Dear Hank & John - 162: The Fault in Our Mars

Episode Date: November 5, 2018

What tricks can babies do? Should I become a space lawyer? Did I let a guy steal my car? And more! Email us: [e-mail] patreon.com/dearhankandjohn

Hello and welcome to Dear Hank John. I'm Lord Zabba for Think of a Dear John in Hank. It's a comedy podcast where two brothers answer your questions, give you to be a advice and bring you all the week's news from both Mars and AFC Wimbledon John. Did you know that I broke my hand during high school rollerblading? But you wouldn't think I'd be so surprised about it. Why is that? I don't know.

It was just really hard to grasp. Oh my God. That was terrible. That feels like when you wrote yourself, not one that you got from a list of dad jokes. It was a combination. I was inspired by a joke I saw elsewhere. I didn't laugh, but I did make a slightly

derisive smiling sound. So we'll put that on the list of good ones then. No, it was achieved. Hank, do you want to know some good news this week? I always do. The eight episode Hulu adaptation of Looking for Alaska has cast its lead actors, Charlie Plummer and Christine Froceth. And they're both such lovely, lovely people.

I talked to them both on the phone and they could not have been nicer. And I'm just, it's been a long 13 years, but I am so, so grateful that these young people are going to be part of the looking for our story. I'm really psyched. Well, I guess my book is out now, so I guess we'll see it on coming to the big or small screen sometime in the mid-2030s. Yeah, as if they'll be humans then. That's great news, John. Thanks for bringing it back down.

Okay. I did break my hand wall rollerblading in high school though. Yeah, I know. You want to talk about a sport that has not aged well? Yeah, it's kind of disappointing. I wish that I saw more rollerblading. Montana is particularly a bad place to rollerblade one because it's lots of hills and two because we're really bad at infrastructure.

Right, there's not a ton of like real smooth sidewalks. No, no. All the sidewalks are over a hundred years old and the freeze-thaw cycles do wreak havoc on anything solid. That's the kind of high quality. Information content that people come to do and can John for. Do you wanna know what it's like to rollerblade in Vazula Montana? We've got information for you.

Do you wanna hear about a sport that last existed before you were born? People still rollerblade. You're gonna alienate all our roller blade listeners. Oh, I assume this is all for Nick. Not for the pod. All right, Hank, let's answer some questions from our listeners. That sounds like not a terrible idea.

This first question comes from Morgan, who asks, dear, Hank and John, does milk expire when it's inside a cow? Pumpkins and penguins, Morgan. Oh, Morgan, I think that you might have been misinformed about the way that milking works. Milk, yeah, that way that milk works. It would expire when it's inside of a cow, I guess,

but the cow would expire first. Well, in the way that like a cat, like a, that inside of a dead cow, the milk would expire. Is that what you're saying? Because that is true. I'm saying that if a cow died with milk inside of it, that milk would not be permanently drinkable. What? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Yeah, that sounds, that sounds right. You know why Morgan, you know why Morgan?

Because nothing lasts forever. Not even cold November rain, not even the human species, not even milk. Not even milk inside of a cow. Hank, do you ever pause to consider how incredibly weird it is that adult humans drink the milk of a different mammal? I don't think it's that weird, John. I don't think it's that weird. John. I don't think it's that weird.

Well, there is no other species that drinks the milk of a different animal into adulthood. Name another species that does any of this stuff we do. Oh, I can name a number of other species that whisper. I've recently reviewed it on the Anthropocene Reviewed. There's a monkey that whispers, raccoons whispers. Oh, that's lovely. But John, there are butterflies that drink the tears of other animals.

There's always somebody that does something. And lots of vampiric species that drink blood, including humans, human is drink the blood of animals or eat it if we mix it into harder stuff. Personally, I only try to do that in an emergency. Yeah, well, I know there's a lot of different ways to be a person. Yeah, absolutely. I do, I think that if you look at anything

from the wide lens, it's like, oh, that's very strange. I find it very strange that humans come out of other humans and that every human did that. I think that's weird, but it's very normal. It's like the weirdest matrochicadol possible. Like you open up one matrochicadol and inside of it is a matrochicadol that was born from the larger matrochicadol.

Yeah, I really thought of it in that way, but here we are, all inside of our nesting doll of the human species going all the way back to like ultimately like single-celled organisms. So it's pretty weird, John. It's pretty weird. What are we talking about? Hank, does milk expire when it's inside a cow?

No, no, no. No. I'm not really an expert on this, but I'm pretty sure no. I'm gonna lean toward no, but I do know that with contemporary dairy farming practices, it can be quite bad for a cow, not to milk them. Yes, and also, I think that we sometimes think about milk

as a thing that it fills up the sack and then it just sits there. It doesn't just sit there. It actually is continually replenished by new fluids coming in and coming out of the milk. So it's like almost always fresh because it's always being refreshinged inside the cow. Or whatever mammal. Great, I think we've covered it.

This next question comes from Stephanie who writes, Dear John and Hank, I work in an office with a lot of other people. And one of the hazards of my job is that those people have babies. I do not have a baby. And I have not spent a lot of time around babies. And I have not spent a lot of time around people who spend time around babies. I know that when people have children they like to talk about them and it's nice to hear how happy they get when people do talk about their kids. But because of my extremely limited knowledge of babies, I never have any idea what questions to ask. Like, is it weird

to ask if a five-month-old has teeth? Can they eat a chicken nugget yet? That's a good question. Has it had a chicken nugget? Wait, wait, wait, I need to know, has it had a chicken nugget? I could go get a chicken nugget. Can I be its first chicken nugget? I can't imagine being a human on earth without having a chicken nugget. I could go get a chicken nugget. Can I be its first chicken nugget? I can't imagine being a human on earth without having a chicken nugget. And that baby is one of those. Ha ha ha. Imagine that you're telling a nice anecdote

about your five-month-old baby. And Stephanie says, oh, that's a great story. Hey, has your kid had a chicken nugget yet? And you're like, no, I mean, no, they're not allowed to eat solid food and also, no. I mean, chicken nuggets are so good though. Aren't that his first fish sticks last night? Can they talk when they're five months old?

That's another one of Stephanie's questions. I want to learn more about these babies, but I can't without basically asking, what tricks does it do? I mean, that is kind of the thing that you do. You are basically asking what new tricks does your human pet do? Does it have a weird bone coming out of its mouth? Can it roll over? Like, things that basically any human can do, but it's very weird when a baby does it for the first time, because a parent has been living with this strange being

in their house that can do nothing when it starts. Nothing, it is capable of zero, it's just a plant, like I put it down and it stays there, to all the way to like, first grade, when it's like, you know, having conversations with you. Well, also Hank, it doesn't even stop there. Humans continue to do new tricks even after they turn six. I guess so. What Stephanie's question really makes me think is that essentially all we're ever asking each other aside from how's the weather is what new tricks can you do? What?

Hahaha. Like whenever I talk to anyone about anything, essentially what I'm telling them is like there's a new thing that my body is doing or there is a new thing that I'm up to or there is a new thing that's happening to me. It's like then I got a new trick. My new trick is my back hurts a lot. It's like, no got a new trick. My new trick is my back hurts a lot.

It's like, no, there has been a fascinating development. It's called the flu. Yeah. Oh man, that sucks, John. I'm sorry. Oh, getting over the flu is just miserable. But it reminds me of the absolute importance of getting your flu shot, which I did get.

I just still got the flu. And which is a thing that happens. Yes, but it increases herd immunity and it's not really about saving my life. It's about saving the lives of vulnerable people who are extremely susceptible to serious complications from the flu. So get your flu shot.

I'm sorry, was that the question? All of life is asking people what new tricks they do, Stephanie. And so just ask people what new tricks their babies are doing and you'll be great. I would never have been able to put my finger on it, John, but that is basically what you're doing. And like, it's very difficult to know.

I had a baby two years ago. I have no idea when they get teeth. I've completely forgotten when they start talking. I've completely forgotten when they start eating solid food. Like, when is your first chicken nuggets? I don't know. I don't know when ornatus first chicken nugget at a point. And we were probably like, we shouldn't be doing this,

but like, he likes it. So he's a person. He can eat, he can person food now. The moment when we could start feeding Orn like whatever we were having for dinner was just such a freeing, wonderful moment to be like, to go from being like, I have to feed a separate feeding for this person and us.

So we're making two different dinners to being like, oh, whatever we're eating, I'll just put it on a plate. Really? My children are significantly older than Orin and they require their own dinners because I don't like to eat chicken nuggets. Oh, well, I mean, Orin eats whatever.

He eats all food. My kids do not like Thai food. Like they do not like curries. Orin, Orin, like, spicy food. He likes, he likes, he likes, he likes, he'd have to have aparagus and ravioli for dinner last night. Okay, new, new, new bet.

Is there any way that you and I can bet the name of this podcast on whether Orin is going to like spicy foods and disparate, you might like asparagus, whether Orin is gonna like spicy foods and eat all of the dinners that you eat when Orin is five. Oh yeah, no, I will not take that bet. Absolutely not.

Okay, yeah, that's going away. One of the new tricks that your kid will do in the future is absolutely 100% refuse to eat curry. Which reminds me that we have other questions to answer, so we should probably get to them. This one comes from Kaelin who asks, dear Hank and John, I am currently a sophomore in college double majoring

in legal studies and English. I'm hoping to go to law school after undergrad, and I just found out that space lawyers are real. Should or shouldn't I become a space lawyer? Pumpkins and penguins, Kaelin. I mean, no one told me about this. Oh, you don't know about space lawyers? No, I mean, I guess there's like, there's gotta be somebody doing the law about space.

Exactly, there's a lot of law to figure out up there. What belongs to whom? What spaces can you occupy? Where can you put your satellites? I think being a space lawyer would be cool. I actually have some experience in this field, Hank, because you're a space lawyer? I am not a space lawyer.

It's gonna surprise you. I haven't been hiding my law degree from you for the last 15 years. I have, however, signed a contract that invoked and involved outer space. Is it the Hulu thing? Because no, no, but I signed a movie deal. Okay.

Years ago. Uh-huh. And when I signed that movie deal, one of the clauses was about how no matter where the movie or TV show that was made from my book appeared anywhere on earth at any time in any medium and also elsewhere on other planets or anywhere in the universe. This company was going to own the rights to that movie. And I remember seeing it and just being like, did you actually, are you actually worried about Mars theaters? Like, what John the think that I liked most about that is

if they hadn't thought of that. If they hadn't realized that space theaters were a problem, people would totally build space theaters just so that they could show pirated movies. And no, exactly. This whole thing occurred because, precisely, because lawyers failed to see the internet and digital distribution coming.

And all of these movies were in a weird land where nobody knew for sure who owned the rights to what and they had to go back and pay people again and everything. So they had to be as inclusive as possible. And so I think it literally included the phrase the known universe. But like if you could show the movie in a different universe.

Right, what about parallel universes? Like can I leave this timeline? Please God, just let me leave it. Can I leave this timeline, go into a different timeline, rewrite the movie and resell the rights or is that it? Yeah, there you go. I mean, like, honestly, maybe, maybe like the fact that they did all this space loyering on this contract is gonna shut down space exploration because if we had this extra reason to go to Mars so that we would have like a whole new way

of controlling intellectual property and we could start over from scratch, they'd be like, the, like, creative reason to be a Martian, rather than like a scientific or an extractive industry kind of one, where they'd be like new rules, like creative anarchy, everybody owns everything again and you can totally remake Disney movies, no problem, then people would go to Mars because there'd be a real strong economic reason to go there, but they shut it down, John.

They shut it down. You think you've seen Snow White? No, no, no, no, no, wait till you see Martian Snow White. Yeah, exactly. I do not think for the record that is a reason that would truly incentivize interstellar. Or we'll never know, Nat, will we? I think I hate to disagree with you about this,

but I think the space lawyers have done us all a service by saying there will be no new snow white on Mars. You're stuck with the same dang snow white no matter where you go. I thank you to all the space lawyers out there for making sure that the intellectual property rights of America's largest corporations are protected under all circumstances. I mean, you make a space space-loaring sound not great for Kaelin. I bet there's a bunch of other great space law that doesn't have to do with protecting the rights of Disney. Also, I mean, Disney's a person, it needs

its rights protected just like anybody. That's right. That's right, John. Absolutely. Disney is a person and needs its rights protected just like anybody. Here we are. Vote. Alright, Hank. Let's answer this question from Jessica who writes, dear John and Hank, a guy I know was hired at the company I work at and after a couple of weeks I decided to sell my car and he expressed an interest in it.

He asked me to test drive the car for a week and I let him. So the end of the week came and I was too shy and non-confrontational to ask him about it. Here's where the problem becomes worse. It's been almost two years and he's still using it. Did I let him steal my car? Is it his car now? Is it too late to do anything about it? Should I find an opportunity to blow up the car

and keep the insurance money? You got it. God, I ideas, Jessica, that is the worst idea. Yeah, well, I mean, except for maybe letting him continue to drive the car in which like you own the vehicle and are thus liable for like what he's doing with it. Yeah, exactly. That is the big concern here, Jessica,

aside from everything else. Like I suspect that the person who's done this is pretty manipulative and has kind of put you in a situation where every time you've tried to bring it up, they make it seem like why are you trying to bring up that thing, we're cool. If it's just that truly you just never wanted to bring it up, then you need to work on the confrontation skills, I guess.

I can kind of see how this happens because I am also pretty non-confrontational. But it's one of those situations where the risk that you are taking on by continuing to let this person drive your car because it is still your car. Like it's still under your name and everything. And also you're paying insurance every month. The risk is too high. So you have to go, I know it's going to suck, but you have to go and you have to say, hey, you know the car that you've been driving for two years, that's my car? I need my car back. And I need it back to today.

Yeah. And just say, you know what you can say, Jessica, actually just send them to the pod. We're going to do it right now. Hey, congratulations on having driven a car for two years that was not your car and has been a good run and that's great and I'm very happy for you. But now it's time to drive a car that you do own because Jessica needs her car back. That was a really weird thing to do, man. It was a little weird, man.

I mean, I think, I, is a little weird. Jessica, I think it's probably easy to blame yourself for this situation. And yeah, I think that you, like, clearly there should have been moments where you were more assertive in this, but ultimately like that is also on this person. It's time, you gotta get your car back. You gotta get your car back. I'm glad that we can help. I don't know that we, I don't, are you kidding Hank, we've never helped.

This next question comes from Lang who writes, dear John and Hank, I have a question that has plagued me low these many years of my bathroom using life. If I'm in a bathroom stall and someone in a different stall sneezes, should I say bless you? Oh, no, yeah, in a bathroom, you don't have to be polite like that.

You can say whatever you want. You could be like, oh, that was a good one, buddy. Nope, nope, no. No, no. Instead of saying bless you, you just like compliment the sneeze or you No, that's what you mean. And that's what you mean. Instead of saying, bless you, you just like compliment this knees or you like, good, go, you go bigger. Is the thing to do.

Well, that's the worst advice that's ever been given on our podcast, which is really saying something. Or maybe anywhere. Yeah, no. It's a cone of silence, like no matter what, no matter where, if you are in the stall next to the person who is really doing anything, it's

a cone of silence, because we all have to create in our minds a world of privacy that does not actually exist. And when that world of privacy is interrupted, such as when I was in a urinal recently, and I was peeing, and the person is peeing, I was inside of it. Yeah, no, I was in, yeah, yeah, it was weird, man. This is a big urinal. I was at. Sorry, I'm not very good at the propositions.

I was at a urinal recently and the person who was peeing next to me said, are you the author of the Faulkner stars? And I was like, it's ruined. It's, this is, this is, you've ruined peeing for me. Forever. I'm never going to be able to do it again. And I hope that I'll listen to the pod because I don't, I don't want to call them out or anything.

But I was, of course, extremely awkward in my answer because I was having a moment in the cone of silence. I was inside a world where I, my belief system has always been that when you are in the cone of silence. I was inside a world where my belief system has always been that when you are in the bathroom, when you are not alone, you pretend that you are alone and you are as respectful of everyone else's privacy as you can be.

I have had a number of conversations and while the bathroom things are occurring and I've never been a huge fan of them myself, I try to let people be who they are. I did have a guy who come up to the urinal next to me at a Chili's one time and say, let's see if this old thing still works. And I kind of appreciate that.

Like long term, it was a good story at least. Wait, was he referring to the urinal? Nope. Oh, I get it, it's a joke about genitalia. That's good. It's good, I haven't heard one of those before. I wonder if that's gonna catch on. Yeah.

Uh-huh. Yeah. Yeah. I was in high school and he'd been around for a while and I did get to go back to my table and tell everybody that story so I don't mind Give people a story to tell I have to say I love it when old people have standard lines Yeah, I have an affection for old people's standard lines no matter what they are And I'm I'm entering the age where I realize that I am an old person with standard lines, like my best friend, Chris, whenever he is,

this is so dumb, but I find it so charming. Whenever we're at a restaurant, if somebody asks, if he wants a refill of his diet coke, he always says, no thanks, I have to drive. Hahaha. Hahaha. My God. That's really, that's really bad. I love it though. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Coke really affects them. That's the key. It goes straight to a set.

The caffeine. But yeah, so I don't, I never begrudge an old person their standard lines, unless those standard lines are like, you know, deeply offensive or whatever. So I don't know. For me, that's a little bit in the in-between space. But in general, I think you try to preserve other people's privacy when you're in the restroom with them.

Yeah, I've definitely had people come into the bathroom and recognize me and then like do the double take and then be like, nope, nope, this is not the place. And I'm like, correct, we are all equal in the tiled, safe, clean, stinky place. All right, John, here's another question. It's from Abigail, who asks, dear Hank and John, hello, I'm a high school senior

who's just had her first college admissions interview. Oh, I'm sorry. Oh my gosh, that sounds stressful. I was extremely nervous and studied everything about the school beforehand. I rehearsed all my answers to questions like, what inspires you and which extra curricular activity is your favorite? However, I was in no way prepared for the first question my interviewer asked, tell me a little bit about yourself. Oh, am I supposed to respond to this?

Is this a prompt to go into my whole life story? My deep struggles, or is it a time to tell or like, what my penero order is? Abigail. Yeah, Abigail, until you asked this question, it had never occurred to me how weird it is to ask someone to tell you a bit about themselves. Because it really, the first thing I want to say is, okay, so get this.

I have a consciousness and I'm able to think thoughts that are separate from the world, but I am inside of a body. Okay, okay, College Admissions and Reviewer, get this, I came out of another person and so did you, or you could be like, sometimes when I'm by myself, I like stare into the middle distance, and I think like, my head is completely empty of thought right now. And then I think like, wait, was that a thought?

Or it's a bit, like, they just want to know a bit. So that's a good bit. You could also be like, my like second toe is longer than my big toe. Yeah, you want to know like just a little bit about than I thought it was. I think it's a little bit more than I thought it was. I think it's a little bit more than I thought it was. I think it's a little bit more than I thought it was. I think it's a little bit more than I thought it was. I think it's a little bit more than I thought it was. I think it's a little bit more than I thought it was.

I think it's a little bit more than I thought it was. I think it's a little bit more than I thought it was. I think it's a little bit more than I thought it was. I think it's a little bit more than I thought it was. I think it's a little bit more than I thought it was. I think it's a little bit more than I thought it was. I think it's a little bit on the Caesar salad uh uh whatever it is Abigail the thing you got to do is go all in on it because that's terrible advice do not go all in on it because you can't be like everybody else and be like well here the sports I like no you got to be like here is

everything that you ever wanted to know about my toes. No, that is, I mean, yeah, don't do that Abigail. What they want you to say is what you're passionate about, what you're interested in, what, when you think about yourself, what makes you different from other people applying to that college? Ultimately, this person talks to a lot of people

and so probably not much, but maybe going a little deeper and being like, I mean, a little bit about myself, like, I am amazed by this human story. Like, have you ever thought about how everyone of us comes out of a person? Don't do that. Do not do that. No. No, because you don't want to go, you don't want to go that hard. You just, you need, this is the very beginning of the interview. If you haven't got it.

Swing for the fences. Go hard. No, don't swing for the fences. Try to hit a double. Ha, ha, ha, ha. This is not a situation to be like, well, I'm going to either strike out or we're all going home

because I'm into this college in Minute Four. No. The other thing I'm trying to establish is that you're going to be able to interact with and contribute to the university community in a productive way. So being like, here's everything you need to know about my second toe is I would argue not the best way forward.

Yeah, you definitely, you also definitely don't want to talk for too long. That's probably a red flag for this person. Tell me a little bit about yourself and then like 30 minutes later, they're like, uh-huh. I'll just put a check mark in this box. And that was worth everyone's time, I guess.

I remember when the college interviewer at Kenyon asked me to tell them what book I loved. For some reason, I answered Zen in the art of motorcycle maintenance. Which is, I have no idea if it's a good book, because the relevant fact about that book in that moment is that at the time I said those words, I had read perhaps 50 pages of it, and I went on to maybe read like 12 more. So when asked to name a book that like identified and embodied my value system, I named a book that I had not read. If I had a college admissions interview, I do not remember it. That's the only thing I remember because immediately they were like, and what is it about that that you responded to so deeply? And I was like, and what is it about that that I responded to so deeply? Can I can I re-answer the question?

Can we go back? Sula by Tony Morrison, or another book that I have finished. Can I actually talk about any of a number of very good books I've actually read? Oh, look, I wanna be the kind of person who was deeply affected by Zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance that doesn't mean that I am that person, but I want to be that person and so I'm going to go with that

I'm not even sure that I do want to be that person, but I think I want to be that person based on the title and the 50 pages that I read in the car on the way up here She's reminds me John that this podcast is brought to you by books We haven't read, but want people to think that we are the kind of person who likes. And today's podcast is also brought to you, of course, by Jessica's car. Jessica's car soon to be Jessica's again. And this podcast is also brought to you by John's giant urinal.

He's in there. And lastly, today's podcast is brought to you by the Martian Snow White. If you haven't seen the Mars Snow White, you don't know the real story. Ooh, the real story. Now, I'm worried that that's going to encourage people to go to Mars, which would be so bad for me. Nobody ever thinks about it. In all the conversations I see about sending humans to Mars, nobody ever talks about the John Green implications.

Yeah. It's like they think that I'm tangential to the whole human story. Hahaha. John, this next question comes from Hannah, who asks, dear Hank and John, I was at my local Wawa the other day. That's like a convenient story.

I know Wawa. Okay, and I ordered a cup of soup. I was gonna get a drink to go along with my soup, but then I started thinking, what do you drink with soup? Soup is already liquidy. It seems weird to drink something with it, but I feel like in the past,

I've had soup lots of times and never had a problem deciding what to drink with it. Just another palindrome, Hannah. This is weird because I have this experience too. If I think about it, I have a hard time drinking while I'm eating soup, but if I don't, it doesn't seem to affect me. Maybe I'm not drinking.

Maybe I'm just having soup and like, I don't have to drink. Can you just have your drink in your food? Yeah, yeah. In fact, we get a lot of our daily water from our food, not from drinking water. That sounds like a suspiciously like a science fact, John. Well, it's true.

I only know that because I, one of the areas of my obsessive interest for a while was, how much water I needed to drink and of what kind in order to prevent being, we don't need to get into it. I know a lot about how much water you're supposed to drink, because just, I don't know, I get interested in stuff. Here's the point, when you're drinking hot soup, you want to drink ice cold liquid. It's just a wonderful go back and forth.

Yeah. It sounds like a nice ice cold diet, Dr. Pepper, it's just a wonderful go back and forth. Yeah. It was like a nice ice cold diet, Dr. Pepper, it's just perfect for a chicken noodle soup. I was with you there for a second. What you don't want to do is you don't want to have like hot chicken noodle soup and then hot coffee because then you're just like,

oh, this coffee is terrible soup. I will often have hot soup with tea because like if I'm going to be in the means place, they give you tea and they give you hot soup. And I'm like, I like I shouldn't have hot soup with tea because if I'm gonna be in the means place, they give you tea and they give you hot soup. And I'm like, I should have had the tea before the soup showed up because this is too much. But I think that it's hot soup and ice water. That's the way to do it because you got a salty thing

and I don't like to switch back and forth between a coke and a soup. That doesn't feel right to me. That it does feel right to me to switch back and forth between chips and a coke. That doesn't feel right to me. That it does feel right to be the switchback and forth between chips and a coke, which is why that's so devious of a combination of foods. I can do that forever. I love chips and coke. All right, Hank, this next question comes from Kirin, who writes to your John and Hank,

I recently read an absolutely remarkable thing, and I loved it. However, I was wondering if it would be okay to give it to my literature teacher, who I don't know very well. I'm concerned that it might be weird for an eighth grade student to give a teacher a book with some not-school-friendly content in it. On the other hand, it's a great book, and I want her to read it. And if I do give it to her, do I tell her that it has questionable content, or do I not say anything and let her wonder what kind of person I am? I mean, Kirin, I don't know what book you read, but I don't think that it has questionable content. It has some bad words in it, some obscenity, but I don't think it has anything in it

that your literature teacher would be like, hold on there, that's not the Kirin that I was expecting. Yeah, I mean, we can kind of feel that way about like the parts of language and of behavior that are considered in a moral way. Like, I think that I don't think of much language, certainly some language I'd consider in a moral way, where like when I hear people using that language, I think they are doing something

that is morally questionable. I don't feel that way about like the F word, but I do feel that way about other words. So like, I can see how you would feel that and in different parts of the world, different parts of the country, that is a more sort of common perspective. And I understand that and like understood it as I was writing the book and knew that it would be to some people, it would be kind of a barrier to it. But I hope that that's not the case for your literature teacher and I'm honored that you would consider sharing the book. And I really hope that you do because I hope that more people find it and I really especially hope that

that teachers will like it and share it with their class. Yeah, it's such a big deal for students to share books they love with teachers because it helps teachers discover New books. I can't tell you how many Teachers have told me that they first read looking for Alaska or the fault in our stars or whatever because One of their students gave it to them and I also think it shows a lot of respect for your teacher to say I like the books that we're reading, I respect you as a teacher, and I want to share a book that I love with you. Now, they may be busy and they may not have time to read it, but I think it's still nice to do. Thanks for speaking of your brand new book

and absolute remarkable thing. We have another question from SEMA, who writes, dear John and Hick, I have problems taking money. Whenever I do a job for someone such as babysitting, when the money collecting time comes around, I just get so awkward. I understand I did a service for someone such as babysitting, when the money collecting time comes around, I just get so awkward. I understand I did a service for them and I deserve to be paid, but I still can't shake the weird feeling that I'm taking something from them when they pay me. So then I make it more awkward by trying to make it less awkward. I sort of act surprised when they're paying me like, oh, thank you. And then I leave. It's so annoying and I get mad at myself when I do that.

What can I do to make myself feel better about taking other people's money? Who's got the keys to my bema? Seema. Oh, Seema, I think I'm just pronounced your name at the beginning, but thank you for that very helpful rhyme. I have this problem too and I had to work so hard in my life to become the expert at self-prom promotion that I've become. I don't know if you've read my new book, Turtles All the Way Down, but it got great reviews. It is really hard because we're taught by the social order that accepting payment for work

is in some ways like embarrassing or naughty. Yeah, well, I don't know, John. I kind of feel like it's the opposite that it is more natural for us to do favors for each other and to sort of have a small group understanding of, I do this for you, you do this for me. And like, economies are relatively new, cultural constructions.

They're a technology. And so figuring out how to, like, incorporate that technology into you and be like, okay, this is how I understand the world. I think that's not natural. I think it takes work and it takes learning. And yeah, that's how I feel. And I think that it's a skill that must be learned. I love the idea of a 16 year old babysitting for you. And then you come back after a nice four

hour date with your spouse. And you say, Hey, SEMA, thanks so much for babysitting. As I'm sure you know, economies are a very new technology. And this whole money exchange thing is not natural or normal. And so what I'm gonna do, SEMA, is I'm not gonna pay you for your work today. But what I am gonna do is when you need a four hour favor, I'm going to get a different 16 year old to do that for you.

And then I'm just gonna build kind of a favor network, sort of a bartering network, where I'm at the top, it is essentially, what it is, SEMA, is a multi level marketing scheme, but for favors. But for favors. And I'm on the top. I'm gonna have a million favors

from other teenagers. And I'm gonna cash them all in. And you know what, I'm going to get John. This is a lot of cars washed. I'm not saying that the technology of economies is bad or that like I don't utilize it, which obviously I do. It's just that it is something that I feel like you have to assert yourself into. You have to be, you have to do the thing even if it feels uncomfortable and then eventually it feels comfortable. Many of the things that we do that at first are really overwhelming and feel a little

bit wrong, a little bit unnatural. Something as simple as calling a stranger on the phone. It feels weird. It doesn't feel natural, because obviously it's not. Fones aren't our pretty new thing. Talking to strangers is a pretty new thing. Yeah, talking to strangers is a pretty new thing. I have never thought about that. Let's go back to when it was verboten.

Can we move back to when we'd ever talk to strangers? That'd be great. Whereas I'm like, that was a nice sneeze there next time. Oh, man. I hope you're having a pleasant afternoon. How's your poo? Let's see if this old thing still works. We gotta answer one more question before we get to the all-important news from Mars and Nancy Wimble. This question comes from Asia who

asks, dear Hank and John, no, dear John and Hank, dang it, I caught myself. My boyfriend is 25 and works in an escape room. He got this job after he graduated with a degree in biology. He's worked there for almost two years and at this point his family is starting to pressure him to get a quote real job The problem is he loves his job at the job. He has learned how to build puzzles and code Along with minor electrical and construction skills This isn't something he thought he'd do or love so much But his resolve is fading and he's starting to talk about leaving this job for a job that he'll hate

He says you only get to like your job for so long. I don't think that's true, and even talking about quitting makes him so sad. How do I encourage him to stay in a job he loves? Should I not? I know this isn't what most people would consider a real job and has nothing to do with his degree, but isn't loving your job important?

Thanks in advance. I trust your guidance. Asia, that's a terrible mistake. I think because this is a new job, like it's a thing that hasn't existed for a while, it's not that it's not biology, it's not that, it's not that, it's something that people haven't heard of that much.

And so maybe if he can frame it differently in his mind, that will help, because ultimately, like there are lots of really legitimate jobs that probably nobody in his life would be like, oh, you've got a degree in biology, but now you work at City Hall. Like no one would think that. It also may be a lower paying job at least for now,

but I completely agree with you, Hank. If you're still being pushed and you're still learning things, you're learning about how to code and how to build puzzles and learning electrical skills while you're getting paid, like that's great, especially if you're interested in that stuff and passionate about it, because you don't know where that can lead. And so if you still feel fulfilled by the work, let it grow. I agree, like I don't know if escape rooms are going to end up being

like a growth industry, but I do think that being able to code and being able to understand puzzles is going to be a big growth industry in the future. Yeah, it sounds like his job is like problem solving, which is in the end, everybody's job to some extent, but like really directly applied. And the only thing that I would say, if your boyfriend is listening to this podcast right now, which hopefully he is, is maybe also try to get involved

in the business of the escape room and let your colleagues know that that's something that you are also interested in, because then you are not like an escape room designer. You are also a business manager, and management skills can be spread across lots of different jobs, including jobs in biology. Yeah, if you're operationally strong and you understand the basics of business and you can get things done, you can get a lot of different jobs, and I think that it sounds like

you're on a great path, actually. Yeah, I think it's great. Congrats on the cool job. All right, I think before we get to the all-important news from Mars and Nancy Wimble then, I got to share with you a couple things. First off, we got a letter from Maraca who wrote in to say that she lives in Berlin and the amusement park in Berlin I talked about with the abandoned Ferris wheel is actually being reopened.

They are making it into a new amusement park, and they're going to save the Ferris wheel, apparently. Oh my gosh. Yeah, well, also. Also, is it gonna be powered by the wind still, or are they gonna power it with electricity? I think they're gonna go with electricity for this one, but I'm not totally sure. Also, we received several really helpful and interesting emails from autistic listeners on the question of eye contact. I wanted to read this one to someone, I'm autistic, so eye contact is extremely difficult for me, but over time, I've come up with some tricks

that I use when talking to people that may be helpful. When I'm in a situation where I probably should be making eye contact such as an interview, I stare at a feature near the person's eyes, but not at their eyes directly, such as their glasses, if they wear them, their eyebrows, their nose, or their eye makeup, if they have any on.

It gives the illusion that you're looking at their eyes without the terror of actually doing so. I hope this helps, and I hope I'm allowed to name specific sign-off even though I'm not asking a question. We scare because we care. Oh, we scare because we... Claire. I'm also really wanted to share this tip from Maggie who says, dear Hank and John, I am

currently sitting at a bus stop where a bus just pulled up to see if I wanted to get on. I did not want to get on, so the driver opened the door and told me the correct protocol for signaling this to an oncoming bus is according to the driver. Wave your hand horizontally at your neck in a kind of salute slash throat cutting gesture. So you know this one that like Jonah Hill does in the gif that you've seen? Oh yeah, I know that gif. Now, it's pronounced either way. The thing that I thought Maggie was saying at first was like sliding your finger across your neck,

which you shouldn't do that to a bus driver. That's very different from the waving fan at your throat. This is like, no, no, no, not me. This other one is like, I'm going to kill you bus driver. Right, yeah, no, no, no, not me. This other one is like, I'm going to kill you bus driver. Right, yeah, no. Just Google, Jonahill, GIF, or possibly GIF. Nobody knows for sure. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, Jonah Hill's done a lot of work in his career, but that gif is by far the most important thing he's done.

Oh God, Jonah Hill seems like a great guy. You know, it's not great. That's my idea of a transition. What's not great, John? Well Hank, it's time for the news from Mars and AFC Wimbledon. I don't know if the news from Mars is good, but the news from AFC Wimbledon. I don't know if the news from Mars is good, but the news from AFC Wimbledon is terrible. AFC Wimbledon have lost their third straight game 2-0 and their fifth sixth

straight game overall. It's a very difficult period. Our CEO, Eric Samuelson, who works tirelessly for the club for the salary of exactly one pound per year, posted a very kind, thoughtful, considered note to the fans talking about where do we go from here. There's a lot of talk about potentially firing the manager, Neil Ardley, who is a Wimbledon youth player, played for the first team, just cares so much about Wimbledon. There's no question about that. But, you know, at what point do you try to figure out a different path forward to try to stay up. It's not clear, but Eric pointed out on the letter that clubs who fire their manager mid season

do not often see an improvement in results. No, no. And so it's just a really hard thing. I mean, one of the reasons that this is such a difficult season is, you know, if you go back and listen to early episodes at the pod where I'm talking about Wimbledon in the fourth tier of English football, I say over and over again that they have the smallest stadium,

they have one of the smallest playing budgets, and yet they somehow found a way to get promoted. Well, you know, in the third tier of English football, it's only going to be harder. And so these are big problems. I do not have a solution for them. I don't think anyone does. It's just a really hard time. So right now, Wimbledon, our second to last in the League one table, have to find a way to finish 20th this year to stay up. If we've

somehow managed to do that, that means that we can make it to next year and during the season next year, hopefully the new stadium will open and Wimbledon will be on the up and up again, but it's just going to be a hard year. There's no two ways about it. All right, John, the news from Mars. If you want an opportunity rover update, basically NASA is going to keep listening until January, but it has been four months now, so not great. But additionally to that, so in order to get the Mars 2020 rover to the surface of Mars, a number of things have to go right. One of those things is, you know, they're going to shoot this thing at Mars very, very fast so that it gets there

relatively quickly. And then it slows down by hitting Mars, the part of Mars that it hits first is, of course, the atmosphere. So, Mars is a pretty thin atmosphere, but it is enough of an atmosphere that it can slow down, especially because the thing isn't going to go straight at Mars, it's going to go sort of parallel so that it spends a lot more time in the atmosphere, that slows it down. But then, it will release its parachute. And they have been testing the parachute that will get the Mars 2020 rover onto the surface of Mars a bunch.

Just did the final test and it opened perfectly. Great. And the thing about this is, so one, you have to figure out how to simulate the atmosphere of Mars. So in order to do that, you have to have the parachute open on Earth's atmosphere, which is much thicker, except when you're at a high altitude. So they shoot this thing way up in the air, they get it going very fast, and then they open it at a specific speed, at a specific altitude, which is the speed that it will be going and the pressure

of the Mars atmosphere, which is basically perfect. We can actually simulate this really accurately. And then they have different loads that is on the end of the parachute to make sure that the parachute doesn't rip or rupture, which their early experiments when they were first starting to do this did a lot. Because the parachute opens in around, I think, four tenths of a second. So it's about the size of a house. So it goes from the size of a log of wood

to that you would throw on a fire to the size of a house in a fourth of a second. So that's a lot of pressure. And it is a sudden and tremendous amount of weight that is yanking on all of these nylon fibers and all of the stitching and all of the fabric. So the parachute opened perfectly at supersonic speeds with a load of 67,000 pounds to the heaviest ever payload for a parachute ever, any parachute. And 85% heavier than the payload that Mars 2020 parachute will have to slow during its descent toward Mars.

So, you know, as they do at NASA, this is planned to succeed way beyond where it will have to succeed and it is succeeded quite well. So that's great news from Mars 2020. The parachute is functional, the rover body is getting painted right now, the chassis is complete and the whole is drilled in it and all the instruments are still under construction for the most part and but will be being finished up soon and shipped over to start being assembled into the final rover.

It's just amazing. Didn't the first Mars rover didn't curiosity not use a parachute or did it use a parachute? It used a parachute. So it's a combination of multiple slowing systems. The first parachute and then there's the like there's the rockets that fire toward the surface of Mars. Yeah, I mean technically the first slowdown is just the capsule hitting the atmosphere. And so that slows it down a lot. And then the parachute opens to slow it down even further because if the parachute opened at like at the like when it first hit the atmosphere, the parachute would totally rip off because it would be going too fast.

So it slows down a lot just by going through the atmosphere, then the parachute opens, then it drops the parachute and it gets lowered by this ridiculous sky crane thing placed carefully on the surface of Mars, which is, I can't frickin' believe it worked even now. Wait, a sky crane will land on Mars first and then lower the rover down? No, the sky crane is a crane that is suspended in the sky by retro rockets. So it, oh, wow. Yeah. That is cool. Yeah. It's pretty cool.

It just completely boggles my mind how much engineering brilliance goes into this. Like they just, there was just a problem on the International Space Station where there was this like pin-pric-sized hole. Mm-hmm. And they had to patch it or whatever. I don't really remember the details. What I remember is they were like,

what probably caused this is human error when doing the stitching? And I was like, oh right, all of this stuff that is going into space is made by people. Somehow I had not internalized that. Yeah, yeah, it's pretty amazing. Like when they're talking about building the chassis from our S20-20, they're talking about like

drilling the holes that the instruments will connect to. And they drill each one by hand. Like, and they do each one by hand. And so they do a pilot hole, and then they do a second pilot hole to make sure that they're in the exact right spot, and then they do the final drill, because like every hole, of course,

needs to be like perfectly in exactly the right spot. But it's done by a person. There's a person with a drill. Yeah, like we are not a species of artificial intelligence or whatever. We are a biological phenomenon, like turning cloth and metal into space stations. Yeah. Anyway, that's what you should tell your interviewer when they ask you to tell them a bit about you.

And every one of those people came out of a person. It's humans all the way down. Hank, thank you for ponding with me. Thanks to everybody for listening. We're going to go now and make our Patreon podcast at patreon.com slash dear Hank and John. It's called This Week in Ryan's and it is terrible. It's bad.

This podcast is edited by Nicholas Jenkins. So called This Week in Ryan's and it is terrible. It's bad. This podcast is edited by Nicholas Jenkins, so is... So is This Week in Ryan's. It's produced by Rosie on a Hallsborough Hoss and Sheridan Gibson, our head of community and communications, his Victoria Bon Giorno, the music that you're hearing now and at the beginning of the podcast is by the great Gunnarola and as they say in our hometown. Don't forget to be awesome. our hometown. Don't forget to be awesome.