Dear Hank & John - 222: Just a Man Who’s Lost His Dongle

Episode Date: January 13, 2020

What should I do with my art money? What do you do if you miss a flight? Are gas giants just tiny planets with big atmospheres? Why does my brain release endorphins for things that are bad for me?��What should we do with the bird in the freezer? John Green and Hank Green have answers! If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at [e-mail]! Join us for monthly livestreams and an exclusive weekly podcast at patreon.com/dearhankandjohn. Follow us on Twitter! twitter.com/dearhankandjohn Subscribe to the Nerdfighteria newsletter! https://nerdfighteria.com/nerdfighteria-newsletter

Hello, it's a cold open here from Hank. We in this episode decided that we were going to make a thing and sell it at dftba.com. It turns out that that thing is actually pretty difficult to make well, and we want to make sure that we do it well if we do it. Now we said that it's on sale. It's not on sale, but a lot of people wanted it and have been in touch with us in various ways, disappointed to hear that they cannot acquire it.

That is, we're very flattered that you like John's dumb idea so much, but we did not want to rush it. So it is not, it is not on sale. I repeat, I apologize, it is not on sale. All right. Enjoy this episode of Dear Hank and John. I can't believe I had to record this. Ha ha.

[♪ INTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ Hello and welcome to Dear Hank and John. Or is I prefer to think of it Dear John and Hank. It's a podcast where two brothers answer your questions, give you to be a surprise and bring you all the weeks news from both Mars and FC Wimbledon. John, you know, I really feel like I know what's gonna happen in the year 2020. I just, I see it so clearly.

This is gonna be some kind of 2020 pun. That's it. That was it. I did the tip with that was it. Oh, that's the joke. That's the joke. That's the joke. It's good. Yeah. I can see it very clearly as well. Actually, in real life, I don't know that there's anything

I'm less sure about than how 2020 is going to go. Yeah, no, I don't see it clearly at all. I'm very confused. I feel like I know nothing and neither does anyone else. No, but that's not stopping everybody from having opinions. You can't, like, say stuff if you don't have strong opinions, John, and the saying stuff is where it's all at. So, I think, you know, one thing I do know here at the very beginning of 2020, is that we are now officially only eight years away from renaming this podcast, Dear John and Hank, when we don't get a human to Mars in the next eight years. Eight years is such a long time. If there's anything that celebrating this decade change over did for me, it was realizing how long a time 10 years is.

It is. And eight years is almost 10 years. And so we could be on Jupiter in 2028, John. Things change fast. Is there any way that we can add a financial component to our bet so that we don't just change the name of the podcast But also you ship a large amount of money to my house. What if so I bet that by the year 3,000 Ten, uh-huh. We'll have we'll be on Jupiter. That's

3,000 10 so you're saying in 990 years humans will be on Jupiter. Yeah. That what makes that so wildly optimistic is the notion that there will be humans in 990 years. We're fine. We're doing fine, John. Every, I was going to say everything is fine, but I can't. I take that back. I was then I was going to say everything is going to be fine. And here's what I'm going to say instead. We are here.

All right, our first question comes from Hannah, who writes, dear John and Hank, I sold some of my art for the first time and I made some money, $23 to be exact. What should I do with it? I have a job in everything and there's not really anything I need, but I feel like my art money should go to good use and not like,

just get used to buy gas or something. Pumpkins and penguins, Hannah. Well, first, gas is an important use for when you need to get to places. Yeah. So that is nothing wrong with that. But second, you could be, let's, I'm going to just going to go like way wild here and say you could start a retirement account.

You could. That's not a good idea though. Because you're young and that money's going to appreciate so much. Every $23 you put into your retirement account now, it's going to be like $60 when you retire. It'll be closer to like $100 when you retire. That's wild. Yeah. You got to start saving now. It's the magic of compound interest. Look, if we're talking about, is it important to contribute to your IRA or your 401k or whatever when you're young, the answer is yes, but we're not.

We're talking about $23 that Hannah made selling. I don't even know what kind of art. Hannah, it was too non-specific. You got to get better at marketing yourself. I need to read like, I made $23 selling my life size sculpture of Liverpool midfield or Genie Wine Aldham. I need, I need some specificity. Oh, for you. That's a razor thin margin on that life size man. Yeah, no, she sold it for $10,000, $23 and she cleared $23 in profit because it is not cheap to find the bronze, discolored, genie, winald and extraordinary, truly extraordinary calves. Right. Well, so here's the, you got to buy some art supplies. Obviously, there's a, there's a

future here. There's a business you're doing it. You got to get more, you gotta buy some art supplies. Obviously there's a future here. There's a business. You're doing it. You gotta get more stuff to make more stuff. Because if there's anything that I know about of making art, is that you completely forget how much you paid for the art supplies when calculating how much to sell your art for. So you need to buy more art supplies

so that you continue making stuff that you like. Yeah, I think you invest in your art. If you like making stuff, get the stuff that you need to buy more art supplies so that you continue making stuff that you like. Yeah, I think you invest in your art. If you like making stuff, get the stuff that you need to make stuff. On the other hand, maybe it's not a, maybe it's, we don't know what kind of art Hannah makes, but I don't know. Hank, I just want to go on a quick tangent because it occurred to me that one of the sculptures I most want to see in the world and I haven't seen are just bronze casts of the calves of all Liverpool players. Oh my God. So like, I just want to see a collection

of their calves in bronze. You know, why can't we just expand it out? I want to say, like, what if this isn't about an art project, but I think that it should be a selection of calves. And that should be what the piece is titled. That's a, should be a selection of calves. And that should be what the piece is titled. That's a, we call it a selection of calves and it should just be calves from all over the world, all walks of life, if you will. No, that doesn't make any sense. Because all calves are beautiful. Oh, yeah.

No, all calves are great, but the calves that are fueling the world's greatest football team are very specific caps. And those are the ones I want to see in bronze. I feel like I have nice caps. Hannah, you're welcome for the idea. I give it to you for free. I look forward, I will pay. Whatever it costs you to make them plus $23.

You know, John, I had a good idea during our Christmas break. I was playing with Arn and I had an idea for a toy. Yeah. And you know what I did? What? I found a toy designer on LinkedIn and I was like, here's this idea I had for a toy. I do not want it in my head anymore.

You can have it if you want it. And that's what I did. And he wrote back and he was like, that's a pretty good idea. We were actually working on something similar. And I was like, boom. You did it. You're glorious. I'm not in that business.

I love giving away ideas. That said, as you know, Hank, in the last 24 hours, I have had really for the first time, I know, my first million dollar idea. And it's not the calves. It's not separate million dollars. In fact, the more I think about that, the less I think it's a good idea,

not least because how are you gonna get all of Liverpool's players to, you know, like let you measure their cast? It's just gonna be a weird conversation. No, he's not gonna measure if you gotta cast him. Yeah, I just, I don't think it's gonna be. You're perfect. Forget that.

I need scans. Forget that million dollar idea. I have a proper million dollar idea. It's so good that I can't like share it because I'm worried I'm going to share it. I'm going to share it and we're going to put it up for pre-order and maybe no one will buy it. But I think this is my first million dollar idea, Hank. You know I have a podcast, the Anthropocene Reviewed, where I review different facets of

the human centered planet on a five-star scale. I remember, yes, it's very popular. Ryan Reynolds likes it. He does. Or I heard that he tweeted about it. That is very nice of him. I'm very grateful to anyone who likes it. Anyway, I want to make Anthropocene reviewed merch. And my idea for merch hank is that I want to make a shower curtain that is my review of shower curtains. Like, on the shower curtain is printed my review of shower curtains, and that is the only place in the world you can read my review of shower curtains. Maybe this is a new, like, you know, books have been around for a long time, but there hasn't been a lot of innovation for Matt.

You know, we got newspapers which are sort of like big, full-d things in magazines, which are floppy books. But what if, instead of a book, you just had one big sheet of plastic. And that was, yeah, I like it. And then like, you have to have like a separate room to like lay your books down. I want this to be a high quality shower curtain. Can you get me at like a pretty good shower curtain? I don't, you know, I bet yes, but I have not done enough Reese. I know a lot about merchandising, John, but I've never made a shower curtain, but I know people who have made shower curtain, so I can reach out to them and ask. Do you think this is a million dollar idea?

No, but I think it's a perfectly good way to raise money for charity. If you want my shower curtain that is a review of shower curtains, you can go to dftba.com. It's going to be, I don't know if it's going to be available for free order. You're just going to have to sign your name saying you'll buy a $35 shower curtain that's a review of shower curtains, but we'll see how big the market is. Right. That is important. You know, I bet the minimum order isn't that much for shower curtains.

Quartons. No, that's an idea. Shower curtains. All right. I'm going to stop, but I think that this is an infinitely scalable idea, because what about a coffee mug? That's just my review of coffee mugs. Yeah.

I mean, what about a candle? It's just your review of candles. And then as it burns away, my review of candles ceases to exist. All right. We've gone too far. Congratulations, Hannah. Hannah, if you wanted to design a shower curtain for us, email us. So we're getting to the shower curtain business, Hannah,

and we're getting into it in a big way. This next question comes from Emily, who asks, dear Hank and John, I almost missed my flight this morning. I didn't thank goodness, but I realized I have no idea what to do if I miss a flight. Flight's in fear, Emily. John, I feel like you have experience with this. I do too. And I always feel a little bit like I don't know what to do. Yeah, I feel

like I've been naughty, even if it's not my fault, I always feel like, oh, they're mad at me, but they're not. They're just trying to get through the day like everybody else. So there's two things you do. Basically, you either like stand in line at the counter or at some customer service line, or you make a phone call and you get booked onto a different flight. Yeah.

And a lot of times if it's not your fault, they'll get you a hotel room or whatever. It's not always the best hotel room. One of my all-time favorite Z-Frank videos is the one where Delta put him in a room with a stranger where he like had to share a room with double beds with a person he'd never met before. It feels so funny.

It feels so like 1960. They couldn't do that. I feel like they can't do that. Surely they don't do it anymore. But I've definitely been in some, I would say that my five worst hotel experiences of the 21st century have all been hotels chosen for me by airlines. Yeah, but it is a really good point that if the line is very long, you might be able to call or go on the app and rebook yourself

without having to talk to a person, and that can speed things along and also increase your chances of getting a good flight. But get in that line right away before you start doing that. Right. Because that line might grow very fast. Oh, the whole thing is very, it is definitely stressful. I mean, travel always comes with its complications as Hank and I are about to find out since we're going on tour this weekend. Yeah. Yeah.

That will have already happened, I believe, when this episode comes out. We are masters of marketing. If you wanted to see us, our tour already happened and our shower curtain is not yet available. If you wanted to see us in Atlanta, or Raleigh, or same Pete, I'm so sorry that we did that's in the past now. You need to pay more attention. Oh, enjoy the podcast live shows that are going to be coming to your

ears in the next few weeks. Yeah, you can come to the live show that will be distributed via the podcast app. All right. Hey, we have another question. It's from Pierce and it is related to your earlier point that humans are just a couple years away from hitting the surface of Jupiter. Pierce writes, dear John and Hank, Hank has mentioned before that we aren't 100% sure what the core of gas giants look like. And I believe he has said that we think

that they're solid like ours. If that's the case, aren't gas giants just little normal solid plants with a really tall and thick atmosphere? What's the difference? How tall does an atmosphere have to be for its planet to be considered a gas giant? What a great question. Yeah, I mean, there's also, we have kind of two different types of gas giants in our solar system, but that is not the totality of what gas giants can be. There are lots of other kinds of gas giants in the universe that we are now get to know about because of our exoplanet research. But yes, there is a solid core to gas

giants. And there's two ways that that solid core happens. There's kind of two solid cores of gas giants. One of Saturn and Jupiter. There's so much gas that it actually compresses the gas so that there is a core of metallic hydrogen. So it's hydrogen that has been squeezed so hard. And we're pretty sure about this. Now we've not been down there

and we won't get down there in our lifetimes and probably never, because it's just like not a good place to be. But there is that. And then they think also inside of the metallic core, there is a solid core and it's extremely squished. So it's like, it's unrecognizable as what we would think of as rock,

but it's made of heavier elements like iron and stuff. Whereas that is not the case for Neptune and Uranus. Those have sort of different compositions. They're kind of different, they're kind of a different class of gas giant. Basically, in terms of planets, we don't have an atmosphere. We are a rock. And the atmosphere of Earth is so paper thin that like it's basically negligible. Same with Mars, same with Mercury, same with Venus, which has a very thick atmosphere, but it's just like it's nothing compared to the atmosphere of a gas giant. So gas giant is a somewhat of a misnomer because it is not just gas.

They were named gas giants back in the day and we've sort of stuck with it and it works, especially because they are majority gas, which is certainly not the case for us. If I were in a college grunge band, I would definitely call that band metallic hydrogen. And do you know why I would call it metallic hydrogen? No. It's because anytime somebody asked why is your band named metallic hydrogen, I could respond because it's not something you would recognize as rock. So Hank is having some kind of problem with his phone and his Bluetooth headphones aren't working. So we may lose Hank and this may be a John only podcast.

My dream's finally coming true. Yeah, I have a wired, I have wired headphones, but I got a new phone and I have a dongle that's, you know, headphone jack to USB-C. Right. And I plug it in, it just hangs up on John immediately. Yeah. So I was like, well, I'll use my headphones, but they're running out of batteries now.

I can't, they just beeped in my ears just now. And like, this isn't, it's a headphone to USB-C dongle. Why doesn't it work with my new phone? Well, the whole emergence of the dongle in the 21st century is one of, to me, one of the great surprises. If you'd shown me a laptop computer from 1999, and you'd said to me, like, everything about this computer is gonna be better in 20 years.

It's gonna be faster. It's gonna be sleeker. It's gonna be lighter. It's gonna have more memory. The battery's gonna last longer. Just one thing. You've got to carry dongles with you everywhere you go all the time.

And then like 1990 itself is like, did you just say that? I'm sorry, what is that? Is that a word like D? Did you, who, I mean, I know all words are made up, but that one's definitely made up, right? So they could have come up with any word since this is a made up, right? Right, right. So they could have come up with any word, since this was a new idea, right?

And the word they chose out of all the words that were available is dongle. Mm. But the most, to be clear, that's the best thing about dongles. Oh, by far. The dumb name is the best part. By far. Because I mean, it's like, what is the difference

between this USBC and that USBC? Obviously something. Almost every Tuesday. I have to get a new frickin' dongle. Almost every Tuesday, when I have to find a dongle to get the footage that I have filmed into my computer to edit a vlog brother's video. Yeah. At some point, I have to call my spouse and I have to say, I am, as I am every Tuesday, a 42 year old man looking for a dongle. Do you have any idea where the dongle might be? I'm just a man who's lost his dongle. I seriously, like, it might be the experience I have the most often that isn't like going to the bathroom or brushing my teeth, like losing that particular dongle happens every single. In fact, right now,

I have no idea where it is because I haven't made a video in two weeks and I'm going to spend half of tomorrow finding a dongle. Yeah. No, John, I refuse to buy a new computer that does not have a port that an SD card goes into because I know I will ruin it. I will, I will be so unhappy in that moment. I'm traveling and I didn't bring my dongle and I have to like, freaking freak out about not having it

and not being able to edit my video. I'm so glad this has become the dongle spectacular because that is what I have been thinking about the most over the last six months. I'm sorry, John, I can't hear what you're saying anymore. My head hurts. I'm sorry. So, I don't know what to do now.

Talk to you in a minute. I'll be right back. I assume you're still there. All right, it's happening. I am the host of, oh geez, now I'm the host of Dear Hank and John. Oh, I don't know if I can handle this. Stress all by myself. I am the host of, oh geez, now I'm the host of Dear Hank and John. Oh, I don't know if I can handle this stress all by myself. I'll do the sponsors.

Let's just do the sponsors. Today's podcast is brought to you by my shower curtain idea. If you want a shower curtain that reviews shower curtains, go to dftv.com. Today's podcast also brought to you by sharing a hotel room with a stranger on the dime of an airline. I hope that that has stopped being a phenomenon. And of course today's podcast is brought to you by my college golf band, Metallic Hydrogen. You wouldn't even recognize us as rock and our podcast.

As always is brought to you by dongles. Dongles. I'm what a disaster. I missed the ports I used to haveles. I'm at what a disaster. I missed the ports I used to have. So I'm sorry if I've heard any feelings of people who work on designing these computers. You're still going, huh? I kept going.

I did the sponsors, Hank. I did it all by myself. I did one of those sponsors, the emergence of the dongle. It was. Yeah, I talked about that. Oh God, I love that phrase so much. The emergence of the dongle. It was. Yeah, I talked about that. God, I love that phrase so much. The emergence of the dongle is also a pretty good thing for a college graduate.

Maybe the emergence of the dongle is like the first album by Metallic Hydrogen. Right. Okay, Hank, I really want to ask this question from Ivy. I just found it fascinating. I don't know if you know the answer. I don't know the answer, but this is the question. Dear John and Hank, in a recent episode of the pod,

Hank mentioned that hamsters run on wheels because their brains release endorphins because it's good for their health. If that's true, why do I do so many things that are bad for my health? Why do I stay up for hours at night watching YouTube instead of sleeping? Why does my brain release endorphins for things

that are bad for my body, climbing up a wall? IV. Well, they used to not be bad for your body, probably, or they used to at least not be bad for your overall success as a person, on average, over the course of a life. And obviously, those things have changed a lot. I mean, the quintessential example of this is like, we love the taste of salt and fat and sugar. They're very important to our success, to our health.

It's really important to take in calories if you don't, you die. But in nature, it was, you know, those things were always things that were limited, especially when it comes to sugar. There's no natural equivalent of Coca-Cola out there. You can get pretty close with some fruit juices, but even fruit juice, you're going to have to do a lot of work on back in the day before you get access to it. But just like pure sugar water isn't really

around. And if it is, it isn't around all year. So we go after the things that, you know, we would have been extremely lucky to encounter in the world, but now all of the systems that we have for living the life that we evolved inside of are not for the life that we are currently inside of. Now that doesn't to say that, that say that, like, this is inevitable doom or anything because it turns out one of the things that humans evolved and that is sort of like exceptional about us is being able to exist in a huge variety of circumstances.

So we're really good at eating a broad variety of things. We're also just really good at existing in a broad variety of circumstances. That's kind of one of our superpowers. And I think one of the ways that that manifests itself is sort of the ability to break habit and to control how we behave and control our cravings, control how we are being sort of satisfied. And when we realize that we're doing something that is ultimately unhealthy, even if our sort our subconscious mind is telling us that it's the right thing to do. Yeah, but also when there's a lot of money and investment that goes into trying to use the existing neural pathways

to exploit them in a way that holds on to attention. Oh, yeah. I think sometimes we underestimate how powerful that stuff is. Like the reason we stay on YouTube too late, and I do this too, is because it gives us like a little bit of a dopamine rush or a little bit of a feeling of like pleasant distraction and going to sleep seems like super boring. And one of the things that humans evolved is like to try to avoid boringness. So I am troubled by the lack of serious consideration of how this stuff is affecting our health. We genuinely don't know if it's dangerous because we haven't done nearly enough

research into it. Well, and the other thing is that like if this was an experiment that was being designed by scientists, there's no way it would be approved by an ethics board. Like, they'd say, no, like, you can't just do that to a bunch of people. But instead, we're just doing the experiment because it's not science. It's just what's happening. And that's pretty scary. It's a lot about, It's a lot of what my next book is about. And we won't. We won't.

We won't. We won't. We won't. We won't. We won't. We won't. We won't. We won't.

We won't. We won't. We won't. We won't. We won't. We won't. We won't. We won't. We won't. We won't. We won't. We won't. how you really do. I mean, it's, I don't add a lot of value to this partnership, but I do add that value.

We're living the experiment, and it's, you know, it was a really, really, really fast shift, and a shift that continues to sort of spread across demographics and the rest of the world, that, you know, we do not know the implications of and are witnessing at first hand, and there's going to be a lot of guessing, and there's gonna be a lot of blaming things on this that probably isn't responsible for, and probably a lot of not noticing the impacts that it has until we're a couple of decades out and you can look back and really see what changed for us.

So. It's one of the things that we're definitely wrong about now. I think that podcasts are the thing that I'm least worried about. I am also not too worried about podcasts, but I do think that in 20 years, there's a pretty good chance that we are like really wrong about social media in ways that we currently don't understand. Like I think in 20 years, the things that I will have been wrong about, I think there

will be a bunch of them obviously, and I don't know how I'm going to be wrong, but I think I will have been wrong about the internet. I will be so wrong. This next question comes from Callie, John, and we got to get to it because Callie, right? Steering a John, I recently found out that my grandpa has a bird in his freezer. Now, this is not that unusual. Usually that bird is a chicken, but in this case it is unusual. It's in a container and it's one of those small birds like a sparrow. He apparently found it when he was in college

with the intention of dissecting it or taxidermying it, but he hasn't ever done that. And it's now been in the freezer. I don't know if this is the same freezer. I feel like it must have moved house at least once for over 40 years. Wow. And it's kind of become a bit of a family legend.

My parents said jokingly that we should taxidermy it and give it as a gift to my grandpa for Christmas. My grandma says we should throw that thing away and he will never notice. What should we do with it? Leave it, toss it. A little birdie couldn't have told me, Callie. I love this.

I love it so much. Um, uh, I mean, so here's this thing. You gotta have a taxidermy house call because you don't want to take this thing to the taxidermis and have a thaw a little bit and it gets ruined. Right. You gotta bring the taxidermis to you and be like, is this still possible? The 40 year old bird. Yeah.

This is the oldest bird you will have ever seen. You have to have the taxidermis to come by and see, is this still the 40 year old bird? Yeah. This is the oldest bird you will have ever seen. You have to have the taxidermalist to combine, see what is possible. But if I think that's a great idea, if you're a taxidermist, like how psyched are you for this call? Right, yeah.

You know, like it's always so boring, it's the same thing over and over again. I shot this thing, turn it into this, or like my dog died, make it live forever. But now this is the call you've been waiting for your whole career as a taxidermist where someone calls you and they're like, listen, I've had a burden of freezer for 40 years. And then the taxidermist has to be like, oh, I've got a serious challenge. And I have no idea whether you can tax a dummyermy, a 42-year-old dead sparrow

that's been in a freezer for a long time. I would imagine it's going to be hard, both literally and figuratively. I think, like, yeah, no, in addition to it being frozen, I do think that all of the moisture has left the bird by now. I think there's, I think it's going to be some challenges. Yeah. What I find fascinating is that grandma is like just throw it out and he won't notice. Grandma, if that's the case, why haven't you thrown it out? Like you got to, you got to spare when you're a freezer that's older than your marriage. That reminds me Hank, I recently went out and met with a couple of nerd fighters who

are donating to the, our project in Sierra Leone. And they were very nice people, very cool, love-tangue out with them. They told me, they've been married, I think, for like maybe seven or eight years, and they were talking about their turtles. And I said, when did you get the turtles? And one of them said, when I was 10, and I said, oh, so they're long-lived turtles. And then she was like, yeah,

and they will probably live for 50 or 60 years. So like, you marry into a relationship. And you're basically marrying into like a lifetime with turtles. Right? Like you're saying, like, I want to marry you. And as part of that, I'm going to take care of turtles for the next 40 years.

Yeah, that's what love is. I know. I think it's, no, I think it's like a beautiful, perfect metaphor for marriage. Yeah, everybody's got their turtles. Everybody's got their turtles. And sometimes those turtles are 42 year old, sparrow in the back of the freezer. I don't think this is taxidermyable, but I think that if it is, then not only should you

get the taxidermist to do it. Okay. Can we slow down? Why do you not think it's that? I mean, are you some expert in taxidermy? Do you have a... I just... I don't know.

I just... I feel like it's going to be very brittle. I know that bird taxidermy is hard anyway. And then I think that there will not be any moisture left in the bird for the skin to be pliable. All right, let me throw out an idea. Okay. You toss the 42 year old ice sparrow. No. And you taxidermia in different sparrow and grandpa never knows. No, no, no, no. Why? No, because I no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, And then you can have a beautiful ceremony for the bird. I love that. You let the expert deliver the news that is exactly right.

And then you can have a ceremony. And then you have something that I don't know. Maybe take it someplace very cold so that the bird never thaws. That's a great idea. You take it. You got to take your grandfather to the North Pole. No, South Pole.

South Pole, because the North Pole is thong fast. No, you go to the Antarctic pole of inaccessibility. The the placent and in Antarctica that is furthest from land. It's very difficult to get to. Okay. There is a there is a research station there that's mostly snowed over where there is still it is believed doesn't visit it in a few years, a bust of Vladimir Lenin. That's how old this research station is. It's the art that is the hardest to get to on earth. And you leave the sparrow right there. Or, John, you know how when people are exploring

Antarctica, they have to leave caches for themselves, like little, like, dug into the ground, treats, find one of those, and then take out the bag of cheese doodles and say, no, those are mine now. You get a very cold sparrow. I mean, that's illegal. It's also like the one of the cruelest things I can imagine. I'm much better. I'm much better.

I'm much better. I'm much better. I just had another million dollar idea on fire. It's a new decade, it's a new mead. I'm a million dollar idea generator now. I'm the idea brother, the things have changed around here. I'm happy to give up my title. It's a dongle.

Okay, that's the idea. Why aren't we in the dongle business? It has a huge future. Yeah, clearly this is where the real the real money is. Yeah, it's like plastics, but it's for the future. Can we make a dongle that's at everything dongle? It's like the Swiss Army knife of dongle. Yeah, the Swiss Army dongle.

Where you're like, does it have a saw? Oh, it's got a saw. Oh God, apparently you can't though because this USB-C dongle won't work in my USB C port. I love the idea of like just making like branded dongles, the way that like they hand out, you know, like like pens.

I love the idea of just a vlog. Brother's dongle store. Vlogs, brother's dongle. I'll set up and lots of them. I'm now on Amazon trying to buy the correct dongle for me, but I can't tell which one is the right one, John. I like that they sell them in three packs now and that for all of them, the average rating is two stars because 40% of people are like, it didn't work and I just have. Yeah, this turns out this is the wrong dongle.

Oh, man. It's the wrong goal. That's our company name, wrong goal. Wrong goal. We send you the wrong dongle. We promise. We have. We may have a sign.

You don't know if you're gonna get the wrong dongle. You might get the right dongle, but not with us. We will not send you the dongle you asked for, but we will send you a dongle. Oh God. Wrongle.com. I mean, is it available? It is. It's where you can go and get my shower curtain. All right, hey, we got to try to save this podcast somehow.

Before we get to the all important news from bars at AFC Wimbledon, I need to let you know one email that we received, George wrote in to say, not looking for dubious advice. I just want to tell you that the pod has influenced my life. My fiance and I have decided to spend our anniversary in London. And we are booking with Icelandic air so we can do a layover in Iceland and get that hot dog you talked about, John. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Oh, God, yes. Oh, God, yes. Walter and London, if you want to make it a true deer hank and John experience, you got to go to an AFC Wimbledon game and have that Icelandic hot dog.

God, that was a good hot dog. I would, I would crush one of those hot dogs right now. I just want a hot dog. I'm sorry. Hank. John, Hank, it's been a busy festive period for AFC Wimbledon as it always is. those hot dogs right now. I just want a hot dog. I'm sorry. Hank. John. Hank, it's been a busy festive period for AFC Wimbledon. As it always is, there's a complicated period.

We lost to treadmill rovers, one of our big relegation rivals. That was unfortunate. Then we inexplicably beat Bristol rovers. Yeah. Then we lost to Oxford United, which makes sense. Then we tied South End United, right? Arguably the worst team in League One. And if we can't beat them at home, it makes me concerned about whether or not we can accrue

enough points not to get relegated. It was a very frustrating game. We went ahead one nil. We gave up a penalty. And essentially the last minute of the game. It was a bad foul to give up. South end converted the penalty. It's a one one tie at the end of the season. Are we going to wish that we had those two points very possibly? So now we are just over halfway through AFC will then's lead one season. And it could not be tighter

at the bottom of the table. AFC Wimbledon in 19th, the franchise currently playing its trade in Milton Keynes in 20th, only behind us on gold difference. Oh, it looks like it's very possible that one of those two teams is going to get relegated, especially because TranMere's about to make some money from an FA Cup game. So they're going to have some money to bring in a couple players. And oh, I can't handle that level of drama. It's stressing me out. That does seem to be the thing that your sports team wants to do to you, John, and

I'm sorry about it. But you, the fact that you beat Bristol Rovers and then you couldn't be Southend United. Yeah. I don't understand what's wrong with you guys. It's very, yeah, unpredictable, inconsistent performances. I'm also a little concerned because a couple of our best players, including Marcus Fores, are only technically with us until January. And oh, that's soon. I need them to stay until the end of the season. And I don't know how to like, yeah, I don't know how to communicate that to them. It's like right, a really nice letter.

Yeah. And just be like, hey, please don't leave. Yeah. So it's going to we we've got some tough games coming up. We've got some games that we really should have won that we didn't win. And now we're going to be playing a difficult run of fixtures. We're going to try our best and see where we are at the end of the seat set. All right. Keep playing sports, John. Thanks. How's Mars? In Mars news, it's 2020, which means that we're going to be talking a lot about the Mars 2020 rover. So a few weeks ago, as part of that, they actually made sure that the rover could rove.

And it's going to have a lot to do once it gets to Mars. And it's been equipped with a lot of stuff to have it do a lot of good science and cover a lot of ground. And so far, on Mars, the largest drive was done by the opportunity rover which covered 702 feet in a single day. The Mars 2020 rover is designed to treat that record like a normal day with plans for an average of 650 feet of driving each Martian day. And to do that, the rover has more durable wheels, it has fancier cameras, it has an extra

computer that Curiosity didn't have, it also has auto durable wheels, it has fancier cameras, it has an extra computer that Curiosity didn't have, it also has auto navigation software, so we don't have to tell it to do every single thing individually. In December, all these different features were put to the test during its first test drive, basically, as a 10-hour period where the rover maneuvers over some ramps and did like three feet at a time and it demonstrated that it could move its own way around, engage in some auto navigation and it achieved its first major milestone for the mission.

So success, John, that's great. That can do all the things that it needs to do. Yeah, I mean, this is this, it's so good that curiosity has had such a long and successful mission. But man, do I really want Mars 2020 Rover to be there and to get their safe? Yeah, it's such a high stakes game. And there is, as we've seen with the little drill, like it's real hard to fix it once you get there. Yeah, follow a question, Hank.

Is there any way they're going to sneak a little person inside that Mars 2020 rover or probably not? Seems unlikely, seems unlikely. Yeah, there's some rules against that. And every day the future gets brighter for the re-having of this podcast. If there's only one issue that you care about, then you're doing all right. I just tried to get wrongful.com. It turns out it is taken. But my domain registrar would like me to know that live wrongful.com is available. For those of us who just want to have that wrongful experience, you know, just like my whole life.

Thank you for potting with me. Thanks to everybody for listening. We're off to record our brand new Patreon only podcast over at patreon.com slash deer, Hank and John. It's called This Week in Worries. And every week, we talk about our worries. We try not to be too serious about it. And we also discuss the etymology of one of the things that we're worried about.

Maybe it's gonna be dongle. I actually am now very curious. John, this podcast is edited by Joseph Tuneumetish. It's produced by Rosie Honahuls, Ruhasa and Sheridan Gibson. Victoria Van Giorno is our head of community and communications and the music you're hearing now, and at the beginning of the podcast,

it's by the Greek and Arola, and as they say in our hometown, don't forget to be awesome. and as they say in our hometown, don't forget to be awesome. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUT