Dear Hank & John - 211: You Can Tik Whatever You Can Tok, Baby (Live from VidCon Australia w/ Zach Kornfeld!)

Episode Date: October 21, 2019

What is the least dumb way to ask someone out? What’s your strategy for winning Seven Wonders? How did you start from nothing? If you can portray any celebrity in a biopic who would it be? Would you consider becoming a TikTok star? Why do birds? Zach Kornfeld of The Try Guys joins Hank Green to answer your questions live from VidCon Australia! Find more of Zach at https://www.youtube.com/tryguys If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at [e-mail]. Join us for monthly livestreams and an exclusive weekly podcast at patreon.com/dearhankandjohn. Follow us on Twitter! twitter.com/dearhankandjohn Subscribe to the Nerdfighteria newsletter! https://nerdfighteria.com/nerdfighteria-newsletter

Hello, it's the final episode of Dear Hank and John. During John's sabbatical, we will be back as our normal duo next week. I kinda can't wait. We're recording that episode very soon, and I'm looking forward to talking to my brother. This episode was recorded with a particularly rowdy crowd at VidCon Australia.

I was very jet lagged, and I was joined by my personal favorite try guy, sorry, other try guys. Zach Kornfeld. I knew that Zach and I had a lot in common, but there were also lots of things that I didn't know about Zach, that I found out about Zach during this recording of Dear Hank and John,

and you're gonna find out about them too, and it's gonna be fascinating. So without further ado, friends, let me transport you back in space and back in time, not back in space, just transport you in space, but also back in time not back in space just transport you in space But also back in time to VidCon Australia where I talked with Zach Kornfeld All right, so if we can roll the music Hello and welcome to Dear Hank and John or as I prefer to call it dear back and Hank

It's a comedy podcast for two friends answer your questions give you you a DBS advice and bring you all the weeks news from both Mars and AFC with a win. Hey, how are you? I'm putting you all right, how are you? Oh, I'm fantastic. So, why do when actors about to go in for an audition, why do you say break a leg? I believe it's an old super st-

No, it's because they'll definitely end up in a cast. Oh. Oh. All right, yeah because they'll definitely end up in a cast. Oh. Alright, I'll give it for that. It was more of a grenade joke. It exploded later and I didn't enjoy it. Yeah, okay, good. Alright, well, this is everybody, this is Zach Cornfeld. We're here at VidCon Australia.

Hello, I love it. Yellow is loud as you can be as Australian as you can for the people at home. So we're here in Melbourne, Australia. It's been lovely. I learned about Goonsacks. Yeah. I have not learned about Goonsacks. What have I been doing wrong?

You're at the wrong parties, my friend. You're not hanging out with the Bogan. Yeah. Yeah. Do we? Okay, I was gonna ask a question, but I didn't know if it's offensive. I thought bogean was a not great word.

Okay, yeah, okay, you're all cheered for bogeans, right? Wait, is that a not great word? Oh no, what are goonsacks? You gotta tell me. So a goonsack, you know, the sack inside of a box of wine. If you take that out and just pass it around and nobody has cups, that's a goonsack. Oh, that's a thing that totally needs a name. That's great. I love that. I mean, we have goonsacks in Montana. We just don't know what to call it.

Yeah, we just say slap the bag, which is when you drink it, and then when you're done, you give it a good old slap and pass it along. You gotta transmit the disease of somehow. I hear with it, I was corrected that in Australia, they just dribble it out into your mouth, so you don't actually put your mouth on it and Montana. We just put our mouth on it Well, yeah, you got that's how you become close with the people in your life That's how you become true if you're not willing to share diseases then what are you willing to share? You know intimacy is important. Oh my god

All right, so I'm so excited to hear your aFC Wimbledon news. But first, we're gonna answer some questions from our audience. That was extremely specific with the A&N the Out. Yeah, you practiced that. That was amazing. That was amazing. So first, we have a question that's not gonna be any good for the audio listeners at home.

No one has claimed responsibility for this question, but it says, can you switch glasses? I'll do it. This is like the most, here you go. No one has claimed responsibility for this question, but it says can you switch glasses? We'll do it. This is like the most here you go. Is it have to hook mine around your ears? Oh, they got little hooks. Yeah, it's both because I have a preposterously tiny head It's peanut size so that you they had to bend it even more than normal But it kind of works as its own croquis where I can whip my head around and they'll never fall off Here we go. Prescriptions are not super different. Wow, you look good in those actually.

I like that. Thanks, man. Pretty good. And now we will have headaches for the rest of the podcast. I think your vision is a little worse than mine. Yeah, hard to say. I used to be far-sighted and then far just became right directly in front of my face. It's kind of closer and closer in my entire life.

How do you feel when people, non-glasses wears, ask to try on your glasses? It's not a favorite thing of mine. I'd all be honest with you that is almost always someone who's under the years of five. Oh, and that's cute. When it happens to me, and I'm like, yeah, that looks a little kiddo put on my glasses.

Take a picture. I just am afraid, again, my tiny head, that their normal size heads will stretch out my glasses to a part of no return. Should I take them off? No, your head is really wonderful. I really am. They aren't coming off.

They will not come off. Yeah, they are tight on there. This is amazing. It's for all the sports I do not play. Wow. Also because of the hook, sometimes I'll just, like, not even doing anything weird, I'll just like be next to somebody and it'll get caught in their hair. just, like, not even doing anything weird, I'll just like be next to somebody and it'll get caught in their hair.

It's a whole, not even doing anything weird. Well, I was gonna say it gets caught in my girlfriend's hair, but then it conjured an image of us being very intimate and we're not, we're just like on a couch. Uh, take your glasses off during the intimacy. That's a little free tip for you. That's a very important advice. Unless you don't want to,

I'm not gonna hear you tell you what to do. Yeah, I don't want to see anything that I'm doing. That's not usually how to your hank and John goes. You invited me. Yeah. This is Rachel B. Yeah. That's not says Rachel B. Yeah. Ha, ha, ha. Oh.

Rachel, I was going to say take a bow, but you've done enough. What? What does it say at the end here, it says love from Florida? Oh, OK. What are you doing here? Yeah, you're from Florida, but your love is still

from just this room. OK. Well, welcome all the way from Florida, like me. I'm also from Florida. I'll show you. I grew up in Orlando. It's terrible. Sorry for all of you. I'll show you if you don't know. People from Florida, they really need you to know if they're from Florida,

but then they will soon after tell you how much they'd hate it. Yeah. That one's a real thing. Any other Floridians hate it there? Hey, do you hate it? Yeah, thanks for outing me. So I don't know if I'm about to out you on something else here, but it says, what is the least dumb way to ask someone out?

Oh, the least dumb way, which I like the way you phrase that. You're accepting it. They're all dumb. It sucks no matter what you do. Yeah. Oh. Is there, is the person in the room? Oh.

A, a, a, a, a, a, you, I mean, you can get me to do it. Oh, you, okay, and we're not confirming nor denying. If does anybody in the room want to go out with Rachel. To sit here, flip there. Definitely a live podcast is dumb, but not the most dumb, but also not the least dumb. It's tough for me to answer because most ways that I've asked people out in my life have been very dumb. I've failed it a lot.

Yeah, you've had to come back on you. You know what, in my experience, mostly I've succeeded at getting people to go on a date with me, but then it went out there. Then that was sort of the end of that process. It almost appeared in my high school era, and I don't know this might have just been the way the high school worked, was that the case happened and then the relationship ended, which makes me ask some questions about my skills

as a mouth user, but I hopefully have evolved since then. Well, you've kept one since. It's true. So your mouth using has improved, we would hope. Or she's just... She has no better. Yeah, she's just a kind human I think that when it comes to asking someone out being direct is Better and showing a form of confidence because no one wants someone who's wishy washy I've tried you know different versions of of games and gifts and Nicknacks and doodads and those don't seem to make much of a difference. Wow, give me an example of a knickknack doodad.

Okay, the one that I'm thinking about is because you have a stack of cards here. In high school, I ask someone out, I want to ask someone else to prom. And so I, I asked her out in a series of flashcards. You know, do you do that here? You study for tests with flashcards. So I made it.

There was like a, there was a great mix of like 50, 50 people who thought that was cute and people who were like, oh no. Yeah. The other, the second half was more correct. Yeah. So I, I was so nervous. I was, I was just sweating and I, and you know, this is also a thing that happens is that when you're younger, you crush on people and what you decide to do is to not talk to them. That's how you're going to show them how much you love them. So I told her that she dropped the cards, and I expected her to look at it. This was the moment I expected, which was like,

what is, oh my, oh my goodness, Zach, why you shouldn't have? Yes, I would love to go to prom with you. What actually happened was, as she just turned around, I'm like, oh, you dropped this one. Oh, cool, cool, thanks. And took it, walked away. Thanks and took it walked away Didn't read it didn't look at it

And then two days later she was digging in her bag and she realized that I asked her out to prom wow she said yes Oh And then I watched her make out what someone else had prom That's yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, That's hard. Yeah, yeah. You know, once again, we shared mouse a lot at my high school, something that you guys apparently don't do with your wine. We do it with our prom dates. Oh, my most successful high school asking out was, do you want to want to the shuttle launch with me?

Because Orlando, where the space shuttle launched, and this was back in the 90s when that was still a thing. It was cool. It was cool and then like sat on the dock and watched the shuttle launch like at some stranger's house because neither of us had a dock. I like this more because I think an activity date is a great way to get in and it also will help you feel less awkward. You're not asking someone out on a romantic quest, you're just saying hey, I mean, it's just a little bit of a joke. It's just a little bit of a joke. I mean, it's just a little bit of a joke. It's just a little bit of a joke. I mean, it's just a little bit of a joke.

I mean, it's just a little bit of a joke. I mean, it's just a little bit of a joke. I mean, it's just a little bit of a joke. I mean, it's just a little bit of a joke. I mean, it's just a little bit of a joke. I mean, it's just a little bit of a joke. I mean, it's just a little bit of a joke. I mean, it's just a little bit of a joke.

I mean, it's just a little bit of a joke. I mean, it's just a little bit of a joke. I mean, it's just a little bit of a joke. I mean, it's just a little bit of a joke. I mean, it's just a little bit of a joke. I mean, it's just a little bit of a joke. I mean, it's just a little bit of a joke. I mean, it's just a little bit of a joke.

I mean, it's just a little bit of a joke. I mean, it's just a little bit of a joke. I mean, it's just a little bit of a joke. I mean, it's just a little bit of a joke. I mean, it's just a little bit of a joke. And then you see what happens. That's like the coolest thing I've ever seen is people who are just like, hey, do you want to hang out sometime? And it's like, that's cool. That's like, it's not a lot. I don't feel freaked out by that. And then we'll see what happens. Or maybe after this, you can be like, wow, what fun we had listening to this podcast.

We should do more things like it together forever together. Forever, forever. Now maybe not forever. No, tell them it's forever. You need to make your intentions very clear from the beginning. Lock it down, don't let it go. All right. This question is from Love Meg.

Meg, are you here? Yeah. Meg was a little less enthusiastic than Rachel was. Meg is not from Florida. Yeah. So Meg's question is, what's your strategy for winning 7 wonders? Do you have your played 7 wonders? Sure haven't.

This question is for me. Now, with you playing 7 wonders, I can tell a lot of you are 7 wonders players by how actively and engaged you are and listening to me right now. It's really about playing the hand you are dealt. You can't just go in on a strategy without knowing what you have, and you have to be willing to change and adapt as the play goes on. And this way it is very much

like life. It's a beautiful metaphor. Yes, and it's also, but it's also very much like a board game. It's even more like a board game. And that's really what I love about it. It's a little like life. It's a lot like a game. I think, you know, much like I was dealt with this. And so, my game strategy is light humor, you know? Right. Flashcards. Yeah, and flashcards. I'd like to play. Did you bring it? No, I have it on my iPad, though.

All right. So, I guess I did. Sophie. Oh! It I did. Sophie. Oh. Oh. It's a different Sophie. It's a different Sophie. How many Sophie's are here? Raise your hand if you have Sophie.

Wow, we've got, we've got. We've got 800 Sophie's in a 10. Wow, there's something amazing. It's a very common option. It's an entire, the listeners at home, you can't see this, but they're, 800 Sophie's in a, just go, just go woo, woo if your name is Sophie's, they can hear you.

Wow, and they have so many Sophie's. Giant SOPHI in the crowd, it's like a flash mob of Sophie's here. Yeah. God, they're so organized. This is a great takeover of the world. How did you start something from nothing? No, no, no, I'm sorry, it says, how did you start something from nothing? No, no, no, I'm sorry. It says, how did you start from nothing?

Well, I want to, man and a woman love each other very much. Oh. Mytosis. Nothing starts from nothing. Nothing starts from nothing. Nothing starts from nothing. Nothing starts from nothing. It's a beautiful song lyric.

Yeah. No, but like, yeah, no, I've liked it. So what, what, what, what, tell me about your nothing that you started from? Because it wasn't nothing. Look at this package. I, I know, I will. They like it.

I'll let you with that. The Sophie's are into it. Sophie's came out to play. I, you know, the question almost, it's trying to find like my Drake moment. I started from the bottom. I think it's trying to find my Drake moment. I started from the bottom. I think it's trying to create this narrative that we all came from great struggle and rose unexpectedly.

I don't know that that's totally my story. I don't think it's anybody's story. Really, everybody starts with things. We have our health. You have certain levels of health. You have certain levels of health, you have certain levels of Systemic advantage, you have certain levels of various kinds of capital, although that's like actual money or just like knowledge Of how the world works like just speaking English as a huge value in this world because you can communicate with the people who have most of the power more effectively

I also believe that your quote unquote, nothings are somethings. The things that are negatives are things that make you different or unique. Certainly, if you're a creative person or an artist, you can turn your nothings into the things that make you different and have stories worth telling. Aww. I've won the Sophie's over.

I guess the nothing is that as a child, I suffered from depression at a very young age. I was going to therapy in second and third grade, which is not something most children do. And so a lot of my early life was one figuring out how to channel that feeling of nothing into something and to feel like a valuable person, but then also to find the ways in which I could prioritize

happiness and feeling like I was worthy of happiness and finding the things that gave me an unbridled joy. So my journey from nothing to something was just allowing myself to have fun with the things in the world. Nice. Well, thanks. Woo.

Um, dear Hank and Zach, unsigned question. If you could portray any celebrity in a biopic, who would it be? So first, like, why can't the celebrity play themselves? They're a celebrity. They're dead. They're dead? It's a great reason that they would be.

They're dead, so it has to be a dead one. I would probably, I think I could play you maybe. Yeah. I'm not dead. Well, but if you do die, I'll be there for you. Okay, all right, so packed. Packed. Yeah, I'll come in.

Okay, if you die, I'll play you if I die, you play me. You got a, because no, they're not gonna make a movie of either of us unless we die. Yeah, well that's the best ending to a movie. That's the best ending to a movie. That's the best ending to a movie. That's the best ending to a movie.

That's the best ending to a movie. That's the best ending to a movie. That's the best ending to a movie. That's the best ending to a movie. That's the best ending to a movie. That's the best ending to a movie. That's the best ending to a movie. That's the best ending to a movie.

That's the best ending to a movie. That's the best ending to a movie. That's the best ending to a movie. That's the best ending to a movie. That's the best ending to a movie. That's the best ending to a movie. That's the best ending to a movie. That's the best ending to a movie. That's the best ending to a movie. That's the best ending to a movie. That's the best ending to a movie. That's the best ending to a movie. That's the best ending to a movie. That's the best ending to a movie. That's the best ending to a movie. That's the best ending to a movie. That's the best ending to a movie. That's the best ending to a movie. That's the best ending to a movie. That's the best ending to a movie. That's the best ending to a movie. That's the best ending to a movie. That's the best ending got a movie prescribed by the doctor. I take it very carefully. Yeah, it's very important abuse it Just the little bit and then get off No, I have to yeah, they like do a blood test every month So then you don't want a movie. I don't yeah, I honestly like can I express you the depth

Of my disinterest in playing a person in a movie. I would yeah, you you have no interest in that. I'm so busy Like I once went in to do a pilot of a television show, and I hated it so much. They paid me $1,000, which was great. $1,000, that's amazing. So I liked that part of it, and they had unlimited cliff bars. So like, those parts were great. But when I make a YouTube video, I like to talk to the camera and I record the line. And if I mess up, I'll say it again.

This, I had to say the line correctly, three times from three different angles for every line in a five-page script. So it was nine times I had to get the line right before we moved to the next freaking line. And I was just like, I could not have that lifestyle I and and also I will say that I was not good at it and I don't love doing things I'm not good at and less I'm getting a thousand dollars and unlimited cliff bars. I

I think I would still be into I don't want to play anyone in a bio pick But if they remade honey, I shrunk the kids. I would love to be Rick Moranis. What about the Rick Moranis bio-pick? You mean they- You totally do that. You know, his life is actually interesting. It's super interesting. He turned away from acting to spend time with his family.

It's very rare that someone gives up fame. Yeah, he just said screw it. I'm over it. Well, I mean, his wife died. Oh, you didn't know that part? No. Yeah, his wife died of cancer, and he was like, I have to take care of my kids now. Oh, that's very sad. It's also very nice. Yeah. Yeah, his lifetime of cancer and he was like, I have to take care of my kids now. Oh, that's very sad.

It's also very nice. Yeah. Well, I feel bad about that. That's a better biopic. It does make better. I just feel bad that I said, screw it. But yeah, he seems like a good guy. He seems like a great guy.

Maybe. Maybe I think you'd be a great Rick Moranist. I would love that. Yeah. Oh my God. I don't know that I have the emotional depth to play it, but I could try. Oh, yeah, it's in there somewhere. I think deep, yeah, it just seems like it just seems like a lot of work and also attention,

but isn't that, I guess we're working a lot for attention right now. We're really, we're sort of digging out the core of. Yeah, so in a related field and possibly from the same question asker, would you consider becoming a tickedtock star? Do you ask that question? No. Are you a tick-tock star? She is a tick-tock star. She says, no, but her friends say yes. Well, tick-tock is fascinating to me. Oh, yeah. You're in, right? Oh, I'm in. Okay. Because, and I'm not a consumer. I am not a creator on this stuff. Yes, I agree.

You know that I'm becoming older because I am fascinated by TikTok because of a New York Times article that I read. Not from using TikTok, but it's the only platform that started algorithmically. So all the other platforms like Instagram and Twitter, they start showing you things chronologically and then over time they're like, just kidding, we wanna show you the things we want you to see. Whereas on TikTok, you just sign on and they just start using a computer

to figure out who you are and how to own you. And I think that's so cool and also kind of terrifying. TikTok, if some of the listeners don't know, is short videos, it's kinda like, they know, okay. People know about, yeah, I don't know. I don't know. Think about TikTok as like Twitter is full of TikTok videos. It's true, Twitter is just the best of TikTok.

Yeah. It is very convenient for me. But what I wonder is like I know there are TikTok stars, but also you don't need to be a star to be popular on TikTok, which I think is also pretty neat. That said, I have no interest myself. And being a TikTok star, you know what I would like

is to have one viral moment on TikTok. Yes, I'd be into that. I want to do one clever thing where people, this is the truth of the matter. If we're gonna get deep down into the hand-grain psyche, I want to prove to myself that I could be a TikTok star. Oh, but then not do it. I love that, yeah, because part of our job is knowing and understanding

how platforms work. Exactly. And thinking in our mind that I'm not popular because I got lucky. It's because I know how platforms work. Yeah, I'm a traditional scientist. I need to create the lie in my own head. This isn't just luck.

I need to destroy my own humility. No, I don't. I need to be always grateful for the wonderful gift I've been given and recognize that I have no idea how it happened. But I do want to be in a viral TikTok. Can you help me help us? Help us. At the end, we'll make a TikTok together. I think, yeah.

Oh, no, that was an empty promise. I'm so sorry that you would for it. I have no intention on following up on that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. As I go on though, I definitely used to feel this need to prove myself in every new field.

It's like, okay, now Instagram's big. I gotta be big over there. And now I'm getting to a place where I'm just going to stay in my cozy corner and make the cool stuff I like making. Yeah. That's okay. I love it. I'm so satisfied with being

satisfied now. Good on you. I had to turn 39 and have a baby first. But now it's like there is this there's this thing, you know, it's like never settle. And I'm like, no, settling's okay. settle down. Calm down. settle a little bit. It puts the putt of some roots down find a place find some people. There's a lot of comfort and beauty in that. Do you know an Australia six weeks vacation is like the standard? Oh my god. Isn't that crazy? Oh my god. It's not crazy to you. It's crazy to us. I think that's wonderful. I was on a flight. I sit next to a businessman coming back from Australia once and he could not shut up about how

frustrated he was that Australian his Australian employees would only come into work during business hours. So, he was just like, no matter what we do, like there's no way to incentivize them to come to work. And I'm like, I mean, that's what they call them business hours. Yeah. And also, don't you want to hear it? He was in potato farming, but not the potato farming part.

The part where you moved potatoes around once. Do you got a lot of potatoes here? All right, it's like the Idaho of the ocean. That's what they say about Australia. The Idaho of the ocean. I work like balance is important. It is. TikTok. That was our TikTok question. It led us to potatoes. TikTok. TikTok. That was our TikTok question. It led us to potatoes. Could I be like, is there like a room for science TikTok?

Don't ask me, man. Is there? I think yes, but you have to like, millie rock while I do it. You were saying yes, but you were making the no gesture. Not anything. Oh, this is my life. It's TikTok on a silver platter. You can, you can tick whatever you can talk, baby. What is life but a tick-tock waiting to happen?

Oh my God. I mean, hopefully more than that. The worst motivational poster in the guidance counselor's office. Yeah. The hippest guidance counselor. You have to prepare now so you can tick-tock later. I made a video yesterday in which... Thanks.

He does that from time to time. I do, and which I discussed the river that was outside of my window, and I called it the Yara River. And then a bunch of people left comments and they were like, no, it's pronounced, and then they spelled out a word that to me would be pronounced Yara. Yeah. All right, so there's only one person who can answer

this question for me. It doesn't matter which one person it is, but it has to be one person at a time. I hear them. They're saying it's not Yara, it's Yara. Yara. OK, we need one person. So raise your hand if you would like to be the official.

They're creating the Yara and the raw. The Yara pre-eater person and the, oh my God, it's burning T-shirt. Come on up and say the word Yara into Zach cornfelt's microphone. Yara. That's what I'm freaking saying. Slow it down, you gotta slow it down.

Slow it down for us. But when we slow things down, your voice gets deeper. Slow it down. me. But when we slow things down, your voice gets deeper. Slow it down. Yeah. Yara. I'm so sorry. We're talking the same thing. You're saying Yara?

It's Yara. Yara. I'm just saying Yara in an American accent. It's not Sarah. It's Sarah. I guess it's not Sarah, it's Sarah. I guess it's not Sarah. Sarah. Unless I may be very British, it's Sarah.

It's more fun playing the E. I've forgotten already. Yera? Yera. It's just Yera. Like, Sarah, but with the Y. Yeah. The R is shortened.

Oh my God. I'm really enjoying this because like when I go to places like like Mexico or South America places to speak other languages. I really want to be Respectful of the pronunciation because there's a language, but we speak the same language So I don't care And I enjoy teasing each other about it. Yes, like I look I come from Florida as previously mentioned I don't usually talk about this a lot, I promise, where we have a city called Melbourne.

And I come to here and they're like, you can't say Melbourne, you have to say Melbourne. You know what I'm like, but I'm America, I'm just saying it, the America. Like you don't correct any of my other words. I don't go to Paris and call it Peri. Right, that would be rude. People would about you guys have this.

If anyone goes to Paris and calls it Peri, they're kind of a douche, right? Okay, so do you want us to be doucheers? That's how I feel when I say, yeah, they're like, yes. You want you to be terrible as bad as possible. Do your worst Australian accent, but only when you say place names. We do.

Now that I'm saying they didn't last to answer this, we have a lot of dumb pronunciations that are wrong but are important to us. Like we take all the Spanish words and make them wrong. Right. You say them, low-spellies. The happy is in neighborhood, but we call it low-speeles because we're idiots and we like it that way.

Yeah. Rodeo Drive is Rodeo Drive, and it's very important to us that we know that. So I get you, Yerah. I'm in. I'm back. I'm on board. I went through a whole journey to get there. Yeah, you did. You did. And I didn't come with you, but that's all right. Sometimes friends disagree. That's why it's the Zack and Hank podcast. So my opinion comes first. It's called Dear Hank and Zach.

That is true. I got it very wrong. This says Dear Uncle Hank and Corn Diddy. Yep. Do you have fans in the audience who are really passionate about your Corn Diddiness? It seems so. Do we have Corn Babies? All right. You've got more fans in the audience than me. It's okay.

I love it. It's okay. I love it. It's so endearing to me that people have, um, wholeheartedly bought into what is objectively the dumbest user name I could ever have grass-bought. I can't even tell people my original user name because it is still connected to things that I wrote when I was in high school. Oh, no. And they could Google it. And then I would be... You'd doubt it.

Really uncomfortable. Yeah, I get that. I don't think that I could get canceled or anything, but I would be just, people would stop respecting me as, not because I said anything wrong, just because I said things that were just dumb. Toe-tum. I will not doubt myself more than I have to, but there is a different username that I once used,

and I have searched it, and the old posts I have on forums are very findable. And I was active on some TV show forums and the theories I had and the writing I had was dumb. Yeah. And knowing that that's out there forever is mortifying. Yeah. Now, I'm not telling which you'll find it

and I don't want that. Oh, wow. They're gonna go deep. They're going to go deep. They're going to dive deep into the read all the forums for that show. I feel like I'm inviting it now. It's Buffy the Vampire Slayer. It's Buffy. I'm not saying it.

All right. It says, so it says, this is from Christina. All right. Right there in the front. Why do birds? Hmm. So I don't know if you heard, but recently it was announced that, uh announced that like a third of birds in the North America have Stopped existing the population of American birds is now down a one third. So why do birds maybe not much longer?

Look it's it's time for the climate strike. We're not doing it, but we are at least mentioning it Well, I got caught in the traffic of the climate strike yesterday, so I'm doing my part. I was late to something here because I was protesting by being there. Yeah, by being stuck in it. I was a body in part of it. I'm very glad that if any of you did it, I thank you for going.

It was very a very cool pregnancy. Hey, thank you. Thank you. Why do birds? I was never that into birds. Like people go, oh, let me, I'm bring on a boo. There's a story coming. That's where the story starts.

Character growth. There's an arc. You got to start low, and then you go on a journey. This is how all stories work. So I was never that into birds. I was never that into birds. People go birding. I didn't get it.

Then I came here. I went to New Zealand for didn't get it. Then I came here. I went to New Zealand for five days before this, then I came here. Your birds are exquisite. They make the craziest sounds, the most beautiful songs, their feathers, even those horrid magpies are beautiful. They attack people, but I respect them for it. And I am very taken with birds now and feel like a fool for having not seen the beauty. And maybe I'm unfortunately representative of Americans, and that's why we don't care about our birds. Wow.

I think that they have better birds. I'm not gonna wanna talk bad about American birds, but I think the birds that are better here. We got pigeons. Well, we got more than pigeons. I grew up in New York. We don't have much more than pigeons. Well, in Orlando more than pigeons. I grew up in New York. We don't have much more than pigeons. Well, in Orlando, Florida, where I grew up. Oh, you have the pelicans that's sweeping the water.

Yeah, we got rosy at spoon bills. We got ibis. We got grape blue hair. We've got all those good stuff. Yeah, ibis. Benchicans. It's like how we call it. Paul Raccoon's a garbage panda.

They call ibis a Benchicken. I like Benchicken. It's like how we call Hall of Raccoons a garbage panda. They call it ibis of Ben Chicken. I like Ben Chicken, that's fun. They got those too. They mostly just say they don't do much bin work in America. They just poke at the ground with their big long noses. Here's the deal. Everyone loves dinosaurs.

Dinosaurs are dope. Birds are the closest thing we got to dinosaurs. They're just tinier and dumber. Also crocodiles, good point. Those are closer to dinosaurs. Oh, I know birds are closer to dinosaurs than crocodiles. This is a thing I know because of my job. But crocodiles have been around for like the longest time.

Yeah, but so birds. So birds. So crocodiles split off from dinosaurs before birds did. How about that? So you were in correct. The crocodiliforms. There was a time when like, like, there were Crocodile Forms that were basically deer. Like crocodiles that were fast

on the end runners. That's a nightmare. I know. Anyway, oh, I want to. I the other day I went to a zoo thing and a wombat attacked my ankles. No, those things are. They're fast and they're buts. They're big. Can crack skulls, I've learned. And I thought that if I didn't,

because I maybe, because all the animals here seem like dinosaurs to me, and I love Jurassic Park, I'm like, oh, if I don't move, it won't come to me. And so it charged me and I froze, which is kind of all you need to know about who I am as a person, but it was a very adorable nibbling on my ankle.

I don't wanna hit one with a car. I don't wanna hit many things with a car. Yeah, it's like the thing that the little girl I wanna hit with a car. The list of things that I don't wanna hit with a car is the list of things. The only thing I wanna hit with a car is like Pennywise. Otherwise, I'm not hitting things with my car.

For a second, I thought that was like maybe a rapper. No, no, no. Just a demon clown. Man, that's not right. I know, okay, he's a murderer. He's a child murderer, okay. That's good. Do it.

Kill that clown. Kill that very, very bad clown. And all of this actually reminds me that this podcast is brought to you by murdering Pennywise the clown. Murdering Pennywise bad clown. And all of this actually reminds me that this podcast is brought to you by murdering Pennywise the clown. Murdering Pennywise the clown, available at a theater near you. We'd also like to thank today's sponsor, Uncle Hank's TikTok channel,

for all the hottest and freshest dance moves come on by to TikTok. This podcast is also brought to you by asking your girl to prom with flashcards and then having her kiss someone else at the dance. Ooh, this spot suggested but available for the price of free. That sponsor cuts deep. This spot guest is also sponsored by Flying Halfway Across the World to get berated by

an audience for your funny pronunciation. Highly... Hi-ley... Here, we're the ones with facility accents. LAUGHTER So, uh, I guess it's time to get to the news from Mars and ANC Wimbledon. So, in the news from Mars, there was a landslide on Mars. Is that possible?

Yes! Are there hills on Mars? Are there mountains on Mars? Oh my goodness gracious, the biggest mountain in the solar system is on Mars. Wow. How about that? Wow, you can need to come on dear Hinkajamaar off and I could educate you on all the Mars stuff.

So yeah, there's a landslide of Mars. Mars is actually a little bit. It seems there are a couple of geologic, like active geologic activities on Mars. So one, this very large mountain Olympus Mons may actually be active. Like, active in that it might like erupt every, like, 20 million years or so. Which is not often, but like not, not active. And then, and then there's also this thing that happens where, like, carbon dioxide will

freeze below the surface, and then when it warms up, it dioxide will freeze below the surface and then when it warms up it will explode out through the surface and make these weird spider web patterns on the surface of Mars that we were all very confused about for a long time because they'd appear and we'd be like what's happening? And that's very cool. But I don't actually know what triggered this landslide but there was a very large landslide near the North Pole of Mars and the orbiter is there, I don't know which orbiter it was. Actually captured the landslide in action and you can see the cloud of dust in a three frame like movie

that they took from orbit. It's amazing, it's like the kind of footage I would never imagine we could capture like an actual geologic event happening on the surface of another planet. That is so cool, also so scary, is everyone OK? You know, we don't know, for sure. Like if there's a landslides or things, stuff could happen.

If there's anybody there, that would be a big surprise. Yeah, we're just sending our support to those who may have been. Potential, exobiotic, single-celled things. Yeah. That's very cool. I would like to see that footage. And it's good.

I'll show it to you after the podcast. All right. Maybe we... Oh, that could be our TikTok. I'm glad you're working it out. Okay. Yeah. What do you got for me?

You know, news from AFC. What do you got? Last night, I went to my first Australian rules footy game. It was very exciting. I didn't know that I'll show you how to its own football until recently. It was the exciting. I didn't know that I'll show you had its own football until recently. It was the finals, which is not the final game, even though that's what you would think that it

means. It's the game before the final game. It was the Tigers versus the Cats. The Richmond Tigers, the Richmond one, Go Tigers. I'm going to tell you, I rooted for the Tigers. It was very hard for me to not root for a team called the Cats. Because you got a feral beast versus a house animal. And that's so adorable. Who in their right mind, when they're going around naming the teams, you got these bat like the Lions, the Tigers. I guess we'll be the cats. But it was a very exciting game. There was a little boy behind me. Every time that one man in tattoo's got the ball, he went, come on, dusty! And it really was so important to him. And then my other favorite part is anytime someone

held onto a ball too long, everyone screamed, bull! So it was a great game, go Tigers. They won, I'm hooked for life. Wow. And then, you know, they pass the ball, you punch it, or you kick it. Like volleyball.

It's like volleyball plus football plus soccer, but bigger, and they beat the crap out of each other. But somehow, no one gets injured. It makes no sense. I'm sure no one ever gets injured. Like, relatively speaking, because they don't have pads, they don't hit each other as hard. But to me, that means wouldn't it hurt so much more when you get driven to the ground?

Got any footy players in the audience? No. Anybody who actually has played this game. Yeah, a couple back there, you look like you look like you could do that. Did you get hurt ever playing footy? Oh yeah, okay, so we've confirmed injuries do happen. No matter what sport I watch, every minor hit, I'm like, well, I'd be out for the season.

I just put me on injured reserve right now. I think I would start there. I like just like baseball where it's like not a context for it. I just like, I watch the ball coming like so, you're just like, I would run away from that. Yeah. There's a ball traveling at 100 miles an hour and it's a foot away from me. There's a ball traveling at 100 miles an hour, and it's a foot away from me.

I'm leaving. Yeah. I had to, got to swing at a professional speed baseball once. Oh, yeah, yeah. You were trying that. I tried it. It's the thing I do. It's my profession.

But they go so fast. I don't know if you guys know baseball. They wind up, and for me to swing the bat in time, I had to start swinging when his hand was behind him. He hadn't even begun pitching yet, and that's when I had to start swinging because they're super freaks. No, that's not for me.

Not for me. Did you feel like you had to run away? Because like, how do you know it's not gonna hit you? I trusted that he was very good at what he did. But when I played Little League, I always ran away because kids suck at things. And I don't want to get hit. Okay. Good. Well, I'm glad that you, you understand yourself. Yeah. Yeah. That's really, it's really half the battle. I bruised easy. Well, thank you so much for being on this episode of Dear Anger John.

Thanks for having me. It was fun. If you want to see what Zach is up to, you can find the try guys all over the world touring, making videos, bink, and people happy. And it's wonderful. Thank you all here at VidCon Australia in Melbourne for laughing and yelling at us and telling us all about TikTok and a special shout out to all the Sophie's in the audience.

Dearing a John is co-production of Complexly and WNYC Studios. It's produced by Rosiana Halsey Rojas and Sheridan Gibson, edited by Go Rosiana, edited by Joseph Tuna Mettish, our head of community and communications is Victoria Bonjorno. Oh, the music is even coming on. And the music you're hearing right now

is by the great Gunnarolla and as they say in our hometown, don't forget to be awesome. Don't forget to be awesome.