Dear Hank & John - 333: Crabulo.us

Episode Date: May 23, 2022

Do I address a mis-sent crab flyer? Could we open some terrariums on the moon? What does "run of the mill" mean? How will people on Mars maintain their microbiome? Do snakes need to stretch? Is there a purpose to having music around ad breaks? Hank and John Green have answers!If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at [e-mail] us for monthly livestreams and an exclusive weekly podcast at patreon.com/dearhankandjohn.Follow us on Twitter! twitter.com/dearhankandjohn

Hello and welcome to Dear Hank and John. Nor is I prefer to think of it dear John and Hank. It's a podcast where two brothers answer your questions, give you the DBS advice and bring you all the week's news from both Mars and AF's who imbibled in. John, did you know that humans actually eat more bananas than monkeys? I'm not that surprised. There are so many of us. Well, also, we don't actually eat that many monkeys.

That's, I like it. I like it. I like it because it's got a level of grammatical ambiguity. Uh huh. It emphasizes how stupid English is. So it's a winner to me. That's really what he wants.

It's a winner to me. That's really what he wants. It's a winner to me. Oh, Lord. Oh, Hank. Yeah, John. So for all the people who aren't our FBI agents listening to our phone calls, Hank and I just had a far ranging 45 minute conversation about the world's ills.

Uh-huh. And especially the world's ills as they relate to us. Yeah, well, of course. That's the most important people. My conclusion, John, is that it would be really, really cool if we bought Twitter and shut it down. That would be a big move. That would be a mover and checker big move.

Yeah. I mean, here's the bad news. We don't have 1% of 1% of the money that would require. But we do have 1% of 0.05% of the money that would require. And so all we need is like a million other people. I don't want to do, if we're going to do that, let's make AFC Wimbledon the best football team in the history of the world.

Like the truth is, if instead of investing all of our time and attention on Twitter, we invested all of our time and attention into AFC Wimbledon. AFC Wimbledon would rock it out of league two next season. My main complaint is that so many people, good people who think that they are acting right by themselves and their families in the world are not giving AFC Wimbledon money to increase their playing budget. Well, here's an interesting thought, John.

What if instead of convincing, like millions of people to give AFC Wimbledon money, you just convince like 20 very good soccer players to give AFC Wimbledon their talent? Could you make the case to Mo Salva? Could you be like, hello, I'm John Green. I write moving pros. I can make people understand things that are very complicated, very efficiently, and I'm going to convince you that you no longer need to do what you're doing for Wimbledon. No, Liverpool.

Yeah. And then instead, you could do it for Wimbledon. Well, I'm not going to do that to Mo Salah because I need him to play for with a pool. Okay. One of the other ones then. Yeah. Sure. Like one of the ones on Manchester City, for instance, I'd like to get rid of all of those ones. Yeah. Is will power on that team? No, he's an Indy car driver. That was close though. As close I'm not sure I'm not sure will power would do great in fourth tier

English soccer, but he's a very good race car driver. It seems like there's probably some transferable skills. Yeah, I mean, quick reaction time. It's a great name. Will Power, it is a great name. I think he's 42 years old, which is another reason he might not be amazing in a professional soccer capacity. But he's a very nice guy. I've spoken to him a few times. Oh, wow. As nice as you're already working on him.

You're working on him. I want to help us by Twitter. So Hank, listen, I have a proposal for you. And before I state it, just remember that a lot of times when you hear something for the first time, you feel defensive, right? Like that's just a human. I don't think this is gonna be the first time I'm gonna have heard that, but.

I would like, you're, yes. I would like you to go two weeks, 14 days, not without tweeting, but without mentioning Twitter. Oh, you could tweet all you want. Just don't tweet about Twitter or make YouTube videos about Twitter or make TikToks about Twitter. But Twitter is one of my main areas of expertise. Well, yeah, I have a whole podcast about Twitter. I'm going to edit it right after we record this.

Yeah, Hank, no, we all know that you are really into Twitter. I'm going to propose a two week hiatus from talking about Twitter. It's telling that I would rather have a two week hiatus from Twitter than a two week hiatus from talking about Twitter. Yeah. What does that mean? I don't know, but I think that it's something you need from talking about Twitter. Yeah. What does that mean? I don't know, but I think that it's something you need to look.

It doesn't surprise you. No, it doesn't surprise me at all, and I think you need to look deep into yourself and try to understand with the obsession, not with tweeting, but with tweeting about Twitter is about. I think it's important, but I might be wrong. I'm often told by people who don't spend any time on Twitter that I'm wrong about that.

Well, of course, like I said, I knew the moment I mentioned it that you would become a little bit defensive because of course it gives me something to think about. That's for sure. Oh, I'm glad I talk about. Just dogs. Here's the thing, Hank. I think that if you ban yourself from talking about Twitter, you may discover that you have other insights about the nature of the world.

I also think that, like, I think you are a little too focused on Twitter as a shorthand for the social internet when Twitter is just a shorthand for the worst parts of the social internet. Sure, sure, sure. Anyway, Hank, let's answer some questions beginning with this wonderful question entitled profound art assignment related mortification from Sarah who writes Dear John and Hank. At the beginning of the pandemic,

I read Sarah Green's book You Are an Artist and I really liked the fake fire assignment. So I made a bunch of fake flyers. This is an assignment created by an artist named Nathaniel Russell. It's been very good for my mental health, and I love making my fake flyers. However, they have just caused my most profound mortification. I was updating my friends on my latest crabbed theme flyer, and I accidentally sent a picture to a random

boy I knew in high school. And this is a pretty weird flyer. My conundrum is, I have not spoken to this boy in quite a long time. Do I like follow up and try to explain the fire? Do I pretend it never happened? Is two years long enough to forget this so that when we go to our class reunion I won't have to explain to this man why I sent him a picture of a crab holding a purse entitled Crabulous? By the way Sarah sent the image in question. We'll put it on the Patreon at patreon.com slash dearhankanjohn, but it is.

It's Crabulous. It's Crabulous. That's the only word for it. It's a fabulous crap. And this random boy from high school has received a fabulous crap from Sarah with no context. What are you gonna make? I have a couple of thoughts.

One, I love that it was very easy to look this up in the inbox because only one person has sent us an email containing the word fabulous. Now that is both kind of cool and also a little bit of a shame. So I just want to let everybody know that I'm up for more. Second, the only thing to do is to go harder, right? Like we like we agree on this. Not on this one guy. On everyone. Risky. You text everyone you know, crab stuff. Because we don't do enough work maintaining our social connections. And I think that if I got a crab from a person that I knew four or five years ago

and I hadn't talked to in a while, I would be really happy. I'd be really happy. I'd be like, oh, that person. And I would probably, I think that you'd get a fair number of positive responses and maybe have deeper relationships with more people, which I think is one of the main things that we need more in our world. Also, it's very rare that I get an email that one does not expect to reply

and two asks absolutely nothing of me, except pure pleasure. So sending people, crabulous style entertainments via email seems to me like wonderful, especially if the only words in the email are, please do not reply. John, I'm starting a new social media app. It's called Crabulous.

It's at crabule.us. And Crabule.us? It would be Crabule.us. It would be Crabule.us, which is really good. It's really good. It's really good. It's, in fact, why is it called crebelo? It's called Crabulous. Ha ha actually would be Crabulo.us. Neither Hank nor I as a particularly good speller. Crabulo.us. And this is a phenomenal idea.

The best part about in Hank is that once you get obsessed with Crabulo.us, you'll completely stop talking about Twitter, which would be wonderful. And the best part will be in like six or seven years when Krabula.us has become a tremendous force for evil in the world, due to all kinds of unexpected unintended consequences and outcomes that we couldn't possibly have perceived

when we started our crab distribution image website. And when Krabu-lo.us is like, is the Twitter of its moment? And everyone is like, I hate Krabu-lo so much. And you'll be giving interviews on podcasts where you're like, I wake up at three o'clock in the morning, I do nothing but drink green tea until one o'clock in the morning. Whereupon, I have a 17,000 calorie meal and then I sleep for 45 minutes and I've been doing that every day for seven years and I don't stay with the problem is, everything's going great.

I don't know what Amy's talking about. Yes, I can also be the CEO of a bunch of other companies. Why would that be an issue? I've got infinite powers and I'm good. PS, who's talking about Twitter now? I'm not talking about Twitter, I'm talking about Crabulo.us and you in the future.

You have a Hank and Crabulo. And then I have the power to push the button. Yes. And will? Yes. The best, best, best thing about Crabulo.us is that after it has that hockey stick growth rise, after it's valued at tens of billions of dollars,

after it becomes a force for social evil, that is when Hank Green, heroically, turns off Krabu-lo.us and says enough, enough. Enough. Enough. And you pass up billions of dollars just for the pure pleasure of turning it off. I love it. I love that idea, Hank. This is it's an novel way to join me at Crabullo.we. Yeah, yeah, I can't wait for you to be like, listen, Vine is dead. However, Crabullo.tv is where you now go for all your live streaming services. We've got middle-out compression. You've never seen, you've never seen a streaming video like Krabu-o.TV has. It's all crabs.

All right, well, if anybody knows how to, this is the only feature that Krabu-o.US needs. It needs to be able to import my address book somehow. All right, well, if anybody knows how to, this is the only feature that Krabulo.us needs. It needs to be able to import my address book somehow. I don't know if I'm, it's on my phone. That seems to be a thing apps can do. And then it needs to be able to like, let me pick the ones I want to send crabs to. That seems like a really easy app.

Krabulo.us, even we can't refer to it as Krabus because it's attempting to call it Krabulo company called Crabulo Coffee. I really like it. It's a little bit too close to crap for a coffee, I feel like. No, it's Crab. Crabulo Coffee, people will be like, well, that sounds fancy. Did you get it from... I'm not sure if it's a coffee company. I'm not sure if it's a coffee company.

I'm not sure if it's a coffee company. I'm not sure if it's a coffee company. I'm not sure if it's a coffee company. I'm not sure if it for a coffee, I feel like. No, it's crab, crab, you low coffee. People will be like, well, that sounds fancy. Crypto you low. Did you get it from, yeah. It's from the, not hot, it's from the Mariana Islands. Is that a place?

Sure. Yeah, probably. Update, Hank has just spent $11.27 to buy cribulo.us. You have to go there. Crabulo. Oh, I'm sorry. Did I mispronounce it?

Is it not Crabulo.us? It's Crabulo. Crabulo. Yes. I just had to choose what the purpose of the website was. Is it educational, government, personal, nonprofit, or fur profit? What do you call that? It's for profit, Hank. are you kidding? We're gonna become

billionaires off the street. Ultimately, we can change that in the future because I did register it as personal, because at the moment, that's how it feels. Oh, great. Feels very personal. Great. Yeah. Twitter never becomes Twitter if the original domain registration had been for personal reasons. Oh boy. I like it. So you've decided that the emphasis

is definitely on the second syllable, cribulo. Cribulo. Dot US, not Crabulo, dot US. Crabulo. Crabulo. Crabulo. No.

Crabulo, it's a general. Cribulo. Cribulo. Fuck. It's almost, it's like, you could see how Jared Leto would say it in the house of Gucci. Crab you, little. No.

Hank, Hank, this is a podcast where we answer questions and you answer some. Okay. And this one is from Stephanie who writes, dear John and Hank, I recently saw an article that said plants can grow in lunar soil. This must only be because the soil is here on earth with the proper amount of light and water and atmosphere, but what if we created a huge trarium on the moon and we slowly opened it so that atmosphere was created and then plants just kept growing there? Could that happen? Best wishes Stephanie. It could, it could look. They probably wouldn't happen exactly that way. And there's also like,

I don't think that they just put plants in lunar soil and we're like, all right, good done. I think there's some some additives that you need to do, but certainly doable could build a terrarium. And then you'd have the problem of like you sort of let the gases out, but the gases have to be coming from somewhere. So you have to be bringing, like there has to be some kind of like source for like, there has to be some kind of, like, source for nitrogen. There has to be some kind of source for carbon and carbon dioxide and oxygen. But you could imagine that a plant could do this, and then you, like, vent it a little bit at a time, and then you have a lot of these terrariums, and then the plants are doing a lot of the work, maybe some, like, human activities doing some of the work, and you're filling the

moon up with atmosphere. It's, like, lots of different techniques to bring enough atmosphere to the moon. Now you've got a problem long term, which you need a lot of atmosphere for the moon because it doesn't have a lot of gravity to keep it down. So you actually need more atmosphere per moon to have a breathable atmosphere. So that because it's going to be a big, big fluffy atmosphere because there isn't as much gravity to pull it down. And then you have another problem, which is that because it's so high up, it's easier for it to get like pushed away by the solar wind, so you have to replenish it more frequently.

But it's completely technically feasible. There's nothing to say that this isn't possible. It is just difficult and easier probably to build a lot of domes that you fill up rather than trying to fill up a big, fluffy atmosphere all the way around the moon. Well, well, I'm not going either way. I mean, you know what I want to do on the moon? Swimming. I think it'd be really weird to swim in low gravity. Yeah, I mean, that would be that would be cool.

That's what I would do. I feel like it'd be so fun to splash and jump into the pool. I want to go swimming on the moon. Is that too much to ask? This is this is how you end up not being able to shut down Crabulo is because, oh, God, you need enough money to build this woman pool on the moon. Now he's just replacing a word with another word and that doesn't count as not talking about the word. No. Just so you know, you can't be like, you can't be like, man, I find the 280 character

limit on Cribulus super frustrating. Like that's not all. I'm talking about in the future when our, when our new crab app is super popular. And we need to shut it down because it's causing harm to the world. But we can't, because I need to save money to build a swimming pool on the moon. Right. And Hank will be like, I'm, I'm so close to finally having it all, finally having what I want out of this world, which is to swim on the moon. I'm so close. And once I've swam on the moon, John, I'll finally be complete. And I can stop yearning. I can stop reaching ceaselessly being born back into the past. That's right, Hank. That's, that's right, John. I'm just one moon swim

away from finally being at peace. But unfortunately, we do have to put our noses to the grinds phone for another 20 years so that I can finally feel complete. Yeah. Maybe somebody else can do that. And then I can go swim in their moon pool. This next question comes from Pablo because I'm the only one asking questions today, dear John and Hank. Where the heck did the phrase run of the mill come from? It makes no sense to me. Is the object running from the mill or to the mill?

Surely it's not running of the mill. What even is a mill? Here's your run of the mill sign off, pumpkins and penguins, Pablo. Do you know the answer to this question, John? Or do you want to mess about? Do you know the answer to the question? I do. Well, then let's mess about.

Yeah, you know what a mill is? I know what a mill is. Like, I assume that it's like a textile mill and I assume that the run of the mill is like the average, you know, it's not like the first piece made in the run. It's not the last piece made in the run when the yarn's gotten whatever. It's right in the middle, that's my guess.

That's close. It is actually just whatever the mill made. So if you run a textile mill, apparently, That's my guess. It's, that's close. It is actually just whatever the mill made. So if you run a textile mill, apparently, there are some textiles that come off that are, you know, grade A and some that are grade B and some that are like grade F, and they're going to be all mixed together. And they're going to, and this is less the case now. But back in the day, there were just going gonna be like some defects, some mistakes, some looser weaves or some die that

was bad. And so you have like the great A stuff that's perfect and you're gonna sell that to your top to your clients. And then you have your like grade F stuff that's like, you're gonna make it into potato sacks or whatever. And so in this case, if you get the run of the mill, you just buy whatever the mill made that day. And then you separate it out yourself. And you get gray day through gray def and then you deal with it yourself. And you don't know how much of what you're gonna get,

but like maybe you don't really care that much. So just give me the right to know. So there you go, Pablo, there's your answer. It's a little disappointing to me that there's such a clear answer. I was hoping that it was gonna lead to a crevueless style. I can't even say crabuless anymore. I've forgotten the underlying word.

Anyway, back to that question about crabs. You just gotta send everybody a crab and we wanna make a tool to help you do that, but it's probably gonna take a while. One thing you should know about crabuless is that it is 25 bucks a month. I Was thinking how would it work? Is it like per send? Do you like pay? Do you like have to double click on the little app button and send us five bucks to send

Everybody in your address book a crab or like how do you monetize because I think it feels like it would cost money No, yeah, I think it's, we will both design and send a crab to all of your friends. Right. If you pay us $20. Yeah. Okay. And tomorrow, you can log back in

and get a new crab sent to all your friends for $20. And so on forever. It's just $20 a day. That's not that much. I don't know the exactly to monetize a tank, but if I've learned one thing from previous social internet experiences, it's that you don't have to monetize it. All you have to do is gather a lot of attention and then convince venture capitalists that one day you'll be able to monetize it. Yeah, and sell it before they realize. Right. This next question comes from Drew who asks,

steering a good John, my understanding is that humans are covered in microbial life inside and out. And my understanding that these bacteria are at least in some cases pretty important. Presumably, they do not yet inhabit Mars. So my question is, if humans go to Mars and spend a substantial amount of time there, will they have to be really careful about not overusing things like hand sanitizer or soap to maintain their healthy microbiome. I know that any humans who go to Mars will inevitably bring their bacteria with them, but would there be a risk of running out of bacteria because the bacteria come from Earth?

The bacteria who are about to disillute you, Drew, we have the opposite problem of this. Which is that the bacteria will grow out of control? Yeah. Like, so like on the space station, for example, like we don't have any problems with like, not there being not enough bacteria, but we do have problems with like, mold growing where it should not grow. It being a little stinky all the time and needing to be careful about where water is so that you don't get weird life happening.

But bigger than that, when we send stuff to Mars, we are really careful to not bring microbes with it. And that's almost impossible. But like, we're very careful to minimize that because it could mess up your readings of data. You don't want to like measure life on Mars and be like, we found life on Mars and be like, oh, sorry, that was E. coli. It's from my ham sandwich.

And you also don't want to contaminate it generally. Like, you don't want to mess with the existing bio-sphere that might exist on Mars, which it probably doesn't, but you wouldn't want to mess with it if it did. But when we go, we're gonna mess with it. We are full. We are big bags of life, dirty, dirty humans. We cannot sterilize ourselves. We are going to bring life to Mars and not just

ourselves. And that's a concern for those first missions and enough of the concern that a lot of people sort of advocate like not doing it until we better know what's up with Mars. And I understand that. Leon Mus is one such person. I mean, Leon Mus, my friend Leon has been very outspoken in his belief that we need to carefully consider all the bacterial logical implications

of sending humans to Mars at least until 2027. That's, you know, his motto is, let's spend five years looking at this and then make the decision. It does seem, and I'm not certain about this, but it does seem like Leon Moss is winning that argument at the moment. It does not seem like humans are going to be able to rush to Mars quite as quickly as maybe they had hoped a few years ago. And I for one think that's great news. It's great news for whatever Martian ecosystem may or may not exist. That said, do you want

to know the fact, I don't, I'm over the fact that half of ourselves are bacterial and that like when we think of ourselves and our wants and our will, we're thinking about all of that in conversation and consultation with billions of organisms, some of them human, most of them microbiological. I'm over all of that. The one thing I'm not overhank is that one time you told me that on average, as best we can tell, sometimes the average human has more cells that belong to them than they have bacterial cells inside of their bodies. And other times they don't.

And what decides that is primarily how recently the person has pooped. Yeah, so you like drop, like you drop right back up, like I'm mostly me at a particular moment and it is a particular moment. Now, you could also make the case that the digestive system is not the inside of the body, in which case you're always almost all you. You know, very... Everybody says that, everybody says,

oh, the digestive system is not the inside of the body, but it obviously is like, it certainly does affect it. You know, like, if you get, if you have a problem, if you're, yeah, problem with your stomach, you have a problem. If, yeah, if the tube, it doesn't tube, but you die. Yeah. So like, it does you die. So it is very sort of intrinsic. It's hard to argue that it's outside of my body when my body is so deeply dependent upon it. Yeah. The tube got a tube, which reminds me, John, this podcast is brought to you by the tube

that goes all the way through. The tube in you, A plus. Good to do. We do the rest of the sponsors. I have to tell you something incredible. Okay, what? I learned something, I just read this book, The Woman Beneath the Skin.

It is by a German historian about an 18th century German doctor. It was recommended to me by one of the women who worked on Crash Course European history. I loved this book. It's bonkers. It's all about like how medicine was practiced in 18th century Germany, especially when it came to women. Yeah. And okay, so this doctor who was a well respected 18th century doctor, he has this whole epic paragraph where he speculates about what happens when a person like say like you're a sower or whatever, you're you know, that's the work that you do and you accidentally swallow a pin.

Yeah. What do what do you think happens when when you swallow a pin? I don't know. It sounds bad. Okay, let me give you a different example. What do you think happens if you swallow a pimp. I don't know. It sounds bad. Okay, let me give you a different example. What do you think happens if you swallow a penny or a tiny piece of corn? I think that it without chewing it, because we all know what happens. Yeah.

Yeah. Ooh, do we? Well, yeah. Do we? So you swallow it and then it goes through your body and then it comes out the, just just the tube comes out the other end of the tube. That's what you think happened.

Yeah, because it's just like it's on a water slide. This guy has this epic paragraph where he's like, who knows where it's going to come out, might come out between the toes, might come out in a knee abscess, might come out through the belly button. He told, he said, he said, I heard one time somebody said that they swallowed a pin and it came out of their eye. Who knows what happens when you swallow something? Whoa.

This is how different the conception of the body was. How do you never had corn? Well, actually, there's a pretty good chance he hadn't. And yeah, this was a piece of insight. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Johann Storch, Johann Storch speculating what happens when you swallow some things in 1719. That's my guess, of course, it's also brought to you by the moon pool. The moon pool, we will build it, we will build it. It's like Mark Twain with his printing press.

Like, why did Hank go broke, moon pool? Moon, we just couldn't, he couldn't give up on that dream of that moon pool. How'd it be so cool? I mean, it would be fine. I don't know it would be like a seven out of ten. But I like do you think I could swim up out of a moonpool and then they get all the way out of the water and then crash back down like a dolphin? I feel like I could. Like a reaching whale. Yeah. Maybe. I feel like I could. But let me submit that you could also have that experience on Earth.

Oh, I'd be like, I go like way up and then I come crashing down. I just know. I'd be like, higher a helicopter. Have the helicopter fly 10 feet over the sea and jump into the sea and it's the same experience. I got to actually do it. I do it. I do it. I do it. I do it. I do it. I do it. I do it. I do it. I do it. I do it. I do it. I do it. I do it. I do it. I do it. I do it. I do it. I do it. I do it. I do it. I do it. I do it. I do it. I do it. I do it. I do it. I do it. I do it. I do it. I do it. I do it. I do it. I do it. I do it. I do it. I do it. I do it. I do it. I do it. I do it. I do it. I do it. I do it. I do it. I do it. I do it. I do it. I do it. I do it. I do it. I do it. I do it. I do it. I do it. I do it. I do experience. I got actually, I do not know how to do it. Potentially fatal. I've got to do it.

Really stupid. It's all the same things. You go underwater and then you, so you go down as far as you can swim and then you have like a compressed air canister and you fill up something really big and then it becomes a big buoyant thing in that it pulls you out and then you let go of it in the last second because you're going so fast and you just go, I'd pay for that. I mean, it's all about the timing. I'd pay, I'd pay 29, 99 for that.

Well, that's significantly less expensive than building a moon pool. I would almost be willing to like have one of those custom made for you. If you would stop obsessing so much over Crabulo.us if you catch my drift. I don't think these things are related to each other. We got to get through this. Fonsors, John. Fine. Fine.

Last sponsor. It's Crabulo.us. $20 a day. What a value. We're going to heal the world. $20 a day. It's $600 a month. It's better to say $20 a day.

And what service do you provide for $20 a day? Oh, we send out crappy emails. Oh, to your users? No, to their friends. I don't know, John. It's $600 a month. But you know, there are It's $600 in one. But you know, there are those like,

there are those like ridiculous things that rich people spend money on, you know, like where they like spend all of the money just to have the ridiculous thing, you know, like what is ultimately, what is a super car except for Cribulo.US? Right, right, yes. You can get a crap and it proves your status.

Right. Yes. Oh, I wonder if there's any way we could make these Cribulo's less fungible. Maybe entirely, entirely unfunjable. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm.

Mmm. We may stumble into a billion dollar idea, Hank. That's definitely gonna keep being a thing. We also have a project for awesome message. We're all over the place today. Actually, we're not. We're not. We're just in one place. We just keep going.

Keep going back to that village that we started in. We also have a project for awesome message from Alison Martin from Madison, Wisconsin to Ben Anderson. Thanks for introducing me to this community years ago. I've been shaped by and grown so much from being a nerd fighter and I owe it all to you. I miss you and look forward to our next random adventure. Also shout out to my other nerd fighter friends, Lily, Gina and Kristen. Hank and John, thank you for being yourselves and striving to be the best version of who that is.

Thank you, Allison. And I don't know how to say thank you. In any way, other than to offer you a 30% discount at Crabulo.us right now. That's right. That's right. That's probably 400 dollars a month, Alison. You can have access to all of Crabulo.us's features, including less fungible tokens, not entirely unfungible. And including less fungible tokens, not entirely unfungible. And... I left these.

And access to the moon pool if and when we build it, which we totally will, don't worry. It's gonna be at our event. We're gonna give people when they are disappointed by our event, we're gonna give them 30 minutes in the moon pool. That's such a good idea, Hank, to say, listen, when we get to a $4 billion valuation valuation and we will, we will build a moon pool. John, this question comes from Rebecca, who asked, dear Hank and John, while watching my dog after she gets up from the floor, I had a thought.

Does Nate's ever have to stretch? Serpent's and stretches, Rebecca, 11. Rebecca, thank you for your question. I thought about this a lot, and then I got halfway through, and I thought, started thinking about it wrong. So here's what happened. You said, do snakes ever have to stretch? And I thought about that. I really did, but then I started to think about

whether they scratch, and I thought you were asking whether they scratch. And then I got really obsessed with the fact that, like, if you're a snake and you have an itch anywhere on your body It's like having a itch right in the middle of your back. Hmm great observation They can they can't scratch they have nothing to scratch with Hey, God, what a what a hard life. I feel like I have to rub it on stuff I feel like I and I hate to interrupt you, but I feel like I have to tell you something

What I And I hate to interrupt you, but I feel like I have to tell you something. What? I just got my... So once a day I get a notification from a social network. It's the only social network that I use regularly. I think I know what you're saying. And I am the oldest user. Do you know what it is? What your notification is?

Yes. No. It's... You don't know what it is? What your notification is? Yes. No. It's, you don't know what the social network is. I know what the social network is. What is it? It's TikTok. No, it's not.

Oh, it's B-Real. Oh, you got to, yeah, I couldn't get B-Real because I felt too old. Like none of my friends are going to sign up for B-Real. So I'm going to be real right now? I wasn't really listening to you because I felt too old. Like none of my friends are gonna sign it for B real. So I gotta be real right now. I wasn't really listening to you because I only have two minutes once I get the notification to post the B real. So I be, he's being real right now. I had to be real in that moment, you know Hank?

Like that's how it is. Be real with Sarah. Who do you know on B real? Sarah, she's my only B real friend. Oh, that's cute. Yeah. All right, you're my only Beeryal friend. Oh, that's cute. Yeah. All right, you're entirely forgiven and I love it. Yeah, yeah, it's just a way that Sarah and I can

show each other pictures every day. Isn't that how the kids use it? I have no idea because I have assumed that no one I know uses Beeryal. It's pretty great, but now I feel like I should get it so I can be real. I'll send you an invite. I've thought that I would really like all of my friends to be on B-Real because it's just

nice to know what everybody's up to, but it's definitely a real life thing. It's not like, you know, like I can't see being famous on B-Real, but for me that's one of the charms of it. I bet you I bet somebody could figure it out. Do you think there's going to be B-Real celebrities? Yeah, well, you know what I think there will be. I think there will be B crab celebrities. My new app. My new app. One's a day, you get a notification.

You have to find a crab within two minutes and photograph it. Those are the rules. No, you just have to pretend to be a crab and you have to do a good job. One's a day. Stop what you're doing wherever you are. You just have to pretend to be a crab and you have to do a good job. Ha ha ha ha. Once a day, stop what you're doing wherever you are. The reason I got B-Reel, by the way,

is I was speaking at a college. I was speaking to like 15 people and all at once, all 15 of them felt something in their pockets, pulled out their pockets and immediately took a photograph. And I was like, what just happened? That was very weird. That was a little bit scary, y'all. And they were like, it's be really, you gotta get it.

And I was like, okay, and then I just showed it to Sarah and we really, we enjoy it together. Nice. That's cute. Sorry, I wasn't so long story short. I didn't listen to the question. Two snakes, a shrimp. And we don't, I think they, first off, they definitely do, because I see them stretch.

I see them. Maybe they don't stretch because they're uncomfortable, but I see them reaching for a place they have not yet gotten to, which is what I think of as stretching. I'm very much a stretch. Yeah, it's very stretch. Apparently, we don't, of course, the minds of snakes are unknowable, unfortunately. However, there is evidence that if you put a snake in a container where it cannot move its body to full length, or be able,

I don't know exactly what the thing is, but you can have a container too small where a snake isn't able to stretch in the way that a snake naturally would be able to, and it is bad for the snake. So in that way, yes, snakes, not only do stretch, they need to, that's the only answer I could come up with for you, Rebecca, but I spent almost all of my time thinking about whether they scratch, which is not what you asked.

Hank, before we get to the all-important news from Mars and AFC Wimbledon, we've answered so many questions, but let's answer just one more. It's been real, a real mess today. This question comes from Hillary. I'm sorry to everybody who asked a question this week. We'll try to do better next week. Hillary writes, dear John and Hank, I spend a lot of time listening to podcasts and I've noticed that sometimes the host will say something like, let's take a break.

And then there's a little diddy that plays for three to ten seconds, and they return and then continue the podcast. Hold on, Hillary, I'm really sorry about this, but let's take a break. And we're back. Thank you for your patience, Hillary. Lots of podcast take ad breaks, but is there a purpose for this sort of short music break, not Clinton, Duff, or Swank, Hillary? I'm curious if John knows the answer to this question. I have, there are multiple answers depending on what podcast we're talking about. It's almost always one thing.

If it's a real podcast, yes. But a lot of podcasts are ported from radio. Like, if it's fresh air, it's sometimes pausing for station identification and are pausing for ad breaks on the radio that don't exist on the podcast. But it is almost always correct me if I'm wrong, Hank, whatever it's called, dynamic advertising,

hoodedy hoodedy hoodedy hoodedy hoodedy hoodedy hoodedy, where some people are getting ads, but you are not. Right. Or sometimes there is an ad, but right now there isn't because no one bought it. Yeah. So what it really means, Hillary, is that you are not a desirable consumer. And that's on you, Hillary. You should reflect. Every time you don't hear an advertisement, you should reflect what am I doing wrong that's

preventing me from being marketed to. And this is interesting because I used to say on tangent, so I'd say, and now we're going to pause for an ad and we'll be right back. But they're like, you can't say that because sometimes there's no ad. So you have to say, we're going to take a short break. We'll be right back. And in the studio, what we do in that situation is we say, we're gonna take a short break and we'll be right back.

And then I'm like, welcome back everybody. There's no pause. No, of course not. We don't go get a drink. We don't. Yeah. Yeah, it is one of those, I also did not know about dynamic advertising, Hootity Hoos,

until quite recently. And so on the old episodes at the Anthropocene Review, I will say like, and now a word from our sponsor, and often there is no word from our sponsor, because nobody wants to advertise the Hillary. It's just a little bit of noise, a little bit of song. And on Deerang and John, we don't do that because we don't have to, because we do the fake ads,

which we did before, way before we had ads. And so we just like slotted in after the fake ads, which we did before, way before we had ads. And so we just like slotted in after the fake ads. Yeah. And it feels natural-ish. Ish, that's nice. Yeah. But anyway, thanks to our sponsors for today. Whoever they may be.

Yes. I mean, but let's face it, they're probably policy genius, so thanks to them. Only you listening. No, who advertised to you today? Yeah, we'd like could have been. We'd like to know. All right. Hank, there's news for Nancy Wimbledon. There's proper news. All right. We have a manager. All right. All right. He is a young man. He has a lot of hair.

He has an exceptional amount of hair. And I would say like a 930 p.m. shadow, like enough scruff that you're like, well, that's something, but not a beard. And he does have a name. His name is so much better than any name you've ever heard. It's Johnny Jackson. Johnny Jackson is not bad. Johnny Jackson.

That's the only one I'm going to be referring to him from now on. He's AFC Wimbledon's new manager coming to us from Charlton, Athletic. He is an athletic person himself. He looks fit and trim and his name is Johnny Jackson. How do you say Johnny Jackson with an English accent? Don't answer. Don't answer. Don't I just don't answer. It depends on which kind of an English accent you want. John got offended. Somewhere somewhere Oliver is not getting a second bowl of soup. What?

That's what you just did was like a seventh grader performing Oliver Twist. Well, Johnny Jackson is his like BBC voice. He's the new manager of AFC with it. He started out his career at Tottenham Hotspur and after a series of loan spells, whatever that may be, he ended up at Colchester United, a real champion there. And there's other names of places. There's Preston North End, whole city. Also, Tranmea Rovers, Chetnam Town, and Southon denoted at Notts County in 2009, they say 2009 sometimes. Jackson, Science or Notts County is signing a free contract on an undisclosed fee.

Is the AFC, wow, he's got quite a storied career, John, goes all the way through, he's not got his update about AFC Wimbledon yet. We might have to type that one in ourselves. So two things first off, there are moments when that accent is so good, which makes the other moments so distressing. That makes me that that that really lifted my spirits. I'm glad because there are really there are moments when I'm like, oh, that sounds just like the BBC and then there are other moments where I'm like poof He didn't hit that note So but I really that's I think what is so distressing about it is the percentage of time it's good if it was always bad

It those like flat notes would become routine, but as it is there's so interspersed that you're like, oh god every time What that a lot of that happened. Secondly, I just like to remind everybody, listen to this podcast that for like over a year of my life, Hank talked that way all the time. You don't have to bring it up. Well, you did, I said, I wonder how you say his name in English accent.

So you did say, don't do it. And then you did it. And so that's the cost of talking in English accent is that I get to remind everybody that you faked an English accent for over a year. What is the news from Mars? Well, I'm excited about Johnny Jackson. Johnny Jackson and the news from Mars this week,

researchers have found evidence that suggests that Mars had liquid water flowing on it as recently as probably after 700 million years ago. Which is a long time ago, but Mars is old. So scientists are pretty dang sure that Mars had liquid water three billion years ago, which is much longer time than 700 million, though like an easy multiple away. So for clarity. So while the ongoing epoch that we are inside of now has been colder and drier compared to that ancient water repeal. Researchers from the National Space Science Center in the Chinese Academy of Sciences have been studying data generated

by their Zhurong rover. So that's the thing that's going on right now. And we're starting to get papers out of that. And that's what one of this is. And they've been using its spectrometers and cameras to study rocks and the scientists found that some of those rocks have water molecules in them forming what are called hydrated minerals, so it's not like water, but it's water molecules among minerals. And they also found duracrust, which is a type of hard crust that's formed by minerals that are deposited by water. And on Mars, they would have needed a lot of water coming from ground water or melting sub-surface ice for that to happen. So based on what they observed,

the scientists estimated that these features could be as young as 700 million years old, meaning that there was water relatively recently. Still not that recently. But a long time ago. Yeah. Dinosaur is 65 million years ago, 700 million, as a lot more. But that will be a long time for the liquid water on a planet, Or is 65 million years ago, 700 million, as a lot more. But that will be a long time for that to be liquid water on a planet, from three billion to 700 million years ago. And also kind of unlucky that like, we didn't, we weren't around for it.

Yeah, we missed the window. That's most of the time. Well, right, it's most of the time, but it's not most of the most recent time. Time is very weird that. It never gets old to me thinking about how weird life is. It never gets old to me thinking about how you know early dinosaurs were more removed from tyrannosaurus wrecks than tyrannosaurus wrecks is from us. It's too much. Yeah, it's too much. It's intense. It's a lot. Speaking of a lot, we're off to record our Patreon Only podcast this week and stuff. We're Hank and I talk about the stuff that brings us joy or at least pleasure.

It's available at patreon.com slash deer,ank and john. Don't feel obligated though. It's not that good for being honest. It's going to be fun. I'm going to talk to my brother though. This podcast is edited by Joseph Tuneim. It's produced by Rosiana Halls-Rohas. Our communications coordinator is Julie Bloom. Our editorial assistant is Debuki Chukrovarti.

The music you're hearing now and at the beginning of the podcast is by the great Gunnarola. And as they say in our hometown, don't forget to be awesome.