Dear Hank & John - 205: Piggy Bank Toughness

Episode Date: September 2, 2019

Should I call this strange number back? What have I missed on the pod? Why are your faves your faves? Don't you need more than lemons for lemonade? How do I get the money out of this coin bank? Should I get bangs? Should I change my email address? Why do I get the urge to get my life together in the middle of the night? How do I make time pass in my stories? What is with that baseball song? John Green and Hank Green yell at clouds and give advice! If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at [e-mail]. Join us for monthly livestreams and an exclusive weekly podcast at patreon.com/dearhankandjohn. Follow us on Twitter! twitter.com/dearhankandjohn

Hello and welcome to Dear Hank and John. Or is I prefer to think of it Dear John and Hank. It's a podcast where two brothers enthusiastically answer your questions and give you to be his advice and bring you all the week's news from both Mars and AC Wimbledon. John, yeah. We've talked a little bit about ghost roommates on the pod in the past. We actually got an email from somebody who had a ghost roommate. I recall.

100% had a ghost roommate. She said it took her a while to figure it out for sure, but she was suspicious from the moment her roommate walked through the door. You're on fire! How is your second consecutive laugh out loud, dad joke? All right, I'm working harder now. Oh, Hank, I'm so sick. I know you're very sick, I'm sorry.

Oh, I've been very unwell, but I'm here making the podcast because it's usually my only chance to spend an hour with you and I do really, really like you. Thanks. And so here I am. I would have tweeted this week.

I would have tweeted, I am very grateful to Andrew Luck for all he's done for our community. And I can't wait to see what he does next. Yeah. Andrew Luck, the quarterback of the Indianapolis Colts retired a couple days ago. He's 29 and he's put his body through a lot

and he felt like it was the right time to retire. And I gotta say, I have so much admiration for that decision. And I'm just really grateful for everything that he's done for Indianapolis in the many years that he's been here. I'm sorry that I cannot participate so much in the feelings around this thing. But what I will say is that you can't actually retire

when you're 29. I imagine he will do some other things. Oh, he's gonna do lots of other things because he's such a fascinating, intellectually curious person. They shouldn't call it retirement. They should call it like, I'm transitioning to another career.

Yeah, also they should be like, I'm going to stop doing the most physically punishing job anyone could possibly imagine. I saw people celebrating Andrew look on Twitter this week. One of the tweets I saw was a compilation of him getting sacked and then congratulating the people who sacked him. Yeah, yeah, where he always would be like, good hit. But it was like, that was a good hit. Big boy. Yeah. Well, hopefully this episode will be coming out in linear order because we've had to do a little

bit of podcast pre-recording because you're going on to sabbatical, which sounds amazing. Yes, I am taking six weeks away from most work so that during those six weeks I can focus on writing, hopefully writing some fiction, but definitely writing some Anthropocene reviewed. And that means that we've had to pre-record a little bit of deer, Hank and John. We've also got some live shows coming out. Hank's going to have a guest host or two. Sarah made the point to me last night that basically I just did six weeks of work in the last six weeks on top of the regular work.

Yeah. Because yeah, I've pre-recorded most everything. So you won't really miss me or notice that I'm gone, hopefully, but I will be gone. Okay. Hey, let's answer some questions from our listeners. Beginning with this one from Aaron, who writes, yesterday while driving, I received a call from an 800 number, I decided to answer what? That's wild.

That's like the... Living on the edge, boldest power move of 2019. Yeah. I was a little curious because I thought it was a law that spam had to come from a number that looks suspiciously like mine. It is close to a law. Yeah. I said hello and a recorded male voice greeted me with only one word.

Why? Why? The voice seemed to then get cut off and then the call terminated. Oh. I've been thinking about it ever since. I bet. Should I call this number back? What are the potential risks and rewards here?

Aaron, the side of caution. Yes, Aaron, you should err on the side of caution. Yes, or sure here. Which you already did not do simply by answering the phone. I don't know what's gonna happen when I answer a telemarketer phone call, but like, it can't be good. It's like going to a website, right? Where you might get a virus? Is that how it works? It's definitely gonna be a not a great use of your time or the telemarketers time. And yeah. And so what I'm trying to do is just maximize efficiency on behalf of everyone. The telemarketer is

trying to reach a potential customer, which I am not. And so I'd rather not take the call at all. But what fascinates me about this is the possibility, which I will admit is a faint possibility, that someone has created a telemarketing campaign that is not designed to sell things, but is instead designed to ask one simple question, why? instead designed to ask one simple question, why? Well, maybe it's a public service, because we're all asking ourselves why all the time. Maybe some computer somewhere can take over that responsibility

and I can stop asking why all the time. And instead concentrate on watching Charlotte's web. Yeah, and I was thinking it's probably inexpensive to set up one of these calls centers that just apparently forces people to listen to your phone calls. Like, it can't be that expensive because, you know, how much money they make. And it gave me an idea, Hank,

which is maybe we should set up a call center where instead of trying to sell people things, it's just a recorded voice that reads you a poem or tells you that you're doing great or offers you an unwanted fortune cookie fortune. I like it. I like it. Or I can tell them about Journey to the Microcosmos, our new YouTube channel or vlog brothers or dear Hank and John or any of our other. For profit. This is telemarketing. You what You've invented already exists. The most important thing. Way to find a way to monetize my great non-monetary idea.

Gosh, gotta turn it off sometimes. No, I was thinking wouldn't it be great because it is so stressful to get those 1,800 calls or the possible fraud calls and wouldn't it be great if just one time on the other end of the line was a caring person who just wanted to read you a little bit of Dr. Seuss. Or just wanted to be an advocate for something

that doesn't have advocates and say like, hey, you know, tap water's fine. Like, oh God, that's a great idea. I love that. John will pay for this. John will pay for this. Just call random people and say, you know what's, yeah, somebody need,

I desperately need someone to call me and be like, your tap water's great. It's great, it's delicious. So you need to really need to stop drinking stuff out of plastic bottles because that's, somebody's got to make those bottles. They ain't coming for free. I actually hank in the last two weeks,

I have done proper exposure response therapy, which is like this OCD kind of therapy, to get myself to drink tap water and it has worked. And I'll never go in back because I'm worried that if I stop drinking tap water again, I'm going to get stuck in the cycle again. And I'll tell you what, the tap water is great. That's great. I'm glad to hear it. It's really good. Yeah, tap water is great. And I got a soda making machine so that I can add the bubbles to my own water. And I can finally part ways with my most expensive, monthly expense, which is La Croix.

Well, somebody's got to put another nail in the La Croix coffin. This next question comes from Maddie who asks, Steering a John, I recently got back to listening to the podcast after a very long time away. Can I get a quick update on what I've missed? Thanks so much, Maddie. Well, at first we're doing name specific sign offs now. Right, you've got to work incredibly hard these days

to get a good name specific sign offs. Like the quality of name specific sign offs has gone way up, Maddie. Like like for you I would suggest for instance my dad likes to golf so I'm gonna go caddy with my daddy Maddie. Yeah, that would put you in the bottom 50% of the name specific sign offs we get, but it's better than thanks so much, Maddie. I think I worked really hard on that and it was great. For 12 seconds. The other thing you've missed Maddie is that, and it was great. For 12 seconds.

The other thing you've missed, Maddie, is that Hank and I's podcast empire has expanded for you dramatically. And then the rest of what you missed, I'm not gonna tell you about because we need you to listen to those episodes. You need to go ahead, download them and listen to them. I'm not gonna tell you about the 17 turkeys

that talked to the person at FSU. No, you're gonna have to find out about that by yourself. The secret snake, the crow that became someone's friend. All of these are waiting for you in the 160 hours of content you must consume in order to say that you like us. That would work. All right, Hank, we got another question. The question is from Alicia who writes, dear John and Hank, my three-year-old daughter, Parker, and I listen to the pod while I do housework,

and she has a question. Hank, why is Mars your favorite planet? John, what is your favorite planet? Parker's favorite is Saturn because of its rings. Attached is a video of her saying what her favorite thing about the pod is. Planets and preschoolers, Alicia. Hank, I don't know if you got to see the attached video,

but it is literally the cutest thing I've ever seen in my entire life, and I would just like to play a portion of it for you. Okay. This is Parker. Do you like Jarrington John? Yes. What's your favorite part of Jarrington John?

My answer. She said, the Mars and... Yeah, that's about drinking potty water. And then the drinking potty water. Well, Parker, have I got good news for you because this episode is the potty water spectacular. Okay, it's the potty water spectacular. Also, I'm sorry about my joke about monkeys and cherries

on the last podcast for the kids in the audience. It's probably be okay. So here's a crazy thing about drinking potty water, Parker. Don't do it. Don't drink potty water. Do do do it. It's not a million dollars. Right.

Oh, it's such a good way to get sick, Parker. And then you get ol' barfie. And that's not fun. No, potty water is for dogs to drink and for humans to try not to touch. Period. Yeah. Yeah. It's to put, it's to put the potty things into. That's right. Yeah. Pepe and poop go in there. That's it. Just the peepee and poop. Parker, thank you so much. Anyway,

this is our new podcast, dear Hank and John for three year old only. What Hank, why is Mars your favorite planet? It's the easiest one to do a lot of research on. It is the most earth like of the planets that isn't earth. It's got basically the same length day. It's got not too dramatically dissimilar gravity. It's got water. It's got rocks. You can not, you won't boil alive. It's got a ground. Ground is very important where you can stand.

A lot of the planets don't have that. And it just feels like it feels like this sort of door. I mean, you know, in terms of planets, the door to the future of space exploration. You know, it's like our first step. I agree that Saturn is probably the most beautiful of the planets though. So I'm gonna disagree with Parker and with you. Oh, Saturn is not the most beautiful of the planets,

nor is Mars. Okay. The most beautiful planet is Earth. Yeah, you know what I mean? I agree that Earth is the most beautiful planet. Earth is the best planet, Parker. Saturn is cool. Yeah. Literally very, very cold beautiful planet. Earth is the best planet, Parker. Saturn is cool. Yeah.

Literally very, very cold out there. Earth, oh, look at the weather. Parker, look outside at the weather. Look at all the stuff that's happening. You wanna get your mind blown, Parker? You see all those trees out there when you look outside? Those are made out of air. Those trees took air and turned them into themselves.

True. Earth, man, what a planet. Yeah, Earth makes me hungry just thinking about it. It's got all the food. That is the ultimate problem with humans. Hahaha. We look at Earth and we think, hmm, that tree looks delicious. think I'll cut it down.

Speaking of John, this next question is about tree parts. Great. And comes from Liz, who asks, Steerhank and John, if life doesn't also give you sugar, water, and ice, won't your lemonade be bad? Just wondering, lemons and lions Liz. I have a lot of problems with this aphorism

that when life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Yeah, it may be the worst aphorism. My first problem with it is that lemons are great. When life gives you a saleable product that people want and buy, lemons are good. They're people work very hard to create them with the help of trees. I've personally spent the last two years,

and this is true, making three lemons. It is hard work to make a lemon. Yeah. If life gave me lemons, I would be so grateful because my flipping lemon trees don't give me lemons. And then there's the, of course, the other problem, which is that like, when life gives you lemons, it didn't also give you a bunch of sugar,

and you can't make lemonade without a bunch of sugar. Right. There's the problem with lemons just being a bad example of what you're trying to say, but the bigger problem is with the metaphor itself, which is supposed to be like, when things are terrible, take the terrible thing that happened to you and turn it into something delicious. But you can't do that if you aren't also given the ingredients to turn it into something delicious.

And like some suffering, in fact, I think a lot of suffering, just sucks. Like, maybe there's meaning that you can find in it. Maybe there's connection you can find in it. And I hope that there is. But like, it still sucks. And I feel like to minimize it by saying like, oh, no, like every bad thing that happens is just like

lemonade waiting to happen. Yeah. I feel like that's just not true. And like, it diminishes how difficult it is when things go bad. Yeah, if life gives you a bunch of dog poop, you can't make dog poop aid. I bet you could. I guess you could make dog poop aid. Parker, now you've got dog poop aid.

Which is not better. Like put a bunch of water and sugar in dog poop. It's exactly as bad as it was before. Maybe worse. I mean, it's gonna taste better, but I agree with you that all the underlying problems of eating dog poop aid or drinking it would still be there. And also my stomach is turning.

Yeah, it's like a bunch of kids with dog poop aid stands on the side of the road. Parker, do not, this is not a good idea. I mean, you've had a lot of bad business ideas, but that might be the worst. Come to my dog poop-aid stand. It's a metaphor for what suffering is really like. You'll love it.

Don't drink it. It's a dollar. Which reminds me, it's time for a million dollar idea. Another million dollar idea. This person put it on the internet. So it's probably not a million dollar idea. It's from Brandon who says million dollar idea. Venmo for tithing.

Isn't that just Venmo? Can't you Venmo, can you Venmo a church? I'm sure that you can. Yeah. That's not a, first off, that's not a million dollar idea because who's gonna make money from it? Only Venmo. And I feel like they're already making a bunch of that money.

Right. Well, I imagine that the church would make money. Maybe that it would increase the amount of tithing happening. The problem is do you have to put like a big like QR code on the side of the pulpit? Because that's a little ghost. I mean, I have to say that I've always found

the whole process of like stopping church for 20 minutes to raise money for the church a little weird. I mean, it makes sense to me. But I also understand that, you know, like that's a big part of what churches do. And Hank, as you know, we are very inspired by the idea of tithing because it's a percentage

instead of like rich people being able to say, like, oh, I gave a million dollars to charity this year. I'm so fancy name a building after me. By making it a percentage, you're saying, like, well, it's not really about whether it's a million dollars, it's really about whether or not you gave in a way that was impactful for you and in a way that reflected, you know, the ways that you've benefited from all of the structures that have built up around you. Yeah. So we believe in tithing, and we call it secular tithing.

Anyway, I think uh, I think Venmo is great. But I think somebody already invented that. Yeah. I bet there's already a thing that exists. So I'm going to go ahead and put it out there that this is a zero dollar idea. It's a little bit like if you said, well, Uber, but forgetting rides home from the airport. This next question comes from Nora who asks, Dear Hank and John, I collect coin banks, usually a souvenir. Recently I went to Mexico and I acquired a small cat-shaped coin bank. Usually?

I don't know, sometimes I acquire them as weapons. This is a small cat-shaped coin bank. This and all of the other banks I found in Mexico lacked the hole in the bottom where the cork would go so you could retrieve your money. Instead, the bank just has to slot in the top and know it to get the money out. What am I supposed to do with it? Penny for your thoughts, Nora. Nora, this is how all piggy banks used to be. Yes. This is the idea of the piggy bank. You have to put your money somewhere where you can't get it. And if you need it, get it. You have to need it bad enough that you will destroy something beautiful.

That is it. You build the piggy bank until the piggy bank is full. And if you decide, I guess it's worth it to crush my piggy bank forever. Yeah. So that I can have this money. In Mexico, they are still doing it the traditional way.

I didn't even know about the piggy bank with the removable cork in the bottom. Yeah. Until I was at least 25 years old. I got a piggy bank with the removable cork in the bottom and I was like, this is a bunch of BS as the world got in so soft that now we can no longer destroy a ceramic object because we need money. Wow, we've really got an old man, yells at cloud situation going right now. I really don't agree. I'm like saying millennials are so soft. They won't break open their own piggy bank.

Yeah, no, you can't break a piggy bank. It's dangerous. There will be shards. Ceramic shards. There'll be sharp. This is the worst hot tick. Not. No, not since the last time I was on Twitter, have I seen a hot take this

misguided? Oh, I'm going to tweet it right now. Oh, God. Sizzling hot take. It's sizzling. You use people may not like it and they may not retweet it, but a lot of them are going to reply to it. And then people will just be a little more outraged and annoyed and unhappy than they were 45 seconds ago. Right. And the Amazon will still be burning. This is the hill I will die on apparently. You have picked both the smallest and the dumbest hill of all. This podcast obviously is brought to you by really dumb, really small hills.

They're everywhere and they have so many defenders. B1. Really is kind of the defining feature of our podcast. Today's podcast is also brought to you by tap water, tap water, delicious, and in almost all cases safe. And also this podcast is brought to you by dog poopade, dog poopade, not good and in all cases, not safe. And lastly, today's podcast is brought to you by Sarah and John's lemon tree. Dog poopade, not good and in all cases not safe.

And lastly, today's podcast is brought to you by Sarah and John's lemon tree. Sarah and John's lemon tree, producing two to three lemons per two to three years for six years. Oh boy. All right, this next question comes from Emma who writes, dear John and Hank,

should I get bangs? I like the idea of bangs, but I'm not sure if I want the commitment of bangs. Thanks, Emma. Hmm, I understand. You all got to work on your names, specific sign-offs. First of all, I just love the word bang, and I love that it's also a hairstyle, and I've looked it up, John, because of course I did.

And it appears to be because of the abruptness of the bang. Like immediately without delay, bang off. Yeah. And so you just bang, they're just like, bang. This like, the hair is like, I'm here in a bang. I'm not here anymore, boom. Yeah, we could have called them booms, but we didn't, we called them bangs, which is better.

Yeah, I love that. Language does a pretty good job most of the time. So when Sarah and I met, we were in high school and we did not know each other, but Sarah had bangs in high school and they were super cute bangs. And then Flash Forward, like 10 years we meet in Chicago, we follow and love, she doesn't have bangs.

And then at some point, she says, I think I maybe wanna get bangs again. She got bangs. They were awesome. point, she says, I think I maybe want to get bangs again. She got bangs. They were awesome. Did a great job of framing her face. And then like two years ago, she was like, I don't think I want bangs anymore. And so she grew out her bangs

and now she doesn't have bangs. And it still looks great. All of which is to say, it's gonna look great. Right. Right. Yeah, I mean, I will say that in the transition periods between bangs and no bangs, there is that period where Catherine is unhappy because it's hard to control.

Right. Any more hairpants, I think. Not that I'm super up. We are probably not the right people to be asking. You should have asked your Catherine and Sarah. We are the perfect people to be asking. Ah. I've had bangs my whole life.

It's true. But the, the easy switch is from no bangs to bangs. That's immediate. That it's so immediate that you might even call it bang. That's true. The switch from bangs to no bangs, there should be a different word for it. Yeah, it's called slu. Oh, that's good. I like that. It's the slowest possible word you could imagine. Apparently, the word bang was first used for horses when you would cut their tails short. That was called a bang tail.

Bang. All right. This next question comes from Warren who writes, dear John and Hank, I made this email address. I hard books, 536 when I was 12. I loved it, but now it's pretty embarrassing to tell a bank teller my contact information. I'm an adult woman at this point,

and changing my email address would be a large undertaking. Do I change it? I heartbooks. Laura. Look, Laura, my guess is that you still like books and 536, according to the science magazine was the worst year to be alive.

So stick with it. No, there's no, no, something like 44,000 BC was the worst year to be alive. Apparently medieval historian Michael McCormick believes that the worst year to be alive was 536. Listen, I'm sure it was horrible. There's no way it was worse than like 45,000 BC. But that's not what we're here to talk about, Hank.

We're here to talk about I Heart Books 536 and whether it's an acceptable email address. The truth is Laura, it could have been so much worse. Like yes. If you think about most 12 year olds, yeah, yeah, I Heart Books 536 is probably in the top 1% of email addresses. Yeah, but like all those people with worse email addresses

changed them because they were like, this is terrible, I have to change it. And it is, you're right. By a hard book, 536, it was good enough to hold on to. Right, so now you're in a predicament. Hank, do you remember our email addresses were just like a random string of numbers at CompuServe.com, but do you remember your first

like user name that would have been your email address? Yeah, I also remember my first email address and I'm not telling anyone it. It's not embarrassing. It's not embarrassing. And also if you Google it, you find old stuff I've written, which I do not know the world to know that.

Oh, God, that's the nightmare. No. All right, I'm not sharing mine either. Now that you've not, nope. Great, mine was also embarrassing. And I'm also not sharing it now that you know, nope. Great. Mine was also embarrassing. And I'm also not sharing it. I've got no God. Now I got now I'm going to Google myself. Hold on. I'm so scared. I got to put it in quotes. Oh, I've got great news. One of my first ones does not have anything on the internet. So I can tell you that it was S R SK-Y-G, Sir Spanky G.

Oh God. Uh, my mind is on the internet and I'm not sharing it. And also I feel like I might have a panic attack. Ha ha ha ha ha. Not totally kidding. Oh, boy, the internet. All of which is to say, well, uh, that it is time to change your email address. I know it's a lot of work, but it almost allows you to become like a new person.

So you're not gonna be I Heart Books 536 anymore. You're gonna be I Heart Books 1991. And that was much better year than 536. That's gonna be great. Yeah. That was a way better year than 536. Yeah. No Icelandic volcano is dropping the global temperature. This next question comes from Geraldine,

who asks, dear Hank and John, why do I get the random urge to get my life together in the middle of the night? This always happens, and I wonder, why is it at that time? Pumpkins and penguins, Geraldine, I'm so right with you on this. Me too.

Like I wake up at like two in the morning or right as I'm going to sleep, and I'm like, should I do stuff? I can't imagine it's anything but brain chemistry. And I can't do it anymore because now I have to wake up at a specific time because there's a person who depends on me to live. Yeah, that's what stopped me from doing it.

It used to be that if I got that feeling at like 11.30 at night, I would be like, all right, well, we'll see how this goes. I guess that's what I'm doing then. It didn't go that well most of the time. A lot of times, especially late at night, I am connecting ideas that feel deeply connected to me. Yeah. And then when I try to write them in the next day or whatever,

I'm like, oh, yeah. Well, I guess that's not really there. I agree, but a couple times it has happened for me in like two different ways. One way is like, my inspiration is like, oh my god, my office is such a mess and I feel like doing something about it. And that, it's not going to be a bad idea in the morning to clean my office. And then also in the second way, where like sometimes it really is a good idea and like,

it was worth getting out of bed at two in the morning and like writing all that stuff down. Oh, yeah. I have one glaring example of that, which is that after more than a year of not having an ending to the fault in our stars and writing a million different endings, each more ludicrous than the last, I was falling asleep one night and my eyes shot wide open. And I said, this is not hard. He left her a letter. Right. And Sarah was like, what? And I was like, by, I was not hard. Why did I make this hard? Yeah. And that was it. I was done. I mean, there was the small matter of, you know, writing. Yeah. Yeah. You don't get those moments very often in life. And when you do, they are so like neurologically addictive

that I have been seeking a moment like that for the last seven years every day. It wasn't even like a clever or difficult thing. It's just like it had an occurred to me. Well, John, here is a question from Maya that is about writing. Maya asks, dear Hank, and John, I'm writing a book right now, and I keep getting stuck on one issue.

How do I make time pass in my stories? I don't always just want to be like the next Monday, or three days later. But if I don't put in time markers like those, it feels like everything happens in one day or some vague amount of time. How do I create the feeling of time passing? The fabric of space and time is unraveling Maya.

This question reminds me of something my mentor, Eileen Cooper, told me once, which is that the hardest thing to do in a novel is get a character from one room to another. Yeah. When you start to think about the mechanics, how do you walk them there? What's the door? You could just, you could get overwhelmed very quickly. I actually think that three days later or the next Monday are often really good time markers

after a space break or at the beginning of a chapter, just to say like, hey, this is when this is occurring. Right. And it doesn't, people aren't gonna be reading your book with a calendar in front of them say like, hey, this is when this is occurring. Right. And it doesn't it. Like, people aren't going to be reading your book with a calendar in front of them being like, I got to make sure everything lines up. But making sure everything lines up does make it feel more logical. And when people read, like, two weeks later, they put themselves in the mind space of two weeks later. And there are really creative and interesting ways that some writers have done this. And like they have used tremendous craft

and like it's worth doing for them, but sometimes it's not worth doing. And sometimes it's just like two weeks later, which is all I do. I'm just like, for the first three months I did this. And then I did this, is sort of like give an idea of what happened in those three months.

Yeah, I think that's actually where most of the craft comes in, is that there are certain ways to say, for instance, over the next three months, comma, I did this and this and this, and to write about it in a way where you can feel the arc of those three months very quickly. And when it's done well, that's usually how I see it get done.

And like if I know more about what happened during that time, that's not necessary to the story. No reason to say it out loud. Yes, and indeed, if you don't say it out loud, you don't know it because all that exists is the text. Oh, boy. Just wanted to get that in there. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha the sign off. There it is. There it is. So here are the lyrics of Take Me Out to the Ball Game, which for those of you who are not Americans, you've probably never heard before. Yeah.

It's played during the seventh inning stretch because baseball games are so long that it's necessary to have a mandated stretch period where you get up and move around so you don't get deep in from Boses. And the middle verse of the song is the only one that's ever sung. And it is take me out to the ball game, take me out to the crowd, buy me some peanuts and cracker jack, I don't care if I never get back. Okay. Or according to some people, I don't care if I ever get back. Let me root root root for the home team. If they don't win, it's a shame. For it's one, two, three strikes you're out at the old ball game.

I think we're referring to never get back to the place from which I came. My house or my apartment. Right. Yeah, we're gonna go to the ball game and they're gonna be tied in the ninth inning. And in baseball, you just keep playing when that happens. Yeah.

And so they're just never going to not be tied at the end of the inning, and I will never get back. Right, there was once a baseball game that lasted 17 days. Why not a baseball game that lasted for 500 years? Was there actually a baseball game that lasted 17 days? No, I was just trying to sneak in a fake fact. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. The longest professional baseball game that lasted 17 days? No, I was just trying to sneak in a fake fact. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. The longest professional baseball game was 33 innings and it lasted eight hours.

But just for clarity, that's not usually how it goes. No, usually they last nine innings and eight hours. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. But yeah, it's about spending the rest of your life at the ball game and how desirable a thing that would be for some people. Do you know what the score of that 33 inning baseball game was? 64. It was three to two.

The only way that could possibly be worse is if it was zero to one. Oh, that's just excruciating. The real heroes were the people in the stands. I mean, what people? It was four o'clock in the morning. Oh, God. That does sound horrible. I bet the people at that baseball game in 1981 were no longer singing.

I don't care if we never get back. They were like, it turns out I care. Oh, God. Well, Hank, speaking of sports, it's time I care. Oh, God. Well, Hank, speaking of sports, it's time for the all important news from Mars and AFC Wimbledon. I would love to deliver some really great AFC Wimbledon news. Gosh, it's stressful. And in a way, I have, well, if not good news, at least news, which is that after losing three of our first four

league games, two to one, we went to Sunderland and we lost three to one. So that's a nice turn of events. In almost all of these games, we have been winning before we ended up losing or in the case of a single game tying. So now, after four league games, AFC Wimbledon have just the one point, which is not great. Despite the fact that we have just the one point,

we are somehow still out of the relegation zone. You are scoring goals, which is good. Yes, we have a variety of goal scores. We have not been as dependent on Joe Pigett this year. Quesia Paya has scored a few goals and has looked pretty good, actually. It just, you know, the truth is in every game, we even, the ones where we've been ahead, we've been behind in the sense of having the least possession, the fewest shots, the fewest passes, low

pass accuracy, pretty much by any measure, it's not going correct. And that is, I don't know, it's a real concern for me. And I'm worried. It's the most worried I have been since last August. And last August. No. It's the most worried I've been in August in like five years. Okay.

Now, I've definitely been this worried in April. It's a bad, this worried, every April. But this is early to be this worried. So we'll see. We'll see if we can turn it around. Well in Mars News, John, a rock rolled across the surface of Mars for about three feet. It's a rock the size of a golf ball and it rolled across the surface of Mars when the NASA Insights spacecraft landed.

And so like the thrusters pushed it a little bit. I've taken a picture of this rock now. And because it is the rock that has rolled the farthest because of a spacecraft landing that we know of anyway, we have named that stone. And Robert Downey Jr. went on stage at the Rose Bowl as the opening announcement during a Rolling Stones concert to announce that this rock had been named in honor of the Rolling Stones. It's named Rolling Stones Rock. It is a stone that rolled, but they didn't just name it

the Rolling Stone. They named it Rolling Stones Rock because there's a lot of stuff that goes into how we name rocks on other planets. And they couldn't call it a stone. I can only imagine that NASA meeting where somebody was like, hey, we should really name it the Rolling Stone, you know, because of the Rolling Stones, and I bet they'd like that.

And then somebody else was like, well, sure, if it were a stone, but it isn't, it's a rock. I think you're not wrong about how that works. somebody else was like, well, sure, if it were a stone, but it isn't. It's a rock. I think you're not wrong about how that works. I haven't done a lot of research on how rock naming works, but I don't think that we can call them stones. I think that they have to be rock. I would love, love, love to hear from someone who is in that room, but I suspect

it's a Hamilton, like situation where we're just never going to be in that room. Yeah. I don't, yeah. But that's the news-like situation. Sure. Where we're just never gonna be in that room. Yeah, I don't, yeah. But that's the news from Mars, I guess. It's a rock. I mean, I'm psyched that a rock, you know, moved on Mars, even if we know why. It's still kind of exciting. It's almost like life.

Well, John, thank you for making a podcast with me. Thank you, and I actually feel less sick than I did when we started, so your voice has curative properties. Oh, I'm sure that's what it is. If you want to send us questions here at Dear Hank and John, you can do that Hank and John at gmail.com. Thank you to everyone who sends in questions, because what kind of podcast would it be without

those? This podcast is a co-production of WNYC Studios, and Complexly, it's edited by Joseph Tuna Mettish. It's produced by Rosiana Halzro Awesome, shared in Gibson. Our head of community and communication is Victoria Bon Giorno. The music you're hearing now at the beginning of the podcast is by the great Gunnarola

and as they say in our hometown, don't forget to be awesome. you