Dear Hank & John - 230: The Hot Love of Angry Pigeons

Episode Date: March 9, 2020

How do I stop losing forks? How do I handle my cat's internet fame? What's your favorite bird? How do I quit my job? What do I do when my job runs out of pasta? Why do some chairs have butt grooves? John Green and Hank Green have answers! If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at [e-mail]! Join us for monthly livestreams and an exclusive weekly podcast at patreon.com/dearhankandjohn. Follow us on Twitter! twitter.com/dearhankandjohn Subscribe to the Nerdfighteria newsletter! https://nerdfighteria.com/nerdfighteria-newsletter

Hello and welcome to Dear Hank at John. There was a opportunity to think of a Dear John in Hank. It's a podcast where two brothers answer your questions, give you to be a advice and bring you all the weeks news from both Mars and AFC Wimbledon. John, why don't Uber drivers need to go to the gym? Something involving lifting. Yeah, because all of them also lift. I like when I get enough of your jokes to ruin the punch line.

But then you still go hard on the punch line anyway. Right. Well, hey, what was I going to do? I can't. Uh, okay. Albert Einstein was a genius, but his brother Frank was a monster. Trying to find a time. No, that's a good joke. to find a guy in a sign.

No, that's a good joke. That's a good joke. It's a, but not to be that guy. This is the most that guy. This is the most that guy thing I'm going to do, hopefully, all day. Yeah. But Frank and sign was the doctor, not the monster.

Oh, I even, I even saying it out loud. No, I felt like that guy. It's the cliche that guy. It is the most. It really is. That guy thing that that guy has ever done. It's the ultimate in well actually. Oh God.

Sometimes I, sometimes people, science communicators on Twitter, well actually, someone who is from sort of the broad public and then another science communicator will come in and well, actually, the science communicator. And that is what I live for. Really? When, when somebody just well, actually, and then they get well, actually, that's what I want. That's all I, that's, that's the whole reason I'm on Twitter.

Whenever that stuff happens on Twitter, do you know what I think? And admittedly, this is somewhat colored by the fact that I've had a rough week. But I always think, boy, in 100 years, we'll all be dead. And this is what we did with our one wild and precious life. That's right, that's right, absolutely. And it was so, and it was worth it. It was worth it to take that guy and be that guy to that guy.

Johnny, wanna hear some questions from our listeners? Yeah, this one's about Forks. It's from Mallory who asks, dear Hank, guy and be that guy to that guy. Johnny, wanna hear some questions from our listeners? Yeah. This one's about Forks. It's from Mallory who asks, Dear Hank, and hey, John, I didn't wanna say, Dear John, do you know for some reason? That's fine. So my boyfriend and I moved in together a year ago,

and it's been great, except that our Forks keep disappearing. We had so many Forks, they were overflowing in the drawer. That's a lot of Forks. Depends on the drawer size, but yeah. But now we have five maybe? I honestly didn't notice until my boyfriend made spaghetti one night and handed me a spoon.

Spoons is spaghetti, Mallory. Okay, first of all, you got five forks. You can't clean a fork. Mallory's boyfriend. Yeah, five forks should be good. Yeah, I feel like I only had five forks until I was like 35 years old. How many people are over?

It's just the two of you. That's the... We only got the sixth fork when we had the second kid. We got up, that was the main baby warming present we got. We were just like, you know what we're gonna need? It's probably more forks. It's probably a single more fork. Can I tell you the story, the tragic story,

Hank of my life in Silverware? I guess I probably have no choice. When Sarah and I got married, we registered for Silverware as you do. Yeah. And we had to pick out what cutlery we wanted at the cutlery store. I don't really remember how it went down.

All I remember is the salesperson was like, you'll love this design if you love history because Paul Revere designed this silverware. I didn't realize that was one of Paul Revere's jobs. I only knew about the one job. I think it was Paul Revere's main job. I don't think he was primarily a person who road horses to warn of British invasion. So I think he was primarily a maker of silverware. Although, listen, I'm not an expert and I don't wanna get well actually on this.

So leave your well actually is in your pocket. Okay. So we got Paul Revere's silverware. And you know, now we've been married for 15 years. We've had Paul Revere's silverware this whole time. And nothing against Paul Revere, super grateful that he started the American Revolution, which has gone or whatever Swimingly, the silverware, and I don't like to use bad words on this podcast.

Sucks. I mean, I don't really understand. I've never, I've never Google it, used a fork that I was like, boy, this one's bad. Yeah, I know because you haven't used Paul Revere's fork but it sucks Why is it bad? I'm looking at it. I thought it would be more or nay. No, but it's just pretty chill actually It is pretty chill the only thing about it is that it's terrible at being a fork They just are they too chubby are the times too chubby? Yeah, so like, they look like chubby time.

The weight distribution is all wrong. Like the one thing you really want your fork to do is not to like unexpectedly exit. Wow. A bowl or a plate and it does that all the time. Oh, interesting. So it's bottom heavy. Listen, I don't know that I got the best Paul Revere silverware.

Incidentally, I don't even know for sure that I have Paul Revere silverware. This salesperson could have been lying to me. All I know is that the silverware that I have that I was told was Paul Revere silverware is terrible. Okay. So the, the good news, the good news is that Mallory is way ahead. Yeah. Does not have too many bad forks. If you have five forks you like,

things are going great. You may be ending up in a situation where you are going to identify what has gone wrong. So something clearly has gone wrong. There is some way that the forks are leaving your home and they are not coming back. It might be in the trash. It might be that you or your boyfriend takes them to work

and then leaves them to work and then leaves them at work and then they accumulate at work somehow or that there's just a desk somewhere that's covered in forks, which knowing myself is not totally an impossible thing. But because now you have so few forks, you're gonna have to pay attention because you cannot eat spaghetti with a spoon. It's physically impossible, and why didn't your boyfriend just wash a fork? But anyway, you're gonna have to keep track of your forks. You're gonna have to know where they are,

know where they're going, and you will find where they've gone. And this is the only way to do it. You can't go get more forks, because then you're just gonna be one of these people who's just constantly emerging forks. And no, you can go get more forks because then you're just going to be one of these people who's just constantly hemorrhaging forks. No, you can go get more forks and your advice is terrible. No, you have to watch your current forks.

You should watch your current forks. If you need more forks, I have serious advice. Go to Goodwill. They have so many forks. So many forks. Forks are super cheap. That's where all the forks end up. Yeah.

By the way, that may be where my power of ear forks end up someday. If I, I mean, I've been living with these things for 15 years, even though I actively hate them. Yeah. It's one of the only things in my home that makes me angry on a regular basis. Yeah. The other thing is that there's a staircase in my house,

not to brag, and it has 19 stairs, which is unconscionable. Ha, ha, ha. Why, John? What's, why? Because you can't have 10 stairs, a landing, and then nine stairs. You have to have an even number, everyone knows this.

You have to have an even number of stairs, so the number of steps that you take to the landing and the number of steps you take to the floor below are the same number of stairs, so the number of steps that you take to the landing and the number of steps you take to the floor below are the same number of steps. You, this is, I shouldn't even have to explain this to you. This is like arm rests on airplanes. It's extremely obvious. There shouldn't be debate about it.

There should always be an even number of stairs. It's not something I knew. I also have stairs, not to brag, but they do not really have a landing. Just goes up. Your staircase, I know, your staircase hasn't even number of stairs though. I know it hasn't even number of stairs.

Ah! Ah! It's weird to me that you don't know that after living in your house for so many years, that's so weird. How do you not know how many stairs there are in your house? You weirdo. So is that last stair a stair or is that just the floor?

It's how many steps down you have to take should always be an even number. Okay. So the last step is that. I don't think this is, I honestly, until I set it out loud, now it seems like a little weird and now I think people are going to think that I'm being weird. But until I set it out loud, it seemed like a given fact to me. That's like life is better than no life. You know, like a absolute.

Yeah. Well, it's good maybe, so there's two things here. Either you have a touchstone that is deep rooted and you will never let go of, which is nice to have those. Or you have realized that a thing that has caused you stresses completely founded to nothing and you can let go of it. Whichever one it is, it's great.

There's a great Quora question. I wanna read it to you Hank. Quora question. Yeah, you know, Quora.com. Sure. Here's the question, no context. Why steps audit number in stairs? Ah! Ah! stairs? I agree. I agree with this question.

You wrote that while you were on one. No, I didn't. I did. I would have. I would have. You just mad at your stairs and you'd had a glass of shabli. And you couldn't, and you were so mad at your forks and you were so mad at your stairs. Yeah, I realized that I realized the kind of person I'm sounding like now that you say it in that context.

As if I would ever drink shabli. Let's move on. I don't even know what shabli is. I know it's clear. That's clear. You're trying trying you're trying to think of a fancy wine and you just It couldn't have gone worse You're like if you're like you're sitting there drinking your Miller high life Think and you're a fancy person. I don't know. I don't know wines. They all taste like grapes All right, this next question comes from Katie Hank. It's extremely important. She writes, dear John and Hank, six months ago,

I took a funny picture of my cat. I posted it to my personal Facebook and a cat group and then went about my day. Two days ago, someone random found it and shared it on Twitter. And now it has 400,000 likes. It's trending. There's a Buzzfeed article.

Oh my god. Famous people are sharing it. My There's a Buzzfeed article. Oh my God. Famous people are sharing it. My cat's Instagram is blowing up. I barely use social media. Well, Katie, you can't say you barely use social media if your cat has an Instagram. Yeah. Uh-huh. Good call out, John. You don't barely use social media. I barely use social media. My cat is very active. My cat updates their story at least five times a day. Yeah. How did this happen to me? I did a brief interview with Buzzfeed before it seriously blew up. And now I'm wondering if that was a bad idea. It's fun that my cat is internet famous, but I personally don't want to be internet famous. What do I do? Should I own it and turn my online persona

into 100% cat all the time? Should I retreat into a hole and come out when it's over? Trying to be calm, Ross goes mom. Well, I have a book for you to read. It's called an absolutely remarkable thing. It's exactly like this. Actually, it's good advice. It's the very similar situation

except that there's not a cat involved. And actually now that I think of it, it's sort of a myth that I have not written any cats or dogs into either of my books. So maybe there's an opportunity there. There isn't, there is a non-human in the, in the, in the next one. That does take up a lot of page space. So that's good. An anima. That character is great, by the way. I thank you. I had a lot of fun with it.

Oh, this is a whole, I've found the, by knowing the cat's name, I've found the meme. I have also found the meme. I've just followed the cat on Instagram. It's just being Rosco on Instagram, not to make this problem worse. Yeah. So I think that you should, I mean, somebody painted. The painting is very good. Wow.

Okay. So yeah, you should read an absolutely is very good. Wow, okay. So yeah, you should read an absolute remarkable thing by Hank, of course, that should be the foundation. Anytime you get internet famous in an unexpected way, you should immediately email the copy of an absolute remarkable thing. What I think you should do is different from what I would do, because like what I think

you should do is enjoy the moment and not try to make it your life. Yeah. But what I obviously would do, and in fact did do when my brother's video went viral back in July of 2007, was like lean the hell in. Yeah, yeah, I mean, it's a different time now as well. And to be honest with you, Katie, I'm on your red bubble right now

where you design microbiology art and stickers. Oh, cool. And I think you're doing exactly the right thing, which is you're saying, okay, Roscoe's famous, how can I leverage this into my other passions, designing cute things and microbiology, which for clarity, I am also interested in.

And so this sticker pack of the Symbiosis Love Sticker, I'm probably gonna get that, which by the way is only $2.50, and you can get it at KT-B-E-L-L-I-S-S on Redbubble. Anyway, you are doing the proper thing. I know, I might have a slightly more memorable Redbubble name, it's probably a good idea. And also write into your favorite podcast

and get them to talk about it, which has also been done success. So you're doing all of the correct things. Should you have done an interview with Buzzfeed? Probably is like your cat having thousands of followers on Instagram gonna like functionally change your life, probably not. But now you have an experience. It's both a great story that you can tell at a party. Even into your old

age, this will be a fun story to tell. Yes. And then secondarily, it is a life experience that you will gain knowledge from that many people have, but not most. Okay. I agree with all of that, but that said, the story is much better and much funnier if you didn't go on to try to leverage your cat's fame into a career as a professional cat meamer. Yes, it's much better if it is just another step on your graphic design and microbiology path. Totally.

Yes, absolutely. Pay with credit card. Are you buying it for real right now? Yeah, I got a sticker. I'm impressed by your ability to purchase while you pod. This next question comes from Caroline who asked, dear John and Hank, what's your favorite bird? There's so many wonderful birds,

but I think mine is the American Robin. They're so fun to watch. That's a great bird. Yeah, it's a good bird. I wouldn't, it's thought in my top 100. Wow. They serve as a good reminder of the beauty right under our noses. God knows they are under our noses.

Rockin' like a Robin. Caroline. Wow. So John hates Robbins apparently. I don't hate Robbins. I'm not putting them in my top 100. Robbins are great and both American and non-American Robbins are great.

Got a shout out to all those British Robbins that they talk about in the Secret Garden, which is that robin is really important and it holds a nice, solid space in my heart that I will never let go of. My favorite bird, whoo, might be the metal arc because they have the best song.

I feel the same way about flowers where I'm not, I like a pretty flower but really I want a flower that smells great. And so metal arcs are pretty birds, but they sound amazing. And they're good looking birds, but the noises they make and they're common in Montana, and I'd never met one until I moved here.

They just, they sound so good, their songs are so good. For me, it's the mockingbird. No, sure. I don't know the exact name of the species, so I'm just going to call it the Florida mockingbird. Because that is where I have seen them most often. When we were growing up, we would often hear mockingbird calls, and when I hear them now, it makes me feel like I'm 10 years old again, but in the good ways, not in all of the many horrible ways.

John, do you know the scientific name of that mockingbird? I believe it is known as ummm, miday. What? No, I don't. What is it? It's a, it's mimus polyglotus, which is great. Oh, so it's basically mockingbird. So it's a mimic, and it's, yeah, and it's a polyglot.

So it can speak all of the language of all the bird languages. Which is so great. No, I mean, it can't speak all of them, but it can speak a bunch of them. Yeah, no, just several polyglotus meaning it can speak several languages of birds. Which is great. Do you have a least favorite bird? For me, it's the blue jay. I really like all corvids and I can't, I will not say that a corvid have a least favorite bird? For me, it's the blue J. Ooh, I really like all Corvids, and I can't,

I will not say that a Corvid is not my favorite bird. So Raven's Crows, Stellar's J's are a big one for me. They're really pretty. But a bird that I hate, I don't wanna say that I hate pigeons because like, of course I do. Of course everyone does. They're just around too much. They're very difficult to clean up after for a while. Our office building that we rented had a pigeon problem. And the pigeons were not kind stewards

of the space. I remember when we lived in New York, we had like a window air conditioning unit and these two pigeons would, like, they would fight and make love. That's what it's like. At all hours of the day and night on the window air conditioning unit, they were a troubled couple, but where love ran very hot when it ran. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Where are all the forks going? We would use like a broomstick to like hammer on the window air conditioning unit and be like Please cease and desist. What do pigeons argue about?

Only the pigeons now. I mean, what do humans argue about? Stupid stuff. The forks. Yeah. Oh, I have at least favorite bird. It's the Canadian goose. They do lay some big old turds.

God, me and they poop out their body weight like once a month. Oh, I think I do that. Probably not. Great question. Right. Right. Right.

Right. Right. How long does it take? Definitely. No, no, no. It's not even close, but it did force me to pause and conserve. Great, let's move on.

This next question comes from Kayla who asks, dear Hank and John, I work at an escape room, and it's pretty fun most of the time. Unfortunately, I haven't been getting many hours lately since we haven't been that busy, and I probably won't get much more over the summer. I'd like to quit in the next month or so and maybe find a new job for the summer.

Thing is, I've never really quit a job. I'm a high school senior and all the jobs I've had before this are seasonal, so I've never had to give my two weeks notice. I like all my coworkers and have worked there for over a year and a half. How do I tell them it's time for me to go? Trying to escape my job, Kayla.

You just go to your boss and say, I have to put in my two weeks notice. Yeah. I'm changing careers. I'm changing careers. I'm changing careers. I think like it's great when work can be a community that you feel you are a part of. And in those situations, it is strange to be like,

I am choosing to no longer be a part of this enterprise, but you gotta do it. And I think in part, like if you're not getting a lot of hours, it's probably because they don't have the hours to give you. They know that, they know what the situation is. So it's not gonna hurt their feelings. But I think you should say, I really liked working here.

I just think that I'd need something that has more steady hours. And also feel like if it's a job you value and you've had a great relationship with your colleagues that if you're in a position to say, I'm going to be moving on from this job, but I can give you two weeks notice or four weeks notice, whatever's easier for you. That can be very helpful sometimes. Sometimes people need to bring someone else in. It's never comfortable to have big honest conversations about your

work life with the people you work for, but it's really important. And if you are forthright and honest, it usually leads to a good departure, which also means that down the road, you're going to have a good relationship that you can look back on and ask for references for and all that stuff. Yeah. And also, it's going to be, this is not the last time you're going to do this. And so learning how it feels will be a helpful thing in the future. For sure. This next question comes from Jaden who asks,

dear Hank and John, I work as a server at an Italian restaurant, and recently on a particularly busy day, we ran out of pasta to serve. When I went to tell my tables that we had run out of noodles and they could all either order bread, salads, or beverages, they proceeded to yell at me as though I had single-handedly ingested the entire restaurant's worth of spaghetti causing the problem. I had to run to the bathroom because my anxiety disorder and postalist restaurant

were giving me a panic attack. How do I convey my own frustration at the situation while also not getting yelled up at 12 people next time constantly lacking in positivity, Jaden. Jaden, what you just said to these people is leave. Yeah. And like, you should not have been required to do that

because clearly you did not under order pasta at the Italian restaurant. Yeah. Secondarily, I don't know where you live, but most pasta restaurants exist somewhere within a couple of miles of pasta. Right. Go get, they should send somebody to get more pasta.

Yeah. It's out there. It's gonna be a minute, but we've got somebody go into Kroger and we're gonna take care of this problem. Yeah. Yeah, this is obviously, Jayden, you are not at fault, but you're always gonna feel mortified

because you are the representative of this institution that has failed at its most basic duty, right? Like the first thing, I don't know very much about Italy. The first thing in Olive Garden has to do is have pasta. I don't even know what the second thing is. It might be breadsticks, but yeah, no, it's breadsticks. And so there's nothing that you did wrong. And the people who got mad at you, they're responding inappropriately, but they're responding appropriately

to the institution, like the institution has failed in a big way. And they have a right to be angry about the failure of that institution. What what should have happened is the general manager of the restaurant should have come out and asked everyone to be quiet and they have a quiet announcement and stood up on the table and said, yeah, wait, it's never happened. It's unprecedented, but we, an Italian restaurant on a particularly busy evening, well, all of you are here. We have just served the last pasta. One noodle went into a bowl and it was the last, it was the final noodle.

We can't make more. We have no access to pasta. Ha. I'm so unfortunate. That's, I think what should have happened. Like, ultimately, when you're the boss, you have to take responsibility, even when it's not your fault. But, Jayden, you, you have to take responsibility even when it's not your fault. But, Jayden, you don't have to take responsibility even when it's not your fault.

And so, I hope that you will over time come to feel freed from this modification. I always try when I'm angry at an institution to remember that I am not angry at any of the people who work for the institution. I am angry about a systemic failure. Yeah. But we don't really like to get angry at systems, Jayden. We like to get angry at people, especially servers. I remember when I worked at Steak and Shake.

People would get so mad at me about things that I didn't control. They would be like, why don't you have a fried chicken sandwich? And I would be like, because this is Steak and Shake. It's called Steak and Shake. It's right there in the name.'t you have a fried chicken sandwich? And I would be like, because this is steak and shake. Costs, steak and shake. It's right there in the name. Do you want either of those things? This is gonna surprise you,

but the 19 year old waiter working at the Orlando Florida steak and shake at 230 in the morning did not design the menu. Yeah, do you know where they have fried chicken sandwiches if you want one so bad as the 7-11? Just go over there. They're in the fridge right, and you can pop it right in the microwave. I get take a risk. Taking chance. Roll the dice. Have you ever held your life in your hands? Well, you have it until you've tried a 7-11 fried chicken sandwich. Oh, wow. Here in you say that kind of hurts because I often get those gas station fried chicken

sandwiches on my way to work because it's the closest food. Hank, I don't think I told you this. With a bottle of shibli. I don't think I told you this, but I recently went to Orlando, Florida and I saw our childhood home, which looks the exact same, except that the trees are huge. I beg, they're so big. But that's not the point of the story. Okay.

The point of the story is that I also went to our childhood 7-11. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Still there? Which was like a short bike ride away from our childhood home. Yeah. And so I went to our childhood 7-11 and I was like walking around the aisles. Uh-huh. Really, really overwhelmed with nostalgia. And my kids were like, can

I have a stoward patch kids? And I was like, sure, whatever, I don't care. But you guys need to understand, this is the 7-Eleven where so much magic happened. So many important things in my life happened in or just outside of this 7-Eleven. Yeah. And the kids were just like, whatever, dad. Like they thought it was kind of cool to see my childhood house, but like seeing my childhood 7-Eleven, which was much more moving for me. Yeah, because you could go inside. Yeah, it was not at all interesting to them.

I almost died outside of that 7-Eleven. And I'm not going to tell that story. This podcast is brought to you by our childhood 7-11. Our childhood 7-11, it contains Slurpee's mystery and the story of ourselves. Today's podcast is also brought to you by Paul Revere's Fork. Paul Revere's Forks, not for me. And this podcast is additionally brought to you

by the final noodle. The final noodle. This is noodle. The final noodle. This is it. The last noodle. Fight! And today's podcast is also, of course, brought to you by the hot love of angry pigeons. The hot love of angry pigeons.

No, is it worth it? It's not really for me to say. It's up to the pigeons, John. John, this is very important. We have to get to this question. It's from anonymous. Of course, why important. We have to get to this question. It's from anonymous. Of course, why would they have attached their name to this question?

Dear Hank and John, they ask, why do chairs have butt grooves? They don't work for every butt. Is there an average butt that they work off of and manufacturing? How did they groove the butt groove? Find a concerned librarian in training. John, I did an amount of buck groove research.

Okay, give it to me. First of all, there are several Reddit threads that you can read. There's also a YouTube video in which a man you can watch him make the buck groove. So, wow. And it is not a scientific process, though I imagine that for somebody who's,

but it seems like this is not like maybe not his first time, but it's not his fifth kind of situation. And he clearly made the butt grooves too big. I don't know who he was expecting, like how he was imagining his own butt when he made these butt grooves, but they were too big. And he sat down on it and he was like, well, that's not quite right. And then he's like, but maybe it's just my pants. And he takes off his pants and he sits on the butt group.

Yeah. I don't, they don't make chairs more comfortable, do they? I think they do. I think like he, he was certain that like that this is more comfy to have the weight spread out across, you know, a surface that conformed to the shape of the butt somewhat, and that it was more comfortable. But that, of course, when you're doing it in wood, you cannot make a butt groove for every butt. And it was clear that he made the butt groove for

a butt that was way too big. One of my friends from high school is an architect and artist who works in concrete a lot. And he did an amazing project for the Birmingham Alabama airport where he cast in concrete the butts of a bunch of seated people, including me, not to brag. And you can go to the Birmingham airport and sit in the butt grooves of various Alabama luminaries. Wait, why did I tell this story about this man who did a butt bench when there's a butt bench of your butt in the world? There is. Cancer the whole rest of the podcast. There is.

I can sit in your butt. Yeah. Yeah. Not to brag. Now where specifically is it and is it a Poke stop? I don't actually know where my butt grew is at the Birmingham airport. Next time I'm in Alabama, I'll figure it out.

Yeah, it's a, yeah. I'm just, you know, I'm delighted that that happened to me. Hank, before we get to the all-important news from Mars and AFC, Wimbledon, my million-dollar idea for this week won't come as a huge surprise to you. Okay. I'd like to propose forks that don't have so much weight in the base that they fall out of bowls. So everyone else is

forks. You just want you want other people's forks. I'm saying if Paul Revere can have a successful for company. Why not us? Uh, it's true. He's got a lot of name recognition, but I'm not entirely sure why. So let's do let's do it. Let's go hard. Oh, I think it's just for the one reason. Right? Like I don't think Paul Revere wasn't like a... Yeah, he didn't have like a career as a pop artist. I think it was just that one time when... I mean, I typed in Paul Revere occupation and he did a bunch of things.

He was an engraver and a silversmith. It also said he was an entrepreneur, which probably was just part of the engraving and silversmithithing. So never mind, he basically just did the one thing. I think your main competitor here is gonna win, and it is goodwill, and they deserve it. You're right.

They deserve the win. Take the L, John. I'll do better next week. Hey, great news. Yeah. AFC Wimbledon won a football game. I saw that in hugely dramatic fashion, no less. Yeah. AFC Wimbledon won a football game. I saw that in hugely dramatic fashion. No less. Yeah. Playing against Jillingham or Gillingham. There's not widespread agreement in the United Kingdom on

this question. AFC Wimbledon managed a two one victory via a stoppage time at Calum Riley goal. All season long, AFC Wimbledon has found a way to go to a 1-0 lead and then it's gone back to 1-1 or ended up 2-1. And I thought, oh, I've seen this script before, but no, Wimbledon won a football game. All right. Good job. And you needed it also because Liverpool lost a football game, which is apparently pretty unusual.

Yes. Liverpool lose their first, a, primarily game of the season. It's a bummer. Life is full of disappointments, large and small. Yeah. And that one in the scheme of things is pretty small. Yes. This victory means that AFC Wimbledon is now for the first time in many weeks,

not in 20th place. We're up to the dizzying heights of 19th. Hank, there are 10 games to go in the league one season and Wimbledon at the moment at least is eight points clear of the relegation zone. So it's still nervous, but things are certainly looking much better at the moment. Okay, good. I'm glad. And news from Mars, John, you may have heard the people send missions to Mars and people send missions also to the moon a lot these days our moon Oh, yeah, but Japan has announced a mission that does best to both worlds It's going to Mars's moons

So the mission is called the Martian moon exploration mission also mmx And the goal is to learn more about phobos and demons which are Mars's two moons is to by sending a spacecraft to survey both of those moons Know what they look like, and also land a probe on Phobos, drill two centimeters into the surface, collect samples, and then those samples will be sent back to Earth. So we're not going to go to Phobos, but we're going to bring Phobos to us for further study. If you're wondering why they aren't just doing that to the surface of Mars, so that we can sample the surface of Mars, which would be great, it's because it's actually much easier to get back to Earth from Phobos because it has basically no gravity, whereas Mars

is a big massive thing and it's hard to get back up that gravity well. The Martian Moon Exploration Mission will hopefully tell us about the origins of Phobosandemos, which are hotly debated whether they're captured asteroids or whether they are like a piece of Mars that got blown off by an impact. And also hopefully it will tell us about Mars's history and whether Phobosandimos are good candidates for future human missions. So that's what's happening. It's going to launch in 2024, and the samples will be back from Phobos in 2029 if all goes according to plan. Wow. Mars. Are either of those moons big enough to ever have,

like, humans on them? Yeah, I mean, on them, probably, yes. You wouldn't want to live there. The gravity would be very, very slight, much less than even our moon. Oh, so that actually sounds fun to me. You could basically throw a rock into space from Fobos. Okay, well that is not enough gravity to suit my interests.

I'm looking for somewhat less gravity than we have here on Earth, but more than if I jump really hard, I'll go into space. Yeah, I don't think you could jump off of Fobos, but you might be able to hit a golf ball off. So I really, I'm not interested. Like, even. It's like when they tell you, like, no, the helicopter blades aren't gonna hit your head.

You still duck. We're still duck. Yeah, 100% of the time. That go in real though. I Army crawl the noodles. All the times, you go in helicopters. Yeah, I'm not I will admit I'm not a huge helicopter rider. I've been in a helicopter twice and I I've never been in a helicopter I've been in a helicopter twice and I do not intend to be in a helicopter for a third time

Yeah, yeah, yeah, hey, it's been a pleasure to pod with you. Thank you for distracting me from my many worries and Yeah, yeah. Hank, it's been a pleasure to pod with you. Thank you for distracting me from my many worries. Yeah, and now I'm gonna go back to worrying about them, but it's been a wonderful hour. Maybe everybody can catch up on those at our Patreon Only podcast. This week in Minor Concerns, we will do our best to have those concerns be minor. Boy, it's gonna struggle to find a minor one.

I know. This podcast is edited by Joseph Tuna Mettish. It's produced by Rosiana Hallsville-Hossin, Sheridan Gibson. The music you're hearing now, and at the beginning of the podcast, it's by the great Gunnarola, and as they say in our hometown,

don't forget to be awesome.