Dear Hank & John - 73: Planes, Trains, and Automosqueals

Episode Date: December 19, 2016

What do you do if you're lost in the forest? Is Santa subject to trademark laws? Should I take a boring job for money? And more! NerdCon: Nerdfighteria: www.nerdconnerdfighteria.com/ Email your questions: [e-mail]

Hello and welcome to Dear Hank and John. Where's our fourth think of Dear John and Hank? It's a comedy podcast for me and my brother John, answer your questions, give you to be a advice and bring you all the weeks news from both Mars and AFC Wimbledon, how you doing, John? I'm doing well, how are you? I'm good, I just had some Thai food, it's beautiful outside, it is a solid 8 or 9 degrees and I'm wearing quite a quite a coat, my friend.

We should add that it's 8 or 9 degrees Fahrenheit. Correct. Celsius, it's like negative 60. Sorry to all the people who have this bizarre system of calculating temperature, where 0 degrees is cold and 100 degrees is very, very dead. Hank, how are you doing overall other than the cold? Things good, how's fatherhood? It's good. Things are good. He's getting to be, he really likes me singing. As far as I can tell, he just wants me to sing all the time. And that may just be me being like, oh, this is a fantastic, I get an excuse to sing in my house all the time, which I never had before.

But it seems to make him smile. Yeah, I have to say, my children never loved the sound of my singing voice, but that may ultimately be because nobody does. I do have a problem, John. I tend to sing him whatever song just pops into my head. So I'll be like, I'll be like, sing in Rocky Horror songs, maybe a little inappropriate being like, let's give him something to talk about, baby. And I'm like, like your big poops or something, not like what we're talking about in the

song. Hank, we should also say that the 2016 project for awesome was a tremendous success. And thank you to all the listeners of the pod who contributed. We raised more than $2.1 million for charity. And thanks to everybody who was part of that. It was an amazing weekend.

We felt very grateful for it. And it distracted from the not so great news from AFC Wimbledon. I'm sorry about your one-neil loss, but we'll get to that eventually. All right, would you like a short poem for the day? It's from Emily Dickinson. Yeah, sure. All right, this poem's often known as there is no frigate like a book. There is no frigate like a book to take us lens away, nor any coarsers like a page of prancing poetry. This traverse may the poorest take without oppressive toll.

How frugal is the chariot that bears a human soul? I just love a good poem about a book, Hank. I love that books are still, as Emily Dickinson points out, a very frugal chariot to bear the human soul. So, I thought I'd read that poem. Do you have any questions from our listeners? Yeah, here's a song about frugal chariots, John. It's from Daniel, who asks,

Dear Hank and John, I cannot throw out my frugal chariots ever. It doesn't matter if I think it's a terrible frugal chariot or if it's actually falling apart. I can never bring myself actually to dispose of any of my beloved volumes of frugality in their charioticity, but I have shelves full of old, unsaligable, frugal chariots which have become unreadable. What should I do?

Do I need to just get over this and throw them out? I may not survive this ordeal. Just to bring death in here somewhere, any dubious advice is needed. Hank, I don't know if you've ever gone through someone's house after they died in order to figure out what to do with all of their stuff, but it is one of the least fun things I have ever done, and I have done some unfun things.

So my advice to Daniel is to throw away your books so that other people won't have to later. I also, I wanna find out what Daniel is to throw away your books so that other people won't have to later. I also, I want to find out what Daniel is doing to her books to make them so unsalvageable. And how many of them are... Presumably reading them in the bath. That's what I always do. Oh, reading them in the bath. Yes.

I mean, I've probably destroyed of the books I own like three in my entire, and it has, usually has to do with water. Like, a water bottle opened up in my backpack and I was like, well, this copy. I do, look, I also hang on to a lot of my books obviously and I have a very difficult time letting go of them. And it can be a nice thing to be able to go through old books and read your notes in them or to remember the experience of reading them. There are lots of books that I might want to reread someday, but I'm always trying to

call. The person I look up to most in this is Rosiana, who always, despite being one of the best-read people I know, never has more than 50 physical books at a time. She only keeps 50 books. Well, I don't know. I have such the attachment. There are so many books in my shelf that I haven't read in more than 10 years, but I just like, I want you. I love you. You are such a great thing that I...

Yeah, no, I mean, and like, I think that's fine. If a physical object brings you joy, there's no reason to get rid of it. But if it's stressing you out, then I think there is a reason to get rid of it. And then there is also the consideration of the people who will come after you. But I don't think that's necessarily like a pressing concern for Daniel, which, you know, on the upside, you've got that going for you. Yeah.

All right, Hank, I have a question for you. It's from Claudio, but I don't know that I know the answer to it, so I thought that I would ask it and see if you do know the answer to it. She writes, dear John and Hank, if you have a 2D object and you look at it from the side, can you actually see it or is it just invisible? Well, first of all, Claudia, you don't have a 2D object.

They don't exist, can't exist, but if it did exist, and you did put one of, like one point of vision on the edge of it, it would be invisible, it would not exist, it would not exist. It would be impossible to have that happen with both of your eyes at the same time. But yeah, you don't though, unless you do have a 2D object in which I would step slowly away because I don't like the idea of what you have done with our dimensions. I don't know. I feel like I feel like we have it been particularly good to three

dimensions. Maybe we don't deserve all of them anymore, Hank. Maybe at this point, humanity just hasn't earned that third dimension and we should be reduced to to two so that we are all invisible to each other from the side. It's got be real hard to breathe and function in that universe, John, but we'll make it work. I've got it under the question, John. Okay. It's from Hannah who asks, dear Hank and John,

so one of my greatest fears has always been that I will somehow end up on a desert island or kidnapped or something, and I'll be wearing my contacts and I won't have my glasses or contact solution with me, and I'll just have to wear these contacts for the rest of my life. Yeah, no, I mean, I'm gonna stop you right there Hank, because this is also one of my greatest fears.

So, Hannah and I have this in common, and there is an easy solution to it, which is that you should never not wear glasses. Get LASIC, also, as a potential solution. No, never not wear glasses. That way, even if you're on the desert island and you're like glasses break, you can use little like palm fronds to like remake your glasses and they would be very hip.

Yeah, or just like make a monical out of them. Right. Be like, oh, hello, I am posh desert island man. I've made a monical with my eye glass piece and a bunch of strands of palm. Very good. You can have a real bad fake British accent. Wonderful. Wonderful. Wonderful. The future for you on the desert island. This is a multi-part question, though, John.

Hannah goes on to ask, also, did cavemen need glasses? Also, could animals use them? Like Simon and Alvin in the chipmunks? That is a good separate question. Good, good, separate question. Simon from Alvin in the chipmunks does, does apparently need glasses. It may just be a fashion choice

so that he could be like, hey, just to be clear on the nerdy one. So they put these on me. But, but yes, I think that animals, it's hard to tell because you can't be like, okay, what letter is that? Jeffery the dog. But there are definitely animals that have worse vision than other animals,

like beavers have really bad eyesight. Lots of animals that don't tend to use their eyes as much have bad eyesight. And it does take a lot of, you know, sort of fine-tuning evolutionarily to get to really sharp vision. So my guess is that there are a lot of dogs out there who have bad eyesight and you're like, why don't you get the ball? And it's like, my dog's always been really bad at getting the ball. It's like, well, maybe you're talking these glasses, but that's not actually a thing that you can figure out. It'd be wonderful if you could figure out

how to figure it out though. I'm interested in that. Can we give dogs lacyc? Don't get dog lacyc. I mean, that's the last thing we need to add to the world of veterinary science. And of course, early humans did often need glasses. And that was just, but they didn't have them.

And then you just make it work. That's my understanding anyway. That's kind of what I did when I was a kid, actually. I had really poor eyesight as a child. And often like an hour or two into summer camp, I would lose my glasses, and then I would have no glasses for three weeks, and I would just kind of make it work. Yeah.

I also think that there's no way to test for this, but my guess is that people before eye glasses and before sort of modern ways of taking care of ourselves and feeding ourselves, they died more if they didn't have good eyesight. And so overall, the number of people with good eyesight was higher because it was selecting for that. We're no longer selecting for that. Yeah, in general, I would not have fared particularly well in a prehistoric humanity. Yeah, I'd probably be dead too.

Oh no, I would definitely be dead. You would have died at the age of like five. I just think like I don't have the like genetic toughness that allows you to become a successful early human. I am extremely susceptible to all physical and mental health problems. How do you think made Simon's glasses from Simon and the Chipmunks? Did he have like name brand, were they Rayvans? Were they like, did he get them from some mail order place?

Or were they seem very homemade to me? Well Hank, as it happens right now, I am at the Alvin and the Chipmunks Wikipedia, which is actually called Moncapedia, of course, because of course it's called Moncapedia because they're Chipmunks, and also because Chipmunk movies love a good pond. Like Alvin and the chipmunks, Road Chip, Alvin and the chipmunks Chip Rect,

they all have fantastic puns in them. I should also say that the folks at Fox 2000 who made the Alvin and the chipmunks movies also made the Faulkner Stars and Paper Towns movies, so I'm a little bit biased, but I do really like those movies. So So you know those people in according to the CGI films at Monkipedia Alvin's eyesight is extremely poor as he is unable to see a toaster waffle fall directly in front of him without his glasses Did you mean Simon when you said Alvin? I did. I'm sorry. I'm not that much Okay, you got another question for us. I'm just going to stay with Moncapedia for a moment if I can.

In Alvin exclamation point, exclamation point, exclamation point, exclamation point in the chip monks, I was the first time that Alvin is its Alvin, which one has glasses again? Simon. That was the first time that Simon wore glasses with blue rims. So that was an innovation. Usually it's black rimmed glasses, but they went with blue rims in Alvin three exclamation points and the chipmunks. Well, I mean, they, don't you think that Simon made that decision? It's not clear to me how much creative input Simon has into the films. My understanding is probably not a lot. Although I have heard that Simon is responsible for the title of the second

movie, which was of course Alvin and the chipmunks the squeak wool. Oh well I mean he is the smart one. I am now at the Alvin and the Shipbunks, Moncapedia, Wiki, and I have to say that that the falling snow is a really wonderful effect. It is wintertime, but in addition to that, it's showing the four sort of like main iter, like, or at least four of the iterations of Alvin and the Shipbunks, and on the upper left-hand corner

of the background, we have what is probably the original Alvin and the Shipbunks drawings, and they the background, we have what is probably the original album in the Chipmunks drawings, and they are fine. And then there was a slightly evolved version of that, a version of that where they look quite nice. And this is actually sort of what I remember as a child. And then on the right-hand side, we have the CGI versions, which are very different from each other.

One is much more anthropomorphized than the other, but both are, I find to be extremely unsettling and I don't want to be in the same world as them anymore. So can we move on? Unfortunately, we can't, because I've just found out that there is an episode of Alvin and the Chipmunks called For Whom the Bell Tolls, and I'm trying to determine how similar it is to the Hemingway novel and the answer seems to be not That much but you would be stunned by the complexity and length of the individual episode

Explanations over at Monkopedia your number one source for Alvin in the chipmunks trivia and information Do you want to know where Simon's name came from? Shit. I mean, it's a name that many people have. It was a, it came from Simon Walrunker. Walrunker? I'm not very good at names. Who was a violinist and record producer from 1939 to 1955.

Walrunker recorded music for 20th century Fox films until he chose to enter the recording industry independently, co-founding Liberty Records. One of the major acts who recorded on Liberty Records was Alvin and the Chipmunks. And so that's why they named Simon. Simon. Theodore was named after Theodore Key, who was also a co-founder of Liberty Records.

So there you go, we've gone all the way down the Alvin and the Chipmunks rabbit hole. I'm so excited about our new podcast, Hank. Monkopedia, a guide to the guide to Alvin and the Chipmunks. Okay, I'm gonna move away real fast before I accidentally make another Alvin and the Chipmunks joke and we continue talking about this.

This question is from Sonia, who asks Dear Hank and John. If one finds oneself in a forest, was no memory of how they got there, what is the correct course of action to take? Does she begin walking in the hopes that she will stumble across some form of civilization, risking wandering away from it, or should one remain in this spot where she is in a hope of rescue? Again, she has absolutely no memory of the forest, or how she may have gotten it, or should one remain in this spot where she is in a hope of rescue? Again, she has absolutely no memory of the forest or how she may have gotten there or whether she came alone or not.

Please help as this question is bothering me. I hope it's just bothering you because it's just like you are afraid that this unlikely circumstance will occur, and not because you are currently emailing us from the forest. If so, I have some suggestions for other people you should have emailed first. Right, or maybe just use the GPS to walk out of the forest. Right. Google Maps is your friend. If you got a data connection, you're going to be okay.

I know that I always think of Dear Hank and John as the number one source for wilderness survival tips. So I'm excited to find out what you think, Hank. But of course, I know that if you find yourself in the middle of a forest, you should just, and you don't know how you got there, you should just give up everyone those that. Just give in. Speaking of giving in, John, do you want to know a sad story about giving in? Yes. Speaking of giving in John, do you want to know a sad story about giving in? Yes Sorry, I am I'm right now on the monkey pdf page for Simon's alternate identities

And did you know that in the original album in the chipmunks TV show there was a Cinderella episode where Simon plays the fairy god monk? No, John I didn't know that about Simon being the fairy god monk, but you interrupted my my intro Into this story I wanted to tell about hopelessness and giving up. Okay, great, please tell me. Well, so you remember in 1980 when I hadn't been born yet or I had just barely been born and Mount St. Helens erupted? I do. Well, some scientists had had a pretty good idea that this was going to happen, and they had closed down the park around Mount St. Helens,

and for the most part there was nobody nearby. But a couple of people had decided that they were going to not heed those warnings, whether they were scientists or adventurers or photographers, and they were going to go and document as the impending eruption arrived. And one guy, I can't tell you his name, because I've forgotten it, was there. He saw the eruption beginning. He took some photographs of it. He took some photographs until he could no longer see and then realizing that he was not going to escape.

He unwound the film, put it in its canister, put the canister in his backpack, and then lay down on his backpack so that the film would stay safe so that people could see the photographs that he took. And then he lay there and died and was covered in action found 17 days later. Right. I remember that story. It's very, very sad.

And I don't know why you felt like you had to tell it on our podcast to your Hank and John when we could have been making very happy Moncapitiate jokes and now we're in a dark place. Well, at least we got those photos. It is kind of a beautiful story. But at the same time, I do wish that no one to have died in the Mount St. Helens disaster. Hank, what do you actually do if you're in a forest and you don't know where you are? Don't you stay still and wait for rescue? Um, I, I, you would make a base camp where you are and make some sign of where you went. In fact, there was another guy and his name, I do remember, because his name was Dave Crocket.

And he, uh, he, his car got trapped as he was trying to drive away. And he, uh, marched off and he wrote on his car door in the ash, like went uphill. And he managed to outrun the ash flow and survived. So if you are Dave Crockett, and in fact, you can go on YouTube and you can listen to the video blog he made back in 1980 where he's talking to the camera

about how he thinks he's going to die. It's very eerie. And then he figures out that he's going to be okay and he's very happy. I feel so weird. Like we have suddenly inhabited opposite consciousnesses. Like we're in a freaky Friday situation or something because you're the one who's obsessively talking about extreme darkness. And all I wanna do is tell you an astonishing fact that you cannot possibly be ready for,

which is that in the 80s chipmunk show, there was an episode where they recreated Star Trek. Yeah, no, I believe that. I think I may have seen that one. It was called Star Rec, the absolutely final frontier, and Simon played Mr. Speck. There was also a spin-off of Robocop called RoboMonk, where Simon played Dr. Simonize. Some of these puns are not very good, and there was a spin-off of a splash called Sploosh in which Simon played trusty and a spin-off of Batman in which Simon played Batmunk slash Bryce Wayne.

That's not even a pun as far as I can tell. No, it doesn't feel like at a certain point in the eighth and final season of the 80s, Chipmunks television show, it does feel kind of like they were giving up. But let's move on, Hank, to another question from our listeners. This one is from Louise, who asks, dear Hank and John, do Santa and his elves have the right to make trademarked products? Because you ask for things from Santa and it's like, okay, but isn't that made by nerf and not by the elves?

Right. That's a great question. And the answer is of course that Santa can do whatever Santa wants to do. Well, he has a deal. He has a deal with Nerf. And Nerf has factories that make Nerf guns, and then Santa has the exact same capabilities

as those factories only at the Nerf pole with elves. Correct. And he has a deal with all the major companies. He even has a deal with Mac or Apple and Western Digital, the people who make hard drives. Like he's got a deal with every single company. It's pretty remarkable. He's got a deal, DFTBA, as soon as we started up a company,

he was like, okay, well, we, you know, Santa at the North Pole also has to make this, these products, so that when a child asks Santa for them, he can make them. So we sign up to do that. It's a little bit of an uncomfortable licensing conversation, of course, because you can't go into it the way you would with a normal licensing partner

on account of how, you know, like we all love Santa. But we found a solution that works for us and it's been great and I know that every company in the world is similarly. Did you know that Alvin of Alvin and the Chipmunks actually has a last name? Oh my God. It's Seville. Like the, I believe that's not the last name. Yeah, that's what Dave's last name is. That's because it's because Dave's last name is Seville. Oh, oh, and there he is. He's got his last name. But why is Dave's last name is from Hannah.

I'm going to ask a question from Hannah while you look up why Dave Sivil's last name is Sivil. Dear Hank and John, I have a difficult decision to make in my career. I am a software engineer and I'm currently interviewing for a job as a build engineer, which is a non-coding role that requires slightly less technical expertise, at least in my field. The build engineer job sounds boring and unfulfilling, but for some reason the salary is $12,000 more than my current job.

A huge increase for me. I'd be able to pay off my student loans a year early, two years instead of three years, Hannah! Two years... That's incredibly impressive being able to pay off your student loans in two years or three years. Yeah. Have you been paying them off for the last 25 years, like the rest of us?

Two years instead of three years and finally move on with my life? No, you can move on with your life before you pay off your student loans too. Like, there are things that you don't have to be completely tied down. I don't think there are other things that you could do anyway.

My question is this, should I willingly accept a boring job for significantly more money? I really feel like I will be selling out by taking a non-programming job. Also my drive to work would be 15 minutes longer. Why didn't you start out with that? No! No, don't take a job that you're going to like less that's going to put you in a car for 30 minutes times 365 days a year.

No, it's not that many. It's more like 250. But still. Hannah, I'd like to tell you a story. I'd like to tell you a story about a man named Ross bagged, bagged, sorry, and senior. What's happening? Ross also faced a choice when he got home from World War II. He faced a choice between going and living a normal life and having a normal job and following his passion, which was to speed up the sound of his own voice using a voice recorder that he had bought and sing songs in a voice that sounded like a chipmunk voice. Ross had been stationed in Seville, Spain during World War II, by the way. And do you know the choice that he made? Did he make the choice to take the non-programming job that paid

somewhat more, but only for a little while and who knows what the future holds and if you are making a living doing what you love to do and saving 30 minutes a day, isn't that wonderful? That's, he made the choice, I'm sorry, I lost myself in trying to make the connections here, but the point is that he chose to follow his dreams, which were not like totally random dreams. They were the completely realistic dreams of a man

who just wanted to make a living, singing with a sped up voice that sounded like chipmunks. And he did it. He did it, Hannah. He did it. And that is the whole reason that we have Alvin and the chipmunks, the squeak wool. The whole reason that we have Alvin and the chipmunks shipwrecked.

The whole reason that we have Alvin and the chipmunks, the road chip, which for a while, I think also had the tentative name, Plains, Trains, and Automo Squeals. So, I think the answer here is very clear, Hannah, that if you're making a living doing something that you like and find fulfilling, that you will over time find more opportunities in that,

and an extra year paying off your student loans is not gonna be a huge deal in the scheme of things. That is my opinion. I think you should go to Monkopedia, look up Ross, Bag, Disari and Senior and just be inspired, just be inspired as I have been. Well I do, I did the math and I do want to say that just by, if you're spending that extra time in a car, that's about 125 hours per year, that you'll be extra spending in that car for $12,000,

it's about $100 an hour to drive to your job. So that's not nothing. But if it's not a job you want to take, don't take it. Do the things that you want to do. I mean, the only advantage, Hank, is that it does make it more likely that Hannah will continue to be a listener of DearHank and John if she's spending more time in the car every day.

That's very true. Additionally, it also is sometimes, especially if you can move back, like if there's a potentially outlier for you to be like, I don't like this that much. Can I please go back to my L-job? It might be interesting to see if you do actually like this job as a build engineer more, you don't actually know how,

whether you're gonna like it or not until you do it. And I don't think that it's like selling out to not be on the ground doing the thing. You might just be doing a different thing that you also like and that's also interesting. I definitely wouldn't, I worry about people being like, but like I wanna be on the ground doing the thing, but also organizing people to do the thing

is a different kind of doing the thing, and also an important part of doing the thing. So I wouldn't discount it just because you think that it's not like the work that you have previously in your life sort of idolized as like, this is the work that I should be doing. You don't really know. And there will always be new paths being laid out in front of you. And you get to choose which of those paths you go down.

And choosing before you know which paths are there, I think is something that causes a lot of people stress and anxiety and also gets them locked into stuff. Right, but it sounds like Hannah knows what she wants to do with her life. She knows that she likes working and programming and I would encourage her to continue doing that. Maybe though, you can always try the strategy

of going into your boss and saying, I have another job offer. It's for 12 grand more. Can I squeeze you for a little bit extra? But I don't know. I'm not an expert in that, Hannah. I don't want you to get fired or anything. Well, maybe it may be that this is at the same company is what I was assuming. Well, I mean, who knows, Hank? The point is that if you look at the career of Ross Bank Disari and Senior, I think you have a good model for how to build a good life inside of tech companies as well. That is a good point. This podcast, of course, is brought to you by Ross Bank Disari. And the creator of Alvin and Shipmunks, also defender of Liberty and World War II, defender of Seville, and Defender of the Idea

that you can accomplish anything if you have a vision and just a tiny, tiny bit of modern technology. And of course, this podcast is also brought to you by Ross Bagdiserion Jr., who has kept the chipmunks dream alive. Oh, thanks, Ross. Thanks, Ross. Podcasts is also brought to you by Santa,

strong, arming small businesses into great licensing deals since the beginning of time. I'm just kidding. Santa's licensing deal is actually very, very beneficial, which is why everybody signs up to do it. That's exactly right. And of course, lastly, this podcast is brought to you by Frugal Chariots.

Frugal Chariots, available now at your local independent Frugal Ch chariot store. You know, John, we actually have a real sponsor this week, and that is NerdCon Nerdfighteria, the event that we are running and going to be at. And I know that it's weird that it's not actually a sponsorship, because we're not paying ourselves, but we would love if you would be interested in coming up to NerdCon Nerdfighteria. We will be recording a live episode of Dear Hank and John. We will be hanging out doing all kinds of other things, Q&As, and being on panels. And there's going to be a bunch of cool people there, like Nathan Zed and

Charlie McDonald and many others, which you can find out at NerdCun-Nerdfightery. And it's in February in Boston, and you can get tickets at nerdcun-nerdfighteria.com. Hank, can I ask you another question? February 25th and 26th in Boston, Massachusetts, and tickets are $60. Please come, we'd love to see you. Yes, you can ask me another question. All right, Hank, we have a question from Barbara in Germany

who asked, dear John and Hank, in the last few months I've had some mental health issues with help I'm slowly getting better, but as I do get better, I've started to ask myself, why me? Am I not as strong as others? Take care, Barbara. I am familiar with that feeling

and also with the feeling of, oh, if I were just a little bit more mentally strong, I wouldn't have to deal with this. And I think some of that is received from messages in the culture, but I I think some of that is received from messages in the culture, but I also think some of it is probably, you know, your brain talking to you in a way that's not kind or generous.

Different people have to deal with different things in their lives. Different people have different sets of problems. And you have yours and comparing yourself to other people or or constructing your illness as weakness. I don't think is helpful in the end I think Having a mental illness doesn't mean that you're weak anymore than having any other illness means that you're weak all it means is that you're sick and

you need treatment and you need to get better and focus on that rather than on the sickness. It's very difficult to deal with the Y-Me question because it's always there. I think it's there for people who have any kind of illness, but I find that trying to focus on being well and getting well and taking good care of myself and being nice to myself is helpful on those fronts. I think that was a good answer, John. I've got another question from an anonymous questioner, and I like this question, and I think that it's fascinating.

And I've been wondering when it was going to happen. So here it is, dear Hank and John. First, know that I am a fan and generally love everything you do. I may however have one issue, which is it seems that John has a personal vendetta against my father's place of employment, Jardin Zink products. You see, oh, the number one maker of fans in the event. They make penny planks for the US Mint. Being a fan, I have listened to countless discussions from John about the penny and don't even necessarily disagree that the penny is bad for the economy.

However, I am very pro-penny for a very selfish reason. My dad is old enough that he would have a hard time finding gainful employment at a place he has not worked for 35 plus years. So, my question is, and I think this is the biggest question as well. How do we reconcile the things that we agree with in principle when the result of that principle would lead to a major personal loss? It's one thing to say that we have to be willing to compromise the good of them any for the few.

Yeah, I mean, this is a really interesting, difficult question. Hey, can I have run into this a few times in our own careers and lives, most notably when the U.S. Congress was debating a bill that would have made it very complicated and expensive for dftba.com to continue to do business because of the complexities of local sales tax in the United States. The consumption taxes in the U.S. are not national. They are by state or by city or by county. There are literally thousands of different sales taxes in the United States. So if and when e-tailors like dftba.com have to calculate sales tax, it's just going to be a huge expense on them.

On the other hand, not having to pay sales tax means that companies like DFTBA.com don't contribute to the places where our goods are purchased, which is not fair. So Hank and I are in favor of us people paying sales tax on stuff they buy online, even though it is not in our best interest. However, we are also coming at all of this from an extremely privileged position that's different from the position that your dad is in making that consideration because it dftba.com is not the only way that Hank and I have of making a living. So, I also think that we're running up against this on a much larger scale in the way that we're talking about globalization.

Like we know that globalization has been good for the economy overall. We know that it's created lots of jobs, both inside the United States and outside of it. But we also know that it is probably part of what's increasing the global disparity of wealth. It's part of what's increasing the number of people who feel left behind in the economy. That wealth inequality is bad.

It's not just like ethically bad. It's bad for the economy. It's bad for the cohesiveness of social institutions. It's just objectively bad. So you've got to balance that knowledge with wanting, you know, an efficient well-run economy, which in my opinion would involve no pennies. Yeah. Yeah.

And this is, and I think in particular, like, I would like to think that there's a world where there are people need zinc for stuff. Yeah, but not on that scale, Hank. That's the thing. On some level. It's a lot of pennies. Right. We have this all over our economy.

pennies are one example, but we have lots of examples of this. We spend way too much money on health care. Well, spending way too much money on health care creates jobs. It creates lots of jobs and lots of fairly high paying jobs relative to a lot of the economy. But we spend way, way, way too much of our total economy on health care. So if we were to make that more efficient and have a healthcare spending level that was closer to, say, Australia or Canada or France or Germany or literally anywhere else on Earth, then there would be a lot of jobs lost

and a lot of those jobs would be good jobs that would be lost. And so it's really difficult. I don't know, is my only answer. Like I don't know how to manage that. I don't know is my only answer. Like, I don't know how to manage that. I don't know how to, you know, I don't know. And I love your question, and we wanted to read it because we love it, not because we have answers. Correct. I also have just done a little bit of research, John. The company that owns this penny-like making operation.

Also owns one of your favorite companies in the world, John. Really? The makers of the Sharpie pen. Oh, God, I love Sharpies. I mean, I don't understand why I don't have a brand deal with Diet, Dr. Pepper and Sharpies. It is totally unjust to me. How is it that I'm able to have a wonderful

and fulfilling corporate relationship with my friends at the Mars company, maker of my personal candy bar snickers, and not have a relationship with Diet Dr. Pepper and the people at Sharpie. I signed 150,000 copies of the Fault in Our Stars with Sharpies. I should have, I should be able to get

some free Sharpies out of that, man. I'm still paying for my Sharpies, Hank. I go to CVS and I buy my own Sharpies, and I feel like I should be getting them for free. I really do. Oh, John, I just had a thought. Yeah. What if we could create some, something that the economy would be really, really into. Yeah. That would cost more than a penny, but it would use the penny blank that the US Mint had stopped using to create new pennies. So we just need to create a product that people are going to be really into and they'll buy a lot of and they'll cost like two or three

cents so that we can get rid of pennies, but then people will have a product that they will love and want to be a part of their lives and we'll bring them satisfaction and continue to have people consuming these things that are already being made. What is that? We just have to, it's like marbles. It should be a game that just sweeps the nation.

And there's a dance that goes with it. But is it gonna be a game that sweeps the nation. And there's a dance that goes with it. But is it gonna be a game that sweeps the nation and like 200 million penny blanks are gonna be used every year? I just, I don't know. I appreciate your enthusiasm and your optimism, but in general, I feel in a bit of a place of discouragement when it comes to capital markets

and what they can do well and what they can do poorly. Can I read you one response that we got? We got a wonderful email from a fan of AFC Wimbledon, whose dad has both the AFC Wimbledon and the Wimbledon FC Crest tattooed on his body who suggested that I get an AFC Wimbledon tattoo, which I'm not taking off the table. But I really wanted to read this one email from you.

I hope I'm saying your name right in the United Kingdom who wrote, a few days ago, I celebrated my 30th birthday moving one year closer to my demise. Anyway, one of the gifts I received was the new Amazon Echo Dot. And we randomly shouted very important questions such as asking the distance to the nearest Yoshioshi restaurant for which it tried to direct us to Houston, Texas. And then last night my girlfriend and I decided to ask Alexa to play your latest podcast. A bit later that evening we received an email from Amazon to say that we had purchased a large teddy bear and thank you.

The next 10 minutes we were ranting about being hacked and how Amazon was rubbish and how they're taking over the world, and then we paused to consider for a moment and decided to look into this further. This was when we became aware that the machines and corporations have finally started their revolution and are out to get us or at least our wallets. Looking into the history of our device, I was able to find out that during the time we were out of the living room, Alexa was able to construct some form of conversation while you, John, were discussing your refusal to use

Mac keyboards and Kenny Lagan's albums, which somehow Alexa interpreted as, do you like being here with your big bear? So my first question would be, do you like being here with your big bear? So my first question would be, do you like being here with your big bear? We now have a large plush bear, and since you did request it from our new machine overlords, can we please have a forwarding address to send it to?

Think of it as a gift to your children. Oh my God. Absolutely. We will send along a PO box that you can send the bear to if you really want to, although feel no obligation, please seriously. And I am delighted that Alexa has purchased you a bear against your will.

We are living in a strange, strange future where we no longer have to even want things for Amazon to send them to us. I gotta say, I have an Alexa, but I also have a Google Home, and Google Home is so much better. Okay. So here's my question.

Could we right now say a string of letters of words that would result in thousands of people's Amazon Alexa's sending Sharpies to your home. Yes, absolutely. Here we go. Here we go. Here we go. Ready?

No, don't do it. Don't do it. Yes, I'm doing it right now. We got it. We got it. We got it. Alexa, hey, it's me. I really like a hardcover copy of the fault

in our stars sent to my home. Thank you. What about the, I want to say, Google, purchase the fault in our stars by John Green. Right now, hardcovered first edition. John, I don't think you could actually do that. Like, I think that that's like, that actually might result in it happening.

No way, really? I don't know, it happened for this person. No, it's gonna be fine, Hank. Everything's fine. It's no big deal. I mean, the worst thing that's gonna happen is that people are gonna get a lovely book and I'm gonna get 60 cents. Yeah, well, okay

What about this? What about this? Okay, Google? Who is the creator of Alvin and the chipmunks? I really want to know if that works Alexa. Can you play Alvin and the chipmunks Christmas? Please? Thank you Well, now the podcast is off. Now the podcast is off. Nobody's listening anymore, but they are enjoying what I would argue is the greatest Christmas album of all time, not recorded by John Denver. Oh, man, you haven't heard my Christmas album then.

All right, Hank, let's move on to the news from Mars and AFC Wimbledon. I'll get the news out of it from AFC Wimbledon out of the way quickly. AFC Wimbledon played the franchise currently the news out from AFC Wimbledon out of the way quickly. AFC Wimbledon played the franchise currently applying their trade in Milton Keynes over the weekend. They lost 1-0. Life is long and full of minor disappointments,

but that is certainly one of them. AFC Wimbledon should have won that game. Maybe, I don't know. Who knows? The point is that now we're 10th in the table, sitting on 29 points after 21 games. So, you know, not there at the top, but also not there at the bottom. We're just right, comfortably in 10th.

John, the news from Mars is very good, very exciting. Curiosity has left the lake basin and is now traveling up the side of Mount Sharp. It has recently sent back some data that people have analyzed and determined, John, do you know what boron is? No. Boron is a chemical element. And as I'm sure you aware, now that I've told you that boron is a chemical element, it is a chemical element that is very water soluble. And, but it is water soluble in neutral water. So it doesn't like super alkaline water, it doesn't like super acidic water. And it is clear that there was a ton of groundwater moving around in the mount chart basin

even after the lake disappeared. So this lake existed for a long time, but then there was an active groundwater system that was moving elements around and it was pH neutral, like close to pH neutral. So this is like perfect conditions for life. Not just that, as the curiosity has been traveling up the side of the mountain, the composition of the rocks have changed, which means that there are chemical gradients on Mars. So there are areas that are different,

like substantially different geologically from nearby areas, which is also a great condition for life because it means that life could be feeding off of those chemical differentials. And then finally, we have this groundwater situation is making us think that the horizon for when Mars was a nice place for life, when there was liquid water and it was warm Nutri pH neutral liquid water could have been in the hundreds of millions of years which on earth by by hundreds of millions of years in Earth like earth life was happening. So

I just want to advocate Because there's only so much that robots can do, though I'm in favor of them doing more. If we could get humans to Mars by, like, I don't know, 2027, it would be an amazing opportunity to find what might be a completely unique ecosystem based on different biologies that probably doesn't exist anymore. It may exist in very small pockets. Probably doesn't exist anymore. It may exist in very small pockets. Probably doesn't exist anymore, but but I'm starting to feel like probably did exist and that's a weird crazy thing for me to say because I have not been super like into exobiology, but like the the conditions for life were very good for a very long time on the surface of Mars.

It seems and this is all information that we would never would have had if it hadn't been for curiosity, doing great work in the scientists, doing great work with that data. And what a fantastic mission, curiosity now, and it's, I think, third year on the planet, has been accomplishing. It's so, so fantastic, the kinds of stuff we've been learning from this mission. Well, Hank, I'd like you to explain to me why it's so important to do this by 2027 if the life is in all likelihood already gone and will be equally gone in say 2028. Um, you know, I think it's just, uh, I don't have to explain myself to you. All right, Hank, what did we learn today? Oh God, I don't know.

We learned what do you mean, you don't know. We learned so much about chipmunks. We did, we learned a lot about Ross back to Sarian and also Simon and Theodore at Liberty Records and the color of Simon's glasses and their increasing progression into creepier and creepier forms as 3D technology has gotten better for some reason it only makes chipmunks worse. But we also learned that if you are found in the middle of the forest You should take pictures then put the film into your backpack roll up onto it and get covered by layers of volcanic ash That is of course terrible advice like everything in our podcast. We also learned that if you are looking at a 2D object

You should be concerned. Yes very concerned and finally we learned that Santa is a extraordinarily accomplished businessperson in addition to being one of the most giving and sweet entities upon this Earth. I know, Hank, there is so much to be discouraged about in this world, but there is also much to be encouraged about. Thank you for pauding with me. Thanks to everybody for listening. Thanks to Nicholas Jenkins for editing the podcast, Rosiana Halsey-Rohas, and Victoria Bourne-Journal help out as well. Our theme music is by Gunn Roller. You can email us at HankAndJohnAtGmail.com or check us out on Twitter at HankGreen and JohnGreen.

And of course, did I say our theme music is by Gunnarola because it is. Even if I said that twice, I'm that proud of it. Thanks again for listening and as we say in our hometown. Don't forget to be awesome. you