Dear Hank & John - 190: The Top Three Best Things About Sneezing Underwater

Episode Date: May 20, 2019

How do I get people to remember who I am? What do I do about the Red Bull I spilled in a kid's backpack? How do I deal with my girlfriend's unaccepting parents? Does cold water boil faster than hot water? Which way should a staple face? Is it possible to sneeze underwater? What is the correct way to eat the bottom of a popsicle? How do I get out of being grounded? Can I bring my boyfriend to a thing even though it says "spouses only"? John and Hank are here to help! If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at [e-mail]. Join us for monthly livestreams and an exclusive weekly podcast at patreon.com/dearhankandjohn. Follow us on Twitter! twitter.com/dearhankandjohn

Hello and welcome to Dear Hank and John. Yours up for the Think of a Dear John and Hank. It's a podcast where two brothers answer your questions, give you Dubie's advice and bring you all the weeks news from both Mars and AFC Wimbledon. John, I was recently at a museum and I saw an ex-girlfriend of mine standing across the room. I was just too afraid to go say hi to her. Yeah, there's just too much history between us.

All right, I'm not gonna engage with that joke because it was not good enough to warrant comment. I agree, yeah. But I will tell you what I would have tweeted about this week. I would have tweeted about the fact that Liverpool didn't win the league, but that's okay. It's been 14 years without a major trophy, but that's okay. That's okay. So you would have tweeted about the fact that Liverpool didn't win the league, but that's okay. It's been 14 years without a major trophy, but that's okay. That's okay. You would have tweeted that. That's what I would have tweeted. Let's move on to news. It's okay. It's fine.

Would you have John, would you have tweeted a picture of yourself that you took with Snapchat that made you look like a manly or man or like not a man like a woman? Because that's what everyone else was doing on Twitter this week. I love hearing your summaries of what happened on Twitter because it just makes me, I'm like great. I'm glad I, yeah, whatever, I'm good. Things are good, you know? Would you have tweeted at all about hair vitamins? No, I mean, probably,

because I would have known so much more about that than I currently know. And the space that that is occupying in your brain, like I get to occupy with different things. In my case, mostly Liverpool. Well, John, I'm happy to have you here on a podcast with me, because I don't get to have you on Twitter. I miss you.

I bet you don't. I bet you don't. I bet you don't. Tweet exchanges with you. Really? I mean, do you ever, you miss that? Like, you actually think like, oh God, you know what, this place is missing? One more voice.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha This place would be perfect if they just had one more person expressing their opinions. I want one particular person. That's very kind of you. That I can chat with. We get to chat in other ways. Never. Like this. Coming back to Twitter. Ever.

Well, it's a loss for humanity, John. I might go back to my sports Twitter to talk about Liverpool, but I'm never going back to real Twitter. Oh, man. All right, our first question comes from Nui who asks, dear John and Hank, I just want to congratulate John and AFC Wimbledon on the miracle they created over the past couple of months.

Thank you for acknowledging my role in that miracle. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, which was, I guess, largely to fun. Put apart the acquisition of one half of one player. The stats nerds at 538.com had wimbledon at a 95% chance to go down on their February second forecast. But what have statistics ever really done for us? Lots, actually. Lots, many things. What are your favorite times you've beaten the odds? Hoping feathers and newy. PS, I'm a statistician in real life, so feel free to make fun of me. Well, I love stats. I love statisticians.

We need to be able to make educated guesses, and the more educated our guesses get the better off we are, but there are times when we overcome the odds. Hank, what is an example of you overcoming the odds? When I was at summer camp when I was 13 years old, a 15 year old kissed me on the lips. Would 538.com have been against that? Yes. I don't know if I, I don't know exactly how to communicate like where I was socially at 13, but yes, they would have.

Yeah, probably the time when I beat the odds the most was when I won a birth lottery and happened to be born in a rich country to a stable household. That was probably the biggest beating the odds. But I guess also, I beat the odds by managing to get viral meningitis. Most people don't do that in their lives. Yep, I beat the odds when it comes to ulcerative colitis, myself. Yep. But also, my doctor, when I was first diagnosed with ulcerative colitis, he said, well, if you're going to get diagnosed with colitis, this is the kind you want.

I love it. So, I also beat those odds. I love it when doctors say that. When they're like, oh, boy, I mean, you are so lucky that you got this kind of chronic disease. And I always want to be like, you know what would be luckier? I'm just going to throw this out there, Doc. If I didn't have to see you every 12 weeks

for the rest of my life. Well, I don't see that guy anymore at all. And in fact, I recently had a meeting with my new doctor and he said, as we were discussing my treatment regimen, just so you know, me and your other former doctor, don't see eye to eye on a lot of things. And I was like, holy mucky, okay, where we got, I want, I want to know all the tea. Spill it, Mr. Doctor. Can I just say how badly I want a YouTube channel that only gets deep into Dr. Drama?

I mean, I think that's like a lot of different TV shows. Yeah, I guess so. I guess all the crazy anatomy is just Dr. Drama. Right, but I want to know about the doctors who hate each other and the doctors who are sabotaging the other doctors and like, this doctor is selling hair vitamins and this doctor isn't, or I don't really know. I haven't followed the hair vitamin thing that closely.

I did watch 147 minute YouTube video about it. Did you really? I did. I mean, I didn't watch all of it, but I watched more of it than I'm proud of. Well, John that puts you in a bucket with a lot of other people. This next question comes from Chloe, who asks, Didier Angan,

Whenever I make a new password, I'm usually advised to make one with a combination of capital letters, lowercase letters, numbers and symbols. Does this actually make my password any more secure? Memento Mori, Chloe. Chloe, the reason they do that isn't so much that it's more secure though it is, so you're expanding the number of characters on the keyboard. If it's just lowercase letters, that's just 26 characters.

If it's lowercase and uppercase, then that doubles it. If you include numbers and symbols, then that is another, and like that just makes it, but these like brute force password hackers aren't gonna guess a nice long all lower case, or even a random string of lower case letters. What this is really doing is it's avoiding you using a word in all lower case,

or a combination of two words or a slightly misspelled word, and those are the things that are really dangerous. So if you're using a lowercase password that is a word that's in the dictionary, that is very insecure. If you're using a combination of two words, that's also insecure.

What they're doing is forcing you to have something that isn't something that's easily found in a password dictionary. I recently talked to a friend about this and they had the best idea for a password I have ever heard in my entire life. So this is... Are you gonna ruin it if I tell you people? No, that's what's magical about it. So when they were a kid, they used to sing a song to themselves.

Right? Like which we all do. Like I still remember some of the lyrics to the songs that I sang when I was a kid. I had one about Haley's comment. It was weird. You can't just say that. But it was kind of sweet. Do you remember the words you have to tell me? The words are, I just remembered Haley's comment.

I just remembered it alone up in the sky. I just remembered Haley's comment. I just remembered it alone up in the sky. I just remembered Haley's comment I just remembered that I'll die But as a sweet as a sweet melody So I've been singing that song to myself since I was I don't know like eight years older whatever I think I've found it's this like the root of the problem? Like, if we could take this song out of your head, would you be normal again?

No, I don't think so, but I think, like, there's a reason I wrote the song when I wrote it anyway. It's a sweet little song I sang to myself. So this person, they have a song like that, and what they did was they took the letters from the first like the first letter from each word of the song's lyrics and then they converted all of the F's into F's instead of converting them like and I was like okay you're good like you you're good

you are you have a 37 character password that has letters and numbers and special characters. This is incredible, but the truth of what you should do is you should not try to memorize all of your passwords and you should just use a password service because they're amazing. Yes.

They are. And I really wish we had a sponsor to pitch you, but we don't, but I personally use LastPass, and it's great. And I will say that one a sponsor to pitch you, but we don't, but I personally use LastPass, and it's great. And I will say that one of my passwords, John, is a joke that you made in middle school that I can't tell anybody now because my password is based on it.

I'm sure it was a great joke based on my middle school sense of humor. I'll tell you about it sometime. All right, this next version comes from Jesu. Right, steer, John, and Hank, I was making tea, and my uncle told me that cold water boils faster than hot water, which seems to stop you right there. That's the end of the question, actually.

Yeah. This is wrong. I've heard it before too. And when I heard it, I was like, huh? And they're like, oh no, it's science. And I was like, huh? But yeah, no, it's just wrong. It isn't that much different.

But yeah, you know, it seems wrong because of how it's wrong. Sometimes there's this thing where a lot of what we hear are the things that we're wrong about because that's the interesting story to tell. When we're doing SciShow pitches, we're always looking for something that's like, oh, we understand this incorrectly, because that gets people to click on it, it's a way to bring people into education and learning about a topic.

And so we use that crutch a lot at SciShow, but in the broader community of trying to make content that people will read, whether that's in paper or on the internet. And so a lot of what we read are these counterintuitive things and it makes us feel almost like counterintuitive is more likely than the intuitive thing. And so we, like somebody can say this and you'll be like, oh, okay, I accept, because I keep hearing

about all these other things that I'm wrong about. So I guess, sure. There's also another piece of this, which is that in some circumstances, hot water can freeze faster than cold water. And there are actual physical mechanisms why this is, hot water is more convective, and so it moves around and so more of the molecules

get cooled off at a faster rate than like sort of having like the top layer get cold and the bottom layer stay warm, which slows down freezing. And so there's that thing, and this is only in very specific circumstances. Usually it's better just to put cold water into the freezer. But that thing, which you can write an article about and have it feel very counterintuitive and weird and get somebody to click on it Then it's like well, I guess if like hot water freezes colder than cold water must boil faster

But no But no no, it's just like you would think the closer water is to boiling the faster it boils Yeah, all right this next question comes from ash who writes dear John and Hank How do I get people to remember who I am? I read that it takes three interactions with people for them to remember you, but that doesn't seem to work for me. I'm shy and people introduce themselves to me multiple times. Like I once had a coworker introduce herself to me six times and I'd bend to her house twice. When I run into people, I know they often get that blank look of confusion. How do I make enough of an impression on people so that they will remember me and how do I handle this blank look of confusion? Not a pyromaniac

ash. Ah, ash, there's really only one solution to this problem. You're not going to like it. Oh God. What is it? You got to walk up to every single person you meet and say, hi, I'm ash, rhymes with ash. Not ash-ly, that's fur ash-ly. And with bash, not Ashley, that's for Ashley. And just something, just that, say that every time when people will be like, well, I'm never gonna forget, Ash is name again. And also, I do not want to hang out with you. That's the thing, Hank.

Ash is crushing it because they're not being remembered, right? Like, everybody you remember on first interaction, it was a bad interaction. So I think you're thinking about this the wrong way. I think that you should be celebrating the fact that like people think you're cool and you're able to engage in social situations in ways that they

don't they aren't bothered by you they aren't weirded out by you I think you're crushing it or hey I'm ash I only pay with cash and you can explain to people why it's more economically efficient to pay with cash don't do that it's super annoying but those are the same people who tell me to always carry four pennies with me so that I never whatever whatever whatever I will remember you then ash, but it's not what you want It's not what you want. I think with the blank look of confusion You've just got to remember that like it takes a long time for people to get to know people

That's just reality. Hank did I ever tell you about the time when I met Wesley Mann, the actor twice in 45 seconds? Okay, no. One time I went to the MTV Movie Awards and I met mod appital there, who's a wonderful writer. And she said, this is my mom, Leslie Mann. And I was like, oh, it's so nice to meet you. It's really cool to meet you.

And then I turned away, and I got a drink, and Sarah and I were talking, and I was still talking to Matt Appetiteau, and then her mom came back, and I said, oh, hey, it's really nice to meet you. And she said, we met 40 seconds ago. Ha-ha-ha-ha. Yeah, that sounds good. Well, I mean, it's the MTV movie where it's stressed out.

I was stressed out. I was anxious. I was anxious. I'm looking at pictures of Leslie Mann, and I have to say that she does look kind of like familiar. Just like a lot of folks probably look like that at the MTV movie awards. Yeah, yeah, I really like her movies. She's, this is one of the things that I still feel bad about that, like, keeps me up at night.

What can you do? Well, Ash, you just go, hi, I'm Ash. I'm really good at Smash, like Super Smash Brothers, but only N64 version. Nope. This next question comes from Van, who says, dear Hank and John, I just spilled a red bowl into a classmate's backpack. The classroom was rowdy, and only my teacher saw. I'm mopped it up with some paper towels,

but it stinks in his backpack and is still damp. What do I do? This is anything but fantastic, van. See ash, that's what you gotta do. Stuff like that. I'll never forget about van. Um. Yeah, poor Red Bull into your buddies backpack

and say, sorry, that wasn't fantastic. And that's how people remember your name. So you gotta stop drinking Red Bull, especially at school. Do they got children drink Red Bull? I guess they do. Man.

Goodness. I think that the solution to this problem and I think you and I are gonna have different takes and is to deny all involvement. Have you? So have you? This is the, this is what, this is the thing that I would do.

And it is not that. I would sort of like, like the initial spill occurs. I, like immediately I'm like, okay, no one can see that I did this and I'll try to fix it. And then when I realize I can't fix it, I will like, okay, no one can see that I did this and I'll try to fix it. And then when I realize I can't fix it, I will do it again to cover up the fact

that I tried to cover it up. So here's what I would do, Van. You have to, when your friend is looking, accidentally, an air quotes spill more red bull into their backpack, then you could be like, oh my God, I'm so sorry. And then it's just like plays a normal interaction. Instead of like, because coming out could be like, oh my God, I'm so sorry. And then it just like plays like a normal interaction. Instead of like, like, it's coming out and being like,

I spilt Red Bull in your backpack and then tried to cover it up, but then I'm sorry, and it turns out I couldn't fix it, and it just smells like Red Bull in your bag. It's too weird for me. Lying about it is bad. Intentionally spilling a second Red Bull into the backpack is definitely worse.

I can't say that you're wrong, but it's still what I would do. It's like, it's worse, but it's less awkward. It's like less hurts me less. No, what's less awkward is Van's friend has a story for the rest of their life about how their backpacks smelled like Red Bull one day? Yeah, like I had a Red Bull explosion

inside of my backpack, but it was impossible. And it just becomes the impossible Red Bull story. It just becomes like kind of a miracle. But John, I just don't think that sounds very fantastic. Yeah, it's not fantastic. Just lie about it. All right, Hank, we have a question from Megan who writes, Dear John and Hank, I've been with my girlfriend for three months now,

and it's going very well except for the fact that being around her parents makes me want to cry. They don't love the fact that she's gay, so they don't love me, the object of her gayness. Well, I don't think that like you're the reason she's gay, Megan, but your point is taken. I haven't formally met them yet, but whenever they pull up in the car to pick her up or I walk her to the door and they answer, I can't help but think of how much they don't want me in their life and how they definitely hate me. And I really want to make a good impression,

but I just get so scared and I can't look them in the eye. I've had three separate nightmares about meeting her mother but we're in high school and live with our parents. I have to meet them at some point. What do I do? I just want to stop feeling bad. Best wishes, Megan. Sometimes the world is bad and you're going to feel bad. Yeah, I mean this is a very, this is a bad situation to be in. Yeah. It's also bad for your girlfriend. I'm sure it's really hard for your girlfriend to go home sometimes, too. And I know this is hard to internalize, I guess, but I do think that we have to have hope that people change.

The way people are isn't always the way that people will always be. And so your value as a person is not contingent upon what these people think about you. And I know that it can feel that way because they're grownups and you're not, but they obviously have some growing and changing to do that they're going to need to do. And I'm sorry that you have to be

part of that. I'm sorry that you have to feel this and it's not fair. It's not right. But just by being yourself and just by being a person who really cares about their daughter, you know, they may change, and if they don't, then you still know that you're a good person who really, really loves this young woman. This next question comes from Lynn, who asks, dear Hank and John, I know that you have in the past,

gotten some flack for answering emails relating to fasteners in their position, but I believe that this is a matter of great importance. Is a staple meant to be perpendicular parallel or diagonal to the top of a piece of paper. Look what the cat dragged Lynn. That's a delightful one. You got there.

Hank, I have extremely strong opinions about this. You'll be surprised to learn. I mean, I have like a pretty like regular way to do it. Like it depends on how you're gonna be flipping the pages. So if it's a top corner staple, you should do a diagonal so that when you flip the page, it has like the maximum contact area with the paper. If you like do it vertical, then like it's structurally weaker.

Mm-hmm. That's how I feel. But if you're doing two staples at the top and you're gonna flip up, then you do them horizontal. Yes. Well, as it happens, the central intelligence agency of the United States released the following memo in July of 1963. Subject, use of staples.

One, the function of the paper clip is a temporary one. 1663. Subject. Use of staples. One. The function of the paper clip is a temporary one. It is useful, but can be a menace, too. The clip has a way of attaching unrelated papers to a file. When papers are being ready for filing, the clip should be removed and replaced by a staple. Two, when stapling papers together, be sure they are related and should be filed together. The memo goes on to say that papers should be stapled together with a diagonal staple,

and then says that some papers that are to be filed can be stapled straight across horizontally, and then one of my very favorite sentences in any CIA memo I've ever read. Little jobs done right produce bigger savings. Then there's number three. Small office tools are inexpensive and each desk should have its own. Borrowing is a real time-waster. I love it. I love it. I mean, of course, the person who wrote the memo about stapling believes that borrowing is a real time, monster. Little jobs. Don't write, produce big savings.

It's true. It's true. Hey, could you have a favorite stapler because that's another place where I just have incredibly strong opinions? John, I gotta say, I have a stapler and I know nothing about it. Oh my god. It's staples things. Oh my god.

I probably have used 12 staples in the last 12 years. If you had a swing line high capacity, 60 sheet capacity, reduced effort stapler, you would staple everything to everything. It's a game changer. I typed in little jobs done right, produced big savings to see if that was like a CIA slogan. It appears to not be. But Google does have some offers for how I can make a thousand dollars a month extra. Just by doing little jobs done right? Yeah. Yeah. Well, we need to raise money for partners in health.

So if you want to do some of those jobs, I got to appreciate it. So there you go. The Central Intelligence Agency says diagonal, except sometimes horizontal, but never vertical. Which reminds me, John, that this podcast is brought to you by Little Jobs Done Right. Little Jobs Done Right.

They produce big savings. Today's podcast is also brought to you, of course, by Haley's comment. Little jobs done right. They produce big savings. Today's podcast is also brought to you of course by Haley's comment. Haley's comment. I just remembered that I'll die. This podcast is brought to you by all that Dr. Drama. Oh my. And today's podcast is brought to you by statisticians. Statistitions. You don't have to be so defensive. You're great. brought to you by statisticians. You don't have to be so defensive. Y'all are great!

We also have a project for awesome message to read from Isabella from Manchester by way of Poland. I just want to spread the P4A love a bit and tell everyone that dreams do come true. One day you're recording a P4A video and next year you're accepted to your dream PhD program, researching YouTube. Also, shout out to Schemey Weiss, my hometown in Poland. Good luck on pronouncing that. Well, don't you worry, I did a terrible job. And also my dad V told who got this perk for me.

Well, thank you very much, dad, and I'm sorry about pronouncing both your hometown and your name incorrectly. This next question comes from Lily, who asks, do you earn Hank and John? Is it possible to sneeze underwater? I've never done it. What would it feel like to sneeze underwater? Sneezes and cheeses? Lily.

I love sneezing underwater, and I didn't really realize it until I read this question, but like, I do it every chance I get, and I must be because I enjoy the sensation. What a weird hobby. Yeah, like I am looking back at my history being like whenever I'm like have a chance, I would sneeze underwater. I grew up in Florida where there's lots of underwater and also lots of sneezing. So I did it a lot.

Yeah. I don't remember ever sneezing underwater, but I do remember swimming in that pool a lot. Yeah. I don't remember ever sneezing underwater, but I do remember swimming in that pool a lot. Like every day. Oh yeah. We were in that pool a lot. Dangerously. We behaved in ways you should not behave around a pool.

Yeah, no. We did not have great pool etiquette. One of my most vivid childhood memories, actually, is of you and I having a contest to see who could hold their breath at the bottom of the pool the longest and dad diving into the pool fully clothed and ripping both of us up. It's still like a traumatic memory for me. I'm sure it's way worse for dad, but it was. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, man, one of my vivid memories is trying to skate on the boogie board all the way across the pool and jump out

without getting wet. Oh my God. We did that all the time. All the time. Like, what a way to die. Oh God. So stupid. Yeah.

We would, we would like basically surf on the boogie board and try to make it to the other side of the pool and then jump off the boogie board and land on the pool deck. It was, it was a different time, you know, 1991. Here are the top three best things about sneezing underwater by Hank Green. One, when you do it, it's like this explosion of air comes out of you and you get to sort of like viscerally feel the like power of a sneeze which you don't really get to feel when you're doing it above the water but like the, just the rapid exhalation of all this air from you really does and like it, the water then crashes back into your face and that's just a nice sensation too you don't have to cover your mouth because you're sneezing your germs directly into the pool water

which is chlorinated and will kill the germs I guess or whatever who cares and Finally number three if you do it with your face only partially submerged then it makes makes a big splash around your face, and that's also fun, but in a separate way. This is the Buzzfeed whisticle I've been waiting for the whole time. My whole life. This is it. We did it. I should have done a top 10 list.

I got more, I'm sure. I'll work on it. I'll work on it later. Okay, Hank, before we get to the all-important news from Mars and AFC Wembleton, there's a couple things I wanna note. We got 20 billion emails about how you should have called a beer experience, an ex-beerence. Uh, and it's true.

Ex-beerence is much better than beer experience when you're talking about your experiences with beers. We also received 20 billion emails about how planets other than earth definitely have their own days. Like earth day is not the only planet day. Monday is short for moon day. The moon is not a planet.

That's neither here nor there. Saturday is short for, it means Saturday. In Spanish, Tuesday is Marta's Mars Day Mars also has an entire month named after it called March there there are also there are also in many languages lots of days named after Jupiter and Venus basically Earth is the only planet besides Uranus and Neptune that we only celebrate once a year. That email was from Jay and it was the least I would say angry of the ones we've received.

So I appreciate that. That's why I chose to read that one. And lastly, Helen wrote in to say, dear John and Hank in a recent episode, John explained how he's always wanted to title a book, More Light Than Heat because of the line from Hamlet. I'd like to thank you because as it turns out, More Light Than Heat is a great title for a Spotify playlist about a breakup. It may not be a novel, but I really need this playlist right now. So I thought I'd let you know that the title is going to some good use somewhere. I even included a mountain goat song. You have to.

You can't have a breakup playlist without the mountain goats. So you can search the playlist on Spotify if you want. Thanks for the inspiration, Helen. I listened to the playlist. It was quite good. It could have used some more mountain goats, but it was excellent. It's my number one complaint about Spotify playlists. This next question, it comes from Orren who asks, dear John and Hank, what is the correct way to eat the bottom of a popsicle? I frequently reach the end of one and either end up making a mess or not fully enjoying it due to my high stress level about not making a mess. And he advice appreciated popsicles and penguins, Orin.

Hmm, great question. Was this your son or a different Orin? Different Orin. Orin Green has never had a popsicle in his whole life yet. What? I'm looking forward to it. Oh man, I remember the first time Henry had a popsicle and he didn't know the difference between cold and hot, so he just kept saying,

Hot, hot, hot, hot! That's cute. Oh, so cute. Lauren really likes candy, obviously. He's not had very much of it, but he at Easter, he got all these little gummy candies in his eggs and he got very obsessed with them. And now, if we want to do something,

and he's being bad, we just like gummy. And it's all over. He's the best boy. Recently, we were leaving him alone with my parents and he was very struggling. And we were like, as soon as Danny and Papa come over, we'll give you a gummy and they and they came over and we were like He was like bye-bye mama. Bye-bye dad dad. Bye-bye. Bye-bye

Bye-bye. I was like wow Okay, we have succeeded You want to get us out of this business so he can have that gummy What are we talking about popsicle? Yeah, you just got to bite it and the right. Just put it in your mouth. Yeah. I think you have to bite one side and then very quickly bite the other side. So you want to minimize the amount of popsicle that's remaining because once you bite that one side, you're gonna have a very, very small window in which to bite the other side.

So you just gotta be prepared, and then you gotta be dedicated, and then you have to give it your all. It's like everything else. You know what it reminds me of Hank? What? It reminds me of how small jobs done correctly can have big rewards.

That's true. Have you ever, so I often will push with my fingers, push it up the popsicle stick so that I don't have to put the popsicle stick all the way in my mouth and just sort of like shove it up as it's going, but then your fingers do get a little sticky. Yeah, I don't love that. I don't love that way.

Or just put it into a cup and then let it melt and then have a great little soda for later on. I don't think that you know what soda is. Like a little ketchup packet worth of soda. It's like a Capri Sun. It's like a ketchup packet worth of Capri Sun. Right. I think actually Capri Sun is just melted popsicles.

That's a Capri Sun is definitely a soda. It I was definitely a soda. Definitely not a soda. The nice thing is that you're not on Twitter, so you don't know about my radical soda beliefs. Oh God. Oh my God. I mean, just those words makes me overwhelmed with gratitude that I've left the social internet. What a nightmare.

Okay, I have one last question that I wanna ask you. It comes from Hope, who asks, Dear Hank and John, I'm grounded for the next two weeks for staying at my boyfriend's house overnight. I understand that consequences are part of breaking rules, even if I don't like the rule. However, I just turned 18 in last month

and legally speaking, my parents can't keep me from going places. I like to think I'm a responsible person. And I think that two weeks without my phone, Wi-Fi, or going out is a bit excessive for a first offense quotation marks. How do I get out of being grounded as a legal adult without ruining my relationship with my parents? Feeling like I've lost myself, hope. I probably felt a little bit differently on this issue when I was 18 than I feel now. Because now I'm like as long as you live under this roof you will abide by my rules. Yeah, I feel that. I feel that. But like I also feel very weird about an 18-year-old being deprived of Wi-Fi in their phone.

Like, yeah. It's just normal life tools that does like that level, that kind of grounding feels very weird to me as a punishment for unadult human being. I don't know. And I think that might be an argument that you can make to your parents that like I understand that like I need to, I need to abide by the rules and that I did not in this

case. But, but I do need the tools of being an adult human. Yeah. I mean, this is a tough one for me. I remember when Sarah and I were living together, but not married, but had been living together for quite a while, when we would go to her parents house, we would sleep in separate bedrooms.

Right, yeah. And I remember being like, well, this is ridiculous. We live in the same house. We have one bed. There's no ambiguity about what's going on here. I'm 27 years old. I mean, Katherine and I still sleep in separate beds at Katherine's parents' house, but only because the beds are very small.

That's reasonable. But I also think that I wanted to be respectful of those people because I respected them and because I still respect them. And I think you have to take that seriously. You know, these are people who love you and who are trying to do their best by you. That said, like, it is to me an unrealistic expectation. This is the larger issue, right?

It's partly about the grounding. It's probably about the larger expectation. It's not a realistic expectation to say that somebody who's 18 isn't, you know, going to sleep over sometimes with friends. Yeah. If so inclined. Yeah. If so inclined. Right. I mean, yeah, so if so inclined, right? I mean, yeah. So that's maybe what I would say to my parents, but I don't know how that conversation would have gone. You know, I suspect that's the argument I would have made.

I would have been like, I mean, let's be reasonable here. I'm 18. You know, when Romeo and Juliet were my age, they'd been dead for five years. Hahaha. Okay, I want to do one more question. Okay, you just, but the last question you said was the last question, but let's keep going.

I'm happy. This one's from Julie. I forgot about it. It's last year Hank and John. I'm a graduate student who works at a clinic as part of my program. One of my professors and supervisors is hosting a cookout for the undergraduate students, graduate students and professors. I invited my boyfriend because they said you could have a plus one of seven months. He's gotten familiar with my cohort at school. Yesterday, I revisited the Excel spreadsheet to view the lawn games brackets.

No, I'm starting to think that maybe there's a statistician. And written in three different places were the words, Spouses Oldly. This was definitely written after I had initially signed up. Otherwise, I would not have invited him. Can we still go to the cookout despite not being spouses pumpkins and penguins Julie yes now john I know what you're gonna say yes you're gonna say just go get married no I'm not gonna say don't you want to play horseshoes with your partner cohort no I'm not gonna say that I'm to say you go to the lawn games, you play the horseshoes and if anybody, even like blinks at that, you go off.

You go off on the history of marriage, the problematic ways that marriage has been used as a tool of oppression throughout history, and you say, this is my partner. I hope you like them. And if you don't, then you will get over it because this is my partner. Yeah, it makes me think that this is not psychology because psychologists would never pull them. No, it's totally statisticians. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Co-hort, huh? It could be like med school. It could. I feel like it's-

I feel like it's- I feel like it's- I feel like it's- I feel like it's- I feel like it's- I feel like it's- I feel like it's- I feel like it's- I feel like it's-

I feel like it's- I feel like it's- I feel like it's- I feel like it's- I feel like it's- I feel like it's- I feel like it's- I feel like it's- I feel like it's-

I feel like it's- I feel like it's- I feel like it's- I feel like it's- I feel like it's- I feel like it's- I feel like it's- I feel like it's- And so now I'm thinking that statistically, you're probably right. Ha ha ha ha. All right, John, it's time for the news from Mars and ASC Wimbledon. Is there, I don't know how news works after the season's opening? Oh, there's so much news. How will I get through it all?

The news just keeps coming. Well, the big thing that happens after the end of a season is that there is a list of players who are released from the club. And usually you'll recall from past years that list is all of the players. And especially the good ones. Yeah, yeah, yeah, the better the player, the more likely they're on the list. This year, I'm pleased to say that a number of our best players have not been released. However, that's at a lot of our best players have been. I have to pay a special tribute to Andy Barchham. I always said that if we had a weapon, Andy Barchham's on the pitch, we would never lose a game.

The guy is relentless. He just, he just has no quit in him. I love the way he plays. I will desperately miss him playing in left midfield for AFC Wimbledon. Also, Deji Oshulaja, our best player from last season, is leaving the club. Tom Sores, longtime pro, Joe McDonald, backup goalkeeper, Alfieie Egan who has been with Wimbledon since he was a kid. And those are important players. And then of course, we've got some players leaving. Those are players that are staying.

Those are players who are leaving. Oh, those players are leaving. And then we've got the players who were on loan who are not coming back despite our fervent prayers. Most notably, 21 year old goalkeeper, Wimbleton legend, Aaron Ramstale, Aaron Rambo Ramstale going back to Bournemouth, Steve Sedan, who was our marauding left back for the second half of the season is, is not returning as well. But a bunch of players are returning like Scottott wagstaff and mich pinnick and dilland connolly and james hansson and uh... the guy

who scored the vast majority of our goals joe pigot and shame mclofflin and it's pretty good actually i think i'm i'm happy that we've got we've got we've got four or five needs including we don't have any goalkeepers and from what I understand in sports, that is an important role. But I mean, all things considered, I am very happy. The big question mark is Will Nightingale, who's played for Wimbledon since he was a little

kid and was captain of the club and was hugely important in us staying up. And he has been offered a new contract but he has not yet signed it. So hopefully we will be able to convince Will. Will if you're listening, I love you. I'll do whatever I have to do. Just make it happen. Just let me know what you need and I will do it. All right. That's as long as it's a signed letter opener. The John's got it for you. Yeah, I'll, I'll make my brother sponsor your training kit again. Yeah, I think I'm just sort of stepping in for Sarah here to temper any expectations. Oh, man.

Yeah, you know, Sarah is very supportive, but in a kind of measured way where it's, you know, good to be reminded sometimes that one's primary philanthropic responsibility is not to third-tier English football teams. John, the Mars News from this week is the winner of the NASA Centennial Architecture Challenge, which is a challenge to get different design firms to submit ideas for habitats that would and could exist on Mars. The one that was selected is from AI Space Factory. That's right, you heard that correctly.

If there was ever a cooler name for a company, I don't know what it would be, but AI Space Factory is designed a multi-story, vertical, cylindrical, 3D printed Mars habitat. That looks very cool. And there's also a five-minute video where you get introduced to this thing, which is called the Marsha. And the Marsha has like so many different weird cool abilities. One is that because of the difference in temperature and day and night any structure on Mars will need to be able to flex.

And so it actually has bearings that allow it to move around a little bit as this, as like it cools off at night and heats up in the day. Also, a thing that you don't think about when it comes to habitats on Mars is the upward pressure of a pressurized space. So on the bottom of the structure, you can't go down. So you basically have this giant pressurized vessel. And on the bottom, there's nothing it can expand into.

So you have this always this pressure that wants to push the structure off of the ground, like a diet coke and Mentos rocket. And so you need to clamp the things down to the ground. So part of the entire process is you have to 3D print a foundation that you can then clamp it onto, that it will not blast off from. And then one of the great things about having a big cylindrical design is you can have, as part of this, designed a 3D printer that would be able to, like, without moving, like clamp itself to the ground, and then 3D print the entire structure, which includes an outside

wall that is, like, the actual thing that contains the pressure, and includes the inside wall, which is sort of more aesthetically pleasing and easier to maintain. And then at the cap of it, there is a giant water-filled lens. This is very cool, that the sunlight can go through and then that lens disperses the sunlight through like between those two walls, which makes the entire habitat without having

very many big windows have natural circadian light coming through it all of the time. Yeah. That's cool. Because I think that one of the big issues on Mars would be how much time you're gonna have to spend on the inside of that thing. Yeah. You're gonna spend so much time inside a style. You're basically like, what you're really doing is you're like moving on to the International Space Station for 20 years. So I think it would be really, really helpful

to have a little bit of the light and dark of home. Yes. That's a great idea. And it's just, it's also such a, like you're gonna spend so much time indoors, and like the outdoors time will be extremely stressful on my work, and so you do, you kinda need a place where you can relax and actually feel comfortable.

Yeah. So, these structures look very cool and very different from the sort of traditional idea of what Mars habitats might look like, and they are also, they've did a test that they could actually 3D print with materials that are found on Mars. That was going to be my question. So this stuff will be made out of Mars.

It's made out of Mars. It's made out of Mars and some other stuff. So I think that they're used some like plant fibers as part of it that would either have to be imported or grown on the planet. Yeah, just to be clear, when you say imported, you mean from earth. There's not really anywhere else you can import from on Mars.

It's like, not the next town over, yeah. Yeah, that's very bad. I just, yeah. Oh, I'm looking at it. It's very bad. I'm just, yeah. Oh, I'm looking at it. It's really cool. It looks, you know what it looks like? It looks to me like a grain silo.

Yeah, it's sort of grain silo-y. It turns out that because you have to contain pressure, like making a circle is much better than making squares where there's like lots of pressure points and rippy points. Right. So in the same way that like a pressurized beverage container is good in a cylindrical form, that's it's kind of the same idea. Like it's the best way to contain volume that is pressurized. I love the idea that in like a thousand years, people on Mars will assume that round rooms are normal in the same way that we assume

that rectangular rooms are normal. Yeah, and they'll hear about like Americans and talk about the Oval Office and being like, aren't all offices for a race? Doesn't that go without saying? Why not just call it the office? Yeah, and then like the president of Mars has a square office. That's how you know she's special. All right, well thank you for ponding with me.

Hank, thanks to everybody for listening. You can email us your questions at Hank and John at gmail.com. We really appreciate all your emails, even the ones that are correcting us in extremely pedantic but loving ways. This podcast is edited by Nicholas Jenkins. It's produced by Rosiana Hallsville-Hossin, Sheridan Gibson. Our head of community and communications

is Victoria Bonjorno. The music you're listening to now and at the beginning of the podcast is by the great Gunnarola. And as they say in our hometown, don't forget to do y'all.