Dear Hank & John - 49: Not Not an Adult (w/ Sydney Green!)

Episode Date: May 31, 2016

How do you define adulthood? Is it slice of pizza or piece of pizza? How do I reclaim my armrest when I'm in the middle seat? And more!

Hello and welcome to Dear Hank and John, a comedy podcast about death hosted by myself, John Green, and not my brother Hank Green who is on tour, but instead my mom, Sydney Green. Hi there, John Green. Hi, how's it going? It's going pretty well. I'm pretty sort of missing Hank, but I'll see you. I also miss Hank, but I'm very sort of missing Hank but I'll see you. I also miss Hank but I'm very glad to have you here as a guest. So the way it works in this podcast is we

answer your questions, we provide you dubious advice and we give you all the weeks news from both AFC Wimbledon and this week not news from Mars but instead a recipe. Yes I'm very excited about the recipe. I am too because I just ate it for dinner last night, and I thought it was delicious. I know. It was delicious. Who knew? So how are you doing, mom? I'm doing well. I'm glad to be here in Indiana. It's a beautiful summer, spring day. It's good to see the grandchildren.

Yeah. Nice to see you. We're excited about the Indy 500. We're very excited about the Indy 500. I picked out my guys. Who are you? Do you even know their names? I do. Who are you guys? I, you know, I, I have a personal love from Montoya just because of the Brincess bride. The Indigo Montoya connection. Yes, exactly. And, and if not him, I do like Simon just because he gave you such a hard time in the Grand Prix. When I drove the Pace car at the Grand Prix of Indianapolis, Simon Pashino, with whom I am personally acquainted, kept riding my bumper.

He kept, I don't know if he was just trying to warm up his tires, or if he wasn't satisfied with the speed at which the Pace car was being driven, but he kept roaring up right up to my bumper. He was frightening. I know. So I sort of kind of like the idea. So you like him. And then you know you can't help but not like the pole guy.

Oh yeah James Hinchcliffe. Yeah, James Hinchcliffe. What a story. He's an amazing guy, really great, a lovely person, very generous does tons of work in the community here in Indianapolis. So, of course, when this podcast is being actually listened to, the Indianapolis 500 will be in the past.

Yes. So, you will know. It will be interesting who we picked, if we picked correctly. Right. Well, let's hope that it's James Hinchcliff, Juan Pablo Montoya, or Simon Pangeon. Yes. That's who you're rooting for. That's who I'm rooting for.

Do you have similar or different? I have an Indycar fantasy league. So I root for the drivers that ended up in my fantasy league, which this year means Takuma Sato, Jack Hawksworth, Ryan Hunter Ray and Elio Castor Nevez. But I have a personal affection for Scott Dixon, so I'll also be very happy to be here. Yeah, he's a good guy too, yeah. I know that's what people come to this podcast for, Mom.

Yeah, I do too. Is Indy 500 Analysis after the Indy 500 has occurred? That sounds perfect. It's a great podcast. So Mom, before we get to listen to questions, I'm just hoping you can comment on something that happened in a recent episode of Dear Hank and John, which is that my brother apologized for having destroyed toggle the cookie jar that in fact is not destroyed and is still living happily with you and

dad in western North Carolina. That's correct. So tell us what actually happened. Well what actually happened was you destroyed, well I'll hang destroyed, my last remnant of my college life. Oh wow. So you had a cookie jar all the way from college? Yes, one of my boyfriend said made and gave it, it was his senior project and he gave it to me and and Hank broke that. So I cried some just because that was the end of my college career. Was it like the last remnant of college remnant? The last remnant, yes, that was it. And then it broke.

Yeah. Well, it's interesting that you mentioned that because I thought we might start with a question about adulthood and what adulthood means. I'm gonna be reading all the questions because I have the computer. Oh wait mom, I forgot about the short poem. You did! I was wondering. I'm very excited about this. I do have a short poem. You'll never guess what it's about. Uh, death? It's about death. You're correct. This is a beautiful short poem by Langston Hughes, one of the all-time best short poets in my opinion. He wrote this poem is actually just called poem.

I loved my friend. He went away from me. There's nothing more to say. The poem ends soft as it began. I loved my friend. Oh. It might not be about death. It might just be about a friend break up,

but it's very sad, isn't it? It is very sad. I love the poem ends soft as it began. I do too. Oh, he's good. He's good. Maybe you'll keep that one for my funeral. Oh, goodness gracious.

Must I? Must we go there? Well, I don't know. It's a podcast about death. Now people are seeing where I got the obsession from. OK, all right, so we are going to try to answer this question about so-called proper adulthood. This question comes from Jade, who asks,

dear John and Hank, a few times in the podcast, you have referred to proper adults trademark, and I'm curious, how do you define adult? I'm assuming that adulthood is a scale, perhaps weighing age and experience, not a binary. Do you agree? Am I a 25 year old woman with an office job before a 1K

and great workplace benefits more adult than my identical twin sister, who is a second year law student? Does it matter that I'm a minute older? What do you think, Mom? Well, you know, I'm still candidly thinking about the fact that my adulthood started when you guys broke my, oh, the picture.

So the answer, I think, mom's answer is that adulthood begins when the last memory of your college boyfriend is destroyed by your children. Yeah, there's something to that, isn't it? Yeah. Or I feel like both you and your sister probably are right. They're in adulthood. Yeah, I think you're just making the transition.

It's a, in my opinion, it's a long transition. And it ends when you can no longer possibly say that you are not an adult, you know? I think that's true. Yeah. And there just comes a day when you look up and you realize that you are definitely not, not an adult. Yeah.

And therefore you must be an adult. Yes. Have you reached that stage? For me, the critical moment looking back was when I put on an outfit, I've talked about this before on the podcast, and Sarah was with me. And I said, I just feel like I look like a middle-aged man in this outfit and Sarah paused for just like one second too long and I realized that it had happened. Yeah, yeah. But for you it was the destruction of the cookie jar.

Yes it was. Now you know why I cried so hard and why you guys, even though you're so little, you remember it. It is a very intense memory for me, although a faulty one since Hank and I both thought that we'd destroyed Tuggle, the cookie jar that was shaped like a tugboat, which is in fact in perfect condition. Yes, it is. Well, the nose has been rubbed.

The pain has been rubbed away from the nose. Well, but still compared to the college boyfriend, Cookie Jartson Grinching. Yes, true. So adulthood in short is a process, not an event, but it is marked by events perhaps. Oh, beautifully said. Yes. Thanks, mom. You're welcome. Gosh, you should always co-host this podcast. We've got another question. This one comes from Lauren who writes,

Dear John and Hank, I am currently about two hours into a six hour flight from New York City to San Francisco. And I'm sitting in the middle seat. I failed to lay claim to an armrest when we sat down. And now both the people in the aisle and the window seats are using both armrests. Since they have clearly not generalized, the Dear Hank and John movie theater armrest rule to airplanes, do you have any ideas on how I might acquire some armrest real estate?

Any dubious advice is appreciated best wishes Lauren. PS, the attached picture was taken while both guys were sleeping. I cannot tell you how anxiety-provoking the attached picture is. It's very upsetting to look at. Oh god. You know, this is why I've never divorced your father because he understands the armrest rule and he's always with me when we fly. Okay, so one way or another, even if you're in the middle seat, you get an armrest because you're sitting next to dad. Yes. I think that's a really good, but middle seat, you get an arm rest because you're sitting next to dad. Yes. I think that's a really good, but I mean, you know, we probably just made Lauren's life

worse. Yeah, we probably did. Because now she's like, great, I also don't have a flying partner. Yeah, and I have been in that situation before, and it's just, only I remember mine, I was next to a basketball player, so he's very tall. So it was more than just the armrest. His whole body. His whole body. Yeah. But it's hard thing because he's also having an unpleasant fight because he's probably six eight and a coach seat. Yes. Yes. So on the one hand you want to be empathetic. On the other hand you are suffering and it's

hard when you're suffering to be empathetic. Yes. So what would you do in this situation? Well, you know, I actually would kind of look at both and look for the more empathetic one. Lena, I've heard ask him for the arm. Oh, you'd ask. See what I would do. Or sometimes I would put my arm down. The gentle nudge. If there's like one eighth of an inch of the arm rest available for my arm, I will put that arm down and I won't make physical contact with the person, but my arm hair will make physical contact

with his arm hair. Ah, brilliant. And then they get the nudge and they're reminded, I am in the middle seat. I am the one who deserves these arm rests. That's brilliant. Thank you. Thank you. I don't like the brag, but that is what I do.

I do not, I do believe, if you are on the aisle or on the window and you use the middle seats arm rests, that's rude. You're a criminal. Yeah, I think so too. It's just terrible. And I think the fact that your arm hair would touch their arm hair is a powerful statement of creepiness. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I don't believe in touching strangers, but I don't mind if my hair touches their hair. Okay, that just creeps me out completely. Sorry. Have a little shiver there. I'm sorry mom. All right, we've got another question. That was upsetting. I probably shouldn't have answered that.

Okay mom, we've got a very important question from Hannah who writes, dear Hank and John, my senior prom is swiftly approaching and I'm having a major problem. First of all, her senior prom has probably passed. So sorry Hannah, for not getting this advice to you in time, I'm sure you did fine. First of all, how do you even slow dance? Do you just sway back and forth? Is there any foot movement? How much space should there be between me and my date? Where does my head go? Help me with my problem. PSU guys should crash my prom. Sorry, we didn't make it to your prom, Hannah, but here is your belated dubious advice on how to slow dance, mom. There's a lot of pause there because you know not so much do I dance, but in my day when

I was a teenager, I would practice with my friends and we would kind of figure out what was most comfortable for us and that's what I would do. How long have you been married? 40 years. Do you feel comfortable slow dancing with Dad? No, I really just like it. You just don't like doing it? I don't like dancing in and no, I don't like, no, I like it. You know that famous sort of cliche phrase dance like no one's watching?

Never has happened to me in my life. That for me the issue is that if no one's watching, I don't want to dance. Exactly. Yeah, I have no desire to be dancing. I also have no desire to be dancing when people are watching. But like when I'm alone in my room listening to music, I am not one to boogie down. No. I am not one to boogie down. No. I am however,

Hank. Hank. Oh my god. Winter Park High School's best dancer. Yes he was. In 1994, he was voted best dancer at Winter Park High School. You know, I used to introduce Hank on stage back when we toured a lot together.

And whenever I would introduce Hank on stage, I would list his accomplishments in Venter of 2D Glasses, which render 3D movies in a crisp 2DMenshens founder of the Environmental Technology Blog ECO Geek. And then I would say that the last thing I would always say is that in 1996 or whatever he was named best dancer at Winner Park High School which is true. It is, it's absolutely true. And remarkable.

And he's a good dancer. And he's a good dancer. Always a great dancer. He and Catherine can be. We somehow did not come to my half of the family. But as if I am an expert in slow dancing. And here's my opinion. Just go with it. Just do what makes you feel comfortable.

You should sway back and forth and it's okay to turn, I think, in a slow circle. So some foot movement, I usually go in a clockwise circle and then as far as how much space should be between you and your date, that's really a question of how comfortable you are with your date and not something I feel particularly qualified to weigh in on. But I think you know just if you're not comfortable with them it's fine to just hold a lock lock the elbows. Yeah I think

just lock the elbows. Yeah and just do not touch except hand on waist, hand on shoulders and just keep that physical distance. But if you're comfortable then you know you can you can touch. Yeah I think that the arm lock also is kind of a sweet look. I don't think that I before I got married, I don't recall ever slow dancing in a way that was at all comfortable. No, I mean either. And still, I don't love dancing,

but when we go to wedding, Sarah likes to dance. Yeah, I've noticed you, Sarah. Yeah, fortunately, your dance still doesn I don't love dancing, but Sarah, Sarah, like when we go to wedding, Sarah likes to dance. You have to notice that. Yeah, fortunately your dad still doesn't like to dance either, so. That's nice. It is nice. I'm a little jealous. Yeah.

I wish I had married dad. Yeah, he's real, well Sarah is nice too. Yes, no, I'm a fan of Sarah. She's great. Um, you know, we just celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary. Oh, no, it's so exciting. You know, we just celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary. Oh no, it's so exciting. You know what? And it reminds me of that magical moment of when we danced.

And what was the song we danced to, dear? Well, the podcast listeners know mom because Murrow Hagger just died. He did just die. I do not know. It was Mama Tried by Murrow Hagger. I read the lyrics to Mama Tried as the short poem for that one.

That's right, you did. I forgot. I had an Emily Dickinson poem allas, the short poem for that one. That's right, you did, I forgot. I had an Emily Dickinson poem all lined up and then Murl Haggard died night. Oh man. All right, mom, we've got another question. This one is from Akif, who writes, Dear Hank and John, I'm about to graduate from college. I'm an international student from a developing nation studying in the US

And I've always planned to go back and use what I've learned over here to help people back home However recently my parents have been suggesting I try to get a job in the US and embark on a more secure life in a developed country I can see why they'd want me to do that since there have been some recent incidents relating to radicalism back home But I can't help but wonder if it would be extremely selfish on my part. On the other hand, I've always tried to keep my parents happy and listen to what they want me to do, thus I am in a dilemma and in desperate need of some dubious advice. How do I make them understand that we should sometimes think of the greater good in a way

that they would be supportive of in my decision. What a big difficult complicated question. I am really curious as your mother and also knowing you're a father, how you would handle this. Wait a minute, wait a minute, deflect. Bring the ball over to my side of the court. I mean, you know, the truth is that I don't feel like we can give great advice here because it isn't something that I have a lot of experience with. And also because I think it's an incredibly complicated, difficult decision, but I thought it was important to read it on the podcast because I think it's important to remember the complexities of big decisions like that that people have to face when they're quite young.

I mean this is a young person who's about to graduate from college but has to make a big decision about the rest of their life. When I was traveling in Ethiopia we got to visit with recently graduated college students and what really impressed me was that to a person they were committed to development. They were committed to, you know, education, engineering, you know, fields where they thought that their talents and the privileges that they'd had as college students would really make a big difference. And that's not something that you see as much, I have to say, in the US. Like when I was graduating from college, it didn't occur to me, how can I serve my country, or even really to be honest,

how can I serve my community? Most of it was, can I get a good job that's gonna, you know, allow me to have a good life, and can it be in the world of the arts, which is the world that I love. There was something kind of selfish about it looking back. I would have made a terrible mechanical engineer, so there is that. But I just, I thought this question really captured a difficult choice that some people make that maybe lots of us take the conclusion for granted. Yes, I really agree with you on that. When you live in such a world of privilege, like you and I ultimately do, it's almost impossible to visualize, and certainly it's impossible to give advice on such a very difficult

except to say this is a time for you and your family to really join together and in love and in honest hard discussion. I think that's yeah that's really true. Somebody told me once that my privileges were like oxygen and that's very true. It is very difficult to be aware of ones's privileges. I mean, we all have them to one degree or another, but it becomes almost impossible to imagine other people's lives. It's just work. And if you don't do that work, it's extremely easy to assume that your life is normal. Exactly. Exactly. Alright, Mom, a somewhat less complicated question. Okay. But I'll be interested to see if this divides us.

Okay. This question is from Jones, who writes Dear Hank and John, what is the proper phrase slice of pizza or piece of pizza? Well, you know, when I was growing up, Yeah. In Alabama. There was no pizza. Exactly. Is that true? Well, we had to when I was growing up in Alabama, there was no pizza.

Exactly. Is that true? Well, we had to squall these pizza, which was in in in in Cressline. Wait, so you're telling me that when you were a child, there was one pizza place? And yes, and mostly your grandmother would roll out bisquick and put some tomato sauce with cheese on it and call it done. So I don't think that actually then I had real pizza and I went, huh, Billy Gray's really actually did not know how to make this. She's a wonderful woman. She's not an expert pizza chef. No, she was not that. So What did we say? I think can I have a piece of pizza? So you would say piece of pizza. Yeah, I think that's what I say

I also say piece of pizza probably because that's what I grew up saying probably but also because I really like the Eliteration of it. It's sort of like saying pizza pizza. Yes, and I find that enjoyable Okay, but I think I know lots of like in New York for instance a little bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit I'm always fascinated with the cultural differences and describing things. Like, you know, those things on the stove, the little round things. How do you say that? I do not refer to those things. I don't have a word for them. I would love to have a word. Yes, you know. No. The grill? No. That turns on, turns red, cooks the food. It's called... The stove top? No.

I've never known what to call them. The grill, the stove top? The burners? The burners, I say burners. Yes. And you know what my mother always said? What? Bill and Grace, so I always call them the eye of the stove.

Oh, that's great. Because they look like eyes. That's beautiful. Yeah. I think we should start calling it the eye of the stove. We should bring that back. Okay. The other regionalism, I think about a lot, is that I don't know if this was true for you when you were a kid in the South, but when I was a kid,

when somebody asked me what I wanted to drink, I said a coke and then they said what kind and then I said a sprite. Like a coke was the word for soda. For soda. Yeah, yeah. Oh yeah. Well, yes. was the word for soda. For soda. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Well, yes. This probably won't make the podcast, but I had a friend whose job when they graduated from college was to go around for Coca-Cola and Tay and he had a good palate. And he tasted Coke. If somebody said, if you, he into a restaurant or to a Coke, and they would say, okay, and bring him a Coke, and if it was a Pepsi, he would write the Coke Cola Company, and they would send a letter to the restaurant saying you got to call it Pepsi, because they

were trying to make sure that there was that distinction because people were starting to call soda coke and that what would affect their patent. I think that's fascinating actually. I'm super interested in trademark law and one thing that all companies are terrified of is the genericization of their trademarks. Yes, that's exactly what it did for you. You'll start calling soda coke then coke loses the ability to be the only thing called coke.

That's why when we talk about googling, people at Google always talk about search. They never use the verb to google. And you've talked about this before in your podcast. Do you remember when Hank was on a very important business call with Yahoo many, many years ago? And they were like, so I don't know how familiar you are with everybody on the call. And Hank said, oh, I googled all of you. And then immediately afterwards, this voice comes over and she said, we call it Yahoo-ing. call it Yahoo-ing. This is such a ludicrous, such a ludicrous verb, I Yahoo-you.

And don't worry. It's almost like a poem. I know you're full resume. I Yahoo-do. Now, we're going to go completely off track. Because I'm going to tell the story of Sarah, one of our first dates, Sarah grew up in the south, but she has a northern family. So she has a very interesting accent. She always wanted to sound generically American and not southern, but she grew up around

southern people and it's made her a lot of times put, she still, a lot of times puts the emphasis on the first syllable no matter what like insurance or umbrella or gay rage or whatever. But she doesn't have an accent she just does that one trick. And so on one of our first date she said something about but she's conscious of it so she's always trying to like work against it so she said something about Yahoo male. And I was like what? And she said you know Yahoo, the company. And you just wanted to go back Yahoo! Yeah, I was like, I don't know where you got that from man, that's super weird.

Oh man. Alright, okay mom, let's answer a few more questions from our listeners before we get to the exciting news from AFC Wembleden and your excellent recipe. This question comes from D-Len, who asks, dear Hank and John, I am afraid of making phone calls. When calling or receiving calls from my family or my best friend, I feel fine, but other stuff freaks me out when When making appointments or calling strangers, I get really nervous, and my stomach is in knots for days. I even sometimes ignore my phone if I'm getting a call from

someone I know or am friends with. I usually text them later and pretend I was busy, but I feel bad about not answering. I also just really need to make calls every now and then, and I'd like to avoid this hassle. I know doing it is probably the only way to get over this but how do I start? How do I make myself just call them? Well I think as you know John this is probably one of my biggest issues with anxiety and I'm terrible at this. Again, you know, there are reasons why I'm married to your dad for 40 years. Just as one, he'll make phone calls for me. And the arm rest. We now know the keys to a good marriage.

You need one person who can make phone calls, and you need to have an agreement that whoever's in the middle seat gets the arm rest. Yes. And then the rest will all fall in place. That's a terrible advice. Isn't this supposed to be dubious? It's extremely dubious. Okay, fine.

Answer these two questions and I will marry you. Now please stop making decision based on those. So yeah, so I really struggle with this. I still really struggle with this and one of the tricks that I do because I really do get anxious about phone calls is there are times in the day when I feel stronger like between 10 and 1 o'clock are my strongest times emotionally and mentally. And so I will postpone those phone calls, but I'll write them down, and then I will call between 10 and 1, and I get the great joy of putting a line through the name. And that's just one of, that's my trick.

And the other is, now that I'm 64, I get my permit. But you can't do this. This is really dubious. Advice you have to wait to your 64. I give myself permission to tell people that I'm sorry that I don't return the phone call and then communicate through text. That's really not that healthy of a strategy.

Well, I mean, maybe it is. You know, you do whatever you need to do. I also feel somewhat anxious about calling, having phone calls with strangers. I feel it much less now than I used to. My anxiety has found other ports of call. I'm still stuck on phone calls. But I have to say, when I hired Rosiana,

my amazing brilliant production partner, the first question I asked her is, do you mind calling strangers? And she said, no, I like calling strangers. And that was not a lie. It is an amazing, that is amazing. To me, it's like she has a superpower. Yeah.

So like if I'm incredibly lucky that if I feel anxious about something like about a phone call that I have someone who will make the phone call, essentially make it for me. Rosie is your dad. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I give her a yes. I guess so. But so like my mother,

I have an anxiety disorder. I have like for instance an incredibly hard time mailing things. It's very easy for me to put the thing in the envelope. It's very easy for me to seal the envelope, to put the stamp on it, to write the correct name, the return address, etc. The part that is difficult is the part where I walk to the mailbox, I put the item in the mailbox and I lift that little flag that lets the mail carrier know that I wish to send a letter. I recognize that this is ludicrous, right, that like people can do this. Lots of people do it. It isn't physically taxing. And I feel the same way about phone calls in a lot of ways. Like it's easy to minimize it because lots of people can do it because it's a

stensibly very easy to do, etc. except that it doesn't matter that it's easy for other people to do it. It doesn't matter that it's supposedly not hard. It is hard. Like it's very hard for you and you are living inside of the only consciousness that you can live inside of. So if I treat it as a thing that's hard, that I am going to do, and that after I finish this hard thing, I will be proud of myself in the way that I am proud of myself when I do hard things.

It somehow becomes easier. Like I build up sort of rituals around it. I take it into tiny little steps. You know, there's the step of dialing. There's the step of hitting the call button. For me, there's the step of picking up the letter and walking it out of the house and then there's the step where I open up the mailbox and there's the step where I put it in, the step where I close the mailbox where I raise the flag where I walk back feeling this immense joy because I have done this thing that for me is genuinely difficult. And so I think for me like that that helps but I think different things help different people.

Yep. Mom it is almost time for us to move on to the very exciting new segment where you tell us how to use Dr. Pepper to make pork chops. Is that what we're making? No, we're making pork tenderloin. Pork tenderloin, I apologize. Not only do I not know what the eye of the stove is called, I don't even know what a pork tenderloin is, apparently.

But what you liked it. I loved it. No, even know what a pork tenderloin is, apparently. But what you liked it. I loved it. No, I grew up eating pork tenderloin. I know it. I know about it. Anyway, we have a couple of responses from previous podcasts that are very important in addition to the fact

that Tuggle is not dead. Yay. We have a couple other updates. This from Skip. But my college life was. I know, your college life is dead. I'm sorry, Mom. Okay, sorry.

This update is from Skip who writes, Dear Hank and John. In your most recent podcast, you mentioned the Yellowstone Supervolcano and how John would like to move to Australia in the case of an eminent eruption. I would just like to point out that the world's most active

called era Supervolcano is located in Tasmania. There is no escape. Oh God, there isn't. No. Oh, I'm sorry. Well, the good news, mom, is that when the super volcano comes, it will be an exceptionally slow death because really will end up like all dying of like starvation

because the cloud of ash will make it so there is no sunshine and therefore no crops. Boy, I'm excited about that possibility. So we'll be desperate, yes, we'll be terrified, there will be no internet, yes, and then everything will end. Okay then, thanks. You're welcome, thanks for joining me on the podcast today. And going back into therapy. join in me on the podcast today. And then we're going back into therapy. Yeah. We have one more update this one is from Kancy who writes, in reply to John's thoughts on writing his next novel

completely in emojis, Mom, do you know what an emoji is? I do know. All right. There's those little things that they're supposed to mean things. Do you have a favorite emoji? Do you use them? I do.

I really, and truly hate all the smiley face suits one just on general principle because they're yellow and I don't like to color yellow. You can actually change their colors now but go on. Okay, well that might make me feel better. I like the snake one. Oh yeah you love snakes. I do love snakes. Yeah my mom is a painter of snakes just a fan of snakes in general. Yep. It's not a passion I share with you. So few do. I did come across, I was kayaking yesterday and I came across this small water snake. It was perhaps six inches long and I thought of at least trying to photograph it for Henry but then I became

very anxious so I didn't. Do you remember the time that the snake ate your fish at the cabin? I do. Yeah that was very upsetting your fish at the cabin? I do. Yeah, that was very upsetting. We had had this amazing fishing day. Yes, incredible. Like the best fishing day ever. Ever. And then a snake ate our fish.

It was very upsetting and it was very gross to watch it happen and it was a little bit traumatic. So my two main memories from childhood breaking your cookie jar and the snake eating the fish. All right, anyway, this is from Kancy, who writes in reply to John's thoughts on writing his next novel completely in emojis. I wanted to share that there is already a book by the artist Zhubing that does exactly that.

It's called From Point to Point and it is a 112 page novel about the everyday life of an office worker. If you Google it, you can find images of the pages. It's surprisingly comprehensible. Not really a question. Really? Just love the podcast.

Wow. Isn't that cool? That's very cool. We have to look that up. Well, I did Google some images of it. We'll try to put them on the Patreon and let me show you what it looks like, Mom. Okay. And then we can show people on the podcast. But it is, it is kind of readable. It looks like this. Isn't that cool?

Oh, that is very cool. Yeah. So it's like it's, it is just a novel in emojis, which I do think, by the way, I think is completely legitimate. I know a lot to do. Yeah, I think if you can use, there's all kinds of different ways to use language and language isn't just made of letters. That's absolutely true. Okay, so it's now time to talk about the news from AFC Women. I'm so excited. But first, what is your recipe?

Oh, my recipe. Well, it's important to know that where this recipe comes from. Okay. Because it comes from. Okay. Because it comes from Gracie. Right, my cousin Gracie. Yes. And we love the Gracie, as we all like to say. So Gracie's boyfriend, Trace Barnard.

He's a chef in New Orleans. He owns a restaurant called We Got Soul. And I noticed on his menu that he prints weekly that he had some a port tenderloin that was marinated in your favorite soda. Dr. Pepper. Dr. Pepper. Well, it must be fine. Well, I don't love Dr. Pepper.

I feel like it's a little too rich for my palate, but diet, Dr. Pepper, not as good of a marinade. No, but you have to. Pepper, not as good of a marinade. No, but you have to have that richness for a good marinade. So you have to use the straight stuff. All right, so it's pork tenderloin, marinated. And Dr. Pepper and brown sugar and crushed red pepper and vanilla bean and bay leaves and you cook it, you cook it, which is kind of fun to cook, Dr. Pepper, it bubbles a lot and reduce it by half, cool it off, put the pork in there,

let it marinate for at least eight hours, and then grill it and it's fantastic. I have to say, it was deeply impressed. I love to, that's right, he's a good chef. I had a little expectations, but I was very, very impressed. Today's podcast. Oh, it's brought to you by Dr. Pepper. Not only good for your taste, but good for your soul.

Oh, there we go. That's a nice advertisement for Trace's restaurant. And today's podcast is also brought to you by the middle seat. The middle seat. You have the right to both armrests. And do it via touch and arm hair. If necessary, whatever it takes.

And this podcast is brought to you by the end of college. The end of college, it doesn't really end until you lose your cookie jar. And lastly, this podcast is brought to you by a super volcano set to erupt at any moment in Tasmania or possibly the United States. We have essentially no way of knowing or if we do have a way of knowing we don't have a science person on the podcast right now to tell us that we should be calm about this so we're going to panic.

Okay, that sounds like a good strategy for the two of us. Alright, mom. So the news from AFC Wimbledon is that as this podcast is aired, I will be in London with Rosiana and your husband, my dad and a few other people from here in Indianapolis at Wembley Stadium, a 90,000 seat stadium, where AFC Wimbledon will be playing in the playoff final for all the marbles. Right now, as I'm talking, AFC Wimbledon has a 50% chance of having a 100% chance of becoming a third tier English soccer team next year. The game is just, it's incredibly exciting. It's almost impossible to contextualize

how unlikely this is. For instance, AFC Wimbledon has the smallest stadium in League 2, the league they're currently in. Really? Yeah, King's Meadow is the smallest stadium in League 2. And yet somehow, they have found their way one victory against Plymouth Argyle from then having the smallest stadium in League 1. I'm really really excited. I mean obviously I desperately hope that AFC Wimbledon win the game.

If you see me at Wimbledon, please feel free to say hi. It would be great to be able to meet you. Thanks to, I know lots of Dear Hank and John Listeners are going to the game at Wembley, which is so cool. Thank you for getting on board with my eccentric passion for this football club. But I talked to, in the last couple days, I've talked to both the founding commercial director of the club and the CEO and they're just, they're so excited. They're so excited to be Nerdfighterious Club.

They're so excited to be playing at Wembley and I'm looking forward to having a great day out, no matter what happens, because it is already wonderful to have made it to Wembley. It's a massive, massive deal for the club, both in terms of coverage and financially and everything, but obviously it will be an especially great day out if the improbable happens and Wimbledon go up. It would just be absolutely magical. That's such a great, great story. I'm so excited that you guys are going. I know your dad is just really thrilled. And the good news is he'll be there to keep you calm at all times.

And if you need to make a phone call, he's happy to do it. Not only that. And he'll mail a letter for you. He'll mail a letter for me. I feel like dad will probably give me the arm rest. Yeah, he's an emergency. Totally. Yes, he will.

So yeah, he's a good guy. I was gonna say our dad, but he's not your dad. No, that's not. But I'm used to talking to Hank. Mom, thank you so much for joining me on today's episode of Dear Hank and John. You've been my favorite guest host ever, and the only one that I've ever had. But still my favorite. Thanks.

And thanks to everybody for listening. We really appreciate it. Today's podcast is edited by Nicholas Jenkins. Our intern is Claudio Morales. Rosie on a Huls Rojas helps us out with questions. If you want to ask us a question, you can email us at Hank and John at gmail.com or use the hashtag on Twitter,

dear Hank and John. If you want to ask my mom a question, you can do that as well. You can just use the same hashtag and I'll have her look for it. But thanks again for listening. Oh, our theme music is by Gunnarola. I always forget our theme music is by Gunnarola. You can follow us on Twitter. I am at John Greenhank, is it Hank Greenhank? Mom, what's your Twitter?

You don't really remember? I don't. Hold on, I'll look it up for you. I think it's Mom Vlog Brothers. I think it is Mom Vlog Brothers. It is, it's confirmed to be Mom Vlog Brothers. Right now, on top of her Twitter feed, you can see a snake skin.

She's not kidding about the snakes, people. That's how I decorate. Yeah, it's beautiful. It looks great. Thanks again for listening. And as we say in my hometown, don't forget to be awesome. you