Dear Hank & John - 463: I’ve Signed More Books Than God

Episode Date: August 19, 2026

Why do we say “you’re welcome” in response to “thank you”? What habits and traits have Hank and John copied from each other? How do I use social media to connect with people without falling into doomscrolling? What do I do with my extra copies of “Hollywood, Ending”? Is lightning the same on other planets?  What is ANZ? How did birds survive the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs? Is a field of grass one organism or many? …Hank and John Green have answers!This was recorded July 29th!If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at [e-mail] us for monthly livestreams at patreon.com/dearhankandjohnProduced for Hank and John Green by ComplexlySee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Hello and welcome to Dear Hank and John. Or is I prefer to think of it, Dear John and Hank? It's a podcast where two brothers answer your question, give you to B's advice, and bring you all the week's news from both Mars and. AFC Wimbledon. John, I had a time travel joke for you, but you didn't like it, so. I'm sure I didn't. I don't doubt that I didn't. I'm so grateful for that version of myself that said no to the joke. I'm fine. I am excited about Hollywood ending coming out in September. I am nervous appropriately, and a lot of my energy is going toward planning the tour that I'm going to

go on. You can get tickets at Hollywoodendingbook.com. A lot of my energy is going in to do, starting to do press for the book, which, as you know, because you've read it is a very funny experience. It's funny to do press about a book about doing press. You're already doing press. Yeah, a little bit. Little bit's here and there. Very embargoed press, I guess. I guess. Somewhat embargoed press. But, you know, the challenge of this book for me, is I just don't want people to be spoiled. Like, I want people to have a pretty cold reading experience, at least the people who have enough faith in me in the book to pre-order it. Yeah. And yet at the same time, you can't talk about a book without talking about its plot

a little bit. And so balancing that is a little hard. I now have, for many years, had embargoed information, you know? They give you these, it's like, hey, we're going to tell you about this thing. But you have to promise before we tell you not to talk about it until a certain date. Right. And that's what the embargo is. And I always feel really guilty when I get those and I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah, send it over. And then I do nothing with it.

It's like, oh, so I've got this embargoed paper that's not going to come out for two weeks. And it's pretty cool. But I think that's part of the thing. They want you to sign up for the embargo. So then you feel some obligation to do something. with the information, which normally I would feel no application to, too. Yeah, totally. I have been in similar situations many times. I think technically there's a review embargo, but just for the record, if you've read Hollywood ending, like if you got an advanced

reader's copy somehow, which some booksellers have, break the embargo. I want to know what you thought. Post a quick Goodreads review. I can't handle it anymore. Oh, my God. There's one Goodreads review from a nerd fighter to whom I sent the book. and it's great. And I'm really, everybody, stop. Nobody review it. I'm really grateful for it because until then it had just been a solid wall of no reaction.

And so at least there's one and it's positive. Okay, good. But yeah, it's this whole thing is so stressful. Five-star rating on Goodreads, everybody. This whole thing is so stressful. God. Yeah. I mean, it's fun.

I'm grateful for it. It's incredible, I'm incredibly fortunate to be able to write books. but man, I feel nauseated all the time. I'm really worried about my, I shouldn't say this out loud probably, but I'm worried about my book because, like, I need to get stuff so right. Yeah, well, with cancer, it's a book about cancer and you don't want to be wrong about cancer.

Yeah, not the medical parts especially, or the other parts. That's also a thing that I worried about that so much with the comedy special where people were going to be like, why would you tour a special about cancer when you have one particular, experience. Yeah. That's that's that's that's a great experience as compared to my terrible experience. And, uh, and I just got like none of that pushback because of course it was a personal story about a personal thing. But this is broader than that. Um, but it's also broader than that.

You know, I don't just tell my story. But we shouldn't be talking about my book. It's coming out a year from now. Yeah, no. It's a complete waste of time and energy if it's not available for presale now at Hollywoodendingbook.com. I, I am really excited for your book not to continue telling people information about a book that they can't pre-order. But I also understand that worry. I think it is damn near universal among authors. And the authors who don't feel it, I'm a little suspicious of because they should. Right. Right. You should feel like I poured my whole self into this. And it contains all of me. And so, of course, I'm terrified. It's so weird to be a YouTuber who also writes books

where so much of my YouTube content is, ah, here you go. This is the labor of my four hours today on the day when I release it. Yeah. Yeah. Earlier today I had an idea and now I can't wait for your feedback versus like, for the last seven years I've been working on a thing. And now I've got to wait nine months for your feedback.

Yeah, yeah. I posted this thought that I had this morning. and now I will never think about it again. Let's get to some questions from our listeners. Absolutely, John. This first question is from Ava who asks, dear Hank and John, why do we say you're welcome in response to thank you?

Are we informing the thanker that they have indeed been welcomed? I find this baffling now that it's being said to me. I also find it baffling. You are welcome. You're welcome to the thing that I did to you or for you or gave you. Like, if it's a gift and you're saying thank you, then I get it. It's like, here's this. And you're like, thank you. And I'm like, well, you're

welcome to have it. You're welcomed into the experience of, you don't have to thank me. You're welcome. I guess it means, maybe it just means in the broadest possible sense, you are welcome here. And so like, when you're saying thank you. In this experience. Yeah, what you're really saying is like, no, no, no, you are, you are welcome to this door opening that I did for you. This, uh, as far as far as, uh, as as we know, this is, oh, interesting. So it looks like the welcome mat maybe came along right aside it. So your welcome is a formulaic response to thank you. This is according to the etymology online dictionary, is attested by 1907, and the welcome mat is from 1908, and the welcome wagon is from 1940. So possibly this came from inviting someone into a welcome mat.

a home. Oh, like, you are welcome here. Yeah. And then we were just like, that also goes for everything. Every time I open a door for you, but also then every time I do anything, that might be nice that I'm being thanked for. I've always found it better than like the French version where they say, it's nothing, de Rie. Where it's better. I think you're welcome. I like you're welcome because your welcome at least means nothing, whereas saying it's nothing is like saying like, hey, thank you so much for this gift. It's nothing. Actually, that wasn't a big deal for me, and I didn't consider you at all.

Right, exactly. It's nothing. It's nothing. You're welcome, at least, means like, you know, I acknowledge your thanks. Oh, man. I'm not trying to minimize or dismiss your thanks, which I think is important. We so often minimize and dismiss each other's feelings. John, do you want to do a little time travel right now?

Sure, yeah, to where I didn't like your joke. Yeah, so here's the situation. I'm having an idea right now for a YouTube video. I have a crick in my neck at the moment. I've hurt my neck. And so I have what's called a pain in the neck. And we sometimes call people or events pains in the neck because a pain in the neck is bad. It's one of the worst pains.

But maybe worse is a pain in the butt. Which I always sort of thought for a great deal of my life that a pain in the butt was just like a cute thing to say. Turns out a pain in the butt can be quite bad. It can be just as bad as if not worse than a pain in the neck. Sure. And so there are real pains in the butt that are about the but hole, which I did not get. Sure. Fissures and whatnot.

That word is about the butthole, that phrase originally. I don't think that we think of it. We're not thinking about buttholes when we call someone a pain in the patootie. But I'm very curious because I was just looking at the use of your welcome over time, how this has evolved. And so maybe my vlog brother's video this week is going to be the evolution. of pains in the thing, where I will look at how to, like, at what point did, did butt cross neck? Because I bet, like, my hypothesis is that it used to be like a pain in the neck and then that

wasn't quite, you know, society. Visceral enough. Yeah, continued to sort of be less taboo about body stuff. Right. And then it became, like, pain in the butt took over for a thing that was a pain. That's your hypothesis, but it could be wrong. It could be the pain in the butt, like, drastically predate. pain in the neck. At any rate, I think it's interesting that your welcome is only from 1907.

I would have thought that your welcome was a permanent fixture of the English language, but in fact, it's about as old as like the oldest person. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The oldest person currently was born in a world of your welcome, but barely. I don't know that that's true, Hank. I think there's a person. There's a hundred and twenty years ago? There's no 120 year olds. Yeah, there are. What? Google it. How old's the oldest? person in the world right now. Yeah. I think it's like 117.

Google it. It's my guess. Okay, that's your hypothesis. Her name is Ethel, which is perfect. Perfect. And she is, oh my God, John, you know how off I was? How? I was off by doing math.

13 days. Wow. She's 118 or 116? She's 116. So Ethel was born into a world if you're welcome, but dare, Yeah. Yeah. And then the oldest man is 297. No, no. The oldest man is, in fact, younger than the oldest woman. Yeah, you're right. Yes, correct. That's correct. I wish Ethelow long and happy life. I guess she's already had a long life, but I wish her a happy one.

In what days may remain to her. Emphasis on days. Yeah. I hope that she has had a healthy life. I don't know. is what what's the you know when the rest of your life is is measured in single digit percentages yeah it's really it's really more about the past and the future just know that if i live to be 117 i wasn't happy about it no i've got a crick in the neck now i know imagine the discomforts of 117ness the first time this happened to me i was in high school and i was like what is this by now i know what happened why did that become a thing You know what it was? What? I got a computer. Oh, you think so?

Remember when I... I've been living that computer life ever since. Remember when I dislocated a vertebra in my neck and mom and dad didn't believe me? And then there was an x-ray and they were like, oh, God, I'm so sorry. Yeah, well, that's the John Green story where it's like, everybody's like, there's a very little chance this is a big deal. And then actually, you have a brain infection. Right. Yeah.

It was true with meningitis. Everyone was like, you don't have meningitis. And I was like, I'm pretty sure I do. do. And then I did and I felt so, I mean, obviously I felt really bad because I had meningitis, but I felt so good about being right that it almost evened out. All right, let's move on to Anonymous, who writes, Dear John and Hank, as someone who looks up to my older sister, I've realized that a lot of my habits and interests are deeply influenced by her. For example, one time in high school, I decided to change my handwriting to look like hers, which involved changing my Fs to look

like cursive Fs and writing extremely tiny. My question to you as the nation's most iconic brotherly duo is, what habits and traits have you taken up in inspiration from each other. Anonymously anonymous, anonymous. This person really does not want their sister to know that they changed their Fs to cursive Fs to look like their sister. Geez. Well, I've got, my list is long and includes both 90% of my music taste and 90% of my career. Yeah, I would say, like, doing stuff that Hank thinks is cool is so important to me that, I mean, that's why I still make YouTube videos. I don't think that I... Do you really think you would be out of the game, if not for... Oh, yeah. Yeah, I think I would have left the game a long time ago if it weren't for you.

It's not just because you want to keep the collab going, but because I think it's cool. Yeah, like, I think it's something that you value and think is cool. That's a surprise. I wouldn't think that that would matter to you. That's funny. No, I mean, I'm just like, what you think is cool is... I mean, like, I'll give you another example. You recently invented a word game called Smush that I liked so much that I started editing it for you so that it. so that it can continue. And part of the reason I'm doing that is because you think it's cool. Interesting.

I have assumed, and we'll do the brother therapy live now, that you're in part doing it because you're like, like, it's important that we maintain the brotherly project. This is a thing that Hank is working on. And so I'm going to work on it even though I'm not that excited about it. No, no, I'm very excited about it. I think it's really cool. I think that there is an element of wanting to maintain the brotherly project,

like knowing that we're closer when we share more professional stuff because that's just the way we are wired as people. But I think that I'm interested in working most on the stuff that you really value, whether that's good store or smush, you know, because it's the stuff that you think is cool that drives you. and like there's something fun and exciting about being in the in the seat with you like being the tail to the comet as you're like streaking across the sky on some new project or whatever. So I think that's a big part of it.

And then also I don't know that my taste was defined by you as much as your taste was defined by what I was interested in like when I was a few years older. I mean, I'm still a few years older than you, but like when it mattered being a few years older than you. But in addition to that, I think, like, what you're interested in becomes by proxy part of what I'm interested in. You know, like, and that's always been the case for both of us. Like, we pick up on each other's interests and elaborate on each other's interests and always have. Yeah. I mean, I mean, I oftentimes would be, like, I remember as a young person, you would be into a band, and I'd be so into that band for so long.

and way more than you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd be like, I kind of like they might be giants, and you'd be like, I really like they might be giants. Remains a part of my personality to this day.

Right, exactly. Yeah. I mean, I still like they might be giants, but you like them more. Yeah, you don't like them like I do, yeah. How many times have you seen they may be giants live? Three?

Okay. But that puts them in my top... That's good, yeah. That puts them in my top five overall number of concerts. It's like the mountain goats, they might be giants, Taylor. Those are my top three. Yeah, whereas I have seen there maybe Giants concert probably 10 or 12 times.

Yeah, how many times do you see Taylor? Zero, John. Wow. Yikes. Well, I know she's a listener to the pod, so she's going to be devastated, but she'll get over it. The last time I saw Taylor, actually. Well, no, but the last time I saw Taylor, she asked me almost exclusively about you. What? Yeah. I think you told me that.

And I blocked it out. Was it because I had cancer? No, no, no. It was before you had cancer. And she was like, I heard your brother's working on a novel. He's got a novel coming out. Like, it was, you know, she keeps up with you or she did 10 years ago. You know what?

You never know who's watching. I also just interviewed, this is, humans has been a fun game. But I also just interviewed T-Pain. And at the end of my conversation with T-Pain, after the camera was off, after the recording ended, he was like, I just want to say thank you so much for helping me learn. so much stuff about the world. And I was like, I wouldn't have guessed it was T-Pain watching. That's really cool.

That's really cool. I have such a high opinion of T-Pain. I hope you didn't disappoint in the humans interview. No, no. He's very cool. He's very cool. Good. All right.

We've got another question from Ollie. I think we answered that question sufficiently. Yeah. We got another question from Ollie who writes, Dear John and Hank, I've never had social media. Wow. What is that mean? And it's a very peaceful ignorance is bliss life. I bet.

Stay gold, pony boy. However, as I get ready to head out to college, everyone keeps telling me that I need to get Instagram and other social media apps so I will be able to meet and connect with people. I want to make friends, but I don't want to end up doom scrolling my life away and unhealthily attached to my phone. I will do exactly what you suggest to remedy this situation, awaiting further instruction. Oh, man. Oh, nobody, everybody should end their question.

is that way. Nobody ever says that. No pressure. All right. I'm going to need you. I'm not going to need you to get really good at casino blackjack and just make a ton of money to donate to partners. He says he's going to do exactly what we said. Oh, yeah. Drop out of college. Drop out of college, become a professional blackjack card counter, make millions, donate it all to partners in health. That's our recommendation, always.

You're going to do exactly what we say? Oh, man. I need you to become my personal financial advisor and be very good at it. I think that Ali should get Snapchat but not Instagram. Oh, interesting. Because don't kids, don't kids all use Snapchat? Boy, we are. Or do they use Instagram? Do they DM on Instagram? I really, I'm worried about taking us seriously now. Oh, man. I don't know. I'm not an expert here. You're going to have to have some kind of, well, are you? Text messaging is good, right? Do people, to people, I don't know.

I don't know. I know that, like, sending each other. I don't think they text, Hank. I don't think they text on I message. I think they text on like Instagram, DMs and Snapchat, right? I mean, Ollie, you have come to the wrong place. You really have. We were so confident in the beginning, and now we're really not.

Because I know that like sending each other reels, that's a way that a lot of people sort of like connect and like saying, I don't know that that's a good. I don't know that's a good form of connection. I agree. Maybe you should be the weirdo, Ollie. And we're going to be really may being about this one. We're not going to give you direct advice. You need to play this by feel. But maybe like there's always there's always the weirdos at college.

And I think that this is like a gaining trend. people being like, oh, no, that's not for me. Now, I think it could seem a little bit performative, so you might have to be careful there. It's like people are going to be like, oh, all he ever talks about is that it's not on social media. But, like, that's not, that'll be just because it'll be a thing, you know? Right.

It'll come up. It reminds me of when, precisely because it wasn't performative at all, when I met the former Indianapolis Colts quarterback Andrew Luck. And he was like, let me get your number, man. And I was like, of course, that'd be great. And he pulled out a like 1998 Nokia flip phone and started typing into it. And I was like, is that a bit? And he was like, nope, this is my phone.

I can text and I can call. Wow. And I was like, that is amazing. That is amazing. And so I think, Ollie, some people, people will be like, I think it's wonderful that you've stayed out of this ocean that the rest of us are swimming in that we all kind of know is toxic, but we're still swimming in. But I don't know. I don't know how, I don't know if you can survive without Instagram at college.

I think that you obviously can survive. I think that, like, you know, you just have to like live the old ways where you go to clubs to meet people. And not like the club. Clubs. No, go to the club, Ollie. Like, go to, like, the 2 AM bump and EDM club. Yeah, yeah, you could learn a lot about, I don't know what happens at clubs anymore. I think there's still black lights and, uh, there's probably some twerking these days.

Yeah, there wasn't twerking when I was in clubs. Boy, boy, are we old. We, we predate club twerking. Like our club eras. Yeah. Even our references to what's happening now are old. Yeah. Yeah, right.

They're all, everybody's listening to this and they're like, I can't believe that they think people still use Instagram. Yeah. That's for, that's for elder millennials end up. Right. Oh, man. All I know is that I have friends who are in their late 20s, early 30s, and many of them don't email.

And this is very disconcerting for me. God, bless them and keep them. I guess, but it means the only way I could communicate with them is Instagram DMs, which is confusing. Right. It's difficult, which reminds me that today's podcast is brought to you by Instagram DMs. It's not the easiest for Hank and me. It's not. This podcast is also brought to you by the welcome mat, very slightly post-dating your welcome. And this podcast is brought to you by basing your entire career on what your brother is interested in. Weirdly, it works for both brothers.

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Head to Wayfair.com to shop all things home. That's W-A-Y-F-A-I-R-R-com. Wayfair, Every Style, Every Home. All right, Hank, we have another question. This one comes from Abby, who writes, Dear John and Hank, I pre-ordered Hollywood Ending, available for pre-ordered Hollywoodendingbook.com back in April. I've also just bought tickets to the book tour stop in New York City for my boyfriend and I, And to my surprise, we each get a copy of the book at the tour. I've never been to a book tour, so I was not aware that this was part of the experience. My boyfriend is not part of Nerd Viteria and not an avid reader. So this means I will personally have three signed copies of Hollywood ending coming September 22nd.

What do I do with these books? Keeping them all seems wrong. I'm in need of dubious advice. Spelled like the road, Abby. So we've gotten a number of questions about this kind of thing, Hank. A lot of people who are new to book events. But yeah, often if a book tour comes through your town and the tickets are like $40, $32 of those dollars are for the book, and then $8 is for the venue rental, and to support the

bookstore staff and everybody who's working the event and whatnot. So that's how it works. And you get a signed book. I will be signing the books in advance. So you get you'll have three signed books, one signed pre-order and two signed books from the event. Now, what do you do with these books, Hank? I think in a perfect world, You give them to friends and you say, my God, this is the best book I've ever read. That's my dream, Abby. That's my dream for how it goes. Go look at the one Goodreads review.

It's very positive. That's my dream for how it goes is that you read the book and you're actually so moved that you give away all three of your copies. And then you have to get another one. And then you have to buy a fourth. That's the dream. Yeah. Yeah.

Book gifts, I have to say, are. are, they could feel weighty, you know, where you're like, I'm asking for nine hours of your time here. Right. But that is certainly what I would do. I would give these books to friends. And a signed book gift is a little less weighty because if nothing else, it's, you know, a nice, nice autographed copy. It's an object of a thing. Yeah.

I guess that's why you spent so many years of your life signing these books. I recently found out how many tip-in sheets I've signed. Because I'm pursuing a record. Yes. I assume you have it. I believe so, yes. I mean, it's not, I don't think it's particularly close. People always talk about Sanderson, who, by the way, is going to be my conversation partner in Salt Lake City.

And Sanderson signed a ton of books, like literally, but I've signed like eight tons. I've signed 8,000 tip-in sheets, Hank. That's a lot. And that is not all the books you've signed because you've signed a lot of books, but probably not 50,000 straight books at events. Maybe. But at any rate, I only count the tip in sheets because they're the only ones I can be sure of. And my goal is to get to a million. So, 75,000 for each of the next two books, assuming that I keep an audience should be doable. My arm, my shoulder should be able to hold up. And then I can say I've signed, I'm one of very few, if any, people who've signed a million books. who else would it be? Well, I mean, God sold a lot of copies of the Bible.

He didn't sign him. He didn't sign a single one. You can make the case that he signed all of them. What? How? I don't know. He can do whatever. I mean, I guess he signed them all in the sense that if they're God's, well, I don't know.

No, I've signed more books than God. I'll just say. Because just for clarity, because in John's theology, God has signed zero books. That's right. Well, I think in everyone's theology, I mean, they're not autographed. I don't know why I feel like they kind of are. Yeah, I don't know why. Like, every book that's authored is on some level, you know, signed by the author in the sense that it has the imprint of the author.

That's not the same thing as autographing the book. So I think I'm in the clear, but we'll see. they're going through a records clearing process right now. Oh, they are. Who is they? The Guinness people? Yeah. Wow.

Interesting. Just FYI. Something industrial has begun to happen in the street outside my house, if you're hearing that. I'm sorry, I can't hear it myself, but I don't have the volume all the way up. I should mention some of my other conversation partners. I'll be talking with people like Hank Green. Yeah.

Sarah Eurisd Green, Brandon Sanders. Lily King, one of my favorite writers in Portland, Maine. I'll be talking with Lily King. I'm very excited about that. Lots of other folks, too. So, yeah, check it out, Hollywoodendingbook.com. That's the last tour promo today, I promise. Meg has a question.

Dear Hank and John, is the lightning that happens on Earth, the same kind of lightning that happens in the storms of other planets. Does the big storm on Jupiter have lightning like ours? The stormy atmosphere of Venus? Thunderboltan lightning, very, very frightening. Meg. Oh, yeah. Are they really?

Oh, yeah. The lightning is not a unique to Earth phenomenon for sure. So we know about the big storms on Jupiter, hundreds of years long, bigger than Earth storms. And indeed, the lightning strikes are the same kind of lightning and that they're lightning. I mean, it's the same phenomenon. And they can be hundreds of times, as you might expect,

more powerful than Earth lightning. In fact, I don't know that this. is obvious to everyone. It was not obvious to me for me and my whole life, but lightning strikes on Earth have a variety of intensities. And so there are big ones and little ones. And that's why some lightning strikes are more survivable than others in part, because sometimes there's really big ones. And what affects that is a bunch of different things. But we like to study lightning on other planets because it can tell us about what their atmosphere is doing and how it's transporting heat around the planet.

But yeah, there's, they're a powerful wild phenomenon. But the lightning is, aside from the difference in intensity, is a, there's a save the same thing, which we are still a little confused by, I'll be honest. Yeah, let me ask you a question, Hank, and it's a stupid question. I'm just going to preface it. But there's no rain, right? There's no rain on Jupiter when it's storming. There's just lightning.

There are, there is. Is there wind? Oh, there's certainly wind. Okay, so it's a windy lightningy storm, not a rainy storm. Yeah, yeah. So there's a bunch of different reasons, and I'm talking on my butt now, but there's a bunch of different reasons why. Or out of your neck, if you will.

I actually am talking out of my neck. That is how it works. But there's a bunch of different reasons why energy. can be introduced into an atmospheric system and why there's like things that are in one place that would better prefer that want to be in another place. So like you have hot air that's low and it wants to go high or you have a lot of water in the atmosphere that's,

and when water, like when water vapor turns into condensed water, that's actually an energy releasing process. And so that adds energy to the atmosphere. So anyway, there's a bunch of different reasons and I do not know all of the ones on Jupiter, nor do I know all the ones on Earth. But there, I bet you they are different reasons, but it is introducing movement into the particles of the atmosphere.

And that is the thing that is creating the friction that ultimately transfers electrons from one place to another. I mean, I say friction. Static electricity is weird and we don't fully understand it. But it's the same phenomenon. As long as there's like things moving around, electrons get weird. Yeah. Wow.

That's pretty mind-blowing. All right, we have another question from Rick who writes, Dear John and Hank, what is ANS? I want to pre-order your book, Hollywood ending, and saw an option to pre-order ANS. UK and CA, I figured out quickly enough, UK and Canada, but I can't decide on ANS. My current best guess is Andorra and Zambia,

but that seems rather unlikely. Pumpkins and Penguin books, Rick. Hank, do you know what ANS is? It took me a second. I did not immediately get it, but I thought to myself, I bet it's about English-speaking areas. Correct. There had been a bunch of English-speaking areas listed. So I think Australia, New Zealand. That's right. Australian-New Zealand. I just signed like 1,500 book plates for Australia and New Zealand because they don't have the mechanism to, you know, print the books with the signature card, but they can stick them on later. Because I mean, like a person does every one of them? I think so, which is-

Yeah, I don't see how else. A lot of work, but... Well, you're doing stuff. They're doing stuff. Everybody's working together. There you go. All right. Elias has a question.

Dear Brothers Green, but mostly Duboki. So how did all the dinosaurs die except for birds? Did they just hide in caves for a couple years after the asteroid hit, eating rations they'd stored ahead of time? Also, what was the human ancestor that existed at the time? And how did they survive? Thanks, Elias, or Elias. Well, oh, two questions. Two questions in one.

I'll do human ancestor real fast. Just some little squirrelly primatey guy. Tiny little mammal. Yeah. It would know it on a proto mammal. It was a real mammal. Yeah. Had live young and everything.

Yeah. Fuzzy, all the things. Yeah. Cute. Yeah, probably. Though there are some uncute mammals, but most of them are cute, especially when they're babies. Rhinoceros, not cute. Baby rhino? Oh, my God.

Yeah, I mean, rhinoceruses are cute. It's not that they're not cute. It's just that they're dangerous. Rhinoceruses are not cute. They look like... They're super cute. They look like mobile rocks. They're adorable.

They have big eyes. What do you want? What is your definition of cute? They have a little tiny eyes. Their eyes are 1,000% bigger than yours. Well, I mean, it compares to their body. You're just mistaken about this. But why didn't the dinosaurs, why did the birds live, Hank?

We don't know why the birds lived, but one possible explanation is their beaks. So one thing that we know about all the birds is that they're beaked. And the dinosaurs had a variety of mouth types. So the only thing that survived were not just the dinosaurs that are birds, but they're specifically a kind of dinosaur, a theropod dinosaur. which was what T-Rex was. But these ones, all of them have toothless beaks. The first bird, though, seems to have had teeth.

And through evolution, a bunch of birds lost those teeth. So what was the advantage of losing teeth? It might have allowed them to eat different food, and it would have been good food for this period of time that they had to go through, not just the sort of direct aftermath, but also the world that was left, which was a weird world for quite a long time there. So all of the toothbirds went extinct after the impact.

So there were toothbirds and we lost all of them. We don't know if this is the one trait that made the difference, but it is the trait that didn't make it through. So it seems like maybe a beak wasn't a guarantee of survival, but it was much more likely to be the way of living that was going to work. because all the toothed birds stopped and all the toothed dinosaurs. Let me ask a follow-up question. Do you think if we were hit by the exact same asteroid in the exact same place tomorrow,

do you think we would make it? Yeah, I do. You do? I do. I think that we would make it. I think it would be, I mean, it would be extremely bad. It would be. Well, I know it would be bad.

I mean, I'm talking about like, like, because like, You need like a thousand people. Right. But I'm saying you think a thousand people could get through that. I think a thousand people would get through it. Yeah. And I think it'd be more likely to be in the tens or hundreds of thousands. Or even millions.

It would probably not be billions, which would be obviously. A bummer. A bummer. Yeah. And you know who wouldn't make it realistically? Me. You know? Well, look, you'd only really have to make it 30 years.

to get to the outside of your, or the inside of your natural lifespan. Right, but I wouldn't make it 30 years. Yeah, yeah, probably. I mean, I assume like pharmaceutical production would be harmed by the process, in which case I would be in trouble on its own. That's true, but maybe... I'm medically dependent on pharmaceuticals. Maybe somebody would be like, you're John Green, the author?

And then they just... We'll make you some Lexapro. They'd just give you like mashed up potatoes. and keep you around as a cultural oddity. Yeah. Maybe I could become an oral tradition poet. Yeah. Do you think you could do that?

You could be like, here's what I remember of the Odyssey from watching the movie. Have you guys heard the one about Hazel and Augustus? I know that one pretty well. Yeah. That's the only one I know, but I remember it, I think. All right, John. Our last question before the all-important news from Mars and AFC Wimbledon comes from Lachlan. Dear Hank and John, when I behold the grass of the fields swaying in the summer breeze,

do I see one great organism dancing by itself? Or am I rather seeing many individual lives with each blade as a distinct participant in one great act of artistic collaboration? Thank you for your consideration, Lachlan. Walt Whitman wrote a poem about this, actually, called Leaves of Grass. And I think the answer, I mean, I'm curious to know what Hank's scientific answer, but I think the answer is yes. Like you are both seeing multiple lives and one life, depending on how you construct life. And a field of grass is both a superorganism and a bunch of different organisms. And in fact, a biosphere is in one way a superorganism, in that it is all emergent of a same.

single thing. And thus, where we draw the line is always a little bit subjective. Yeah, to quote Whitman, do I contradict myself? Very well, I contradict myself. I am large. I contain multitudes. Isn't it cool to be everything? Yeah.

Not to have introduced a little bit of LSD into the conversation. but it's kind of true. Yeah, to be anything is to be part of everything. Yeah, it's weird, a bunch of rocks got wet, and then they were like, oh, my neck hurts. All right, Hank, it's time for the all-important news from Mars and Nancy Wolden. What's the news from Mars this week? And news from Mars. We missed an important anniversary.

July 20th was the 50th anniversary of Viking 1, the first space. craft to ever land on Mars and send back images. It landed on July 20th, 1976. The original plan was to land on July 4th to match the U.S. bicentennial, but they could not find a flat enough landing zone in time. Wow. It was programmed to take its first image 25 seconds after landing. It was our first ever pictures taken from the surface of another planet. That's amazing that that was all the way back in 1976. I know. We did so much space stuff before we we had any business doing space stuff. Yeah, like we didn't even have great computers. No, we did not. And it's a little bit, like, I don't know the right ways to do these things, but there's a part of me that's like, we should be doing way more. Why are we doing, why are we doing, so why don't we improve more of this stuff?

I hear you. We should, we should be sent in simple little cube guys, little rovers that failed 10% of the time just like, we'll just cover that boy up. But it's great. Like, an amazing part of the, like, cost of one of these missions is actually funding the people who operate and do the science from them. So, right. Right. And funding them for years and years. Yeah. Yeah. Not enough resources pointed toward it. Speaking of not enough resources pointed toward it, how about AFC Wimbledon, America's favorite third-tier English soccer team? Not enough resources pointing towards AFC Wimbledon, which go into the season with likely the lowest or second lowest budget in League

1. We have enough players to field a team, but I wouldn't say we have enough enough players. So we have until September 1st is the transfer deadline. So we have all of August to figure this out, but we do need to acquire some warm bodies that can play football. Even they don't have to be stars. They can't all be stars, Hank, but they have to be sports participants. In our most recent preseason game, we lost one-nill to Weldstone. I know what you're wondering. Where is Weldstone? Weldstone is currently plying its trade in the fifth tier of English football. So the fact that we couldn't beat them going into this season is not the best of signs. But we have to remain hopeful because that that is what the story of AFC Wimbledon tells us to do. And so I believe that some way

or another, we will find a way forward. It is possible, John. There is a sport that will sport and you will sport it. There you go. And you'll be in the middle of the pack next year. I mean, I bite your arm off for the middle of the pack. That's what I'm thinking. That's why I'm hoping for that.

Because it seems, I don't know. It seems really hard to be a sports team. It's hard to be a sports team that can't lose millions and millions of pounds every year like all the sports teams around us can. And that's the thing. If all of them are doing it, then it doesn't work. I am aware. Nobody makes money. Somebody explain this to the rich people that keep throwing money down a hole and calling it weldstone. Well, John, they don't want to make money. They want to matter. And as you say, of all the things that don't matter, football matters the most. It's true. It's true. All right, Hank, well, thank you for potting with me. Thanks to everybody for listening. We really appreciate your questions at Hank and John at gmail.com.

This podcast was edited by Linus Obenhaus. It was mixed by Joseph Tuna Mettish. Our marketing specialist is Brooke Shotwell. It was produced by Rosiana Halsrowhasa and Hannah West. Our executive producer is Seth Radley. Our editorial assistant is Deboki Tragarvardi. The music you're hearing now and at the beginning of the podcast is by the Great Gunnarola. And as they sing in our hometown, don't forget to be awesome.