Dear Hank & John - 5: Should I Lie to Get a Job? (w/ Maureen Johnson!)

Episode Date: July 6, 2015

With John out of town on the Paper Towns press tour, Hank calls on long-time John-replacement Maureen Johnson to help co-host this extra long edition of Dear Hank and John. In it, we discuss the science of sight, whether it's OK to lie to get a job, and how to deal with that paralyzing feeling that your life isn't special and that you're just going to do all of the same boring crap everyone else has already done.If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at [e-mail] us for monthly livestreams and an exclusive weekly podcast at patreon.com/dearhankandjohn.Follow us on Twitter! twitter.com/dearhankandjohn

Hello and welcome to Dear Hank and John. Or, as I like to call it, Dear Maureen and Hank. Oh, hello there. This is a podcast where, uh, today, I, Hank Green and Maureen Johnson answer your questions and provide dubious advice and bring you all of the latest news from both Mars and AFC Wimbledon Though I don't know if Maureen has any AFC Wimbledon news do you? I barely know what Balls are sports balls sports balls. You're familiar with listen. Do you have a poem for us? I do Oh, that's good. So you don't have any AFC Wimbbley news, but you will fulfill John's role of a short poem.

I certainly will. Here is a short poem for you. Blue Jean Baby, LA Lady, Seamstress for the Band, Pretty I'd Pirate Smile, You'll Marry a Music Man, ballerina you must have seen her dancing in the sand and now she's in me always with me tiny dancer in my hand and that was of course part of tiny dancer written by Bernie Topin the man who wrote lyrics to nearly it's it's an extraordinarily high percentage of Elton John's songs. That was beautiful. That was beautiful. A power poem and a someone unexpected direction to go in. I'm excited that yes because who knows a bunch of short poems and is pretentious enough to talk about them on podcasts besides John Green. No one.

No one. Yeah. Zero people. So we have some Dear Hengajan updates. The first is that we have theme music now thanks to Gunnarola, Andrew Gunnady, who you can see travel vlogging and making music and being awesome at youtube.com slash Gunnarola

with two ends and one R and two Ls. And second, John Green, who is the John of Dear Hengajan, at youtube.com slash gunner rola with two ends and one r and two l's and uh... second john green uh... who is the john of dear hank and john is uh... in the pre-released madness of the paper towns movie release and he's gone he's i think he's in in brazil right now and he will not be here he will not be at his house for the next month and a half and his house is where he records podcast So we are going to have a bunch of guest johns. And the first guest

john, as you probably have guessed by now, is Maureen Johnson. Can you tell us about who you are, Maureen? Sure. I'm Maureen Johnson. I'm an author like John, unlike John, I show up in Doo Stuff. This is now... Hank, this is the third time that I've filled in for John because he was simply too lazy. Or to show up. Sort of. No. Well, don't make excuses, Hank. He just didn't...

Is he here? No. Could he be? Well... I mean, the first two times were because someone... Not even that he was having a baby someone else was having a baby Just all right just someone that he Was have you know with that he was closely related to through matrimony

Well, and I just want to say as a footnote those two times I made videos and he actually told me that the reason He picked me to do it is that because I am so bad at making videos He wanted to make sure to pick someone that wasn't so good, that they wouldn't like them better, and then they would really want him to come back. Oh, that's lovely. That's a lovely thought that John, yeah, that's such a nice thing. That's actually something he said to me. And you know what, though, he was right because I am not good at making videos. Well, it does sound like something John would say. Oh, it is. It is absolutely something he said. And you know what though, he was right because I am not good at making videos.

Well, it does sound like something John would say. Oh, it is. It is absolutely something. He said, you know, and I also wrote a book with John. I almost said, called Paper Towns, but that's not it. It's, I don't know. I don't know what I do. Called Let It Snow.

So, so I did, so we have, we've done that together. Yeah, and you do you have Tell me about your jars. Oh, that's been a while That is a reference to people who follow me on Twitter. I spent a lot of time on Twitter And I used to say that I would put everybody who followed me inside a little tiny jar and keep them with me forever But I've run it's like on the shelf behind you run out of space or run out of jars. They're still metaphor, you know, I still inspired everybody's in there, but I've moved on to other storage, large,

large storage containers, shipping containers, things like that. What am I in a very special spot in my heart, but not I'm not in a jar or a separate, a separate, a small, small, a separate where. Yeah, well, yeah, a nice one though. Not one of those ones you throw away, which frankly make me angry. Yeah, yeah, why is... I feel bad. I get, you know, like lunch meat now comes in this tapperware and you're like, I now have

this and it's not very good, but I have it and it's clearly not just a bag or it's not a disposable container and now I have this and I feel like I have to clean it, and it's clearly not just a bag, or it's not a disposable container, and now I have this, and I feel like I have to clean it out and keep it. But who, you know, I have to continue buying more lunch meat, and the only solution I can see to this problem is lobbying the lunch meat companies to have more sustainable packaging. Do you see any solution aside from that one? You know, I live in New York, which is the land of takeout, and every time you get a delivery,

you basically destroy the planet every single time. You get about 90 plastic containers. And then in the end, you're just like, you know, and they're just for, you know, a handful of rice, but it's in like a huge, very kind of sturdy plastic container. And you're like, oh, I just gonna just get rid of that, I guess, because I've got 600 of them. We should start a company, a business that just collects

sturdy plastic containers from people in New York City and then resells them to people who are normal in other states and cities. You know what, if anybody was going to do that, I think it would be you because I believe you run 20, 100 businesses at this point. Well, that's the thing that you have to, you know, if you have an idea like that,

you have to let nothing, you gotta move on it. Nothing stand in your way. Somebody's gonna do that, especially now that we've said it in the podcast, and they're gonna take this idea and they're gonna make dozens of dollars, and then we'll have lost out on that opportunity.

You can be a hundred air. Or a dozen air. Be ambitious. You know, I always think of you, I don't know if you've probably read Catch 22 and there's a character named Major Major that starts off sort of selling eggs off the back of a truck at the beginning of the book. And by the end, he runs the war and you see that like he's slowly, like that's how I see you in the input in a good way because he's a little evil but not like that you're like the good version of that. You want to know something about books that I have noticed about myself? Yeah, I would like to learn something about books. I've been winging this a long time and I was hoping somebody would would come up to me and say that very sentence.

I for a long time believed that if a book was assigned in class, that it was definitionally an unpleasant thing to read. Oh yeah, sure, I think a lot of people think that. And because of that, I've never read Catch 22. Oh, it's so good you should read it. Yeah, and like I remember, when I finally read the great Gatsby after having Cliff noted it and Cliff's noted it in high school, I was like, this is a very good book.

I'm kind of surprised. And I was like, why didn't anybody tell me? That this was such a good book. I felt the same way about Fahrenheit 451, which I read in high school and I was like, you know, hated every second of it, and then I read it, and I was like, what a fantastic piece of literature, who would have thought that this thing, that everyone is forced to read, is in fact quite good, and that is why they make us read it.

It's true. To some of these books, though, can be confusing out of context. You know, I read, for example, I've just totally blanked on the title of Ernest Hemingway's 1925 novel. The Sun also rises, I believe, as the one I'm searching for and grasping for. But I mean, one of the major, it just went away. I was, but that's the really talk, you know, in a way that was fancy, like your brother. And then I suddenly forgot the title of all books.

Like I was like, I don't know. I was reading some book and I had some care. I just forgot everything. I forgot everything. Do you know that it was published in 1925? No, no, no, no, no, 26. It was 26, but you don't know the name of the book. No, it was the Sun also rises.

Oh, okay. It came to me as soon as I said the year. Um, I was this kind of a kid and uh, one of the major, wow, I, I'm about to go right into the territory that we started this in, but one of the major things you need to know about this main character is that he was injured during the war. And is, can you say impotent? Sure, yeah. That's it. I just did it. Well, he is and that's largely the to huge part of the book Which was not something they were going to explain to us in my Catholic all girls High school. Yeah, so you spend a lot of time going. Why is this guy so angry? And why isn't he why won't he date this woman? He likes and why are all these things happening? And like that, you know if they leave out really important chunks of information

You may just spend a lot of time going this is awful the kid this character has no motivation I don't understand. Yeah, it's very it's very strange man. It just goes around I don't know I don't know what he's doing and I think something like catch 22 you may need a lot of A good bit of context. It's it's not a book that instantly Or it it's brilliant, but it may, some of these things they don't instantly arrive with all of the, which is why Cliff Notes came around, but the people only read the Cliff Notes. And the circle of life continues. Also, Anjansong, not by Iberni Topan, though. I believe those were Tim Rice lyrics.

Wow, you know a lot about Elton John. I know a lot about Elton John. I know a lot about Elton John. But not about books. I don't know. I know very, very little about books. I've written some. That's a question. All right, so we, you mentioned earlier that you have several times replaced John Green

in various other Enterprises, which is why I wanted you to be the first guest John here on dear Hank and John minus John Amelia has a question that is specific for you. She says dear Hank and Marine What is it like to be the actual John Green? She is referring high Amelia you are referring to to the fact that one of the first times that when John went away for the first time, I made three videos for him, which almost killed me. I mean, I'm really not good at this.

If I ever wanted to make videos, someone would actually have to make the videos for me because I really don't know what I'm doing. I've never put that on. Like I shown light directly into the camera. Like I tried to record an entire video sitting next to a fountain. So all you're here is the fact I really stupid. And I did manage despite my ineptitude to record a music video. Yes. And I called it actual John Green. And it is a sort of riff on a beast y boy song called Sabotage. And I just did it with, it was me and I gave the camera to a friend and said, follow me. And we just, we just made this music video.

And my friend Jean wrote the music. And the answer to this question is, it's like doing all the work but without any of the perks. So I'm not hanging out with celebrities. I'm not hanging out with celebrities. I think is one of the major complaints I have. And I truly believe that even if they, because there's this possibility that let it snow will be made into a movie and I fully expect that articles will read written by John Green and some randos.

And you'll just see us like, you'll see a hand in the corner of the photo in the back and that'll be us. So, but I'm okay with that. I'm actually fine with that. He's a lovely guy, is John. He's lovely. Yeah, but being the temporary replacement for him,

does it leave you feeling unsatisfying? It doesn't, you know what? It's an honor. It is an honor and a privilege. I mean, he's a nice, you know what? It's an honor. It is an honor and a privilege. I mean, he's a nice, you know what? Your brother's a nice guy. I'm glad you think so. I agree. Do you? I do. Yeah. I mean, sometimes he's my brother, you know, and I'm like, oh God, shut up. But he's a nice guy. Oh, we all think that. But I mean, it's, you know, to be fair, you know. But I mean, he gets around your brother. I mean, you know, you know, I don't ever feel like whoo

You know if only they were just more John Green articles in my life Like this guy This guy. All right enough with this. Oh, I have a question that is not a question. It's just my question Who's the who do you think is the most famous person you've ever met probably John Green really? um is the most famous person you've ever met. Probably, John Green. Really? Um, oh, now I'm thinking, I mean, I've probably met a few, well, you know what, he's getting famous, see? I've met a little bit. Yeah, he's getting kind of, you know, he's in the time 100 and stuff like that, you know

what I mean? Like, every time I read about you or your brother doing something, I'm always doing something really wretched, like looking for something in the garbage or, you know, it's like you accidentally thrown away your contact lens, and you're just like, well, I guess I could probably save it. It was like the day I have a really beautiful necklace and I accidentally vacuumed it up and I had to cut open a vacuum cleaner bag and search through the dust to find my necklace like some sort of weird gem hunter. And then like John Green comes on in PR and is like, oh, hello.

Yeah, no, he's like on the today show in the background. That is what it feels like, but it's in a good way. I don't think I'd be good at those things. So I'm kind of glad he's, you know. Yeah, I'm super glad that I don't have to do with that stuff either. And it is a weird thing to have my brother showing up in those strange places, but yeah.

I do not find myself envious of it. I met Will I Am this weekend and in France. And so that,, and before then, I really wasn't sure. If it was John or if it was Will Wheaton or if it was Brent Spiner or like any of the various other famous nerds that I've met who are famous for being nerds, I've met lots of those people but Will I Am and I'm like, you're more famous than any of the famous nerds that I hang out with.

Yeah, you know, that's the thing. Real famous people have that kind of, you know, otherworldly glow. I mean, I did, I worked on a weird conference once in Vegas where I met the first George Bush and Jay Leno in the space of like three hours. Oh yeah well George Bush is definitely more famous than John Green. Probably. Yeah, oh what? Yes, he was the president. It's John not the president, I don't know. You're probably yeah like he's on the phone to the

president. You know, it's It's ridiculous, but it's actually reached the point now where I just sort of assume that I'm gonna see you know As I said to John when the fault in our stars came out that if they didn't project the image of the okay Okay, and to the face of the moon then he was a failure and It didn't happen so he failed We're gonna stop talking about John. He's not here. This isn't about him, hey. Yeah, this is yeah Why are we talking about John? He's like a ghost. He's like he's haunting us. Yeah gross. It's like a gross smelly ghost Do you want to give us a question? It asks Maureen how do you live in London and America? Do you have some kind of weird dual citizenship and allow me to ask this?

How do I get this? I don't live in London and America. I only live in America. But you are always going, and for a while, I mean, this isn't the case anymore, but for a while, you were in London like every other week. Yes, yeah. And there is a reason for that.

And it, you know, it seems like I might be a spy or something. Yes, I am, I am a spy. You're not allowed to say that as a spy, just to be clear. The first spy lesson number one is, is never say it seems like I might be a spy. Like don't just don't bring that up. Yeah. Oh, well.

But anyway, sorry, you've ruined your spy status. So you're not a spy anymore. I go to, I go to England still. My partner is English. And so for many years, we lived in two separate places. So I would go there. He would come here, but I would go there more because my job is weirder, and I'm a writer.

So I don't have to go to an office. Sometimes I go to offices and they say, please leave. And I, can I stay there? And I stay there and get in to the closets and stuff. And I can stay there for a while sometimes before they find me. But in general, I'm not supposed to go to offices. But he has to go to one every day

because he makes video games. So they make him go to an office. And now he lives here and he goes to an office. But you didn't have any green card problems with that. They didn't try to kick you out of the country. They didn't try to kick me out of the country. They didn't try to kick me out of the country. Everything, you know, I legally entered, you know, each time, which is good. And they did start asking me more and more personal questions.

Like, you know, how serious are you about this relationship? Really? Yeah. The Customs guy was like, so how serious are you about your relationship? Yeah. Because I have not done anything after work. Well, well, yeah. I did mention he's a customs guy as well.

But he, yeah, no, they would ask things like this. And they ask you, especially if you're a writer, you get asked all kinds of weird, because it's a dumb job to have. And I've gotten lots of questions like, you're writer, what do you write, books? One of the first questions, have I heard of you? I'm gonna go with no. Since you're holding my passport,

looking at me, looking at my name, looking at my photo, and saying, do I know you, is probably no. And one guy when I went back to New York and I was really jet lagged at half asleep and it was like in my mind, foreign the morning, and he said, so do you write good books?

And I was like, I don't know. And he's like, what do you mean you don't know? You should be more confident. Say you write great books. I was like, what? And he's like, say you write great books. And he wouldn't stamp my passport until I said I was a great writer. So it's not just an immigration service. It's also a self esteem. Yes. There's self confidence boosters. And also now you have custom certified by the United States of America a a stamp that says you are a great writer I think I think I think that's what that means. It's a smiley face on a book. Yeah, I'm not a hundred percent sure I was an immigration. I was really tired, but yeah

So that's the answer to that one all right Hannibal asks dear Hank and John I'm a high school student, and I'm being passive-aggressively pressured by my parents to get a job for the summer. Personally, I'd like to get a job so that I can save up to move out in a couple of years, so I ask you, oh wise people, I found on the internet, what are some good methods or strategies for finding a job? If it helps, some of my skills include video editing, short story writing, a knowledge of how computers work,

also competence, but that's sort of necessary for working. No, I would really argue with that last one. I have a lot of thoughts about this. Do you? I mean, I would say that the number one most important thing on the list of things that you just listed was competence. Like, that's the one, because you're not going to, as a high school student, you're not probably not going to find a high-skilled job in the writing or video editing areas, though I concurred you to try. But just being generally competent and thoughtful, that's going to be the thing that gets you the job at the entry level position.

Yeah, I've had a lot of, I've had so many jobs. I mean, I went to school for, I went to art, you know, art school basically. I was, I was an English major and then I went and got an MFA in New York. So I was a theater and writing student in an MFA program, which means that I was broke and had to do anything. And I had a couple, and I'd moved to New York, which is just the most expensive place you can live.

So my policy was I would do any job, and I had really dumb, weird jobs. And I walked into New York without a job, and I said, I'm going to get the weirdest job I can find. And I got into New York without a job and I said, I'm going to get the weirdest job I can find. And I got it through lying. Which honestly, you shouldn't do, but you know, you shouldn't do it if like you're a surgeon, but you can maybe do it if it's like... Well, it's really, it's about like, do you know enough, like, are you empathetic enough to know the lie to tell? Yes.

And if you can tell a really good lie that's not going to get anybody in trouble and it's not going to hurt anybody, then you're displaying a kind of competence in communication skill. Yes. Lying. Don't lie, except it turns out the only way to get a restaurant job in New York is to lie and say you've worked there before. So you have to say, of course, and so I made a resume with all of these restaurants in

England because I'd studied there knowing that because at the time there was no like Skype or anything and knowing that they wouldn't call. And so I had this because I'd worked some of them, I just really extended the times. And then I fully made up about three of them, but I walked in with an air of total confidence. But I want to also explain that I was trying to get a waitressing job in a haunted house restaurant. So, I was not trying to get a job in Eric Traffic Control. I was literally trying to, it was the most amazing job I've ever had.

Because that place was loaded down, it just closed, I'm so sad. It was loaded down with microphones and video cameras and little things on the wall, like animatronic skeletons and stuff. So we, so people upstairs could spy on all the customers. Oh my God. And we knew what they were doing. So we knew if they were complaining and things, because we could say like turn on the rhinoceros on table 42 and then the riot. Oh my God. Yeah. No, I have

a lot of stories about this. That seems, that seems illegal. Oh no, you know, you went in knowing that all of the things on the walls were, because the thing was it was fun, because you'd go there because it would suddenly spring alive, and suddenly the skeleton would talk to you. Right, it would respond to something you were saying. Yeah, and it was supposed to catch you off guard, like, hey, give me a fry. And then you'd be like, ah, it's so scary.

But also, the skeleton was listening to see if you were going to send back those appetizers. I love that. So we would kind of know, like, you know, 42 is going to send back those advertisers. I love that. So we would kinda know, 42 is gonna send back their advertisers. And it was the weirdest, I encourage having lots of stupid jobs. Don't worry if you get a dumb job or what seems like a gross job.

I've had so many dumb and gross jobs. They are the best jobs you can possibly have. I miss weight you sink, because it's so like, you had to learn to read people really quickly, you had to learn to kind of live on a day-to-day like the money I took home in my pocket was what I lived on and I really had to scramble to earn my money and like do a good job and I learned a lot of people skills and some of the best stories I have are from my kind of dumb, you know, weird, like picking up garbage at Sesame Place.

Was the job I had. I watched someone punch Grover once. That's something I saw. Was Grover, was there a hand in Grover? Was Grover animatronic? No, like a person was inside of a giant costume. Oh, a big giant Grover. Yeah, people regularly hit costume characters. It is terrible.

I was a mascot. I was the high school mascot in my high school, whether the Wildcat. And I would get beat by little children. They like, you know, it was an expensive suit and I was told to like protect the suit with my life and not let anyone hurt the suit. And when they would like pull the tail of the suit, I like, what are you going to do? Hit a child? Like, I can't communicate. I'm wearing a wildcat costume. And so I would start to, you know, like, wag my wildcat finger at them and that was all

I could do. Yeah, I did not like that. People take out a lot of aggressions on costume characters. I did it once when I worked for theater festival. They called me at five in the morning and they said morning get down here because the guy we hired is too big. So you're small, come over here and get in the costume and they put me in a cat in the hat costume that you saw out of the neck. So it like had another head on top of my head. And then they just, you're supposed to have someone with you, but they just sent me out on the streets of Philadelphia and 100 degree temperatures.

And I remember wandering into the road and I couldn't see where I was going and I walked into the side of a building. So, you know, these are the times I cherish. So go out there, you know what? Just go out there, ask people about jobs. I think it's fine to sort of go into places you're interested in, or just, you know, there's like a little shop in your town or whatever, and like, go in and just start asking people if they're hiring, and you know, that's really And I found it very terrifying to walk into a place and be like, okay, accept me, make me your person, and choose, pick me. But yeah, that, it's normal. They're used to it. And you may have this feeling when you walk in the door, because you know, like where I live, there are a lot of this store called Wawa,

which is a convenience mart. And when I went in normally, I didn't think about it, but when I went in to ask for a job, it suddenly seemed like I was walking into the White House. Like, it suddenly will seem like, oh, I have to be on my best behavior. I'm in a wall. You know, like, it suddenly seems all different. That's normal.

Don't worry about that. Just be like, oh, I'm in getting into a different mindset. Just ask them if they have an application. I have another question. This one is from Nick. Nick says, dear Hank and Maureen, would you rather have the ability to turn everything you touch into Dwayne the Rock Johnson or have every song you listen to sound like Smash Mouth's All Star? Oh God.

This is... You okay? This is dark. Well, the thing that I noticed about this question, it says that either you have the ability to turn everything you touch into Dwayne the Rock Johnson or you have to have every song you listen to sound like Smash Mouth's Arlstar. And if it's the ability, if I can choose, then I would definitely choose the Dwayne the Rock Johnson power because basically that changes my life not at all. I will just choose to

never exercise that ability. No, I got to go the other way. Why are you afraid it's gonna, you're gonna accidentally turn someone into Dwayne the Rock Johnson? Well, one for sure I am. For sure I am. Like I'm going, you know, it's always that time that you're not paying attention and you're gonna turn something into Dwayne the Rock Johnson. It's just gonna be, and you've done it, and she's the rock. However, so you kind of ruined the world, because you know what? The rock is great, but what's so great about the rock is that there's one of him. You know, like if it was too many rocks. Yeah.

Yeah. But you only person suffering with the second one, and I do agree this is this is suffering is you if every song you hear just sounds like Smash Mous all star. Well the thing is I like that song, but I still wouldn't want every song I listen to to sound like it. That song is a really like notoriously terrible earworm. I mean that is... Mm-hmm. Just even I've said it now and that's that's two weeks gone. Well have you ever listened to Neil Sessariga's mouth sounds? No.

Well next time you're on a road trip or on an airplane, it's really great road trip music actually. That would be my suggestion. If you're ever on a road trip, download mouth sounds by Neil Sessariga. It is a mix. What do they call it? A mash-up mix. That's what it's called. And it's just wonderful. I don't think it's called a mash-up mix. What do they call it? A mash up mix. That's what it's called. And it's just wonderful.

I don't think it's called a mash up mix. Whatever. I don't. It's a mix of mashups. It's a bunch of phrases together. What do you call it? What do you kids call it? A mix mash, a monster mash, a mix monster mash? It's definitely a mix mash. Is it a blendini? Is it a and it's it is all star essential to it and and it is really really pleasant to listen to and and hilarious. That song was featured in every movie made between like 1995 and 1998 as well. I yeah I think that the folks from Smash Mouth did okay. That they actually even a I remember this vividly they even even appear in a movie playing it in rat race. Yes. It's in rat race at the end of rat race.

They go to concert. They're all forced to go, at the end of this terrible movie, they're all forced to go to a Smash Mouth concert. It's not a terrible movie. It's not a terrible movie. I love rat, I love rat race. I do like it too, but the actual events are terror like imagine like having to do all this stuff and at the end You also have to go to a smash mouth concert. They seem so happy though

The problem is they have to give the money away actors actors have to be like, oh, I'm so happy to be dancing around all star Hey, no, you know star put your pants on now. It's in everybody's head. And also we can't put this podcast up because you sing All Star. So you've ruined the copyright. I'm kidding. It's fine. Sing all you want. Oh, well, good, because I have a whole song book here.

I just let me get it to my piano. Do you want to get us another question? I do. As soon as I scroll down, now I'm ready. Dear Hank and John, this is from Catlin. Considering humans cannot see every color, what? Well, it's new to me. I have that new Apple screen that shows all the colors,

even the ones that, oh, right, you can't see. What happens to all the unseeable colors? Do we just see them as white, black, or clear? Do you think scientists will find a way to genetically modify our eyes to see those colors? Seems like it is a question for me. Oh, I don't know anything about science. So, what Maureen was surprised to hear is that there are colors that we can't see. That's not really true, because the word color is almost, is like by definition, a thing that we can see. is almost, is like by definition, a thing that we can see.

But there are, but like scientifically, a color is a wavelength of light. It is being detected by our eyes. It's a visual representation of a certain wavelength of radiation. And there are far more wavelengths of radiation than the ones that we can see. The visible light portion of the electromagnetic spectrum is very small.

And so there are lots of wavelengths that are outside of what the receptor in our eyes is actually able to detect and it will trigger an action potential. So action potential being the neuronal signal that gets sent to your brain in interpreted as color. So since we only have receptors, we have the rods in the cones, we only have receptors for certain wavelengths, there are wavelengths outside of that.

And those do not trigger the action potential. And so if you are in a room with a light bulb that shined only light in that undetectable by us frequency, you would appear to be in a dark room. You would not detect anything. Unless it was a really high energy and it was actually ionizing something in your eyeballs and making you see glowing, in which case you have other things to worry about,

like you're probably gonna get cancer So we see unseeable colors as black and as for whether or not genetically Genetic modification could allow us to someday see those colors. Yeah, that's the thing that could happen But it would not be a huge benefit partially because the majority of the light of the radiation in and around us is in the visible spectrum. And that's because most of the other radiation is either absorbed by the atmosphere or not emitted by the sun in the first place. So the reason we can see in the visible spectrum, you know, this like narrow band, is because that's actually where

most of the radiation around us lies. There's some in the ultraviolet and some in the infrared as well, but we mostly don't, it's not, there isn't that much of that sort of radiation. Though there is enough that you should wear sunscreen. I just wanna add the other day, I went to a 3D movie, but I didn't know it.

I just thought I was buying tickets to a regular movie. And when I got there, there were like, you went to 3D glasses, for your 3D movie and I was like, oh, I I didn't even realize I bought tickets to a 3D movie and I just sort of want to complain that I think that sometimes they should make it more clear because you know I always want to go see 3D movie sometimes. Is that part of the answer? Does that kind of- Are you aware that I sell a product that allows you to watch 3D movies in 2D?

I am aware of that. That was one of the first times I said Hank is an actual proper genius. Well, thank you very much. And when I was going to see my 3D movie, I lost my 3D glasses three times on the way. It was a weird afternoon. And there was this paper town's poster there that had the disappearing margo in it so I was like oh this whole movie theater is doing crazy crazy things to my eyes today and that's something about eyes. Yes eyes it has to do with eyes. It's not the same thing that you said. It's a completely different set of phenomena. I was really annoyed at Apple when they were like we have made this computer with these colors and this screen is so good that you literally will not be able to see or perceive

the changes we've made because they are too good for your fragile human meat sacks. I did not hear that. Oh yeah, when they came out with the retina display, maybe they didn't, because it was Oscar, my partner, who is the science center of our household, and was like, you know, some of these changes, we will never be able to perceive. They'll like have to upgrade human bodies before people will be able to enjoy the upgrade

to their phones. We are a bunch of dumb meat sacks with eyes, or just basically big jelly balls, and we are not good enough for these products. Alright give us another question Marine. Sofia asked Earhank and John I am terrified that I will finish high school, go to college, get a job, get married, have some kids, wriggle up and die. The average progression of adulthood terrifies me. I want to make a spectacular impact on the world but it seems like

those dream jobs where your life makes a difference to the world are hard to come by. Is it impossible to hope my life does not become normal? If not, how should I go about making that dream a reality? That's a great question. I will say that it's real easy to look at the very sort of surface level things that we know about the people around us and the people we see at the grocery store and the stories that we imagine about all of the folks that live in the world. And just assume that their lives are boring and that they have this typical progression of life.

And it's just like a movie that you've already seen. And you're like, well, I know how this ends. So why even bother? But in fact, that's not how anybody's life is. And I think that most people, maybe even all people, have lots of weird spectacular things that happen in their lives and contribute greatly to the human endeavor. That's my, yeah.

So my take on that is that you will, my take on that is that those ways to live your life and not just jobs, but general life things, that make a difference to the world aren't hard to come by. And it is not impossible to believe that your life will have an impact. And in fact, it will likely happen even if you aren't trying. But it is good to be driven and tried

to have those impact because it will drive you to do more interesting and weird things. I had this, this question was basically my fear through all of high school. I was, or not even fear, I was just very determined that I was not going to, you know, that that wasn't going to happen to me. And what Hank just said, I agree with a million. I mean, my mother, for example, is a nurse and she's like, oh, my job is so run of the

mill. I'm just a nurse. But no, it's not what she does is extraordinary. I mean, one of my mother's days is like so much more. I mean, she's someone's sever. She's got a finger out of a machine. She's like, resuscitating someone. Like, she's doing all of these things that...

Wait, she's getting a finger out of a machine? Yes. They have like, a vending machine of fingers? They do have that. Okay. They have that. Now, they have those now. Don't you have those? We have those in New York. It's like, vending machine of fingers. They do have that. Okay. They have that now. They have those now. Don't you have those? We have those in New York.

It's like, it's like those new things that like, we'll fix your espresso just the way you want it. It's like just a program and you need the finger you need. We just eat fingers here. No, where my mother works. I don't want to say too much about this that she works in a a school setting where there are, where there's machinery and she has had to do things like Get severed fingers out and she's had to do she does a lot of right kind of extreme stuff and

I think what she does is so exceptional and so amazing and I'm just so I really am in awe like of what she does But I I went to you know I went to a Catholic girl school and they made us take a class called Marriage and it was taught by a nun. And that first of all, right there, I seemed to be, the humor of that was not lost on me at the time. And I spent every single day sitting in marriage class taught by a nun just staggered by where I was. For as far as I was concerned, all of high school was just someone trolling me. And defacing my marriage book, just

making fun of everybody in the pictures. And I would just say, don't, you know, these things that seem ordinary are truly when they happen to you exceptional. And just you kind of make your own luck and you make your own chances. These things that seem ordinary are truly when they happen to you exceptional and just You you kind of make your own luck and you make your own chances. So you have to sort of not be afraid to veer from the path a little bit You know, you have to that that ability to kind of step out and say I don't really care if I look stupid

I don't really care if I have to seem like I have to prove anything to anybody. That just takes a little bit of courage sometimes. And sometimes you have to do stuff that you're like, oh, never get out of here. I'll do lots of dumb jobs forever. That's not true. You sometimes have to work your way to these places that are the more unusual jobs. You don't sort of land there overnight either.

So don't worry if it does happen overnight, because I think a lot of people are like, I am 21 and not as liberty yet. I'm going to this awful. Yeah, fine, just fine. The other thing to remember is like that that getting married and having some kids like those are really remarkable things. Those are some remarkable things. Yeah. And when you do that, you can get someone else to make your videos for you. What do you mean? Like I should have kids so that my child will make my videos for me?

Well, you could do that. I meant that specifically your brother. Oh, John, I would never let John make my videos for me. He's not even that good at it. Oh, I'm not even gonna bother to correct you or like go back, because that is just, just boom. You just, you just, Hank stamped that. You're like, damn, you know, boom,

you dropped the mic, you walked away. That was just, this is why, this is why you're the more popular, bro. It's just brotherly love. Oh, yeah, the thing, the thing is, the nice thing about John being much more popular than me is that I can say mean things about him And it doesn't seem that mean because like he's John green. I will tell you a true story about because he's a lovely guy one time we I was out with John and his editor and For some reason we decided to see if we could get into a who could punch John Harder in the arm contest, which he fully allowed. He's like, go ahead. And so

Julie punched him in the arm and I punched him in the arm and we were like, who do it harder? And then he was like, thinking about it. And we just kept kind of hitting him in the And he was fine with it. He seemed to be like, well, you know, it was kind of a tie and because he's just a lovely person Oh god, he's he's like a gentle person. Oh God. He's like a gentle giant. You're both very tall. To all of the people out there, if you ever see John Green, don't punch him in the arm. Don't punch him in the arm. Even if he lets you, because he looked really sad.

And I think we may have kind of bruised his arm. Like, we were not trying to hurt him. We just sort of wanted to see which one of us could hit harder. You weren't trying to hurt him. You were just hurting him. I also don't hit very hard. Honestly, I, I, I am not, I don't possess a great deal of arm strength. Julie, however, I think does. And that, that must have hurt. I think on my side, there was probably not a lot of, you know, I, I'm the person who can never get a jar open. I'm not, you can easily defeat me

in arm wrestling and other arm sports. So. Yes, right. So lovely guy. But I think it's important, Hank. I think it's very, very important that when this podcast comes out no matter what happens, you have to tell him there was a huge spike in popularity.

Right. And he went away and when I filled in. Okay. Well, I think what we have to do is we have, like, in order for that to happen, people, like, that has to be true. So people should tell all of their friends to download the podcast, even if they're not going to listen to it. Oh, absolutely. But also to tell them to listen to it because aren't we just so charming?

You guys are very charming. Well, I mean, you and me. I'm not going to speak to that. I'm not going to speak to a hank. I know that you're charming. You guys are very charming. Well, I mean, you and me. I'm not going to speak to that. I'm not going to speak to it, Hank. I know that you're charming. I've seen your videos. I've seen you in person. I've seen you guys are very charming people. You're nice people. That's why people like you. You don't you you're you're not going to accept your own charm. I don't have any proof of it. I have a scientific mind.

I don't have any proof of it. I have a scientific mind. You're name... All right. Eman asks, dear Hank and John, so it's Ramadan at the moment, a month in the Islamic year, when people fast during daylight hours. But my mom has made the call that I need nutrition

and can't fast, so I've decided to give up music instead. Music is in my blood. I am a pop chart geek, call that I need nutrition and can't fast. So I've decided to give up music instead. Music is in my blood. I am a pop chart geek. So I need time fillers that don't have music. First, I apologize for our theme music. I hope I didn't prevent you from listening to the podcast or brewing anything for you. Second, I think that this is a really cool idea to extend the spirit of Ramadan outside of the constraints of your situation. And I think that not listening to music is an interesting thing. In general, not doing something that is sort of your thing for a while, to see what other

things there are that might be your things. I think that's cool idea. So Maureen, any things for him on? You know, it's a hard, because I feel like I don't have the qualifications, the knowledge to answer this question. But I would say that I hope that during this time you are not approached with this whole question about whether or not all the songs you hear sound like all star by Smash Mouth. Well, that's not actually would be a problem at this point because uh... there are

there are no songs that she's hearing yeah i'm just saying if anybody approaches you that full stop don't don't agree to it right okay now in general if if it's uh... if it's a would you rather always make sure first that we're talking hypotheticals here and that you're not actually going to bestow me the power to turn anything I touch into Dwayne the Rock Johnson, which of course being that I like my foot is currently touching my leg. I might accidentally turn myself into Dwayne the Rock Johnson, which would be really confusing for me and my wife and all of my viewers on YouTube. It's the first thing that would happen.

I mean, like you just, you know, go to move your hair or something or your sleep, you know. And then suddenly you wake up and you're doing the rock Johnson and then you're done. Like it's just done. The huge problem with me becoming doing the rock Johnson would be I would immediately, like I would exercise the current amount.

So like over the course, like I would not start to exercise rock-level exercise, I would just diminish in size until I was like the sad, skinny rock. And everybody would be like, oh, there's Hank. He's like, he's genetically identical to Dwayne the Rock Johnson, but he looks so very, very soft. Are they calm, gravel or something, or pebble? Some sort of dominion to the game. Hank the pebble Johnson. Hank, this small stone.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, just a mud. It's just tiny, tiny rocks in water. Clay, yeah. Fish gravel. Well, in response to this question, I would say podcasts for one. You're listening to one right now. There are lots more.

And they do have the music, but I think that's not in the spirit of what you're trying to do here. There are many podcasts that I would suggest you listen to. There's actually a really interesting podcast in which they dissect songs that probably would not be in the spirit of what you're trying to do. But there's lots of podcasts about lots of fascinating things. There's also lots of YouTube videos and movies.

And you go see some stand up comedy, maybe. That's a dating. Rating. Reading. But you can also go dating but I mean reading Yeah, yeah reading is good. I don't I don't know. Just spend your time dating just date everything Seems seems more more than anything else. That just seems very tiring. Yeah, that exhausting Call up to aine the rock Johnson and see if he'll go on a date with you That's one thing you can take do you think to get to get if he'll go on a date with you. That's one thing you can know.

What would it take to get the rock to go on a date with you, Marine? I don't think it would happen for me, but for you. If you wanted to really badly go on a date with join the rock Johnson, what would you do? Oh, that is not something I thought about. I imagine I would have to be... He seems like a nice person. He does seem like a very nice person. He seems like a nice person. So I think I'd have to do something kind of...

I would have to get in the news for something like rescuing a bunch of puppies. Okay. You know what I mean? Like I want to be somebody... You need something like that. Oh, you're the person that rescued all those dogs from the hot air balloon. Like, you know, that you... And then everyone would hang it. You know, it was like Sully Sullenberger,

the guy who landed the plane on the Hudson. Like I... Yeah, he could probably date the rock if he wanted to. I would love to. He is my imaginary boyfriend. I'm always like, you landed a plane on the Hudson. Like, you're the best. Sully.

Sully can, you know, Sully can do anything he wants. Okay. Sully's a great man. All the clubs, you know, the velvet rope comes back for Sally. Right, I just don't think that maybe that's his bag. He seems like he's just above all of that. Yes. I think he just spends his nights doing good deeds. Yeah. I would try to, I would try to lure the rock with good deeds. Right. Okay. No, that's a, that. No, that's a good thought. I actually have a friend who's met the rock,

so you're only two degrees. I'm practically there. I should make it like my thing. Yeah, I mean, I... Isn't he probably married? He's probably married. I don't think about the rock's personal life. Hmm.

Fact. No, I don't know. But he seems like he'd be married. Because he's the rock. Oh, he's not married He he is divorced in 2008. Well, then I better get to work I better look for a burning you know Puppy orphanage or something like I that's how I would do it

I think I think it is always good to just do a bunch of good deeds and then people will look at you and Do you so you do you've done good deeds for the right reasons, but then people will look at you and do you so you've done good deeds for the right reasons but also people will look at you go hey there's a do-gooder. Yeah and the rock will say you know you and I we we like to do some of the same same things uh making the world of a better place. Yeah. Maybe we should go get a drink. I would or another thing I could do is like have get stuck under a really heavy thing. Just just make sure you're nearby the rock. Yeah. I would be. And then you get a rock, a really heavy rock that only the rock can lift. Yeah. Stuck on you. Yeah. And then once he saved you, you'll be like, I feel

indebted to you, I need to buy you a drink. It's super complicated, but it would probably work. No, that is a great, great plan. You just have to kind of, you have to really stay pretty close to the rock and you have to be willing to put up with a certain amount of... Grievous bodily harm. Pressure. You know, like, this is terrible but in the Salem Witch Trials, one of the people accused was pressed to death. And apparently his last words were more weight. And I believe that that is possibly the situation you might end up in while trying to lure the rock while under a rock.

Uh-huh. You feel like he's not paying attention yet. He does not see me in enough. Yeah. Plight. Yeah. It can't be like a paperweight. It has to be like something out of road runner, like a rock.

What if it was just the rock? What if the rock fell on top of you? That's what you need to do. You need to be standing in front of the rock, has someone trip the rock, and the rock lands on you, and then he feels bad for of you. That's what you need to do. You need to be standing in front of the rock, has someone trip the rock and the rock lands on you, and then he feels bad for hurting you. And then he takes you up for the drink. I think another thing you lay on the ground in front of you lay on the ground and wait for the rock to come by. So if I come to New York City tomorrow, will I just see you laying

on the sidewalk? Yeah. But that's, that's what I do. I mean, that's not unusual. No, that's not unusual at all. That's not unusual. That's that's just, you know, so yeah, if you come over, that's yeah, you'll I'll tell you where to find me because I could be in a number of different police. Number of different places on the ground. Just on the ground. Okay. Sure. Well, in the meantime, Maureen Johnson, do you have any news to share from us from AFC Wimbledon? Because Johnson is not here to give us that fascinating obscure football trivia. You know, living with an English person, I occasionally hear words about football. That's all I have to say about that.

Give me some football words then. You say things like, come on England, he says that a lot. What does he say when he's sad about it? He just sort of makes noise like, oh, just pretty typical really? Yeah, yeah. English people, I will say this about English people. English people don't give you a straight answer about anything. So it's hard to get. And you English people, if you're't give you a straight answer about anything. So it's hard to get,

in English people, if you're listening, you know, they're like, yeah, she's got a point. Because if you say something to ask her, like, do you want cheese on your sandwich, he won't say, yes, I'd like cheese or no, I don't want cheese. She'll say the thing about cheese is, and then you'll get like a nine to 10 minute lecture

on cheese and you'll be like, great, do you want cheese? And they'll be like, well, you know, we can't really know anything about cheese truly. And they will not sort of tell you ever, just forever, you'll go insane trying to get a straight answer. But football is one of the few things where they do seem to kind of really give you their true emotions.

I believe it exists in order for English people to just say yes or no. In a kind of clear way like yes, I am happy you kicked that ball into that net. No, I am disappointed with your actions. You're failing to kick the ball into the net. You are failure to me and your country. Well, I feel like actually I may have learned more from your football news than from Johns, just because I really do need a base level of instruction here. I feel like I'm jumping in it at way too high a level

when John talks about AFC limbo-L. Yeah, it is beautiful. I have watched the World Cup and I was like, this seems like it would be a good sport to know anything about, but I don't know anything about any sports to watch them truthfully. I am that horrible person who just doesn't who just doesn't know I feel like I'm sort of missing a Gene or something like I can tell it's really good and fun, but yeah, I think it's okay I think you got other the things that you can that you can be excited about and and do with your time But I just like to be excited about more stuff. Well, do you want to be excited about Mars? I would never go to be excited about more stuff. Well, do you want to be excited about Mars?

I would never go to Mars, Hank. No, I agree. I would also never go to Mars. OK. Well, I'm perfectly prepared to be excited about it as long as I don't have to go there. OK. In Mars news this week, NASA is developing

a tiny ultra-light plane that could be packed onto the next Mars mission with the ability to fly up to 20 miles before landing on the surface of Mars after the rover portion of the mission was deployed. It would be folded up inside of the ballast that's ejected before the rover lands, and it would be able to deploy after landing. It would weigh 2.6 pounds, so it's very small, and it's like two feet long, and it would be able to fold up into a CubeSat configuration. It wouldn't add any cost to a future mission, and they're currently testing similar configurations here on Earth, where there's a lot more atmosphere and a lot more gravity. So they'd have to change the thing a little bit. And also a big problem is that the Earth version navigates with GPS, but

there is no GPS system on Mars yet, because you need all the satellites to make GPS system. So they have to develop a new kind of navigational system if they want to fly the first plane on Mars. And the next Mars mission that NASA will be sending, which might launch as soon as 2020-22. Do you think they're really going to do the thing where they send the 10 or 20 people on the one way mission to Mars? Well, that's not NASA. That's a, that's like a private thing.

Are they, but do you think that they're actually? No, I do not think that they're going to do it. I think that, I do not think that they're going to be able to get together the kind of money that would be necessary to do that. I don't think that. Yes, just. Astonishingly, they have the more people than they can, that they know what to do that. I don't think that. Yes, just. Astonishingly, they have the more people

than they know what to do. Yes, lots of people want to do it. But no one will want to pay for it. The only reason so many people want to do it is because there are so many people. So if you start, if you have any preposterous idea, you can find 11 people who will do it, as long as you have the money to pull it off.

So people, yeah, people, like I wanna be the first person to die on Mars, that way people will remember me and I won't have to go through the stupid progression of life where I just graduated from high school and then college and then get married and have kids and then we'll wrinkle up and die.

I wanna be a Mars man. But you know, some people have to get over that and be all right with the fact that they're going to die here on earth like everyone else so far. Well, that's a cheerful. That's how we always like to bring it back around to death here on Dear Hangin' John. Well, can I bring about your life? Because I watch Star Talk with Neil deGrasse Tyson the other day. And I'll tell you for two reasons, one, because it's great and two, because my dog Zelda loves watching Neil deGrasse Tyson on television. She loves him, and will come from anywhere in the house to sit there and watch Neil deGrasse Tyson, and that is true.

She just sits there staring adoringly at him, and sometimes we'll get up on the, and once knocked the television over in her attempts to get at Neil deGrasse Tyson and kiss him. So, and it's only Neil deGrasse Tyson. She knows the sound of his voice, she knows his face, and she will come from any corner of the house to get near him. But I was watching that with a dog who was thrilled, and they were talking about the Mars missions, and one of the people on StarTalk was that we will probably know within the next 20 years whether or not there's, we'll get the soil samples,

and we will know whether or not there's life on Mars. And does that excite you? Are you a betting on this? Are you like, yes, I think there is? I don't think so that getting a negative is very hard. So like knowing for sure that there isn't life on Mars. So what really they're saying is that it's very likely that there is or was, and that we will, and that if it was widespread across the planet, which it probably was, if there was life at all, then it will be pretty easy for us to figure that out. We just have to be able to do a lot more science than it's easy to do remotely.

So having a sample sent back to us or being there to do the science is kind of necessary. And having a sample sent back to us is a lot easier than being there to do it, because it's not easy to live on Mars. Okay, follow-up question. Are there ghosts on Mars? No. All right. You seem pretty sure. Okay. You seem to really sure about that. Yeah, I mean I feel pretty confident that there aren't any ghosts on Mars. Well, I guess we'll find out. Will we? They have to go up there with, you know, like the ghost hunting shows have to go up there with their, you know, I thought a cold spot and, you know,

the there's a breeze in the room. I want to see ghost hunters on Mars. Then I'll know for sure, Hank. Then I'll know for sure. I have a scientific mind. You apparently are just ready to discount this whole whole whole just of whole cloth. Just say I don't believe it, but not me. Show me show me those electromagnetic readings with the little cookie thing. Then I'll be sure. Okay. I don't think you're thinking like a scientist saying. I don't know how you do SciShow with like sloppy, sloppy, reasoning like that. Just yeah, I have a very closed mind apparently

when it comes to whether or not there are ghosts in a place where there have never been people. Well, I guess we'll find out. Do you think maybe there are like a little like Martian lifeform ghosts, like if they were like one-celled animals, there's or whatever they would be? Hank, there is literally a show called Space Ghost. Oh, I do believe that there is a Space Ghost.

Oh, so the story changes. It's just he's not a ghost, he's Space Ghost. Isn't he? No. He's past his name is Space Ghost. But he's not a ghost. It's a metaphorical name. He's a superhero.

He's a fighter. He's Space Ghost. Oh, sorry, sorry. Oh, your're high-faluten talk is not impressing me. You know, it just doesn't seem like you know very much about space-ghost. I met space-ghost, the voice of space-ghost, and I got him to sign my wallet, and he was very kind to me. I met him at an anime convention when I was in college. Did you meet the voice of Brak? very kind to me. I met him at an anime convention when I was in college. Did you meet the voice of Brak? No, I didn't. Well then this story isn't so great, is it?

I really do like Brak a lot. Yeah, it was good. It was good. Any angry mantis? Yeah, what was his name? Big fan, huh? Big fan, huh? Oh, I hear the typing in the neck and... Captain Google. Zorak! Zorak, yeah, Zorak. I was trying to mown over that sound of the typing.

That's always a good thing to do on a podcast. It's just mown to cover up your typing noises. Yeah, well, we have to, we have to deceive the audience somehow, Maureen. The magic of theater. And with that, it feels like it is about time to wrap up. Is there any final words that you would like for the audience of Dear Hank and John? Obviously, I've enjoyed being here, and I hope that I hope it's been okay. Know that John is coming back, you know, in a while. It's going to be a while.

Well, it'll be a while. I don't know how long the while will be. It rate this particular episode very highly. I think just really just pump this one up as much as possible because- Tell all your friends. It would be funny to see John get a complex about this episode, so that would be funny. I mean, it was better than any previous episode of Dear Hink and John, and I cannot imagine what that is except that John is holding me back. I've been saying this for years. Oh, it's such a clear truth. Thank you for watching this.

Thank you for listening. So thank you for shut up. Have you ever watched John make a video? Because this is how we do it over and over and over again. I was there that pretty much the day John made his first video. Oh wow. So imagine what that was like. It took him like six hours and he was crying for three of those.

All right. Thank you all for listening so much to this episode of Dear Hank and John, but without John and instead with Maureen Johnson. And remember like this one more. Like this one more. Thank you. We have an editor of this podcast. His name is Nicholas Jenkins.

We have the theme music from Gunnarola. We have our special guest, Maureen Johnson. He can find on Twitter. I think it's just at Maureen Johnson, right? Yes, it is. And I'm Hank Green. This has been Dear Hank and John. You can send us your questions at Hank and John

at gmail.com. And as we say in our hometown, don't forget to be awesome. you