Dear Hank & John - 208: Speedo Minotaur Guy (Live from Madison, WI!)

Episode Date: September 23, 2019

Why is my instinct to hug my dogs too hard? If you had to move to Sesame Street, who would you want to be your neighbor? How do you know when the story you've written is done? Why was Halley's Comet selected for The Anthropocene Reviewed? How does one properly celebrate the removal of orthodontia? Am I causing defective elevators? What do I do if my boyfriend is the speedo guy? Is it okay if I wear my wedding band before I get married? John Green and Hank Green give advice! If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at [e-mail]. Join us for monthly livestreams and an exclusive weekly podcast at patreon.com/dearhankandjohn. Follow us on Twitter! twitter.com/dearhankandjohn Subscribe to the Nerdfighteria newsletter! https://nerdfighteria.com/nerdfighteria-newsletter

Hello, dear Hank and John. Listeners, John is still out for the month. What am I doing without him? How am I surviving? He's working very hard. He's having a great sabbatical. I'm proud of him for taking time off. I think that it's important.

But oh, God, here I am alone. But the good news is, we've got our live show from Madison, Wisconsin. It was a really good time. We're really excited to do more live to your Hinking Jons at some point in the future. I don't know when that will be, but I hope that it will be soon and I hope there will be lots of them

because it was really fun. Thanks to everybody who came out to Madison, Wisconsin. Here is our live show. That is the music that plays at the end of our podcast, but I don't know if you guys ever seen the movie Memento. This whole thing is going to make a lot of sense when you watch it backwards. Hello and welcome to Dear Haken John. Don't worry, I prefer to think of it Dear John and Haken. It's a podcast where two brothers answer your questions,

give you to be a advice, and quiz each other with true false questions. Don't, don't, don't. John, yes. So I don't know if you've heard that Catherine has recently acquired through just the vagaries of the human body, a severe weed allergy? That is a shame.

And, but is it actually necessary to the setup of the joke? Well, it's caused a lot of strife in the household. Okay. Because every time we have gluten-free spaghetti, I cannot help but shout, Imposta! Don't encourage him. They're laughing, John. They like it. Don't encourage him. You know the worst part about that joke. There's a lot that I don't like about it, but the worst part

is that just today in the airport we saw an amazing dad joke and that is also place specific. Yeah, they've heard it. And we saw a t-shirt that said, drink wasconcibly. But the thing about that t-shirt is I thought it said, drink wasconcibly, but then I got close and it said, drink wasconcibly. And that's worse than, I don't know if there's anybody from drink Wisconsin, I believe the company, which I imagine exists. I kind of assume that drink was constantly was like a product of the Wisconsin tourism board. Right. Yeah.

Where they are like, what do we got? Got beer. Got cows, you got any cow puns? Yeah, let's stick with Wisconsin. But yeah, Wisconsin, Nibbli is a disaster. I don't want to go. We're going to go to experts. Yeah, well, are we? Are we? The way we're going to do this episode of Dearing in John's, we're going to start off with some questions that were sent in by y'all, and we're just going to read them to

you. And if you want to go, woo, when we say your name and your ambulance song. So, a little background. A little background. This is important. Somebody thought it was a million dollar idea to have a special song that would play meat. I have a million dollar idea. A special song.

And you'd write it down. You'd write it down on your medical form and say, this is the song I want to play when I'm in the ambulance on the way to the hospital. So instead of having last names, we have that song for each of the people who sent in a question. And then about half way through, we're going to call some people down to actually give us your questions because we cannot accurately do them justice with you in the building.

There's two kinds of questions. And the ambulance song thing, you totally butchered. The critical thing about the ambulance song is that it's the song that plays instead of the ambulance sirens. Yeah. So in order to tell cars to get out of the way, it's old town road or whatever your ambulance song is. Like for example, Maddie, who's not here, for example,die, whose ambulance song is Take On Me by Real Big Fish. They're right there. Maddie is in a situation.

Take On Me is not by Real Big Fish. It is as done by Real Big Fish is acceptable. Okay. Right. Just for clear. Yeah. It's one of make sure we're all on the same page. Read the 80s.

Great point, Hank. Great point. Maddie asks, why is it that when I hug my dogs, my instinct is to squish them too hard. Oh, that's a real thing. You've taken responsibility, everybody knows. That Mattie's right there. There it is.

There she is. She wants to squeeze dogs too hard. No, but that's a real phenomenon. It's well described in the literature. It's called cute aggression. There's a sideshow video about it. I've forgotten everything. Well, I watched it.

And I remember a fair amount. Yes, so like, what is it about like when you see a cute baby and you might literally say to yourself, my God, that baby is so cute, I could just punch it in the face. It's a weird reaction to a cute baby. And so this has been studied, and I'm not an expert, but I do have a microphone. And my understanding is that this happens because it brings out the parts of our brain

that want to like go and do something and be with the cute thing and cuddle and snuggle and maybe even roll around with the cute thing and play with it and all that stuff. And all of those are action emotions and then also anger and aggression is an action emotion. And our brains are really stupid. And that is what's happening. But some people don't have cute aggression, which is are really stupid. And that is what's happening.

But some people don't have cutagression, which is also really weird, like, when I tried to explain cutagression to my wife, she was like, why? Why would you... Dogs like to be petted softly. And I'm like, I want to eat the baby's toes. Yeah. Yeah. I can't... Like, people, I just so cute I wanted

is to eat that baby's toes. It's a thing. People say it, because it's, you kind of want, I'm just like, oh, wow. Yeah, no, I'm starting to wonder, like, I'm starting to wonder like, if it's gonna be weird, like, that I was like, can Henry, can I eat your nose? And he said no, and I didn't do it, obviously, you know,

but like, it seems weird now that I'm saying it all out. What's the next question? Let's move on as fast as we can. Claudia, ambulance song, bye bye bye by Insync. It's so little, I feel like it's a little dark. Wow. Maybe it's just because you're leaving your house and you're like, bye.

Maybe because you're leaving for good. Maybe it's just because you're leaving your house and you're like, bye. Maybe you don't know. You're leaving for good. Yeah, maybe it's just a little rough. Maybe Claudia's just working her way through a breakup. The only way I personally know how to. Listening to insane. It's been awhile. Claudia's question is, if you had to move to Sesame Street, who would you want your neighbor to be?

Well, all of them. All of them. You make a good argument. Like, I wouldn't mind being Oscar's neighbor as I'm like, in the house behind Oscar, not like the trash can next to Oscar. That's rough. What are you looking up to?

Sorry, I got a Google. I have a very precise answer, and I need to Google. But I need to go buy the phone. By the way, I put the internet on my phone for this podcast. He was downstairs looking at Twitter trying to find someone called Peter. I couldn't but I can't I still can't log on to my Twitter. So I have to get a Twitter.com slash search, which let me tell you who you. So while John is looking up a very specific thing on his I think think like, I'd like to live next door to Burton Ernie.

They seem like pretty cool kids, not kids, they're adults apparently. Are they, it's not queer. They live in a house by themselves. That's like sort of definitionally adults. To the great point, great point. Hoots the owl. John's going with hoots the owl.

I tell you I'm going with hoots the owl fans in the front here. Glad to not be the only Hoots the Owl supporter here. I'll tell you why I'm going with Hoots the Owl. It's because of Hoots the Owl's incredibly important song in our relationship. It's a song called, You Have to Put Down the Dang Duckie if you want to play the saxophone.

Oh, Hoots the Al is trying to teach Ernie how to play the saxophone and Ernie's like trying to play the saxophone but he's got a rubber duck in his hand so he keeps squeaking and not playing the saxophone and Hoots the Al is like, you got to put down the ducky if you want to play the saxophone. And that is the central fact of human life. I'm glistening to this, you'll never, you'll never guess. This is so good. I'm going to play the saxophone. And I'm like, that's great.

I think that sounds like a really good idea. It is going to be necessary to put down the ducky. And hangs like, no, no, no, no, no, I can carry the ducky between my elbow and my side. I'll figure something out. I can hold infinite ducky and play infinite saxophones. It's a really important thing in our relationship. Can I ask a question?

Yeah, if you can find one, I've got a system. Can you figure it out? This is our first time. Yeah, I could figure it out. I think this next question comes from Bonita, who's ambulance song is Bon Jovi's living on a prayer. Who's ambulance song is, Bon Jovi's living on a prayer. That's good.

Oh, we're halfway there. Yeah, you really would be halfway there. Yeah. How do you know when the story you've written is done? The story? Yeah, I read a lot, and so many times the story ends either abruptly or just drags on.

I feel personally judged for me. How do you know when it's done? So I wrote a book once. So I'm an expert now. I've done it one time and I found that I knew I was done before I thought I was. I wrote a sentence and I was like, oh, that's the end. Oh, that sounds nice. Yeah.

I like, I got to the climax and I was like, oh, this is the climax of the book. Obviously, if I keep writing, it will make no sense. That's a good, it was a good place to end. Yeah, there's this three-act structure if you can stick to that. I mean, people have tried to explain that to me so many times. And it's just like a blind spot.

I just can't internalize it. I find it so uninteresting. Yeah, for me, I usually write the first version of the ending years and years before I write. I'm done with the book. The last sentence of the book is never the last sentence I write. The last sentence I write is some connective tissue in chapter four or something. And so I don't know when I'm done. And so I rely on my editor and publisher. I've had the same editor for my entire 16 year career, which is very

unusual in publishing. And so that's allowed me to have just complete trust in Julie, and I don't know what I'm going to do. I thought somebody on the first row, just when you said that, you've been the same publisher, they were like, aww. It is really, it is, it's really. It never happened.

Yeah, it never happens, and it's taken a tremendous amount of trust on both sides and goodwill, and it's been really one of the great joys of my professional life. But anyway, she tells me when I'm done. And the nice thing about Julie is that a lot of publishers are always under like deadline pressure,

and they need to publish things in certain seasons for budgetary reasons and stuff. And I'm sure that Julie feels all of those pressures, but she never passes any of them along to me. So I never feel them, and we don't publish until I'm done, which in this next case will be a while from now. Well, we've got another question. It comes from Hannah who asks,

oh, with Verde's rec, we am. I couldn't sing that one to you, but some people got the joke. Yes, he did. Oh, you know what? I know a little bit of it. John can't sing her. I can't sing. So. you know what? A little bit of it. John can't sing. I can't sing.

So. You know the only reason I know it is that one time I was in an abandoned building with two-time National Book Award winner, MT Henderson, and he started to sing it. And now it's in there forever. Yeah. As a pin in the d'art, and I was like, what, what, what? Of course, this guy knows that song.

So Hannah asks, dear Hank and John, this question is just for you though. I noticed that Haley's comic got five out of five stars in the Anthropocene Reviewed, but it is not man-made nor earthly even. It's not, it's not anthro or pocene. How is it selected for the anthropocene review? Wow.

I think I did the Latin wrong there, but just to pre-empt the tweets. Oh God, what must that be like? That makes me really glad I'm off Twitter when you have to worry about, oh God. Anyway, yeah, so I, I made a bunch of errors when I first started making the Anthroposene Reviewed, but I don't think that saying Haley's Common as part of the Anthroposene was one of them. It wasn't discovered until the Anthroposene

as defined by me, my definition of course, being the first time that someone in Europe tasted a pineapple, being the beginning of human... I thought it was going to be the discovery of Haley's comment. No, no, no, no, no. It's going to be your definite. No, no, no, no. Humans became a geologically significant force when we moved pineapples across a continent.

From there, it was doomed. But I gave it five stars. And then somehow I got in my head that I was never going to give anything five stars. And then the maximum thing would be four and a half stars. And it would be like this ongoing joke that nothing gets five stars. And then maybe like the last show that I ever write something will get five stars. And it'll make people cry or whatever. But one, that's like the thing that writers do, where they build up and build up and build up a great series finale.

And then they have no capacity to deliver because they have no plan for the five star review. And two, I already gave a five star review in the second review and I just forgot about it. The whole thing is a catastrophe. And I have no idea how to like un-paint my way out of this corner. And I, like when I go to sleep, this is. And I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I Caves? No, we noticed it. The idea of Haley's comment. Ain't a person's brain. Yeah, the idea of a repeating comment,

which is super weird, we, that comes from us. I agree. I'm with you. I'm not gonna argue on that. Thank you. APPLAUSE This neck, oh, you wanna do it a question, John? Well, you know, you do it. You do it. You're great. You're great. You're doing great. It's just, you know, you do it. Okay. This next question comes from Shelby.

Oh, who song is, we're all gonna die by me. I mean, that would be a real honor, you know? Yeah. To be somebody's and you in song? Uh-huh, be great. Do we get paid? As artists, when you sign up, can we, like, 15 cents just like a Spotify royalty or something? Now that it's my song, I'm curious. Yeah. I wasn't curious before. I think you just get your regular Spotify royalty.

So you need like 500 million ambulances in order to make a dollar. Shelby, are you out there? Oh, hey. Hi. And your friend also, Wood, which is confusing. OK. Sister. No, sorry. Not, it would, which was confusing. C'mon. Sister.

No, sorry. It wasn't your friend. It was your, the air can be friends. The question is, how does one properly celebrate the long awaited removal of orthodontia? Orthodontia. John and I both have expertise on this subject. Oh.

I mean, it's one of my most vivid childhood memories. Yeah. So it comes off, Shelby, or possibly Shelby's sister. It comes off, and the first thing you're going to want to do is this. This is all right. Just licking your teeth, you will not believe how smooth and soft it all is.

It's going to feel real weird. Then you're going to want wanna like eat some ice cream. Some pretzels. Preach is soft, really soft. Cheeses that you can just sink those teeth into. Really? Biting, mostly it's celebrated by biting. Yeah.

Not dogs. Oh, have some babies. You know what you should do? Have some saltwater taffy. Because that's something you can't do for the 17 years. You have a worth of doncho. Do you all have saltwater taffy because that's something you can't do for the 17 years you have it with the doncho. Do you all have saltwater taffy here? Is it too far away from saltwater?

Thank you. I don't know how it works. Is it a naturally occurring phenomenon that gets like mined out of the bottom of the ocean? Just like old shorman with sides. That's a rule. Yeah. That's what I'm with sides. Just a rule. Yeah, that's what I'm picturing.

Is that not how it happens? Yeah, it's, they got taffy dogs that hunt it down. Stiffin' out the taffy. They're dying breed the taffy dog. Everybody's out there now. Go their own making taffy inside a stall. Nobody has to sit naturally anymore. Ha ha ha ha.

Oh god. By the way, if y'all want a good sense of how miserable it was to live with Hank during the year, he faked a British accent. Ha ha ha ha ha. That's how I got so good at it. Oh, so good. So good that like during the sound check, Catherine whispered to me,

I think it's Australian. All right, Hank, we got to get some questions from the people who are going to actually stand up and ask their questions. Okay, yes we do. Aaron, let's do that. Aaron, whose favorite, whose ambulance song is Yakiti Sax, hang count as that go? Buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, b, b, b, b, b, b, b, b, b, your song is Move Bitch, Get Out The Way. So very good ambulance song. Mike is over here, solid gold, solid gold ambulance song. And then, let's see, we are also going to bring up Jared,

whose song is Right of the Val Carries. Oh, you're all in the front. That worked out very well. All right, Aaron, hit us with your Aguacadisex question. So for the past year, I've had reoccurring dreams about being a falling elevator. Okay, you have elevator dreams, bad elevator dreams. Twice in the past year, I've been in an elevator shortly before or after, it got stuck or fell. So not while you were in it? No. Oh, so you're poisoning the elevators?

while you were in it. No. Oh, so you're poisoning the elevators. All right, continue. Is it my civic duty to take the stairs for the rest of my life? I mean, have you been taking the stairs lately? I haven't been in an elevator lately. You haven't had the opportunity. Okay. Are you genuinely freaked out about this? Here's what I like the first. Because you're about to be when I'm done. I'm going to freak down about this. Well, here's what I, like the first- Because you're about to be when I'm done. Yeah. I know you're taking it as pretty casually

considering the size of the problem we have. I mean, have you seen the final destination films? They're very clear about what happens. Yeah, I mean, Aaron, the first thing I want to say is like, just in general, if you got an elevator after the first time this happened, I want to like compliment you on your dedication to reason. Yeah.

Because like, if that happened to me, I'm super like logic brain. I'm not super-stiped, but I'd be like, oh my god, baby, get the money more. Can we have the ground totals? Can we do a ground totale? Or there's just ground? I think this is a very common recurring dream.

And I think when coincidences happen to us, they feel extremely meaningful, because they just happen to us. But they happen all the time, because of the number of things that might happen. And I think you're okay, but I will say this, if it happens a third time, I think you should look into a sort of an elevator whist.

What an elevator whist life might look like. And whether that would be a life that you could find fulfilling. Now, as a person who knows a surprising amount, I must have done research for some reason, but I know a surprising amount about how elevator deaths happen. Oh, very unusual. In America, it's happened once or twice, and this is for really weird and upsetting reasons

that the elevator falling with people in it has been the cause of death. There are a number of elevator-related deaths, though, frequently, and they are. Most common, there isn't an elevator there and people walk in and just go down. So it actually happens quite a lot. look before you get in the elevator. And then the number two is the elevator gets stuck halfway.

I don't even want to tell you about this. No, no. People are... Yeah. Don't get out of an elevator if it's stuck halfway between floors. Is the other thing to say to Aaron who has elevators this year? Oh great. By the way, now everybody's got

elevator anxiety. So like, I mean, I know what we're all dreaming about tonight. All right, thank you for your question. Thank you Aaron, what a wild situation. It's a wild situation, but not as wild as Nathalins. Hello, thank you. I'm very curious all about this hit me. I am dating a wonderful man and like 80% of the time

he's so reasonable. So you've got it. OK. All right. So you've got an 80% of the time reasonable man. Yeah. This question is about that 20%. I've already had to talk him out of a mullet.

And like that's been like a years worth of conversation. Like when you guys covered that on your podcast, we were making dinner together. And I was just staring daggers at him the entire time. I have a friend that graduated, his name is Ryan, like a real Ryan. Yes. What happened?

The situation was Northwestern, my university, go cats. Go cats. Made it to the playoffs in basketball for the first time in like forever, were terrible at sports. And the president of the university, Morton Shapiro, said, we need a speedo guy who is... The president of the university said, we need a speedo guy. Correct.

That seems like a dangerous game for university presidents to be playing. You know, not an expert. It's a lesson in the NBA. Someone like Don DeSpito and like did a dance. Well, there was a free throw happening. Okay. It was like the game winning through some guys. It's a legend in the NBA. Someone like Don DeSpito and like did a dance. Well, there was a free throw happening. Okay. It was like the game when he threw some guy in the shot.

Exactly. So my friend Ryan did that. Like he. Ryan was the speedo guy. Yes. And it was great. Yes. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, what's the problem? The problem is that like we have a really tight friend group. And when Ryan graduated, he like bestowed it on to one of the men in our friend group That was also going to be a senior and that man is my boyfriend You're dating the next speed of that. Yeah, yes, I am I really really don't want to be famous by association for my boyfriend Being mostly naked on a televised event? Yeah. What?

I mean. No. Like I know. Yeah, I mean, I'm going to have different answers to this, right? Thanks for waiting his whole life for someone to ask him to be the speed of God. I'm with you. So listen, this is going to sound weird, but I actually have relevant experience. Because in college, I also dated a mascot.

I did. My college girlfriend was the Towson Tiger at Towson University. She was very good, but I will say this, it was a full-body costume. And so perhaps a slightly different situation. Yeah, it sounds irrelevant to experience. It's what that sounds like. So, I was just going to say, listen,

my experience dating a mascot who loves sports is that you support them and you empower them and you tell them that they're doing a great job with their cart wheels and everything. Yeah. And that seems like it's very relevant. Yeah. But he's going to be naked. they're doing a great job with their, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, yeah, so the rot goes all the way up while I argue. So what's the current position is like speedo guys, second and command kind of situation, but Ryan's gone, he's gone, he's off.

He's gone, yeah. Okay, and when does the semester start soon? Yeah. But basketball is a small start. When does basketball's a winter? Yeah. You've got four months to work on this promise. And when is the first speedo guy occurrence?

It's in like March. Oh, oh, we're great. No, this is easy. It's just a little bit of a time. Yeah. You know, I think it's great that you've Brian's asked you to be the speedo guy. You know who'd really like to be the speedo guy? Rick.

Yeah. You talked to Rick about it. Rick was telling me earlier, he's just, he's so desperate to be the speedo guy. What? What if? What if? This is a compromise.

It's not speedo guy anymore. He's speedo luchador guy and he has a mask on. I... Oh! I'm free with that. Yes! Or he's Speedo Minitar and he puts a giant... Giant...

It wasn't cheap that mask? Yeah. They're available on Etsy. I mean, by the way, if you really want to distract a free-throw shooter, Speedo Minitar guy is going to go a lot further. Yes, you have to make it about the sport. Oh, what can you do to be the best Speedo guy you can?

No, show your face. Yes. All right, we did it. We solved your problem. Thank you so much. We'll get you. Yeah, thank you. That's a great solution.

What the hell? What what? Just that, just that situation. That was one of the best questions I've ever received in my entire life. Jared, hello. What's your weird situation? So, I'm really excited. I'm getting married in December.

Congratulations. To you? Congratulations. Do you need an efficient? I'm not available. So here's the deal. I'm really excited about getting married. She's really excited about getting married. We're not living in the same place.

So I can't show my excitement because I don't have her with me. So we have my wedding band. I'm wearing the wedding band, but it's okay for me to wear like my wedding band before I've actually gotten married. Are you wearing it now? Yes. Is that a crime? I know, that's what I don't know. No, she says no.

Are you like you like Kim wearing the wedding band? Do you wait? Oh So I see so you've been you've the ring is well good and paid for so you might as well You're arguing much easier to amortize the cost of the ring over the length of the relationship No, the length of the wiring of the ring why why subtract six months is a very beginning It's right, you know, the gonna get the most guaranteed six months. Yeah very beginning? That's right, but the young is the most scared now. You get the most scared now. You can stand up to the microphone. I have a question for you.

Are you at all worried that you're strapping young fiance there might get more attention if he isn't wearing a wedding ring? Yes. Is that part of it or is it just the costing? Because the costing makes total sense to me. I mean, you know, like what? You need many things. So I feel like that's one of the things.

I like wearing mine because it's a symbol of my love for it. It's like show, and you show it off. It's like, did you think about getting him an engagement ring? No. And then like doubling up with the wedding band. I did not think of that. Well, if I had something, I would do it, but I don't have anything on.

You know, but, but, but, actually get a Modok. And then he has to carry the ducker on all the time, and then whenever a woman sees him, she's like, that's weird. And it's problem solved. Hang green expert in 18th century courtship. That's how it works. It's your life, it's your ring.

Make the day a little special. I don't think that the ring is necessary to make the day special. But if you can make the day a little special and not in in the way that your parents want you to make it special, or all the other vested interests in your wedding want you to make it special, but just like a little thing for the two of you that can serve as a memory, that's much more important, I think. And also, I mean, no offense to the massive wedding

industrial complex, but it's not that important. The marriage is kind of the important part of the band. And y'all are good on that front. So just enjoy this process and then enjoy the next 60. How old are you? 25. 25? Yeah.

67 years of marriage. OK. OK. Cool. Thanks for putting a time limit on it, John. I'm. Okay. Okay. Cool. Thanks for putting a time limit on it, John. Nostradamus over here. All right. Those questions were also good.

There were so many great questions we didn't get to and we apologized. I mean, send your questions in here. Yeah, all of you people just send in questions, please, because they were magical. They were. Oh, I can't believe all the ones we didn't get to. And that reminds me that this podcast is brought to you

by the Speedo Minitar. You can't get that ball in that hole. There's a Speedo Minitar. I said it the way. I said it. Today's podcast is also brought to you by Hoots of the Al, reminding Hank since 1980 that if you want to play the saxophone,

you must put down that ducky. This podcast is also brought to you by the original Saltwater Taffy, not the stuff they make in the stores, the stuff they dig out of the ground like real men. I know I asked for you today's podcast is brought to you by the three-act structure. The three-act structure. What?

What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What?

What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What?

What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? because AFC Wimbledon played tomorrow, and Mars is a cold dead rock in the vacuum of space. We are going to do a different bit, apparently. I've decided to do a thing. I just like trivia, so I'm gonna test my brother. Okay.

It's true false questions. Don't help me. You're free to play along out there. Don't. Are they? You know, in your heads. Oh, yeah, in your heads, yeah. And just know that John's probably smarter than you. He knows so many things. Okay. I don't want to. Are they? You know, in your heads. Oh, yeah, in your heads, yeah.

And just know that John's probably smarter than you. You know so many things. Okay. I don't want to. We'll see. Fact number one. Rachel from Friends would be happy to go on Ralph Lauren's boat as long as there are enough life jackets.

True. True. Two. Arnold Schwarzenegger was not allowed to dub his own part in German for the German edition of the Terminator because he had developed an American accent. False. That is false. He was not allowed because he had an Austrian accent and the Germans were like, that seems

weird and pastoral, not scary. Number three, true or false, ducks are making a comeback against chickens in some places because as flooding increases due to global warming, they are less likely to drown. Did I make it up? Or is that one real? Dark and true. Dark and true it is.

Fact number four, there is a typo on the capstone of the Washington Monument. I mean, I'm sure that's true. It's not true. No! I made that up. There is's true. It's not true. No. I made that up. There is a typo in the Lincoln Memorial, though. It says, you sure instead of future, they've tried very hard to cover it up,

but apparently they can't as like outside of their ability. Number five, Mark. There's a lot of other things they also can't do. So I have to say, I'm not shocked the federal government hasn't been able to get its act together to fix the typo. They're doing plenty of things. Are they? Well, I mean, it's hard to be a federal employee.

They're doing their best. Yes. Many of them are doing their best. I was referring to Congress to be clear. Number five, Mark Twain's name was not Mark Twain. Correct. Indeed, Mark Twain is a Mississippi slang term correct. We might today call a stud muffin.

Incorrect. I didn't think I was gonna get him on a Mark Twain Factor. I was two thirds true. Do you know what Mark Twain is slang for? Yeah, it means like two fathoms, do you have a union of fathoms? Yeah, depth depth in the river. That's correct.

Whatever a fathom is. Number six, the mission that found the Titanic was actually looking for secret, sunken nuclear submarines. No. True. No, really? Yeah, they sent it out there to find these submarines

that like marine biologists who had all the stuff there. Like we want you to go secretly look for these submarines. They found the submarines, and then they also found the Titanic. They like found. Which is great. Fag number set, it's better than average. No, it's just six. Never mind. Before filming Luke Skywalker was named Luke Star Killer, but people kept making Charles Manson references because he actually killed a star.

So, I think he's got three wrong so far. Which is great. Fag number set, it's better than average. No, it's just six. Never mind. Before filming Luke Skywalker was named Luke Star Killer, but people kept making Charles Manson references because he actually killed a star, so everybody agreed to change it. I mean, they were like 11 years apart, the Manson murders, and Star Wars, on the other hand, the Manson murders were pretty famous.

I'm gonna say true. It's true! We could have had Luke Star Killer and thank God we didn't. Well, I guess, whoa, not, I'm not thinking Charles Manson for anything. Uh, number nine. Also, also the things that you could thank God for, that seems a weird one.

Well, look, I mean Skywalker, John, it's great name. Oh, it's good, it's good. Yeah, it's good. In 925, beauty and hope and... All that, James. In 925. Oh, sorry. In 295 BC, Goliath's paprius, a rich Roman guy, died because the working class evacuated the city in a mass strike over poor working conditions and he refused to cook his own food.

So he ate a bunch of raw meat. God I hope that's true. Is it true? It's not true. Oh, man. But they did. This was a thing that happened frequently where the proletariat would be like, I'm out. You guys suck.

Fend for yourselves. And then they'd be like, OK, we'll treat you better. So collective action, everyone. And finally, the works. Guys, Paprius has to eat meatballs raw. Number 10, Dumbledore is an old English word for an old boring person. Sssss.

False. False. Dumbledore is an old English word for a bumblebee. Yeah. That's lovely. John, you did fine. I think I did the same as if I had thrown darts at the answers.

Weirdly, you did better backstage. I lost my confidence when the questions were repeated. Questioned yourself. You should have told me which ones were wrong. Thank you. I decided not to do that. John, thank you for potting with me today. It's been an absolute pleasure.

Everyone in the audience, thank you for being here today. You've been incredible, Madison. Thank you so much. Thank you for giving us. Oh, and huge thanks to everybody here in the Madison and Shannon Hall, who's made this so great Nick Mountain Goats fan who's been doing the audio all night, brilliant late Epiphany has been running the show backstage.

She's been a nerd fighter for like more than 10 years and just happens to be working tonight. So thank you very much. A theater person, a nerd fighter, what? Who would have thunk it? And also a huge thanks to Monica Gasper, who ran VidCon and ran PodCon and is now running this.

We're so grateful to her and to everybody we get to work with, go and have a wonderful evening and enjoy yourself in beautiful Madison. Thank you and good night. Good night. Thank you for listening. This podcast is edited by Joseph Tuna Mettish. It's produced by Rosie on a halls for O'House and Sheridan Gibson. It's a co-production and complexly in WNYC studios. Our head of community and communications is Victoria Bonjorno and the music that you hear at the beginning of the podcast and the end of the podcast is by the great Gunnarola.

Thank you. And as they say, in our hometown, don't forget to be awesome.