Dear Hank & John - 295: Have I Got Some Roaches For You

Episode Date: June 28, 2021

Can your tongue get swole? Why do we call dog arms legs? Should I keep kids chill when I babysit them? What would an inconvenience store sell? What do I do with a duplicate diploma? Do dogs know when they're old? Did you get the Sunday Scaries? What should my parents do with a box of roaches? Hank Green and John Green have answers!If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at [e-mail] us for monthly livestreams and an exclusive weekly podcast at patreon.com/dearhankandjohn.Follow us on Twitter! twitter.com/dearhankandjohn

Hello and welcome to Dear Hank and John! As I prefer to think of it, Dear John and Hank, it's a special edition. It is, we're in the same room together. We are in the same place at the same time. Hank's a lot closer to the mic, so you might hear him a little bit from the front. I'll move a little bit away. But I'm here, we're really taking the shock-jock. A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, and a ramberghini to fall in love. I want you to tell the jokes that way every time. It's so good.

It's a reminder about the reason the shock-jog thing works. Is that it works? Because if you go soft on a joke like that, it's not funny. But if you go full, any young men, but don't bump, it's super hard. It gets funny. We are so excited to answer your questions today, but don't bump. Because super hard. It gets funny. We are so excited to answer your questions today, but mostly we're just excited to be together.

It's true. It's a huge relief. I never thought that I would miss my brother. That's the end of the sentence, but it turns out I do. I don't think we've gone that long without seeing each other ever. I don't think we have ever. I mean, well, for me, the first three years,

what I call the golden age. Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! We'll see if we can stretch it out more next time. Hank, of course, Hank, of course, refers to the last 15 months as the Golden Age. Oh, Lord. Oh, yeah. So it's been a period of time. Yes.

If only it had only lasted a year, then we could call it the year, but it was more than a year and so it's become very confusing. Yeah, I think so. It's not over. Maybe it's not over. And that, I think, is the reason not over. Maybe it's not over. And that I think is the reason why we can't call it the year. I think whenever it ends, we should call it the year. However long it is, yeah, even if it's two years, we should just we should count it as one. I write in the

Anthropocene Reviewed book about my long time fascination with this conspiracy theory that I fell in love with when I was a teenager called the Phantom Time Hypothesis. It's a nice conspiracy theory because unlike all the other ones, it isn't very harmful. It's just dumb. Yeah, yeah. But the idea is that there's 300 years missing from the calendar and that these 300 years were invented by the Catholic Church. Now this conspiracy theory, like a lot of conspiracy theories, heavily relies upon looking at the world from one particular spot in this case, Europe. Yeah, but yeah, but like ultimately can't we kind of decide that that year didn't happen? Can't we just like have it be a wash?

I think that we can still have it be two years on the calendar and one year in our memory. Yeah, and that's what I would propose. I mean, I am I think that we can still have it be two years on the calendar and one year in our memory. Yeah. And that's what I would propose. I mean, I am not great at the moment. Yeah, well, I feel like looking back at myself over the last year, I didn't handle it as well as I thought I had. Oh, I, a hundred percent agree with you. I almost didn't realize it really was like a week ago when I started to come

out of the fog of the last four months that I was like, oh, oh, I had a real rough go of it there. But that's often the case though. You kind of have to shut down or you kind of have to go into whatever place you have to go in to get through something. And for those of you who don't know, in addition to having a book coming out, which was a like stressful work experience, we had some big stressful personal experiences. One of our kids had COVID and it was just really scary and not, not a good period. But we are, I mean, at the moment, things are much better.

And you often have to be on the other side of something before you know Yeah, that how bad it was. I think in the middle like you're just doing it. Yeah, if you're just doing it And you're not like don't focus too much But I yeah looking I had we've had a little bit of time on the schedule to since everybody's visiting to Not be working all the time and it has made me realize the extent to which I have not been living the most healthy life. Yeah, me too, man. It's been really good to have time together as a family and to be reminded that there are things other than work.

Yeah. That said, we need to answer some questions from our listeners, Hank. And I'm happy to do it. This first question comes from Gabby who asks, dear Hank and John? So your tongue is just one big muscle, right? Does that mean that if you somehow managed to work out your tongue, it would get bigger? Great question.

Not super talkative, Gabby. Great question. Now I know that you can work your tongue out. Yeah. Because if I go several weeks without filming SciShow, and then I go back into the SciShow studio, which is like the tongue Olympics in the country. Oh my gosh, I can only imagine some of the Latin names

that you guys are saying. Physicists, lots of talk about physicists that are doing research. And also like we're just trying to record a lot as fast as we can. So I go as fast as I can. And my tongue will cramp up and it will get tired. Yeah, line two.

It's like, I'm like, physically the problem is that my tongue is like burning as if I have just lifted weights with it. But I don't know if like exercising your tongue over time makes it stronger. That I know, but I will say that when I was recording the Anthropocene Reviewed Audio Book and everybody can hear Hank typing, but that's part of the podcast. When I was recording the Anthropocene Reviewed audiobook, I found that both my voice got thinner over the course of the day and that my tongue did get tired. Like it felt like I was sort of tongue twisted by the end of the day.

like I was sort of tongue twisted by the end of the day. That said, I really liked recording the audiobook and it's been lovely to hear people's responses to the audiobook, but I just, I had such, I really had a good time, we had an amazing engineer at Earshot Audio in Indianapolis and I had a great director and it was just awesome. It was a really fun time. I could not be an audiobook narrator.

Yeah, I used to think that that would be a fun job. I'm sure it would be a fun job in places, but it would be a really hard job. Like you've got to be a good actor. Oh yeah, and the only reason I can do it is because I was like acting out my own essays. Yeah, there are times reading, listen to my own audiobooks where I was like acting out my own essays. Yeah, there are times reading, listen to my own audiobooks where I'm like, that is not what I meant.

Yes, me too. But like, but very few of them. And also like the overall performance is vastly probably the same thing. Yeah, not something that I recorded a little bit of mine and I was like, oh, I don't like this and I don't feel like I'm particularly good at it. Yes, so.

Which is always a, it's one thing if you don't like it kind of work. And it's another thing if you're not good or to kind of work. But when those two things come together, you should find a different sort of work. Yeah. One thing I did want to say though, the looking for Alaska audio book was recorded by Dino. Who I do. The new one. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, we by well, we and it's so good. Yeah. That's why I think he's doing this. In fact, both with Will Wheaton and with Kate Rudd, who did the Faultner stars and turtles all the way down, I just feel like I had amazing audiobook experiences. All the other audiobooks are good too, but like, yeah, those two are just special. So, I've done a little bit of research.

The tongue is not one muscle. It's a bunch. It's eight muscles that work together. Four of them control shape. While four control the position of the tongue. not one muscle. It's a bunch. It's eight muscles that work together. Four of them control shape Well for control the position of the tongue. Okay. Wow. That's wild. That is what and also you can exercise the tongue And they do it in speech therapy and and in swallowing disorders And of course you don't use weights, but you do do various various regimens Does it make the tongue change shape this person did not say? Okay.

But you can work out your tongue. You can work out your tongue. Great next question. Science. All right. I think this next question comes from Jordan who writes, dear John and Hank, why are dogs legs legs instead of arms? What makes their arms legs love Jordan?

Jordan, your question is incorrect because their legs are legs. Well, that's what he says. He says dogs are like, why are dogs legs? What makes their arms legs? And that's an incorrect question because their arms are not arms, their legs. Well, what makes their front legs legs is the correct question. Jordan is trying to turn front leg at dogs into arms. Look, and I'm not gonna argue with you that the front legs of dogs are legs. The reason that they're, thank you. That's a huge relief.

I'm glad we're gonna be on the same page on this one. Thank God, I was really worried. Because butt is legs? Yes. But also legs are legs. Right, that's what I was gonna say. Like, I don't know with you I never know with you if you're gonna come up with some

obscure no, yeah, I'm gonna understand Yeah, this is why you're the lower back in terms of comparative anatomy John. Yes, right Yeah, my shoulder blades are actually part of the backs of my knees but but I'm pretty sure that the front legs are legs, because they're the exact same as the back legs. Well, they're not. Oh, come on. Well, they're not the same as the leg. No, they're completely, they're very different.

Very different. Physiologically very different. But they are functionally identical. Yes, they do the same job. Yes. Legs are for walking. Arms are for arm stuff. And like kangaroos.

Have arms. Do arm stuff. Yes. With their arms. They punch, they eat, they pick things up, which is pretty much all we do. Punchy, big st-picks things up. We still think that we're fancy.

The only difference between us and kangaroos really is that we fancy ourselves important. Where I don't think, maybe they do, I don't know what they do. That's true. I've ever seen their eyes, they do. I don't know what they do. That's true. I've ever seen their eyes, they do kind of look a little self-important. I have never looked into the eyes of a kangaroo. No, I have.

Also very lucky. I got to feed a hand feed a kangaroo once. It occurs to me that I've also never said the sentence I have never looked into the eyes of a kangaroo. I think, I wonder if anyone has. Ah, well, I luckily're sitting on my desk. I want it. I want it in quotations, please.

I have never looked into the eyes of a kangaroo, the space between eyes enough of a kangaroo. Quit. First time. First time. It's a winner. Bing, bing, bing. Boom.

Bum, bum, bum, bum. Boom. Boom. Boom. Legs, legs, because they're used as legs. Bing, Bing, Bing. Boom. Boom, boom, boom, boom. Boom, boom. Legs are legs because they're used as legs. They're walked, yeah. Yes. What is another animal that's not a human that has arms? I think chimpanzees have arms.

Absolutely. I would argue that whales also have arms. Definitely not. Yeah, they do. They have fins. Those front flippers. Those are fins. Those are arms.

Those are mammal arms. And then their legs are kind of melded together in the back and do the swimming part of swimming. That's a fact. Next question. We'll welcome to facts with John, the exciting new Fact podcast where John shares facts. This next question comes from Lila who asks, Dear Hank and John, I've begun babysitting for a couple who are, let's just say, Grandparent Age.

The girls are five and ten, and we have a wonderful time together. They will often dream up imaginative and creative games for us to play. We build blanket forts and have surprise dance parties and water balloon fights. That sounds like very fun. The problem is, with all this fun,

it gets hard for their caretakers to keep up. Should I try to tone down the energy or is there something else you'd recommend? Dubie is advised greatly, appreciated. Lila. I am not grandparentage. Well, I guess I technically am. Sure, yeah.

But I do sometimes struggle to keep up with my kids. They have more energy than I have. Just today, our kids spent like hours and hours and hours engaging in what I would consider to be anaerobic exercise. You know, lifting and twisting and stretching and hitting and turning in circles. And I mean, just endless, it's incredible the amount of energy that they have. And from my perspective, I am very grateful to anyone who will engage with my kids in that way because I get tired fast.

So I would try to find ways to include them but to allow them to stay seated if they so choose. Sure, yeah, right? Absolutely. And I think that the needs of the kids, that's part of the dynamic, you get to bring. That's part of why you hire a babysitter because they can do things that you can't do.

They bring something to the table that you don't have. Yeah, unless you're being instructed to change that behavior, absolutely don't. Yeah, I think it's great. I have been astonished by the amount of energy that our three children have when they are together. I mean, Aaron woke up this morning and the first words out of his mouth.

I like, why does Remy sitting on the toilet as he says our Henry and Alice over? And I was like, not yet. And he's like, went. And I was like, what's the thing? Let's take care of the poopy butt first. They're so sweet together. And Henry and Alice are so sweet to Aaron.

And he's so sweet to them. It's like, it's a huge encouragement Yeah, there is good. There is cause for hope in this world Hey, I don't think I told you this but Alice told an incredible incredible Hank joke. Oh, yeah incredible So we were you know just in California before we came here. And Alice said, do you know why they call it the Pacific Ocean? It's because it's a very particular ocean. And then she calls it.

It's the Pacific Ocean. And I was like, wow, okay. Wow. I mean, there's something genetic that got passed down. Yeah, that's good. Through the grandparents, because I don't have it. I don't have that. This next question comes from Maria, who writes,

Dear John and Hank, my boyfriend was talking about how we accidentally called a convenience store, an inconvenient store, which makes me wonder, what would an inconvenientience store sell? Humpkinson Penguins, Maria. For me, it would sell clothing, but it would sell clothing that just isn't quite right there. It's not quite fair. The fit, just a little off.

Well, and this comes from personal experience because this has occurred. Oh, yeah. I've been to stores that have done this. Why have I tried 25 pairs of jeans on and none of them fit as well as any pair of jeans that I have in my home right now? I find that very frustrating. I think you and I have weird shaped bodies because I find shopping for pants

to be intensely frustrating. So bad, I've started to mend my old jeans because I don't wanna do it. Yeah, well, and I think that's fine. Maybe that's the way forward. And I know like, we'll probably have a clothing company sponsor on this episode of the podcast. So we should say that like whatever clothing company is sponsoring us, we love. But all the other clothing companies to find that their jeans just don't quite fit. You know, you want a great fit? The best fit I found

is whoever is sponsoring this episode of Derangon John. Not really. Not really. Oh gosh, no, that's why we have separate music during the ads. So that you know what's up. We're, yeah. Yeah. I've been having an experience recently because my body has changed shape a little bit over the course of the last year and a half,

where my pants don't fit but in weird places, like in my calves? Oh, like often it's in my office at the waist, of course, but sometimes I put on a pair of pants that I haven't worn a while because the other thing is that I didn't wear jeans for most of the last 15 months or a lot of sweatpants. I got really into ATHLEASURE. Wow. Now I had jeans every day. No, not for me during the pandemic. It was very ATHLEASURE-y.

Man. I even wore that sweat suit, that ugly sweat suit, that YouTube goddess has been wearing. Oh, I was wearing those pants this morning. No, no, no, no. Oh, they're really ugly. They're really ugly. But one that they got us in 2016,

it's like a red track suit from Adidas. No, that one. I like that. I wear that. No, I love that one. I'm talking about the one they got us this year if it's based on David's fashion from Shit's Creek. Yeah, it does feel that way, but it's like they worked with specific artists.

Yeah. Who did lovely art? I don't know that it belongs. It's not of the artist's bad. Yeah. And in fact, I've seen young hip people when the thing that YouTube, and we are very grateful to YouTube

for giving us free swag. Thank you for the sweat pants, but they mostly make things for young hip people because that's who's big on YouTube. Yeah, mostly YouTube like phenomenal. And then it arrives at our houses and we're like, wow, I gotta put this on and take a picture

for Instagram so everybody can laugh at me. Catherine looks great in that sweatshirt. I bet. For me, I didn't take a picture of myself for Instagram. There's no way that I'm sharing that publicly, but I did put it on so that Sarah could have a good laugh. So yeah, for us, an inconvenience store would sell quotes, but I think it's different for each person.

That's right, yeah. It'd be great if each person could have their own inconvenience store. Right. Well, what about like the most inconvenient thing would be screws? Oh, God. Unsorted. Yes. I mean, even screws sorted. I'm finding it a challenge.

It's hard. I have to get somebody to help me. I do. I then I feel bad because I'm like, hey, I really need somebody's help to pick which 26 cent screw I'm going to purchase. This next question comes from help to pick which 26th scrue I'm gonna purchase. This next question comes from Sally who asks, dear Hank Adjana, graduated from college and was sent to official diplomas by accident. Oh, I'm gonna frame one. But what should I do with the second diploma? They are identical. They're on very heavy paper and very official looking. Me 4th, Sally.

That's good. Sally's good. Yeah. Have I told you before what Sarah did with her graduate school diploma? It's one of my favorite things. What? She received it in the mail. Okay. Yes. And she has framed the.

What are you doing? I'm looking to see if I have my diploma. Okay. She has framed the. She has framed the. I can't until you can talk to me. I can't diploma. Okay. She has framed the, she has framed the, I can't, until you can talk to me, I can't talk to you. She's framed the what, job? You're not listening.

I am. I can tell you're not listening. It's not there. So she received the diploma inside an envelope. And, but she's never opened the envelope. She framed the envelope. Wow. That we believe contains the diploma.

But it's a little bit of a Schrodinger's cat thing. Because for all we know, if you open it up, there's not a diploma in there. Maybe Sally got it. I was gonna say, maybe Sally has Sarah's graduate school diploma. I think that this one, you definitely vandalize, right? Like if you're lucky to get a second diploma, you should vandalize it. Or Like if you're looking to get a second diploma, you should vandalize it.

You or like our artify it some way. Yeah. Yeah, but I think it'd be great if you just like crossed out the bachelor's degree and gave yourself a PhD. Oh yeah, or like a, like a, you know, you get a bachelor's of arts or whatever and you got a bachelor of arts.

Exactly. I mean, you could only write it with no one noticed it. It's all on the wall behind you with your office. Yeah. My other guy clients coming in and it was like, to sit, wait, does that say farts? Yeah. Or you could have your Bachelor of Science turned into a Bachelor of Fine Sense. Yeah. Which is really what you're developing in school. Yeah, hopefully, right. You're not. I love, I love it.

Good smells. Fine, hopefully, right. You're not. I love it. Good smells. Find sense or find sense. So I love that I love the colleges are always like, we're not here to teach you what to learn. We're here to teach you how to learn. Yeah. And I'm like, you know, you're testing me on what I want. And also, is there a cheaper way to learn how to learn?

No, definitely. They were definitely not. This is the only way we're stuck with this system. What I learned and also is there a cheaper way to learn how to learn no They were they definitely not this is the only way we're stuck with this system and can never can never avoid or move beyond it Maybe Sally to set you to plum is because they feel a little bit guilty about how much it cost I don't know that I have my diplomas. I don't have mine. But I also didn't get two diplomas like Sally did. Lucky dog. This question is about a dog. It's from Korean who asks, dear Hank and John, I adopted my dog last year and he's 16. And I always say, you're an old man.

Yeah. Do you know that Mr. Chubb? His name is Chubb. Does he know he's old? Does he? I was thinking no, he doesn't know that Mr. Chubb? Is Nymn's Chubb? Does he know he's old? Does he? I was thinking no, he doesn't know his age, but like does my dog know that he has been alive for more than a week?

He has to know something. Cheers, Corrine. So I think the definition of being old is contingent upon understanding death. For you, which I don't think dogs do. But that's for you. Yeah, yeah. an understanding death. For you, which I don't think dogs do. But that's for you. Yeah, yeah.

But on the other day. But there are things about being like, I think a dog could remember, I don't know this for sure. I think there's a potential that a dog could remember being younger and more spy and having the good old times when I was younger. Yes. And then being like, I cannot walk so well now

and being aware of that. Sure. Maybe. And again, I also don't know because I've never been inside a dog's mind. And then being like I cannot walk so well now and and being aware of that sure maybe and again I also don't know because I've never been inside a dog no yeah, but which reminds me of my all-time favorite dad joke Okay, Groucho marks joke outside of a dog a book is a man's best friend inside of a dog. It's too dark to read side of a dog. It's too dark to read. Sorry, I was going to keep talking. I like that joke too much. I can see that, but I think the question is, does Mr. Chobb think to himself, I have more memories than I used to have because more time has passed?

I am further along than I used to be in the wife works. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, it's a good question. There's only one way to find out. And that's to ask Mr. Chump. And we can't do that yet. But it will be the first thing we ask when we have dogs speak.

The very first thing? Yeah. Do you know how old you are? No, I think the first thing will be like, so what do you think of us? Because we're very self-involved species. And we've been wanting to know. Because I think I feel like we've been dreaming you okay.

I think we think we've been doing great. What's your position? And their position will be like, I mean, I feel like not enough walks, not enough food. I mean, it reminds me that today's podcast is brought to you by Mr. Chubb. I feel like not enough walks, not enough food. I mean, it reminds me that today's podcast is brought to you by Mr. Chubb. Mr. Chubb, he may not know that he's old.

This podcast is also brought to you by the specific ocean. The specific ocean, it's a very particular ocean. And of course today's podcast is brought to you by whale arms, whale arms, Hank calls them flippers, but they are in fact arms. And also, we're really delighted to have a sponsor this week from all eight tongue muscles. Thank you so much.

All eight tongue muscles. They are working together to make, to help make the noises that you're here and right now. And it was kind of gross, now that I've said it. Yeah, oh gosh. Oh no, now I'm conscious of the fact that I'm making these noises with my tongue muscles. Yeah All right

Hey, we have another question this one's from Paige who writes dear John and Hank, did you ever have the Sunday Scaries and if so, how did you deal with them? Hopefully after you respond, we'll all be on the same page The Sunday Scaries. I Referred to this when I was a kid as the night feeling These scary. I referred to this when I was a kid as the night feeling, which was this feeling that would come over me at night, especially on Sundays, but also on many other weekdays, where I would feel a kind of dread, a deep dread.

Oh yeah. Not like, oh, I'm worried that something bad's gonna happen at school tomorrow, but like a profound dread. It wasn't really, yeah, so I had that, and it was not like, I'm worried that a particular thing is going to happen. It's, I have to go to that place where bad things happen. Yes, that is exactly right. And I'm going to be there all day. And then I'm going to be there all day on Tuesday. Yeah. I definitely still get that feeling. I don't like that you situated the question

in the past tense page. I don't get it as much, but I still get it. I still get it like over the last few months when I've been so overwhelmed and so freaked out. I have gotten it a lot of times actually, but now I'm able to contextualize it a little bit better, I think. Yeah, and I feel grateful and privileged to be able to like, if I'm starting to have that feeling,

to be able to re-examine some things in my life and figure out how to not have it, because it is one of my least favorite feelings. Oh, yeah. And just the feeling of not being able to go to bed because you're worried is, and then, for me, it's very difficult not to be like, well, now I'm worried about the fact

that I can't go to bed. Yeah. And so now I've got two worries. I get that one all the time. Uh, that's the only reason I ever have insomnia is because I need to wake up in the morning. But and I haven't really had like severe Sunday scaries since VidCon sold. So that was the biggest source of my Sunday scaries. Yeah, I still have them pretty intensely, but they really are contingent upon how well I'm doing.

So for me, it's a little bit of a guide to how is it going. But like we were talking about at the beginning, so often when I'm not doing well, especially when I'm not doing well, like for a reason, you know, like there are times when I'm not doing well, especially when I'm not doing well, like for a reason, you know, like there are times when I'm having bad mental health because I have a chronic mental health problem, but there are times when I'm going through difficult time because like the time is objectively difficult. And in those periods, it can be so hard for me to understand that I even am Feeling the stuff that I'm feeling. I almost like kind of shut down a little bit and then only recognize it in retrospect Anyway, what was the question?

Do you get the Sunday scary? I do page. I do we're gonna get through it We're gonna get through it. My therapist has been saying and I've found this very helpful That we are moving through something. Instead of just like getting through the verb moving makes me feel like, okay, yeah, I'm moving through something. And then I will be through it. There is movement.

Yes. There has been movement. And part of movement is going through a really difficult time, but then you move through it. Now that you said that, getting through something is a very weird thing to say grammatically. Very weird. How do I get through? Yeah.

Getting is such a... It's almost like through is a thing that I have gotten once I'm out. Yeah. Getting through it. Yeah. It's very problematic actually. That makes no grammatical sense. Like, why would I acquire throughness? Unless I'm through.

Exactly. The only time I could say I'm through. Right. And maybe getting through is sort of a way of minimizing what someone else is experiencing. Like, oh, you'll get through it. Like you will accomplish throughness. Whereas moving through it, saying, you know, you will accomplish through this, whereas moving through it, saying, like, you know, you will move through this is a statement that, like, hey, this might be hard, but you'll

do it. I like moving through so much more than I like getting through. John, this next question comes from Jane, who is in a very pacific situation. Jane asked, dear, Hank, and John, I have a bearded dragon. And sometimes I order a bearded dragon. Sometimes I order bugs for her online. This week I ordered a box of roaches and I accidentally sent it to my parents' house on the other side of the country. So my parents are about to receive a box of roaches and hornworms and they do not have a lizard to feed them to. What should my parents do

with the bugs? Not tarzan, Jane. So I initially heard the question, Hank, I was like, what is the bearded dragon do with the roaches? But I think the answer to that is contained within the question. It's not like they don't become plain mates. Yeah. Right. It's not like, oh, you know, the bearded dragon needs a buddy. Yeah. It's like the bearded dragon needs some food. Yeah, I Would definitely call my parents and I would say listen. I mailed you some roaches by accident And what I would like for you to do is to adopt them as pets I've noticed you guys are pretty lonely. Yeah, exactly. There's yeah, and as as an empty nesters You just have so little to live for now So I've gotten you roaches in a horn

Worms I've been thinking how will you move through this difficult period of your life mom and dad and I realize now that I'm not around all the time I realize that what you need is something to care for specifically some roaches Yeah, you'll find that they get along well with the hornworms. I mean, there is only one answer to this question. And you're not gonna like it. Well, there's two answers. One, the obvious solution is, of course,

to kill the roaches and the hornworms, which I think is what was gonna happen anyway, if we're gonna be frightened. But the main thing is you need to let them know this is happening so they don't like open the package. Yeah. As an oh, I'd be like does our child hate us. Yeah.

Is this some kind of hate sauce? Right. Is this some kind of like message from a mobster or something? Yeah. No, but the other thing you can do, and I would argue the better thing you could do is you call your parents and you say, Mom, Dad, I'm gonna need you to put it in a Craigslist ad, and the Craigslist ad will read as follows. Do you own a bearded dragon? If so, have I got some roaches for you?

And then you have to have your parents drive the roaches to the home of the bearded dragon. Right. Yeah. Well, maybe they'll pick it up because like, you know, it's apparently it's a thing. Right. I don't know how, I don't know how dense of a city they live in, how many bearded dragons per square mile there are. But the Craigslist ad should be titled in search of lizard person. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha We got there. Alright, we have another question. This one's from Jed who writes, Dear John and Hank, my name is Jed. Stop trying to be Ryan, Jed. I have a lot of questions.

Many are deep in thought provoking and paramount among them is currently this. Why are all lids threaded in the same direction? Was there a jar-lord once that put out the righty, tidy, lefty, loosey decree to standardize all under their domain? Why is there nothing that I can twist to the left and tighten? Or is there, and I just don't encounter it feeling good today? I got up on the right side of the Jed. Nice. Good one. Um, well, is there a jar lord? I don't know, but there is a very good reason why everything screws the same way,

which is that if it didn't all screw the same way, it way, it would create a lot, like a lot of bad days. It's hard enough, even knowing that everything screws the same way to figure out, like when I'm trying to like get the hose onto the hose bib, well that's part of that's one of the things, is that like which one am I screwing? Right, the hose or the hose bib? Did you say hose bib?

What's it called? The nozzle. The Right. The hose or the hose bib? Did you say hose bib? What's it called? The nozzle. The nozzle. The shmumidi bib. Squeeze the squeeze shooter. The herferdurper. No, I meant like into the water source. What do you call that thing?

The spout. The spout. Out. Don't, hey, hey, hey, no bragging by saying the word and then assinin' him. That's bragging, okay? You just tell me the word. then a synonym. That's bragging. Okay. You just tell me the word.

I don't need to hear. I like that. I don't need to hear your brother. Do you think the word spigot and the word spit have a relationship? Probably not. But the answer to your question is that we have standards because if we didn't have standardized ways of doing things, it would take longer and be less pleasant. Well, first off,

Spigot comes from a 14th century word that means the exact opposite of the word Spigot. There's so many ways like that. There's so many ways like that. There's so many ways like that. There's so many ways like that. There's so many ways like that. There's so many ways like that.

There's so many ways like that. There's so many ways like that. There's so many ways like that. There's so many ways like that. There's so many ways like that. There's so many ways like that. There's so many ways like that. There's so many ways like that. There's so many ways like that. There's so precise opposite of that. It's an uncorked water sourcey thingy. Uh-huh. It is that which controls our restraints, John.

No, it's not that which controls water. If you think about, I guess that's true. It can. Yes, we can. All right. That's both. All right. Hey, it's time for the all-important news from Mars and AFC Wimbledon. I'll let you go first this week. What's the news from Mars? So I'm still thinking about screwing jars. Because if you couldn't, like oftentimes, you don't know whether or not you're screwing the right direction, because it's not moving at all.

Yeah. So you need to know, because otherwise, you're just tightening back up. Right. You could get a tire a tighter. Yeah. It would be a disaster. Well, not just that.

I have a really poor sense of, like, direction and understanding of space and stuff. It would be a disaster. Well, not just that. I have a really poor sense of direction and understanding of space and stuff. And so as it is, I often find myself, even though I can say, Lefty Lucy, righty Teddy, I'm always like, but which way is left would we're talking about a circle? Right.

Top of it, go to the left. Right. Which is confusing, a little confusing for me. I've gotten there, but it's taken me 41 years. Right. So I'm just saying that like, if you added to that an inconsistency, it would be horrible. Yeah. It would be catastrophic. Like you could make a wrong jar and sell it

as a novelty prank product. Yeah. Like right now, the worst two problems humanity is facing. We agreed earlier, climate change and the potential pandemic. Now we're potentially adding a third-large problem with the jar problem, but the jar lord solved it. Thanks to all hail the jar lord. And now can we please have the jar lord address the other two major issues in the room. John, this weekend Mars News, the perseverance rover has officially started to science. So it's making sure that everything works for a long time. Right. So it's been going through system tests.

It's been taking pictures to send to us audio recordings. Doing like, I think that it's safe to say that the work is important all the rover going on a little bit of a victory tour. You poop out a helicopter, it flies around, you take pictures of it and send it back for the rest of the world to be like holy crap we did that. And that's really important work, but the science is the most important work. The rover has now left the Octavia e-Beltler landing site and is driving off into a low-lying scenic overlook. For much, it will be able to observe the oldest geologic features that we found in Jezero Crater.

The team behind the rover will also be taking on the final steps and bringing the various auto navigation and sampling systems on board. And then over the next few months, the rover will be studying a 1.5 square mile patch of crater floor, where it will be collecting samples for future missions to return. Well, that is really exciting. Doing science! We're finally science-ing on Mars.

I mean, we've been science-ing on Mars. We're science-ing on Mars with this new theme. Curse he is finally science-ing on Mars. The news from AFC Wimbledon is not as encouraging. Don't know. The news from AFC Wimbledon is that Rudy Rodone, Jack Rudone, who's been with AFC Wimbledon since he was nine or 10 years old and is emerging as one of our best players, is reportedly being linked with a team in the second tier of English football.

This would be a big, big loss for Wimbledon. He's only 20. He played almost every game last season, and he got better and better as the season went on. You obviously can't deny a young player the chance to play in a higher league. That's part of Wimbledon want to prove with our academy that we can produce those kinds of players who can go on to play in the Premier League like A few of our former players have but yeah, that's worrisome Because it just it gets hard. It gets hard Yeah, I mean, it's just hard to keep keep a team together and that's why it's so

Shuffle-y down there at the bottom because yeah, it's a lot less shuffly than it was when we were in the Ninth year of English football, but it's still a little shuffly. Yeah, but I didn't hear it I don't have to heard that person's name that that often Jack Rudoni. Yeah, but that's because there are a lot of players who are really important who don't score a lot of goals and he's one of them. So are you sure you can't just put Joe pick it out there and Joe's spigot out there and There's nothing wrong Hank Joe pick it left. Oh, no That was the news from AFC one within a couple weeks ago But thanks for reminding me that we lost oh no the majority of our goals I do remember that I do remember that oh

Also, uh, AFC Whippledon there's going to be a pub at Plow Lane. It's really cool, actually. So like when you are at the pub, you can see the field with their big glass windows, but then during the game, the glass windows turn to frosted. Um, it's a really cool, sciency thing because you're not allowed to be able to see the field during the game. Like, you can't like watch the game from a bar. That's one of the rules.

And so it's a beautiful, beautiful facility and a great solution to this problem. And they don't know what they're going to call it. So they are asking in typical AFC Wimbledon fashion, the fans to decide the name of the pub. I think it should be the name of the pub. I think it should be called the John Green pub. I haven't been offered an opportunity to sponsor it yet. And I don't think that there would be a ton of family support. But I was trying to cover up with some kind of beer,

alcohol, pun, with plow lane, but I failed. Yeah. No, I think which just, you know, let's just sponsor the pub, Hank. I just need you. It's very, oh, very, ooh, ooh, what about the Hank Green pub? What about, we get some Hank Green

capital that I'm not sure how that works. No, that's fine. What about if we, what, what, I can, I'll work on some ideas with puns. So, well, Hank, thank you for potting with me and for hanging out with me. Up to it, boys! Up to it, boys.

It's pretty good. It's pretty good. And girls, up to it, up to it, y'all. Y'all, they say y'all over there. How great a word is y'all, a word that I was made fun of for saying my entire childhood that turns out to be an awesome amazing wonderful world. Very useful world, yeah. But yeah, maybe they'll call it hop to it y'all. That's a great name for a pub. Thank you, John. I look forward to your founding a new online pub experience called hop to it y'all.

Thank you for following with me. We're off now to record our Patreon only podcast this week and stuff, which you can find at patreon.com slash deer hankin' John. This podcast is edited by Joseph Tuna Metashits produced by Rosiana Halstera, Hassan Sheridan Gibson. Our communications coordinator is Julia Blumar, editorial assistant to Bookie Trucker Vardy. The music you're hearing now and the beginning of the podcast is by the great gunorola.

And as they say in our hometown, don't forget to be awesome. you you