Dear Hank & John - 237: A Well-Balanced Breakfast

Episode Date: April 27, 2020

Why have I become nocturnal? How do I write in a book? Where does the phrase "the high seas" come from? Which fruits are breakfast fruits? How do I help my mom appreciate art? How do I deal with negativity on social media? How big would googly eyes need to be to see them on the moon? John Green and Hank Green have answers!If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at [e-mail]! Join us for monthly livestreams and an exclusive weekly podcast at patreon.com/dearhankandjohn. Follow us on Twitter! twitter.com/dearhankandjohn Subscribe to the Nerdfighteria newsletter! https://nerdfighteria.com/nerdfighteria-newsletter

Hello and welcome to Dear Hank at Jock. Gorset prefer to think of it Dear Jon and Hank. It's a podcast where two brothers answer your questions, give you to be a advice and bring you all the weeks news from both Mars and AFC Wimbledon. Jon, yeah. What if I was like fishing, but for a bunch of dolphins, would it be a podcast? I don't know. That's not that bad.

Except that I don't feel really bad about fishing for dolphins. It seems like you definitely shouldn't do that. Yeah. I was just thinking while you were telling that joke because I always zone out during your dad joke period. I was thinking about how it's always been ludicrous that this podcast shares all the week's news

from both Mars and the AFC with Willden, but it's never always been ludicrous that this podcast shares all the week's news from both Mars and the AFC women But it's never been more ludicrous than it is right now Because it imagines that there is news, right? Like that there is news that is not about the only story Right and well indeed and indeed I think that's probably what we will end up discussing The thing about sports news is that I always was very skeptical of the entire idea of AFC Wimbledon news because like they don't play year round. And yet, during the times when they aren't playing, there's always something happening,

which just seems not possible to me. But then, it turns out to be interesting. So I assume that you can make this work, John. There is some news for AFC I've seen women in this week. I just threw a bottle of coke, an empty bottle of coke over my shoulder toward my trash can, and I got it in. And I just wanted to share that with you. Oh, that's a great feeling. It just hit right on. Also, if you hear a noise, like a thunking noise, it's because my backdoor neighbor has set up a crossfit gym

in his garage and he opens his garage. And he and his wife who are lovely people and very strong people, they do very frequently throw heavy things around about 10 feet away from where I'm sitting. So just be aware of that. These days I get most of my exercise in the form of the bicycling video game Zwift, where you pedal on a virtual bicycle and then your little bicycle guy moves inside of the game.

That sounds great. I get most of my exercise by doing what's called bench press, which is where I take a 40-year-old child and I bench press him. So it's not like super-exerting. I don't think he's 40. 40, did I say 40-year-old? You did. I'm totally, I'm 100% all the way here. 40-pound child.

I'm also all the way here. 100%. I can't bench a lot, but I can do 40 pounds. Earlier today, I was I was doing Zwift. So you're racing other people and they're real people, you know, real people. And you want to be able to stay in their draft because it's a little easier. You can go a little faster if you can stay in their draft, but they're everybody's faster than I am. I'm the slowest person on Zwift. There's 35,000 regular users, and I'm last. Like every time I go up one of the climbs.

Coming in 35,000, it's John Green. Every time I go up one of the climbs, there'll be like 991 people climb to this climb today. And you finished in 979th. That is a true story from today. And I'm not that out of shape. Like I'm not a terrible cyclist. It's just the quality of, yeah.

I feel competitive against them. And even though I'm like the slowest, I work so hard that earlier today, when I was whifting, one of my kids came downstairs and they were like, mom wants to know if you're okay. And I was like, yeah, I'm fine. I don't know what's the problem. And they were like, mom wants to know if you're okay. And I was like, yeah, I'm fine. I don't know what's the problem. And they were like, you know, because you're screaming.

And I was like, I mean, I wouldn't really call it screaming. I was trying to, yeah, I was trying to psych myself up. So I was, was I shouting, come on, green, get it. You can do this. You, blankety blank. Yeah, yeah. I was shouting that. Was I shouting it with headphones in?

So it was maybe especially loud and terrifying? Yes. Oh God. I only, I am such a not a yeller. Like I get a no fights. I've yelled at, I don't know one person in my life in adulthood and it was you. I was gonna say, I know of one person you'd yell that.

But like I am a good yeller. Like I don't do it, but when I get mad at my computer, the quality of the abuse is very high. I can really pull out all the stops. And I'm glad that I reserve it only for machines because of how excellent I am at belittling something with loud noises. I like that your ego is healthy enough to think of yourself as not being a Yeller and yet somehow still also healthy enough to think of yourself as being a great yellow. I'm good at it.

Nobody's around to see it. Nobody's ever witnessed it. Just take my word for it. Catherine has occasionally been like, I heard that something went wrong. And I'm like, yeah, you heard that from the yard, huh? That was actually a pretty good summary of just who we are in general that you told the story about how you're a great Yeller who never yells and I told the story about how I'm literally the worst Zwifter on earth,

but you try really, really hard. Yeah, I put in my everything and it's just not enough, which reminds me that we're here to answer questions from our listeners. You're doing great. Including this one, which came from Anna who wrote, dear John and Hank, it's currently 3.19 in the morning, and I'm writing you because my sleep schedule has been just a little bit upset about all of this. Without having to go to school every day, I feel like I have no routine

and nothing to look forward to. And every day is the same. You don't say, Anna, you don't say. Sorry, that wasn't your question. Why is it that now I and many others have become nocturnal? Is my circadian rhythm broken? Any dubious advice is appreciated, Anna. I first will say that I hadn't really occurred to me

to be thankful for this part of my life, which is that I have to go to bed at a certain time because I'm going to wake up at the same time every morning, no matter what. Right. Because there will be a child who will come into my room and he will yell, my green light is on.

Daddy, come see. Come see if you want to come see. My green light is on. What's the green light? Because he has a green light that turns on at 720. Oh, to tell him that it's okay to get up now. Yeah, he's not allowed to leave his room until the green light that turns on at 720. Oh, to tell him that it's, it's okay to get up now. Yeah, he's not allowed to leave his room until the green light is on. He's like, that's me. Look and staring out at that green light. Yeah. Thinking someday, maybe I'll be allowed to leave this room.

Yeah. And I'm like, yeah, you're, and like, if I don't get up when his green light turns on, then he will go into his room and look at his green light and he will yell into his baby monitor, Daddy! Daddy! So, my sleep schedule has made, like, I'm getting less sleep, but the rhythm of it has not changed. So usually I am very sort of like all of my friends who are like, I don't know, what do you do with all your extra time?

I'm like, that must be nice. But I don't think it's nice actually. I think it sucks. No, I'm sure that it sucks, but like from my perspective and like, you know, it's vice versa, it's like the grass is greener. But in this one way, it's definitely good to have a kid because like I would totally be doing this.

I would have no connection to, and I have, I think what they call delayed sleep phase disorder, which is a thing, I haven't been diagnosed with it or anything, but it's just like people who prefer to sleep at a time of the day that is not sort of like the socially appreciated and normal ones. And so for my entire life up until the time when I had a child, I went to bed at two to three in the morning

and I woke up at 10 or 11 in the morning. And that's like totally natural for me. And so I'm sort of always a little bit uncomfortable, well, ever since having a child, but like it's worth it and everything. But I would totally let myself completely lose all track of connection with reality if I didn't have any structure to keep me in it. Yeah, I mean, I also think that, I mean, what is reality right now when for most of us, most of the time reality is inside of a screen. And social connection is not really real and everything else.

I mean, it's really hard to keep a normal sleep schedule regardless in times of increased anxiety. It's much harder. I wake up almost every morning at four o'clock in the morning. I'm up for an hour and then I go back to sleep. I don't go to sleep until much later. Then I'm accustomed to going to sleep but then I like to go to sleep. But that's because my kids are also going to sleep later because it's also hard for them. Yeah. My feeling about this in general

is that if it's not a problem for you, it's not a problem. Absolutely. If it is a problem for you, then that's when you need to look at the things that we do to sleep better. The big one for me is no screens in the bedroom. Yep. I cannot expect to go to sleep 30 seconds after looking at my computer or looking at my phone. It just, it doesn't work for me.

I have to read for at least 30 minutes before I can go to sleep. We have to understand like the ways in which our monster of our subconscious is able to be controlled and the ways in which we are able to establish habits for it. And one thing that I know is that if there are Oreo cookies in a grocery store, I can totally not eat them.

And I can totally not buy them. But if they are in my house, they're gone in two days. And I know the same thing about my phone and my computer is if they are not in the room, I will not look at them. And I can keep them out of the room. But if they are in the room, I cannot not look at them. And this may be different for you. Where my my self control is able to take control is the place where I need to let it take control, because there are places where it cannot take control. And I need to be, I need to understand the fact that like the things that I want to be in control of in my own body, I am not always in control of.

No, I mean, no more than ever. It's like, it's like a sort of uncomfortable thought, but it's like super liberating for me to know that there are pieces of me that I, like I, that I cannot control every action that I take, and I need to figure out the times when I can be in control. And also understand that there are times when you can't be in control and that there's nothing you can do about that and that it's not your fault. Sure. There's a lot that we don't choose in this life.

Yes. And part of the madness of contemporary social orders is the belief that every person has complete choice in how their life turns out. And that's just not true. It is a madness. It is a madness, John. This next question comes from Marissa who asks, dear green brothers, growing up, I was always taught to treat his book as sacred and to never write or make any marks in it, even my Bible. The Bible is one of the more sacred books, but this past Christmas I got Lin-Manuel Miranda's

book Good Morning Good Night, and the illustrations are just begging to be colored in. How do I convince myself it's okay to draw in my copy of the book, Marissa? You just gotta be subversive. You gotta feel how dangerous this is. You gotta break a rule, Marissa. It's quarantine. Is that what we're calling it? Have we decided that?

Apparently, because it's not really quarantine. Like, it's not the textbook definition of quarantine, but of course, but of course, words evolve as times change. And I so I think we're stuck. Yeah. I think we need a word for it. And I think quarantine is a really good word for it.

And so I think we just need to expand the definition of quarantine. We're announcing it here. That's what we're calling it, at least among Hank and John, for the foreseeable future. Yes. Give us alternatives if you'd like. Also, apparently quarantine is supposed to be 40 days, because that's what it means for qu-quar. Oh.

So, it's already been 40 days. If it's gonna be more than that. It's already been 40 days. What was your question, Marissa? Here's the thing. Marissa, the thing I find funny about your question is that when I was growing up, the Bible was the only book I was told I couldn't write in. I thought you're allowed to do whatever you wanted to do a book because it was your

book. It wasn't, I mean, the Bible wasn't your book. No, I was not like the Bible was more sort of mine and trust, you know, right? But then I remember years and years ago, I always thought like the Bible is more sort of mine and trust, you know? Right. But then I remember years and years ago, I visited our cousin, Bernice rhymes with furnace, yeah, Hank in Tennessee. Important because it's not Bernice. And Bernice showed me her family Bible that had like an actual family tree. Like it was an illustration of a tree that showed where my grandmother was and where Burnus was and where their grandparents were and it went back way, way back.

And I was like, thank God someone wrote in this Bible. Yeah. And that's the thing, Marissa, when your future self looks at the way you drew in those illustrations, your future self is going to be delighted. Like I love rereading my books from college or high school and seeing like the dumb crap I underlined back then and thinking like no, current me, current me knows what to underline. Now is the time at which I am not a dope. Yeah, yeah, right.

It is this moment. It's weird how it's always now. It's always now that I've just realized what I needed to realize in order to become fully enlightened. Yeah, is there ever a moment at which I will not look back at me five years ago and be like, oh, I hope not. Oh, I hope not.

That's right. That's how it should be. Gotta keep growing. Never mind you, some Muhammad Ali said once that the man who views the world at 50, the same way he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life. Ooh, wow. Yeah. It's good stuff. That's great stuff.

Gotta break that out on the debate stage when somebody accuses somebody of flip-flopping. It's okay to draw on your book, Chris. Marissa, don't let John give you permission. I want you to feel like you're doing this elicitly. I wanted to feel dangerous. Aren't current levels of danger being experienced adequate for most people? I have to say, I feel like my current level of danger is like adequate.

I don't know that now is really the time we need to be like, oh, let's try base jumping. All right, this next question comes from Amanda who writes, Dear John and Hank, where does the phrase the high seas come from? How can a CB high? It doesn't make any sense. Thanks, Amanda. They are all at the same level. There is literally a term for this. Yeah. It's called the CB level. Indicating that the C is all at one level. Yeah. So I don't know the answer to this question. Well, John, we are recording this on 420. So is it just that the pirates had a lot of weed? No, we know it's not that.

I've always thought that it was that the waves were high. It was an area of the sea where the waves are high. And of course, if you average it out, and this is always the case, if you average it out, then it would just be flat because the troughs are as high as the waves. But all together, that wave seems very high. And we're moving from low to high very rapidly. Out on the high seas are. That's also what I think. That, or it's like so deep that it's high compared to the bed

of the ocean. Maybe. That's definitely it. Because when you're in the low seas, that's like where it's high compared to the right, the bed of the ocean. Maybe that's definitely it. Because when you're in the low seas, that's like where it's shallow. This sea is low. Right. It's like three inches low. Yeah, we're basically right on the ground still.

But when you're in the high seas, that's when the ground, where is it? Who knows? You cannot swim to the bottom. No. Or at least you really don't want to. Hank, by the way, I love that idea that no matter how high the waves are,

it's still on average flat. I'd love to be with you on a boat in very dangerous seas and have you explaining that idea to me. On average though. And I'm like, I'm barfing. And you're like, actually, you know, in some ways, this is flat.

It's also a little bit how I feel about April of 2020 in general. I feel like there are a lot of people out there who are saying, like, you know, on average, things are quite flat. And I'm like, yeah, yeah, but like nobody's lived experience is on average. No, indeed. John, this reminds me, so you probably know that scuba stands for a self-contained underwater breathing apparatus?

I did know that. Did you know though that tuba is also an acronym? What is it an acronym for? Terrible underwater breathing apparatus. There's the no, no, no. No, the dad jokes are a part of the podcast. They're at the beginning and we are not at the beginning. And that is unacceptable to me. It is, it is a great image, though. I will say it's a great image of somebody going way

underwater with the tube. And just being like, oh, I've made a horrible miscalculation. This isn't working at all. All right, on average, on average, we're not even underwater, really. We're right at the surface on average. Yeah, I mean, if you're round up, we're fine. That also reminds me of all the people who say remain calm or don't panic. And it's like, yeah, no, I want that. Right. Well, first off, that was not the time for panic. Never is the time for panic. Yeah. And I also, it never helps. I really dislike the phrase remain calm because it wrongly implies that I was previously calm at any point. So don't tell me what I was feeling. That doesn't help me remain calm at all. That gets me going. Yeah. And secondly, why would you say remain calm unless there were cause for concern?

No one's ever said like remain calm. I got you cookies. It's always like remain calm. The the airplane is not taking off after all. Yeah, yes. You were saying remain calm and yet I cannot buy a burrito. Yeah. It doesn't seem like it's like a normal moment. Yeah. And I have a question for us says dear Hank and John. What do you consider a breakfast fruit? I like bananas on top of my cereal. Currently I have oranges in my house. Oranges, they're not a breakfast fruit.

They don't pair well with cereal. Lacking bananas, Anna. I'm so sorry to hear about your banana situation, Anna. And I agree that you definitely cannot put an orange in cereal, but oranges can definitely be a breakfast fruit. Yeah, the number one breakfast fruit is grapefruit. The number one breakfast fruit is grapefruit. Yeah.

That's, I hadn't thought of that, but you're absolutely right. I see a grapefruit no other time. Me neither. And I love, I love a grapefruit, but only in the morning. Yeah, and also only with a sprinkle of sugar on it, because it's just a little too much for me. Anna's question reminded me of the serial commercials, uh-huh, where they would be like, Cinnamon Toast Crunch is delicious,

and here's some cartoon characters. And also, did you know it's part of a healthy breakfast and then balanced breakfast, yeah. And then the other things in the balanced breakfast were everything that you need to have a balanced breakfast, but also a cinnamon toast crunch. So here's a every food group and 16 grape fruits. And also a little bit of cinnamon toast crunch.

It's just like a giant, I've just googled this and there's a giant bowl. There's a huge bowl of just blueberries. And I'm like, what are you doing? And an egg and tea and bread and orange juice. I'm like, this isn't a balanced, but this is like a 1200 calorie experience. As long as you have toast, two cups of blueberries, a full grapefruit and some milk,

you're absolutely fine to also have some cinnamon toast crunch. So that's the idea of a healthy breakfast as it was presented to me by television commercials when I was a child. But then my lived experience of eating cinnamon toast crunch was my hand in the bag until the crunch was gone. I feel like cannelo definitely a breakfast fruit, but you can have other times in a fruit salad though. But on its own, a spoon in a cannelope is just after grapefruit. Honeydew is another one.

Yeah, those melons. Whereas interestingly, to me, it's more of a question of like, what's not a breakfast fruit? Because strawberries, I think work for breakfast, blueberries, work for rasp, all the major berries work for breakfast. There are a few fruits that I'm not crazy about having at breakfast, though. Duran, Duran, Limes. You know, yeah, I don't tend to see like a watermelon at breakfast. Watermelon tends to be like a afternoon. It's warm out barbecue kind of fruit.

Right. Never really get hit with the watermelon breakfast. I mostly stay away from lemons at breakfast. Yeah, unless I'm making a gin and tonic, which lately, who knows what time it is. That was a joke. I don't drink until six. The stop by nine.

There's something about an apple that feels sort of like grown up later in the day to me. Yeah, I get. Like an apple is like, I'm too sophisticated for this meal. Especially now that apples are good, they're not a breakfast food. When we were kids and apples were terrible, they were kind of a breakfast food. Oh yeah. When we were kids and apples were terrible, I don't know what we were.

They were kind of a breakfast food because they tasted sort of like mushy cereal. You know, like really mix them in. If you've ever had this cereal apple jacks after it's been in milk for like four hours, that's what the apples of our childhood tasted like. Yeah, John, we have definitely reached the point where like, we are gonna keep feeling really old.

Like the like our experience of our youth is already detached enough from today's reality that it's like, oh, this is a big gap, but like that's just gonna keep getting bigger. Yeah, I was thinking about this because, remember how like when we were kids and our grandparents would be like, when we were kids, we had to walk to school

and our nanny would be like, and I walked barefoot to school every day. And, you know, and like, our version of this is that we had dial up internet and you wouldn't believe that. Yeah, I only took a single picture to download. And we had, our apples and you wouldn't believe that I only took a bad apple. A single picture to download. And our apples were of such low quality. Like yeah, I could barely say without laughing.

Whereas like two generations from now, our kids when they are old are going to have like properly terrifying, like hardcore childhood stories. Oh, well, you know, we got the right slice you and me. We got this is like this beautiful piece of pizza that we got to enjoy for 40 years. We didn't have avocados though. That's true.

We grew up without avocados and yet somehow we still made it. All right, I think we have another question from Julianne who writes, dear John and Hank, my mom has overtly expressed how she feels contemporary art is dumb. She thinks that it requires little thought because of how blatant and rushed it can seem. How do I convince her otherwise? Julianne.

I have a suggestion, Julianne. You should buy for your mother, Sarah Eurost, Green's book, You Are an Artist, which is both an introduction to contemporary art and an introduction to a wide range of contemporary artists, who all work in different ways. One of the things that really frustrates me about the discourse around contemporary art, and I think sometimes the art world makes this worse by being so course around contemporary art. And I think sometimes the art world makes this worst by being so insular and academic and focused on the interests of the richest people in the world. But one of the things that really frustrates me is the idea that contemporary art is just one thing. Like the idea that like all

contemporary art is minimalism. And maybe your mom doesn't like minimalism or maybe abstract painting or certain kinds of abstract painting seem rushed to her. But in reality, of course, contemporary art is hugely diverse and includes lots and lots and lots of different ways of making things. And there is contemporary art that I'm sure your mom would love. And she might also love the stuff that she says is dumb if she understood more of the context around it. I mean, every image is context dependent. Everything

that we look at is context dependent. There is, you know, no text without context. So I would just ask her, well, I mean, honestly, I just like would probably not bring it up because that's my way of dealing with conflict. But if you want to bring it up, get her. You are an artist. It's a great book. And when the other thing I'll say is like the things that we talk about as like, you know, uninteresting contemporary art, like there's a lot of context there. And maybe that's not the thing that you're going to have context around.

But there is also lots of interesting contemporary art that isn't bananas taped to walls or signed urinals and like the things that we sort of imagine when they make the news. That is really big and beautiful and careful and even without any of the context, you're like, oh my God, like the skill and time that went into this. And that, you know, having people in my life who can help me find those things really changed my mind about that stuff, because there is so much out there that is really deep and careful and also done with, you know, just sort of like a tremendous amount of time to create something that is exactly what the artist wanted to create.

And yeah, I had no idea that that stuff existed until Sarah Eurost Green became a part of my life. But now Sarah Eurost Green can be a part of your life through this book, you are an artist, which is available in places where they sell books, which reminds me John that this podcast is brought to you by all the great stuff that Sarah has shown me over the years. Every time she's had a chance. So I really do appreciate that.

Me too. And the podcast is brought to you by the low seas, the low seas when they're just up to your ankle or so. So for low. Here's a, during a John message from Seth Dickinson and Jay Kusha. They say, hey, y'all, are you hankering to take a trip to a place with warm weather delicious food and fascinating history? Then come on down, yonder, to the great state of Mississippi.

This is not great timing. The birthplace of stars from Oprah to Elvis to Udora Welty and the heart of the civil rights movement. Mississippi is home to find weather, find fine literature and fine folks much obliged. The two most fiercely loyal Mississippi nerdfighters. Well, we appreciate you loving your place and we will come to you when we are allowed to leave our houses again. Yeah.

It may be a while. The best timing. It's not the best. Yeah. This next question comes from Lillian, who writes, Dear China Inc. For the last few years, I've run a literary meme account on Instagram.

It's just memes about classic books, especially the ones taught in American high schools. I love running this account, and it's been quite a source of joy when I get to make memes about whatever book I'm currently reading in class. However, sometimes I'll post a meme that people don't like and I'll get a lot of negative comments

and debates in my comments. I don't like having this negativity on my account, but I also don't want to turn off the comments or censor them. How do I block out the hate my account gets and focus on the good? Hmm, I have no idea, Lillian, but my brother is kind of an expert in this.

I mean, only in that I have had lots of practice and that I have, I guess I have thought about it. But you still use the tools of the social internet, whereas I had to quit because I couldn't handle it. Yeah, well, it was somebody who was like, if you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen and I was like, wait, I can leave the kitchen? And then I did.

Nice. Maybe one thing to say is that like it's a thing that is bad about the internet is that it is very easy to say something mean and not think that it's going to have a big impact because like that person's not going to see it or it's, you know, it's just like me, little me having like a little thing that I'm feeling at this moment. But like our brains are designed to weight negative experiences more heavily because of, you know, all kinds of important cognitive biases that developed while we were evolving. So the ease of saying something negative has increased while the feeling of experiencing something negative has not changed. What I try to remember is that oftentimes the shouting is one, a minority, is two, like maybe something where people feel like they need to shout in order to be heard, and like

that might be their experience of the internet is that there isn't sort of like nothing really gets done without outrage. And so when we can take a chance to engage, sometimes this actually diffuses things. Sometimes people are just like, Oh, I don't know that like you would ever hear what I was saying. Yeah, but it also may just be that this level of engagement is not for you in which case it's your pond and you decide who can pee in it. Oh, yeah. And if people are ruining your experience of your Instagram,

just be like, I'm not gonna let you comment on my Instagram anymore. Sorry. It is also important to know that there is good faith criticism out there. And sometimes people are gonna not like something for good reasons. And it's important to listen to people. Finding the line for you between what is good faith and what is bad faith, between what is like this person wants to have a conversation and this person is just trying to like tear people down. That's important. That's important for society, but it's very difficult for me

to figure that out. I have not, at this point, after 15 years of doing this for a living, been able to figure out exactly where that line is. I also don't know where the line is. This is something Hank and I have struggled with for 15 years. And I'm sorry that it's ruining your experience of Instagram, especially because you're out here meming books, making the world better. Like thank you, thank you. We need to say thank you to each other more Hank.

That is for sure. John, this next question comes from Emelon who asks, look, I'm half asleep right now. I know that feeling. I'm sorry if this is not how you send an email, but this is very important. This is how you send an email. You did it. How big would Google-Eyes have to be so that we could see them on the moon? Thank you. Emelon's... Oh, an Emelon. On Emelon fell asleep. I'm just going to fell asleep, Emelon. I mean, congratulations on falling asleep these days. I think that's an accomplishment.

Yeah. It's also another accomplishment of similar magnitude would be put in Google eyes on the moon, which would first of all, I think it could be really important to not, you'd have to be very careful about how you built these googly eyes, because you wouldn't want to have the googly eyes be normal googly eyes. For a couple of reasons.

One, they would break down fairly quickly under the intense solar radiation without any atmospheric interference, or magnetic field. Two, the albedo of the moon is actually quite dark. So the rocks on the moon, we're seeing, we see it as like this big white thing in the sky, but they're actually very dark rocks. They're just being lit very brightly by the sun.

So you have to make gouglias that are like a very dark circle with a slightly less dark circle around it. That's the gougliai we're gonna have to manufacture. So that's gonna be our first challenge to make that, cause the moon should have big, Googley eyes on it. There's no reason not to. The second thing of a few reasons.

The second, there can have to be about 650 kilometers in diameter, in order for them to look like eyes. Wait, each? Each. Okay. You could do one and have it be a Googley Cyclops moon. 650 kilometers, that's like 370 miles or something? That's like, it's like 400 miles. It's like 400 miles. So 400 miles in diameter.

I think that's going to be the big challenge. I mean, there's that bill. There's that. That's a Google guy just for context that would stretch from Indianapolis to Birmingham, Alabama or put another way from the Polish border to Rome. Yeah. So what I think it's probably the situation is we're not going to be able to get those Google guys there. We're going to need a laser to etch them into the moon.

Right. Because that would be the ultimate expression of humanities collective enterprise. Yeah. Well, I mean, the question is, if you have a laser powerful enough to etch the moon, who's going to stop you? Right. So it does have to be a collective enterprise. We just need one person who has the laser powerful enough to etch the moon, who is willing to break some rules. Just like sometimes it's okay to write in the margin of a book. Oh gosh, I've got somebody in mind.

It's weird. One person occurred to me. I don't know if one person occurred to you. I'm not expecting you to mind. Wait, I just thought of a second person. Oh, interesting. Yeah. Now I got one too.

He's another multi-billionaire who likes to bend labor rules in order to make his space company happy. Oh, wait, I thought of a third one. This is what they're all actually trying to do. It's all, it's all a ruse. They're just in a space race to etch googly eyes onto the moon. I mean, they are literally in a space race

to do a version of that where they prove to the other billionaires who like to flout labor rules that they are the best at being a billionaire who can flout labor rules. Oh, it's not going to work forever, right? I Oh, it's not gonna work forever, right? I would argue it's not working now. That's a good point, brother John. Hank and John get radicalized by COVID-19.

Hank and John get radicalized by COVID-19. It's my new song. You're such a great singer, John. Thank you. Do you want to do our news from Mars and FC Wimbledon? What was the quote? Oh, yeah. We're not putting googly eyes on the moon because I don't trust the billionaires who have

the power to do it. I don't. Emelene. And if you did it wrong and you made them, you actually made them white and black, the white parts would be so bright that they'd be like lasers in the sky. It's like crescent moon lasers that we'd all'd be like lasers in the sky. It's like crescent moon lasers that we'd all have to like shield our eyes from. It would be very bad.

Okay. I think it's past the time for the news from Mars and AFC Wimbledon. Hank, what's the news from Mars this week? What's going on? Well, over there. Oh, it's good on Mars. Things are the same as it has been. But here on Earth, they are less the same. NASA has recently explained

how they have managed to continue doing Mars Curiosity Rover stuff without anyone coming in to work, which is really a thing that is happening. So the team operating the Curiosity Rover has been all working from home since March, but they had been expecting to make that transition for a few weeks. So that gave them plenty of time to prepare for this. So they did like curbside pickup of their equipment. So they like drove up and then they loaded up their cars with their JPL NASA equipment and then drove it home. And they've got their headsets and their monitors, and they set up their own little rover stations at home. There are some things that they can't do.

So there's like these goggles that they wear, like basically VR goggles that run on really fancy, souped up computers, which actually they repurpose gaming computers for that that allows them to sort of like see everything in three dimensions. So they can't do that right now. And instead they just use like the normal old school red and blue 3d glasses, which is amazing.

They of course are relying on messaging apps and video calls like the rest of us, but they have demonstrated that this works and they did while at home, they are continuing the science and curiosity, Drill the Rock sample this week and also did some practice runs of some other stuff. So they are operating from home, continuing curiosity's mission, not just pausing and waiting, which is great. That is great.

Well, the news from AFC Wimbledon is that there is still no idea about when the season might restart but during the pandemic the AFC Wimbledon Foundation the charitable arm of the club has been doing lots of great work including oh cool getting food to people who are struggling right now and also who are struggling right now and also calling up members of the Wimbledon community and checking on them, which I think is really lovely. We just kind of check in, see how everyone's doing, see if anybody needs anything, and then, you know, put in place structures to get people,

to get people, whatever they need to get them through this. So I just think that's really lovely and a reminder that the communities that hold us together are under a lot of pressure right now, of course, and they are trying to figure out how to do their work in a completely new way, but they are still there. And there are still lots and lots of good people who are working together to try to help us through this. Absolutely.

Well, that's lovely. I'm glad that they're taking the organization that they have and using it for, you know, make this a little bit better. I think that we all need to be thinking about how we can take the resources we have and the help out our communities, help out the people in our lives who are gonna need support because that is gonna continue to be a thing. No doubt about that. Yeah, if you're in a position to be able to support

your local food bank, they especially need financial donations right now. The lines at the food banks here in Indianapolis, the need here, at least in my hometown, is just tremendous. And the people who are working at those food banks and volunteering and distributing food are doing such important work. So support them if you can.

We are going to get through this. All right, John. Thank you for making a podcast with me. This podcast is produced by Rosie on a Halsey Lawson shared in Gibson. It's edited by Joseph Tuneumetish. Our communication coordinator is Palo Garcia-Prieto. Palo, welcome to the team! It's great to have you on board.

The music you're hearing now and at the beginning of the podcast is by the great gunorola. And as they say in our hometown, don't forget to be awesome. It'd be awesome.