Dear Hank & John - 241: An Exhaustive & Exhausting Study

Episode Date: May 25, 2020

How do I wrangle a lot of crickets? How do I spend less time looking at screens? Is a paperback version of a new book worth the wait? What do I keep having recurring dreams about Nicolas Cage being my uncle? Can you sneeze underwater? John Green and Hank Green have answers! Unless your question is "who are Nic Cage's parents," in which case the answer is August Coppola & Joy Vogelsang, neither of whom appear by name in this episode! If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at [e-mail]. Join us for monthly livestreams and an exclusive weekly podcast at patreon.com/dearhankandjohn. Follow us on Twitter! twitter.com/dearhankandjohn

Hello and welcome to Dear Hank and John. Boris, I prefer to think of it dear John and Hank. It's a podcast where two brothers answer your questions, give you dubious advice and bring you all the weeks news from both Mars and a suimble then John. Catherine recently started nodding me and I was just so shocked. It was like a whole new person had walked into the house. I mean, I've never seen herbivore.

That's a hard no for me, Hank. Yeah, I also hated it, John. Sometimes, look, we have a lot of things we have to do in our lives. The dad joke is one of them for me, and it's not always going to go perfectly. But still, we have to do the tasks that are required of us. And I've done it now. I did the task. I would submit. And somebody out there liked it. Some person. I would submit that of the things we have to do. You delivering a dad joke on our fake advice. Yeah, it's indicative. Pretty far down the list. It's indicative of the rest of, yes, but only because I had a number of other things

that I had to do. That we're not in a situation where you not telling a dad joke on an episode of Dear Hank and John negatively affects the universe in even the smallest possible way. It would negatively affect my universe because I feel like I have created an obligation, a responsibility, an expectation that I will deliver a mediocre to poor dad joke. And if I do not, if I cannot deliver on that, John,

what can I deliver upon? It is true that in strange times, it is helpful for me to do the things that I am supposed to do. Meeting deadlines is more helpful to me now than it was eight weeks ago. And that is an example of me desperately trying to yes and your ridiculous assertion that saying a dad joke on to your Hank and John is important. Thank you. I'm happy to have your charitable understanding of my situation.

Let's answer some questions from our listeners beginning with one Hank that is a proper emergency. And we don't have that very often. Oh, well, I'm glad that they, I'm glad that they did this for a podcast that records once a week. Yeah. And also they asked this question in April. So, you know, dot, dot, dot, he gestures broadly. Lillian writes, dear John and Hank, I just released a hundred or so crickets into my small apartment while doing research for my dissertation. A parenthetical note, my bathtub is currently filled with butterflies, spiders, and crickets that I'm doing a behavioral study on while the lab is closed.

What should I do about this? Crickets and chaos, Lillian. Everything about this is gold, Hank. But the thing that is the most gold for me is imagining Lillian's future dissertation in which Lillian describes the setting, right? Mm-hmm. Where it's like the crickets were contained in a large porcelain oval.

Yeah. The two feet by five feet, standard size of an American bathtub. Not saying it was an American bathtub, but it was the size of one. They must be in cages in the bathtub because I think that just being in a bathtub with all of those other things would significantly affect the behavior of the insect.

Well, that's what I'm thinking. Is the dissertation about how captive crickets deal with with global pandemics? Because that is an interesting question to me. Oh God. Butterflies and spiders and crickets. Man, if I'm a cricket, I'm terrified of this bathtub. And I also want to get out. So I'm not surprised that they did. Even as a human, I'm a little scared of it. Here's the thing, Hank. I actually have a relevant anecdote, which is very rarely the case.

Oh, okay. I mean, I have a relevant anecdote and I'm curious whether it's the same one. Years and years ago, we so far so good, had a cricket when we were children. There was a cricket in our house. Do you remember this? I think I do.

And dad went absolutely bonkers, trying to find the cricket. And the drawers were open, the clothes were everywhere. He took the drawers out of the dresser. The dresser was on the floor. All the clothes everywhere. And the chirping would not stop.

It would just be periodically, there would just be a quick chirp. And by the time it was over, we would all be like, where was it? Where did it come from? Where did it come from? And it was so inconsistent. And it was such like that hardest noise in the world, the pinpoint. Here's the thing, it wasn't inconsistent. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. It was,

it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was spaced extremely consistency. It just, it was very, it was rare. It wasn't like repeated. It seemed inconsistent to us. Yeah. And so turned, turns out it was, it was mathematically consistent. Basically, the entire house was ransacked, searching for this cricket. And I mean, we were all all in, unlocking the cricket, nobody could find the cricket, and it was maddening. But only because dad had gone so hard.

Like, we were all like ready to go to bed and we were like, there's a cricket, it's okay. But then dad starts going so hard and we're like, well, I guess we're all in it. We're a family. And so we're gonna, there's a cricket, it's okay. But then dad starts going so hard and we're like, well, I guess we're all in it. We're a family. And so we're gonna, we will also unscrew the portable television to see if it's in there. And to be fair, it was a ridiculous situation.

We were talking about a relatively small amount of space in which we could not find a cricket that was chirping as it turns out very, very regularly. Yeah. And making the, making the exact same noise at a very precise interval. Because it turns out it was not a cricket. No. It was the low battery warning for the smoke of all.

It's hours. And then when, when he finally realized it, it was the most like simultaneously like relief and like just desperation, desperate anger. Yeah. It was gold. Anyway, William, are you absolutely sure that your local boundaries have been replaced recently? Are these definitely, it sounds like they're definitely crickets. Sounds like there's definitely a hundred or so.

By the way, the most distressing thing is the hundred or so crickets because that makes me realize that like- Right. If you knew exactly. But if you're wrong by two or three crickets, like if it's 102 or 97, we're talking about two crickets, which is a lot of crickets, like if it's 102 or 97, we're talking about two crickets, which is a lot of crickets to have in the park, which is, yeah, functionally the same as 100.

That's the real problem. So, so you don't know precisely how many crickets there are, which is huge issue, but you do know, and this is important, and it is the only thing that will give you hope in these coming hours and days weeks and perhaps months. There is a finite number of crickets in your home. That means this problem is solvable. It will not seem that way. It will seem as if there are an infinite number of crickets. And

knowing what I know about crickets, I don't know. Like, first of all, they can make more of themselves. What do crickets eat? Food. Hank, that is a lovely idea that there is a finite number of crickets and Williams apartment. And I would agree with it if crickets were infertile. And maybe these crickets are sterile. Otherwise, I would argue that there is a finite number of crickets in Lillian's apartment in exactly the same way that life itself is finite. And yeah, there's also a finite number of crickets

in the world. Yeah. Exactly. But I wouldn't want all of them in my house. And I think functionally, Lillian might have a ongoing cricket problem because I'm assuming there's going to be some level of cricket reproduction, et cetera. I just looked up what crickets eat because if you get because they can't make babies if they can't eat food. And what I have discovered about crickets is they eat exactly what you and I do. They will eat pretty much anything.

They'll eat squash, they'll eat fish flakes. Well, we don't eat fish flakes. They'll eat wheat, they'll eat bread, they'll eat potatoes, they'll eat fruits, they'll eat vegetables, they'll eat meat. Wow, okay. They'll eat cabbage, they eat all of the same things that people do.

So what you need to do is not have any food in your house. So you're probably not going to be able to deny them all sources of food. I have a somewhat different idea, Hank. Uh-huh. I would see this as an opportunity, an opportunity to create an Instagram or YouTube account called Getting rid of Williams crickets in which you chart your like seven year long story of trying to get rid of all the crickets in your apartment. It's Instagram.com slash where I found a cricket. I would subscribe to that.

Do you subscribe to Instagram accounts? I don't, I don't also don't know if Instagram.com slash is a thing that works. It is. There you go. Lillian, instead of seeing this as a disaster for your dissertation and indeed your quality of life, you've got to see it as an opportunity for social media magnateness. Yeah, and potentially scientific research. Who knows what you could learn from studying these scientific research. Who knows what you could learn from studying these cricket, cricky boys.

I'd love to read a dissertation that's, that's called removing 100 or so crickets from one person's apartment, an exhaustive and indeed exhausting study. This next question comes from Nick who asks, dear Hank and John, I feel as if spending a copious amount of time on screens has become inescapable. I'm in summer school where all of my lectures, labs, and homework are all online. The only way to interact with my friends is online.

Libraries are closed and the only way to read books is online, not to mention all of the things that were online before this. And I'm feeling constantly guilty about all of this time I spend staring at screens and it is limiting my enjoyment of this stuff. Please help. Mortem Vittat Koramte Nick. You know what that means in Latin Hink?

No, death something. No, it means there will always be crickets and millions of apartment. That's the literal translation. Yeah. Life finds a way. I think that this is such an interesting thing because screen time is one of these things and this has been various throughout history, television when I was a kid, certainly was the thing.

But for a long time, like novels were this way. It's like the thing that is almost most enjoyable or that is the most default or easy to do activity. We have to find ways to limit ourselves from indulging in that or engaging in that so that we can do the other stuff. And so one of the ways that we do that is we sort of find the things that are bad about it and then we remind ourselves of those things. And then we write think pieces about them and old people yell about them because they didn't have them when they were a kid and so it's a little bit weird and we worry about them. And it's totally, this is like a little bit annoying, but it's a little bit normal.

It's a thing that we inevitably do. But in reality, playing video games can be really fulfilling and fun and interesting. Reading a novel can be the same way. Watching television can be something that you indulge in in a really productive way that constructs instead of destructs. And I think that in general, the concept of screen time as a negative thing is something that we are having to a little bit re-evaluate because, of course, not all screen time is created equal. And anything that is allowing us to be social right now, particularly, and also things that are allowing us to continue our education are so valuable and we need to separate those things from this negative perception of screen time

that we created over the last 20 years. We should be spending time doing things off screens, but it is not always all bad and sort of like pretending like screen time is like eating lucky charms for dinner, it isn't always that. It can be, but it isn't always that. I disagree with almost everything you just said. Okay. The only thing I agree with is that eating lucky charms for dinner is not a problem. And there's, to me, like, one of the great insanities of 21st century life is the idea that

certain kind of refined carbohydrates should be associated with certain meals and not others. Like hash browns for breakfast, but not for dinner. At dinner, we have a different kind of potato. Let me adjust and say that it's like lucky charms for breakfast, which is equally terrible. Lucky charms for breakfast is fine. It's no good time for lucky charms.

Yeah, so screen time is exactly like lucky charms in that it is completely fine as long as you don't overuse it and Right now the way that screen time functions in our life is different from the way that it functioned in our life Three months ago, right, and it's also hopefully different from the way it'll function in our lives a year from now Yeah, screen time is not one thing. Screen time is not lucky charms. Screen time is lucky charms and broccoli and spinach.

It's what kind of screen time you're using. That said, Nick, I think if you feel like you need time away from screens, you probably do need time away from screens. And I have a recommendation for you, which is to make a phone call. Because when you make a phone call and you're not talking to someone on video chat, you're not really where you are and they're not really where they are and you're not looking at their background and you're not looking at yourself up in the top corner. You're in some other space, you're in some third space that I find at least like pretty good for my brain and somewhat relaxing for my brain.

So I think making a phone call once a day is a really good habit to be in. Now hilariously, Hank is totally right that when we were kids, we were taught that like just sitting on the phone all day and watching TV was gonna absolutely destroy us. Yeah. And look at us now.

Stuck inside of our houses, staring at screens 22 hours a day. We did it. Yeah. Yeah. And we have survived. I mean, one thing that I do really want to emphasize about this whole situation is how resilient all humans are particularly young people, but also all people. But we are also much more resilient when we are able to connect with people and sort of like feel the importance that we fill in other people's lives and ascribe the importance that other people fill in our lives and let them know that

and believe it, which is real. But it is easy to forget. There's a lyric from the Mountain Goats that I've been thinking a lot about amid all of this, which is you were a presence full of light upon this earth and I am a witness to your life and to its worth. And to me, when it comes to screen time

and when it comes to everything else, I try to ask myself, is this helping me to be a presence of light? And is it helping me to acknowledge the humanity and worth of other people's lives? We have many, I think Twitter is a good example of this, but we have many ways of sort of like filling the craving for social interaction without actually fulfilling the need of it. Yeah. And that is, I think, really dangerous.

And phone is such a good, it's such a good call, John, because there really is something different about it. All right, I think we got another question from Annie who writes, dear John and Hank, there is a book that I really wanna read that comes out July 7th. I believe that book might be a beautifully foolish endeavor, Hank, your new novel. I'm very excited for people to read it. It's so good. It's so relevant. I don't know how it's

to say it. Yeah. Annie goes on to say, but normally I buy books in pocket format. So this is a Canadian thing. Pocket format is Canadian for paperback, I think. Okay. Just because Annie later in the email says that she's from Canada. Should I wait for the pocket book to come out? It just, it feels so Canadian every time she writes it. Pocket book. Thank you. I like it. A good summary of how Americans feel about Canadians just in general. Yeah, it's just we think we think y'all are just adorable. And also we're envious of your life expectancies and healthcare systems. Your timber, your space, all the space, those mountains. Yeah, you got rocks there. I guess we got rocks deal a rock suck who are we kidding?

Okay, should I should I wait for the pocket book to come out that is so cute? I the repetition of it. I like it more every time or Should I pre-order the hardcover to have it faster? Also, I read the first one as an audiobook, and I really loved it, but then again, that means waiting, doesn't it? Furthermore, as an author, what difference does it make for you if I get it in hardcover, or pocketbook, or on audiobook, Annie? Well, first thing to say is that the audiobook comes out at the same time as the book. So that doesn't mean waiting.

If you want to get the audiobook, please do. I'm having a ton of fun work, and I'm assuming you're talking about my book that comes at July 7th. And I'm having a ton of fun working on the audiobook right now. I care a lot about audio as a format because I consume the majority of the books that I read through Libro FM and Audible. So that is my world world and I care a lot about it and I think a lot about how it will feel as an audiobook. I am very into changing things very slightly for that medium because there are certain things that are hard to say or that visually distinguish something when you're reading and finding other ways to sort of orally distinguish something when something is changing like text format or something like that. So that's all stuff that I think about a ton and then I really care about

and I'm really excited about this audiobook because it is a little bit different from the first one where it gets to be a little bit more fun, do a little bit more extra stuff because it's from multiple point of views. It's not like a performed thing where there's dialogue back and forth, which I don't really like,

but it does give me an opportunity to work with multiple narrators and stuff. So audiobook is great if you wanna do that. It feels like that answers your question, but hardcover is very different from pocketbook or paperback from the author's perspective. One, you get paid more for a hardcover, but more importantly than that, it matters like the sort of trajectory of book sales being heavy in the beginning.

That increases the amount that the publisher is interested in marketing the book. It sort of increases buzz generally if people are sort of all talking about it at the same time. So I do authors in general want people to sort of all read soon after the book comes out in order to create some amount of buzz. Yeah, it's really hard to get any level of attention

in the wider culture for any book or anything right now. Yeah, but especially for any book. I mean, if you think about the fact that four or five hundred books are released by fairly large publishers every month, it's extremely difficult to get broad attention for more than one or two of those books. And that's part of what makes publishing a challenging business in general, but like a really challenging business right now. I think that lots of businesses are going through this, but it's been a very, very difficult time for publishing and for bookstores.

I understand why people get frustrated that they can't buy paperbacks when a book first comes out, that they can't make that choice, like that it basically excludes them from people who prefer paperbacks from being in that initial conversation around a book. And I kind of feel like this is an outmoded way of thinking about publishing that being so obsessed with format. Like regular people don't really think about the differences between hardcover and paperback as anything other than like price and weight. Yeah, and like hardness.

Like ability to hurt me if I accidentally drop it on my face. Right. If you explain to most people that an author gets paid four or five, or in some cases seven times as much for a hardcover sale, as they do for a paperback sale, I think most people would be like, what? Why? Yeah.

And it feels a little outdated to me, but that is the way that publishing still is. And publishing is because it has been around for a long time. It's a fairly, I mean, obviously a fairly mature business. By a long time, I mean, like, you know, 600 years, it's a little slow to innovate at times. Yeah. You know, they've been through a lot.

They've done innovation. Yeah. And they know that innovation takes place on the scale of decades in their industry, rather than on the scale of weeks or months the way that it doesn't a lot of the industries that John and I are in. Yeah, but that said, you should really preorder

Hank's book. It's called The Beautifully Foolish and Devar, which is also a really good description of humanity and everything else. Two other things. First library is the same. If you can get it at the library, it's not really about the amount of money that I make from the sale. It's about the timing of it. So if you can call your library and be like, save this one for me, I'll pick it up the

day. It comes out. That may be a thing that you can do. And then obviously digital formats, audio are all also good. And also, Libro FM is a place where you can, instead of like bookshop.org, which lets you buy physical books from your bookstore, Libro FM will let you buy audio books from your bookstore. But it functionally operates exactly like Audible. It's a subscription and you get credits, and it's costs almost the same exact thing.

And but like the money gets split between a bookstore of your choice and Libra, which then, of course, has to actually serve you the book. Yeah, so it's an alternative to creating trillionaires, basically. Yeah. We can call it what it is. John, this next question comes from Anne, who asks, dear Hank and John, I have had several dreams, some of them recurring, in which Nicholas Cage is my uncle.

No way. It's like my dreams in which John Cena is like my personal trainer and life coach. He's just always telling me I'm doing a great job and that he loves me. John, last night I had the recurring anxiety dream that I have had many times, and I think everybody else has also had where you have to take a class, where you have to take a test for a class you haven't been to all semester. Yes.

And I have a thousand times I've had this dream, and I'm 40 years old, I haven't taken a class in a really long time, but you know what happened? I took the test, instead of like freaking out about it, I was like, what, it's 2020? Like, how is this possibly going to matter? And I just took the test and I was like, I bet I gotta see on that. And at no point did I experience anxiety. I was like, give it an anxiety dream by my subconscious.

And my subconscious was like, eh, no big. Have you seen everything? This is a test. I love that even in your dreams, when anxiety approaches, you are like, no, I'm not gonna give in to you. I think I've got better coping skills than you're allowing for.

Yeah, I have this recurring dream and we'll get back to Annie's question in a second. But this is not my recurring dream about John Cena, although that is my favorite recurring dream about John Cena, although that is my favorite recurring dream because John Cena is just such a kind and generous presence in my dreamscape in a way that no one or nothing else is. But one of my other favorite dreams is I have a dream

where I discover like a key and there's a door in my house that I've never seen before. And the key opens up the door, and there's this room in this home I've lived in for a long time that is like a wonderful new room that I didn't know about and I get to explore. And I was just thinking about that recurring dream because that is how a beautifully foolish endeavor

made me feel. It made me feel like there were like all of these undiscovered rooms inside my mind that you kept like opening up and it was like, I don't know I was like reading a Jewel's Vern novel or something. It was so it was great. It was very, I really liked the book But back to Annie's question. Thanks, John. She writes, I have no particular ties to Nicholas Cage. None of us do Annie. None of us do Outside of my affinity for the film's national treasure and ghostwriter, I was with you for the first half of that comment. You're having in the first half. I'm not going to laugh. So my confusion as to why he is my uncle within myself conscious should be understandable. He appears to be whatever I need some kind of sketchy getaway, like if I'm being chased by hitmen. I love that.

My question is, what do these dreams mean? John, I've just gone to the Nicholas Cage family tree and I am astounded. Oh, you don't know who Nicholas Cage's parents are? No, Nicholas Cage's uncle is Francis Ford Coppola. Coppola, but yes. I've heard both wine magnates. I've heard both ways. Jason's forks, man, is Nick Cage's cousin. Indeed, also, Francis Ford Coppola's grandson. No, that's from a different brother. It's from Talia, the sister.

That's right, sorry. This family tree has more blue Wikipedia links than any other family tree. Oh my God. Wow, Jason Sportsman, huh? Nick Cage does have a bunch of nieces. If, yeah, you know, so maybe you're one of those. It is.

Apparently everyone is related to the copulus. First off, Annie, I've just looked again at your letter and I've noticed that your name is Ann. Not. You aren't the first time that we've done that. So, so I'd like to apologize for that. I'm clearly not your uncle. I think that you're having Nicholas Cage as your uncle

because in the national treasure films, he has a uncle five. I don't know how to say it, a generous uncle energy. And in some ways, you need that cool adult, you can trust in your life who isn't your parents, who you can go to, and you can be like, listen, I messed up or this weird thing is happening that I don't feel comfortable talking to my parents about. And then you go kayaking with Uncle Nick, and he just takes you out on the lake.

Yeah. And you talk about it. And he tells you about the fact that he has one of the world's largest collections of Elvis memorabilia. Yeah. Then he once bought a mirror that was so expensive he went bankrupt. Is that true? I made that up.

That just seems like an uncle thing. That, by the way, is a really beautiful idea. I just wanted to see myself. Yeah, I don't know if you're totally locked with the novel, but if you're not, you should really insert somebody who goes bankrupt buying a very expensive year. In a way, isn't that what bankrupt? So a lot of billionaires in the end.

He did spend $150 million on a dinosaur skull. Boy, that seems high. It was not just a dinosaur skull. Boy, that seems high. It was not just a dinosaur skull. It was a number of other things, including two European castles. It was a confusing headline. I would have encapsulated the modern experience in such a brief amount of time. I would have really enjoyed being in the audience for that Christie's auction, where they are like,

okay, so we've got a dinosaur head, wait for it and two castles. Plus hold on, there's more a diamond necklace. And a picture of yourself that gets older as you stay young. Yeah. We have the body of Dracula. We have a, he also bought a $150,000 Superman comic,

which makes sense because he named his child after Superman. I know, not just, not like in a cool way. He named his child Cal dash L. Yeah, Cal L. That's just that. That's not that's not uncool in what universe is that uncool. I guess actually now that I think about it, if my name was Cal L cage, I would walk around feeling supremely confident all the time. Yeah, sure. That's the thing that's holding you back. I

Really should have named my children Call L cage and then in parentheses green. Which reminds me John that this podcast is brought to you by one dinosaur skull and two European castles One dinosaur skull and two European castles. I'll set you back about a hundred and fifty million dollars Today's podcast is also of course brought to you by the Crickets and Lillians apartment, the Crickets and Lillians apartment semi-permanent. And this podcast is brought to you by Lucky Charms for dinner. It's just as bad as Lucky Charms for breakfast, which is to say that it's fine sometimes, just don't overdo it. And of course today's podcast is brought to you by

Beautifully Foolish and Devere, by Beautifully Foolish Endeavor, a Beautifully Foolish Endeavor July 7th, everywhere books are sold and audio books. That is correct, but not paperbacks. We also have a project for awesome message from Matthew Polka in Binghamton, New York to the Tuataria Discord. Close to when I'm typing this message

is the third anniversary of Tuataria or triataria as we awesomely decided to call it, enjoying contributing to and seeing how Tuotaria has been collaboratively created from the start of 2017, constantly fuels my spirit and my gratitude on top of how I've loved being in a decade-long shared walk with Nerdfighteria so far. It all matters to me so much. Thank you to Atari. Woo-woo! That's lovely. And to Atari is this wonderful community that grew out of some of the work that Hank and I do. And it's just a great place where people make all kinds of wonderful things. You can learn more at to Atari.com. John, this next question comes from Kelsey who asks, dear Hank and John, can you sneeze underwater? Has anyone ever tried this not Kaleesi or Kelsai?

Kelsi, it's his fault with Si at the end, so it's confusing. Not only is it possible, Kelsey, not only have I done it a bunch, but we also talked about it at length on this podcast in an episode entitled The top three best things about sneezing underwater. And I question whether you've listened to every single episode of Dear Egg and John. I mean, to be fair, Kelsey, I question whether I've listened to every single

episode of Dear Egg and John. Yeah, no, I had, I had, I had, I had mostly forgotten about this. And I was like, wait, is there? Wait. and thank goodness I checked. So yeah, I completely forgot about it. I researched whether you can sneeze on the water. Yeah, you can. I mean, if we made a podcast about whether or not you can sneeze underwater, what else that happened to me? Have I totally forgotten? I know.

Hank, before we get to the all important news from Mars and AFC Wimbledon, we did receive one important correction this week from Eliza who wrote Dear John and Hank. And last week's episode, there was a question about what the high seas are. My family is leaving this year to sail around the world. And so we have learned a lot about the ocean. By the way, Eliza, you couldn't have picked a better time. High seas refer to the parts of the ocean that are not owned by any country, like the middle of the Atlantic.

It can also refer to huge waves, like the big scary waves. Hope that helped. I've never burned letters. Eliza, that's a Hamilton reference. I didn't get it. But yes, that is true. And we did not say that the high seas are often defined as international waters. And that is an important definition. Also, I just think it's interesting

that Eliza is about to spend a year sailing around the world. Eliza, good luck to you and your family. One more thing, Hank, over at the Patreon at patreon.com slash do your Hank and John, you don't have to donate or anything to get this, but we're going to post this amazing picture that was sent to us by Ashley of the difference between a scuba and a tuba. It's a very good picture. It's high quality, high quality entertainment. Thank you, Ashley.

Hank, John, AFC Wimbledon is still like so many of us living in a state of uncertainty. So what's gonna happen, what's gonna happen? I mean, I thought last week we kind of figured out that you guys were staying up and that season wasn't gonna happen. Mm, yeah. Well, it still hasn't happened.

Like, that was a report, and it seemed like a well-sourced report because there were a bunch of clubs commenting on it. Mm-hmm. But, mm-hmm. It hasn't happened. It's very confusing to me why other leagues have either decided to have a plan

to play behind closed doors like the Bundesliga has. Right. Or they've decided to cancel the season entirely, like they have in France. Or they've decided to kind of freeze the season where it is to clear a champion based on who's currently winning the league, like they have in Scotland. But in England, they've done nothing. So I all of the proposals that I have seen would result in AFC Wimbledon still being in League One next year. But who knows, maybe there will be another proposal. Exactly. And at what point, like eventually, I feel like I, I feel like I need to call

the English Football Association and inform them that eventually their next season will start. And you will have had this, decide something by then. Yeah. So there is going to be some kind of like summit where the owners are going to decide There is gonna be some kind of like summit where the owners are gonna decide something. There has also been a rumor that league two, the fourth division of English football, where AFC Wimbledon applied its trade for several years, might merge with the fifth tier of English football

and then have a geographic based thing where there's like teams in the North and teams in the south, like Game of Thrones. And that would not hopefully affect Wimbledon, except it would affect them if they got relegated. Right. So there's a lot of uncertainty just as there is in every other field of life right now. Please tell me that there is good news from Mars. There's fine news from Mars. So, researchers have been doing more experiments to figure out what inside Mars looks like.

This is a theory, this is a thing that we're interested in for a number of reasons. And we think that Mars in the inside, the core is made of an iron sulfur alloy, but you cannot dig to the middle of Mars to check. You can't even dig like three feet into the Mars. Yeah, inches even, but the insight lander, which is the lander that has been attempting to dig into Mars is using seismic data. So there are a number of functioning experiments

on insight, just not this drill thing, which is still giving everybody trouble. But in order to do that, you have to figure out what an iron sulfur alloy actually looks like. And this isn't the thing that happens outside of like the pressures inside of like a planetary scale thing. So obviously lots of lots of weight is pushing down on the core of Mars, not as much as on earth, but still a lot. But we can do that on Earth using something called a multi-anvil press, which is basically like there's two big things that

push on two smaller things, that push on the tips of two diamonds. And those diamonds, all that pressure gets focused on a very, very tiny area. And this is how we push the hardest that we are able to push. And basically simulate pressures that would happen on the inside of planets. Wow. So they tested the iron sulfur outlet at various pressures meant to mimic the Martian conditions.

And at around 15 at a degrees Celsius and 13 gigapascals of pressure, a seismic wave will travel at a certain speed. So at 4,680 meters per second, that's about 13 times this speed of sound and air. And so that tells us how fast like a seismic wave would travel if the interior of Mars were made of this stuff. So they were able to extrapolate what P waves in the alloy might look like at the, in the core of Mars, and that will help scientists figure out

when they get all this seismic data gathered by insight. If it matches the alloy that they created in this giant press on Earth. That's fascinating, but I have to say the biggest takeaway for me is that the next time I have to explain to someone how much pressure I feel like I'm under, I'll be able to say, I'm under 13 billion gigapascals of pressure right now, okay? Yeah. So just take a step back please. Yeah, anytime you get to use the word gigapascal is a win.

It's a good day. Definitely. It's a good day. Well, Hank, thank you for parting with me. It has been a great pleasure. And thanks to everybody who wrote in at Hank and John at gmail.com this week, we were utterly inundated with the emails this week as we are every week, but this week especially. So thanks to everybody who wrote in.

Sorry to all the questions we didn't answer. John, this podcast is edited by Joseph Tune of Metash. It's produced by Rosiana Halsey-Rollosson, Sheridan Gibson. Our communication score at MATER is pala Garcia-Vrieto, the music you're hearing now, and it's by the great gunnerola. And as they say in our hometown, don't forget to be awesome.