Dear Hank & John - 44: A Life Sandwich

Episode Date: April 20, 2016

How do I find joy when my main source of it has been taken away? How do I deal with my unfortunate name, which is not Ryan? How do I handle compliments? How do I deal with over-the-top laughter? How do I deal with the closest thing there is to death? And more!

Hello and welcome to Dear Hank and John. Doors I forthink that dear John and Hank. It's a comedy podcast about death, where my brother John and I, we answer your questions. We give you dubious advice and we bring you all of the week's news from both Mars and AFC Wimbledon John. I was wondering how you're doing. You know, I'm doing really well mostly because of the news from AFC Wimbledon, but I'm also doing terribly because I just have gotten out of the dentist's office like I have just risen from the dentist chair as I am recording this and I am

In terrible terrible pain in my lower jaw. Do they let you cast? Do they let you do the pod from the dentist's office? That's nice of them. No, I mean, I then drove to work and now I'm here. But yeah, I cannot recommend, this all started as you know, Hank. Many, many years ago, like 18 years ago, when I was hit by a bike messenger on the streets of Chicago, his shoulder into my jaw and nose. And here I am 18 years later, still being, I mean, I was in tears. I am not, I am not a brave man when it comes to dentistry. Still suffering, trying to get this problem solved

once and for all, but hopefully we're only one dental visit away. But then again, it's far too soon to count the chickens. They have not yet hatched. How are you? Good. I want to ask you a quick question. Answer, answer my one of my questions, John. If you could had the opportunity to meet that bike messenger, would you and if so, what would you say? I mean, the thing is I really, I genuinely don't hold it against the bike messenger because I think that that bike messenger was forced by the nature of his profession to be going the wrong way down a one-way street at great speed, and to be fair to him I was standing on the curb and he had to bike because of where the cars were very near the curb,

and he just didn't notice me. I was reading a book, he was, you know, biking, his shoulder, my face. The one thing I do kind of wish is that maybe he'd stopped. He did stop briefly. I lost consciousness for a little bit and when I regained consciousness, I did see him, but the moment I started to get up, he biked away. He was like, well, I didn't kill him. Let's move on. Yeah, it wasn't.

I mean, I honestly don't bear him any ill will. It's just funny. What's that great Fitzgerald line about? You never know how much space you take up in other people's lives. Like that bike messenger has no idea how central he has become to my personal narrative. Oh, man. Yeah, you never know, you never know. I'm doing good, John. It's beautiful.

I'm home in Montana. It's gorgeous. My wife is very ill, not very ill. No one's worried. Not in a way that that makes that sound, but she's sick and I'm taking care of her. And I am a pretty happy camper, aside from that. I got a lot of stuff to do,

but I'm not gonna stop saying that on the pod, John, cause I keep saying it, and I think it makes me sound like a broken record a little bit, and also like a bit of a douche. I don't wanna always be being like, I'm so busy, I'm a busy man. You know the problem with being busy. I'm a very busy man, John.

Back when I lived in Chicago, I would often think about this because I would see business people in suits rushing to the train as if their time was fundamentally more important than my time. And as if the like three minutes they might save was going to make a big difference to the rest of their day.

And even if that's true, you're correct that it comes across as douchey. That's why I never run to the train. In fact, that's why I never run. You run all the time. You are an exercising fool. Hank, would you like a short poem for today? Oh, okay, let's do it.

Alright, this poem is by Francis Darwin Cornford, who Hank, you'll be pleased to know, was a granddaughter of Charles Darwin himself. Oh. This poem is called On Rupert Brook. Rupert Brook was a World War I poet who died in World War I. A young Apollo golden haired stands dreaming on the verge of strife, magnificently unprepared for the long littleness of life. Hmm.

The long littleness of life, one of the great phrases about human existence I've ever come across, that poem was recommended by Sam, so thank you, Sam. By the way, Hank Francis Cornford's husband was named guess? Ah, Charles Darwin. Francis Cornford.

Oh, interesting. There was Francis and Francis. I would have been funny if it had been Charles Darwin. Francis Cornford. Oh, interesting. It was Francis and Francis. I would have been funny if it had been Charles Darwin and she'd just kept her maiden name instead of going back to her old, that's what I was hoping for, but I was wrong. That, you know, maybe it would have been my next guest, John, if you would ask again.

Did you know that I'll- You know what, you want to know what Francis Cornford's father's name was? Francis Cornford. No, Francis Darwin, of course, because he was a Darwin. Oh god dang it! Let's move on to some questions from our listeners. I want to say first John, did you know that the god Apollo was born in a place? I did not. I just I think it's very strange like the whole whole, like, panoply, the Greek God stuff. It's all fascinating to me.

And I think we understand it improperly in some ways, because we are not of that world. And so we read and think about these things inside of our own frameworks. And the idea that, and I only recently, I don't know why I learned this, but I was like, it was like, oh, this city in Greece, the birthplace of Apollo.

And I was like, Apollo! God's don't get born, but of course they do, because it's a different kind of thing. And that's all I wanted to say, John. Is it time for other things? Is it time for questions? So is that the thing that we do? I think we should, I think we should go ahead

and address some of the questions our listeners have sent us via the email address, hankinjohnatgmail.com. Okay, let's do that. We have one here. It's from Foster and I like this question a lot. Who asks, it's kind of a hank question, but I think you can weigh in as well. Dear hankinjohn, according to the dictionary, a desert is, quote, a region so arid because of so little rainfall that it supports only sparse and widely spaced vegetation or no vegetation at all. Does that make outer space a desert? Yes, that's what I'm gonna say.

I'm gonna say yes. What do you think, John? I agree. I mean, it's the desert-iest desert of all because the vegetation is as far as we know, exceptionally sparse in the... Exceptionally sparse. In the big, massive universe, there is just the one locale with vegetation.

That we know of. That we know of. Certainly. And even if there are millions of spots of vegetation, they are sparse. They are spaced apart. Yeah. And it's interesting to think of the amount

of rainfall in space. But in a way, rain does fall, at least precipitation, does fall from space. We know that Earth and other planets are seeded with water from comets that crashed down on Earth. And that's part of the reason why we've been able to maintain the amount of water that we have on Earth throughout the last four billion years.

And so in that way, it kind of does rain on these little oasis of vegetation, at least in our solar system. And deserts were always kind of seen as, you can think of them like oceans in ancient times, because it was so difficult to cross them that they were basically like, whatever's going on on the other side of that desert

has nothing to do with us and kind of never will. And in that same way, outer space is our desert right now. It is the inhospitable place that we still cannot cross. And that, and will remain that way, at least until we get our butts to Mars, John, which is also a desert. Well, I for one hope that we never begin to cross the desert of outer space, because from what I can tell from soap operas said in space, that's when all the trouble starts.

Oh, well, there's soap operas here on Earth too, John. We start trouble everywhere we go. All right, Hank, we have another question. This one comes from ISIS, who writes, dear John and Hank, my name is ISIS, which is sort of the problem. I'm named after an Egyptian goddess, but ever since the Salafi Gihadist militant group started gaining more media attention, my name is viewed from a very different perspective. Every time I introduce myself to someone new, I'm scared for their reaction. While a lot of people are aware of my struggle, there are still people who like to joke about my name, and people tend to associate it with something negative.

And I don't know how to deal with this. Do you have any advice? Lots of love. Ice PS. Maybe I should consider changing my name to Ryan? First off, ISIS. That is a fantastic idea. Let's just have, I'm surprised that we keep getting questions from not Ryan.

I- it's upsetting. Yeah, it's weird. In fact, Hank, this week we didn't get a single question from Ryan, which is so odd because everyone should have changed their name to Ryan based on every his podcast. I don't know what they were thinking. Obviously. Maybe they just haven't,

maybe they just haven't gotten the memo yet. But ISIS, I think the correct decision here is to abandon your name, your family heritage, and your parents and change your name to Ryan. No, I don't think that's the correct solution at all. I want to point out here that ISIS has put the word struggle in quotation marks. So ISIS is aware that this is the most.

Yes. I don't want everyone to know that, is all. Yeah, no, I think ISIS is aware that it is a problem of limited import, but still significant to ISIS. Yes, that blows. Is that, are we allowed to say that word? I'm sorry. I think we are allowed to say that something blows,

but only if we then say chunks. I think that blows chunks ISIS. I apologize for the structure of the universe that this unusual thing has happened to you. Yeah, but at the same time, I think it's important not to let ISIS hijack your name. Yeah, you've got to continue being ISIS and explain over and over and over again as annoying as it might be that you were named after an Egyptian goddess, not after a recently formed jihadist group. Yeah, What I mean from my previous comment is that we will all be in circumstances in our lives

to greater or lesser extent that are unusual, surprising, weird coincidences that we think, why has this happened to me? But it's because there are so many of them that we are bound to have one of these weird unfortunate things happen to us, and this is one of the ones that has happened to you, ISIS, and when they happen, the thing to do is just live your life despite it. Yeah, I mean, the only alternative is to start going by a nickname, which I think is fine if you want to. Like, I don't think there's anything wrong with, I don't think you like that this is necessarily the hill that one has to fight and die on.

If you want to start going by a nickname, I think that you should feel welcome to. And if you do choose to start going by a nickname, might I suggest Ryan? All right, John. We got another one. This one is from RJ, who asks, Dear Hank and John,

I'm a biology teacher in Texas, where we give a standardized test every year From the state while I'm proctoring this test. I cannot read grade papers, plan lessons, work on my computer or Otherwise do anything except stare at the students as they sweat it out for sometimes up to five hours If I break these rules, I could lose my teaching license any do be a advice on how I can pass the time without being bored to death would be much appreciated. Oh, I don't know. Just burn it all to the ground. That sounds awful. Yeah, I've spent that whole five hours fantasizing about a world in which we find ways to measure educational outcomes other than standardized tests. That require such dedication to the prevention of cheating that we require someone to be paid.

What I hope is a fair wage to sit and do nothing. My first response is just that I'm fascinated by your use of the phrase board to death. And I think there's something worth unpacking there. Like David Foster Wallace wrote in the Pale King, if can I read you a quote, Hank? Oh, of course you can. Maybe dullness is associated with psychic pain because something that's dull or opaque

fails to provide enough stimulation to distract people from some other deeper type of pain that is always there, if only in an ambient low-level way, and which most of us spend nearly all our time in energy trying to distract ourselves from feeling, or at least from feeling directly, or with our full attention. And maybe that's like what's so utterly horrifying about the prospect of spending five hours doing nothing, except sort of being alone with your own thoughts, is that

the, for me at least, like the thought of being alone with my thoughts is rather terrifying. Right. I get that. At the same time. Like we're not all Buddhist monks. And maybe RJ is perfectly well adjusted and fine with being alone and thinking and silence sometimes. But not for five straight hours. Consistently several times through the year. Like I don't know that's just once a year. Is it. Like, I don't know, that's easy. No, just once a year. Is it, I don't know. Well, that's what it says.

It just says once a year. Once a year is not so bad to spend five hours alone with your thoughts, unless there's something terrifying inherently about being alone with your thoughts, which I think there is, because I think the thing that it raises, the question that it raises, at least for me, when I spend an extended period of time just thinking is that I am not actually in control

of these thoughts. Like I don't actually decide what to think about, which is truly like a horror movie, right? Like if you're stuck inside of a consciousness, but you cannot shape the directions in which it goes, you are kind of like a protagonist in a horror film. Okay. At the same time, I mean, maybe, maybe there is a fundamental problem with this boredom, that's beyond just the nothing to do, that is the being inside of a brain

that one cannot control. That seems to me, I'm just gonna disagree with you, and I think that it's fine that we disagree. That seems to me to just not, doesn't have to be a deep philosophical problem. It can just be like, I'm bored, and this sucks, and that's okay. That's how I feel.

We can differ. And but I don't really have any solution for RJ though, which is what he's asking for, not a clinical diagnosis. So. I'm not trying to diagnose anybody with anything. I'm just telling RJ that he is not alone in not wanting to be alone with his

thoughts for five hours. In fact, I think it's pretty much a university human. Yes, and the people who can do it and spending time even even like five minutes meditating can be very difficult. And my mind is always racing and always doing things. And even if, even if I'm sitting there doing absolutely nothing, that doesn't mean that I'm paying attention to these students. I could be in another world, the idea that I can't be listening to a podcast while I'm watching these kids is ridiculous

because whether or not I'm listening to a podcast, there's a podcast in my brain and I could be on Planet Z, like I'm not there, and I'm just as oblivious, sitting in my chair, staring into the darkness of my own psyche, as I am listening to Hank and John Green talk about the darkness of my own psyche. Right, so I think that this is a dumb rule,

and Margie should be allowed to listen to a podcast specifically because there's a great podcast he should be listening to and he's listening to it right now. Hi RJ. I was going to recommend my brother, my brother and me, but I guess this one's all right. The only thing that I would say in the way of real actual advice, RJ, is that when I was a kid and to some extent still now, I had this trick that I used to distract myself when I had to be alone with my thoughts, which was that I just doubled numbers. So I would say 2, 4, 8, 16, 32, 64, 128, 256, 5, 12, 1024, 2048, 4192, 8300.

We get it, John, you know a lot of numbers. And then I would just keep going until I couldn't go anymore, and then I would just, I got to the point where I would have to add very slowly in my head, which is a great distraction. Let's move on, Hank. I think we've spent 45 minutes answering this question. Maybe it's time to move on to a different one. I think that's probably a good idea. We got one, John, it's from Jackie.

Can I do another one? Should I do another one right now? I feel like it's just a two-in-a-row, okay? It's from Jackie, and I love this question? Should I do another one right now? I feel like it's just a two in a row. Okay, it's from Jackie. And I love this question too, because let's me talk about Snapchat. Dear Hank and John, I'm on the older side of the generation sometimes called millennials. And I feel like I'm unique in the fact

that I just don't get Snapchat. It's an all caps. I have one, but I don't use it. I got bored. What's so great about it? Why not just use Instagram? Oh, Jackie, you're so confused. Well, I think the reason not to use Instagram

is because Snapchat embraces the temperariness of human existence in a way that Instagram doesn't. Well, I mean, yeah, Instagram is, like, Snapchat is primarily a messaging app, which is not what Instagram is at all. Snapchat has become also a social app, but it started out as a messaging app, which is not what Instagram is at all. Snapchat has become also a social app, but it started out as a messaging app. Just like me sending you, basically a text. This is the thing that I didn't understand about Snapchat when I first heard about it.

When I'm sending you a Snapchat, I send Snapchat to my wife even as a 35-year-old man, which is weird. I will be doing something that I know she will know that I spent some time on. So I take a picture, I draw on the picture and I leave a little note. And I'm like, I wanted you to see this thing. And that's like, it's like a new form of greeting card. It's like a way of like spending some time making a thing for a person, which is like, I think it's lovely. Of course, that other person has to be on and active on Snapchat in order to get and appreciate that message. But I think that's a lot of the reason why people do it.

And also, this feature of the temporariness of the Snapchat as an object seems to, you know, my brain initially to be a bug, not a feature. Like, I want all things to last forever so that I don't lose the things that construct me, because losing those things is kind of like little deaths all the time. And I don't want to lose those things because I want to continue to keep all those parts of me alive. But for someone who's been raised in a world where all things always last forever,

that can be terrifying and it's wonderful to think that you can create something and then it will go away. You don't have to worry about it being a part of who you are forever. You can change and people who are young change very fast and they kind of don't necessarily want those parts of themselves that are representative of who they were once to be representative of who they are forever. And that's a very understandable thing to me. And that to me is the sort of core functionality of Snapchat and how most people use it, which is not mostly how I use it,

I use it as a way to interact with an audience because I have. I enjoyed that answer and I don't wanna add to it because I think that this might be one of the few episodes where you talk more than me. So instead we're just gonna move on to another question from Matt who writes Dear John and Hank.

Love the podcast. Thank you, Matt. I have real trouble dealing with laughs that are just too far over the top. They make me think that nothing can possibly be that funny. I find it very hard to concentrate or enjoy myself when around and over the top laugher. How do you deal with this? Well, Matt, fortunately, I don't have to because I myself am an over the top laugher, how do you deal with this? Well, Matt, fortunately, I don't have to because I myself am an over the top laugher,

and so I don't even know what it's like not to be one. As am I, we just aren't gonna hang out you and me, Matt. It's just not gonna work out between us. Do you like this podcast? I feel like we over the top laugh all the time. Hey, oh! Um, I, so, I went to a play recently that my friend, Nat Wolf, was in, who's also in the movies, Paper Towns in the Fallen Airstars, Oh, I, so I went to a play recently

that my friend, Nat Wolf, was in, who's also in the movies, Paper Towns in the Fallen Airstars. And right as soon as the play ended, I got a text from Nat that said, it just said, I could hear your laugh the whole time. And I was like, I was like, it's not that loud, it's not that loud of a laugh.

And he was like, I could hear your laugh and only your laugh and it was almost impossible to be in the play and not be like, that is John Laughing. Ha ha ha ha. I once watched a movie in a small movie theater, like a little independent movie theater, and then afterward a woman came up to me and she said, I think your laugh is lovely.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I think your laugh is lovely. I almost never get compliments on my laugh. I just get observations about it. Yeah, yeah. Well, it's literally the only time, but I was very pleased. And it made me feel good, because I don't, like, I, like, I'm mad. I do worry that the people around you will notice and laugh less. And I think that laughing is one of the best things. And so I worry about the potential effect that your opinions of laughter might have on the people around you and make them laugh less because they're worried they're self-conscious about their laughter, which I never want anyone to be. Yeah, I have one friend who has what seems to me

a weird laugh, and I can't help but notice it whenever they laugh. I'm not even going to risk gender identifying them, prefer that they will know about this and be devastated. And I know that I have that laugh for a lot of people. Like I know a lot of people are like, oh my God, like he's a nice guy, but that laugh is he kidding. Yeah.

No, I'm not kidding, I'm just in love with the world. I think, I know, now we're both so self-conscious about what we're talking about. I'm like, I'm gonna laugh like this. I have this problem when I edit myself, when I edit, like especially conversations, I will, you know, when I'm just being normal Hank and right now I'm sort of being podcast Hank,

so I have more of a robust laugh. But like normal Hank laugh is very like, especially if it's sort of, it's just like laughing at the fun little parts of a conversation that aren't super funny, you're just sort of like, you're reacting. It's very, it's like a weezy noise, it's like, like that, that I just hate. And I always do it on top of it's like, that, that I just hate.

And I always do it on top of people's sentences. So it's very difficult to edit the video because I'm like, I hear this like weird weezing begin as soon as it's time for, for, for, like, right before the end of their sentence. And then you think like, well, I guess I just need, I guess I need to keep the laugh in because otherwise people won't, will be confused

by what that weez is, but like I hate the laugh and also otherwise people will be confused by what that wheeze is, but like I hate the laugh, and also it's an unnecessary three seconds in the video. I can totally relate to that, which has nothing to do with Matt's question. No, it does not. We are so far off the rails, Hank. We sure are, John.

All we can say, Matt, is that you, just judge silently. Always be, it's okay to be a silent judge, or it's better than being allowed judge. Put it on a shirt, But that went on a shirt. We have another question, Hank. This one comes from Gypsy who asks, Dear John and Hank, I have a beautiful greyhound named Alaska. I adopted her because of lemon and Hank's videos.

I adopted her because of lemon and Hank's video on saving greyhounds. I'll hang that so sweet and she named it Alaska. I did it. I did it. I did it. She falls asleep as soon as I start playing your podcast. Your voices must be very soothing for her. She hows and cries whenever we leave the house. So I was thinking if I could play your podcast for her, while we're gone, it might calm her down.

How do you suggest I do this? As I cannot obviously leave my phone at home playing it, and I don't have an iPod, and she'll definitely destroy my laptop if it's left out. Do you have any suggestions? Yes, Gypsy, I have a solution that suits both of us very, very well, which is that Hank and I would like to send you an iPod in exchange for you playing our podcast on a loop over and over to your Greyhound, which will be great for our download numbers and great for your Greyhound, which will be great for our download numbers and great for your Greyhound. And third, great for you because free iPod. So write us

at hankajonajemil.com. We'll get you an iPod. Oh, Dad, we're giving away iPods now, John. No, just that one. Just one. And only because the person agreed to listen to our podcast over and over are at least have her dog listen. Okay. I love it, I love it. We had another question, this is from Sarah, John, you wanna hear a question from Sarah? Yes.

She asks, dear Hank and John, I find myself in awkward situations quite often, but there is always one that seems to be recurring when people compliment me. It's interesting that you say that it's recurring. People compliment me so often, and I just don't know what to do. I always seem to just smile and not along with and awkwardly laugh.

How is someone supposed to respond to compliments? Do I compliment back? Please help. Well, I was just talking about this time that a woman came up to me in public and complimented me on my laugh and she was a stranger. And that was well into my history with figuring out how to deal with this, because I used to suck at it a lot.

And I think that there is kind of a problem with the way that we are taught to respond to compliments, which is just to basically say, no, I'm not that great. And basically invalidate their opinion by saying, like, you're wrong, I'm nothing special. Right. What you want to do instead is you want to acknowledge the compliment and share with the person who complimented you, how it made you feel. So some way of saying, you know, thanks, that's very kind or thanks, you know, I really needed that today. I don't think it makes sense to respond immediately with a compliment of your own because it's weird, right? So like like

For instance, if someone says to you, oh my gosh, I love that Dr. Houtishert You could say thank you. What you don't want to say is thank you. I love your scarf because if you say, I love your scarf, it's clear. We all know what you're doing there, right? Like that isn't born of a natural love for the scarf. It's born of like a panicked looking at the person and trying to identify something you can compliment about them. And all, when you say, I love your scarf,

all it makes me think is, oh wow, every other part of me must be totally reprehensible because this person needed to find a compliment and the only thing they could find was my scarf. Okay. Though you can compliment them on their compliment by saying something like, oh, I love Dr. Who. Do you also love Dr. Who?

I find that great people love Dr. Who. Do you also love Dr. Who? I find that great people love Dr. Who. Or thanks for saying that it's always, I really appreciate people who take the time to say nice things to people. Like that sort of thing. Like I like the idea of appreciating people's appreciation and because I think that that breeds more and I think that appreciation is one of the vital currencies of human interaction that is in

demand and in short supply. Hey, I like that we've gone back to agreeing after our brief fight over the deathliness of boredom. I'm really glad that we've gone back to just the old school, Hank and John, always on the same page, business. Speaking of which, let's answer. I was just going to say I think we should disagree more. There has to be some tension in the pager. Well, but unfortunately, I just don't often disagree with you.

At least not about important things. I disagree with you about silly things like, you know, zombies versus unicorns or whether Batman is an interesting superhero, but we don't disagree about like the core deep down stuff. I think possibly because we were raised by the same parents. Right, like Snapchat. We agree on Snapchat. I do, I like Snapchat more than I used to

because I now understand it to be a messaging app, not a social media app, and I like it, you know, like Sarah and I have also started using it. And it is, it's like a sweet way to, as you said, like make a greeting card. So I am, I would say, 40% converted to Snapchat. But in general, I have to say that I find my overall interest in virtual experiences and virtual networks

to have declined in the last year. For the first time in my whole life, I mean, since I was 12 and my dad brought home the internet, I have liked the internet more every year until last year. And that's kind of a distressing turn of events in my own life, but I'll get over it. Okay, well, you should make a video about that. I'd love to hear more.

And I'm kind of there with you. I don't know how to make a video about that. I'd love to hear more. And I'm kind of there with you. I don't know how to make a video about it though. I don't know how to talk about it because it almost, I think it's very sad. I'm gonna seem ungrateful. I think if I talk about it honestly, like I'm gonna seem, yeah, I'm gonna seem like the kind of person I don't wanna be,

which maybe I am, I don't know. But I, I don't think I'm settled enough to make a video about it. Instead, I think I'm gonna seem like the kind of person I don't want to be, which maybe I am. I don't know, but I, I, I, I, I, I don't think I'm settled enough to make a video about it. Instead, I think I'm gonna make tomorrow's video about how looking for Alaska was just announced as the most challenged book of last year by the American Library Association. But Panama papers, John, I need you to explain it to me. I was gonna make a video about how to make a million dollars a year and only pay $45,000 in taxes, but then it proved to be so complicated that I gave up on it. The Panama Papers are complicated because corporate law is intentionally complicated because

that's how tax avoidance, basically at its core, works is by being too complex to effectively unravel. And so trying to make a video about it is just completely overwhelming to me. And I'm working like day and night on my novel and so I don't really have a ton of energy to spend on the Panama Papers. But I hope you make a video about it. I would greatly enjoy your take.

It's not gonna happen, because I got a lot of other stuff to do. Well, see you there, we're both in the same boat. Let's answer one more question before we get to the all-important news from AFC Wimbledon and the slightly-important news from Mars. Okay, John, I have one that I've wanted to ask since the beginning that I haven't got to yet. Sure. This is a more serious question, John. It's from Margaret, who asks, dear Hank and John, I'm in a rather dire need of some dubious advice. I'm very passionate about gymnastics. I practice four hours a day and six days per while, but I have recently fractured my spine and even though it was. Out.

And it's not as threatening as it sounds. I have to take six months off. I'm pretty devastated and I was wondering what you think are good ways to find joy and happiness and purpose when I could not do what I want to be doing. This is something I think about a lot because I am also a dedicated gymnast, not actually. But I am, if you cannot touch my toes, but I am worried that the thing that I love and want to do will somehow be taken away from me, whether that's because it will just become like this thing will become less interesting, culturally, whether that's the pod or it's the videos, or because like some terrible thing will happen in my life

where I can't do it anymore. So I do think about this. Do you wanna talk about it, John, or should just I? Well, I actually have a little bit of direct experience in the field without being overly dramatic after my book The Fault in Our Stars came out, the attention and wide readership and success of it was so overwhelming and paralyzing to me that it became totally impossible to write, which I had never been a problem in my life and I'd always made fun of writer's block.

And it wasn't that I couldn't write words down on a page. It was that I couldn't have the experience of writing that I loved, which was this experience of sort of being alone inside of a story, navigating my way through it, feeling like I wasn't stuck inside of my body or myself. And all of that was taken away from me because I was just so hyper conscious of the audience and what people would think and what people would say. And the fact that I might have to publish it someday and I couldn't get that stuff out of my head.

And I think that's a pretty common problem among writers who have successful books. And a lot of times it's the end of their career. Like for a couple of writers come to mind, JD Salinger never wrote a novel after Catcher in the Rye and Harper Lee never wrote a novel after he'd killed a mockingbird. And I think it was really hard. It was a bad time in my life, and it's only really just ended in the last 10 months or so. What I did, and what I would recommend you do, Margaret, is I found other stuff that I liked doing, and I tried to treat this setback as an opportunity to explore those things. So I couldn't write and that sucked. And I had written really pretty much every day since 2002.

And I couldn't do that. But I could do other stuff that I liked doing. That's a lot of where the initial energy behind Crash Course World history came for me. A lot of the energy behind the podcast came for me. Lots of other things too. I just had to find other things that I liked doing and get excited about them. Yes.

I'm sure that there are those things in your life, whether it's reading or writing fan fiction about Chubaka and Han Solo having a romantic relationship, whatever it is, that you just find that stuff and you celebrate it and get excited about it and sort of use that as a focus for your energy until you can get back to training. Yeah, that is a lot of exactly what I wanted to say, John. We agree too much. I will also say that in general, when we dedicate ourselves to things day in day out, and those things then temporarily you know, temporarily or forever go away, that can seem like a tremendous end. And almost like a waste. Like, we've spent

all of this time doing this thing that we can no longer do. But while, you know, there are certainly things that you have learned while doing gymnastics that aren't directly applicable to other stuff, there are lots of things that we, learned while doing gymnastics that aren't directly applicable to other stuff. There are lots of things that when we dedicate ourselves to anything that we learn that will be very applicable to anything else and things like how to control yourself, how to dedicate yourself, how to get excited, how to interact with other people, how to, like self-hado get excited, how to interact with other people, how to, you know, like, the self-control is just a huge thing in all of our lives and will always be. And obviously something that you have found a way to get at.

And I think that's the important thing, like that you find other ways, you know, in the six months and in the future when you are no longer doing gymnastics because that's not 10, doesn't tend to be something that people do for their whole lives. That you find ways to dedicate yourself, like find those same wells of passion for new things and find ways to apply the skills that you have learned to the new things that you are into. And I'm sorry to hear about your injury and I hope that you recover quickly. And this podcast is brought to you

by the Rapid Recovery of Margaret. The Rapid Recovery of Margaret, hopefully six months or less. And this podcast is also brought to you by over enthusiastic laughter. Over enthusiastic laughter. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha boredom boredom the closest thing we have to understanding death itself The unavoidable darkness inside of all of us And I also want to say this podcast is brought to you by our supporters on patreon if you want to go there and brought to you by our supporters on Patreon. If you wanna go there and participate in the community,

we also do a monthly live stream before we record so that we can talk a little bit with y'all, and those are always really fun. It tends to be the first Tuesday of the month. And is that right, John? I think it's, I don't know. Can I say one more thing about Margaret though? But yes, thank you to our Patreon subscribers.

You know, I was just thinking, you love gymnastics, but that doesn't mean you are gymnastics. And a lot of times those two ideas get kind of co-mingled in our heads. Like, I mean, for me specifically as a writer, you know, in a way you are your writing, because I say, I say out loud, I am a writer or I am a gymnast, which I'm not. And that makes you think of it as not just something that you love, but something that's you. And when that's taken away, it feels like you have lost you. But you haven't, of course, because you are a gymnast,

but you're also, of course, many other things. And I would just encourage you to remember that. Yeah, absolutely. We got some news from Mars, John, if you're interested in that. Yeah, I wanted to do a couple quick updates, Hank, if we could. About other things, besides Mars and I have to see what we're

done, just previous things that we talked about on the podcast. First off, I just wanted to say Ryan's name, a couple of times Ryan, Ryan. And then the other thing is, Orianna wrote in, and I thought this was a really interesting comment because when we were talking about drive-through Drive-throughs and who like should be allowed to use the drive-through lane and the fact that we think that like Families with 10 children should be allowed to use the drive-through lane because it's such a pain to

Unhook your kids from their car seats Orianna wrote in and she made a great observation, which is that we were thinking about that only from the perspective of the people using the drive-through. And she writes, dear John and Hank, we need to talk about drive-throughs and your recent comments on them. I'm a university student who supports herself

by working part-time during the school year at an establishment which includes a drive-through. Drive-throughs are supposed to be fast. Way to be, Ves. This is so much the case that most corporate fast food businesses impose mandatory drive-through time standards. Where I work at peak hours, we're a lot of the maximum average of 50 seconds for the entire process of ordering, paying, and receiving food. There's a timer over the window that counts as the person sits there trying to find their change and begins to flash red after 20 seconds.

If people sit at the speaker thinking about what they want for two minutes, that counts toward our times. If we don't consistently meet our corporate standards, our store risks being shut down, which makes owners come down hard on managers and managers come down hard on employees. So if you have 10 children, perhaps consider sending one of the adults into the store to purchase the food. If this isn't an option and you must come through the drive-through, at least figure out what everyone wants before you pull up and try to have your wallet out and your payment ready when you get to the window.

That's a great observation. Thank you, Orion. Wow, I mean, there is a piece of me that is very frustrated with the established corporate structure that should accept that there are places and times when lots of families will be going through the drive-through and thus there is a reason that has nothing to do with employees why it is taking time. Yeah, but that said, we live in the world in which we live. So if you're using a drive-through, remember Orianna, have your payment and your order ready.

Yes, have your payment and your order ready. And especially if there's a line, it amazes me when I feel like there's a line and I've been waiting in the drive through for like six cars. And then the car ahead of me has like one person in it. And then they're clearly just thinking. And I'm like, what are you thinking about?

You've had like 20 minutes to decide. There's only so many items on the menu. All right, I also wanna point out one of the thing, Hank. Nicole and Steven wrote in, Dear John and Hank, on this week's podcast, you mentioned that your GPA in college does not matter. While this may be true for you, it is not true in certain fields,

which is a really good point. They include medical school or other specialized grad schools, most PhD programs, especially in the sciences, and if you apply for certain positions in the scientific industry like doing bench top work at wet labs, they look at your lab GPA. So sometimes your GPA in college does matter. Yeah, I've been thinking about that question a lot actually. I've continued to think about it. And I don't know that we did the best job

of answering that particular question, which was about how frustrating it can be to struggle with work while watching other people cheat and to get good grades in college. Yeah, no, I agree. We were pretty dubious. We're generally dubious, but we might have put a little bit of dubious sauce on the dubious burger.

It sounds delicious, though. Can I get it in the drive-thru? That's a great point. Nicole and Steven, and I also just like, there's, in thinking about that question, I have, I have continued to think that it is just so, it is always so difficult to feel like direct injustice and, and to know that like, this thing is happening and I'm being negatively impacted by doing the right thing. Yeah, it is annoying.

And I do want to, I do want to commiserate with people who are in those situations and certainly not invalidate their feelings. I agree. Hank, what is the week's news from Mars? So, John, you know, how here on Earth we spend a lot of time, you know, you particularly worrying about things that could cause the destruction of the human race like asteroid impacts, comet impact, that kind of thing. You would say, maybe that the impact of a comet, large comet, the size of, say, West Virginia or something,

that's pretty big, but we'll just say that, would be a bad thing for Earth, life on Earth, right? I think it would be very bad. So that would be a very bad thing for Earth, life on Earth, right? I think it would be very bad. So that would be a very bad thing for life on Earth. However, according to recent research, the periods of time when lots of things, asteroids and comets bombarded early in the sort of formation of the solar system,

bombarded Earth and Mars and a lot of the inner planets and probably a lot of the outer planets, though there's less evidence out there because they're made of gas. And created like all the creators on the moon and a lot of creators on Mars, these periods of time are thought of as hostile times, right? But according to recent research, it looks like they might have been very good times for life on Mars because in addition to the constant bombardment of, and the changes to the surface that this would create, the instability that would create both on Earth and on Mars, it would add water and heat to Mars,

which are two things that would be very good for Mars in terms of being habitable, good for life. And so you would see things like sort of Yellowstone National Parky area, as places where there's heat that could be used for life. There's weird chemicals that are forming and those chemicals could be digested, they might be formed because of the heat and then as they cool off, they could be digested and the energy that was stored in them by the heat could be used by organisms. So you have these geothermal areas, you have more water, and in general, the best time on Mars for life might have been those periods of time, which we would consider the least hot, the least like sort of conducive to life for Earth.

But indeed, also may have good times for microbial life on Earth. And more and more, we're thinking that Mars might have been a really good place for microbial life just at this point, no longer one of the sort of oases of the universe that Earth has become where not just life exists but life is on the life that is on the life on the life. There's so much life it's everywhere and you can't get away from it. Even in your own body, John, you're covered in life. Oh really especially in your own body. Covered in life both inside and out. It's like, uh, it's like, uh, just a life. What is it, what is it like?

It's like your, uh, AFC Wimbledon. I am distressed by the news from Mars. So Hank, you may know that your six-year-old nephew, Henry Mison, is a soccer player. He plays in a kid's soccer league under sevens. And he had a game as it happens during the exact same time as AFC Wimbledon's game this weekend. Oh my goodness. Which made for some very compelling watching on my part, Henry's team one, he played great.

And AFC Wimbledon playing Plymouth, one of the top five teams in league two, was winning one nil thanks to a goal from the Montserratian Messi, that man, Lyle Taylor, and then they gave up a goal. Plymouth was heavily favored in the game. And then it was looking like it was going to be a 1-1 draw, which did not suit AFC Wimbledon's interests really at all. And then in the 88th minute, autobioloconfenwa, the largest man in professional football, scored a autobioloconfenwa, the largest man in professional football scored a autobioloconfenwa brilliant vintage goal

Coming on as a substitute scores a goal AFC Wimbledon wins 2-1 and suddenly Finds themselves not in 10th where they were last week, but in 7th the final playoff position, seventh place goes into the playoffs. Four, five, six, seven all play each other in the playoffs for one spot in in league one, the third tier of English football. And AFC Wimbledon are currently sitting in that final playoff position, level on points with the teams in eighth and ninth, but with a better goal difference. And just two points ahead of the teams in tenth and eleventh, and just two points ahead of the teams in 10th and 11th, and only three points ahead of the team in 12th.

So there are basically a lot of teams fighting for that final playoff spot, but right now AFC Wimbledon is in the driver's seat. I would also add that they have a game in hand having played one less game than all the other teams that are looking to get that final playoff spot. It is tense at the top, Hank. It is very, very tight. AFC Wimbledon having a far better season than anyone anticipated.

I think it's safe to say. And after that win, consecutive wins against Wickham and Plymouth, both teams likely to go to the playoffs, it is well. I mean, it's looking possible. I'm dreaming. That's exciting, John. I cannot, I am very pleased that, I have to say, one more time, has had such an exciting season for us to talk about

here on Dear Hank and John, because it could easily have been super boring. I mean, we're very lucky, because most seasons, the season would be well over by now, or, you know, we'd be looking down at the bottom of the table in true epic fear. So, how many games are there left? Well, that depends on which team you are. If you are any of AFC Wimbledon's opponents, there are six games, five games left, and if you are AFC Wimbledon's opponents, there are six games, five games left. And if you are AFC Wimbledon, there are six games left. So other than Port Smith, which is one spot ahead

of us on the table, all the teams that are likely to go to the playoffs have played 41 games, we have only played 40. So it is tense and it is tight. According to bookies and gambling professionals, AFC Wimbledon has about a 66% chance of going to the playoffs, which, I mean, again, that would just be an amazing result for the year. But I am properly dreaming now. I have figured out how I am going to get to the playoff final, should they make it there?

Wow. I'm going to have to drive directlyoff final. Should they make it there? Wow. I'm going to have to drive directly from the Indianapolis 500 to the airport. Oh my goodness. They have to win the first game and then go to the final after that. The first game is actually kind of a home in a way. It's two games.

So it's like a cumulative score over those two games. You play one away and one at home. And then if you win, that, then you get to go to the playoff final. So you know, it's, there's a 66% chance of AFC Wimbledon having a 25% chance of getting into week one. So it's not, you know, the odds are still stacked well against them, but I am, oh, hope is the thing with feathers. Yes, indeed, yes, indeed.

Congratulations, John. I'm excited for you. And even a little excited for myself. So that's saying something. Do you? Yes, it's happening. It's what we learned today, John. Well, we learned that Gypsy's getting an iPod.

Ha ha ha ha ha. That's what you get for adopting a Greyhound. It's the only way to be a truly good pertinope. Two kinds of people in this world. I do want to encourage people. Good people who don't know Greyhounds. We learned that you can accept compliments and that's a good thing to do to appreciate other people's appreciations even if it is difficult because we are taught

to be humble folk. We learned that you must have your order and your method of payment ready when you get to the drive-thru. Absolutely. And we learned that we are surrounded by an infinite desert that is space. Is it infinite? I were not sure, John. It's a fair chance. desert that is space. Is it infinite? I were not sure, John. There's a fair chance.

It's a 25% chance that there's a 67% chance that it's. Yeah, if AFC Wimbledon made it to League 1, I'm announcing that the universe is infinite. Because how else could it have happened? Yeah, exactly. I mean, only an infinite universe full of infinite possibility can a team like AFC Wimbledon make it not to the eighth tier of English football or even to the fourth tier, but to the third tier. Just two promotions away from the Premier League, Hank.

Oh, man. the Premier League hank. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Well, hopefully by then I'll be super rich from having made the AFC Wimbledon movie. Yeah, it's everyone knows. That's where the real money is. All right, John. I just want to thank you for being a podcaster with me. I want to thank all the people for sending in their questions. Which you can do. You can send them to hankajonatgmail.com. We are also Hank Green and John Green on Twitter.

You can find us there. That's two different Twitter handles, not just the one. We have our Patreon at patreon.com slash deerhankajon, which helps pay for our intern and the editor of this podcast. Our intern is Claudio Moravos. Our editor is Nicholas Jenkins. Rosiana Halls-Rohas helps us find good questions in the deerhankajon email address.

Again, hankajonatemo.com. Our theme music is by Gunnar Rola and as they say in our hometown don't forget to be awesome did I get all the things? You did but I forgot to say don't forget to be awesome with you so we're gonna do it again because that's how we go out. Oh I did it very poorly and as they say in our hometown don't forget to be awesome. Don't forget to be awesome.