Dear Hank & John - 196: There Is Nothing You Are Not

Episode Date: July 1, 2019

How did they decide doorbells should go ding dong? How do I get my coworkers out of my personal life? Why does Hank have button-up jeans? How do you not worry that everything you write has been written before? What are the odds that I'm part pigeon? Why don't you see tons of stars when you're in space? Hank and John have answers! If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at [e-mail]. Join us for monthly livestreams and an exclusive weekly podcast at patreon.com/dearhankandjohn. Follow us on Twitter! twitter.com/dearhankandjohn

Hello and welcome to Dear Hank and John. Doors up for a think the Dear John and Hank. It's a podcast where two brothers answer your questions, give you to be a advice and bring you all the week's news from both Mars, which is a planet, and AFC will build in, which is a soccer team. John, you've been telling you for a long long time that I need to get a last will and testament, correct? Correct. I'm working on this.

I'm finally doing it. I'm caught up on a lot of my work, so I went in, and I was there, and the lawyer comes into the room, and he said to me, loudly, I'm not saying anything without my lawyer present. And I said, this is a very weird way to start out this conversation. You are the lawyer here.

This is also not a criminal proceeding. I am just a guy, I'm not a cop, you're the lawyer. And he said, exactly, I'm the lawyer. So give me my lawyer present. The longest setup for the worst joke. No, he wants a lawyer present. And so I got him a some lapel pins from dftba.com. Let me ask you if you're actually getting your will done or if it was just all a setup for a joke.

I am. You are. I am. I didn't actually haven't gone in yet, but I've scheduled a meeting. Oh my god. It's scheduled. It's on the schedule. Oh my god. It's like I'm trying to tell my 20 year old self why he has to go to the dentist. I mean, I also I have to schedule an appointment to see the dentist for clarity. John, what would you have tweeted this week? I think this week I would have tweeted nothing makes me prouder to be an American than winning a World Cup match on two sketchy penalties. The Ghost Woman made it to the quarterfinals of the World Cup in, I mean, I found the circumstances to be dubious. Other people had a lot of complaints about like different refereeing decisions in the game that weren't about those two penalties.

And so therefore, they thought that America deserved the two relatively soft penalties we received. But then again, when Tottenham fans a few weeks ago, we're whining about how the penalty that got called that helped Liverpool win the European Championship was soft. I was like, whatever, shut up. So I'm happy to be an American. It's amazing to be, John, that the thing you wanted to tweet about

was the soccer game and not that your podcast, the Anthropocene Review was featured on Roman Mars's 99% Invisible and it's such a complimentary and beautiful manner that has resulted in maybe an unpleasant amount of attention being paid to that podcast. It has been really overwhelming and exciting and I'm really grateful to everybody at 99% invisible for featuring the Anthropocene Reviewed. But yeah, like it's still in the top 25, wow. Trending podcasts and lots of new listeners,

which is almost entirely welcome. And if you listen to D.R. Angadjon, I definitely want you to listen to the Anthropocene reviewed. There is nothing more fun in this world than like reading the Anthropocene reviews email because everybody who writes into the Anthropocene reviewed is, I read their emails and I'm like, I like this person. This is a person I would like in real life. I have to say, I do not always feel that way when reading, for instance, Crash Course

comments. Yeah. That should be a news that went on Dear Hankajan anthropocene reviewed emails. Oh, I got a great one today. It was somebody suggesting a review air conditioning and they made a phenomenal observation about air conditioning. His name's Daniel Huck.

I'll just read it to you. Most science fiction that considers human life on Mars and visions vast networks of structures and tunnels to protect its human inhabitants from the inhospitable atmosphere. Ironically, to an outsider of the planet Earth, one might already assume that humans were off-world settlers because we spend the majority of our time in offices, houses, apartments, schools, libraries, even indoor pools that are air conditioned and between these boxes we utilize moving boxes called cars and buses to get us to our next resting place.

I mean, yes. Well, this is even more of the case when it in places where it's very cold, like they build tunnels. I think you can walk through all of downtown Minneapolis without ever one's going outside because you have to be able to. I love that about Minneapolis.

And John, that new segment reminds me of our new, less new segment. Hey now, you're an all-star. The second clip of All-Star's Smash Mouth and HD shows the lawfuler wearing the undershirt. It appears in one of them. He's also got goggles and frosted tips, which let's just be honest with ourselves,

was never a good decision. He's also wearing a utility belt that has a whisk, it has a whisk on it and also a spatula and he has what is clearly a broken waffle iron that he pushes onto his face. Also, his undershirt is covered in waffle burns. As is, if you look very closely, the back of his neck, and that is our new segment,

Hey, now, you're an all-star, and also according to our Survey Monkey results, the last time we will do that, I just wanted you all to see what you're missing out on. I just want to say a huge thank you to everybody who went to patreon.com slash deer hankajon and heroically and generously explain to Hank what an incredibly bad idea that segment is. I mean, Hank, as much as I didn't enjoy listening to your summary of the Woffler, I can only imagine how funny that bit would be four years from now when it was still happening every

week. Watching it in HD is really, really mind bending. It's just, I watched it. There's an entire leopard print house, John. I watched it. I watched it in HD, Hank. I watched the entire video in HD. And I think it would be a really wonderful YouTube series. But like, is it a good use of our one wild and precious life? Or should my main concern.

Or should we hand it over to like a younger and more promising person who might be able to really just sink their teeth into this great work of 1997 genius? I don't know, John, but it's good. How did they get a leopard print house and put it only in two shots and you basically can't see it? They definitely had a lot of money. And I know that our patient listeners right now are thinking, I was under the impression

this was a bad advice podcast, not a bad smash mouth analysis podcast. But that is the only thing I think about while watching the music video. Like these people had stupid, stupid amounts of money to make a music video. Like they had money that Justin Bieber somehow doesn't have. Like Taylor Swift can't make a music video that's as expensive as Smash Mouth's All-Star. I mean, and the depth of the integration with mystery men, the movie that Smash Mouth's All Star

is in no way most associated with. There's no Shrek in this music video. The Shrek hadn't happened yet. They didn't know about Shrek. They thought that mystery men was gonna be like the movie that saved Hollywood. You know, like, and we will move on from this. Actually, maybe we won't.

Thank you. One of the most amazing thing about the All-Star Music video. Oh, there's not just one thing but hit me. According to Wikipedia, somewhere in the All-Star Music video is a cameo from NPR legend, Diane Reame. What? This is also doing more than IMDB. I cannot find this cameo,

and I can't find any other reference to it, so it's possible that it's Wikipedia, graffiti, or vandalism or whatever. Yeah, no, this isn't a thing, but that's not a thing. I mean, I'm just saying if anybody out there is listening, and they know the story of how Diane Ream came to be associated with the Smash Mouth All Star music video, I would be interested to find out.

Absolutely. Please, someone. Our first question comes from Emily, who writes, dear John and Hank, how did they decide that doorbells should go ding dong sincerely, Emily? Emily, Emily, when were you born in 2004? You might have been. Well, I mean, you could 2004, you might have been. Well, I mean, you could have various noises

being made by Chimes. What do you mean? I mean, that it was a door bell and the bell went ding dong as bells do. Yeah, I guess they kinda go ding dong as bells do. You know that ding dong is two other things besides being a noise? Uh, no.

It's a silly or foolish person, and it's also a food. It's not a food. It's a food. It's not a food. You can't eat a ding dong. It's chocolate cake, ding dong. Oh, ding dongs!

I totally forgot about them until just now! Ding dongs! Hold on, I gotta Google them to make sure they look like I remember them. Yeah, oh my god, they were amazing. They probably still are, I think. Oh, ding-dongs, they were like cupcakes, but the icing was inside. Yeah.

Yeah, I could hit a ding-dong right now. And apparently, I can. They didn't make them for a brief period in 2013, but they're back, John. When I was in high school, I used to crush like that six pack of chocolate covered mini donuts. It was like 89 cents and 500 calories. Yeah, yeah. The calorie per dollar of those mini donuts might have been the best deal in all of food.

And all of human history, possibly. Yeah, I mean, it's probably even cheaper now because like the price of food per unit of work has never been lower. I, and people say things aren't good in America. Yeah, I mean, it's probably even cheaper now because like the price of food per unit of work has never been lower. I, and people say things aren't good in America. Yeah. That's, I would,

mom would give me $2.50 per day for lunch. Yeah. And I would get a chocolate milk and a fudge round and that was like the same amount of calories as getting like a, the $2.50 launch. And then I'd have like $1.75 left over, which you'd save because Hank was the most obsessive, like hoarder of money.

I guess we're supposed to be celebrating, people who save money and are cautious with money and everything. But all Hank's hoarding of money ever got him was me stealing his money because I needed money. Yeah, because I was out there spending. Because you were out of money. I was out there spending four or five dollars per lunch

and I only had two 50. John, before we move on to our next question, I'm sorry that we haven't really answered this one. This is like the special edition where we don't answer any of the questions. I don't know why we got to the, like the particular ding dong. And my doorbell, it dings when you push

and it dongs when you let go. It's actually has, still has a dinger in there. It's a physical doorbell, which I love. But I don't know why ding and dong. And I like, on a monopias very weird. In general, I don't really understand how we know how to make sounds, then spell them out so that we can, it's wild. All right, Hank. Yeah. Let's answer another question. This next question comes

from Samantha, who writes to your John and Hank. My co-workers started following me on Instagram recently. He's 40. Oh, no. Like the judgment that's implied by your accusation. He's 40 and he has kids. Oh, God. And he's very politically conservative. And I'm an avocado-loving millennial. I worry that he will judge me for what I post. I'm sorry, are you not allowed to like avocados unless you're under the age of 40?

First of all, the millennial cutoff, depending on who you ask, is 1980, which means that there are 39-year-old millennials. So- In it of itself is horrifying. Yeah, well, I'm one of them. You're not a millennial. That, like-

I can tell by looking at you. It's almost as if the entire idea of generations is BS, but anyway, move on. It is. It's funny, like, when we were growing up, I felt like that was clear until that book by Douglas Gopin Generation X came out. And then all of a sudden, I was like, oh God,

I want to be a part of a generation. Oh my God, that seems so cool and important. I just wanted to be part of something. I wanted to understand myself in an historical context. Right. That idea was so helpful to me. I freaking love avocado toast. I mean, so do I.

And we are apparently from completely different generations. So I'm really proud of us for bridging the divide. I worry that this coworker will judge me for what I post, but I don't want to feel like I have to censor myself on social media. How do I get my coworker out of my personal life? Likes and follows Samantha. So the answer to this question Samantha,

is that the way that you get people out of your social media feed is by not having a publicly available social media feed. And if you do keep it public, you just have to live with the possibility that people will follow you. Yeah, this question makes me think two things. First, this problem that I considered somewhat unique

to the fact that I have a large internet following is not at all unique and everybody has it. Exactly. Where it's just like you are making content for a broad audience of diverse people. And do you want to specify into your niche or do you want to have a broader appeal? And it's just like, as a normal human being,

you shouldn't have to think about that. But here we are, it's 2019 and you do. Yeah, but the thing is, you don't really choose unless you keep everything private and let people in one by one, you don't really choose who follows you. That's why I made the Anthropocene Review to hard to spell, like to go back to your joke from earlier.

Like it really is though, because I know that I don't get to make that choice. And I wanna make stuff that's publicly available. Like I have an urge to do that that goes back as far as I can remember, but I also wanna make stuff for people who will really care about it, and not so much for like anybody who can be like convinced to listen to it or convinced to watch it.

And so I really empathize with Samantha because you want people to follow you, you want people to like your posts, you know, it feels good, it feels affirming, but you don't want people who you don't like to like your posts, because you don't want to think about it. Or to like them for the wrong reason, or to be thinking things about you, or to comment passively, aggressively, and then that becomes a huge bummer in your day, and you're right, Hank, like we used to think

that that was a problem associated with being D-list internet, so every dessert, whatever, but in fact, it's a problem that literally everyone who uses social media in a public way has. Yeah, the other thing that this made me think is that if we look at each other and we say that person is too different for me to share my life with them, not like because I'm worried about what they might think

or because I'm worried that they might judge me then like the world closes down, and we don't understand people as fully, if they are the more different from us, people are the less likely we are to have an opportunity to understand them better. And so in that way, it's almost like, I want people who are different from me to follow me,

so that they see a different way of living, a different perspective, and how other people do it. And I, like, hopefully, just being different doesn't necessarily come with the judgment. I think that it's much more likely to come along when you're being presented with something that's a little outside of your norm to be like, why is that happening?

And analyze it and think about it. But I also think it's important that we see other ways in which people live and see those as like different but not worse. Yeah, but the complicated thing about it is that sometimes that can feel unsafe, especially when it's entering into your real life. Like what if this person starts talking at work

about your social media feed in ways that end up like damaging your performance reviews or in ways that, you know, like make your boss treat you differently or whatever. It's so complicated and also like not everybody goes into those, you know, experiences with the same level of power. And I think that's another complicated part of it. So yeah, I wish I had good advice.

I don't know how to navigate this, which is why I quit. It's also why I have stopped following my employees on Instagram. I did that for a while, and now I'm like, I've probably, maybe I should just unfollow the people I already followed, because like, obviously, I'm a more important part

of their follow or ship than the average person. Yeah, you never want to be like the person who's in the back of somebody's head when they're posting something. Right. I remember when Ashton Kutcher first followed me on Twitter, back in like 2011 or whatever. Yeah, every single time I would post anything to Twitter or like I'd be writing a tweet and I'd be thinking, oh my god, Ashton Kutcher's going to see this., Aston Kutcher is gonna see this. Aston Kutcher is gonna see this tweet. Whatever I put in this box, Aston Kutcher will literally have to look at. And God, that thinking about carrying what Aston Kutcher

thinks about me, that is such a 2010 thing. No, not for me, man, I still care what Aston Kutcher thinks about me. I don't want Aston Kutcher to think negatively about me. Okay, I think it was an early investor in vitamin water. Yeah, I mean, Ashton Kutcher is one of the richest actors in the world, according to wealth-garilla says Diane Reem is in Smash Mouth's Office. Oh God. This next question comes from Case. Who writes, dear John and Hank, but

mostly Hank, you're easily mentioned that you were wearing button of jeans. Why? Aren't they definitively worse than zip up jeans? Yes. That's why I wanted to leave this question. Yeah, no, I think this is a great question. Don't they take longer to put on? Didn't we invent the zipper so that we, as a species, could move past buttoned jeans? I mean, yes, first of all,

one, I don't like how much you're thinking about my jeans. I mean, yes, first of all, one, I don't like how much you're thinking about my jeans. I don't even remember mentioning this. I don't remember you mentioning either. Stop thinking about my fly. But you do seem like the kind of guy who would have buttoned up jeans. Here's the situation.

I do not care at all the situation, re-my-fly. I care that my pants fit. And I'm gonna take a number of pants into the dressing room. And I'm gonna buy the ones that fit. And if they have a button of fly, I'm going to be like, fine, what I want more than anything

in the world right now is to not be shopping for pants. And so I'm going to end the pants shopping as soon as possible. It is one of the more unpleasant things that I do in my life shopping for pants. Yeah, I really don't like it. I would give it like one and a half stars. I would genuinely rather go to the doctor for vaccines

than go shopping for pants. genuinely rather go to the doctor for vaccines than go shopping for pants. Well, it's because it, like for some reason, like I'll try on two pairs of the same pant in the same size and they'll fit different. I'm like, what's happening? I'm so confused. It's like 34 or 36 or 32, like I wear all of those sizes. I don't have time for this. All right, so Hank and I just had a sidebar while y'all weren't listening, where I said that I felt

like we were sounding a little entitled and like our problems were just kind of like seemed out of touch with the pants thing. And then Hank pointed out to me that like probably most people do buy pants. Yeah, no, I mean, I don't for clarity. I stopped buying pants ages ago. I have my own servant Montrese. Bring me pants. Oh my God. We've answered like two questions. We should move on. Okay. Kendra asked, dear John and Hank, how do you write and feel like you're writing something original that's never been said before? I'm writing a story and I'm filled with this fear that everything I have to say about my characters

and their lives and everything has already been said by other authors. How do you move past this and just write Kendra? I feel like Lewis Carroll thought that this was a problem and so he was like, a flip a tune, a fronk, but to go to my car, I'm so, and he went into the spiral into the wild and believe aim. And I'm like, a flipadoon, a frug, but to go, oh my god, I'm so, and he went into the spiral into the wobbly pain.

And I'm like, dude, it's okay to write some words people have written before. I actually think that there's nothing new under the sun, including Lewis Carroll. Like, Lewis Carroll didn't invent nonsense words. Look, I think I've said this before, but there is a measure of hubris involved in walking into a bookstore and thinking,

like, what this place needs is another book. Yeah. You're never going to be saying anything that's entirely new, but you'd actually be surprised, Kendra. If you like Google a phrase that you've written, like a five or six word phrase, you'd be surprised how few of them have ever appeared before, at least according to Google. And there's a lot, there's a lot of written

fiction on the internet, a lot. Probably more than there is in your given bookstore, definitely more than yours in your given bookstore. And that's like that's, that definitely says something. I think also, John and I have explored the idea of reading books that are like 100 years old, that were very popular in America 100 years ago and maybe like making some kind of content around that process of reading like the top book in America from 1906 or something. And what we found is like culture and society has changed so much that a lot of that stuff isn't relatable, it's not fun to read. And it's, you know, like it's just like,

it understands the universe very differently than we do. Right. And so sometimes I feel like there are all these beautiful classic novels and like why are we creating more stuff? But what we know now is different. How society is as different? What, like who people are? People are different now.

Like, they are different things and we imagine ourselves differently than we used to. And so we need voices from the present. And in some ways, from the future, like younger people now, to me, kind of seem like they're from the future. Like, they are going to grow up and be adults that are different

from how adults are now. And, like, you know, 25-year-olds are gonna be 45 someday. And they're just gonna be different than know, 25-year-olds are gonna be 45 someday, and they're just gonna be different than today's 45-year-olds. So like, we need new voices, we need new books. And I love, like, it turns out that I really love reading stuff that was written in the last couple of years.

I think that there's nothing like it. Yeah, I think there's a lot of value in reading books from 100 or 200 or 500 years ago, especially books that aren't widely read today. Like, I just get a feeling of specialness when I read them, but I think we desperately need to hear from the voices of now and the voices of tomorrow. The people who are coming of age now have things to say about coming of age that I can't possibly say about it. Oh, yeah, absolutely. And that's one of the weird things about, you know, having now a

career that's 15 years old is that I have books that are 15 years old and read very much like 2005 to me, you know, like they read like historical fiction. And that has a purpose. I think it, I hope it has a use for people. And I hope the books can stay in print for a while and be helpful to whomever they can be helpful to, but we need the voices of the present. Absolutely. Hank, if you ever Googled something to make sure that you're not plagiarizing it? I, yes, yes, I have, but I've done that,

and I've also Googled things to be like, how often has this joke been made? Which I think is also important. I remember I wrote a line when I was writing the Fault in Our Stars and I was like, I'm pretty sure this is stolen. It was love is keeping the promise anyway. And I was like, there's no way that's original, but I Googled it. And I was like, I guess, I guess it's mine.

I guess I did that. Yeah, you write all kinds of lines like that where I'm like, did you, John green didn't write this. That's too good. He's a doof. Yeah, you write all kinds of lines like that where I'm like, did you, John green didn't write this. That's too good. He's a doof. But if you really want to solve this problem, just put in some nonsense words,

just go lose Carol on that page. Yeah, which reminds me that John, of course, this podcast is brought to you by Bander Snatch. Just Bander Snatch it. That's Nike's new thing. They're saying that. That's today's podcast is also brought to you by Advice Podcast that answer only three questions.

Advice Podcast that answer only three questions. The future, it's the future. Well, I mean, we're walking in some well-traud footsteps, actually, when you look at certain other brother-based advice podcasts. This podcast is also brought to you by the Waffler. He's here to waffle your face, but mostly his own for some reason

and also the back of his neck. We also have a project for awesome message from Charlie. Thank you for donating to the project for awesome Charlie. Charlie writes, Hi, Past Charlie. Future you doesn't have anyone he wants to shout out here. So he thought he would just write past you a letter,

specifically fourth grade you, to fourth grade Charlie. Currently, you're having a hard time in school. You're dyslexic, ADHD, completely illiterate and behind grade level for most subjects. People are telling your parents that you're not college bound. Well, they're wrong. I'm here to tell you that by high school, not only will you be able to read, you'll be reading two books a week every week.

And when you graduate high school, you will go to college at Gallaudet University in Washington, D.C. I mean, Jesus, Charlie, you made me cry. That's love. Well, I mean, yeah, a little bit of tears, but also I'm very worried about the timeline. You know, you don't want to give too much information to your past self because they might mess it up. I'm not worried. Hank, how can you get worried about that instead of crying? Oh, that's just so lovely. Yeah. I mean, we're so clearly from different generations, John. That's true. No millennials were moved by that.

That was super gen X of you. Oh, it was fair. That is lovely. Congratulations, and we wish you all the best. Next year, please donate to the project for us in the game and write another letter updating us on how things are going. John, I got another question. It's from Jordan who asks, uh, dear Hank and John, I was recently listening to the Bill Nye, the science guy podcast and something terrible happened. He was talking about how all things come from other things and that the atoms in every person were once in something else. I have so many particles inside of me and I realized that there must be some electron in my body

that might once have been in a pigeon. I find this incredibly upsetting. What are the odds that I am part pigeon? Pupid pigeons, Jordan. 100%. Yeah. You're a deaf, you're a 100% part pigeon, I'm sorry. Not only are you part pigeon, your part star, your part, everything. There's nothing you're a 100% part pigeon, I'm sorry. Not only are you part pigeon, you're part star, you're part, everything.

There's nothing you're not. That's the weird thing, Jordan. There's nothing you're not. That's very John Green. I'm the cellular E-cellula. All life comes from life. All cells come from cells. All the atoms that are inside of you are recycled.

Yeah. And by the way, will be recycled after when you go on to live your second of 1,000 lives. I have just gone to look, and John, no one has ever said the sentence, there's nothing you're not on the internet. Well, it's a nice line.

You can have it the way that you took probably the best line I've ever written and put it in an absolutely remarkable thing. I asked your permission. And I gave it, but I felt obligated, and I still think about that line as being probably that I wonder if it is the top quoted line. It's not, but the top quoted line in my book was stolen,

and I didn't think anybody was gonna think I wrote it. Ha, ha, ha, ha wrote it. It's a common internet phrase. What is it? Behold the feel of it in which I grow my **** and see that it is barren. Jordan, I have further news. Someone once told me that the nature of atoms, like the number of atoms that you breathe in and a single breath is so large that they get distributed throughout the entire world in a matter of not a very long time. And so the last breath that Julius Caesar breathed after he was stabbed, that breath is by all of us right now. Like each breath we take in has atoms from that breath, which is beautiful, but also means that we are constantly

breathing Einstein's farts as well. That is astonishing. That is, I mean, if that's true, that's mind-blowing. By the way, I had a very happy childhood. I just wasn't a very happy child. Is the seventh most like, quote, from an absolutely remarkable thing? You got in there, you did okay. I think I beat you.

One of the things I actually wrote is above you on there somewhere. Yeah, I kind of missed my calling as a person who writes greeting card aphorisms. I mean, the thing is that April had a very happy childhood, but she wasn't a very happy child. And there was, like, it was really necessary for people to understand that. Yeah. And it was just so perfect. Yeah, it's a good line.

Is the number two one at least something I wrote? Yeah, it's definitely something you wrote. Well, I'm glad that I wrote at least one of the top quotes from the Goodreads and absolutely remarkable thing quotes, Pitch. Hank, before we get to the all-important news from Mars and AFC Wimbledon, I just want to ask one last question from Amber because I do not know the answer to this, and I'm very curious. Dear John and Hank, I translated a sentence from Spanish on Duolingo recently. There was a cartoon drawing of an astronaut, and the sentence translated to,

I only saw one star, which by the way is a beautiful line. I found that extremely funny because it made me picture astronauts as disappointed or angry or maybe even jaded, but then I got to thinking about it. And when I see pictures of the moon or watch a space walk or whatever, you don't really see stars. Why is that?

Why don't you see like tons of stars like you do in the night sky, not jaded, but caught in amber. That's good. Ooh. I do. I know the actual answer to this question, John. What is it? So the sun is very bright. I've heard them. And it hits the thing that you are standing on. In the case of the moon missions, the astronauts were in perpetual daylight. And so the surface of the moon was lit up extremely brightly. And when you take a photograph, and this is also the case when you're like looking at spacewalks on the space station, you know, like when you're seeing things, you're seeing the sun hit the side of the space station, or the astronaut themselves.

And in photography, when one thing is very well lit up, you will not see dimmer things, because it's, you know, cameras aren't good at that So they take, you know, short shutter speed photographs so that it's not the foreground isn't overexposed So you aren't able to see the stars But if you were an astronaut standing on the moon or if you're an astronaut looking out of the window of the international Space Station, you do see good stars. So the is it like as good as on Earth or even better? It's better. Yeah. Way better. Well, that kind of makes me want to go to space.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I think that that's one reason to want to go to space. But I, I knowing you think that probably it doesn't outweigh the negatives. Just in your particular case. Yeah. I, I don't want to go. I don't want to go.

It just seems super stressful. Yeah. I mean, so like, there there's all the like practical reasons. I'm kinda like if you on space, like, weightlessness seems really uncomfortable. Your blood pressure is always very strange. Your face gets puffy, you're kinda nauseous the whole time. And then there's like the, you might die,

and that's the one that really turns it off for me. Yeah, I would not mind weightlessness. That seems fun. It's the other stuff that is beyond terrifying. But before we get to the news from Mars Hank, can I share with you the news from AFC Wimbledon? Oh, yeah, hit me. AFC Wimbledon has signed in the last week to count them two new players, which is very exciting. We might be losing Joe Piggitt, who was responsible for, I think, a majority of our goals last season

between his goals and his assists. So that's a little bit worrisome. Well, that's very bad. Yeah. I think that we would get a good transfer fee for him. It's just not clear who we would then be able to purchase. So definitely worrisome, but whatever, it'll work out. We have a goalkeeper, which is encouraging.

He is 20 year old Nathan Trott. He is on loan from West Ham He seems like he's really good. He is also very very young I am old, but when I watch an interview with Nathan trot. I was like, oh my gosh this boy He looks well. He's 20 and I am old. That was my main thought. It was just kept covered over in my head. How did this happen? I grow old, I grow old. You're a professional footballer and you were born when I was 25 years old.

Exactly. I had my current job when this person was a baby. We have also signed 24-year-old Adam Rosgroe. I know three things about Adam Rossgrove Hank. One, he has a master's degree as well as a bachelor's degree from university. Two, he played four his university team in Wales, Cardiff Metropolitan University FC until like four days ago and three, he looks like a character in a 1940s noir movie, very handsome, great jawline, a jawline for the ages. I mean, if you Google him, Hank, you'll know what I mean. Oh, yeah. I'm looking at him right now. I definitely feel as if I would not be too

surprised if I was committing some kind of felonies in the forties that he would come in and arrest me immediately. I and I would be grateful. You know, honestly, I think this life of crime is no good. So welcome, Adam Rosgrove and Nathan Trott. And please, God, Joe Pigg, it's stay. Please, God, oh, God, please, Joe Pigg. All right, Hank, what's the news for Mars? Actually, I think I know the news for Mars and it's my it's mind blowing. Yeah, it's definitely big and it's

it is a surprise. So this week in Mars news, the curiosity rover has found more methane. Methane has been like this weird ongoing mystery for Mars. For a few reasons, methane might be a sign of life. Is the big reason why it matters? It's not a guarantee. If there is methane, there are also some geological processes that can release methane, but on Earth, methane is mostly produced by microbes. So this is, it's wild, and the weird thing is like we landed curiosity on Mars and we were like, okay, look for methane immediately and it found none. And then later it detected like a significant spike. So there was none and then suddenly there was some.

Since then, scientists working on the curiosity project have been able to see that there are seasons in the levels of methane in Mars's atmosphere. There's peaks in the summer and lower amounts in the winter. But that background level of methane also has spikes in it. And so we see these spikes, and so far they have been relatively mild spikes, but then to add to the mystery got an orbiter

that's testing from space, looking to see if it could detect methane on the planet and finding none ever, which makes the scientists think that if curiosity isn't wrong about what it's detecting, that the methane is somehow being destroyed on the planet and finding none ever, which makes the scientist think that if curiosity isn't wrong about what it's detecting, that the methane is somehow being destroyed or broken down in the lower atmosphere

before it gets to the places where the trace gas orbiter could actually interpret it. But, so that's like the background. Right. The most recent spike in methane is the largest spike that curiosity has ever measured like significantly. It's 21 parts per billion, which is not a lot, but it's is a lot.

It's three times larger than any other spike. It's ever measured. The one that it measured in 2013 being the next largest one that was seven parts per billion. So it's significantly different. And this is all coming like as we're hearing it. So this isn't like they did crunch the numbers and they published a paper and they got it peer reviewed.

This is like this happened and we heard about it and now we're talking about it. So it hasn't been verified, it hasn't been peer reviewed. This is all new information that like kind of got leaked a little bit but like is a big deal and like the emails, like the New York Times got the emails that like internal scientists were sending, being like holy crap. What is this? 21 parts per billion is a wild spike. And you know, there seems to be some kind of methane cycle on Mars. And whether that cycle includes

some kind of biological participant or whether it's just something that's happening in the interior of the planet. But it definitely seems like methane is being produced now. Actively. Actively. More at sometimes than at other times, which indicates for lack of a better term change. Yeah, and that could just be seasonal. It could just be that you have pockets of methane

they get formed underground, and then the CO2 ice on top of it, right, you know, sublime's away. And so the methane can be released during some seasons and like depending on how close you are to one of those pockets or how big the pocket was, you might get a spike like this. But yeah, we have no idea how the methane is being produced

under the surface of the planet. Like, that's weird. Like, we don't know how that would happen. Exactly. So the planet. Like, that's weird. Like, we don't know how that would happen. Exactly. So the betting money, and I know that you're a scientist and you care about peer review. But I'm just saying, if I were laying a bet right now, after this news, the bet I would lay

is that there is some kind of, I don't even know if you call it life, right? Like, I've been thinking, the more I think about it, the more I think that we think of life as a dichotomy, as a yes or no thing, but in fact, it is kind of a continuum. Like, yeah, our virus is alive. Kind of.

Like, our computer virus is alive. No. But like, yeah, and so, we have imagined that there is life and not life, that there are live planets and dead planets, and that may have been an oversimplification. Yeah, I'm just saying, if I had betting money right now, I would put the betting money on either curiosity brought some life to Mars, or there's something like life on Mars. Yeah, curiosity could not have brought enough life to Mars for or there's something like life on Mars. Yeah, I curious, you could not have brought enough life to Mars

for it to have produced that level of methane. So unless it was the kind of life that like, it turned out like loved Mars, the way that Starlings loved America. Yeah, that would be a really unusual circumstance considering the factors that play. I don't know, I wouldn't make a bet. I still, I would lay odds against it being

a biological process right now. I mean, I feel like we should, that bet, like hopefully we'll live to see it settled, but I, I, I'm on the other side of that bet and I'll bet you one American dollar, which I stole from you in 1984. All right, we gotta go record our Patreon only podcast as we can Ryan's of patreon.com slash dear Hank and John which you can check out but

Hank thank you for popping with me. Thank you for popping with me John and thank you everybody who has filled out our survey at patreon.com slash dear Hank and John you can fill that survey out whether or not you are a patron but thanks for everybody for letting me know that you don't want to hear all about Smash Mouth's All Star. Seriously, thank you. The survey is still open, so if you want to throw your vote in, there's a really, really deep gap you need to overcome. I mean, believe me, Hank, it's not going to shrink after your most recent installment.

I thought it was great. Alright. This podcast is edited by Joseph Tuna Mettish. It's produced by Rosie on a Halsey Rohaas and Sheridan Gibson. Our head of community and communications is Victoria Bonjorno, the music you're hearing now, and at the beginning of the podcast is by the great Gunnarola. And as they say in our hometown, don't forget to be awesome.