Dear Hank & John - 270: Frailty's Pickle

Episode Date: December 14, 2020

What do I do when my friends don't invite me places? What are some conversation topics that are impossible to argue about? What do I do if I found my Christmas presents? How do I ensure my friend gets my dead hand? Is human vitamin D production dependent on skin surface area? Where does the phrase "in a pickle" come from? Hank Green and John Green have answers!If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at [e-mail] us for monthly livestreams and an exclusive weekly podcast at patreon.com/dearhankandjohn.Follow us on Twitter! twitter.com/dearhankandjohn Time is tickell.Chaunce is fickell.Man is brickell.Freilties pickell.Poudreth mickell,Seaſonyng lickell.-John Heywood, 1562

Hello and welcome to Dear Hank and John. Or is that for a think of a Dear John and Hank? It's a podcast with where two brothers answer your questions, give you to be a advice and bring you all the weeks news from both Mars and AFC Wimbledon, John. Yeah. What do you say to somebody who didn't sign up for the awesome socks club and now it's too late?

I guess you say, well, no, what do you say? That was your sole mistake. I didn't work very hard on that one. Yeah, also, I don't know why you're selling the awesome socks club now that we can't sell the awesome socks club, but Hank, congratulations on the awesome socks club, which dramatically exceeded my expectation for a sock subscription surface.

Yeah, I had a, I had a, here's how much I think we will sell. And then I had also a, and I always allow myself to have this, a wildest dreams scenario. Right, and this did not meet my wildest dream scenario. It didn't? No.

Oh wow, because for me, it exceeded my wildest dream scenario by like 200%. Yeah, well, there's for me, you and me, it exceeded my wildest dream scenario by like 200%. Yeah, well, that's it, there's for me, you and me, John. You imagined a world in which in a three week period, you could introduce to the world the idea of a sock subscription and then sell it to what? Like a hundred thousand people? No, my wildest dream was 50.

That's 50. I mean, that is crazy. I did the math. I did the math and I, you know, certain percentages were just a little different here and there, but it is not how it works. No, it is. Okay.

It's very, it is great. It is very good for our community's efforts to reduce maternal and child mortality in Sierra Leone. It is very good for our community's efforts to reduce maternal and child mortality in Sierra Leone. It is. And I am really huge, huge, huge. Yeah, it's, it's game changing. And I am so grateful to you. We've kind of taken on different parts of this project. And sometimes I feel like I get a lot of the credit because I've taken on the part that's about raising the money directly for the charities. And you've taken on the part that's about finding ongoing funding sources so that this long-term problem can really have a long-term solution.

And so I just want you to get a little bit of credit right now as much as it pains me to ever give you credit for anything because this work that you've done to reorient our businesses so that they are more focused on charity is really wonderful and I am really, really grateful to you for leading those companies so well. Well, thank you, John. It definitely has like, it's challenging parts, but it's like really interesting because all of the teaching around business and talking around business is oriented toward a different goal. And so it changes, changes some things, but it's also really inspiring because like I just

I'm not like energized to grow a business in the same way when it's just about normal business as it is when there's like a, a big good that can come from it. Yes, and I hope sometime soon we are able to travel with our families to Sierra Leone to see the strengthening of the healthcare system. And while we're patting ourselves on the back, I should say that the easy part of strengthening a healthcare system, relatively, none of it's easy, but by far the easiest part is raising money. The actual work, all of it, is being done in Sierra Leone by Sierra Leone and healthcare workers and those who support them. So thank you to the actual people doing the actual work.

Yes, absolutely. John, I don't know if you've heard, but this is a podcast where we answer questions that people sent us and we have the bunch. Sorry. Do you want to do that? Okay, yeah, you pick one. Okay, sure. This first one is from Riley who asks, dear Hank and John, I've been feeling really lonely lately, probably because of, you know, but also friends keep hanging out without me. I know you're not supposed to invite friends to things these days, but it's starting to make me feel bad.

What do I do? Not so smiley. Riley. to invite friends to things these days, but it's starting to make me feel bad. What do I do? Not so smiley, riley. I mean, this is hard even in non-pandemic times. Like I remember being in college and not getting invited to things and being like, now, are they not inviting me because they wanna hang out with each other

or are they not inviting me because they revile me and our friendship is over? Oh, yeah, are they just like, they had to make a call and there was a certain, you know, number of people they could fit in the restaurant. Only two bowling lanes available. And I didn't make the cut, which is heartbreaking in its own way. But if you add the like pandemic level to this, it becomes much harder. Yeah. Because like, hey, do you want to come to this sports game with us? Probably not. Yeah. And also add into that the fact that like when when you and I were in these social situations, like how did we even find out that we weren't at a thing? Whereas now, right? Everybody's got it on their snaps and the instas and the TikToks and

and everybody looks like they're having fun even when they're not like I was recently looking back through my Instagram Mm-hmm, and I was looking at all of these pictures of me and I'm me so I remember What was happening during these times? Uh-huh, and I was looking at these pictures and I was I was thinking to myself This guy is trying to get people to think that he's happy. And he's trying so hard. And he's trying to get people to think that he's like a good, involved dad. And he's trying to get people to think all these things about him. And like all that was obvious to me is that I was trying to get people to think that.

So that's the other thing maybe is like when you see all those like snap chats from the bowling alley, I assume that bowling alleys are still where young people hang out. Just remember that probably it wasn't that fun. They just like framed it in a way to make it look fun. Yeah. And then also I think that there is a big question right now about how do we feel connected? How do we feel part of communities? How do we how do we maintain those relationships with the people that we know and love, and also build relationships with new people who we want to bring into our lives. And it's getting harder and harder, regardless of the fact that now it's actually inadvisable to hang out with people who are sort of not inside of your quarantine bubble,

whatever that looks like for you. But it's not a pandemic problem either. Like it's a pandemic problem, but like only made worse by the pandemic and existing trend. Yeah. It has been going on for a long time. And I don't know if this is useful. But one thing that I tell myself over and over again is that relationships are work. And you should work for them because they provide value to you and to people you love.

And so like, you have to do the work and like it's like sometimes it's going to be awkward and you're not going to have fun and like sometimes it's, you know, it's going to be stressful that you're like trying to instigate and like have friends like you're the one who's organizing but all like all that stuff, that stuff is work that needs to be done. And so if we can be the person who's doing it, then that's providing a lot of value to people in our lives. Yes, absolutely. And the other thing I'd say is that if you find it

progressively harder and harder to do that work, which is something that I've experienced lately, but also in a few periods in my life, where you start to feel yourself, or I'll speak for myself, I start to feel myself pulling back. And I find that it's so much effort to make the call to a friend that I don't make the call, or I don't reach out. And then it becomes like a vicious cycle.

The more I don't reach out, the harder it becomes to reach out. When you find yourself in that place, you may need to ask for help. So you may not just be, oh, I need to make an effort to see people. If that effort is becoming really, really difficult, then it might be time to seek help and that can come in the form of reaching out to someone you trust and saying, hey, I need help and that can come in the form of reaching out to someone you trust and saying, hey, I need help and will you help me to get help or it can come in the form of directly reaching out for mental health support? Because when you're well or when I'm well, at least it's a lot easier to do that work and get out of that vicious cycle.

Yeah. And if there's a if there's a member of your friend group who you think can be in this particular situation, that you feel like you have a good relationship with, if you could, you can ask, you know, it feels like I'm not being included in these things. And I do hope to be sometimes not all, not always, but like it's, I would like to have the opportunity to say yes or no.

Yeah, that's well phrased, Hank. Our next question comes from Anon, who writes, dear John and Hank, I call my dad every weekend, but lately our weekend phone calls have felt like a drag. He's always argumentative about everything we talk about, politics, the news, family, et cetera. What are some things we could talk about that would be unlikely to start an argument?

I don't think this is your fault, anonymous an argument. I don't think this is your fault anonymous. No, I don't think that you're bringing up the wrong things. I think that your dad isn't doing well. And a lot of times being irritable or angry or negative about everything life and can you believe Aunt Agatha is the worst and politics? Exclamation point question mark. That's not about you. And I don't think it's about the topic. No, I think it's a lot of times that's how depression is experienced.

Yeah. And it's obviously like, it isn't your sole responsibility to help fix a very big problem in someone's life. But you can also try and be a part of it. I don't know what that looks like in this situation if there is something that YouTube can be passionate about together. But if there is a little thing like that, yeah, that can help. I don't know if it's sports or like a YouTube channel

that you both like. Yeah, or even a television show. Yeah, and every week you watch the show and you catch up on that. I think that stuff can really help. It can be a door. I also think it's hard when it's a parent, you know, because it's hard to know how to help them because that's just not the way

that the relationship has been. And so I think that can be, I think that can be really difficult. And I don't know if you're at a place in your relationship with your dad where you can express that, where you can say, like, hey, dad, I feel like you're pretty frustrated about a lot of things right now. And I don't know how to help. But if you could help me understand how to help, that would be great. If there's something that we can talk about that where we can really connect, like I'd be willing to watch NCIS Miami.

Not I'd be willing to, but like, do you want to do that? Yeah, I think when it comes to NCIS Miami, you should frame it appropriately, Hank, which is I would be willing to watch. I would make this sacrifice. Well, yeah. Can you watch RuPaul's Drag Race?

I will watch NCIS Miami, and then we'll compare and contrast. I just realized there is no NCIS Miami. That's CSI Miami, and it was canceled 13 years ago. Yeah, but also there comes a time in all of our lives a little bit, hopefully,, you know, we, we go from, you know, our, our parents taking care of us to also having a relationship of mutual care where we care for them and they care for us. And that transition is always weird because it's part of growing up and it's a,

it's a very steady and expected dynamic changing. And it's also weird for parents where like they had this system, like a very important part of their life where they were needed and being needed is a huge part of having meaning in your life. And if you feel like less needed, then you can end up not really knowing what you're for. Yeah.

So that dynamic shift can be a big deal. And I'm not saying that that's what's happening in this situation, just saying it is a thing and hopefully it will happen to all of us. Yeah. And so like to be aware that like it isn't unusual for a parent to need care from their child and that can be emotional as well as actual physical care that we give.

Yeah, but there's also only so much work you can do. Absolutely. And you have to remember that too. I think this is so kind of case-by-case dependent. Of course. Yeah. But I really hope you find a place of connection with your dad and that if he needs to make some changes in his life

to go back to feeling a sense of why in his life that he's able to do that. I think that's so important. If I've had one take away from the first 43 years of my life, it's that when I feel like I know why I am here, I am doing well, and when I feel like I don't know why I am here, I am not doing well. And it's not that simple, like there is more to it, but having that sense of orientation and purpose and meaning in your life is for me at least pretty mission-critical. Oh, yeah. And the only times when it hasn't been like primary in my mind

is when I've had it implicitly. Right. And it not had to think about it. And gosh, do I look back on times when I didn't have to think about it with great nostalgia? When Henry Niles' best friends were really little, I used to ask like all four of them together, I would be like, do you guys ever feel like a like a yawning chasm of emptiness in the middle of your chest? And they'd be like, ah, no. And we're like, now I think like exiting the

phase where I can ask that question as a joke. Whereas like a safe ask. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Yeah. God, right. Yeah. God, the moments of unquestionable worth. Hank, the reason we've been super serious here in the beginning of the podcast is because we got a lot of very serious questions this week and last week too. And it feels at least from the inbox, like people are having a more difficult time on average than they were even a month ago.

And so we wanted to answer a couple of serious questions in the hopes that we could, in all of our dubious advice, maybe just by the forces of randomization and nature, there could be something useful or helpful. But most of all, we just want to say we're sorry if things are difficult for you right now. And this situation is not permanent. I also want us to know that the work of being together doesn't have to mean physically together. And I hope that we all find ways to do that work. Yeah. So we're going to move on to a less serious question now.

Okay. Because if we don't, I'm gonna start crying. It's from Sarah who writes, Dear John and Hank, what are you supposed to do if you've accidentally seen your Christmas present? I was looking for my calculator in my sister's room. Sarah, don't lie.

I mean, Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah I mean, if you do lie, lie better. You are looking for your calculator. What do you mean you're looking for your calculator? Your phone is a calculator now. The computer is a calculator. You are at all times. You're surrounded by calculators, Sarah.

Don't they build those into the brains of children now? Haven't we gotten there? Yeah, I think if you're under the age of eight, when you close your eyes, there's actually a calculator there, like right, right on the inside of your eyelid. Anyway, Sarah was looking for her, quote, calculator in my sister's room when I happened upon a package that I'm pretty sure was my Christmas gift.

What do I do? Do I tell her I saw it? Act surprise on Christmas regardless. Help. Presence pumpkins and penguins. Sarah. Oh, Sarah, this happened to me recently. We got a package from Amazon and have my name on it. It didn't have Catherine's name on it. So I opened it up. I don't know what I get. And inside were 12 beautiful gleaming cans of Heinz Beans. Good beans from the UK that we don't have in America.

They cost like $4 a can, so it's like a huge investment. And I was like, oh, this is my Christmas present, isn't it? In that situation, I couldn't retap it with the tape that I couldn't make it look like I hadn't opened it. So I had to fess up. But if I could have, I absolutely would have pretended like I didn't see it. I do that all the time. Oh, yeah.

No, the answer is that you definitely pretend that you never saw it and you act surprised on Christmas and you say, wow, thank you so much. Because the alternative is that you say to your sister, I was rifling through your things in search of a calculator. At which point your sister is going to be like, uh-huh. We're gonna have to talk about this, aren't we? And what did you find when you were looking for my diary?

John, once I found when we were children, I found,? And what did you find when you were looking for my diary? John, once I found when I would we were children, I found, and I don't know if you were with me, but I like went searching for my Christmas presents. Yeah. And we found them. Yeah. And I, it was devastating.

I was like, why did we do this? Yeah. Now we've ruined the surprise, and we can't play with these things. Oh yeah, it was weird to be like, let's now we have to wait a month. And then there was no joy on Christmas itself. And I felt like that was like a self-inflicted wound

because we had gone out of our way to try to find the Christmas presents and we succeeded and like, such an old feeling like really good and happy and excited. We just felt kind of naughty and sad. And then when they actually arrived, there was a measure of, oh, well, we kind of ruined our own Christmas. Yes.

So don't do that. But yeah, I have, I have lied a number of times and been surprised by a Christmas present that I spilled for myself one way or another. I have, I have lied a number of times and been surprised by a Christmas present that I spilled for myself one way or another. I mean, at this point, I'm almost never surprised by a Christmas present because Sarah and I, yeah, and this is gonna sound unremantic, but like, I don't wanna get Sarah something she doesn't want

and she doesn't wanna get me something I don't want and we're gonna know, like I remember very early on in our relationship, I got Sarah, this like necklace. And first off, Sarah doesn't really like jewelry. The jewelry she does, like, you know, she comes across like once every five years and she comes across it herself. So I got Sarah, this necklace, this like very typical,

you know, necklace with fancy stones in it or whatever. And almost immediately, I realized like, when you're in a marriage and the person you're married to doesn't like their gift, like, you're gonna know. You're gonna be like, ah, notice you never wear that shirt. Yeah, wonder why. And so years ago, we sort of decided instead of like trying to, and we do occasionally still surprise each other,

but like most of the time I just wanna get Sarah what she wants. Yeah, it's hard. It's a, it's hard, especially big presence because you don't wanna make an investment in something that's a maybe. Yeah. And Catherine also, like she knows this.

And so she's like, wow, I really like this sweater. And she like hands me a catalog page. And I'm like, that's, that's good. I'm like, oh, you know what? How much? You really like it, huh? Yeah. Which colors do you like the best?

Right. Yeah. And that works. You know what Sarah got me for Christmas this year? It arrived early and it's probably the greatest Christmas gift I've ever received. What? And I think this is a good example

of how sometimes the best Christmas presents I've ever received. What? And I think this is a good example of how sometimes the best Christmas presents don't cost any money. For years, I have been complaining about the location of the Tupperware in our kitchen. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, it is sighted very low to the ground and it involves sort of twisting my back and then like leaning forward and reaching deep into a crevasse.

And then also like the Tupperware containers are always separated from the lids and there's always a hula belu. And it's just, it's just always been a problem. And I woke up on Sunday morning and I came downstairs and I went into the Tupperware container to like put away something after I'd eaten half of it and it was no longer there. And instead, it was in the most wonderful spot that was easy to reach with my arms. I don't even have to move my back at all. And Sarah was like, Merry Christmas. And I was like, this is love.

Oh my God. I think Catherine would not like it if I reorganized anything in the kitchen. One of the tensions in our marriage actually is that Catherine is constantly moving things to different places. Yeah. And she's like, this would be more efficient if it were here. Yeah. And then she won't be home and I'll be like,

where the hell is the grease splatter thingy for cooking bacon and not getting grease all over the place? And it's like, no idea. Never find it. And then I have to come home and be like, where did that thing go? And she's like, Oh, I put it here now. It sounds like things in your marriage are really tough. And I'm sorry that you guys are going through such a difficult time. And I support you. And if you want me to watch NCIS Los Angeles with you every week and talk about it, I'd be happy to. Well, I'd rather answer strangers questions with you if that's okay. Great. Let's add to this one from Hannah who writes, dear John and Hank recently, my best friend Abby and I were discussing her love for bones and her

accumulating bone collection that she's gathered over the years. During this conversation, she mentioned that she would love to have a human bone. Okay. Well, okay. All right. I promise that if I die before her, she could that she would love to have a human bone. Okay, well, okay. All right. I promise that if I die before her, she could have my entire right hand. If I were to put in my will that my entire right hand belongs to my best friend, Abby, would this be honored or is this illegal? If it's not illegal, who would fulfill this request? The coroner.

My given name is Savannah, but I go by Hannah. Hannah, gosh, this is, this is tricky. I think it's state by state. There are some different rules, but I go by Hannah. Uh, Hannah, gosh. This is tricky. I think it's state by state. There are some different rules, but I want to start out with an anecdote. One time I was at a friend's house, not a close friend. They were having a party.

And in their house, it's a beautiful display cabinet. I like took up a whole wall, glass display cabinet, and inside were bones, all kinds of bones. And it was like, like, different bones that she had found because she's like a naturalest. And so she spends a lot of time in the woods. And I was like, this is so cool. What are some of your favorite bones?

And then she was like, and here's a human finger bone. And I was like, wait a sec, you don't find a human finger bone in the woods. And if you do, you have to tell somebody about it. And she's like, yeah, I didn't find this in the woods. I got it. I wanted a human bone to be part of the collection. I didn't want like a big ostentatious one.

So I just got like a little piece of a finger. And I was like, you can just get a piece. And so you can buy human bones. Wow. So there you go. No need to wait. It does vary a lot by,. So there you go. No need to wait. It does vary a lot by, yes, where you want.

Municipality. And I know that the laws have also like changed some of the last few years and also Hank and I are not legal experts when it comes to bones. Hank doesn't even have a will. Actually, John, actually, wait, what?

I will have a will fairly soon. Are you sure? Seriously? Yes. I've sent in the last details that they need. I just have to sign papers. Oh my god. It had only to be three years when you sign those papers. Can we have a special episode of Dear Hank and John called the Will Spectacular, where we like drink champagne and celebrate the fact that you finally have a will.

Yeah, sure. I insist. So I was gonna share an anecdote of my own, which is that I think Del Close, the Chicago actor and maybe co-founder of Second City, Del Close, when he died, he put in his will that he wanted his skull to go to a theater so that it could serve as Yorick from the Hamlet. Yeah.

And that happened. And it happened. It did occur. And his skull has been, has been Yorick, if I remember correctly. Also he had great, great last words. His last words were, I'm tired of being the funniest person in the room. Wow, that's wild.

Yeah. Do you think that you will be that committed to having good last words? Because that's commitment right there. No, no, my last words will be like, I love you too, or please make sure it doesn't hurt. Or, no, no, my last words will be terrible, I love you too, or please make sure it doesn't hurt. No, my last words will be terrible. I'm sure. I, I, I hope my last words are, I love you too, because that's, I think those are the perfect last words. That's great. Hank, let me ask you a question

that came from Agnes that I just don't know the answer to. Okay. But I think her dad might be right. Agnes writes, dear John and Hank, my dad thinks the more surface area of your skin you reveal to the sun's rays, the more vitamin D you get inside of you. This is resulted in a habit of pulling his shirt up over his chest, rolling his pants up all the way over his thighs and very public places and standing motionless, extremely pale, looking for any sunbeam he can find, particularly in winter, which adds to the spectacle. I'm not going to take this joy away from your father. He sounds lovely. I love it. Well, I don't know. I think you can keep your shirt down.

I love it. For me, for me, there's a happy meeting. I'm not going to take this joy away from your father. He sounds lovely. I love it. Well, I don't know. I think you can keep your shirt down. I love it.

For me, there's a happy medium, but Hank, it is true, right? That the more of your skin that's exposed to the sun, the more vitamin D you get. Well, yes. Like there's a maximum amount where you don't need anymore. And that amount is very easy to get by just taking a vitamin D supplement. Like you don't need to manufacture it. You can just take a vitamin D pill. It's functionally identical. But it's

more fun. It's way more fun to be photosynthetic though. It's not just yes. Yes. More fun to be photosynthetic. But also I live in the winter place. It gets dark at 430 here in the winter. And I know that there are places where it gets dark earlier than that, but that's really early. Like, I finish work in my office and I walk out into the darkness and I'm like, I lost it, I missed it. The day was gone. And it's a very cloudy place, Mizzoua, Montana.

And so when the sun is out, I completely empathize with anyone who's just like, I want those photons. I want to feel it. I just want to be connected with the fact that I'm on a planet that's going around the star. So, yes, I do this. Anytime I can walk outside in the winter and have every piece of my skin

that it feels bearable to expose, I'm happy to expose. Which for me is not many. Like, I don't own a pair of shorts. So, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, you, you, you, you buried the lead. Wait, you can't get two minutes into an answer and then put it, put it into a dependent clause that you don't own a pair of shorts. That's surely not literally true.

Uh, it's literal. How do you own swim trunks? How do you, And they are shorts. They are not like long, long, patched trunks, though I would probably wear long pants swim trunks if I could get away with it. How do you work out? In my sweatpants.

Okay. Which reminds me that today's podcast is brought to you by Hank's sweatpants. Hank's sweatpants. Hank's sweatpants. Sweeppants. They're apparently the key to his fitness level. Yeah, well, I don't know. I just, I don't love my legs.

Well, you need to learn to, hey. To learn to, John. All legs are lovable. They are. It's your body. It's a good body. It does body things. This is a fact that Hank, thank you. It's also brought to you by the yawning

chasm of emptiness in the middle of your chest. The yawning chasm of emptiness in the middle of your chest, it will develop over time as you mature. Don't worry. It's on its way. Maybe we're romanticizing childhood is there from the beginning. I don't know. We just don't have the language for it. Who knows? And today's podcast is also brought to you by Sarah's sister's calculator. Sarah's sister's calculator. It's totally real.

And also this podcast is brought to you by NCIS Miami. NCIS Miami. The exists. Not really, but it's probably great. John, before we get to the all important news from Marzenaews, you and I have another question. I want to get to it from Kimberly, who asked, dear Hank and John,

where does the phrase, in a pickle comes from? It's odd, because if you were literally in a pickle, that wouldn't be that much of a problem. I feel like it would be very easy to get out of a pickle. Pickles in my paragraph, Kimberly, what a great point. I've never imagined being inside an actual physical pickle, but I do feel like it would be fairly easy to extract myself though I imagine that my eyes would hurt, you know?

Yeah, I wouldn't want to have my eye exposed. It'd be a stinger, but it wouldn't be fatal. Maybe it'd be easy enough to get out of. And when I read this question, I was like, oh, it's like the baseball thing. What is immediately what I thought? Because when a baseball player is in a pickle, it means he's between two problems.

And so I always pictured like, there's like this pickle. There's a physical pickle. And he's in the middle of, but then even as I'm explaining this to you, I realize that that makes no sense. Not at all pickle like. Yeah, I was like, well, that's, it's because it's what it's called in baseball.

Turns out this phrase predates baseball. That's called a pickle because there are other situations in which people were in pickles. And that was just one of the situations in which you find yourself in a pickle. And we do not really know where the phrase in a pickle comes from, which is the case with a number of very weird phrases.

Shakespeare in the Tempest wrote that someone was in a pickle, but there was probably more that they were drunk, like they were in their cups, basically. Oh, like I'm pickled. Yeah, I've heard that as a euphemism for drunk. Because there's always another euphemism for drunk, and it's possible that that like drunk and euphemism over time came to mean like you're in a bad situation because oftentimes when you are drunk, you are in a bad situation. If you were being required to do anything else, but in this research, Deboki and I discovered a poem that is from 1562 and I would like to read it to you.

Great. Goes like this and it's not going to make any sense, so I'm going to have to translate it, but I like reading it and it's not going to make any sense. So I'm going to have to translate it. But I like reading it and it's original old English. Time is tickle, chance is fickle, man is fickle, frailtese pickle, poundruthmickle, seasoning liqueur. And so I would like to translate this poem for you. It's a poem for our times, John. Time is uncertain, chance is fickle. Man is brittle. Frailties are preserved. Piles up, joy decreases. So there you go. We probably have the word pickle because it rhymes with fickle and pickle and pickle.

Yeah, frailties pickle means like frailties are preserved. Drickle and snickle and pickle. Yeah, frailties pickle means like frailties are preserved. So like the, the, the, the, the parts of us that are not strong are the ones that last. I like that poem because it's a nice reminder that there is nothing new about the knew about the current wave of pessimism, I guess, that's flowing over us. Yeah. And that it will be temporary, and it will be replaced by a wave of irrational optimism and so on and so forth until the heat death of the universe. Well, and also it has to be said that stuff was worse than 1562. Oh, in almost, I don't know if I should say in almost every way or in every way.

That's how, that's how tight it is. I guess I'll say in almost every way. Yeah, I agree with you. Because, yeah, but life for humans was definitively worse on average in 1562. Yeah. It actually was not a great year. No, I bet it was a stinker. It was a stinker.

Speaking of stinkers, Hank, we have a couple of corrections to make. Okay, what did we do wrong? We said that 50 pounds of onions was probably around 200 onions because in according to the National Onion Association, the average onion weighs 4.4 ounces. It turns out that that's a specific kind of onion. The average onion that today you would buy in an American grocery store,

weighs closer to like 10 or 11 ounces. So we're talking about maybe 100 to 115 onions that this person would have to eat in a month. I mean, I don't think this fundamentally changes the challenge of the project, but whatever, right? We got 150 million emails about it, so I just wanted to acknowledge that. I also got some people who were mad at us about various things involving snakes, none of

which I'm going to attempt to correct, because I still think that we were right. And lastly, we got this phenomenally great email from Sam who writes, Hank, I love the pod. Thought you might be interested to know the center of the solar system, the center of mass or berry center, is not in fact always inside the sun. Yeah, I actually found this out in the last week. Sometimes the center of the solar system is outside of the sun.

And the sun orbits a point not inside of itself. A map is attached source Wikipedia. I am comma, Sam. And we will post this map on the Patreon at patreon.com slash deerhankajon. You don't have to pay to see it or anything because it is really fascinating and beautiful to learn that sometimes the sun is rotating around a point that is not inside of itself. So really, basically Galileo was wrong.

It moves around a lot. And one of the things that this means is that the sun actually wobbles around. It's like location. And so like as the planets go around it, they tug it around. And that's one of the ways that we detect exoplanets is that we can watch other stars wobbling around and we can say, hey, look, it's probably got something tugging on it.

So there you go. Sometimes the sun is orbiting around a point that is not inside of the sun, which is a little bit of a mind-blower. Also, I apologize for saying that Galileo was wrong. He was, you know, like right in the essential ways. I mean, he was wrong about a bunch of stuff. That's true, all of us are. Hank, yeah.

You wanna know the news from AFC Wimbledon? Yes. So, during the week, AFC Wimbledon are now playing like two games a week most weeks because it's a shortened schedule because of right. Yeah. Justures broadly. Over the week, we played the second best team in league one. Wow. And you know how we have this habit of like we score a goal, but we score it too early. And then the other team comes back and scores more goals and we lose.

Yeah. We developed a brilliant new strategy. I credit manager, Glenn Hodges with this in the middle of the week playing against second place Peter burrow in which we scored much too early, but then get this. We scored again almost immediately. Ooh, I love that. That made it much harder for them to come back, which they, they did. They scored one goal, but we still won the game because we scored 67% of the goals and they scored 33%. Really? You beat the second place team in the league. I know.

I know. And then 21st place, relegation zone, sit in minno's Bristol rovers come to plow lane our beautiful gleaming new stadium. He scored. We scored two early. We score after five minutes. There's just much too early. Much too early.

Way too early. I mean, I think every Wimbledon fan was like, oh no. Then we went down to one because of course we did. We barely made it five minutes after scoring before we'd given up a goal and then we gave up another one. Then we tied two to, but unfortunately, of course, we equalized much too early. We equalized in the 30th minutes.

Way too much time we lost the game four to two. Four to two. We are scoring, I know. We are scoring too early. I don't know how to get the message to the boys. We either need to score later, or, and this is a crazy talk, I know, but like, what if we tried not letting in so many goals? Or scoring more of them.

Either way, I wouldn't have mind winning that game five, four, or two, one. I would have found both of those outcomes equally desirable. I think that there's a strategy that I have to and what an is seeing themselves as the great equalizer and they are trying to keep everybody closer. So they're only going to beat teams better than them and only going to lose to teams worse than them. Well, if that's our strategy, it's going brilliantly to stay right in the middle.

We're currently in 14th place just drifting down a little bit toward the bottom half of the table. Five points clear of relegation and six points away from the final playoff spot. So in the middle, I just, I just hope we can, we can stay right there. I would be delighted to end the season in 14th place. Me too. I have, I hope that for you. But I also hope that you go ahead and just finish in the top four and go to the next league. Yeah, that would be fun. I mean, we would become the first team in the history of the second tier of English football to win no games, but it would be a fun season. All right, John. I have some Mars news for you, and it's great news for me.

Don't so Elon Musk said in an interview with a German media company that he is highly confident that SpaceX will send people to Mars in 2026. Really? Yeah, so we're, we're, we're, we're mixing it up. John, highly confident. Highly confident.

People, people, human people in 2026, including possibly himself, because this is ultimately, I think what it's about. He's going to send himself to Mars in 2026. That's his, he's highly confident that that is what will happen. They leave in 2026. They arrive in 2027. The podcast stays dear Hank and John forever. For those of you who don't know, if humans don't land on Mars by 2027,

this podcast gets renamed dear John and Hank. I think it's 2028. Well, nobody knows for sure. Okay. Nobody remembers the back. Well, hopefully I can't imagine that it will be an issue because I remain and not highly confident in this plan. But we'll see what happens.

Highly confident is just such a phrase. Because he's not confident. He's highly confident. Yeah. I feel like high confidence is what they say in intelligence briefings when they're like absolutely sure of something. Like they're like, we have high confidence that this guy has hazel eyes or whatever. Yeah

Highly confident that role. Yeah, and they are working on on their rockets space X is working on the latest version of the starship Which would be the vehicle they are planning which would be the one to go to Mars and Eventually tech people to Mars. I believe so but they got it They got it they got to go to Mars once without people before they go to Mars with people at least once okay yeah they get well they also like the idea is I think that they would be sending a bunch of equipment because you click kind of can't get people there and back without Manufacturing stuff on the surface of Mars including fuel for the return trip wow so I'll tell you what if they did that in 2026, it would be so cool.

I want to live, I want to live to see that so bad. Yeah, I'm into it. I'm into it. I just hope it's, I hope it's 2028 or later so that I can get this podcast renamed. I can't believe how close we are to 2028. I know, when we made the, when we made the bet, it was like, it was a bit.

Yeah. But now I'm starting to like see it and I'm starting to think like if I can just keep this train rolling for eight more years, I can finally have my dream come true and be the first name in our podcast. We're going to be making this podcast still in 2028. Like I'm that's not a question for me. Like back then, I think it's very likely.

I'm highly confident. I'm less confident, but I admire your confidence, and I will always be the tail-tier comment. So if you tell me that we're making the podcast, like I'll show up. Well, at the very least, you need to make one episode in 2028. If it all falls apart, we'll make one episode. After our feud, our brotherhood

will have dissolved into some kind of like, I really hope we never have a feud. I can't imagine. But then we'll come back and it'll be the great reunion. Yeah. Like one direction coming back together again. It'll be just like that. Just like that. The world will stop for a moment as a new podcast episode is released. Well, Hank, thank you for potting with me and thanks to everybody for listening. You can email us your questions at Hank and John at gmail.com. We love getting your questions happy, sad or indifferent.

They all are helpful to us and we love hearing from you. We're off now to record our Patreon only podcast. This weekend stuff, where we talk about stuff that is helping us get through. So you can check that out at patreon.com slash deerhankinjohn. This podcast is edited by Joseph Tuna Mendesch. It's produced by Rosiana Halstrow-Hasson, Sheridan Gibson. Our communications coordinator is Julia Bloom.

Our editorial assistant is Deboki Chakravardi. The music you're hearing now, and at the beginning of the podcast is by the great gunorola. And as they say in our hometown, don't forget to be awesome. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ you you