Dear Hank & John - 64: Really Terrible Scandinavian Geography Lessons

Episode Date: September 26, 2016

Why won't people accept my tissues? Should half-wolf children be vaccinated? What do I do when I see a stranger crying in public? And more!

Hello and welcome to Dear Hank and John. Or is I for a think of Dear John and Hank? It's a comedy podcast about death, where I'd be and my brother John, that's that other guy there. We answer your questions, give you two beer advice and bring you all the week's news from both Mars, the planet and AFC Wimbledon, the league one, English soccer team. How you doing, John? I'm doing well.

I had a terrible night last night. I got very little sleep because my dog would not stop howling and my children. Poor Alice was having nightmares. It's like a mix of sweet and sad. Yeah, that's interesting. So I'm a little bit fatigued, but on the whole, I would say that things are great. How are you?

I'm good. There are so many beautiful things in the world. I just like I want to like take a look at like a nice fall Leaf with all of its many colors as as all as it's chlorophyll is syncing into the body of the of the tree and think how beautiful life is how beautiful earth is how how wonderful all of the interplay of all of the, you know, biological and physical and even sociological systems are. And I just want to take it all in and love it and not ever, ever think about the only thing I can think about, which is Donald Trump. Yeah, no, I hear you. I share your concern. I do want to just say one thing, though, Hank, which is that, you know, where none of those things happen? Mars.

Well, but if you do have like the interplay of billions of years of water dancing across the surface of this planet, and as we will find out maybe later in today's episode of Dear Hank and John, that the amount of time that that water was dancing across the planet was maybe a little longer than we thought previously. And maybe that means that there was more time for life to have its wonderful beautiful impacts upon the surface of the red planet.

But we will never know, we will never know. Or maybe not, it's also possible that it's been a cold dead rock the whole time. I just, until we get there and Elon Musk confirms again this week that it could be within the next 10 years or quote, maybe sooner. So take that. Within the next 10 years or maybe sooner. What's sooner than the next 10 years? The past? No. Well, oh, I see what you're saying. Within the next 10 years, maybe sooner than what then sometime between now and 10 years from now,

it could be so. Yeah, it wouldn't surprise me actually, if Elon Musk built a time machine just so he could go to Mars before 2028, so that I would lose my bet with you. All right, let's move on. You might remember Hank, that last week, we had no corrections whatsoever,

so I got to read a proper short poem written by an actual poet. And I promised that we would not perform so well ever again. Okay. And I have kept that promise. There are tons of corrections from our last episode that I have turned into the following short poem. Can I read it to you? Yes, please. The plural of Lego is Lego. Penguin flesh is delicious, and the human GI tract is complex. So short poem of correction there, we got a letter, a very long letter actually,

from Tom, who is a Penguin researcher, living in New Zealand Zealand pointing out that essentially everything that Hank said about penguins in our last episode was incorrect. They have delicious flesh that is not full of fat. In fact, they have the strongest pectoral muscles of any bird. Their flesh is frequently eaten, especially in South America, where it is known to be a delicacy for Sunday roasts. And while penguins are concerned about climate change, their biggest challenges are fishery competition and something called by-catch, as well as habitat destruction, introduce predators, and, you know, just humans in general.

So, I just want to say that one other correction, plural of Lego is not Legos apparently 150,000 people wrote in to tell us that. So thanks to every single person who listens to our podcast for that correction. John, do you know what bycatch is? Is bycatch where you don't mean to catch a penguin, but you accidentally do. Yeah, it's when you catch things that you don't mean to catch when you're fishing. That's a sad thing to happen to a penguin. I cannot tell you how many times I've just been trying to catch a small mouth bass in the White River and boom penguin. Yeah, that's by catch right there. We got another correction. I don't know if you noticed it, but I talked about how frustrated I was that there's the major soda companies are trying to get in on La Croix's game.

I mentioned that it's okay if you want to go with an old Seltzer company like Polar or Seagrams, and someone pointed out that Seagrams is in fact owned by Coca-Cola. Like as you might imagine, everything else. Well, not everything else. My soul, for instance, is owned by the Mars company. They make stickers. You're, this podcast is also apparently owned by the Mars company who makes Snickers. I mean, if they send me 378 more Snickers bars, I will sell them this podcast. Last correction before we get to some questions from our listeners, we were

also totally wrong about the human GI tract and its relationship to the fight or flight response. We said that at that response, all the blood and energy or whatever from the human GI tract gets diverted to the extremities. In fact, it gets diverted mostly to the heart and lungs. So that makes sense. Yeah.

Our bad. Yeah. Okay, Hank. Yeah. Having now corrected essentially the entire last podcast, shall we move on to some questions from our listeners? Yeah, yeah, okay, here's one from Alex, who asks, dear John, and whoops, dear Hank and John,

I don't know why Alex wrote the names of, of us backwards, but apparently Alex did. What do I do when I see a stranger crying in public? Today I saw a woman crying in the bathroom at a restaurant. I saw her twice and I know that she saw me. So I panicked and gave her the thumbs up. Something I know is not the right thing to do. So there's one thing that you shouldn't do is be like, aee.

Yeah, I mean, this is one of those golden rule situations, I think, where you have to imagine how you would want a stranger to react if they saw you crying. And I think one of the things you don't want to see is the double thumbs up. What about the international symbol for okay? Like, hey, you're okay. Gotta come up with a new hand gesture for this one. Just, you can do like the,

do like the, what the way you put your index finger and do a hole made by your thumb and forefinger and just make that gesture. Does that make you mean the third grade sign for sexual intercourse? Yeah make that gesture. Does that make you mean the third grade sign for sexual intercourse? Yeah, that one. Like a word, that's not a good response to seeing a stranger crying in public. In fact, I would argue that a hand gesture is the wrong call altogether.

Again, I'm going to, I'm someone who's done a fair amount of crying in public, so I feel like I'm a bit of an expert in this situation. Okay. I'll tell you what I want a stranger to do when they see me crying in public. Move on. Yeah. I mean, let's just try your best not to look directly in my eyes and continue about your day

because there's probably not a lot that you stranger can do in this moment for me. But what about like, wik-wik-wik-wik-awikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawikawik And I think that I've made all of the fun that I can with this joke. So let's move on. Yeah, I mean, there may be times when it's helpful, you know, to hear from a stranger that you are loved or you're gonna be okay or whatever,

but I've never had one of them. So I don't know. Our advice is so dubious in general. Let's move on to another question. This one is from Aze, who writes, dear John and Hank, my name is Aze. Don't worry about the pronunciation. You'll definitely get it wrong.

I resent that Aze or a say. I'm a 20 year old student from Norway. Today, I, I say, was talking with a girl in my class about how scary I think one of our professors is, and when I turned around, I saw our professor walking past me just as I said it I've accepted that I could never go back to her class again and that I will most likely have to flee the country my question to you is Where would be a good place to start my new life any dubious advice is appreciated pumpkins and penguins a Ace

Like ace of base John John. You know. Not like Ace of Base, you can tell because there's a weird accent mark on one of the letters. It's, yeah, it's not an accent mark. It's like the A has a little hat. Yeah. Like it's a party hat. It's got a palm on it.

I'm gonna say Ause. Like it's the first two, let's just like if you were gonna spell Ausem, but then you like left off the OME and instead just like it's an E, it's the OSSA, like I'm OSSA, that's OSSA right there. Yeah, I mean, I'm not gonna recommend leaving Norway, Hank, just because it's heaven.

Right, and also nobody's gonna know how to pronounce your name. That's true too, but mostly like it's one of the top three countries with the other two on either side of you. If my geography is correct, please God, norway be in the middle. Go go like, go go like, it's not, it's not, it's on the edge, it's the one with all the fjords.

Oh dang it, it's on the Atlantic Ocean. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH to the question. Man, look at all those fjords, John. That country has a lot of look at them all. Oh, geez, that's awesome. You could live in, you could live in Harstad or Stortland or Holmstad or Blockin or Hedis. All these places right on the fjords. Beautiful, beautiful place. No, it's a good life. It's a good life. I'll say you don't want to leave. I think you should stay. So, I've had a few experiences at this hank. Have you ever had an experience of this? I've had experiences like it when I've said something about someone and then realized that they were sitting there.

For me, it's usually that I said something about someone and realized that they were CC'd on that email. Oh yeah, you do that all the time and it is a legitimate threat to our business. It is frequently catastrophic. I'll tell you what, I never do it when I've said something nice about something. Oh man, John. I, you know, honestly, and when it happens, I now, as a very grown person who has to work

with people, even if I have made a fool of myself, I find that it is good to immediately reply and say, hey, so here's what, here's the situation. It happened. We're going to have to power through and I apologize and maybe even a little bit of explanation for why I think that way. Now, I don't know if you can have that conversation with your teacher, but maybe you can, probably not, especially if you're afraid of them.

So, it might, the best course of action may be to just really do your best to pretend like this never happened. Yeah, you've just got to move on with your life as if this didn't happen and try to do really well in that course But I would also say that it's not necessarily a bad thing from a teacher's perspective to be scared Right like it's not exactly an insult. It's close to an insult But it's not like you said this teacher is terrible. You just said that they're frightening. They may like being frightening Yeah, maybe they're trying to be frightening in order to be a better teacher.

Yeah, so I don't know. I wouldn't worry about it too much, but the right thing to do now is to let it go. Let's move on to another question, Hank. This one comes from Nina. John, before we do that, can we just talk about how many weird little towns there are in Norway?

I want to know where Asa is from. If you're from one of these weird northern towns among the fjords, like these places have to have population five. Just these tiny little places, it's beautiful. God, I wanna go to Norway. How many people live in Norway? 100,200 million?

Probably about that, yeah. Five million. Yeah, well, it's a bit of a way off. You know, Sweden is twice as big as Norway in terms of population, that's interesting. I mean, I feel like people probably don't come to the pod for really terrible Scandinavian geography lessons. So can we move on to a question from our listener, Nina?

Yeah, I guess so. Can I just, I may just like, interject every once in a while with the name of a town, like, like, ripe fjord. Please resist, resist that urge. All right. Okay, this question comes from Nina who writes, dear John and Hank, it's my birthday today and every year the same thing happens.

Quick pause on the question to note that good news, Nina, it is no longer your birthday. You saw this this question, like, fully four months ago. When someone calls you on your birthday, but you missed the call, are you supposed to call back? It's always strange to open the conversation

when there clearly is no reason to ask why they called me. Your dubious advice is needed, thanks in advance, and greetings from Germany, Nina. Today, by the way, Hank, we're only answering questions from Europe. Okay. I just, it depends. If they leave a message and the message is the full birthday thing, then I feel like

they have accomplished their goal. They've done their duty and they send you a birthday song and maybe you text them back and say thanks for the message. If they leave a message and they're like, I'd love to talk, then you call them back and say thanks for the message. If they leave a message and they're like, I'd love to talk, then you call them back. If they don't leave a message, then they are the problem. And you have no obligation to them. No, if they don't leave a message, yeah, you have absolutely no obligation to them. But I would argue that you have no obligation regardless because it is your birth day.

Your only obligation is to call them on their birthday and hope that they don't pick up and so that you can leave a message. Hank, I just want to point out that so far we've answered three questions from our listeners and in all three cases, our advice was just ignore them. It's really, it's, it's, it's made sense something about contemporary social life. It's, yeah. It also made sense something about how we're feeling overall about life in America right now in the political situation and everything else. It's like every, every time somebody asks us a question, our only answer is, have you considered putting your head in the sand?

That's what ostriches do, and it's worked great for them. Did you mention that Ossas' question with pumpkins and penguins? I did. I have to say, we got a lot of questions this week that ended with pumpkins and penguins Just as we were getting over the flood of questions wherein people claimed to be competitive Pokemon Card players almost all of them tragically lying. We now have a new a new thing Pumpkin the pumpkins and penguins sign off. So yes We have we have we have encouraged. We have brought it upon ourselves. Indeed, indeed.

All right, we go in another question, John. I do. All right, this one is from Josh. And Josh asks, dear Hank and John, I recently watched the 2012 animated film Wolf Children where in a woman falls in love with a werewolf and gives birth to go figure a pair of half-wolf, half-human children.

This leads to a variety of domestic complications, and without going too deep in displayers, eventually raises basic medical questions, such as whether or not children of hybrid birth should or can get inoculated without suffering from severe side effects. My question then follows thusly, would children of hybrid birth be able to, or even need to receive vaccinations in order to establish a good immune defense. So, John, what do you think? Half, half wolf half humans, should they get vaccinated? Well, I have a couple of questions before the question. My biggest question is that apparently in this

movie, at least according to Josh, a werewolf falls in love with a human and then they have a half wolf, half human child. And I would argue that at best this child would be one quarter wolf, right? Because the werewolf is already half human. The person is presumably 100% human, so their offspring would only be one quarter wolf. So I don't agree with the premise of the question. That said, I do happen to be an expert in the field of human z's. Oh, you kind of do have that weird expertise. Do you want to continue with that?

Or should I tell you more about wolf children this movie of which I have now seen images, but not a trailer or anything? It would appear that these children are not half wolf children. It would appear that they are half where wolf children where they can sometimes switch back and forth between being children who happen to have ears all of the time, but then sometimes they look more wolfy and sometimes they look more humanly.

It is unclear. It is unclear. I'm only looking at images. Listen, I do not feel it all qualified to comment on whether mythical creatures need vaccinations. That is not a field of my expertise. I am terrible when it comes to that kind of imaginative fiction, the speculative stuff. I do know, however, a ton about human z's.

So it's not exactly Josh's question, but it is, you know, it falls into a category of something that I know a lot about. Long story short, and it is a very long story. It is maybe possible to make humaned children, but it is a terrible idea. Yes, big bad, big bad. Very bad, very big bad, it is a terrible idea on every level, and just because something is maybe possible, probably not, but maybe possible does not mean that it should happen.

But if you did make a human-seed child, I assume that it would benefit from vaccinations, because chimpanzees do and humans do, so I assume human-z would. Yeah, good answer. You know, it's possible that the hybrid child would not have be susceptible to a human disease, but it should be vaccinated against both human and dog diseases just in case. Also, I think that it would just dogs. Who said anything about dogs? I think that wolves and dogs are probably close enough that we could use dog vaccines on a wolf child. Whoa, whoa, whoa, back up the tape real quick. Is it seriously possible maybe to make human wolf children?

No. Okay, so this is irrelevant. I am only answering the question about whether the children from this movie should be vaccinated, John. You scared the crap out of me, making me briefly believe that it was possible for humans and wolves to have children.

I'm like still working my way through it. All right, well, I do think that this movie... Josh, my advice is just to ignore it. Ha children, it's got really good typography too. Does it? Okay, well, I mean, maybe I'll put it in the queue. Is it available on Netflix? It appears that it's not available on Netflix, John. It's called Wolf Children. It's got 93% on Rotten Tomatoes from 2012.

93% fresh. Yeah. That's pretty good. Yeah, I mean, it's too early for sponsors, but I'm putting in the list of things that might be sponsored in today's video. Alright, thanks. We answered another question. Yeah, yeah, sure. Alright, this one comes from Aaron, who writes, Dear John and Hank, as I was pondering slash trying to study for my geology exam, I realized I had a question, so the core of the Earth is hot, right? Like,

clearly, it's hot enough to melt rock and metal and all that jazz, the sun is also very hot. Assuming we could manage to go that far and not melt, would the center of the earth produce any visible light like the really hot sun does? I cannot rest until I know the answer. I just want to say that I'm sorry about the last part because it has been literally three weeks. Uh, yes. Well, yes. Yes. you've seen magma, right? The stuff that is bubbling out from the middle of the earth, that casts its own light. You can see it in the dark. It's called Blackbody Radiation, and it is the light that things give off when you heat

them up, and the electrons get energized enough that they jump between energy levels in an atom, and as they do that, they emit a photon, and that photon can be viewed by your eyes. Yes, I don't have any other answer for that one. All right, so the center of the earth would be like an extremely small sun. It would cast its own light. I don't, it would not be like an extremely small sun in a lot of physical ways. The mechanisms by which the photons are created are very, very different. I've never heard, I've heard the phrase cast a shadow. I've never heard of a phrase casting light, but I like it a lot, which is why I'm talking

because I know that we have to keep talking during the podcast, but I'm also making a note to myself for my new story. Uh, things do sometimes cast light as well as shadows. Okay, nobody else used that, I call that. Ha ha ha ha ha. Oh, I would, yeah, I think that that's not like a crazy, no, it's beautiful, hey, don't apologize for it,

it's excellent. Okay. And also, we were finally able to properly answer a crazy. No, it's beautiful. Hey, don't apologize for it. It's excellent. And also, we were finally able to properly answer a question. I have another one for you. First, I have to say that there is an entertainment lighting podcast. It is a podcast for the industry of people who light things in entertainment. So like shows, lighting.

Yeah, that kind of thing. That is called casting light. Really. Uh-huh, of course there is. Is there not a pot, at this point there's a podcast for everything. There's even a podcast devoted entirely to AFC Wimbledon, the nine years podcast,

because it only took nine years to rise through the non-league ranks to get back to league two and professional full-time league football. Hank, I have another question for you. All right. Okay, Hank, here's another question for you. This one comes from Matthew, who writes,

Deer John and Hank, I recently picked up the great gasbie for my local library and wasn't super into it. What? I mean, that's an indefensible position, but whatever, I will continue to read the question. I was very turned off by how creepily Nick described people, particularly his cousin Daisy. But I realized this the day I checked it out and I'm terrified about returning it so soon.

I don't want to offend the librarians by returning potentially one of their favorite books the day after I checked it out. My question is when is the appropriate time to return a library book that you do not like and your business advice would be much appreciated? John, I think it's interesting that Matthew here has decided that it is worrying to offend a librarian

in returning this book, but not worrying to write to John Green, a great author and lover of the Great Gatsby about the reasons why you don't like the Great Gatsby. Like, what is your main concern here? That's a terrible reason not to like the Great Gatsby about the reasons why you don't like the great Gatsby. What is your main concern here? That's a terrible reason not to like the great Gatsby. I don't want to go off on a rant and not answer the question, but in my opinion, that is not a good reason to not like the great Gatsby.

Of course, Nick is in many profound ways, an unreliable narrator, and not an entirely likable character, although I would argue that ultimately he's pretty likable. But that doesn't mean the book isn't good. I don't know where we got this idea in our heads that books are only supposed to be about characters who are straightforwardly and eminently likable and in no way creepy or weird.

I don't think I don't know any people like that. I don't think that it's an idea that we have that a book should be this way. I think that some people are looking for a pleasant experience and to identify with people who they think are good people. And if you're looking for that, the great Gatsby is an incredibly pleasant reading experience.

It's fun to hate all of the hateable characters. It's fun to love all of the lovable ones. It's maybe the most pleasant reading experiences among the major American novels. It's far more pleasant than for instance like reading Absalom Absalom or it's more pleasant than reading beloved, you know. Anyway, I am not, I am not. You may be coming from a place where he doesn't read Absalom Absalom and yeah, and this is it, yeah, and is looking for a, I think that a lot of the

reason that I liked to read, especially in my teenage and early 20 years, was I was looking for people to emulate, and I was looking for people to like, and I needed some guidance. I needed people who I saw were in the world in the correct way, because I wanted to know how to do that. And if I found like protagonists that I didn't feel like we're doing that, I'd be like, eh, I don't want this. This isn't helping me figure this out.

So there's lots of reasons to read, I guess, is the thing I should have just said. Okay, I apologize. I came at that way too hard. But I think that's one of those emotional reactions that probably isn't about the great cats be deep down. Like probably more about me than about Episcop Fitzgerald. Maybe, maybe.

I think what you gotta do is you gotta go back and bring the great cats back like two days later and be like this was so good I read it in two days now where is the your nearest copy of You know a Jason Bourd book. I think you can go back and say I mean look It's only like a hundred and eighty page book or something So yeah, I think you can go back right away and if you're asked about it Then you can respond honestly and Matthew And Matthew, don't let my little overzealous rant discourage you from having your opinion. But you probably won't be asked about it because librarians are busy people,

so they'll probably just be like, uh-huh. And what's next? And you'll hopefully move on to find a book that you like more. I'm going to say that I don't recommend the Jason Bourne books if you're looking to avoid creepy descriptions of women. I don't think that's the right direction to go in at all. Yeah, I don't know very much about the Bourne books, John. I'll be honest. I was just looking for something to talk about.

I love them. You turn the pages, you know? I have to say, before we move on, that I love a page-turning novel. I love romance is set in castles, in Edwardian, England. I love action books. I read, so like, I't, I don't, I don't mean to judge other people's reading habits and I apologize if I was doing that again, that was not about Gatsby or F Scott Fitzgerald, but probably deep down about me. Alright Hank, do you have another question for me? Yeah, this one's from Lindsay who asks, dear Hank and John, I always carry tissues with me to class.

The tissues are not only for me, but also for other people. I always see someone wiping their nose on their sleeve or their hand or somewhere else that's not does not belong. And when I see this, I get them out of my pocket, and I offer that people a pack of tissues who need them. I've done this many times, but only twice have people accepted my tissues. Why don't people take my tissues? Thank you for attempting to answer my quandary Lindsay.

Mm-mm, nope. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, nope, nope, nope. I think we're gonna have to go back to our default advice this episode, which is that you need to ignore other people. I know. That's why I went with this question. I feel like what other people do with their own snott is not your business. No. Even if it's happening near you, you've just, you've got to let it go.

And it, I feel like it's kind of presumptuous to tell other people that you know the proper way for them to deal with their own snott. Yeah, I mean, I think that, so I've been thinking about this a lot in general my life and the people around me, there is this thing that happens when there is a request or a statement or a suggestion that comes with nothing.

It comes with, you know, maybe a little bit of a good meaning will, like just like, I want you to have a better life. And then there are the requests and the suggestions and the advice that come laden with this opinion about me. And it can sometimes be an opinion about me that I'm creating and I hear it even when it's not there, but it is very difficult for me to have wiped, it's not a way for my nose with my hand,

and then have someone offer me tissues without feeling like you're judging me and without feeling like that tissue's coming along with a little bit of an opinion. Right, so I think that's why you're getting the negative responses when you offer the tissues because people feel judged. And even if they secretly maybe do want the tissues,

they don't wanna take them because then they're put on the defensive. Yeah, and Catherine, my wife says this to me all the time, do you need a tissue? And I'm like, you know, no, I'm just gonna put that snott right on the inside of my sleeve, it's gonna happen. Right, you know what I do?

I need a tissue until you asked. Now I don't. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Why don't you say the thing that you mean, which is that's disgusting, stop. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Right, I guess that's the thing. It feels passive-aggressive and people usually respond

to passive-aggressive things, passive-aggressively. You know, like we answer experiences with the way that we are, we experience them usually. I didn't say that very eloquently, but you know what I mean. Today's podcast is brought to you by Kleenex. Kleenex for yourself, mostly, or other people, but only if they ask you for the Kleenex. Yeah, or they are, you know, a little baby

incapable of blowing their own nose. This podcast is also not part of it. You don't even know about this yet. No, no, no. I know, well, I do watch so many babies covered in their own snot. You don't use Kleenexes. Not when they're little babies.

You use something even more adorable. You use this bulb that sucks the snot out of their nose. Hahaha. This podcast is brought to you by the bulb that sucks the snot out of their nose. This podcast is brought to you by the bulb that sucks the snot out of their nose. The bulb, that sucks the snot out of their nose. It is necessary because children are built so poorly that they can stop themselves for breathing because of all their little boogers and stuff.

They are horribly designed. Do you not have one of the little bulbs yet? I'll send you one. I have like 40 of them. I don't know that I do, John. Well, I'll tell you, I think you get one in the hospital, regardless, but I will send you one of the bulbs. Today's podcast is also brought to you by Human Zs. Human Zs.

Terrible idea. Finally, this podcast is brought to you by the town, the Norwegian town of Meistervik the Norwegian town of Meistervik. Norwegian town of Meistervik looks like it's got about eight people in it, but it's got a name, and it's on a fjord. I asked you really nicely to let that bit go, and you refuse to do it, and I don't even know if I could finish the podcast now. Are we even brothers anymore? You know, Meistervik is actually the name for one of Ikea's mattresses. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Did you look it up? Oh, I did. I did. In fact, like the first page of a, the first page of like search results are all for the Ikea mattress, nothing about the place. If you go to Google image search,

it's just like mattress, mattress, mattress, beautiful town, beautiful town, mattress, beautiful town, beautiful town, mattress. I'm trying to find out the population of mystervick to find out if I could, I'm wondering if it's worth making a trip to mystervick. So I'm trying to find out the population. I think probably it's not worth making trip to Meistervic. It's not anywhere on any of the services that keep track of things. My biggest concern is that Meistervic,

well, Meistervic does have a Wikipedia page. The Meistervic chapel is located there, that's exciting. The Wikipedia page does not contain any kind of demographic information. So here's what I think you need to know about Meistervick John. If you go on Yelp and search for the best restaurants in Meistervick, the nearest one is about 20 miles away. Not the nearest good restaurant,

the nearest restaurant is 20 miles away They have one church that seats a hundred people that was built in 1968 It was originally a school That is the entire Wikipedia article in question There is a really interesting fact about mystervick John the nearest town to mystervick is called mystervick Norway You so silly This town to Meistervik is called Meistervik. Mm, nor away. You so silly. Oh, I don't think Meistervik is a real place.

I think that I think it's one of those things. It's not that hard to make something up now on the internet. You just create a couple Wikipedia pages and it seems real. I think it's a paper town. Are you saying that it's paper town? I think it's a paper town. Let's answer another question from our listeners. Okay. That is paper town. I think it's a paper town. Let's answer another question from our listeners. Okay

Is this is this one from from anyone from in the Norwegian town of store signs? Which is the nearest the location of the nearest restaurant to mystervic? I just the last time I'm gonna ask you to end the bit and then after this I'm just going to end the podcast prematurely Do you have a question? Oh no, but but I do have a Yelp review from one of these. Damn it! I just have to read it because it's amazing. It's very busy at times. It's a self-seated place where you can order at the till.

We enjoyed a great reindeer stew, and I absolutely recommend that you give it a try. Alright, so if you ever go to Meistervik, drive 20 miles from Meistervik to the nearest restaurant and enjoy the reindeer stew. Now, can we answer another question from Arles and her splies? Yeah, sure, John. This one is from a Swedish person, Julia, who says, dear Hank and John,

I recently got some of their podcasts where John, it was adamant that Red, Yellow, and Orange were all shades of brown, but that purple absolutely was not. But in Sweden, it's sort of used to be. A long time ago, Sweden was a very poor and remote country. And purple was not yet in our vocabulary. In Sweden, we didn't have access to purple dye, or anyway, of making the purple color. We did, however, have what we today call purple flowers and berries growing well in our forests. And because we didn't have a name for their color, we called them the nearest color that

we had a name for, which was brown. Wow! So there you go, every color is brown. You know that, we talked about this before, that the ancient Greeks probably could not see the color blue. Right, well, that they just didn't, they didn't see it as a color, almost, weirdly. Right, they thought of it as a kind of gray. Mm-hmm.

Very hard to get your head around that idea. Yeah, yeah, the evolution of colors being named and blue tends to be the last color that gets named, which seems so weird because it's like the ocean and the sky, like it's the two things. But, you know, as Homer famously wrote in the Odyssey, it's the wine dark sea, right? Like he had a way, a different way of seeing the ocean

than you and I do. But that idea that something doesn't exist until there's a word for it. Of course, very controversial in the world of linguistics. I know, and I don't want to get in a fight with linguists because they, well, they just have such a grateful vocabulary. But it's a very weird idea that like language kind of co-creates reality along with sensory experience.

It's very humans are so weird. I agree, John. I agree. Do you want to do another question before we finish up the podcast? Yeah. I just want to read, by the way, I can't help but notice that Julia's question was not a question.

No, that was actually in the comment section of the podcast. I just wanted to talk more about Sweden. Similarly, I just want to read this wonderful email we got from listener Ruth, who wrote, you remember a few weeks ago Hank, we talked about what to do when you're at the dentist, what to do with your eyes specifically?

Mm-hmm, well, Ruth writes, when I'm at the dentist, I look at the light and imagine that it's a maternal praying mantis like creature looking over me and keeping me safe while I'm being made extremely uncomfortable and vulnerable. I just thought that was so beautiful. Why a praying mantis though, they're creepy. No, but like the way that the light sort of comes,

you know, the way it bends over the table, it does look kind of like a praying mantis. It is the, oh I see what you're saying. Yeah, it's some kind of weird alien insectoid thing. Yeah. That is just, like you can just imagine that it's like exuding support, enjoy, and love. Right, that's what Ruth imagines is that it loves you.

And that's such a smart way of dealing with dental anxiety. It almost makes me think that all dentists should start dressing up their lights as praying mantisits, and then they can see if that leads to less dental anxiety. I'm not sure that that would actually work. It seems unlikely. OK, here's our last question, John. It's from Melissa, who asks, dear Hank and John,

you talked a bit recently about the fact that longer commutes to work every day significantly impact people's happiness. However, the house used as number four private drive in a Harry Potter movies recently went up for sale. The description of the house says that it is ideal for commuters as it is just about an hour from London by train. My question is this, would my commute to work still make me unhappy if I lived in Harry

Potter's Frickin' House? Mmm. Yes. So, I do think that architecture matters in your daily lived life. I've lived in a bunch of vastly different spaces and even when they were similarly sized, I think the architecture affected my life. But I don't think the like history of a home matters on a day-by-day basis. It's like a cool thing to talk about when you bring people over, but I think when you're living there you

just get used to it, don't you? Yeah, I think that's definitely the case. The other thing that I want to say about this though is that first, train commutes don't make it people as unhappy as driving because driving is this weird, like, you know, like halfway activity where you have to be on. And so you can't, like, be thinking about and doing other stuff. You can't be reading a book. You can't be watching a show. You can't be watching a show. You can't be, you know, like you can listen to a podcast though.

Hey, dear Hank and John. But the other thing I'll say is that it might not make you significantly less happy. These studies study many different people, and they're looking at bell curves of happiness. And happy people tend to be on the happy side of the bell curve, whether or not they drive to work, they just, the bell curve sort of slightly shifts to the less happy side in a measurable, noticeable,

consistent way if you're looking at people who have long commutes. Yeah, yeah, all right, well. Just because you have a long commute doesn't mean you're unhappy, but I do feel like I'm curious whether that home in particular has a higher asking price than all of the other homes because it was Harry Potter's house.

I can't imagine that it doesn't. No, yeah, I would think that it definitely would. I should also say Hank that I once had a long commute and because I liked the radio stations where I was commuting and because I needed the kind of mental break of the commute, it was when I was working as a chaplain at a children's hospital, I really valued it and I think it made me happier. So everybody's different and like you said,

these studies are big and they look at bell curves and it doesn't have anything to do with individual experience necessarily. Can I tell you the news from AFC Wimbledon? Yes, you may. So Hank, AFC Wimbledon recently played Charlton away. This is a disastrous game, or it was going to be a disastrous game. Charlton not too long ago was in the Premier League. They were at the top of the top. Now they're're down in league one but they're very good team uh... you know

they got a big stadium all the fancy stuff that uh... big big teams have uh... and they're pretty high up in the table they were like tenth or something whereas wimbleden down there at the bottom and you know it wasn't looking good we went one-nil down uh... and then we scored two goals we We won two, one, we got our second victory of the season. We're off the bottom. We're all the way into 18th place. Eight points from eight games and only one point away from the franchise currently playing in Milton Keynes.

The team who win Wimbledon plays them. The Wimbledon fan sing, who were you? Who were you? Who were you when you were us? Oh man. Well, uh, that, so you've won two games now, is that correct? Uh, I mean, that's one way of looking at it. Yes, two games out of eight, but we've also tied to. Okay, that's good too. Uh, so, so you've only lost half your games. Only lost half the games currently comfortably in

in 18th place. So eight points from eight games is not probably going to be a good enough ratio to stay up at the end of the season. Like at the end of the season, Wimbledon will have played 46 games and 46 points probably won't be enough last season. I think it took 51 points to stay up. So things will have to improve slightly, but I've got to say I'm feeling a lot better than I was feeling a few games into the season when we were down there at the very, very, very bottom, currently occupied by Coventry and either Roachdale or Rockdale. Nobody knows for sure how to pronounce it. All right. Well, do you have any idea why you've gotten better at soccer?

Uh, at AFC Wimbledon in the last game? What happened? Why was it different? I haven't had the chance to go to a game live yet, and none of them have been televised, so, uh, I don't know. But, uh, I will be going to a game very soon, which I'm pretty excited about. Uh, yeah. So, that'll be fun.

Hank, what is the news from Mars? We've got some research coming out now recently that, uh, that is indicating that Mars had water longer than we thought it had. So Mars had, had liquid water on it, uh, as recently as, uh, two to three billion years ago, and we, uh, thought that there was a time that came when Mars' atmosphere had basically been blown away, that magnetic field shut down, and that basically made it impossible for liquid water to continue being on the surface. But it appears that there are much more recent

geological features that were carved by liquid water that are on the surface of Mars, and that it may have had Mars for several hundred million years longer than we thought that it had. And not just like valleys that may have been carved by like ice dams breaking or just like huge up-swellings of water from inside of the planet, but that emptied into basins, like lake basins, that stayed filled and then overflowed and then filled back up. And we can sort of see this process and that it was happening long after Mars should have been too cold for liquid water to happen,

which makes us sort of need to rethink things. And probably this hydrological cycle was fed not by rain anymore, but it was fed by snow, but there were some systems that were taking that snow and allowing it to sometimes of the year or due to geological activity keeping that water wet and flowing, which the more we know, the more exciting this place gets, John.

So how similar was Mars to Earth a billion years ago? Like pretty similar, it sounds like. Well, a billion years ago, not so much, but two billion years ago or three billion years ago, when life was forming here on Earth, and it's fairly early stages, from molecular life to single-celled life, to the divergence between plants and animals, all that stuff. It looks like Mars was very similar to Earth, and in very real, consistent ways.

And if we looked at Mars, then we would see a planet covered in clouds, a planet with rain, a planet with hydrological cycles, a planet that has all the stuff that Earth has. Yeah, but I just want to underscore one thing, which is that Earth already has all those things, right? Yes, Earth also currently has clouds in rain in life, yes, correct. No, we are doing, we're doing a great job right here on Earth. And I think this is the perfect place for humans

until 2028 or later, which reminds me that even though you said that Leon Mus was only going to be a phase, my number one social media currently on Mus for Earth, number four, Leon Mus for Earth continues Number four, Leon Mus for Earth continues to put out piping hot high quality content. And at this point, it's arguably my most active social media channel.

Do you know? It gets an amazing, amazing response per, like you have 11,000 followers, or Leon Mus has 11,000 followers. And Leon gets like up to 500 likes per tweet, which is a really amazing ratio, and not one that you very often see on Twitter. Well, I mean partly that's because Leon Mus

provides such excellent content. For instance, a couple days ago he tweeted, and this is a direct quote, Earth exclamation point. Yeah, that one did really well. I got 476 life likes. So that's pretty good. Yeah, he's just a really talented tweeter. A couple days ago he got 490 likes with the following tweet.

Sometimes I'll be at a 24 hour Walmart, and I think I could live here for a week if necessary. It really does have everything I need. And then he replied to himself saying, well, Earth is the 24 hour Walmart of the solar system. Hashtag think about it, hashtag Earthlife, hashtag Earth only, hashtag until 2028. Oh, Liam must. All right, John. I don't like to treat my own horn, but I'm a genius.

What did we learn today? We have a meeting that starts in one minute, so what did we learn today? Oh, man, we learned that the plural of Lego was apparently Lego. We learned that the color blue didn't exist until after Homer. We learned that Norway is not actually

in the middle of Scandinavia. And we learned that they do have delicious reindeer stew. And also that if you wanted to sub penguin for that, if you had some by-catch in your reindeer harvest of penguin, that you could also throw some of that in there too. And I don't correct me. I know that penguins are from the southern part, not the northern part of the earth.

That was just a goof. No, okay. Thank you for listening to our podcast. Hank tried to act like we weren't gonna make a mistake. I'm sure we made a bunch of other mistakes, though, don't worry. Oh sure, yes. Absolutely. This podcast is edited by Nicholas Jenkins, Rosiana Holtz-Rohaus, helps out with questions. Victoria Bangeorno manages the podcast and the Patreon. The theme music is from Gunnarola. You can e-bell us at hanketjohnatgmail.com.

With all your questions, we're also available on Twitter, at Hankreen and at John Green. And if you want to follow Leon, he's Leon Musnumber for Earth. And as they say in our hometown. Don't forget to be awesome. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC