Dear Hank & John - 168: All of Them, Including LinkedIn

Episode Date: December 17, 2018

Where did all the websites go? How do you solve a problem like Maria? What's my brand? And more! If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at [e-mail]! Check out our other podcasts in the WNYC Studios network, SciShow Tangents and The Anthropocene Reviewed. Join us for monthly livestreams and an exclusive weekly podcast at patreon.com/dearhankandjohn.

Hello and welcome to Dear Hank and Jon. Of course I prefer to think of it Dear Jon and Hank. It's a comedy podcast where two brothers answer your questions, give you a boost advice and bring you all the week's news from both Mars and AFC Wimbledon there. Both very tired and throws the product for awesome reporting this the Monday after the P4A ended. A Jon. Why is Indiana Jones so sad? Why is Indiana Jones so sad?

Why is Indiana Jones so sad? Because his career is in ruins. Oh. I'm not sure what it says about me that I actually sort of enjoyed that one. I was surprised by it. I'm bringing you around. Yeah, maybe.

By the end of this year, you're gonna be dad jokes all the time. Maybe or maybe I'm just incredibly tired. I have been more physically tired than this, but I do not recall being more spiritually tired. Like I am empty on the inside. Yeah, I saw a friend who I hadn't seen in a while, and she said, oh, I saw the things

from the Project for Ossam on Instagram, how did it go? And I'm like, it was so great. And then the day after on Sunday, I felt so great. And now, every two seconds, I think I'm about to cry. And I have no idea why. Yeah, I'm in a similar position. But we're so grateful to everybody

who was part of this year's project for awesome. We raised over $1.5 million for great charities. Money that is, I don't even know what I'm saying. I feel like I'm hosting the Project For Awesome Live stream again. It's like I'm back in that headspace. Thank you to everybody who donated thanks to all the dear Hank and John listeners, who pitched in. It was so much fun. I'm very tired, like I said, but it was a lot of fun.

And that is the good news for this week that we raised more than a million and a half dollars. We're so grateful and excited. And yay, Hank, can we answer some questions from our listeners? Yeah, let's answer some questions from our listeners, John. All right, this first question comes from Leisha, who asks a question that is extremely relevant to my life right now.

Dear John and Hank, where did all the websites go? Every time I try to accomplish something on the internet, I'm always redirected to a Facebook page or other social media where I'm required to have an account to access that information. The problem is, I don't have any form of social media. I really don't want to go down that rabbit hole. Oh, Lisha, that's the right call. Should I just cave and make up a fake Facebook account so that I can see concert dates and

look at antiques? Facebook is buying, but I'm not selling. Lisa. We have all the websites on. Long, unpassing. When Hank and I were kids, we heard that Pete Seeger song at least 500 million times. It's like our mom and dad's favorite song. So we both created like 50,000 different versions of it. But whenever anybody asks me, where have all anything,

that's the only thing that pops into my head as well. Hank, can you please stop now? I have just ended my relationship for 12 months with Facebook Reddit Instagram and Twitter. Hank, my phone is as dumb as dirt. I can't do anything on this device other than text, take incredibly high resolution pictures, make phone calls, call cabs. Actually, come to think of it, like the device that I'm holding in my hand, despite as dense as we being a dumb phone, would have seemed like magic to me 20 years ago.

Oh, yeah, maybe even 10. Yeah, absolutely. But I no longer have any of the big time sucks in my life. I do have like an app on my phone that is remote for my TV and I can find out what the weather is going to be like in Shanghai in 14 days. But I can't do the things that kill time, including Facebook. And I have already noticed Hank Leisha's problem, which is that if you don't have a Facebook,

right, much of the internet is difficult to navigate. Yeah, yeah. And in many ways, and in many ways, and for many people, I think that the internet kind of is Facebook. Right. They don't use anything else, or the internet is just apps. It is things that you locate through apps, and that's such a, like a fundamental, like an antithetical idea to me, that once upon a time, the internet was this limited place where it was just prodigy or it was just CompuServor, it was just whatever BBS you were inside of. And then it opened up and it was everything. And you could reach everything through this one interface.

And now it's like, oh, we're going to build these walled gardens again. And that is, that's sad to me. And when those platforms have so much power because it's the place that everybody's sort of like hooked into both sort of socially and for you know for everything else, that's a problem. I think it's a legitimate problem. I kind of agree with you except that when we were in the world gardens of CompuServ or AOL or Prodigy or wherever we lived. Back then those companies also had tremendous power.

It's just that the internet wasn't as big of a force in contemporary life as it is now. That's what worries me, is that Facebook and Reddit and Instagram and Twitter control so much of the collective amount of human attention that is available. Yeah. Yeah. Well, and to be clear, I'm not saying that it was the glory days back during CompuSurf. Like, I think it was better when that ended, you know, when it became distributed, and it became like, you know, I could have my website and you could go to my website, but nobody goes to websites anymore. Yeah. Do you remember before you probably don't because our internet errors didn't completely line up, but I remember when the

worldwide web was like beginning to be a popular thing. And I remember people trying to explain it to me or show it to me and me being like, Oh, this is so stupid. Why don't you just hang out on CompuServe? CompuServe is way better than this. Why would anyone ever use this stupid worldwide web system? It just goes to show that if you have a technology that you think has a future, you should show it to me.

And if I hate it, it's gonna be huge. It's gonna be huge. I mean, it also goes to show that once upon a time, I thought that I was like, hip for having spent time on Compuserve. And now it is definitely moved into the... Oh, it's like when grandma had rotary phones. It's just a sign that you're old. Yeah, totally. Yeah.

It's like, my car had a carburetor and I had to drive it with my hands. What do you drive your car with now? like my car had a carburetor and I had to drive it with my hands. What do you drive your car with now? Oh, I don't drive a car anymore. I'm strictly in a driverless car situation. Oh, I see. Yeah. No, I haven't. I haven't touched a steering wheel in months. But that's, yeah, Henry and Alice, they do all the driving in the house.

Well, I don't have any artificial intelligence or anything in my car, just getting a lot of accidents. Go forwards and I go backwards. And then sometimes if there's a bank, it'll turn a little bit. So what I will say to both John and Leisha is that this is what they want. They want their platform to be so integral to existing

and society that you have no choice but to use it. And that's the goal. And then once you accomplish that goal, to be so integral to existing in society that you have no choice but to use it. And that's the goal. And then once you accomplish that goal, you have to start asking yourself, is this a private entity or is this the town in which I live and should I not be able to vote for who runs it, if this is the place where I physically exist? So Hank, I've been without Facebook Reddit Instagram and Twitter for about 14 hours now.

And so far, I would estimate that I have typed TW into Google Chrome to go to Twitter 500 times. Oh, nice. And when I go, I just get a message that says, you have turned the ability to visit this website off until midnight on December 30th, not even a whole year, only like 20 days. And I'm like, oh, right, of course,

it's so, it's muscle memory at this point. The other thing that I've already seen from this experiment is that a lot of what I look for is like visual stimulus. Like a lot of what I look for is like visual stimulus. Like a lot of what I want is some kind of new information. There's a little dopamine rush that I get when I get colorful, interesting information, especially if it's like slightly visually complicated.

So the only time I felt at all normal today was when somebody sent me a link to a zillow page Like a house that just went on the market and I was like, oh, yeah, that looked kind of like the internet is supposed to feel Look at all the colors this next question comes from Susanna who has a has a problem like Maria dear Hank and John My best friend recently convinced me to try out for the local play The Sound of Music. When I tried out, I only wrote one thing on my card. I want to be a minor character. I hope this will make me...

That only ends one way. I hope this would lend me a spot as an extra or an ensemble member. Apparently the casting director did not read or completely ignored what I wrote because I ended up being Maria. My best friend tried out for that role and she would get it if I quit, but she said that she'd much rather be in the play with me and keep her part as lethal. Should I quit and let her have the part or should I keep the part and enjoy the play with my friend? Rhymes with Banana Susanna. Boy oh boy, do you have time to be Maria?

I mean how do you solve a problem like Maria? Hey, this is almost exactly the plot of one of Alice's favorite picture books, Fancy Nancy and the Mermaid Ballet. In which Fancy Nancy is convinced that she's going to be playing a mermaid, one of the central characters in the Mermaid Ballet, but she doesn't get that part instead she, she gets the part of a tree. Okay. And her best friend is eventually cast as a mermaid. Fancy Nancy is devastated, but learns to live with it. And I think that as long as you have the time, Susanna and the energy and the desire to play Maria, you clearly have the talent.

So go for it. And your friend will eventually be proud of you just as fancy Nancy is eventually proud of her friend. Yeah, I mean it's such a cool like first of all, Lisa is a great part so there's nothing wrong with being Lisa. Second, it's such an amazing and weird opportunity to be a little lead in a play and in my experience I, I've never, I've never acted in any stage production, but I have witnessed it from behind the scenes, and I've been part of productions.

And it just seemed, it's just like a wonderful way of finding a community and building friendships and doing something amazing and creating something for lots of people to enjoy that. I would definitely not disengage from the process completely just because of potential strife in your friendship, especially if your friend has said that they're fine with it. Do it, be the problem that is Maria.

It is so cool. There's something about theater that feels much more like the best parts of summer camp than anything else I've done in adulthood. You just feel connected to people, you feel in it together, it's so fun. So I agree, go for it, be Maria unless you don't have time and then go to the director and be like, I need to be, I don't know like the seventh most important child. I don't even need to be one of don't know like the seventh most important child. Yeah, just, I don't need to be one of the, one of the middle ones that nobody knows. Yeah, I want to be the Peggy Skyler of the sound of music.

Alright, Hank, we have another question this one comes from Cade who writes, Dear John and Hank, I started listening to the pod in September at my work study job, mostly data entry and data analysis. And I've now listened to every episode. I was sending an email to a professor I hope to work with doing research while while at lunch and without thinking signed it pumpkins and penguins. Oh wow. Should I just send a follow up email apologizing or act like nothing ever happened? Yeah. This ain't a charade. Kade. Yeah, you got to you just got to be like, that's just me. That's who I am. Yeah. And like four years when you've been working with this professor for several years, you can say, hey, do you remember that email that I sent where I signed up, pumpkin, some penguins? And they'll be like, yeah, that was a little weird. And you'll be like, yeah, it's this podcast that I like, but you can't say anything

now. I think honestly, I think you just got to sign off every single email with a different cute sign off like pumpkin, today, just to violence and violas the day after that. Chapstick and chill worth, chill with fabrics. The day after that. So that's a thing. I feel like this place mat's called chill with. Chapstick, Chapstick and Timothy Chalamet's Cade.

Hahaha. Doll houses and dingos. Cade. Hahaha. Dom. Hahaha. That provessence and Evy Lynch. Hahaha.

Horace and Hamilton the musical Cade. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha If a foxes and philosophy is great, boxes and baritones, Cade. That's weird. That mean all the other ones seem totally normal. That one seems a little weird. Candy bars and comp you surf, John, what are we doing? I'm so tired. Yeah, I don't know.

Zebra's in Zillow. I think you've just got to become the person who has the cute, eliterative sign-offs. That's just who you are now. The only thing I'd say is you gotta avoid getting too, like don't go creepy. Stay very far away from anything like knives in the New York knickerbockers.

You can't do that, because I don't know. I don't know what you mean. Why are there knives involved? Yeah, I completely agree, Hank. You've gotta leave weapons out of your sign-offs in general, but I don't think there's anything wrong with pumpkins and penguins. Like, if I got an email that was a semi-work email from someone and they signed off pumpkins

and penguins, I would be like, you know, that's a little weird, but the world is full of weirdnesses. Another question, John. It comes from a man who asks, dear Hank and John. So the last time I put gas in my car, it was $2.59 for Gallon, but driving to work, the other day I noticed the price dropped to $239. That's 20 cents in like two weeks What causes gas prices to change be it some weird flux

This is the it's something about the economy. I don't know about is related to the production of gasoline like they just didn't make enough So it costs more or is there some executive guy sitting in a chair some dare sink sitting in a chair somewhere saying I feel generous this week. Let's drop the price of gasoline I've decided my name is my name is knife Nika Bucker Please help me with this very pressing question gas and math Amanda The price of gasoline is complicated. Yes, and it has something to do with the price of oil It has more to do with the price of moving that oil around and especially with the price of oil. It has more to do with the price of moving that oil around, and especially with the price of refining that oil. So if there are issues at the refinery that slowdown production, that can raise the price of gasoline, the cost of oil can raise the price of gasoline.

It probably isn't one rich person sitting at a desk deciding the price of gas. But at the same time, the notion that it's an entirely free and open market in which the prices are set wholly by consumers is also wrong, so it's somewhere in the middle. Yeah, that's a lot to do with international relations as well. Also, you will sometimes hear economists being like, gas prices are down, uh- oh, so they get concerned, they're worried. And that's usually because that means people are buying less gas, which is often because companies are buying less gas

because they are doing less business. So gas prices actually go down when the economy is worse. But it also, they also go down when like, when like countries are trading with each other more. So there's lots of different things. It is weird how much the price of gasoline fluctuates versus the price of other things that we buy regularly. Right.

So the price of milk does not change much week to week. Nobody ever says like, oh, God, I can't believe that milk is nine dollars a gallon this week. It was seven dollars a gallon. I have no idea how much a gallon of milk costs. I'm not that neither of those amounts. Okay, let me ask you, let me ask you a higher or lower question. Is a gallon of milk more or less than two dollars? It's more than two dollars. Is it more or less than five dollars? Well, that's usually, it's, unless it's like fancy, dancing milk. I mean, that's a great deal. That's a gallon of consumable liquid.

But you know what's an even better deal? Gas. How is it that gasoline is half the price of milk per gallon? I don't know. I don't know because of, because you just got to take the gas out of the ground. You got to get the milk out of a cow. That's a living animal.

You have to keep it alive. You have to raise a cow and then milk it and then send that milk to market and it spoils quickly and yet somehow it is twice as cheap to get oil from deep inside the ground in the form, and yet somehow it is twice as cheap to get oil from deep inside the ground, ship it to a refiner, return it into gasoline, and then ship it to your gas station. Well, it's hard to do both of those things.

Turns out, it's all difficult. Also, you know one other thing that amazes me, John, is the distance that I can drive a big car on a gallon of gasoline. It's a gallon, like I can hold it in my hand. And it moves my car for like 20 or 30 miles. Yeah, that is impressive now that I think about it. It's amazing.

Yeah, that is amazing. I mean that I think about it. It's amazing Yeah, that is amazing I mean, I know that we need like far more fuel efficient cars But that is pretty crazy that we can move a car 30 miles with a gallon of I'd never thought about that before Hank No, my mind my my very tired post-project for awesome mind is completely blown right now Like imagine and imagine if cars ran on milk. Like we do. Exactly. Like baby cows do. Okay, a question for you.

Can a human be fueled more miles by a gallon of milk, or can a car be fueled more miles by a gallon of milk, or can a car be fueled more miles by a gallon of gasoline? Well, it would definitely depend on the car. So, like, yeah, a very big car. Definitely, I think a human could bike farther on the energy in a gallon of milk than a very car. No, forget about biking, Hank. No, you're relying upon a transportation.

I'm saying a human, a human with their own human parts. Okay, just walking running. Do you go further with a gallon of milk, or do you go further by getting in a car and using a gallon of gas? Okay, Hank, a gallon of milk, according to this website, I just went to, has 2,300 calories. Mm-hmm.

2,300 calories, at least at my running pace, at my calorie burning pace, is about 14 or 15 miles. So it's about as good as a really large gas guzzler car. Yeah, except that like you just move your puny little, you know, 190 pound flesh sack around, whereas that truck moves like a 2,000 pound hammy. Which reminds me that today's podcast is brought to you by Hemi's. Are dodges, are they Chrysler's? Are Chrysler's and Dodges the same I can't remember. This podcast is also brought to by Timothy Shalume.

Timothy Shalume is an actor. Oh my God, are you not familiar with Timothy Shalame's work? I know that he is an attractive young man. Just google him. Okay, done. There he is. He is in the middle name is Hal. He was so good in Lady Bird and also he's so easy on the eyes.

Speaking of easy on the eyes, today's podcast is also brought to you by Zillow. Zillow, it's the only thing John has left. And also this podcast is brought to you by CompuServe. John is also a quitting CompuServe for the next year. A little bit less work though than the other platforms. Okay Hank, our next question comes from Chloe who writes, dear John and Hank, I just finished an absolutely remarkable thing. Hank's book, and my first thought was, I need a brand. Oh gosh. No, it was not my first thought when I read Hank's book.

My first thought after reading Hank's book was I need less of a brand. Okay, keep going. Chloe, however, is already a brand of perfume and cosmetics, and Eastwood, my last name, is pretty much a movie genre. How does one brand herself when the words are taken? I could be the sweetest smelling Western movie ever, but I'd like to brand myself another way. Chloe Eastwood. I mean, but what I don't think ever, but I'd like to brand myself another way, Chloe Eastwood. I mean, but what I don't think that there's a

Chloe Eastwood brand. Not yet, there's a pal to be. I mean, it's a lovely name. That's a good, you're parents did a good job. They had Eastwood already. They didn't have to come up with that one, but Chloe Eastwood works well together. I'm a fan.

It's not so much about the name of the brand. It's also about what you want the brand to represent, which is what, which is really what you don't want to do to yourself as a human being. Yeah, the risk of being a brand, Chloe Eastwood, and I'm going to call you by your first and last name, because it's so phenomenal. The risk of being a brand is that then you just

become a series of symbols and associations in people's minds instead of being like a human. Yeah, the process of becoming a brand is the process of whittling down your humanity into just a couple of identifiable, ideally positive traits. And that's one, it's not true, it's a little bit dishonest. And two, it's very limiting. And that's very easy and good for a perfume because you want it to have just a few very positive traits and nothing else associated with it,

but it's not a good thing for a person because we're very complicated. We have many facets, and we change a lot throughout our lives. On the other hand, Hank and I are answering this question as if he and I have not benefited so, so much from distilling ourselves into a few easy to remember and mostly positive adjectives. It's true, it's true. So as much as I wanna be like, oh, Chloe, you don't have to become a brand.

Like that's easy for me to say. The fact that I'm a brand is what bought me my nice car that gets 25 miles to the gallon and drives by itself as long as I'm going straight. You want to know how amazing that happened to me today. I was getting a burrito with my friends. I left the place and I noticed some kids, some high school-age kids there glancing over as sometimes happens because crash course.

And then as I left, we were all hanging out saying bye out in front. And one of the kids came out and he yelled over to me, you're my hero, John! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. So, you know, you're my brand. Well, thank you, random kid in a parking lot. Hank, I have to say, one of the reasons I continue to drive my fairly beat-up,

fairly old car is that I think it would be bad for my brand to buy the car that I want. Uh, I mean, that's a legitimate thing. Well, I mean, it's partially because like, it would be bad for my brand and it's like not on brand and it's partially because like, well, why is it not on brand? Because probably I should be spending that money more wisely. Oh, yeah, no. I should not buy the car that probably I should be spending that money more wisely. Oh yeah, no, I should not buy the car that I want because the car that I want is very expensive and what a silly waste of money to spend a lot of money

on a thing that is functionally identical to the version of it that costs a quarter as much. Yeah, especially in a world where there are a lot of need for capital. Yeah, the only thing that I've bought in my life that's four times as expensive as the inexpensive version that's actually worth it is you guessed it Hank, my toilet. My fancy toilet is so worth the money. Okay, well, I don't know what I'm missing, and maybe I don't want to know what I'm missing.

This next question comes from Ali who asks, Dear Hank, a John. I am an eighth grade student. I'm sorry, we just talked a bunch about John's toilet. It was weird. And don't get me wrong. I love school. But when asking a teacher about an assignment,

I happened to glimpse a large ceramic jar with an extremely large cork in it. Upon it was engraved ashes of problem students. Should I be concerned, if so, what should I do? Ghost, the teacher, steal the jar, ask for a class switch, help me be not in the jar, not diagonal, Ali. Ali, by virtue of the fact that you were able to write the following sentence, I'm an eighth grade student and don't get me wrong, I love school. You are doing great. I think you're safe from being in the jar. I assume that it's not actually for any students, but if it is, then we've got a class A emergency. Yeah, no.

Yeah, we have a pedagogy problem in the US. I think that we could be doing education better, but in general, I don't think that problem students go into jars. Well, yeah, let's hope not anyway. Ali, I think you need to take the jar in the presumably fairly geneal way it was intended. Although I don't find it that funny, I have to say.

But then again, I don't have to deal with the education system in the United States on a daily basis. I'm sure there's some coping mechanisms involved for teachers. Sure. I got an idea. Bringing your teachers to their candy and be like, it's for your jar. And then... I thought you might want to rebrand your jar so that now it's the home of candy for my favorite students.

Yeah, or just candy for my favorite teacher. I mean, kissing up to teachers, first of all, it's a good thing to do because they have a hard job that it is great and important. Second, it's never going to be bad for you. It's not like... That's true. Bring it, it used to be an apple, but like at this point, we're in a world where there's so many better sweets.

The problem with being a kid is that you don't, and you kind of can't have an appreciation for how difficult the job teaching is, and how much of a person's self they are committing to you when they're teaching you. So try to remember that, although Ali seems like she's doing a great job. I think you're doing a great job. I think you're safe. All right, this next question comes from Lindsay and it's solid gold.

Dear John and Hank, I was at my favorite local Mexican restaurant with my then boyfriend and I was working up the nerve to break up with him. Just as I was about to start transitioning to that topic, I saw my friends standing in line and she came over to say hi. She'd never seen my boyfriend before as it's a very new thing and we weren't officially dating even. She then proceeded to ask after a little bit of small talk, who is this? And I was at a loss for words. I couldn't just introduce him without adding our relationship. This is X, my boyfriend's slash brother's slash dog sitter. But I also was fully intending on changing that status in the next five to 10 minutes. I ended up just saying my friend, but I'm pretty sure that just heard his feelings before I performed the final blow of the actual breakup.

I want to know how anyone else would have handled this situation as I am in a constant state of self-doubt and anxiety regarding what I say or do. Woohoo! Any advice dubious or not is appreciated. Oh, wow. Well, I mean, I think you did the thing. Like, it's got to hurt no matter what. In this situation, you don't state the person's relationship to you. You just say their name.

So you just say, this is Timothy Shalame. You don't say, this is my friend or boyfriend Timothy Shalame. You just say, this is Timothy Shalameh. You don't say, this is my friend or boyfriend Timothy Shalameh. You just say, this is Timothy. That is key. I think no matter what, because you don't want the person to be introduced to their status in your mind via an introduction. Like you never want to find out that you're somebody's boyfriend when they tell someone else who you are, right? That said, the best way to handle this situation would have been, Hey, this is Timothy Shalamet, who's about to be my ex-boyfriend.

And that's how that, that way you killed two birds with one stone. You've established, you established who the person is for your friend. And you've, and I would argue the gentlest way possible, let Timothy Shalamay know that things aren't gonna be continuing. Yeah, you're just like, you're like talking to your friend and then as you're saying it, you turn to look into his eyes and be like, this is my friend, this is Tim,

he's about to be my ex-boyfriend. I'm sorry, I didn't want to tell you like this, but thank you for the lovely Mexican food. If you wanna do a debrief, if that's gonna be important for you, we can do that now, we can do it later, either is fine. But yeah, but this is done with. So.

Tim, there's been a development. I remember when Sarah broke up with me, very similar situation. We weren't really dating, like nothing was official, but at the same time, like we were dating enough that Sarah felt like she had to mention to me that we wouldn't be dating anymore. Mm-hmm.

And I have to say, she handled it so brilliantly, as I'm sure Lindsey handled it, but the thing is Lindsey, there's no way for there not to be hurt feelings or sadness on the other side of that. I also think I handled getting dumped, which I usually handled very, very poorly in my life, but I think in that one instance, I handled it really well and thank God because like four months later, we got back together and it ended up getting married. So thank God I handled it well

I I don't think there's any way to like break up with someone without there being hurt feelings That's just not how it works all you can try to be is compassionate and empathetic and it seems like You were doing that. It's just that you got interrupted in the middle of that experience in an unexpected way I think friend is probably the right way to describe that person. Yeah. Friend and Academy Award nominee. This next question comes from the Bailey Planet

who asks Dear Hank and John. I had to pick a book to read for my college class and I was pumped to read it when I chose it off the list, but now as the deadline approaches, I hate this book. How do I make this book as enjoyable as when I first chose it? How do you make a book you like when you started to not like a book anymore, John? Well, the problem maybe that you liked the book's title and reputation, but you don't like

the book. In which I think you've got to say, I felt like this book did not live up to its reputation. On the other hand, is there something to, like, there is... If you look deeply, if you think hard enough, there is something good in everything. Like, there is something to be enjoyed there, if it is examined properly. if it is examined properly. Um, no. Okay. Well, second, I have a second thing then, because I trust you. Is it important that we only consume media that we like, or is it important that we also

consume media that we, that like isn't working for us? Like should we sometimes consume media that's like, eh? Because it's allowing us to understand something? Yeah, I think you can learn a lot from a book that isn't a great book. Sometimes you can learn more from them in some ways because you can see the strings of the puppets, right? So you can see what the author is doing

and that helps you to understand how story works. And then you can apply that to your own writing or you can apply it to other books that you read and it can help you to become a more critical reader. I don't think that there's a ton of value in finishing every book you start or feeling like you need to read, you know, the 100 best books of the 20th century, according to someone or any of that stuff. Like I think that there's a lot of value in reading broadly and there's a lot of value

in reading stuff that you might not expect to like or reading outside of the genres that you know you love. But I don't think that we like have to finish every book. We read and I don't think we have to give a positive review to every book. That said, like I remember hating, hating the great Gatsby when I was in high school and just thinking that paper, I want to like fold into myself until I become like as small as the universe was in the moment before the Big Bang. Okay.

Okay. I remember the whole bunch of old essays from college and grad school that I was like, ooh, potential project for awesome perks. And then I was like, nope, nope, nope. No. Yeah, I mean, I am tremendously embarrassed, by the way I felt about the great Gatsby

when I was a teenager, but it's also kind of instructive for me to understand that because it turns out I was just wrong, like the problem wasn't with Gatsby, right? Like the problem wasn't with F Scott Fitzgerald. The problem was partly with the time in my life when I read it. And it was also with my approach to reading it, which is that I had decided in advance that I did not like this kind of story

about these kinds of people. Mm-hmm. So I do think that when you're reading something, you need to consider the possibility that for lack of a better term, the problem might be you. So whenever I find myself reading a book and getting really angry with it, sometimes I'm getting angry because I do deeply disagree fundamentally with the arguments that the book is making, sometimes the problem is actually me.

Sometimes the book isn't like, it's just not, it's not for where I am right now. Or it's not for me. But that doesn't mean that like, I can't read it and get something out of it still. All right, I think this next question comes from Danny who writes Dear John and Hank a guy I had been seeing for about a month just stopped talking to me all of a sudden.

This wouldn't be that bad except for he to added me on all social media platforms before disappearing like all of them including LinkedIn. My question is what should I do next? All of them comment including LinkedIn is LinkedIn's new advertising slogan. You've got all of them here. You've got all of them, but do you have LinkedIn? During the last episode of Delete this, Katherine and I watched this competitive canoe-er, like synchronized canoe action dance.

It was really great. And I looked up the guy, and the only thing I could find about him was his LinkedIn page, the canoeer. And do you know what he does for a living, John? What's his job on LinkedIn? He is a canoe carpenter. He makes canoes.

Well, that seems like a pretty good job, actually. That's much better than my job description on LinkedIn, which is staring into the middle distance. Is that what it actually says? No, I don't know how to have a LinkedIn. You don't have a LinkedIn? Well,, I don't have a, I don't know how to have a LinkedIn. You don't have a LinkedIn? Well, I certainly don't have one now. I don't even have a Twitter anymore.

Oh my gosh. Why do I have a LinkedIn, John? Great question. I mean, also related other than, so that I could enjoy DeLieet this every week. Why do you have a Twitter? Oh, I don't have a good reason. Danny's, Danny goes on to write.

My question is, what should I do now? Should I remove him from all of these platforms? Should I request money from him on Venmo for emotional distress? No, I don't think that's allowed. Well, it is a way of saying we're connected via Venmo. That'll be a reminder to this guy who ghosted Danny. Should I show up where he is on my snap map and give him a piece of my mind?

Oh my god. You see where people are on a snap map? Oh my god, is that true? Can you really see where people are on a snap map? Like all of your snapchat friends, like at at all times like if you look at a map You can see all over earth where all of your snapchat friends are That's a thing. I have an open snapchat in a while. Oh wow Oh wow, oh wow I grow old I grow, I show where the bottoms of my trousers are rolled.

Yes. I think you've got to hit them up on LinkedIn and be like, hey, I was hoping that we could network because nothing gets you blocked faster in my experience than that. Just start asking them for jobs. Danny, I think it would be a pretty interesting exercise to show up where this person is on their snap map and just be like, I want you to know that none of us is ever aware of how much data we are sharing and that you are sharing this data with me right now. Yeah. Okay. Sure. It is. It has a way of protesting that the current state of digital infrastructure or just unfriend him on everything? It's over. I don't think you guys are gonna hang out anymore. Yeah, I mean it doesn't seem like you're gonna hang out anymore I would I would be the bigger person in this situation do a mass unfriending And is that how it goes because I don't know man none of this stuff existed when I was single

I have I have no idea. I do I don't know, man, none of this stuff existed when I was single. I have no idea. I do, I haven't, it seems so complicated now. I mean, can you imagine having, it was torture for me to have my ex-girlfriend's phone numbers like in my brain, like memorized and know that I could call them and also know that I shouldn't mostly because my roommate Shannon was saying don't call her. Stop. Stop. Don't do

that. Thanks Shannon. We all appreciate it. Thank you Shannon and Hassan and Katie. Thank you. I was gonna say wherever you are but that makes it seem like they're in heaven when really they're just in Michigan. Mainly. Michigan and Chicago so I think things are fine. As far as I can tell, like if you're not going to continue having a relationship with someone, if you're like, we had a thing and we're not friends and we don't like to have a bunch of shared friends, yeah, it's done. Take them off the medias. You got enough people that you're trying to keep up with. God knows. Got a focus on good friends and have good experiences

with them, good, interesting connections. Add them on Marco Polo. Wait, what's Marco Polo? Can I get access to that one? Ha ha ha ha ha. No, John. No, I definitely sat in no. I think it is against your current situation.

I know very little about it. I found out about it today. All right, well, I'll just stick with Zillow then all the pretty pictures. John's just gotta be shopping for houses for the next year. Yeah, and I quite like my house. Yeah, no, you're not gonna buy any of them. We have all the websites.

John, do you got any news from AOC Wilburden for us? Before we get to the news from Mars and AOC Wilburden, though I need to share this email from Jess who wrote in to say, dear John and Hank, I have one comment and one question regarding the umbrella conversation from a recent episode. Hank, as you'll remember, I am opposed to umbrellas, as I think they unfairly create inside, outside, which makes me very uncomfortable philosophically. In the line in which, in the wardrobe, Mr. Tumness is carrying an umbrella in the snow

when he first meets Lucy. When I see someone carrying an umbrella in the snow, it makes me think of that, and it makes me happy. So we should all follow Mr. Tumness's example. I don't agree, Jess. John, if umbrellas are so upsetting to you because they create a small inside in the outside, how do you feel about tents? Well, I'll tell you, Jess, when a tent is a proper tent, which is to say that its sides go all the way to the ground, and it is a thing that you sleep in, that is waterproof, that is inside. That's fine.

But those open air tents that are just like basically large umbrellas that have like a tent structure on the top and then the walls where the walls ought to be in any proper inside space. Instead, there's just air. I find those horrifying. I mean, I'm making a face over here that could be read as skeptical that you have any connection recently to any kind of tent. Oh, no.

I sleep outside regularly with my kids who insist on going on outside adventures and camping out in the backyard until like 10, 15 when they're like, this isn't comfortable. Okay. out in the backyard until like 10-15 when they're like, this isn't comfortable. Okay. Although I had to say, during the most recent sleep out, it was me who broke, and I was like, we gotta go inside, guys, this is ridiculous. We have a bed 45 feet away.

All right, anyway, I'm totally in favor of those tense, but those open air tense are an absolute abomination. Speaking of abominations. Oh gosh. No, actually the news from AFC Wimbledon isn't that bad in the scheme of things. We tied a game. Hey.

We tied it one-one. We played Rockstale or possibly Roachdale. Rockdale, nobody knows how to say fictional English place names. The point is that we tied one-one. We went down one nail. I got very frustrated, but then Andy Barchem scored in the 70th minute.

It was a great goal too. And Andy Barchham in general had a wonderful game, and I was reminded that if AFC Wimmeldin had 11 Andy Barchham's, we would never lose a game. But alas, we have only one. Where are the other ones? I don't know where they all are, but AFC Wimmeldin are still in 23rd place out of 24 teams. Drifting, drifting, drifting, six points from safety. Well, the news from Mars, John,

as you know, Mars's in-site lander has a seismometer on it, seismometers detect, get this, vibrations. Marsquakes. Yeah, and so they're gonna detect some very, do a very sensitive job of detecting Marsquakes, but at the moment the seismometer has been placed on the surface of Mars yet. But it is the first instrument on Mars

that is capable of detecting vibrations and another name for vibrations when they happen in the air is sounds. And so we have just gotten our first recording of the surface of Mars. Really? So they took the vibrations of the seismometer, they converted that into the stuff that we can hear.

Like it's not even pitch shifted. So this is the sound of the wind flowing over the Mars lander. And I am going to, you won't be able to hear it unless you got good headphones on, because it's really low and basic. And I'm just going to have Nick put it in right here. So that is what I would actually hear if I were on the surface of Mars right now.

Yeah, if you were, if you had your space suit off and you were dying. To say it like the last 30 seconds of my life, other than the noises I was making, those would be the noises. Yeah, as long as you were next to the Mars Insight Landr, because I think that that is affecting how the sound, what the sound that's being created, because it's like the wind blowing over the landr. Hank, that reminds you of one of my favorite songs. Where has all the atmosphere gone? Oh, good.

Mm-hmm. I've got, hey, got blown off by the solar wind. Thanks to everybody for listening to this dumb podcast. Oh God, I am so excited about taking a nap. Thank you for potting with me. Thanks to everybody for listening. Thanks to WNYC for their ongoing support of our ridiculousness. And I think Hank is going to read the,

I forgot what they're called, credits. During the drama's a co-production of Complexly and W and My C Studios, it is edited by Nicholas Jenkins, our producers, our Rosiana Halsey and Sheridan Gibson. Our head of community and communication is Victoria Bonjorna. The music you listen to is by the great Gunnarola and as they say in our hometown. Don't forget to be awesome.