Dear Hank & John - 178: Snack Man! (Live at PodCon!)

Episode Date: February 25, 2019

How do I propose to my girlfriend if I can't get down on one knee? How do I get rid of a bad nickname? Should I cause chaos? And more! This episode was recorded live at PodCon 2 in Seattle, WA. If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at [e-mail]! Join us for monthly livestreams and an exclusive weekly podcast at patreon.com/dearhankandjohn.

Oh and welcome to Dear Hank and John. Where's our first big event for you, John and Hank? It's a comedy podcast where two brothers answer your questions, give you a degree of advice and bring you all the week's news from both Mars and the AFC and Milton John. Yes. I have a problem. What's your problem? I accidentally put your hat on my computer

and I can't get it off. Well, what's the issue? I don't know. Oh, the capslok was on. Oh. Oh. She's going to put that on your head there for like maybe like 10 seconds and then tell you

that our family is working its way through a lice outbreak. Your child isn't old enough yet to get lice but let me tell you, you've got it now. All right. John. Yes. One, do you have a thing you were going to do after the thing or you're not going to do the thing? We decided not to do it.

I was going to do a new bit where I say things that I would have tweeted this week, but I told, I don't know if you guys know, but I'm off Twitter. One thing I've learned about being off the social internet over the last month is that it's a little bit like having gone to Harvard in the sense that within 10 to 15 seconds of anyone beginning a conversation with me, I find myself saying, I no longer use the social internet. Yeah, they'll be like, how's the chicken? And I'll be like, you know good, but I can't take a picture of it because I'm not on Instagram. I went to college just outside of Boston. It was lovely.

Hey Hank, should we answer some questions from our listeners? Heck yes! Okay, let's do it. This first question comes from... They were given to us by the people in this room. So hopefully you're here. Whoever we're about to ask a question from, John didn't have his first one prepared. That's fine. I had my first one, I'll pick down but he decided to go first so you just keep on looking Oh, I found it our first question comes from anonymous then when I read the question

You'll know why they wanted to remain anonymous which one of you beefy lads can lift more which one of you beefy lads can lift more? It's not really... More what? Yeah, like I need units. Because I can definitely lift more ideas. Wow, yeah, you're really coming, I don't care. I haven't ever tried to lift something I couldn't lift. I look at it and I'm like, that's a jug of milk, and that's as high as I go.

Everything else is like, eh, probably not. Okay, then it's me. I think I may have picked up a two by four at some point in like the early 2000s. Yeah, then I have you by a pretty wide margin. Oh, you know, we should do. We should do. Yeah, we should just see who can do more shoulder presses with those chairs. We're just real quick. Visual gags are good for a podcast. Yeah, visual gags are great for a podcast. We'll all insert some narration here. I can do this, but I can do this. John intimidated me out of it.

He looked so comfortable doing it, and I was like, my shoulders... He's doing it. For those of you at home, he's doing it with one hand now. Yeah, he looked, he looks to be straight in the eyes and he said, I could do this for the full 50 minutes of the podcast. And I was like, well, I couldn't do it.

It was an extraordinarily light chair. That was a good laugh. That one got one. Somebody loved that joke. Yeah. Dear brothers, who's it from? Merrily. Hey, Merrily, hi, how are you?

I feel yeah, well actually I've been doing okay. Last year I made some bad decisions and I realized it and I saved myself from them this year. I'm so glad that you put your name on this question so that now everyone will know. I drink a lot of water. Because you know healthy, which means I also have to go to the bathroom quite frequently. My good friends know this about me, but it's always weird when I'm with people I don't know so well. Are any of the people around you, folks like that?

Just everyone in the room. So I know this about Marley. How do I tell, this weekend I've been telling people I'm going on a walking tour of Seattle restaurants. But that won't work when I get home, please help Marley. How do you inform people that you're a frequent peer, John? I, someone experienced with that. I would, I would just be pretty open about it. How do you inform people that you're a frequent peer, John? I... Someone experienced with that.

I would just be pretty open about it. And if somebody says that's weird, then they're the ones who made it weird. Just be like, I drink a lot of water because I'm super crazy healthy and you should drink... Like, you should be a frequent peer. What's your problem? Throw it back on them. Be like, you only pee six times a day? Good God. Yes. Shame of them. Have you been to a doctor? Six times a day. No, I don't even know. I don't even know how much I pee. Like,

oh, now I'm stressed out. Do I pee too much? Do I pee not enough? It hadn't occurred to me. You mentioned medical something to my brother and he's very worried enough? It hadn't occurred to me. You mentioned medical something to my brother, and he's very worried now. It hadn't occurred to me that it could be something I could feel shame about. So thanks for opening up that new avenue. I'm really excited to pursue it in the hour between when I lie down and fall asleep tonight.

Has anybody in this room remember gone to the bathroom to say that they could check Twitter? Oh, yeah. I don't know if you guys know this, but I've actually been off of Twitter for a month. So I can't relate to that at all. When do you pee? You know what I do when I'm urinating now, Hank?

I- Thanks for that sentence. I think. I think. I have these weird things called the thoughts. And now they're all going to be about, now when was the last time I peed? Is this the correct color? Yeah, oh, man, all right, you're fine.

Everything is fine. Don't worry, I'm sure that you don't have a disease. That wasn't your question, but that is my answer. But we're very worried about you now. Yeah. Okay, this next question comes from Sarah, who writes, Dear John and Hank, why is it when we cry our entire body's leak? You do need to see a doctor.

Yeah. Yeah, Sarah, I'm definitely concerned about you. It's a more to the question. Yes. Give me some context. Like, why does the nose need to get in on the action? And that is true. I have found that to be true, but that's not your whole body.

Um, I bet there are at least 50 of me here right now, comma, Sarah. Which Sarah are you? Hi. Very good, very mild woo. That was about... I'd say that was like a 20 on the scale of who's I've heard the 20 out of a hundred I didn't but it I didn't seem like it was like an embarrassed we would just seemed like a chill Woo, you know like I'm having a good time. Let's just yeah, woo woo Let's just, yeah, woo. Woo.

So, Sarah, I'm a science guy. I know all about things like this. For example, you've got eyes in your nose and they cry. Got eyes up on the inside of your nose. They also cry. Just like your eyes, your eyes cry, your nose eyes cry too. Yeah. Yeah. Science. You don't usually...

Yeah. You don't often think about your nose eyes, because you don't usually look out of them. Yeah, you can't see anything. If you focus really hard, Sarah, you can see out of your nose eyes. Like if you just kind of squint it, squint, and really, then you can see out of your nose eyes, but there's not much to see yeah, so it's like more hair than you used to have

Mostly with my nose eyes see these days. Why? Does hair come out of my nostril? You can't you and it's just like stop growing your nose hair You have the phases of growth and you have reached the end of it before you get four inches long. Yeah, I'm very confused about so many things about middle age. Mostly, why do all of these cliched things

keep happening to me? That everybody talks about with middle age. Why does my knee hurt all the time now? all of these cliched things keep happening to me? That everybody talks about with middle age? Like why does my knee hurt all the time now? It seems like can't I have a more interesting, less cliched middle age? Yeah, and I literally see the kids these days and I'm like, God! Kids these days!

These days! Yeah, I hope they're all right. Yeah. You know? I am worried about them and worried by them at the same time. And like the things that I'm very hopeful about today's kids, I think. But mostly I'm just baffled by them. Like it used to be when young people got into something, I was already like kind of into it, you know, so like when young people were like, oh Harry Potter's

amazing. I was like, oh yeah, yeah, I know, I know. I was reading Harry Potter when you were five. And now young people will be like, oh, have you seen Peekaboo, Smooth, the new app where you can whip sync to electronic music that doesn't have any words. And I'll download it and I'll try to like be like, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. And I just feel so embarrassed. Yeah. Before it was TikTok when it was musically, I downloaded it and I was like, well, I am a new media personality.

I'm going to engage with this new app. I downloaded it and I was like, I'm leaving. It's like I just walked into a Claire's as a single 35-year-old man. Yeah. Like, you can't be here. Yeah. It's not okay. Yeah, no, that's exactly it. You shouldn't be here.

And like, they're trying to tell you in all kinds of different ways. And you're like, no, I'm cool. I'm gonna be on Snapchat. And everyone's like, no, man, no, you're not. You shouldn't. And then like, after one day, I was like, oh yeah, no, I'm never going back here.

Yeah. No, I shouldn't be long. This next question comes from Kelsey. Kelsey, are you here. Yeah. No, I just got to go to the wrong. This next question comes from Kelsey. Kelsey, are you here? Woo. Maybe. I was just having a little Kelsey. Sorry, I didn't ask your question first.

I'm a permanent wheelchair user. How do I physically propose to my girlfriend since I can't get down on one knee, Kelsey? Are you that Kelsey? You're that Kelsey? Can you raise your hand? I can't see very well. Here's my answer to the question. If you've had the conversations, if you've discussed the stuff, not on right now, oh, there it goes. If you've discussed the stuff that you need to discuss, if you're ready to get engaged, then like getting down on one

knee is not an important part of the process. The important part of the process is the asking. So I want to, I'm just coming to you Kelsey so that you can participate in the conversation. This is a bigger room than I thought it was. Oh, I've met before. How are you? Good to see you. Oh, you have your own microphone. Oh, and so you've talked about it.

Yes, yes. Have we talked about it? Yes. Oh, this is your girlfriend. Yes. How are you doing? I'm having an amazing day. That's good to hear.

Yeah. Hi, I'm Hank. Hi, Hank. What's your name? Amelia. Hi, Amelia. So I guess John's advice was like if you're ready to do it Okay, so I just are you ready? Yeah

Amelia Mary's over You're my favorite person And you're my perfect will you marry me? Of course I'm going to marry you. Okay, I'm going to leave you guys alone now. Okay. I'm fine. Oh, jeez. Oh, I'm a little teary. Little. Well, that, I mean, that's going to be the best part of the pod.

Anybody? I thought about saying anybody else looking to get married, but no, you can't. You're not going to be able to beat that. So, save it for another podcast. Oh, man. That was really lovely. Thank you for sharing that moment with us, guys.

I don't know how you, I know. Yeah, I really appreciate it. It's encouraging. Makes me go back to the feeling earlier when I feel like we're as a species going to be okay. Johnny, you got a really good follow-up for that one. I do it. I do it. It comes from anonymous and it is dear John and Hank. Cool ranch or nacho cheese. I can really help. I do. I do it. It comes from anonymous, and it is dear John and Hank. Cool ranch or nacho cheese.

I don't want to. I want to keep the vibe going of being on the edge of tears and overjoyed. So I mean, if you make a Dorito and you put salt and sugar and everything else on it, I'm good, man. You can make it spicy, you can make it limey, you can make it nunchachese, you can make it cool ranch, and I will eat it until I vomit. Yeah. The flavor ranchers at Doritos, that's what they call them. They're like the sandwich artists set. We've got flavor ranchers. Is this like no size or is this a real thing?

It's all I could come up with, John, as far as I could get. It's the best I could do. The fact that you thought I might even possibly be real is a huge win for me. The flavor ranchers at Doritos are real experts. They really know what they're doing. And I put a lot of my trust in faith in them. And I, you know, whatever they're up to, I encourage it.

And they've never let me down so far. OK. I'm glad we picked to that question. I feel very emotionally supported by the flavor ranchers. This next question comes from, boooooooom, blav! Blake, blaine, or blav! We'll find out soon. How long do I have to live in a new city

before I can confidently say, I do not like it? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I have to say, lots of words rhyme with blive, which is true. Blive are you here? What's your name? Thanks, it's Blake, everybody. More words rhyme with Blake than with blive. What's this? You see where I'm at, though? Oh, that's a, that's a brave 100%.

Maybe a Blair. I'm struggling to find a break. But I have a very specific answer for this because for the first two years that I lived in Indianapolis, I hated it. Like, not like, I didn't like living there. I hated it. I could I didn't like living there. I hated it. I could not wait for Sarah to get a job at some other museum in some other stupid mid-sized

American city so that I could hate that city, but at least it would be a new hate. That's how I felt about Indianapolis. And now when people say anything negative about Indianapolis. And now when people say anything negative about Indianapolis, like even when they say, you know, Indianapolis dumps raw sewage into the white river like 70 or 80 times a year, I'm like, you shut your mouth. You know what? That That raw sewage is beautiful in a way. If you think about it long enough. People are just trying to keep themselves and their children alive.

We're just trying to prevent cholera, okay? We're just, all we want is to feed ourselves and think care of our children in the consequence of that is one of the many consequences. Is raw sewage, yes? Yeah. And it wouldn't exist if it weren't for human love. More evidence that a hen can make a case for anything.

I think you have to be in a place for my experience anyway. It has been, you have to be in a place for a couple of years before you can start to see its charms and see past its frustrations and annoyances. In the end, the problem with any kind of moving or travel for me is that I bring myself with me. And there I still am with all of my old problems, and I always think the geographical cure will work and instead I find myself now I'm like, oh great, now it's mountains and me, now it's a beach and me, now it's Indianapolis and me. So over the years of living in Indianapolis I began to hate myself less, which strangely

had the side effect of me hating Indianapolis less. And now I'm a huge fan of it. And if you are considering, if you live in Seattle and are considering perhaps moving to a place where you don't have to pay $700 million for an apartment, let me encourage you to move to Indianapolis. We're out of this big city in the world, in America. When you first moved into Indianapolis, I looked at houses. There was a house on the market for like $11,000. Oh yeah. No, the house next door to our first house sold for $89,000.

And when it was for sale, I went in to be like, what's wrong with it? And the answer was nothing. That's why it was $89,000. This is because it's pretty good house. I'm so sorry Seattle. It's not the easiest time to be you but you're making it work. In my experience, I don't feel really one way or another about places I feel ways about people. And when I am feeling distressed about a place, it's usually because I've felt antagonized by, or my values are not in concert with, the people that I come across. And if it is a thing like, there's no good Indian food or this is a very Mizzoula problem.

Yeah, the other important issue in Seattle. Do you guys have good Indian food here? No restaurants are open until after six. Or your airport only flies to three different cities like there's another Mizzoula problem for you. But the thing that I love is that I feel like the people in this place have a similar perspective on the world and they help me have a better view of the world and then when I'm in other places,

sometimes I don't feel that way. Sometimes I feel like people don't like each other or have a sort of perspective that we're going to be okay and that people are ultimately good and that rubs off on me and makes me feel real bad. And so I do not know. Blair, Blair, Blake? Blake? But I also think what you're, what you're thing that you are disliking is, but it might

be the social group rather than the place itself. I also think it's a time of life issue. I lived in Chicago when I was in my 20s, and I love Chicago. It's an amazing city. It's a wonderful city. It's a big huge, it's many cities at the same time.

And there were large swaths of the time that I lived there that I absolutely hated Chicago. And it wasn't because of the weather. It was because of circumstance. Like I was in a difficult period of life. Like being in your, I don't want to generalize, but like being in your early to mid-20s is, you know, essentially the worst.

So I think, you know, that was the problem I had with Chicago ultimately, not for everyone. For some people, it's great, but not for me. We have a related question. Hank, dear John and Hank, it's from Page. What do you say when people ask you where you are from? Is it the city where you were born, where you grew up, where you went to school, where you live now?

Help people at PodCon keep asking me where I'm from. And I don't know, thanks in advance. Just to get a pick. It's easy for me. I don't have to pick, I just say Orlando because I was there the whole time. Wait, no, when people ask you where you're from today, you say I'm from Orlando? No, not from, yes, you're right. I say, so when people ask me where I'm from, I say I've been in Mizzoula for the last 15 years. You still don't say I'm from Mizzoula?

If you live in Montana, you are not from Montana unless you were born in Montana, and they will punch you in bars over it. I don't doubt that. For me, when I look back at the moment, my life, I began to think of myself as an adult without being uncomfortable about the thought, which was shockingly recently, was the moment when people asked me where I was from, I just said, I'm from Indianapolis. And once I felt really comfortable with being

from Indianapolis, with the idea of having a hometown that wasn't the town in which I grew up, or either of the towns in which I grew up, that's when I felt like, oh, I'm home, or at least I'm making a home in this place. So I think if you're not there yet, like when I was in my early 20s, people would ask me when I was from,

and I would usually say like Alabama, but also kind of Florida, and I guess kind of Chicago. But at podcon, they mean like, where are you going home after this? Right? Where do you live currently? Yeah, so that's when you say your current city.

Yeah, like, it's funny, I had not thought about this, but when people ask me where I'm from, where are you from? I say, I live in Mizzoula. Because I don't think I'm from Mizzoula. That is, it's weird to have to be from a place at all. It's weird to have a from. That doesn't necessarily seem like that it's actually true of humans

that we sprouted as a plant and then turned into a butterfly and flew away from the place that you were originally from. He's a scientist today, gentlemen. And we are all plant butterflies and But I do think that I'm from Orlando That's and I yeah, I don't know like linguistically. I am confused right now I think

Existentially I've also gotten myself a little confused and maybe also biologically as well but I Am no longer from Orlando. You left sooner than I did though. Hard stop. Thank you for congratulating me, person who clapped. Can everybody thank, congratulations on your non-Indos great. Orlando. Orlando is great. Anybody here from Orlando? Hey, hey, hey, thanks for being here.

It's a great city. I'll actually be visiting in a month. Ha, ha, ha, ha. To take my children to certain unnamed. Oh, I see. Oh, God. I love theme parks. And I can't wait for my child to be old enough to love them, too.

Oh, God. Probably simultaneously, uh, coincide with the moment when my knees hurt so bad that I can no longer enjoy them. Oh, God. Because I'll be that age. I, I, I, I, that is not a love Disney. We are so similar in so many ways and we could not be more different on that front. Like, when we were kids, and our parents would take us to Disney, my mom, because of her community service, was awarded like an annual pass, a free annual pass to Disney.

And so it was very easy for them to take us to Disney, which I know sounds like a wonderful blessing in whatever, but it was horrible. It's horrible. They'd take us to Disney all the time know sounds like a wonderful blessing and whatever, but it was horrible. It was horrible. They'd take us to Disney all the time. We went there hundreds and hundreds of times and it was just horrible. And what I would do, Hank, would go on all the rides of the What Not The Housy Hoots. I got a hernia.

I was like, I was 14 or 15 by this time. You know, I wore a trench coat in the summer in Orlando. I hated every aspect of Disney and Orlando and also the known universe. Like, there was nothing about the universe I couldn't find an angle to hate. Except for Trent Rezner. He's a talented man. I'm not going to deny it. Not in the cure.

God help me. So what I would do, well, they went on the rides, is there's this thing at Disney called the Hall of Presidents, and it's like a 30-minute animatronic introduction to American civics. Everyone should go. It's the best I maintain, the best ride at Disney. It's also air conditioned, and there's never a line.

So I would sit in the hall of presidents and listen to the 30 minute spiel and then I would get out and then I would go immediately back into the hall of presidents because it was air conditioned and I would just do that for eight hours until it was time to go. I have never been to the hall of presidents.

That's great. But I have been to the emergency room because of my Disney hernia. That's great. But I have been to the emergency room because of my Disney Hernia. That's true. I forgot about your Disney Hernia. This next question comes from Mary. That's all we're talking about. Dear Ancon John, what are your strategies for recovering after a con is over? No, I do not have a little lamb. Mary. Why do we still sing nursery rhymes about all this pastoral? It's very strange. They're all about sheep and hay and pies with birds in them. I'm very confused the whole time. What should they be about like plastic molding factories? You know? No, look, you

know, things that people do now. Mary had a little... Social media profile. Mary had a little town in Minecraft. Yeah. Mary had a little Patreon. It's... Gave everybody eight bucks a month and it's good. It's nice. It's better than nothing.

I just thought of a very sad joke that I'm not going to tell. Okay. Can we answer the strategies? But the actual question I forgot, the strategies for covering after a con is over. One, it's a thing and it's normal and it took me forever to accept that I'm like, I'm going to feel bad the day or two after a con. And that's normal. That is the, almost like in many cases, what I need to be told is, this is a thing.

And you are experiencing it. And it will not last forever. Yeah, you have to set your expectations correctly, because then you don't get freaked out. I often get kind of sick after VidCon or PodCon. And that doesn't really happen. Sleep more than usual. And for the first few years, I was like, no, I have to be at work.

And now I just like take it, you know, I take a day off if I can. And that makes it better. So that's my advice. Yeah, and I think, oops, sorry. That one really snug up on me. He's already getting sick. That means I'm going to get sick because I lent him my hat earlier.

And I was trying to give him license. He gave me a cold. Maybe I'm allergic to a license. This next question comes from I think Daniel? Well, we don't know for sure. It's not good ahead of ourselves. Dear John and Hank, I've obtained an unfortunate nickname at work. It was, which roughly translates to little dude slash little boy.

I've been there five months. How do I get this to stop? So I don't really have a solution to your problem, Hank might, but I do have a relevant story that I'm on the fence about telling because I don't want to have this new nickname outside of my friend group because within my friend group, it is Such a nickname so about three months ago one of my good friends turned 40 And we went to we had a party in like a hotel suite in Indianapolis and

It was a great time and there was a lot of drinking and food and games and fun and we was a tiger and Mike Tyson was there and then everybody Yeah, you've seen the movie and That's how that's how Indianapolis parties unfold With 40 year olds. Yeah, and then at about like 12 30 in the morning Somebody was like oh man, I'm really hungry. I wish I had some like Doritos and I was like oh you guys want snacks And I should add that I was kind of half conscious at this moment. Like my eyes were closed and they thought I was asleep, but I heard somebody say Doritos and I just like was like, hello, how's it going guys?

And I was like, you guys want some snacks? And they were like, yeah, we really want some snacks. And I was like, I'll go get some snacks. And they were like, what? You're asleep and I'm like, no, it's good, I got it. So I go down to the hotel lobby and I don't want to brag, but I'm like, no, it's good, I got it. So I go down to the hotel lobby, and I don't want to brag, but I am really good at late night snack acquisition. You know how some people under order on the snacks?

That's never been a problem for me. So I go downstairs, and it's a situation where there's this hotel pantry where you can get whatever you want, and I get a lot of snacks. I probably get 30, 35 total snacks. But I don't have any bags. So I just kind of roll it up into my shirt as best I can and kind of hold the rest of it.

Yeah, like a baby, basically. But like a baby that's got 35 discrete parts any of which could fall off at any moment. And I get in the elevator now, the elevator is full of eight people who do not know each other, but are all very drunk and have been riding up and down on the elevator for long enough that they've become friends. And they can't figure out how to get to the floor that they all want to get to. This is the environment into which I walk

with this 35 different snacks. So I walk in there and one of the guys says, you got a lot of snacks, man. And then one of the other people says, you got a lot of snacks, man. And then one of the other people says, he's a snack man. And then these eight strangers start chanting. Snack man. Snack man.

Snack. No! No! No! What did you expect? I should never have done it! Oh no! Wow.

So I'm like, OK, well, this is really bad, but at least it's just an elevator phenomenon. But no. I get out of the elevator. I'm walking back to the hotel suite where Sarah's birthday party is. And here's this freaking Greek chorus behind me. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I hope for the best, but no in the end, like I knock on the right door, and my friends open up,

and they're these strangers behind me chanting snack, man. Ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha. And that's how I got that nickname. So I guess the answer to the question is, you gotta start bringing snacks. Ha, ha, ha, ha.

You'll be the snack boy. Instead, you'll be a the snack boy. You'll be the tiny little snack boy. All right. God, we got that covered. You want me to ask another one you're heading? I got one. I'm sorry I was upside down. This is from ZW who asks, as a nurse, what is the most helpful and comforting thing I can tell you when you are a patient? I look to John, who needs to be comforted frequently.

Well, I mean, the most comforting thing that you can tell to me is, you're fine, and all of these test results will be negative and you'll be home soon. But you can't, right? That's the scam. That's the deal with medicine. Is you can't offer right? That's the scam. That's the deal with medicine. Is you can't offer the reassurance that they need

because sometimes that reassurance is false and you don't want to offer somebody false reassurance. I think the most important thing that you can do is listen. I find it very helpful when I'm in the hospital. If I ask for something, if somebody is able to get it right away, like a warm blanket, for instance, can be like often extremely comforting

when you're in the hospital, because it's like, you know, it feels warm and almost like a cuddle that's closest to hospitals. Can you go down to the X-ray department and get me one of those heavy blankets? Oh, those are great. Just a big, most great. Yeah. Just for whatever part you can find. great. Just a big, most great. Those are great.

Yeah. Just for whatever part you can find. Yeah. Just put it on my arm. Yeah. I just want to feel cuddles. I just want to feel the weight, yeah. And then the other thing is just to be respectful, you know, like be respectful of the

fact that it's super hard on a minute-by-minute basis when you work in health care to be empathetic toward patients because there are a lot of them, and the expectations on you are extraordinarily high, and you are also experiencing your own set of stresses. But when you are able to be empathetic toward patients and to understand that for them, this is, you know, in many cases, the worst day of their lives

or at the very least, the worst day of their week, I think that can be really helpful. Now, I know you can't be expected to hold, and you shouldn't try to hold other people's anxiety and fear and worry and sadness and everything, because that would make it impossible for you to do your job. And that balance is something that, frankly, I could never find when I worked in a hospital,

and I have great admiration for the people who are able to do that work for longer than like six months because I burned out almost immediately. Thanks for doing good work. Yeah, thank you. This next question comes from Miranda who writes, do you John and Hank last year you advised me to just get a second cat or else dump my live-in boyfriend? Did we do that? That does not seem like advice that we would give. I feel like...

Seems dubious, seems like I... Maybe it was more nuanced than that. This year... Tell me, maybe there were some really good reasons why you needed another cat. This year, this year, we have two cats, it worked. Okay, never mind, we did great. Yeah, you're welcome for the great advice. What?

Now we're getting married. How do I convince him to start having kids? No, no, no, no. I feel not great about the fact that I'm responsible for this one cat. I do not want to get into the business of being responsible for other people's babies. John, can I put you on pause right now? Mm. And make a suggestion. Snacks. I mean, if you provide enough snacks for people,

they're very amenable to, especially Doritos. Okay, no, here's my argument. This should be a conversation that happens between equals about a very long-term decision. You get them hooked on the snacks, and you say, I'm going to take them away if you don't have a baby. And that's not weird at all.

Yeah, that is very bad advice. I mean, we're here for. You both need to really 100% be on the same page about that. It's such a huge decision. I actually remember at our Catholic Engaged Encounter, which I've probably mentioned before, because it was the most terrifying two days of my life. Do you know what haven't been on the social internet at all

in like six weeks? One of the things they made us do was stand back to back and then raise our hands if we wanted kids. So Sarah and I stood back to back and they said, do you want kids and we raised our hands, we turned around and we were like, oh yeah good. And like half the other couples turned around and like huge fights broke out. Oh. So don't be in that situation. Like get this.

Have the conversation. Get it settled. And yeah. This is a thing that involves more than one person and must and so the opinions of both those people must be taken into account. It might even involve more than two people. It's possible.

Yeah, that's up to you though. Not I die of no interest. We're staying out of it. You do what you do. Weirdly, the only person who doesn't have a say in it is the one who starts existing then. Yeah. That's upsetting to me.

You know what I, no one asked me if I wanted to exist. All this reminds me, Hank, that today's podcast is brought to you by Miranda's second cat. Miranda's second cat, apparently my fault. This podcast is also brought to you by my Disney Hernia. My Disney Hernia. A very fun day came to an end. Today's podcast is also brought to you by the Hall of Presidents, the Hall of Presidents, Disney's leading civics-oriented attraction.

And finally, this podcast is brought to you by marriage proposals in public. I hope that you asked first. This one is very good. Can I do this one? Yes, please. It says, Dear Mr. Greens, last summer I fell in love with someone who eventually left me for someone else. Then last week, the someone else matched with me on a dating app. What? And then asked me to hang out. What do I do? Do I cause chaos? From fumble on the bumble.

I mean, this is a vintage example of how happy I am to be old in 2018. It's 2019. That's how old I am. I don't even, I'm now of an age where I don't need to know the year. The nurse will be like, who's the president? And you're like, I don't know. I haven't been on Twitter in 30 years, lady. How am I going to know who the president is? How do people know things anymore?

Do you cause chaos? People seem to be very in favor. Yeah, people I was in chaos. I was shocked. Is there anyone who is for letting sleeping dogs lie? OK. Raise your hand if you've done this before. No one has done this before.

Oh, I've done it before. They're taking it next to each other. Wait, are you, did this result in YouTube being, okay. Yeah. They're like, nope, nope, nope, nope. Nope. I mean, obviously it's a bad situation. I mean, the truth, the truth of the man.

Is it? You don't have to do anything. It's not a bad situation. I mean, the truth of the man. Is it? You don't have to do anything. It's not a bad situation because if somebody texts from what I understand, if somebody texts you on a dating app, you are under no obligation to write to them back. Correct question. What? Why did they match with them?

They only matched with them because they saw their profile and they knowingly swiped either up, down, left, or right depending on what how it works. Yeah, I suppose you did. You did swipe the someone else. Yeah, I belong the bumble- You can remain anonymous if you want, but did you swipe the someone else?

I did. You did. Why did you swipe the someone else? Why did you swipe to someone else? Oh, she wanted to be feel better. Yeah, no, that makes sense. Actually, now that you say it out loud, I totally would have done that. Yeah, 100, 100, 100 P. I'm so cool and hip.

I mean, that was the, that made like my whole body shiver when you said that. Like my, when I said, what, John? Hundo P. My, my, my, I, I feel like I have a fever that came on very quickly as a result of Hundo P. The more I think about this, the more I think you probably got a cause chaos and see.

And here's the reason. You got to see how weird it can... I want to preface this by saying, the end of this story really should not be you getting back together with the person who left you for the person who's now on the dating app who swiped you. I don't think that's a good ending of the story. I'm not an expert.

You feel like you'll differently. It's your life. You live your life, obviously. But like, I don't think that's the best outcome here. come here, but if you hang out, see what happens, the story likely gets better. You know, like, I don't know which way it gets better yet, but like, if part of the point of being reasonably young is to have great stories, now's a great time in your life to have such a story and this is a pretty amazing opportunity. Hank, yes. Thank you for potting with me. Thanks to all of you for listening, not

just today, but for listening to our podcast and bringing so much joy to it, the responses that you send in, the gifts that we get, it really, it has made me feel like 2010 Nerdfighteria again, and it's been really magical. And Longmayt continue, thank you for sticking with us. I know there are many people in the audience who've been following our stuff and making stuff with us for a long time, continue thank you for thank you for sticking with us. I know there are many people in the audience who've been Following our stuff and and making stuff with us for a long time So thank you. We really really appreciate it We feel really lucky to be part of this community with you This podcast is edited by Nicholas Jegger boy. He's got

He's got rough work ahead of him on this one. Yeah, good luck with that Our producers are Rosie on a Halsey Roll Austin shared in Gibson, her Hello Community and Communications is like Poryabon Giorno, the music that you heard at the beginning of the podcast, and right now is by the great Gunnarola, and as they say in our hometown, don't forget to be awesome! you