Dear Hank & John - 180: The Bird Thunderdome (w/ Katherine Green!)

Episode Date: March 11, 2019

How do I win the bird hospitality battle? Are the keys part of the car? How do I get better at creative writing? And more! You can listen to more Hank & Katherine in Delete This! If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at [e-mail]! Join us for monthly livestreams and an exclusive weekly podcast at patreon.com/dearhankandjohn.

Hello and welcome to Dear Hank and John! Or is I like to think of a dear Catherine and no one else? It's a comedy podcast for two brothers and sometimes two spouses. Answer your questions, give you a Dibi advice and bring you all the weeks news from both Mars and AFC Wimbledon. Catherine! Hey! This is my wife, everyone.

It's me. That's who I am, I guess. That's the whole period. That's it, period. She has no other claims to fail. Katherine Green hangs wife period. Uh-huh. And we're coming to you from the studio.

Our studio. Our podcasting studio. And if you listen to delete this, you know that that's just our bed. It's our bed. I, if I'm gonna podcast, I'm gonna do it from the bed because I can. We're in the studio seven days a week. We are we are card in the studio. Yes, we spend a lot of time in the studio and it is all quality time. It's quality time. It's very important we love it here. It's one of my favorite places in the whole dang world.

Catherine, we have had quite a week. Oh, but not as you've had quite a three weeks. I've had quite a three weeks. It's been a long time since I've been on the podcast, but I'm not doing as bad as John is right now. So thank you for stepping in at the last minute. No problem. I'm glad neither of us have the flu. Yes, and podcasting with me for a second today in a row. So, Catherine. I'm glad neither of us have the flu. Yes. And podcasting with me for a second today in a row. So gather, and I don't know if you know what we do here. Having been on the podcast two times already. But we answer questions from people.

Have I only guess toasted twice? Is this your fourth time? I don't know. I feel like I've done it all the times. Well, I feel like I'm on this podcast all the time. We do have a separate podcast you would mean. I don't know if you're aware of it. So that's most of the podcast and you do. Right. But we're going to do some questions, Katherine. Do you have any favorites you

want to start out with? Yeah, sure, Hank. This one's from Becca, who says, dear Hank and Katherine, I am going to college next fall on my birthdays a few days after the move and date. The problem is I'm not going to same college as any of my friends. In fact I'm going to college far away from home basically I'll be alone and sad on my 18th birthday. Oh my. What should I do? Pumpkins and penguins Becca. Katherine definitely has experience being sad at college. And also on my birthday. Pretty much every year. Most of them. Mostly for some reason we're always on a plane. Usually on a plane or like it's just everyone is out of town. Yeah, can't be bothered. Yeah, I mean like I can't remember the last time I had like a proper good happy birthday. Yeah. It's just not a

thing. I have come to expect in my life. I feel like the fast one something went right. I think I think you're right. Yeah. I don't remember what it was. I don't remember what it was. This year we are going on vacation without our son for my birthday. It's true. It's true. Which is like I love you very much. I love my son. Yeah. And I'm gonna miss him a lot. Uh-huh. But yeah, this is gonna be amazing. I'm very excited. Sorry, not to talk about how my birthday is gonna be awesome this year. Okay, this question is about you.

So I think this is an opportunity. Yeah, you're like, I'm having, it's my birthday. This is my opportunity to make friends with everyone. Yeah, you go to your resident advisor, potentially. That's sort of like they're all about creating activities for people to do. Totally. And you're like, look, I don't want to be sad

on my dang birthday. Yeah, let's have a party. And so you do, you know, you get your pin the tail. On the, yeah, or some, or some more vulgar version of that. Because you're 18 now. Whatever you do, you do some silly games that everyone can participate in. Yeah, uh-huh.

And. Look up silly games on YouTube. There's whole compilation videos. I love it. Yeah, the point of college is to like make new friends, introduce yourself to new people. Yeah, maybe learn some things. Learn some things and have, and have, you know,

some new experiences. It's gonna be a new experience. Have a birthday party with a bunch of strangers. Yeah, you're gonna have a stranger birthday party. Yeah. It's gonna be called Becca's Stranger Party. And you'll become lifelong friends. I'm sure no pressure.

I mean, no pressure, seriously though. Because like some of those people, you'll be like, I could be friends with this person, and then maybe they'll get a boyfriend and they'll never talk to them again. Yeah, and some of them might be like, eh, it's not really my cup. This person is really annoying,

and you'll still be friends with them 20 years later. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Yeah, that's absolutely the thing. It's true. You know what? You know, you are often wrong about who you actually are compatible with as an 18 year old in my experience. Yeah, and sometimes it's just about like, who wants it the most? Yeah. You know? That's true. Yeah.

I am often more friends with the people who wanted it more. And it was just like, yes, we worked for this. We've made our friendship work. This wasn't serendipity, it wasn't compatibility. I mean, partially, of course, those things. Everybody got to try and- But you can't have friendship. In all relationships, whether it's business or romance

or business romance. God damn it. Is that another reference to our other podcast? I think it is. I think it is. This is gonna be confusing for everyone. This next question comes from Kristen. It makes me laugh. Dear Hanky Katherine,

I'm currently an understudy for a wonderful production of Charlotte's Web. It's tough being an understudy because I do all the work and I don't get to perform. Fortunately, I'm understudying during flu season, so the chances of an actor getting sick are exponentially greater. Plus, it's a kid's show, so my odds look very good.

My question is this, is it ethical for me to wish that an actor would get sick? I don't actually want anyone to get sick, but I really want to go on that stage, not a bellerist or a christen. Hmm, christen, I know about this because I was the understudy for the character Dorothy in my middle school production Dorothy and Alice.

Ooh. And I didn't get to go on. Ah, but you did you hope? I did all the work. Um, sort of and sort of not because I was like, pressure, this is a lot of pressure. Right. Um, and I did like, I was part of the, uh, chorus.

Yeah. So like I did that part. You had other things that you got to do. I still got to perform. Yeah. But I wasn't the, the lead. I don't, it doesn't sound like this is, that's Kristen's situation, which is terrible. Abum.

Yeah, abum. That's what they call that, right? Which is what they call abum. Is it ethical for you to wish an actor would get sick? No. But then you say you don't actually want anyone to be sick. Yeah. So, but you, but I, well, is it, is it just wishing?

I'm not like sneezing on their pancre-chip. Yeah. Here. Yeah. There is no, there is no like, the thing is like thoughts, thoughts are one thing. Right, and also like, like, thing to yourself, oh, I hope that person gets sick is different from like having the thought occur to you Right, right, right, right, right, right, and it just like sort of runs through your head at night

And you don't need to feel bad about all like every thought that you have. I have lots of nasty thoughts. Oh totally Oh, man, most of them Most of them, but you know, you don't act on them and you don't indulge them. You don't indulge them. You don't like, you don't like harp on them. I think is an important part of the nasty thoughts that I've had. Yeah. So, is it ethical for us to wish someone would get sick on Kristen's behalf? Sure, yes, because it doesn't actually benefit us.

Right. Now we're just, we're trying to help a person. Maybe they're- But harbing someone else. What if they don't get sick? What if they inherit a bunch of money but they don't get it unless they go to Costa Rica? Okay, we hope that something good will happen to the actor you're understudying for.

That means they have to leave town. Okay. Good? Yeah. Okay, good luck, Crystal. Yeah. We were hoping for a weird Costa Rican inheritance scenario. Hank, how about this question from Gabby, who writes Steerhank and Catherine. Every year my mom's parents, my grandparents give her novelty salt and pepper shakers for Christmas. Oh gosh. This would be fine and nanny. However, it's been going on since before I was born. Oh gosh. What do we do? Do they spark joy? How can we tell my grandparents that maybe we have enough? And instead could

benefit from something we might get more use of like an absolutely remarkable thing by hand green. Oh, yeah. I're a local bookstore. All right. I see you're looking to get your question answered. Ha, ha, ha. Uh, hand cakes and jaffles, Gabby. I don't know what that is. I don't know what that is either.

It's adorable. It might be a dear Henga-john joke. I've forgotten a lot of that. That's true. Um, the hand cakes and jaffles, uh, also things that would be great to have instead of a 15th or 18th or 20th salt shaker set. I mean, do your grandparents when they come to your house want to see them all? Do they see them? Yeah, that's a thing where you're like, well, I guess they're coming

over. I guess we got to put all of our novelty salt shakers on display, or if you did that, would they be like, you capped all those? We thought you were gonna replace the ones. Right. Because it's good to have some variety in your life. This is your one for this year. Yeah. And then at the end of the year,

you have a ceremonial salt and pepper shaker breaking ceremony. Sure. It's a ceremonial ceremony. You heard that right. Right. Yeah, like all ceremonies, ceremonial. Yeah, I feel like if, hmm, I don't know.

I'd have to know what their motivation is and getting this for you. Yeah. I would be inclined to slightly dispose of some. Yeah, or build a salt and pepper shake or display case because that's your only other option. Like, what am I supposed to do with all of these salt and pepper shake?

It's kind of cute. I could see it being kind of cute, but like, who signed up for this? I feel like we need to have a form that you have to sign in order to start a collection. No, I never agreed to this. My grandmother did this to me too. She, like, one day she decided that I was going to collect, like, antique glass candy

containers. Wow. Which we still have those. I know, Hank. I'm aware of the fact that we still have those. I am aware. And I've been of the fact that we still have those. I am aware. And I put in one into touch one recently.

And you were like, yes, please. Fine, here, if you break it. Eh. Oh, God. I'm not gonna throw it away. I took a picture of them when my mom sent them to me and I was like, does anyone know how much these are worth? And my mom called me and was like, you are not those, you, those were given to you by

your grandmother. And I was like, okay, I guess recently, I don't have any attachment to things anymore. And I'm like, does that apply to the stuff you've thrown, you've given to us as well? Yeah. Does that apply to the things that were once yours a hour hours? Or because I would really like to. I need clarity on this issue. I'm not sure how to ask.

This is listening to this podcast. Could you maybe get back to me? Let us know how you're feeling about the antique glass candy containers. Why? I have no attachment to them. I gotta be honest. I was given many wonderful gifts by my grandmother, and I do not think that any of the objects

are in the top 10, you know? Absolutely. Yep. And like, I would be happy to keep one or two, but I don't need 15 Different that's right different ones. That's right. That's my problem and especially if they're a yearly novel to Salton's pepper shaper which it must be just like you have to replace your existing novelty salt and pepper shaker with this new one Yeah, and the variety of that I love it always having a different novelty salt and pepper shaker people come over once a year and they're like

You got another bad look at it come over Yeah, and then everybody thinks you're a collector and they start giving you. Oh, no I know it's such a disaster. You have to sign up. He's a paper before you start a collection Everyone has to agree to this This next question comes from Nat who who asks, dear Hank and Catherine. I got married this past summer. All in all, we had a lovely little civil ceremony surrounded by our friends and family.

I couldn't help but feel that most everyone else was sort of miserable. People drank too much, they shattered each other, lamented their lives, and every other older parent kept dipping away to actually weep in hidden corners about their respective grown child's lives. Yikes. Is this like normal?

No, I'm afraid it is not normal, Matt. Is the idea that weddings are actually enjoyable experiences one of the great lies we tell ourselves or should I be concerned about almost everyone I know. The bride and gloom. Matt. Oh no. That's super bummer. Yeah would a terrible like way to feel about your wedding. I'm so sorry that happened. Yeah. I'm glad that it was. It's not normal. A lovely little civil ceremony. I can't really say that. Like I've only been like, maybe 10 weddings in my life. Yeah. Um.

Sometimes, like, often people drink too much. Often. That is not unusual. Often. I've never really seen like people crawling away to weep in corners. No. But it could have been happening without my notice. Yeah, I mean, I've had, I've seen some mistakes made at weddings.

Sure. There was that thing Ben did. You know what we're talking about Ben. Sure. Thank you. Oh my God. I think that your wedding is ideally a moment to come together to like think about and support this lifelong, very significant, emotional and legal and you know spiritual connection that you have with another person.

And if you didn't feel like you were getting that support, then I think that that is a shame. If you think that if you're just worried that you maybe should be worried about people, I think that you maybe should be worried about some people. And like maybe those people need your support right now. And maybe some of those people, you know, like aren't that important in your life, but if they are important, then I think that that's.

I mean, you said it was a little ceremony. Yeah. Not that many people are. So that they seem to be the important people in your life You know you got to do your best you got to do your best for those people, but also You're you got to live your own life. You got to do the best for yourself as well Hank Yep, that's this one. Sir, get John.

I need to answer this. I mean, yes, I need to read you this question. It comes from Hannah, who has accidentally stumbled into a battle with her neighbors to have the most bird-friendly garden. And who must win? Oh, Hannah must win. Hannah must win? Oh, Hannah must win. Hannah must win! Alright. Um... Sounds expensive. They're fortunate to have a home with a fairly spacious garden, and one month they put a bird feeder out to attract more wildlife.

They go on. In December I noticed my next door neighbor had also put up a bird feeder. Great, I thought, but I wanted the birds to like our guard and the best. So I put up another bird feeder and invested in high quality bird seed. Seed. Birdseater.

Then my neighbors put up a bird table. A bird table. I started to feel like it was a competition. My latest additions include a makeshift bird bath and a new kind of bird feeder. And now my neighbors have a fancy new bird box. This is how it happens. You know?

Well, how can I win this battle to be the most hospitable to wild birds? I haven't talked to my neighbors at all about this. But competition is very clear. Yeah. Is it? I think competition is clear. And I think that the actual source of the competition is clearly the birds. They have done something. The birds are manipulating the crap out of you guys. The real winners are definitely the birds. Yeah. They're very full. This is interesting. Is there like a limit on birds? There's like, are there like a limited number of birds? Like if you get some of them, is your neighbor not gonna get some?

Yeah. I would try to like do complimentary things to what your neighbor is doing. Well, they have the table. Yeah, they have the table you have the bird box. And they got, they had the bird box and you've got the bird bath. You have the bird bath, yeah. So.

You guys are working together. You kind of, the other thing you can do, like you say, is plant some plants. Yeah, that's like a grow bird food. Like, I'd like to go to the other. I'd like to grow bird food or provide bird shelter because birds love shelter right I Mean if you want to win you got a plant

Okay, maybe that's the next step. I have both shelter and food not these a kutramant so much as Right like literally turning your backyard into a I turning your backyard into a forest. Burst. I mean, how much money do you have to spend? Can you open up your whole home to the birds? Hands as they will go to any lengths to have the most bird-friendly garden. Okay. You need to dig a bird hole. Just a trench. Yeah, no, just to weigh down deep. And it's, I don't know, birds don't like bird hole. Just a trench. Yeah, no, just the way down deep. And it's, I don't know, birds

don't like birdholes. You're looking at me like birds don't like birdholes. Not the kind of birds that that Hannah is trying to attract, I don't know. It's just more surface area for birds to hang out in. Birds. Surface area? I'm what? Bird's surface area. You know birds love surface area That thing that you know people know about birds. I just thought well It's how you know you gave you to expand the space that you and it's not just about like the Fit the linear space you also could create more surface area by going deep No, and have a bird cape. Right, high is better because birds like the sky.

Right, right. Go up. Birds don't necessarily want to do caves. You need a bird tower. You need a bird tower. They want to do bird tower. Birds tower. Yeah.

Is better than bird cape. I mean, I would say, this is like actual advice. Think about the niche of the birds that you want to attract, the type of birds you want to attract, do things. Is it just quantity? Because you could get, I don't know, do English sparrows? Or are they as common in England as they are in America? And starlings, you got those? Yeah. You could get a bunch of those. If you want lots of those, just food, there will be plenty from what I can tell. Well, you know, it's, you know, you have to provide a variety of things.

So like some birds like suet, some birds like seed, some birds like nuts, some birds like corn. You have to become an expert in this. And then bird traps. Plus. And then bird handcuffs. Yeah. Yeah. They don't have hands. Bird wing cuffs. And then it's like, ah, ah, all the birds have eye.

You said you'd go to any legs. And then you just put a big cage over your backyard. And then there are yards. They can't go to your neighbor's yard. You have an aviary now. This is my birds now. Yeah. You can birds enter, but birds go to your neighbor's yard. You have an aviary now. This is my birds now. Yeah. You can birds enter, but birds never leave.

That's right. It's the bird thunder dome. That's right. Good, I'm glad we figured it out. That's right. That's right. Great. Great.

All right, gather in this next question, comes from Anya, who asks, Dear Hank and John, what should I do with my groceries when I get in line to pay for them, but realize I forgot to bring any money to the grocery store? Oh man. Not Garfield's favorite food, Anya.

So not La Zanya, just Anya. Just Anya. I've done this a bunch of times, but I live pretty close to the grocery store. Yeah, the most recent time I did it, I just went home, got my wallet and came back. Yeah, I think that's that is my wallet and came back. Yeah. I think that's that is sort of what's expected.

And now hold on to your groceries at the customer service area. Usually. But unless you have like a ton, but you can put them all back in your cart and then like store your cart and like it. Put your cart somewhere. Yeah, I mean, I guess it just depends like how far it is to go get your wallet and come back. Yeah. Otherwise, you just leave.

Yeah. You're just kind of like, you're not going to go put them all back. That's, that's, I might, they don't, they don't want you to do that. You don't want you restocking your groceries. Right, you might do it badly. Yes, they wanted, they want to do that. Okay. That's someone's job. Yeah, so take it to customer service and be like, I'm bad. I forgot my monies. I forgot my monies. So either you can restock this or hold it for me for the 15 minutes while I'm going to get my wallet.

Yeah, you got it. Or, or. Put it on my tab. Yeah, I mean, I've also had that happen to me at the coffee shop, not the grocery store. Yeah. I've been like, I forgot my money and they were like, you're good. We'll charge you for it next time you're in here. We see you up, honey. Yeah. Yeah. Um, yep. I'm, yeah, I feel like we, it's nice to be able to go to like, to go to places where like people

that see you enough, yeah, that they're like, oh you, within you, with the adorable baby, I'm not gonna, yeah, you'll be back. There was that also that time we went to a restaurant we'd never been to before and we, yeah, that was weird. And they didn't, like their ATM was broken and they didn't take credit cards and we were like, we don't have any way to pay you.

And they were like, here's our address, send it to us. Yeah, send us a check. Yeah. And we're like, okay. And we did. Uh-huh. It was great. I mean, we sent them like 50 bucks on that $20 bill

or whatever it was. Yeah. And so, turned out okay for them. But yeah, that was amazing. Just sort of assuming that on average, that doesn't return the full check price so we should pay more than extra. Yes.

But thank the ward for folks. Right, I mean, that wasn't a chilease, let's be clear. This was like a... Small town diner. Small town diner run by an individual. Yeah. So, you were very gracious. Okay, here's one from Celia.

It's very important, Hank. Oh, I believe you. Celia asks, dear Hank and John, are the keys part of a car? My family's having an argument. I say yes because the keys are necessary for the vehicle to perform its intended function. Okay. My dad says no because you can walk away with the keys and the car is still a complete object. Any clarity is appreciated.

Not a pinniped. Celia. Oh, this is a real specific sign off. That is good. I have to. Is Celia a pinniped? Well, seal. Oh, gotcha.

Seal. Okay. Um. This so first of all. Oh, gotcha. See you. Okay. Um. This so first of all. I have to say it would depend on the car, honestly, because like some cars you can totally start and use without the keys if you can jumpstart them. Right? Yeah.

But the new ones with the computers. Yep. You can't. Yeah, I don't know how you would jumpstart. Yep. You can't. Yeah, I don't know how you would jump start. There must be a way. I think that there's a way to start any car if you can get it to the dashboard and rewire it enough.

But the new cars are like, if you don't have that thing. But there is somewhere there is an ignition thing that you can connect. Okay, but you don't think that like all the other computer things in there would not work. I bet they would. I bet it's not that secure. It probably wouldn't not as secure as it seems.

Okay, I don't know. Certainly not. I think the answer is I don't know. Our Honda. But yeah, so, but like, first of all, you don't, just because a piece of the car is a necessary, necessary for its function doesn't mean that it's not a part of a car.

Like the radio isn't necessary for the function of the car. The chairs, the seats aren't necessary for the function of the car. That's true. But they're part of the car. Yes. So that, to me doesn't say that that means it's part of the car. I think it's not part of the car because it's not.

Yeah, it's like what's your definition of the car? Right, to me, it's like- Like a car is not. Yeah, especially with the key fob, like this is like fundamentally not part of the car. Like I walk away with it. It doesn't, and I don't like, oh. I don't just get slapped back. Yeah, I don't like, oh, I don't just get snapped back.

Yeah, I don't like hit the end of the volition, be like, I guess I can't go any farther with this. I'm out of the car now. Yeah, I'm not like carrying a piece of the car with me. Yeah, I think I agree with you. It's too. I'm sorry, Ceely, I think I agree with your dad. Yeah, I don't think it's a part of the car.

The more important piece of this question though is, is it like, I like these dumb semantic arguments that families have with each other? And I think that it's not about who is right and wrong. I think it's about, how many times you're gonna bring this up in the rest of your life? Yeah, I think it's about having a thing and playing around

and enjoying a discussion and a disagreement that isn't about anything important and honing those disagreement skills in a way that builds your relationship. Totally. And sometimes people are like, oh my god, I don't care whether a hot dog is a sandwich and I'm like, right, on a podcast absolutely. I'm done with that conversation. Yeah, but we're like having a fun time.

Right. Conversing with each other in this moment. Absolutely. Yeah. So yeah, I think I see what you're saying. Take away from from this, the point of it, which is that you are relating to your family and in a nice way. And us saying that we agree with your dad is not saying that you should not keep fighting. Sure. Keep fighting for your weird, like die on this hill.

Absolutely. This is the hill. You found it, Celia. All right, this question comes from Haley, who asks, dear Hank and Catherine, I do not have a lot of creative talent. So when asked to write a creative story or poem for school, I got no idea where to start.

If you were to tell me to write a three page research paper, I would have it to you within the hour. But for some reason, I have an extremely hard time with creative writing. Do you have any suggestions or advice that might help not creative enough to come up with a name specific sign off, Haley? Aw, Haley.

I mean, you're getting yourself in a place. You might be getting yourself in a place. A little bit. It's pretty hard to be creative if you think you're not creative. Yeah, I would say what sort of creative things are you into? Like do you watch television that is imaginative at all? Yeah, to watch fictional television? Do you read fictional books? Do you enjoy music? Yeah. These are all inspirations. Yeah. These are things that you can draw from heavily.

Right. When I was first writing things, everything I wrote sounded like whatever it was I was currently writing. Reading. Yeah, absolutely. It's, I mean, that's just how it starts. You just write the same story over and over again for a long time.

And that's fine. It takes practice just like anything. You're good at writing research papers, probably because you've been made to do that a lot. Yep. You might also have some innate talent for it. Some people are more creative than other people, but you gotta feed it.

Yeah, yeah, you gotta feed it, you definitely have to practice. An exercise that is very helpful to me is to take two things that I like and be like, what if they had a baby? Just two things. What? I think that's like a tumbler.

Oh yeah. Just two things that are just like, these two things, nothing to do with each other, smash them together. Why not? Right, right. Like, what is the, what is the Harry Potter of, like, of demolition terbys, you know,

like two things that don't mean be like, I don't know, let's find out. There's only one way to find out. Just go down that road a little bit and it might take you longer to like, I don't know, let's find out. There's only one way to find out. Just go down that road a little bit and it might take you longer to like, right. Get to anywhere that seems like it works for you. Yeah.

But it's a muscle, you gotta work it. Yeah. And that's a great prompt. That's like just, what do I, what are two things that I like? That don't have anything to do with it. And also it really does help to be cooking. Here's a show about cats who cook.

They make, they make. What are the cats cook? Various fish dishes. This is, yeah, like. That's, yeah, I'm doing it. Cats traveling the world learning how to cook their favorite food. I like it, yes. I mean, yeah, totally. That's traveling the world, learning how to cook their favorite food. I like it. I mean, it writes itself.

You came out of nowhere. It doesn't, it doesn't, and it doesn't always write itself. And sometimes like it, it, it, it doesn't matter because, you know, the exercise is an exercise. And the other thing is that like creativity't 100% improv created out of nothing. It's always based on stuff. And so I have found it as a person who is definitely creative, I create about stuff I know about. And so that research part is actually really important to me, to understand a lot about demolition Derbies.

You're not gonna write a good Harry Potter but demolition Derbies story, unless you really understand the rules of demolition Derby, the situation that the cars are in, how do they get their cars, what drives a driver to wanna be a demo Derby driver? Like you need to know all that stuff. And so if you like go after stuff you're into, one, you don't have to do as much of that

research. And two, you'll be more excited to do the research that you have to do. As for poems, I got nothing. I got nothing. Just read some poetry again. I don't know, man. Smash some words to get right out. The thing about poetry is like, it's whatever.

So just like, pick words. Yeah, I wrote like one good poem in my life, so. Yeah, it's, I- That was all I had of me. There's only one poem in me. Yeah. I wrote it in college, it's over. It's done.

I wrote, I once wrote what I thought was a terrible poem, and my professor was like, this is very good, and I think should try to publish it and I was like, this, this entire institution is trash. I hate it. What? Yeah. And that actually reminds me, Catherine, that this podcast is brought to you by magical demolition Derbies.

Oh. Demolition Derbies Magic where there's spells for your engine. Boy, get honest. I'm very creative. This is Hank's next book. The engine's bells. Oh thanks Hank this podcast is also brought to you by the bird Thunderdold. Podcast is also brought to you by the bird Thunderd old Birds going They don't come out It's podcast is also brought to you by that thing that Ben did at a wedding Ben Ben you know what you did You know what you need that was a mistake

Wasn't it You probably doesn't even think so Maybe not maybe not I bet his never mind. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha It's a bum. It's a bum. We've also got a personal message for the project for awesome, from Meg to Alex. I just want to say thank you for everything. You made my life so much more full since entering it. Thank you for helping me through my darkest hours. Here's to seeing what's on the other side, my love. Likewise, Catherine, that, but for you.

Ditto. Ditto, that, this creative, lovely sentiment you. Diddo. Diddo, that. This creative, lovely sentiment, but I'm. It's great, I'll take it and put it with your name in there. Yep. Just imagine it was about you. That's pretty much. Oh no.

All right, here's a good one, Hank. Okay. Chris asks, dear Hank and John, why is it that when I sleep normally, I don't get lines on my arms and face for my bed sheets, but when I take a nap or go back to sleep in the morning, I wake up looking like Spider-Man. Yes. Yes.

Yes. Why is that? I don't know. Very weird, I never have those marks. Yeah. In the morning, but I napped your like, my face, my face. My face.

My schmarks. What happened? Yeah. What are they called? Are they called sleep marks? Sleep lines. Sleep lines. Crees marks.

Crees marks. That sounds like a thing it could be. Could be the words crees marks. Crees marks. That sounds like a thing it could be. Could be the words Crees marks. Sleep wrinkles. Sleep wrinkles. I don't trust any of these sources we've found. So basically I have no idea but it definitely seems like a thing. Like here are the three explanations I can think of with my science brain. Great. Lay them on me. One, you sleep more still during naps. You don't toss and turn as much so you spend more time

in one position and so you end up with the indentation faster or you're like sleeping, you're like just very tired and a different kind of sleep and you don't notice when you get uncomfortable from laying in one position for a long time. Okay. Two, your blood pressure or your lymph or something is different when you are napping them

in your sleep. Yeah, because it's a different kind of sleep. Because I definitely feel- The body is in a different state. Yeah, I feel different during naps. Like I'm warmer and I don't like it as much. That's not everyone's experience. I know, but it does feel different.

A nap feels different than sleep. Yeah. Three, we get them in the morning after sleeping, but we don't notice them as much because we're doing our normal routine. And so it just doesn't like occur to us. That's a thing. Yeah, because you get up and you give yourself

a little time to prepare for the day instead of like wake up and like, I gotta go. And you're like, uh oh, what is this now? Oh my body. Right, whereas when you're napping, you're like, I have to see people. They're out there. Yeah, they're right outside.

Everyone else is also awake. Yeah. I don't know. That one seems the least likely to me. It seems most likely that you just sleep in one position. It's a great question though. If anyone knows the answer, let us know. If you are a sleep wrinkle specialist, please get in touch.

Hank and John at Gmail.com. Great. Good, good, good. This next question comes from Amish who asks, dear Hank and John, a recently purchased a birthday present for my advisor and it took forever to arrive. So the place I bought it from sent me a free tote bag. My instinct is that the tote bag is mine, but I'm wondering if everything within the package

is the present, so what should I do with this tote bag yours amiche? Do you think your professor would want the tote bag? Yeah, it doesn't want the tote, first of all, you got your professor a present, which is amazing. I never did that in my whole life. So, no, you never did. No, I definitely- You don't usually get people presence

Unprompted. Here's the situation. I don't think about other people. It's the situation. I You do but not like that. It's not not with that motivation. Well, what would you want to do? I need a gift motivation. motivation? Like you think about them in other ways. You know, yeah, like, oh, there's a special occasion. Oh, God, I'm so bad. I'm so bad. I'm sorry about Valentine's Day this year. I was in London and I was like, it's freaking Valentine's Day. I did nothing. Uh-huh. What did I do? I opened my luggage and there was a very cute card from you and Orrin that was extremely sweet and that you drew pretty pictures on.

Mm-hmm. And I called you on the phone. And was like, I love you. I've completely forgot about Valentine's Day. That was nice. Yeah, it's the tote bag yours. I mean, yes. If you want it,

it's not like your advisor knew anything about this present anyway. Yeah, yeah. They have no idea this tote bag exists. They don't know the tote bag exists. Number two, professors have a bunch of tote bags. They probably have a lot of tote bags. They go to events. Right.

And also, they're way more adult than you. You probably have more need for this tote bag right I'm the time their professor age. Yeah, you have Freaking tote bags Please I don't want another tote bag my drawer my tote bag drawers It's full of bursting Why what happened? I can't open it anymore I remember when I got my first bag for groceries.

I was like, this is such a great idea. And now I'm like, this is what I've done. Why are there so many? Why are they everywhere? Why? How has this occurred? I don't know. We have five.

We never use more than three. Hey Hank, here's a quick one. Ha. It's from Chloe who asks, how come when you bake it 350, it takes like 30 minutes, but if you fry it at 350, it takes like know how to. That's really hot for a while. It's too hot to frying, okay. I think so.

What do I know? I think that you can fry at 350. See, fry oil temp. Temp. Oh, you're at 350, 375. Yeah. All right, it is the same reason that if you go outside in zero degree weather, you'll be fine,

but if you go in the water in zero degree weather, you'll be fine, but if you go in the water of zero degree weather, you will be very, very, very cold and dead. Yeah, so liquid holds much more of, it has many more molecules, they come into contact more. When you're deep frying a potato, for example, those molecules, like the oil actually penetrates some extent into the potato, especially if it's cut into small strips. Mm-hmm.

And, gah. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, the hot is injected into it. Whereas in an oven, the heat is mostly like actually radiation rather than like even the temperature of the air around it that's actually cooking it. How does the sous vide work then? Because that's in a vacuum underwater. Yeah, that's just boiling without the water touching it. Mm. Yeah, so the water doesn't the water touching it. Mmm, yeah. So the water doesn't suck any of the taste out,

but you get the flavor of a, or the texture of a boiled thing. Okay. Yep. Okay, Katherine, this question comes from Laura, who asks Dear Hank and Katherine. The posters in my dorm are about to expose me as a Taylor Swift fan to someone I'm becoming friends with. has made fun of Taylor Swift in front of me before and thinks I listen to more emo quote cooler music which I do but I also listen to Taylor. How do I prepare for her

incoming judgment posters and popularity Lara? Yeah, I'm not excited about this. You're not excited about what, the situation? It sounds uncomfortable. Mostly this friend. Oh, I mean you know. I mean you know. You don't know that. All right.

You can make fun of Taylor Swift. Yeah, sure. But maybe they'll be totally fine about it. And be like, oh, I see you like the, I'd see you're a swifty. Is that what they're called? I don't know. Probably. And be like, oh, I see you like the, I'd see you're a swifty. Is that what they're called? I don't know. Probably.

What I like Laura is that you're not like, I'm gonna take my Taylor Swift posters down. You're not even, you're not even questioning that. You didn't even bring that possibility up. I mean, that's what I was like, how's this taking them down? Because Laura's a Taylor Swift fan, and she's not gonna lie about it.

It's one thing to like see somebody insult Taylor Swift and not bring it up. It's another thing to like say, I'm gonna change the walls of my dorm room to fit with what you think of me. I like emo cool music, whatever that is. 21 pilots or fall out boy. So is that a thing, you know, anymore? one pilots or fall out boy.

So is that a thing? And that anymore? Yeah, fallout boy is like huge now. Okay. Like when we were listening to fallout boy, there are nothing like what they are now. They're, they do the song radioactive. Is that fallout boy? No, they do.

They do? I know. I agree with you. Yeah, fallout boy was like, no, we're not gonna be fallout boy anymore We're gonna do like this No, it's not fall it's not it's not fallout boy. It's definitely not I It is and that's imagine dragons. Okay. Thank you

But they're gonna mess with me. Well it makes sense cuz radioactive fallout That's that centuries. Oh, I see. No, no, no, no, no. That's very similar in my head anyway. But yeah, back in like 2005, it was like, you know, like pretty normal pop punk when we were listening to fallout boys.

I never did, thank you. Thank you very much. I never listened to fallout boy. All right, Catherine, it's time for the news from Mars and AFC Wimbledon. Do you want to start out with some news from AFC Wimbledon for us? Do I ever? AFC Wimbledon drew nail nail against Shrewsbury on Saturday, which is this sort of hard, fought-away point that in another season might have been helpful,

but in this one just feels like too little too late. Wimbleden still likely need to win seven of their last 11 games in order to avoid relegation. That doesn't sound like a great situation. It's not a great situation. I'm very sorry. You will see Wimbleden and your fans. You really got to pull that one out against Shrewsbury. You got to have a golly mistake. Shrewsbury, something about Shrewsbury, makes my teeth want to whistle. Shrewsbury. Shrewsbury. Shrewsbury. Shrewsbury. Now I want to eat one.

You want to eat a Shrewsbury? No one can see your great face. It's too bad. Catherine, Mars. Oh gosh. It's going great. Hey, Mars. The Insight Lander has started to hammer its heat probe into the surface of Mars. It's officially happening.

But as it, I think it had like a four hour long hammering session. I don't know what was drinking when I said that because it takes a lot for the batteries to recharge so they can do it over a period of time. And it's not a problem that is how it's designed for and no one has ever referred to four hours of hammering as a Stamina problem. It's a lot of hammering true That's a good point and it went down about seven inches and then it hit a rock and Then it had to had to like blast for a while before it could get fast the rock Which it then did it pushed the rock to the side? It's amazing that we know all of what happened

on the surface of Mars, and then it went a little deeper about 15 inches before it hit another rock. Oh, no. And so it's been slow going. Yeah. And there is a concern that if this is a big rock, it will not be able to hammer through. So does it go through or does it go around?

Can it only go through? It seems to have shoved this other rock to the side. Oh dear. It was sort of at an angle. I don't know if they got 15 inches and four hours. Yeah. It has a lot of time to do this. Pretty much that's all it's got. Yeah. It's good time. It's plenty of plenty of time to hammer once a day. 15 inches a day is a long way. So they couldn't do some sort of like, sonar or something to see if there was a way to get through this regolith better?

No, I don't think so. I think that they just sort of assumed the hardness from previous missions and then we're like, this should work unless we hit a really big rock and that will be a super bummer I don't know if they can pick it up and move it to a different spot. Oh really? That they can I don't I don't know that they just landed. Yeah, and that's where it is Well, but the this piece is actually grabbed from the surface and then of the craft and then placed onto the surface of Mars by a crane.

I don't think that they should be able to move that. I don't think they could, but I think the heat probe doesn't have any way of coming back out. Oh, no. Because it's just punched down. And so I don't think that there's any way to grab it and pull it out again. So, yeah, so hopefully... That was the one shot? No, no, they will continue to hammer. No, okay, but yeah, like this... But I think That was the one shot? No, no, they will continue to hammer.

No, okay, but yeah, like this... But this is, I think this is the one shot. For the heat probe. Yeah, and so if it hits a big rock that it can't break or push out of the way, it's a problem. Good luck, probe. Good luck, probe! Is the story of Mars.

B-U-D-U-DU! T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-U-D-U-D-U! Just singing the outro music. No. Okay. Well, thanks Hank for that update on Mars. I'm glad to know that. Yes. Thank you for inviting me to the studio today.

Yeah, absolutely. To fill in for John. It's always a pleasure to have you. You're such a joy to have as a person who I see every single day. Wow. That's the most around about way of saying anything. I like you too. Thank you, everybody, for sending us your questions.

You could do that at hankinjohnetgmail.com and we really appreciate everybody who does because otherwise there's no podcast. Sorry to everybody whose question we didn't answer. Catherine and I are off to record our Patreon's only podcast this week in Ryan's. This week in Ryan's podcast. It's the worst podcast.

It's a bad podcast. But you could get it. But it's available at our Patreon. Patreon.com slash deerhankajon. If you want to hear us, just read a Wikipedia page, basically. And this podcast is edited by Nicholas Jenkins. It's produced by Rosiana Halsey Ruhassen, Sheridan Gibson.

Our head of community and communication is Victoria Bonzorno. This music that you're hearing now and at the beginning of the podcast is by the great Gunnarola and as they say on our hometown, don't forget to be awesome. Don't forget to be awesome.

Don't forget to be awesome. you