Dear Hank & John - 297: The Mariko Aoki Brothers

Episode Date: July 12, 2021

Where do unreleased toots go? Why do some books tell you what font they use? How do I stop people asking when my book will be finished? What's up with temporary moons? Why do book stores smell like book stores?  Hank Green and John Green have answers!If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at [e-mail] us for monthly livestreams and an exclusive weekly podcast at patreon.com/dearhankandjohn.Follow us on Twitter! twitter.com/dearhankandjohn

Hello and welcome to Dear Ican John! It was I prefer to think of it Dear John and Hank. It's a podcast where two brothers answer your questions, give you to be a advice and bring you all the week's news from both Mars and AFC Wimbledon at John. I had a plumbing problem at my house this weekend. The tub wouldn't turn off, so I was pulling it and it turned on just fine, though it was a little tough to turn on. I was like, that's weird, that's hard.

And then I turned it turn it off. It was very hard. And then it was very easy. And after it got easy, the nothing happened and the water just stayed on. Yeah. So I did several things. One, I tried to fix it myself,

which turned it into a worse situation. 100% of the time. So I, and when I say I tried to fix it myself, I mean, I called my friend and I tried to have him fix it because he knows more about this than I do. And so what the goal was that he would take it off and turn off a valve that was inside the wall so that we could turn on the rest of the house's water without having the tub always on. He took all of it out and it turns out there isn't a valve inside of the wall and the valve that we do have is broken. That's the part that's broken.

And then, and so then I was like, okay, well, that's not a big deal. We can still turn on the house water when we need to. Water's just going to like shoot out of the wall on the tub, except that's not true because because it will also shoot a little bit into the wall, which then goes down in between the wall and into the basement. So I found that out. That's not great. You can't just have it shoot now when there's a hole in the wall. So then, well, during this whole time, we were calling a lot of plumbers. It was the weekend so that they weren't available. We're trying to schedule a time. We find a apartment that can schedule a time. And so then once we scheduled the time of the plumber, I have to go out and I have

to buy a lot of wooden shoes so that I can leave them around so that when the plumber is done, while he's working in the tub, I can move the wooden shoes all around. And when he's like, what's going on with all these wooden shoes? And I said, well, I was just hoping you could help me with these clogs too. I was I was a long and tortured road. All of it was true except for the part with the wooden shoes. Yeah. Yeah. But my, my top is fixed.

I'm so glad that it's fixed. I, I have had many similar issues over the years. My friend Alex described it to me once very succinctly. He said once when it comes to installing a thermostat, John, you have a pretty stark choice. You can either call someone to install the thermostat or you can call two people, one to install the thermostat after you've failed and the other to fix the drywall that you messed up. Hahaha. Yeah. And you have to look straight into the face of,

you should be able to do this, but you can't. Yeah, yeah. I mean, Henry and I have been boxing for the last several weeks. It's been really good. We're loving it. And Henry has very good footwork and is able to do all of the major boxing moves. And God bless our trainer.

She'll just look at me sometimes and she'll be like, okay, no, no, no, no, no left foot forward. And then I move my right foot forward. And she's like, nope, left left left foot forward. And then I move my left foot forward. And she's like, yeah. And then she's like right foot drags. And I'm like, and she's like, nope, no, no, no, I was like, okay. I can see a bunch of ways I would have messed that up.

And so I appreciate you having done that. And also the tools that you have that I don't have. And yes, I was happy, I was mostly happy that there was someone available today because I need a shower. Yeah, well I'm glad you're gonna have one. Let's answer some questions from our listeners, Hank. Okay, John.

I have to sneeze. I have to sneeze. Oh, God. Oh, no. Oh, God. It passed. Well, that's great. Great news, John.

Thank God. Thank God. Sneezing is, of course, not normal. John. And so I was really worried. This first question is a little bit related. It comes from Hillary who asks, dear Hank and John, I sometimes find myself desperately needing to tut, but in an unfortunate place to let that happen, such as in a room with little ventilation, or in front of my

boss. In these cases, I often work very hard to hold it in, and often, by the time I am in a place to be able to let it go, I no longer need to. Where has the tut gone, Hillary? I've often wondered this. I have to say. I mean, I've always sort of assumed that it either gets, uh, comes out as a burp later, or it comes out as a toot later, or it gets reabsorbed. I don't know. Like, but I have noticed this phenomenon.

Mm-hmm. Yeah, so it doesn't come out as a burp. I can tell you that much. I did feel like it was a little too low to make it all the way back up there. It is very rare for that stuff to make it back up. And if it, if and when it does, it is a serious problem. Okay, great.

And you don't need to know anymore about that unless, unless you do. All you need to know is go to the doctor. Yeah. The, but I think, so like, I think that our body, like the rectum is basically just a storage unit. I think that if something's pushing up against the edge of the rectum, that you've experienced that as the urge to fart or poop.

And then if you're like, I can't, eventually, it won't be pushing on it anymore because something else further up won't be pushing on it anymore because something else further up won't be contracting and pushing it down. So it's like the whole, but that digestive system is just a bunch of, just imagine it like the way that like a person milks an utter of a cow. It's just that happening to a tube that is like 70 feet long

from the moment it hits the back of your throat to the moment it comes out of your butthole And and what is happening? I think is the squeezing has ceased and that's allowing the fart to move back up And so you're like well, I guess I'll never fart again But then again eventually I think the fart will come out. I don't think your body can reabsorb gas Okay, though some animals do have ways of reabsorbing gas I don't do not think that the intestines can do it at all. And I definitely know that they don't do it on mass.

They might do it a tiny bit. Well, actually, a doon of the the do it a tiny bit because recently there was a study done, I think on mice, to prove that if a mouse wasn't breathing, you could inject oxygen into its colon and that would increase its chances of surviving the period of time without oxygen. So you can absorb some gas through your colon. I'm really glad to know all of this.

It's really deeply enriched by relationship with my body. So thank you. I think the tooth comes out. Okay. really deeply enriched my relationship with my body. So thank you. Oh, I think the two comes out. Okay. Where has the two gone? I don't like to think about the fact that my body is essentially like a bunch of flesh surrounding a tube. Yeah, no, it's not great.

It's a very, it's an unpleasant thought for me. Yeah, sometimes I'll be looking under my microscope at a worm and I'll be like, oh, so like you too, huh? Yeah. It's like, I'm just you with more flesh on the outside. Yeah. Yeah, just a tube with a tube in it.

Oh, thanks for coming to our podcast, everybody. This next question comes from Laura who writes to your brother's green. Why do some books tell you the font that was used in the text at the end of the book? Is this to help other publishers or to give credit to the font? Or is it just a fun fact for people who haven't quite figured out what the word fun means? It's a great question. So in the Anthropocene Reviewed book, I review the font. It's a little bit of a secret review.

It's on the copyright page. You know, we're like, all that tiny little text is anyway. So I inserted a review of the font alongside all that other tiny legalese. And I did that because I've never had an about the font page. And I've always thought they're a little bit ludicrous, but also a bit, I've always been a little bit jealous, you know, like about the font pages are usually in, I guess what I would term fancy books. And they are entirely about fun. Or I mean, I guess not entirely. There are some percentage of people who will read a book and pay attention to the font and be like, gosh, I really wish I knew what that font was. And then they will be able to find out.

And that will be exciting for them. Right. And then the other thing is, like, fonts are very weird. Like, I think sometimes we forget how weird they are. That like 500 years ago, a bunch of people had to make a collective decision about what words looked like in a world after hand-write. Yeah, wow. And we are still using those fonts. Like, the font that the Anthropocene Reviewed Book is laid out in is a font from a Venetian printer from 500 years ago. Wow. And in all likelihood, the font that an absolute remarkable thing in a beautifully-foolish and never-used is a font that at least has its roots a long time ago.

Right. And so it's a weird thing. And I think for people who love books and who love printed books especially, some people are really interested in it and into it. And so I think it's a nice little bonus, but I didn't want it to have its own page. I thought that was a little much. I wanted it to just be like, hey, if you

happen to be reading the copyright page, which almost everyone isn't going to do, look, I made a treat for you. So do you have to tell people what the font is in a book? I don't know if you have to, but almost every time, even if there isn't a fancy about the font page, if you look on the copyright page, it'll be like this book is set in and designed by. Right. And I think that like, you know, the people who are putting together the book and including the copyright page, like those people think this is what I didn't realize. Those people think about books a lot.

Yeah. And there are a lot of different things about books. Yeah. And like, and people will often be like, what's up with Decolde, I will say, what's up with the Decol edge? Yeah. That seems like it sometimes the things that are more expensive, our worst kind of situation. And also kind of same with the dust jacket.

I'm like, okay, what exactly is this? And then I realize that a dust jacket is like, it's the packaging, you know? It's just like, it's a place to put information about the book, like it's not really serving a function during reading, like sometimes you'll use it as a bookmark, but like it's not good at that job. I think it's pretty good at being a bookmark. It can be, it depends on how big the book is.

It's like how wide the book is. Yeah, but the, you know, like, but it's primary. But people are thinking a ton about it and I didn't realize that beforehand. And then I tried to lay out a page myself of a thing that I wrote where I was like, okay, it can't be that hard.

It's very hard. It's that hard. It's so hard. Yeah. It looks so bad. It looks so bad. I had no idea how to make it look good. Every week I made, I was like, it still looks like garbage. Yeah, it's really hard to make a book page look good. And it is also

really hard to find the right font for a book because the font in my opinion anyway has a subtle but fairly pervasive effect on the way we read. Yeah. And you have no idea though. Yeah, but it does matter. It kind of sets the tone for the book in some ways. And I think it's interesting and in some ways cool that e-readers now, you can choose the font. So the book is said in Beembo,

but maybe you like to read an aerial or in Garamond or whatever. And I mean, that's that's a whole new world. But for the people who are, you know, reading a reading a print book part, what the whole process is anachronistic, right? Like there's no part of a print book that is essential to 21st century methods of communication. And so, and so you have to decide to what extent do I want to lean into these inachronisms and to what extent do I want to lean away from them. But you don't have a choice about whether you use any of them

because like they're all, you know, the idea of a printed book is itself a weirdness in the 21st century. Yeah, a little bit. Yeah, but I love them. I don't mean that in a bad way. Like, yeah, I think there are a lot of anachronisms that I also love.

Like, I would argue that football played by humans is a bit of an anachronism, right? Like, we have really high quality graphics engines now and we could just have the euros by playing them on FIFA, but we choose not. And I like that choice. I like that world. have the euros by playing playing them on FIFA, but we choose not. And I like, I like that choice. I like that world.

That seems like a better world. So anyway, check out the Anthropocene Reviewed book. Six weeks now, Hank, on the New York Times bestseller list. And also America's favorite new book printed in Benbo. Good old Benbo. Can't beat it. They also didn't slack on naming that one. It's named after the guy who first cut it,

whose name was Benbo. Was it named Benbo something or something Benbo? I think it was something Benbo. It's better if it was just Benbo. Well, Hank, I'll tell you, you can read the whole history of the font in the Anthroposene Reviewed book on the copyright page. Weirdly enough, I don't have a copy because I just gave it away.

Oh, well, I can. I can't. Yeah. Hey, you know what? They're, uh, they're available at fine books for us everywhere. I was going to be like, I'll send you one, but no, I won't. I won't send you one. You can go pick one up yourself. That's right.

That's right. I'm not on the far from a bookstore. I can make that happen. This next question comes from Ila who asks, dear Hank and John, I can make that happen. This next question comes from Ila, who asks, Dear Hank and John, I love writing, and I'm working on a book. I find it really hard to find the time and creativity to work on my book sometimes, and it's taking a long time to write. My dad loves reading what I write, which is good,

but he keeps saying that he wants me to finish up what I'm writing so that he can read it. My question is, how do I respond when someone who doesn't know how hard writing a book is keeps pestering me about finishing it? Thanks, Ila. Is it pestering or is it encouragement? It's a little of both. Yeah, I mean, it's that it's that fatherly pestering encouragement. Right. I think you could maybe say to your dad, I think you're trying to encourage me, but you've crossed the Rubicon into pestering. Yeah, but I also think that probably your dad

is trying to encourage you and like wants you to finish the story, both because he's enjoying reading it and because he wants that for you. Like he wants you to have the feeling of finishing writing a novel. So I would, it is hard. It is hard to find the time. It is hard to find the like energy and the headspace

as well as the time. And for sure, certainly somebody who publishes one book every five to six years is probably not in a position to give you advice on like how to write quickly. So I'll just turn it over to my brother. I mean, I wasn't that snappy either. I feel like you wrote like 250,000 really good words in a three year period. Well, it was longer than that. That's how you feel. That's how you make it look, John.

Right. Well, because of course, it always feels shorter and easier to the dad reading than it does to the child writing. Yeah. Well, this is my point. I would, so I remember when I worked on that, so I'd been working for six months on a beautifully-solutioned ever, the sequel to my first book. And Katherine

was like the biggest supporter of me getting that book done because she was really excited and like, you know, on the adversity, like a lot of other people to sort of hear what the story went next. And so I'd been working on it for six months, and I gave it to Catherine. I was like, okay, this is ready to read. And then she, and then three hours later, she texts and she was like, I like this a lot.

And then she has like some thoughts, and I'm like three hours. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha for 180 days of my consciousness. Yeah. And you're like, and your goodreads review is pretty good real page turner read it in two hours, 30 minutes. Oh, and that's like, that's not a, that's not a problem. That's how it is. No, no, no, that's how it's supposed to be. Yeah. And in fact, like, I, I, I would say it's a really good sign if your dad feels like you're writing his effort lists,

because for me, the most magical reading experiences are when the story feels effortless, but is so clearly complicated and nuanced and big and everything I want a story to be. And so I'd take that as mostly a compliment, which is what I try to remind myself when people read, like looking for a last-car or whatever, or the Anthropocene Reviewed, and they're like, I was pretty good. I read it in an afternoon.

Oh, good Lord. It's actually been real. I have to say it's been really nice hearing from, I don't wanna prescribe how people read, but it has been lovely to hear from people who are reading like one chapter a night, you know? To like, get them time to, and space between each essay to kind of like meditate on it.

That is really cool to hear. But also if people rush through it, that's great too. I have a weird thing to tell you, John. Great. So I was listening to the Anthropocene Radio book. Yeah. So laying in my bed, my brother talking in my ears, which is a little weird.

It is weird to begin with. And then I woke up the next morning and I had listened to the whole book while I slept. Oh. And I just felt like psychologically really weird about that. Oh, that is really weird. Like I was continuing to narrate your life as you slept. Uh-huh.

Which doesn't, what never happens to me. I always, you know, like, I'll be listening. And then it'll be like chapter five. And I'm like, I need to turn my headphones off. Like, it's never happened to me. But in my case, it was so boring that you just fell right asleep. Oh, God.

It was, yeah. And I never had a thought that it was a problem. I was never like, I feel like I kept waking up in the middle of the night and I was just like, oh, the Anthroposene book. This still makes sense. It's still happening. Like, you just tack one chapter on the end of another one

and it's like, wow, turns out that's really weird. Wow, I mean, okay, so there's a lot, there's a lot to unpack there. But I'm dreaming, you know? Yeah, I mean, I think my favorite thing about it is that you woke up and you were like, oh, well, I finished it. So what's even worse than having somebody be like, oh, I took six years of your life,

I read it in an afternoon. What's worse than that is somebody being like, oh, I took six years of your life and I read it mostly while asleep. Like somebody like cramming for a chemistry test like sleeping with the book underneath their pillow. Kind of subliminally learn how to. And I know Spanish now. Oh, man, that's amazing. I don't know if we answered your question, but I think the answer is to say to your dad, look, this is a lot of work,

but also I appreciate you encouraging me and continuing to push me. And like maybe you can give yourself some little miniature deadlines, like I like to do that where I say, try to get myself really realistic deadlines. Like I will write six pages this month. Yeah, that's doable, right?

Like I can find time to write 10 pages this month. Yeah, mine was always a thousand words a week or else. Oh my God. I can't do that. But maybe I should try it because if I wasn't writing a thousand words a week, the book was out of my head. And I wasn't thinking about it anymore. Yeah. It was just like something to get something down. Right. Yeah. I'm going to write a couple more episodes at the Anthropocene Reviewed podcast and then Hank, I don't know What I'm gonna do with my life

I know what I'm I know what I'm doing for like six more weeks and then I don't know I don't know if I will write ever again. I don't know. Maybe I'd like I like writing mm-hmm I don't have another way of making money But I don't know another way of making money. So what do you mean? But I don't know. Maybe I'll get a job. Yeah, you knew job, host and crash courses. Now that's pay is terrible. Zero dollars.

You can start charging us. Oh, if you need it, let me know if you need it. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no the past. Oh, God, Molly, have I got some bad news for you? In addition to the many, many regular moons that surround them, I find this premise deeply disturbing. Could Earth get a temporary additional moon at some point? Or could it have had a temporary additional moon in the past? Please advise Goodgolly, Molly. Oh, boy.

Well, can I just state what I think to be the most temporary moves? Exactly. Every moon is temporary, is a temporary mood. It's all, it's all going back into the sun, Molly. There's a few different potential fates for moons. They can be ejected from the orbit around the planet and that will usually result in them either crashing into the planet, crashing into another planet or being ejected from the solar system entirely. They can crash into each other and then become a ring for a while and then turn into another moon. That happens sometimes. They can eventually be eaten by the sun. So that's an option.

Can I start giving these star ratings? So I give getting ejected from your orbit two stars. I give turning into a ring that then turns back into a moon four stars. That's really quite lovely. And then I give getting eaten by the sun. That's just a one star phenomenon for me. I give getting eaten by the sun. That's just a one star phenomenon for me. What about getting ejected from orbit into the planet you were once orbiting? Yeah, I guess that's like, okay, so obviously it's not good. You know, like I don't want that to happen to Earth,

but it is very beautiful idea, you know, that like the the the the the belevids were distant from each other because of gravity and now are together again So uh two and a half stars Yeah, that's that is uh if if the moon survives the eventual expansion of the Sun into a red giant if the Sun if the earth moon System survives that I think that that's the eventual end game for the Moon,

is that it will, it will hit us. It's coming home. Yeah, it comes home. It's a long time from now. After the sun is no longer there. So that long. Yeah, we won't be a central figure in that drama. No, and anybody who's there will be,

and it will be very bad news. I mean, I think, I'm not saying humans. I don't know. There's a lot of future. Yeah, there is. There's a lot of future. There's a lot of future. I don't, yeah, I think everything currently on earth is going to have a different set of

concerns when the earth and the moon reconnect. But regardless of what their concerns are, the reconnection of the earth and the moon will be the primary concern. On the day that that happens. Yeah, it's like on March 12th, there were a lot of different worries and then on March 13th there was just kind of one worry. Yes, like that. Great. That's my favorite thing. It turns out I do not want to ever live in a world in which every human has the same worry. Oh, yeah. That's the worst. That's bad.

Those are bad moments when everybody's got the same worry. In other news, I have great news about that, John. Oh, God, thank you. What is it? All of the near-earth asteroids that are potential, planet, problems. So, like, not like city problems or country problems, but planet problems. Uh-huh. We have identified all of them. We know where they all are. And none of them are going to hit us with the next 100 years. 100.

The only reason we can't say beyond 100 years is because we can't project that far, so every year that continues to go out further. But so we're good. Not on that. There's not like a looming dinosaur asteroid ahead for us. We know where they all are now. For sure. Good job, us.

Okay. Yeah, Alice has been asking me about that a lot. And I thought I was just kind of like telling her a fib, but it's good to know that I've been telling her the truth. Yeah. Now, is there an asteroid that if it air bursted over Indianapolis, you would be done for? Yes. That one is there out there somewhere that we haven't identified yet.

And we would know about it with like a couple days warning. Let me just tell you and that would not be enough. No, but let me let me tell you something about living in Indianapolis. Okay. One of the central advantages to living in Indianapolis is being able to be absolutely 100% confident that no asteroid would ever choose Indianapolis as a place to burst over. Okay. There's just no chance. Yeah. We are not interesting enough. And I know that that's like not how gravity works or whatever, but trust me, trust me, it's not going to happen. Yeah, I mean, the vast majority of the Earth's surface isn't Indianapolis.

And we've identified a lot of the a lot of those bigger ones. So your odds are really good. The sentence, the vast majority of the Earth's surface isn't Indianapolis would be a new sentence to our language except that people from Indianapolis really do think that Indianapolis is the center of the world. This is a really important fact to me that I think that very few people internalize and even I have a hard time internalizing it, the percentage of the earth's surface that

is covered by the United States of America, Alaska included, is 2%. Wow. So we've got to keep that in mind. So we've got room to grow world. We're coming for you. Ocean. We're coming for you. Europe. We're on our way. Well, you better watch out, Ocean. Wait till you experience our healthcare system, Pacific Ocean.

You're going to love it. It's going to spend twice as much money, but you're going to get half as good results. Yeah. Which reminds me, John, that this podcast is sponsored by Blue Cross Blue Shield Pacific Ocean. Made me laugh so hard. Something in my jaw broke. Like I've had TMJ for the last like 14 weeks because of the Anthropocene Reviewed book. Yeah, all the pressure just released all at once. I'm a new person because if you're a Blue Cross Blue Shield Pacific Ocean Joe. Yeah. Just give us a call. Whenever you've got a problem, we will make sure to have to make it a even bigger problem. Yeah. Today's podcast is also, of course, brought to you by Benbo. Benbo, America's leading font.

Well, at least is it? No. No. Okay. I didn't think so. I don't, is it? No. No. Okay. I didn't think so. I don't hear very much about it. Hey, do you not understand one of the fundamental rules of advertisement, which is to claim things that aren't true? Gotcha. Perfect. Everybody loves Ben-bo, and the podcast is also brought to you by The Tube Inside You. The Tube Inside You. Is it inside you you or is it just a tube of outside that runs through the inside? That's what it is and that's what's so disturbing. We're just big,

fleshy worms. Yeah, but like cool ones that make Benbow. Today's podcast also of course brought to you. I was like, I'm sorry, but it took me a second to get the joke. You know, like a hit late. I was, because I was, I was on a different thing, but like the idea, I mean, okay, this is a great thought experiment. Like, you know how like in, in like high school debate, they make you like defend positions that are abundantly ludicrous. Like if you have the right like policy papers, you can be like, oh, no, this is a,

yeah, it's a, it's a great idea to have 0% taxation or whatever. Uh, I want you to defend the idea that BEMBO is the greatest human achievement. Like there's a lot of achievement in BEMbo, you know? Exactly, yeah. If you pile it all up. And dependent on Bembo. Yeah, it's all been downhill since we made Bembo. That was the last, that was the last really great thing we did. Forget going to the moon.

It was it was Bembo that was the culmination of the whole affair. And all of a sudden, it's podcast is brought to you by six months of book writing, six months of book writing, two hours of reading. John, we have a product for awesome message. It's from Tiffany. And it's to anyone who needs to hear this. Tiffany says, I'm sorry if things are hard right now, but I wanted to say that I'm so proud of you. And I hope you never forget how much beauty and value and joy and love that you add to the world. I know it might not seem this way, but this feeling is just for now, my friend. The light soak today is our coming. I love you. Thank you for being here.

That's lovely. Well, that's so lovely, Tiffany. Thank you for that. John, do you have a couple more questions before it's time for the news from A. Have you lumbled it in Mars? Hank, I wanted to ask you this question because it's an interesting question and I have a very different relationship with this smell. Hannah writes, dear John and Hank, what gives bookstores that comforting smell? That smell makes me so happy and every bookstore has it and I cannot figure out how to recreate it, please help. Since we've been talking about Toots and Poops and being a tube, that smell makes me have to go fast.

Me too, me too. I walk into, yeah, this is a known phenomenon. And until like six months ago, I thought I was the only person in the world who had it. Oh gosh, it's like, I like walking and I'm like, hey, Garth, can I get the key? I like the first thing I do. Yeah, yeah.

So we've talked before about how humans don't know almost everything. And one of the things that we don't know is why a lot of humans independently, with no way of knowing about this phenomenon from each other, have independently discovered that whenever they walk into a bookstore, they have an urge to poop. Yeah. It is a, that is flipping weird. It's so weird. It's very weird.

It's physiological. Like, yes. What? It must be something, it must be something chemical because. I don't know. I think it, like, it might not be. I don't, yeah, I don't know. It might, do I sometimes I think it's just like, I'm presented with just a tremendous number of options.

And that is making my body like, I need to be physically lighter right now. No, that's exactly what I think though. Sometimes I think like I walk into a bookstore and it's so overwhelming. And there's like, there's just something about being in the presence of that much information that makes me nervous. And then when I'm nervous, I have to poop. Yeah. Okay, but I don't get it when I go to the library.

It's about the concentration of books for me. Oh, really? Because you know, libraries are like more kind of like open spaces. Like they have a ton of books in them, but they've also got a lot of empty space and lots of desks and chairs and stuff, and I don't get the feeling there. Maybe it's a little bit less high pressure too, because like, if you get a library book

and it doesn't work out, you just bring it back. It's not like you lost 14 bucks or whatever. Yeah, right. Exactly. And like there's others waiting for you. Yeah, I agree. And also just like the commitment, once I bought a book, I feel like I have to read it, and that's others waiting for you. Yeah, I write. And also just like the commitment, what's I bought a book,

I feel like I have to read it and that's a lot of pressure. I agree, that's true. And in some ways you feel the stress of knowing that you're gonna have to read the book and hold one person's like six years of work in your hands. And I don't know, maybe that's it. But I also really don't know what it is.

But for me, it is partly the smell. Yeah, it does feel like, it, it is partly the smell. Yeah. It does feel like the smell is a component. Because there's lots of stores with lots of stuff. Yeah. I could walk in, I'm much more stressed out walking into a target. Because the lighting is so horrible, and because there are lots of people,

and there's way more aisles, and I don't get the feeling in target. Oh, it's like that mix of like bookstore, like good stress, but also relaxation. Maybe that's what it is. Good stress plus relaxation. That makes sense to me. And the smell.

But there is, because there is a smell thing about bookstore. I think there's also, there's often like a little bit of, I have no shade, a little bit of moldy smell, like a little bit of like basement-y smell in a bookstore, ding. I think it's just that much paper. Yeah, paper has a good smell. Yeah, but that much paper also comes with it

like a certain amount of dust, a certain amount of like gathered. There's a lot of surfaces. Yes, it has increased the surface area of the room. I actually find that my, and I realized that what I'm about to say is wildly entitled. So full disclosure. So yes, I am aware that I'm about to announce a first-world solution to your problem. But I find that if I'm in a room that's stuffed with books, I get almost the exact same smell as a bookstore.

So just put a ton of books in your house. There's, well, start small and keep collecting. That's a long-term solution. For a short-term solution, go to the Little Free Libraries around your city, take all of the books out of them, and enjoy that bookster smell in your house. Don't do that. Don't do that. Powels, for the rest of us,

Powles in Portland, Oregon has released a cent and it's called the riveting cent of books with subtle hints of wood and violet. Wow. They come together in Powles by Powles wherever you are. We experience the comfort and nostalgia of Portland's most iconic bookstore. You won't be able to put it down.

It's just real, it is so. Wait, is it a candle? No, it's just like a... It's a spritz. It's a spritz. It's like a room spritz. Oh my god. I mean, I'm having, I'm torn

because I don't think it will work, but I am going to buy it. You know what I mean? Like I, I, I, I don't think it will perfectly recreate bookstores spell, but I also am like desperate to find out if it can. Yeah. Oh, those books at pals,

they're always doing something cool. That was where I had one of my very first book signings. Like there are, I think there are still a couple copies of the first printing of Looking for Alaska that are signed by me in my like old way of signing where everything was a hard diagonal angles. So yeah, it's a great bookstore. I'm reading some of the reviews of Powls by Powls.

Okay. The smell is a musky, slightly sweet scent. It smells like damp old paper, vanilla, and a light scent of violets and vintage cosmetic powder, not quite baby powder. Definitely brings to mind the old book room at the downtown pals. So Sam liked it.

Wow. I don't mind being how hard it is to write about smell. What a weird thing it is to try to turn smell into language. Yeah, totally. There's a writer for the New Yorker, Rachel Sime, who writes about smell like so much better than anyone I've ever read before. It's just phenomenal.

It's a really hard skill. Yeah. And she's just brilliant at it. That's, I mean, my instinct is, why would we even think that this would be a possible thing to do? Well, I think there are certainly limits to what we can accomplish.

But the fascinating thing for me about reading her work about smell is that sometimes when I read a sentence, I can smell the smell. And that is borderline magic to me. Yeah. All right, Hank, it's time for the all important news from Mars and AFC Wimbledon. What's going on in Mars this week? This week in Mars news, we have more audio from Mars thanks to the China National Space Administration

or CNSA. We can now hear the sound of the Zhirang rover rolling down the ramp of its lander onto the surface of Utopia, Planesha. That places the rover around a thousand miles away from Perseverance. The agency also has released a selfie of the rover with the

lander taken by a small wireless camera that the rover placed on the ground and then drove away from. It's very cute little picture. There's also a little video of it. Roven, the Zerong rover looks kind of like if you crossed Wally with a flying giraffe. This doesn't sound particularly cute, but it is. I'm looking at a picture and it does look like a cute version of Wally the Giraffe. Yeah.

So you can go and listen to some more sounds of Mars now. I feel like we are at this point, we're like, I guess two senses in to our relationship with Mars. Yeah. I'm really waiting to find out how Mars smells. That's gonna be an exciting day for me. Yeah. When somebody... It to find out how Mars smells. That's going to be an exciting day for me. Yeah.

When somebody... It was a surprise when we got to the moon. Yeah. Not the smell you were expecting. Right. So maybe Mars smells like who knows? We really don't know. Yeah.

It's going to be exciting. That's going to be the first thing when the first person lands on Mars. It's going to be my first question. What's the smell? And they're gonna be like, I can't open my spacesuit and I'm like, open it. Tell me the smell.

It get like clings to the spacesuit and then they come into the airlock and then you can smell it. That's how they know. Okay. But yeah, they're gonna be like, it smells like pals by pals. I mean then I might go to Mars.

Mars by Mars. Although I'd have to poop all the time. Well, Hank and AFC Wimbledon news, AFC Wimbledon's League One schedule has been announced yet another season of trying to survive in the third tier of English football. And we've got the layout of what the season is going to look like beginning on August 7th with an away game at Donkaster Rovers. And then the first game at Plow Lane, hopefully, if the creek don't rise with full fans, including John Green on August 14th against Bolton Wanderers. That's a big game. Bolton is a is a big club. They were in the Premier League less than 10 years ago. It's

going to be really exciting. And God, I would like to be there. Yeah. But we shall see. We shall see. shall see, we shall see. And then other kind of like big bold name matchups, the matchup against Milton Keynes at Milton Keynes is in October. And then AFC Wimbledon will is welcome the right verb Milton Keynes to plow lane on on April 15th tax day here in the United States. I definitely would like to be at that game if it's possible. I hope to go to a lot of games this season though. I want to think I have a lot of miles saved up with Delta and I am ready to use them. Yeah, I bet you do. I'm good at, I canceled 42 flights. So I really do have a lot of, a lot of canceled 42 flights.

I did. I didn't have to cancel any flights. Well, remember Sarah had a book coming out right at the beginning of the pandemic and we were gonna go on tour and so that was like 12 flights and then you say I didn't cancel any flights but I canceled some flights related to you.

So I think you did. Well, I didn't like have to call and cancel them. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no certainly possible, though, I'm not good at putting in my miles number, John. Oh my god, I don't know what to talk about. We can't talk about that. I was like, you're not having a will. It's completely unacceptable, and I'm not willing to engage with you about it. It's a different, definitely a different scale than not having a will. It is literally the exact same thing. It's the same thing. Is this a different scale of problem? Yeah, it's coming from the same place. That's true. Like, yes, God forbid if you died,

you're not having a frequent fire number would be a smaller problem. Although, I've still a very significant problem, but a smaller problem. Why? Well, actually, I guess you're right. You can't inherit my miles. Maybe, maybe. You know? I got, well, I guess you're right. You can't inherit my miles. Maybe, maybe.

You know, I got, well, we'll look into it. Yeah, exactly. I didn't choir. I love the idea of you not leaving me anything in your will except any frequent fire miles he can find. Like, yeah. Yeah. And like the half the half punched out card from the coffee shop.

That's what you get. Right, right. If he can convince Delta to transfer my miles to him, then he can have them otherwise he gets nothing. Yeah, you can tweet one time from my account at Delta. Okay. Well, Hank, thank you for being with me. It's a pleasure, as always. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha It's produced by Rosie on a Halsey Roll Haasam Sheridan Gibson. Our communications coordinator is Julia Bloom, our editorial assistant is Deboki Chalker Varty. The music you're hearing now,

and at the beginning of the podcast, it's by the great gunnerola, and as they say at our hometown. Don't forget to be awesome. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪