Dear Hank & John - 240: Mail Order Memes

Episode Date: May 18, 2020

How does the ozone layer relate to climate change? How can I communicate with my phoneless best friend? How many ants would it take to carry a human? Can I drink 4-year-old soda? John Green and Hank Green have answers! If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at [e-mail]. Join us for monthly livestreams and an exclusive weekly podcast at patreon.com/dearhankandjohn. Follow us on Twitter! twitter.com/dearhankandjohn

Hello and welcome to Dear Hank and John. The words I prefer to think of it dear John and Hank. It's a podcast where two brothers answer your questions, give you dubious advice and bring you all the week's news from both Mars and AFC Wimbledon, John. Yeah. They say sometimes that the buttons are the most important part of the calculator, but really, it's what's inside the counts. If that, if that got a chuckle out of you, then there is something wrong.

Oh, there's really have entered into a new era of dear Hank and John. There's something wrong, Hank. We have entered into a new era, arguably not just of this podcast. into a new era, arguably not just of this podcast. But what most concerns me is the pot, John, of course. Right. Well, I think that what got me about the joke was that I was like, it is what's inside that counts. And then I was like, oh, yeah, it counts.

Yeah, that's, yep, that's why it's funny. You did it. Speaking of calculators, Hank, I haven't been able to think straight in like two months. Sure. Is that the end of the sentence? Yeah, it's just like, it's a little bit that like my experience of being a person

has been the opposite of a calculator. The mental clarity that that piece of silicon appears to have. Right. John, there is one thing that I cannot stop thinking about. It's the fact that the Microsoft is now making a laptop that has an SD card slot that is meant for use by media professionals. And I, okay. So that's, no, let me, I got to stop you right there, Hank. I'm sorry. Okay. If Microsoft is making a computer that has an SD slot, where does the dongle go?

Here's the thing, John. Yeah. You won't need another thing to make the computer go. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, slow down. I thought everything in 2020 was getting worse. I thought that was the That was the theme of the year. Yeah, you're telling me that we're going back to 2016 in terms of computers Well, and I don't need a dongle so but but I will tell you this as I was going through the process of building this computer I'm potentially

Purchasing it which I have not done yet. Yeah, but I'm considering it heavily It was like which subscription would you like? And I was like, huh? And they're like, if you want this computer, you got to pay us a monthly amount. And I'm like, not how it works. Yeah, but it has an SD card slot though. I feel like having to subscribe to software

is the dongle of software. No user likes it, not a single one. No, but. No. The problem with the software is the dongle of software. No user likes it, not a single one. But companies love it. Companies love it. Anyway, get your sock subscription at dftba.com. Do we have a sock subscription? Not yet.

I'm very excited about having a sock subscription at some point. Anyway, we are totally opposed to subscriptions, except, of course, for people who subscribe monthly to our Patreon, or people who subscribe to the Bizarre Beast pin club, or people who subscribe to our virtual book club life's library. Hank wants to do a sock subscription. I do, I want to do a sock subscription really bad. And because I need one, here's the such,

I want the socks subscription for a high quality socks that benefit charity. I want that in my life. And so I, being the person who owns a merchandise company, can do that. It is the thing I could bring into the world. Because I, like, socks, they wear out, man, I need new socks.

And I want good ones, and I wanted to look cool. The thing is one to two pairs of socks per month is the perfect sock speed for me. Well, let's say one. The thing is Hank, one pair of socks per month that comes to my house without me having to think about it. Yeah. Actually, is like the perfect sock solution for me? Right. They're always trying to make you by 12. And I'm like, exactly, sock solution for me. Right, they're always trying to make you by 12th,

and I'm like, I don't need 12 socks. I need one every month. I've thrown away one pair of socks this month, and I need one new pair of sock. Yeah. And I like the idea of all the money going to charity. I think that's, that's, that's right. Who needs money right now?

Big sock? Does big sock need money? It's true. There's too many sock billionaires out there and Hank is going to redistribute that wealth on his own. I'll bring them all down. Take down big sock, John. So.

I don't know what to say to that. Let's add just some questions to my listeners. I like the fact that we just spent all that time pitching a product that we haven't made. It doesn't exist. Yeah, I mean, I have been doing a huge amount of sock research. Yeah, I know. There's a lot to know. There's a lot.

John, I have a question. It's at the very top of the list, despite the fact that it is number 34. So I feel like you wanted me to answer at the top. I put it at the top. It asks, dear, I cangan John, in your latest episode, you mentioned the whole in the ozone layer while analyzing Smash Mouth's top hit All Star. And said Smash Mouth was wrong to imply

it caused climate change. Apparently I have a Smash Mouth level of understanding because like, doesn't it? It's been a while since I've heard anyone talk about the ozone hole, but wasn't it connected to climate change in some way? Good luck pronouncing my name. Signe.

Signe. Sine. Signe. Signe. Signe. Signe. Yeah, that sounds right, or signee. So, so I, I'm not trying to say that the ozone layer doesn't affect the climate,

which in change does affect climate change. But it is a different effect than what we change does affect climate change. But it is a different effect than what we think of as climate change, which is the sort of heat trapping effect, where there's several different kinds of gases that are in our atmosphere, that absorb radiation as it is re-emitted by the Earth. And so instead of that radiation escaping back out to space, it stays in our atmosphere and then gets redistributed around the planet into the oceans, onto the land. So you have this net increase in the amount

of energy in the system. That is mostly heat, but it is also things like wind and evaporation and all that, all that good stuff. Whereas the ozone layer is mostly a thing that prevents UV radiation from getting into the planet, which does have some effects on how much heat there is in the system. It makes certain places cooler. It changes some wind patterns, wind currents, but it's most important to fact is that it just like increases the amount of radiation that is potentially ionizing, which means it could hurt people reaching the surface of the planet.

So it is a different overall thing, but it also affects the climate. So the TLDR version of this is that Smash Mouth was largely speaking correct in all-star. It's just that they didn't emphasize what is the driving force of climate change. Right. Which doesn't have much to do with the whole in the ozone layer because that's caused by a different set of chemicals being emitted into the atmosphere, correct? Yes, and is a, luckily, an easier thing to control? Yeah.

Because the set of chemicals that breaks down ozone in the atmosphere is really well-known. And also you can release a very few of them and it can have a very large impact, but if you decrease that very few substantially, then that also has a large impact in rebuilding the whole, which we have mostly done a fairly good job of. There are occasionally times when we find that these chemicals have been started to be released by countries who say that they won't and we have been pretty good at figuring out when that happens and stopping it from happening. So it's good to have global cooperation for a number of reasons and the ozone hole is

one of them. Yeah, most of the big problems that humans face are not problems that acknowledge or are aware of political borders. Yeah. Which is one of the big challenges of 21st century life. And certainly these days, yeah. How we address that, I mean, that was a question before 2020, but how we address that has become kind of a critical question in the last

some pretty big few decades. Yeah. I'm sure we're going to figure out a way. I'm sure we're going to figure it out just fine. Oh, man. I'm sorry. I just glimpsed the void. What are we doing?

Are we making? I'm not sure. I think that they're are we making a podcast? Yeah. There's a podcast. We have a question from an 11 year old. Maybe it's not so heavy. Do you want to read that from the 11 year old?

It's incredibly heavy. Oh no, dear John and Hank, before all of the you know, I was really, really close to my best friend. But when we went into quarantine, he doesn't have a phone, so I haven't been able to be in touch with him. And I've been talking to someone else way more,

but I don't want this quarantine to end our friendship. What do I do, random 11 year old? Oh man. Well, phone is certainly not the only way to get in touch with people. You appear to have some method of emailing, so hopefully you can get it. But you get why this is a bummer though.

Oh yes. This is a huge bummer for random 11 year old. Yes. Because the way random 11 year old is most comfortable talking to people is not a way that they can talk to their best best friend. And that sucks. And I don't want to minimize how much that sucks. One thing to know is that friendships in your life will, like, sometimes they go on

pause for a little bit and then they can come back. And that's the important thing here is that there will be a time when it can come back and to allow it to come back and to be excited for it to come back when it does. And keeping that person in your mind and your thoughts, if you can send them, you know, an email with a funny thing that you saw or a letter, something like that. Oh, I mean, if it's me and I'm 11, I probably'm not going to like write a nice letter, but I could be like, I saw this dumb ant and I wanted you to see it.

Well, I was going to propose instead of doing that, if you can't send the memes because they don't have access to the internet, print out the meme. You you have a printer, print out a meme, mail the meme, say, hey, I saw this Pokemon meme and I thought of you, because you're a real charizard. And I miss you. You probably don't wanna say I miss you, because if I've learned anything about the ways

that 10-year-olds talk to each other, they never talk about their emotion directly. And it's, actually just do it. Just say I miss you. I miss you so badly. And I hate printing out Pokemon memes instead of getting to share the review in class directly. And I miss you. And I miss you. And I hope that you're well. And when this is over, we're going to be besties again. No, John, we got it. We got a bad, I think this is not a bad surrogate. I think this is a new method of communication and it's called mail order memes. And.

Don't monetize it, Hank. And it's huge to monetize it. No, it's monetize it. Well, look, we had zines when I was growing up and those were cool and they were so hip. Mail order memes is just zines with a different name. I don't want to monetize it. Zines were never about making money.

Okay, great. Yes. Mail order that meme about making money. Okay, great. Yes. Male order that meme, random 11 year old, said. And then create a service for everybody. Like everybody's going to be figuring out how to mail order memes in the future because how old are we going to do it? And that's how we're going to save the post office.

That's what I, that's the thought. Yes, we need some way. If even a fraction of the memeing that went on on the internet went on over the US Postal Service with stamps, the Postal Service would be saved. And by fraction, I mean a fairly large fraction. Yeah. Bank saves the Postal Service. That's what I'm here for.

I'm here to save random 11-year-olds, friendship, and also the Postal Service. So if you have a printer, you're going to print out a meme. If you don't have a printer, I have something even cooler you draw the meme. You're going to draw a meme. Bad luck, Brian. I don't know. I don't know what you're going to call in. Oh, God.

Wow, John. Is that a contemporary one? Is that one super here? Yeah, that was. It's super fresh. Do they do that out of the box? Do they TikTok to that one? One of the great things about not knowing what TikTok is, is that I'm able to use it in sentences where everyone knows it doesn't belong, but I am genuinely unaware of whether

or not it's funny, which makes it funnier. Yes, it does. I thought about this actually. It's possible that TikTok doesn't exist, and that like six or seven people have tricked me into believing that there is an ascendant social media platform that is partly owned by the Chinese government. Like, it could be a practical joke. It sounds fake, because there are only like seven people

who have given me reliable information about TikTok. And one of them was a Wall Street Journal article, but I know that those can be faked. You know, as fact that about TikTok, that it like makes it sound even more fake. What? The Chinese name of TikTok is not TikTok. Okay.

It is the Chinese word for this noise. Buh. Is that true? Yup. Why? I don'tuh. Is that true? Yep. Why? I don't know. I mean, nobody knows. So it's like the Chinese noise for when your phone has a notification.

Buh. Yep. Wow. It's that noise. I mean, for all I know, by the way, Hank is still lying to me. And this is just an expansion of his larger TikTok lie. But if that's a lie, it's a great lie. No one will ever know.

No one will ever know. It's a great lie. Was that enough TikTok, John? Or should we TikTok more? I think we've talked. I think we've TikTok. Talk. This next question comes from Chelsea who writes, Dear John and Hank, I have a question that's keeping me awake.

It's currently 2.39 AM and I can't stop thinking about how many ants it would take to carry a human. Ants are really strong for their size, right? So how many ants would it take to carry an average sized human, Chelsea? Chelsea, I was, of course, immediately upon reading your question, completely overcome with the desire to also know the answer to this, but also, ideally, to witness it. Now, it's never happened, unfortunately, so we don't have an actual definite number. But, what I can tell you is that many other people have gotten this idea stuck in their head and tried

to figure it out. So, you're not the first, and that's great news for us, because that means that we have, can do some research. Now, here's the situation. Can I make a guess? Yes, first of all, John's going to make a guess. First of all, I don't know how I've no idea how much the average human being weighs. So that's a bit of a... We're gonna go with 150 pounds. Okay, that's a bit of... Okay, that is helpful.

Okay. I am gonna guess that it's around... 2,480 ants. Wow! You think 2,000 ants could lift a human? No, I think 2, think 2000 ants could lift a human? No, I think 2480 ants could lift a human, because I think the average ant can lift about an ounce. Wow. You are incorrect. Dang. I'm going to guess this 24,800. I know that it starts with a two and a four and an eight. I mean, what when we're making approximations like this, it really isn't important how the what the first number is. It is important

how many zeros there are. And there are a lot more zeros than you're thinking. So we the the stat we hear is oftentimes an ant can lift 10 times their own weight, which is impressive because I cannot lift 10 times my own weight. No. I can barely lift my own weight. Well, it depends on which even by lift. I could carry my own weight. I do it all the time.

I could certainly not lift it. Yeah. But the thing is, John, there are many different kinds of ant, and this number is different for the different kinds of ant. So first, different ants weigh different amounts. So if you can lift 10 times your own weight, it matters a lot what your weight is. Yeah.

And then, of course, some ants can lift like 50 times their body weight, it turns out. So, if we take the most conservative numbers, that this is a big ant and it can lift 50 times its own weight, Yeah. I cannot tell you whether that is a true thing, it would take 1,360,000 ants to carry a human. Now, if it was a smaller ant and they could only lift 10 times their own weight, that would

be 68 million ants. But either of those to me still sound small. Like, I don't know how many ants are in the average ant hill. I'm sure it's not 68 million, but it's a lot. And I feel, but I, like, mainly I think like, you could get 1.3 million ants in the same place. So if you could convince them, like, you could get them together. I don't doubt that. You could definitely get them together,

but then you have to convince them to pick the person up. They could do it. I think that's the hard part. I think that, yeah, I think that's the hard part. Also, to be clear, the human would have to be super into the idea. Right? Like, that to be sounds really easy. Yes, it's way easier.

It's really about, the question really is, how many ants could have lived a cooperating human? Because you put on a newspaper ad. The answer to how many ants would it take to live a human who did not want to be cooperating human. Because you put out a newspaper ad. The answer to how many ants would it take to lift a human who did not want to be lifted is a lot. Hundreds of billions probably.

All the ants, I don't think all the ants in the world could lift me if I didn't want to be lifted. I don't know, man. You know that all of the ants in the world weigh about the same amount as all of the humans in the world? That seems totally plausible to me. I think that we are about equally successful. You know?

Yeah. When I look at how humans are doing, I think we're like ant level successful. We're not. Right, but only recently. Yeah. It's only, you know, for a long time, but they were doing way better than us. Yeah.

But I think, John, it would be very easy to find a cooperative human. You put out one podcast, I'd be like, hey, do you want to be the first human to get carried by a bunch of ants? Somebody's out there who's like, that is my dream. And I know that, John, because it's like,

like 50% of me is that person. I am most of the way there. I'm not all the way there, but I feel like I could be convinced. No, no, no. I feel like I could be convinced. I'm not getting lifted by ants. I'm not going to Mars. I'm not being lifted by ants.

I, yeah. I can't, like the more we talk about it, the more I kind of want to be lifted by ants. I mean, how many times do they bite me? Like if it's less than 10, I can't like the more we talk about the more I kind of want to be lifted by ants. I mean, how many times do they bite me? Like if it's if it's less than 10, I'm in. It's not going to be less than 10 if it requires 2.6 million. Look, so there's a lot of ants. It's it's anywhere between 1.3 and 68 million ants. Yeah, but but if we can convince them to pick up a person,

we should also be able to convince them not to bite the person. Right. We're talking some serious coercion. I think the hardest thing is going to be talking the ants into this endeavor. Because I feel like the ants are going to be like, but why? Yeah, there's always a human who will do something. That's not hard. There's one thing I know about people. There's a person who will do something. That's not hard. There's one thing I know about people.

There's a person who will do it. And less, I'm less convinced that they're that, they're as dumb as we are, where it's like somebody's going to be like, heck yeah. Also, you have to get a lot of into cooperate. It's not that humans are dumb. It's that we are more willing to step outside of the expectations, right? And more able to step outside the expectations of our species, which reminds me, Hank, what do you think the second best movie fiction

about ants ever made is? Cause first is ants. Obviously. And it seems like I feel like it must be a bug's life then. Oh, I think about the honey I shrunk the kids. Oh yeah, I mean, I don't know if you can call that, if you can call that an amp movie. There's definitely good ant in that.

It's the only thing I remember about the film. I mean, there's also Aunt Billy. I don't know if you remember that one. No. High quality film. John, interim project here, last episode of Dear Hank and John, I asked people to try and name my soda stream. There were lots of good ones submitted.

There were several that were just good names, and I'm like, yeah, that's a good name, but there are also some good puns. Buzz is a person that is a person's name, but it is also the noise that my soda stream makes when it is finished, streaming up my soda. There's also Izumi, which is the Japanese word for fountain or spring, which is Christina's daughter's

middle name, which is, that's very good. And I like that, I like that is the name of my soda stream, but also of like Soda Stream in general. I feel like it'd be better name for that company. Yeah. The Latin word for bubble is Bula, which is a great name. And I also like the suggestion fits. So I think I'm gonna go with fits

because it's kind of the noise that it makes. Yeah, I like fits. I like fits. Yeah, I like fits. I've always liked fits as a name. It's a bold name for a human. Yeah, but I like. It's like it's got to call them fits,

you got a name of a fits William, but then you call them fits. And then if he wants to in the future, he can become a William or a Will. Oh, that's a good, that's, I like that solution. And I'm going to give of course my soda stream the same option. I will call them Fitz, but their official name will be Fitzwilliam. And if at some point in the future, the soda stream would like to be called Will or Willier William, then of course, I will comply.

That's very generous of you Hank. Let's get back to answering questions from our listeners. This next question comes from anonymous who writes, Dear John and Hank, I was cleaning my room this week when I found my old backpack from 9th grade. Naturally, I began to look through it and I found some old pens, some notebooks, and an unopened can of Diet Dr. Pepper. Oh. Because of self-isolation, I haven't been able to go to the grocery store to buy diet, Dr. Pepper in a few weeks,

and I've been seriously craving some. This soda is four years old. Can I drink it or will I die? Thanks, anonymous. Don't leave a diet, Dr. Pepper, out in the sun. Why? But otherwise, I think you're probably okay. Cause I, like, I, I, I,

Asper chain breaks down. Okay. UV radiation. Okay. You'll notice. You'll know what happened. So I know the answer to this question. Okay.

Oh, of course, John does. Yeah. Yeah. Usually I don't have strong science question answers, but with this science question, I'm an expert. The answer is that you can drink it and nothing bad will happen to you almost very probably. Nothing bad will happen to you. That stuff, it's made with so many preservatives.

Like I saw a video once where RetinLink drinks soda from 35 years ago and they were fine. Oh wow. I mean, of course, I had that idea for a video and then I looked it up on eBay and I was like, I'm not gonna pay $50 for a soda. Of course they would. And their video is great, by the way. Everybody should watch it.

Sure. It's much better than if Hank had made the same video. So if you drink, I'd have Dr. Pepper from like more than six months or a year ago, it's likely to be flat and potentially to be like completely flat. Oh, weird. And so there's a chance that if it's four years old,

you're gonna crack it open. And instead of hearing that noise that we all associate with happiness and completion and fulfillment, that delicious bubbling sound, instead you're gonna hear like, and that, just a, that's probably a good sign that it's not gonna be good. The perfect experience, but it might be better

than not having diet, Dr. Pepper at all. I disagree. If the, if the, if the, if the fizz got out, then things can get in. And I'm not saying that like, I'm not saying that, you know, they don't allow for the possibility and have ways of controlling the growth of bacteria and fungi,

but if things can get out, things can get in. I wouldn't drink one that doesn't fizz myself. I, listen, I would not drink a four-year-old diet, Dr. Pepper, Hank, and that's really saying, because I will drink almost any diet, Dr. Pepper. My standard for food safety is completely misaligned with my standard for diet, Dr. Pepper safety. There is no connection between the two. Yeah. But even I would not drink a four-year-old diet, Dr. Pepper. So the summary anonymous is that when retin-link tried something similar, they were fine,

but Hank and John would not drink four-year-old diet, Dr. Pepper, and we would drink most things. I mean, if it fizzes when I open it, I'd probably drink it. I give it a taste. I'd see what's up. I think it's fine. There's no fizz.

I'm worried. Don't take our advice. This is a dubious advice podcast. John, this next question comes from Sanjana, who asks, dear Hank and John, my 2020 goal is to read 100 books and quarantine has made that easier. However, I'm now reading books faster

than I can find new ones. What are your favorite ways to discover new books? Well, when I'm discovering actually new books, like books that haven't come out yet or are just coming out, I tend to discover them via reviews or friend recommendations. So there are a couple of review journals. I read regularly and I read the New York Times book review. But most of the books I read come from other books I've read

because that's the age I am. So I feel like I'm not going to be helpful on this front. What do you mean by that? Like, if I read a Dorothy Sayers novel, I think to myself, that was interesting. I like to read another book by Dorothy Sayers, but when it comes to older books, I usually rely on bookseller friends or librarians, I know because they've read a lot more books than I have. And so they can make better recommendations than I could make. Yeah, I guess I read a lot of science fiction. And the thing about science fiction

is that it's not really telling you about the future, it's telling you about right now. Right. And that is generally, it's not always that way. Sometimes I read like just straight adventure. But you know, the stuff that is deepest and then I like the most is usually about right now. So I tend to read stuff that came out

in the last three to five years. And I read a lot of stuff that just came out. And I really like that. I really like that experience of reading something that I sort of know was written with now in mind. And I do that by going to, like I will literally type in like 2020 science fiction and there will be lists and they will tell me about the book

and there's a bunch of different blogs that do these lists. And there's a lot. There's just so many good books that are constantly coming out. Of course, the books that are coming out right now are more expensive than the ones that were out like a year ago or two. Yeah. If they're out in paperback by now.

But they cost the same when it comes to my Libro FM, where Audible subscriptions, because it's just one credit. So that is how I also consume a lot of book these days. And Hank, while we're talking about books, I really want to encourage people who are shopping for books to go to bookshop.org. They're not sponsoring this podcast or anything.

I just think it's a really good way to support your local bookstore in a really hard time. So it's bookshop.org. It's very easy to use. If you're in the US, it is a great way to buy books for yourself and for other people. And that's how I'm going to begin the sponsors of today's podcast, thank, with a fake sponsor who I really want us to support. Which reminds me, John, that this podcast is brought to you by bookshop.org, who we can say is one of the sponsors because the sponsors are fake.

So you could totally just say it. But we also have real sponsors, but you'll know when the real sponsor is because our voice has changed, and also there's music in the back. You know how to tell. And also today's sponsor is brought to you by TikTok-ing Bad Luck Bryan.

TikTok-ing Bad Luck Bryan. That's possible, I think. Sure, sure, TikTok-ing. As podcast is also brought to you by several million ants, several million ants, the minimum number required to move an average human body. And of course today's podcast is brought to you by Smash Mouths All-Star. Smash Mouths All-Star, America's number one way of learning about the media or men and the whole in the ozone layer.

John, we have a project for awesome message. This is from Kevin and Grace to Dean and Alex. Congratulations to two of the most wonderful people in the world getting married this year. We're so lucky to have you both in our lives and are excited to watch you take this next step in yours. You are our national treasures. I love it. I love that. I hope that that's a reference to the National Treasure Film Series. Oh, God. I do love them. I hope that that's like a sweet inside joke

that Kevin and Grace share with Dean and Alex that they've all watched all of the national treasure films and enjoyed them as much as Hank and I have enjoyed them. One must, one must assume. All right, Hank, before we get to the all-important news from Mars and AFC Wimbledon, enjoyed them as much as Hank and I have enjoyed them. One must, one must assume. All right, Hank, before we get to the all important news from Mars and AFC Wimbledon, we do need to issue a couple of corrections.

First off, many angry economists and economic students wrote in to let us know that the way that we summarized money for a 12 year old was hideously wrong and horrible and terrible and that we should go to money hell. Well, I think we did great. I can summarize this pretty quickly by quoting from an email from Hannah who is actually very, very nice unlike some of these emails.

Hannah writes that the commodity theory of money, which is this theory of money that we shared, is only one of three popular theories, and there's a lot of anthropological evidence that doesn't bear out the commodity theory. The two other major theories are the state theory that a leader or king created coins and put them into circulation

to better control commodities and more easily collect taxes. And the credit theory that money emerged a leader or king created coins and put them into circulation to better control commodities and more easily collect taxes. And the credit theory that money emerged from interstate trade as a way to track debt. So we are sorry for probably getting money wrong unless we just got it more or less. We got where money came from wrong,

but we got money, right? Like, yeah. We got right. There's lots of things we don't know exactly where they came from, but we still know lots about them. We also got a really long and beautiful email from Abby in which Abby argued that Smash Mouse All-Star is in its entirety about climate change. Okay. A lot of definitely some of it is.

No, so the argument is that lines like, didn't make sense not to live for fun and the years start coming and they don't stop coming is smashmouths way of trying to express the tension between the life that we want to live on a daily basis and the long-term consequences of those living strategies. It does. There is a disconnect between the rock and roll stars that we are living like on a day-to-day basis and being able to seriously reckon with the long-term consequences of that rock star lifestyle. Yeah, I mean, I agree that it is largely about that.

I don't know that that has to be about climate change. Like, that is about a lot of different things. And also, we have the line, we could all use a little change. We could not all use a little change all of the time, particularly in regards to climate change, which we could definitely use less of. Well, we could use change when it comes to changing our behaviors to minimize the amount of... He's literally talking about buying gasoline. It's a pretty strong counter-argument. Let's move on to this other email from Brandon who wrote, dear John and Hank, I just want you to know

that the Death Star is not Darth Vader's home. It's where he works. That's not the only person who let us know about this. But Brandon let us know in the Tursist way, which we appreciate. The Death Star is where he works. He lives in a castle on Mustafar, the lava planet in episode three,

and it is very black, sea below image, and then sent us a picture of Darth Vader's house, which by the way, is called Fortress Vader because he's a a humble person. No, no, it is also much more black than the death star. Yeah, so it continues to be true that his house is black. John, you know what happened on Mustafar? And if you are the person who was involved in that historical event, I'm trying not to have any spoilers here.

Would you want to build your house there? And then he builds a house there. That's a fascinating choice when you've got the whole galaxy to pick from. Yeah. But in a way, Hank, like going back to Mustafar and building a huge fortress called Fortress Vader is a way of saying like, I did it.

I overcame adversity. You thought that I was done, but I'm not done. I'm just getting started. I'm going to build a very, very tall, very, very black home. That's right. I'm going to call it Fortress Vader because that's the kind of person I am. I'm going to call it big, strong house meat. I don't.

By the way, I'm renaming my house, Hank. Fortress John. Fortress John. Okay, we're moving on to the news from Mars and AFC Wimbledon. There is actual really important news from AFC Wimbledon. It appears that the League One season is going to not be finished. It is not yet totally clear how relegation will be decided, or how promotion will be decided, but that as it happens is completely irrelevant to us. It seems likely that three teams will be relegated out of League One into the fourth tier of

English football. All of the proposals that I have seen for how this will be done, as far as I can tell, result in AFC Wimbledon not being relegated. Okay, all right. Wimbledon, whether it's points per game or points per game weighted toward how many home games you played or total points. It seems like

in all of these ways, Wimbledon finishes just outside of relegation, which I think will mean that this is the third consecutive season that Wimbledon has been the worst team not relegated out of League One, which is an incredible accomplishment. It is. It really is. I mean, Wimbledon have the smallest stadium, not just in League One, but would have the smallest stadium in League Two. And the fact that we somehow find a way year after year to not get relegated is amazing.

Now, I'm sure it gets frustrating after a while to see your team lose two games for every game they win, but oh my gosh, it's, yeah. So that is what it looks like is gonna happen. This is not the way anyone obviously wants to finish a season and I feel awful for the teams that will be relegated because, yeah, I mean, in the case of two of them, it was inevitable. But for Tranmir, which is the team right below Wimbledon, it's super unfair. And this is a terrible way of doing it. I don't know

that there is any more fair way, though. It's just a bad situation. And obviously, you know, among the bad situations, this is one of the least bad ones. But it's a bad situation. And obviously, among the bad situations, this is one of the least bad ones, but it's a bad situation, but it does seem like Wimbledon are not going to get relegated this season if you can even call it a season. Well, I suppose that is good news at least for you.

Right. Instead of just playing the season all over again, I guess. Yeah. So there's some argument that the season should be voided. And other countries have done that where they just say this season didn't exist. But that, of course, punishes the teams that were going to get promoted. And in a couple cases, punishes teams that basically already had achieved promotion. So there's no, in some ways there is no fair way to resolve it.

Right. Hank, please tell me that we are still going to Mars this stupid year. The plan is that we will still go to Mars this stupid year. We're not, that's not what my news is about. My news is about the high rise orbiter, which is, tastes very pretty in good pictures of the surface of Mars. It's the high resolution image science, imaging science experiment on the Mars reconnaissance orbiter. So it's been doing tons of science for a long time, and one thing that it did recently is it took.

So because it can shoot straight down, and then you can see straight down. But it can also shoot across the surface a little bit if it aims like not directly down below it. And so it can actually take pictures of the sides of features. And it took pictures of a cliff face inside an impact crater. And that cliff face was created more by rivers, more than 3.7 billion years ago. And from those images, we can tell that the cliff faces made of sedimentary layered rocks, meaning those layers were formed by water depositing minerals over a long period of time. Wow.

And they were also able to determine that those rocks were formed by rivers that were around and active for a long time, probably anywhere from tens to hundreds of thousands of years. So that's obviously telling us more about the past watery world that Mars was. And that is very exciting. And also very exciting for the planned launch of the Rosalind Franklin exo Mars rover from the European Space Agency, which will be going and looking at these kinds of areas to learn more about sedimentary rocks, to learn more about Mars' ancient water repast. So there's a pretty good chance that Mars was once like really alive, full of life.

Yeah, life that would have been visible via the instruments that we've already used to observe Mars. Yes, certainly it would have been observable in atmospheric data. So like just like the stuff that life makes biosignatures is what's called, like it's just different chemically. But we're kind of getting that biosignature in the form of the methane clouds, right? So like, it's possible. Well, maybe.

Yeah, we don't know what's up with the methane. We shouldn't make too many guesses about the methane. We don't see the kind of biomarkers that, you know, we would if we were giving on Mars looking at Earth. Exactly. Yeah, yeah, or just like life or plants or anything or even bacteria. But like it's all it's it's much more likely that there was just single cell life on Mars. Yeah, because the that was the is a long, long time on earth. Everything was just single cell. And it took a long time for colonial stuff and then like actual multi-cellular organisms to happen. So

stuff and then like actual multi-cellular organisms to happen. So one thing that we are pretty sure of is that that's a, is that it would be single-celled. It wouldn't be like there's a bunch of plants and stuff. That would be easier to spot in the fossil record. But like who knows? Like it's, you know, there's, there's, we, we have been to a very small portion of that planet, a very small portion of that planet has come here in the form of meteorites for us to study. So it is very difficult to know until we have a lot of active research. One thing I like to imagine sometimes is that I know there aren't any people on Mars, but I like to imagine that there have been people on Mars the whole time and that they've been looking at us the way that we're now trying to look at Mars. Yeah. And so for a long time, like for billions of years, they were like, boy, they just really

are not making a lot of progress over there. You would think that they'd be doing better with all that liquid water and. Oh, man. Look great. So much chemical potential there. And they can't seem to get a second cell or even a eukaryotic cell. And then for the like, and then for the like the last 60 million years, they must just be so impressed.

Like what is happening? Even after that, yeah. And then for the last 60 million years, they must just be so impressed. What is happening? Even after that, the meteor hit, we found a way to keep going. They must be like, see, you know, this planet, they're really on to something. We got a lot of resiliency, that's for sure. But it's been interesting the whole time.

Check out PBS Eons on YouTube. It's really good. It's three of life. It is so good. All right, John, thank you for making a podcast with me. As a pleasure, as always, we are off to record our Patreon only podcast this weekend. Pretty good stuff.

And we'll also be putting up some stuff on our Patreon that you can see without being a patron, not a requirement. John, this podcast was edited by Joseph Tune of Meta. She is produced by Rosiana Halzro, Hassan Sheridan Gibson. Our communication coordinator is Palo Garcia Prieta, the music you're hearing now, and at the beginning of the podcast

is by the great gunna roll up. And as they say in our hometown, don't forget to be awesome. you