Dear Hank & John - 235: Do Duck Stuff While Ye May

Episode Date: April 13, 2020

What happens to ducks when they die? Have you written your will? Why are things blurry even when my face is close to the mirror? What should I grow in my garden? What should I learn about? Can I hang out with ghosts while still practicing social distancing? How do you talk while crying? Hank Green and John Green have answers!If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at [e-mail]! Join us for monthly livestreams and an exclusive weekly podcast at patreon.com/dearhankandjohn. Follow us on Twitter! twitter.com/dearhankandjohn Subscribe to the Nerdfighteria newsletter! https://nerdfighteria.com/nerdfighteria-newsletter

Hello and welcome to Dear Haken John. Though as I prefer to think of it dear John and Haken. It's a podcast where two brothers answer your questions, give you dubious advice and bring you all the week's news from both Mars and AFC Wimbledon John. Yeah. I don't know if you know this, but I recently read some news article that said that there was bipartisan support in Congress for the use of medical marijuana to treat arthritis. And the headline said, joint support for joints supporting joint support.

That's pretty good, I think. Okay. All right. Appreciate it. It reminds me of a line from Ulysses by James Joyce. James Joyce, another huge fan of dad jokes. Uh-huh. There's so many dad jokes in Ulysses, but one of them is the sentence, Love, Loves to Love, Love, which I just, I've always thought is great.

Oh, God, boy, it's very true. So true. Yeah, it's very true. It's so true. Yeah, it's really true. And I choose to feel good about love. Yeah, but you don't wanna love love too much. I don't wanna, yeah, I don't wanna love love. That just say, I know about positive feedback loops. I know where they lead. Yeah.

There's only one good positive feedback loop. And that's birth. That truly spoken like a man. I want to, when I ask Sarah to describe the birth process, she doesn't begin by saying, well, first off, it's a positive feedback loop. Hank, what you may hear my kids in the background. And that's because I'm recording at home.

And if you do hear them in the background and it's annoying, I just want you to remember that it is not the biggest annoyance of your week because everything is different and worse. And John, I just wanted to know that if you hear any background noise in my audio, that's just the constant humming of my fear and anxiety. Oh no, I'm sorry, I can't hear that hum over the hum of my own. Hank, before we get started, can I tell you another dad joke from Ulysses? It's my favorite one.

Not gonna be able to stop you. Well, by the way, welcome to what it's like for me every week. There's a moment where, you know how Shakespeare's wife was named Anne Hathaway? This is the best kind of dad joke because it involves a lot of backstory. I did not know how Shakespeare's wife was named Anne Hathaway. This is the best kind of dad joke because it involves a lot of backstory. I did not know that Shakespeare's wife was named Anne Hathaway.

In fact, I don't know that I believe you. Is that real? Yes. Anne Hathaway is the name of Shakespeare's wife. And also when Shakespeare died in his will, he left Anne Hathaway his quote, second best bed, which is one of those things that has been debated throughout history. Like was this a sentimental choice or some kind of punishment?

Anyway, in reference to Shakespeare's wife, in James Joyce's Ulysses is the following sentence, if others have their will and half away. Oh wow. Oh boy. And and now if I was reading you Lissies, if you hadn't told me that, I would think he was talking about the actress. John, do you want to do some questions from our listeners? Mostly I just want to listen to the hum of my own anxiety, but I guess we can answer some questions. Maybe they may be our anxieties will there's two things that can happen with waves.

They can either cancel each other out and you can go totally even or they amplify each other. So I'm sure that we'll get the first one. This is from Isabel, who asks, Steer Hank and John, what happens to ducks when they die? Not like heaven, just where do they go? Thanks, Isabel. You know, I heard this in my first thought was

the ducks who love them will miss them. Oh, like what Keanu said. Like what Keanu said. So hopefully that is the case, that the ducks who love the dead ducks will miss the dead ducks. And I assume that that is the case. But John, I did a little bit of research on what happens to ducks when they die, and it's not super surprising.

Do you have any guesses? Do they become corpses? Well, yes, they continue to be made of matter. So the first thing that happens is that their little duck souls leave their little duck bodies. But then what's the second thing that happens? Well, oftentimes their little duck soul leaves their little duck body in the moment they are being swallowed by another animal. That's how I've always wanted to go back. In that case, the ducks go in a pretty specific place. And then they have a sort of end up in a similarly specific place. And that's you that's mostly where the ducks end up, to be honest, like sometimes

it's because the duck is feeling sick and then the duck goes and hide somewhere. And then the duck never comes out of that hiding spot until something comes and pulls it out because the duck is made of food still. And sometimes the duck does not make it to the hiding spot and is just consumed right then and there. And in that case, so like in both of these situations, you don't often come across the duck because something else with more interest in locating a dead duck or a duck that will soon be dead has already found it. I had a very weird experience today involving a duck. That's, I am legitimately surprised.

Tell me. I was walking in the woods and I saw a duck flying, which is very common. Yes. And then I saw the duck flying, which is very common. Yes. And then I saw the duck land and perch on a tree branch, a pie in the tree. Oh, that is weird. And I thought, that's weird.

I have to take a picture of this and then go home and Google it. But of course, when you take a picture of a duck in a distant tree, it mostly looks like a blob. It could be anything. I went home and I Googled duck and tree question mark. And this is how good Google is now. Google was like, you saw a wood duck.

That's a kind of duck that likes doing that. That's why we call them wood ducks. Oh, I thought it was because they looked like they were carved out of wood. Because they really do look like they were carved out of wood and painted. I love a wood duck. I do too. And apparently we have them right here in Indianapolis. So are you sure that you saw a wood duck or did you just like,

or is it just another sign of the end? No, I'm positive that I saw a wood duck because then alongside this explanation, there were pictures of the wood duck and I was like, or is it just another sign of the end? No, I'm positive that I saw a wood duck because then alongside this explanation, there were pictures of the wood duck. And I was like, oh yeah, that's the one. That's the one. That looks kind of like a regular duck, which in the United States is a mallard,

but it has a very bright white stripe on its side, at least the males do. Yeah. And this was a male. And I was like, now I have my explanation. So there you go. Isn't it a wood duck? They perch.

I'm looking at a picture of a wood duck perching right now, and his eyes are saying to me, I am just gonna do duck stuff today. All day, and maybe tomorrow I'll do duck stuff too. And that sounds really nice to me right now. I'm just gonna do duck stuff consistently until all at once an alligator eats me. And then I'll stop doing duck stuff. That's right. Yeah. That might be a duck. That might be the solution. Yeah. No, I mean, there's a lot to learn from ducks, John. Do you want

to do another question? Not really. I just want to stick with this duck thing for a while longer and see how deep we can take it. Like, do ducks know the secret of the universe and the secret of the universe is just to do duck stuff while you may? Yeah. Well, this I tell, I tell orange story about this sometimes at night when he's like sometimes he, the little boy in his stories will meet animals who talk, but sometimes he will meet animals who just do their thing, and he's like, what are you doing today, butterfly?

And then the butterfly says, I'm doing butterfly things. And the little boy is like, well, of course, but like what specifically in the butterfly is like, butterfly things. Yeah. Just being a butterfly today. And you know, I mean, poo taught us this, poo bear. Poobare knows all about this. I love Poo Bear.

And sometimes poo Bear is referred to as not very smart in the poo books. And I'm like, that is not at all the vibe I get from poo. The vibe I get is that, like, poo knows exactly what to do at an e-given moment, which is definitely a kind of genius that I aspire to constantly and have never even approached. That reminds me, I've seen on the internet the last few days that, you know, that wonderful kind of genius that I aspire to constantly and have never even approached. That reminds me, I've seen on the internet the last few days, that wonderful picture of Winnie the Pooh and Piglet walking in the woods together. And it says, promise me, you'll always remember, you're braver than you believe and stronger

than you seem and smarter than you think. Yeah, I've been seeing it, but instead of that caption, it just says, six feet, stay the back piglet. Because we need to keep six feet at distance. Six, six feet. Six feet, six feet. Well, and that's also important. Though I'm not entirely sure that piglets can get it,

but you don't know, because tigers can. Oh, right. Yeah. I forgot that tigers can get it, but you don't know, because tigers can. Oh, right. Yeah. I forgot that tigers can get COVID-19. Oh, boy, that was discouraging to learn. Yeah, I assume the tiger will be okay. Here's the hum that my anxiety makes.

It's like, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmmrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr were to. Yeah. Yeah. I've got like a 17 note, right? Harmony happening, but it's just like one of those chords that that jazz musicians know, but no one else does. I was going to say it's more like a Stravinsky ballet up in here. There's a lot going on. Sounds like it could be worse, honestly. I mean, it could be Hank, believe me. This next question comes from Aaron, who writes, dear John and Hank, during this time of crisis, I feel the need to ask, Hank, do you have a will? Did you complete the task? Pumpkins and penguins, Aaron,

Aaron, thank you for writing in to remind my brother that despite literally years of my nagging and and now being a middle-aged person. Uh-huh. He somehow thinks it is okay to skate through this world without a will, which will do nothing but torture and complicate the lives of his- No, stop. I know, I know, I know, I don't think it's okay. John, I've been having this problem, and this is a problem I have with many different endeavors. It's when I have an idea for a thing that is so good, but I can't make it real without a significant amount

of work, and I know that you need to do the will in the normal legal way, but I also want to have a rap battle version of my will. And I don't want to do one without the other because if I just get the normal legal one, I won't do the rap battle version. And if I don't do the rap battle version, I won't feel like I'm sort of fulfilling my destiny as a creator, you know? And so it's really held me back like this vision of being able to perform a rap battle of my will,

so that the video can be released by the executor at the meeting that they seem to always have in the movies when the will gets read. Two questions. Yes. As a potential beneficiary, not just of the rap battle, although I would consider myself, along with the rest of the world, a beneficiary of your last will and testament via rap battle. But also as a potential beneficiary of some of your assets. Yeah. First, do you know what a rap battle is? And if so, who are you battling? Oh, it's me versus me.

Oh, so I play two different character versions of me. And then we like argue over who gets what? Oh, that sounds really exciting. Yeah, because you don't know until like, it's long too. It's gonna, like I've worked on it like like five minutes of it done. But I wanted to be like, like 10, 15 minutes long. And so like you're sort of like on edge the whole time.

Right. About which one of the hanks is gonna succeed in being the one who gives give the money away. That reminds me of when I met with my wills in a state lawyer for the first time. And I was like, listen man, I want to have a weird will. I don't want to have one of these regular wills where you give everything to your kids and all that stuff. Yeah. I want to have a weird will.

Right. I want half of my assets to go toward buying billboards that advertise my novels. I want to buy billboards for at least 400 years. 400 years of billboards to advertise my books. I for at least 400 years. 400 years of billboards. To advertise my books. I like that because 400 years from now, the last billboard in the world will be your book and all the rest of them will stop existing because we will move past billboards.

I want a will where it's like, okay. So I'm gonna need 500 jars. That's like the first line of the will. Yeah. Like what do you say to the lawyer? I'm gonna be 500 jars and they're like, I don't like the way this is going. You're like, give me, you work for me. Give me 500 jars.

Yeah, so I feel the same urge that you feel. It must be genetic to have a really properly capital I interesting will. Like William Shakespeare did where you leave your second best bed to your wife and everybody debates why you did that and all that jazz but then when I met with the lawyer he sighed openly and then said you know a lot of people who want weird wills but you know what you actually want a normal will because like when you have a weird will, it makes problems for the people who are grieving your loss and it doesn't to use them.

And if you want to have like an amusing part that isn't essential to the actual will part of the will, that's fine. Right. So what I would say is, yes, by all means, I cannot wait for your magnum opus rap battle last will and testament. But make the legal document very uncomplicated, everything to war in kind of unpolified with it. Well, maybe that'll be like, there'll be two wills. One will be the weird will and one will be the normal one and then the rap battle will

be about which will is going to be real. And it's like, I've got 500 jars. Yes, I do. And then the other guy can do a line that rhymes with that. Oh, God, I hope it's not that bad. If that's your wrapping, I would retire the rap battle idea of post-haste. Yeah, I'll hire somebody. That's a great idea to be like, so I'm going to have to spend most of my money

having Jay Z perform my last will and does the rap battle. Yeah, that was the, so let's just take that off the top. There's a lot less left, sorry, my bad. But look, Jay Z! I had a dream and the dream came true, but I didn't get to see it come true. Yeah. I'm like Moses reaching the promised land. John, this next question comes from Megan who asks, Dear Hank and John, I am near sighted, and I often wear glasses.

When I look in a mirror close up without glasses, the background is all blurry, but I'm confused because the mirror is right there. It's very close to me, and it must be reflecting the room clearly. So why can't I see everything in the mirror clearly when I am right up against the mirror? I've been wondering this for 10 years,

please help, not a fox or its trainer, Megan. Ah, I see what you did there. Oh, it took me a second. John, you highlighted the question. Did you want to say anything about it? Yeah, I know why this is. Oh, there's two reasons. Oh, first off, things that are reflected in a mirror at a distance do get blurry

Eventually because mirrors are not perfect But that is not the reason in in your particular case making no in your particular case The reason is that even though your eyes are close to the mirror What your eyes are looking at is far away And I know that's I know that's weird, but that's true. So yeah, so you got to imagine a mirror isn't, it's not like a picture. A mirror is a window into what is behind you. I mean, what is in front of it? That's what you're like. You're looking through the mirror at what is in front of the mirror, which is pretty

cool. Now that I'm thinking about it. That was a really beautiful sentence, Hank, when you said that when you look at a mirror, you're really looking at a window of what's behind you. That's lovely, I'm gonna steal that. Well, it's too bad, because I have a manuscript right in front of me,

literally, that I'm touching right now, and I can get it into mind faster than you can get it at the end. The world's going in the next episode of the Anthropocene. No, no, no, no, no, I'm sorry. 91 days till publication, that's too soon. I'm recording it tomorrow. And I'm going to say it not only like I thought it up,

but I'm going to say it like super seriously, Anthropocene Reviewed Style, where I'm like, really, if you think about it, a window is, I've got it. I already messed it up. Really, if you think about it, a window is, I already messed it up. Really, if you think about it, a mirror in some ways is just a window into what the mirror is seeing. I like it to what's behind you. Really, if you think about it, a mirror is just a window

into what's behind you. Do you ever think about the fact that we, very publicly and very intentionally have different ways of being? Yeah. And that people know about that? Yeah. And that it's not weird?

I think it is weird for some people. I think for people who really like and follow our work, it's not that weird because they know that those multiple sides of us exist. And they see the cracks in the various facades. You know, but it is a little weird and sometimes people will write in to the Anthropocene Reviewed and they'll be like, I thought you were funny. Why are you so sad?

And meanwhile, I think the Anthropocene Reviewed is funny. So like, that's it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That tells you something. That's the disconnection, I guess. But yeah, your journey to the microcosmos voice could not be more different from your dear Hank and John voice. It's so fun.

I just love narrating journey to the Microcosmos. It's like a dream. Yeah, if you're not familiar, by the way, with Journey to the Microcosmos, Hank just very calmly narrates what's going on while we watch high-definition video microscopy of like tiny organisms doing their thing. And it is such a good program. Like, I wanna watch it on Netflix. I want it to be 30 minutes long.

I love everything about it. Yeah, I also want it to be on Netflix and I have, no one has yet expressed any interest in my shouting that that should be a thing. But I don't know, man. Well, I'm sure somebody who works at Netflix is listening to Dear Hank and John right now and is like, huh, we need some single camera,

socially distant, recorded kind of programming. Maybe journey to the microcosmos is the way forward. Yeah, read, read hastings. The email address is hankandjonnagmail.com. We are awaiting your question, which reminds me that this podcast is brought to you by socially distant productions of television programs, something that Hank and John are actually really

good at an experience then maybe this will come in handy. Today's podcast is also brought to you by Megan's Mirror. Megan's Mirror, we only sort of answered your question. Podcasts is also brought to you by my last Will and Testament. I'm going to give you estimates of Oh, no, oh, no, no, panic. I Better really bad week, but that was the worst part of it. And of course today's podcast is also brought to you by James Joyce's dad jokes James Joyce's dad jokes

But pervy We also have a project for awesome message from the folks at Harry Potter and the sacred text. Oh, hi, Hank and John. We have news from Hogwarts. After years of complaints, Hogwarts is finally hiring a guidance counselor. They're doing a wide search to find the right fit for the job. So if you have experience with victims of abusive teachers peeping Tom ghosts and the occasional

child army, please email the headmaster who is taking this search very seriously. Never long bottom at hogwarts.uk or send an owl to the greenhouse. Harry Potter in the Sacred Text continues to be one of my very favorite things that has ever happened in this universe. It's so good. I have to say that the co-host, Casper Ticayle, has a book coming out called The Power of Ritual, which is super relevant right now because it's about how do we use the power of ritual to strengthen our new kinds of communities, our secular communities, whether that's your cross-fit

community or the online communities that you're part of. Like, how can we make these communities stronger? It's a really good book. It has deeply changed the way that I think about that stuff, and I really recommend it. Plus, it's a great time for reading. Yeah. While I'm recommending books, I should say, too, that my wife, Sarah Eurist,

Green, has a book coming out tomorrow as we are uploading this. It's called You Are an Artist. It is also a wonderful book for this moment because it contains lots of creativity prompts and art assignments to get you making stuff and also get you making stuff with people you love, whether that is your children or friends and family. So you are an artist, check it out. John, this next question comes from Abby with people you love, whether that is your children or friends and family.

So you are an artist, check it out. John, this next question comes from Abby, who asks, dear Hank and John, my partner gave me a raised garden bed for the deck of our house for Christmas, and I haven't decided what to plant in it yet. Should I go for herbs? I'm kind of picky and don't actually enjoy

the flavor of most herbs. I could go for vegetables like cucumbers, and then get really into making bougie pickles. That seems like something I would do. Abby. Abby, you actually wrote a longer email than this, but you said in the middle of your email, and I quote, I could go for vegetables like cucumbers and then get really into making bougie pickles.

That seems like something I would do. Why are you writing into your favorite advice podcast? First off, Hank, it's Abby's second favorite advice podcast. I think we all know what her first favorite advice podcast is. Secondly, a lot of times when you have a question, you realize, while asking it, just through the act of writing it down, what the solution is.

It's absolutely true. And the solution for Abby is making bougie pickles, which is wonderful. I also make bougie pickles, I highly recommend it. And we've done it, Hank. We've solved someone's problem. There's God knows I don't do most weeks. Yeah, and we have access to the internet,

which will tell you all about how to make bougie pickles. And maybe you'll make a couple bad batches of pickles. Be careful, don't poison yourself. But the best part of making bougie pickles, not that I've ever done this, is that you get to buy something called a furkin. And I just, if you can have a hobby that means you get to buy something called a furkin

and you would enjoy that hobby, do it. Abby, get a furkin. I don't even know what a furkin is, but I know that pickle furkins are a thing, and I want you to have one. Maybe I should just get you one right now. How does a pickle furkin cost? Please don't clog up America's supply chain right now

with furkin delivery. All right, all right, sure. Turns out I don't even know how to spell furkin. John, do you have a furkin? I don't really know what you're referring to. It's like a old bucket. It's like a bucket from, but like old for pickles. It's a pickle bucket.

Oh, yeah. I mean, no, I don't have one. Yes, I do know what you're referring to. Okay. We call it in the Midwest, or at least I've always called it a pickle pot. Oh, cute. Yeah. All right, Hank, we call it in the Midwest, or at least I've always called it a pickle pot. Oh, cute. Yeah.

All right, Hank, we have another question. This one's from Audrey who writes, dear John and Hank, I'm a librarian. And currently we are closed per CDC guidelines. Thankfully, I'm in a great county that is paying us and allowing us to work from home and not laying anybody off. But my boss gave us one direction to follow while we are home, learn something new because we won't be able to afford outside presenters for the next year. So what do I learn? So far, I've been learning Spanish. That's good. I've watched the history of women in Dungeons and Dragons, and I've taken a seven-hour

course on conspiracy theories. Audrey, I like two of those things better than the third. I'm not going to tell you which one I don't like as much. Okay. I am assuming that the seven hour course on conspiracy theory is all about how they form, how to spot them, and how to interface with the reality in which people are believing in conspiracy theories, which is one, something that people should go see a presentation on and two, is a great public service for a library to provide. And so, yeah, I think that understanding conspiracy theories and how they function is great. But in addition to that pickle making seems like people are interested. That's all I'm saying.

I would say, Audrey, that so far as I could tell from your email, just like our previous question asker, you're crushing it. In three weeks, you've learned a new language and an entire history of the Dungeons and Dragons universe. I can't wait to see what you do in the next three weeks. Yeah, just keep your mind open. It seems like it's certainly not closed. I feel like all I've accomplished in the last four weeks is a pretty deep clean of all of our toilets. I mean, that's not nothing, John. Good on you. is like a pretty deep clean of all of our toilets. I mean, that's not nothing, John. Good on you.

That and a lot of laundry. That's also great. Yeah, but that's it. Like, it is so time consuming. I just find this whole experience extremely time consuming. Yeah, there's a, there does seem to be two camps. There are the people who are bored and there, the people who have kids. Yeah, especially school aged kids, I think. Yeah.

I saw an article today. I think the headline was how to be an effective home school parent while also working full time. And I want to body of the article was like, no, Yeah, I wanted to be like, no, obviously not. Like, you cannot be all things all the time. You just can't. There isn't nearly enough time in the day. There's just, there's not time. Yeah, so the work of all the people who make schools work. Hopefully we're going to appreciate that more after this.

This next question is from Emily who asks, Dear Hank and John, since being in lockdown, I've been in a lot of video calls, and on two separate occasions, with two different friends, I've been told that my room maybe is a little haunted. Sometimes I leave my camera on while I leave the room briefly, and apparently when I'm gone, my laptop shakes a lot, and stuff in the background moves like my door.

Now I dismissed this, of course, originally, but then I got to thinking, what if it is a ghost? That's potentially someone else to hang out with during this period of time. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha contact, but I will also accept ghost contact if needed. Emily asks, is there any way I could make my room seem more possessed so I can prank my friends? Slash and not said, but is there any way I could invite a ghost into my life?

Because at this point, at least they're not going to make you sick. Wait, are we sure? Wait, oh, I don't know. Tigers can get it. I know. What if ghosts can get it? What if ghosts can get it? What if ghosts can get it? Oh my God. Imagine doing all of the hard work of socially isolating only to have a freaking ghost give it to you. Right. We're just like get it. We finally get contract tracing online and it doesn't slow down coronavirus, but it does tell us where the ghosts are.

I think I sense a plot for Ghostbusters III. Yeah. It's really boring and sad. But it's where the Ghostbusters movies haven't gone yet. Right. To an Oscar-Bady drama place. Mm-hmm. With like really hard science.

Yeah. Right. A lot of statistics. Yes. Yes. And a lot of statistical modeling happening. That's the kind of drama that I'm looking for. The guy from sideways, like, quivering at his computer

and being like, no one will believe me, but the ghosts are transmitted coronavirus. I'm trying to think of which guy from sideways you could be referring to. Are you referring to Paul Giamatti? Yeah, I mean, he's always the angry scientist in those movies. I feel personally hurt that you referred to Paul Giamatti as the guy from sideways. What's he most famous for?

First off, he's most famous for being Paul Frickin Giamatti, Hank. Like, he's somebody you know by name. It's like the equivalent of saying, you know, the guy from a hamlet, shake spear. Yeah, yeah, he was in Fred Clause. Sure, he was in, I mean, first off, he made Fred Clause. Like, he is the reason Fred Clause didn't suck as nearly as much as it could have sucked. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Secondly, I mean, American splendor,

12 years of slave, Cinderella man, the guy has been in more Oscar-winning movies, maybe than anyone alive on Earth. Well, I'm glad for him, but he was that guy in San Andreas. He was the scientist in San Andreas, and that's what I was thinking about another great movie. It was, I've seen that, I don't know why, but I have seen that movie like four times.

Was like on TV during a period when I was stuck in a hotel room or something. What was the question? Before ghosts, ghosts, ghosts, there's no ghosts. There's nothing, good news, bad news. There are no ghosts you're alone in your apartment, I'm sorry. Well, or the thing is, like, we've never video conference this much ever. So maybe ghosts are only visible through video conference, but only when you're not in the room. So maybe

we need to turn on our video conference software, just leave it on, and maybe the ghosts will start talking to each other. And they'll finally be like, ah, my centuries of solitude are over. Hank, we've received many tales of the various challenges of being confined to relatively small spaces as so many of us have been over the last month. But this one from Lydia might have been the one that I found the most personally distressing. She wrote, dear John and Hank, I have four siblings

and I'm by far the youngest. All of my siblings, I have long-term boyfriends or girlfriends and due to the quarantine, they are all at my house. Mm, wow. As a 14-year-old, I am incredibly awkward. So when my sister casually starts passionately kissing her boyfriend, I have no idea

in the whole world what to do. Oh God. Lydia, this is not a function of you being 14 or incredibly awkward. Oh, this is your fault now. Yep. Now, John, could you imagine passionately kissing someone in front of me? And I mean, I can't imagine passionately kissing anyone in front of anyone. This is such a rare and uncomfortable scenario that I remember the one time it happened to me,

oh yeah, yeah, which was my cousin, I won't say her name, but you know who you are. And she had a boyfriend and I was like playing video games and she was just like on the couch making out with him And I was like, but the video game machine is in here and And you can do that anyway This just requires the two of you like any physical space in this house Yeah is available to you and I have just the one place to play the video you. Yeah. Any physical space in this house is available to you. And I have

just the one place to play the video game. Yeah. I think you've got to say to your older sibling, y'all can't make out in front of me or or here's my thought. Lydia, you have to search to see if there is a false panel in front of an old fireplace that you can remove and then crawl into and replace. So that you can have some space that is your own where there is zero percent chance of anything besides maybe bats kissing. Lydia, it is hard to be much younger than the people you have to scold and correct. But in this situation, it's time. I think you have to be like, um, I'm here. Hello. It's me, Lydia. Please cease and desist. Yeah, you need to get, you need to contact the lawyer.

and desist. Yeah, you need to get, you need to contact the lawyer. I don't know. I don't know. I'm very simple, very simple legal language of the season desist order. Yeah. And then make it into a rap battle. Yeah.

Lydia, have you thought about writing a rap battle to be performed by two versions of you neither of which approve of what is going on? Yeah. One of them is polite are proof of what is going on. One of them is polite and one of them is not. Hank, before we get to the all-important news from Mars and AFC Wimbledon, I want to read this comment that came from Davis, who wrote, dear John and Hank, while listening to Epsah, 232 of your podcast, I was struck by John's ability to cry and continue talking

while crying. Yeah. He mentioned that he would start crying and then kept telling a story. I find that if I need to cry, words cannot physically form in my mouth and I end up just blowing snott bubbles and sobbing. Yeah.

Crying and conversing, Davis. I am the same way, and when you do this, I am also confused, and yes, I cannot do it. Well, I take a little pause, and part of that pause may have been cut out of the pod of my tuna. And then I wait until the point of the sob where I would be exasling anyway, and then I talk.

But if I'm really going, so I cry a lot, I cry often, but I don't cry heavily, usually, when I cry. When I'm really going, I also can't talk. But I think it might be a benefit of being a frequent cryer is that you just kind of have to learn how to do it. Yeah. And I'm not really. And I've definitely been in situations

where I need to public speak and suddenly I'm crying and cannot. So maybe I just need some more practice. I'd rather not, though, if it's all the same. Yeah. I don't mind crying. I kind of like crying, but I don't like crying in public. Yes.

Definitely. Agree. Well, Hank, let's talk about the news from AFC Wimbledon. The season is on hold. Ah, it might get canceled. Yeah. If it gets canceled, I guess Wimbledon stay in league one. If it gets like frozen, which seems very difficult, but possible where they

just announced that the season ended the day of the last set of games, then I think Wimbledon would also stay in league one, although it would be a bit hard on one of the teams that got relegated because they've played fewer games. And not a bit hard. I mean, from their perspective, yeah, really unfair, really, definitely unfair. And then there's the possibility that maybe the season will somehow be finished like when there usually isn't a season in July and August or something. Question mark, we don't really know question mark.

Question mark. And that's where it is. It's hard to know. And I realize this is not only a problem with third tier English soccer, what's going to happen in the future. And there's obviously always uncertainty when it comes to predicting the future. In fact, much more than any of us realized, I think, six months ago, or three months ago. But that level of uncertainty right now is sort of paralyzing, and one of the places where that is being experienced is in third-tier English football. Another of the places where it's being experienced is inside of my house right now. Another of the places where it's being experienced is inside of my house right now. Well, it's good to know that there is at least a plan and that it is not terrible for AFC Wimbledon, right? I don't know that there is a plan. Okay, but most of the proposals,

it seems would not, I mean, it's going to be hard. I think the CEO of the club said, It's gonna be hard. I think the CEO of the club said, the club will survive financially, which I guess is good. Yeah, but it's a mess, but also it's a mess everywhere, and I understand that. I'm sure it's also a mess

when it comes to getting perseverance to Mars. Well, the news from Mars, John, there's always Mars research going on, even if there isn't active news from Mars, John, there's always Mars research going on, even if there isn't active launches to Mars, though that is still hopefully happening on schedule. No updates there. Some scientists were looking at Martian meteorites, so they're like, what happens is big impact hit Mars, or possibly hit Mars a long, long time ago.

And then those rocks get thrown into the air and eventually some of them fall to Earth and we are able to determine which of those rocks are from Mars. And one of the weird things is that we found different amounts of heavy and light hydrogen in these rocks or that like they were formed in circumstances that had different amounts of heavy and light hydrogen.

And that would indicate like, these are maybe from totally different planets. So maybe these aren't from Mars, but it otherwise seems like they definitely are both from Mars. So one thing that they are thinking maybe something that happened is that a long, long time ago, there were two planets and they both became Mars. But because this happened relatively late in the formation of the solar system, those

two planets did not fully mix when they came together. Mars may be made of two pretty distinct types of planetary formation rock and that they are not super well mixed together in Mars. This is very weird. It's very interesting. It's very preliminary. That seems very weird, I have to say. Yeah. That seems like a complicated explanation.

And when we find out the truth will be like, oh yeah, no, that made sense. I don't know. I don't know. So wait, how do we know that these rocks that are on earth come from Mars? That in and of itself feels like a big question. I know, isn't that cool?

A big question. Yeah, no, we are definitely sure of that. Wait, the reasons why we're sure of it. We're sure? Yeah, we are definitely sure of that. The reasons why we're sure of it. We're sure of it. Yeah, we are sure. And I cannot explain to you why we are sure, sure, but like the people who study this stuff are 100% sure. That's not a, like, that these rocks come from Mars.

Like humans can hold rocks that traveled from Mars to Earth and made it through our atmosphere and landed it like in a field on Earth. Yep, recently. They didn't land recently, but we have them. Yeah. Wow. They've mostly been found in Antarctica, and Antarctica turns to be a really great place to find meteorites, because if there is a rock on the surface of glacier, there's only one way I got there. And they also are able to

sort of like stay at the top for a while because they have higher or like they're darker, so they're warmer, so snow melts when it hits them. Also, they're easier to see. And they're very easy to spot. Yes. So a lot of these meteorites come from Antarctica, which I can't not say Antarctica, even though I know no one says Antarctica. It's so hard there. If I say Antarctica, I always feel like I'm doing it wrong. Yeah, but if I say Antarctica, I always feel like I'm doing it over right. Yeah. Just like I aspire to be the duck that does duck stuff. I want to be able to say Antarctica without, but I can't, I can't even now even that time. Anyway, it seems like maybe when Mars itself was formed, it did not fully melt those two different types of rock together, which is why we can actually distinguish those two types of

rock today. So the researchers are continuing to study how the melting or not melting might have gone, which will tell us more about how Mars was formed, but also more about how rocky planets are formed in general. This could be a really amazing opportunity if Mars sort of like flash froze halfway through the process of becoming a planet that could tell us a lot about early solar system development. Anyway, John, thank you for bonding with me. Thank you. If you want to send us questions, the email address is hankandjohnatgmail.com. We love them.

They are the only reason we can make the podcast, so thank you very much for doing that. We're off to after this record, our patron-only podcast. It's called This Week in Great Stuff, where we talk about great stuff, and I'm excited about it. And you can join up with that at patreon.com slash dear hankandjohn, which helps our production company, Complexly completely make educational materials. John, this podcast is edited by Joseph Tuna Mettish. It's produced by Rosiana Halsey-Rohassen,

Sheridan Gibson, our editorial assistant is Deboki Chakravarti, the music you're hearing now, and at the beginning of the podcast, it's by the Greek Gunnarola, and as they say in our hometown, don't forget to be awesome. you