Dear Hank & John - 35: Should I Get Baptized if I Don't Believe?

Episode Date: February 16, 2016

Am I Lisa Turtle or Screech? What would happen to lava on the sun? After blowing ones nose, why does one look into the Kleenex? Coconuts are hairy an make milk, are they mammals? When does the early 2000s become "The Turn of the Century"? AND OTHER QUESTIONS ANSWERED!

Hello and welcome to Dear Hank and John! No, or as I've heard a thing of a Dear John and Hank. It's a comedy podcast about death, where me and my brother John give you to be a advice, answer your questions, and bring you all the weeks news to both Mars and AFC Wimbledon. I mixed it up just a little bit in the middle there. Did you catch it? Yeah, I'm sure that that's just incredibly exciting for our listeners. How are you Hank?

I'm good. I would like a sandwich. Do you have one? I don't, and also I can't transmit sandwiches over the internet tubes. I apologize for that, but that's one of the things that the internet doesn't do well yet. It doesn't... we can 3D print things across space and time, which is nice, but we cannot yet 3D print sandwiches, at least not edible ones. No, no, and even if you could, John, would you download a sandwich? Yeah, no, I would.

I'd never found that to be a compelling marketing campaign. There was an era where the movie studios were like, you wouldn't download a pizza, don't download movies or music. And I was like, of course I would download a pizza. No, yeah. I would, yeah. No, could I do that? I mean, I would download a pizza way before I would download a movie.

Right, yeah. Like in the case of a movie or music, I understand that there are creators involved who need to be compensated. In the case of the pizza, as far as I can tell, pizza's just come from space. I don't think that there are, I think that... They grow on pizza trees. I believe they do. They grow on pizza trees

and they get picked by pizza farmers. So I guess the pizza farmer needs to make something. Yeah, absolutely. But I don't know. Anyway, the point is you can't download a pizza or a sandwich for that matter. I feel that we should move on to the short poem for the day. If you want to.

All right. This is a poem by Claude McKay. Hank, I don't know if you're familiar with this work. One of the major poets of the Harlem Renaissance, but for some reason, much less famous than Langston Hughes and some of the other Harlem Renaissance writers, but I don't know. I really like Claude McKabe. This poem is called If We Must Die, and it is a great American poem about the African-American struggle for civil rights. If we must die, let it not be like hogs, hunted and penned in an inglorious spot

while round us bark the mad and hungry dogs making their mock at our cursed lot. If we must die, let us nobly die, so that our precious blood may not be shed in vain, then even the monsters we defy shall be constrained to honor us, though dead. O Kinsmen, we must meet the common foe, though far outnumbered let us show us brave, and for their thousand blows deal one death blow. What though before us lies the open grave, like men will face the murderous cowardly pack, pressed to the wall, dying, but fighting back. If we must die by Claude McKay.

A lot of wonderful. Thanks, John. I mean, I feel like that's, that was a poem about death that wasn't that depressing. Or it is depressing, but it's, it's, uh, there's something defiant about it that I like. I like poems that are defiant toward death and toward systemic injustice. I think that defiance is probably the right, uh, the right response. So yeah, I love that poem. Well, thank you for sharing it with us. Okay, we got a question from Nikki who asks, Dear Hank and John, last night,

a few of my old friends from college and I got together for a low-key dinner party. Somehow we started to compare ourselves from two characters from saved by the bell. I thought for sure they were gonna agree that I was screech the nerdy awkward one, but they saw me as more of a Lisa, the fashionable cool one. Though both screech the nerdy awkward one, but they saw me as more of a Lisa, the fashionable

cool one. Though both screech and Lisa are fun characters, they are just about as opposite as could be on that show. You've talked before about self-identification, but what about outside perspectives? Are we more who we think we are or are we more who others think of us? Also do you think we ever stop questioning who we are? I have some questions for Nikki to start off. Yeah.

Uh, do you, like when your friend group forms an impromptu unexpected rock band, do you play the bass guitar? Because that would be a Lisa Turtle thing. Uh, yeah, that's very Lisa. And when all of... When all of. Yeah, that's very Lisa. And when all of... When all of your friends spend a summer working at a resort,

do you instead just be a guest at that resort because of how your father is extraordinarily wealthy? Because that would be a Lisa thing. That's so Lisa. So Lisa. So maybe you're just not as familiar with saved by the bell as you think you might be. You did in fact say in your question, save by the bell characters, which is just not

what the show is called. So I'm questioning your authority on the entire understanding of saved by the bell and the mythology here. But to the larger question, Hank, which I think is probably at the center of things. Not, I don't think that as I understand it anyway, our podcast isn't a rehash of all 17 seasons of Save by the Bell, but is instead a place where our listeners come for extraordinarily dubious advice. Let me submit that you cannot actually separate who you are from how people see you, because identity is something that is hashed out

in social spaces. So you are both who you believe yourself to be and what others believe you to be. And I don't think that you can in the end really separate those things, because I think that identity and personhood are things that we kind of confer upon each other. I agree.

I also think there's a possibility that your friends do see you as a screech, more of a screech, but they just don't want to let you know that because screech is screech, you know? Maybe they're trying to maybe be like, yeah, you're more like Lisa. It's fashionable and cool. I don't know. I don't think there's anything wrong with being a screech.

No, I absolutely agree. Obviously, Nikki doesn't either, but maybe her friends. Maybe they see it as a kind of insult to be a screech. I wouldn't want, I have to say, one who associate myself too closely with the actor who played screech. But as for some reason. Or honestly, the actress who played Lisa Turtles.

I'm not very familiar with her work outside of Saved by the Bell, but as for the characters themselves, I think like one of the things that makes Saved by the Bell so special as a TV show is that, in its sort of broad, stroked way of approaching the American high school, it gave us, those of us who weren't yet in high

school, like a framework through which to think of our own high school experience once we were there. And I think that's in the end like what's so valuable about all of those shows. And it's why there's such a responsibility to kind of create those archetypes in ways that will resonate with people. It's not so much that you need to create the archetype for the student who's already in high school. You need to create the archetypes thoughtfully and carefully for the students who will later use them in analyzing their own

high school experience. Indeed. I think that was insightful, John. Oh, well, thanks. I appreciate that. Let's move on to another question, Hank. This one's from Frida, who writes, Dear John and Hank, can birds fly in space? Well, Frida, can anything not fly in space? I would argue, Hank, that birds cannot fly in space on account of how once they are in space, they are dead. So let's just assume that there's a bird that has a little space suit on its face, and it's flying around, but it's good.

It's good, it's good, some way of making sure it's making it able to breathe and stuff. A bird would flap around as if it were flying in space. It would not be able to control itself in space because there's no air molecules to push against as a relative vacuum out there. So birds fly by pushing against all the molecules in the fluid of the air.

They would not be able to fly in space. Though recently I was watching the Expance, which is a very good show that is on Sci-Fi network. And they, one of the, a lot of the show takes place on series, which has a very low gravity, and they have birds there, and they do fly, they just fly very differently differently and they flap their wings far less than they would have to hear on her. That sounds like a great show. That's pretty cool. Not exactly my kind of television program and I only have time to watch about one TV show every four months. So unless you highly highly recommend it, I don't think I'm gonna get into it. Well, if you're gonna pick one, I think I would pick the

magicians as a new one, which was written by a friend of yours, I believe, or the book was written by a friend of yours. I do like the author of that book, Lev Grossman, very much. Yes. I right now I'm watching Jessica Jones, which is giving me terrible dreams. Yep. And I'm going to finish watching that, and then I might give up on TV until the Americans returns. Oh. Just to take a break from television in advance of my excitement about the returning Americans. Well, I'm also all caught up on Americans, so I'm also looking forward to that. All right, I think we've got another question this one comes from Dylan who asks, Dear John and Frank, I am Dylan.

I'm six years old in February. I like listening to the show with my mom and dad. I have a question about lava combined with the sun. If you could get lava to the sun, what would happen to it? Best wishes, Dylan. First off, Dylan, let me just say that as a parent of a six year old, I am very impressed

with your podcast listening habits. My own son refuses to listen to this podcast, so thank you. Additionally, hello, Dylan. My name is Hank. Frank's fine, though. You could, that's fine. I prefer, I prefer if you call them Frank Dylan. All right, if you could get lava to the sun, it would probably get even hotter than it already is. So lava is hot, but the sun is hotter, especially on the inside. So that lava would get so hot that it would go from what it is now, which is a rock that got so hot that it turned to a liquid,

then when a liquid gets even hotter, like when you boil water, that liquid turns into a gas. So that rock would go from liquid as lava, and then it would turn from, if you can believe this, from lava into rock gas. So that is part of what, at least, would happen if you brought lava to the sun. Wow, rock gas would be a pretty good name for a rock band. Yeah, no.

Actually, have you ever heard of Lapetamine? No. Lapetamine was a performer who would play music with his butt. He was able to do a thing that allowed him to take air into his body and then expel it. And he was able to play music with farts. And that, that, my friend, is another form of rock gas. I'm sure Dylan's parents are delighted, just delighted that we have shared that with the world.

Hahaha. All right, I have another question, John, do you want to hear? Yes. This one's from Camila, who asks, dear Hank and John, after blowing one's nose, as we all do, why does one look into the Kleenex to see what's there? Am I expecting to see something unusual there?

Just wondering. Well, I can answer that question for myself. I am expecting to see something unusual there. I'm checking to see what kind of snot that I produce. Uh, you know, is there blood in there? Is it clear? Is it colored? Is it green? Is it colored? Is it green? Is it yellow?

Is it brownish? Did you get any like real good hunks of something? Are there reasons for concern? Is there evidence of my forthcoming death inside that tissue? There's a famous line in John Keats is, Oh my God, are you seriously quoting Keats? Diary. In response to a question about snout right now. It's a beautiful line of Iambic pentameter. Keats is, oh my God, are you seriously quoting Keats? Diary.

In response to a question about Stod right now. It's a beautiful line of Iambic pentameter. He coughs, and as I recall, you can actually see the drop of blood on the page, like he coughed. Blood came out, and this was his first evidence that he had tuberculosis, and he wrote, this drop of blood spells my death, or this drop of blood. It spells my death because he was trying to write Iambically.

Yeah, so I think we're all just, I think we're all just John Keats just trying to make sure that we don't have tuberculosis. I think that John's not wrong. I, there definitely is diagnosis that you can do with with not colors Actually, there isn't there is a growing body of evidence that the the tradition that colored Snot is bad news and clear snot is good news is just wrong. Oh I'm not a doctor, but I am a person who Googles symptoms a lot. And yeah, so I don't think that it is a good way to tell yourself whether you're sick. Obviously, if you're coughing up blood or you have a tremendous amount of blood coming

from really anywhere in your body, then you should see a doctor. Yes. Honestly, if you have any questions about your health, probably don't come to comedy podcasts, probably go to your doctor. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Though John apparently has a great deal of knowledge about just illness in general and also what the colors of your snout means, which is apparently not much. So don't worry about it. I'm really working hard on not not being so obsessive around my physical health, but it's not easy for me.

It is a great source of rumination and obsessive thinking spirals. So why don't we just move on, Hank? Well, I just know I want to say one more thing to Camelist's question. I want to say one more thing, John. Maybe two more things. The first thing is I think that I look at my snot because I wanna be impressed. I wanna look it down and be like,

look what I do, my goodness. Whoa! Really? Yeah, look at me. Catherine, check this out. No, I don't do that last part. But I think that there's a part of me that actually, it wants to know. It wants to just like see like how what a massive thing

Just exited my body and second to Camel's question. I want to say oh my god. It's burning Because I feel like we haven't done that enough lately So if you got something in the in the oven Yeah, or if you might have forgotten to do something anything if you're waiting at the airport And you haven't gotten on your plane yet and you're just listening to this podcast and you're hearing about this, not stuff, and you just, yeah. You gotta remember, you're still in the real world.

It's time to board your plane. Time continues to pass. The world is out there waiting for you, but we are moving on to another question because I am tired of talking about Snot. This question is from Nathan, and it's the kind of like deep penetrating and complicated question that we love to sink our teeth into, Hank.

Dear John and Hank, coconuts have hair and produce milk. Are they mammals? How? Well, you know? Yeah. Should vegan stop eating them? No, no, they are not mammals. Vegans are welcome to eat all the coconuts they want

because coconuts do not produce live young. But don't they, John? Nope, they don't. I guess they do not give birth to live young. That's right, that's right. Coconut's do not give birth to live young. So, vegans rejoice. Coconut milk is back on the menu.

Additionally, John, there is another important characteristic of mammals, which is the three inner ear bones. What? And coconuts also do not have ears. Three inner ear bones. Is that true that all mammals have three inner ear bones? Yeah, it's weirdly enough. It is one of the defining characteristics of mammals is the ways that our inner ear works. I do not know why. Weird.

I'm pretty sure that I'm not making this up. Yeah. Well, I mean, do people come here for like solid, factual science, or do they come here to find out about, you know, the fact that there was once a musician who used their farts to make music? I looked it up, John. It says mammals this website here,

which seems like a little different place. It says mammals possess many unique skeletal structures, including a single lower jawbone that joined the skull at the squamous bone, and three bones in the inner ear. So I didn't make that up. I'm so proud of us. All right, so long story short,

in a stunning turn of events, coconuts are not mammals. Yeah, and also we're the only ones who get those three inner ear bones. So the whole rest of the animal kingdom can just go eat a coconut. Yeah, I mean, sometimes I think Hank about the fact that if there is life on Mars, not to indulge your silly fascination with Mars, but sometimes I think about the fact that if there is life on Mars, and it did evolve separately, You know, then we could really learn pretty deep stuff

about, for instance, you know, is DNA something or RNA, something that can happen independently on more than one planet, or is there a whole different building block of life that we don't even have the capacity to imagine? Yeah, no, that's a thing. That's a thing that takes a lot of thinking to think about.

Yeah, I don't know, it kind of blows my mind. Anytime I try to think about alien life, or even just habitable planets outside of Earth, it starts to blow your mind pretty quickly or even just habitable planets outside of Earth. It starts to blow your mind pretty quickly because you look around the galaxy and you have to start to contemplate just how big the galaxy really is.

I think we've talked about on the podcast before about the fact that there are probably more stars in the universe than there are grains of sand on earth. Yeah, I think the statistic is grains of sand on all the beaches on earth. I think it would be the safest one. Okay, well, that's a little... Yeah, that still is troubling to my ability

to imagine the universe. Like, you know, like, our son seems like a pretty big deal to be one grain of sand on all the beaches on Oliver. Yes, yes. And, and as far as chemistry goes, we've, we've actually, I think, talked here on Dear Hank and John before about why water is such a great, great solvent for the creation of complex chemicals and life. But that does not mean that life could not happen some other way, which is very difficult to think about. Like at different pressures, at different temperatures, if you have liquid methane oceans,

like they do in some places in our solar system, and like what does that mean and how could right like what could dissolve in that what kind of chemistry can happen inside of liquid methane at very low temperatures and That's uh, yeah, welcome to welcome to the peculiarity of the universe and and and the way the ways and and even the fact that life works on America, on America, on Earth, is America, on Earth, is really remarkable. And it's a good, like the more I know about it, the more sort of wonderful it is, the more

wonder I experience observing it. I have to just jump on that Freudian slip you just made Hank because I think it's a very interesting one. The fact that you referred to the earth as America. I just think that's interesting because we're constantly, you and I both, and also most Americans, are constantly referring to the United States as America, when in fact America is two continents of which the United States is a small part. Yes, a small part of one. Yes.

Yes. Well, as you may have heard, America dang it. And do we have a lot of the people? Not really. No. But we're America. So who cares? We don't have a lot of the people.

We do have a unique gift for narcissism and for viewing our particular slice of America as being in some ways unique and exceptions. Well, you know, the United States of America does not have the most people, but I bet you, John, that it does have the most corn dogs. And also, I bet the most podcasts. Okay, let's move on to another question, since that's what this podcast is ostensibly

about. This one is from Kelsey, who writes, dear John and Hank, my mom and I are going to visit her childhood best friend this summer. It all sounded great until my mom told me that her friend is a minister and that she's going to baptize me while we're there. For one reason or another, my parents never found time to baptize me when I was a baby, and now that I'm 20, I'm not sure that I even want to be baptized. I know that John would say I should use my words and tell her about my uncertainty, but

when I tried to explain that I might not even believe in God, she essentially told me that I didn't know what I was talking about, and that getting baptized isn't really a choice. Long story short, is there any way to avoid hurting my mom while also staying true to what I believe or don't believe? Any advice, even if it's dubious, would be greatly appreciated. Hank and I are going to disagree in our answer, Kelsey. Well, I don't know that I'm even going to be able to come up with one. So you go ahead and go first. All right, here is my answer. Just get baptized. It's not gonna hurt you. It's not gonna hurt anything.

You'll be fine. It doesn't matter. That's my solution. And I don't think Hank is gonna agree with that at all. Well, that was as close as I was gonna get to an answer. I mean, like, there's just get baptized. Yeah, there's just get baptized. But then there's a larger thing.

Is it just get baptized? And also just don't tell your mom about the things that you believe ever. No, I don't think that's, here's, I mean, my argument in favor of just getting baptized is that it will bring great joy and comfort to your family while hurting you very, very little

because it's just water. I mean, I would make sure that it's clean water. I would ask for it to be maybe bottled water, depending on where you're traveling to. But yeah, I mean, for me, it's like, the ritual only matters if you imbue it with mattering. So I'm a big believer in taking the easy road. I think I might have told you this story before, but when I got married, I had to say,

have I told you this story before I had had to say that I was gonna raise my kids in the Catholic church, because Sarah and I got married in Catholic church? Yes. I've told this on the podcast. I don't think you've told it on the podcast, but you have told me this. Yeah, all right.

Well, so I called my dad, because I was really upset about it, and my dad, you know, because I'm a Piscopalian, which is very similar to Catholicism, but whatever, it's different enough that I felt weird about saying I was gonna raise my kids Catholic.

And I apologize in advance to our hard working editor, Nick, for the fact that he's going to have to bleep my father's response when I expressed concern about this. Because dad said, well, just say it. You think God gives a sh**. That sounds like dad. And I was like, I was like, what do you mean, just say it? And he was like, just say it. Just say you'll raise your kids' Catholic and don't mean it, it's fine.

And short, Kelsey, I think there is a kind of, there is a kind of glory and bravery to refusing to indulge other people's rituals that matter to other people. But I'm not sure that for me at least it's the hill that I want to fight and die on when it comes to my relationships, the relationships that are most important to me in my family. And you know what? Yeah. I ended up baptizing both of my kids' Catholic, so there you go.

Really? Did you? No, I think I baptized them at Piscopalian, but like I said, it's almost the same. There's a lot of healing involved in both. Yeah. John just remembers the kneeling. I think that rituals are valuable, whether or not you have all of the bits that people tend to go into them with.

There is a tradition to baptism that is I think greater, and I might catch slack for this, but I think greater than the religious component on its own So there may be reasons to get baptized that don't even have anything to do with church and that I think might even extend beyond just you know having a More stable relationship with your with your mom. I Like a lot of religious traditions. I'm not a religious person.

I was also baptized and confirmed even. And I was confirmed after I sort of came to the place where I met with regards to how I feel about religion. And that was just part of the tradition of my culture. And I am fine with having those traditions be a part of my culture, even if I don't share all of the same beliefs as the people who, and like experience in the same way as a religious person. Yeah, I mean, I do think our advice on this one is a little bit dubious,

because I think, I- Sure, especially mine this one is a little bit dubious because I think I, sure, especially mine. I think there's a definite case to be made that you've got to stand for your principles, especially when they're important to you. I just think that in the case of, I think you're right, Hank, that in the case of baptism and a lot of other religious traditions, like it's possible to find value in the outside of the religious component. That said, we both think of baptism very, very differently from the way

that some, especially Protestant traditions think of baptism. And so, I think different people are going to approach it in different ways. And certainly if you only believe in adult baptism, or what is called adult baptism, a lot of times it happens when you're like seven or eight in some churches. But if you only believe in a stensibly adult baptism in that baptism, is this central moment in your life from which there is no turning back.

Then I think you have to have a long conversation with your mom. That's probably going to be an unpleasant one. But yeah, I mean, I don't know. Again, that's just not how my kids were both baptized when they were three months old and had absolutely no idea what was happening to them. when they were three months old and had absolutely no idea what was happening to them. And they're going to make their own religious decisions when that time comes. And I hope that Sarah and I are able to be part of that, but I don't expect that we're going to be the center of whatever decisions they make. I think that sometimes it's important to remember that cultural change happens I think that sometimes it's important to remember that cultural change happens too rapidly for some people and there's and like protecting them from that is not necessarily the kind

of law you need to be ashamed of. Yeah, I don't know. I'm a big fan of certain kinds of lies as you know, Hank. I think lying is tremendously underappreciated by the social order. I think there are lots of times when, yeah, like, I don't know, when our mom growing up called Little White Lies, I love them.

I'm a big believer in them. Yeah, I mean, you gotta simplify sometimes. We got an update here from Kai, who says, dear Hank, a John, Kai did the math and determined that indeed, I did talk more than John did in episode 32, it happened. I talked for 23 minutes and 26 seconds, while John, including the short poem,

spoke for 23 minutes and 14 seconds. So I beat you, John, by 13 seconds. Oh no, yeah, no, by three seconds, by three seconds, I'm bad at math. I beat you by three seconds, John. Nope, I did it wrong again. I beat you by 12 seconds, John. I kept looking at the wrong number. I mean, if I 12 seconds, I beat you by 12 seconds, John. I kept looking at the wrong number. I didn't have my 12 seconds, I beat you. You won't ever happen again.

I'm wondering how long it's gonna take you for you. I'm wondering how long it's gonna take for you to figure out that I'm not talking in the hopes that all of the dead air time is counted as your time. I don't think that's how that works. All right, in an attempt to not talk too much of the air time, I'm gonna read the next question very, very quickly, Hank. All right. This question is from Stephanie who writes,

dear John and Hank, would it be weird if I started using the phrase at the turn of the century to refer to the early 2000s? Uh, no, I think it's, I think it's about time. No, it's not time yet. It's too soon. It's gotta happen eventually. No, you know, we just got out of the period where, for the long time people said

2001 2004 2012 and we're just entering the period now where people are saying 2015 because people aren't gonna say like 2086 they're gonna say 2086. Yeah, so we've just crossed that line I think we need a solid five more years 2021 I think is the year you can start saying at the turn of the century, referring to the turn of the 21st century. You know, I would really like to see when, at the turn of the century, first started happening for the 1900s. I bet you're right.

I bet it's further in. I bet it's in the 20s or 30s. But maybe even later than that, maybe like 50s, 60s, 70s. I don't know. I think that we gotta ask Google. Google knows this stuff. Yes. Yes, no, Google is, oh my God.

Do you wanna know something amazing? What, John? It was 1921. Are you serious? That's according to Google. No way. I'm a genius! I just can't. I just can't.

I am a genius! Read me this thing that you have found. Turn of the century from 1921 as an agi-tival phrase. That is from etymology online. I mean, there's no reason that that would be wrong. No. Wait, let me go to the Wikipedia page for Turnip the Century. I mean, I don't like to criticize Wikipedia,

but this is a terrible, terrible Wikipedia page. The turn of the century Wikipedia page leads much to be desired if you're looking to expand Wikipedia, by the way. Did it, yep. Oh, wow. Well, I've got the Google, yep. Oh, wow. Well, I've got, I've got the Google Books Ingram viewer right now. It is actually, it takes all books published and it,

and it marks them by year and when people say the phrase. And I can say that indeed, it began to appear with some regularity in the 20s. And then, and then, oh my God, 1921, 2021 is obviously, that's it. That's the obvious answer. If it was first used in 1921, that means that 2021 is when you can begin to use turn of the century to refer to the most recent turn of the century. I am a genius.

Google has confirmed it. I would like to retire from podcasting victorious. I'm walking away to stop my game, Hank. Turn of the century continued to grow until 1980 when it flattened off and then began to decrease in 1994, people stopped using turn of the century. So we're gonna have to see, we're gonna have to wait and see

if we see another dip in that a bump again. My concern is what do we now call the turn of the last century, the turn of the 18 to the 19? Well, Hank, it doesn't matter because I've just retired as a podcaster, victorious, like Michael Jordan walking out at the top of the game, like Peyton Manning, walking away as Super Bowl winner. I'm gonna drink a lot of Budweiser tonight Hank.

Well, I would not expect anything else. Question Mark, Budweiser really is that the thing that they drink? Did you not, uh, did you not see the Super Bowl? I can't say the- did. Is that okay? Are you kidding me? Did you, I mean, how do you not participate in one of the fundamentally American social events of the year? Like that?

Like the way that I... I can't believe that you didn't watch the Super Bowl. Okay, so in the Super Bowl, which was won by the Denver Bronco. I didn't know that. I did check to see who was the winner. Of course, related franchise out of Colorado. The captain and star player of the Denver Broncos is 72-year-old Peyton Manning, who has had like neck fusion surgery 14 times

and cannot even like bend over to tie his own shoes, but is somehow still the starting quarterback of the Denver Broncos after the game, when asked whether he was going to retire, he answered by saying, I'm going to talk to my family, I don't think that now is the time for rash decisions, I'm just looking forward to drinking a lot of beer tonight with my teammates, and then he paused, and then he looked directly in the camera and said, I'm going to drink a lot of Budweiser.

Wow. This is a critical moment in the history of advertising Hank, because what's most interesting about Peyton Manning's statement, I'm going to drink a lot of Budweiser, is that by all accounts, he was not paid to say that. So he just, but he has previously been paid by Budweiser. Uh, I don't know that he has actually, but he does own a portion of a few Anhyzer Bush,

uh, distributors. Oh, well that's not, that's, that's different. That's different, right? But that's still, that's still marketing. What I thought was most interesting about it is that like it's in a way isn't he even if he's not being paid to say it doesn't he know that he will be paid to say it if he says it? You know what I mean? Like if I just won the Super Bowl and I said I just want to say how much I appreciate the help that Diet Dr. Pepper brought to me on this day, delicious Diet Dr. Pepper, my favorite beverage

for my entire adult life. Like even if Diet Dr. Pepper wasn't paying me to say that, I know that I could call Diet Dr. Pepper afterwards and be like, hey, did you see the thing that I did? That first one's free. Right, exactly, exactly. I bet you enjoyed that and given how much you enjoyed it Why don't you pay me five million dollars to do it again?

Yeah, I mean additionally you could also go up there and say like You know, I just want to see for a ball. You know, I'm gonna go do watch Crash Course on YouTube You know crash education videos and then people would go watch Crash Course and that would be then that's a thing that you own And you would be making that like directly like the way that Peyton Manning apparently owns some Anahezer Bush distributors. What a weird world. Right, exactly. So I just think like we've come to this weird place

in advertising where we can't even take people seriously when they say things that they aren't being paid to say because on one level or another, everything that you say when you have a large platform, you're being paid to say, because on one level or another, everything that you say, when you have a large platform, you're being paid to say, or you're at risk of getting paid in retrospect for saying. So it's almost like we've destabilized these once trustworthy voices so much

that we can't trust them no matter what they're saying, no matter what the motivation is, we can always cast doubt upon that motivation, and it just seems like a really weird time to have a plat. I'm gonna go drink a lot. It's funny that he said Budweiser, too. Who says Budweiser? No one says that.

I'm gonna go have some buds. I'm gonna drink a lot of buds. I don't know, but you know, it clearly worked, because I found myself immediately saying, you know, it's Sunday night and you can't buy alcohol and Indiana on Sundays because we live in the turn of the previous century. And, uh, but gosh, I wish I could so that I could enjoy some delicious Budwizers. I do not ever feel that way, and that's maybe one reason why I didn't want to watch the Super Bowl, because I didn't want people to make me feel like I needed that, because I didn't.

Well, but then Hank, at this point, you can't listen to anybody with a platform saying anything online or off, which means that, you know, from Weird Al Yankovic, to they might be giants, to whatever other stuff you like, everybody's voice has become compromised. So I don't know, I don't think that you can get out of it just by not watching the Super Bowl, but maybe we should move on to the news from Mars and AFC Wimbledon.

Before we do that, I have another update, John. This one is from everyone on Twitter who has found a foresighted banana. Everybody's got foresighted bananas, John. It's really not unusual, and they tend to be trapezoidal. So that's an piece of information we have now. So we think that a four-sided banana is somewhere on the scale between finding a penny on the

sidewalk lucky and for-leafed clover lucky. It's not that common but it's not that rare. But if you do find a four-sided banana, we're gonna go ahead and say that that's a lucky banana. And you should eat it with pride. Congratulations on your lucky trepidly little banana is America and other places. And other places that were not sure exist or not. You out there are other places who knows.

Oh man. All right, Hank, what's the news from Mars this week? Well, at the turn of the century, nope, that was not at the turn of the year last year. Let's just say that. Last year, NASA did a challenge asking people to figure out whether or not it was possible to 3D print places to live

on the surface of Mars because obviously it is a bad idea to try and bring your house with you when you're going to Mars because things are very heavy and it's hard to get them through space when you gotta speed them up and slow them down. So there are a number of companies that entered this challenge. One of them was Redworks.

And I just sent a link to a video of the concept art for these 3D printed Martian habitats. And I was very excited about it. So I just wanted to share that. If you want to check it out, you can check out 3D printed Martian habitats. It's a pretty cool thing that NASA did, and it recently announced the winners for that challenge. So, pretty cool. And that, yeah. So is the idea that you would bring a printer to Mars

and then use like Martian soil to print a habitat? Yeah, yeah. So you'd use like Martian soil combined with stuff you might draw out of the air or water or what have you. It basically might be creating bricks. You might actually be laying down what would sort of be like concrete, but like you sort of lay down the concrete in a line and then come back again when it's dried.

So it would be a slow process, but you would be able to build airtight, durable, dome things that you could then go live inside of, and probably they wouldn't have windows, so that's a bit of a bummer. But maybe you could figure out how to make some windows from some Martian silica and have those as well. So, thinking about that, I probably would rather, given the lack of magnetic field or atmosphere, I would rather have a pretty thick slab of something between me and that giant radioactive death star

up in the sky. Today's podcast is brought to you by that giant radioactive death star up in the sky. that giant radioactive death star up in the sky. That giant radioactive death star up in the sky turns out there's as many of them as there are grains of sand on all the beaches on earth. This podcast brought to you by that giant amount of snot that just exited your body. Wow, that is a lot. Wow, just look at that. Whoa, neat.

Wow, I really did that. Hey, just look at that. Whoa, neat. Wow, I really did that. Hey, hey, somebody look, somebody look. And of course this podcast is brought to you by the year 1921, the year 1921, confirming my genius since 1921. Ah, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Podcast is finally brought to you by rock gas. A new genre of music. And also what happens to lava when it gets even hotter. Oh man, Dylan's parents are just going to be absolutely delighted with us for introducing

rock gas into Dylan's life. Oh yeah. Well Hank, I have exciting news from AFC Wimbledon. I have sad news, I have happy news. Like life itself, AFC Wimbledon. I have sad news, I have happy news. Like life itself, AFC Wimbledon is complicated, it contains multitudes. First off, the under 18 teams, incredible run through the FA youth cup has come to an end.

They played Chelsea, as we're recording this, they played Chelsea yesterday, they lost. It was one one and a half time. The dream was alive thanks to a goal from South London's ginger messy, Alfie Egan, 17-year-old Alfie Egan, a hero and a scholar, and a brilliant, brilliant footballer. But sadly, in the end, AFC Wembleyden's youth team lost to Chelsea. I mean, Chelsea is one of the strongest youth squads in the world. So not a huge surprise, but it was a great performance nonetheless.

And an amazing run through the FA Youth Cup for the young dawns. And then the senior team, Hank, was scheduled to take on, as I'm sure you'll recall, Bristol Rovers in a critical, critical matchup. But then that game in the end was won not by AFC Wimbledon or by Bristol Rovers, but by surprise League 2 leaders, Waterlogged Pitch. Oh, Waterlogged Pitch. Waterlogged Pitch has an incredible year across League 2. He's just been dominant. Every time you think that one team or another is going to win a game,

it's won by Waterlogged Pitch instead. So that game was put off due to Waterlogged Pitch and will be played in the glorious future when all things are still possible. All right. I have a couple of updates. I know I've had several updates already, but I just can't help myself.

I said last episode that bacteria, I just was metaphorically sort of whimsical using the phrase cell wall to indicate some kind of defense mechanism for bacteria. Bacteria do in fact have cell walls, and I was saying like if only they had cell walls, but they do have cell walls and whatever, but I just wanted to make sure that everybody was on the save page here.

I was using that as a floral language. In fact, it is a technical thing and they do have them. Secondarily, I just wanna say, John, I found a podcast a couple weeks ago that is, wait for it, it's a few brothers, three brothers, not two, but three. And they answered people's questions and give them dubious advice.

Um, and their podcast has been going on for about five years and it's really good and I feel a little like I stole their idea. I promise I didn't. It's called my brother, my brother, and me. It's very funny. It is basically, I mean, it's so much funnier. It's funny. It's actually funny, which is how you know

it's funnier than dear Hank and John. We do set a low bar to jump over. Yeah, they talk almost none about death, which is a little disappointing. But they answer questions both from their viewers and from Yahoo Answers. It's very funny. I've been listening to it at the gym

and I often almost hurt myself because you need to be careful that you never know when they're going to make you laugh way too hard. So my brother, my brother and me is a great podcast on iTunes. We didn't steal their idea, but if you want to comedy podcasts with more brothers, yet more brothers, these are the McElroy brothers rather than the Green Brothers, giving Dubie advice and answering questions. There's another one every single week. And you will enjoy it differently. And I'm not gonna say whether you'll enjoy it more that's for you to decide.

Listener. We also want to thank everybody who supports the podcast on Patreon. We really, really appreciate it. We got to do a one of our monthly hangouts with our patrons last week. It was super fun So if you want to be part of that or support

Dear Hank and John directly you can do that over at Just Google Patreon dear Hank and John and it'll take you right there Hank. What did we learn today? Oh, John? You know we learned that there's a six-year-old out there who thinks I've named Frank There's a six year old out there who thinks I've named Frank. Hahaha. It's hard to know if he thinks that your named Frank or if his parents do, or indeed if it was perhaps just a typo. But I'm going to call you Frank for the rest of your life now. Don't do that.

We learn that coconuts are not mammals. We learned that Mickey is more of a screech than Alisa, no matter what her friends say. And of course we learned that 1921 was the year that turn of the century was first used as an agitival phrase and that therefore as I predicted, 2021 is the correct year to begin referring to the turn of the new century. Alright, well, I'm glad that we have established this reality for the world. Whenever somebody talks about that, I'm asking all of our listeners to not allow anyone to use the phrase turn of the century in regards to the 19-20 switch until 2021. Police that with great vigor everywhere you go.

Thanks again for listening. You can set us questions at Hank and John at gmail.com or via Twitter using the hashtag DearHank and John on Hank Green on Twitter. Hank is John Green on Twitter. Thanks to Nicholas Jenkins for editing this podcast. Our theme music is by Gunnarola, and as we say in our hometown, don't forget to be awesome. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC you