Dear Hank & John - 157: It's My Soundtrack! (w/ Rosianna Halse Rojas!)

Episode Date: October 1, 2018

Should I treasure my books more? Can I learn to sleep standing up like a horse? Does everyone have an eighties disco playing in their head? And more! Email us: [e-mail] patreon.com/dearhankandjohn Find Rosianna: YouTube Make Out With Him Twitter

Hello and welcome to Dear Hank and John. Oh as I thought, think of it, Deeray's Yann and John. It's our comedy podcast about death where two brothers, only one of whom is present. Answer your questions, provide you with dubious advice and bring you all the week's news from both Mars and AFC Wimbledon. My brother Hank is... Where's Hank? He's in door right now, he's in his second week of door.

Wait no, aren't I also on tour? No, you get dropped. You get dropped at the door. Oh, right. That's right. I'm only on the first week of the absolutely remarkable thing tour, and now, I guess, the second week is happening. So hopefully Hank is having fun on the road with lots of people who aren't me.

Yeah, I hope so. Hey, did you bring a dad joke? I did bring a dad joke. I actually, it's my favorite joke of all time. All right. Which is a really great caliber of humor. OK, did you bring a dad joke? I did bring a dad joke. Actually, it's my favorite joke of all time. All right. It's a really great caliber of humor. Okay, bring it.

What did the cheese say when it looked in the mirror? I don't know. Hello, me. God, I don't know. I mean, it's a dad joke. Well, you've got some good news for us? I do, I have some great news. Reseanna, as you know, over the weekend, as we're recording this, not as it's being uploaded, you and I had the opportunity to see Taylor Swift in concert.

It was so fun. That was the best. It was just magical. It was an incredible performance. We got to meet Taylor Swift. She's so nice. She's just like the most friendly, warm person and I feel very gushy when I talk about her. I've been kind of obviously telling the story over and over again to my friends and staff as they ask me about the weekend. And every time I hear myself talk about her, I do sound like I'm a child, but it's that level of warmth. Yeah, she also said, hey, I heard your brother has a book coming out. So Hank, Taylor Swift knows about an absolutely remarkable thing. So anyway, we are at the Taylor Swift show, and someone in the audience reminded me that

the last time Taylor Swift came to town, I made a big deal about how the weather in Indiana became like magically perfect all at once. And again, the weather has been magically perfect, several days in a row, pure sunshine, no clouds. It's been beautiful, and I'm visiting from London where it's really cold right now. So coming out to here, I'm really grateful to Taylor Swift for bringing her beautiful weather. So the good news is that wherever Taylor Swift goes, sunshine follows. I think that's pretty solid. All right, you want to, you want to, you want to ask the first question? Let's answer some questions from my listeners.

The first one comes from Thomas, who says, dear Johnnank, I have friends who I would say excessively treasure their books. I personally like to see some damage on my books because it makes that book mine. When I look at a book I enjoyed and can see the time I walked into a corner of a desk with it, it feels personal. But my friends don't take their books out and keep them in protective covers. Is this a thing you do? I'm starting to feel like I don't treasure my things enough. Wallace and Thomas. Do you preserve your books and take the dust covers off and put them in special places? No, in fact, I just spilt a drink on part of the book I was reading. But don't you also only own

like 50 books at any one time, even though you're the best red person I know? I do only keep 70 books there at the moment. Yeah, I try and keep 50 in like 20, I'm currently reading, they kind of go in and out. But yeah, no, they're all trashed. They're all completely ripped and torn. And I live with someone who does preserve

all of her books very carefully and she looks at me with horror. Yeah, I think there's a lot of good ways to read books and I'm not opposed to people destroying their books, not least because it might necessitate the purchase of a second costume. But I do, I dog your pages and all underlying stuff. If it's a book that I know I wanna keep for a long time,

but I do preserve my better books. I have a first edition of Infinite Jess that I read right when it came out, and I did this, like I made this present for my college girlfriend that involved me cutting up a bunch of pieces of paper and like writing reasons I love to own the pieces. That doesn't matter.

The point is that I didn't have scissors, so I used like a box cutter to cut up the pieces of paper and I cut into this like mint first edition copy of Infinite Just, which today is worth like thousands of dollars and my copy is worth like 25 bucks. But it has that memory for you of that special moment. I'd rather have the money. I think that for me it kind of makes books into

objects. When you preserve them like that rather than things that live with you and go around with you in your life and you know I won't treasure that book any less for it having a band or a tarant, but it does make it less of a pristine object. And I guess for some people it's about making them last. You know, like if my, yeah, again, my flatmate Sarno, she's very mad at me when I break all the spines of my books because she's like, well, now that book's gonna be ruined and you can only read it so many times. But I just read it in two parts.

I can just have a piece of it. I can just look at other books. So when you like read a new favorite book and you only have 50 books in your permanent collection, do you like look? Do you have in mind what the 50th book on the list is that the book that could go if a new favorite supplants it? And did I write it?

Those are my two questions. I don't have a book in mind. I do find that when I'm in the middle of a book that I'm really loving, I think I want to keep this book, this will kind of, you know, this will go in the permanent collection or whatever. But then by the end of it, I just finished this book, The Idiot, by Elif Bateman, that I really loved. But by the end of it, I was like, I think I would more enjoy sharing this with someone than I would. And if I want to go back and reread it, I have a really great library nearby, so I can borrow it from the library.

Yeah, no. I think that my hoarding of books is a complete character flaw. It's not something I like about myself, but it's also not something I could stop doing. You could hold worse things. All right, Riziana, we have another book related question. It comes from Johanna, who writes, Dear John and Hank, what's so great about Jane Austen? I'm an avid classic literature reader, and I love Twain Hemingway, Iron Rand, just kidding.

Thank you, Johanna, Steinbeck, etc. But I just can't seem to get a hold of the so-called genius of Jane Austen. Her books seem like courtships of rich British people. Am I missing something big? Not having any visions, Johanna. Alright, so I think what makes Jane Austen novel special and extraordinary and the reason they've hung around so long is A, the quality of the characterization, which I think is unparalleled in English literature. And B, the fact that the books explore issues of class with such subtlety and such complexity

and really such empathy, and I just don't find that in a lot of other places, especially in 19th century literature. So that, for me, is what makes her work special. But I also think, you know, Pride and Prejudice, for instance, is the kind of book that can be read critically over and over and over again. Like every time I go back to that book, I find something new. I don't know what do you think? Well, I'm really biased because I'm a huge fan of Jane Austen.

I've like read her books over and over again. My favorite is probably sense and sensibility. But when I was younger, I used to say that it was Emma because Jacob Rowling said that her favorite book was Emma. So I was like, well, I will take that opinion. And it'll be mine. But for me, the biggest thing I love about them

is that social commentary, especially about what happens to women when their financial position is called into question. In the time that Jane Austen published, she didn't have the right, women couldn't legally sign their own contracts, which is why she published those books anonymously. And she was constantly kind of pointing out

all these different parts of the female experience, I think, while also doing some really cruel satire points of the people in those societies. And sometimes when there are lots of literature people getting around discussing them, there are arguments about whether she's upholding all these regency values and playing into them with these kind of rich courtships and so on, or criticizing them, and that tension, that not knowing,

I think is part of what I really enjoy still. Yeah, you said that way better than I could have. This next question comes from Laura who says, dear John and Hank, I just received an evite to an event described as elegantly casual. Can you decipher what that means? What exactly am I supposed to wear to an elegantly casual event?

Eleganly, or perhaps casually, Laura. Pretty in the sign of. That dress curts are the worst, they don't mean anything. That dress coats are the worst. They're the worst. They don't mean anything. That especially doesn't mean anything. Like what is elegantly casual? Does it just mean like expensive casual clothing?

Like is this a t-shirt but it costs $200. So it's elegantly casual? We going back to the Jane Austen thing and doing like ball gowns but with trainers or something. Right, I mean I understand what casually elegant is a little bit, but I don't understand what elegantly casual is. Like casually elegant is, I'm thinking like a little black dress, simple, but still fancy,

you know? Like so if you were a guy maybe wearing like your best jeans, a button down and a blazer, but definitely no tie. Like it takes you 30 minutes to get ready, not three hours. Right, exactly. But I have no flipping idea what elegantly casual is. Like are you just supposed to wear like, new sneakers? Do we have to have like wings on them or something?

Right. You should not go to this event, Laura. I mean, this is not gonna be a good party. Just don't go. My trick with dress codes though, is to start with the second word, because I feel like the second word is the central part of the dress code.

So like business casual or smart casual casual is a center thing, but then the word before it, which unhelpfully here is elegantly, that modifies that a little bit. So if it's like smart casual or a casual outfit, but with like a blazer on top of it or something. Again, no question we'll make it elegant, maybe a cape.

Maybe heels. Oh yeah, maybe. So maybe you just wear like, what you'd wear to the beach, but with your best shoes. I love it. I'm not. I think we've cracked it.

Yeah, Laura, you came to the right place, profession advice,. I love it. I'm not. I think we've cracked it. Yeah, Laura, you came to the right place for fashion advice and you got it. So the next question comes from literature, who says, help. I'm going to a dinner party in the coming week and the people there are friends with my friend and they are known to banter. Fill on roosting a person until they're cooked into their basic components. I'm not witty. It takes me a couple seconds to collect what they have said and come up with a reply. But by then they assume they have already won. Not to mention how I was born in the house that spoke two languages and my pronunciation isn't up to par. All my friends say I'm smart and I'll be fine, but among these people I'm a sheep and wolfscroving. In need of palm cards and a defibrillator,

literature. PS, we're all a bunch of 15-year-old teens. literature. PS, we're all a bunch of 15-year-old teens. That PS is helpful because prior to that I was imagining like a dinner party full of professional comedians who roast each other that you have to show up to. But no, these are just 15-year-olds, you'll be fine. You're gonna blow them away. I agree, I was imagining an elegantly casual dinner party, you know, packed with people and capes and hats and beachwear. But if it's a deal, it's okay. I'm very sympathetic to this situation though, because I don't feel like I'm like a roaster at all. I can't come up with that like quick wit. And the idea of

like going to a roaster is probably my idea of how. But I do think that there is something to when you're in those friendship groups, being the person who says the kind thing, being the person who isn't cutting, I do know. I absolutely agree. Like if you're not confident in your roasting abilities, then lean into your empathy and kindness. I have a group of friends in my neighborhood and whenever any of the guys turn 40, we have a party that involves roasts. And I mean, I probably have worked as hard on the roasts that I've written for those parties as on anything I've ever published. But the people who are most successful at those events are always the people who make the difficult choice to be sincere and who

are sweet and kind and when everyone else is being mean, they're like, you know what I like? I like the Euro-Boyle friend. Because that's the curveball that no one's still coming. Exactly. Right. It's actually pretty easy to write jokes that criticize people and that make fun of them. There's a joke construction that I like to use. You look like blank and blank had a baby. So for

instance my best friend Chris looks like Vince Vaughn and Vincent de Nafrio had a 57-year-old baby. Like 20 feet tall. A 20 foot tall, 57 year old baby. It doesn't work that well. Just stiffer sincerity. I think those dinner party situations can be so tense as well because you never really know what you're getting into. Yeah, but the thing you have to remember is that everyone else also feels a little tense and nobody is actually paying attention to you.

This is the central insight that my wife had when she was in middle school and that I unfortunately didn't have until I was like 28 years old. All the times that I worried that people were like, oh God, that guy is not as smart as the rest of us or not as quick-witted or whatever. What they were actually thinking was something about themselves.

You know, I mean, most of the time, most of us are thinking about ourselves, like what they were actually thinking was, man, my stomach hurts, or, I'm like, I wish I could get rid of this eyelid twitch that I'm sure everybody is noticing that actually nobody is noticing. So, you have to remember that everybody

is also feeling a certain measure of anxiety as they approach this extremely exciting dinner party, which by the way, just the fact that you're doing this, it means that your miles ahead of almost every 15-year-old in the world. I agree. Alright, Reseanne, we have another question from Kimmy, who writes to your John and Hank, I work at a grocery store that's open 24 hours a day, I generally work until 11 at night and I like my job, but working that late means that I go to bed late, and then I have to get up really early some days

to go to school, I'm in college, so it's not illegal to schedule me that late. After about 9.30, it gets really slow here, and I start to get tired, so I was wondering, is there any way that I could train myself to sleep standing up like a horse? Thanks in advance, give me. The best thing about sorting through dayhank and John questions at the moment is that Gmail

has updated itself. And in Gmail's horrendous update has added three suggested responses to every single one of your wonderful dayhank and John questions that you're sending it. So please do keep sending them in because Gmail is bringing me a lot of love. And for this, Gmail has suggested. Alright, actually can I read you the question and then you will read me Gmail's responses. Is there any way I could train myself to sleep standing up like a horse? Of course you can.

Is there any way I could train myself to sleep standing up like a horse? Yes, you can do that. Is there any way I can train myself to sleep standing up like a horse? Yes, you can do that. Is there any way I can train myself to sleep standing up like a horse? No, sorry. Kimmy, I regret to inform you that the answer is indeed no sorry. I think it's something about like paralyzing your limbs or something. That's why we can't sleep standing up. Yeah, I mean, some people can have moments of sleep when they're in extreme levels of fatigue

while they're standing up, but it's hard to have long-term sleep when you're standing up unless you're being held on all sides by some kind of force, like in an extremely small room that's the size of you, which doesn't sound like a pleasant sleeping experience anyway.

So you are probably gonna have to at least sit down. I used to, I have a little bit of expertise in this field actually because I've slept at a lot of jobs. I used to work at steak and shake on the graveyard shift and what I would do when the restaurant was empty is I would sit down at a table in the very back of the restaurant and I would sit down at like three o'clock in the morning and I would put my head on the table and do you know what bad things would happen as a result of me going to sleep? Kimmy? No, nothing. It was fine.

Nothing bad happened. When somebody came into the restaurant at 3.45 in the morning, they wouldn't come over and tap me on this shoulder and ask if I could take their order and I would be like, yeah, of course, no big whoop. I feel like they're probably kind of expecting it. Chuck Drive is all over America. Like I like quite used to waking up their servers and being like, yeah, of course, no big whoop. I feel like they're probably kind of expecting it. Truck drivers all over America, like I like quite used to waking up their servers and being like, hi.

Yeah, totally. I think that, look, obviously in a perfect world, you don't sleep on the job. But if you have to find a quiet place to sit, even during your 15 minute breaks, maybe find a quiet place to sit if you can, assuming you get 15 minute breaks, which you're legally supposed to, find a quiet place to sit. Even during your 15-minute breaks, maybe find a quiet place to sit if you can, assuming you get 15-minute breaks, which you're legally supposed to. Find a quiet place to sit, lean against a wall, and at least close your eyes, give yourself

a little bit of a break, because it is really hard to work standing up late at night, go to bed, and find a way to shut off your brain fast enough to get enough sleep, to wake up, to go to college. It's a lot. So get that rest where you can. I used to try and get songs stuck in my head on purpose when I was kind of between like the 9 p.m. and like 11.30 p.m. Shifter at top man, like the very end of that shift in retail. And I would just get a song stuck in my head and would like aggressively sing it to myself for those last few hours and that kind of worked, but then it made me hate those songs forever. Yeah, the only problem with that is that sometimes then you dream about the lyrics or at least I do, and it feels like you've got a song stuck in your head even while you're sleeping, which can be annoying.

But to get back to your question, Kimmy, I regret to inform you that it's going to be tough to sleep standing up like a horse. Speaking of music, we've got a question from a media on a similar note. Dear John and Hank, I listen to a lot of music, especially on my one and a half hour bus ride to school every morning. Every time I listen to another one bites the dust by queen, everybody I see walking out the window is walking in time. People step either on every beat, on every second beat, or halfway between each beat. Sometimes I find someone who isn't walking in time, but after a few seconds they change the match. I am very confused. Is there something to do with our heartbeat or does everybody have an 80s disco playing in their head? Another one bites the dust, while the other one rides the bus. Amelia.

That's a great sign off Amelia. It occurs to me, Resihanna, that as you and I are recording this, nobody in the world yet really knows about what a central role queen the band plays in Hank's novel, an absolutely remarkable thing. Oh, you don't know either. I don't know that either. I forgot that you haven't read the book. I'm really excited. Yeah, so I guess I can talk about this now.

It's not really a spoiler, because it's in the first 20 pages. But there is a very important part of the book that is contingent upon the Queen song, don't stop me now, which I'd never actually heard. I mean, I'd heard it, but it never meant anything to me until I started reading the book. And now I listen to the song all the time. Here's my theory because I've been listening to a lot of Queen. It's not that everyone walks either on the beat or halfway between the beat. It's that there's the exact right number of beats to give you that illusion. That's my theory. I will say when

I hear that song, another one bites the dust, it is one of the most percussive pop songs I've ever heard, and so I think part of it is maybe that you feel the beat of it, you feel the pulse of the song a little more than you usually do in pop songs. I don't know, it's an interesting observation though Emilia. Related, you know what, in a half hour bus ride to school? Sounds like a very long time. Every single day. Well, it gives you time to listen to podcasts, I guess.

I love it. By duke that feeling when I'm listening to music, I look outside and I think, oh, everyone's walking in time. But then I just remember that I'm in the Truman show. And it's not gonna be okay. And that the whole world revolves around me. Right, right, that is the other possibility

that I hadn't considered. That reminds me that Alice has recently gotten pretty into music, especially the artist pink. It's her Alice's favorite color and Alice's favorite musician. And one of the things that Alice says whenever a pink song plays, like any time a pink song comes on the radio or anytime I play one in the car, Alice immediately just shouts, it's my soundtrack. And it is a wonderful thing to have a soundtrack, to feel like when you're just walking through

your day, there is music that is accompanying you. I was thinking about that because it's a new experience, like pre-walk man, you couldn't have that experience, you couldn't feel like it's my soundtrack wherever you were walking around because you either didn't listen to music or you were forced to listen to music with other people. You had to wind up the gramophone and... Right, yeah. And let it spin. Or learn you into playing the piano or something? Yeah, I have someone follow you around with a massive piano. It's also another great option. That's true though. I remember one of the early stories I used to write. I used to add in the soundtrack

to the book as I was going and I looked back and found some of them and it was entirely Britney Spears. Like, really? Like 25 Britney Spears songs per story that was lifted from the Baby Sisters Club, yeah. Wait, you wrote Baby Sisters Club fanfiction? Essentially, but I was also just plagiarizing. That is something I did not know about you. Yeah, yeah. We both love the Baby Sisters Club then. Yeah, very much. The Baby Sisters Club and Sweet Valley High were like my earliest books that I read. I just told them for my sisters. They were also tremendously important in my development. I may have told you this before, but when I was in college I had a huge fight with my college girlfriend, and I was like crying and inconsolable, and I read

Claudia and the sad goodbye to make myself feel better. It's a heartbreaking story. It is. It's a beautiful story. And really, listen, I haven't read the Baby Serious Club books in a long time. I think Claudia and the sad goodbye might have been the last one I read, but I read like 70 of them at least 10 times a piece, and they so deeply shaped my understanding of what stories can do and of what narratives exist for. My favorite was the island adventure. It was one of those like special ones and they all get stuck on an island and they have to fend for themselves for like a weekend or something. I loved that. I also loved Boy Crazy Stacey. That was another solid classic.

I think the island adventure one might have come out after my time, but I love desert island books and I love babysitter club books so maybe it's time. Hold on, I'm gonna Google it. Baby Sitters Club, Desert Island Book. Baby Sitters Island Adventure. It's got three, three point eight stars on Goodreads, which probably means it's great. I find that all my favorite books have 3 points on Goodreads. Almost every book.

Or 2 points on something. See all buying options. It's available for a quarter. Fit pricey. Was Claudia your favorite then? Claudia was my favorite, but I don't know. I am really, really excited to read the Baby Sitters Club Desert Island book. That is right up my alley. It mixes my two favorite genres of literature.

Oh, you know what? Claudia's elegantly casual. Yeah, Claudia, actually, just look on all the Claudia book covers, like all the ones where Claudia's the star, and you will see the definition of elegantly casual. In fact, I'm looking at the Baby Sitters Club, super special island, the Baby Sitters Island adventure right now, and Claudia looks phenomenal. She looks super elegantly casual. I don't know how we got on that topic. What are we talking about, Queen? But anyway, here we are. Let's move on to another question.

All right, this one comes from Claire who writes, Dear Brothers Green, I've recently dived into the world of tending to bonsai trees. I'm extremely happy and have great fulfillment in caring for these tiny trees and all the details required. I've done extensive research on their specialized care

and I've received many recommendations to join my local bonsai club, but I'm hesitant to attend a meeting. First off, I'm a college student, and by the looks of their newsletter, I would be the youngest person there by many decades. Also, I'm afraid that their expertise will embarrass me. There is so much to learn in this field and I'm just beginning. My tiny accomplishments, I get what you did there. I get what you did there, Claire. My tiny accomplishments are pinching leaves successfully, whereas many of them have 20 years of experience in 20-year-old trees.

How should I approach this club meeting? Should I even go crystal clear? Claire. You should absolutely go. Yeah, you have to go. This is a high quality learning experience for one. You will learn so much about turning to bonsai trees, but I also think it's really fun to go into things that you don't know everything about. And also things that are intergenerational. I think too often now, we kind of hang out with people who are our age and we don't really have that many opportunities to meet other

people from our communities. And local clubs are such a great way to do that. I totally agree. Look, there's a tiny percentage chance that you're going to go to this thing and all of the people are going to be super rude and the group is going to be extremely insular and you won't like it and you'll never go again. But the overwhelming majority of the time, what's going to happen is that these people who have been hanging out together for 20 years and who are all 75 years old are going to be

so flippin' psyched to find out that there is a young person interested in bonsai trees. It is going to make them so happy. They will love hanging out with you. You will learn from them. Their wisdom, not just about bonsai trees, but about everything will become a part of your life moving forward. I think it's so, I totally agree.

It's so important to have intergenerational friendships. And there really aren't that many opportunities for them outside of workplaces. So I think it's super important. When I look at my life, it's people who were a generation older than me, who really helped me the most in my, not just in my career, but in terms of becoming the person I became. And I think something I read in your email is this fear that you have nothing to offer them, that you kind of, it's only their expertise and kind of you this in-expert person. But

from the sounds of it, I feel like you could improve that newsletter for one. You have skills that you can bring to the table too. And if it is all people who have done it for 20 years and their trees are all 20 years old, they may have forgotten how to talk about the new experience of beginning it. And I'm sure they'll really enjoy in relish having that like early experience of bonsai tending

revisited. Yeah, that's the other thing I'd say, Claire, is that there's a pretty good chance that you are going to find a novel or a movie out of this story. Like, it's such a good setup for a novel. Like, you meet someone to use 40 years older than you and who is, you know, like a font of wisdom

and then you, they die, you know, at the end of Act II. But then it turns out that you're stronger than ever. Just like the little bonsai tree you have learnt to tend for. I mean, we already wrote the movie for you, Claire, which reminds me that today's podcast is brought to you by bonsai trees. Bonsai trees. They're so little.

This podcast is also brought to you by Jane Austen. Jane Austen with her a sabbic wit and answered directions. She'll cut you down. Today's podcast is also brought to you by another one bites the dust by queen another one bites the dust. It's your soundtrack whether you like it or not. And finally today's podcast is also brought to you by Gmail Gmail. No, sorry. Yes, that sounds great. Every time I read a short email now, I assume that Gmail wrote it and my feelings are heard. Like, we've become cyborgs.

As you know, I've given you this rant already, but I'm worried that we're already cyborgs. Rosie, on it, the ship is sailed. I'm very frustrated that it keeps telling me to say yes to things when I'm trying to say no to them as well. Like it often won't even give me a no option. It will give me three yes options. Yeah, it's like Google also has a hard time saying no. It wants me to put things in its calendar. Yeah. That's right, if you don't have like a densely scheduled life, you might not need your

Google calendar as much. And then they can't say that to me. And then they're deciding what we do with our lives, what we look at, what we value moving on. I'm upset. All right, all right. This next question comes from Aiden who writes, dear John and Hank, as a high school senior, I am currently in the process of being swallowed whole by the college application process. As part of this, I have

to write a lot about myself, something that I'm not great at, mainly because I really don't want to come across as obnoxious or overconfident. How do you draw the lines between not having enough self-confidence, having the right amount, and being a jerk? Oh my god, I'm learning. Aiden. I love that. I think it's so hard to apply for college or university because you really have to sell yourself. You have to go hard on like here are all the best things about myself and you have to do it kind of shamelessly to be honest. Yeah right, you have to make the case for yourself which also involves making the case that you're not the kind of person who makes a case for yourself. It's so meta and difficult. My wife wrote the most amazing college essay.

Sarah was an amazing student in general, but the college essay that she wrote was just phenomenal because it was about all of these things that she had done, and all of these things that she hadn't done and how she wanted to go to Northwestern so she could do all of the things that she hadn't done. And so it didn't come across as overconfident at all. It was like, I've done this and this and this and this and this and I may have gotten great grades and I may have volunteered at this place in that place but I haven't yet you know learned about 20th century women artists doing self portraits or whatever it was such a good essay like even today I couldn't

write that good of a college essay so Aiden just steal that idea from Sarah. I know it's a good approach I can tell you something's not to do. Don't make lofty statements about truth, which is what I did a lot of. I just kind of, I felt like I had to imitate my idea of what a university student was like when I was applying for things like that. And I also felt like I needed to give something really personal and kind of share something really close because then that's how they would know about you. but you have to remember that the people reading your essays have never met you before. They don't know about things that you do in your free time. They don't know about

any of the ways maybe your friends would describe you and that's another thing I'd say is ask the people around you how they would describe you and try and build something from that. But yeah, really do, I hope like start to inhabit this place where you start to believe actually I am really worthy of getting into this place and often the things that you feel like can come across as obnoxious and overconfident are really just you giving yourself a really good chance. I would also say though, I agree, but I'd add that it's okay if you don't get in to your dream school. And we hear from so many people who write into this podcast who are either

devastated that they didn't get into their dream school, disappointed by the college that they're attending, or so overwhelmed with anxiety about where they're applying and whether they're going to get in and what that means for their future. And it is a big deal and a big moment. And I absolutely understand that. But at the same time, you don't know what your future looks like. You don't know really whether it's good news or bad news that you got into this college or that college or didn't get into this college or that college. I look back at my life and I don't think things would have gone as well for me necessarily as they have if I'd gone to a school that was quote unquote better

because I went to the right school for me. Yeah and I was so devastated when I got... well actually we knew each other. I remember. Oh, I got rejected from Oxford which was my like I'd spent the last like ten years, fantasizing about going to that school, and I got the rejection two days before Christmas, and I was so upset, I dyed my hair red, I was like, I'm just gonna rebel now, and then I stopped at dyeing my hair red, because I felt like that was kind of enough for me. But actually, it was probably the, one, one, I'm not gonna say it was the best thing that ever happened to me, obviously it sucked, but it I'm not going to say it was the best thing that ever happened to me, obviously it sucked, but it was a really good pivotal point for me in learning what was important and also

just kind of, you know, this really bad thing can happen that you're dreading, but things go on, you know. Yeah, your life goes on, but also you can get a good education at universities other than Oxford. Yeah, absolutely. And in fact, you you did it was okay Yeah, I for one I'm really glad that Rosiana didn't get into Oxford because I suspect if she had then we wouldn't work together today So I won the lottery

Thanks Oxford. Okay, we have a question here from Katie, who says, dear Hank and John, or John and Hank? John and Raysiana. I was friends with this girl, let's just say her name is Patricia, in most of my childhood years. However, we both went to different secondary schools and inevitably drifted apart. We were both quite popular in primary school, but my popularity has decreased to a whopping number of one friend, whereas her popularity rate has increased by a lot. She's beautiful, sporty and lovely.

I'm the complete opposite. Out of the blue Patricia invited me to hang out with her after three years of not speaking. This is a stressful situation enough, but she invited me to a theme park with her dad. It's going to be me, her, and her dad. I don't even know her dad. What if he's horrible? What if she's horrible? We have literally nothing in common, so what the heck do we talk about? I don't sing the song raw, Katie. Katie, have you checked to make sure that you're not inside of a young adult novel? I think we have to consider the possibility. It's just such a good setup, Katie. It's even better than Bonzai Claire's setup in terms of the narrative potential. You got to see this as an opportunity for a great story.

Whatever happens, you've got a fascinating cast of characters here and an amazing setting in the form of an amusement park. I think it's perfect. One thing I would say, the only thing that I would say is the bad thing about this setup, or maybe it provides narrative potential, is that there's going to be three of them at a theme park and most roller coasters, there's two people sitting by side by side.

Right. So you've got the dynamic of who's gonna sit next to whom or maybe it's a way into meeting a stranger at the theme park befriending them and having them come along on your journey too. There you go, the love interest. The love interest or the merlin figure. Right, yeah, Dumbledore.

Dumbledore loves 80 miles per hour, he can't help it. This is great, Katie. You've just got to lean into this experience because whatever is gonna happen is gonna be fascinating. The closest I ever had to something like this, I was a huge nerd in middle school. And for some reason, I had one magical day ice skating with the two coolest girls at my middle school. They were so generous to me and so nice to me.

They were never like this before or after, but they were so nice to me that day. They like, hell, I couldn't ice skate for crap, of course, but they held my hands as we like, ice skated around and it wasn't romantic or anything. It was just lovely. It was generous and kind. I don't know if their parents had told them to be nice to me, but it worked.

And I honestly, that it like was a fire that burned in my center all through middle school. And so when things were bad, I would be like, well, at least there was that one time at the ice skating rink and maybe life will go back to that someday again. And it did. So maybe it's going to be that. Maybe it's going to be terrible. But either way, it's going to be a great story. And the best thing about a theme park is there's no shortage of activities. Like there's no kind of empty time really, because it's always kind of like, should we go in the next rollercoaster? Should we go get this strange plastic food?

Like there's always something else to do. Except for the six hours that you spend in line talking to each other. But that is where you go deep, Katie. That's where you say, you know, maybe on the inside, Patricia doesn't feel like she's sporty and lovely and super popular. Maybe she has some annoying insecurities that she needs to talk to you about. Maybe her dad...

I'm not just not that interested in parents. Maybe he can fetch the bugs. Maybe he can fetch the burgers. Yeah, I mean, yeah, maybe he'll be sort of like blandly supportive, like the parents and all of my novels, but a little bit overly anxious. That's my prediction. Or not that. Yeah, right, or dead.

Anyway. You can have a great time. Or not. Yeah, you don't a great time or not. Yeah, you don't know, it'll be fun. It'll be fun. You do need to go, though, because it's a great opportunity. I don't know what kind of opportunity yet. Please keep us informed about this, especially if you discover that you are inside of a YA

novel, because that's a book I want to write. We are open to buying life rights from any and all of you. So true, it's a dollar a piece. By buying we mean suing. That's right. We already own Claire's life rights. We claim to them. All right, Rosieanna, we have a question from another Katie

who writes, dear John and Hank, this year all I want from my birthday is a cordless vacuum cleaner. I've been there, Katie. Like, I want it so much I have dreams about it. Anyway, my problem is that I live with a roommate who is not willing to invest in one, and normally I don't mind sharing my things, but I'm already sharing more than I'm comfortable with her, and as she's extremely clumsy, she has also already broken several of my belongings. Am I being too

petty if I don't want to share the hoover of my dreams with her? If she's not willing to go have season on it, should she still be allowed to use it? And if not, how do I tell her that she can't use my cordless vacuum cleaner? I feel silly, but this is really bugging me. Please help. Hopefully soon, cleaning cordlessly, Katie. Oh, you've got to have a conversation with her and address it up front.

Yeah, I think this is a communication moment, Katie. It sounds like some resentment has maybe built up a little bit. I suspect that this isn't really about the vacuum cleaner. It seems like it's about like a bunch of other things that include the vacuum cleaner. My feeling with vacuum cleaners, and correct me if I'm wrong about this, Resiana, is that if somebody wants to use a vacuum cleaner in my house, they are welcome too. No. If it's a Dyson, this is what I feel like she's implying. I feel like Katie is buying a Dyson cordless vacuum cleaner, which

causes hundreds of bounds. Yeah, I don't know. Is that like a five bucks? Not a misconomi. I guess what I mean is this, if someone would like to clean a mess in my home, they are welcome to. And I think it is a little weird if you have a vacuum cleaner in a two bedroom apartment and you're like, this vacuum cleaner only vacuums this half of the apartment because you wouldn't go havesies on the vacuum cleaner only vacuums this half of the apartment because you wouldn't go have these on the vacuum cleaner. Like, it's probably technically within your rights, but I don't think it's gonna lead to like a healthier

roommate relationship. But it will lead to you having an operating vacuum cleaner. I guess, yeah, then they won't break your vacuum cleaner. That's the upside, the downside is that like, people are gonna come over to your apartment and be like, hey, so what's up with the are gonna come over to your apartment and be like, hey, so what's up with the weird line in the rug? And you'll be like, oh no, I only clean this half

of the apartment and then I stare from my half at the apartment at my flatmate because they broke my cookie jar 14 years ago and I haven't gotten over it yet. You seem to be saying that's unreasonable. I think that's perfectly healthy. I mean, I guess to be saying that's unreasonable. I think that's perfectly healthy. Hahaha. Hahaha. I mean, I guess to be fair,

it's been a long time since I was in a non-spousal roommate situation. But when I was, I'll tell you, I was so happy if anybody wanted to vacuum anything. I was like, go right ahead, sir. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, oh man.

The common rooms in my apartment were always very well kept, but my particular room was filthy, not just messy, but actively dirty, like nine-month-old remnants of Big Mac's dirty. Oh, God. Yeah. So maybe a lot of that person to borrow your vacuum cleaner?

Yeah. But I think there is a way through this. You sit down with your roommate and you say, OK, I understand you're not wanting to go halvesies. Well, you don't really understand. But let's pretend you understand on this vacuum cleaner. Let's set some ground rules for how we're going to use this vacuum cleaner.

Here are the ground rules. I Mean is that too much? Yeah, that's a If you sat me down and you were like we need to set out some ground rules for the vacuum cleaner use I would be like shot the front door The worst black man if I want to use the vacuum you're welcome. That would be my response Well my first day living with sauna we went around the kitchen and pointed out all the things that each other was allowed to use and not use. Wow. So, they were all intense. I remember like three or four years after I moved out of my apartment with Shannon,

she called me and she said, you know that white computer? And I was like, yeah, I remember that white computer. And she said, it's mine now. For real. So. Different people. Yeah, yeah, you know, figure it out. Just communicate, that's the key. Okay, Rizion, it's time for the news from Mars

and AFC Wimbledon. I'll go first. AFC Wimbledon played Skunthorpe. I, you know, it never gets old saying the word Skunthorp. What is it like living in a country that has place names like Skunthorp? Well, you pass them on the train and you wave at them and then you ask,

where are you from and they say Skunthorp? Have you ever been to Skunthorp? I haven't actually. Well, it seems lovely based on the stadium. AFC World in Lost 3-2, a scoreline that based on my viewing of the game, Rather Flatters, Wimbledon. The two goals that we scored were pretty good. Quessia Pius scored one, Liam Trotter scored one,

Nights-A-C Liam Trotter, get on the score sheet. But, oh, God god we gave up three really horrendous frustrating goals. So now AFC Wimbledon are down to 16th in League 1, 8 points after 8 games, a negative 5 goal differential. It looks like even though we have mostly different players from last year, at the moment at least we have a similar team. The important thing is to stay up. That's all that really matters.

I just want to stay up, get into the new stadium. 16th is a completely acceptable finish, but oh god it would be nice to win a couple games. It just feels better. It feels so much better when we win. Yeah, it really does. The one thing that I will say is that Sunderland, despite having a parachute payment from being in the Premier League two years ago, that is something like 35 times larger than AFC Wimbledon's entire playing budget, are only in fourth. So you'd be surprised, well, as you know, I went to see the West Ham, my two teams, West Ham and AFC Wimbledon play each other in the Karabokap, quality, quality cup. And for me, it was a whole 45 minutes plus thinking, oh, AFC Wimbledon isn't going to win this, despite the fact that that budget is minuscule compared to West Ham's.

Yeah, no, I also thought in the first half, Wimbledon looked like the better team. In the end, playing with 10 men against the 11 of Premier League for the season anyway, West Ham was a little too much. But yeah, I mean, that's the thing. Wimbledon at several points this season have looked really, really class, including pretty good against Sunderland. and then in the middle of the night, we've been in the middle of the night. And we've been in the middle of the night.

And we've been in the middle of the night. And we've been in the middle of the night. And we've been in the middle of the night. And we've been in the middle of the night. And we've been in the middle of the night. And we've been in the middle of the night. And we've been in the middle of the night. And we've been in the middle of the night.

And we've been in the middle of the night. And we've been in the middle of the night. And we've been in the middle of the night. And we've been in the middle of the night. by Jeff Manach, whose name I'm sure impran out thing. Perfectly. All about how Mars will be policed and how murders and things will be solved and created on Mars, which reminded me that a lot about the Mars discussion is actually this philosophical thought experiment about how we can create a optimum society when we're bringing all of our biases to Mars.

But some of it was also about how DNA will leave, will have a shorter lifespan or Mars, or a different lifespan or Mars, how splatter patterns will be different, how depending on whether the body is exposed to winds and weather, it will be, the bones will be bleached or not. I went quite deep here, but I was really about it. It's very positive, but I feel that this is a podcast about death, so you guys can handle it. There was a further discussion. There is a researcher who has created

this optimum space prison, which you might think is actually quite dark, but part of what he was doing is making it possible for oxygen supplied to continue regardless of how the guards were feeling towards the prisoners, so that there are basic life rights and responsibilities and so on. And a lot of this comes back to where nations start. I begin who has authority over which parts of Mars, and all sorts of different discussions that I hadn't even thought about, all collapsed into one that are all articles.

So that's how Mars will be believed, and that's on the Atlantic. I will send a link to the Patreon as well. That is really interesting and it reminds me of this great PBS digital show America from scratch. Have you seen it yet? It's really good. It imagines, for instance, if we were forming the United States tomorrow, would we have states, and if so, would the lines for the states be where they are? Of course not. Of course, North Dakota and South Dakota would not be for the states be where they are? Of course not. Of course North Dakota and South Dakota would not be two separate states. But it imagines all of that stuff.

If we were starting from scratch with the United States, what would it look like? And I think that's such an interesting intellectual exercise because obviously we have to work with the traditions that we've inherited, but at the same time, we have to innovate. And I for one would love to read a murder mystery set on Mars. Well, there's apparently a mass trilogy of some sort.

I didn't. Oh, oh, yeah, that's Hank's favorite book. Oh, is it? Do they have murder mysteries and I just have an erudm? I don't know. Okay, well, we'll investigate that further by talking to Hank. Rosiana, thank you so much for potting with me. It's been a real pleasure.

Thank you, it's been so much fun. And thanks to everybody for listening as well. If you want to email us, you can do so at Hank and John at gmail.com. You can also find Rosieanna on Twitter occasionally. And what is it these days? Rosieanna Ross. And I'm also occasionally at John Green. Where else can we find you on the internet?

Well, I have a podcast with my friend Lex called Make Out With Him. It is a friendship romance and kissing podcast, but we often just go off on tangents about, I don't know, Prince Harry most recently. Very, very fun. I also have a YouTube channel at youtube.com stashradiana. Well, again, I upload periodically, but I wouldn't say regularly. Yeah, that's the case more and more, with more and more parts of the social internet for me these days, but that's a different podcast, called Delete This with Hank and Katherine.

I hardly recommend make out with me, by the way, especially if you like advice podcasts with lots of tangents, and if you're listening to this one at this point in the podcast, you do. So check that out. Thanks again for listening. This podcast is produced by Rosiana Halsells-Rohas and also by Sheridan Gibson. It's edited by the brilliant Nicholas Jenkins.

Our head of community and communications is Victoria von Zorno. You can find us at patreon.com slash deerhankinjohn. The music that you're listening to right now and at the beginning of the podcast is by the great Gunnarola. And as they say in our hometown, don't forget to be awesome.