've all got to we've all got to fuel the tank somehow. Yeah, speaking of tank filling your book is so good. There's just so many things that are relevant to our lives.

I mean, I did write the book mostly for YouTubers. Yeah, it's great. It's so great. Oh, my turn? I think so. Amanda! Amanda asks, dear Hank and Tessa, I recently moved out of my family home and while I did so for college a few years ago, this time feels different. My mom was really upset and I know she's been through this before.

This time it's more, it seems like more of a choice than a necessity. Any advice on how I can cheer up? Please note that I already pre-ordered her a copy of an absolutely remarkable thing which comes out September 25th and is available for pre-order right now. And it's amazing people. I'm reading it right now. I'm three quarters through and I'm mad that it's not out because I have no one to talk about it with. There's a mom here who needs some,

some, I don't know, adjustment. It's, I mean, I completely, like, as a parent, you're gonna have this sensation when your kid leaves. Probably, I'm not saying blanket statements, but you also have to be happy for them. And your mom should not be putting this pressure on you for you to feel like she is part of the reason that... She's sad, like you're the cause of her sadness. Right.

Yes. And also like to have that sort of like holding you to, you know, like living with your parents. Yeah. If you made a different choice, I wouldn't be sad. Right. Yeah. I've never been a parent. So I can't. Well, I've never been a parent, so I can't.

Well, I've never been a parent of a teenager, so I also don't know what this is like. I'm sure that, or a 20-something, I'm sure that this is difficult when the kid leaves. Absolutely, I know that it was, but my mom was sad, I think all my parents are sad when their kids leave. But, you know, like, this isn't really on you,

I guess is what I wanna say Amanda. I guess is what I want to say Amanda. But it is good to want to make your parents happy as long as that part of that is like bringing you joy. So puppies, cats, hamsters, fish, bearded dragon, not a bearded dragon. Can I throw out there like, and I know this is much easier said than understood emotionally,

but it's okay for her to be sad. And I think you can find us, it's very difficult, but if you can try and move into a space where you are okay with her sadness and it doesn't need to be your burden. Right, what? You can just be like, yeah, then sad. You know, without taking it on as something

that you're causing or you're doing something wrong. And if she's putting that on you, I'd say that sucks. Because she should, you know, kids do leave. That's part of life. Yeah, but that is a great point that like not all negative emotion exists to be fixed. Yes. And sometimes like, this is a sad time and it exists to be fixed. Yes. And sometimes like this is a sad time

and it's gonna be sad. The thing that made me concerned is when it was like, now my mom feels like I'm making a choice and that's making her more sad because it shouldn't be, I'm sad because you're making this choice. You are doing this thing to me. It should be I'm sad because you're leaving,

because like I like having you in the house because I love you. Yeah, I miss and read that actually. That's a really good point, Hank. So, but yeah, I think it's very important. In general in life, not even with just emotions. Some problems don't exist to be solved. They exist to be understood and appreciated.

And to, like, sort of say like I know that this problem exists. I know that this emotion exists and that's all we're going to do with that. We're going to continue to live in the world having recognized the existence of that. Yes, absolutely so. Alright, one final question. We're hitting on a serious ones today, Tess. I hope you don't mind. Well, I love serious questions. I like to talk about stuff that's like, I feel, well, I mean, I've done a lot of emotional work in my life, and I've done a lot of therapy. So, I, and a lot of the things that I've learned, I wouldn't have learned if I didn't hear someone else talk about off first. In fact, one of my journey to becoming the better person was listening to a talk show where someone related

a relevant problem to me. And the host was like, you should read women who love too much. And like, after I read that book, I got in a therapy. All that to say, I do feel very kind of good about talking about these things. So this has been great for me. Well, this final question comes from Molly,

who asks, dear Hank and Tessa, I'm 23 and my ex-boyfriend of two years and I broke up more than three months ago. And I'm really struggling with this whole friends thing. He broke up with me and initiated a conversation about a month later, which was fine. I had a conversation about boundaries with him in terms of how much I talked to friends

and what it's okay to say because he was talking to me every day and was saying just odd things. So now we talk like once a week, not scheduled or anything, and I have never wanted our relationship back in the slightest because it was miserable, but every time we talk I get really preoccupied with just thinking about us. Not in a longing way, it's just really distracting and annoying. I want to be the girl that can be friends with her ex. But why can't I be chill like him? Do you think it's even possible to stay long-term friends with someone you had a serious relationship with? Can't think of a sign-off, Molly.

That was such a sad sign-off. T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T- Feeling jolly, Molly. No, yeah. You're good to think of that one. Oh, man, Molly. Sorry, I'm leaning away from the microphone because that's helpful. Molly, this is like a very legitimate thing and when I read this, I really hear you struggling with feeling like if you are honest about being sad or uncomfortable with this, that that somehow makes you less chill or less cool or less mature maybe. Maybe you're feeling like if I'm wrapped up in this, then he's the more mature one. And I don't think that's fair at all. A mature thing is to be honest with yourself about how you're feeling and it sounds like if you're being honest,

you don't feel good in this interaction and that's okay. Yeah, and it, I mean, it sounds like you didn't have a great productive relationship with this person in the first place. Like you say, I don't want a relationship back because it was miserable. So, and I think that like, it sounds like this communication is bringing you back to that place.

It's not like taking you forward out of it. And you know, whenever anyone uses the word miserable, I feel like you should be moving away from that place. Yeah. And it doesn't seem that there's that much tying you together except the like the shared experience and that's not nothing like you know They're they're that shared experience does matter and it is it is a a piece of your life that like shouldn't be considered thrown away or discarded in any way, like it's part Like it's always going to be part of you. But I know that it is possible because I've heard people say that they've done it to have

long-term friendships with people they had serious relationships with. I've never done it. I've never done it. Yeah, I've never done it. And I think that's the norm. And I do think that it does exist. I have a friend who has a friendship with some of that relationship with, but I think most people are, if I'm being frank, I think most people are trying to convince themselves they can be friends because they think that's the mature, more mature thing to do when it's complete. It doesn't mean you think that he's bad or anything. It's okay to just say, hey,

our relationship is complex and I want my life to not be complex. Yeah. Yeah, and also I'll commend you on having that initial conversation with him in the beginning, which I know is can be a difficult thing to do to say like we need to talk about boundaries. Yeah.

So, I can tell that you can do this. Yeah, you're doing great, Molly. You're doing great, Molly. Tessa, we're not gonna have any news from Mars and AFC Wimbledon today. No, we're not. They stopped existing. I just canceled. We recorded this episode well in advance because we needed one for the background and Tessa was in town.

So, um, so I really appreciate you hanging out and answering questions with me. It was a real good time. Yes, thank you for having me. I love answering questions. But you should listen to Tessa's music. Yeah, my songs are available everywhere or songs are found. Um, this podcast is edited by Nicholas Jenkins. It's produced by Rosiana Halseyera, Hassan Sheridan Gibson, our head of community and communications, he's Victoria Bonzorno.

The music that you're hearing right now and the beginning of the podcast is by the great Gunnarola and as they say in our hometown, don't forget to be awesome. Don't forget to be awesome. Don't forget to be awesome. Don't forget to be awesome. you