Dear Hank & John - 226: It Is the Monkey

Episode Date: February 10, 2020

How close is the sky to the ground? How do you keep the words that captivate you from slipping away? Is it okay to have doubts on the day of your wedding? Could I keep my spouse's calcified heart on my desk? What do I do if I'm trapped in a car due to skunk? How do I properly use the phrase "It's all downhill/uphill from here"? John Green and Hank Green have answers! If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at [e-mail]! Join us for monthly livestreams and an exclusive weekly podcast at patreon.com/dearhankandjohn. Follow us on Twitter! twitter.com/dearhankandjohn Subscribe to the Nerdfighteria newsletter! https://nerdfighteria.com/nerdfighteria-newsletter

Hello and welcome to Dear Hank and John. So is I for Thick with Dear John and Hank. It's a podcast where two brothers, your favorite brothers, and see your questions, give you the news advice, and bring you all the week's news from both Mars and AFC Wimbleden. John. Yes.

So Valentine's Day is coming up, so I had to get a really good present for Katherine. Sure. So I decided to get her like the small beads that go on an abacus because John, I have heard, it's the little things that count. I think I'm only laughing because I had a colonoscopy like three hours ago and so I'm still slightly anesthetized.

The doctor, he said, I hope you don't know any plans for the rest of the day. I said, as it happens, I have to go in and record my podcast. And the doctor said, well, I always say, don't do any important work, don't sign any bank documents, but I think you're probably fine to make a podcast. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, John, we'll see what you're capable of. How many doctor-peppers have you had? Just a couple.

They don't let you have any in the hours before the procedure. So I'm about one and a quarter, Dr. Peppers, into my recovery right now. And I wasn't able to have any coffee this morning. I'm not here to complain. This is not my first colonoscopy, but I do wanna take this opportunity to say

to anybody out there who's over the age of 50 or potentially even over the age of 45, which is now when some people are recommending that you first talk to your doctor, get a colonoscopy. I know that it can be intimidating and a little freaky outy and you're psyching yourself up. I'm talking to you less than three hours after I was dead asleep with a scope inside of my body and I'm fine. Yeah, not fine, but I'm like 80 percent. You're fine, you're fine.

That's fine, 80 percent is fine, John. I often make the podcast at less than 80 percent. So you're still gonna get an above average me. But yeah, get a colonoscopy. Talk to your doctor about it. It is an important method of prevention that not enough people take advantage of. Hey, you know the story, but I'm going to tell it anyway. When I was 24 years old and I'd had a series of complicated stomach problems and we have family history and stuff doctor at a wonderful Polish doctor in Chicago at

the time. It's just an amazing doctor, one of my all-time favorite people. When she retired, I retire all of my doctors. I've retired like 37 different physicians. When she retired, she wrote me a bit. Maybe they could get some young ones, John. No, I've retired a couple of young ones. There were a couple who like, when they got a hold of me, they were 32, and then five years later,

they were like, I just can't do it anymore. Okay, I see. I see it anymore. Okay, I see. I see the problem. Anyway, my all time favorite doctor, and no disrespect to my current doctor, I know he listens to the pod. This, this doctor, she always like to put her hand on my arm somewhere.

Like, she would often say to me in a very thick, Polish accent, you must remember that you are always worried. It was very true. But anyway, so one day she puts her hand on me and she says, I'm sorry to say, but it is time for the Colonoscopy. And I said, oh, I should get a Colonoscopy. And she said, yes, yes, it is the monkey, but you must do it.

And even now 20 years later it is the monkey, but you must do it. And even now 20 years later, all the time, Sarah, or I will put a hand on the other's arm and say, it is the monkey, but you must do it. I feel like we don't have enough good phrases like that in English, like that, like, of course, we have to all the time, and I have a hard time convincing my three-year-old of this. We have to do all the things that we don't want to do. And I will say to Orrin, it's the monkey, but we must do it. I don't know if that's like a technically a Polish phrase,

but I do know a Polish phrase that I like a lot. Yeah, what is it? When there's something that's going on around you that you have no part of, and you just want to like distance yourself from it like in America we sometimes say I don't have a dog in that hunt right they will say not my circus not my monkeys. All of humanity yeah I feel like needs the words not my circus not my monkeys tattooed on the inside of

their wrist in their local language. Yeah. So that they can look at it all day, all the time. You should not be allowed to tweet until you have written not my circus, not my monkeys into Google. Right. Yeah. That should unlock the tweet button.

Is this my circus? Is this my monkeys? You need to ask yourself two questions before you tweet something. Johnny, why am I circus, this my monkeys? You need to ask yourself two questions before you tweet something. Johnny, why am I circus? Not my monkeys. Oh my god. I love that. Johnny, one answer some of the questions from our listeners. Very much so. This first question comes from Kellyn who writes, dear John and Hank, how close is the sky to the ground? In a recent vlog, where there's video John said of Indianapolis where the perpetually gray sky is extremely close to the ground, which prompted me to wonder where the sky's lower limit

is. I know the atmosphere just kind of thins out as you move away from Earth, but where does it stop being sky and just become the air around? Listen, Kellan, you're overthinking this. The sky in Indianapolis right now, as I'm speaking to to you is four inches above the ground. When I stand up, I am five feet nine inches in the sky. That's good, John. I disagree, but that's good. So this came to me via the Great Podcast Men in Blazers where the co-host of that podcast pointed out that although London and Liverpool are at essentially the same elevation, the sky is far, far closer

to the ground in Liverpool. And that is deeply true. I don't understand. But I imagine if it is closer to the ground in Liverpool, it would be even closer to the ground in the Indianapolis. No, it's not. Okay, it's because some areas of the world hank are so cloudy and the clouds never cease and they feel so oppressively low all the time that it feels as if this guy

is close to the ground. Oh. It's not like a literal thing, it's not like a science thing, it's an experiential thing. Would you like to talk about it in science ways? Because I also think that it's very good. Sure, tell me how close the sky is to the ground in science. Well, there's two, there's sort of like a couple of ways of looking at it.

One is like, and you look up at a blue sky, like how far away is the blue? And that's a really interesting question, because the... Wait, I gotta stop you, I'm sorry. Yeah. What is a blue sky?

Yeah, I'm not entirely sure myself these days. So the atmosphere, the majority of the atmosphere extends up about 16 kilometers and up there, several kilometers, like a dozen kilometers or up or so, all of the Raleigh scattering that has turned the sky blue has happened. And so that blue of the sky is up there pretty far away. But clouds are also in the sky. Constantly, in my case. No one's gonna deny that.

And those are way lower than that, usually. And those clouds, they're in the sky. So if clouds are in the sky, then sky goes all the way down. And we, when we jump, the sky is underneath us. It is just the place where the weather is, and that's everywhere, because wind will hit you in the face. This was actually Eric Sloan in the 40s described the sky as wherever the weather is.

And I think that's really sort of elegant until the cloud hits something. It is in the sky. So when you're in the fog, you are just as in the sky as you always are. So, we just walk around in the sky, like a bunch of fish hanging out of the bottom of the water, except that we can't swim to the top of the water, because we're very heavy.

That's really mind-blowing and beautiful, and it almost makes me not hate Indianapolis in winter. Yeah, we're just like a bunch of crabs. This next question comes from Brian who writes, dear John and Hank, in a past episode John recommended a poem called The Palace by Kava Akbar. I really liked it. So I started reading more work by Akbar and I came across a line from Wild Pear Peach that perfectly captures how I experienced this time of year. It's the first line of this poem, Hank, and it is a doozy. It's been January for months in both directions. Oh, it has been January for months in both directions.

Hasn't it? It's a long one. Yeah. I love this idea, but I have a terrible memory. And I know that if I don't do something, I'll lose it. How do you keep the words and ideas that captivate you from slipping away? Do you have big lists of everywhere you found and liked? How would you organize them?

Get busy living or get busy Brian? Oh, it's all worth it. It was all worth it. So Hank, how do you remember, for instance, that in the 40s, someone described the sky as where weather happens, which is very beautiful and a thing I desperately want to hold on to, but I've already forgotten who said it. Yeah, no, I have, I had that written down for clarity. That wasn't sitting around in the

old conquer. I do like to memorize things, but I never memorize lines of poetry. And John, you're always bustin' out like Bible verses, poetry, quotes from books, just things some guy said. I can't, I never do that. I could get you some song lyrics though. I could serve those up, steaming hot, 100% accuracy, and I like to memorize songs. It's like doing a puzzle for me where I'm like,

I'm gonna sit down and I'm gonna memorize this song. It's, I've done it ever since I was a kid. And I have been criticized for it, that it's like an impure way of enjoying music into those people I say, get off my porch. Not your circus, not your monkeys. Exactly. If I've ever seen some not your monkeys,

it's how I enjoy music. And to me, that's like it's a task and it's something that I do, and then I work my way through the thing until I've memorized it. I'm very afraid, because I would like to someday be in a play, but I'm very afraid of being in a play and having to memorize all those lines. It is a... Yeah, I cannot memorize lines. And in fact, I get, I get really anxious

when experiencing live theater because I'm worried that the actors will forget their lines. Yeah. Yeah. And then we will all be in a shared uncomfortable situation, which of course is my, ultimately my biggest fear to hang down.

Shared on shared discomfort. Shared discomfort is being uncomfortable with other people and not being able to move to a comfortable place quickly. Yeah. But as far as memorization goes, I can't memorize song lyrics. I also really don't memorize poetry that well. I just butcher it. Right. I just go through. I'm pretty good at remembering how something sounds to me, but it takes me a long time to not misquote something. Like for instance, I quote a lot of Emily Dickinson poems, but if you go back and watch some early blog by those videos, you'll notice that I also misquote

a lot of Emily Dickinson poems. I've just gotten better over the years because I'm like a better fact checker now. Yeah, oftentimes John will begin quoting a poem on vlog by others and then he'll be like, Oh wait, hold that. Let's cut. I'm going to look it up. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Or on dear Hank and John. I do that too on dear Hank and John. I'll be like, I'm not sure I have that one actually. But one thing I do think works is writing them down. I find writing down interesting ideas that I come across really helpful. And I may not even ever refer to that stuff again.

It's just helpful to have written it down. Yeah, saying it out loud also, which I think why it's easier to do song lyrics because I think to like it ties it to the experience of singing. And if you are alone as a 12 year old in your bedroom, and you're reading off the lyrics sheet from Edie Brickell and the new Bohemians and you're just like memorizing every line of the song. Then you're saying it out loud, you're reading it, you're writing it, like that,

all that stuff gets stuck in your head. And repetition, like that's the big one, is like you have to recognize that this is a task that is going, I'm gonna spend a half an hour on memorizing this line and at the end of it, I will have it in my head. Conceivably forever. Yeah. This next question comes from Nina asks,

Steerhank and John, this is a pretty personal question. Did you have any doubts on the day of your wedding? Memento Mori Nina, I assume that John, we've decided that we're allowed to answer this question because the answer is no. I didn't have any doubts on the day of my wedding. That's not to say that having doubts on the day of your wedding is a catastrophic sign or whatever. Right, or that I shouldn't have any doubts on the day of my wedding. That's not to say that having doubts on the day of your wedding is a catastrophic sign

or whatever. Or that I should have. Like maybe it would have been out here for me to be like, what's think about this? But I just didn't. Yeah, right, to be clear, I had no idea what I was promising, nor did my spouse. But no, I had a lot of anxiety.

I felt really nervous and I wanted everything to go well. And like, to be honest, a big part of me wanted it to be over because it was a lot of social energy that I had to put out in the world that was intimidating. But I also, you know what I mean, Sarah and I were together for a long time and we were engaged for a long time. And I've said this before, I think, but one of the most helpful things that we did and,

I mean, I did not want to do it. But one of the most helpful things we did was this weekend Catholic engaged encounter where we were forced to write each other a series of letters and have big discussions about what we wanted our future to be like. And we learned so much in that weekend that we've been using for the last 15 years. So yeah, that helped too, I think. Yeah, that is great.

I was also very nervous on the day of the wedding. I did not anticipate that I would be. I'm often surprised when I get nervous because unlike John Edithello's doctor pointed out. So eloquently, you have to remember that you're always worried. You're always worried. You were always worried. It was because I said that I was really worried about a symptom and you just put her in. You were always. Yeah. So that's not weird. Like that's not a good signal for me. I haven't

learned anything from that sentence. When you first started to come here, I would be like, oh, he's worried. But now I understand this in context. But yeah, you're totally right. You don't get worried that much. And so when you do get worried, it's a big surprise to you. And also, you kind of don't know what's happening.

I don't know what to do with it. I'm like, I feel very bad. I feel bad. Yeah. I'm much more comfortable and I have more experience with worrying at this point in my life, which is good to have had a ramp up because I think that no one gets to live without bad stuff happening. But I think that when I try and analyze the big life decisions that I have made that I like I what was didn't have doubts about.

This is how a life works. I think that we both have to question these various harsh structures in life that like here's what you do. You do this and you go to school and you go to college, you get married, you get job and like sort of like the the arc and like here's what you're supposed to do in this of life. I think that we should both question those things, but also lean into and indulge in them when they feel right.

And that is not to say that any of those things are ever gonna feel right for you, but hopefully some of them will, or something else will. Or something, yeah. I have had instincts in my life to avoid all of those things, to never do any of them. And so some of those things aren't gonna fit with me,

but some of them are. And to some extent, like, Catherine and I had been together for a long time, and marriage seemed like ultimately an inevitability. And that was good because it was a, it removed the stress of it. It also, it removed the big questions. It removed the big, like, hanging,

like existential terror that I think comes along with really big decisions. Yeah, I mean, I might argue that that boils, if you were to boil down what you just said, it would boil down to Catherine and I had been together for a long time and we wanted to get married. Yeah, but I think that like we wouldn't have wanted to get married if the institution of marriage didn't exist. I think that we, you know, having this institution was a good thing because it'll sort of let us know what the next step in our relationship was. But it's not a next step for a lot of people.

Yeah. And you can have all kinds of long-term relationships and the one that we institutionalize is this romantic marriage. But there are all other, there are so many different kinds of life-long sustaining relationships. And I think that we haven't done enough to institutionalize the other ones. You know, like why, like why haven't Chris and I had a commitment ceremony about being best friends? Yeah, I think we should. I think I'd be a good idea.

I think I would totally fight in theapolis for that. I know, I think that the institutions are a little limiting or not a little. I think they're extremely limiting. The institutions have been way too narrow for way too long. I agree that the institutions are too narrow. I'm just glad that that some of them exist. Man, of all the like great turns in human history, Hank Green turning toward ritual might

be the biggest surprise of all. Like y'all didn't know Hank when he was like 16. Oh God. If 16 year old Hank heard with 39 year old Hank just said 16 year old Hank might murder 39 year old Hank. said 16 year old Hank might murder 39 year old Hank and we'd be in some kind of we'd be in the future style scenario. Yeah, I'd be a problem because I because he'd try to murder me, but then I I'm smarter and bigger than him. So I probably went for that immediately vanish. So I like that you said smarter and bigger, but did not say smarter and stronger. All right, we're going to move on from a very short question with a very long answer

to this question from Audrey who writes, dear John and Hank. So Mary Shelley kept her dead husband's calcified heart in a jar on her desk. I'm not married, but if I wanted to do this upon my spouse's death, would I be allowed to? What's the procedure for spouse's death, would I be allowed to? What's the procedure for that and how weird would it be? We're all going to die. Audrey. Okay.

Audrey, I'm still the last part first. It's very weird. It's very weird. It's very weird and no one currently does this. Audrey, here's the thing. Mary Shelley also didn't do this. Okay. Mary Shelley kept her husband's calcified heart

in a jar in her desk. That is an incredibly important deposition. The difference between having someone's calcified heart on your desk and having someone's calcified heart in your desk is the difference between acceptable and unacceptable. So as I assume it's in a jar, it's not just like sitting there like flapping around on the desk. My understanding, and listen, I am not an expert in Percy Shelley's calcified home. My understanding is that after Percy Shelley drowned when caught in a storm in 1822, by the way,

two other people also died. Nobody ever talks about them, but anyway, after Percy Shelley died, his body was cremated, and for some weird reason, his heart did not burn. Oh, if it's calcified, so this isn't something that you would do after death. So calcification is a problem that will occur with some heart disease or with lung disease. Or tuberculosis, I think it might have been from tuberculosis.

So Percy Shelley's friend, Lee Hunt, grabbed the heart out of the fire. Eventually from the flames. I think I think after the flame. Okay. And eventually like had the common human decency to turn it over to Mary Shelley. Mary Shelley then kept the heart. What do you know that the span of time between this guy stealing her husband's heart and then being like, you know what I wonder if anyone's this. I don't know, that's fan of God. 30 years pass between Shelley's death and the discovery of the heart. Oh, it's just in the drawer. My understanding is that for a long time, Mary Shelley kept the calcified heart in kind

of like a silk bandana, gross, and she like often kept it with her or near her for a long time, but then eventually put it in a drawer in her desk where it remained until being discovered in 1852. At that time, the heart was not, I believe, in a jar. I believe it was wrapped in the pages of one of Percy Shelley's poems. Wow. And then eventually the heart was buried alongside their son, Percy Foreign Shelley, when he died in 1889. But the important thing here, Audrey, is that it was not on a desk. Okay, that's weird. That would be inappropriate.

I did a weird amount of research for this question, John, and what I can tell you is that they will not give you any part of your loved one. So if you want a piece of your loved one after they die, you're gonna have to get it from them before they die. I'm really glad I did know that. Yeah, and probably I'm gonna suggest something, like a lock of hair rather than so basically legally

you're not allowed to have dead body parts. Yeah, I think it boils down to it kind of not your monkey, not your circus kind of situation. Once it exists, you can sort of trade it back and forth between people, but getting a new one is apparently an iffy space. Well, I'm glad to know that. Also to have your spouse have a calcified heart, they would have to have something that calcified their heart. So some kind of disease.

Hank, all this talk about death makes me want to ask you an important question when I haven't asked you in two or three weeks. Oh. Do you have a will? Ah, I have a draft of a will. Oh my God, today's podcast is brought to you by Hank's will coming soon since 2013.

And this podcast is also brought to you by the 13 inches of sky under your feet when you jump because if you're me, that's about as high as you can get. That actually sounds great. I would, what I wouldn't give for a 13 inch vertical leaf. Today's podcast is additionally brought to you by Percy Shelley's Calcified Heart. Percy Shelley's Calcified Heart in a desk, not on a desk.

And also this podcast is brought to you by this monkey. Is it yours? Is this your monkey? Maybe just, no, it's not your, maybe just leave it. Might not be your monkey. Hey Hank, I have proposed a new segment here at Dear Hank and John. Yes you have.

As you know. And the segment is, instead of you reading bad million dollar ideas on Twitter, I pitch you properly good million dollar ideas and then at the end of this year, one year from today, we have to do one of them. I love this stark reversal in our brotherhood. Well, let's go over our million dollar ideas

just for the record. Brotherhood 2.0. House yours. I pitched it. The fault in our stars. I wrote it. That was also you, yeah. Those are my two big ones. Oh, Crash Course.

Crash Course. It was. It was. It was. It was. Yeah. All right. So anyway, I- You're great. You're great. You have had several wonderful, amazing million dollar ideas. Yeah. I have more ideas. You have more good ideas. dollar ideas. Yeah, I have more ideas. You have more good ideas. I would argue we have the same number of good ideas. I just have a higher percentage of good ideas. Right. Right. Okay. I see. But that was before I had to come up with a million dollar idea every week for the next 52 weeks. All right. I can't wait to hear about this one. I've got one if you don't. Okay. You start. No. No. This is your thing. No, I'll tell you about my last thing.

I didn't know your million dollar idea. It's not so absurd, is it? No. Okay, everybody knows about that one already. What is it? Plant Wars. Oh my God, plant wars is such a good idea, Hank. Plant wars is a million dollar idea.

Okay. Well, I assume we're bringing real good ideas here. We're not messing around, like saying like, yeah, part shoes bringing real good ideas here. We're not like messing around, like saying like, yeah, heart shoes. No, real ideas. It's not bad. It's not bad. It's not bad at all. What kind of parts do they make? No, plant foam. We're getting distracted. Plant wars is a much better idea. Here's the idea of plant wars. Yeah. One pot, two plants, time lapse photography, which plant wins. Yeah, it's like the Marble Olympics accept plants.

And it's such a good, yeah. Am I wrong about what a good idea it is? I, well, I guess so because when I pitch it, I am enthusiastic and everyone in the room is blank faces. I wanna know, would Kudzu, beat a tomato plant. You have to set up a bracket. Like, you have to have, what is it called in basketball

when there's the 32 teams? It's called March Madness. Yeah, you do a March Madness. I've thought about this a bunch. And there has to be strategy that the plants have because otherwise there's no good color commentary and you need somebody who's doing commentary on this thing. I mean, you could almost make it like a battle bots thing

where one person picks one plant, the other person picks another plant, and you can interview the people in advance about why they think things are gonna go well and then interview them afterwards about how it went. Or just interview the plants. Oh, that's a great idea. That's it, that's it.

Interview the plants about why they feel confident going in. Yeah, or be like, you're up against Kudzu. It's not looking great. And they'll be like, even if we're not the winning team, we will be the best team. Yeah. That's like I recently heard someone say I've ever done football club with the best football club in the world, just not on the field. Exactly.

Yeah. So we're the best plant in the world, just not in the pot. Yeah. And so you basically you hire good improv people to play the role of the plants. I mean, this is, this is, the problem with this idea is that it costs about $1.2 million to make the million dollars.

Ooh, I feel like you could do plant wars for your Jeep. But frankly, that's the kind of businesses that we're looking to get into right now. Right, we just want to pay creative people to make great things. We want to get weird. We want more weird. Okay, I mean, we are off to a roaring start with plant wars. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, Stone Cold guaranteed million dollar idea 0.5 fart shoes also not bad.

I already like this better than using people on Twitter's million dollar ideas. Let's answer some more questions from our listeners. Oh, I wanted to hear your million dollar idea. You got to make me wait a week. Wait, I'm going to say that for next week. I'm not going to unnecessarily generate million dollar ideas. This next question comes from Ashley who asks, dear Hank and John, it's also great because I don't scream suddenly in the middle of the podcast,

which I have received feedback from people that it's not great for their sleep. Ashley asks, dear Hank and John, I'm stuck in my car because of a skunk advice. I think there's two situations here. One is that the skunk is right outside the door and won't move. In which case, honking a horn should work. And all that's going to happen is that your car is going to stink. Or drive away. Right, go to a second location.

That's actually, now that I think about it, that's the best. Here's the situation. You are in a car. It is a skunk. You are surrounded by 2,000 pounds of steel. The real question is, what is the skunk going to do? It's just a bag of mostly water. Yeah. All right. Good job. Great answer, Hank. This next question comes to Sarah. What's the second scenario? You said that was the first one. The second scenario is obviously that the skunk is inside and it has a

switchblade and won't let you out. The second scenario is that the skunk is inside and it has a switchblade. And it won't let you out. No, the second scenario is that the skunk is inside the car. Yeah. And if the skunk is inside the car, I think the solution is as simple as driving away. The solution is you seed the car to the skunk. Yeah. And hopefully the skunk leaves the car. You leave one of the doors open.

Hopefully the skunk leaves the car without incident. The car smells a little bit skunky. People get in your car. They think you've been smoking marijuana and then you have to explain that you had a actual skunk in the car. And then, but if the skunk, of course, sprays in the car, then you are out of car.

Yeah, I mean, yeah, you could wait until the skunk sprays to just give up, but my inclination to be totally honest would be to see the car to the skunk, exit the car, call my car insurance company and say, listen, you've got a problem. Specifically, you've got to get me a new car. Yeah, you insured a car that currently has a skunk. The car got skunk.

That was you. That's on you. What are we gonna do? Oh. This next question comes from Meredith who asks, Dear Hankajan, how do I properly use the phrases, it's all uphill from here and it's all downhill from here. This is a great question, John,

because it's all downhill from here. That feels like, that's, it's good. Now, everything will be easy from here on out, but then also downhill is down. This down seems bad. My basic understanding of mountaineering Hank is that like every major expedition begins with four people getting out of like a 1992 Volvo 240

putting on some backbacks and like then climbing up a Himalayan mountain. Right, because that's like your own experience of the time you went hiking. Exactly. And then when they get to the top of the mountain, you know, the first thing they announce is, well, it's all downhill from here. It's all downhill from here. There's literally no more mountain. Yeah. And that's a positive connotation. Right. Well, the thing is, I think that it's, I think that we had this phrase, it's all downhill from here. And then some people started

saying, it's all uphill from here. As if that was also a good thing. I think they both mean everything is going to be better from now on. Yeah. And up just feels better because like, oh, it's up, up is good, up is better. I'd rather be up the down. All the poop goes down. And I'd like to go away from that.

Then you have all downhill because that's just easier to walk down. Though with my knees these days, maybe it isn't, but they both basically mean everything's gonna be all right, even though they are opposites of each other. So that is not my experience of it's all a pill from here. When someone says to me, it's all a pill from here, I think like, oh, so all the hard parts are still to come. Right.

Which maybe I've been completely misinterpreting people saying that to me. It will suck until it's done. Yeah, maybe people are trying to reassure me, but what they're communicating to me is this is about to be miserable until it is over. Like right before I began my colonoscopy prep, I could imagine somebody saying to me, it's all uphill from here. It really doesn't ever, yeah, it's pretty bad the whole

time. It's not great, but I will say as somebody who's gotten a variety of colonoscopies over almost 20 years now, it's gotten so much better. And it has. Yeah. And I feel like the prep freaks people out and it's, and it's resulted in lots of people not getting colonoscopies and you should still get one. It's not that bad. Yes. I find it easier and easier every time. Indeed. Me too. You know what I just realized, Tank? I think my doctor all those years ago might might have been saying it is your monkey, but you must do it. Like the opposite of not my monkey, not my circus, when you, she was letting me know that this was my monkey. This is your monkey.

This is your circus. This, you know, many things are not your monkey, but this unfortunately is. Yeah, but the part from where you're small intestine ends to where your large intestine ends like back to your kids, buddy. All right, before we get to the all important news from Mars and AFC Wimbledon, I have to give you an important update, Hank. Okay. You'll recall that we heard from a listener who's, I believe, grandparent had a 40 year old bird in the back of the freezer that had been in the freezer for 40 years.

Right. Well, fortunately, we have heard from a scientific taxidermist. Okay. Page writes to say, dear John and Hank, I do scientific taxidermy for Texas A&M. Stop bragging, paid. That's the coolest sentence I've ever come across. I haven't heard a sentence that cool since. I think I don't know the last time I heard of sentence that cool. I want to be able to write the sentence, I do scientific taxidermy for Texas A&M. Anyway, page also

writes, I've worked on birds that have been in the freezer for four years. It's tricky. Birds that have been in the freezer for 10 plus years, the skin gets freezer burned onto the remaining flesh and is impossible to remove. I don't even want to think about the amount of freezer burn on a 40 year old bird. Throw it away. I think we are all on the same page here. Page. You're so right. So there, there you go. You've heard from a scientific taxidermist at Texas A&M University who says, throw that bird away. Throw that bird away. It is an expert.

John, the news from Mars is exciting. The finalists have been announced for the name the Rover Contest. So at Mars 2020 Rover, it's gonna go to Mars and just like curiosity, it's named curiosity. It is going to have a name and it's gonna be named after a human trait. And they solicited K-12

students to submit their names along with a short essay about why they chose it. They received. Before you tell me what the finalist said, can I give you some of my ideas? Yeah, please. Oversharing. This is human trait. Yes. Needless anxiety. The Mars needless anxiety are over. I feel like the needless anxiety rover would be perfect because that is what I experienced the whole time

from the moment of liftoff. Yeah. To the moment that thing like says hello. Yeah. I'm experiencing a bunch of anxiety about a situation I cannot control. Yeah, true. It's very uncontrollable.

It's very scary. It's terrible. I can't. Yeah. Sports is bad enough. Rovers. Ah, cannot. Very stressful. I cannot.

Selfishness posing as selflessness. That's another secret. Good. Okay, good. All right. What are the finalists? None of those were in the finalists. Yeah.

Though you should have written an essay, John. I'm sure that they wouldn't have looked at it. Well, apparently you had to be a K-12 student. So what are they? 28,000 submissions and 40 700 volunteer judges Select some some finalists great and we're narrowed down to nine finalists and here they are endurance can I rate them as we go? Okay, endurance seven tenacity four promise

Seven perseverance. I just I like the idea, but I've never liked the word three Vision no clarity. That's a hard no the Mars clarity rover. No, ingenuity Seven or seven or seven point five maybe okay fortitude No, we can't have the Mars fortitude rover. It's got the word Two it's not new. it's bad as clarity. Five. Courage is the final one. I feel like courage is gonna win,

but it's, I like endurance or fortitude, but then I would. That's the value you said I like to lift up. So those are the finalists. What are you like? I don't dislike clarity nearly as much as you do. I think that that's nice. It's like, hey, we're gonna know more about Mars.

We need some clarity here. This place is confusing. Yeah, I guess I just don't think of clarity as a human trait. Yeah, but promise is also weird because it doesn't sound like a trait, but then it is. It's like, oh, I see what you mean.

Because when I hear promise, I think, like the thing that I make, not the thing that I have. Well, the thing, to be clear, the thing that you had when you were young. Yeah. Hahaha. I don't know. I don't know what I, I did vote,

but I've forgotten what I voted for. But you, John, also cannot vote because voting closed on January 27th. I'm sorry. It did not coincide well with the editorial schedule of, of, Dear Hank and John. Well, that's all right. So I'm very excited to find out what the name is going to be.

I'm very excited to start calling it that instead of the Mars 2020 rover. And a special shout out to Clara Ma, the student who named the Mars rover curiosity in 2009. Oh, I wonder what Claire's up to these days. Probably cool things. Probably cool things. All right. I think the news from AFC Wimbledon is, it's not great. We played Ackington Stanley, which is one of the teams that's at the bottom of the table with us.

There are one of the smaller budget clubs in League 1. And I mean, it's the kind of game that we really should be winning or tying, but we didn't. we didn't win or tie it. Instead, we lost it two to one, which was made more infuriating by the fact that almost the entire second half, we had 11 players to their 10. Woof. And somehow still only managed one shot on target in the game.

Woof. Which is, it's just not, it's not great. I'm sorry. The good news, if you can say that there's good news, is that as you'll recall, only three teams are being relegated from League 1 this season. And two of them seem much, much worse than us. And one of them, Tranmir Rovers, seems at least at this point significantly worse than us. Like our goal difference is negative eight for the season. Tran mere's goal difference is negative 20.

So, okay, I'm fine. I would, I would take, I would bite your hand off for 20th place right now. I mean, that 20th place is perfect. I think that's where we finished last season. It's a great, it's ideal. I, let's just end the season now. Yeah, no, I'm sure that you would like to end the season now while you're not in relegation. Also, I'd like to end the season now on, on behalf of Liverpool. It's just, it's just, it's just, we're good. Everything's gone well. Yeah. But yeah, so currently, uh,

Wimbleden are sitting in 20th place in league one, the last spot outside of the relegation zone, but I will remind you that in terms of where you play your football next season, 20th is as good as eighth. Absolutely. And you, uh, I assume we'll make more money in this league to help you pay for your stadium. I assume we'll make more money in this league to help you pay for your stadium. Yes, speaking of which, the club has launched a fan bond. So fans of the club can loan money to the club and actually like get an interest payment. And they're using that to finance the building of the stadium instead of a loan from a bank which would come with a much higher interest rate and also potentially lots of other onerous issues.

And yeah, I have never owned more of AFC Whibble than Hank. Oh gosh. Hank thank you for potting with me even in my slightly diminished state. Thank you to everybody for listening. This podcast is edited by the brilliant Joseph Tune of Mettish. It's produced by Rosalind Halls-Rohaus and Sheridan Gibson. Our head of community and communications is still Victoria Bonjorno, although she is leaving and we will miss her so, so much and the music that you're listening to right now and in the beginning of the podcast is by the great and Rola, lastly, as they say in our hometown. Don't forget to be awesome.